A SERBIAN FILM
Directed by Srdjan Spasojevic
Baby, I'm gonna fuck you up!
Are you insane?
Haven't we agreed about
putting away your flicks?
What's that?
Give it to mommy.
Sorry, but it's
not a big deal.
I saw my first porn
when I was his age.
How are you, kiddo?
But your dad wasn't
starring in it!
Maria, I'm sorry
I didn't mean it.
I dug up that DVD because...
Laylah called and
wanted to see me today.
Baby, you want mommy
to make you a toast?
The jumping bread!
Mom, what was dad
doing there?
Nothing, hon.
Just playing with a girl friend.
It's like a cartoon
for the grownups.
Honey, I have to pay
for Petar's singing lessons.
Bye, dad.
- Bye, dad.
Easy on that whiskey.
Rye kills sexual appetite.
That's why I drink it.
So, how's family life?
- Nice.
How are Petar and... Maria?
Yes, Maria.
They're fine.
Next year Petar's
starting school.
It'll be interesting
when they ask about
his father's occupation.
His father is a fine gentleman
in a premature retirement.
The problem with that pension
is that it's not lifelong.
How much do you have
stashed? 5 or 10 grand?
Milos, you were more
than just a porn star
you were an artist.
All actresses you worked with
wanted to marry you.
You're still an artist,
but with a temporary block.
And I'm your guardian angel.
Listen.
Something big is about to
happen. Artistic pornography
of the highest level.
Here, in Serbia.
In Serbia? -Only filmed here,
but for the foreign market.
Terribly professional.
Phenomenally paid. If you accept
your family will be settled
till the end of Petar's life.
The man's name is Vukmir.
He'll call you in a few days.
Be nice to him.
Here's something for the junior.
Wow, where's his pussy?
You didn't tell me you brought
your copper bro to the meeting.
I came on my own. I knew you'd
be here and couldn't miss
a chance to see you.
I'm your great admirer.
You're well preserved.
Who's the plastic surgeon
we have to thank to?
You know I started early.
I don't need plastic yet.
Everybody needs it.
These don't
So long, fags.
Milos, you heard my advice.
A hooker!
- A porn star.
Has-been.
You know the kind of work
she did after you married?
I know.
No one could handle
a dick like she could.
A natural talent.
Funny she hasn't
contacted her dealer
in the past few years.
Is she off drugs?
Doubtful. A new,
rich provider, more likely.
You'll alienate me
from my friends
if you keep checking on them.
Friends, in Serbia?
You can't check them enough.
I gotta go.
Say hello to your kid
and his beautiful mom.
I'm paying for the bite.
So long.
- Bye.
Sleeping time, hands up.
Dad?
- Yes?
Know that friend of yours
that you were
beating in the video
It's only a movie. Make believe.
When dad was young.
I know, but while
I was watching it
I felt something
strange. - What?
Like some kind
of a wheel, spinning.
A wheel? Where?
- Down there, near my willie.
Several of them,
like a family, traveling.
Do they live in me?
They do, hon, in all of us.
We all have them.
Everyone in the world?
- Yes, everyone.
They're gone now,
so close your eyes
think of them and
you'll fall asleep faster.
What language is that?
I'm translating
for some Swedes.
Swedish? I'm great in it.
That's right.
Wait, I know more.
Listen to this.
You would be a mega star.
So, you say Laylah is
offering you a serious job?
So she said.
It's strange.
Why would anyone
offer me big money
after such a long pause?
In Serbia?
And after all the crap
I shot, look at this.
Maybe they need
the only porn star
a university diploma.
Do you miss it?
What?
- The job.
I don't know. No.
I miss the money so we could
escape away from here.
All those poor girls
you threw away like condoms...
How come you've never
done me like them?
Well, I love you.
I've just fucked them.
Does it mean that you
never wanted to fuck me?
Am I talking to the
Balkan sex god.
Nikola Tesla of
world pornography?
You must be Vukmir?
Of course. Milos, if you're
ready to change your life
right now and provide
your family for good
a car will be waiting
at your door in 30 minutes.
You just hop in, and take
a ride towards fulfillment
of your personal and
my professional fantasies.
Can't wait to meet you!
I'm honored to shake hands
to such an artist, I'm Vukmir.
I'm Milos, nice to meet you.
Right hand is the
sex center in any man,
It's direct line between
your brain and cock.
Ever since you childhood.
Your hand is special
for it has jerked
such a special cock.
Milos, it's an honor
to shake a hand
to such an artist of fuck.
Pornography is art,
but people can't see that!
Why not?
Because they just want
to jizz into a napkin
what they can't
into a woman.
These movies are
mostly made so that
those who can't
get laid can cum.
They're made by butchers
who can't tell a camera
from a broom.
Their 'actors' would be
fucking a hole
in the wall if there
were no pussy.
Do you know
what proves that
there is art in pornography?
What?
You, Milos.
You are the proof!
Your sense of handling
a woman, your rhythm
of exhausting her,
your talent to humiliate her,
and then, when she is reduced
to a dog-shit, to win her back.
And your love for it,
that's art.
Sadly, this is
no country for real art.
Where there is no life,
there can't be real art.
A real talent will rot here,
while maggots
are giving press conferences.
Have you done anything
I could've seen?
I'm doing stuff
that no one else is.
Just for the selected clients.
All right, but what is it?
Art, naked art!
Truth.
Real people, real situations,
real sex...
minimal editing.
There's a serious script.
We know it, you don't!
And what am I
supposed to do?
The same as always, Milos.
Just stand before the cameras,
whip out your cock,
and fuck until it's raw.
I dunno, I'm a little tired
of cameras and fucking.
You're also tired of
humping scum
any time your family
needs money.
Kissing some
wretched cunts
with the same lips
you'd kiss your kid.
Thanks, doctor.
What's that?
- The contract.
No need to read all,
just the numbers.
Something wrong?
I don't know what I'm
signing, what I'm shooting.
You're not supposed to know.
If you knew,
you wouldn't be so good.
In a winter night
way up the hill
A creek was frozen
and covered by the snow.
A bunny's weeping
for that frozen creek
young bunny's crying
with all his heart.
But poor li'l bunny
there upon the hill
perhaps he' after the swallows
heading for a warmer South.
Vukmir! Sounds like a name
of one of your guys
at the Hague tribunal.
Are you sure he's not
an arms dealer?
No, he's some kind of
an artist philosopher
with a grand plan.
So, is it grand?
Dunno, but seems like he
desperately needs me
since he's willing
to offer such cash.
How much?
I won't tell you.
Yes you will,
or I'm not giving it back.
OK, I'll tell you,
just let go.
Don't tell me you refused?
Of course I did.
I wanted to see if you're
with me for the money.
If I were,
I'd have dumped you
for your brother long ago.
So, you prefer poor
porn stars to bad cops.
Does it means that I should
rent my dick to Vukmir?
Remember what
you told me
when I asked
if you missed your job?
Milos, I want both of your
heads to be clear and hard.
If it's true...
If what is true?
That you were always
able to have it erected
with no touching
or looking.
Like a cock at dawn,
rising to its own song.
I also know that
you filmed all your scenes
in the first take.
Don't be so modest,
you're the best,
that's why you're here.
How long do you
think it would take?
A few days.
I haven't translated
from Russian since 1994.
What is it exactly?
Some take-over contract?
We're sending some goods
to Moscow for redistribution.
Want one?
- Yes.
No thanks.
You said you would.
Oh, sorry.
I'm a bit...
I miss female company.
A least you can always
arrest a fine looking lady.
Yes, but I doubt I'll
ever have the real thing.
A relationship, marriage.
Like two of you.
You stopped
hoping too soon.
Women here like
men in uniform.
Especially if
they're not wearing it.
Sorry, gotta go
to the bathroom.
You know what
they say about rye.
It's high time you started
taking care of yourself.
With great talent comes a great
desire for self-fuckability.
Whe, exactly, do we start?
- In three days.
I'm not comfortable with
not knowing a thing.
Milos, get a grip.
You're a porn actor
who wants to know
what a porno film is about?
It's a bit absurd.
You're not supposed
to know, but only to relax.
That's too much money
to leave anything to accident.
Nothing is left to accident.
Milos, that is
a serious organization.
My clients know
exactly what they want,
and I know
what I'm doing.
Don't worry, everything
is already prepared,
you just have to appear,
be what you are,
relax and react
as Milos would.
Pornography should not
be an illusion,
but a live
transmission of sex.
Dad.
- Yes, son.
Remember the little wheels?
I do.
Do you know how
to make them spin?
I do. But you
must do it yourself.
We all do it alone.
Tell me how.
When you feel them,
try to follow them
It's a family traveling
and you just close
your eyes and follow them.
Wait, the wheels are
spinning better at night.
Put it in your ear.
Enter the building,
relaxed.
"Home for Abandoned
and Orphaned Children"
Walk slowly ahead.
Be natural.
I wish I impaled
myself on a fence rather
than giving birth to you!
Haven't told you not to let
the villains take you away?
Get lost, you
misbegotten wretch!
What are you staring at?
Bravo.
What was it like?
Fine.
We were filming at
a Home for orphaned children.
Where?
Drag yourself over here!
Look at yourself.
You can't raise a dick,
how will you raise a child?
The child is mine.
Raiko only made it.
I gave birth to it.
Come, you bitch!
Let me go, villains!
Give me back my child,
you bastards!
Honey?
- Hi.
What are you doing?
I picked up
Petar from classes.
I'm taking him to a costume
party. Are you coming?
No, I'm tired.
Must get some sleep.
Everything all right?
Sure. Just you
enjoy yourselves.
Talk to you later,
must park now. Bye.
The cake is coming.
Never seen such
a cake in my life.
Aren't you in action?
- Marko, you must do me a favor.
I'm all dick.
I need a detailed check
on my director,
producer, pimp, goddam
businessman, Vukmir.
I don't know his last name.
Check his whole crew.
Little bro has changed his
views on checking his friends?
Look, it's important
and urgent.
Understood.
Everything OK with you?
Yes, so far.
How about you?
Working on it.
Light the candles.
Happy birthday, dear Petar...
Baby, the time is flying
and your animal
is snoozing again.
Come on, blow harder.
Blow harder.
Blow harder.
Bravo!
Now we're gonna open
the present from uncle.
This is the present
from your uncle.
How do you open this?
Happy birthday,
my sweet son.
What do you think, how does he
manage to be so hard so long?
It's not a dick,
it's a police stick!
If you don't know,
I can't help you.
The bitches are leaking all over,
he's servicing all three of them.
How come he's not tired?
Why isn't he fucking limp,
like all the normal people?
You're at it again!
That's hardly gonna
shape it like we all want.
What was so urgent?
You tell me,
what are we shooting?
Are those cameramen real cops?
Are they protection? What from?
Cut the crap!
You're drunk, nearly
impotent and turning dumb.
I may be dumb,
but not naive.
Vukimr knows what he's doing.
I trust him more than myself.
They're the greatest pros
you've ever worked with.
What've you done previously
with those pros of yours?
Don't take it all on me cause
I fuck animals for art's sake,
while you can't take
a bit of uncertainty
for some big bucks.
Does it mean I'll have to suck
a donkey's dick for money?
It's not so bad,
trust me.
Better than the crap
you've been lately.
You know I miss that.
- What?
The certainty of that crap.
At least I knew
what I was filming.
Do you miss this?
You're losing it.
Lucky for you
Vukmir hasn't noticed yet.
You're resting
from healthy life.
How was the
costume party?
Hey, what's that?
- It's a stand up balloon.
Your Raiko was
a war hero.
If only he knew about
his wife's whoring!
He would've killed both you
and that poor child of yours.
What the hell
is all this, people?
Hello, I can't work
like this!
Hit the whore.
Hit the whore!
Hit her.
Bravo, bravo!
Magnificent!
Milos?
Milos, what's wrong?
I'm not doing this.
I'm not beating women
in front of kids or cameras.
Milos, Jeca is our kid.
I'd never dream of hurting her.
Her mother fucked everything,
from stones to barbed wire.
You're like
a Sunday picnic for her.
I'm not only an artist
but also a professional.
I'd never do a thing
against one's will.
You're doing against mine.
I won't stand
any kind of torture.
Yeah, you seem to
know a lot about torture.
Did you enjoy less than
a midget woman whom
you locked up in an oven in
Stuttgart and pierced a hole
in it so she could
suck you up for hours?
At least your
dick enjoyed it,
and he never lies.
Vukmir Vukmir.
His name is also his surname.
Worked as a psychologist
in orphanages until 1992.
Then he moved
to the Children's Program
of the State TV. It's
getting better and better!
A lifelong fascination
with the world of film.
Now, it follows with a
mess I had to clarify
with data from
the State Security.
Allegedly, he worked
for them, too.
Sent abroad on a mission,
his trace was lost in Japan.
If he's done any movies,
no one's seen them.
That's about it.
I don't know
what bothers you.
According to this
you've never worked
with a more educated man.
Who are you gonna trust
if not a child psychologist.
who is working
for the Security?
Hit it, dad, tear it, dad,
uncle Vukmir is shooting.
Want something to eat?
No, I've had my
daily dose of rye.
You don't have to go, you
can do it over the phone.
No, I must show up.
It wouldn't be fair.
Today we're shooting
at home again.
Without me.
As today, I'm retiring.
Is there any way for me
to convince you otherwise?
No.
The kids bother me. I can't do
such stuff in the kindergarten.
I fully understand you.
But, in that case
between you and the kids,
I must choose kids. They're
my specialty, my whole life.
It's my fault. I thought you'd
be better if you didn't know...
If I had known from the start,
I'd only have declined sooner.
What did you say,
kindergarten?
That's a good term.
This whole fucking country is
one big shitty kindergarten.
A bunch of kids
discarded by their parents.
Do you know
what it feels like?
Your whole life you're
compelled to prove
that you're able
to take care of yourself.
To prove that you
can shit, eat, fuck
drink, bleed, earn money...
do whatever it takes
to survive, until you die
Would you believe m
if I told you that me and
this wonderful family, that
you're so anxious to leave
are the only warrant of
this nation's survival?
We are the backbone
of this country's economy.
Only we can prove that
this nation is alive
and useful for anything.
I can see that you're insane,
I need no proof for that
Just tell me, how does it
all connect to pornography?
No, Milos, no, no!
Not pornography,
but life itself!
That's life of a victim.
Love, art, blood...
Flesh and soul of a victim.
Transmitted live to the
world who has lost all that
and now is paying
to watch that
from the comfort
of an armchair.
I have no doubt
that it sells well
based on the sum
you offered me.
Victim sells, Milos.
Victim is the priciest
sell in this world.
The victim feels the most
and suffers the best.
We are victim, Milos.
You, me, this whole
nation is a victim.
We're just too retarded.
And I won't be
a victim because of that.
But Milos...
you're the only one in this
film who is not a victim!
Is that so?
Allow me,
as your shepherd
to show you
the power of a real victim.
Can it be that you
don't get it?
This is a new genre, Milos!
Newborn porn!
Newborn!
...so that tomorrow,
on 18th of May...
...you'll witness a new Serbian
jet-set extravagance...
Mobile user is not
available at the moment...
Mobile user is not
available at the moment...
If you only
knew how easily
cattle aphrodisiac
is diluited in whiskey.
Actually, rye doesn't kill
sexual desire at all, right?
Viagra for bulls!
A special recipe concocted
by our sexy doctor who is
so fond of speed that
she puts it into coffee, too.
Can he follow
my words?
Now, that's our stud!
Look at him, look at him!
Bravo, bravo!
She's a dirty junky cunt!
She destroyed her child,
daughter of a war hero!
Sweet little Jeca watched
her mother fuck the junky bums.
She is scum.
Hit the whore! Hit the bitch!
Yeah, you bitch!
Yes, that's one
of the bitch-mothers
who conceive
babies in lust
and than throw
them into a river.
The lustful
brood of wenches
with endless
gashes in them.
Imagine she were
your son's mother.
Imagine her turning Petar
into a dog-fucker's bitch!
Imagine that, Milos!
Strike her, hit her!
That's it!
Bravo!
The unique magic of
rigor mortis!
That's right, make it right.
Fucking cell!
What?
Never mind, he'll come to me.
Don't worry, he will.
Fucking hell.
OK, run now.
This one is on me.
Now you ruined it all.
You've destroyed the project.
I did what? How?
You could've drugged any of
your apes to fuck like insane.
You had Milos. Now you don't.
Now he's a headless dick.
If only you sliced, say,
his son's ear
he'd be his old self again!
He'd fuck God in the ass
at your command!
Instead, you take a genius and
fill him with a fuck-dope.
You're cheap,
just like everyone else.
Fear is bad.
It's a downer.
He needs to rise high. To feel
the ecstasy of a free fuck.
When he feels it,
he'll forget all
including his wife,
son, mother...
What do you know
about free fuck?
What do you
know of ecstasy?
This is no art.
You're no longer an artist!
I'm not working
for you anymore.
Nor is Milos.
I'm taking him home.
Get away from me!
God itself brought you, son.
God sent you to deliver us...
God itself brought you, son.
God sent you to deliver us...
from that whore,
may she rest in peace,
She was a shame
to our house.
Raiko was a great warrior,
but had a poor taste in women.
Since he was killed, this house
rots with no male to govern it.
That's why God sent you as
our savior from all worry.
There's not only house, but a
daughter to take care of, too.
Our poor Jeca
became an orphan.
My Alice in Wonderland.
Raiko was killed just
when he was supposed to
prove to Jeca that
he's not only a father,
but a man as well.
You came instead of him.
You'll have the honor
of giving her
a virgin's communion.
To make her a woman.
Like my late father
did with me.
Come on, come on...
Now!
I'm gonna cut it off,
you motherfuckers!
No, Milos, no...
Our film jumped
through the window!
What are you waiting
for? After him!
Marko, it's me. Come for me.
Milos, what's wrong?
Where are you?
I'm in the Celopecka street, no 7.
Milos!
Hey, baby, where
you headin' for?
Out naked, but
won't take a dick?
Be polite,
the girl is underage.
So what if
I am underage?
Look at this jerk!
No, Rasa, don't.
Rare kind of Monks
put seven adult he-goats
into a shed
during summer.
They leave them
for a month
until their balls
are like melons.
When they get too hot,
they start fucking one another.
The monks take the dried
bloody cum off their balls
and mix it with milk.
It makes the finest
bread spread there is.
You're a he-goat, Milos.
I'm your monk.
Don't worry, my child.
My he-goat.
I'll provide a
fitting end for you.
Welcome to a
warm family home.
A real, happy
Serbian family.
Life...
Art.
That's it, Milos.
That's the cinema.
That's film!
Get away from me!
In a winter night
way up the hill
A creek was frozen
and covered by the snow.
Come on.
Start with the little one.
DIRECTOR AND PRODUCER
WRITERS
DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY
PRODUCTION DESIGNERS
EDITOR
MUSIC COMPOSER
A SERBIAN FILM