No. Cowboys and Indians. Bang-bang.
Up the stairway all of you.
Go on. Hurry up. Quickly.
Bang, bang, bang!
Good job, Winifred. You got them
here right side up and kicking.
Kicking is right.
They are certainly a handful.
I'm glad those kids
are here. We're safe.
Make that "where it's safe as yet".
Scare me some more. Tell me how it
is going to be when the bomb Omaha.
It's not going to be nice, Junior.
Not going to be nice at all.
Six months.
That's a long time to be away.
Three years is longer.
I'll sure be glad to see her.
Who, the Statue of Liberty?
You've just passed her.
Nope. I mean my other best girl.
You say, your "other"?
- Sure. Her name is Paula.
A great gal. I saw a
lot of her before I left.
Paula, huh?
You never told me about her.
Do I have to tell you everything?
- Not a bad idea.
Anybody I know?
- And nobody you owe either.
I want to marry her, Jonny.
No fooling?
That's it exactly. No fooling.
You think it is big,
important stuff, huh?
And the babe? Likewise?
From her letters, I'd say yes.
It wasn't all set up before you left?
Not quite. But this six months of
being apart has done it. Made it solid.
Six months?
If it took you that long to make
up your mind, it's no good.
Nothing will come of it.
- How do you know?
Nothing ever lasted six months with you.
Not even the seven-year itch.
Maybe so, Junior. But when I
meet the ultimate babe, I'll know it.
Like that! So will you.
Well, I might be just
slow and sure, Jonny.
Awful sure.
- Listen, Junior.
Guys like us are strictly
cash and carry on.
Make hay and then make tracks.
A war correspondent has got
no business getting married.
You're selling me, Jonny.
- And you're getting a bargain.
It might have cost you a trip to
Reno to find out the same thing.
Jonny, Kirk.
- Hi, honey.
My goodness, Jonny.
How is your goodness these days?
You can tell our revered
editor we'll see him now.
Jonny, Mr Stafford is pretty mad at you.
He's mad? Huh!
In view of progress made in Washington
by the Japanese diplomatic mission.
The prospect of war between this nation
and Japan becomes more remote that ever.
As a matter of fact, informed
sources have indicated.
That an unofficial agreement
to guarantee peace ..
Has already been reached.
Print that on page 1 column 8
for the banner line.
Now, Davis.
I must hear your version of why you and
your brother were kicked out of Germany.
That's easy.
For tracking down the truth.
And writing it.
You're like all the crackpots who think
this country is headed for trouble.
You're an old maid looking
under the bed for burglars.
That's no place to look
for burglars nowadays.
You'd find him right in bed with you.
You disregarded my instructions.
You kept on filing stories that offended
nations with which we are at peace.
And you cut the heart and liver
out of our best despatches.
We can't publish warmongering rumors.
Alarmist tripe.
- "Yes?"
Send Charlie in.
I'm ready for my massage.
You say tripe. I say truth.
The only time a paper justifies its
existence is when it prints the truth.
Not when it gets the most advertising.
We've got a story that's
too hot for the cables.
And we'll get it printed, Chief.
The Chronicle isn't
the only paper in town.
You can mail my pension to me.
Hold on.
Let me see this masterpiece.
- You won't like it.
I paid for it. Let me see it.
Well if ain't the Davis boys.
- Hiya, Charlie old boy.
Greetings of the season, Charlie.
Long-time no rub.
Hey, how did you find Berlin?
Strictly by our sense of smell.
Moral dynamite.
Davis, I've got an ironclad
contract with you.
You try to get this printed and
I'll run you out of the business.
This story is dead.
Here's the feature you'll read on the
front page of the Chronicle today.
Safe, sane and solid.
The news you feed the average man must
be as carefully chosen as his food.
More so.
It's a cinch he won't get
fat on what you hand out.
I know my business, Davis.
I know just how far
Mr John Q. Citizen will jump.
All ready, Mr Stafford.
Just a minute, Chief.
Did you ever take a
good look at Charlie?
No.
What's wrong with him?
- Not a thing.
He's Mr John Q. Citizen.
You talk about him a lot.
Take a good look at him.
- What for?
Let's try that story out on him
and see how far he jumps.
And if there is anything
wrong with where he lands.
Alright, Davis.
I don't mind giving you
a little object lesson.
Charlie. Come here.
Let's see what this does
to your horse sense.
I'll give your side a real break.
You read it to him.
Charlie.
We're about to make
a one-man poll of you.
You're a human guinea-pig.
I'm taking bets right now
you will prove my point.
So listen carefully
and be ready to jump.
Just a minute, Chief.
Gather round, Charlie. Right over here.
You too, Junior.
We want hear every word of this.
Okay, Chief.
"By Jonny and Kirk Davis. Recently
returned correspondents in Berlin."
"These facts gathered from the Japanese
embassy under curious circumstances."
Curious circumstances.
I happen to know those
curious circumstances.
Somebody gave the Japanese counsel
a Mickey Fin in a glass of Sake.
"The Pacific Ocean is not
nearly as wide as it seems .."
"When you try to paddle
across it in a canoe."
"At the Japanese general headquarters."
"Which has moved from
Tokyo to the Wilhelmstrasse."
You mean them two Aryans
is working together?
"Plans are being laid to stab the United
States of American in the back .."
"While presumably patting
it on the shoulder."
"No-one can foretell just
where the blow will fall."
"But Japanese troop movements
and naval manoeuvres .."
"While ostensibly aimed at
the subjection of China."
"Are in reality, directed
at the United States."
Now I leave it to you.
Did you really expect me
to print a thing like that?
Wouldn't that look fine?
Where, boss?
Where? You know where
you'd like to see it.
You would like me to print it
page 1 column 8 with a banner line.
Thanks. You gave it every break.
Well, Charlie?
What does the story you just heard make
you think the United states ought to do?
I think the United States
ought to wise up.
And go in there swinging.
You see how you'll make Mister
Average Man react? He'd want to fight.
What's wrong with that?
It's either fight or go under.
There are ways of
avoiding a fight that ..
Mr Average Man doesn't have
to worry his little head about.
I'm a reporter, not a psychologist.
Maybe there are ways
of avoiding a slugfest.
Could it be that you are
getting some sense?
It could be.
I doubt it.
Your kind never learn.
You don't see straight.
You are full of phony
ideas about people.
People. Huh.
Why can't you see the rank
and file as mostly rank.
Say, boss.
Isn't this record about due
in the composing room?
It's overdue. Ring Miss Coulter.
Okay boss.
"Yes, Mr Stafford?"
- Come in, honey.
Anything you say.
I wish you meant that, Davis.
You'd be the best man in your
field if you'd keep your head.
I'm going to try.
From now on.
Yes, Mr Stafford?
Miss Coulter.
Get this moving. We're
holding up the edition.
This is no time for butterfingers,
Honey. This is for posterity.
I don't worry about being remembered.
I want people to know I'm here now.
Oh, Expense account sheet.
- Yeah?
I kept it down to the bone.
Ah well.
What's this? You bought
an observation balloon?
It was an old one.
It belonged to the Persians.
I think I'll go down and
say hello to the boys.
Don't get in their way.
They've got an edition to print.
[ Buzzer ]
Answer it, will you.
Office of the Grand Lama.
"What? Who is this?"
Jonny Davis. Remember?
How are you, Pearcley?
"Tell the Chief I just ran his
record. What about that story?"
He wants to know
what about your feature.
What does he mean:
"what about the feature"?
Print it.
The Chief says:
What does he mean, what
about your feature. Print it.
"What's that?"
You tell Pearcley if he misses
the afternoon edition, he's fired.
And if you miss the afternoon edition.
You are fired.
"Well, alright. But this sure is a
switcheroo of The Chronicle policy."
"The Chief never .."
What's this?
What goes on here?
What did Pearcley say?
What record is this?
Are you crazy?
Listen Charlie, my story
is on that other record.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
It's the truth and it
belongs to guys like you.
Are you with me?
All the way. Ain't I one
of the rank and file?
Come on, before that babe gets in here.
Hello? Mr Stafford?
Did Mr Stafford buzz me?
No. He's getting the works, honey.
Oh.
Hey, if we keep this up
he will blow a gasket.
He's too fat for wrestling,
- Five minutes to go.
If we turn him loose
he'll run right and ..
Charlie.
I don't think he'll run very far.
Not after the little object
lesson I will give him.
Chief.
You are an appeaser.
And an appeaser always gets in the neck.
He feels he gets what he wants by giving
away things he thinks he doesn't need.
First .. he gives away his suit.
That's the Rhineland.
Then, he gives away his shoes.
One is: Austria.
The other: Czechoslovakia.
Then his socks.
That's Spain.
Then his shirt.
That's Poland.
And then his underpants. That's France.
On the button, Charlie.
Then there is only one thing
left for Mr Appeaser to do.
Throw in the last thing he's got.
The towel.
You can let him up now, Charlie.
Kirk.
Clothes.
Davis.
He can still get somebody on that thing.
Not anymore.
This is sabotage.
He is going to get Miss Coulter.
I don't think he wants to
call a lady in here now.
Do you, Chief?
And that Charlie,
is how all appeasers end.
Stripped of everything. Out in the cold.
Extra, extra! Read all about!
Do I hear those presses roar?
Hello, Chief.
I do.
Here you are, Jonny. Page 1.
Good work, kid.
"Japan plots in Pacific."
Well, what do you know?
This is what the Chief
needs to stay warm.
Here you are, sire.
Someday you'll thank me.
Come on, Charlie.
My hat.
Beat it down to the cashier
with our expenses.
No. My girl's waiting.
She'll wait for an hour. She's spoilt.
But I'm late now.
- Go on. Get going.
I'll meet you at Evie Manning's.
Pick up our bags.
Mr Stafford wants you right away.
He's not buzzing me.
- Oh, he will be.
He'll be buzzing everybody.
Come on, Charlie.
They'll never work on another newspaper.
I'll bash that Davis.
Do something! Get me a pair of pants!
Willy.
- Uhuh?
How do they look?
They'll be fine.
Sure, after they leave your easel.
Don't run down your legs, honey.
They've supported both of us for years.
Too long.
Some women only worry about double
chins. I stew about my knees falling.
Anybody here?
- It's Jonny.
Nobody else.
I'm back.
- Darling!
Why didn't you warn us?
Yeah. We'd have moved.
What's new in the world?
- My by-line is inside.
For further information see today's
Chronicle. The Davis edition.
Where is Kirk?
He'll be around.
Home on the range.
Well. What's with you?
Still selling stockings
with Evie's legs.
You know, it's like I told you, Willie.
There's no dough in legs.
You should do a comic strip.
A comic strip? What do you call these?
Hey, where is my ashtray?
Here.
You've moved it.
Listen, my lamb.
You've been gone three years.
I dusted a couple of times.
When, the first month?
Why not stop being a bully on the block?
- You got clean sheets on my bed?
Yes and no.
What you mean, yes and no?
You sound like a diplomat.
That's what I'm trying to be.
I rented the room.
What?
- After all, Jonny.
He'll find his trunk in the
hall when he gets back.
It's a girl and she likes to be alone.
In isolation, huh?
You can't go up there.
Ow!
Ow!
Will you kindly get this
so-and-so out of my room.
Your room?
Hey, I bought that very bathtub
you're putting rings on.
Are you going?
Not without a struggle.
Then will you please hand me my robe?
So I can throw you out, Mr Davis.
May I have your name in full?
What for?
Just call me "babe". You will anyway.
This is a war of nerves.
Shall I calm for them?
The nerve is yours, my friend.
Oh, can't ewe be more than just friends?
But we are.
But you still don't trust me.
Now I do.
Don't hurry. Most accidents
occur in the bathroom.
Hey, you seem to think you know
a lot about me, don't you.
Enough. If I put it in
writing you could sue me.
Yeah?
Are you good to look at?
- Wouldn't it be more fun to guess?
Okay.
I'll reconstruct the missing body
from the evidence at hand.
Now to begin with, the ..
The body is quite a body.
You're getting warm.
You can raise that a couple of degrees.
And you are under twenty-five
and terrific in the face.
You'd have to be to wear this hat.
Now let's see. Color of hair.
Yes, sir.
Why, you are a beautiful blond.
Hey, get away from that keyhole!
Yes, sir. A beautiful blond.
Blue eyes.
White skin.
A good set of biting teeth.
If you're not at the keyhole, how come
you know exactly what I look like?
Wishful thinking, honey.
Hey, you like yourself
a little bit, don't you.
Well, there is a mirror
in here. Remember?
Listen, Narcissus.
These same clues could add up to
a frowzy, bleached, lantern-jawed ..
Gimlet-eyed, leathery skinned,
knock-kneed old crone ..
With a mistaken daring in hats.
And a ..
They do not, my friend.
Do they?
They do not.
Of course we know each other.
You bet.
I'm sure glad to set eyes on you again.
You know darned well
you don't remember me.
What?
How could I ever forget you?
You won't.
Again.
How is Kirk?
Oh, you know Kirk too, huh?
Sure, I was the cub reporter when you
brought Kirk to the Chronicle office.
Just before you left for Europe.
Ah, yeah now I remember.
You were that blond girl.
My hair was red at the time.
Is Kirk still running errands for you?
Why?
Because one of the errands was to send
Kirk with a note asking me for a date.
Oh, sure. Sure.
Say, what a night that was.
And what a conga you throw.
It was the rumba that year.
Anyway, we didn't dance.
No?
- No.
Well, how could I with a sprained ankle?
But that was a swell
5-dollar dinner I blew you to.
Not even a ham sandwich.
No?
- No.
Ah, now I remember.
I was on a liquid diet.
Not your type.
You ever tried Sweet Surrender?
Not lately.
We didn't dance, we didn't
drink, we didn't eat.
We must have done something.
Or were we just mental?
It was all mental.
Because you never kept the date.
That's an oversight that
should be corrected.
Some other year.
Out, mister.
You ought to have that patented.
I will.
After I work out a few improvements.
I could suggest a couple.
I'll learn faster if you show me.
Hey you two. There is somebody
down here to see you.
I think we're being paged.
I don't hear a thing.
I do.
Well, thanks for the fraternity pin.
Kirk, darling.
You look wonderful.
And you look good enough to eat,
which isn't such a bad idea.
Evie, why didn't you
tell me it was Kirk?
Well, seeing is believing, honey.
Come on, Eve. We've got
to finish this stocking Ad.
Here I am. Back on my pedestal.
Hi, Jonny.
I see you met Paula already.
Yeah.
Is she everything I said?
And more.
You have a good trip, Kirk?
The only good part was
getting back, honey.
Wait until you two
really get acquainted.
Yeah, I can hardly wait.
I'd really like to know her better.
Well, to know her is to love her.
I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
Eve, weren't you amazed to see Kirk?
I was.
Nothing the Davis brothers
ever do fazes me.
Do you mind if we use your couch, Jonny?
- No. Not if you don't bounce.
Those springs aren't
what they used to be.
Hey, we got to get ourselves a place
to roost. We can't move in on Paula.
No?
What do you think?
Paula.
Well, three is a crowd.
We'll see about making that two, honey.
I'll get our stuff over to the
Great Northern. Okay?
I wouldn't think of
crossing you, Junior.
How about dinner?
Shall we all go out some place?
I got to finish this.
And he can't do it without me.
Me, I've got a story to cover.
Huh?
I'll meet you here at nine.
Okay.
Well, I want to get into
something comfortable.
See you all later.
Well, how do you like her?
So far, so good.
Why didn't you tell me she lived here?
- You didn't give me a chance.
You know, you really sold me
a bill of goods today, Jonny.
The newspaper business
and matrimony don't mix.
Well, I hope the lady won't
be too disappointed.
It's the newspaper
business I'm giving up.
I'll let you be flower girl
if Paula doesn't mind.
Hey, do I hear wedding bells?
Yeah. What goes on?
Ah, she's the greatest
girl I ever knew, Jonny.
Honest. Loyal. Straight from
the shoulder. You'll find out.
Maybe I have already.
Listen, Junior.
You're a war correspondent.
And there is a war going on. Remember?
You just can't walk out on it.
- I can.
I got me a steady job all lined up.
Yeah?
Oh, listen, Jonny.
Everybody is not like you.
You'd rather be a good reporter than ..
Shakespeare.
Shakespeare was a reporter.
Scooped Queen Elizabeth.
That's the thing to do with dames.
Scoop them but stay away
from orders with them.
Sorry Jonny, but that's
what I want to do.
A man may want to spend ten years
of his life in bed with his hat on.
But he can't. History won't let him.
It will let me.
Maybe.
But I won't.
See you later, pals.
Perhaps we ought to do something
big after we get together again.
Kill the fatted calf or something.
Don't look at me.
I've taken a little weight
but not that much.
We got some presents for you in
our bags as soon as I unpack.
I don't expect much.
Just a diamond bracelet or two.
He's a great kid, Jonny.
Just giving a bum imitation of you.
Can't you see he's got his heart
set on that high-octane upstairs?
And you can't expect a Linotype
machine to win out over that, brother.
May as well sit back and
nature takes its course.
Listen, Evie. I've looked out for
Junior since he wore short pants.
I don't care what he
does with his weekends.
But I do care what he does
with the rest of his life.
But Jonny, you can't ..
- Forget it. Kirk is my problem.
Kirk is Kirk's problem.
Get that through your skull.
Oh sure, sure. But I've always
helped the kid with his homework.
I'm a wow at long-division.
Particularly when things
don't belong together.
Be back later. Got to
cover a fire. A woman's angle.
Is that so? You know,
I haven't seen a fire in years.
Especially from the woman's angle.
Tell Kirk Santa Clause's
house is burning down.
How do you like that?
The same way I'd like
another twenty pounds waist.
I wonder what he's up to.
- I wonder what she's up to.
You know something.
I'll bet there ain't no fire.
There will be when they get there.
But look, I've told you ten
times I've got things to do.
Sure you have. With me. And doing
Madam Lugovska's is one of them.
You haven't lived until you
have tasted Mama's borscht.
Once you have, you're
never the same again.
That's what I'm afraid of.
Okay, bring on your borscht.
Jonny! From the heart, welcome.
- How is the Russian bear?
Walking like a man.
Just read the newspapers.
Hi, Anatole.
Professor Anatole. Astrologer.
Predicted black Friday.
He should have made millions.
No. Somebody talked him
out of it. He lost his shirt.
Joshka. How wonderful.
I am so happy to see you.
- Been true to me?
True to you? Ha-ha ..
He asks.
He is naughty.
There are no naughty children.
Only glandular cases.
Meet Paula Lane, Mama.
How do you do.
- Hello.
Always a pretty girl.
We'll have drinks in
the little dining room.
Joshka, Joshka.
I am very sorry. It cannot be.
It is engaged.
What's the idea? I thought
I had first call on that room.
What's the difference where we sit?
The difference between
democrats and republicans.
Just like old times, the corner table.
Some people are having dinner
in the little dining room.
But they can't stay there
all night, Joshka.
No, don't underestimate your customers.
Same as usual?
For you?
The same as his same.
- Oh, that's fine.
But do not agree with him too much.
Carlo.
Chinese special.
Well, what and who ..
Have you been doing these lost years?
Lost?
- Yes. You didn't know me.
Go on, tell me about yourself.
Oh, I've been breathing
in and out and ..
Writing little items.
Fires, fashions and ..
Alderman's clam-bakes.
- Strive and succeed. Onward and upward.
Well, not so far upward.
I'm working on it.
Jonny.
Thanks, pal.
Say, Dorloff.
See what you can do to get those
folks out of my little dining room, huh.
I'll do my best.
You don't take me
very seriously, do you.
As a girl reporter? I do not.
Stafford does.
There is a good chance of him
sending me to the orient.
What for? Silk worms?
Indochina. A woman correspondent.
Don't look so male and superior.
I beat the town on ambassador
Zucker's resignation.
What? Was that your story?
How did you get it?
Don't tell me, I know.
You rolled your eyes
and crossed your gams.
Well, we ..
We danced a little.
For the first time I understand the
ambassador's domestic policy.
I'm glad you told me.
It wouldn't do to sell you short, baby.
Jonny.
I ..
It might interest you to know that
the world is coming to an end.
Not unless it is tonight.
The stars say it will be April the 7th.
At 5:30 o'clock.
Daylight saving time?
That gives us exactly
forty-five and half years.
The way things are going it
won't be a minute too long.
Excuse me, professor.
You see, I have him in
the middle of a trance.
Oh, pardon me.
I didn't see you had a lady.
You weren't kidding about that trance.
You know, I'm working on a patent too.
A lie detector.
I'm trying it out on you.
How am I doing?
Batting a zero.
It's a great invention.
It protects a girl in the clinches.
Say, what are you?
A baseball player or a prize-fighter?
The lingo, I mean.
Oh.
My dad, he took care of a lot
of broken-down athletes.
And newspapermen.
Rescue missions?
- Health farm.
Well .. here is to health.
I know a couple of fine
ways to improve it.
I wonder if Dorloff is making
any headway up there.
Let's see. Where was I?
You weren't anywhere, but you
were trying to get somewhere.
There's no question about it.
You are the one.
One what?
The gal I've been thinking
about all these years.
Ha!
Just a girl I made up in my mind.
One of my better dreams.
I never thought I'd meet her.
Suddenly a bathroom
door opens and whambo!
Any girl that listens to the
howl of a wolf is a goner.
Little Red Riding Hood didn't do so bad.
She didn't do so good.
Until she got wise.
Don't throw curves at me, Jonny.
Those aren't exactly angles
you've been tossing at me, baby.
Alright. So, I am a goner.
Tell me some more beautiful fables.
Jonny, the lie detector.
It's stopped working.
It blew out a fuse.
Oh sweet.
Sweet.
The crossroads of the Pacific.
Jonny.
The people in the little dining room.
They finish there at three.
This shouldn't happen to a dog.
But I convinced them that dessert
would not be good for them.
Look.
Coffee?
Maybe.
Excuse me.
Hey buddy, you're going in
the wrong direction, aren't you?
No. We are going to have some coffee.
- Oh no. No coffee. Don't think of it.
Bad for the nerves. Keeps you awake.
And sleep is just what you need.
The door is that way.
Well thank you.
What's this?
Jonny, I'm glad of that
minute between rounds.
Because I've got just enough sense
left to walk to that door and out.
Sense has nothing to do
with the way we feel.
The thing to do is close
your eyes and let yourself go.
Goodbye.
She wasn't hungry, Jonny?
She is hungry alright but
I guess she isn't starving.
I don't believe her.
I don't understand women sometimes.
Here is lesson number one.
When you find a blond the right age and
weight who knows the value of suspense.
That is bad.
That is too bad.
- It is terrible.
My heart bleeds.
Whose blond was this, yours or mine?
Here is a paper.
Anything in it?
- Not enough.
Hey, that fire must have been
hotter than you expected.
You know what I feel like?
I feel like I've been riding a bicycle
up and down a rollercoaster track.
The bicycle has no handlebars.
No brakes either.
Well, was it fun?
Yeah. When I wasn't scared to death.
Eve.
Were you always dead sure of Willie?
I mean, did you want to believe
him more than anything ..
And not quite be able to make it?
There was that time with
the redhead next door.
Of course, honey.
I've always been sure of him.
Lucky you.
Say, a telegram came for you.
What's the matter,
still on that bicycle?
Yeah.
Want me to read it for you?
Please.
Probably somebody opening a
new dry-cleaning establishment.
Say, it is from Stafford.
It's the Indochina job.
You are all set for it.
When do you start packing the
pith helmet and he quinine?
I don't think I'm going, Evie.
Not what? Why, it's the
chance of a lifetime.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Yesterday.
Before I started this business.
Sure.
Am I the unromantic old hag.
Of course, you don't want to leave Kirk.
Until you get him good
and married, I mean.
Did Kirk tell you that?
With gestures and what is
known as a catch in his voice.
He is crazy about you, honey.
But he kind-of jumped the gun a little.
What's the difference?
You're lucky baby. He is
somebody to tie to. A good risk.
Yeah.
I know.
Now the girl that snares Jonny ..
Had better have on good heavy gloves
when she takes him out of the trap.
Why, I thought you liked Jonny.
Like him? I adore the big lunk-head.
Everybody does.
That's what's wrong with him.
You talk as though he
is little more than human.
Oh, he is human alright.
That's my point.
Too human.
Well, I love humanity.
So does Jonny, one at a time.
If he keeps his health he'll
get around to everybody.
Eve, I'm all mixed up.
I don't know what to do.
Whether to follow my emotions or ..
Or toss a coin, or what.
Kirk or Jonny, eh?
Yeah.
Heads or tails.
Baby, in this case I'd forget about
the emotions. I'd toss that coin.
And be darned sure it comes
up heads and not tails.
Hello everybody.
- Hello.
Where is Willie?
- He's inside taking a bath.
I told him he had to get the
paint out from behind his ears.
Darling,
- Kirk.
Tell him he must put
on a neck-tie too. Here.
Two cravats from Bond Street for him.
- You're an angel, angel.
And for you, Evie.
A little French number.
Compliments of the Davis brothers.
Go on, take it. It's kosher.
From unoccupied France.
You're a great guy, Kirk.
He'll be ready in a minute.
It's about time I had a
minute alone with you.
Hey, I got your present here somewhere.
I had it.
Something for your finger.
Kirk.
Don't give that ring to me.
Why not?
I'm not right for you.
Not right?
Honey, you're everything I want.
The best.
No, darling. That's what you are.
And just what you want me to be.
What do you mean?
Jonny and I went out for
a drink after you left.
Fine.
As long as he didn't slip
something in your glass.
He is famous for it.
I don't want to hurt you but ..
Well.
Suppose you tell me what
you got on your mind.
Alright.
It's Jonny.
It's been Jonny for three years.
Ever since that first time I saw him.
That time he stood you up?
Yeah, I know.
Oh, I've tried to kid myself out of it.
I told myself that it
was all wide-eyed stuff.
Told myself that he was
all bad news. Poison.
That's where I come in? An antidote?
Or did I ever come in at all?
- Oh, Kirk.
I think you're the swell-est
person I've ever known.
And if Jonny hadn't come back.
If he'd only stayed away.
I got to tell you something.
Jonny is a funny egg.
Very funny.
Maybe not his fault.
Women have a habit of
throwing themselves at him.
Alright. I've got that coming too.
I did throw myself at him today.
I suppose I'll always
throw myself at him.
Then just be sure of one thing.
Be sure he is there to catch you.
He'll be there.
Yeah? Wait until the chips are down.
They are down right now.
Stafford wants me to go to Indochina.
Indochina? That's dynamite.
I'm not going, Kirk.
Jonny won't let me leave.
He won't.
You can't care for someone the
way I care for Jonny and have it ..
Well, wasted.
Can't you?
I'm sorry, Kirk.
- Shut up, will you.
Maybe you're right about Jonny.
I don't think so, and I don't hope so.
Please, darling.
I feel like a mule kicked
me right in the stomach.
And I'd like to kill Jonny. That's all.
I'd like to kill him.
Behold us!
Kirk, your dress is wonderful.
Of course, I did just get my hips in.
I think you look pretty demi-mondainey.
If I didn't know you didn't know
French, I'd have to slap you, darling.
Well, kids.
You look elegant. Both of you.
Eve and Willie, will you forgive me?
I don't feel like going out tonight.
As a matter of fact I feel out already.
On my feet.
What's the matter with her?
Whatever it is, it's catching.
All of a sudden I've got a headache.
Let's call off the celebration.
What do you mean, headache?
You just told me you felt like tearing
the town apart with your teeth.
Put in your uppers, Willie.
That's just what we're going to do.
Evie and Willie's was never like this.
Why didn't you unpack for me?
You know, you got the Davis eye, kid.
The girl is terrific.
- What girl?
Your girl.
Sure you don't want to try
and change her status?
It might not be too hard.
- No?
No.
I took her out for a soda.
With bourbon.
We went on from there.
Wound up and Mama Lugovska's.
Wound up how? Tight?
No. Just wound up.
Well, uncoil. What are
you trying to prove?
That it isn't the world that's round,
it is the heels that walk on it.
A guy's a cinch for a new shuffle before
he gets a hand good enough to play.
I expect fast shuffles Jonny,
but not from you.
My deal, kid.
And I didn't get one from Paula either.
- Give her time. You will.
You should know that better than me.
- I should?
Oh.
I saw her after she left you.
A two-timer, huh?
She isn't a woman, she's a football.
What's that, a flag you wave?
Or the double standard?
When a man is a two-timer
that's just normal.
But when a woman is a two-timer ..
She is strong drink and
shouldn't be sold to minors.
I ought to poke you one.
- What for?
If you can't read that babe then
somebody has to do it for you.
You want me to spell out the words?
- Spell away.
It rhymes with "champ".
But it means the opposite.
- I ought to ..
About here.
- About there.
It still rhymes with "champ", kid.
You can't change my mind about Paula.
Champ.
Well.
Well then, maybe we'll have to
fix it so the babe changes hers.
So long, Jonny. It was
nice being related to you.
Hi, Dorloff.
I got a date coming up.
How about the ..?
Oh, it's all yours today, Jonny.
A date, eh?
- Yeah.
A blond?
Everybody is blond.
Tell Mama to ice up a couple
of bottle of champagne.
Champagne?
Jonny.
Well the best is none too
good for everybody's blonds.
Demand isn't good enough.
Jonny.
I suppose I shouldn't have called you.
You just beat me to
the telephone, honey.
You know, all the way over
here I kept telling myself.
Take it easy, Pal.
Just a little more
maidenly modesty please.
The little dining room, baby?
Ah, the heck with maidenly modesty.
Confidence is what a girl needs.
Any place you say, Jonny.
Remind me to be with you the
next time you pick out a hat.
Why, don't you like this one?
- No. There is too much of it.
Hair like that should
be seen not buried.
Come here.
Why?
You need a reason?
It would help.
It's just a step over there but ..
It's a long step.
Where is that confidence
you were talking about?
Alright. I'll give you a reason.
Because it is what you want to do.
It is a long step, Jonny.
Isn't there another reason too?
Alright, alright.
Take your pound of flesh.
It's what I want you to do too.
I don't suppose you'll ever tell a
girl a thing she needs to hear.
There is too much of this coat too.
There is a lot more of you
that shouldn't be buried.
I haven't much time, Jonny.
Have you a stop-watch on you?
I'm supposed to catch a plane at three.
For where, Hoboken?
Stafford has ordered me to Indochina.
Stafford is a mental case.
Indochina, huh?
That's a long way off.
You don't want me to go, do you Jonny?
Well, I do and I don't.
I will take the "do" reasons first.
You are a fire hazard to
some plans that I've got.
A woman doesn't always tie a man down.
Now, why don't you want me to go?
It would be nice to have a row.
Even you can do better than that.
Surely that isn't all you have to say.
No.
I got something else to say, honey.
Goodbye. A pleasant trip.
Goodbye?
That Indochina job is a big opportunity.
I can't ask you to pass it up.
But Jonny, you just said I'd
be nice to have around.
For a couple of weeks.
So that's how it is.
For a couple of weeks?
- That's how it is.
I can say it in six languages but why
make it tough for you to understand?
In what language was that kiss?
The universal language, baby.
And don't tell me you
need an interpreter.
Did I interrupt anything?
Unfortunately, not a thing.
Will you join me, Dorloff?
But the lady?
The champagne was for the lady.
It wasn't needed.
The lady is just leaving.
To the Far East, isn't it?
This I do not understand.
Once, she leaves.
Once, you throw her out.
And obviously you desire to be together.
"Desire" is the word.
Here is something to paste
in your hat my friend.
You can't have your angel cake
and send her to Indochina too.
Where to, Miss?
- China.
Hello Jonny.
Where have you been the last month?
Among the unemployed.
I've also been to Grant's tomb.
The Bronx Zoo and the Aquarium. Twice.
You'd be surprised how
many fish they got there.
Most of them look like Papa.
Oh, go on in and kiss and make up.
I'm glad to see the two of you back.
Two of us?
Sure. Your brother is in there now.
Say, what is wrong between you and Kirk?
When I told him you'd be
here he acted the same way.
Like something bit him.
Where, honey?
Hello Junior.
Oh you look fine.
Like a collapsed dachshund.
Hello Jonny.
Davis, I've told all this to Kirk. I'll
be brief. He'll give you details later.
As you know The Chronicle
sent Paula Lane to Indochina.
A master-stroke.
She is missing. Disappeared completely.
We've tried every way
we know to find her.
Did you get in touch with
Floyd Kirsten in Hanoi?
Kirsten? That has-been.
He couldn't find his bottle
if it was in his hand.
Okay, I just asked.
Now, I'm worried about Paula.
There just might be a
little trouble with Japan.
Honest?
You'd better rush that tip
over to the State Department.
The long and short of it is.
I want you two boys to go to
Hanoi and find Paula Lane.
It wouldn't be that you want some decent
coverage for The Chronicle, would it?
Let me handle this alone, Chief.
Sorry, boy.
In fairness to The Chronicle I can't.
You couldn't pull it off alone.
With Jonny you might.
He's the kind who gets things done,
no matter who he has to walk on.
Yeah.
You are right about that.
Well, when do you start for Hanoi?
You're sure I'm starting, huh?
That's right, Davis.
I know the spot you're in
because I put you there.
You are broke.
No other paper will touch
you with a ten-foot pole.
I've got you tied up for two years.
And you'd rather be dead
than out of the business.
So.
When do you start for Hanoi?
How's your feet, Chief?
Bad.
I mean your paper's feet.
Cold, as usual?
You send in your dispatches.
I'll print them the way I see them.
I thought so. Very cold.
You know what cold feet
causes on a newspaper, Chief?
Poor circulation.
Or is it the other way around?
You are not going to bring up my
editorial policy again, are you?
You don't expect me to keep
it on my stomach, do you?
Alright, Davis.
We don't like each other.
But we work together. Huh?
Sure.
Necessity is the mother
of strange bedfellows.
Eh, Junior?
Do I put you on the payroll?
Yeah.
As of when you took us off.
It's a deal. How about you, Kirk?
I'm set.
Oh sure. Everybody is set.
Don't you worry, Chief. I'll find
a way to get the news printed.
How? Taking along a hand-press?
You'll learn you can't toss me
around like a badminton ball, Davis.
They don't play badminton
with a ball, Chief.
They use what is known as a bird.
You ought to know what that is.
You get it enough.
More Japanese beetles round here than
you'd see in a California lettuce patch.
Did we come here worry
about Indochina or find Paula?
I don't know about you. I'm here
to gather news buds while I may.
Yes, sir. Than you would find
in a California lettuce patch.
What kind of a guy are you anyway?
Paula is a fellow
newspaperman if nothing else.
For my dough she is nothing else too.
Are you through trying all the places
that wouldn't know where she is?
Yeah.
- Okay.
Hey, cab.
Now I'll take you to a place that might.
You see Junior, in every town there is
one guy who knows who's where and why.
I suppose you mean Floyd Kirsten?
- That's right.
Stafford told us about him.
He's all washed up and a lush too.
Maybe, but Kirsten knows more
drunk that Papa does sober.
Nothing like a little
protective occupation.
Identification.
Passports please.
Excuse.
Go ahead.
So sorry.
So sorry?
The only thing they're sorry about
is that they can't pull those triggers.
Yet.
Come on, buster. Get going before
they ask to see our birthmarks.
Thank you.
I hope you're not wasting our time.
- I'm not wasting my time.
I'll say one thing for Paula. She sure
made this disappearance act look good.
You think she's pulling a fast one, eh?
- I think she's a smart dame.
Pretends to get herself in a jam so that
some sap will come tearing after her.
That's you.
- So why help me find her?
Simple.
Sooner you see she's a phony, the sooner
you take other kinds of nourishment.
Yes?
We'd like to see Floyd Kirsten.
We are old friends.
- Friends?
You are the first of your
race to come for a long time.
You are welcome.
Thank you.
Please.
Get set, Junior.
You are about to see
a legend in the flesh.
A real old-timer. From the
school of Richard Harding Davis.
Hello Floyd.
Jonny Davis, Floyd.
Originator of the Hong Kong
hay ride. Remember?
Jonny Davis?
Well, I must say.
So must I.
This is my brother, Kirk.
I'm glad to know you, son.
It's a privilege to
know you, Mr Kirsten.
I've read your stuff.
Not lately, I'm afraid.
Well, it's been a long time
between by-lines, Jonny.
My paper has about
given up on me I guess.
Won't you sit down, gentlemen?
- Thank you.
Forgive me, Thomas.
This is Thomas Chang.
He has been very kind to me.
He has cared for me here in his house.
My house is yours.
Excuse me.
You see Jonny, I've kinda
lost touch with things.
I don't write anymore.
I can see stories but
I can't write them.
Maybe I'm finished.
I sort of get buck fever
when I see a typewriter.
Buck fever, my eye.
What are you talking about?
You look great, Floyd.
Thanks, you liar.
Mr Kirsten, can you help us?
We're trying to find Paula Lane.
She was sent over here
by The Chronicle and ..
And we thought since you
know everybody in Hanoi that ..
The Japs have taken
over here completely.
They've invaded Thailand.
Thailand can't resist. Not for long.
You can't tight tanks with bows and ..
Arrows.
Can you?
Can I help?
Ming.
These attacks are common.
- Will he be alright?
We know how to care for him.
Take Mr Kirsten to his room.
Call his doctor.
- Yes, Mr Chang.
Looks like you're the one
that drew a blank this time.
Perhaps if you came back later?
This way, gentlemen.
- No, Mr Chang.
This way.
You know, Junior. I think Mr Chang
has something to talk about.
Now for instance, the Japanese beetles.
Do you or do you not believe
in pest control, Mr Chang?
Take either side.
Which side do you take, Mr Davis?
I'm for it. I don't like
vermin of any kind.
Now.
How about Paula Lane?
Why do you want to find her?
- We think she's in a jam.
We're friends of hers.
If that is why you're stalling.
If you know Mr Kirsten.
That is probably true.
Come on. Where is she?
She has been helping Mr Kirsten.
She is now at the frontier,
about 200 miles from here.
The frontier? It's trouble, Jonny.
It is. And it is very unwise
for me to talk about it.
It's still more unwise not to.
If we start crashing up and down
the frontier we'll make a lot of noise.
You do believe we're on your
side, don't you Mr Chang?
Yes, I do.
Otherwise I would send you away.
Then why the mystery?
If we find her you will see.
If we do not find her.
Then it will do her no
good for you to know.
So there will be two less people who can
speak in the wrong place about our plan.
No, Mr Chang.
Three less people.
It is three miles to the river.
On the other side is China.
We are in luck. They are
going away from the river.
What about that patrol?
They won't be back this
way for half an hour.
What the wigwag?
I can tell you now.
They're bringing Chinese children out
of the war zone into French territory.
There is the boat.
It looks like they are expected.
I will go first and tell
them you are friends.
Isn't it just as dangerous for the kids
over here with all those Japs around?
Once they are smuggled
in they'll have a chance.
At least he won't have to duck bombs.
Come on.
Shush, children. Quiet.
You must be very quiet.
That's Paula alright.
Paula.
Gee, it's good to see you.
Are you alright, honey?
- Yeah.
Oh, you've brought your
big brother too, huh?
Here, let me take buggins.
Well, did Stafford send you
over here for silk worms?
What are you trying to do,
get your name in the paper?
Here, here. Let me do that.
Stick around and I'll
give you an interview.
A nice way to get shot. Smuggling
Chinese kids across the border.
What is a border?
Just an imaginary line.
Let us take over, honey.
Here. Take this.
Is this the last load?
Yeah. Yeah we got them all.
You mislaid a couple.
All set. Where do they go?
- A little mission down the river.
Miow will guide them. She's guided many
such groups. There's less risk that way.
Miow.
What did you expect to
do with the cannon?
I expect it to shoot anybody
that tries to stop me.
You act like these are your kids.
I think when children are in trouble
they become everybody's kids.
You could be right, babe.
Alright, let's go.
The "sooner I find out
she's a phony", huh?
Are you sure she will be okay?
Of course. Very fatigued. Strain.
But she just lies there.
Doesn't even move.
I give her a sleeping powder.
It won't wear off for some time.
But there is nothing to worry about.
Who's worried?
I gather ..
You are.
Mister Davis.
Look, look, look. You've
got your thumb in her eye.
This isn't man's work anyway.
Here .. start that story
about Thailand falling ..
And the Japs will be there
before you get it written.
Hey, Ming.
Front and center.
How is Kirsten?
- Resting.
That's fine. Look, take
over here honey, will you.
Give the lady a good
wash and polish job.
A pretty girl, for a white woman.
She looks like a piece of
cheese the rats have been at.
How you coming with the literature?
The story writes itself.
I'm just feeding it paper.
A good diet.
Only if it writes itself ..
You'd better tell it to write to spell
"perfidy" with an "e" and not a "u".
Thanks.
Still great at spelling out
the words for me aren't you.
Ming, Ming. Gently does it.
The kid looks like she might break easy.
When you get that epic finished, you
can tack Floyd Kirsten's name onto it.
You figure it belongs to him?
No. I figure it belongs to
anybody who can read.
No, no. Here, here.
Let me do it. You're not getting
her ears clean. Get the bed ready.
I always like women with
their forehead showing.
Mine never had any to
show about the eyebrows.
Kirsten's name on this, huh?
Yeah.
That's what I said.
Kirsten's name.
Send it to his office.
Not to our office, his office.
I thought you were
vaccinated against nobility.
Would you recognise a
needle when you see it?
I might, if I got the point.
Stafford will get the point.
Right in his editorial policy.
I told him I'd get the news printed.
- Yeah.
Kirsten gets a by-line and
Stafford gets crossed.
A beautiful double play.
Triple play.
The public gets the truth.
Not a bad guy, Kirsten.
He was a good reporter once.
Which is more than I can
say for you, towhead.
Some people might want
to vote her a medal.
What for?
Running out on her job?
Playing dry nurse to a
bunch of wet smacks.
It took a stiff-backed bone at that to
walk up and spit in the Mikado's eye.
Bed ready now.
Yep. Alright.
Okay, honey. I'll call
you when I need you.
A pretty girl, for a white woman.
Yeah. You are pretty in any language.
"Pretty" isn't the word for it.
What kind of cheese?
I was wrong about you being
the cheese. You're the rat.
You put one over on me
about your hair too.
How?
You said it used to be red.
Well, how do you know it wasn't?
You've been away from
peroxide for weeks.
No dark roots.
So a girl couldn't fool you, huh?
Not more than once.
But that once was a good once.
I heard every word you said out there.
Why didn't you open your eyes?
Because it sounded better
when I couldn't see you.
Making love always
sounds better in the dark.
Is that what I was doing?
Sure.
Didn't you know it?
No lying, no fancy language.
I don't use fancy language
when I'm balling somebody out.
Or when you're spilling
water down a girl's neck.
Oh, you big, clumsy cluck.
Now I know why you came to Indochina.
You had me worried.
Well, let me in on the secret.
I won't tell a soul.
You wouldn't know a
soul if it wore a halo.
I'll tell you why I came.
To count the 400 million Chinese.
Well, I suppose it was to find you.
Hey listen, I came here
to write news, not make it.
Stop squirming, Jonny. It's no use.
You're stuck with me just as
much as I'm stuck with you.
How much is that?
Well how far is up?
It's the works, Jonny.
You know something?
My nose itches.
Didn't that mean something
when I was a kid?
Hmm .. it still does.
When your nose itches, it means
you're going to kiss a fool.
Want to read this? Or do you trust me?
Get your face organised, honey.
Why don't you say something?
Well, maybe I shouldn't kick.
We found her.
I'd still rather have her safe than ..
Just have her.
What am I supposed to do now?
Hang around and catch her on the bounce?
Sure.
The higher she bounces the
easier she is to catch, huh?
You tell me, Jonny. You're the expert.
You always bounce them high, don't you.
You know that little bar on 51st Street?
The one with the saloon on one side
and the beer parlor on the other?
Yeah, I know the place.
- Good.
Meet me there sometime.
I don't get you.
Yeah, sure you do.
You had me right all along.
This is the bounce, Junior.
The high bounce.
What about Paula?
You were just kissing her
goodbye in there I suppose?
I always kiss goodbye. It's polite.
Not the way you did it.
Now I get it.
You finished the job you
started out to do, didn't you.
What job is that?
You fix it so I never
have a chance with her.
Old "follow-through" Davis.
Goodbye, Junior.
Wait a minute.
I got to kiss you goodbye.
And you forgot something else, Junior.
You forgot to say thanks.
For what?
The knife between my
first and second ribs?
For the information
I'm about to give you.
You and that babe in
there belong together.
Like mush and milk.
Yes, sir. She is the milk.
One hundred percent pure.
Suitable for young and old.
You are the mush, Junior.
Jonny.
It's no use, Jonny. It won't work.
If I needed any proof I got it
when I walked into that room.
What?
Oh, that. Say, listen, kid.
People kiss the Blarney Stone every day
but they don't remember it for long.
She'll remember you.
Until the next guy kisses her.
The right guy.
If you're smart, that will be you.
Listen kid, you've got just
what that babe is looking for.
The "forever" set up.
I know. If I'm wrong I've
wasted years of research.
You're leaving, Mr Davis?
- Yes, Chang.
Thanks for the use of the hall.
- What?
Never mind.
A gentleman is waiting for you.
He is no gentleman,
but I'm glad he's waiting.
Well, how do I look?
Pretty, for a white woman.
You now it is awful to want to
knock a man right on his ear and ..
Not have all the weapons to do it with.
He's gone.
Well .. is she coming back?
He said not.
Well, how do you like that.
How do you like it?
And I threw myself at him again.
Once more, he wasn't there to catch me.
Wouldn't you think I'd
get used to my bruises?
Now don't, honey.
He's a funny guy.
- Funny?
Sure, he's funny.
He kills people. Kills them dead.
Only he is sweet too.
No more harm in him than a cobra.
Look.
All that moisture will
wrinkle your suit.
You know.
A little while ago I was so excited
that I didn't have any mascara.
It's a good think I didn't, because
I would be an awful mess now.
Here.
I don't believe it.
I just don't believe that you can
belong to the same family as that ..
That ..
Yes, sir?
Champagne in a beer glass and
lace it with Irish whiskey please.
Yes, sir.
I'm really intrigued.
What do you call that dreadful mixture?
The scientists tell me
it's called an Irish Male.
Spelled M-A-L-E I presume?
It should be if it isn't.
It sounds rather potent.
No, not at all.
Light as a breath of spring.
Two quick ones and you
can hear the banshees wail.
Do you start drinking at noon every day?
- Of course not.
I start earlier on Saturdays.
- Why?
I'm thirstier on Saturdays.
Odd. I'm always thirstier on Sundays.
What day is this?
- Sunday, sir.
What'll you have?
I'd like to try one of those ..
Irish Males.
The lady will have an Irish Male.
Spelled M-A-I-L.
You're wasting your time, honey.
I'm down to my last twenty bucks.
Well In my country we
have an old saying.
Money isn't everything.
Your country?
When I'm home my address is Park Avenue.
10-1 it was Brooklyn first.
I haven't got it tattooed
on my any place have I?
Not in any place that shows.
- Then how did you peg me?
I'm a linguist.
If that means near-sighted
I'd go along with you.
You know, I've seen you
around here for a week.
But I'm darned if you've seen me.
I'm beginning to wonder why.
Simple. You never looked.
I'm looking now.
Like what you see?
Sure.
You're as pretty as a picture
in a fifty-cent magazine.
Then why the chill? I don't get it.
I don't either.
My other reflexes seem okay.
Look, if being broke is slowing you
down, I know where you can get a job.
Let me tell you something, babe.
For the first time in my life
I don't want to work either.
It must be the climate. Enervating.
Climate, my eye.
If you ask me, you carry a torch so
big they could use you for a lighthouse.
That's my nose you're looking at.
Listen, when a man like you goes on a
four-star bender and then can't unbend.
The reason usually wears a skirt.
Oh sure.
Probably some right
little tight little bluenose.
What do you say we get out of here?
Why not?
I'll take a whack at
blowing out that torch.
How did you like Manila?
- I'll let you know late.
In here, Miss.
But that is Mr Davis's room.
What a coincidence.
I knew a Mr Davis once.
Isn't this charming?
Now we can have some honeymoon bridge.
Oh?
Isn't the honeymoon over yet?
How long has he been
in never-never land?
Ever since he hit that bed.
I got all dressed up to watch him sleep.
Well, he looks intact.
He is.
My name is Paula Lane.
I'm glad to know you.
Right back at you, sister.
I'm Crystal McRegan.
And I ought to have my head examined.
I've wasted the best 8 hours of my life.
Getting him into this
helpless condition.
He's useless to man or beast.
I knew him once, so maybe
I can work out something.
Funny.
You don't look the way
I figured you at all.
You're no bluenose.
Well, so long.
I know when I'm outpointed.
But before I go just for the fun of it.
Let's see how it would have
been if we'd cut for him.
Okay, high card gets the pot.
A rum pot.
No, not rum.
Champagne and Irish whiskey.
A sweet light drink without authority.
He said.
Go ahead.
The Jack.
The King.
Well, I feel better.
Now that it's legal.
And say, if it's any comfort to you.
I didn't get anywhere with him.
Struck out with the bases loaded.
I told you I needed some sleep.
Did you call for room service?
You must be something that
came to me in a dream.
I am particular for what kind
of dreams I find myself in.
Where is Kirk?
He's coming on the next plane.
How about measuring you for a nice,
big, sizzling seltzer pick-me-up?
No, no. I couldn't stand the noise.
Then we'll do the next best thing.
Take off your clothes.
And get under the shower.
I would rather go on with that dream.
And I'd rather you wouldn't.
Now, how about that shower?
Or are you afraid of getting wet?
How are you and Kirk hitting it off?
On all twelve cylinders.
Now go and get yourself all dry
and then you can take me out ..
And get all wet again.
Take who out?
Take me out.
I'm sorry. I'm flat broke.
Oh, no you're not. I've got that salary
you forgot to pick up in Hanoi.
Put it on the mantelpiece.
You do ..
Want to take me out?
Don't you?
Oh sure. Sure.
How did you track me down anyway?
Stafford's bloodhounds found you.
He cabled Kirk he wasn't
sore about that Kirsten story.
That's nice of him.
Isn't it.
He asked Kirk to get
you back on the job.
He said to leave no stone unturned.
You can tell Papa you did fine with
all stones until you met Gibraltar.
That's me.
That's not why I'm
here in Manila, Jonny.
I don't care whether you
go back to work of not.
Honey, what are you trying to do,
work your way through college?
Kind of.
I just want to get you back on
your feet for the last round.
I want you in there, punching.
At what?
I don't like set-ups.
Don't you remember?
We've got a celebration coming to us.
One we've postponed a couple of times.
I'm glad to hear you and
Kirk are doing alright.
Uhuh.
Yeah, that's fine.
What recipe did he use?
Not fair asking a cake how it's made.
Some cakes should be thoroughly beaten.
I am so glad.
- For what?
We stopped.
It is time to go back
to the hotel isn't it?
What hotel?
- Your hotel.
I took a room right next to you.
Nice of me, huh?
No. Optimistic.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Yes?
I'm afraid you are the one
who is being optimistic.
Why don't you try some oil, Jonny?
Isn't that your speciality?
What's yours?
I know a good way to find out.
We must be thinking of the same one.
I wonder.
What I had in mind was you crawling.
Around the edge of the balcony.
Well, I was thinking of something
a little less athletic.
But just as daring.
Of course, if you are
afraid of falling ..
Don't worry.
I always land on my feet.
The first time I've had my hands on
bamboo since I gave up Mah-jong.
Really? What make it swell?
I got splinters under my fingernails.
You should wear gloves
when you play games.
I do.
And I know when to take them off.
And that's right now.
What goes with you and Kirk?
Same as ever.
He's the type of man that signs a
love letter "respectfully yours".
I didn't know he wrote them.
- He talks them.
He talks too much.
He doesn't even know how to kiss.
I suppose he is learning now?
Well. He practices enough.
Let me show you what happens.
You point at your mouth.
And then you aim at your ears.
Of course, it is kind of nice in a way.
Something like a puppy.
How would you want him to kiss you?
Like this.
Or this.
So the kid kisses like a puppy, huh?
Just be patient with him.
He'll be a full-grown dog.
It runs in the family.
I thought you would.
I thought I could make you
cross your own brother.
He's worth ten of you, a hundred of you.
How many?
- Two hundred.
You certainly look very
funny standing there.
Oh, funny huh?
Very funny.
But I can laugh ..
Because now I'm the one who can turn
around and walk away and not look back.
So long, Mr Davis.
Now I don't owe you a thing.
Paula.
No lights.
I don't trust you even with
them on, Jonny Davis.
Wrong Davis.
Kirk.
- Yeah.
And I said no lights.
I'm giving you a break.
You probably got cold cream
smeared over your puss anyway.
I don't get this at all.
Sorry to barge in. They let me
in Jonny's room. He wasn't in ..
You expect to find him here?
- Take it easy.
Hear that?
Sure. That's just the army.
They always fly around.
Yeah. Only this time
it is the wrong army.
Those plans have got the Rising
Sun painted all over their wings.
Read it and weep.
I was at The Chronicle office
downtown when this came in.
Japan just bombed Pearl Harbor.
[ Air-raid siren ]
[ Air-raid siren ]
Any more dope on Hawaii?
- None so far.
All I know is ..
Some of those little dickie-birds flew
in at breakfast time and laid some eggs.
Manila can expect some
of the same any minute.
Have you cabled The Chronicle?
- No. Censorship slapped on it.
I don't know how long
it is going to last.
I guess I won't have to alibi to
Stafford now for not finding Jonny.
I found him. But not for long.
Know where he went?
- No.
At the moment, I didn't care
as long as it was away.
You're a bad liar, honey.
You're still stuck on
him as much as ever.
More.
But I hate the sight of him too.
And Jonny?
How about him?
Oh, I don't know. Does anybody
ever really know about Jonny?
I'm for you and you're for
Jonny and he's for himself.
A nice design for going crazy.
Yeah, the mystic maze.
Six ways in and no way out.
[ Door knocks ]
Come in out of the night air,
Junior. It's bad for you.
Hello, Jonny.
- Give me a hand with this, will you.
You got the wrong room, Mr Davis.
How was Hanoi?
Fine. How are you?
Up to my neck in a war.
Where's your bags?
- In your room.
What are you doing?
- Packed? - Yes.
Good, Leave them that way. You go
to Australia with towhead here.
The boat leaves in an hour.
Listen, if I go to Australia ..
It will be because I can't stay away
from kangaroos another minute.
Right now, I can take
them or leave them.
You'll take them. Here is
what you'll wear on the boat.
I'm up to my neck in the war
too. I'm not running out on it.
You're not running out.
The Chronicle is pushing you.
Here's Stafford's cable.
- Who'll cover Manila?
I'll cover it like a dirty shirt.
- It took a war to get you back to work?
This beanie goes with that dress.
I wouldn't wear these together
if I were going anywhere.
Which I am not.
This will go with anything.
Before we don't leave I'd like to
tell you something about Paula.
I've heard it. Words and music.
I need to pack her,
if I do say so myself.
Listen Jonny Davis, you're not
going to get me out of Manila.
Not me, it's The Chronicle.
Orders, get it? Orders.
That goes for you too, Junior.
- I quit.
Nobody quits. Get your bags.
Okay, I'll get them.
You get dressed or I'll
dress you in the taxi.
Say, who does he think he is?
- He reminds me a little of Jonny Davis.
Pushing us around. Are you
going to let him get away with it?
I'm going to let him think he is.
Never argue with Jonny.
Just listen to him while
he plays Mister Big.
And even let him believe
that you agree with him.
And.
Figure it out for yourself.
I think you got something there, Junior.
Well, how do you think I'll
look in a Red Cross uniform?
They guys aren't going to
mind getting shot to find out.
One of them might be me.
I'm going to join the army.
I hope Manila is still
there when we get back.
We'll be standing on that
wharf in half an hour.
I hope the trip back in the Pilot Boat
won't be too rough on you.
Not nearly as rough as
fighting it out with Jonny.
Well.
Here you are. Sun Valley.
Thanks Slim. I'll send right
home and get my skis.
Don't forget to strain the tadpoles out
of that water before you drink it.
Me drink water?
That stuff ain't even fit
to wash my feet in.
Snap into it, Bill.
Looks like a direct hit.
Yeah, Right on the ridge.
Must have aimed at the cross.
Field Hospital Number 3, huh?
It was.
How many got out?
- None.
Tie that wire off over there.
A nice little human interest
story for the folks back home.
Make sure they get it.
What paper you with?
New York Chronicle.
I've heard of it. This is that
war it said we couldn't have.
Oh well, things are different now.
Pearl Harbor jumped Stafford and The
Chronicle right on the bandwagon.
Of course I don't know what will happen
when the wagon hits the first bumps.
All set, sir.
Then get going, boys. Good luck.
Got it right here, sir.
Let's go.
Where to?
They'll tell you when they get back.
- From where?
Hey.
How about riding with you fellahs?
- No riders.
Don't tell me you want
us to carry you too?
Why, on the contrary. Here, allow me.
You bet. You bet we'll allow you.
That's dynamite. Don't stub your toe.
What makes you think
I didn't stub it already?
The army sure travels on its stomach.
Good work, Porto.
- Thank you, sir.
Give him a hand, boys.
Not a minute too soon.
My name is Davis, Lieutenant.
Correspondent.
I hitch-hiked a ride with the boys.
- Oh.
Quite a landing party.
A correspondent, eh?
That's fine.
We can duck your words.
Can you duck our bullets?
I can try.
Davis, huh?
Ain't one Davis around here enough?
Dish out the dynamite, Freddy.
Get the men busy on the cookies.
Yeah, we sure want the right
refreshments for our party.
We don't want the boys to go hungry.
You're a dead ringer for my brother.
Only he is in Australia.
How do you know?
I put him on a boat.
You should have stuck around.
He got off.
Anybody else get off with him?
Yeah. An unidentified blond.
Where is she?
- Back there.
Back where?
A place called Sun Valley.
Oh yeah. I know. I was there.
What is she doing?
Probably holding
some lucky stiff's hand.
She joined the Red Cross.
Field Hospital Number 3?
That's right. Field Hospital Number 3.
How come you didn't see her?
I don't know.
I guess I ..
Just missed her.
You missed me a couple of times too.
The "forever" set-up. That will get her.
That's what you said.
Why hold that against me?
I handed you a golden
blond on a silver platter.
Don't you know you can't
give people to each other?
You can't move them
around like checkers.
I never got within ten yards of her.
Alright. Let's park it.
Some things you can't park.
Take Paula, for instance.
The thing for you to do is to take
what you can while you can.
Alright. I said let's park it.
For the duration.
Alright, come on, come on.
Help yourselves. Keep them going.
Keep making them.
Alright, make with the cookies.
You too, golden words.
Ever see these things before?
Yes, sure. Casey's cookies.
I gave them a column last week.
Two parts hollow bamboo.
One part dynamite.
Garnished with a percussion cap.
Drop among buttered Japs
and it mixes them thoroughly.
The dirty little sons of .. heaven.
Alright, men.
We can take our pick, boys.
We can shoot the enemy out
of the water before he lands.
Or let him land, try to wipe him out and
capture that beautiful equipment he has.
Let him land.
Sure. I hear they carry chocolate bars.
It is hardly necessary to add.
We are outnumbered.
- Ain't we always?
It is getting positively boring.
We'll make them yell uncle.
Here is the way I see it.
I want two men, carrying cookies.
To climb down the cliff and blast the
Japs as they concentrate on the beach.
They'll make for that canyon down there.
It is the only way to get
to or from the beach.
They'll make for it.
But they won't get there.
Because the rest of us will be at the
mouth of the canyon waiting for them.
Who has to toss the cookies?
Not you Purdy. I've seen you pitch.
You Porto for one.
Yes, sir.
How about me, Lieutenant?
I used to throw a javelin
for Brooklyn High.
Alright. You, Davis.
Yes, sir.
The rest of you will
follow me to the canyon.
With the exception
of the visiting fireman.
And you Purdy, who
will stay in the foxhole.
Why me? Ain't this a democracy?
It is.
You and your machine gun are going to
shield the 2 democrats with the cookies.
Well, Mama and me
will be in there spitting.
Fix bayonets.
Porto. Davis.
Wait five minutes and then start.
7:53?
Right.
Just in case you boys need
something to get you in the mood.
Sam brought some news back.
The Nippos bombed Field
Hospital Number 3 last night.
All hands lost.
Come on, democrats.
And don't forget to
spell our names right.
Follow me.
Did you know about Number 3, Jonny?
Sure. I heard it.
I let her get off that boat.
I even put the idea in her head.
My fault.
Why didn't you tell me, Jonny?
I don't put anything in the paper until
I hear it twice and see it three times.
Here we go, pal.
Alright, Sam.
You didn't tell me because
you wanted to give me break.
I just don't believe it. That's all.
I can take it, Jonny.
Just like anybody else.
I guess people can take
a lot when they have to.
You said something once.
It makes a lot of sense to me now.
You said history wouldn't let a
man stay in bed with his hat on.
You were right.
See you later, Senior.
Don't let Mr Moto think
too fast out there, kid.
Those kids are sure getting
dry behind the ears.
It must be this tropical sun.
- Yeah.
You'll get a better look from
down there, golden words.
Take good care of Mama.
- Uhuh.
There goes the first cookie.
The last thing they said to me was
don't forget to spell the names right.
I got them straight and I want
you to get them straight too.
Because here is some
of the things they did.
Take Sam Porto.
Sam was a dentist from Manila.
Painless to everybody but the Japs.
He was a little guy with a great
big grin and a heart to match.
A party of Nippos were taking cover in
a cave 100 feet below him on the beach.
The only way Sam could get at them was
to blow the ground from under himself.
He must have known as he threw that last
dynamite stick that he was going to die.
But he threw it all the same.
That was Sam Porto and
don't forget the name.
Take Kirk Davis, ex-war correspondent.
He was halfway down a cliff stood on a
ledge not wide enough for his number 9s.
He made a target that would
gladden the heart of a Jap gunner ..
But he was in a position to do plenty
of damage if they didn't see him first.
The Japs were setting up
house in another cave ..
Where they could rake the
beach with machine gun fire.
Lieutenant Halls led his
men out of the canyon.
Don't forget the name.
Lieutenant Wade Halls West Point 1937.
By now the Japs had got the ticker going
and a Filipino scout, Manuel Ortega ..
Don't forget that name,
copped a full burst.
Soldier Davis couldn't reach that gun.
But he could reach that big
rock balanced above it.
He did Brooklyn High
proud with that throw.
As a javelin thrower he stepped
right into the limelight.
But the limelight doesn't pay off
when the other guy has got a gun.
A Jap plane came out of nowhere.
And turned soldier Davis into a gold
star on his High School service flag.
That was Kirk Davis.
Don't forget the name.
Don't forget Sergeant Tom Purdy who used
to bend a gas hose in Butte Montana.
That same Jap plane dived on the foxhole
and shot the legs out from under Mama.
"Mama" was what he
called his machine gun.
I almost feel the Montana democrat would
rather have stopped the bullets himself.
He was as sore as a boiled owl.
Lieutenant Halls was coming on
again but so was the Jap plane.
Halls got one through the leg
and he hit the sand face down.
Sergeant Purdy picked up his busted Mama
and mounted it against his own body.
Kicking like forty mules straight away.
That Jap flyer went hunting his
ancestors in the Bataan jungle.
But there wasn't much
left of Sergeant Purdy.
He only lived long enough to know
that he and Mama had done their job.
Sergeant Tom Purdy.
Don't forget the name.
Halls still had one good leg and a
dozen hard guys alongside him.
He couldn't walk. He could hop.
But he couldn't talk. He could point.
Thanks to Porto and Davis
the Japs were out in the open.
Thanks to Tom Purdy, all they had to
worry about now was being outnumbered.
Those hard guys charged and
that little scuffle was over.
Not so fast, Mr Davis.
- I'm sorry, kid.
The little scuffle was
over and it was won.
And it wasn't just a win.
It proved something bigger.
I'll catch up with
you later, Lieutenant.
Brown men and white men
fought and died together.
When they bled, their
blood was the same color.
And don't forget the names.
Lieutenant Wade Halls,
Sergeant Tom Purdy.
Privates Manuel Ortega,
Sam Porto and Kirk Davis.
They lost their lives.
No that's wrong. They didn't
lose them, they gave them up.
And I ask you not to forget the names.
Jonny.
I heard you just now, Jonny.
Kirk?
Stop snivelling, towhead.
You don't cry for heroes.
Say, where do you keep
your rabbit's foot?
I heard everybody in
Hospital Number 3 got it.
On one of the breaks.
I was coming back with some ..
Food and clothes and ..
Is this all, Mr Davis?
Shall I mark it ready?
No. More to come. But you'd better
get moving with what you've got.
The radio can't last much longer.
- Yes, sir.
Put in a fresh sheet, honey.
We'll write it together.
We won that little fight
with the cookies.
Now, we won't be winning any more that
you hear about on the Bataan peninsula.
The big push is on.
They're throwing the book at us.
0rders have come to evacuate.
Tomorrow morning the
headlines will read:
"BATAAN FALLS!"
The headlines will be wrong though.
Because Bataan has not fallen. It has
stood for 94 days and it still stands.
The best delaying action of the war was
fought in an area the size of a county.
300,000 Japanese were
tied in knots long enough.
For the USA to get its Sunday
clothes off and go to work.
Hold it, Jonny.
Okay.
If a handful of Americans
and Filipinos can do all that.
Living off rice and mule-meat,
fighting with bricks, bats and bolas.
Then Bataan still stands.
The battle of Bataan was lost. By Japan.
In case the Japanese
don't realize that ..
I've a message for them from the
men dead and living, of Bataan.
More to come.
That is a newspaper term and it
means the story isn't finished.
And the punch line has
not been written yet.
Remember that, Tokyo.
More to come.
(Ro-S)