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Southland Tales (2006)
No.
Wonder if Matt sees that camera yet..... Yep. The camera, yeah. Hey, man. Oh. I didn't know it had water in it. Go, go, go! Go. In the aftermath of the nuclear attacks in Texas, America found itself on the brink of anarchy. Hundreds of thousands have perished in the nuclear attacks... in Abilene and El Paso, Texas. The president has declared martial law in Texas. FEMA has ordered evacuation within 200 miles of each attack. The worst attack on the United States in the history of our country. Those without protective glasses are instructed to sit down on the ground and face away from the blast. World War llI had begun. No. I'm sorry. The accelerated conflict in the Middle East placed significant restrictions on American access to oil. Alternative fuel sources became a lucrative commodity. Americans were transfixed by the terrorist threat and the will to prevent another attack by any means necessary. Military checkpoints were erected at each state line. Interstate travel visas were required of each citizen. Dissenting liberal extremist cells began to emerge, the most vocal of which were the Neo-Marxists. The 2008 presidential election was to be decided by the electoral votes of just one state as the Republicans raced to secure California for the first time since 1988. On June 27, 2008, Boxer Santaros, a famous actor with ties to the Republican Party, vanished without a trace. Three days later, he was discovered in the Nevada desert with his memory erased. The government knew he had crossed back into California. But the circumstances of his return to the Southland remained a mystery. Actor-turned-soldier Pilot Abilene was critically wounded during battle in Iraq yesterday by shrapnel from a grenade thrown by a soldier in his own unit. "The Revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave unto Him, "to shew unto His servants things which must shortly come to pass, "and He sent and signified it by His angel unto His servant John, "who bare record of the word of God, and of the testimony of Jesus Christ, "and of all things that he saw. "Blessed is he that readeth and they that hear the words of this prophecy, "and keep those things which are written therein... for the time is at hand. " My name is Pilot Abilene... and I'm a veteran of the war in Iraq. I'm going to tell you the story of Boxer Santaros and his journey down the road not taken. "This is the way the world ends. "This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends. " Not with a whimper... but with a bang. The search continues for missing action star Boxer Santaros. His wife, Madeline Frost, daughter of vice presidential candidate Bobby Frost, could not be reached for comment. Flights remain restricted in Nevada... Interstate travel visas are frozen as the government issues a code-red terror alert for the holiday weekend. Southland residents buckle down and stay put as LAX remains closed indefinitely. Some empires were built in times of war. ...honor the memories of loved ones lost in Texas as a city prepares to celebrate Independence Day on the third anniversary of the nuclear attacks. Others were built in times of peace. The government decided that it could not properly conduct a war on terror unless cyberspace was placed under federal control. USIDent was the brainchild of the Republican Party... Welcome to USIDent. ...a colossal think tank formed under the protection of the Patriot Act. All information is sanitized. "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I... "I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. " You know, Bobby and I are so proud that we can unveil the first USIDent facility here in the Southland. UPU 5. Here at last! Boxer Santaros had returned from the desert with a case of amnesia. Someone had gotten under his skin. Her name was Krysta Kapowski, and together they had written a screenplay that foretold the tale of our destruction. You almost wrecked my car. Well? Get in. Stigmata. We'll hear that fine new platter by Nat King Cole... "I'd Rather Have The Blues. " The war machine was running out of gas. And there was no alternative. Alternative fuel, that is. Until one day, when a renegade scientist arrived in the Southland with a cure for our sickness. He built this great big machine out in the ocean that would generate a hydroelectric energy field called Fluid Karma... a wireless network of electric power that would run machines by remote... machines that would never have to be refueled. Treer Products is proud to present the wizard Baron Von Westphalen and his executive staff. Have you built the world's first perpetual motion machine? The ocean is a perpetual motion machine. Fluid Karma is a simulation of the principles you see working right here. As long as the waves continue to crash, Fluid Karma will exist. Quantum teleportation. Explain the transport mechanism. That's all I'm asking. Fluid Karma works via the principle of quantum entanglement. Particles thus entangled will behave identically... Operation Q... the atomic test program of the Federal Civil Defense Administration as seen by Joan Collin, reporter. I had to see Operation Q through many eyes, not only my own, but as a reporter through the eyes of the average American man and woman. I'm Krysta, Krysta Now. And we are here, live in Malibu, with my guests today... Shoshana Cox, Sheena Gee, and Deena Storm. Join us for an in-depth discussion of the penetrating issues facing society today... issues like abortion, terrorism, crime, poverty, social reform, quantum teleportation, teen horniness, and war. Now we all made decisions in our youth to start doing porn. I think it's time that we turn the mirror on ourselves. And once you get on the bang bus, you never get off. You know what? The bang bus should be banned. It's totally unethical, even within the parameters of porn. Do you like to get slapped to the ground and fucked? Too violent. Violence and porn should not mix. It gives porn a bad name. You know what? I like to get fucked. I like to get fucked hard. - Yeah. Me, too. - Amen to that. I mean, violence is a big problem in our society today, and I will not support it. That's the primary reason why I won't do anal. I didn't know that about you. Makes me want to give up anal. Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Our first issue today is terrorism. Go ahead and make fun of my prophecies all you want, Fortunio. But deep down inside, everyone wishes they were a porn star. Really? We're a bisexual nation living in denial, all because of a bunch of nerds, a bunch of nerds who got off a boat in the 15th century and decided that sex was something to be ashamed of. All the Pilgrims did was ruin the American Indian orgy of freedom. You been lying to me? You have to trust me. I'm here to protect you. From who? From the people out there who want to destroy you. Later that day, Krysta had a lunch meeting with adult film director Cyndi Pinziki. Well, in my first six movies I was just "Krysta. " You know, but then in order to differentiate myself from the 76 other Krystas in the business, I added the "Now. " Wow. Well, it's all about now, 2008, not next week, not tomorrow. If you want to fuck me, you can fuck me... now. Wow. So is that the name of your TV show? Now? It's a topical-discussion- chat-reality show. Got the pop album, the jewelry, clothing and perfume line, the energy drink. This is a very ambitious business plan. Can you keep a secret? Of course. I'm fucking a very large and important man. Wow. The search for Boxer Santaros reached up into the highest levels of national security... led by none other than his mother-in-law... Nana Mae Frost... wife of Republican senator Bobby Frost, former prom queen and Deputy Director of the NSA. Nana Mae Frost, please acknowledge. Identification confirmed. Welcome aboard, Miss Frost. Thank you. Nana makes me wear these fucking things. Do I look like a nerd? No. - Welcome to Treer Plaza, tower one. - Yes. We know that Boxer crossed the border into California. There hasn't been a single fingerprint found in the system since then. We know someone must be hiding him. What the hell was he doing in Nevada? We think he was kidnapped at a charity scavenger hunt. Somebody stole one of the prototype SUVs from a warehouse in San Pedro. Tracking devices tell us that they crossed the border way out past Lake Mead. Get over to the computer. I can show you. - All right. - He's been brainwashed. I'm sending you the surveillance footage right now. This footage was taken by his abductor, someone with ties to the Neo-Marxist movement. Is that Boxer? Yes. Is this the last time anybody saw him? Yes, except for these. What's that, smoke? Somehow the vehicle caught on fire. There was somebody in there, too. What? Baron has retrieved the charred remains of the body. - Have they identified the body yet? - Not that I know of. Grid nine zero two nine one. Venice Beach was home to the Neo-Marxist underground. They were the disciples of German philosopher Karl Marx. Here we go, just in time. This is Fortunio Balducci, his new best friend. Drug dealer, pimp, co-producer on some new mystery project. He's been crashing with Fortunio in Manhattan Beach all week. They hooked up on some drug binge out in Vegas. Our little Krysta has promised me a marriage killer, maybe even an election killer. Boxer hasn't talked to his wife in a week. She's on the campaign trail. Nobody knows where he's been, much to the senator's dismay, and his bitch wife, Nana Mae. People in Washington are already whispering. Looks like the nervous breakdown of the century. Too bad it's an election year. Nothing that an eight ball, a porn star, and tattoo parlor can't handle. Revelation 6:8... "And behold, a pale horse, and he who sat on it, his name was Death. " You know, there'd be a lot less violence in the world if everyone just got a little more cardio. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, is that a bazooka? That is a heat-seeking ground-to-air rocket launcher from Syria. You can't afford that. What exactly do you want? I need some What else do you need along with the blanks? That's all, just the blanks. Here is your UPU 9 and the blanks. What the fuck is this? What, you won't take a personal check? No, I won't take a fucking check. Get the fuck out of my ice cream truck, you Cro-Magnon bitch. Say it again, man. Say it again. Huh? What was that? Huh? What was that? I can't hear you. I can't hear you. What was that? Say it again, you fuck! There. Cock fucker. They've synthesized a narcotic. The narcotic is injected into the neck. These are human receivers. They're conducting experiments on soldiers. This is a known fact, and no one will release the information. Perpetual motion machines are machines that are supposed to disobey one of the laws... They called him Ronald Taverner, and he was their pawn in a dangerous game of political extortion. ...disorder in the universe. You're just reading a bunch of stuff you read off the Internet. You're not listening. - I always think that... - You're not listening. - ... writes about science. - This is a law of thermodynamics... Ronald, they're just blanks, sweetheart. ...terribly difficult. We deduce from the other laws of physics, it is an application of... ...are reversible. There's a delay in my reflection. ...which implies that if you start with n possible states... What did you tell him? That he hit his head in the desert, and he has amnesia. The Baron claims that Fluid Karma is safe, but he refuses to release the environmental... Well, these things... these things better look real. Ronald? Bing said they're going to look real. When Ronald fires, he's going to hit the squibs. You just drugged and kidnapped an UPU 2 officer. Okay, that's against the law, sweetheart. Now, I need you to come out here and do this thing. You need to become a racist cop. Come on, honey. Let's dry our tears and face our fears. If you succeed in building one, you are guaranteed not to be able to explain it using the known laws of physics. Promise me you won't get hurt. We promise. The Neo-Marxists had taken a hostage... a hostage they would use to expose the sins committed by USIDent. His mission was to impersonate his twin brother. But his heart was filled with despair. Officer Roland Taverner. Of course you are. How you doing, man? When did you get back from the desert? Don't exactly remember. Oh, that's okay. That's okay, you're okay. Come on, let's go upstairs, right over here. This is an epic Los Angeles crime saga. And you're researching your role. You play a cop. You want to do a ride-along? Yes, exactly. But I'm also directing the film. It takes place in the near future. Right. Scientists are saying the future's going to be far more futuristic than they originally predicted. The basic concept is this... I play an LAPD cop who isn't who he seems. He's a paranoid schizophrenic who has a supernatural gift. He sees things. And he senses a change in the city. Crime suddenly skyrockets for no apparent reason. The world is coming to an end. And he's the only one who can see the truth. What's the truth? My character, he realizes that the apocalyptic crime rate is because of global deceleration. The rotation of the Earth is slowing down at a rate of point zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero... six miles per hour each day, disrupting the chemical equilibrium in the human brain, causing very irrational criminal behavior. How does he stop the global deceleration? Oh, he can't stop it. There is no stopping what can't be stopped. Only God... can stop it. But The New York Times said "God is dead. " So in the end, I die in a very tragic downtown shootout while whispering my theory to Dr. Muriel Fox, the oceanography disaster specialist. Astrophysicist! The oceanography disaster specialist... sweetheart. My character... his name... is Jericho Kane. You're going to have to wear a bulletproof vest. Let me ask you, what goes through your head when you sit behind the wheel... cruising the streets, digesting humanity? Is it a process of elimination? Each car that passes, the person inside... are they a mere suspect? Or are we all innocents, our chariots mere chess pieces waiting to be thrown from the gridlock and into the arms of the wolves? Well, I'd say we act like concerned citizens. We look at all the people, all the cars. We look for any unusual or erratic behavior. Speed changes or lane changes that seem unsafe. Yeah, but don't you think emotions come into play? Judgment calls, affected by whatever mood you're in on that particular day? Emotional responses based on your past events? Well, there is one thing. I knew it. I knew it, tell me. Be honest. To be honest... we're just looking out for the niggers. - The niggers? - Yeah. They're everywhere. - You're joking. - No, I'm not joking. I'm just fucking with you, man. That's a funny joke. Yes! He said "nigger. " But I don't think he said it with authority. I didn't believe him as a racist cop. Fascist, maybe, but not racist. Ask him about his wife. So what does your wife think about your new girlfriend? - My wife? - Yeah. She cool with the fact that you have a porn-star girlfriend on the side? I'm not married. - You're not? - No, I'm not. I could've sworn you were married to the daughter of a Texas senator, Senator Bobby Frost. Yeah, well, I'm not. I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't know who he is. I don't want to talk about this. Why are you asking questions? I want to talk about my movie. Okay. Let's talk about your film. What's it really about? It all hinges on a top secret experiment. Young couple comes home from the hospital with their newborn baby. A week goes by, and the baby still hasn't produced a bowel movement. Maybe the baby's just constipated. No, no, no, no. This is a very special baby. This baby processes energy differently. I haven't had a bowel movement in six days. I haven't taken a piss either. Revelation 11 tells the tale of two witnesses who appear in Jerusalem to speak out against the sins of mankind. They are eventually killed by those tormented by their prophesies. The dude hasn't taken a shit in a week. When has it ever been in the Bible that you have to have a bowel movement? It's not written anywhere. It's not written in the Bible, but some things is written, like, in Mother Nature. All of the animals shit. Cows shit, Ilamas shit. Do they like it? Do they want to? If they had a voice, would they rather not? I think they feel better after they take a shit. I think they do like it. My answer's yes. My answer is no. We're never going to agree on this. We've got to stop arguing. We have a lot of footage we've got to shoot. We've got to get out of here. Where is Kenny? Oh, look who decided to show up. Dude, you are late. You two don't understand. I mean, the shit is literally hitting the fan. Whatever, dude. Are we still routing out of USIDent? Yeah, of course. We never stopped. Ken, he wakes up, give him an injection right there. - Dude, you are late. - You two don't understand. I mean, the shit is literally hitting the fan. The Neo-Marxists had recruited young Kenny Chan to work as a mole inside of USIDent. Hey, Starla? Can I get my coat back? Appreciate it. But it had been his great misfortune to trust his colleague... Starla Von Luft. Senator Bobby Frost arrived in the Southland as the campaign for the White House finds itself in a race to secure California. Senator Frost plans to tour the alternative fuel project at Santa Monica Pier, hoping to combat the intense criticism from environmental groups that he does not support the alternative fuel movement. USIDent has unraveled a conspiracy involving the trafficking of human fingers. Neo-Marxist cells are attempting to rig the upcoming election using rogue fingerprints from severed thumbs. Well, Christ Almighty. Lookie here. "Teen horniness is not a crime. " I never said it was. Sir, I'm afraid it gets even worse. Well, how the hell can it get any worse? We just received this image of Boxer from an unidentified source calling themselves "Deep Throat Two. " They're transmitting from a scrambler. We can't trace it. Oh, my God. Well, how about that? Talk of the devil, we've got an incoming call from Deep Throat Two. Who are you, and what do you want? This is Deep Throat Two. The bitch is back. And she's got Boxer Santaros on tape in compromising positions. And how much do you want for the tape? One million dollars cash and a yes vote endorsement by the senator on Proposition 69. Miss Deep Throat, this is Senator Bobby Frost. I just saw your little movie. I think it stinks. Furthermore, we do not negotiate with terrorists. And if you think you're going to get any money out of us, you've got miles to go before you sleep and miles to go before you sleep. Bitch. All right, no need to panic. We've always got phase two. Wait, what is phase two? You didn't tell me there was a phase two. Krysta, no offense to you and your little career-makeover plan, but we are trying to impact the outcome of an election. Proposition 69. To Krysta, that number had one meaning and one meaning only. To everyone else, it was a proposition on the ballot to restrict the powers of the oppressive institution known as USIDent. My parents died in the 4th of July attacks. When will we be free of this terror? Vote no. No! I think the press conference is over. Thank you. Always the nerds. And the Supreme Court are a bunch of assholes that... who the fuck elected them anyway, right? I mean, they're a bunch of supreme shit heads, right? Don't tell me what to do with my body, you fuckstick, right? I have a question for the Supreme Court. What happens when a woman has sex on a flight from London to Los Angeles, then takes the morning-after pill while flying across the time zone? I don't know. Then it becomes the morning-before pill. You are a genius. - Holy shit. That is brilliant. - Hello. Can't argue with that. Urban pacification units arrested a group of individuals tied to the Neo-Marxist movement, fighting to impose restrictions on the think tank organization through Proposition 69. ACLU representatives joined the protest downtown, where there were more arrests. ...and I know what I want. - We need to stay in the moment... Phase two was now in motion. Dion and Dream were going to stage their own demise... a desperate attempt to destroy USIDent. Hit me again, baby. You know, I still don't see why facial prosthetics are necessary. That wasn't part of the plan. I told you a million times, genius, Dion and I are cultural icons. We cannot afford to get recognized by the camera. Oh, that's right. See, I didn't realize that your spoken-word poetry had captured the cultural zeitgeist of the nation, Dream. Yeah, well, at least I'm not a second-rate comedian, Zora. Just because it's loud doesn't mean it's funny. You know, you might want to watch what you say, bitch. Sometimes a dream can become a nightmare on the turn of a dime. Will you two just chill the fuck out? Go get those squib detonators ready, They're going to be here in, like, an hour. Hey, Bing, these off-road rollerblades were a great idea. Thanks, Zora. There is a fucking firewall that someone is penetrating. And you know what? Right now this place is probably wired. Grid nine zero two four five. No, no, I told you. I told you, I tried the goddamn password. So you did hear me - Yes. - About the firewall? Give me a password that will work. Fuck her. You know what? Nana Mae Frost can eat a fucking dick. Take him down. Kenny, get out of there... No, no. Look, you can't be calling me five times a day with this. I'm at work. Yeah, well... Yeah, you know, cat throw-up doesn't come out. So what the hell is it you want me to do? Fire at will. Wake up. Wake up. You have to wake up now! Where is he? I don't know. Take him down. He doesn't know who he is. Promise me you'll find him. - I promise. - Okay, good. There's a window right up there. You got to go. I've had this recurring dream. Tell me about it. I wake up in this dungeon. The walls are made of sand. As I slowly make my way through this maze, approaching a light source at the end... guess who's standing there waiting for me? Who? You. Do you ever feel like there's a thousand people... locked inside of you? Sometimes. But it's your memory that keeps them glued together. Keeps all those people from... fighting one another. Maybe in the end that's all we have. The memory gospel. Would you excuse me for a second? Yes. "Here we go round the prickly pear. Here we go round the prick... " Meet Dr. Inga Von Westphalen. Charmed, I'm sure. He is a fine specimen, a divine specimen. Whatever happens next is through no fault of your own. We have read your screenplay. The Power. How did you get a copy of my screenplay? Don't look so scared, Mr. Santaros. The future... is just like you imagined. This is the way the world ends. Not with a whimper. But with a bang. Grid nine zero four zero one. Los Angeles International Airport passenger terminal four, public restroom. Eww, you're doing bathroom detail? LAX. Pacific Park. Dude, I'm worried about Starla. She's been on bathroom detail for 24 straight hours. That's too much for one woman. Venice Beach. Starla had downloaded a copy of Boxer's screenplay from Krysta's website. Her romantic obsession led to a spiritual transformation. She assumed the role of Dr. Muriel Fox. And only she could help him solve the eternal mystery. Grid nine zero two nine one. Dispatch to Officer Taverner, do you copy? Go ahead. We have a possible domestic disturbance at 14000 Nowita Place. Do you copy? Copy that. We getting called in to some shit? Looks like it. Transform. Breathe. Dream. Did you fuck him? Yeah, I fucked him! I fucked him real good! Oh, you liked it? I fucking loved it! Oh, you bitch! I fucked your brother last night, too. I'll fuck him in front of you, too! You a fucking slut! Don't point your finger at me. Bitch, I'll fucking kill you. You kill me, I'll get the fucking cops out here so fast. How? How? How? You're going to be dead! I know people! They're so good at improv. I fucking hate you! I fucking hate you! Don't marry a ho. You can't make one a housewife. You can't. I don't want to be a fucking housewife! I like to suck dick! That's what I like to do. Grid nine zero two nine one. Oakwood Avenue. Oh, look, a fellow officer of the law. Howdy. Hermosa Beach. Little bit out of your jurisdiction, don't you think? Well there is no jurisdiction. We're all UPU 2 now. We have a possible domestic disturbance at 14000 Nowita Place. Do you copy? Boxer Santaros? Good evening, officer. I'm researching my movie. Sounds like you could use a little backup. I think I can handle this. No. I think you could use a little backup. No, you fucking bitch. Fuck you! Don't call me a fucking bitch! That's what I called you, and I'll fucking kill you! His fucking dick was 200 inches long! You can't get your dick hard! - What? - You can't fucking... Behind you, officer. I've never seen so much fog. Tidal Generator. Fucking asshole! You fucking slut. That's what you are, a fucking slut. You can't get your fucking dick hard! That's why I had to fuck your brother on our wedding night. I'll fucking knock the shit out of you, bitch. You knock the shit out of me, I'll sue the shit out of you! Fuck you! Don't fucking say that to me. You're a fucking dick. I can't even believe I married you. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Is that Ronald? Check this out, pig! Fascist dogma applied Revolution by surprise My vagina will not be denied A vote in your subjective election That's an original poem by Dream. Oh, shit. Dream over. Flow my tears. Now, that was loud. And that was funny. They weren't armed. This is my deal now. Now, get the fuck out of here... Santaros. You're not really here. Who am I? None of your business. Now, get the fuck out of here. It was an inspired idea... a staged double murder committed by a racist cop, captured on tape by a movie star with political ties. Go! But no one could've anticipated the untimely arrival of Officer Bart Bookman. Shit. Cease to resist Giving my goodbyes - Drive my car - Fuck! Into the ocean You'll think I'm dead But I sail away On a wave of mutilation Wave of mutilation Wave of mutilation Wave Wave Hello? Is this Jericho Kane? Yes. This is Dr. Muriel Fox. I've uncovered the secret documents about the Tidal Generator. Your hypothesis was correct. A corruption in the tidal drag has caused a rift in the space-time continuum. Where is the rift? Out in the desert, near Lake Mead. There's more, but... I cannot tell you here. They're listening. Call this number. The 2008 Treer Saltair. Coming soon. Thank you. It is a great honor and a privilege to be here. Thank you, Vaughn Smallhouse. Did I just see two cars pork each other? Indeed. That was disgusting. I wouldn't worry, sir. That's the European version. The tides have turned. No longer must we burn the spirits of the dead. No longer must we treat our precious ozone layer like the bastard stepchild of the cosmos. No longer can even the most jaded neocon fat cat deny the majesty... of our mother... ocean. Hello. This is Jericho Kane. What? This is Jericho Kane. Boxer. Who's this? Where... where are you? I'm in Venice, somewhere in Venice. Boxer, Boxer, go to the Baja Cantina. It's at the mouth of the Venice Canal, on Washington Boulevard. Baja Cantina. It's a restaurant. Baja Cantina? You stay right there. I'm going to send a car to get you. - Where is he? - He's in Venice, the Baja Cantina... ...mouth of the Venice Canal, right on Washington Boulevard. - Venice Beach, yeah. - We got him. I just want to say that my heart is broken by the state of the world and the state of this city, and if those callers who are calling in... What, are you so frightened you have to pretend that they killed each other? You can't even see that these people have... Fuck. It's an urgent problem regarding Boxer Santaros. What do you mean he's unavailable? Unavailable, my ass! You tell Vaughn Smallhouse he better not fuck with Deep Throat Two. How the fuck am I supposed to blackmail some movie star if I can't get his fucking representation on the phone? These Hollywood managers, they think their shit don't smell. Let me tell you something, Teri. When the shit hits the fan, it all smells the same. Fuck, yeah, it does. I don't know what it is you've done... but you have to promise me that he won't get hurt. He's not the person you think he is. Mr. Santaros. Nice. Yeah. You got the... the head of the Neo-Marxist underground and his bitch girlfriend, code name Dream, real name Veronica Mung. Dion and Dream are dead. They're not. They were just squibs. Those weren't squibs. Yes, they were. We doubled up on the squibs, Roland, two each. I thought my name was Ronald. That's what I said, I said Ronald. What's wrong with you? I think you've been lying to me, Zora. Yeah. I think you've been lying to me all along. Okay, now you're just being paranoid, Ronald. Listen, guys. I think I'm going to rollerblade on home now because I don't really want to be involved in this anymore, at all. Okay, Bing. Go ahead. Good luck. You can keep the rollerblades, Zora. Just consider them a gift. You take care, now. Grid nine eight nine one. Venice City Beach, Market Street. Speedway. The fuck out! Revelation 20:2... "For it will never be night again... "and they will not need lamplight or sunlight... "because the Lord God will be shining on them. They will reign forever and ever. " Two Venice Beach residents were found dead earlier today in what appears to be a domestic dispute that ended in tragedy. Veronica Mung, a celebrated performance artist who used the stage name Dream, was allegedly shot by her husband and fellow performance artist Dion Element. Authorities believe Element then turned the gun on himself. Sorry. The couple, well known as the John and Yoko of the Venice underground, had ties to the growing Neo-Marxist movement. How safe is your car? Which vehicles are the favorite targets of renegade terrorist car bombs? - Just when the heat wave is... - Excuse me, sir. Do you have a cell phone I can use? There are concerns over the rise of the Red Tide. What some beachgoers think is dirty, rusty water is actually... Local call? Local call. The phenomenon began two weeks ago as the Treer Tidal Generator began a series of system checks... - Thanks. - ... off the coast of Santa Monica. Federal health officials say the Red Tide is not dangerous to beachgoers, but they recommend a shower after swimming. Interstate travel visas have frozen as the government issues a code red terror alert for the holiday weekend. 42 American troops killed in Syria yesterday... Come on, come on. Officer Roland Taverner? Revelations 12 and 13 tell the tale of a pregnant woman, a dragon, and two beasts. Boxer Santaros has arrived. They are the puppets of the Antichrist. What? You've got amnesia? You're my wife. God, I can't... I am just so glad you're alive. A Hermosa Beach woman brutally assaults an UPU officer with an oversized dildo. A reversible birth control option for dogs may one day replace neutering. Bin Laden's search... Did you get the tape? When do I get paid? Soon enough, baby. That shit better not get out. Oh, it won't. We're going to get paid a lot of money... to destroy it. You want to fuck or watch a movie? Teen horniness is not a crime Open your heart and your mind Horniness is on the rise Look inside and you will find Teen horniness is not a crime Open your heart and your mind 'Cause the numbers don't lie Observe the nerds who shot up Columbine, yeah An overcrowded nation Find her and bring her to me right now. All your legislation Can't stop teens'masturbation We think it was a Neo-Marxist group that abducted you. Cockroaches. Careful what you say, Senator. Oh, bullshit. Krysta Now has arrived... now. Oh, I can't wait to meet her. Cock Chuggers Two: Cock Chugging? Who the fuck makes this shit? Huh? Hey, hey, she just cut her own pop album. "Teen horniness is not a crime. Keep an open heart and an open mind. " She's developing her own reality show, clothing line, jewelry, perfume, and not to mention an energy drink which I tried, and her drink tastes really, really good. - Can I see the Cock Chuggers? - No, no. Can you not see that she has completely set you up? I mean, is there... is there, like, video footage of the two of you together? Yeah. There is. Lots of it. Okay, okay, so... so we have to give the bitch whatever she wants. She wants a million dollars and a yes vote on Proposition 69. Are you Deep Throat Two? I'm not in that movie. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, we have to give her whatever she wants to get that DVD back. It... it's just, case closed. This is extortion, sweety-kins. A million dollars is a lot of money, and we don't negotiate with terrorists. Cock Chugging Two! If this gets out, the election is over. It's an election year, Bob. Everyone pays. They're right, Bob, we should pay. Deep Throat Two can be silenced. You just take it out of his bank account. Thank God I didn't sign a prenup. And you know what? Maybe now is the time to let you know that I am pregnant with your child. Pregnant? She's pregnant? Yeah, you're gonna be a granddaddy. Miss Krysta, did somebody put you up to this? Yeah. He did. He paid me to bring Boxer back from the desert safe and in one piece. - Baron, Baron. - No, no. Is this true? Preposterous. - Listen to me, would you stop it? - I'll cut you down, you little shit. Hey, we're on the same team here. Baron would not sabotage the campaign. Who are you going to trust, Bob, a Nobel prize-winning scientist or a two-bit porn star? I don't know, Dad. I wouldn't trust him, because you know he's been secretly funding the Neo-Marxist movement. What? How dare you. Those clowns know less about Karl Marx than that Chihuahua. No, you have been secretly sabotaging this campaign from the inside out. You should be very careful about pointing fingers, Madeline, because I happen to know that you are pregnant with Brandt's baby, and I have the blood tests to prove it. Baron. Baron. The car is waiting, my child. Not now, mother. Mr. Takahashi has accepted the terms of the deal. We have to deal with Deep Throat Two. Brandt, you're mine. I'm not staying in here when all this stuff is going on, and Mom is out there, and she's not in here with us. - Mom's all right. - I don't like it. It makes me feel anxious. You will never get reelected. I love you, Jericho Kane. Hello? Jericho? Yeah. Go to the base of the Santa Monica Pier. Through the looking glass you'll find what you are looking for. "We saw the shadows of the morning light... "shadows of the evening sun... until light and shadows were one. " Go... before it is too late. This is the wizard, Baron Von Westphalen. Remove the paladin body from Utopia Three. And so it begins. But then Satan answered the Lord in his sniveling, conniving way and said, "Does Job fear God for no reason? "Have you not put a hedge around him "and his house and all that he has on every side? "You have blessed the work of his hand, "and his possessions have increased in the land. "But stretch out your hand "and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face. " The Baron had been conducing experiments on soldiers stationed in Iraq. Fluid Karma, the elixir of God... injected into the neck. Only a few of us made it home alive. The Baron claims that Fluid Karma is safe, but he refuses to release the environmental impact report from Utopia Three. Why are we being kept in the dark? What is he hiding? A deal for the Japanese license to Fluid Karma said to be moments from closing. The Baron's quest for global domination was almost complete. Negotiations had concluded with Hideo Takehashi, the prime minister of Japan. Takehashi was willing to relinquish one of his fingers in exchange for access to Fluid Karma. You bastard! You said finger, not entire hand. Clearly your attorneys didn't read the whole contract. It stipulates a six-inch margin of error in the cutting radius. Contract said finger only. Serpentine... have Mr. Takehashi's hand bronzed and mounted on a cheap wooden plaque. Here at home the Southland continues to sizzle with record-breaking triple-digit temperatures in the valleys and the deserts. Palmdale residents endured temperatures as high as 124 degrees. Hey, this guy, he ain't no joke, so don't waste his fucking time, you hear me? Martin Kefauver has arrived. Is it God? It's... it's medicinal. Now, dog, I seen... I seen all your movies. You're... you're great. I know I'm great. Tell me something I don't know. My dad is your plastic surgeon. Murray Kefauver's kid. Yeah. - Shit, man, how the hell are you? - Yeah, dog. Hey, tell your dad I said hey. I mean, tell him... tell him I'm... I'm going to give him a call. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Fallujah. Shit got fucked up. Anyways, hey. Let's get down to business. What is it? Straight up Fluid Karma. Me and my boys been smuggling this shit out of Utopia. Look. Green, you dream. Blue, in an hour you feel new. And you can forget about mellow yellow and agent orange, 'cause, hey... I'm giving you blood red. Do you bleed? I said, do you bleed? Yeah, yeah, dog. Then you take the blood train. You talk to God without even... without even seeing Him. You hear His voice, and you see His disciples. They appear like... angels under a sea of black umbrellas. Angels who can see through time. Thanks, dog. I got soul, but I'm not a soldier I got soul, but I'm not a soldier I got soul, but I'm not a soldier I got soul, but I'm not a soldier Yeah, you know you got to help me out Yeah, don't you put me on the backburner you know you got to help me out, yeah, yeah You're going to bring us all down Yeah, yeah You're going to bring us all down Yeah, yeah Don't you put me on the backburner You're going to bring us all down, yeah, yeah You're going to bring us all down Oh, oh, and then Last call for sin While everyone's lost The battle is won With all these things that I done All these things that I've done If you can't hold on If you can't hold on My face haunted his dreams. For billions of years, the daily cycles of the ocean tides have influenced patterns of hunting, breeding, and feeding behavior among the developing life forms of our planet. The city is filled with excitement and anticipation as the hangar doors are scheduled to open at any moment, giving Southland residents their first glimpse at the Treer MegaZeppelin. The Jenny Von Westphalen is 900 feet long, is lifted by turbine engines that are activated by an energy field that they call Fluid Karma. Hi, Krysta. Zora. Come on in. Penetrating. It's just a suggestion. So what do you want? We're filming my reality webcast before the party. Can I score some drugs? Sure you can, kitten. Pandora's box had been left exposed to prying eyes. How did you get this? Hey, over here. What's with the getup? I've got the tape of me and Boxer in my bag. And what are you going to do with it? I'm thinking of going public with it. I mean, fuck it, this could impact the entire election. There's a website that everyone's talking about. Someone's routing outside of USIDent, and the government cannot figure out how to shut it out. What's it called? Www. usideath. org. How do I get this to the webmaster? Oh, it's the Neo-Marxists. They've put drop boxes all over the city. I think there's one in the poopdeck. Okay, get Sheena and Deena and meet them in Hermosa with the cameras. Let's do this. Pilot Abilene is accused of being a part of a group of soldiers who have smuggled the drug out of Utopia Three. War widow Tanya McBride is set to speak at megachurch gathering downtown. Hermosa Police issue an arrest warrant for Tab Taverner. The former mayor remains at large, hidden by Neo-Marxists underground. UPU units prepare for violence during downtown celebrations... Give me the gun. I need your help. I need you to help me find my brother. Okay. Put on your seatbelt. Well, Deep Throat Two, I presume. It's the only copy? I don't work in distribution. Yes, that's the only copy. Oh, please, I'd like to ask you a few questions. Go ahead, ask away. How do you sleep at night? Very well, thank you very much. That is, until I hear screams from next door because USIDent is raiding my neighbor's house, based on false information provided by that Orwellian nightmare your friend endorsed. You ever lose someone close to you, a loved one, in a terrorist attack? 'Cause I have. This may come as a shock to you, Mr. Smallhouse, but I lost two people in Abilene... two of my four ex-husbands, on a fishing trip, which they took every year to bitch about me. What are you going to do with all that free money? I'm going to distribute my documentary film, help some women in the Middle East get some more civil liberties. Do you know what those two words mean? "Civil liberties"? You ought to write them down. You know what? You're going to go down, Cyndi Pinziki. That's right, I know your real name. You know, I wasn't going to do this, but I feel very generous today. I'm going to leave you with a little present. Wow. I am flattered. What is it? - A Taser gun to the balls. - What? You should know that there's another tape out there, a far more incriminating tape featuring your pal, Boxer Santaros, and a double murder, and it's going to cost a lot more than a million to get your hands on that one, because when all is said and done, nobody rocks the cock like Cyndi Pinziki. Eat shit, you fucker! Whoa, yeah! That little bitch, she stole it. What? Your friend Krysta. She stole the tape for her stupid reality show. She's going to go pranked on with it. She probably thinks it's the footage of her and... - what? Oh, eat a dick, Pinziki, eat a dick! What? She just told me to eat a dick. She's going completely fucking off. You think your personal privacy is more important than protecting my family from terrorists? Well, guess again. If the government won't stop them, I will. Vote no on Proposition 69. President Bush was received warmly by a group of Orange County Republican business leaders. We've made it such that an underground industry thrives on human beings. One question that the president did not address was the rising gas prices starting to threaten the GDP of the California economy. Several small earthquakes have been reported off the coast of Santa Monica, each increasing in magnitude. Seismologists are warning Southland residents of another massive earthquake, noting tidal disturbances emanating from the Utopia Three facility on the Pacific coast. I felt a premonition. Danger was on the horizon. Man, this is great. Shit, Boxer Santaros. Jericho Kane. The information that I've uncovered could get me killed, but it was a risk I was willing to take. The fate of the world depends on you, Jericho. Yes. You must board the MegaZeppelin. The secret you are looking for is hidden in the Baron's private chamber. What is the secret? There's a dead body they've retrieved from the desert. They found the body in your car. Did I kill someone out there? They're listening. They're watching. If you should succeed, remember me, my love. Remember my name. I will. L... I want to suck your dick. If you don't let me suck your dick, I'm going to kill myself. W- w... wait. Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Target locked. Take your pants off right now, or I'm going to pull the trigger. Take them off. Okay. Jericho Kane... is going to make your wish come true... and turn you into a new woman. We could rent a room at Shutters. It's my favorite place. All right, we are trailing Zora Charmichaels and Bart Bookman. They are driving a silver pickup truck looking to rendezvous with Krysta Kapowski, a. k. a. Krysta Now, blonde, 5'4", 110 pounds. Apparently there is a tape in her possession. That is the target. There's here car. Bitch. All right, now it's on. Let's go. God, this is so revolutionary, Krysta. We have a Steadicam. I know, but when I said Steadicam, I didn't a My First Steadicam. I want a real one, like a real movie. I mean, TV show, but it's like a movie. You know, these kind of new technologies are totally changing culture now. Yeah, especially now that everything is digital. That sausage makes me hungry. Right down there, to the right, behind the toilet, feed the hole. Oh, yeah. - Do you see this scene? - Yeah. - It feels good. - It's hot. Sir, those people are trying to kill me. Whoa. Get the fuck out of my way, you bitch. Do you know who we are? - What's your hurry, bitch? - Oh, don't you... Anybody else want to take a swing at me? Krysta, it's the wrong tape, you stupid whore. Come on and get me, fucks. Fascist pigs. Oh, my God! Go, go! Why did I buy this car? Come on. Grid nine zero two six six... - Hello? - Fortunio. - Hey, hey. - Boxer. I'm at 26th Street, on The Strand, okay? Okay, bye. Fortunio was on the Baron's payroll all along. Put him up. Put him up. His orders were to deliver the specimen to Treer Plaza before sundown. Up, up, up. Watch it. There's no turning back now. You're a good friend. Cyndi had obtained a ticket to the launch of the Jenny Von Westphalen. Unfortunately, she did not have a plus one. Darkness fell upon the city. Neo-Marxist cells began to converge upon downtown. Treer Corporation would like to thank the mayor, the City of Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce, and all the sponsors who have supported the launch. All proceeds will benefit the victims' families... The Eliot campaign will celebrate the holiday with a memorial concert at the Taper Center. Eliot will attend the concert with his family, while Senator Frost will attend the launch of the Treer MegaZeppelin just several blocks away. Paranoia began to consume their lives. Thousands gather to witness the maiden voyage of America's technological marvel, the Southland's newest wonder, the Treer MegaZeppelin. ...the hills above Los Angeles today, while on the ground authorities are bracing for the first riots since 1992. You can see right there, a car bomb went off just moments ago. So why do you want to kill yourself? I got drafted, dog. I got to go to Iraq, maybe Syria. I can't take that shit. I'd rather put a bullet in my head quick and painless. Fallujah. You were in Iraq? Yo, how'd you get out, dog? That's none of your business. Just try and cross the border into Mexico. That's where my brother and I are headed. Yo, I don't have a visa, dog. You said something while you were asleep. "We saw the shadows of the morning light... "the shadows of the evening sun... until the shadows and the light were one. " What does that mean? "Three days. " The final three days. It all ends tonight. It's gonna be a hot time in the city tonight. Job well done, Miss Now. Is he gonna be okay? Well, as they say, only time will tell. What does this mean? There is a path to end all suffering. You should take it. Behold the Eighth Wonder of the World... Treer MegaZeppelin! Did you retrieve the DVD from Deep Throat Two? Affirmative, Cyndi. I'm going to be going live with three tales from the Southland this evening. How long will the website be active before USIDent can route in and shut it down? Are you kidding me? Who are you talking to? Don't worry your pretty little head over it. You go enjoy the rest of the party. I'm out. To be honest... we're just looking out for the niggers. This is my deal now... Santaros. More than a hundred thousand people have gathered to be at the largest block party in the history of Los Angeles. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Farewell, one and only beloved. I cannot write anymore, or my head will be all in a whirl, and... Adieu, adieu my sweetheart. Jenny. You try so hard to be heard You try so hard to not hurt I give you nothing to doubt, and you doubt me I'll give you all that I have, but you don't see Now I know that my eyes must close here Every word seems to feel like you don't care But I know that you're so confused and afraid I just want to be one true thing that don't fade I don't want to give up tomorrow I just can't understand why we're going on Thank you. I don't wanna be sad I don't wanna be scared I don't wanna be sad I don't wanna be scared I don't wanna be sad I don't wanna be scared I don't wanna be sad I don't wanna be scared I don't wanna be sad I don't wanna be scared I don't' wanna be sad I don't wanna be scared Mr. Boxer Santaros has arrived. Excellent. How does it end? A handshake. I had a dream last night that you died. Mr. Santaros. Your presence is requested in the Marx Suite. Alone. I'm not going to die. ...he was on fire. The surrounding stores, you could see people running in and out of the broken windows. What is going on... And there's another... another explosion just took off down... right down there off of Third Street. Revelation 22... "Very soon now shall I be with you again... "bringing the reward to be given to every man according to what he deserves. " Mr. Santaros, welcome to the Marx Suite. Now, Simon says lower your sidearm, please. Are you just deaf or willfully stupid? I told you to lower that fucking sidearm! And there you go. Well, come on in. They're trying to rig the election. California is too close to call. All... all right, sweetheart, whatever you say. Why isn't she here? She won't leave her post. It is time for a surgical strike. I can smell you from down the hall. No. Not now, Dennis. The Neo-Marxists have infiltrated USIDent. She has to leave there immediately. It's okay. She has everything under control. We need to get her out of there. There are thousands, probably tens of thousands of protesters all up and down the street and spreading out into the surrounding arteries coming in toward the downtown area. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Treer MegaZeppelin. The project was called Serpentine Dream Theory. The Tidal Generator within Utopia Three has achieved simulated perpetual motion. The impact of this achievement has slowed the acceleration of the planet to such a degree that certain environmental anomalies have started to surface. One of these anomalies, discovered earlier this year, was a rift in the fourth dimension. A rift in the fabric of space-time... half a kilometer wide. Located on the outskirts of Lake Mead. Yes, Mr. Santaros. Just like you imagined in your screenplay. And what did we do once we discovered a rift in the fourth dimension? We launched monkeys into it. Only a human subject could survive that jaunt. The soul of a monkey can't survive the dimensional threshold. So we learned, at which point the Baron decided that the first human subject to travel through the rift would be a movie star. Why me? Your celebrity and your political ties proved an irresistible combination. As the satellite photos show, at approximately 10:51 a. M... and this is 69 minutes before you passed through the rift... a duplicate Boxer Santaros appeared. You traveled 69 minutes back in time, sir, at which point your future self... and your past self confronted one another. So I'm my future self. And I'm the dude who traveled through the rift. And this is all that's left of your past self. This body, this artifact, this dual existence of a single human soul could unlock the secret of creation, the secret of humankind. I don't understand. I've never considered committing suicide. I'm a pimp. And pimps don't commit suicide. We don't know what would happen if two identical human souls and the vessels that they travel in were to come into immediate close contact with one another. Indy 103.1... the independent FM. Fourth of July weekend... Where did you get this? Pilot Abilene. Pilot Abilene? Do you bleed? You can fly so bloody What happened in Fallujah was an accident. They called it friendly fire, and Private Taverner could not forgive himself for what he had done to me. Yo, dog, where are we headed? Somewhere downtown. We have to go downtown. He's in an ice cream truck. Wow, I can feel it. There is automatic weapon fire, we understand, down on the ground, and we just heard... ...the power and the kingdom of your God... Yo, dog, I'm going to empty out my account... take everything I got. Neat. Welcome to the Rove Credit Union. Please have your USIDent card ready in order to make your transaction. ...is the promise in the Word of God! Welcome, Martin Kefauver, welcome. Martin Kefauver, welcome, welcome, welcome... Kefauver and card ready... Yo, dog, it says... it says "transaction denied," dog. Yo, what... what do I do? We're going to take the ATM machine with us to Mexico. Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the national anthem. I give you Rebekah Del Rio. ...whose broad stripes and bright stars Through the perilous fight O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming And the rockets'red glare The bombs bursting in air Gave proof through the night That our flag was still there Oh, say, does that star-spangled banner Yet wave? O'er the land of the free And the home of the brave We've got a perimeter breach at Caltrans Building. I repeat, we've got a perimeter breach. Die, you fucking pig! Uh-oh, wait. Apparently we've lost contact with Sky Cam. As you could see just before we lost the picture, a lot of people downtown, a lot of activity, all kinds of problems. - Please stay indoors. - Stay inside. And, you know, we're getting information that the Neo-Marxist... You know. You know exactly what happened out in the desert. Who did the Baron hire to kidnap me? And who drove me through the time rift? You haven't figured that out yet? What is his name? Officer Roland Taverner. Officer Roland Taverner. How are you? Ice cream truck. Teri? Teri, you've gone too far. Ladies and gentlemen, we seem to be having... Is he still alive? In more ways than one. You made sure Taverner went through the time rift with me. Then you hit the SUV self-destruct trigger, by remote, which means... I didn't kill myself. You're a pimp. Pimps don't commit suicide. Oh, you got that right. And Roland Taverner... and his twin brother... they're the same person, aren't they? Two identical souls walking the face of the earth, coexisting in the same dominion of chaos. What will happen if they shake hands? The fourth dimension will collapse upon itself. You stupid bitch. Again, don't be alarmed, but stay inside. The ocean is in control. ...the rioting continues downtown, and it's a problem right now because it looks like the crowds are growing. Even though we no longer have contact with our chopper, we do understand it was the Neo-Marxist movement that started these riots. They're continuing to move throughout downtown Los Angeles... And this is the tower of fire. We have to evacuate. What in God's name are you talking about? There he is. Let's go. We've got automatic weapons fire at Fourth Street and Hill. I think they're already inside. Recommend open fire into the crowd. No. Run! Yo, yo, dog, you all right? Well done, soldier. Take that target. You can't miss. Come on, let's go, let's go! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Krysta Now, Shoshanna Cox, Sheena Gee, and Deena Score. They are the Memory Gospel Dancers. Let's... let's leave right now. This guy right here might never leave. It had to be this way. I know. He's going to die. There's nothing we can do about it? Is it some kind of an orgy or something? What the hell's he doing? Evacuate the atrium. Move to the rear of the MegaZeppelin. No. Everybody, go back to your seats. Or I kill myself, and I swear to God... I'll do it. We have to let go. I can't. You have to let me go. But the truck will fall, and we'll both die. Let me go, or I'll pull this fucking trigger! - No, you won't. - I swear to God I'll do it! No, you won't. Ladies and gentlemen, the party is over. Have a nice apocalypse. Put down the gun. This is all in my head. I can pull the trigger now and wake up. This whole nightmare will be over. Our mission is to destroy capitalism. Dethrone God. Officer Roland Taverner. That's who you want. Don't you remember, Ronald? Do you remember Fallujah? I remember everything. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the way the world ends. Not with a whimper, but with a bang. But there is hope. In the end we can be reassured by one undeniable truth. Nobody rocks the cock like Krysta Now. And I mean nobody. I knew that son of a bitch was crazy. Get me out of here. It wasn't our fault. It wasn't our fault. Friendly fire. I forgive you. Friendly fire. - I forgive you. - Friendly fire. - Friendly fire. - I forgive you. - Friendly fire. - I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you. Revelation 21... And God wiped away the tears from his eyes, so the new messiah could see out to the New Jerusalem. His name was Officer Roland Taverner of Hermosa Beach, California... my best friend. He is a pimp... and pimps don't commit suicide. |
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