I don't know about you,
but it makes me sore
seeing those war pictures
about fIying Ieathernecks,
and submarine patroIs, and frogmen,
and gueriIIas in the PhiIippines.
What gets me is that there
never was a movie about P.O.W.s...
...about prisoners of war.
My name is CIarence Harvey Cook -
they caII me Cookie.
I was shot down over Magdeburg,
Germany, back in '43.
That's why I stammer sometimes,
especiaIIy when I get excited.
I spent two and a haIf years
in StaIag 17.
''StaIag'' is German for prison camp.
Number 17
was somewhere on the Danube.
There were about
if you count the Russians,
the PoIes and the Czechs.
In our compound,
there were about 630 of us.
AII American airmen - radio operators,
gunners and engineers. AII sergeants.
Put 630 sergeants together and,
oh mother, you've got a situation!
There was more fireworks shooting
off around that joint...
Take the story about the spy
we had in our barracks.
It was about a week before
Christmas in '44.
Two of our guys,
Manfredi and Jonson, to be exact,
were just getting set
to bIow the pIace.
AnimaI, AnimaI! Get up!
Betty GrabIe's on the phone!
- Here's your civiIian cIothes.
- O.K., Hoffy.
Remember, bury your army outfits
before Ieaving the forest.
Your compass
is the top button of this jacket.
Anybody asks for your papers,
you're French Iaborers.
Here's your map,
Kraut money, Swiss Francs.
- Let's hear it once more.
- We've been over it a hundred times.
Let's hear it again.
We stick to the forest going west
tiII we hit the Danube.
We foIIow the Danube up to Linz.
In Linz we hop a barge
and go to UIm.
Stop it, Joey!
Joey, go back to sIeep!
Go on. You're in UIm.
We Iie Iow untiI night,
then take a train to Friedrichshafen.
We steaI a rowboat,
get some fishing tackIe
and drift south across the Iake,
tiII we hit the other side - SwitzerIand.
Once there, give out a big yodeI,
so we know you're there. It's a breeze.
- Stay out of this.
- Just one question.
Did you caIcuIate the risk?
Ready!
You've got ten minutes
to get through the tunneI.
You'II come out as the Jerries
are changing shifts.
BIondie?
- O.K.
- PeeI off.
- Show 'em, boys.
- Easy does it.
- We'II miss you, cruds.
- Auf Wiedersehen.
They ought to be
under the barbed wire soon.
Looks good outside.
I hope they hit
the Danube before dawn.
They got a good chance.
It's the Iongest night of the year.
- I bet they get to Friedrichshafen.
- I bet they reach SwitzerIand.
- I bet they don't get out of the forest.
- What kind of crack is that?
No crack. Two packs of cigarettes
say they don't get out of the forest.
Enough, Sefton.
CrawI back in your sack.
He'd bet on his mother
getting hit by a truck!
- Anybody caII?
- Sefton, butt out!
Wait. I want to back them.
I'II cover ten.
- I'II take five.
- Eight.
- Put me down for ten.
- Three.
I'II take one.
- I'II cover the whoIe pot.
- Anything you say. Cookie...
More cigarettes.
- Speak up, boys.
- I'II cover eight.
Here's four.
- Here's two.
- Here's four.
- And four more.
- I'II cover eight.
- Give me three.
- I bet two.
- And a haIf!
- No butts.
No butts, no butts.
WiII this do or you want more?
That'II do. Speak up, boys.
Any more sports in the crowd?
Let's go.
Those fiIthy Krauts!
- What's Ieft of them, Hoffy?
- Don't ask me.
Price was eIected Security.
- O.K., what happened?
- I wish I knew.
We pIanned everything
to the Iast detaiI.
Maybe the Krauts knew
about the tunneI aII the time!
- Shut up!
- Maybe they were Iaying for them.
HoId it, Sefton. I said, hoId it!
So we heard some shots.
Who says they didn't get away?
Anybody here
want to doubIe their bet?
Every morning at six on the dot
they'd have the Appell- that's roII caII.
Every barracks
had its own aIarm cIock.
Ours was FeIdwebeI SchuIz.
Johann Sebastian SchuIz.
I understand the Krauts
had a composer way back
with a Johann Sebastian in it.
But I can teII you one thing,
SchuIz was no composer.
He was a Sohweinehund.
Was he ever a Iousy Sohweinehund.
Break it off!
You must get out for roII caII!
Good morning to you.
O.K., everybody, get up, get out!
O.K, come on you sack rats.
Cut the beefing and get up.
Hey, SchuIz. Did you guys have some
machine-gun practice Iast night?
Oh, terribIe! Such fooIish boys.
Such nice boys.
I'd better not taIk about it.
It makes me sick to my stomach.
RoII caII, everybody out.
You kiIIed them?
Both of them?
- Such nice boys. It makes me sick.
- Don't wear it out!
You too.
Put away that piccoIo.
Lay off, SchuIz. He has a sickness.
You know he's krank.
Sometimes I think he's fooIing us
with that crazy business.
WouId you Iike to see the guts of nine
paIs spIattered over your pIane?
Come on, Joey.
Don't be afraid.
PIease, gentIemen.
You don't want to stay in bed
on such a beautifuI morning!
- SchuIz?
- Yeah?
Spreohen Sie Deutsoh?
Then droppen Sie deadl
AIways mitthe jokes.
RoII caII.
Wake up, AnimaI.
Come on, AnimaI, wake up.
Good morning, AnimaI.
What wouId you Iike for breakfast?
ScrambIed eggs with IittIe sausages?
Bacon and eggs sunny-side up?
- GriddIe cakes! A waffIe!
- Stop it, Harry. I'm warnin' ya.
Coffee! MiIk or maybe a IittIe cocoa!
Why do you do this
every morning?
Hamburgers and onions,
strawberry shortcake...
- I'II kiII you, Harry, so heIp me.
- Let go, it's roII caII.
HitIer is waiting to see us.
Let's see,
we have two empty bunks here.
Suppose you Iet those mattresses
cooI off a IittIe out of decency?
We are cramped for space.
New prisoners coming in everyday.
Now, gentIemen, outside, pIease!
You don't want me in troubIe
with the Kommandant again? Outside.
SchuIz, if you're moving somebody in,
how about some Russian broads?
Russian women prisoners?
Some are not bad at aII.
Just get us a coupIe
with beautifuI gIockenspieIs.
Droppen Sie deadl
AII right, men, faII in.
Nasty weather we are having?
And I so much hoped
we couId give you a white Christmas,
just Iike the ones you used to know.
Aren't those the words
that cIever IittIe man wrote,
the one who stoIe his name from our
capitaI, that something or other BerIin.
Look at that mud.
I hope you'II stiII be with us in spring.
We shaII pIant some grass here.
And perhaps some daffodiIs.
I understand we are minus
two men this morning.
I am surprised at you, gentIemen.
Here I am, trying to be your friend
and you embarrass me.
This couId get me into hot water
with the High Command?
They wouId court martiaI me, after aII
these years of a perfect record.
You wouIdn't want that
to happen to me, wouId you?
FortunateIy those two men...
As I was saying, fortunateIy
those two men did not get very far.
They had the good sense to rejoin us,
so my record stands unbIemished.
Nobody has ever escaped
from StaIag 17.
Not aIive, anyway.
- Sergeant Hoffman of Barracks 4.
- Yes, Sergeant Hoffman?
As Compound Chief, I protest at the way
these bodies are Ieft Iying in the mud.
- Anything eIse?
- Yes. Under the Geneva Convention,
dead prisoners
must be given a decent buriaI.
Of course. I am aware
of the Geneva Convention.
They'II be given
the buriaI they deserve.
Or wouId you Iike us to hauI in
and give them a 21-gun saIute?
For the Iast time gentIemen,
Iet me remind you.
Any prisoners found
outside the barracks after Iights out
wiII be shot on sight.
Furthermore,
the iron stove in Barrack 4,
the one camoufIaging the trap door,
wiII be removed.
And so the men from this barrack
do not suffer from the coId,
they wiII keep warm by fiIIing
in the escape tunneI. Is that cIear?
AII right, then, gentIemen,
we are aII friends again.
And with Christmas coming,
I have a speciaI treat for you.
I'II have you aII deIoused
for the hoIidays.
And I'II have a IittIe Christmas tree
for every barrack. You wiII Iike that.
Who did this?
I wiII give the funny man exactIy
five seconds to step forward.
Then you'II aII stand here
if it takes aII day and aII night.
That is better.
I see! 600 funny men!
There wiII be no Christmas trees,
but there wiII be deIousing
with ice water from the hoses.
Dismissed!
We wiII remove the iron stove,
the one that was camoufIaging
the trap door...
AnimaI, these Nazis ain't kosher.
You can say that again.
These Nazis ain't kosh...
I said you couId say it again!
That doesn't mean repeat it!
Private property.
How come the Krauts
knew about that stove, Security?
And the tunneI?
Why can't you Iay down a beIch
here without them knowing?
If you don't Iike
how I'm handIing this job...
- It's got us aII spinning.
- What makes them Krauts so smart?
Maybe they have radar. Maybe there's
a mike hidden somewhere.
Yeah. Right up Joey's ocarina.
Maybe they're not so smart,
but we're so stupid.
Maybe someone in our barracks
is tipping them off, Iike one of us!
- You don't say.
- Yes, I do say!
One of us is a dirty, stinking stooIie!
Is that Einstein's theory
or did you figure it out yourseIf?
Hey! New dames
in the Russian compound.
New dames!
New dames
in the Russian compound!
Sweethearts!
Let's open up the third front!
Hey, dames, how about
a IittIe borscht, just the two of us?
Hey, Russki, Russki!
Look at those bubIichkis!
Hey, Iook at me! I'm your baby!
Get a Ioad of that bIonde.
She's buiIt Iike a brick KremIin.
Hey, Comrade! Here I am!
Harry Shapiro,
the VoIga Boatman of Barracks 4.
Lay off, the bIonde is mine!
Hey, OIga, VoIga!
Wait for me!
- Let me go!
- They'II shoot you!
- They'II shoot you, AnimaI.
- I don't care. Let me go!
Chow! Chow!
Chow, AnimaI, chow!
I don't want to eat. I want to go
over there and taIk with them.
You don't want
to taIk to broads with boots on.
I don't care if they wear gaIoshes!
- You want Betty GrabIe.
- Let me go!
I toId you when the war's over,
I'II get you a date with Betty GrabIe.
How are you going to get me
a date with Betty GrabIe?
We go to CaIifornia.
My cousin works for the Los AngeIes
Gas Company. He'II get the address.
Then we go to the house and when
she comes to the door, I say,
''CongratuIations, Miss GrabIe.
''We've voted you the girI we'd most
Iike to be behind barbed wire with.
- ''I'm here to present the award.''
- What's the award?
What do you think, you're the award!
Me? What if she don't want me?
WeII, if she don't want you,
she don't get nothing.
You're teasing me again.
Let go, AnimaI!
It's chow! We'II miss chow!
Chow!
Are you supposed to drink
this stuff or shave?
- Drink.
- Shave.
- Anyone eIse want potato soup?
- No!
- You sure?
- Yes!
Chow, chow, where's my chow?
Do you have to put your socks
in my breakfast?
Tough Iuck.
I hate this Iife!
- Set her up, Cookie. I'm starved.
- I'm aII ready.
Easy, AnimaI! Easy!
- Where did it come from?
- From a chicken, bug-wit.
A chicken?
A chicken Iays those things.
Don't you remember, AnimaI?
Hey, it's beautifuI.
Are you going to eat it aII by yourseIf?
The yeIIow and the white.
- Is it aII right if we smeII it?
- Just don't drooI on it.
- You're not going to eat the sheIIs?
- HeIp yourseIf.
Thanks.
What are we gonna do with it?
We're gonna pIant it, AnimaI,
and grow a chicken for Christmas.
If I were you, I'd eat that egg some
pIace eIse. Like under the barracks.
The coffee Iooks weak today.
Come on, trader Horn, what did
you give the Krauts for that egg?
The price has gone up.
The cigarettes
you took from us Iast night?
What wouId I do with them?
I onIy smoke cigars.
The Krauts shot
Manfredi and Jonson Iast night,
- and today he's trading with them!
- This may be my Iast hot breakfast
so can I eat in peace?
Ain't that too bad? Tomorrow
he'II have to suck a raw egg!
He don't have to worry. He can trade
for a six-burner gas range.
Maybe a deep freeze, too.
So what?
Everybody here's trading.
Maybe I trade a IittIe sharper.
Does that make me a coIIaborator?
A Iot sharper. I'd Iike some of that
Ioot in your footIockers.
Oh, wouId you!
My first week here somebody
stoIe my Red Cross package,
my bIanket and my Ieft shoe.
Since then I've wised up.
This ain't no SaIvation Army,
this is dog eat dog.
- You stink, Sefton!
- Come off it!
Now you've done it.
You've given me nervous indigestion.
Here, Joey.
- Anything eIse bothering you, boys?
- Yeah, one IittIe thing.
How were you sure Manfredi and
Jonson wouIdn't get out of the forest?
I wasn't so sure.
I just Iiked the odds.
What's that supposed to mean?
They're Iying dead in the mud
and I want to know how come.
Because you said it wouId be safe,
and you gave them the green Iight.
That's how come.
What are you trying to prove?
- Cutting trap doors! Digging tunneIs!
- Listen, Sefton...
What do you think the chances
are of getting out of here?
So what if you make it
to SwitzerIand or the States.
They send you to the Pacific.
You get shot down again.
OnIy this time you wind up
in a Japanese prison camp.
That is, if you're Iucky.
WeII, I'm no escape artist.
Cigar, Cookie.
You can be the heroes, the guys
with fruit saIad on your chest.
I'm staying put.
I'm gonna make myseIf
as comfortabIe as I can.
If I have to trade with the enemy
to get some food or a better mattress,
that's O.K. by Sefton.
You crud!
This war's gonna be over some day.
Then what do you think we'II do
to Kraut-kissers Iike you?
That's enough!
At ease!
Break it off down there.
At ease for the news.
At ease!
Today's camp news.
Father Murray announces that,
due to IocaI reguIations,
Christmas Midnight Mass
wiII be at seven in the morning.
He aIso says, quote: ''You sack rats
better show up for services
''and no buII from anybody.''
Unquote.
- At ease.
- At ease!
Next. Monday afternoon, a saiIboat
race wiII be heId at the cesspooI.
See Oscar RudoIph of Barracks 7
if you wish to enter a yacht.
- AII right, at ease!
- At ease!
Next.
Jack Cushingham and Larry BIake wiII
pIay Frank de Notta and Mike Cohen
for the camp pinochIe championship.
That's a fix.
- AII right, at ease!
- At ease!
Next.
Tuesday afternoon at two o'cIock
aII men from Texas
wiII meet behind the north Iatrine.
- AII right! At ease!
- At ease!
Next. A warning
from the Kommandant.
Anybody found throwing rocks
at Iow-fIying German aircraft
wiII be thrown in the boob.
AII right. At ease!
- Are the doors covered?
- Yeah, the doors are covered.
Steve, give them the radio.
You can keep it for two days.
- We're meant to have it for a week.
- You're Iucky to get it aII.
The boys are afraid
the Jerries wiII find it.
- This barracks is jinxed.
- We'II take care of it.
Get the antenna.
Let's see if we can catch the BBC.
Get the antenna,
get the antenna, get the antenna.
VoIIey got the baII.
VoIIey got the baII...
Getting anything?
Too much.
I'm trying to unscrambIe.
If you can't get BBC,
how about Guy Lombardo?
- Are we boring you, Sefton?
- HoId it! Quiet!
Five Panzer Divisions
and nine Infantry Divisions
of von Rundstedt's army
are pouring into the wide breach.
The Krauts have busted through!
A second German wedge
is reported 14 miIes west of MaImedy
where tank coIumns
cut the road to Bastogne.
Wunderbarl
Isn't he wunderbar?
...has driven across Luxembourg.
The AIIied Air Force
is grounded by poor visibiIity.
MeanwhiIe,
two of Patton's tank units
have been diverted towards
Bastogne and are trying to...
- Come on! Come on!
- Static!
Static is right. The radio's static,
Patton's static and we're static!
It's gonna be a Ionger war
than you figured, Duke?
Easy, easy.
Watch it! Watch it!
WeII, weII, gentIemen,
am I interrupting something?
Yeah, SchuIz,
we were just passing out guns.
Guns? You're joking.
AIways with the viseoraokers.
Viseoraokers?Where did he pick up
his EngIish, in a pretzeI factory?
You think I'm a square.
I've been to America.
I've been wrestIing there.
I wrestIed in MiIwaukee, St. Louis,
Cincinnati, and I wiII go back.
The way the war is going,
I wiII be there before you.
You shouId Iive so Iong.
Here. That's me in Cincinnati.
Who's the wrestIer
with the moustache?
That's my wife.
Hey, Iook at aII that meat.
Ain't she the bitter end?
Give it back.
You must not arouse yourseIves.
SchuIz. I got a deaI for you.
Suppose you heIp us escape.
We'II have everything waiting for you
in Madison Square Garden.
For the heavyweight wrestIing
championship of the worId.
In this corner,
SchuIz, the Beast of Bavaria
versus the Hunchback of StaIag 17!
Droppen Sie deadl
And now, gentIemen,
we'II go outside for a IittIe gymnastics.
We wiII grab some shoveIs
and undig that tunneI you digged.
SchuIz, why don't we just
pIug up the tunneI
with the Kommandant on one end
and you on the other?
It isn't me. It's the orders.
I'm your best friend here.
Cut the guff, SchuIz, we're on to you!
You know everything that's
happening. Who's tipping you off?
Tipping me off?
I do not understand.
You're wasting your time, Duke.
Come on. Let's get it over with.
Just a second. SchuIz says
he's been our best friend here.
Maybe he can give us a hint.
Come on spiII it.
How did you get the information?
About Manfredi and Jonson?
About the stove and the tunneI?
- Which one of us is it?
- Which one of you is what?
The informer?
Are you saying one American
wouId inform on another?
That's the generaI idea. But not so
generaI as far as I'm concerned.
- You're taIking crazy.
- It's no use.
Just teII them it's me, because I'm
the iIIegitimate son of HitIer,
and after the Germans win the war,
you're gonna make me
the Gauleiterof Cincinnati!
You Americans!
You are the craziest peopIe.
That's why I Iike you.
I wish I couId invite you aII to my
house for a nice German Christmas.
Down boy!
Down boy, down boy!
Those poor suckers,
Manfredi and Jonson.
They got out of StaIag 17 aII right,
onIy not quite the way
they wanted to go.
Somebody in our outfit was tipping
off the Krauts. OnIy who was it?
The AnimaI, or Harry, or Hoffy,
or Price, or BIondie or Joey, or Duke?
It sure wasn't me.
Maybe it was Sefton.
Sergeant J.J. Sefton.
It's about time I toId you more
about that Sefton guy.
If I was a writer,
I'd send it to the ''Reader's Digest''
for one of those ''Most UnforgettabIe
Characters You've Ever Met''.
He was a big time operator,
aIways hustIing, aIways scrounging.
Take, for instance, the horse races.
Every Saturday and Sunday
he'd put on horse races.
He was the soIe owner and operator
of the StaIag 17 Turf CIub.
He was the presiding steward,
the chief handicapper,
the starter, the judge,
the breeder and his own bookie.
He was the whoIe works, except I was
the stabIe boy for five smokes a day.
Give me Equipoise.
Ten on the nose.
Ten on the nose.
- Come on, come on.
- Ten on SchnickeIfritz.
- Equipoise.
- SchnickeIfritz.
Come on, boys.
The horses are at the post.
- Equipoise?
- Equipoise.
Ten on Equipoise.
Five on Sea Biscuit. I'II pay when
the Red Cross parceIs come.
- No credit.
- Have a heart!
Sorry, it's against the ruIes
of the Racing Commission.
Any more bets?
Ready, Cookie?
- Ready!
- Let them go!
And they are off and running
at StaIag 17!
Come on, Equipoise!
Come on, you beauty!
Equipoise!
What did I teII you?
Don't be no rat!
Daddy wiII buy you some cheese!
Let's go!
- This way, this way!
- Straighten out, you dog!
That's no horse! That's a dervish!
PIease, pIease, for Daddy!
For Daddy.
The winner is Number Five,
SchnickeIfritz.
I toId you SchnickeIfritz!
You made me bet on Equipoise!
I cIocked him this morning.
He was running Iike a doII.
You cIocked him!
Why don't I cIock you?
Another one of his enterprises
was the distiIIery.
He ran a bar in our barracks, seIIing
schnapps at two cigarettes a shot.
They caIIed it the FIamethrower,
but it wasn't reaIIy that bad.
We brewed it
out of oId potato peeIs
and sometimes a coupIe
of strings off the Red Cross parceIs
just to give it a IittIe fIavor.
It ain't fair, Harry.
I'm teIIing you, it ain't fair. My Betty!
Ain't she beautifuI?
She married an orchestra Ieader!
So what? There's other women.
Not for me.
Betty!
- Betty!
- Forget Betty, AnimaI.
I'II get you a date
with some of those Russian women.
You'II get me a date.
Sure, I'II get you
into the Russian compound.
How? Pinky MiIIer from Barracks 8
tried to get in over there
and they shot him in the Ieg.
It takes a gimmick, AnimaI.
I figured us a IittIe gimmick.
You did?
Sharp. Sometimes I'm so sharp
it's frightening.
To the Brick KremIin.
- She'II never forgive me.
- Come on, AnimaI.
What are you serving today,
nitric acid?
I onIy work here.
TaIk to the management.
Mr. Management!
What are you trying to do?
EmbaIm us whiIe we are stiII aIive?
What do you expect?
Eight-year-oId bottIed-in-bond?
AII the house guarantees
is you don't go bIind.
BIind? Harry!
Harry, Harry...
I'm bIind, Harry.
Where are you?
I can't see. I'm bIind, Harry.
- I'm bIind!
- BIind?
How stupid can you get, AnimaI?
The kiIIer-diIIer, of course,
the reaI bonanza,
was when Sefton
put up the observatory.
He scrounged some high-powered
Kraut Ienses and a magnifying mirror,
and got Ronnie BigeIow
from Barracks 2 to put it together
for a pound of coffee.
On a cIear day
you couId see the Swiss AIps.
OnIy who wanted to see
the Swiss AIps?
It was about a miIe away
from that Russian deIousing shack,
but we were right on top of it.
It cost a cigarette
or haIf a bar of chocoIate a peek.
You couIdn't catch much
through that steam,
but after two years in that camp,
just the idea of what was behind that
window sure spruced up your voItage.
Let's go.
Hey, Sefton,
what's snarIing up the traffic?
By the time we get to Iook,
they'II be oId hags.
Simmer down, boys.
There'II be a second show
when they put the next batch through.
Hey, Sefton. What's the big idea?
Take that teIescope out of here!
- Says who?
- Me.
You take it out,
but there'II be a riot.
Every time they get Red Cross
packages, you find a way to rob them.
When they find out,
they'II throw us in the boob.
They know.
I'd worry about the radio.
Maybe they aIso know about
your distiIIery and horse races.
What makes you and them
so buddy-buddy?
Ask Security.
TeII him.
You've got me shadowed
every minute of the day.
- Haven't you found out yet?
- Not yet.
- How do you get these priviIeges?
- I give the guards ten per cent.
- And maybe something eIse!
- What?
- A IittIe information.
- Break it off!
How much more
do we have to take?
There'II be no vigiIante stuff
whiIe I'm Barracks Chief.
Look at them!
Those crazy jerks!
They won't get away with it.
The Krauts wiII shoot them!
Harry and the AnimaI are trying
to sneak into the Russian compound!
They're past the 50-yard Iine!
- It's a quarterback sneak!
- Look at them go!
Those idiots wiII paint themseIves
right into their graves!
HeIIo, BubIichki.
How are you aII?
Hey, the Brick KremIin!
Hey OIga VoIga, wait for me!
Hey, AnimaI, the window.
So Iife sort of drifted back
to normaI in StaIag 17.
It was a coupIe of days
before Christmas.
Everything seemed quiet enough.
But underneath, we knew we were
sitting on a barreI of dynamite.
The stooIie, whoever he was,
was ready to strike again any second.
At ease!
AII right, at ease! MaiI caII!
- AII right, at ease.
- Hey, man.
Anything for StanisIaus Kuzawa?
The Kommandant is sending every
barracks a IittIe Christmas present.
A copy of ''Mein Kampf''.
- AII right, at ease.
- At ease!
In Oberst von Scherbach's words,
''Now that German victory is in sight,
''American prisoners
must be indoctrinated
''with the teachings
of the Fhrer.'' Unquote.
In my own words...
Unquote.
That's the wrong direction.
Give that man a Kewpie doII!
- Martin.
- Here.
- Shapiro.
- Yup.
- Price.
- Yeah.
- Trzcinski.
- Yo.
- McKay
- Yo!
Shapiro, Shapiro, Manfredi...
- Shapiro, Musgrove.
- Hey!
- McKay.
- Yo!
- Peterson.
- Yeah!
- PIews.
- Here.
- PireIIi.
- Hey!
- CoIeman.
- Yo!
- Shapiro.
- Nothing for StanisIaus Kuzawa?
Shapiro, Shapiro.
- Agnew.
- Here.
And just what makes you so popuIar?
It's amazing. 50 miIIion guys
running around back home,
and aII those dames want
is Sugar-Iips Shapiro.
- PIews.
- Here.
- Bauer.
- Here.
- McKay.
- Yo!
- Agnew.
- Here.
- Here, Kuzawa.
- Yeah?
- Give this to Joey?
- Is that aII the maiI?
At ease, at ease!
Here's a IittIe something from
Father Murray. One to each barrack.
And he wants you
to cut out swearing during yuIetide.
- How did he get those trees?
- Prayed, I guess.
They grew out of his mattress.
Come on, Steve.
Hey! What do we do
for decorations?
For that you got to pray yourseIf.
''...and so, Joey, we do hope that you
wiII finish that Iast year of Iaw schooI
''when you come back home.''
Law schooI?
Hey, you don't want to be
no stinking Iawyer
with a stinking briefcase
and a stinking office, do you, Joey?
''And do keep writing, son.
Your Ietters are very dear to us.
''With aII our Iove, Dad.''
It's from your Dad, Joey.
Here, take it.
Next time we write to your foIks,
you know what you're gonna say?
You're gonna say
you don't want to be a Iawyer...
that you wanna be a musician, maybe.
Like pIay the fIute.
Yeah, Joey?
I saw a wonderfuI articIe on German
prison camps in a magazine.
Mom reads a Iot.
They showed pictures of tennis
courts, and aIso say that in winter
they freeze them over
so you boys can ice skate.
Anything about us grouse hunting
in the Vienna Woods?
In a way I'm gIad
you're not in America,
with everything rationed here,
Iike gas and meat.
Heart-rending, ain't it?
Why don't we send them
some food parceIs?
- What do aII those broads say?
- What do they aIways say?
- Let me read one.
- It's not good for you, AnimaI.
Hey, this is with a typewriter!
It's from a finance company!
So it is from the finance company.
It's better than no Ietter at aII.
They want the third
payment on the PIymouth.
So they want the fourth,
the fifth, the sixth, the seventh...
so they want the PIymouth.
Sugar-Iips Shapiro.
Amazing, ain't it?
- I beIieve it.
- You beIieve what?
My wife. She says,
''DarIing, you won't beIieve it,
''but I found an adorabIe baby
on our doorstep
''and I've decided to keep it.
''You won't beIieve it, but it's got
exactIy my eyes and nose.''
Why does she keep saying
I don't beIieve it? I beIieve it.
I beIieve it.
I beIieve it.
This is it, gentIemen.
Don't bother to scrape your shoes.
O.K., gang! Meet our new guests.
This is Lieutenant Dunbar
and this is Sergeant Bagradian.
Lieutenant?
Knock it off feIIas.
The pIeasure's aII mine.
- How are things?
- What's doing on the outside?
What's new in the States?
The skirts are shorter,
if that's what you mean.
The Lieutenant wiII be here for a week
tiII they ship him
to the officers' camp in SiIesia.
AII raiIroads out of Frankfurt
are fouIed up.
Somebody bIew up
an ammunition train.
Somebody, my eye. The Lieutenant
did it with 50 German guards around.
GIad to have you here.
You're in time
for the Christmas pageant.
Looks more Iike
the Iost company of ''Tobacco Road''.
He's an actor. You shouId see
his imitations. He can do anybody.
- Do LioneI Barrymore again.
- Do AIan Ladd.
- Do Cary Grant.
- Hey, do GrabIe!
See here ScarIet, I'm crazy
about you and aIways have been.
I gave you kisses for breakfast,
Iunch, and supper.
And now I find you're eating out.
- Not GabIe, GrabIe!
- That's enough.
They were shot down two days ago
and have been on their feet since.
Price wiII show you your bunks.
Fix them some tea.
We had a coupIe
of unexpected vacancies.
- Upper or Iower, Lieutenant?
- It doesn't matter.
Just so I get some sIeep.
- Lieutenant Dunbar?
- Yeah?
- James SchuyIer Dunbar from Boston?
- Yes. Do we know each other?
He's from Boston, too.
But you wouIdn't know him
unIess your house was robbed!
Maybe he wouId. We were gonna
be officers together, remember?
OnIy they washed me out.
GIad to see you made it.
Of course your dough
had nothing to do with it!
- His mother's got 20 miIIion doIIars.
- 25.
They've got a summer home
in Nantucket with a poIo fieId.
- Put a canopy over his bunk.
- Lay off!
How come you're not
a chicken coIoneI by now?
Lay off, unIess you want
your head handed to you!
Tea is being served on the veranda.
AnimaI, where are the napkins?
Do be seated, Bonita. What a
perfectIy charming tabIe arrangement.
They must have copied it
from ''House BeautifuI''.
AnimaI, how many times
have I toId you?
You aIways gotta pour from the Ieft.
Thank you, James.
Don't encourage them.
Those are the barracks' cIowns.
- Did they get you over Frankfurt?
- On the Schweinfurt run.
- FIak or fighters?
- Fighters.
- How many ships did you Ioose?
- About haIf the group.
FIying out of EngIand?
Yes, Waddington.
How did you bIow up the train
with 50 guards around?
WeII, I was just Iucky, I guess.
Don't Iet him kid you. Cagney
couIdn't have puIIed a sweeterjob.
Here's what happened.
We were waiting in the depot
in Frankfurt, understand?
When an ammunition train arrives
the Iongest ammunition train
you ever saw, understand?
He's just giving it a big buiId-up.
It was simpIe enough.
I went into the men's room,
fixed a IittIe time bomb,
broke open the window
and when the train puIIed out
I tossed it into an open car.
There must have been straw
on the fIoor.
Yeah. And about three minutes Iater
you can hear it...boom!
Understand?
Broke every window in Frankfurt.
Understand?
It was gorgeous.
Wait a second.
I'm not through. Understand?
- I wouIdn't taIk about things Iike that!
- They never caught on.
They may.
So I'd keep my mouth shut.
We're aII Americans here, aren't we?
- The Krauts are getting information.
- EspeciaIIy in this barracks.
- How?
- That's what we'd Iike to know.
- There's onIy one pair Ieft.
- We'II get some more.
Where does a feIIa
take a hot shower around here?
Hot shower? Dig him!
No hot showers.
You wash in the Iatrine.
- A Iatrine!
- What do you expect, gIamour boy?
An officers' cIub
with a steam room and a massage?
You made some cracks
before and I Iet them sIide,
but I don't intend
to take any more.
If you resent my having money,
start a revoIution, but get off my back.
Look, your dough won't heIp.
Here you're on your own.
No mother to throw you a IifebeIt.
Let's see how good you swim.
I can swim aII right. We own three
swimming pooIs and a private Iake.
It figures.
Sorry boys, my taxi's waiting.
Cut the horsepIay, Harry.
What's the matter with you guys?
Get ready! Here he comes!
...CzechosIovakia and PoIand -
kaputt.
And the Frulein with the Glookenspiel
- verboten.
And the appIe strudeI
with the Liederkranz- Gesundheit.
Everything is Gesundheit,
kaputtand verbotenl
GentIemen!
Attention!
Droppen Sie deadl
Quiet! We are indoctrinating.
Is aII you indoctrinated?
Is you aII good IittIe Nazis?
Is you aII good IittIe AdoIfs?
Then we wiII aII saIute
FeIdwebeI SchuIz.
About face!
One Fhreris enough.
PIease, gentIemen,
take off those moustaches.
Do you want me arrested
by the Gestapo?
You wouId be very sorry to get a new
FeIdwebeI without a sense of humor.
O.K., gang. Take off the moustaches.
Now, what is it, SchuIz?
GentIemen, tomorrow morning
the Geneva man wiII inspect the camp
and see if we are Iiving up
to the InternationaI Convention.
He wiII find
we are treating you very weII.
You must not run around in your
underwear. And take off the wash.
The Kommandant wants aII the
barracks to be spick and aIso span.
Yeah, we'II put pink ribbons
on the bedbugs.
The Kommandant aIso wants every
man to have a new cIean bIanket.
Yeah, we know.
We had them Iast year.
Five minutes after he was gone,
the bIankets were gone.
The Kommandant aIso toId me
to pick up the radio.
What radio, SchuIz?
The one you are hiding,
don't you know?
The one your friend mit-out the Ieg
is smuggIing in the compound.
You're off your nut.
- Give me the radio.
- We have no radio.
AII right, gentIemen,
I'II find it myseIf.
Now, Iet's see.
Where couId it be?
Maybe, in the Lieutenant's bunk?
Oh, no, not in the Lieutenant's bunk.
I'm coId here.
Maybe warmer on this side.
In the piccoIo, may...
Oh, no, not in the piccoIo.
Am I getting warmer?
Hot, maybe?
Very hot?
- What is this? This is water?
- It's a mousetrap.
- And this?
- My grandmother's earmuffs.
Look at them, Lieutenant.
Everybody is a cIown.
How can you win the war
mit an army of cIowns?
We hope you'II Iaugh
yourseIves to death.
Yeah.
Now, outside everybody!
Everybody out for the bIankets.
- CIear out. Here we go.
- Hey, you too, outside. Get going!
Hurry up, boys.
That SchuIz pig
knew where the radio was aII the time.
That stooIie
is sure batting a thousand.
The guy I want to taIk to is Sefton.
Anybody seen Sefton?
- Cookie, have you seen Sefton?
- No, I haven't.
Hoffy, I'm sorry
about the mouse trap,
but the war news
are very depressing anyway.
I might as weII aIso confiscate
the antenna. American know-how.
- AII right, Cookie. Where's Sefton?
- I don't know.
- At the Kommandant's?
- I don't know.
- What did they trade for the radio?
- I don't know.
Why don't we Iook in the footIockers?
You IittIe stooge!
Hand over them keys!
- I haven't got any keys.
- O.K., then I'II get me a key.
- O.K., Hoffy?
- O.K.
Wait a minute. Don't.
Sefton wiII get mad.
- Of aII the hoarding cruds!
- Looks Iike Macey's basement.
That kid's richer than my mother.
Shut up!
For crying out Ioud.
What wouId he be doing with these?
Suppose you ask me?
Go on, ask me.
Because I got the goods
on Mr. Sefton.
This time he didn't shake me.
Take a Iook for yourseIf.
It wiII curdIe your guts!
The Russian women!
Get away!
Here, try the end window
where the candy is.
Come on,
we aII want to see!
- How did he get there?
- Through the gate, past the guard
Iike some Kraut FieId MarshaI.
Now we know
what he got for the radio.
This is murder!
The stinking miser.
Keeping aII that for himseIf!
So I'm a vigiIante? What are
the barracks' officers gonna do now?
Don't worry, Duke.
We'II handIe it now.
You better handIe it fast,
before he seIIs us aII down the river.
Hi. Too Iate for chow?
What's the matter, boys,
is my sIip showing?
I'II say it is.
You spiIIed a IittIe borscht on it.
- Borscht?
- Did you have a good time there?
Oh, somebody was peeking.
Yeah, had a dreamy time.
Those dames reaIIy know
how to throw a party.
I've known some women in my time,
but there's nothing Iike
the hot breath of the Cossacks.
There are a coupIe of bIonde snipers
over there, reaI man-kiIIers.
What's this?
- What happened Cookie, who did it?
- We did it.
There had better not be anything
missing. This is private property.
So was the radio private property.
So were Manfredi and Jonson.
- What about the radio?
- Yeah, what about it?
Cut horsing around! We know he's
the stooIie and what the pay-off is.
- Let's get on with it!
- With what?
What is this, a kangaroo court?
Why not get a rope and do it right?
You make my mouth water!
- You're aII wire happy.
- You've been here too Iong.
You put two and two together
and got four. OnIy it ain't four!
- What's it add up to you, Sefton?
- You got the wrong guy.
I'm teIIing you, the Krauts wouIdn't
pIant two stooIies in one barracks.
Whatever you do to me, you'II have to
do again when you find the right guy.
Watch it! The Kommandant!
Good evening, Sergeants.
LittIe coffee-kIatch you are having?
GIoomy in here, isn't it?
- Where is the Barracks Chief?
- Yes, sir.
You have a Lieutenant here.
Lieutenant...James Dunbar?
Yes, sir.
I'm Lieutenant Dunbar.
What is your number?
- 105-353.
- That is correct.
Lieutenant Dunbar, I came
to apoIogize for the accommodations.
OrdinariIy, of course, we never put
officers up with enIisted men.
I'II Iive.
Quite a transportation jam
we're having outside of Frankfurt.
They are very angry in BerIin.
They wiII be angrier on the East Front,
waiting for that ammunition train.
Don't you think so, Lieutenant?
I don't know
what you're taIking about.
How wouId you Iike to join me in my
quarters? I have a nice fire going.
- I'm O.K. here, why bother?
- No bother.
I'm very gratefuI for a IittIe company.
You see, I suffer from insomnia.
Did you ever try 40 sIeeping piIIs?
We have some rights, CoIoneI!
Why is this man being taken out?
Curtains wouId do wonders
for this barrack.
You wiII not get them.
How did he find out
about the ammunition train?
You must have shot your mouths
off from Frankfurt to here.
- No, we didn't.
- Maybe a hint? Think hard.
I don't have to think. We didn't say
a word untiI we hit this barracks.
Why are you Iooking at me?
Lights out. Lights out.
I suppose
some jerk's gonna say I did it.
Why don't you try it one at a time?
Now, there's a Iot of foIks around
that don't beIieve in Santa CIaus.
I aIways did and I aIways wiII.
For a whiIe, I thought the German
Luftwaffe had shot him down,
reindeer, sIeigh and aII. But no, sir.
On Christmas Eve, the Geneva man
showed up with some presents for us.
They brought us coffee, a IittIe sugar,
prunes and toothbrushes,
and, of aII things,
some ping-pong baIIs.
There must have been a sIip-up
because suddenIy we wound up
with 2,000 ping-pong baIIs.
It seemed pretty idiotic at the time,
but those baIIs sure came in handy.
Did they come in handy!
Hey, SchuIz!
What is this?
You must get out of your bunk.
The Geneva man
is coming to inspect the...
Lieber Gottl
You had a fight?
WouId you Iike to give Frau SchuIz
siIk stockings for Christmas?
You shouId see the doctor.
Maybe I can...siIk stockings?
Take them.
Wunderbar! Maybe they are too
wunderbar for my wife,
but there is a piano teacher
in the viIIage...
- And 200 cigarettes for yourseIf?
- 200 cigarettes!
What do you want from me?
- Who's the guy?
- What guy?
The one you work with.
How do you do it?
- I don't want them.
- I'II make it 400.
No! No! No!
Listen, SchuIz, you'd better taIk,
because I'm gonna find out.
I won't Iet go. They'II have to kiII me
to stop me! So taIk!
TaIk what?
No, I don't know anything.
How many do you want?
Take them!
When the Geneva man
comes through the barracks
I don't want you
to compIain to him.
I have orders from the Kommandant
to report everyone who compIains!
Dunbar's being crucified
and he's trading again.
Didn't you get enough?
You want more?
Some guys never Iearn.
- Here's some ice off the roof.
- Beat it, you IittIe stooge!
TeII the crum where he stands.
I caIIed a meeting
of the Barracks Chiefs this morning.
I thought I couId get you transferred
to another barracks.
But it turns out nobody Iikes you
any more than we do.
So you're stuck with me?
Maybe the Russian broads
wouId take him.
Not with that kisser.
You got off Iucky Iast night, Sefton.
One more move,
and you'II have your throat cut!
You Iistening, Sefton?
Yeah, I stiII got one good ear.
Now you Iisten to me.
Two guys in this barracks
know I didn't do it.
Me and the guy that did do it.
It couId be any one of you.
You, Hoffy, or Duke, or Price,
the AnimaI, or BIondie, or even Joey.
And he'd better watch out,
the guy that Ieft me hoIding the stick.
If there's gonna be
any throats cut in this barracks...
Everybody at attention
for the Geneva man!
As you were, gentIemen, pIease.
Here we have a typicaI barrack.
It houses 75 men.
Every one of them
has his own bunk, naturaIIy.
NaturaIIy. It wouId be rather awkward
to have three men in one bunk.
The bIankets, you wiII notice
are very warm. 50 per cent wooI.
They aIso smeII of mothbaIIs.
When were they issued?
This morning?
What do you do for heat
in this barrack? No stove!
The men used it as a trap door,
so we had to remove it temporariIy.
How Iong is temporariIy?
I trust not untiI JuIy.
Here you see a typicaI meaI
the prisoners are getting.
- What are we having today?
- Bean soup mit ham hocks.
- WouId you Iike to taste it?
- Thank you, no.
Where's the ham hock?
There shouId be a ham hock!
When you find it,
we'II send it to Geneva.
Are there any compIaints?
PIease speak up!
Don't be afraid to taIk. That's what
the Geneva Convention is for,
to protect the rights of prisoners of
war, whether Americans or Germans.
- What have you got to say?
- I Iike it here.
- What about you?
- It's aII right, considering.
What happened to you?
Were you beaten?
Why don't you answer?
What did you do to this man?
They didn't do nothing.
- Who beat you?
- Nobody beat me.
We were pIaying pinochIe.
It's a rough game.
Pardon me, sir.
Since you want us to speak up.
A man was removed Iast night,
Lieutenant Dunbar.
We'd appreciate you Iooking into it,
if they haven't shot him yet.
- Why was he arrested?
- Sabotage. He bIew up a train.
They'd have to prove that first.
The Geneva Convention says
you can't just shoot a man.
I didn't do it!
I didn't do it!
Of course you did. 26 carIoads
of munition gone off Iike a trick cigar.
The S.S. is running around in circIes.
The Gestapo is arresting
the wrong peopIe.
And von Scherbach has caught
the fish. Most amusing, isn't it?
You are being rude again.
I just want to sIeep.
wiII be at his desk by now.
ShaII we caII BerIin
and teII him the good news?
I didn't do it.
I hope you appreciate this moment,
Lieutenant.
You see, I'm a cavaIry man. AII the
von Scherbachs were cavaIry men.
WeII, you know what happened
to the cavaIry.
Just give me five minutes
on that couch, wiII you?
The young ones
they put into the Panzer divisions.
The oIder ones
in the quartermaster corps
or made them recruiting officers
or wardens, Iike me.
Wet nurses to putrid prisoners.
In BerIin they have forgotten that
CoIoneI von Scherbach even exists.
But they wiII remember now.
There wiII be two S.S. men
here tomorrow to take you to BerIin.
You wiII be interrogated
by the GeneraI Staff.
When it comes to the part
about your arrest,
I'm sure you won't forget
to give me the proper credit.
I just want to sIeep.
I haven't sIept in three days.
You wiII remember the name.
Scherbach, von Scherbach.
WeII, Herr lnspektor,
how did you find the camp?
Crowded, but ''gemtlioh'',
shaII we say?
I want to taIk about
Lieutenant Dunbar.
- Is this Lieutenant Dunbar?
- It is.
What exactIy is he charged with?
Whatever it is,
it's out of yourjurisdiction.
This man is not a prisoner of war.
Not any more. He's a saboteur.
He's a prisoner of war
untiI you can prove sabotage.
I didn't do it.
I was in the Frankfurt station.
The train was three miIes away
when it bIew up.
You threw a time bomb.
How couId I have had a time bomb?
They searched me
when they took me prisoner.
The way you search your prisoners,
it sounds rather unIikeIy.
AII I know is he did it.
I am satisfied.
I am not! According
to the Geneva Convention this man...
Is there anything in the Geneva
Convention that wiII Iet a guy sIeep?
- You were saying?
- SimpIy this.
After the hostiIities are ended, there
wiII be a War Crimes Commission.
If the man shouId be convicted
without proper proof,
you wiII be heId responsibIe,
Oberst von Scherbach.
- Interesting.
- Isn't it!
Very weII.
If you insist on detaiIs
I have ways of finding out
about that bIasted time bomb.
Good day, sir. You wiII forgive me
for receiving you Iike this.
PerfectIy aII right.
I do not Iike boots.
I beIieve it. I beIieve it.
Let's have your dogtags
for the Christmas tree.
What's the idea?
You think can eat that stuff?
We're buiIding a smudge pot
so Patton can find us when he comes.
one part phosphorous. Watch.
He'II be abIe to see our smoke signaI
four miIes away.
But Patton is 400 miIes away.
- WeII, I say, be prepared.
- O.K., boy scout.
Look what we've got!
- The phonograph!
- Music!
Put it down here, boys.
We made a deaI with Barracks 1 .
- Where's that distiIIery?
- Over here, boys.
Let's have that distiIIery.
Come on, we swapped it for the
phonograph. Any objections, Sefton?
Take it.
Hey, Price.
Any news on Dunbar?
He's stiII at the Kommandant's office,
that's aII I know. Don't worry.
This kid's too good for me.
Let's see how good he is.
Same stakes?
Sure. Go ahead.
That's not bad.
- Where did you Iearn your pitching?
- From the farmer's daughter.
Something I was meaning
to ask you about security.
We're having a tough time keeping
stuff hidden from the Krauts,
Iike our escape equipment.
We're aIways Iooking for new devices.
- Looks Iike you found one.
- Me?
I mean the Lieutenant.
He hid a time bomb on him, right?
He even carried it
through prisoner's search, didn't he?
- Where did he hide it?
- In his pocket.
- The oId cigarette-match gag.
- What's that?
You take a book of matches,
Iight a cigarette, sIip it in.
The cigarette takes about
three minutes to burn down.
Then it sets off the matches. SimpIe.
Some time bomb.
Hey, that's a ringer.
Don't forget the corkscrew.
- And have a cigar.
- Thanks.
Here's a present for you, Joey.
Take it. Take it.
It's Christmas, Joey.
''Merry Christmas
to Joey from the Gang.''
Open it.
I'II open it for you.
Come on, Joey, pIay.
Air raid! Air raid!
Everybody out of the barracks!
- Not on Christmas Eve!
- For your own good, you must get out.
- And put out those candIes.
- Let's hit the trenches.
- I'II bet it's a phony again.
- The Pentagon wiII hear about this.
I'm not reaIIy buiIt for war.
Get out.
Everybody in the trenches. Quick.
Hey, what's the matter with you?
- You want to get kiIIed?
- Not particuIarIy.
Hey, you two. Outside with you!
Must you two aIways be the Iast?
Yeah? You try jumping
in those trenches first.
Everybody jumps in on top of you.
- How do you think I got my hernia?
- Go on, Iet's go.
So it got to be Christmas Day
in StaIag 17.
If you ask me it was more Iike
the 4th of JuIy with aII the fireworks
that were to go off
and bust the camp wide open.
It started off innocentIy,
with a party in every barracks.
Come on, AnimaI,
Iet's trip the Iight fantastic.
Leave me aIone.
Don't cry over a dame
that doesn't even know you're aIive.
Snap out of it!
There's a time in every man's Iife
when he wants to be Ieft aIone.
So go away.
AII right, who wants
the Queen of the May?
How about you, Handsome?
You Iook Iike Cary Grant.
Want to dance with me?
I'd Iove to, Queenie, but one
of the other girIs asked me first.
Goodbye, darIing. Bye.
Any cigars Ieft,
Cookie?
Come on, Cookie,
get me a cigar.
What's the matter?
Are you on their team now?
Do you think I'm the guy?
I don't know what to think any more.
I understand how you feeI.
It's sort of rough, one American
squeaIing on other Americans.
Then again, Cookie, maybe
that stooIie's not an American at aII.
Maybe he's a German
the Krauts pIanted in this barracks.
They do that sometimes.
Just put an agent in with us,
a trained speciaIist.
There's Iots of Ioose information
fIoating around a prison camp.
Not just whether somebody's
trying to escape,
but what outfit we were with,
where we were stationed,
how our radar operates.
- CouId be, couIdn't it?
- In this barracks?
Why not? One of the boys.
Sharing our bunks, eating our chow.
Right amongst those that beat me up.
Except he beat hardest.
- Who is it?
- That's not the point, Cookie.
The point is what do you do with him?
You tip your mitt and the Jerries
pIant him in some pIace eIse
Iike StaIag 16 or 15.
Or kiII him off and the Krauts kiII off
the whoIe barracks. Every one of us.
So what do you do?
Who is it? If you don't want to teII me,
why don't you teII Hoffy, or Security?
Yeah...Security.
What's keeping Hoffy? Why don't
we get news about Dunbar?
He'II be back.
They've got no proof.
Come on, boys. Soft and sweet.
BeguiIe me.
Betty...
Betty!
- May I have this dance, Miss?
- Why, sure.
Pinch me, darIing. Pinch me,
so I'II know I'm not dreaming.
Thank you, darIing.
Did anyone ever teII you that you had
the most beautifuI Iegs in the worId?
But it's not just your Iegs. I'm crazy
about that IittIe nose of yours.
That cute IittIe button of a nose.
Hey, AnimaI! AnimaI!
I've been crazy about you for years.
I've seen every picture
you ever made...six times!
I'd just sit there, watching you.
I wouIdn't even
open up the popcorn bag.
AnimaI! AnimaI!
Wake up! Wake up!
Betty! Betty!
AnimaI, this is me, Harry Shapiro!
Harry Shapiro!
Harry...
Cut the music.
Cut the music! Cut it!
At ease! At ease!
Somebody cover the doors.
Listen! The S.S. men are here to take
Dunbar to BerIin. They got proof.
It Iooks Iike he's finished.
OnIy not quite yet.
We've figured a Iong shot.
- AII the barracks are behind us.
- What are you gonna do?
BIondie, get that smudge pot.
Tie it to Steve's Ieg.
I want everybody out. We need
a Iot of commotion in the compound.
I'II get the men
from the other barracks.
You think you can snatch
Dunbar from the S.S.?
We're gonna make a stab at it.
Duke, Price, Stosh, Harry,
meet at the north Iatrine.
You'II aII get your posts.
Now everybody start drifting out,
one by one.
Easy boys, easy.
Disperse out there niceIy.
Remember, just because the Krauts
are dumb, doesn't mean they're stupid.
- Ready?
- Roger.
O.K., move out.
I don't know
what your scheme is,
- but it sounds crazy.
- It may be crazy,
but it's better than
having Dunbar dead.
I guess you're right.
How about me
keeping SchuIz off baIance?
- Good.
- I'd worry about Sefton, not SchuIz.
- Remember me? The stooIie.
- You won't squeaI this one, brother.
No? Aren't you afraid to turn
the stooIie Ioose on the compound?
For a tip-off Iike this,
what wouId the Krauts pay?
You'II stay in the barracks,
and not a peep out of you!
O.K., put a guard on me.
I want you to.
Because if anything goes wrong, this
time you won't have a patsy. Right?
Right.
So, who's gonna watch me?
Cookie? No, not Cookie.
WouIdn't you feeI safer
with Security on the job?
- O.K., Price, you'II stay here.
- What about SchuIz?
We'II take care of SchuIz.
Come on. You, too.
That's the boy, Joey.
PIay us a IittIe something.
What do you want to hear, Price?
''Home On The Range''?
Or maybe a IittIe Wagner?
Or how about a game of pinochIe?
No, you're not a pinochIe man.
You're a chess pIayer.
I never knew much about the game.
Now, Iet's see.
A pawn moves this way,
and a bishop this way...
...and the queen moves...
every which way, doesn't it?
Suppose you sit down
and keep your mouth shut!
I went to schooI with a guy
named Price. That was in Boston.
- You're from CIeveIand, aren't you?
- Yeah, I'm from CIeveIand.
I thought that was what you said.
You're from CIeveIand.
- You were with the 36th Bomb Group?
- 35th.
The 366th Bomb Squadron
out of CheIveston?
Are you questioning me?
Just getting acquainted. I'd Iike
to make one friend in this barracks.
Don't bother.
I never Iiked you and I never wiII.
Many peopIe say that
and then they get married,
and Iive happiIy ever after.
I wonder what they're trying to do.
Where was Dunbar?
The Krauts went crazy Iooking for him.
They herded us out,
put extra machine guns on us
and gave us a picture check.
Checking our dogtags
and our pans against their index fiIe.
Nobody except Hoffy knew where Dunbar
was hidden. And he wouIdn't teII us.
The Krauts searched
under the barracks, on the roofs,
even the Kommandant's bathroom,
but no Dunbar.
Then they threw tear gas bombs
into the barracks
in case he was hiding
up in the rafters.
Then they made us stand
for six hours out there
untiI von Scherbach came out
and gave us his uItimatum.
If Dunbar didn't come out
by next morning,
he'd tear down the whoIe compound,
stick by stick.
and if we sIept in the mud for the rest
of our Iives, that was O.K. by him.
He couIdn't figure how a guy couId
disappear from the compound
and stiII be there.
But Dunbar was there aII right.
He sure was there.
Let's have it understood. This wiII be
a rough deaI. But we've got no choice.
One of us wiII take Dunbar
out of the camp tonight.
We'II draw one dogtag
to see who does the job.
The Krauts are expecting it
and they've put on extra guards.
Now, if anybody
wants to withdraw, speak up.
Then we're aII in on it.
Everybody but Joey,
and you know who.
AII right, who's the Iucky one?
Let me do it, Hoffy.
- You want to go?
- No, I just want to draw.
O.K., draw.
Let's caII this my tag.
I'II take him out.
No voIunteers.
We're aII in on it.
You eIected me Security.
The way things have been going
I've done a poorjob and want
to make it up. Am I asking too much?
We've aII done a poorjob.
I stiII say this is my tag.
Any objections, Hoffy?
Any objections?
- Not from me.
- He can have it.
- Who are we to argue with a hero?
- How about me Iatching on?
Three's a crowd especiaIIy if you're
cutting through barbed wire.
Let's have the wire cutters.
- Are the civiIian cIothes ready?
- Coming up.
Get to work on the trap door.
What do you say, Hoffy?
We hit the trenches
then cut out back at Barracks 9?
You'd better cut out
back of the south Iatrine.
Why the south Iatrine?
Because that's where he is,
in the water tank.
Good spot.
With any Iuck
we may be in Krems by morning.
Maybe even catch a barge up to Linz.
Two packs of cigarettes say Dunbar
never gets out of the compound.
Are you starting that again?
- Anybody cover?
- Somebody step on that crum.
- We warned you.
- Sure you warned me.
You were gonna sIit the throat
of that stooIie.
Here's the knife to do it with.
- Make sure you get the right throat.
- We're Iooking at it.
Hurry up on that trap door.
Are you trying to gum up the works?
WouId you rather see Dunbar Iying
in the mud Iike Manfredi and Jonson?
My hands were fuII keeping
these guys from tearing you apart.
I caIIed it Iast time, didn't I?
Are we going to Iisten to him untiI the
Germans find out where Dunbar is?
They know where Dunbar is.
- How do they know?
- You toId them, Hoffy.
- Who did?
- You did.
- Are you off your rocker?
- FeII right on my head.
- Spreohen Sie Deutsoh?
- No, I don't ''Spreohen Sie Deutsoh. ''
Maybe just one word? Kaputt?
- Because you're kaputt!
- Get him out of my hair so I can go.
Where? To teII the Kommandant
where Dunbar is?
I'II kiII you for that!
Shut up! Security officer?
AIways screening everybody.
But who screened you? Great
American hero, from CIeveIand, Ohio,
enIisted right after PearI Harbor.
When was that or don't you know?
- December 7th, '41 .
- What time?
Six o'cIock. I was having dinner.
Six o'cIock in BerIin.
They were having Iunch in CIeveIand.
- Am I boring you, boys?
- Go on.
He's a Nazi, Price is! For aII I know,
his name is Preissinger or Preisshoffer.
Sure he Iived in CIeveIand,
but when war broke out he came back
to the FatherIand Iike a good
IittIe Bundist. He spoke our Iingo.
They sent him to spy schooI
and gave him with phony dogtags.
He's just trying
to get off the hook!
- He said, ''shut up''.
- You heard what he said.
O.K., Herr Preisshoffer,
Iet's have the maiIbox.
The what?
The one you took out from the corner
of your bunk and put in this pocket.
I'II show you how they did it.
- They did it by maiI.
- MaiI?
That's right. LittIe Iove notes
between our security officer
and von Scherbach
with SchuIz the maiIman.
Here's the fIag.
They used to put a Ioop in the cord.
Did you ever notice?
And here's the maiIboxes.
HoIIow bIack queens.
Cute.
They deIivered or picked up the maiI
when we were out of the barracks,
Iike for appeII.
When there was a speciaI deIivery
they'd puII a phony air raid,
to get us out,
Iike Iast night, for instance.
There wasn't a pIane in the sky.
Or was there, Price?
Brother, were we aII wet about you?
Forget it.
What are we gonna do with him?
Don't you know?
Because I got my own ideas.
Let's have that civiIian stuff.
I'II Iook pretty stupid in this,
yodeIing my way across the AIps.
Now, Iet's have the wire cutters.
- You taking Dunbar?
- You bet!
There ought to be some reward money
from Mama. About 10,000 bucks.
I toId you boys I'm no escape artist.
For the first time, I Iike the odds,
because now I got a decoy.
- What's the decoy?
- Price!
When I go,
give me exactIy five minutes
to get Dunbar out of that water tank.
Then throw Price into the compound,
nice and Ioud.
He'II draw every Iight
from every goon tower.
It's our onIy chance to cut through.
What do you say,
Barracks Chief?
He's right, Hoffy,
it's either Price or Dunbar.
He kiIIed Jonson and Manfredi,
didn't he?
It's aII yours.
What's the matter, Price?
You said you were going
to save Dunbar?
Now's your chance.
So Iong, Cookie. You can have
the department store, what's Ieft of it.
So Iong, Sefton.
You're not disposing
of those Russian broads, are you?
TeII you what to do. Get 100
cigarettes for the Kraut guards.
Then get yourseIf another face.
You couId use a new one too.
Let's synchronize our watches.
It's 1 1 .42 sharp.
Check.
Just one word. If I ever run
into any of you on a street corner,
Iet's pretend we never met before.
Shut up the moaning.
You'II have the machine guns on us.
- Turn it off, Lieutenant.
- My Iegs are...frozen.
You'd better get
that bIue bIood circuIating
'cause we're busting out
of this stink hoIe
in exactIy one minute
and 20 seconds.
Sefton!
- Did you expect a St. Bernard dog?
- Not you!
- Want some brandy?
- Yeah.
Who doesn't? Suppose we wait
tiII we hit the WaIdorf Astoria?
- O.K. It's on me.
- You won't get off that cheap.
What are our chances
of busting out of here?
We'II know in about 40 seconds.
HoId his Ieg up.
Just in case your
Kameraden are hard-of-hearing.
Stop shaking, Price. There'II be
no pardon from no governor.
Funny, ain't it? In your own
FatherIand, by your own Soldaten.
The kid's got no sense of humor.
What's the matter with you, Security?
You were aIways so caIm.
EspeciaIIy when you Iet
Manfredi and Jonson go out there.
Eight seconds, seven,
six, five, four,
three, two, one, go!
This is it!
- Let's bIow, Chauncey.
- Let's.
AII right, men. Everybody back
in their bunks...Iike nothing happened.
What do you know?
The crud did it.
I'd Iike to know what made him do it.
Maybe he just wanted to steaI
our wire cutters.
Did you ever think of that?