1
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
WHITMAN: No... No.
No, you can't do this to me.
I've given up
everything for you.
Look,
what we have is special, baby.
I even told my wife!
Yeah.
Yesterday.
No.
She's filing for divorce
and taking the kids.
Yeah, well, what did you expect?
Word gets out
about our relationship,
my career is finished!
Because the education board
frowns highly
on deans sleeping
with their students!
No, I don't make a habit of it.
There was only you...
What?
She meant nothing to me...
Or her...
Or her!
Hey, hey, hey.
I never slept with her.
I'm sure I didn't.
And if I did...
If I did, I must have
been really drunk.
Uh, look, look.
[QUIET HUSHING]
I love you, Dimpleface!
Yeah.
Yes, I received
your break-up gift
and I don't think it is funny.
So what? I'm just
a clown in your book?
Huh?
I'm just a stupid-looking toy
to be discarded at your leisure?
Huh, huh?
Look, little lady, you
wouldn't even be graduating
if it wasn't for me,
you ungrateful little...
I swear if you do this to me,
you will pay!
You and all your
sorority bitches
who tease and taunt men
with their nubile bodies,
pouting lips and eyes that
sparkle like pools of sunshine
filled with hope and dreams
of a better tomorrow
that never comes!
I'm sorry I just... Hello?
Hello?
[PHONE CLICKING]
[PHONE DIAL TONE]
Goodbye.
[HANGS UP THE PHONE]
[SIGHING]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
What are you looking at, clown?
You think this is funny?
[LAUGHING]
I'll show you funny.
Yeah. I'll show you funny.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[LAUGHING]
Yeah. Check this out!
All it takes is one.
All it takes is one!
[SPINNING]
So laugh this off.
Press!
I'm Bobo, the clown.
Let's play!
I know a fun game.
[GUN CLICKS]
Guess it's your lucky day,
huh, Bobo?
BOBO: Are we having fun yet?
I don't know. You tell me.
[MUTTERING]
Stupid.
If you were me, Bobo,
what would you do?
I'd kill them all.
[LAUGHING]
Yeah. [SPINNING]
[GUNSHOT]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[WHITMAN'S VOICE]
Wait a minute... Who?
Who am I here?
[EXHALING]
Okay, this is weird.
[BOBO'S VOICE]
Hey, this feels kinda good.
I'm Bobo, the clown.
Let's play.
Yes, let's.
And I know exactly
who I want to play with!
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[WAVES CRASHING]
[CAR ENGINE STARTING]
[GIRLS LAUGHING]
Well, that's just about
the last of them.
Who's left inside?
Kitty, Nina, and...
What's-her-name?
Allie?
Nah, that's not it.
Yeah, her name is Allie.
Are you sure?
I thought it was "Weirdo"
or "Spacey" or "Edith".
Vicky, every girl in this
sorority deserves equal respect.
We're all sisters here.
Thank god not biological.
When are you taking off?
Tomorrow. Marcus is coming
over later to help me pack.
How about you?
Couldn't get a flight
until Tuesday.
Oh, so that means
that you and Allie
can spend some
quality time together.
[LAUGHING] I think not...
Richard's coming by to help
distract me from packing.
Ooh. Are you guys
getting serious?
Serious is not
in my vocabulary, Fawn.
Along with the words "No",
"Don't" and "Stop".
But I use them together
all the time.
"No, don't stop!
Don't stop!"
[GROANS]
WHITMAN: Delta Pi Sorority.
Hmm. Get ready for the
greatest show on earth!
What a shocker.
Kitty taking in the golden
rays of skin cancer,
and Nina reading porn.
'Lady Chatterly's Lover'
is not porn.
It's high class
literature with...
Slight erotic overtones.
I know and you're reading it
as research for your own paper.
Wait, what's the title again?
"Hump me, baby, one more time"?
"Forbidden Secrets".
That's appropriate.
At least, you're writing
what you know.
Give the girl a break, Vicki.
She didn't do anything to you.
She hasn't done
anything to anyone.
If a real guy
ever even touched her,
she would probably explode.
I wouldn't! I would not.
Sexually speaking.
Oh.
No, I...
I think I could handle it.
I think...
But it takes
more than just handling.
You have to stroke it fondly.
Caress it and then open it.
"And this time, the sharp
ecstasy of her own passion
"did not overcome her.
"She lay with hands inert
on his body."
This isn't porn?
Ah, a hot tub...
Let's get in.
BOBO: Mmm...
No, thank you.
Have you ever been
in a hot tub, Kit?
No, the chemicals
are bad for your skin.
I can think of worse.
Like what?
Tan lines.
[BOBO LAUGHING]
Nina, come join me.
It's a little cold
but I'm sure the burning
desire inside you
could heat it up.
You're...
You're not very funny.
No.
I'm much better taken
as a whole.
[BOBO CHUCKLING]
Hey, I have an idea.
Why don't you go
practice your oral skills
and blow up those beach balls?
I could just use the pump.
Oh, that's what I hear you
using every night?
[LAUGHING]
WHITMAN: I'll give you
a pump, sweetcakes.
Who's first?
There are five steps to
conjuring a demon lover.
Step one, creating the
pentagram. Check.
Step two,
burning candles. Check.
Step three, stimulate an
environment of arousal.
Check. Aroused and ready.
Hey, Allie.
Yo.
Umm... Whatcha doing?
Trying to contact the dark lord
to release me from this black
hell known as my life.
And with any luck,
rock my world.
Oh.
How about you, Fawn?
Would you care
to be my sacrifice today?
Uh, doesn't that require
a virgin sacrifice?
Not in the revised edition.
Even they're aware that virgins
are hard to come by these days.
No pun intended.
You know what? I'm good.
I just wanted to see if you were
planning on taking off
for spring break
or hanging around here.
That all depends
on this ceremony.
If it works,
and I'm given absolute
power from the dark one,
I might go on a little romp of
destruction around Eastern Europe.
Maybe destroy England.
I don't know.
I'm keeping my options open.
What about you?
Cancun tomorrow with Marcus.
Sounds lovely.
Hopefully, I'll be
all-powerful or dead by then.
Look, Allie.
I don't want to pry
but if this is about a guy
and I really hope it is,
he is just so not worth it.
Cliff had no right
to break up with me!
You know, you open
your soul to somebody,
you let them in and you tell
them how you feel, and then...
Oh, my gosh!
You poor thing!
Do you want to talk about it?
I want him to burn in hell.
I want all guys to burn in hell!
You know, not all guys are bad.
Some are actually like,
really cute and funny.
You're not helping.
You're right.
Men are all bad, horrible,
ugly, pathetic losers.
That's better.
And I bet the one that hurt
you had a tiny, little...
Dick!
WHITMAN: What did you call me?
That's me!
[WATER SPLASHING]
[GASPING]
Christ! I'm soaking wet.
Look at me.
Okay, I'm looking
and you're looking good.
Kitty is like a cat.
She hates the water.
It's the chlorine.
The chemicals get into
your pores and they...
Why do I waste my time?
I'm sorry. You want me
to dry you off?
Lick you clean?
Like the cat reference.
Lick you clean.
Get it?
No. Please keep
explaining the joke
because I'm a brainless idiot.
You said it. Not me.
God, now I have to take a
shower and redo everything.
I can help you with that, too.
Hey! Don't forget
who you came here to see.
Oh, come on.
How could I ever forget.
Hey, Nina! How's that
novel coming along?
Get to any of the
juicy parts yet?
Uh, I'm getting there.
Oh, that does it.
No! What are you... Hey!
What are you...
What the...
Stop!
Someone forgot to wear
underwear today.
Vicki, give them back.
WHITMAN: Clowning around, huh?
I'll show you
how it's really done later.
But first...
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]
Is this turning you on?
It floats in the water.
Mm-hm?
DICK: Nina.
Toss them over.
Nina. Don't you
dare touch them.
Don't make me come out
and get them.
As your sorority sister,
I command you
not to move a muscle!
I can't disobey
my sorority sister.
Well, if that's how
it's going to be,
then I'm not going to be
the only one naked around here.
[LAUGHING]
[SIGHING]
So, when did you get into
all of this occult stuff?
An ex-boyfriend introduced me
to it a few years back.
He turned out to be
a real bastard too.
Oh...
You know what you need to do?
You need to get out in the world
and try something new.
You know, just try some
fresh experiences.
Because this world
is full of possibilities,
and there is way more to life
than just men, you know?
You're right.
There is.
[KISSING]
Is that what you had in mind?
Um...
Not exactly.
I have to go.
I think I hear Marcus' car
pulling up outside.
ALLIE: Hey, Fawn.
You're going to be a great
motivational speaker one day.
I feel so much better.
[NERVOUS SIGH]
[LAUGHING SOFTLY]
The shower's not working again!
Oh, it must be
the water pressure.
I'll check it later.
Just use the tub for now.
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[SIGHING]
BOBO: Hmm...
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[PANTING]
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
Sorry. I need to use
the bathroom.
Try the one downstairs.
Yeah, whatever.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, you forgot your...
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
What are you smiling about?
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[CLICK]
WHITMAN: I'm Bobo, the clown.
Let's play.
Play with yourself.
I'm busy.
[RUNNING WATER]
[HEART BEATING]
Oh yeah, let's see what's
under that towel, baby.
BOBO: Tempting, very tempting.
Hmm...
Oh, finally!
God, I love kissing you.
Mm, you I like to kiss.
Just you and nobody else!
It's only been like fifteen
hours since I last saw you.
I know, but I'm just really
excited to see you.
You keep this up
and I'm not even
going to make it in the house.
Oh, sorry. I'm just really
excited to see you.
If I didn't know better,
I would think
you're cheating on me.
What?
[LAUGHING]
No, don't be ridiculous!
I would never kiss anybody else.
Especially not another girl.
That would never,
never ever happen, ever. So...
[AWKWARD LAUGHTER]
So, are we going
to go upstairs to pack,
or you want to do
something else?
Inside? Umm...
No, not right now.
No, we should go around back
and join the others.
But I thought
you were in the mood...
Mmm...
Oh, we can do that later.
Come on.
You're so weird.
Yeah, but that's why
you like me, right?
[HEART BEATING]
BOBO: Mmm.
[SIGHING]
Teasing, flaunting
their hot bodies.
I'll show you.
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[CLATTERING]
Are you sure nothing's wrong?
You're acting
a little strange, you know.
I have nothing to hide,
Marcus, honestly.
Hey, Marcus.
Dick!
Just, uh, collecting my shorts.
DICK: I don't think
I planned it out.
Wow! Hey!
Hey there, Richard,
what are you doing
hanging out?
Poking around?
[GIGGLING] What are you
doing here?
Vicky's been playing games
with my shorts, so...
Only I'm not getting out unless
you give me back my swimsuit.
Oh no! You get the same
treatment I did.
Don't know about you guys,
but who feels like a swim?
Oh no, don't you dare!
Dare! Please dare?
Hey, what is that?
Ow!
Damn.
That could have been
a nasty prick,
but not as nasty as me!
[SIGHING]
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[FRANTIC FOOTSTEPS]
Like you said,
these chemicals are just
so bad for your body.
Sometime you just have to
wash out your entire system.
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[HEART BEATING]
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUTED GASP]
[CHOKING]
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[FRANTIC SPLASHING]
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
Now, that's what I call
a clean kill.
[FRANTIC FOOTSTEPS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[WAVES LAPPING]
Two on one.
Not fair, but
I'm not complaining.
Hey!
I see you've been checking
out the guys a lot lately.
Is it that obvious?
Well, it's not exactly subtle.
Sorry. I don't know
what's come over me,
it's just like
these urges, you know?
It's totally natural,
and most girls do
a lot more than just look.
So, I've heard.
You know, it's not hard
to get a guy.
To do what?
Pretty much do what ever
you want them to do.
Carry your books.
Free drinks.
Get a better grade
from a teacher in a class.
[LAUGHING]
How did you get Marcus?
Oh, he was easy.
All It just took a smile
and a cup of coffee.
But, who made
the first move, you know?
Well, the smile was me.
The cup of coffee
was on him... Literally.
He spilt it on his way over.
On his hand and then his leg.
It was really hot
and he screamed like a girl.
What did you do?
I laughed. He blushed.
The ice was broken
and that was that.
When a cool guy is forced
to become humble,
he turns real,
and that really turns me on.
But what turns them on?
Pretty much anything in a skirt.
[LAUGHING]
Or anything out of a skirt.
Hey, this is not
a contact sport.
Two minutes in the penalty box
for you, Mr. Marcus!
Where is it?
I'm sitting in it.
See you guys later.
Have fun!
You've got to keep them
on a tight leash, you know?
Yeah.
And what do I have to do?
Lotion application.
Am I giving it,
or am I receiving?
We can take turns.
How about you do Marcus
and I'll do you?
Okay.
We're good over here.
Looks like we're
the odd girls out.
[SIGHING] Yeah.
NINA: I've got to go...
I've got to go write.
I'm just like feeling
really inspired right now.
Do you want to continue this
inside the house?
You want to put sunscreen on
to go inside the house?
Well, this house
has a lot of windows.
You can never be too careful.
Are you sure you didn't
hit your head?
Aw, want me to kiss it
and make it all better?
I'm going inside.
I don't understand women either.
I'm going in.
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[FRANTIC FOOTSTEPS]
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[SIGHING] Okay...
[GIGGLING IN THE DISTANCE]
[SIGHING]
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[PANTING] [FRANTIC FOOTSTEPS]
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
Hmm...
Huh.
[PANTING]
NINA: Oh yeah, there we go!
[NINA SIGHING]
"Crystal had never felt
this way before.
"Except for when
in the shower by herself.
"Or sometimes just before
going to sleep,
"or just after waking up
in the morning."
[BLISSFUL SIGHING]
"Her urges were powerful."
WHITMAN: Mmm...
"She was like...
"A burning cauldron
bubbling over.
"A volcano ready to erupt.
"A flood about to burst through!
"But this time...
"This time, she needed more.
"She had to have him!"
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
"Her thighs quivered
with anticipation,
"as she found a voice within
that commanded him.
"Get on the bed
and take off your clothes!"
Oh, yeah!
That's good, that's good.
"I want to see you.
"I want to see all of you!"
[SIGHING]
"I want you to give me pleasure,
"and I don't mean a quickie!
"Uh-uh, I want it all!
"Hours and hours of non-stop,
"heart-pounding ecstasy!
"Ravage me!
"I'll maybe beg for you to stop
"but don't listen to me!
[CRYING] "I just want you
to keep going
"and going and going and
going and going and going..."
[CONTENTED SIGH]
WHITMAN: Ah...
[NINA PANTING]
Break time.
[SIGHING]
I'm never going to finish
writing this novel.
It will be just a quick break,
and then I'll get back to work.
[SIGHING]
Oh, I know what I need!
Ah-ha! There you
are, Max. [CLICK]
[VIBRATING]
[ROMANTIC MUSIC CONTINUES]
WHITMAN: You guys must have
to watch this a lot!
Must be frustrating.
NINA: Here we go.
WHITMAN: That's it.
She's going down.
NINA: Yes... [GIGGLING]
Yes, yes!
[NINA LAUGHING]
NINA: Yes, yes!
[NINA PANTING]
[CLAMBERING]
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
NINA: Yes! [GIGGLING]
Yes, yes! [PANTING]
No, no, no!
No, don't do this to me!
Not right now.
[GROANING]
Ugh, stupid battery!
[STARTLED GASP] Oh my god!
What are you doing there?
BOBO: I'm Bobo, the clown.
[LAUGHING]
Are we having fun yet?
Almost.
Hey. Get over here!
BOBO: Hey! What are you doing?
No, don't touch me there!
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[SIGHING] What kind
of clown are you?
I'm Bobo the clown,
and I can rock your world!
[IMITATING BUZZING SOUND]
[AWKWARD LAUGHTER]
Huh.
Oh, he's kind of cute.
Oh yeah.
I wonder.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC CONTINUES]
[GIGGLING]
Oh...
NINA: Oh! Yeah,
that's kind of good.
[NINA GIGGLING]
Oh, Bobo! [LAUGHING]
You're quite the clown.
[PANTING]
Oh, okay!
Okay, Bobo, you take over.
BOBO: Who does she think I am,
the Energizer clown?
[PANTING] This is
the greatest toy ever!
[PANTING]
[MOANING]
Oh, I'm tingling all over.
BOBO: Bobo increasing
power now.
[PANTING]
Bobo? [PANTING]
Where are you going?
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
All around The cobbler's bench
The monkey Chased the weasel
NINA: No, too powerful!
The monkey
Thought it all in fun
Pop goes the weasel!
A penny for A spool of thread
A penny for a needle
[STABBING] [NINA GROANING]
That's the way The money goes
Pop goes the weasel!
[STRANGE GURGLING]
BOBO: "Shocking, kids!
Don't try this at home.
"The end."
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[MUSIC ABRUPTLY STOPS]
Are you going to tell me
what's going on with you?
Dean Whitman
bothering you again?
What? No, why would you
ask me that?
Well, you told me he had been
getting on your case.
Well, not my case.
I mean, not just me.
It's this whole sorority
he has issues with
but I got him
to calm down weeks ago.
How'd you do that?
I don't want to talk about
Dean Whitman, or school,
or this sorority any longer.
I just want
to enjoy spring break
with the man I...
Don't say it.
It's too soon.
The man I like a whole lot.
I'll accept that.
Only because I love you, though.
Hey! [LAUGHING]
You get to say it but I don't?
You don't... I mean,
you don't mean it.
And I don't think you even
really know me, yet.
But you think
you know me well enough?
Well, I'm getting there.
[LAUGHING] You're the weird one.
Yeah, that's why
you like me, though.
I like a lot of people.
Except Allie.
Why would you say that?
Well, you been avoiding her.
Allie is fine. I like her.
I just don't 'like her'
like her, you know?
Not like I like you.
Can you say 'like' any more?
I'm going to hit you if you
don't change the subject.
Tell me something
I don't know about you.
I never eat on a empty stomach.
Okay, then follow me.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[PANTING]
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
Allie, don't you have
something better to be doing?
Nope.
I think I smell your satanic
candles burning upstairs.
I put them out before I left.
Richard and I
don't give free sex shows.
Yeah, that's right.
I charge admission.
Oh, do you take personal checks?
[SIGHING]
I gotta take a leak.
I'll be right back, okay?
What do you think you're doing?
I don't know.
Watching true love in motion.
Jealousy much?
Of someone who sleeps with
half the guys on campus?
I don't think so.
Okay, you're no angel.
Try dark angel.
What do you want?
What are you offering?
Nothing! Leave us alone.
Say the black magic word.
Go to hell.
Lucky guess.
You are so weird.
You haven't seen weird yet.
I'm about to go upstairs
and put a curse on your boobs.
You leave my boobs out of this.
They are perfect as is.
Got milk?
[IMITATING A CAT]
Don't you dare! I swear,
if you even so much
as tweak a nipple,
I swear, I will bury you!
Hey, you're pretty
funny looking.
BOBO: You're one to talk.
Hey, who said that?
Marcus, are you out there, man?
I'm Bobo, the clown.
Let's play.
You don't sound
too good, little man.
I'm Bobo, the clown
and you're pissing me off!
[CHUCKLING]
You're funny!
And that reminds me.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[TRICKLING]
I don't need to see this.
[WHIRRING]
So this is where
you put my bear,
and you gave him an apron?
Yeah. He's a cooking bear.
No, he's a tough and manly bear.
He's holding a heart.
He's strong, he's powerful!
I mean he's a good
lover to boot, but...
Who also likes to cook
in the kitchen.
I don't cook.
I know, and one day soon,
we'll change that about you.
I thought the bear
represented me.
It does represent you.
Except one is just a little
cuter than the other.
And the other's
a little fuzzier?
I guess the only thing
that really matters,
is who's a little bit more
warm and cuddly.
Oh, well you'd better not
get that answer wrong.
I might need some convincing.
[GIGGLING]
Okay. After we eat.
Right after.
RICHARD: Look what
I found in the bathroom.
[GASPING]
Get that away, I hate clowns!
Come on, nobody hates clown.
Umm, epic fail.
Everyone hates clowns.
They're creepy.
Okay, but this one's funny.
It talks. Listen.
I'm Bobo, the clown
and I'm getting pretty sick
of people pushing my buttons!
See? It's funny! It doesn't
tell jokes, it just complains.
Soon, it's my turn to play
'Poke A Hot Ass'!
[LAUGHING]
Great. An adult clown for
mature children, even creepier.
Keep that up and I'll give you
the finger, buddy!
Come on. What do you
have to say for yourself?
BOBO: I'm Bobo, the clown.
WHITMAN: And I'm
going to kill you.
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[THUD]
That was not funny!
Yes, it was! It was just like the
episode from The Twilight Zone.
You know, the one
with the bald guy?
'Beyond The Poseidon Adventure'?
God, I love that movie.
Now, that's a film
that could use a remake.
Why am I dating you?
Well, it's not
because of my mind.
[LAUGHING] Absolutely not.
Personality?
Highly doubtful.
It's got to be the hot body.
Yep. I'm so shallow.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
How'd you get
Satan Girl to leave?
I told her to go to hell
and I think that's exactly
where she went.
You two do not get along, huh?
You think so, Mr. Perceptive?
I'm just saying,
because I think I know why.
Okay. I gotta hear this from
the guy majoring in water polo.
Hey, It's psychology 101.
She hates you
because she wants you.
She wants to be me?
No, like she wants
to be with you.
Like, I think she likes girls.
You're saying
Allie is a lesbian?
But, no, I've seen her
with guys before,
amazingly as that seems.
Okay, a closeted
lesbian, perhaps.
Like she probably
doesn't even realize it yet.
No, shut up. You're a guy.
All guys fantasize
of girls being lesbians.
That's not true.
Give me a break.
Two girls, one guy?
Admit it.
[SIGHING] Well,
I can't fight that scenario.
Exactly. Now let's focus
on the matter at hand.
BOBO: Mmm...
Although...
She did say she was
going to put a curse
on my boobs before she left.
See? I told you, she was
checking you out.
All girls check out
how other girls look.
It doesn't mean
we're all lesbians.
I beg to differ.
My boobs are just great.
It's a fact.
Everyone checks them out,
but not in, like,
in a weird, sexual way.
Okay, agreed, agreed.
Let's examine your chest
in a totally
asexual way, all right?
They're not too big,
not too small.
They sit nicely on their chest.
Pronounced but not obtrusive.
And I'm sure the areola is
properly proportioned, too.
Okay, enough.
You're a guy, so you can
find them sexually arousing.
Okay, good, because I do.
Hey, did Allie say what
the curse would entail?
No, she was very vague about it.
Well maybe I should get
a closer look, you know?
Just make sure everything's
right, you know?
Don't want to be growing
a third nipple or something.
Don't even joke about that.
Oh, there seems to be a little,
slight, swelling taking place.
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
That's totally normal
and you know it,
but please, continue.
[THUD] [GROANING]
Well, just don't just lay there.
Fondle or suckle or something.
Richard?
Richard!
BOBO: Timber!
[SHARP LASHING]
Yee-hay!
It's the clown rodeo circus!
[CHOKING]
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUTED YELLING]
Wild ride, huh?
[LAUGHING]
You're my breast friend!
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHING]
WHITMAN: Now who's the clown?
Hey, you want to see
something really funny?
[LAUGHING]
Yes!
Is there something
very phallic about this death,
or it is just me?
Now, wait, let me guess.
What kind of
balloon animal are you?
I got it!
A dying mammal!
[LAUGHING]
[GURGLING, CHOKING]
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC STOPS]
[LAUGHING]
[WAVES LAPPING]
FAWN: [DISTANTLY]
Oh, Marcus!
[GROANING] Oh my!
[SIGHING] Seriously?
[MUFFLED MOANING]
Okay!
What are my opinions?
A spell to conjure up
an ice-cold bucket of water.
A spell to cause
premature ejaculation.
A spell to put people on mute!
[MUFFLED MOANING]
Ah ha!
A transference of emotions.
[MUFFLED MOANING]
[EXHALING]
Allie and Fawn
are just like glue.
What happens to one,
happens to two.
[ZAPPING]
[MOANING]
Oh!
He is a big boy.
[MOANING]
Okay. Okay, I'm feeling you.
Now you feel this!
[THUD]
FAWN: Ow!
MARCUS: What is it?
FAWN: I don't know.
Never mind, just keep going.
[GROANING]
No!
Oh no, you don't.
[THUD]
FAWN: Ow! That hurt!
MARCUS: What did I do?
FAWN: You kicked me!
MARCUS: No, I didn't.
FAWN: Then who did?
I didn't kick myself, you know.
MARCUS: Sorry.
[LAUGHING]
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[PHONE RINGING]
[RINGING CONTINUES]
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Uh, no, she's a little busy
with her boyfriend right now.
FAWN: [DISTANTLY] Ow!
No biting!
MARCUS: I didn't, I swear!
What did you say
about Dean Whitman?
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
When?
How?
Oh my God,
Did... Did they find
anything else in the office?
No, not the gun...
Uh, thanks for calling, Miriam.
I... I've got to go.
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
WHITMAN: There
you are, Dimpleface.
I've been looking
everywhere for you!
No, this is impossible!
You're...
In this form,
[IMITATING BOBO'S VOICE]
the name's Bobo,
but you can still
call me 'Loverboy'.
Where you going?
Bobo wants to play!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[PANTING]
[STARTLED GASPING]
Playing hard to get, you know?
I always liked that game!
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[PANTING]
[KNOCKING]
FAWN: [GROANING]
Go away, please!
I'm, I'm, I'm...
I'm... Packing!
'Packing.' Yeah, right.
There's no time for that!
We have a big problem!
Well, it's actually a small
problem, but just...
Open the door!
MARCUS: Try someone else.
[SIGHING]
Nina, wake up!
We're in danger.
Uh...
Wear yourself out again?
Oh, you finished your novel.
Good for you.
But you have to get up,
right now!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh my god, no.
[GASPING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[KNOCKING]
They're dead!
They're all dead!
What are you talking about?
All the girls, Nina, Kitty,
Victoria. They're all dead!
Richard, too.
What? How?
It's complicated.
Who's responsible?
Dean Whitman.
Spiritually speaking.
What?
I told you it's complicated.
Is this some kind of joke?
I wish it was.
Show me the bodies.
Nina's in her room.
Kitty's in the bath.
Victoria and Richard
are outside by the pool.
Why would Dean Whitman
come here and kill everybody?
Well, it isn't him, exactly.
Because technically,
he's dead too.
She's right!
[RUNNING]
It's not a joke.
ALLIE: See, I told you!
Is Whitman still here?
I locked him out.
But this place is 90% windows,
and at his new size,
he could have slipped in.
Okay, okay.
You guys stay up here.
You've got to call the police.
I'm gonna go downstairs
and check it out.
Okay.
Don't want to put some clothes
on before you go down there.
Yeah, you're right.
A guy running around in his underwear
doesn't really seem too threatening.
You look good though.
Thanks, babe!
So wait, back up!
You said Dean Whitman was dead.
If that's true,
then who killed everybody?
This is where
it gets complicated,
and a bit metaphysical.
Allie, just spit it out!
Do you believe
when a person dies,
their soul goes
to heaven or hell?
I mean, I don't know. Maybe.
What does that have to do
with anything?
Dean Whitman blew
his brains out yesterday,
and I believe his spirit
transferred into another body!
Wait.
This isn't Whitman?
It's Whitman's soul
inside another form.
You're saying Dean Whitman
possessed somebody.
No. Transferred.
He's inside something that was
never alive to begin with,
so it couldn't really
be a possession.
Wait.
Stick to the facts.
Okay? People are dead,
and somebody killed them.
I need to know
what I'm up against.
A 12-inch clown doll
who answers to the name 'Bobo'.
[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]
Look at me.
The fact that I can say that
with a straight face
just proves the fact that
this is actually happening
no matter how
utterly ridiculous it sounds.
Or you're crazy.
Transference spells work.
I can prove it.
[LOUD THUD]
[GROANING]
What is it? What is it?
Oh my god, I felt that!
You felt what?
Why, you little bitch!
She just ran headfirst
into the wall,
and knocked herself out.
What is wrong
with your sorority?
You said it yourself,
she's nuts.
And dangerous.
You think she killed everybody?
Well, according to
Miss Looney Tunes,
we're the only ones left alive.
And I've been with you
all afternoon.
So, who do you think did it?
A 12-inch clown doll
named Bobo,
or contestant number two with
her black magic voodoo crap?
Since you put it that way,
I'm glad she's
out of commission.
Yeah, but what do we
do with her?
We drag her in her room.
We lock it.
Okay.
[GASPING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[GRUNTING]
Okay, you call the police,
and I'm going to go downstairs
and see if she's
telling the truth
about Richard and
Victoria. Okay?
I left my cell phone downstairs.
Mine too. What about
the landline?
Also downstairs.
Okay, stay close.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
No dial tone.
She must have cut the line.
She wasn't lying about
Richard and Victoria.
[GASPING]
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
I know I left my cellphone
around here somewhere.
Oh no.
[WATER DRIPPING]
I found our cell phones.
Now what?
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
BOBO: Now the fun
really begins!
[CREAKING]
[LAUGHING]
If I knew you were coming,
I'd have baked a cake.
Marcus!
But a pie will have to do!
[LAUGHING]
It couldn't have hurt that bad.
It's just a pie!
Trust me, that ain't cherry.
[DISTRESSED YELLING]
Hey, first time a guy's
been screwed by a pie!
[LAUGHING]
Eenie, meenie, miny, Moe,
catch a tiger by the toe!
If she hollers, don't let go!
Unless she beats the crap out
of you with her foot,
because you're only
12 inches tall!
Okay, it's time to up my game!
[HEART BEATING]
[DOOR LATCHING]
[STARTLED SCREAMING]
Think I've hit my head
a little too hard.
Who locked me in here?
Marcus did.
We thought you were
the crazed killer.
Oh, he did, did he?
Where is he?
I'm going to kill him!
He's dead.
Oh. Awkward.
Your killer clown doll
got to him!
It's killed everybody.
Calm down.
We're still alive
and we can stop him.
Let me look through
my spell book.
Allie!
Haven't you done enough with
this occult stuff?
It's obviously
gotten out of hand!
No, Fawn.
It's entirely in my hand.
It has been from the beginning.
Don't touch me.
And don't touch yourself either!
How... How did you do that?
Transference spell, like I said!
I was trying to explain to you,
the spirit of the dead Dean
is downstairs in that clown doll
trying to kill everybody!
What?
Because of me and these spells.
You.
You. You!
You are behind all of this?
In a roundabout way...
We don't have time to talk
about that right now.
Oh, I have time.
That's a strong door,
and it is a tiny doll.
You need to start
at the beginning.
Remember when I pledged
the sorority last fall?
You don't have
to go back that far.
Actually, I do.
You know the prank where we
stole Dean Whitman's car?
Yes.
And you told us
a few months back
that he was starting to suspect
it was our sorority and
he was giving you a hard time?
Yes, I was telling Marcus
about that earlier.
Well, I took it upon myself
to help you,
I cast a little spell on him.
A spell?
Just a small infatuation spell.
On me.
We've been having an affair
for the past three months.
Ew!
You've been sleeping
with Dean Whitman?
Well, not sleeping.
Everything else, but,
definitely not sleeping.
[GIGGLING]
You look really good
in my glasses.
Thank you.
You look pretty good, period.
So he did all of this
because of a love spell?
Lust spell.
Love and the dark forces
do not mix.
But sexual manipulation
is very easy.
And it was fun for a while.
You know, there are advantages
to being with a dean.
He can alter transcripts,
change grades...
You know, the perks to having
the head of a college
in your pocket.
You mean 'in your pants'?
Yeah, well...
It got old.
And I started developing
feelings for someone else.
I broke up with him yesterday.
But breaking up with someone
under a lust spell
can be difficult.
You have to dissolve the spell,
which is why I sent him
this transference doll.
It's supposed to
bind with its owner,
and take in all of his
artificial emotions.
Lust can trigger rage,
if not treated properly.
He should have gone back
to normal within 10 minutes
and forgotten all
about his crush for me.
So, what happened?
He didn't wait long enough
for the transference
of his emotional state
to get into the doll.
He took out a gun, and...
[GUNSHOT]
So, I'm guessing that
not only his emotions,
but his departing soul
bound with the clown doll.
And he came back here to,
what, get his revenge?
Something like that.
But why kill all the others if
he's just obsessed with you?
He's pissed off with the world.
He's in the body of a clown
doll under a lust spell.
He probably starts killing
whenever he gets aroused.
Which actually makes sense.
His lust would trigger his rage,
especially since he can't really
physically do anything about it.
Think about it.
I'd rather not.
No, seriously.
Look at the murders.
He went after Kitty when
she was taking a bath.
Watching her probably
got him all hot and bothered.
Nina was in bed
with her vibrator.
It's not hard to guess
what she was up to
when Bobo assaulted her.
Victoria and Richard were
making out by the pool
when he went after them.
Allie, this is insane!
I know, right.
But it's happening!
You did this.
You created
a 12-inch monster!
I didn't do it on purpose.
I was trying to end it.
Break things off.
Right, because you fell in
love with somebody else.
That 'Cliff' guy.
There isn't any Cliff, Fawn!
I fell in love with...
With you.
Excuse me?
I've had feelings for you
ever since I first saw you.
That's why I joined
the sorority.
That's why I cast a spell
on Dean Whitman!
To help you!
I thought he would back off
if he was having an affair
with one of the girls
in the sorority!
Whoa. I think
I need some air.
And then you
started seeing Marcus,
and you went off
to Cancun together,
and all the little hints I was
giving didn't even pay off.
Hints? What do you mean hints?
Haven't you've been having
some dreams lately?
Some erotic dreams...
About me?
No.
No? What about
a couple days ago,
when you had a sudden,
spontaneous...
[GASP]
[MOANING IN PLEASURE]
[GASPING]
How do you know about that?
It was me. I got carried away.
No! Nobody could
possibly know about that.
I told you sex spells are the
one thing I'm good at.
Look what I did with Nina!
She went from
a workaholic to a sexaholic.
You did that?
All she did was study,
study, study. I just...
I opened her eyes,
and increased her libido.
A lot.
We should have never let you
join our sorority.
You are a sexual predator!
I am not. I only want to be
with one person from now on!
You.
Don't...
We're connected,
I feel what you feel
and you feel whatever I want.
[PANTING]
No, don't. No, stop.
What, you don't
want to feel good?
Come on, don't be like that.
There's a spell in here that
will make your toes curl.
I tried it once, I couldn't
walk for two days!
No I'm better off
with the killer clown doll!
Fawn, don't go out there!
It's not safe!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Come back inside.
We can figure out how to get
the spirit out of the doll
and then discuss
our future relationship.
We don't have a relationship.
I am in love with Marcus!
Marcus is dead.
You need to let it go
and move on.
Not with you.
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[PANTING]
[GASPING]
BOBO: Now, where were we?
Leave her alone, you bastard!
You're mine, baby,
and I'm not going to let
this tart get between our love!
If you kill her, I will
never forgive you,
and we are officially over!
I thought you said
we were already over.
I was just testing you.
To see how far
you'd go for love.
I killed myself and
came back as a clown!
Isn't that proof enough?
Yeah, it is.
Just drop the knife,
and I'll let you...
Stick me with something else.
No! Eww!
If he sticks you, he sticks me!
Well, that is quite
a twisted three-way.
Girl, girl, clown doll.
Kinky!
We have a problem here.
The clown doll...
Isn't exactly equipped with
all the proper accessories.
Well you're about...
12 inches, now.
I can work with that.
You keep your perverted
fetishes away from me!
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[STABBING]
BOBO: Noooo!
I'll always love you.
I love you too, Dimpleface.
WHITMAN: Hey, wait a second...
It doesn't hurt anymore!
Oh, her death broke the spell!
I'm free!
You! You're the one
behind all of this.
She ruined my life
because of you!
No!
She never loved me. She was
only using me to get to you!
No, I never loved her.
She was crazy!
So you're saying I died
for no reason whatsoever?
I... I...
No one ever asked you
to kill yourself
or come back as a clown
and murder six people!
You cannot blame this on me!
I can do anything I want.
I'm a 12-inch killer
clown doll
with no genitals
and a huge sex drive.
That would drive
anyone psychotic!
That is a valid argument.
You're dead, sister!
BOBO: I'm Bobo,
the clown. Let's play!
No!
[LAUGHING]
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[MUSIC STOPS]
[GASPING]
Ever been tied up
with silly string?
[SCREAMING]
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[GASPING]
Now, this is the
greatest show on earth!
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
And for my next act,
Human Shish Kebab, bitch!
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
[CLANG]
Got you!
How do you like
your new home, Pottymouth?
Nothing left to say?
No last words?
I know what you're trying to do.
You want me to think
you're not under there
so that I lift the pot
and you can escape. Well!
You can't trick me.
[METALLIC SWISH]
WHITMAN: Nice try, Nitwit.
What's the matter? Nothing
left to say? No last words?
Dean Whitman...
BOBO: Call me Bobo.
Nobody calls Whitman a clown,
even if it's true.
Bobo, I never
meant you any harm.
None of us did!
Right.
I was just a prank. A joke.
Well, you know us clowns,
we'll do anything for a laugh.
Even slit a bimbo's throat.
It'll be a shame
to paint that nice,
perky chest of yours blood red.
Then don't do it!
Don't do it.
I can...
I can offer you
something better!
Oh yeah? Like what?
Well, I can do everything
Allie did for you!
More, probably!
Much, much more.
Miss McBride, are you
trying to seduce me?
You know, I have always had
this fantasy of...
You know,
doing it with a clown.
Really? Ooh, tell me more!
Well, you know
those big floppy shoes
that clowns always wear?
Yes.
Well, I always thought,
what if their feet
are really that big?
So?
So, you know what they say
about guys with big feet,
it correlates
with the size of their...
Oh, I'm starting
to see the picture.
And those baggy pants
that you always wear,
I figured that you
were wearing them because...
You had something under there that
you didn't want the children to see.
You've got a dirty
imagination, Miss McBride!
I do, Bobo. I'm so sorry.
Don't be sorry. I like it.
I'm kind of dirty myself.
Would you like me
to wash you off?
You want
to bathe me? Hmm.
Well, you are sort of
covered in dirt
and grass
and Allie's blood.
I actually washed up earlier.
You should have seen what I looked
like after I got through Nina.
[CHUCKLING]
You mean through with Nina?
No, I said what I meant.
Oh, yes.
Killing people must be so hard.
Especially when you're my size.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
What are you doing?
Just turning on the water.
Not too hot, not too cold.
I like it just right.
Oh, it feel so good.
You want to give it a go?
Okay, but don't try
anything funny!
[GIGGLING] You're
the only clown here.
BOBO: Ahhhhh...
You like that?
Yeah.
Yes! Maybe I misjudged you,
Miss McBride.
Wouldn't count on it.
[THUD]
[WHACK]
[GRINDING]
[YELLING]
[CHOKING]
[SPLASHING]
Hell yeah!
Who got the last laugh now?
[GURGLING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC STOPS]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]