Gosh. It kinda gets ya,
doesn't it?
Yeah.
We better hurry. We don't wanna be late for
our appointment. Hope they're expecting us.
Oh, they are...
this time.
[ Man ] all right, gentlemen,
we've all had our say,
And we all agree
on this one vital point:
We are clamping a
tight security lid on...
...professor Brainard's
tremendous contribution.
- There's just one little thought, sir...
- It's not that we're edgy,
But we've all been through the
missile lag and the space gap.
We just don't want a "flubber
foul-Up" on our hands.
The country's needs come
first, sir, but if...
...I could have just a
little money right now...
oh, you'll be
recompensed.
Goodness knows, the armed
services are never chintzy.
Now what we do, we beard the
appropriations boys in congress.
Matter of fact, Im putting two of my
bravest financial officers on the mission.
The money isn't for me. Our college
is in financial trouble, and...
and you're turning
everything over to them.
Professor, you are a fine, unselfish
man. It's a privilege to know you.
But just relax. No sweat. The
money is as good as in your hands.
Rendezvous: 1400 hours, at area
12, sir. The car is waiting.
Gentlemen, we've had
a change of signals.
Schedule four is going in.
Time and area as briefed.
Well, professor, I don't think we
need to take up any more of your time.
We'll explore the entire
situation, pro and con,
Set a figure and then lay
out our grand strategy.
And then, one fine morning, we'll
hit the beach on capitol hill.
Those money watchers will
go down like nine pins.
But isn't that all
going to take time?
Certainly. We have to stockpile
statistics, build up pressure,
Deploy our firepower so we
hit them from all directions.
After all, we don't fight
congress with cap pistols, do we?
Well, no, I don't suppose we do. Don't
let those double-Breasted suits fool you.
Those boys are tough. Well, the thing
is, we don't need all the money now.
Professor, I don't think you realize
how important this discovery of yours is.
It's big. We've gotta handle
it big. Everything about it.
If you settle for chicken feed now, it's
going to be a chicken-Feed operation.
Everyone is going to lose
face. Everything is...
...going to fall apart
all the way down the line,
And the free world
loses another battle.
Is that what you want?
No, I wouldn't want that, sir.
All right. Remember, you're in Washington.
Stop trying to be reasonable about money...
or you're going to bollix up
the whole thing.
Well, I wouldn't wanna do that. Good.
Gentlemen, it is now 1340
hours. Let's move out.
You'd think those people
at the pentagon...
could at least have given us a
couple of $100,000 out of petty cash.
What's gonna happen? Everybody expects
us to come home loaded with loot. Yeah.
Ducks at 12:00, sir.
Oh, roger.
[ Quacking ]
I can just see Alonzo Hawk
licking his chops right now.
He's been dying for a chance to
move in and tear the school down.
I'm sorry, biff. Sometimes
I forget he's your father.
I gotta face it. Pop's the biggest loan
shark in the state, and he's proud of it.
Let's just say your father is
a very shrewd businessman.
Shrewd? The only time my pop ever got
the worst of a bargain was when he got me.
I just didn't turn out
the way he wanted me to at all.
I don't know what we're gonna tell the
board of regents... and president Daggett.
This is going
to break his heart.
[ Quacking ]
[ Quacking ]
[ Honks horn ]
Our new hall of science. Isn't
it magnificent, gentlemen?
And all this is possible
thanks to professor Brainard.
Medfield college has,
I believe the saying goes,
"Finally come
into the chips. "
Why don't you just
change the name of the...
...place to Brainard college
and have done with it?
A splendid idea, Mr. Hawk,
Though I realize it was offered
in a spirit of irony.
I discussed the matter
with professor Brainard.
With characteristic modesty,
he wouldn't hear of it.
However, he did consent to let us call
our new science building "flubber hall. "
Now, to implement our physical acquisitions,
we must search for gifted young instructors.
You mean more
Ned Brainards?
We'll be up to our hips in crackpots.
This town won't be safe to live in.
I'm afraid we don't agree with you,
Mr. Hawk. Do we, gentlemen? [ All ] no.
Aren't you all getting
a little high and mighty?
When you couldn't meet my loan, you
danced pretty lively when I talked.
Fortunately, a form of Terpsichore
we no longer have to endure, Mr. Hawk.
Professor Brainard is here. Oh,
splendid. Ask him to come in, please.
Gentlemen, would you be
good enough to rise?
When professor Brainard
comes in that door...
...Medfield college will
embark upon its golden age.
[ Clapping ]
Thank you, gentlemen, but I wish you
wouldn't do that. I mean you really shouldn't.
Nonsense, professor Brainard. Just a spontaneous
little tribute of our personal esteem.
I mean you, uh...
well, you really shouldn't.
Nothing wrong, I trust? Well,
not exactly. It's just...
well, things aren't quite
as simple as I hoped they'd be.
They gave you the ol' dipsy-Doodle,
huh? They really sandbagged you.
They hung your hide up
on the barn door to dry.
Professor Brainard, am I to assume
that something has gone amiss?
Well...
But I thought they were delighted
with your discovery. Oh, they are.
It's just that... well, it's
a little hard to explain.
May I?
Allow me to boil it down
for you gentlemen,
And you be sure to tell me
if I get it straight?
Number one, the boys in Washington
latched on to your little discovery,
So you can't sell it
anywhere else.
Number two, they're not about to give you
any money until they, uh, think it over.
Number three,
meantime, you've got no money.
How am I doin'?
Number four, somebody better lay
350,000 clams on the barrelhead...
first of the month
by 9:00 a. M...
to pay off the short-Term loan
made to this college...
by the auld lang syne
insurance and loan company,
Or else exactly at 9:03
a fleet of bulldozers...
owned by the auld lang syne
demolition and wrecking company...
will start rolling through
those hallowed gates...
and start flattening
these ivy-Covered walls...
in all directions.
Period!
End of story.
Very sad.
But, uh,
Personally,
Im crazy about it.
I can't believe you'd do a thing
like that, Mr. Hawk. Oh, you can't?
Well, boys, it looks like
Im calling the tune again.
Anybody care to dance?
I know how badly you must feel, president
Daggett, but things aren't as bad as they seem.
I have this exciting new project
Im working on... excuse me.
Mr. Hawk, I know we all want to give
full attention to your point of view.
I'm sure we can resolve any minor differences
that happen to exist at the moment.
Wanna bet?
[ Daggett ] Mr. Hawk, we know the welfare of
Medfield college is very close to your heart.
As a civic leader...
pearls!
Oh, I just love pearls.
How did you know?
I make it my business
to know, Mrs. Brainard.
And now, little something
to keep the chill off. Oh!
Oh, you mustn't.
Y- You really mustn't.
Oh!
Well, you don't think it's a
little bit too fussy, do you?
Like you've been wearing it
all your life, Mrs. Brainard.
To the manor born.
And here, the finishing touch.
[ Gasps ]
oh, how chic!
I knew you'd like them, Mrs.
Brainard. You look like a queen.
A regular queen. An empress. A goddess.
I do, don't I?
This, as you can see, is a check for one million
dollars made out to the professor and yourself.
One million dollars! Oh,
but, Mr. Hurley, whatever for?
For a kind word, Mrs. Brainard.
Only a kind word.
You know, in a business deal, the
right word from the little woman...
I'm a great believer in the
power of a woman. How true.
You really got something
there, Mr. Hurley.
Well, I don't know what Neds
going to say about all this.
For a space-Age scientist,
he's a little bit old-Fa...
- oh, yoo-Hoo, Ned.
Guess who? - Betsy!
Professor Brainard, my name is Hurley. I've
spoken to you on the phone, from new York.
What Id like to do... yes, Mr. Hurley. Betsy,
what is all this, the dogs and that coat?
We can't afford that. Now why don't
we let the little lady enjoy herself?
But the p... professor, Id like
to talk some business with you.
I hope you won't think Im
presumptuous going ahead like this.
Mr. Hurley is a live wire. He likes to
act while other people are still talking.
Just a minute. Who are all
these people around here?
All part of your company:
flubber enterprises.
"Flubber enterprises"? Just a cozy little
company we're putting together, you and I,
To make things
out of flubber.
Professor, when you invented this stuff,
I don't think you dreamed what you had.
It'll touch the lives of every
man, woman and child in the world.
Just like Edison
and the electric light.
Now wait, I... I hardly consider myself
in the same class with Mr. Edison.
Don't be so modest, professor. That's
your trouble. That's where I come in.
Now Ive worked up a few product
sells here just to give you an idea:
...when you brush your
teeth with flubberdent.
And now Ive had our agency boys work up a little
TV campaign... show people what flubber can do.
- Hit them where they live.
- They'll wonder how they got along without it.
Now I don't want you to get the feeling
that we're rushing you. But the thing is...
Howie, roll the film.
Guess what this is.
A million dollars!
Quiet, professor.
But, Betsy...
[ fanfare ]
Hi there.
Rex Williams here.
You know, my friends, down
through the corridors of time,
As mankind has emerged
from the dark ages,
Toiling, ever striving upward,
there have been turning points,
Inspirational milestones, and we
remember the great names of science.
Newton...
and the law of gravity.
Watt...
and the steam engine.
[ Steam whistle
blowing ]
Edison...
and the electric light.
And, my friends,
Brainard... and flubber.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen,
"flubber. "
For it was not too long ago,
in a small american city,
That the discovery of flubber
burst upon a waiting world.
That was the beginning.
From those first crude
basketball shoes came more shoes,
Shoes for people
in every walk of life.
But it was not
to stop there.
True, now man had lifted himself
up by his own boot straps.
He could walk with his head
above the crowd.
But this was only
the springboard,
Not only to a vast
new line of products,
But to a happier,
safer way of life.
[ Announcer ] friends,
is your home a booby trap...
just waiting to snare you
the moment you set foot in it?
I'm home, dear.
[ Yells ]
[ Gasps ]
Is your kitchen a savage jungle
teeming with perils and pitfalls?
Dear, where's
the first-Aid k-I-It!
Stop clowning, George.
You'll frighten the b-A-A-By!
In short, is your family
accident prone?
Then, friends, the time has come
to "flubberize" your home.
Transform it from a booby trap
into a love nest.
Make it safe for you
and your loved ones.
Yes, flubberize your home with
hazard-Free flubberoleum floors.
"Flubberoleum," in 16
beautiful decorator colors.
The foamiest, friendliest floor
that ever fondled your family's feet.
I'm home, darling.
Hi.
- Darling!
- Sweetheart!
dum dum de dum dum
dum dum de dum
- Oh!
- I got him! Whee!
[ Laughing ]
[ Cooing ]
Yes, folks,
you'd coo too...
if you belonged
to this happy flubber family,
The family
who can say proudly...
they live in the house
with the flubberoleum floors.
[ Baby talk, laughing ]
That's just the start. There are hundreds
of products we haven't even thought of yet.
I'm very impressed, but... fine, fine. Now
if you'll just sign this letter of agreement.
That million-Dollar check is
the evidence of our good faith.
Well, there's just one little
hitch: I have a prior commitment.
A prior commitment?
With who?
The government.
Our government?
That's right.
You just said the magic word. All right,
boys, pack up the gear. The party's over.
I can't tell you how badly I feel, Mr.
Hurley. I do have another idea you might be...
- Forget it.
- You've hurt Mr. Hurley very deeply.
Oh! Oh! He is terribly
disappointed in you, sir.
Oh! Now just a minute. This is
my dress. Oh! I beg your pardon.
If you'd just let me show you some
of the plans I have in my lab...
Mrs. Brainard, the
check, please. Oh, please.
- Do I have to give this back?
- If you don't mind.
- No.
- Betsy, give Mr. Hurley back his check.
I won't!
Betsy! This isn't like you.
Now give him his check.
No! Betsy, give me that check.
Betsy.
Give it to me.
Thank you.
Oh, Im sorry, dear.
I just lost my head
for a moment.
But when you've been fighting
with the grocer all month...
and you find a million
dollars in your hand...
I suppose this half
isn't any good?
Ohh, very nice. Beautiful quality. Yeah.
Professor Brainard?
Yes?
- How do you do? My name is Harker. I'm from Washington.
- From Washington?
- Well, am I glad to see you. Come right in.
- Thank you.
Darling, wonderful news. This is Mr.
Harker. He's here from Washington already.
How perfectly marvelous.
How do you do?
How do you do? It's very nice
to know you, Mrs. Brainard.
May I take your hat and coat,
Mr. Harker? Oh. Thank you.
You and your discovery have certainly created
quite a stir down in our nation's capital.
And you've come about the
payments, huh? You betcha.
You're quite a prize, you know. The boys in
my department drew straws to see who'd get ya.
I'm happy to say I won.
Well, thank you.
Now the thing is, Mr. Harker, we want most
of this money to go to Medfield college.
Oh, but first, of course, we'd like to
pinch off just a tiny bit for ourselves.
Just enough to take care of the household
bills that've been stacking up for months.
All right, dear?
Whatever you say, darling.
I'm afraid you folks
don't understand.
I'm from
the internal revenue service.
Well, if there's one thing we could
use around here, it's a little revenue.
Yes, we certainly...
[ both ]
internal revenue?
Your tax bill for the first three
quarters of the current year.
The figure includes delinquent
penalties of $12,895 at five percent...
For the first two quarters... all based on
an estimate of projected earnings, of course.
$656,000?
[ Stammers ] oh, I realize
that the estimate is low...
considering the staggering
potential of flubber,
But uncle Sam is willing to be understanding
until you get your financial house in order.
But, Mr. Harker,
we don't have 656 cents.
You don't say?
Let me explain, Mr. Harker. You see, I turned my
discovery over to those people at the pentagon.
Now they put a top-Secret
classification on it.
I- I'm not even supposed
to talk to anybody about it.
Yes. I know those boys
at the pentagon.
I used to review some of the general's
personal tax returns. A million laughs.
- [ Chuckling ] well, then you do understand.
- Certainly.
- [ Buzzer ]
- Excuse me.
Now if you'll just give me a check for
the amount on this paper here, please.
But how can I pay you
if nobody pays me?
Well, I regret to say,
professor, that's your problem.
But... look at it
from our standpoint.
We've been counting on you.
We trusted you.
Uncle Sam needs the money.
You don't build those rockets to
the moon with green stamps, you know.
Excuse me, dear. Joey's here
to collect for the paper.
Do you have half a
dollar? I don't think so.
You estimated your income for the
current year at a million dollars.
Is this true? Well, that was
just a wild guess, Mr. Harker.
We thought the money was going to come
rolling in from all directions... millions.
We wouldn't be able to count
it all. There's ten cents.
There's another dime. That's twenty.
We'll have to owe him the rest.
He wants his money.
But you did make this estimate based on this
tidal wave of money that you speak about.
That's right. There's another
dime. That's all Ive got.
There's not another cent
in the whole house.
You see, essentially, professor,
we have a trusting nature.
When a taxpayer makes an estimate,
we believe 'im. We're happy for 'im.
We're rooting for 'im
all the way.
Well, that's very kind of you,
Mr. Harker.
Oh, Ned, I cleaned all
the loose change out of there.
Oh. Well, we should
have company over more often.
Uncle Sam has to run his store on
current income just like everyone else.
When the money he's counting on
doesn't come in, he's very sad.
Now in this case, the sadness is represented
by a delinquent penalty of $12,895.
I found another dime.
We're still a dime light.
Then Ill just have to go and
talk to him. Uh, professor.
[ Clears throat ]
may I?
Thank you, Mr. Harker.
Thank you.
Now,
In addition
to the six percent penalty,
In the case of willful failure to pay your
estimated tax, there's a $10,000 fine...
or imprisonment...
Thank you, Mrs. Brainard.
I'll give you your receipt.
Professor... what is, uh,
the little lad's name?
Uh, joey Marriano.
And how many customers would
you say he has on his route?
Oh, Id say around 30.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. What are you doing with
that information about little joey?
Uh, just a reminder to myself to put a spot-Check
on the lad. A small thing, you might say,
But you'd be surprised how much
unreported income turns up this way.
But joey's only
seven years old.
You wouldn't take
money from a child.
[ Laughing ]
You know, professor, your wife
has a refreshing sense of humor.
We don't run into it often in our
line of work, and that's a fact.
You ought to be ashamed.
Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah.
Sticks and stones, etc.
We do our part to keep the
wheels of democracy rolling.
Warriors unsung,
unknown, misunderstood.
If need be, I imagine you'd put
your own mother in jail.
Funny you should mention that
about mom.
A little matter of some unreported
income from jams and jellies.
We nailed her
dead to rights.
Well, I won't bore you
with shop talk.
Uh, one last little
parting thought, professor.
Should uncle Sam really want
to throw the book at you,
We have some lovely punitive
laws under section 7203,
And section 6653, paragraph b,
is a real jim-Dandy.
Good day, sir, and a pleasant
day to you, Mrs. Brainard.
Oh, Ned.
I forgot to kiss you
when I came home.
I missed you.
I missed you too.
You know all I could think about
while I was there in Washington?
What? I just couldn't help
feeling sorry for all those people.
They have their problems, too, you
know. Now you take that income tax man.
Ned Brainard, don't you dare, dare
try to straighten out the government.
We have our own troubles
right here. But, sweetheart,
I was only thinking about
the welfare of our country.
Well, this is part
of the country, isn't it?
Th-This house is on united
states territory. We're citizens.
Now look, I don't want to appear selfish,
but just once, can't we think about ourselves?
Betsy, I don't blame you for feeling
the way you do, but please believe me:
Everything's going to work
out all right. But, Ned...
Now sit down, and hold your breath. I have
something of great importance to tell you.
Oh? I wasn't going to tell you
till I had it completely worked out,
But if I keep it to myself
any longer, Im going to bust.
Betsy, this is going
to bowl you over.
I think Ive managed
to get hold of the weather.
What does that mean,
you "got hold of the weather"?
What it means, Mrs. Brainard, is
that flubber was only the key...
that unlocked a great
storehouse of cosmic forces.
Out in that humble garage, from the
residue of flubber, I found a gas.
I call it "flubber gas," and I have reason
to believe that with this flubber gas,
I can activate a change in the
molecular balance of the atmosphere.
It could even trigger off the energies which
give us rain, snow, sleet, electrical storms,
Blue skies, sunshine,
whatever, wherever we choose.
Do you realize what that would mean, Betsy?
It would mean that, for the first time,
Weather would become the slave
of man, rather than his master.
It could change the future of the whole
world, the history of mankind itself.
That's very nice, dear. Very nice?
Betsy, this is the greatest...
Ned, why do you always have to
do something so world-Shattering?
Can't it be something modest that would
bring just a few dollars into this house?
Like goop that would keep
fingernails from breaking?
Or trash can lids that would
actually fit the top of trash cans!
Trash cans? Or some little machine...
that pays the grocer and the dry
cleaner at the end of every month.
I'd say I could use a little
machine like that right now!
Betsy, please be serious. Do you realize
what a wonderful age we are living in today?
Anything can happen.
Anything!
Forty years ago... even thirty years ago...
if I said Id found a way to control weather,
No one would've listened, but
today, do you know what they'd say?
I know what I would say:
I'd say I think the first impression
that I ever had of you was right.
What was that?
I thought you were nuts!
Look. We've got this big football game
with Rutland next saturday, right? Right.
And they're practically
national champs, right? Right.
Suppose we beat Rutland on saturday. Even
my own father couldn't close a college...
that had just clobbered the
national champs, could he?
Ah, biff,
how can we beat Rutland?
Our team is hardly strong enough to
get itself dressed in the morning.
What do you think the suit is
for? Science in action, boy.
I haven't been hangin' around professor
Brainard all semester just for kicks, you know.
What's this thing supposed to do? Knute
Rockne put new ideas into football.
Pop warner put new ideas
into football.
And now, Alonzo Hawk, Jr.
Is gonna do his part.
How does that feel?
Hi, biff.
Hi, prof. Good. You've got the
flubber gas all hooked up, huh?
Just like you asked me to, sir.
Oh, by the way, professor,
I'd like you to meet my
assistant. This is Humphrey hacker.
Oh. Glad to know ya,
Humphrey.
Hi there. He wants
to become a scientist.
Oh, not exactly. What Im really
interested in is animal husbandry.
Oh, humph, I wouldn't let you throw
away your life on a bunch of cows.
Sir, science needs brilliant young minds
like Humphrey. Besides, I needed a volunteer.
Volunteer? For what?
Sir, I hope you won't mind, but Id like
very much to borrow a little flubber gas.
- You see, we've got this football suit here...
- Oh, so that's what it is.
Yes, sir. Humphrey,
come on. Demonstrate.
When we get the flubber gas, it
would come through feed tube "a"...
and inflate
shoulder pad "b. "
Then it would come through
feed tube "c"...
and inflate shoulder pad "d," and
then the leg pads, and so forth.
There's only thing, biff. Flubber gas is
extremely violent, exceptionally powerful.
I don't know how much protection
those pads are going to give you.
Protection, sir? Oh, we're
not thinking about protection.
We're thinking about
offensive power!
Well, look. Just imagine, sir. The
teams line up. The ball is snapped.
I take the ball, and I slam
it into Humphreys stomach.
Bam!
Oof!
Now a whole wave of those big Rutland
gorillas comes pouring in to smash him.
Fearlessly, Humphrey lowers his head. He
charges right into 'em. The flubber gas reacts...
zam! Wham! Kersplunch! Rutland linemen
fall like ten pins in every direction!
Humphrey staggers, but he keeps running. The
Rutland secondary comes in just to smash him!
Boom! Pow!
Pow!
Like water off a
duck's back they bounce.
Humphrey staggers, but he keeps
on running, and he's to the 30.
He's to the 20, the 10! He's over
for a touchdown! Fans are going wild!
Yea, Humphrey! Yea, Medfield! Yea! Yea!
Whaddya think, sir?
Well, if first impressions mean anything,
I, uh... I think you're slightly nuts.
Sir?
I'm sorry, biff.
I was thinking of something someone
very near and dear just said to me.
Don't let me discourage you.
You go right ahead.
Oh, thank you, sir. We'll go
on a crash program right now.
Pick it up. We're gonna eat and sleep this
thing 24 hours a day till we get it whipped.
Let me know if I can
help you. Thank you, sir.
Meantime, Im on a little trash
can... I mean, crash program of my own.
Project weather gun.
Well, here goes.
First, we connect the circuit
with the weather gun.
And we fill the circuit
with flubber gas.
[ Hissing ]
Then we activate the pump...
so the gas flows through
the gun at constant pressure.
Now the flubber gas is violent,
but we need even more violence,
So we stimulate it
electronically.
Yeah.
Now let's see
what we've got.
Hmm. Now let's see.
You know, biff, this stuff is labeled
"dangerous. " Oh, now, humph boy.
Look, would I get you into a situation
unless I knew exactly what I was doing?
Yeah.
That should do it.
That should do it.
[ Laughing ] Ive never
seen them so worked up.
When I bombard a cloud with a beam like
this, it just has to lead to clustering...
in turn, leading to a transfer
of particle momentum...
And the inevitable consequence:
precipitation... rain all over the place.
Now for a cloud.
Not a cloud in the sky.
Not one single cloud.
Wouldn't ya know it?
Well, what have we here?
Range: about 30 feet.
Switch on.
Ready. Aim.
Fire.
[ Thundering ]
It works!
Charlie Brainard!
Betsy. Betsy.
I did it! I did it!
You did? That's right, sweetheart,
and that's only the beginning.
The next time, Im going
to flood the whole county.
It's a result of my fooling around with
the molecular configuration of flubber gas.
I'll get a mop and clean
it up. Oh, never mind.
Ned, Ive had enough
for one day.
All I ask of you is to get dressed for
dinner. Company will be here at 7:00.
Whatever you say, dear.
[ Chuckles ]
though april showers may come
your way they bring the flowers...
Well, who's going to be here for
dinner, Betsy? Didn't I tell you, dear?
No, I don't think you did.
Who's going to be here?
Now, I don't want you to be upset.
Betsy, who's coming to dinner?
If there's one thing Im certain
you're not, it's narrow-Minded. Betsy,
I would like to know
who's coming to dinner.
It isn't as though he were
coming all by himself.
Besides, he was such a good sport about
our getting married. You don't mean...
I don't see one single reason
why we can't all be good friends.
We're adults, you know, not children.
You don't for one single minute mean...
that dear, sweet, kind,
thoughtful...
double-Crossing, miserable,
four-Flushing snake...
[ both ]
Shelby Ashton!
Betsy, I think you'll agree
that Im a very patient man,
But old flame or not, if that no-Good rat
sets one grubby paw inside this house, Ill...
Ned, if you raise one hand...
[ door buzzer ]
I'll get it.
Nuzzie! Oh.
Evening, professor. Hello, Betsy
dear. It's wonderful to... who is that?
As soon as they unglue themselves, Id
like you to meet an old friend of Neds:
- Desiree de la Roche.
- Now wait a minute. I don't know any...
holy cats!
It's Mary Lee Spooner!
Of course it is, nuzzie
darling. I'll be darned.
I knew you were vague, lover, but I didn't
think you were that vague. I'll be doggone.
- Betsy, do you know who this is?
- No, "nuzzie. " Who is it?
It's Mary lee Spooner.
You said that before. Somehow or
another, I didn't get much out of it.
You must've heard me
talk about her.
Mary lee and I used to go together, didn't
we? It was long before I met you, Betsy.
By gosh, Mary lee, you've changed. What's
all this desiree de la whatever it is?
Well, Ive been married here
and there, and, uh,
I picked up a name or two
since I left Medfield.
And Ive just been living in
Paris all this time. In Paris?
Didn't you know that? I didn't know
that. I wondered what happened to ya.
Gosh, we used to have the times,
didn't we, Mary lee?
Betsy, there was one time
when Mary lee and I...
well, I-I guess that's all
water under the bridge, huh?
Why don't we go in the living room
and try to make ourselves comfortable?
Yes. Let's.
Betsy, why didn't you tell me
there was a surprise for dinner?
Well, I hadn't exactly
planned it this way.
Well, uh, desiree was back
in town, and I said to myself,
"Shelby, how about
a grand reunion?"
As the poet said, "is not
old wine the wholesomest,
"Old pippins
the most toothsome?
Old wood burns brightest, and old friends
are surely the best. " A lovely thought.
Mm, yes.
That's tres continental.
It's so interesting seeing
the kind of girl Ned married.
Why, you and I aren't
the same type at all.
Oh, what type would you
say I am, desiree?
Well... a funny thing happened
out in the lab today...
We're so different, you and I. I'm
the gay, irrepressible madcap...
flitting from flower
to flower,
And you're the nice,
sensible little homemaker.
[ Both chuckling ]
n'est-Ce pas?
The wonderful thing about Betsy
is, she combines beauty with brains.
Well, Ill drink to that.
[ Desiree ] so will I.
I think Betsys sweet.
I think she's just as sweet
as she can be. Thank you.
You know, I don't think you
realize how lucky you are.
I had to go through three
marriages before I realized...
that Ned was the kind of man
I was looking for all along.
- Oh, is that so?
- Sometimes I get all choked up inside thinking of it.
Imagine going all the way to
the other side of the world...
when the bluebird of happiness
was here all along.
Oh, Im sorry, desiree.
Still, it's nice to know Ive
done the right thing. Yes.
Poor, brave child. I wish
things were going better for her.
What do you mean? Come now, Brainard.
There's no reason to pretend with us.
Everyone knows Medfield college is about to
go down the drain. Where does that leave you?
What's it to you? It so
happens I have just been made...
head of the english department
of Rutland college.
It's a very complex and demanding job. I'd
like to ask Betsy to become my assistant.
That's terribly kind of you,
and very flattering.
Well, you can just forget it.
Now let's have no foolish pride.
I said let's forget it.
Just a minute, Ned.
If you don't mind, Id like
a chance to express myself.
Another thing, old man, I can probably use
my influence to get you some instructor's job.
Don't bother
to do me any favors.
I didn't say I was going to
take the position. All I said...
no wife of mine is going to work, not as long
as I have a spark of life left in my body.
That is an absurdly
old-Fashioned attitude.
That's what I like about nuzzie.
I just adore old-Fashioned men.
Could I have an onion instead of an olive
this time? You'll find some in the icebox.
Excuse me.
Oh.
You're so much better for him
than I am.
If Id married him, I would
have just spoiled him rotten.
You shouldn't take
it this way, Brainard.
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
After all, what are friends for?
Look, just where do you get the idea that we're
supposed to be starving to death around here?
Okay, so the flubber deal has
stalled in Washington temporarily,
But Ive got something going on
in that garage out there...
well, it can make a man
wealthy a dozen times over.
Hold tight, humph.
Here we go.
B- Biff! B-Biff!
Biff, help me!
Hang on, humph. Just a
little trouble with the valve.
Please, biff. Get me outta here,
biff! Biff! Come on. Get me outta here!
I don't wish to pry, but may I inquire
what this marvelous new discovery is?
It's a revolutionary concept
in weather control.
Weather control. That's right. It'll
effect people all over the world.
And its commercial
possibilities are endless.
May I ask how it works? Or is
it still in the visionary stage?
It is not in the visionary
stage. I bombard the clouds...
with a technique I am not at
the moment at liberty to divulge.
Oh, I see.
[ Explosion ]
Biff!
Biff!
Biff!
You bombard the clouds with
people. That is original thinking.
Biff!
Who's there?
Humphrey,
are you all right?
Well, I d-Don't know.
Who's there? Answer or
Ill blast you to ribbons.
It's all right, Mr. Hummel.
Nobody in here but us chickens.
[ Gunshot ]
oh!
[ Gunshot ]
Dinner's ready when
you are. [ Laughing ]
Hi, prof. How's it goin'? Fine. Fine.
You know, I found out
one thing yesterday.
Flubber gas has a certain
antagonizing effect on the atmosphere.
Yeah? Yeah. And today Im
really going to stir it up.
I'm looking
for big game today.
Like that big, fat cloud
out there.
Come on, humph.
Let's get suited up.
Y- You're not gonna shoot me
out the garage again.
Will you stop worrying
so much?
Well, why couldn't you test
the suit with a chimpanzee?
Are you kidding?
Those animals cost money.
Now let's see. I'd say
distance about three miles.
Might be a little far, but we'll take
a crack at it anyway, hey, Charlie?
Maybe give 'em a little rain over in
Lincoln county. They need it there too.
All right.
Switch on.
[ Chuckles ] relax, Charlie.
You won't take the rap this time.
All right, here we go.
Ready. Aim. Fire.
it isn't raining rain
you know
it's raining
flubber gas
[ humming ]
Hmm. Smells like rain.
Better get my umbrella.
[ Sighing ]
nothing.
All right. We'll pour on
a little more juice.
Now...
come on now, cloud.
Cry a little.
Maybe we're going to have
a change in the weather, dear.
Yes. The barometer's real...
[ crashing ]
Nothing, Charlie.
Just nothing.
What have we got to lose? Why don't we
turn up full power and see what happens?
Yeah. What have we got
to lose?
You can't blame Betsy. How would you feel
having to live in the same house with that nut?
[ Glass breaking ]
Oh, no! No!
[ Gasps, shrieks ]
[ Glass breaking ]
[ Engine cranking ]
[ Engine cranking ]
[ glass breaking ]
[ Meowing ]
Well, we didn't get much rain
out of that one, did we, Charlie?
Well, here comes
another one.
Oh, yes, such a lovely piece,
Mrs. Brainard.
I just don't see how you can
bring yourself to sell it.
Well, a little extra money
around the house comes in handy.
A professor's wife.
You understand.
Yes, well, under the circumstances, I
think I can accommodate you. Let's see.
There's 40, 60...
broken windows?
No, I haven't seen anything
like that around here.
[ Police radio] just stay on the
ball out there. Sure, captain. Sure.
Hanson, Kelly!
Somebody answer me!
Hanson!
I hear water!
It's all right, captain. We're
just gettin' the car washed.
No, no, no! We don't pay off
on that! [ Phones ringing ]
Nobody, but nobody, puts
anything over on Alonzo p. Hawk.
Quiet back there. I'm on the
phone. Read the small print!
Hold on.
Now look. If the glass broke,
you were probably negligent.
The auld lang syne does not
pay off on negligence, friend.
And that goes
for all of ya!
[ Ringing ]
[ Ringing continues ]
[ glass breaking ]
Well... nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
You can come out now,
Charlie.
Well, Charlie,
maybe I was wrong.
Maybe there was nothing
to the idea after all.
It won't be the first time
we've struck out, will it?
Hey, where do we put this
stuff? Our test site's over here.
You know, I sure appreciate
you guys helping us out.
What are we doing here?
What's the big secret?
You'll find out
soon enough.
Or maybe the cloud was just
too far away, Charlie.
Rainmakers have always
run into that same old snag:
Clouds are either too far away
or no clouds at all.
If we could just have clouds when
and where we needed them, maybe...
wait a minute, Charlie.
I made that little teakettle cloud rain
by bombarding it with a flubber gas beam...
and disorganizing
the moisture pattern.
Would it be possible to make a
cloud... by working in reverse?
Naturally, it couldn't be
anything as simple as just...
reversing the polarity
of the gas.
Or could it?
Could it, Charlie?
Let's find out.
Now we'll reverse
the polarity...
and see what happens.
Oh, something's happening,
all right, Charlie.
Something's
really happening.
And the n-402s don't even
seem to care.
Now let's see.
I reversed the polarity.
Now this must have integrated
the vaporific forces...
and promoted the coalescence
of the interatomic junctures.
[ Phone ringing ]
Nuzzie?
Is that you, darling?
Desiree here.
Hello? Nuzzie?
[ Low-Pitched voice ]
hello, desiree.
Poor lamb.
You sound as if you have
a terrible cold.
Isn't that nice little wife of
yours taking proper care of you?
You know, overshoes
and all that sort of thing.
- What do you want, desiree?
- Well, lover, I just wanted to be sure...
you hadn't forgotten our little
get-Together tomorrow.
[ Normal voice ] get...
[ low voice ] get-Together?
Well, of course, dearest. We
arranged it when I saw you yesterday.
- Oh, yes. Yesterday.
- Well, tres bon, Cheri.
And Ill see you around
eightish?
Hugs and kisses.
Arrivederci.
Well, that puts
the tin hat on it!
Dp, p, plus, minus and g.
Gt, dh.
[ Muttering ]
[ Barks ]
[ Growls ]
Great jumping Jupiter pluvius!
We've made our own cloud!
And it's raining!
It's raining!
It's raining!
Charlie, it's raining!
And it's our rain, Charlie,
made from our own cloud!
Taste it.
Isn't it wonderful?
[ Laughing ] oh, my notes.
I don't want to lose them.
[ Laughing ] now I know how those Texas
oil fellas feel when a gusher comes in.
Isn't it wonderful,
Charlie?
Where's my pen?
It's really comin' down.
Hey, come on, biff. What gives? You
know, this isn't the first time...
we've been roped in on some
half-Baked idea of yours.
You know, it wasn't my idea entirely.
The professor's in on this too.
The proof is? Just as good as. He
checked the whole thing out with me.
Why didn't you say so? That's different.
'Cause if the prof says it's okay...
raining
you know it's raining
Betsy!
Betsy!
Betsy! Betsy, I made a
cloud, and I made it rain.
It's bad luck to open
an umbrella in the house.
"How," you say, "did you make
this cloud, you genius you?"
And I say, just the way nature herself does
it... out of the moisture in the air around us.
It's been going on right under
our noses for thousands of years,
But the question was,
how does she do it?
Speaking of things going on under our noses,
have you been seeing desiree de la Roche?
I may have bumped into her
a couple of times.
She phoned a while ago; mentioned something
about a little get-Together tomorrow night.
Said that you'd know all about
it. Said Id know all about it?
Why, I haven't the sli... wait a minute.
There was some talk about a party.
I think it was for Halloween. Ha!
I was on my way home from class, and
she just happened to be driving by...
Women like desiree never
happen to do anything. What?
If I wasn't such a sweet,
innocent-Minded little wife,
I'd say that woman was trying
to get her hooks into you again.
Now, Betsy, that isn't worthy of you. Mary
lee... desiree... just isn't that kind of a girl.
Do me a personal favor and
stop calling that woman a girl!
Well, anyway, underneath all that
glamour and gaiety and intelligence...
is really a simple,
kindhearted person.
You bet. Betsy, I hate to say this,
but Ive noticed a change in you lately.
It all seemed to start the night that sneak
Shelby Ashton came over and offered you that job.
I told you I didn't want that job,
but Im beginning to change my mind.
Betsy, Im not a fussy man, but when that
Ashton comes over and starts buttering you up...
with that guff about
"beauty plus brains"...
oh! And as far as you're concerned,
there's not a word of truth in it, right?
I didn't say that, but
anybody that would listen...
to what that pretentious
pipsqueak has to say...
oh, Ned,
let's not quarrel.
Betsy, are you going
somewhere? Yes, I am, Ned.
You see, I have a problem.
I love you.
If it weren't for that,
Id know exactly what to do.
Betsy, you're
not leaving!
Yes, Im going somewhere
where I can think clearly.
Think clearly? About what?
About you and desiree.
Desiree doesn't mean anything to me,
Betsy. I don't mean anything to her.
Oh, really? You should've heard her on the
phone when she thought she was talking to you.
Everything was "darling," "sweetie,"
"lover," "Cheri," "hugs and kisses"!
But, Betsy, that's just her way.
She's a very outgoing personality.
Well, say good-Bye to another
outgoing personality.
Betsy, you're not
leaving this house!
Ned, Im going to the
daggetts' for a few days. Betsy.
I don't know when and if Ill be back. I
just have to think calmly and logically.
Betsy, you can't go anyplace.
What did you do to our car?
I didn't do anything to it.
And don't change the subject.
- I'm going to the daggetts'.
- Please, Betsy, can't we reason this out?
No, because a strange thing
has happened to me.
Desiree may or may not be the sweetest girl
in the world, but Ill tell you one thing:
Every time I hear her name I get
awfully, awfully, awfully, awfully angry.
But, Betsy, you're not
being very logical about this.
Hey, what I don't get is, how
come no pads behind Humphrey?
Humph doesn't need 'em. He'll come smashing
into you, you guys will go bouncing back...
and ol' humph is gonna keep
right on goin', right, humph?
- I guess so.
- Okay, humph, it's your neck.
Ready, you guys?
Ready, humph? One, two, hike! Oof!
[ Crash ]
[ Clucking ]
Who's in there?
Answer or Ill blast ya!
[ Clucking ]
That's it.
I've had it. I quit.
Look, after all you've been through,
you're not gonna turn chicken.
I already did.
[ Ringing ]
[ Ringing continues ]
You'd better answer it,
Mrs. Daggett.
That poor man has phoned a half dozen
times today. I'm tired of stalling him.
What's the matter?
Afraid to talk to him?
Why doesn't somebody pick up
that phone? Or is it contaminated?
And would you come in and help me
with my hair, if you don't mind?
[ Ringing ]
- Ja?
- Is this the, uh, Daggett residence?
- Ja.
- Well, who's this?
[ Swedish accent ]
this Hulda Christoffsen.
I think.
New maid, by golly.
Oh. Well, Hulda, may I speak to Mrs.
Brainard, please? It's very important.
Miss Betsy not here.
She been sittin' around all day
cryin' like heart would break.
She been
gone out tonight.
Gone out?
Do you know where?
She invited many parties.
Very popular, I think.
Look very pretty,
by jiminy.
Look beautiful.
Oh?
You been
gone out tonight too?
You have lady friend too,
ja?
No, I been sit home alone... friendless,
hungry. There's nothing to eat in the house.
Good!
What?
I- I think I hang up now.
"Gone out. "
"Look beautiful. "
As far as she's concerned,
I could starve to death.
There must be something
to eat in this house.
Soap.
Dandy. For dogs.
Wheat flour, whole milk,
soybean meal, dried fish.
Hmm!
[ Growling ]
Sorry, Charlie.
Mmm. Candy. Not good
for little dogs, Charlie.
[ Door buzzer ]
[ Both ]
trick or treat, professor!
- Oh, Im sorry, fellas. There's just not a thing in the house.
- Trick or treat.
Except these chocolates.
- They look stale.
- Yes, they do look a little stale, don't they?
- I'll tell you, if you don't want them...
- Yes, we do.
Hey, that's some crazy radiator
cap the professor's got there.
Yeah. Guess he's goin' out to
make some field studies with it.
As a matter of fact, I thought I
might go out tonight after dinner.
Hi, prof. By the way,
have you fellas eaten?
No!
No!
Well, science marches on, but
not on an empty stomach, huh?
Why don't we go out
and have a nice, hot dinner?
Great! I'm starving. Does
anybody yeah! Have any money?
Oh, Im sorry, prof, but the
hot water bottles didn't work,
And we had to blow every
cent we had on the scuba suit.
God, I wish we were invited to one of
those Halloween parties around here.
I bet they got
lots of eats.
Wait a minute! I was invited to a
Halloween party at Desirees house.
Now, let's see. Help me get that
old trunk off of the shelf, huh?
But how 'bout humph and me? Don't you worry.
We're all going to get something to eat.
Open that side.
Now Ill go in first, and then you fellas
come along later and ring the doorbell.
We'll arrange
some kind of a signal.
And then...
here's my old coonskin coat.
My old hat...
[ swing band playing]
Just a little something in case
I get hungry later. Yes, sir.
[ Doorbell buzzes ]
Two longs and a short.
That's it.
Oh, pardon me.
I- I'll get it.
- Boo!
- Well, a couple of ghosts!
- Trick or treat!
- Well, we don't want any tricks around here, do we?
Here's some nice popcorn.
Oh, boy! Popcorn!
Potato chips.
I like potato chips!
And some chicken. Chicken!
I want a drumstick.
Well, Brainard. Aren't you going to
ask the little folk to step inside?
- Come on, kiddies.
- Jiggers!
Well! How do you like those big
lugs pretending they're children?
I'll go and have
a talk with them.
Nuzzie! So nice that you could get here.
There's a tub of martinis in here,
and everybody's bobbing for olives.
It's just terrific that you
brought your saxophone. Oh, well...
boys, Id like you to meet the finest saxophone
player in the history of Medfield high school.
Well, I wouldn't say that. You
were too! Now go on, nuzzie. Play.
- Well, I don't think Id better.
- Come on, lover, join right in. It'll be just like old times.
Well, if you fellas
don't mind.
[ Toots ]
[ laughing ]
The same sweet clown. I'm so glad
to see that girl hasn't changed you.
I don't know whether
I should have come.
Nonsense, my dear. A bit
of gaiety will do you good.
- Good evening.
- Good evening, sir.
Good evening, madam.
I feel guilty about Ned.
He's so helpless all by himself.
Excuse me, my dear. Hello, Frederick.
May I take your coat,
madam? Oh, yes. Thank you.
[ swing music ]
Betsy! So nice to see
you. Excuse me, please!
How lovely you are when you're
angry. Is anything the matter?
Betsy! What in the
world are you doing here?
I might ask the same thing of
you. In fact, I think I will.
Here I was feeling sorry for you because
I thought you were home alone and hungry.
Well, I was. But there is an instinct
called self-Preservation, you know.
Under certain conditions even the lowest
form of life will go searching for food.
- Very aptly put.
- Look, Neptune, why don't you just submerge?
Ned, there is no reason
for any of that. I'm leaving!
Betsy, I want to talk to you. There is
nothing for you and me to say to one another!
Shelby, would you
take me home, please?
You see, Brainard, you've
already spoiled the party for her.
Now why don't you leave Betsy alone?
Ashton, if you don't stay out of this...
I will not have
you two fighting over me!
Why, Betsy! What
a perfectly darling costume!
Some kind of a peasant,
aren't you?
Good night, nuzzie.
Wait, Betsy... come on,
nuzzie. Back to the party.
Wait, Mary lee...
come on, darlin'.
[ swing music continues ]
[ Car engine starts ]
Normally, Im the last person in the world
to intrude upon a person's private life,
But when you love someone,
as I do...
Thank you for bringing me home,
Shelby. Simply because of a headstrong,
Impetuous marriage to a man not fit
to touch the hem of your skirt...
Betsy, I forgive you for
what you did to me, but...
oh, Shelby.
I didn't want to hurt you.
No, it's all right.
As the poet says, "the hurt
is not so deep as a well,
"Nor so wide
as a church door,
But 'tis enough;
'twill serve. "
I'm sorry, Shelby.
Good night.
I'll ring you first thing
in the morning!
[ whistling ]
Okay, Charlie.
Battle stations.
I need a guinea pig for this
experiment, and I know just the pig.
[ Flubber gas burbling ]
[ humming ]
[ whistling ]
[ thunder crashing ]
[ Thunder crashes ]
- Brainard!
- [ Tires screeching ]
[ Tires screech,
thunder crashes ]
[ Screaming ]
Aaah!
[ Moans ]
[ Thunder crashes,
tires screech ]
Oh, say, captain, we want to thank
you again for this new prowl car.
Don't worry, captain. This is one
car we're really gonna take care of.
[ Radiator hisses ]
[ Sobs ]
aww.
What is it?
I've got just the
faintest ghost of an idea.
[ Coughing, sputtering ]
I'm terribly sorry, professor. But did
our brand-New patrol car get in your way?
Officer!
It isn't my fault!
It's that fiend,
Brainard!
He's up there, somewhere!
Get him! Find him!
Do something!
[ Sputters ]
[ Laughing ]
though april showers
may come your way
they bring the flowers
la-Da-Da-Dee
[ Door opens ] good morning,
boys. You're up early this morning.
[ Man ] bright and early,
professor. [ Door closes ]
Mr. Hawk!
What are you doing here?
Spreading sunshine, bringing cheer
and good tidings to my fellow man.
Uh, may I take
the liberty, professor?
Now, as you can see, this is a map
of our fair community. What about it?
On thursday p. M. This week, a
peculiar thing happened in Medfield.
Plate glass in stores,
automobile windshields,
Bottles, clock faces, glass of
every kind and description...
began to break and shatter in
various portions of our community.
This in turn brought mental
anguish and sorrow to the owners,
More especially to the auld
Lange Syne insurance company,
Which was left holding the
bag for all the damages.
But what has all this
got to do with me?
As president of auld Lange syne I was
naturally interested in this phenomenon.
So I made up a kind of a
war map of the damaged areas.
As you see,
they formed a pattern,
A sort of cone-Shaped pattern
of devastation,
As though some unseen force
had fanned out...
from one beginning point,
At a place on the corner
of maple and Litchfield.
Now, I may be wrong,
professor,
But isn't that the precise point on
which Im standing at this very moment?
That's right. I heard something
about the breaking glass,
But I had no idea I could
have been responsible.
Professor,
I have suffered damages...
amounting to tens of thousands
of dollars because of you.
I could have you dragged off
to jail and left there.
But outside of making me feel good
all over, what would it get me?
No, the point is, Im not
sore at you at all, professor.
As a matter of fact, I take
my hat off to you. [ Chuckles ]
Yes, sir, I think you've really got
something here in this glass-Breaking gizmo.
Why, it's pure genius.
[ Chuckles ]
While everybody else is busy making
things, you come up with the answer.
You come up with something
that breaks things!
But that wasn't the idea. Okay,
Brainard. You've done your part of it.
Now, as your partner,
here's how we go about it.
Very quietly, we buy up
a lot of glass company stock...
slowly, so that
nobody catches on.
Then suddenly, all over the
country, all over the world:
Zingo!
Glass begins to break.
We replace it with new glass.
It breaks. We'll clean up!
Mr. Hawk, you don't
seem to understand. I...
how about that united
nations building in new York?
How about all that glass,
huh? And stained glass.
Maybe we could organize
a quiet little corporation...
that does nothing
but break church glass.
Well, what's
the matter, Brainard?
You don't think you're gonna freeze me out of
this thing like you did out of flubber, do ya?
Your friend Mr. Hawk
isn't gonna be standin'...
with a balloon in his hand
watching the parade go by this time.
Mr. Hawk, you don't
for one minute think...
Id go along with a scheme
like that, do you?
Well, what are you actin' so high and
mighty about? You invented this, didn't ya?
The glass-Breaking was an unfortunate
side effect of my cloud experiment.
In trying to reach the cloud
with my weather gun...
there must have been an overload
of electronic excitation,
Which set up an inharmonic sawtooth
oscillation and imparted a tremor to the gas.
Now, this was intercepted by
the glass, which is, of course,
An amorphous superfluid in a
temporary state of rigidity.
And I guess the resulting strain
was just a little too much.
Yeah. Look, professor, why don't
ya just settle for what ya got here?
With the money from this
thing we'll both get fat.
And there'll be enough left over for
you to take care of the Medfield problem.
Well, that's what you want to do,
isn't it? Save Medfield college?
That kind of money would never help
Medfield college or anyone else, Mr. Hawk.
Well, you know what
you're doing, don't you?
You'll go to jail
for what you did to me!
And before this day is over Ill
be back here with the sheriff,
And we'll have this place
tied up tighter than Fort Knox!
With all your work and all your
experiments! Good day, Mr. Hawk.
And as for Medfield,
a year from now...
people will have forgotten there
ever was such a punk little college.
You wanna bet?
Oh, hi, pop. What are you
doin' here? Out of the way, son.
Hey, pop, I just thought Id mention it.
You're a little overdue on my allowance.
Allowance!
Why, Im just liable...
to send you off to jail
with this criminal here,
As a fellow conspirator,
a partner in crime!
Why, if you weren't deductible,
Id disown ya!
What was that all about?
Come on, fellas. Let's get to work
on that football suit of yours.
Professor, you mean you're gonna
help us? Maybe the college...
won't be here next year, but we're
going to see that nobody ever forgets it!
Yahoo! Come on, humph!
Let's hustle into it!
But, biff, about my idea!
You promised!
Will you forget about that.
The professor's with us now!
The first team's comin' into the game!
We're gonna have the suit in no time.
Biff, biff. Let's take
it easy for a minute.
Now, your basic idea is fine. I just think
there might be a more effective way of using it.
That's what Ive been
trying to tell him.
Forget the suit. Put the
flubber gas in the football!
Boy, just think: 70-Yard
kicks, 90-Yard passes!
Humph, what is the matter
with you? Are you cracking up?
Our team can't even
hold onto the ball now.
Now, what would happen if we hopped
it up with flubber gas? Biff is right.
It's very important to control the ball at
all times. We must never lose possession of it.
So, we never throw just the ball;
we throw the player with the ball.
Right! We... we throw
a player? That's right.
[ Stuttering ] I
- Look, professor, couldn't we put the gas in the football?
You know, forget the suit?
Humphrey, it's just simple logic.
With the flubber gas we make you
quasi-Weightless, or buoyant,
And then we throw you
with the ball.
You do? Yes! Don't you
see the beauty of it?
Even if they intercept, we still
have possession of the ball. Right?
Right!
Right, Humphrey?
Uh, right. Well, good. Let's go to work!
[ Crowd ] poor old
Medfield! See them run!
Come on, Rutland! Mow
them down! [ Cheering ]
Well, ladies and gentlemen, here we
are in the little community of Medfield.
Say what you will about their football
team, at least the weather here is good.
A clear, crisp, moonlight
night, not a cloud in the sky.
As for what has been optimistically
advertised as a football game,
I'm afraid we can't
promise ya much.
Mighty Rutland university... untied,
unscored-Upon for the past three seasons,
Knocking at the door
of the national championship...
pitted tonight
against puny Medfield.
Oh! Here comes
Rutland on the field.
[ Crowd cheering ]
They've chickened out,
both of them.
Wait! I get my hands on
those two! Coach! Coach!
I got a note for you.
Oh, good, good.
"Dear coach: Humphrey and I will be
a little late for the game tonight,
"So go ahead without us.
"We're getting
a secret weapon ready.
"You'll be proud of us
when you see what it is.
Best wishes, biff hawk. "
Oh, no. Coach. Steady. Steady.
Best wishes? Be-Best wishes! Oh!
[ Stammering,
sobbing ]
And at fullback position for
Rutland, Hjalmar Woccskyinska,
A 240-Pound husky
from broken jaw, Idaho.
Back home
during his summer vacations,
Hjalmar runs a training
school for prison guards.
[ Laughs ] and that completes
the starting lineup for Rutland.
How would you like to be
in little Medfields shoes...
and square off against that
array of giants, huh, friends?
[ Laughs ]
oh, here comes Medfield.
Well, here come
the lambs to the slaughter.
Jeffrey, I just don't
see why you had to come.
You know how this game's
going to upset you.
My dear, when a ship is sinking,
the captain remains at his post.
Come on, Medfield!
Eat 'em alive!
[ Announcer ] second quarter,
Rutlands ball. First and ten...
[ quarterback ] ready, set.
Hut one! Hut two!
Hut three! Hut four!
[ Announcer on radio ] down to the 30, the 20,
the 10, and over for another Rutland touchdown.
Yeah, there goes
another one.
I can't understand
what's happened to biff.
He went to get that vulcanizing
kit over an hour ago.
Sir, we're never gonna get
this thing ready in time.
I- I-If you'd just reconsider
my idea... what's that, Humphrey?
Well, this. There's flubber
gas in here. What's it for?
Well, so I don't have
to wear this suit.
Instead, we give the good ole football
a shot of gas, and then... zzshhhh!
Humphrey. Humphrey. Humphrey. Boy, just
think: 70-Yard passes, 80-Yard punts!
Ninety-Yard field goals! Wait a minute
now. We've been through all that.
Don't you understand, Humphrey? You
don't have a thing to worry about now.
With this new valve you have perfect
buoyancy control at all times.
[ Tires screech ]
Professor! Come on. We gotta get
out of here. What's wrong, biff?
My father. I was just
over at Higgins' super...
...mercantile store getting
this vulcanizing kit.
Pop walked in to get the
sheriff who was having...
...his dinner there, and
I overheard them talking.
Then they went over to judge Murdocks. And
professor, they've got a warrant for you,
And they're coming over here to
throw you in jail. Well, you're right.
We'd better get out of here. We'll
have to fix the suit in the locker room.
Open the doors,
biff.
[ Siren blaring ]
Look out!
- Back out, you idiot! He's getting away!
- [ Tires screech ]
[ Tires screech,
engines rev ]
[ Tires screech ]
Ladies and gentlemen, Im afraid
it's going just the way we predicted.
Mighty Rutland is shredding the
little Medfield team to bits.
As we go into the closing
minutes of the third quarter,
The score: Rutland 28,
Medfield, nothing. [ Chuckling ]
Well, he must be
here someplace.
You two get the rest of
the boys and spread out!
"Aye, tear her tattered ensign
down; long has it waved on high. "
Look, I don't mind losing the
football game, professor Ashton,
But spare us
your garbled quotations.
As you will. You're not
expecting anyone, are you, Betsy?
Thank you.
Shelby, wouldn't you rather sit on your
own side of the field? You're winning.
Oh, it's of no consequence,
my dear.
Just remember, the next time
you see a football game...
...you'll see it from the right side.
- The Rutland side.
- [ Crowd cheering ]
[ Grunts, groans ]
[ Whistle blows ]
[ Announcer ] Pitney returns
to take off at the 21-Yard line.
[ Blows whistle ]
[ Announcer ]
time out for Medfield.
It's a massacre, coach. [
Laughing ] yeah, ain't it a shame.
We should have brought along the girls'
volleyball team. We could have sent them in.
[ All laugh ]
Okay.
Any volunteers?
Hold it, coach! We're here.
Everything's okay, sir.
The secret weapon is primed and ready
to fire. Where've you been, hawk?
- And what's all this static about
a secret weapon? - This is it, sir.
- Youre the secret weapon?
- Yes, sir.
It's not fair.
It's not fair. Come on, boy.
Let's mop up the field with 'em.
[ Sighs ]
[ whistle blows ]
[ Announcer ] hawk and
Humphrey coming in for Medfield.
Medfield's ball, first and ten
on their 21-Yard line.
[ Crowd cheering ]
Humph, give it the gas.
[ Flubber gas hissing,
suit squeaking ]
Ready?
Break!
[ Biff ] down! Hut! Hut two! Hike!
[ Crowd cheering ]
[ All ] way to go,
Humphrey! Touchdown! Come on!
All right, you first string, get back
in there! And forget your manners!
And there goes the try
for the extra point.
It's good.
The score: Rutland 37,
Medfield 7.
I tell ya, that Medfield
touchdown was certainly a surprise.
To recap: Humphrey,
the Medfield tailback,
Received the ball,
then he, uh... uh...
George, what kind of play
would you say that was?
Uh...
Rutland returns the kickoff
to Medfields 45-Yard line.
Now we'll see what happens.
For my money, folks, I think little
Medfields gonna be awfully sorry...
they made that
accidental touchdown.
Those Rutland boys are like
a bunch of hungry tigers.
[ Quarterback ]
ready, set!
Hut one! Hut two!
Hut three! Hut four!
What happened to you
on that play, stupid?
What happened to me? What
happened to you? Clod!
Well, now. Let's see
what happened that time.
As I make it out, Rutland
had just started one...
...of its famous razzle-Dazzle
plays, when, uh...
uh, did you see how that
happened there, George?
Uh, well, it-It...
[ announcer ] Olson returns the
ball to Rutlands 38-Yard line.
Hut one! Hut two!
Here he comes!
Catch him!
[ Announcer ] Humphrey knocked out of
bounds over the Medfield 49-Yard line.
Upsy-Daisy!
Have a good trip, humph!
[ Wheezing ]
out! Get him away from me!
[ Announcer ] Medfield ball,
first and ten. Down! Hut one!
Oof!
I don't know what it is, but there's
somethin' crooked going on here!
Okay.
Here's a rule book.
You think there's somethin'
wrong? You find it!
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
I guess you know...
...by now we are witnessing
one of the wildest...
slam-Bang football games ever
played anywhere at any time.
Tiny Medfield college,
led by captain biff hawk...
and a high-Stepping back named Humphrey,
has turned a rout into a battle of titans.
And... oh!
There's the kickoff!
It arches through the air down to
the Rutland 25... Rutland fumbles!
Medfield's got the ball
again. Looks like...
...mighty Rutlands beginning
to feel the pressure.
[ Announcer ] Medfields
ball, first and ten.
Hut one! Hut two! Hike!
The ball is snapped to Humphrey.
He fakes a handoff to the wingback.
Humphrey still has the ball.
Now hawk has Humphrey.
[ Crowd cheering ]
Rule seven,
section thirty...
Get off the playin' field. I got myself
a football game goin' on out here!
Why, you... wait a minute,
coach. Take it easy, huh?
Well, it's a race
against time now.
Medfield trails Rutland
by nine points.
With less than four minutes left
to play, the big question is:
Can Rutland stop Medfields
brilliant aerial attack?
Oh, it looks as if Rutland may
have something up their sleeve.
Medfield ball,
first and ten.
I- I-I've never seen 'em use
this kind of defense before.
[ Biff ] down! Hut one! Hut two! Hike!
Now!
Wait a minute! Are you gonna
let them get away with that?
What are you kickin' about?
That's a legal tackle, ain't it?
Now, remember, you guys. The old lady
with a twist on two. Ready? Break!
- The same thing again.
- Down!
Hut one! Hike!
No! No!
The other way!
Looks like the old statue of
liberty play. Right, George?
[ Announcer ]
Medfield scores.
The clock is ticking away
the last minutes of the game.
- Medfield takes over the ball again.
- Ready? Break!
You look kinda flabby, humph.
Better gas up a little.
[ Flubber gas hissing ]
[ Biff ] down! Hut one! Hut two! Hike!
[ Crowd cheering ]
B- I-I-I-Ff!
B- I-I-I-Ff!
Biff! Biff!
It's hawk with Humphrey.
He's down to the 20,
the 15, the ten, the five...
he's back to the ten,
the 15, the 20...
[ flubber gas expelling ]
B- I-I-I-Ff!
[ Humph groans ]
- [ Whistle blows ]
- [ Announcer ] Medfield calls time out.
And that looks like the end
of the line for Medfield.
They're back on their own two yard
line with eight seconds left to play.
The score:
Rutland 37, Medfield 35.
Well, humph, I guess we've
had it. Anyway, we tried.
Well, if you'd just let me use
my needle, we'd have won easy.
Well, it isn't doing us
any good back at the lab.
Well, like I said, I never
did trust this crummy suit.
Humph!
There may be time
for one more play.
[ Announcer ] Medfield lining
up for a field goal attempt.
They're gonna try a field
goal from here? [ Laughing ]
[ All laughing ]
It looks as though Medfield is going
to attempt a 98-Yard field goal.
Repeat: 98 yards.
Ridiculous.
The poor lads must be
cracking under the strain.
Hike!
[ Flubber gas hissing ]
Too bad. Medfield just made
a final, desperate effort to...
wait a minute.
It's gaining altitude.
[ Crowd cheering ]
And there goes the final gun as
the game ends and Medfield wins.
Th-The ball, the ball is
still going up...
Up... up...
out of the stadium!
La-Ladies and gentlemen,
I think it's going into orbit.
George.
George, did ya see that?
[ Laughing ] we won! We... ooh! Ooh!
Get him! Get him!
Get him! Get him!
[ Laughing ]
Oh, shut up!
Well, the trial of professor Ned
Brainard swung into its third day today.
Against advice
to the contrary,
Professor Brainard continued to
act as counsel in his own behalf.
He was quoted as saying he was
confident in the due processes of law...
despite the growing tide
of testimony against him...
as the prosecution kept a steady parade of
witnesses moving through the witness box.
Today, the prosecution unlimbered
its big guns against the defense.
[ Man ] professor Brainard, you
seem proud of your job as a teacher.
Do you like it because you
believe it makes you important?
Well, not me personally. But I
believe the work I do is important.
In what way? Would you care
to tell us a little about it?
It gives me the opportunity to
help young people, to stir them up,
To make them restless,
to make them think.
Maybe plant a bug of discovery
in their minds, or...
and you think that's important?
Of course it's important!
One of those young
people might discover...
...something the entire
world has been looking for.
He might not, but I like to feel that I
had a part in giving him a crack at it.
[ Prosecutor ]
I see.
Now, regardless of whether
you are found guilty or not,
I ask you to consider
this question very carefully:
Would you hope to return to your
classroom? Would you continue as before?
Would you recklessly incite the
young minds of your class again?
To inspire them
to such experiments...
as that which bombarded
our skies with powerful rays?
Rays which expose all of us
to unknown peril?
I put the question to you
again, professor,
And I ask you
to mark well your answer.
Would you still persist in these
dangerous and malicious follies?
Well, that question is
a little difficult to answer.
Well, professor?
Mr. Prosecutor, may I say
something? Go ahead, professor.
I'm sure we'd all be interested
in hearing your views.
Looks like he's gonna crawfish.
Well, it seems to me that a lot of people
are going around these days selling fear.
All kinds of fear.
Fear of bombs, bugs, smog,
Surpluses,
fallout, falling hair,
Even fear of Mr. Hawk.
We find ourselves apologizing,
Hiding our heads,
or jumping at shadows.
I can remember when groundhog day
only came once a year in this country.
Now, I see a lot of students from my
science class here in the courtroom.
They may not be the most studious
group of young people in college today,
But Ill say this for them:
so far they are unafraid.
They have good will, enthusiasm, and an
infinite capacity for making mistakes.
I have high hopes for them.
Am I to understand,
professor,
You actually encourage
mistakes in your class?
Mr. Prosecutor, the road to genius is
paved with fumble-Footing and bumbling.
Anyone who falls flat on his
face is at least moving...
in the right direction:
forward.
And the fellow who makes
the most mistakes...
may be the one who will save the
neck of the whole world someday.
[ Prosecutor ] now, may I ask
again, and will you answer clearly...
for the benefit
of the court and the jury...
most of whom are parents...
suppose you are returned
to your role as a teacher;
Would you do exactly
as you did before?
Yes. I would do
exactly as I did before.
[ Gavel bangs ]
Order! Order, please.
[ Gavel bangs ]
order!
Another such outburst and the
bailiff will clear the court.
[ Judge ] that is
all. You may step down.
Come on. Let's tie this
thing up and get out of here.
[ Whispering ] are you
sure? Stall for time.
15 or 20 minutes should do it. Professor,
you may call your first witness.
No witnesses, your honor. In
that case, I will sum up briefly.
Sit down.
Is it true, professor, that you have
provided no witnesses in your behalf?
- No I haven't, your honor. - May I suggest,
professor, as defense counsel...
you're not doing much
in your own behalf.
- I'm a witness for the defense, your honor.
- Splendid.
I object!
I object too!
Both objections overruled. But, your
honor, this is most unusual procedure.
It is also unusual procedure for the defense
to have no witnesses in his own behalf.
Swear in the witness, please. I merely
hoped to save the court's valuable time.
My time is your time,
Mr. Prosecutor.
Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
I do.
State your name.
Elizabeth Brainard.
- Will the defense question the witness?
- No, your honor.
Very well. Will you kindly tell
your story in your own words?
Well, uh...
as I was saying, my name is Elizabeth
Brainard, occupation, housewife.
I first met the defendant at Medfield
college where I was employed as a secretary.
He scratched my fender in the parking lot
just outside the administration building,
And I fell hopelessly
in love.
Your honor, I don't see what the
testimony of this witness can...
[ judge ]
shh, shh, shh, shh.
On October 30th of this year I became
involved in an argument with the defendant.
I told him I didn't think I was
cut out to be a scientist's wife.
Well, Id like to inform the defendant
at this time that I was wrong.
Whether he happens to be a
scientist or an arctic explorer...
or a headhunter
or anything else,
I'm cut out to be
only one thing: his wife.
I love him.
- Betsy, do you mean that?
- Of course she means it.
The witness is under oath to tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
- Oh, Betsy.
- Your honor, I would like to inquire,
Is this a court of law
or a lonely hearts club?
The witness has been instructed to tell her
own story in her own way. Please sit down.
Your honor, will you excuse
the witness at this time?
Uh, will your honor also tell the
defense counsel to please sit down?
The defense counsel is
so instructed.
Why are we looking up at that clock
all the time? How should I know?
[ Whispering ]
sit down.
[ Betsy ] well, then I
went to Finneys to buy...
this darling midnight blue
dress that was on sale.
The defendant always said
he loved me in midnight blue.
Your honor, what does all this foofaraw
about a blue dress have to do with the case?
Uh, Mrs. Brainard,
does all this, uh, foofaraw...
have any bearing on the
disposition of the case?
- You bet, your honor.
- I don't believe it.
The prosecution will have
an opportunity to cross-Examine.
That is, if you don't mind
wasting the time.
Gangway! Hey, gangway.
Gangway, everybody! Gangway!
Ooh! [ Giggles ] gangway!
[ Crowd murmuring ]
Excuse me, please. Uh, but,
Mrs. Brainard, please...
[ pounds gavel ]
professor Brainard,
[ Gavel pounding ]
I don't wish to pry,
But would you kindly
divulge your intentions?
The court is waiting.
I'm sorry, your honor. May I ask that
this witness be recalled to testify for me?
- Very well.
- Objection!
Your honor, the case is
ready for summation.
Must we subject ourselves to irrelevant
testimony trumped up by the defense?
The witness is qualified.
If I recall, he testified in behalf
of the prosecution two days ago.
But your honor...
do you wish to challenge the
integrity of your own witness?
Down, down!
- Now, sir, we know who you are.
- Oh, yes. I'm a. J. Allen.
I'm the county agricultural
agent, that's who I am.
Now, Mr. Allen, day before
yesterday, you testified...
that the rays with which I bombarded
the atmosphere seemed to have...
a peculiar effect on the flowers, crops
and vegetation of so forth around here.
Is that right? Oh, yes, yes.
I said that. I certainly did.
And you were very upset. Oh, I was
extremely upset, yes. [ Chuckles ]
So much so that you decided to
investigate the matter thoroughly.
Oh, certainly. I'm dedicated
to my work, you know.
And you've come here today to make
a complete report on your findings.
Well, I didn't come here
to toast marshmallows...
...you know. No. Now, Mr. Allen...
first, would you mind telling us about the
soil conditions here in Medfield county?
Well, it's no secret,
goodness knows.
Medfield county has the thinnest,
rockiest, wore-Out, farmed-Out,
Pooped-Out soil in the
whole state; it's pitiful!
I've been so ashamed.
[ Chuckles ]
- It's not much good for growing things.
- Growing things!
Professor, you want me
to show you something?
Wait, Ill show you something.
Wait a minute.
Do you know what that poor
thing is? That is an ear of corn.
That's what we've been growing
around here. Do you mind...
watching that,
your honor?
Growing things!
My goodness!
That's a radish.
A radish!
You wouldn't get a respectable
burp out of a dozen of 'em.
If you want to see something
really miserable, [ laughs ]
I have a rutabaga here
someplace...
I know I had it when I
left home. Somebody put...
The rutabaga. Where's the rutabaga?
It's around here somewhere...
Uh, th-That's fine,
Mr. Allen. Thank you.
Now, would you tell us, have
you noticed any change recently?
Have I noticed any change? Why,
professor, you don't know what's going on!
All over Medfield county things
are growing up like crazy!
Why, everywhere I look, everything
is suddenly all fertiled up!
Mr. Allen, would you say it might have
something to do with what the prosecutor...
has been calling
"flubber fallout"?
Oh, I don't... he can
call it anything he wants.
Personally, professor, I think
that you've invented... [ stammers ]
Oh, for heaven's sakes.
You might call it "dry rain. "
Dry wh?T [ Allen ] dry rain.
I just thought of it
just this minute.
That's exactly what it is.
I don't believe Ive
ever heard of dry rain.
Is it anything like
taking a dry bath,
Or going for
a dry canoe ride?
[ Spectators laugh ]
[ laughing ] no, no.
Actually, it's more like
guzzling a dry martini, you know.
It's very stimulating.
[ Chuckles ]
You see, professor Brainards
rays must have combined...
with massive amounts of nitrogen
out in the atmosphere, see?
And it came "shoomping" right down in
front of our eyes, but we never saw it.
Why, for all we know, it might be
dry-Raining right down in this courtroom...
this very minute, fertilizing
everything in sight!
You can't tell, you know.
[ Chuckles ]
Do you expect this court to believe all
this mumbo jumbo? Can you substantiate it?
[ Laughing ]
oh, my goodness!
I thought he'd
never ask me!
[ Laughs ] boys, bring
in the substantiation.
Will you, please?
Yes, sir!
[ Crowd murmuring ]
come on! Bring it in!
[ Crowd chattering ]
That's right, boys! Just
put it up there on the bench!
Look at those carrots, judge!
I tell you, a rabbit couldn't...
[ all chattering ]
Boys! Boys!
Order!
Don't push!
Keep it dignified!
Well, don't just sit there.
Do something!
Your wife says
to get home right away.
A summer squash just rolled off the vine
next door and smashed your sports car!
The jurors will please
sit down! Order!
Thank you very, very,
very much, judge.
You should try some of this walnut.
It's off my own tree, you know.
That's a walnut?
Oh, yes, yes.
Your honor, this is
outrageous! I leave it to you...
smart move.
Case dismissed.
[ Crowd cheers ]
that isn't what I meant!
[ playing march ]
Come on, pop.
Don't take it so hard.
I'm not crying, you blasted
nitwit! It's these onions!
[ Cheering continues ]
[ march continues ]
Of course, I don't have anything
against science, mind you.
As a matter of fact, Im
crazy about it, but... Betsy.
Offhand, can you name one thing that science
hasn't improved upon, one way or another?
Offhand, I, I think I
can. All right. What?
Oh!
[ Laughs ]
I guess Ill have to
go along with that.
[ Beeping ]
[ Rapid beeping ]
[ Pulsing ]
[ Flubber gas burbling ]