Nooo!
And that, Mrs. Bleckner, is why.
I don't have the formula...
...on your desk.
So very, very sorry.
Let's try this one more time...
...shall we?
Your math homework,
Mr. Miller.
And please refrain from...
...patronizing me with.
"My dog ate it" or...
"My grandmother passed away. "
Actually, you see, it's more...
...of a combination thing.
The truth is...
...my grandmother was helping me...
...with my homework...
...bless her soul...
...when my dog pounced on...
...the kitchen table and ate her.
Yup, that's why I don't...
have my homework.
My dog ate my grandmother.
You're a story teller...
Thomas.
Do you know what story tellers...
...do?
They tell stories.
No, they tell...
...yes, they tell stories.
Now, why don't you and your...
...overactive imagination...
...pay a little visit to...
Principal Hampton after school?
I believe you know the way.
I'd like to say something...
...in my defense.
Thomas, don't speak.
But she...
Shh! Say nothing.
PRINCIPAL OVER INTERCOM:
Attention, students.
This is Principal Hampton...
...with a big announcement.
Please rise.
A very special guest from...
...the White House will be joining...
...us at our fall dance on Friday.
Oh, one more thing.
Thomas Miller, listen to me...
...carefully.
I'll be watching you...
...so no shenanigans.
That is all.
Be seated.
So teachers don't get me.
Big deal. I mean, who cares?
That's why they're teachers...
...and not rock stars.
See, this is why I suggest...
...the less talking thing...
...as a very real option for you.
Hello, Drake.
What's going on, Mildred?
So what's it gonna be today?
Stuff me in a locker,
...shake me down for loose change?
Hey, you know what's always fun?
Hanging me from the flag pole...
...by my underwear.
Why do you give him ideas?
Because he's too dumb to...
...think of anything on his own.
Did you just call me dumb?
See? No comprehension skills...
...whatsoever.
You are so finished.
I think it's time to go.
Yeah, let's go.
That's gonna leave a mark.
Who are you?
I'm Cliff Randall,
...new substitute teacher.
Not making too good a first...
...impression, though, am I?
Uh, Thomas Miller.
It kind of depends if you're...
...one of my teachers or not.
I can kiss butt with the best...
...of them.
Thanks very much.
Oh, no, no.
Thank you very much.
And have a great day.
He's not only cute for...
...a teacher, he'd be hot...
...for a rock star.
What are you doing, Jackie?
You're supposed to be into me.
How's that working out...
...for me?
That's the nature of...
...our relationship, Jackie.
We've talked about it before.
So let me understand.
I continue to be the only person...
...in the whole entire world...
...who actually listens to you...
...and your outrageous stories...
And although I may or may not...
...have actual feelings for you...
I patiently wait by the side...
...until you decide what's best...
...for Thomas.
I need to explore all...
...my options.
I'm your only option.
Look around.
I don't see any line-up here.
Madison Kramer.
Madison Kramer?
It could happen.
Hold on, my phone's ringing.
Hello?
Oh, yeah, hold on.
He's right here.
It's for you.
It's planet earth.
They'd like to know...
...when you're coming back.
Everyone knows Drake...
...is taking Madison to the dance...
So please don't embarrass...
...yourself anymore.
Madison...
...please explain you and Drake...
...to me.
Well, when I first came...
...to the school, Drake was...
...the first person I met.
And truth be told...
...when he's not being so daft...
...there's actually something...
quite charming about him.
In any event, Drake was assigned...
...to be my lab partner.
...and Madison was assigned...
...to be my girl.
Drake, you're being daft...
...again.
Anyway, Mr. Reese wants us...
...to dissect an animal and...
I was telling the little guy...
I'm not so sure if I want...
...to be a part of it.
Alls I know is Reese is...
...one weird bird.
You guys know all that creepy...
...stuff he keeps in jars.
Yup, Reese is definitely...
...a top-ten major psycho.
Obviously you guys...
...don't know.
Know what?
Nevermind.
I've said too much as it is.
Hoffman, let's go.
What don't we know, Miller?
See, Reese actually isn't...
...even a science teacher.
Here we go.
You all know that my dad...
...has some major White House ties.
He told me the details, okay?
See, the biology lab is...
...actually a government-funded...
...work station where Reese is...
...an undercover operative...
CIA, IBM, ATM type.
Do you want to hear more...
...or not?
No.
Wait, yes.
Tell me.
Don't... Okay, go.
He's currently concocting...
...a chemical weapon so deadly...
...that if it comes into contact...
...with any part of your skin...
...it burns until you're nothing...
...but bones.
Did you say nothing...
...but bones?
I did.
If you're fortunate enough...
...to live.
He's full of it.
We all know Miller never told...
...the truth before.
Why should we start believing...
...his crud now?
You think I would joke about...
...this sort of thing?
I- I even know where he keeps...
...the stuff.
Take us to the lab.
Show us.
Unfortunately, that's kind of...
...impossible as the lab is locked...
...and without the right...
...keys?
Let's move, Mildred.
Chapman, you joining me?
No.
I mean I would, but...
...there's scared people out here...
...who need a real man...
...to keep them protected.
Madison, sorry you don't...
...have a real man.
Please accept Drake Chapman...
...as the next best thing.
Okay, I'm going in now.
If anything happens to me...
...tell the school newspaper...
I lived one-sixth...
...of a full life.
You're so disturbed.
Boo!
Whoa!
I hope he's okay.
What?
You like him or something?
Is that what I'm hearing?
Yeah, Drake.
"I hope he's okay" is really...
...code for "gosh, he's hot.
I'd love to smother him...
...with kisses. "
If he's not out in...
30 seconds, he's so done.
You have some serious issues...
...don't you?
I'm not gonna tell you.
Sweet.
This squid is so fried.
It's on me!
Help, it's burning my flesh!
Get in there, Drake!
He's my neighbor, help him!
I'm not going in there.
It's bones!
Thomas Miller's nothing...
...but bones!
To think he was your...
...neighbor.
Look what you've...
...done to me!
Help, help, help!
Save me!
Ahh!
Uh-oh.
Boys and girls...
...this is not a drill.
We must evacuate the building...
...immediately.
No running, single-file...
...and if you see flames...
...walk a little faster...
But don't run.
All right...
...this is not a drill.
I repeat, this is not a drill.
Follow the hand!
Follow the hand!
Respect the hand!
Buddy up, buddy up!
Principal Hampton?
This is not a scheduled drill.
I suggest we get out...
...of the building.
Better not be another...
...student shenanigan.
I am not in the mood.
You make it sound like you...
...wish it was a real fire...
...with real flames.
Like I said, Mrs. Miller...
I am not about to tolerate...
...another prank...
...especially from your son.
Let's go.
Ow! Get off my foot!
Don't think I didn't see that!
I saw that!
What to do, what to do...
What to do.
We could forget the whole...
...thing.
Forget the whole thing?
It was a suggestion.
Uh, you seemed unsure...
...so I offered something...
...admittedly not my best.
Mrs. Miller...
...your child's infractions...
...not only consumes much of...
...my time and energy, but...
...are now beginning to endanger...
...the student body.
Well, with all due respect...
...besides today, what has he done?
I mean, maybe one or two small...
...little incidents.
The Miller file.
Wow. Are you sure that...
...that's all his?
Looks like they nailed you...
...on this one, huh?
I plan on admitting to...
...nothing.
Yeah.
Listen, you're completely...
...covered in grape goop...
...so that might kind of, uh...
...tie you to the scene there.
Circumstantial.
Know what, Thomas?
You seem like an okay kid.
I'll tell you what.
You still wanna get away...
...with it?
I'll trade shirts with you.
No, that's okay.
No, I'm serious...
I will do this for you.
Thanks anyway.
So, I know your mom...
...works for Hampton...
So she's obviously in there.
That must stink.
What must stink?
Mmm, having your mom...
...work for the man.
Mmm, it causes a few annoying...
...complications, that's for sure.
Is your dad in there, too?
Actually, he's touring with...
Ryan Sheckler.
So, how was that?
Dude! That was awesome!
All right, cool, man.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
That was sweet.
See, I don't tell a lot...
...of people.
That your dad is...
Ryan Sheckler's personal coach?
Buddy, I would tell the world.
So the boy tells exaggerated...
...stories, big deal.
Mrs. Miller, when is a story...
...an exaggeration of the truth...
...and when is that story...
...a bald-faced lie?
I don't know.
I do.
Last year your son Thomas told...
...a group of students that...
...an anaconda snake had escaped...
...the reptile pavilion at the zoo...
...and found a new home...
...in the school's toilets.
The children were...
...so frightened they refrained...
...from using the facilities...
...for over a week.
That's an exaggeration...
...of the truth?
No, a lie.
The boy tells lies.
He's a liar.
A liar.
Principal Hampton...
...if you want me to hand in my...
...resignation, if that's what...
...you're angling for, well then...
I will leave and I will take...
Thomas with me, okay?
Fine, you win.
Principal Hampton, I could...
...fill in in the interim.
Principal Hampton, would you...
...like some coffee, sir?
No.
Claire...
...you stay.
Thomas stays.
But if Thomas wants to attend...
Friday's dance and meet...
...the President's daughter...
...let's see if we can find a way...
...to start to have Thomas...
...discover the truths in life.
I'll accept that.
It's fair.
Right now he's on probation.
The next occurrence will result...
...in quick and final termination.
We had an agreement!
We agreed that you would stop...
...lying and I would stop yelling.
You're yelling.
Yeah, well, uh, how am I
...supposed to keep up my end...
...of the bargain when you don't...
...keep up yours?
Thomas!
Thomas...
...don't, Honey.
This is really hard.
Harder than it needs to be.
It's hard being mom...
...and dad, huh?
You know, honey, what we're...
...going through as a family...
...this separation...
...no one said it would be easy...
...but...
...honey, we can't use it...
...as an excuse for our behavior.
Both of us...
Your lying and my yelling.
Think you could stop?
I could try.
You?
I'll do my best.
Deal.
Hug on it.
I love you.
Where do you think you're going?
I'm going over to Jackie's.
Oh, no you don't, mister.
You are grounded, and you are...
...not to leave this house...
...under any circumstances.
Thomas?
Thomas.
What's up, Hoffman?
I'm so bored.
My dad and brothers are all...
...wrapped up in some lame game...
...on TV.
My mom... Oh, that's right...
I don't have a mom.
Hey, wanna hang?
I've been sentenced.
I believe the judge's exact...
...words were...
"you're not to leave this house...
...under any circumstance. "
See you in a few.
But I can't leave the house!
No worries.
Do you ever...
...feel alone?
I'd say up until five years...
...ago, yeah.
What happened five years ago?
I met you, doofus.
Right.
Thomas...
...do you ever feel like...
...life's random...
...or just predetermined?
Jackie, I have no clue.
Like no matter what effort...
...we make to be accepted...
...we'll still just end up...
...on the roof, feeling like...
...a couple of losers?
Yeah, you know, the whole...
...popularity thing never made...
...much sense to me.
I mean, what makes a kid popular...
...in the first place?
Asking the wrong person.
I'll tell you what I think...
...makes a kid popular.
It's as simple as hanging out...
...with other popular kids.
Yeah, except at the end of...
...the day, there still has to be...
...one kid that's popular...
...all by himself...
...one kid that everyone else...
...looks up to and wants to call...
...their friend.
I would do anything to be...
...that kid.
I know you would.
Half the time, I don't really...
...understand what I'm feeling...
...inside, but...
I don't know, just...
...being up here with you and...
...the dark sky lit up...
...with the stars and the moon...
...it just seems...
...kinda nice, maybe a little...
...romantic or something...
I don't know.
Yeah.
If I had Madison Kramer up here...
...she'd be making out with me.
You just... You just don't...
...get it, do you?
What?
What'd I do?
You're up here with me...
...and you're talking about...
...another girl.
Another girl, who, by the way...
...doesn't have any interest...
...in you whatsoever.
Ouch.
We have to do something.
About what?
Just close your eyes.
No.
Close your eyes or I'll...
...throw you off this roof and...
I am talking on the driveway...
...not the grass.
Now I'm spooked.
For the first time...
...so am I.
I should probably go now.
No, it's your roof.
I'll go.
# too many nights...
I lie alone #
# wishing that you were...
...on the phone #
# so I could tell you things...
I never shared with anyone #
# I never felt like this...
...before #
# wishing, and hoping...
...wanting more #
# and now my wits are lost #
# and you have conquered...
...all my thoughts #
# so much for thinking that...
I'd never fall in love #
# you're the only one...
I'm dreaming of #
# with one look in your eyes #
# nothing I can do #
# I've fallen for you #
# oh, baby #
# I've fallen for you #
# you know, together we'd be...
...so amazing, you'll see #
# just let me into your heart #
# you and me #
# with one look in your eyes...
...and one taste of your kiss #
# and suddenly I knew...
I'd fallen for you #
# there's nothing I can say...
...nothing I can do #
# I've fallen for you #
My seat.
Bickleman's in my seat.
Sorry, Thomas.
No, Bickleman, this is...
...your seat.
Sorry, Jackie.
Mr. Miller, you have 45
...minutes to write the following...
1,000 times.
"I will tell no more lies. "
Say it for me.
It seems like a rather...
...old-fashioned punishment.
I'm an old-fashioned gal.
Now say it for me.
I will tell no more lies.
Excellent.
Now write it.
I will return shortly.
I have a hair appointment.
With the beekeeper?
# to be a macho, macho man #
# to have the kind of body...
...always in demand #
# jogging in the mornings...
...go, man, go #
# workouts in the health spa...
...muscles glow #
# you can best believe that...
...he's a macho man #
# ready to get down with...
...anyone he can #
# hey! Hey!
...hey, hey, hey! #
# macho, macho man #
# macho man #
# I've got to be a macho man #
# I've got to be a #
# macho, macho man, yeah #
# I've got to be a macho #
# oh! #
# macho, macho man, yeah #
# I've got to be a macho man #
# macho, macho man #
# hey, hey #
# I've got to be a macho #
That's a lot of work...
...for one man.
Yeah, I suppose.
But...
I'm sure there are people who...
...wish they had some work to do...
Huh?
Well, I'm sure whoever made...
...this mess would, uh, come...
...and apologize if he were here.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Uh, I'm Albert.
Thomas Miller.
Ah, well then I accept.
Accept what?
Your apology.
You know, uh, Thomas Miller...
...he left his library card here.
And isn't it funny that...
...this Thomas Miller...
...looks exactly like the one...
...who's standing right here?
Weird, huh?
Busted.
Yeah, busted.
Oh, before I forget...
Mrs. Bleckner, she asked me...
...to check on you...
...see if you, uh, completed...
...your punishment.
1,000 times.
1,000?
Wow.
Wow, this looks more like 2,000.
Yeah, well, I wanted to show...
...her how much I've changed.
Thomas, I'm gonna give you...
...one more chance.
I'm sorry?
Last chance to explain...
...the stench of toner all over...
...these papers.
Guilty, sir.
Now, how does it feel...
...to tell the truth?
Weird.
Hey, you're not gonna tell...
On me, are you?
'Cause I'm on a real short...
"one more strike and you're out"
...leash.
Nah, man, this'll be our...
...little secret.
You've got some major cools...
...for an adult.
I hope for your sake your...
...parents have some major cools...
...too.
Well, actually, you might...
...know my mom.
Principal Hampton's assistant...
Claire Miller.
Yeah, yeah...
She's a nice lady.
And, uh, and what about...
...your father?
I don't really have to worry...
...about my dad.
He's actually away a lot.
All right, listen up...
...gentlemen. We're playing in...
...front of a hostile crowd today.
If we're gonna win this thing...
...we're gonna have to play...
...mistake-free football, and I
...think we all know what that is...
...all right?
And I'm looking at you...
John Vilma, to lead us to...
...victory, all right?
I'm counting on you, buddy.
We're all counting on you.
We're gonna fo...
...hold on, coach.
Can I Blitz?
Not today, no blitzing today.
Thank you, though.
Now listen, here's what we're...
...gonna do. We're gonna go out...
...there and we're gonna play...
...the best game we've ever played...
...all right? Now, if they...
...come back with that pass...
...coach?
Why you're not gonna let me...
...blitz?
We're not gonna Blitz today...
Okay? Today John won't be...
...blitzing, all right?
We're gonna go with my plan...
All right?
Here's what we're doing.
John is gonna Blitz.
Thanks, coach.
Hey, look at that...
...there's a gift for ya.
All right, let's get it in here...
...right now, let's go, guys.
Who are we?
Jets!
Who are we?
Jets!
Let's go!
Wow.
Your father is the coach...
...of the New York Jets?
Yeah. Sometimes he even...
...lets me design some of...
...the defense packages.
And me, just a janitor.
Well, like I said, it beats...
...not having a job, huh?
I'll try and remember that.
Oh, Thomas Miller.
Keep it real, huh?
Yeah.
Joe Namath?
Mine, Chapman.
A signed ball from Joe Namath...
...must be worth a few dollars.
Ever since I've been in this...
...school, you've taken everything...
...that belongs to me.
I've taken nothing of yours.
It hardly seems fair.
So?
So give me back my ball.
This one?
Come on, my dad gave that...
...to me.
Dad?
Which dad?
The skateboarding dad?
Or dad the Jets coach?
Or government dad?
Which one, Miller?
Which one of your fabulous dads...
...gave this to you?
You want this?
You want this so bad?
Well, go get it.
Hey.
Yeah, the cover here...
...at the school is perfect.
No one suspects a thing.
I'll get her at the dance.
Believe me, they'll pay all...
...the money in the world to get...
...her back in one piece.
We'll talk later.
Jackie, are you there?
Jackie, come on...
I need to talk to you!
I was down in the gym basement...
...and I overheard some guy...
...talking about getting some girl...
...and how they'd pay all the...
...money in the world to get her...
...back in one piece, and he's...
...gonna do it at the dance!
Please, Jackie, you gotta...
Answer me!
Hoffman, this is serious!
Are you there?
Excuse me...
Pardon me, excuse me.
We need to talk.
Which would be fine...
...except for the fact that...
...we're not talking.
Jackie, this is really...
...really important.
Implying my feelings...
...were not.
Quiet, class.
I have a very important...
...announcement to share with you...
...this morning.
Jackie, this is really...
...important.
Mr. Miller, take your seat.
As you know, our honor students...
...entered a national essay...
...competition.
Well, with great pleasure...
I can tell you our very own...
Madison Kramer placed first...
...with her composition titled...
"Saving the World One Minute...
At a Time. "
Thank you.
And I really believe...
...it could be done!
If we just break our lives down...
...into little sixty-second...
...intervals...
Thank you, Madison.
Now as a reward, our school...
...has been selected for a visit...
...by a very special guest.
I've known about this for days...
...but couldn't tell anyone...
...for security purposes.
Tonight our fall dance will be...
...graced with an appearance...
...by the daughter of the President...
...of the United States of America...
Christina Adams.
That's right...
I'll get her at...
...the dance. Believe me...
...they'll pay all the money...
...in the world to get her back...
...in one piece.
Oh, my gosh.
Mr. Miller, go directly...
...to the...
...the Principal's office.
Down the hall, to the left...
...past the library.
That's where I'm heading.
Congratulations.
Thank you, Thomas.
Sir, the President's...
...daughter's in serious danger!
Is this another little prank...
Miller boy?
No, sir.
I overheard him talking...
...on his phone.
I'll type up my resignation.
No, that won't be necessary...
Mrs. Miller.
Thomas, after all we've gone...
...through, I trust you're wise...
...enough to know the serious...
...consequences you may face...
...in the wake of such...
...a heinous lie.
And therefore, I'm inclined to...
...believe you.
Awesome!
Mrs. Miller?
Sir?
Meet me by the bear, please.
Call this man immediately.
Dr. Nussbaum?
A gifted child psychologist...
...specializes in delusional...
...behavior.
You think my son is...
...delusional?
A little, yes.
After Dr. Nussbaum gives his...
...diagnosis, he'll recommend...
...an appropriate school.
But you can stay.
You're very good.
First of all, Thomas is...
...right here in the room.
Thomas also has very good...
...hearing, and the only thing...
...delusional about Thomas...
...is him thinking he could...
...trust you with the truth...
Principal Hampton.
Ironic...
...you're a principal...
...but yet, you have no principles.
Psst!
Mr. Randall.
Can we talk?
Sure.
What's going on?
It's an old story, and I
...really should know what to do...
Because it's such an old story.
Lemme guess.
Is this the one where someone...
...knows something that nobody else...
...knows, and that someone...
...isn't sure if they should tell...
...someone or not?
You're good.
So?
What's the person know?
Well, let's just say it's...
...it's a matter of life...
...and death!
How'd you know?
Well, like you said...
...it's such an old story.
Look, someone's in danger.
Real, real danger.
Hold that thought, Thomas.
Hello?
Yeah.
Great.
Well, that's what I'm here for.
Look, I'm gonna have to...
...call you back.
What were you saying about...
...someone being in danger?
What? I-I didn't say that.
Why would I say that?
I- I would never say that.
Thomas?
See ya!
You supposed to be in here?
Where's Albert?
Albert?
The other janitor.
The cool one.
Oh, Friday.
Albert has Friday off.
When will he be back?
Monday.
Oh, of course, Monday.
Thank you.
Albert, you are here.
Great.
...of course I'm here.
What's going on, little man?
So, would you say what we...
...have is a solid friendship?
What we... we only met once.
Well, after one meeting...
...can you see where this is...
...gonna go?
Like, BFF?
BFF? Come again?
Best Friends Forever.
All right, that's cool.
Gimme some love, little man.
Yeah, yeah.
So, uh, BFF.
What do we do now?
We talk.
And I believe I can share...
...anything and everything...
...with you.
You know what?
I wouldn't have it any other...
...way.
Me too, so here it is.
Somebody's planning to kidnap...
The President's daughter...
...right here at our dance.
Come on, Thomas.
Do you realize what you're...
...saying?
Yeah, I do.
All right, well...
...tell me what you know.
Well, that's all I know.
Bus is leaving.
Gotta fly!
Hey, wait!
We all know...
...the magnitude of tonight...
...an event unlike anything...
...that has ever been held...
...in our school.
Your mission comes down to this.
Keep order, keep your children...
...safe, and I can't stress this...
...enough...
Keep the President's daughter...
...even safer.
No pressure.
Enjoy your night.
Thank you.
Mrs. Miller?
Could you stay behind, please?
Sir?
Mr. Bailey and I have spoken...
...at length and feel perhaps...
...it's best if Thomas stayed away...
...from tonight's festivities.
I'm afraid that's not...
...an option.
You know what the stakes are...
Miller.
Miller?
Mrs. Miller, there's going...
...to be a lot of news coverage.
I just want everything to come...
...off rosy and peachy.
Let's face it...
Principal Hampton.
What you're really concerned...
...about is that you come off...
...rosy and peachy.
Mrs. Miller, Thomas will not...
...be attending tonight's dance...
...and there is no choice...
...in the matter.
You going to answer...
...the phone?
Sir, are you going to answer...
...that?
Sir?
Mom, you've got to believe...
...me. The President's daughter's...
...really gonna be abducted.
It's not a story.
I'm telling the truth.
These stories are a way...
...for you to get attention...
...and-and just so you don't have...
...to feel all alone, right?
But you need to know that...
...you're not alone.
I'm here, and your daddy's...
...out there waiting for you...
...to reach out to him, okay?
Westpark...
Middle School and our tiny town...
...will never be the same again as...
First Daughter Christina Adams...
...will spend 33 minutes with us.
Standing next to me is...
Madison Kramer, our honors...
...student and essayist.
So Madison, what inspired your...
...award-winning essay?
Well, I really believe that...
...we can focus on everything but...
...the here and now.
See, if we just slow our lives...
...down and live it one minute at...
...a time...
Thank you, Madison.
We're out of time.
You expecting someone?
I'm not exactly the most...
...popular person, so that'd be a...
...big honking no.
And it's not unusual for any...
...member of the first family to...
...travel with upwards of ten...
...undercover security personnel.
She's gonna need every single...
...one of them.
Thomas, come in here please.
What'd I do now?
You forgot your book bag at...
...school.
Sorry.
Luckily, someone was nice...
...enough to bring it for you.
Hey, Thomas.
Buddy.
Mr. Randall, you don't... You...
...don't have to be here.
Really, you don't.
After our little...
...conversation, I knew you had...
...something on your mind.
No wonder you left this behind.
Thank you, sir.
You can turn yourself in now.
Excuse me?
I meant you can turn around...
...and go now.
Thank you.
Thomas!
I am so sorry for his rudeness.
Would you like something cold to...
...drink?
Yeah, sure.
You seem a little jumpy...
Thomas.
And you don't seem thirsty...
...so why are you still here?
All right, you got me.
I'm not really thirsty.
Truth is, I wanted to be alone...
...with you.
You're the bad guy, aren't...
...you?
If wanting to ask you some...
questions makes me a bad guy...
...then yeah.
Look, forget our talk.
I know nothing.
Up here, empty.
Nothing but storage space.
Have you been to Principal...
Hampton's office lately?
Now that's an unfair...
question.
I'm always in Principal...
Hampton's office.
And have you noticed anything...
...unusual, anything out of the...
...ordinary?
...Prepares for Christina's...
...arrival, one thing is clear...
...security will be front and...
...center.
But in this day and age, what...
...here you go, cold drinks.
Thank you.
Thomas?
No thanks.
I'm not the type to pretend I'm...
...thirsty.
I'm all about the truth, and...
I'll find it.
Thomas.
Just remember, things aren't...
...always as they appear.
Mom, be careful.
Very, very careful.
Fido, come on.
Yo, dog, how do I look?
It was nice talking with you.
Yeah, you too.
I gotta head home and shower.
Somehow, I got roped into...
...chaperoning tonight.
Whatever you do, don't bark...
'cause everyone knows I don't...
...bark, and if you bark and she...
...comes in, she'll know.
All right.
You know, Thomas really isn't...
...a bad boy.
Yeah, I know.
Just do me a favor and keep him...
...in his room... For his own sake.
Trust me, you won't be seeing...
Thomas anytime soon.
Good.
Hello.
Do things ever go as planned?
Yeah, because we're dealing with...
...kids, and inevitably, when...
...you're dealing with kids, things...
...don't go as planned.
Frank? Frank, are you there?
Frank?
We have a situation.
Tom Miller, he knows something.
What is it, boy?
Sit. Stay.
Don't eat me.
Ahh!
Thomas, honey...
I just wanted to say I'm...
...sorry for everything that's been...
...going on lately.
Oh! Ah!
Kip.
What's going on, Claire?
I need your help.
Yeah, I got your message.
Is everything all right with...
Thomas?
Well, Thomas is going through...
...a hard time with us, and he's...
...not dealing with it very well.
He's exaggerating, and his...
...school wants him at home, and I
...think he's somewhere around...
...here and we have to find him.
Look, you think he's ready to...
...talk to me or not?
He's 12! We're his parents!
...and whether or not we're...
...together, we have to do whatever...
...it takes to get him wherever he...
...needs to go.
That's home, okay?
Okay, I got it.
Whoa, Miller's dad's a...
...trash man.
No wonder he makes up stories.
Hoffman.
Jackie!
Listen, someone's gonna try and...
...hurt the President's daughter.
I think I know who it is...
Randall, the new guy.
You've gotta believe me!
Why should I?
You're my best friend, Jackie.
You always tell your best friend...
...the truth.
So why Madison Kramer, huh?
Best friend?
Why are you obsessed with this...
...random girl who you know nothing...
...about?
I kinda like the way she...
...how she talks.
Is that it, Thomas?
Do you like the way I speak?
Jackie!
Do you find me charming...
Thomas?
Do you?
Jackie, stop it!
Look, I have no idea why Madison...
Kramer.
The only thing I can think of...
...is, maybe it is predetermined.
Yeah.
And one more thing...
I just wanna say sorry for every...
...time I've hurt you, and I wanna...
...say sorry in advance for every...
...time I might hurt you.
You plan on hurting me again?
I would never plan on it.
Yeah.
So say this whole President's...
...daughter thing is true...
...what now?
I go to the dance and I save...
...a life.
And what do you want from me?
Jackie, you're the one person...
...in the world that I know always...
...has my back.
The one person who knows...
...you're telling the truth.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
Nice look, Hoffman.
Really?
Yeah.
Thanks.
So how does one go about...
...saving one's life when no one...
...really believes you?
I have no idea.
No weapons, special gadgets...
...secret powers, no ideas...
...this could be quite a challenge.
I like challenges.
Next.
Sorry Miller, you're not on...
...the list.
What list?
There's no list.
This is a school dance, not a...
...night club.
Miller, it's not gonna...
...happen.
Understand this, Mr. Miller...
...you are to leave the premises...
...immediately.
Both of you.
Scram.
What's going on, Miller?
Who's your friend?
Hey, maybe he'd like to play...
...football for us this fall.
Comedy never stops with you...
Chapman.
Hey, what you doing, Safchik?
Tossing my wrapper, what's it...
Look like?
Just toss it anywhere.
Miller's dad will get to it.
Right, Miller?
Won't your dad, the trash man...
...just pick it up for us?
Who said my dad's a trash...
...man, jerk?
What'd you call me?
Jerk. That's what I called...
...you, a jerk.
And what're you gonna do about...
...it?
What am I gonna do?
That was the question.
What am I gonna do?
I keep asking you because...
...you'll never tell me.
I- I'll do something!
But I don't have to tell you.
Is that what you're gonna do...
...huh, tough guy?
You are so dead!
Ahh!
Just another piece of trash...
...for his dad to pick up.
What's going on out...
...there?
Thomas Miller, are you all...
...right?
I think his arm's broken or...
...something.
Okay, I'm only gonna take a...
...look.
Lemme take a look.
Ahh!
I don't think it's broken...
...but we're gonna get you to the...
...nurse's office... Get some ice on...
...it, let her take a closer look.
Come on.
That should help.
Albert, I'm gonna tell you...
...one more time what's going on...
...tonight.
Maybe if it comes from you...
...people will believe.
All right.
What, Thomas?
What's going on tonight?
The President's daughter is...
...in serious danger.
You mentioned that earlier...
...today.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's here in the...
...nurse's office.
Jackie, we need to get out of...
...here.
I know.
Wait a minute.
Please don't take this...
...personally, but we need to get...
...outta here.
You're not going anywhere...
Thomas.
We can't have you running...
...around, telling a bunch of...
...foolish stories.
But that's all they are, right?
Right, stories.
Just a bunch of stories.
You know more.
I know you know more.
Maybe I do know more, Frank.
Okay, now that some of the...
...truth is starting to come out...
...it is extremely important that...
...you tell me exactly what you...
...know about our visitor tonight.
All right, here's the truth...
...as I see it.
I know about your plan to...
...kidnap the President's daughter...
...and I know that one thing's for...
...sure... I'm gonna stop you.
Whoa!
Go, come on!
Thomas!
You hate it when that...
...happens, don't you?
Thomas, Jackie!
Come on.
Over there, Jackie.
Come on, we gotta keep moving.
Follow me.
This is gonna make some...
...fantastic story.
Who would I tell?
I mean, who's gonna actually...
...believe Thomas Miller?
It all depends on how it...
...ends.
Yeah.
I wonder how it actually will...
...end.
Miller!
Ahh!
I'll tell you how it ends...
Miller... it ends bad for you.
Sorry, Miller.
Wrong hand.
Come on.
Let go of us!
Let go of me!
Get in.
Come on, Miller, come back here.
Let go of me!
We tried to tell you, and you...
...wouldn't listen.
Open that door, Miller.
Get in there.
That oughta hold you for a...
...little while.
I can't believe I didn't...
...think you were in on it, Bailey.
I mean, isn't it always the guy...
...with a fake hand?
You give me too much credit...
Miller.
I'm just following orders.
Blame it on me, Miller boy.
Hampton.
The evil principal.
Of course.
I told your mother to keep...
...you away tonight, but no...
...here you are.
I, however, refuse to let you...
...pull focus from what tonight is...
...all about.
And what is tonight all...
...about?
That remains to be seen...
...but one thing's for sure...
...it's not about Thomas Miller.
Sir.
Keep the Miller boy and his...
...little lady friend locked up...
...and away from me and the...
President's daughter.
My pleasure, sir.
You're all mine, Mildred.
Settle... Settle...
...people!
Settle... People!
Settle.
Students, parents, faculty...
...thank you all for your hard work...
...in putting together tonight's...
...event.
It sure beats your lackluster...
...effort in last month's sad, sad...
...cookie dough drive.
And now, join me in welcoming...
America's favorite daughter...
Christina Adams.
Who are you?
Principal Hampton.
I run this school.
It's all right.
I'll need to see some I.D.
Drake, you've gotta help us.
You have no idea what's going...
...down.
Hampton, Bailey and Randall...
The new teacher, they're all in...
...on it.
They're about to execute a...
...kidnapping of Christina.
Oh, okay.
He's telling the truth...
Drake.
Listen to me, Bert and Ernie.
My job is to keep you two from...
...getting in the way of tonight...
...and ain't nothing gonna stop me...
...from that.
Fine, do what you have to do.
Hopefully, he won't get too far...
...with her.
Won't get very far with who?
Not important.
Tell me, squid, tell me now.
The whole school knows that...
Bickleman is hot for Madison.
Apparently tonight, he makes his...
...move.
Oh, yeah.
Bickleman?
Tuba-playing Bickleman?
He's a love machine.
Everyone knows in the band...
...world, chicks dig the tuba guy.
Definitely.
Bickleman!
"Chicks dig the tuba guy"?
Believe me, I don't know how...
I come up with half this stuff.
We don't have much time.
There's our out.
Let's move.
You gotta be kidding me.
Got it.
Come on, Jackie.
Let's go.
Hey, the Principal said...
...you're watching the Miller boy.
Where is he?
I don't have to tell you.
What?
Storage room, gym basement.
Where's Bickleman?
Tuba player.
Who cares?
Sorry I dragged you into this...
...mess, Jackie.
Come on, Miller.
Everyone knows you don't leave...
...your best friend hanging.
This way.
Right down this way.
I told you I'd get him.
I got him.
Oh, great, and I had to wear...
...white.
Since when did you start to...
...care about that sort of thing?
Hey, I'm still a girl.
Right in here.
I got 'em trapped like two...
...little rats.
The kid's gone.
Oh, man!
They were right here.
How big of an idiot are you?
We must find Thomas Miller.
"We must find Thomas Miller"?
Look who's popular now.
Yeah, try upstairs.
They're probably upstairs.
I bet they're upstairs.
Oops.
Fire, fire!
Fire?
Fire!
Fire!
Move!
What do we do now?
Jump!
What a rush.
We need to get to Christina...
...before...
...before I do?
Is that the plan, kid?
Why must there always be one?
One who's never smart enough to...
...stay out of the way.
Why is that, I ask.
I guess if you stay out of...
...the way, you don't have much of...
...a story to tell.
Aren't you going to get that?
No, it's not mine.
You could never get away with...
...this.
This school is crawling with...
...cops and Secret Service...
...and all we have to do is scream.
Scream really loud.
Okay, we're done screaming...
...now, sir.
That would be wise...
...wise because the next sound you...
...make might be the last sound you...
...make.
Oh, that's mine.
Grissom.
Get the copter on the roof in...
...ten minutes.
No, we will get away with this.
And I gotta say, I'm pretty...
...impressed with me.
Please don't hurt us...
...whatever you do!
Get off me.
Spare us!
Sit down!
Get on the ground.
Here's what's gonna happen...
...you two are gonna sit here...
...and you're gonna count to 7,430.
Then when you're done, then you...
...can move.
It's gonna be fun.
Now start counting.
One...
...two, three...
Thomas, is it okay to be scared?
Yeah, Jackie.
It's okay to be scared.
Remember, following the...
...dance, there'll be a photo...
...opportunity with myself and the...
President's daughter.
Swim, Bickleman...
...swim.
On behalf of all the students...
...here at Westpark Middle School...
I'd like to welcome you and say...
...thank you for visiting our...
...little school where, until now...
...it seems like nothing exciting...
...ever happens.
And I'd like to thank you for...
...writing such a wonderful essay.
Thank you.
And it is so true...
...if we just break our lives down...
...into little bitty 60-second...
...intervals, then...
Thank you, Madison.
I'd like to say what a...
...pleasure it is to represent the...
White House in sharing your fall...
...dance.
Westpark Middle School rocks!
Oww! Oww!
Thomas!
Who put you in here?
I don't know what I should...
...and shouldn't say...
...because I really don't know...
...who's good and who's bad.
Miller!
Miller, you're coming with...
...me, Miller.
No, I don't think so.
He stays.
See? Exactly.
I don't know who's good and...
...who's bad.
Frank Marquee, Secret...
Service.
Whoa, Secret Service?
You really are a good guy.
Thomas, whenever the...
President or one of the first...
...family make an appearance, we go...
...undercover.
Usually, nothing happens.
I should've believed you...
Thomas.
I guess I don't have much...
...credibility, huh.
Yeah, you do have quite a...
...reputation.
You found 'em.
Yeah.
You're with Secret Service...
...too?
Uh huh.
Sure beats mopping floors.
Thomas, it's not what you do...
...that defines you, it's who you...
...are.
You should remember that.
Al, I woulda called you, but...
I can't find my cell phone.
Thought I left it in here.
Well, we gotta find this guy.
Wait, the bad guy...
I think I know how I can find...
...him.
Come on, follow me.
We don't have much time.
Thomas Miller.
Hello, hello...
I'm in here.
All right, see him anywhere?
No.
Keep an eye out.
If you see him, give me a...
...signal.
Got it.
And that concludes our 33
...minutes with Christina Adams.
Yeah, what a great essay...
...you wrote.
This dance was awesome.
Gotcha.
Bleckner's got a gun!
Move, move, move!
We need everybody out of the...
...gymnasium.
Clear the building.
Mom!
Thomas, be careful!
Move back!
Everybody back...
...or I'll have no choice but to do...
...something that wouldn't be very...
...nice!
Get off of me!
Get up!
Get back to the school right...
...now!
Thomas!
You're not gonna get away...
...with this.
Grissom, the name is Malcolm...
J. Grissom.
And yes, I most certainly will...
...get away with this.
Come on.
Keep moving, keep moving!
Grissom...
Let her go.
You're gonna be better off if...
...you do.
Not gonna happen.
Help me.
Why, huh?
Why you doing this?
My dream was always to be...
Secret Service...
...protecting the President...
...and his family.
I must have applied over 20
...times for a job with you guys.
I never made it past the...
...psychological profiling.
Big surprise.
But if I can't work for you...
I'll work just fine against you.
What are your demands?
'Scuse me?
You must have a list of...
...demands for Christina's safe...
...release.
What are they?
Oh, yeah, demands.
No, I've got 'em.
But I don't really have to tell...
...you.
Let's go.
Ahh!
Christina!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Let go of me!
Where do you think you're...
...going?
Where do you think?
To save Christina.
Look, Thomas, you've done...
...more than enough, and we thank...
...you, but let the professionals...
...take it from here, okay?
Let's go, kid.
Come on.
Ahh! Somebody help!
Yes, somebody...
...help, help!
See, no one's coming.
Are you all right?
Why don't you start worrying...
...about Christina instead of me?
We got the kid out.
I'm on my way to the roof.
Where are you going?
I need to get inside.
Christina needs my help.
Lockdown mode, no one in or...
...out.
Thanks.
Hey!
Ahh!
You'll never get away with this!
Somebody will save me.
You'll see.
You're an optimistic little...
...girl, aren't you?
Excuse me...
...oh...
...you...
...have you seen Thomas anywhere?
Sir, we've got a new problem.
The redhead's making his way up...
...the roof.
All right, Serrano, Malloy...
...you're with me.
Let's go.
Thomas!
Thomas!
Thomas, stop.
It's too dangerous.
Not gonna happen.
Christina needs me.
Turk, we're almost out the...
...roof.
Land that chopper now.
All right, I'm going up.
What's going on?
Some psycho tried to kidnap...
...the President's daughter.
Thomas!
You gotta calm down.
These guys know what they're...
...doing.
But does Thomas know?
What are you talking about?
Look, Kip!
Are you kidding me?
Thomas!
Thomas!
What's he doing?
Thomas, stop.
I can't, sir, I'm on a roll.
I need to do this!
Thomas, enough.
You're gonna get yourself hurt.
Must save Christina!
Ahh!
Oh!
Oops, sorry.
"Oops, sorry. "
Your flight's ready for...
...boarding.
Here's your new friend...
Mr. Gun.
You be nice to him...
...and he'll be nice to you.
Sound fair?
Uh huh.
Let's go.
Who are you?
Thomas Miller.
I'm here to save you.
Great.
That's your kid, Miller.
Come on.
Hold your fire, hold your...
...fire.
We got kids up there.
We got kids up there.
...stay close.
You don't wanna make your new...
...best buddy angry, do you?
You know, I have school...
...tomorrow.
Uh huh. Get in.
You too, Presidential...
Princess.
Come on, turk.
Let's move now.
Come on, let's go.
It's gonna be okay.
Come on, turk, let's get this...
...thing in the air.
Albert!
Everyone wants to be a hero.
Christina's in the...
...helicopter.
Oh, my gosh!
Mildred?
Dad!
Dad, up here!
Dad!
Thomas!
Dad, save us!
Hang on!
Go, Thomas, go!
Oh, yeah.
Dad!
Dad!
Thomas!
Thomas!
Hang on, buddy.
I want you to jump, buddy.
You can do this.
You got it.
What do we do?
We jump.
Thomas!
Thomas!
Come on, buddy.
Come on, buddy, you got it.
I promise you.
Take my hand.
I promise nothing bad will...
happen to you.
I believe you.
You can do this, Christina.
Thomas!
I got ya!
On three.
One...
...two...
...three!
Jump!
Yeah!
You really did come to save...
...my life.
Apparently.
This flight is grounded.
I owe you a headache.
Thomas Miller has always been...
...one of my favorites.
I've always enjoyed his...
...patriotic and amusing...
...shenanigans, wouldn't you say...
Mr. Bailey?
Love the Miller kid...
...love the Miller kid.
Mom!
I love you so much.
I love you too, Mom.
I'm sorry for doubting you...
Thomas.
I'm so sorry.
You were a real hero out...
...there, Thomas.
Nicely done.
Thank you very much.
Oh, no, thank you very much.
Hey, atta boy, Thomas.
You were on fire.
My little man.
Gimme some love.
I couldn't have done it...
...without someone's help.
Mr. Randall, Albert, I want you...
...to meet one really amazing man...
My dad.
Dad!
Hey, how you doing?
Everybody...
This is my dad.
Hey, how are you?
You were right, Albert.
It's not what you do that...
Defines you, it's who you are.
You got that right.
Hey, Thomas.
Good job.
Hey.
Awesome performance.
Thanks.
That's 'cause you had my back...
Hoffman.
Always.
So, wanna go get some...
...ice cream?
Hi, Thomas.
Hi.
I was wondering if you could...
...walk me home, Thomas.
Umm, actually, I came with...
Jackie, and...
...he'd love to.
Wait, what?
What are you doing?
Your night's far from over.
You saved a life...
...what about the girl?
You still have to get the girl.
But I came with you.
# somebody send me an Angel #
Hi, again.
# send me down someone...
I could love #
# you're the one that I need to...
...love #
# I closed my eyes and you found...
...me #
# you're the one that I've been...
...dreaming of #
# I thank heaven up above #
# somebody sent me an Angel #
# never gonna fly away #
# say you'll never fly away #
# say you'll never go #
# I was just waiting #
# praying #
# for a little bit of heaven #
# I thank heaven above #
# somebody sent me an Angel #
Hey.
Hey.
So where's Madison?
I dropped her off at home.
Great.
She told me that there was...
...another dance tomorrow, and...
You came to tell me that...
You're going to take her?
No. Actually, if it's not too...
...late, I was wondering if you'd...
...like to go with me.
I don't get it.
What about the girl?
She's right here.
# Angel #
Maybe I'll even wear a dress.
# somebody sent me an Angel #
And now, it gives me great...
...pleasure to introduce our very...
...special guests...
...honoring our great hero...
Thomas Miller...
Huckapoo.
# baby, wanna be my baby #
# baby, such a thrill my baby #
# baby, wanna kiss my baby #
# baby, what I wish my baby #
# baby, check it out my baby #
# baby, don't you tell me baby #
# baby, talking 'bout my baby #
# baby, checking out my baby #
# every man wants to be a mach...
...macho man #
# to be the kind of hot guy...
...always in demand #
# running, swimming, lifting #
# go, man, go #
# how does he ever do it #
# I don't know #
# you can best believe that...
...he's a macho man #
# ready to go dancing #
# any time he can #
# hey, hey, hey #
# let's do it #
# macho, macho man #
# he's got to be a macho man #
# macho, macho man #
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Come on!
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Louder!
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Last time!
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He's so hot.
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