I live in Portland
and I think I'd be
the ideal candidate
to be on the
next season of
the Real World.
Hi, my name is
Katrina Collins
I live in Portland
and I think I'd be
the ideal candidate
to be on the
next season of
the Real World
I've been watching
the show
ever since I was a kid.
And its always felt
like I'm watching
an exact replica
of my own life.
Sort of like a
dramatic reenactment
except instead of actors
playing the role of
famous people
is real people
playing the role of me.
I work at a dog shelter,
taking care of dogs
and I have a
boyfriend named Brian
who I've been dating
for five years
and I'm totally
crazy about.
...Fifty-six...
You know, I just don't
understand what they
need this information for.
And besides,
don't you think
they could call around
and just ask the stores
how many different
brands of milk they carry?
Its like the fact that
somebody would decide
"Hey, we need to
hire somebody
to drive all
around town
to count milk jugs
for us," pretty much
explains how screwed up
the world is.
I guess its better
than that stupid
office job they had
me doing last month.
All I did there
was make copies
for twenty hours straight.
And the machine broke
down every ten minutes.
That's why my hands
still smell like
that ink loner.
Hey, thanks again
for letting me
use the car.
- Oh, you're welcome Eli.
- So I don't think
it will take
as long tomorrow.
- I hope not Eli.
- Um, I'll be by
about 9
if you wanna come.
- Well, I'll see how
Heel.
- Alright.
Alright, well thanks
for today.
- My pleasure.
Hey, you want to
come in the house?
I want to show you
a new setup I got
for the soap films
I discovered
that the best
light source
for the soap films
is the sun.
And this room
has the best light
in the house
So...
Come over here
You put that into there.
And then you go
over there.
And you edit it.
- And the camera here...
sends the image
through these cables
over there.
Really cool.
I hope you don't
plan on using
the sink anytime soon.
- Do you want to
turn that light oh'?
- Sure
- Look at that.
- Whoa
All this from reflections
of a bubble...
- That's right
- You have one unheard
message
First message sent
today at 1:18pm
- A free DVR
- If you don't know
what a DVR is
press 1 on your phone
and a rep will tell
you all about it.
Its awesome technology
that will change the
way you watch TV.
Basically, if you
still have a
cable provider-.
- Breaking hearts...
Breaking Hearts
someone has to
be sent home.
Hi girls
We've had a long journey
but unfortunately
I only have
two roses left.
Clarissa
We've had some
really good times
like our trip on
the yacht.
Or our long walks
on the candle-lit beach
So this one is easy,
you get a rose...
Megan...
you know how special
you are to me
and I want to keep
the specialness
going for as long
as it can.
And each day,
I feel that
we get connected
stronger and stronger
So this last rose...
This last rose is
for you Megan
- I just can't believe this
I thought what
we had was real
I felt it
And I thought
he felt it, too.
I was ready to
spend the rest of
my life with him.
I just don't understand.
- Stay tuned for scenes
from next week's
episode of...
"The Single Guy. "
- Okay, so...
Check this out-
I've figured out
how to eat out
for every meal
of the day
for less than
six bucks total.
Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Okay, so...
For breakfast,
all you really need
is cofiee, right?
So you just...
...head over to stumptown.
Get the bottomless cup.
By your second cup
of coffee,
you've pretty much
forgotten about eating breakfast.
And they're cool there,
you can pretty much
hang out as long
as you want.
And then for lunch,
go over to the
Happy Monday Thai Buffet.
Get the lunch special #3,
for $3.25.
And the lunch special #3
I'm pretty sure
is actually like...
the leftovers from the
previous day's
lunch special #1.
But, good things come
to those who wait
my friend.
Now, the best place
for dinner is
you go to La Sirenita
and you get
the soft tostada.
Its $1.75,
and its huge.
Totally fills you up,
and you're done.
Less than six bucks.
And on the weekends,
you can hit the
Natural Food store
and get all those
free samples
that they give out.
You can kill like
one meal right there.
- I've, ah.
Got a razor blade
that I've
gotten over 2,000
shaves with it.
I've been thinking
about sending it in to
the Guinness Book of
World Records
- Okay, now, what?
- Well, you know
a shaver.
One of them, one of them...
double-bladed things
- The old-fashioned kind -
I think its a Bick.
- Yeah
I've been using it now
for six years
and I've never had
to sharpen it.
- That's pretty cool, Otis.
- Yeah
- This depression ain't
gonna have any impact
OH US.
- Good god, that's a
lot of fucking milk.
The freshest milk is
always in the back.
- Excuse me
Can I help you?
He'll) me?
Not unless you can
tell me how many
quarts, gallons, half-gallons
of Dairy-Gold Sunshine
and Happy Cow Milk
you have in your case.
Um...
Can I ask you to wait here for
just a moment?
- Yeah, sure
- Thanks.
- Hello, there.
Excuse me.
Can I, ah, help you
with anything?
- Not unless you can
tell me how many
cartons of milk you have
in your dairy case today.
- And why do you
need to know
how many cartons of
milk are in there?
- That's an excellent question.
I really have
no idea why.
It makes no sense, but
they don't pay me
to ask questions, so...
- Are you with the
health board, because
I didn't get a notice
you were coming.
No sir, my name
is Eli
I'm with manforce.
They sent me last year
to be the Easter Bunny
and now they've sent
me to count the milk.
- That was you?
- I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave
the building immediately.
C)h
it looks like your
pen is leaking.
- That's old, actually.
I don't know when
that happened.
Months ago maybe.
- Come on, let's go.
- Dear Katrina Collins,
Congratulations.
We would like to
invite you
to participate in our
workshops
and audition for
several new
reality television programs.
Please come to the
Beaverton Town Mall
on Wednesday, October 15th
for your chance
to join our team
and audition for
some of the best
and most exciting
reality television shows
being produced today.
Bring a copy of
your most recent
headshots, video audition
tapes, and resumes
as we will be offering
critiques
and analysis
on how you
can improve your
auditioning skills
and become a better
reality TV participant
We look forward
to meeting you.
Sincerely, Joe Prescott.
President,
Talent Services America
Awesome, I better get started.
Okay, I'm gonna need
some supplies.
- Come in.
- Hi, uh, hi.
Mr. Bear?
I'm sorry to bother
you, but
something was donated
that I... I...
I don't think was meant
to be donated.
- Another stash of money?
- No, um.
Its, its a little girl.
- What?
- Well, um, I mean -
- What is that?
- Its the ashes
of a little girl.
- Where did it come from?
- I just found it,
I don't know what
to do with it.
- Well, who knows?
I guess we have to
do something about it.
- Its someone's child.
- Hi, this is Tom Bear
at the East Side
Receiving Center.
We found something
in our donations today
that we are unsure of
what to do with.
- Well, it appears to be
a cremation urn with
a person's remains in it.
Yes. Ashes.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
Hi, Mr. Bradshaw,
this is -
Oh, I see.
Okay.
Thank you very much.
They say we should
contact the police
and let them know
and wait to see
if someone comes to claim it.
- Where,
where do we keep it?
- I suppose you could
put it just right there.
If it were donated
on accident
then the owner
will track it down.
They probably just
don't realize
what they did.
I'll call the police
and report it.
I'll tell them.
- Hey, this is Brian.
Leave me a message.
- Hey, where are you?
Why aren't you
calling me back?
- Hi, this is Brian...
- Have a nice day.
People I swear...
Honey, are you okay?
You look terrible.
- I'm okay, I didn't
sleep very well last night.
Um, do you know what
the story is with
the new dog in pod 14?
- Oh, the poor thing.
Someone just dumped him
here Sunday night.
Tied up to
the front door.
He's in bad shape.
Are you sure
you're okay?
I don't know.
I love you so much.
- I'm excited to meet
your grandma.
- Yeah, she's excited
to meet you, too.
Wait...
Isn't she...
I can't remember if...
- The phone's ringing...
Aren't you going
to answer it?
Yeah.
Where is the phone?
Where's the phone?
Where are my pants?
- Hello?
- Eli...
The phone. Do you
wanna get it?
- What?
- The telephone. I
think its Manforce,
do you want to get it?
- Yeah, hold on.
- The company is called
Metro Estate Movers
and their office is at:
Street.
Your contact
there is Noel.
- Okay. Noel.
Alright, I'll head
right over.
- Have a good
day at work!
- Thank you.
-822 Southeast -
-228, 467
-822 Southeast
Water Street
- Man, with all
this temping
its almost like
you have a real job.
- Yeah and it
totally sucks, too.
- Aw. So much for
your theory
of the unemployed
blissful life style.
- Yeah, well these
student loan people
are starting to circle
like sharks.
Its starting to look
like I might
need to do something
with my life.
- Like temping?
- That's harsh, Aubrey.
No, I want to be a
substitute teacher.
But I can't get my
teaching certificate
until I get my degree.
I can't go back
to school until
I get this debt
paid off.
- Sounds like a
vicious cycle.
- Totally.
- If only Chloe
would get me a
production assistant job
on one of her film shoots.
- Wouldn't that go
against your
anti-corporate stance?
After all the crap
you've given me
about working for the
evil corporate
media machine?
- These debt collectors
are making me
rethink the whole
anti-corporate thing.
Or...
Maybe I can just
work on commercials
for bikes.
Or community gardening
centers or something.
- Yeah...
When's the last time
you saw a community
gardening commercial?
- Well, even if
they made those
I doubt they'd be
the jobs that pay
What am I saying?
As if I'll ever make
Shit, now watch...
I'm gonna be late
for my 9-dollar-an-hour
furniture moving job.
- Hey, its your turn
to take out the
recyclables this week.
And I should have
the bills figured out
in the next day or two.
And tell mystery
roommate if you
see her too.
Oh nice.
Good work.
- Dude, I've got money
to lose. Absolutely.
Correction, I have
money to win.
Thank you very much.
- Is this Metro State Movers?
- Yeah, just hang on
for a minute.
Yeah, I'm game if
you are!
Yeah, I got chips
No, actual betting chips.
I'll bring some Doritos,
too. I don't care. Fuck it.
Chips and chicks man,
that's what I'm telling you.
Beer and bitches.
Can't go wrong.
- Hey, is this a
good place to park?
- Sure
- What's wrong with that?
I don't care how
old they are -
alright, that's a lie,
never mind...
Alright man, I'll
call you back.
Yeah, Hall & Oates
just showed up.
Yeah, I'll call
you back. Later.
Classic.
Let's go.
- You're driving, you have a license, right?
- Yeah
Alright ladies, file in.
- Yeah?
Come in.
- Hi Mr. Bear. I'm
sorry to bother you, but
has anyone called
about the urn?
No, I haven't
heard anything yet, but
I talked to someone
at the police department
and they put a
notice in their
lost and found department.
So I'm sure someone
will call soon.
- What will we do if
no one comes for it?
- I don't think you
have to worry yourself
about that.
Its been reported.
Alright ladies, here's
the deal -
We're going to clear
everything out of this
house today.
And we're gonna
do it in two stages.
First, I'm going to
go through everything
and mark all the
good stuff with a sticker.
This is the stuff
we're going to keep.
It should be
packed up carefully.
Once we have the
good stuff packed up,
we'll get the rest
of the shit loaded
and get the fuck
out of here.
There are boxes
and packing supplies
in the back of
the truck, so why don't
you guys open it up,
and bring that stuff in.
K?
Then go ahead and
get that piece of shit
out of here.
- Whoa, dude.
Shouldn't we warm
up or something
before we lift this?
- Come on, princess.
We got all day
to warm up.
- Alright
- So how long you been
working with this guy?
- Well, I got there two
minutes before you, so
- So you're with Manforce?
Well, I hate to think
of it in terms of
being "with" Manforce, but
yeah, that's who called
me this morning
and turned me on
to this enlightening
experience.
- Oh yeah?
Whatever, dude.
Whenever you're ready there,
we can do this.
- My name's Eli, by the way.
- Dale.
- Pleasure
- So what do we
do with this stuff?
- Either throw it away,
or give it to charity.
If its not obviously
trash,
put it in a box
and write "donation" on it.
- Okay, and the
dirty dishes...
I mean, do you
want to wash them
or throw them out?
- No. Fuck.
Just throw them in
the donation box.
They don't care
if its dirty.
Besides, they hire retarded people
to clean this stuff.
Don't throw anything
away you don't have to.
It costs money to
take shit to the dump.
But donating shit to
charity is tax deductible
- So what's the deal?
Who left all this
stuff here anyway?
- Some old lady's house
who just died.
Daughter lives in LA
and doesn't have time
to deal with it.
What about stuffy
with red stickers then?
I sell them.
On eBay.
I make a killing.
I don't make dick
on the furniture removal.
I underbid everyone
else, just so I can
get to the stuff first.
- So you're the reason
there's nothing cool
at the thrift stores
anymore?
So...
Why do you work
temp labor jobs?
I mean, I've never
been able to figure
out why anybody
would want to do this.
- I don't know.
I think I've been
having a hard time
committing to anything.
- Shit, I know how
that is.
But with me -
its women
There's just too
many of them.
Probably one of them now.
This dipshit...
What's up dickweed?
Haha, no, man I'm
moving a house today
Yeah, man, totally
bummed.
Hey sounds good,
bring the babes.
Bitches and hoes,
you know how I roll.
Oh nice!
Dude, I just found
the old lady's
liquor cabinet.
Looks like this is
going to be a
fun weekend.
Hey, hand me
one of those boxes.
Hell yeah, but I ain't
sharing with you bitch.
Yeah, because you're
a fucking lightweight?
Haha
Yeah, keep dreaming.
Damn, I think granny
liked drinking, huh?
Fucking alcoholic bitch.
Good for her.
Alright, leave this here.
Don't touch it.
Start cleaning out
the fridge, just
throw everything in
a big trashbag
I'm going to start going
through this bitch's clothes
Start working on the
bathroom when you're
done with the fridge.
Don't you touch
that fucking liquor.
I don't want that
shit on my truck.
Just leave it on
the curb.
Where's your little
boyfriend?
Huh?
- That other dude, is
he inside taking a shit
or something?
- I don't know, I
thought he was out
here on the truck.
- That shithead.
He's probably inside
jerking off or something.
YO!
Dude, we got work
to do, what the fuck!
Dude, you better not be
sleeping on the job.
- I think his name's Dale.
I don't give a flying fuck!
Oh, God fucking damnit!
Goddamn Fuck.
Jesus Fucking Christ!
Dale, where the fuck
are you?
Dale!
Fuck!
Fucking prick.
Dale, where the fuck
are you?
Jesus titty fucking Christ!
Fucking damnit!
Dale, where the fuck
are you?
God!
I'm not paying shit,
your man just
stole my property
and vanished.
No, I didn't give
it to him, he just
snuck off with a
box full of liquor.
I don't know where
the hell he went!
Manforce, more like
shitforce.
Do you have
anyone working there
who's not a
complete fuck up?
I have no problem
coming down there right now.
No, fuck you!
- Every now and then
I get a little bit lonely
and you never
come around
- Every now and then
I get a little bit tired
listening to the sound
of my tears
Every now and then
I get a little bit
nen/ous that the
best of all the years
have gone by.
Every now and then
I get a little bit
terrified and then I see
the look in your eyes.
Every now and then
I fall apart.
Every now and then
I fall apart
and I need you
more tonight
yeah, I need you more
than ever.
If you only
hold me tight
we'll be holding
on forever.
Yeah, we'll always be
making it right
we can never be
wrong
together we can make
it to the end
of the line
Your love is like
a shadow on me
all the time
Need you tonight.
Always in the dark,
we're living in a powder
cake and giving off
sparks
I really need you tonight.
Forever's going to start
tonight...
Forever's going to start to...
Once upon a time
I was falling in love
Now I'm only falling
apart...
Nothing I can do,
a total eclipse of the heart
- Judy, hey,
Its Katrina
I'm looking at today's
paperwork and it says
that Buster is on
the unadoptable list.
Is this a mistake?
Yeah, dog C57
But it must be a mistake.
Buster's the sweetest
dog here.
Everybody loves Buster.
I know, I know...
Really,
Buster's different.
He really is the
best dog here.
Please you have to
take him off the list.
Fine.
We have to get
you adopted Buster.
- Now I don't know
how much longer
I can handle this
temping.
Why don't you get
me a PA job?
I mean it seems a
whole lot like temping
just better pay and
less crazy people.
- I've told you need
a car to be a PA.
- And I have Otis's car
- Yeah, I can't really
imagine a producer
being impressed with a
PA who's driving
his grandpa around
everywhere.
Or step-grandpa,
whatever he is...
Being a PA is
a lot of work
Its really stressful.
If there's one thing
you've made clear
its that you don't
like working.
- Well, I suppose I
can't argue with that.
I still think this
whole "have to
have a car" thing
is kind of fascist, though
You know I just need
to make some money
so I can go back
to school
This working stuffy
is killing me.
So where's Aubrey?
I know you didn't
plan this meal for me.
We got in a
big fight last night.
And now she's
giving me the silent
treatment.
She totally freaked
out about my
new MySpace persona.
- Don't you guys have
like 80 of those?
- This one got her
really jealous
for some reason.
You know how
irrational she gets
sometimes.
I've been
corresponding with this
one particular guy
who's like a
high school teacher
and he thinks I'm
one of his students.
- Yeah, see Chloe,
that is a little fucked up.
- I know but
its like I've gotten
addicted to performing
under a fake persona.
When I shed
my identity I
can do anything.
- Yeah, actually, I
know how that goes.
But for me its
karaoke.
Diamond Dave on
the mic.
Here I am...
Rock you like a hurricane
- When's the last time
you actually sang karaoke?
Excluding all the times
that you practice
in your bedroom, of course.
- What?
Are you stoned or
something? I do not
practice karaoke in my
bedroom.
- Whatever. I guess
you just get so
swept up by the
emotional power of
Total Eclipse of the
Hean
you don't realize you're
belting it out at
the top of your lungs.
- Total Eclipse of the
Heart is one of
the most underrated
songs of all time.
- I know, I know.
But seriously when
is the last time
you actually went out
and sang karaoke?
I go out. I go out
and do karaoke
all the time.
Remember that night
at the Alibi
when those girls tried
to depends me?
I had the whole
place singing along.
- Yeah, that was a
good night for you.
But it was like
two years ago.
Have you actually
sang karaoke
since then? Publicly?
- Well, you know,
I don't want to
wear out my audience
or anything.
- Oh, yes. I can
definitely see the
danger in that.
- I'm sorry to bother
you, Mr. Bear, but
Has there been
any calls about Kelly?
'Kelly?
- Well, um, you
know, the urn.
The ashes of the
little girl.
- Oh. No, no
one's called.
You know, its
possible the owner
passed away.
I wouldn't worry
yourself about it.
Its been reported, so
let headquarters deal
with it.
HS HO1 OUT COFICGTFI.
- Yes, Mr. Bear.
Crap
- That looks so good
on you.
- You like it?
- Oh, I love it.
- I saw Brian today
with his new girlfriend.
This all happened so fast.
I have to stop
checking his e-mail.
I need to think
of something else
and just get my
mind off this.
I need to work
on my audition video.
I need to stay
focused on that.
- I found this sign
for a missing urn
that someone at the
thrift store found
At first I thought
it was kind of funny
but now I just think
its really sad...
I wonder how many
urns get lost.
- I guess an urn
is like a family
heirloom or something.
But I wouldn't want
something like that
handed down to me.
Its a lot of
responsibility having
an urn.
You can't just throw
it away or
sell it at a garage
sale or something
Maybe that's what
happened with this one.
Maybe it was too
much for someone
and it got too
sad, and they had
to push it away.
I don't know
It'd be sad
to be the person
in there.
Like some sad ghost
that nobody wanted
around anymore.
Kind of like the
dogs on the
unadoptable list.
OK,
Hold on a second.
Hey!
Wake Up!
I got a
job for you.
A P.A. job.
- What time is it?
- I got a P.A.
job for you
Are you available
tomorrow?
Just say "yes. "
- Available?
Yeah, sure...
OK. I think
he can do it.
I'll fill him in
and call you back.
Alright, bye.
OK, check
it out dude...
I got the perfect
P.A. job for you.
We're shooting a commercial
on the coast, on Friday
on the beach,
and the director
just realized
that the look
of the beach
is going to
change all day
as the tide
comes in.
So we need
someone to go
out there and
get footage of it
at various times
throughout the day
and then bring
the tapes back
so he can
see it.
- OK, now...
What is it?
- Sounds perfect, right?
You can even
bring Otis along!
He can keep
you company.
- OK, you want me
to drive out to
the coast, and
videotape a beach
all day?
- Yeah. A specific
beach. But, yeah.
- And I get paid
to do this?
- Yep. Standard rate.
Two hundred a day.
- Two Hundred bucks?
- Yeah. And they'll
even give you
gas money. And
you can use
my camera.
- OK... So what's the
commercial about?
Some life insurance
company...
It's just going to
be like a typical
American family hanging
out on the beach
while some voiceover
talks about
protecting the ones
you love.
- Whoa...
This sounds like
the sort of
fucked up shit I'm
totally qualified to do.
- OK. good!
But this is for
real, man.
You can't
mess around.
It's my ass
on the line.
You've got to
be out there
really early.
Like 7:00 a. m.
Come back when
the sun sets,
and give me
the tapes.
- OK.
- Are you
positive you can
get Otis' car?
- Yeah. Probably.
I mean it's not
like he has
anything else
going on. So...
OK. I've got
to go...
I'll see you
tonight,
and I'll give
you my camera.
- OK, cool.
- OK.
Hello, this is Chloe.
[Phone rings. ]
Otis, pick up
the phone...
Crap.
[Knocks on door. ]
[Knocks on door. ]
Otis?
Otis...
Otis. It's me, Eli...
You left your front
door unlocked again.
Otis?
Otis?
Otis.
Otis.
[Laughs to himself]
Otis.
Hey.
Well, hello there
- What are you
doing back here?
- Well I was doing
some recording
and this is the
quietest place
in the house.
- Cool. What are
you recording?
- I was doing a
narration for the soap film.
- Oh, cool...
- Yeah.
You uhh,
want to go
in the kitchen?
- Sure.
- Look at these images
that I,
that I recorded
yesterday.
They're amazing.
- Man...
- You know, the
world of soap...
It's...
It's incredible.
That there are
whole worlds
inside there.
That. That one there...
It's no bigger
than a fingernail.
- Otis, it's really,
really cool.
It looks great.
- So Katrina...
Why do you
want to be
on a reality
television show?
Well...
I guess when
you're on
a reality T.V. show.
It just seems like
everything is more important
When somebody has a
breakdown it's really
sad and dramatic.
And everybody feels
really bad for the person
When you have a
breakdown by yourself
it's just sad.
No one really notices
OF cares
I hear you've been
going through
a difficult breakup
Would you like
to talk about that?
It's been the worst
experience of my life.
I went from being
totally in love
to totally heartbroken
in a matter
of hours.
I caught him
cheating on me.
And how did
you catch him
cheating on you?
I know the password
to his email account
I figured it out
by reading emails
that he sent to
his best friend.
He has the same
password for everything.
His emails, his MySpace,
his bank account.
I figured it out
a long time ago,
but
I didn't make
it a habit
of spying on him.
Just a couple
times when he
was acting strange.
I guess I never
really did trust him.
And are you still
spying on him?
Yeah...
I guess so.
I know I shouldn't be
but I can't help it.
Why?
What is it that
you hope to find?
I guess I just want
to find some inductions
that he misses me,
that he feels bad
and guilty,
and that he thinks he
made a mistake.
And is that what
you've found?
No.
It's been the
exact opposite.
It's like,
being able to read
somebody's mind,
but only finding out
things that you
wish you didn't
know about.
What is it that you
want to do with your life?
Right now I just want
to get out of my head.
I want to turn
these thoughts off.
I can't stop
thinking about this.
This is driving me crazy.
And is that why
you want to be on
a reality T.V. show?
- Here we are, on
the beach. 7:30 a. m.
Cold and misty here,
on the beach.
[Turns off camera. ]
Whew...
It's chilly
out there man.
- I bet it is.
- OK, so if I have
to go out there
every half hour...
That basically means,
- You know, your
grandma and I
came here once.
Well, a whole bunch
of us did,
from the center.
That was when they
were doing those,
those "field trips. "
- Wait, you came to
this exact spot?
- Yeah.
I remember...
I remember that rock.
- Which one? The big one?
- Yeah.
- Huh. You know, I
think I actually
I think I remember
her talking about that.
That trip.
- She loved to go
out in the world.
- Oh she loved it.
Any kind of road trip...
- Yeah.
- She was fun.
You look nice today, Otis.
That's a great suit
you have on there.
- Oh, well...
[Chuckle] Thank you, Eli.
I thought I should
look my best.
- So what's this?
- Oh it's the, uhh...
It's the soap film.
- Oh, yeah...
- So you finished it?
[Laughs to himself]
- I don't know whether
it'll ever be finished,
but uhh, that's the sample.
- Cool.
- I was wondering...
Do you think
we could...
give that to one of
the people from the
film company?
Oh...
You know, its just
us today.
Yeah, they're coming
out on Friday to
do the commercial,
but its just you
and me today.
You know, I could
give that to Chloe though
and maybe she can
pass it on to them.
.OkaV-
- Is that why you got
all dressed up today, then?
- No, no...
- Is Chloe your
girlfriend?
- No, nope.
She's ah...
She's my roommate.
She got me
this job though.
We're just friends.
- Do you uh...
Do you have a
girlfriend now?
- No, I don't.
"Why not?
- Well, I...
you know...
I think its just...
Its hard to meet people.
You know?
And I have a
bad habit of
falling in love
with lesbians.
Lesbians?
- Yeah. You know,
lesbians, like, um
women who like
other women.
- Oh, right. Right.
Lesbians.
- How about you?
Any new love interests?
- Oh...
No, no more for me.
Eli, I'm through
dating.
- Yeah? I thought,
ah,
there must be a lot
of nice ladies at the
senior center.
Who would love to
be your dance partner.
- I've loved two...
two amazing women
in my life
I outlived both
of them.
I can't go through
that again.
- I'm sorry man,
I was just..
I guess I was kidding
or something...
- No, its okay.
- You know, when my
grandpa died
I was so worried
about my grandma.
Just... scared that
she would be alone
and lonely... and sad
for the rest of her life.
You know?
And then you
came along and
you were so
good to her.
I mean, you
picked her up.
And made her so happy
you really took
care of her.
- You know I've just
always wanted to
thank you for that.
- It was good
for both of us.
- We'd, we'd both been
through the same
thing and...
well we
we helped each
other get over it.
- Yeah.
- Hi, I'm Katrina
Collins - I got this
letter in the mail.
Is this where
I'm supposed to be?
- Yeah, this is the place.
Just get in line
over there.
- Hello? Yes, hi.
I'm sorry to
bother you.
I'm calling to find
out if anyone
at this number knew,
or was related to,
Kelly Ann Langston.
Kelly... Ann... Langston
I'm calling to see if
anyone at this number
may have known her.
No, no, its okay.
I'm sorry to bother
you...
Thank you...
- The question, I know
that each and everyone
of you is asking
yourself right now is...
Do I have what
it takes
to be on
reality television?
Well, I'm here
to tell you
that the answer...
is yes!
Okay?
Yes to you...
Yeah, yes to you...
Yes to all of you.
See, because the very
fact that you're here
right now means that
you've passed
the first test, which is...
Does this person
have the motivation
to do it?
I know - there's a lot
of people out there
they talk and
they talk
about doing it, alright?
But you got out
of bed this
morning and stood up
and said
I am going to do it!
Right? Okay, so why
why don't you say
that to me right now?
"I am going to do it!"
- I am going to do it!
'Again!
- I am going to do it!
- Huh?
- I am going to do it!
- OK.
So now does anyone
else have any more
questions about motivation?
[Chuckles]
I didn't think so.
OK, so now we know
we have the motivation
But now...
How do we know
if we have that
special something?
That certain thing
that reality TV.
show directors
are looking for.
That's what we're here
to talk about, today.
That
is why Talent Services America
is here, in Beaverton Oregon.
OK?
OK, did everyone bring
their headshots
and audition videos?
I hope so, OK?
Because we're going to
be looking at those
and we're going
to be going over
the detailed specifics
about how you can
present yourself
in ways that you
never thought possible.
OK?
[Music From Instructional
Video Begins Playing]
- I like traveling,
SCUBA diving, volleyball,
and pretty much all
sons of adventure.
So please consider me
for your reality T.V. show.
Because I won't let you down!
Chrissie...
that
W8.S
excellent.
OK?
You looked great.
I really felt like I
got to know you
and
you're clearly a natural.
The camerawork was
a little bit shaky
but that's nothing
we can't fix.
OK?
But what I'd
really like to know
is what would
happen if one of our
Hollywood makeup artists
got their hands on you.
OK?
Don't get me wrong,
you look great.
But.
Like I was telling
Tina earlier,
video cameras can
be very unforgiving
OK? That's why it's
important that we
have a professional
makeup artist
IO GVGFI OUl "16 SCOTS.
OK? But excellent,
excellent work.
- Thank you so much.
Making the video
was so much fun.
It was like I was keeping
a diary, or something.
- Yeah.
Yeah, well, you
really revealed yourself.
OK? That's tough.
I should know.
Really, really good work.
So, who do we have next?
[Clears Throat]
Katrina Collins?
Katrina, where you at?
Oh, OK...
Well, let's see what
you've got for us.
- Hi. My name is
Katrina Collins.
I live in Port
- We'll just skip
through the intro
since we're
pressed for time.
- Gored out why
I want to be on
a reality T. V.
show so badly.
At first I thought
it would just be fun
like this big adventure
I could go on,
and my friends could watch.
And now it's different
Reading Brian's email
is like watching him
on reality T.V.
I think I want him to
see me in the same way.
I want him to see
me moving on
and having fun.
- What's that on her head?
[Crowd laughs]
- And maybe I want
him to be jealous.
I don't know.
I don't want him to
completely forget about me.
OK.
Here is an example
of a video that
is very heartfelt,
but might not be
best suited for
an audition tape.
Katrina,
I'd really like to see what
you could come up with,
with one of our
professional
videographers.
We really want
to figure out
what you're all about.
OK?
Like, what drives Katrina?
Alright?
Plus I think you could
use a little bit of help
with makeup and wardrobe,
just to bring out
your inner beauty. OK?
But uhh, I love the
crazy bear hat
that you were wearing,
though.
I mean, where on Earth
did you find that, huh?
[Laughs to himself]
[Makes growling noises]
OK, now we're getting
close to lunchtime
so what I want to do
now is share with you
some information about
becoming a member
of our team.
And I also want to talk
to you about
a special deal that
you won't find listed
on these sheets.
We decided that, today
only, we're going to
offer a special deal
that includes our
full representation
package,
with headshots and
video audition tape,
all for the phenomenally
ridiculous price of
One hundred and
ninety nine dollars.
OK. We take all major
credit cards
and we get
started today.
Yeah.
- Are we going to
actually audition for
any shows today?
- That's the
beauty of it.
When you sign
up with us
you're actually
auditioning for
several shows at once.
OK?
And I personally make sure
that your information
is put in front of the
top casting directors
in the business
- But we have to
pay for this stuff first?
- Well, think about it
like you're making
an investment
in your future.
Kind of like
going to college.
OK. So once you
fill out your forms
give them back
to us,
and then we're going
to break for lunch.
Be back here by
one o'clock.
There is a fantastic
food court outside.
And I think there's a
meatball sandwich
in my future.
I can smell
my name on it.
- Hey, look.
Is that woman,
is that woman
spreading ashes?
She is, look.
- Yeah.
That's how I
want to go.
Just spread my
ashes on the water.
Matter of fact, this
would be a good place.
- Now Otis, you can't
go dying on me.
Who's car would
I borrow?
- Well it won't be
too long, Eli.
What are you
talking about?
You're doing great.
What, you're only 84.
I bet you'll live to be
Oh God, I hope not.
I don't want to be 100.
You know I've seen
a lot of things in my life
and met a lot of people
I've had a good life.
- You know what?
I better get out there.
- Oh yeah. It's 10:05.
- Yeah. The tide is
coming in too.
Alright, another shot here.
[Listens to message
on answering machine]
Hey Eli, it's Chloe.
So hey, the director got
excited about the color
of the changing leaves
and decided to
change the
commercial to a
Sunday drive
through the forest.
So, sorry you spent all
day out there for nothing.
I mean, don't worry
you'll still get
paid and all.
I would've called you
on your cell phone,
but you don't
have a cell phone.
But yeah, sorry about
all of the food
in the kitchen.
That's for the
shoot tomorrow,
so don't eat it. Bye.
- Welcome to the world
of the unbelievable.
Join us as we explore
the fascinating world
of soap film
and all its
splendid charms
We have replaced a
standard hand-held
magnifier with a
video camera
in order to capture the
natural, unfettered
beauty unique to soap film.
[Turns off video]
.H6y-
I haven't seen you
in a while.
I was starting to think
you didn't live here anymore.
- Thanks.
- How's it going?
OK. I guess
- Are you collecting
stuffed animals now?
- No.
These are for
a new project.
I'm going to make
things with them.
I realized today that I
totally need to change
what I'm doing
with my life.
- Ah. I know
what you mean.
I think I had one
of those days too.
- Have you, uhh.
Umm.
Never mind.
.H6y-
Huh?
- Nothing
- Have you ever
had your heart broken?
- Yeah. I think so.
- How long does it last?
And how long does
it take to get better?
- I don't know.
I mean, it depends,
I guess.
Sometimes I think it
might just last forever.
- I hope not.
- Umm. Hey.
You want to go get
lunch tomorrow?
There's this really
great Thai place
I was planning
ongoing to.
- Maybe.
I like Thai food.