Armed robbery.
I wasn't gonna ask that.
You know, that's what it was.
That's the story.
You were gonna hear it sooner or later,
so I figured...
None of my business.
Sure, it is.
Actually, you're right.
You know, if we're going
to work together every day...
...you should know these things
if they're important.
It's your right.
It's your right
to keep your mouth shut if you want.
I know.
I agree.
I walked into a Dunkin' Donuts at 2:00 a.m.
and held the place up.
- I was broke.
- Here's the barn.
- Dan.
- He's not here.
Oh, no?
Fredrickson.
Son of the first elector.
The family owns a big nursery.
Every year,
they donate a bunch of seed and fertilizer.
Stuff from last year
not eaten up by winter damage.
- Some donation.
- His father's the first elector?
Yeah.
He's lived here his whole life.
They always pull that "local guy" stuff
whenever you see him...
Fuckin' politicians for you.
- Yeah. Where you from?
- Waterbury.
When did you graduate?
I was supposed to finish in '83...
...but I didn't.
Figured if I read a lot I'd be okay, you know?
Sounds like a good idea.
You read?
I get the paper for the sports.
- Current events?
- Sometimes.
My wife reads all of Stephen King's.
My son gave me this guy Jim...
Jim Thompson?
They're pretty good.
I think I read about every Stephen King.
Up in Danbury...
...I started reading spiritual books.
- Bible stuff?
- No. More like...
More spiritual. More like...
...men's souls and their spirits, you know?
Like how in society, they don't have the space.
No sort of...
- No fuckin' outlet for all the things...
- Please.
No more with that word.
That's the fifth time already.
What?
Oh! "Fuck."
- Sorry.
- Jesus.
Sorry.
How long were you in Danbury Correction?
Eighteen months.
It was only my first offense, you know.
Here he is, driving his '98 BMW.
Mr. Murphy. Hello.
Hello, nice to see you. Very sorry I'm late.
- That's okay. Where's the truck?
- How's Bob?
- Fine.
- Mrs. Murphy?
Fine. Where's the truck?
They're not here yet?
No.
I was afraid of that. Hang on.
I hope you don't have to load by yourself.
Hey, Mona!
I'm over at the storage barn.
What's with Sanchez and Ricky?
Well, what...
How long of a delay?
Goddamn.
All right. No.
No, I'll ask them if they want to wait,
and then I'll call you back. Okay.
Trouble with a delivery over at Perkins...
- We'll come back tomorrow.
- No.
I need to get the stuff out of here today.
I have deliveries coming all day tomorrow.
Do you think you guys could start to load it on...
...until my guys get here,
and then they'll finish it?
Would that be okay? Hey.
- That's Paul. He's the new guy.
- Good to meet you.
- Hi. How you doing?
- That's all I can think to do.
I know you guys need to get
fertilizer to get planting over at Town Hall.
Could you just start?
Then I'll tell my guys, "No lunch."
Just get over here immediately and help you out?
Otherwise, I just can't think of what to do.
I want the town to have access
to this free fertilizer and everything.
I don't want to load a bunch of...
...seed fertilizer on the back of the truck.
Do you?
- Is there another way?
- That's what I'm saying. There isn't.
Your guys are supposed to help us
load it in two truckloads?
My father donates all the materials.
Sometimes he has his employees
help you guys out if we're not too busy.
It's a donation for the town.
Since you guys work for the town, I thought...
Maybe Terry Kaiser can send someone over to...
Oh, boy.
I have to get going. Let's wrap this up.
Let's take a look at what there is.
It shouldn't be that hard.
Wait a second.
I don't know what's going on. I just started.
But don't go walking over there,
like we said yes before we've made a decision.
What the fuck is that?
I'm just going to show you
what needs to be done. Nobody's...
I know this is your first day, but...
It's a donation for the town.
I don't need to be here.
Shut up a second.
Don't ask if we mind doing something...
...then act like we're doing it
before we give an answer.
Fuck.
I don't think you understand...
Just show us what your father wants to donate.
Forget it.
I guess these throw away. No. These look...
I don't know if they're supposed to go.
And, see...
- Be careful, don't get the fertilizer in the hand...
- Okay.
Okay. And as I say...
...l'll tell Sanchez and Ricky to skip lunch and...
That'd be fine.
Back the truck up, will you? The keys are in it.
Great.
You gonna stick around and give us a hand?
What? I mean...
Okay.
My guys shouldn't be that long.
I'm really not dressed for it.
- Usually, I have gloves in the car.
- We have gloves in the truck.
It's not a question of gloves, really. I mean...
It's not my job.
I run the business.
I didn't expect to come here and do shoveling.
- Neither were we, really.
- Really.
I'll run back to the nursery, see if I can
free up a worker and send him to help.
That makes more sense.
- Whatever.
- No. Not "whatever."
I said I'll go back, free up one of the workers
and send them over for free.
- I said I'll do it, I'm gonna do it.
- Fine, whatever. Do what you gotta do.
I don't like your attitude, Mr...
- I don't like yours, faggot.
- None of that.
- Fuckin' faggot comes here like the king of Siam!
- None of that language!
Sorry, Mr. Murphy. I won't say "fuck" anymore...
He means the word "faggot," moron.
Because his son's a faggot.
- Jesus Christ!
- I'm sorry, Mr. Murphy. I didn't mean...
It's okay, Ronnie.
I don't mean anything negative.
I've known Bobby my whole life.
Enough, Ronnie.
Look, I've got to go.
I'm very sorry the guys aren't here.
I'll go make sure they get here soon.
Call Terry Kaiser.
Tell him we're gonna be longer than we thought.
As soon as I know what's going on.
Tell Bobby my thoughts are with him.
And please say hello to your wife for me
when you see her.
I will.
"When I see her,"
like she's some distant acquaintance.
- I'm sorry. I didn't mean "faggot" like...
- It's okay.
- I got nothing against them, you know.
- It's okay.
- I meant "pussy." That guy was a pussy.
- It's okay, Paul.
Enough.
I meant no insult at all.
It's no problem.
Let it go.
I don't even know your son.
I don't even know you. Here I am...
My first day, and I can't even...
What is it, three hours? And already I'm...
I quit.
- What are you doing?
- I've been here three hours. I don't know.
He has authority.
The guy's father is the first elector.
Fuck!
I call your son a faggot. I mean...
Shit! Three fucking hours.
I don't know why I'm like this.
For some fuckin' reason,
I can't keep my mouth shut!
My first fuckin' day!
Fuck.
- I can't do this.
- Hey.
I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna make it here.
Relax!
- The guy is a jerk!
- I always do this.
- I mean, your son. I had no...
- Forget it!
I'm not insulted.
You couldn't have known about Bobby.
The language, that's all...
The son of the first elector,
probably dines with Kaiser.
Kaiser hates this guy. I mean, the guy is...
The guy's got a cupcake mentality.
To hell with him!
Cupcake mentality?
He's a jerk! A soft life, his whole life.
- I just need to start with a lawyer.
- No shit.
My parole would be so completely fucked.
Forget it! Last thing Fredrickson wants
is to be seen as spreading dirt about somebody.
This is the shit those books
are supposed to help you with.
Should we...
...start loading that stuff?
No.
What about...
You really think
that guy's gonna send someone over?
No. He's a liar.
Guys like that,
you can just smell it on 'em, can't you?
I smell that, and I swear to God,
I want to rip their teeth out.
- I know, but you've gotta watch that.
- I know.
The only thing it's gonna get you
is dead or in jail.
- No offense.
- I can't kiss the ass of these jerk-offs.
I'm not saying that.
You pretend like you're kissing their behind.
Do what you wanna do.
A guy'll tell you to do something...
...and just by having the balls to say it out loud...
He got the upper hand on you...
If you say no, you're the problem,
even if he created the problem...
...by telling you what to do, like you're unhuman.
They back you into a corner
with their authority, like.
Know how many people wanna hire you
once you did time for armed robbery?
It's like, "Hello! I'm radioactive!"
Kaiser hired you.
One guy.
He just told me, "I've been there."
He was! The judge told him,
"Go to Vietnam or go to jail."
- I didn't get a choice.
- I don't think his was armed robbery.
- I needed the money.
- You told me that.
I bought a car so I could get to my new job.
A good job.
Working at the kitchen over there,
at IBM, in the cafeteria.
Minimum wage, but hey, right?
One whole year I looked, taking those
nighttime construction jobs, no permit.
I demoed for a guy five weeks in a row.
He screwed me, told me payroll fucked up.
Ripped down asbestos for him,
illegal, two months, never said a word.
And now, could I help him out?
Meanwhile, I eat peanut butter sandwiches,
and crash on my friend's couch.
- Couldn't say he was fuckin' me or...
- Please.
Sorry.
So that job was over.
Never saw the money.
I couldn't get unemployment.
No proof of employment.
Why call it unemployment?
Watch this. That's sumac. It's poisonous.
So I get the job at IBM.
After two weeks, I get my first paycheck for $310.
- Tax.
- No, listen.
I go to the manager, say,
"There's a problem with my check."
"No, there isn't," he says. So I tell him:
"Look. I worked 91 hours at $5.25."
"No, you didn't," he says.
I feel something coming on.
He tells me that four of my days
were following days.
- When I'm not...
- "Following days"?
Where I'm just learning the ropes.
I don't get paid for those,
wasn't skilled enough for the kitchen.
That would have frosted me!
What?
Frosted.
- Pissed me off.
- Right?
I tell him I don't think that's fair.
He says it is.
They're not running an outreach program.
Like I was a fuckin' junkie or something.
Next thing I know,
I'm escorted to the parking lot...
...like I was some kind of terrorist.
- Jesus.
- And I'm in the hole for $700.
I just saw the whole thing slipping away,
the good food, the car.
My friend's wife giving him shit about
how long I was staying.
So I go into this Dunkin' Donuts off
the Merritt Parkway that I knew was 24 hours.
And I rob them.
What was I gonna do?
What about the armed part?
Were you on the drugs?
No.
I figured I wasn't going without a gun, you know.
Some off-duty cop. You never know.
How'd they catch you?
A woman who worked there
also worked in the cafeteria.
What was I gonna do? Shoot her?
Next morning,
the cops knock on my friend's door.
All night, I sweat bullets,
promise God I'll never do it again.
In the morning, I get busted.
It's tough!
Worst part is, these cops driving me
are eating a half-dozen jelly donuts.
I've never been so hungry in my entire life.
I need this job, Mr. Murphy.
I gotta get back on track, you know?
Sure you don't want me to load that fertilizer?
No.
- I don't mind loading it by myself.
- We're not gonna load anything.
You heard him.
He's got deliveries all day tomorrow.
He's gotta have that space cleaned out,
otherwise he's got no storage.
We're not gonna do something for him
he's gotta do himself.
The minute he said that, I knew we had him.
- Isn't he expecting us to do it?
- Let him expect.
We'll go to the duck pond,
see if it needs thatching.
Eat lunch. Go prune the border back.
It was one of those places,
thought I was backed into a corner.
Just saw red.
Got a lot to learn.
I read this interview with the Dalai Lama...
- Wait.
- A Buddhist monk, Chinese kicked him out.
- I know who he is.
- He's like the pope of Buddhism.
This interview asks him what human behavior
we should be on the lookout for.
Like an early warning sign
of our society getting ripe for...
...or closer to another...
...Nazi attitude.
The Dalai Lama looks at him for a second,
and he goes;
"Routine."
Routine?
Yeah! Like, everybody unconsciously...
...or even consciously, I guess,
just not questioning.
Just following the same system or rules.
Routine.
- Programmed?
- Yeah.
You want a coffee?
Maybe you've had enough coffee today already.
Get me a...
I don't have any money.
Me neither. It's payday.
I must have left it on the dresser.
I'm sorry about that $20 I owe you.
I'll make sure...
Don't worry about it.
No.
- I like to pay my debts.
- Fine. We've been all over that.
I told you, pay me when you can.
This is getting a little routine.
That's very good.
Didn't know you had a sense of humor like that.
You think I don't listen.
Fuckin' vandals.
Vandals.
What's the point of this?
They're losers.
- Kids are spoiled, don't know they got it good.
- You know, sometimes...
...you just have to say, "Things are looking up."
Start looking up. You have to make an effort.
You know what I mean?
Look here. Here's a wallet.
Senior ID. Driver's license.
Dennis Ramirez.
Rubber. $50. The whole thing.
Looks like Dennis is gonna have
explaining to do to the police.
No. We'll take it back to his parents.
What are you talking about?
That's why there's police and laws!
People learn to behave. They set me straight.
Maybe they'll get him
before he gets in real trouble.
It's not armed robbery, you know.
It's a senior prom prank.
You know about karma?
Yeah.
- Okay, no.
- Karma's like Indian for...
- American Indian?
- No, from India. Ancient.
The energy you put out there...
Energy?
More like the good fortune you put out there.
When you put it out there, it stores up.
Then there's so much,
it comes back to affect you positively...
...and you have...
...more good fortune.
So, basically...
...what goes around comes around?
Yeah.
Losers.
They got boot camps for vandals.
That'll teach 'em something.
What do I know?
My father used to sing every morning.
While he was having his coffee. While he shaved.
Even when he was losing his shirt at the pub.
He'd make this effort to sing.
- You believe what goes around comes around?
- Yeah, sure.
So, my life has been so fucked up
because I was bad?
Like, I was sending out bad karma?
No, it's a different thing entirely.
You get a bad break.
A little bad fortune.
Couple of bad breaks.
You get into a cycle like we were talking about.
Routine.
I gotta break the routine?
Yeah.
How?
One thing would be not to be so apologetic
about your jail term.
- You think I am?
- Yeah.
You were in a tough spot.
You made a mistake. You got caught.
- Put it behind you.
- But it's good for me.
- How?
- Well, I...
Learned the rules of society, you know?
Paid my debt to society.
I realized I lived amongst others.
- Paid my debt to society.
- You knew the rules beforehand.
You broke 'em. You were in a tough spot.
But still, I had...
How does your jail time affect things
that put you in a tough spot in the first place?
As a matter of fact...
...see, with the apologizing
and making up you do for it...
...might make you worse.
- No, I wouldn't say that. Definitely not.
- Okay. Fine.
Wait a minute.
- Are you talking about me owing you money?
- No.
The fact that you worry about it,
like I'm watching you.
Remember that day last week?
Three times you said there was no water
in your room, so you couldn't shave.
- You thought I was lying?
- No.
You don't owe me anything, okay? Nothing.
You and me, we're the same. That's it.
If I lend you money, I tell you
I want you to forget it, I want you to forget it.
You're starting to bug me
that you apologize for stuff all the time.
Be who you are. Say what you want.
- I can handle that, okay?
- Okay.
Give me back the wallet.
I'm gonna take it over there to his house.
So he'll know I know who he is.
He knows I know what he did.
I know where he lives.
I know who his parents are.
And I'm giving him a break.
That puts some good karma out there,
over the plate.
Karma. Fuck.
- Quit saying "fuck."
- Okay! Jeez.
What the fuck?
I'll just get out of here, okay?
Let me get my stuff out. No force! Okay?
Brooks. Fran Brooks.
Who's that?
My God. You're Fran Brooks.
- Who the fuck are you?
- Watch your mouth.
- You're Fran Brooks.
- Who the fuck are you?
- I said watch your mouth!
- I'm Murphy from Parks and Rec.
Rob...
- Bobby Murphy's father.
- Who?
I'm Bobby Murphy's father.
Mr. Murphy?
You got a cigarette, sir?
Give him a cigarette.
This is Paul.
- Hi.
- Hey.
What are you doing in there?
- Fran, what are you doing back there?
- What does it look like, sir?
- You living in there?
- Looks that way.
- You can't live under there.
- I have been.
- It's illegal!
- You gonna call the police?
Take it easy, Paul.
- So, what's your plan?
- Plan? No plan, sir.
You're not still drinking, are you?
You, sir?
You hungry?
I am, sir.
I'm gonna give you some money.
Go over to the deli at the Grand Union.
- They won't let me in.
- That's what's-his-name. You know...
- He don't want me there.
- I told you he was a prick.
- Stuck up!
- Right?
Look...
- I don't have any money.
- Me? I still owe you...
Let's see if we can turn Dennis Ramirez's...
...karma around.
Go over there. Get a table. Order up some eggs.
I'll just...
I'll be a few minutes.
I don't want to leave the tools.
- You want a fried-egg hero?
- Yeah.
How is Bobby, Mr. Murphy?
- I heard he was doing well. Some big job.
- He's fine.
Hey, Frannie?
Actually, he's not doing so good.
He's got a health problem.
I'm sorry to hear that, sir.
I always liked Bobby.
I know you did.
Things will be better.
They're gonna be looking up.
I hope so.
Jesus!
Everything's out of whack.
What?
Is it the money? 'Cause I'll buy you the pills.
No.
If you take drugs, you reduce your body's
ability to fight the allergy itself.
Drugs?
It's an antihistamine. Doctors take them.
- What? It's not a natural thing to do?
- No, it's not.
If you want to go see this car naturally,
you could walk.
Christ, Murph, come on!
What's with "natural"? Okay, "natural."
Science is not a bad thing.
I know. I'm just trying to balance my body.
Mind and body clean. Keep 'em one.
- The hangovers last week, what was that?
- Okay.
I would call that an imbalance, all right?
Of course,
the aspirin you took for that was science.
This happens to me every year. I'm used to it.
Maybe it's part of a mutation process.
I'll survive the greenhouse effect, you won't.
You think somebody wants you to survive,
looking the way you look?
Shit. Come on. I told the car guy by 12:30.
45 Oakridge Way.
I don't know why you have to have a car.
I don't mind picking you up on the way in.
It's the summer, all right?
I'm lonely. I wanna get laid.
Maybe you ought to tell the girls
you don't have a car.
That's a good tactic.
Sometimes you're so lame, you know that?
What are you doing?
You're killing yourself with all these rules.
What's killing me right now is listening to you.
All the classics, all the time, on WMRA.
The other night, I couldn't take it anymore.
I wanted sex.
I'm sorry, I don't know any other way to say it.
I'm a guy.
So I went down to the Ancient Mariner.
It's always full of yuppies. I don't care.
I gotta get laid. Start talking to this girl, Julie.
28. Stacked. Beautiful. Drunk.
She's there with her girlfriends
and their two boyfriends.
- What, she's like a fifth wheel?
- Yeah.
I'm dressed exactly like the boyfriends.
I got the chinos, polo shirt...
...docksiders...
- Docksiders?
- They're like boat shoes.
- For when you go out on your boat?
They all wear 'em, okay?
So I told her I work in my father's gardening firm
selling gardening supplies.
She says, "You know, you got a great body.
"How'd you get so tanned?"
Of course, I'm drunk and I wasn't thinking.
"I work outside all day with my shirt off."
- "I thought you sold garden supplies."
- Exactly.
- Bitch just gets up, turns around...
- Come on.
The snot gets up, gives me this look like "later"...
...gets her two friends and leaves.
Like I wasn't good enough for her or something.
How would a '77 Datsun change this?
I could have left with her.
I could have gone for a drive.
I got a car. I would have seemed like less of a...
- Less of a what? A liar?
- Come on. What's a lie?
That's when you're not telling the truth.
- Mr. Philosopher.
- Okay.
- What?
- You're so one-track minded!
"I go in the bar to get laid."
Not, "I go to have a good time,
see what's going on."
That's pretty narrow, you know?
What are you? The Dalai Lama?
"Hello, Dolly..."
Sometimes when it gets heavy like this
I just start hallucinating.
- I've been having these weird dreams.
- Why not close your eyes?
Come on. Take 10.
I wrote down this one dream,
I'm supposed to be hunting this big animal.
Like a monster or something.
I got this huge gun.
This other guy's supposed to be with me.
A Native guide or something,
some guy who knows the jungle.
But he's missing, and it's definitely dangerous.
I don't see any tracks or anything, but...
...there is no way I'm leaving this path.
And the birds are whispering, "A gun is stupid."
I think they want me to drop the gun as a trick...
...so that I get killed or something.
My hands are sinking into
the machinery of the gun up to my shoulders.
At that exact moment...
- The monster appears.
- And it sees me.
And I'm just terrified.
I just piss my pants right there.
Then I notice this other set of eyes...
...like a little dog.
A puppy.
Suddenly my hands are just freed from the gun.
So the puppy leads me off the path and...
...out to this...
...big field.
The puppy comes up to me,
and he gives me this big mushroom...
...with smoke coming out of it...
Light blue.
And we eat it.
And I feel this...
Relief?
No. More like...
I don't know. Knowledge.
And I'm not so...
I don't feel like I need
to get back to the path anymore.
I feel like I can just sit there.
The puppy.
The birds.
I can hear the breeze. The whole thing just...
It just feels...
...more alive.
- What are you doing?
- She should know about the watering law.
The guy's waiting with the car.
We've only got 45 minutes.
You want her to get a ticket?
You asshole.
Whenever you wanna do something...
Besides, we don't want to waste the water,
Mr. Environmentally Concerned.
Don't. Please?
Miss!
Excuse me, miss.
I called Parks and Rec five months ago.
You guys never came for the railroad ties.
What railroad ties?
The previous owner
had a tacky garden in the back.
Railroad ties, gravel.
I thought you guys could use them.
You never came.
- We never heard about 'em.
- They're still back there.
Covered in dog shit, but still there.
- What's the matter with your eyes?
- What?
- I got allergies.
- Me, too. It's brutal.
- Don't you take anything?
- Nothing works.
You know the herbal tea?
The two-times-a-day one?
- No.
- Tea?
I got some. It tastes like hell,
but it works most of the time.
- When it doesn't, I take a prescription.
- What, drugs?
- What do you think?
- Mr. Natural here can't do drugs.
It's a good way to be. Don't make fun of him.
I'm not making fun of him.
- You know about the new watering law?
- What's the law?
I let my lawn die,
so the president of IBM can fill his pool?
Jesus. You sound like shit. Do you want a pill?
- No, thanks.
- Why? You like suffering?
- He's trying to cleanse.
- Okay, don't make fun of him.
- I'm not...
- You only got one body, gotta care for it.
- You eating cheese?
- No dairy.
He had pizza for lunch yesterday.
What are you saying?
- I'm trying to cut down.
- You won't take a pill, but you eat pizza?
Come in. I'll give you some of that tea.
It's herbal. Herbal's good for you.
Come on. The car guy's waiting.
We got 45 minutes.
- Are you on lunch break?
- Yes, we are.
So am I. I'll give you some food.
I've just gotta feed these puppies.
Two minutes! There goes the break.
Get some of this tea off of her anyway.
Come on, quick!
I don't want to let the puppies out.
Get back!
I got 'em. Watch the puppy!
Look at that one. Watch it. Get it!
There's too many pharmaceutical labs
to let them run around unescorted.
Come on!
Come on. Out.
Lunchtime.
Just make yourselves comfortable
here at the Taj Mahal.
They're beautiful, aren't they?
- What are they?
- Mutts.
Black lab, though. Why, you want one?
- I don't know if it's...
- Look.
- You got a dog?
- No.
Never?
- Not even when you were a kid?
- Nope.
Look how much
that little hungry puppy likes you.
You wanna show me
where these railroad ties are...
...and we can load them up?
Right back there behind the shed.
Next to the gravel.
Take the ties and the gravel, I'll throw in a dog.
I don't think my wife
would appreciate a third dog.
It's up to Paul there.
Never mind the bong. Look out for the dog shit.
She likes you.
You got a girlfriend?
No.
- A roommate?
- No.
- Yard?
- Yeah.
You should take her.
You never get lonely.
I come home from work, I'm so glad they're here.
It's like a marriage.
A group marriage.
They're our equals, you know, animals.
Some ways, our superiors.
They don't care who you are.
You're sincere with them, they love you.
No head trips.
I don't think that humankind
is the center of the universe.
A lot of problems would be solved
if we realized that.
I love animals.
- You eat meat?
- I just stopped.
That's good.
I mean, how could you love a...
...sweet little thing like that and eat a steak?
You know?
You should take her.
If you don't want her,
I'll let you bring her back, I promise.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Here. I'll give you my number.
- Thanks.
- What's your name?
- Paul.
- I'm Georgia.
I work at the school.
Why did I say that?
Don't you hate it when people define you
by where you work?
- We were just talking about...
- Where do people hang out here?
- There's...
- Single people.
I went to that bar, the Ancient Mariner.
They all look like escapees
from a J. Crew catalogue.
Chinos, the whole uniform.
Look how much she loves you.
I don't have a car...
Murph and me, we were gonna go look at one.
Now it's too late.
- I'm sorry.
- That's not what I meant. It's okay.
It's just that in this town...
...there's not a lot to do without a car...
I have a car.
You can...
...go other places and stuff...
- But me, I mostly...
- That stuff looks great!
Those ties, gravel,
I could use that on my driveway.
Did you see the old barrels?
- Barrels?
- Over next to the ties.
Next to the shed, not behind it.
Next to the shed.
I'll go look.
So, you don't have a car.
- You want to go out sometime?
- Sure.
- I mean, it's...
- Sure.
Because in this town, there's not a lot...
I can drive. Just call me.
Okay.
When?
- When?
- Friday?
- You don't waste any time, do you?
- "Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim."
There's only one barrel.
I know. It's back there.
We've got time to look at the car if...
I got some Kleenex if you guys want it.
And I need to make that tea.
And you're taking a pill.
I've made my declaration.
- I'll take the pill.
- Well...
I didn't wanna go
rushing around without any lunch.
She got hungry...
We don't have to rush. Haste makes waste.
You gonna ask her out?
She looks like she got good karma.
I already did.
One year McCain had these left over.
I planted these day lilies.
Every year they come up.
Lilies round the trash.
You know...
...I been thinking about going
to that warrior weekend on Labor Day.
The thing in the woods? The brochure?
- It only costs $200.
- $200?
That includes food...
...lodging...
- What lodging? Three days of campground.
- Food...
- You said food. So...
I don't know. They got Porta-Potties.
Must be money for the organization, too.
They got speakers! They got a sweat lodge, too.
Sweat lodge?
A sweat lodge. It's like a sauna.
It's like an Indian...
It's like an American Indian hut
where guys go to relax and...
It's like healing.
You need healing from the wound
they give you with the $200.
It's just a place for men...
...to go and relate to other men
and their sons. Sweat.
Feel good.
You don't have to spend $200
to do that kind of thing.
- I know.
- Softball!
You know what? Maybe it's not about the money.
Like you say.
You watch late-night TV?
You know those guys...
They're speakers and they're selling their tapes,
secrets to inner peace.
What do you call that?
- Infomercials.
- Okay.
If they really got the secret to inner peace,
wouldn't they give it free?
Why do you have to pee back there?
Too much soda.
That makes sense if you think about it.
Too much soda.
What are you doing?
Us?
We're playing tennis. What's it look like?
- Right?
- No, you're not.
Yeah, we are, too.
Can I try?
I don't know. What do you think?
- He looks like a tennis player to me.
- Okay. But you know what?
All right.
This is what you do. You paint.
Here to here, there to there. Right there.
Watch it, now.
- What do you think?
- Natural tennis player.
What do you say?
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
What do they find out
on these warrior weekends?
We're all supposed to be warriors?
Yeah.
Just there aren't any more wars to test us.
Plenty of wars.
It's also a place for men to relate to other men.
A place where it's safe for you
to admit your anxieties, your fears.
Maybe figure out why you feel empty at your job.
Why your life has no meaning. All that stuff.
The speakers there...
...they give you the meaning?
I don't know. That's why I wanna go.
There must be something behind it.
Sure there's something.
Your money, that's what's behind it.
I read this really good book last week.
- This one's good!
- Not another book.
This is a good one.
It's all about architectural history.
In the Middle Ages,
all society's biggest buildings were cathedrals.
Then, in a later century...
...all the biggest buildings are political palaces.
Today, what are the biggest buildings?
They're all office buildings, right?
I mean, you know...
That shows how things have changed...
...over time.
There's no room in society anymore
for spirituality.
It's all business now.
Maybe that's why men feel empty at their jobs.
I don't feel empty at my job.
I like my job.
I also like eating meatloaf, but what the heck?
Okay. How come you go to church?
I go to church to...
...see my neighbors, think about my life.
Wish people well. Help out.
That's church, too, you know.
It's not all theology.
"Love thy neighbor." "Thou shalt not kill."
- What's the point of that?
- Doesn't every religion say that?
That's just to hook you in.
But you know what?
People wanna do good. They wanna be good.
The people that run these religions,
what do they do?
They tell you, "This is what you do to be good."
That makes you feel better.
You give them your money!
But it's mostly things
that people would be doing anyway.
How come they don't?
Most do.
Look at these lilies.
I hope they come up next year.
There's nothing that will make you feel emptier...
...in your life...
...than to spend all your time
thinking about money.
But nobody who wants your $200
is gonna tell you that.
What about war?
You think that's people doing good?
That's money, too, isn't it?
They might say it's about something else
to get you to go.
So you don't think man is naturally violent?
"Man"?
Come on. Look around you.
Can my friend try?
You want your friend to try?
Get him to show you how.
You gotta paint the back.
You paint the front, we'll be in big trouble.
There you go.
Go ahead.
- What's your name?
- Bobby.
- Okay. What's her name?
- Kristin.
You step on those lilies,
I'm gonna have to shoot you.
He means that.
You know what my general rule is?
We're all in this together.
Look at Earth from the moon,
you don't see lines by countries or states.
It's all about money.
What do you guys think?
- Pretty good.
- Pretty good?
Okay. You owe me $150.
Bobby, come here.
Go over there...
...and get us four sodas.
What do you say?
"Please." Help him out there, would you?
Make him hurry.
We're sweating to death over here.
It's so hot.
In my little sweat lodge.
This time of the school year,
really great applejacks start showing up.
- I had it once.
- And?
I don't know. It was kind of like sniffing glue.
Except with a really great taste and no crash.
In high school, they hired this guy, O'Rourke,
as a smoking lounge monitor.
He was an older guy, in his 20s.
He was the kind of guy you related to.
I mean, girls would leave notes with him.
A book to give to somebody two periods later.
He was cool, smoked cigarettes,
wore jeans, the whole thing. You trusted him.
Turns out the guy was a narc.
- Canary.
- Right.
- Stool pigeon?
- Yeah.
All of a sudden, kids started getting busted.
Vice-principal would find pot
in some kid's locker.
Cops would bust up parties
in the middle of the woods at night.
No one could figure it out.
Then one day,
this girl who lives near the school...
...tells O'Rourke she's going home for study hall,
which is illegal.
Twenty minutes later, vice-principal shows up,
busts her screwing her boyfriend.
How old is she?
I don't know. 16 or something.
Anyway, they take the girl to the office
to call her parents.
The boyfriend...
...sees O'Rourke in the vice-principal's office...
...and he's going:
"I know it wasn't drugs,
but this girl's not even 16."
That's how we knew.
That was his proof O'Rourke knocked.
He follows him out into the smoking lounge.
And he confronts him.
O'Rourke knows he's caught,
so the boyfriend knocks him right on his ass.
- Boyfriend, he's a student?
- No. He's an older guy.
So then these gearheads,
who always talk to O'Rourke...
...come over to stick up for him.
The boyfriend says, "Wait! This guy's a narc."
The gearheads are like, "No way!"
A couple of them believe him.
They know him from his car.
He's got this hot '73 Duster.
Finally, O'Rourke admits it.
And he says:
"I understand kids. Right? You know?
"I just narc on them for their own good."
Like learning your best friend was a Nazi.
Deceived.
But it was like someone who...
- Betrayed.
- Totally!
There you are in high school.
You're young, of course you wanna...
...hang out with girls, talk.
Smoke a little weed. It's harmless, though.
We were still learning.
What does something like that teach you?
"Don't trust someone you think is one of you.
He might be one of them.
"Return to doing everything secretly."
We learned that.
So what happened to O'Rourke?
The gearheads beat the shit out of him.
I guess he learned something, too.
It's always a surprise when you're betrayed.
Like when Don Regan comes and tells me...
- You mean Regan from next door?
- Yeah.
My neighbor.
He comes and tells me, in my house...
...my son Bobby can't be scoutmaster
for Cub Scouts, because he's gay.
My neighbor.
Seen the kid grow up for 20 years.
He says, "I represent the Boy Scouts
of America and the town."
I say, "Regan...
"...we're talking about Bobby."
He looks at me with tears in his eyes.
Tears in his eyes! And he says:
"I'm sorry, Murph.
"I'm just not comfortable
having them around the boys."
"Them."
He wouldn't cross the line.
He had to, for the boys' own sake.
Didn't want to. He had to.
My God.
I carried his daughter to the doctor,
five streets away...
...when she tipped the barbecue over on her.
I'm running five streets...
...her in my arms, screaming.
Bobby cut his lawn for six years.
I don't know.
I can't offer you applejack, so...
- You got a light?
- Yeah.
I know. I'm supposed to hold it in, right?
Jesus.
Nice one, Murph.
You sort of just go with the flow there,
don't you?
In 15 minutes you're gonna be craving
ice cream or coffee.
You know what the doctor told me?
Go easy on fat. Cut down on coffee.
Now they tell me. I'd rather skip
the last 30 years than start up now.
What have you got
once you give up coffee and ice cream?
- There's always sex.
- I hope there's always sex.
God, me too.
You ever think about what it must be like to be...
...sixty...
You know...
Eighty years old.
Knowing the last time...
That the last time that you...
Fucked?
Knowing the last time you fucked,
that was the last time.
You are never gonna do it again.
- I wonder if you relish it.
- God, I hope you relish it.
I mean, what a...
- Drag?
- Thank you.
...drag it would be! I mean, relish it.
I just hope I die a little younger,
so I don't rot down to nothing.
I don't want to see my friends die.
- Suppose your wife goes first.
- I've thought about that.
I don't see a point thinking about it.
- I can't control what will or won't happen.
- Right.
This book says if your partner dies first...
Wait. "Partner"?
Partner. Husband. Wife.
Boyfriend. Significant other.
Partner.
- So, if your partner dies first...
- You have to have a contract with this?
No.
Agreement would do. A simple handshake.
Okay.
So...
- Lf your partner dies...
- For a cowboy, would it be your pardner?
Jesus.
In a few minutes, you'll have the worst...
...coffee jones of your entire life.
I got a hankerin' right now.
- Hankerin'?
- Yeah.
Let's stop off at Bagelrama.
On the way on 35.
So, if your...
What?
So, they say...
I forget what I was saying.
Partner!
They say that if your partner dies first...
...sometimes the ethereal body
will stick around in the house...
...because the partner still has issues...
...with the survivor to take care of
before he can accept death.
To let go of that fear.
Fear of dying.
Like a ghost?
Sort of.
Except more like her energy field.
Her spirit.
Then you can continue
that relationship based on...
...all your time together...
...in sync...
...as...
...temporal beings.
Temporal beings?
In the body,
while you're still alive, in your bodies.
You know so much about her energy
and she of yours.
The relationship keeps going on.
That's memory.
Right.
How long have you been married?
Forty-five years.
You...
...never fucked around?
No.
Well, twice.
That's fucking around. Once would be.
It was during the war. We all did it.
You were going crazy!
You get married,
finally find out what it's all about.
Go into service,
they expect you to do without for two years?
We were going nuts.
They were nice girls, though.
A porn star, I could screw.
I don't know about a whore.
You're obviously a man of discerning tastes.
One time...
...when my brother died in Ohio.
My wife is sick.
I went to the funeral by myself. Cancer.
I felt weak.
I don't know,
I wanted to dissolve into the ground.
My kid brother.
Anyway, I'm driving around
in this kind of run-down...
...section there. Dayton.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I knew what I was doing.
I was looking for a woman.
I mean...
I never told this to anybody.
So I'm driving. It's a warehouse district.
This woman waves at me and gets to the car.
She asks me if I want a date.
They say that so if you're a cop,
and you say yes...
...then they can say:
"All I wanted was a date.
Suddenly he's all over me."
Right.
I don't know what to do.
I look at her. I look at the steering wheel.
What do I say to her? "My brother's dead"?
What's that mean to her?
She says to me:
"I could blow you right here for $15."
"Or we get a room, you do me any way you want.
That's $30, plus the room."
What'd you do?
For a minute I'm thinking, "Do it."
Only...
...I don't know this woman.
Nothing meaningful's gonna happen.
When you're young, sex is like...
You see it and just...
But a few years go by and...
...there's gotta be something more...
...that's bigger than sex.
Like jokes.
Laugh together.
There's gotta be something out there that's...
...more important than just a physical thing.
Gotta be connected.
Murph.
You're stoned.
Sometimes, I can hear my brother
like he's standing next to me.
"You ought to be a poet."
How do you be a poet?
How do you be anything?
I feel like once you figure out
how to make a living...
...there's never time to...
Live?
Right.
He said something to me once
I think about every autumn.
This Indian language he knew...
...from this tribe up in New England...
...where we grew up, near lthaca...
...the word that they had for "poetry"...
...was the same word they had for "breath."
So, breathing was like making a poem.
Maybe that's why they didn't have books.
What do you mean?
I mean...
...breathing is the same as poetry...
...and you're walking around and...
...this is all you see.
You don't gotta write anything down.
You're living in a poem.
One time Bobby and I were in church together.
He was 13, 14.
He went to early mass with me
because Elaine was sick.
Boy, it was hotter than hell that day.
Shoulder to shoulder in the pews.
Bobby didn't like going to early mass.
Wanted to watch Abbott and Costello,
go at 11:00 with Elaine.
During the sermon...
Now, remember, I was your age.
Bobby lays his head down on my shoulder.
I let it sit there for about three seconds...
...then I shoved my shoulder up, much to say:
"Okay. Sit up straight. Now."
Maybe he was tired. I don't know.
He wasn't tired. He was a kid.
He was with his dad. He loved his dad.
He laid his head down on his dad's shoulder
the same way he would his mom's.
In my head I told myself, "This is good for him."
"Too old to be putting his...
"...head on my shoulder."
But...
...that wasn't it.
I was embarrassed.
Everybody can see us.
My son's doing something embarrassing.
I was embarrassed,
didn't know what to do, shoved him.
That's the first thing I thought of...
...when he told me and Elaine he was gay.
He had been for four years, and...
...he'd hid it from us, afraid to tell us.
Four years of his life.
Don't know why it's the first thing I thought of.
Last time my father came around to...
...pay my mother for my sister and me...
...and he couldn't find work,
and my mother would cut him no slack.
Then he...
...comes out to me in the alley and...
...he says:
"Time comes, you think about having kids...
"...all's I can say is, don't."
What a start.
Fucking drunk.
Fuckin' asshole loser drunk.
Last time Bobby was in the hospital, what...
...two months ago...
...l'm in there, and...
...Elaine's going out to get some orange juice.
I'm holding his hand,
and he's got all these tubes.
I was thinking, "What can I say? What can I do?"
I felt empty.
An empty room.
I'm sitting there holding his hand, and I...
That's all that's left, you know?
But it wasn't all that was left.
I had debated mentioning it to him for years.
I thought,
"It's more important he knows I love him."
In that moment, I realized...
...that I was afraid...
...to mention it.
Embarrassed.
I looked in his eyes, and his pupils were like...
...black olives.
I whispered to him:
"Bobby, you know I love you, honey.
"Something...
"...l've been needing to say.
"I wanted to for years."
It was everything I could do to get out the word...
..."apologize."
And he said, "It's so okay, Dad."
For years, I avoided mentioning it, and he says:
"It's so okay, Dad."
Regan, how's the ticker?
Fine.
I've been on my feet about five months now.
I had a bypass.
I live down the street from the Murphys.
Danny and Bobby went to the country club
to be caddies.
I didn't know that.
They hated it.
Sweating.
Something like $1 an hour.
Third day of work,
I got a call from the guy at the club.
Could I come pick Bobby and Danny up?
They were fired.
So I get there and...
...Mrs...
What's it?
Fat one, runs the Colonial Realty.
Dolores Edmondson.
She's there.
In a swimming suit,
wrapped in this huge club towel.
That sailor hat.
She caught Bobby and Danny...
...going into the women's dressing room...
...looking up under the...
...floorboards at the naked women,
next to the swimming pool.
She sees these two little sets of eyes
looking up at her, and...
...she starts screaming.
I never knew this.
So I'm driving them home. They're terrified.
In the back, neither one of them's saying a word.
Finally, Danny says under his breath:
"What a gyp!"
And Bobby goes, "Yeah.
"Three whole day's work,
and all we get to see is the whale."
Maybe that's what turned Bobby off it.
Do you think?
Maybe it is. Oh, God!
I'm sorry about that thing with the Cub Scouts.
Bobby would have been a great scout leader.
I should have stood up to them, said:
"Look, this is Bobby Murphy, for God's sake."
I'm so sorry, Murph.
Thanks for coming, Regan.
It's not up to me, you know?
It's okay.
We gotta let these things go.
Snow tomorrow.
Maybe.
No regrets.
Don't worry about anything.
That kid's putting dirty spark plugs
in a snow blower.
You might wanna...
...sandpaper those plugs
if you're gonna put the old ones back in.
Save you time.
The snow comes and it comes.
You know they got acid snow now, like acid rain?
- I told you that.
- That's what's wrong with the manger.
You know the rot at the bottom of the wise men,
where the cord comes in?
I think that's acid snow.
Either that or the wise men got athlete's foot.
We could've gotten to it today if it hadn't snowed.
You take that fiberglass tape
and stretch it real tight with epoxy.
- But you leave a hole in the bottom.
- I know.
- Not an exact bottom.
- Three inches from the bottom...
Three inches from the bottom,
so the water can't get in.
What am I worrying about?
Next year, they'll probably buy new ones.
You know, they got 'em at Wal-Mart now.
- But they're smaller.
- Paint's not right, either.
There's something about the eyes.
- Crossed or something.
- Yeah, somehow.
- But do it anyway, tomorrow.
- I will.
Because next year, I mean...
...you never know.
I will. I'll do it.
Wal-Mart.
Good thing, bad thing?
So...
You all right?
Yeah.
Just thoughts.
Last day sort of thoughts?
Yeah.
It's time. What's a job?
You know...
...for years, you think...
...when I retire, finally I'll...
Thoughts.
A lot of time.
What?
What do you mean?
- What is it?
- What do you mean, what is it?
- You okay?
- Yeah!
Okay.
Do I look okay?
- Yeah. What are you talking about?
- You know...
You haven't noticed me repeating things, or...
...not being able to remember, forget...
- Talking.
- Not yet.
I just don't want to go off the deep end, that's all.
- What do you mean, "go off the deep end"?
- I don't know. Lose it.
Or croak.
Who's gonna take care of Elaine?
The economy, the way it is now?
For years, you work towards this thing
that you think is a certain thing.
After a while, you begin to wonder.
Is it certain,
or is what you've been looking forward to...
Is it like...
...a mirage?
Like the only thing you can know for sure
is what's gone before...
...what you already did.
But that's already behind you.
You gotta start thinking about your future.
I don't know.
Besides, you're not gonna croak.
You're a young guy.
What am I gonna do with my life?
You already done it!
You still got your future to think about.
It's not like it's over.
- Future is an open book?
- Yeah.
It may be an open book.
I kind of think I'm on the last few pages.
That's not true.
- I don't know.
- You know that's not true. Come on.
I mean, it's not like it's one open book.
A better way to think about it is,
every day you open a new book.
That way it doesn't matter how old you are,
because you're always starting at page one.
You don't know when it's gonna end. Nobody...
- Because that's when you die?
- Right.
Who knows when that is, right?
You could die tomorrow,
and 10 minutes before, open the book, go:
"Shit, I've got all these pages left."
You're right.
I was winging it, but...
...it sounded good to me, especially the last part.
- My life, you're winging it?
- Just a little.
You get it all from them books, don't you?
- Finding My Father.
- Finding Our Father. No.
- How'd you get so smart all of a sudden?
- What do you mean?
- You're just a kid.
- Fuck you, and blow me, just for the record.
Time goes by, it seems like a little time.
You turn around, it was a big time.
Just like the movies.
What?
I was just thinking.
Everything goes by so much faster in the movies.
- Shit.
- Watch it!
- Get in the car!
- Please, Mom.
- Oh, my God.
- Mommy!
- Get in the car!
- Ma'am.
- What's wrong with your mom?
- I don't know.
The car smells, and she screamed,
and she's upset...
Ma'am!
- Did you have an accident?
- No.
Mommy. Men are here.
Get in the car!
- What's your name?
- Hope.
Is your mother hurt, Hope?
I don't think so.
Let's get you in the car.
- You gotta keep warm.
- No!
We have to keep you warm.
Oh, my God, please!
Ma'am?
Go away. You don't know me.
Just leave me alone.
- I deserve to die!
- No, you don't, ma'am.
Yes, I do. My beautiful leather coat.
My whole life, I wanted one. Look at it!
It looks fine to me.
It isn't!
It's burned, look!
Look at it!
That's nothing. A little patch, you can cover...
- Nothing?
- It's gonna be okay.
This is God's punishment for smoking.
My husband bought me this coat,
because I said that I quit smoking.
My whole life, I wanted a leather coat. Look at it!
- I think your husband will understand.
- He won't. He's an asshole.
This is all so fucked. You don't get it?
- Give me the light.
- She's running towards the pond.
No, darling.
Mom's gonna be all right.
It's okay. Talk to me. Come on.
Wait!
Shit!
Get off me!
Let me die!
- Let me go.
- It's okay.
- Let me die.
- It's okay.
- God's punishing me.
- No, he isn't.
- Yes, he is.
- He wouldn't do that.
Wait!
Don't go up the hill!
What about Hope?
Hope, my angel.
- My angel.
- That's right.
She's your angel. God sent her. You know that!
Why would God send me a child
with this asshole?
- He looks right through me.
- You deserve her. Look how smart she is.
She'd do anything for you.
What's a jacket?
You can't abandon her over a jacket.
God would never forgive that.
Her blaming herself her whole life,
he'd never forgive that.
Stay there, okay?
Shit.
My husband hits me.
Why does God let him do it?
That's a sign. Like the angel. Maybe it's...
It's a sign it's time to leave him.
To say, "Fuck you," do without him.
You know?
He doesn't deserve you. God knows that.
Leave your husband.
Not Hope.
Not your angel.
How do you know all this?
You Catholic?
No.
Where are you getting all this from?
I don't know.
Are you cold?
So cold.
I know. Here, take my coat.
People...
They look at you like you're some piece of shit.
I know.
Like you don't matter.
I know.
Like you don't belong here.
I know.
Like you're nothing.
You're not nothing.
I got cake.
Here's Murph. I'll see you guys later.
- Nothing like going out with a bang, huh?
- Yeah.
What was the problem?
Her husband's a fucking jerk.
A fucking jerk?
Goodbye, fair workplace.
Don't, okay?
I gotta.
Okay, then.
- You're a great guy.
- Shut up.
You mean a lot to me, you know.
Fuck you.
You know what I mean.
I know.
I got you something.
Sort of a retirement thing.
What is it?
I got it in one of those...
...little bead shops.
They have these little...
...pot signs and crystals and peace signs.
- It's a hand?
- It's a Muslim sign.
It's called the "Hand of Fatima."
What's it stand for?
- I don't know.
- Muslim?
I just liked the way it looked,
an open hand, sort of like...
...shaking hands.
Kind of...
You gave me a helping hand.
Thanks.
No.
Thank you.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Surprise!
- Oh, come on.
- Happy retirement!