1
- Anna.
Anna, can you hear me?
I need your help.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
It's so weird, I've got this weird feeling
like everything's moving so fast,
and I'm not in my body.
It's so weird, I can't explain it,
Anna, it's like I'm not
in my body, it's so,
I feel like
something's really wrong with me.
I can't explain.
No, Anna, my heart, I can't really breath.
Come now, Anna, please.
- Hi.
- I was having an anxiety attack,
but I feel better now.
- Clare, it's gonna get better, it will.
I could just stay here for a little bit,
and be here for you, okay?
Okay?
- Okay.
- Clare, this is Jacob!
I am trying to reach Anna,
something terrible has happened,
I can't get in touch with
her, she disappeared!
- Mommy, get me out the car!
- Clare, it's Jacob.
- Are you asleep?
- I'm sleeping, Clare.
- I got it Clare, I got it.
Jacob, please stop yelling at me.
No, tomorrow, please.
- I'm trying to be
available for a solution
to be loving and supportive,
and keep going, you know,
be grateful for what I have,
and not just focus on what I've lost.
I want to hear from you guys.
- I'm too scared to get pregnant again.
After two miscarriages,
I don't know if I want to.
- Thank you.
Joe, somethin'?
- Yeah, I had a shitty week.
I started my period.
Spent that morning on the bathroom floor
cursing my husband.
And then, you know, cursing myself.
And then at work, one of my coworkers
found out she's pregnant with her third.
An accident, of course.
And I was just angry.
I am...
Angry all of the time.
- My wife's not working,
I'm doing these long hours,
and the doctor said that...
That she can't have a kid...
Anymore.
I just want to express to the whole group
and people that I'm really angry.
- I lost my baby about nine months ago.
He had a really bad infection,
and it just spread throughout his body,
and he couldn't fight it.
We kept thinking he would fight it.
We kept hoping he would fight it,
And...
He couldn't.
So, we took him off life
support after 11 days,
so he lived, for 11 days, he lived.
And then, we took him off,
and then when he went off he
like put his little hands up,
and his hands went like this, you know,
they went in like this little position
like he had found some kind of peace.
And it was weird because it was like
we all found some weird
piece when he did that.
It was like he got to be free of the pain
of this world, somehow.
And I think we did the best thing for him
because he just seemed happy.
Then in the room, which just felt like
there was something else there, you know,
something really beautiful and bright.
But I just don't know why
he had to go through it.
I didn't know why he had
to have so much pain.
- I felt like I should have a child
because everybody was having
children at that time,
and I didn't really feel this
huge calling to have a child,
but I guess I went to college,
I started my business, and I guess,
the next thing to do was to have a child,
so I had a child and...
I didn't feel this deep connection
to him when he was born.
I loved him, but I...
I didn't feel this deep
overwhelming connection.
He was a difficult baby, he was colicky,
and I would have to stay up
with him night after night...
Sleep well, baby.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, go to sleep.
- Do we have to? Please.
I really don't want to.
- Clare, Clare.
- Anna, you come with me.
- This is my best friend.
- I can't believe you're
making me do this, Michael.
- Clare, just an hour, okay?
Hey guys.
Hey, beautiful.
- Nice to see you!
Thank you for coming.
- Thank you, thank you.
I should of taken, maybe
I should take my Ativan.
Oh my God, I'm starting
to see like little weird,
like refracted light in
the corners of my eyes.
- Just breath, breath, alright.
- Ann, I can't see properly.
There's something wrong with my eye.
In my eye, there's some kind
of weird thing happening,
I can't explain, Anna.
Oh my God, it feels really weird.
Can you get me my meds?
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Okay, but don't be long.
Oh my God.
I'm just scared, I'm gonna duck down,
I'm gonna duck down so no one can see me.
Hmm.
I can do this, I can do this.
Alright, I can do this, I can do this,
I can do this for Michael, I
can do this, I can do this.
We're having to meditate,
I'm gonna meditate.
- Here, get up, I have your
purse, is this what you want?
- My God you took so long,
oh my God, thank you.
I don't wanna take these.
- Okay, just get up, let's
go get some food, okay.
Just get up.
- You're gonna make me throw
up on an empty stomach.
- Can I have one?
- Sorry Anna, I
just wanna escape here.
- Clare?
- Just pretend you don't see them.
- Clare.
- Put this is your purse.
- Okay, you know what?
Yeah, let's go over, let's go over,
I'll take my drink.
Yeah, hi!
- Hi! Thank
you so much for coming.
- Hi!
- Hey Clare, how are you doin'?
- How are you?
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
- Clare's sister, Anna.
- Hey! How are you?
- Good, thanks.
- How's your little one?
- Oh, he's not little
anymore, he's almost four.
I'll be right back.
- Where are you going?
- God, time flies, she was such
a beautiful pregnant woman.
She never gained an ounce,
and I just feel fat.
- That's so true, that's
what happens, right?
Around the arms, that's
where it really shows.
- Right.
- It shows first in the
arms, and then yeah,
I can see how like it's
already aging you a little bit.
You know, it does do that, right, when...
- Do you think you guys
will try for another baby?
- I don't know, we never really have sex.
What do you think?
I, I, nah, it doesn't look
like it's in the cards really.
He's always too tired, so, you know.
But you know, how's it going with you?
Do you have a good doctor?
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, we lucked out,
we got a really great...
- Oh, you think so?
Because mine was supposed
to be good, you know,
everybody said he was
a really good doctor,
he's like high ratings and everything.
So, be careful, you can
never trust your doctor,
okay, I'm just telling you...
- We got somebody great.
- Yeah, but you have to be careful.
You have to be your own doctor, okay?
So, things to really watch
out for is the water.
Their pumping fluoride
into our water supply,
and it's causing cancers,
it's causing so many birth defects
in especially pregnant women and babies,
so I would just, don't drink
any, any water if you can.
I recently saw a psychic,
and the psychic told me,
you know, the psychic,
she's not just a psychic,
but she channels spirits and
she channels baby spirits
and things like that,
and she told me that the
reason my baby got an infection
is because it was channeled
through the cellphone.
So now, if your pregnant you're more,
something about the rays,
and the way you're more susceptible,
if you talk on your cellphone you could be
picking up all kinds of diseases,
I'm not making this up.
You could look it up on TedTalks.
Go, do that, after your shower today,
go look it up on TedTalks, okay?
- Come on, let's go find Anna.
- There are so many
things to be afraid of.
What? Yeah, I'll go find
her, she's my sister.
- I'm sorry.
- Anna!
Anna.
- No, wait.
Please.
- Her name is Bella.
I always wanted a little
girl, a little Bella.
- I love the name Bella.
Hi, Bella.
- Clare.
It's time to go.
- Yeah, it'd probably be best.
- Come on.
Clare.
- This must be very hard for you,
but you should go, okay?
- Come on, Clare.
- We're gonna take Bella with us.
This isn't really happening to me.
This is a bad dream.
A nightmare.
- I'm so glad that both of
you were able to come in.
I think we'll get a lot of
work resolved in this session.
Anna, with hypnotherapy,
I can't make you do
anything you don't wanna do.
What we're trying to do is
we're trying to relax the brain
from the alpha, to the beta,
down to the delta waves
to access your subconscious
so that we can really
get to a deep, deep, level of peace.
What I'm gonna do is I'm
gonna count you down.
We're gonna count down from one to ten,
and I'm gonna ask you to please
close your eyes right now.
And I'd like you to
take a nice deep breath.
I'm gonna count you from one to ten.
By the time we get to ten,
you should be in a nice relaxed state.
One.
Two.
Take in a nice deep breath.
Let it fill all the way down to your toes.
Three.
Four.
Take a nice deep breath that
fills your entire abdomen.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
You're fully supported.
Your bodies and minds are safe.
By remembering it, we
can release any trauma
from our past and heal.
Ten.
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Again, one last deep breath
all the way to your toes.
Two.
And one.
Clare, how are you doing?
- I think I feel better.
- Good.
Anna, what came forward for you?
How are you doing?
- I don't think that worked at all.
- Well, well, well, if
it isn't Lopsy and Mopsy.
- Dad.
- Hey, Dad, no ones told us that
since we were about 8.
- I have to go to the bathroom.
- You two were always
a handful to deal with.
Haven't changed a bit.
Always needed a good clop.
- Mom.
I miss you.
- Amen.
- Amen.
Mom.
- What's going on?
You trying to burn the house down?
- No, Dad.
- I'll blow them out.
Still lying to me like you
always use to, but I understand.
You don't want dear ol' Dad
to know what's going on there?
- Come on Clare, I've got
his prescription, let's go!
- Bye Dad.
I went to the doctor's office,
and he basically put me right on bedrest.
And he said that I have
to go into the hospital,
and then I went into the hospital,
and I was there for three weeks.
They still kept telling me it was okay,
and they kept saying,
"You're okay, you're okay,
"you're okay, and the baby's okay."
And then, one morning we just woke up,
and his heart rate was going really fast.
And now I just keep thinking
there's something wrong with me
and I just go to doctor's all the time
because I've got all these weird symptoms,
like a lot of like physical pain,
and they keep telling me that I'm fine.
So, I don't really know who to trust now.
- Thank you
for calling CHA Hospital.
To hear our main menu
in English, press one.
Para espaol, oprima El numero dos.
If this is an emergency,
please hang up and dial again.
- CHA Hospital,
how may I direct your call?
- Could I please
have Jasper Coleman's room?
- I'm sorry, but
unless you know the room number
I can't put you through.
- I just spoke to
someone, I'm his mother.
Can you put me through?
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
We've been asked to block all
incoming calls to this room.
- But please, I'm his mother!
- We all come to this life to heal.
Not just this life,
but all of our other lives as well.
Some souls, they only
come for a short time.
Before you came to this life,
you and he made an
agreement, a soul agreement.
Your lessons together in
this life, they're done.
Oh everybody's hearts breaking now
And you feel the world is ending somehow
And you wonder how
we'll find our way out
Oh everybody's heart breaking now
Oh everybody's hearts breaking now
When the oceans and
the rivers turn brown
- No condom, okay.
- What?
- I said no condom.
- Are you crazy?
Breaking now
Breaking now
What the fuck?
What the hell's wrong with you?
And you walk through the fair
And you walk to the sign
But you don't know what's bad
And you hold onto too tight
- Your lessons
together in this life are done.
- Please make this stop.
I'll do anything, I promise.
- The other day I was with Jasper...
- I don't wanna hear about Jasper.
- God dammit.
Fuck.
Wow, that smells good.
- I'm glad I
could cook for you guys.
- You're not using any dairy, right?
Michael, I thought we said no wine.
We agreed, we don't
wanna fuck up the baby.
- We don't have to drink, it's okay.
- What baby?
- We don't have to
drink if you don't want to.
- I want wine, okay.
Anna?
- This looks disgusting.
- Clare!
- That's why we're here,
that's why we keep coming, you know,
to try and deal with the grief together.
Trying to move past the shock of this,
and the anger, and the denial.
Right, the bargaining.
All these stages that we're going through,
we can go through them
together to get to acceptance,
to have some hope to move on.
That upward turn that we talked about.
I'm glad we're here.
Let's hear from Joe.
How are you?
- I asked him for a divorce this week.
He said I was being silly.
That we just needed to stop
the whole baby making thing,
and go on vacation.
Hawaii.
And I just told him, "No,"
that this is something
that I have to deal with.
And I think I have to go this alone.
- You're gonna love what's
in my goody box.
- What is it?
My pot candies.
I got a pot lollipop that was too strong,
so I cut them up into
little candies.
Takes he edge off wherever I go.
When I'm not at the bank.
With Clare.
It helps to take the edge off.
It all floats.
You'll see.
- Hmm, this is good.
So, is she always like this?
- Yeah, you know.
She's Clare.
Always a little high strung.
I love this movie.
- I didn't really enjoy it anymore.
It felt like this chore, this
drudgery I had to get through
to make it to the next day.
And then the next day was the same thing.
Go to the park, bedtime, dinner time.
The same thing everyday,
and I should've...
Realized he was this incredible
gift that I'm being given,
but I didn't.
- Hey.
- Hi, did I wake you?
I miss you.
I miss us.
- I'm just tired, Clare.
I miss the old Clare.
I miss the old us.
Something's gotta change.
Something's gotta change.
I do love you.
- Oh shit.
- Anna, it's Jacob.
- Hey, I was gonna call.
- I've been trying to
reach you for three days.
I need to talk to you now!
- Jacob, not now.
- What? Are you kidding me?
Now is the time!
- Jacob, please not now,
I promise you I'm gonna
talk to you tomorrow.
- I'm not waiting anymore, Anna.
I wanna talk to you now.
- Okay, just wait,
I'm gonna come out, okay.
Clare, it's okay, I got it, okay.
Jacob!
Shh, do you have to do that?
Please Jacob, I really,
it was an accident.
I really didn't mean it.
Jacob, please, you don't know!
It's nonsense, don't you dare!
Don't you dare!
Jacob please!
Anna.
Anna, ever since you've been
here my anxiety is coming back.
And something's wrong,
like I can barely breath.
I'm having really bad heart palpitations.
It's such a weird feeling.
I'm sorry, Anna, I'm sorry,
but you have to leave.
- Shit.
I thought having you here
might mellow her out.
- This has been
your third ultrasound,
and we've come up with
nothing that's wrong with her.
- But why am I having
so many weird symptoms,
like I've had this weird pain that's been
shooting up the side of my arm.
It just feels like there's
something going on,
and I know you're saying that I was fine,
but you told me that I
was fine before, remember?
I came into you and you
told me that I was okay.
Yeah, and I told you that
I had a lot of pressure.
So, why did you tell me
that I was okay then?
- You were okay then.
There are some things we can test for,
and some things they
just happen in nature.
- But remember, I should
have gotten that other test
where, remember, you
took, they asked me to do
that cervical exam, and then I declined.
Maybe that was the thing,
maybe that was the thing that did it.
- Clare, you did nothing wrong.
- But then I remember I had a lot of fear,
I had a lot of fear,
and I had a lot of negative
thoughts, you know.
I kept thinking that maybe
something was gonna go wrong,
and then I kept coming in to see you,
but you told me I was okay, Doctor,
and then maybe it was
something that you did,
or you guys, or what about the hospital?
- No, no, the
hospital checked everything.
They ran the tests as they do...
- But they weren't checking my blood.
They weren't checking my urine.
Maybe if they had done that,
they would have found
that I had an infection.
Maybe if they had given me antibiotics?
Maybe something could've been different.
- These things
happen in nature everyday.
They just happen.
- I wanted to wait and make sure
everything was alright first,
but I'm pregnant.
I've gone to the doctors,
and I've gotten checked out,
and everything seems to be alright.
- This is something to be
happy about, congratulations.
- I'm happy now, I'm not in pain anymore.
- A lot of change, a lot of change.
That's great, well, we're
real excited for you.
- Don't be so hard on yourself.
- What?
- How are you dear?
How are you really?
He wants me to tell you that he's alright.
And that it wasn't your fault.
- Can you give me CPA
Hospital of Los Angeles?
Can you please connect me to room 305?
He checked out?
- Mommy, get me out of the car!
- If I'm not here, they'll be better.
I'm not fit.
It's better if someone takes him.
I know what I did was wrong.
- Please, I never
pictured burying my baby.
Please, I never pictured burying my baby.
- Hi.
- I don't want you here.
- Jacob.
This is my house too.
- You're lucky I haven't
pressed charges, Anna.
- Please, Jacob, I'm
sorry, I didn't think.
- I don't wanna confuse Jasper.
- Is he here?
I was, I've been so worried.
Can I just, he's alright, right?
He's alright?
- He's recovering, get it?
You almost killed him, Anna, get it?
- I didn't mean to, it was an accident.
- I want you to go.
- Please, I just wanna see him.
Just for a minute, please.
- I want you to go, Anna.
- I just wanna tell him,
please, Jacob, please!
Just for a minute!
- No!
- Jacob!
- Go!
Glorious thing
- Clare.
Jesus Christ, Clare.
Jesus, Clare, what did you do to yourself?
- I fell, I just fell.
- Clare.
- It's okay, it's alright.
- Baby, what
did you do to yourself?
- I just, please, leave me alone.
- Clare!
I was there when they
turned the machines off too.
- Please, please,
speak to me.
Please.
Why did this happen to me?
Why is this happening to me?
What have I done wrong? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, please forgive me.
I can't get out of here, it
feels so dark, I can't breathe.
Please help me, what have I done wrong?
I'm sorry.
It's too dark.
I'm sorry.
It's my fault, please.
Forgive me.
I'm frightened.
I'm sorry.
I'm so tired.
My mind, it hurts.
It's too dark.
I'm sorry.
It's my fault.
I can't see.
It's my fault.
I can't see.
I can't take it anymore.
I can't breath.
My mind, it hurts.
I can't get out of here.
It feels so dark.
Please forgive me.
Must've been something I did.
Whatever I've done.
What did I do wrong?
Why is this happening.
- What did I do wrong?
Why is this happening to me?
- I'm so full of fear.
- It's my fault.
- Mom, it's me.
I'm okay.
It was supposed to be like this, remember?
- I can't keep driving around in circles.
I need to confess.
I need to get him back.
- Expect that
his savings would suffer.
- That seems like robbery.
They're just coming in and
taking money off people
without any money in the bank.
It's supposed to be secure, right?
They just took it.
- Dad, what happened? What did she say?
- They want her to appear
in court, in court.
The hand with the papers
said she was served,
then she takes off like
you two always use to,
never said a word to me.
Clare, it's unforgivable, that poor kid.
Of all things I've said or done,
I'd never, would never in a million years
do something like that.
Its unforgivable, that poor child,
I mean, you're accusing me
of things, I would never.
- I know where she is.
I'm gonna go look for her.
Anna!
Anna.
Anna, open the door.
Anna, what are you doing?
Come on, Anna, you need to open the door.
This is not helping.
It's too hot.
- Just close the door.
- I'm not gonna close the door...
- Close the fuckin' door, Clare, okay!
- Can we open the window?
- Just be quiet.
- What are you doing?
- I wanna know what it
felt like to be him,
I wanna know how he felt.
Now, you can listen to me.
No one ever has time for my life.
Jasper was sick again,
and Jacob's been in a pissy
mood since his dad died,
you were missing in action.
Another fucking day I couldn't stand.
He's yelling, "Let me out the car, Mommy!
"I wanna get out the car!"
- Mommy, get me out the car!
- Please, okay, stop screaming at me!
I'm lost, Jasper, please
stop screaming at me.
Mommy doesn't know where the hell I am.
This stupid thing is not working anymore!
This is the road we were driving on.
Right here, I'm driving
and he's screaming.
"I want to get out of the car!
"Let me out of the car!"
I'm losing my mind!
"Jasper, please stop it, Mommy's lost!"
- No!
- Maybe he'll stop if I swerve.
Please, okay, stop screaming at me!
I pull up right here.
"Jasper, please stop screaming at me.
"Mommy is lost.
"I need you to stop screaming at me!"
- No!
- Just stay here, scream
in the car, I've had it!
Jasper!
Jasper!
Fine, go ahead and scream, scream!
I'm gonna leave you here!
I walked away.
You should have seen his face.
I just needed a minute.
I walked to the corner,
and then the next corner.
I don't know how many blocks I walked,
I don't know how long it was.
Maybe half an hour, maybe more.
I was calming down, I was calming down.
It was hot.
I left him, I left him right
here in the sun to bake.
I didn't mean to,
I just needed a minute.
You'll tell them, you'll
tell them that I'll get help.
You'll tell them that I'll never do
anything like that again, right?
- Yeah.
- You'll tell them, Clare!
- Yeah, it's gonna be alright, Anna.
It's gonna be okay.
- Dear friends, it
is with great love and sadness
that we are writing to tell
you that little baby Charlie
passed away in our arms
on Sunday afternoon.
The E. Coli infection that
had been ravaging his system
proved too powerful an adversary.
Even if he had recovered
from the infection,
the damage to his brain and organs
would have put him into a vegetable state
for the rest of his life.
He was in great pain,
and his suffering was visible.
We decided as a family to
remove him from life support,
and let him go peacefully
back to the spirit world.
For the first time since his birth,
we were able to hold him,
and took turns until he was gone.
As parents, it was the most loving thing
we could do for him.
After he took his last breath,
a smile spread across his
face as if to thank us.
It was beautiful.
This has been an
incredibly difficult time.
And we thank all of you who have helped
even in the slightest way.
We feel very blessed to be part of
such a thoughtful and caring community.
Much love and thanks.
- Anna Coleman, you have been charged
with child endangerment.
Based on court findings we
have granted Jacob Coleman
full custody of Jasper Jason Coleman.
You will hereby lose
your rights as a mother.
You will be able to see your son
under guided supervision
for one hour a week.
- I'm really glad that
I'm looking after you now.
I'll try and do a better job this time.
- That'll be nice, Dad.
- Ready?
- Go fast, go fast.
- Let's go, buddy.
- Alright, baby.
- But you can't.
I love you, baby.
- Let's go, Jasper.
- I love you.
- Come on boy.
I missed you.
- Same time next week?
- We'll see.
- Daddy, I wanna go with Mommy.
Please, Mommy.
- No, we gotta go.
Okay? We're going home?
Alright.
Forgive
You must forgive oh
To live in love
Forgive
You must forgive oh
To live in love
What you say
Is what you make
So create oh
Don't wait
Liberate
The love you are
It's not too hard
It's not too far
Forgive
You must forgive oh
Lift the weight from your heart
And fall
It's not too hard
You're not too small
Forgive
You must forgive oh
To live in love
So say
You will create
The vulnerable
The world is small
Liberate
The vulnerable
The world is small
Forgive
You must forgive oh
Lift the weight from your heart
And fall
Forgive
You must forgive oh
To live in love