This is the greatest city in the world.
Where else can you be paranoid
and right so often?
Four million dollars, aha?
And it's a one-bedroom?
You don't have anthrax, Claire,
will you calm down?
What you have is herpes!
Shall, I'm weak
I just saw my nutritionist
walking out of a rib joint.
No, no, no!
She's a little white poodle.
She's wearing a little red jacket
and a rhinestone collar.
She answers to the name 'Pinkie'.
She escaped from Alcohol Rehab.
My shrink said I was perfectly normal
but my wife wants me
to get a second opinion.
Yeah we had a lovely summer
at The Hamptoms.
The three children got Lyme disease
and my husband was eaten by a shark.
You can't move your business out of New York
because you're scared.
You can't just move your business.
It isn't feasible.
You're the head of the Port Authority!
I passed my physical
with flying colors.
and then I read in The Times
that flying colors causes cancer!
I can't believe I got the part.
I'm playing the lead in the all-black version
of Uncle Vanya.
I was just over at Ralph Lauren's.
I got jeans and a checkered wood shirt
I look just like a cowboy!
Hey, we went to Balthazar last night.
Oh, it's fantastic!
At the table next to ours
was Julia Roberts,
Brad Pitt,
Marlon Brando,
Tiger Woods,
Tony Blair,
the President,
and Osama Bin Laden.
It was fa... I am telling you,
that is the 'in' place to be.
So I finish making love to Britney Spears...
I walk into the office and I say:
"Mr Steinbrenner, you're fired!"
Then I woke up.
I got mugged!
I was coming home from the opera.
They took my gas mask,
my flashlight,
all my Cipro...
He's the tops on Park Avenue.
He'll do your eyes, he'll do
your neck, he'll do your chin...
Your buttocks?
I don't know if he can work with a crane...
Well, we're so wrong for each other.
But that's not the only attraction.
No, the only thing I know
about Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan...
...is that both have
very important film festivals.
It was a theme Bar Mitzvah.
'Deep Throat'.
She didn't get into her right preschool...
...which means she won't get into
a good private school
...which means she'll never get into
Ivy League college,
...she won't get a good job...
...I mean, she's three years old...
...and her life is finished.
Yeah, he did Don King's hair.
Aha he did Donald Trump's hair too.
Yeah but then they caught him
and put him back in Bellevue.
Her bra size?
It's 34 long.
When all this is over...
...and there's a new government
in Afghanistan...
...we come in with a Starbucks.
Well, these are crazy times
we live in.
I heard Rudy Giuliani and Al Sharpton
got a house together on Fire Island
It's what I heard!