1
[siren wailing in distance]
[people chattering
indistinctly over radio]
[radio chatter continues]
[man 1 over radio] We've got a homicide,
possibly gang-related.
York Hotel.
[man 2]
Yeah, copy that, Control. 10-4.
York Hotel, as quick as you can.
Thanks, sweetie.
[upbeat rock song playing]
Hey, Frank, how about a freebie?
[laughing]
[man] Thanks.
[baby giggles]
[truck horn honking]
- [siren wailing]
- [horns honking]
[siren chirping]
- Detective Crankovich.
- [cop] Sorry, Detective...?
Mankovich. Frank.
Frank Mankovich. Detective.
Don't let anybody through,
especially the press.
- Detective Hankovich.
- [cops] Detective.
Hey, we're part of the investigation.
Detective Frank Wankovich.
Detective Claire Lady.
What happened here?
I already told
all your colleagues everything.
Well, you can tell me again, then.
Well, I was by reception and a man
came in, and he was wearing a helmet
and he had a gun with a silencer.
Mm-hm. And then?
Well, he pointed the gun at Mr. Ivanov
and shouted something in Russian, I think.
Then he shot him.
- What did he look like?
- [Perry] Bonneville.
Superintendent.
I'm not disturbing you,
I hope, Bonneville?
Oh. Not at all.
Oh. Claire Maddox,
Perry, head of homicide.
- Hi.
- Get out of here. Both of you.
Right now. Or I'll slap you in custody.
- Wait, you're not a detective?
- No.
My name is Frank, though.
This wasn't all a lie.
We had some good times, right?
[chattering]
- [man] Detective, a comment, please?
- Okay, let them through.
- Hey. What? What are you doing?
- He said let them through.
- You don't let anybody through.
- Oh.
Oh, I've gotta go, darling.
- [Frank] Get me the control room.
- They're on.
- Hey.
- [Mallard] So, you got a story, Frank?
"Russian Mafia Wars."
How's that sound?
[Mallard]
Okay. Let's do it now.
Standing by. And you're on.
At 8:45, Sergei Ivanov,
a.k.a. Three Fingers,
a figure in the Russian Mafia,
left his room at the York Hotel.
He'd just breakfasted on eggs, toast,
and a black coffee. His last breakfast.
The sumptuous lifestyle
and escapades of Sergei Ivanov,
mover and shaker in the nightclubs
of Manhattan and New Jersey...
Two minutes in the hotel
and he comes out with a story.
- A true artist. He's the best.
- He's certainly the best at what he does.
...a war that has only just begun.
This is Frank Bonneville, 365 News.
That was great.
- You need any help?
- No, I'm fine. Won't be a minute.
"Darling."
- Who was that, then, your girlfriend?
- I'm married.
Ah. [chuckles]
So, it's his wife.
- [Finch] Yeah.
- Eh! He's a player.
- Aren't you, Finch? Huh?
- [video game noises]
- Chick in every port?
- Nah.
[Finch groans]
[Claire] Oh.
- [Claire] You okay?
- [Finch] Yeah, fine.
[Claire] You want a coffee?
[Finch] Yeah, can I get a skim-milk latte?
- [Claire] You on a diet?
- [Finch] A bit, yeah.
I had a medical,
and apparently I'm 25 percent fat.
- Is that bad?
- Yeah. It's more than some snacks.
[both chuckle]
[Claire] Ooh!
- Okay.
- See you later.
[chattering]
There he is.
Huh?
Look at you.
First reporter with the story, again.
All other journalists
banned from the site.
Ha!
Oh, no, wait. What are these?
"Impersonating an officer."
"Tampering with a crime scene."
- I got results.
- You're not Dirty Harry!
At best, you're an underachiever
at a local radio station.
Often, a drunk underachiever.
- Would you rather I didn't get the story?
- Than break the law? Yeah.
Why break the law? Plenty of news
without having to break the law.
If you run out,
make up a story about a lost dog.
I made up a story
about being a detective.
One more slip-up and you're fired.
This is coming from upstairs, not from me.
They've had it.
They don't need this anymore.
You're an arrogant, selfish hack
who survives
because everyone thinks
you're a local celebrity.
I can't fire you
because I don't like you.
But I can fire you if you break the law
or for the next thing you do
that breaks the rules.
I so much as find out you used
a disabled toilet, goodbye.
- That's ridiculous.
- Yeah, it's ridiculous.
Go ahead, punk, make my day.
[elevator bell dings]
- Will there be any celebrities?
- The girl who reads the weather
- knows Al Roker.
- Will he be here?
No. She might, though.
Hey, Sacha.
This is my wife, Eleanor.
- Oh, finally. Hi.
- Hi.
- [Finch] Many in?
- Uh, no. No, you're the first.
- Someone has to be.
- [Eleanor] Exactly.
And it's nice to be here in time
to see the staff prepare
for such a prestigious event.
[Finch]
See you later. Okay, let's get in.
- Hi.
- [woman] Hi.
Hi. [chuckles]
- Balloons.
- It's still sunny out.
Well, it's nearly July, isn't it?
- Doesn't get dark till 9:00.
- Imagine going out in the darkness.
- You're the first here.
- Yeah, he doesn't like to be late.
- [bartender] Champagne?
- [Finch] Don't mind if I do.
There you go. Ah.
Mm.
So, what do you think
of my little radio station event?
Well, I mean, if it was really your
radio station, it would be something.
- Well, I'm chief sound engineer.
- [soft music playing]
And if you consider
that radio is just sound,
I'm sort of chief engineer, really.
In one of the biggest
local radio stations around. Locally.
It's just not what I thought
you'd still be doing at 50.
- What do you mean?
- Radio.
- Radio is like...
- It's what I love.
Yeah, but it's just not very exciting.
- You're joking.
- No, I'm not joking. But go on, tell me.
What is the most exciting thing
that's happened this week?
- Okay. Um...
- Okay.
- Well, you decide.
- Okay.
Is it that our omnibus podcast
just made top 50 on iTunes?
Ooh.
Or, is it that Jamie Oliver
popped in yesterday
- to talk to Stig Arnold about fat kids?
- Is he gonna be here?
- Stig's never missed a party yet. Heh.
- I meant Jamie Oliver.
Who knows?
- So, no, then?
- No. Definitely not.
- [sighs]
- You meet Stig.
You won't want to see Jamie Oliver
after you've met Stig.
[sighs]
Sorry.
[Eleanor sighs]
Haven't you ever wanted to do
something extraordinary?
- [Mallard] Finch.
- Hi.
Um, this is Geoffrey Mallard,
the radio boss.
- This is my wife, Eleanor.
- Pleasure to meet you.
I've been looking for you.
Some lunatic took his family hostage.
He's armed. I need you and Claire
to go and cover it.
- Now?
- Yeah, I don't have a choice.
You're the only guy around.
- Where is Claire?
- She's on her way here. Nice to meet you.
Okay, I'm so sorry, darling.
No, no, no, you're not leaving me here.
I don't know anyone.
I don't have a choice. He said
I'm the only guy that can do this.
- He said you're the only guy around.
- He didn't literally mean
I'm the only guy around. He meant
I'm the only guy around that can do this.
- He's around, he couldn't do it.
- You don't know that.
- Oh, come on. Look at him.
- You can't do this to me. Come on.
- Shh.
- "Shh!"
No. You know what? Forget it.
I'm going home.
Please don't. Don't, please.
Just wait here and enjoy yourself
and I'll whiz back,
and then we'll have a...
- You're gonna be gone for hours.
- No.
In these situations the police usually get
the gunman to the window really quickly
and shoot him through the top lip,
and that takes out the brain stem,
so there's no reflex... action.
- Hi.
- Did you see Mallard?
Yeah. Oh, uh, this is Claire Maddox.
This is my wife, Eleanor.
- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah.
- We should go.
- Yeah.
- See you in the lobby.
- Yeah, okay.
[Frank] Who's this? Is this Tony?
Look at this guy.
- [Finch] Anyway...
- [Frank] How are you?
- [Finch] I've gotta go.
- Okay, fine, go.
- Yeah?
- Whatever.
You'll be all right?
- I'll see you soon. Okay.
- Okay, go if you're gonna go.
- [woman] Hey, Frank.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- [Claire] Hey.
Did you see Frank arrive,
acting like he thinks he's James Bond?
Yeah. I think he's really cool.
He doesn't care about anything.
- [elevator bell dings]
- Oh.
- How is that cool?
- Hi.
- Hi.
- [Finch] Oh...
I don't know, I just...
- I just mean...
- [doors close]
I think it would be cool to be
like that sometimes, you know?
I care about everything,
and I try my best,
but nothing much seems to happen.
It's because I'm boring.
- Why do you say that?
- Because it's true.
I... I've never done
anything extraordinary.
I think that's why I play video games.
Because they're more interesting
than my real life.
[gunfire on video game]
- Rebel Coup?
- Yeah. Do you play?
- I'm trying to cut down.
- Yeah, me, too.
- Take that, sucker.
- Nice move.
Mr. Bonneville. I love your work.
- Champagne?
- Thank you. Cheers.
You're the Frank Bonneville?
- Apparently.
- I listen to you every day.
- Really?
- I wouldn't miss it.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
[chuckling] Mm.
Alone?
[sighs]
- Yeah.
- Me, too.
It's a lonely life, radio.
- Tell me about it.
- It's so unglamorous.
Yes, I know.
I was just saying that to my... self.
Let me guess. PR.
Yes. Yes. How did you know?
Well, come on. You're too attractive
for Human Resources.
- And not bitter enough for management.
- That's nice. I'm flattered.
Why radio? Why not TV
or something more stimulating?
- It's what I love.
- Cheers.
- It's what I hate.
- No. Come on.
- Yeah.
- Oh, you are so good at it.
- Like, you exude passion.
- No.
- It really comes across.
- That's not passion.
- Yeah.
- That's frustration.
I'm destined for bigger things,
and I know it.
So, in the meantime, it's just like
I'm a big fish in a little pond.
- Yeah.
- A big... angry fish.
- Yeah. [laughing]
- Big, drunk, angry fish, in a tiny,
- shitty little pond.
- No. You know what?
- At least you're honest about it.
- Where's that got me? Nowhere.
No more "Mr. Nice Guy," you know?
Here's to cheating.
[Eleanor chuckles]
- [chattering]
- [upbeat music playing]
[Eleanor] It sounds like you're right
in my ear, whispering sweet nothings.
- It really does.
- Resonance is better if I hold the mic...
- [cell phone beeping]
- Excuse me, hold on.
- [Frank] Nothing serious?
- Nothing serious.
Let me ask you two questions.
First question:
- Was that from your boyfriend?
- I don't have a boyfriend.
- Second question: You live near here?
- About five minutes.
Wanna go there now?
Why did you ask how far it was
before you invited yourself back?
If it had been a bit further away,
would that have been a deal breaker?
Like, five minutes, "Yeah, sure."
Half-hour, "Yeah, forget it,
it's too much of a hassle."
- No. Wait, what?
- Forget it. Come on.
Let's make a move
so you don't waste too much time.
- Drink?
- Yeah, sure.
Thanks. Good night. It was fun.
Do you want my number,
or should I take yours?
I don't think so.
- You're married, right?
- How did you know?
Call it intuition, but not many women
collect superhero toys.
Apparently, they're not toys.
They are "collectibles."
Mm-hm.
And you're the one saying
I should leave at 2:30 in the morning.
I don't always do this sort of thing,
you know?
Hey, I'm not judging, I'm just...
And if you knew I was married,
then you're as bad as me.
Not really.
I didn't tell your husband
I'd be faithful to him
and stand by him in sickness and health,
blah, blah.
- Again, not judging, just saying.
- Wait, wait.
You don't know anything
about me or my husband.
Only that you were just unfaithful to him,
and he doesn't know
or you wouldn't be throwing me out
and being defensive.
Okay, marriage doesn't always turn out
like you planned, okay?
I mean, he hasn't exactly
fulfilled his promise.
I thought he'd be something big
in entertainment by now
and I'd be living in a mansion
in Beverly Hills.
I'm pretty sure they drop that
from the vows now.
As for throwing you out...
I just suggested
that we exchange numbers, so...
So we could do this again?
I thought you didn't do
this sort of thing all the time.
- Fuck off.
- Charming.
[door slams]
Okay.
Yep, thanks. Frank!
Like ten percent bigger.
Better for my cheekbones, right?
- [woman] Yeah.
- See that?
Can I get a word? Now is good.
Yep, have a seat.
Something's cooking in Ecuador.
The intel's a little sketchy,
but it looks like an uprising
could be underway.
Rebel troops amassing, reports
of arms stockpiles, that kind of thing.
They can't say exactly when
it's gonna blow, but it's gonna.
- You interested?
- I'm gone.
It's dangerous.
Drug gangs ruling the streets. With guns.
Kidnapping tourists... journalists.
Listen, if you're not feeling
as brave as you pretend...
[scoffs]
- ...tell me now.
- [scoffs] When do I go?
This afternoon.
- You wanna take Claire?
- No.
Pointless having two journalists
on the spot.
Remember last time I was in Pakistan,
I had transmission problems?
- I should take a technician.
- All right.
Let's see.
- Finch is available.
- Fine.
All right. Work it out with him. Let's go.
Marie, I need two tickets to Quito.
[man and woman murmuring in Spanish]
- You could stay here with us.
- That would be a pleasure.
Thanks, guys.
You're the closest thing to family
I've got, if I'm honest.
I've always felt at home here.
- Hoping it won't come to that.
- You're coming to Ecuador with me.
Get your passport to admin.
They need details to clear entry papers.
- What, now?
- Yeah, we're going this afternoon.
- No. I'd love to, but it's impossible.
- Why? What's the problem?
My wife's left me.
After the stakeout with Claire last night.
I came home this morning
and went to give her a hug
and she just pushed...
Said she needed some distance.
Told me to leave her alone.
Can you believe that?
Don't worry. It happens to all couples.
A week in Ecuador with me,
it'll take your mind off things.
Thanks for the offer, but I'm gonna
stay around and see if I can work it out.
These things are a sign.
You need to move on, have an adventure.
- I've written her a letter.
- You've written a novel.
- I had a lot to say.
- And on radio station paper? Romantic.
I put a few photos in, as well.
To remind her of the good times.
That's quite a package
she's gonna receive.
Actually, you're good with words.
Can you have a look at it for me?
Yeah, sure.
- That's not how you spell "suicide."
- Cheers.
You know what?
A country going through a rebel coup
is no place to be crying over a wife
who's left you.
- You just need to move on.
- That's funny.
I'm playing a video game
called Rebel Coup.
Eleanor thinks it's childish,
a grown man playing games.
[sighs]
I should've paid her more attention.
But then, would I have achieved
such a high score? Who knows?
You know what? Maybe I'll ask
someone else to come along.
- Yeah.
- Cheers.
- How long you away for?
- A week or two.
- Can I get an SM58 and a MIDI MkII?
- Yeah.
I've changed my mind. I'm coming.
That way, my wife can stay
in that empty apartment, all alone,
and think of me, maybe even miss me.
- Great.
- Are they bulletproof vests?
- Yeah, they are.
- What, for...?
Why is the...?
Why are they...? Why do they end...?
Have you got bulletproof pants?
Otherwise, what's the... point?
Passports, entry papers and tickets.
You have a United flight to Quito
at 2 p.m. from Newark.
- [Finch] Cheers.
- Don't lose them.
Why would I lose them?
- I was just saying.
- What, like I lost my wife?
- [Claire] Do you have everything?
- I think so.
I wish I had one of those
wheelie things now.
- Listen to me.
- What?
When we get there, they're at war.
- I don't wanna be a babysitter, okay?
- I won't let you down.
- What should I do with the letter?
- Forget it.
- What do you mean?
- Who's the man in this relationship, hmm?
- Don't be a pussy.
- [gasps] Sexist.
- What?
- Nothing.
- Listen, you need to grow a pair.
- Of breasts?
- Balls.
- Oh, sorry. It's because you said "pair."
Because I say "pair of breasts,"
but I don't say "pair of balls."
- I just say "balls."
- Throw the letter away.
- Right.
- Let her wonder where you are.
After a couple weeks,
you won't wanna know her anymore.
Don't give me the
"there's plenty more fish in the sea."
I was gonna say there's
plenty more women in the world.
- You seen Ecuadorian girls?
- No. What are they like?
They're like Spanish women,
but different. With ponchos. You'll see.
Cheers. I'm sorry.
They keep coming off.
My problem is I've got slopy shoulders,
so it's hard.
[Claire] That is a problem.
- Can we stop off at mine on the way?
- What for?
I've hardly got any clothes.
This is all equipment.
Forget it, you can get some
when we get to Quito. Come on.
[Finch groans]
Be careful. Both of you, obviously.
- It'll be dangerous.
- Danger's my middle name.
- Mine's Dennis.
- [snickers]
- See you soon, then.
- Yeah.
Cheers.
[Eleanor]
Hi, I'm not around. Leave a message.
[beep]
Voicemail.
She obviously sees my number
and she doesn't pick up
because she doesn't wanna talk to me.
Can I borrow your cell?
She won't recognize the number.
- I thought you'd let her sweat.
- No, I know.
But I was gonna let her know
that we're going to Ecuador,
a war-torn country, sort of cool-like.
Yeah, no, you do cool great.
That's why I'm so confident
having you as my only support
in a scary, dangerous, hostile place.
It's like having my own John Wayne.
Listen to me, you bumbling little fool,
we agreed,
your problems,
they're your problems, not mine.
- Okay?
- One, rude. Two...
Okay, I'll just call her back on mine.
Not a problem. Thanks for your help.
[Eleanor] Hi, I'm not around.
Leave a message.
- [beeps]
- [Finch] Hi, it's me.
Listen, I'm off to Ecuador
to cover a pretty dangerous war.
Um, we'll talk about everything
when I get back. If I get back.
It's cut out. Oh, it's the tunnel.
Sorry, can you avoid the tunnels?
[Finch groans]
[chattering]
Tickets.
That's not the tickets,
that's your letter.
- I threw the letter away.
- No, you didn't. It's right there.
What did I throw away, then?
Don't tell me you threw away
the passports!
You said to throw away the letter,
so I threw it in the truck.
- Which truck?
- The garbage truck.
Because I must've mixed up the...
Let's go back to the station,
tell them we lost the tickets,
get new tickets.
We'll come tomorrow. It's fine.
You threw away the passports,
the tickets, and the cash?
Where are we gonna get
new fucking passports from?
- In one day! In one day!
- What else are we gonna do?
- Unbelievable.
- I didn't do it on purpose.
You're a stupid, worthless, idiotic,
- incompetent piece of shit. You know that?
- Yeah.
- What?
- Yes, I do know that.
Fuck. Taxi!
Yes, it's Finch and Frank!
Hi! How was Ecuador?
Shh! What? Is anyone from
the radio station in there?
- No. Why?
- I'll explain later. Get in. Get in.
- [Brigida] Get in. Get in.
- [Finch] Oh, God.
- [Domingo] That's quite a story.
- It is.
We need to work out
what we're gonna do.
- We need to brainstorm.
- Brainstorm.
Brainstorm.
- What is a "brainstorm"?
- I love these two to bits
but they're not
the sharpest tool in the box.
Whereas you're a genius?
Either of you ever thrown away your
passports on the way to the airport?
- Yes.
- [Domingo] Okay.
[Brigida]
Brainstorm.
Could two other people go
instead of you?
- What? Of course not.
- [Brigida] Can you go somewhere else?
- No. The story I'm covering is in Ecuador.
- Oh, okay.
Can you cover a different story?
No. It needs to be that story, it needs
to be Ecuador and it needs to be us.
And we haven't got passports.
- I got it.
- Go on.
You can use someone else's passports.
- Ours.
- Oh, we're screwed.
- No, but she's... and we're...
- [Brigida] Okay, um...
You can save up money for new tickets,
and by then, the passports will be here.
And the war will be over.
- [Domingo] That's good then.
- Not for us.
No, but for the people. Less will die.
- [Brigida] Less will die.
- They're thinking of the people.
- Less will die.
- You'll die, though. I'll kill you.
Look...
Let's go over and explain.
Maybe Mallard won't fire us.
He'll fire you when I tell him
how fuckin' useless you are.
- Language.
- [Frank] Oh, my God.
He's gonna think that I chickened out,
that I didn't have the guts to go.
That'll give him the perfect excuse
to fire me.
I'm gonna have to kill him.
I'll go to jail.
I'll get out of jail,
and then I'll kill you.
So, let's not do that.
- Think!
- Okay.
They're expecting a report
from us at 10:00, from Ecuador,
and there's no way we can get there.
We don't need to get there.
They're expecting a report from Ecuador.
Let's give them one on a cell phone.
The same number would show whether
we were in London, New York or Quito.
- I can create a soundscape. A war zone.
- It'll never work.
It will work. It will work.
Can I use your spare room?
- Brainstorm.
- Brainstorm.
- [Brigida] Come in. Come in. Welcome.
- [Domingo] Right this way.
Must be great,
living right above the restaurant.
- Never late for work.
- [Brigida] Oh, we are.
- Really?
- Oh, yeah, all the time.
- Sure.
- [Brigida] Come in, up the stairs.
More stairs.
Excellent.
Okay.
Give me half an hour.
Cheers, guys. All right.
[Finch mutters indistinctly]
[Frank]
We meant to go to Ecuador.
We got as far as an apartment
on top of a restaurant
across the road from the radio station.
- You don't like it?
- Oh, no, it's lovely.
[stammers]
That's not what I meant. I...
[sighs]
No, it's fine. It's just... you know.
You know Kim and Kanye?
No. No, I don't.
Beyonc? Jay Z? They are your friends?
Friends? No. Not friends.
[Brigida & Domingo speaking in Spanish]
- The Jonas Brothers?
- Jonas Brothers.
I don't know the Jonas Brothers.
You want to read about
Honey Boo Boo child?
- I don't know what he wants.
- Okay, come on up, guys.
- [door opens]
- [approaching footsteps]
Okay, close your eyes. Ready?
[insects chirping over speakers]
[birds chirping]
Beautiful rain forest.
Birds.
[bird sounds increase]
- There's monkeys. Parrots.
- [animal noises]
- Hold on. Here comes a tank.
- [tracks rumbling]
Oh. Machine-gun fire.
[gunfire]
Airplanes.
A helicopter hovers overhead.
Oh. Explosions.
[gunfire and explosions]
Hand grenades.
- [explosions continue]
- [aircraft whirring]
[sounds cease]
Welcome to Ecuador.
[indistinct chattering]
The government's just closed the borders.
The information just came from
the Secretary of State's office.
There may have been
a sarin gas warning.
[Virginia]
Yeah, the dispatch just came in.
Okay. I'm gonna call in,
if you're ready.
So, guys, shout out some stuff
in the background, add to the atmosphere.
- What should we say?
- Anything. Spanish.
- [phone rings]
- It's Frank.
- Frank, where are you now?
- I'm in Quito.
- You managed to get through?
- Yeah. Why?
They've closed the borders.
There was a sarin gas warning.
You know what? Stay on the line.
Let me put you through to the studio.
I want you to sell Bonneville
as an exclusive. Hold on.
- [upbeat intro music plays]
- [announcer] Q365.
Our reporter, Frank Bonneville,
who managed to get into Ecuador
before the borders were closed,
has an exclusive for Q365 News.
Live from Ecuador, he will now give us the
first account of this latest development.
- Frank.
- [Frank] In Quito,
the man on the street doesn't know
that tomorrow, in addition to the gunfire
- and indiscriminate attacks...
- [gunfire]
...the threat of chemical war
looms over the city.
However,
the sudden closure of the border
confirms the seriousness
of the situation.
Real Madrid!
- [Domingo shouts indistinctly]
- [war sounds continue]
And this is a new threat the government
could really have done without, Frank?
[Frank] My thoughts exactly.
For the last three days,
they've been fighting an enemy
that no bomb can possibly destroy.
- Sand.
- Julio Iglesias!
- [gasps]
- [muffled noise]
Raised in squalls by the shrieking,
violent wind,
the desert sand
has brought the city to a standstill.
The men and their targeting
instruments are blind.
The air force is grounded.
The sky has changed color.
The temperature has dropped.
The sun has all but disappeared,
leaving the locals,
the innocent victims
in this bloody infighting, to wonder:
what has happened
to the world they once knew?
This is Frank Bonneville,
live from Quito.
Okay, good.
But I think we need more information.
Because I'm pretty sure sand
isn't a big problem in Ecuador.
I think it's quite lush
and rain-foresty and...
- banana plants and things.
- Okay.
And also, guys,
imagine you're in your village.
Aah! What might you shout?
[speaks in Spanish]
- What does that mean?
- Uncle Miguel!
- Why would you shout "Uncle Miguel"?
- Because he's almost deaf.
Be scared.
Shout something about your children.
[speaking in Spanish]
- What does that mean?
- My baby is getting fat!
- What's that got to do with anything?
- Because you say:
"Say something about children,"
and I love fat babies
- because it means they're eating well.
- [Finch] Yeah.
- It's true.
- I know, I like fat babies.
Mm.
What happened to the TV?
The fact of the matter is that the face
of poverty, no matter where you are,
- is always the same.
- Look at this guy, Baker.
There's a guy that can fake something.
He's got a bulletproof vest on,
- he's 50 feet from the hotel.
- How do you know where he is?
Because of that fountain. I saw it
from my room last time I was there.
No one knows. I think we're so much better
off here... Thank you... than Ecuador.
We've got wine, snacks.
We're not being shot at.
You two make a good team.
First time
we've worked together, officially.
On something big, like this. Yeah.
- His forte is sports.
- Yeah.
- How many Tours de France have you done?
- Twenty-five.
- In France?
- Nah, didn't go there.
I sort of ran it from here,
to make sure it all went smoothly.
And the Olympics?
You've done a few of those, too, right?
Just four. But they are
only every four years, so, not bad.
- Where did you go? Beijing?
- I didn't get to Beijing, no.
- No, you did those from here, too, right?
- Yes. Yeah.
- So, have you actually been anywhere?
- Yeah.
- England.
- No, you're from England.
- That doesn't count.
- Yeah. Okay.
- Here, then.
- Anywhere other than here.
- England.
- Wow.
[Finch] Yeah.
Every two-bit hack in New York got into
Ecuador before they closed the border.
- I need something special.
- We got some great stuff.
- We got some exclusive stuff.
- You still in Quito?
Are we still in Quito? No, we're in...
We're in the south,
we're in a place called... Machala.
We thought it'd be good to get in
amongst the people.
Good. Yeah, yeah,
give them something personal.
That always gets them.
All right, you're on in five.
And now, we go live to our special
correspondent in Quito, Frank Bonneville.
The villagers could've left
Sergeant Miguel to die.
But they chose to save the man.
A man, who, minutes earlier
with his fellow troops,
had been showering the area
with fire and steel.
This place might be a rebel stronghold,
but these are kind people.
It's simply not in their nature
to let a man die on their land.
- Whoever they are.
- Oh, shit! Ooh. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Earlier today, I watched
as a woman from the village
desperately tried to save her own child,
feverishly wiping the blood
off the pavement
as if that would somehow bring him back.
A peasant, a fat, sweaty peasant,
looked on,
useless, hopeless, worthless even,
knowing that nothing he ever did
could possibly do any good.
This is Frank Bonneville,
live from Machala.
[sounds cease]
- Good work.
- You're on again at 7:00, call back.
- That's why he's the best.
- I hope they're being careful.
[Finch]
Well, we got away with it again.
Looks like we made quite an impact.
- I'm not sure about this.
- We can't stay in the apartment all day.
We need some fresh air,
some exercise.
I know, but what if we're spotted?
Game over, isn't it?
Oh, wow. Look. Oh.
[gasps]
Amazing Spider-Man 14.
I collect comics,
so I know that's a good one.
Yeah, we really should get back.
Come on.
[cell phone buzzing]
- It's Mallard.
- Shit. Don't answer it.
I've gotta answer it. Hi.
It's Finch. He's in the toilet. Yeah.
I don't know where we are, exactly.
It's all written in Spanish, obviously.
- So... That's the subway.
- [subway rumbling]
That's what we call the trucks
that drive the tanks.
Yeah, because it sounds like the subway.
Okay, yeah, I'll let him know.
[groans]
- He wants you to do a report at 1:00.
- Shit.
- He's onto us, man.
- He's...
[cell phone buzzes]
Hi. Yeah, he's out. Okay, hold on.
- Hello?
- I just need a 60-second update, Frank,
and then, uh,
we'll trail something bigger.
- Here?
- What do you mean, "Here"?
- I mean, now?
- Yes, yes. We're transferring you.
[man] Now we go live
to Frank Bonneville in Ecuador.
A cloud of dust rises into the horizon.
The silence is broken by the
caterpillar tracks of two rogue tanks...
[mimicking tank engines]
...whose tracks are biting
into the dust on the remote road.
A helicopter hovers overhead.
[mimicking helicopter whirring]
- Is this Dr. Schmalzstein's office?
- No. Shh.
In the bombed-out remains
of what was once his home,
a young boy watches television.
- [man] Blow it out your ass!
- [horn honking]
American television.
Shells are incoming.
[whistling, mimicking explosion]
My technician is hit by shrapnel.
Oh, no, he's fine.
But we gotta get out of here. Fast.
[grunting over phone]
- [mimicking explosions and gunfire]
- [siren wails in distance]
- [mock gunfire continues]
- [footsteps]
It's quiet. Too quiet, if anything.
[soundscape begins]
In the sky, a combat helicopter stops.
An explosion rings out.
My own technician
has another near miss.
A bullet flies inches above his head.
Luckily for him, he's so short,
or he'd most certainly be dead by now.
This is Frank Bonneville, Q365 News.
[man]Coming up at 7:00,
we will have another exclusive
from Frank Bonneville.
That was too close for comfort.
We can't get caught out like this again.
We've gotta plan this, be in control.
And we need something new.
When Mallard first asked you to go
to Ecuador, what did he say, exactly?
Just that the rebel forces
were amassing arms, weapons.
- What else?
- Conjecture, rumors.
[sighs] That's enough for you, though,
isn't it? Anything that sells news.
- Well, if people weren't so gullible...
- That's it.
- What?
- We start a rumor.
One that can't be proved wrong. We invent
someone, someone behind all this.
And when people say,
"Oh, we can't find this guy, who is he?"
"Well, no, of course you can't find him.
He's elusive. He's an evil genius.
He's protected by a loyal army.
He can work for anyone.
Be funded by anyone."
They'll just deny it, though, won't they?
So, the headline would read
"So-and-so denies funding terrorists."
- Great.
- That's unethical, though.
Yeah, but it's news.
What's a popular Spanish name?
Alvarez. Santiago. Emilio.
[Frank]
The man is Emilio Santiago Alvarez,
the instigator of the attacks against
government forces in Ecuador.
A small man, with no profile,
no international presence.
But here, in the jungles and towns
of southern Ecuador,
he's become a folk hero...
a man unafraid to stand up
and be counted.
But on the street, rumors persist
that Alvarez may not be working alone.
His rebel forces are too well equipped,
too well trained, too well fed.
It's said, and I must stress at this
point, these rumors are uncorroborated...
that maybe Alvarez
has friends in high places.
Perhaps a little too close to home.
Jesus, is he saying that the rebel forces
are being funded by the U.S.?
[Frank]
This is Frank Bonneville, Q365 News.
[Mallard] That's huge.
Good one.
Couldn't have done better myself.
- We can keep this going for ages.
- Yeah, let's see if they buy it first.
- They will.
- [gunfire on video game]
They will.
[Secretary of State] Does Bonneville
realize the mess he's made
by allowing speculation that this Alvarez
is working for the Americans?
Most probably, Madam Secretary.
Goddamn it. Why have we not heard of this
man before? Where's your intelligence?
Our agents in Ecuador are tracing him now.
It's a good chance they know him
by another name. A nickname.
And if they don't find him,
government forces will.
They're now looking for Bonneville
to make him confess his sources.
And Alvarez's men are after him
because he revealed too much.
He and his technician
are in serious danger.
I do not wanna end up with two dead
citizens nor the wrath of their families.
You are going to tell Finch and Bonneville
to get to the American embassy in Quito
as soon as possible.
We need to know they're safe.
Once they're safe, we will extract them.
That is something we know how to do.
Little is known about the mastermind
behind the uprising,
rebel fighter Emilio Alvarez.
The charismatic leader
of the Ecuadorian Liberation Front
is believed to come
from humble beginnings.
The son of an unemployed,
left-wing atheist father and an unmarried
mother with Communist sympathies.
So, in your view, Alvarez has been quietly
amassing a force for some time now.
What I'm hearing from my sources
is that Alvarez has risen
to a position of power in the Ecuadorian
Liberation Front for some years.
I always knew he made up
most of the shit he reported.
So, why haven't we heard of him before?
- Well, it makes perfect sense.
- How is he keeping a straight face?
...less chance for the opposition
of targeting you.
Successful revolution is all about
protecting your leaders.
So, Frank Bonneville has gone where
no other news reporter has gone before
in bringing this man
to the public's attention.
- I wouldn't say that.
- [cackling]
I've known about Alvarez myself
for a while now.
I just didn't think it was appropriate
to unmask him yet.
[Finch] Oh, come on.
- Oh.
- [glasses clink]
[Finch chuckles]
[cell phone rings]
Hello? Yeah.
Right.
Uh-huh.
[Finch] What?
Okay. Yeah, sure.
Yeah, I'll call you
as soon as we get to Quito.
Okay, thanks.
- We're screwed.
- Why?
- Everyone's looking for us, apparently.
- They won't find us.
Of course they won't,
that's not the point.
- What is?
- Mallard wants us to get to
the U.S. embassy in Quito immediately.
For our own safety.
The ambassador's waiting for us, okay?
It's probably a few hours' drive
from Machala to Quito.
I promised I'd call him
as soon as we got there.
- As in, a few hours from now.
- Right.
- What are you gonna do?
- Nothing.
- Because I'm not gonna call him.
- Why not?
Because if I call him, he'll call the
embassy to arrange us to be flown home,
- and they'll say we're not there. Right?
- Right. Yeah.
What will he think
if you don't call him at all?
- That something's happened to us.
- We're just missing?
Yeah, that we're missing.
They can trace us, though.
That's what they'd do
if they thought we were missing.
- So, we'd have to destroy our phones.
- We only have to destroy the SIM card.
- Right.
- Oh, God.
How can you destroy it? It doesn't...
You can't even...
Shall I just swallow it?
Yeah, swallow it so they can trace it
straight to your ass!
Why didn't we just go back
in the first place and just say:
"Sorry, we threw away the tickets
and passports"?
Why did you throw the fucking ticket
and the passport away in the first place?
- [shouts] That's the fucking question!
- Shut up!
What will they think
we're arguing about downstairs?
- I don't care!
- Are you mental?
Fucking hell.
There. It's destroyed, okay?
What are they gonna say,
"What were you arguing about last night?"
- In their house.
- [sighs]
You're such a pig.
[Mallard] We haven't heard from them
since 10:00 last night.
Maybe they lost communication,
maybe they've been arrested.
Whatever the case, we need to
be very quiet about this for now.
All right, drop everything,
check the hotels, hospitals,
anybody we might know in the area
who might have seen them.
And at some point,
we have to let Ian's wife know.
- Leave it with me.
- Okay.
- [phone rings]
- I need a map of Ecuador, ASAP.
- [Claire] Got it.
- Q365 News. Hold on.
It's Barrymore at the New York Post.
[Barrymore] There's that little guy.
Okay, Barrymore, I gotta tell you,
I don't have time. What?
I know you've got a big problem.
I just spoke to my correspondent in Quito.
I don't know anything.
I can't say anything.
I need photos for a profile piece.
Should I send a courier?
- Being a bit hasty, aren't you?
- If I know about it
then other people do, too,
and it'll get out.
Send your courier.
Okay, story's out. Change of plans.
You're going on at 7:00.
Just say we've lost contact
with our special correspondents in Ecuador
- but let's not panic everyone.
- Right.
- You got this.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, hold on.
Excuse me, have you got PC Gamer?
Look. Look.
And uh, and the New York Post.
Thanks. Cheers.
[Finch groans, sighs]
- [Eleanor] Do you want a drink?
- [Claire] Uh, no, I'm fine. Thank you.
You know,
when you're in broadcasting...
any number of things can happen,
but they aren't necessarily serious.
If that's the case,
then they're gonna call any minute now.
Do you know Frank well?
Uh, Frank?
We've been working together
for about five years.
He's a great journalist.
Bit of a loner. But I've been
working with Ian even longer.
He's such a kind soul.
- You must be worried sick.
- Yeah.
What do you mean, "loner"?
Uh...
Well... you know what?
Actually, I could do with a drink.
Aren't you gonna record
our conversation?
Oh, no. This is strictly off the record.
Because I tell you,
it is a very interesting story.
My life, before I met Ian.
- Before? Yeah.
- Yeah, you know, special interest.
Because it might make people
engage with their plight even more.
Well, maybe next time.
I don't wanna add to your... stress.
I mean, sometimes I think
that my life has been too dramatic.
And I almost wish it was more, like, uh...
plain and boring.
Well... [chuckles]
- I should go. Sorry. I'm so sorry.
- Clumsy.
[clears throat]
[Claire] Nothing yet leads us
to give in to anxiety,
even if foreign journalists today
incur increasingly real risks.
[man] Thank you, Claire Maddox.
And coming up next, baseball.
If you don't get in touch at all,
they're going to think you're dead.
- Or taken hostage, or, yeah.
- Taken hostage?
- Yeah.
- We're taken hostage.
- What do you mean?
- If we can fake being in Ecuador,
- we can fake being taken hostage.
- That's bad.
- That's not a good idea.
- [Frank] It's not bad, it's genius.
You're a genius.
- Am I?
- Yeah.
- He's a genius.
- He is a smart man.
Nah.
- It's a very good idea.
- [Finch] Is it?
I don't know.
- [Domingo] Baby, you're blocking Ian.
- [Brigida] Oh, sorry.
- [Domingo] Okay. Okay.
- [Finch] Okay.
[Domingo] It's recording.
- And...
- [Brigida] Wait, wait, wait!
- Okay.
- [Domingo] Okay.
Ready?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Hello.
Don't smile and say "hello."
For God's sake.
- What do you mean?
- You're in mortal danger.
You got two guys that wanna kill you.
Are they high heels?
- What rebel soldier wears high heels?
- They make my legs look longer.
- It looks good, baby. [growls]
- [Brigida] Thank you, baby.
Okay, no smiling. No hello.
Just straight to it.
[sighs]
We are hostages
of the Ecuadorian Liberation Front.
Um, and I am talking to the
president of the United States here
when I say the situation is simple.
If you do not pay the ransom,
we will be executed.
- Stop. Okay.
- What?
Why are you talking so casually,
so nonchalant?
You gotta be begging.
Begging for your life.
This guy, he wants to kill you.
He wants to stick you like a pig,
so you need to beg.
- A nice word to your family, to your wife.
- Yeah.
The lens?
That's the whole world, right there.
- You gotta connect.
- Yeah.
- Do you understand?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
President.
Beg the president, mention the family,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
No smiling.
We are hostages of
the Ecuadorian Liberation Front,
and I beg you, Mr. President,
please help us.
Also, uh, tell my family I love them,
tell my wife...
Why are you asking the president
to run errands for you?
- Ugh. I don't know, I just... You said...
- Talk to them directly, to the lens.
- Dear Mr. President, wife, family...
- Stop.
- Get up.
- [groans] What?
- [Frank] Okay. Shake it out.
- Oh!
- [Brigida] Take that, American pig!
- That wasn't part of the video.
- What was that for?
- To help you get into your role.
Who am I? Daniel Day-Fucking-Lewis?
Why am I doing this
- if you're the charismatic broadcaster?
- Exactly. I can't do it.
No one's gonna feel sorry for me.
I got the looks, I got the charm,
I got the body. No sympathy.
You, on the other hand,
you begging for your life? It's pathetic.
It's like an ugly runt, mongrel dog
that no one wants,
- that has to be put down.
- Yeah, I get the point.
[whispers]
Didn't have to hit me.
[Brigida] You've got this, Finch.
My name is Ian Finch.
This is Frank Bonneville.
We work for the New York radio station
Q365 News.
[Frank] You wanna see these?
No, I don't wanna see anything.
And I'm not talking to you.
As you wish.
In the end, you were great, though.
I'm sorry for what I did,
but it was for authenticity,
- for the good of the cause.
- Didn't have to hit me that hard.
So, can I hit you now?
- [scoffs] You can try.
- No, I should just be allowed to hit you.
- Why?
- For the good of the cause.
But it wouldn't be,
that would just be you getting revenge.
Not fair.
Here you go. There it is.
Take it over to the radio station,
make sure no one sees you.
[Finch] My name is Ian Finch.
This is Frank Bonneville.
We work for the New York radio station
Q365 News.
We were reporting here
on the unrest in Ecuador
when we were taken hostage
by the Ecuadorian Liberation Front.
We have not been harmed.
If America submits to their demands,
we will be set free
to return to the United States.
- Well, they're still alive.
- If their demands are not met, however,
we will be executed,
never to see our families again.
Please take these people seriously.
They want money to fund their cause.
They will contact you in the future.
Until then, you won't hear from us again.
[man]Good evening,
and welcome to this special broadcast
dedicated to Frank Bonneville
and Ian Finch.
I'm joined by their colleague,
Claire Maddox, from Q365 News.
Uh, it's a very worrying time
for the press.
Nothing can justify
taking journalists hostage.
The only thing they're guilty of
is doing their job.
- You know she has a thing for you, right?
- Ridiculous.
You never noticed? All those times
she brought you a cup of coffee?
She brought everyone a cup of coffee.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Didn't she?
- No. Just you.
And you never once
bought her a cup in return.
Hello. I have a wife.
- [scoffs] Not anymore you don't.
- All right.
You need to get over her. Move on.
...danger they face is indifference
and being forgotten.
- And we shall not forget them.
- Well, you make a good point.
Claire is not the only guest
we have tonight.
We also have the wife of Ian Finch.
Please welcome Eleanor Finch.
- Welcome, it's so good to have you.
- Thank you.
Please, have a seat. Thanks so much
for coming on for the show today.
- It must be very trying right now.
- [Eleanor] Yeah. It is.
- That's your wife?
- I know.
- Punching above my weight.
- [Eleanor] I decided to come on your show
in the hope that this'll
be broadcast in Ecuador
and maybe my husband will see it.
I've kept silent in the hope that
any negotiations would be successful,
but the wait is unbearable.
[man] I understand, and the whole
country is feeling for you right now.
I know. The letters of support,
the portraits hanging in all the cities
tell me the compassion that the American
people have for the hostages,
- for my husband. Thank you.
- [man] You're so right.
And, together, we stand firm for Ian
and Frank to return amongst us.
- She loves me.
- Of course she does.
- I have no right to do this to her.
- [Eleanor] I hope you don't mind, uh,
I've written a song for the hostages.
Something to make sure
we don't forget them.
- Yeah.
- [Eleanor] I thought I might sing it.
- I have a backing track.
- Oh. Uh, okay. Um...
- Okay?
- All right. Uh...
Thank you.
- Okay, so it's, uh...
- It's called "A Dollar For A Hero."
- Let's hear it now, a world exclusive.
- Can I stand?
Yes, please do.
Here she is, Eleanor Finch.
[audience applauding]
[slow piano music playing]
Can you spare a dollar for a hero
And bring him home to me?
In God we trust
And fight we must
To return to this land of liberty
I hope you're with
The ones you love
I hope you're together
Safe at home
But can you spare
A dollar and a prayer
To one in danger and alone?
Can you spare a dollar for a hero?
America, hear my plea
And although it's only one
We're sending George Washington
And he's gonna bring
My baby home to me
Oh, America
The land of the free
[cheering]
That was amazing.
Very special. It was just so moving.
Thank you, and I'd also like to appeal
to the generosity of the American public.
Okay, please do.
Um, if each of you just give a dollar
for our heroes, our hostages.
I'm launching a campaign
to raise money...
What are you doing?
- I'm sending her a dollar.
- What for?
- For the heroes.
- Great idea.
So, you can donate on my website,
Eleanor needs your help.
Thank you. That was great.
[man] Today is the eighth day
that Frank Bonneville and Ian Finch
have been held hostage in Ecuador.
We shall not forget them.
You can still make your donations
to A Dollar For Our Heroes.
Just to remind you,
you can still make your donations
to A Dollar For Our Heroes.
And we at Q365 News want to
thank you all for your emails of concern.
We share your thoughts. We hope
that Ian and Frank will be home soon.
- [Claire] You wanted to see me?
- Listeners can't get enough.
The ratings are officially insane.
We're the number one
radio station in New York.
I never thought I'd be able to say that.
Two of our friends
are being held hostage.
Uh-huh.
You're a good boss,
but you're a shitty person sometimes.
- I'm sorry?
- You're excited that there's a news buzz
- around two human beings in danger.
- Not just them. Eleanor Finch.
The country has adopted her,
they can't get enough, they love her.
They want more.
I want you to keep an eye on her.
Hang out. Maybe become friends.
I don't know. There's more to her story
here, so get it and bring me.
You want to know
if she's lost her appetite,
if she takes sleeping pills before bed,
if she has a lover?
You want me to be a spy?
Well, I'd like you to be a journalist!
[Eleanor] Are you guys hogging
the rubber bands? Yes, you are.
[phones ringing]
[sighs]
Hey.
There's a dollar in the hundies,
come on.
You gotta be careful. Recount it.
"A Dollar For Our Heroes."
That is a great idea. It's catchy.
- You've been busy.
- Yeah. One of my skills.
Organization, fund-raising.
I have a high likability factor,
so, it's easy to get people to donate.
Want a T-shirt?
- Sure.
- I don't know, can you wear orange?
Ew. No.
We need to do something about
all this cash. There's $124,000 of it.
Ooh. Yeah, we have a safe. Ian keeps
all his prized possessions in it. Comics.
We need to be super vigilant.
- We need to account for every cent.
- Sure.
- [Chris] Hello. Hi.
- Hi.
- Chris Denby.
- Ah.
- New York Post.
- Yes, of course. [chuckles]
I gotta go be in makeup
from morning to evening. I hate it.
- Oh. You're doing it for Ian, so...
- Yeah. I am.
Mrs. Finch, please, if we could, um...
- You know, against those things, there.
- Mm-hm. Hm.
These are his Disney characters.
Superman and stuff.
- Marvel. And it's Captain America.
- [camera shutter clicking]
They're really great.
Oh. You must really hate doing
these interviews and things,
when you're so worried.
- Yeah, but somebody's gotta do it.
- [Chris] Nice.
Hold on. [chuckling]
[camera shutter clicks]
- You should interview me.
- For what?
For anything you want.
Anyone'll run an interview on me.
You should do it. You know me.
You know the boys.
You know the names of the little toys.
Could be a big opportunity for you.
From radio to TV?
Could be your big break.
[chuckles]
- [Brigida] That's your house.
- [Finch] Yeah.
- Claire.
- That's Claire.
Eleanor, you put Ian's Marvel collection
up for public auction.
- What?
- You must be thrilled by the results.
- I am over the moon. I am so blown away.
- She sold my Marvel collectibles.
- They're just models.
- They're not models.
They're perfect original figurines.
And the sum will be added to
the donations of the American people.
I thank them from the bottom of my heart
in the name of my husband, Ian Finch.
[Claire] Why did you choose to sell
this particular collection?
[Eleanor] Well, first of all,
all the characters are extremely popular
and the most rare originals around,
and I just thought they would
raise the highest amount.
What good are plastic superheroes,
when my husband, a real hero,
is off languishing in God knows where?
- Ecuador.
- Ecuador.
We haven't even asked for a ransom
and she's already sold my collection.
She wants to be ready
for when they make demands.
- She already has the cash.
- Who's "they"?
- The kidnappers.
- There are no... We're the kidnappers.
And I'm not about to ask my wife
for so much money
that she has to sell
my prized possessions.
We're not gonna ask for money.
That's not the point.
- So why she sell your dollies?
- Oh, for...
They're not dollies. Listen, please.
Keep up. They're collectibles.
[Brigida]
They look like dollies.
[upbeat song plays]
[inaudible dialogue]
[inaudible dialogue]
[laughing]
Yeah, you know, I am anguished. [chuckles]
There's a lot of sorrow.
There's, um, a lot of grief.
I never got a chance to say, "I love you."
I didn't get that chance.
At the same time, there's so many
blessings that are coming my way.
- Right. Okay.
- I mean, the fact that the song is
number one on iTunes
for two weeks running, right?
- Two weeks. Right.
- I mean, that's a dream come true.
I know you do want to reach out
to the kidnappers
and let them know that you're willing
to pay for their release.
Of course. And I also wanna
let my fans know that,
um, I'm working on another album.
[audience applauds]
- On a bona fide album.
- I've got a shitty wife.
- What do you mean, exactly?
- She doesn't care about us. About me.
This is just promoting herself.
...move away from that, you know?
Um...
She does seem
a little happy about things.
- Just a bit. Loving it. Although...
- [Frank] Yeah.
[laughing]
...I don't really care
that she's left me anymore.
See? I knew you'd get over her.
Well, I can see her for
what she really is now. And it's...
Nah.
[sighs]
- I can see her side a little bit, too.
- What do you mean?
Well, she did leave her family and friends
behind to follow you to New York.
Probably pictured both of you
making it big
and suddenly she finds herself
in a one-bedroom apartment
with a guy who likes to spend
his spare time with comic books
- and playing video games.
- I thought she was happy. Sorry.
I'm glad you're over her.
You can move on with your life.
You've got a big fan out there. So, who
are some of your musical influences?
How do you know I live
in a one-bedroom apartment?
Hmm?
"She finds herself
in a one-bedroom apartment."
I don't know that it's a one-bedroom
apartment. It's a figure of speech.
"One-bedroom apartment"
is a figure of speech?
It's like, "Oh, I don't live in the
mansion I thought I was gonna live in."
I don't literally mean
a one-bedroom apartment.
I literally live
in a one-bedroom apartment.
- So, it sounds like a diss.
- Oh, no, no. I didn't mean it like that.
I live in a one-bedroom apartment.
So, it's not a bad thing.
- You made it sound bad.
- No.
And you made the playing video games,
reading comics a bad thing, as well.
- It's not what every woman likes in a man.
- Good. Because I don't want...
I don't like her to want me anymore.
Because I don't want her anymore.
[Claire] As the world waits and worries
about our two journalists in Ecuador,
the whole station joins me
in thinking of Ian Finch,
- whose birthday it is today.
- [Frank] Happy birthday.
- This is Claire Maddox...
- I'd forgotten.
Claire remembered.
She always does.
Everyone's being so nice.
I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry.
I'm calling it a day.
- [chuckles] Calling it a day? Really?
- Yeah.
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know. I can't do this anymore.
We can't just walk across the street
and say, "Hi, we're home."
- No, I know. No.
- Can we?
We have to get to the U.S. embassy
in Quito.
Which means,
we have to go to Ecuador for real.
- Why do we have to go to Ecuador?
- It's that or we go to jail.
Why did we do all this
if we've still gotta go to Ecuador?
This was all your idea, and we didn't know
it was gonna get so out of hand.
What do we do? How do we get there?
We gotta get across the country. I guess
we drive. We get to the West Coast.
From there, we get on a boat
and we go down to Quito.
Illegally, because we don't
have any passports.
Oh, God.
This is a good birthday present, isn't it?
"Oh, sorry. Happy birthday.
You've gotta go to Quito after all."
[Frank sighs]
- [Finch] Thanks for everything.
- [Domingo] Anytime.
- If you hadn't been there...
- I was there.
Sure. And don't worry about your car.
I'll get it back to you.
Return safely, that's all I ask.
You give those kidnappers hell.
There aren't really... Yeah. Okay.
- We gotta go.
- Okay.
- You need money?
- [Finch] We're on our way to get money.
- I know where there's lots of money.
- [Brigida] Where?
[door creaks]
- [Finch] She's in bed.
- [Frank] I'll wait here.
- It'll be all over in five minutes.
- Well, come in with me.
- No, we agreed I wouldn't have to.
- Why?
- We just did.
- But why did we?
- No reason.
- Well, come in with me, then.
- Okay, but don't wake her up.
- Shh.
- Why do you even have a safe?
- In case I get burgled.
I've got expensive comics.
I've always wanted one, as well.
They're really cool.
[safe beeps]
- [Finch] How much shall I take?
- [Frank] A few more, just in case.
[Frank sighs]
Hiya. Uh, surprise.
Um, Frank Bonneville,
this is my wife, Eleanor.
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?
Aren't you glad that
we're alive and well?
See what I mean?
You'd have more chance with her than me.
- Definitely not.
- No.
Before you explain why you're not being
held hostage in Ecuador, tell me,
- why are you stealing my money?
- We need it, to, um,
bribe our way into Ecuador. To...
[clears throat]
Because I threw away the tickets
and passports at the airport.
- What do you mean?
- I didn't mean to.
I thought I was throwing away the letter
that I wrote you. That, um...
- What are you talking about?
- It's a long story.
- It's not your money.
- Excuse me?
It's not your money. People gave that
money so we wouldn't be in danger,
but we're not in danger,
so it's their money,
but they don't need to know that.
So, it's definitely not yours.
So, now I got nothing again.
You ruin everything.
Well, weren't you gonna spend it anyway,
to pay our ransom?
Of course.
But, like, you clearly don't need it now.
You don't care if we live or die.
You're in your element.
All the fame, all the attention.
So long as you're still in the picture,
but you can feel it all slipping away.
That's why you wanna
hold on to all the cash.
What? Like you're so perfect.
Maybe it's time the world knew
a few home truths about you.
I think they'd learn
even worse things about you.
- I don't care.
- I think you would.
Look, how about this?
Let's go 50-50.
We take our share, get into Ecuador,
turn up at the American embassy,
say we've been released,
you say you paid the ransom,
- keep the cash.
- We'll need evidence I paid the ransom.
We're the evidence. We were kidnapped,
and now we're free.
They're not gonna expect receipts
from a bunch of Ecuadorian kidnappers.
- Who did I give the money to?
- [Finch] You didn't.
You were told to leave it under a bridge
because you...
didn't wanna involve the police,
because they told you they'd kill us.
So, you just left the money
for collection under a bridge.
- What bridge?
- "What bridge"? Any bridge.
They'll check.
They'll find no money there because
the bad men came and took the money
and gave it to the bad men
that were kidnapping us. It works.
Okay, done.
- [Finch] Yeah.
- Get out.
[upbeat song plays]
[inaudible dialogue]
[coughs]
Oh. Jesus Christ. What was that?
[Finch grunting]
Bugs.
[birds and insects chirping]
[vehicle rumbling]
- Truck.
- There's a truck.
Yo! Yo!
Hi. Hi.
Oh. Hey. Hi.
Thanks for stopping.
- Where you go?
- Quito.
- We need to get to the embassy.
- We can pay you and everything.
- Ah, Americanos.
- English.
Although I have lived
and worked in America.
- Doesn't need your life history.
- Want to eat?
No, it's fine, we're going
straight to the embassy.
Embassy a few hours away. I need to eat.
- I know a good place.
- I'm quite hungry.
- This guy needs to eat, so...
- Of course. Yeah.
Okay. Let's go there.
[Finch grunts, sighs]
Brilliant, cheers.
[chattering nearby]
[man grunts]
[man shouts indistinctly]
- It's good.
- Sure.
[off-key piano notes]
Oh, God. Jazz.
[banging and grunting]
Oh, good. Not jazz after all.
Hi. Hey. Oh. Nice.
Morning.
Hi.
Hiya. Oh.
Rustic, isn't it?
[sighs] No air-conditioning, though.
Makes you drink more,
doesn't it? Crafty.
- He looks like he's had enough.
- We're gonna eat and then leave.
Sure. Shall I call for a menu?
Don't know who's working here.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Americano?
- Uh, well, English.
But I, um... Yeah.
You look handsome. And rich.
You must be very successful.
- I do okay, babe.
- Let's go.
Uh, no.
- But, you know, you look tired.
- I am tired.
Do you want something to wake you up?
- Sure.
- Okay.
No. You sniff it.
[sniffs]
- What the fuck are you doing?
- You want some?
- No, we're going.
- We're not going.
- We're going!
- We're not going.
Listen to me. My wife left me, okay?
Presumably for someone better.
Who isn't better than me?
Just having a bit of fun, to remind me
that life's worth living. [sniffs]
Give me that, please.
What the hell.
Funny, isn't it?
[banging on counter]
- Hello.
- Gentlemen.
Hi. [chuckles]
- So, you like the sample, eh?
- Thank you.
- And now, you gotta buy.
- [Frank groans] I knew it.
[Finch] That's fair enough.
Gotta make a living. He's given us
a little free sample, you know.
So, I'll have one.
Thank you. Cheers.
There you go.
- I won't do it now. [chuckles]
- [man laughs]
In fact, I think I'd better hide it.
I don't want them finding this
at the embassy.
Don't worry about it. They won't.
[both groan]
- [Frank] Shit.
- Come on, let's go, papi.
Let's go, come on.
- Move.
- Okay.
- Come on, move!
- Okay.
[bandit 1] Move.
[Finch] All right.
- [bandit 2] Let's go.
- [bandit 1] Move.
Keep an eye on them.
[chickens clucking]
[man yells in Spanish]
[bandit] Get out. Let's go.
Let's go, get out. Move.
[Finch] Okay.
[bandit] Move. Hey!
In there. Over there. Over there, move.
Now go. Go, go, go.
- Look at this.
- [bandit] Enjoy the view.
[bandits chattering and laughing]
Gotta love tourists.
They're nice people.
- Very nice.
- Excuse me.
There's no toilet... in here.
[cackling]
- Sorry about this.
- Don't worry about it.
What do you mean,
"don't worry about it"?
I have to tell you something. Um...
[sighs]
Probably gonna end up dying here,
and I don't wanna have to die
- with this on my conscience, so...
- What now?
[sighs]
I'm just gonna say it.
I slept with your wife, Eleanor.
- The night of the party.
- No, you didn't. What do you mean?
- I didn't know who she was.
- You're serious?
I didn't know she was your wife.
[Finch exhales]
How do you think that makes me feel?
That my wife just...
- has it off with anyone?
- Hardly.
The first smarmy bastard who comes along.
Just a big phony and a liar and a cheat.
Oh, I feel sick.
[Frank sighs]
So, you've been laughing at me
behind my back all this time.
No, not at all. I felt terrible
when I found out. I like you.
- You got a funny way of showing it.
- I did not know she was your wife.
- So you keep saying.
- She's the one to blame.
She knew she was married to you.
She chose not to share that with me.
So, you wouldn't have done it
if you had known?
Of course not. What do you think of me?
Maybe she'll really
try and get us out now.
She'll be killing two birds
with one stone, won't she?
She'll be getting her husband back
and her lover.
[Frank sighs]
Morning.
[groans]
Hey, man, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have said
anything. I thought you were over her.
I am over her, so, don't say anything.
Let's just get through this.
[grunts]
You okay?
Go.
[speaks in Spanish]
- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.
- [Finch] Thank you.
- [Frank] Thank you.
- Have you got any bread?
- It's not room service.
- Are you a prisoner, too?
- Of course he's a prisoner.
- Maybe he can help.
- He can't help, look at him.
He is helping us.
He brought us food, didn't he?
- Let him go. He's terrified.
- Okay. Thank you.
Chili for breakfast.
Oh. It's really hot as well.
[breathing heavily] Mm.
[gagging]
If you hold your nose,
you can't taste it as much.
- Really?
- [gagging]
- Who do you think these people are?
- They're bandits.
They're gonna ask for ransom.
- Who's gonna pay that?
- I don't know. Government?
- Not the U.S. government.
- What do you mean?
- They don't negotiate with terrorists.
- Why?
[door opens]
- Journalist, okay?
- [Frank] Yeah.
- And you?
- No. Uh, I'm a technician.
- Is your boss rich?
- No, not at all.
- Is your family rich?
- [Finch] No.
My wife has got cash, at the moment.
- She has, she's got loads.
- Your wife?
Mm. She'll pay, then you'll release us,
yeah? Unharmed.
- Yeah, of course.
- [Finch] Don't... Yeah. Okay.
You're gonna call your wife, okay?
- Okay.
- Call her.
- She's never gonna believe him.
- Shh. Let's keep it positive.
- What do you say to him?
- Call your wife.
- Good. Good.
- I am.
- How much money do you want?
- [man] 100,000 for each of you.
- That's a lot.
- [man] Shh.
Well, it is. I'm saying.
I'm not gonna promise anything,
but we're gonna get you what...
- [playing piano scales]
- [cell phone rings]
- Hello?
- [Finch] Eleanor.
- What do you want?
- Right, we're in Ecuador,
and we've been captured by bandits
and they want $200,000
- or they're gonna kill me and Frank.
- Stop it. Where are you calling me from?
- Where are we exactly? She wants to know.
- $300,000.
Hear that? He put it up. That's what
we're dealing with, unreasonable.
Do you think I'm an idiot?
I'm keeping that money.
I raised it, I gave you your half.
Stop trying to con me out of mine.
She thinks we're conning her.
She doesn't believe me.
- She thinks we're trying to get her money.
- She doesn't trust him.
- You gotta talk to her.
- [Finch] You talk to her.
- [Frank] Talk to her, please.
- I'm gonna hand you to the head bandit.
- Bandido. So, you speak to her.
- [Eleanor sighs]
- Hello, ma'am.
- Eleanor.
- What's that?
- Eleanor.
[man] Eleanor.
Eleanor, if you don't pay, I'm gonna
kill your husband and Mr. Franks.
Kill everybody. Greetings from New York.
- What'd she say?
- She said to kill you all.
- She said that?
- She said that, yeah.
- That's what I'm dealing with.
- Who is this?
- That's my wife.
- [man] Your wife makes me very sad.
Welcome to my world, son. I'm glad
you spoke to her, though, first-hand.
- Urgh!
- I know. She's...
- [speaks in Spanish]
- Yeah.
[speaking in Spanish]
[man growls]
That's nice, isn't it? "Kill them."
I can't believe she just did that.
She hung up?
She said, "Kill them." And then...
[bandits speaking indistinctly]
- [bandit 1] We gotta be professional.
- [bandit 2] I was professional.
[bandit 1] You were not professional.
[bandit 2]
I did exactly what you told me to.
[loudly] Thank you.
[bandit]
What the fuck did you just do?
Hey, come on. Hey!
- No, no, no. Is okay. Is okay.
- [Finch] Sorry.
[cocks gun]
- Who the fuck are you talking to?
- Nothing.
He's sorry. We're sorry. Sorry.
[Frank sighs]
[clucking]
- [Frank] What are you thinking?
- Thinking that chili was definitely off.
Speed of sound is about
350 meters per second, a bit less.
A bullet is about 400 meters per second.
So, if they shoot us,
we'll be dead before we hear the bang.
- Great. So, we won't jump, then.
- No.
- I'm scared.
- You weren't yesterday, in the bar.
That was the cocaine.
Look.
Maybe this will make me
a little bit braver again. [chuckles]
Popeye on spinach.
Where is it?
Your sweat probably dissolved it.
- I can taste it. Do you want some?
- Yeah. Why don't I suck your toes, too?
No.
Mm.
It's all coming out.
Ah.
[tapping]
Ah. I've got, like, a toothache all over.
[groans]
- That was way too much for one.
- How's your heart?
Yeah, it feels like
my heart's in my brain.
- How's your balls?
- Non-existent.
They've shrunk. And the willy.
It's like a little snail
going into its shell. Dense.
It's like the same matter
in a much smaller... [groans]
They're the least of my problems. I...
Oh, my God. I feel like I'm gonna burst.
If you feel bad, it makes it bad.
- If you feel good, you feel good.
- You okay?
You feel good, and if bad, it's the, um...
Uh... Oh, God.
[groaning]
- You gonna be all right?
- Yeah. Better not, because they're...
[mutters] Fucking, like, "Hey, man."
Fuck you. You're nothing but a bitch.
Gonna slap them.
They're pussies, really.
They come in, "Fuck you.
No, give me that." Fuck off, you bitch.
Suck my balls.
[truck approaches outside]
I've got terrible gut rot.
- [heavy metal music playing nearby]
- Motorhead, "Ace of Spades."
That's what I call myself
on Rebel Coup.
- "Ace of Spades." That's a good omen.
- [Frank] Great omen.
So, you have no one that loves you
that is willing to pay money
to get you back.
Completely useless to us. Worthless.
We might as well get
some entertainment out of you.
You two are fighting to the death.
Come on, get up.
Can I use the toilet, please?
- I need to...
- Come on, get up.
What do you mean fight to the death?
That's ridiculous.
- That's right.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're gonna shoot me?
The other ones
are going to hear the shots,
they're gonna come in here:
pop, pop, pop.
- Shoot you to bits.
- I don't care. We're gonna die anyway.
No. Only one of you will die, you see?
You're gonna fight each other
to the death. The winner will be free.
Shoot him.
Shoot him.
You're thinking you'd win, aren't you?
- I would win.
- You don't know that.
- He definitely will.
- [Finch] You don't know that.
- Look at you and look at him.
- You don't know what I can do.
So, don't... Just...
[breathing heavily]
- I can't do it.
- Oh, God. Give it to me.
[guffawing]
Are you gonna shoot me now?
This is just...
It's not as easy as it looks, right?
- [grunts]
- [loud fart]
- [men shouting indistinctly nearby]
- [Finch groans]
- Oh, I've shit myself.
- [man shouts in Spanish]
[grunts] Oh, fuck! Fucking...
My fucking balls!
Fuck, you shot my fucking balls, man.
[heavy metal music playing]
Aah!
The Jeep!
[gunfire]
[Finch groaning]
[grunts]
[Finch]
Go, go, go, go, go.
- [both laughing]
- Whoo!
[cheering]
- [fires shots in the air]
- Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo!
- [fires round into truck]
- [Frank] Come on!
- [Finch] I'm sorry.
[man on radio]
Frank Bonneville and Ian Finch,
the two radio employees held hostage
for nearly a month, have been released.
They were welcomed
at the U.S. embassy in Quito
and are said to be exhausted,
but unharmed and in good spirits.
The Ecuadorian Liberation Front
claim responsibility for the kidnapping
and are believed to have been paid
their ransom by Eleanor Finch
- from the public's generous donations.
- Thank you.
This is Q365 News, saying:
welcome home, boys.
[band playing "A Dollar For A Hero"]
[cheering]
You must be so proud.
I am. It's probably
the best song I've written.
[inaudible dialogue]
Frank, welcome back.
I was wrong about you.
Which part? The bit about
being a drunk, arrogant hack
- who doesn't care about anybody?
- Yeah.
No, you weren't.
I'm a work in progress.
- Hmm.
- And Finch finally did something brave.
Really?
Not yet.
[Finch] Hey.
Don't worry. We'll never tell anyone
you weren't really kidnapped.
- No, we were kidnapped.
- Of course.
Sure.
[woman]
Ladies and gentlemen, Frank Bonneville.
[cheering]
Well, thank you. Thank you. Uh...
He's the one you should be applauding,
because let me tell you something...
Ian Finch is a hero. Okay?
He may look like a squat, ineffectual
nobody, but he is the real man here.
- [cheers and applause]
- [ring clatters]
[man] What's it like
to have your husband back?
- [Frank] Thank you. Thank you.
- Great. It's so great.
And what's next for Eleanor Finch?
Um, well, my album is due out,
as you know,
and I'm starting a perfume line.
...I thought I'd never get to see
my own country again.
[applause, cheering]
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Brought you a coffee.
- Why?
Well, because you always
bring me a coffee.
I bring everyone coffee.
- Do you?
- No.
Good. Good work with the...
Uh...
Uh... Um...
Exactly, that's what I was trying to say.
[Claire chuckling]
- This is going well.
- [Claire] Yeah.
[Finch] Isn't it?
I'm just gonna uh... walk past...
- [Claire] Hello.
- [Finch] Hi.
...these people,
who would probably give us a lift.
But we seem to be
walking to Manhattan.
- [Claire chuckles]
- Is that good?
- I have coffee, so...
- You didn't want milk, did you?
- I did, but...
- Okay, good. Well, we...
There's a shop on the Upper East Side
that I know.
We're probably not allowed
to go across there.
[Claire chuckles]
[Claire]
This is like the end of a movie.
[Finch]
A low-budget movie, maybe.
[Claire laughs]
["A Dollar For A Hero" plays]