1
[birds chirping]
[waves splashing]
Who's this speeding off
As deep as the ocean?
Who's this spreading wide
In circular motion?
Who's this coming off
Fast as the faces?
Who's this falling down
In public places?
In public places?
As deep as the ocean
Who's gonna drive you home?
When they gonna
Leave you alone?
Hi, fellas.
Take it to the left
Your eyes are your mother's
Take it to the right
Your fathers
Are your brothers
Bubbles blowin' up
You're broken,
Blame the giver
Your mother's
Filled with love
Like the ocean's
Filled with rivers
The ocean's
Filled with rivers
Your eyes are your mother's
Who's gonna knock you out?
What you gonna cry about?
Oh, you can't go back
there Ollie, she's rehearsing.
Oh, all right.
How's high school, Ollie?
Getting ready for the prom?
High school's good, Cassandra.
Thanks for asking.
How's "In a Couple Years, You'll
be Too Old to Dance" school?
- Don't know what she sees in him.
- Exactly.
Are you gonna be all right?
The cigarette needs a light
Are you gonna be all,
Are you gonna be all right
Hi, Stella.
Good girl.
Did you miss me?
Hey, did you miss me?
It's me.
It's me, Jack.
Good girl, how're you feeling?
How you feeling, girl?
[dog whimpering]
I got you something.
Ready for this?
You ready for this?
Guess what it is?
Guess what it is?
[dog growling softly]
Good girl.
You must be Jack.
Uh-huh.
I'm Ron.
I'm sorry,
I've got a little...
Nice to meet you.
Sally.
[whispering] How do we
like this guy?
- Dude!
- Dude!
Hey, why did you
throw that on the ground?
And why're you putting
all your stuff in my room?
Well, my room's a closet
and you're at college.
Dude, that is
my James Brown T-shirt.
No, it's our
James Brown T-shirt.
- No, it's my...
- Yes, it's our...
- Technically it's our...
- No, technically that's my...
- We did not buy it together...
- Okay if it's yours,
it's mine now because it looks
better on my hot body.
- Take it off.
- No.
- Take it off.
- No, I'm not taking it off. No.
Jack, stop. Stop. Stop. Okay. Okay.
Okay. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine.
Did you get your ears pierced?
- Yeah, why?
- Mom, let you do that?
I'm a millennial, Jack.
Mom works for me.
I'm wearing this.
This is mine.
Bought it.
Mom's sort of been
my personal slave
since I won
that advanced Bio thing.
Oh, yeah man. That was so awesome
that you won that, Ollie.
Dude, I'm so happy you're here.
This year blows without you here.
Mom's new boyfriend's a scoob.
- I know. I met him.
- It's like, dude, embrace your baldness.
No one is buying
that comb-over bullshit.
I think about Mom and him
banging, and I think
he probably
does this with his hair...
You think
of Mom and him banging?
And goes,
"Yeah, yeah."
- [laughing]
- Yeah! Yeah!
Why does Mom do this? She must
just hate being alone so much.
I mean she's not alone.
She's got us.
Yeah, but I guess
we can't be like,
"Mom, don't feel so alone."
[both laughing]
Aw, man!
Stella seems cool to me.
She's still
a full figured gal.
Nah,
her tumor's bad, man.
She's been pooping in my
bed every night, and...
- She's messed up, dude.
- And Mom's, like, throwing a party for her?
Yup.
Crazy ho.
She thinks that Stella's gonna want some of
her own kind to bear witness when she dies.
I think it's kinda creepy.
Isn't it?
It's very creepy.
It's very, very creepy.
But you can still smell
her popcorn paws.
Nice popcorn paws.
Big, warthog-belly Stell.
Miss you so much, girl.
Oh, this cart's working out
well, right?
Yeah.
Hey, so is school good?
You kinda going AWOL on me, dude, and you
haven't responded to any of my texts.
No, just, uh...
Hey, you know that trip
you wanted to go on,
the high school scuba one?
In the Galapagos?
Yeah.
Mom said I could go on it
this summer.
Really? I thought that was
a really expensive trip.
Yeah, but I asked huh,
and she said I could go.
And now, honestly, I don't
know if I really want to go,
'cause I met this girl and...
Wait. Wait. Jack, stop!
Holy shit!
- Whoa! Underboobs?
- Yeah.
Yeah, these are her underboobs.
- JACK: Nice.
- OLLIE: Yeah.
We've been kinda daring each other
to send each other pics all day.
I sent her a butt pic.
- Cool.
- I'm actually getting kinda worried.
Dude, could you check and see
if I have a rash on my ass?
I really don't
wanna do that man.
Please?
[sighs] Okay.
- You're all clear.
- Are you sure?
Yeah. Yeah.
[Oliver] Gonna take your word.
I was thinking about sending her
a full-frontal, I don't know,
it's kinda cold out.
My size is still probably fine.
Normal to large.
I mean, not magnum, but...
Have you like, uh...
- You know...
- No, no. But, its imminent.
It's gonna happen.
My acne's cleared up.
I need two women to show me
the ropes in the sack.
[laughs]
I'm kidding.
Keep on,
you crazy goons.
[laughing]
Hey, um...
All joking aside,
I heard you popped the cherry
of Cassandra Peerpod.
- Who?
- Cassandra Peerpod, the ballet dancer.
- I don't know...
- Heard you guys...
I don't even know
what that name is.
- Cassandra Peerpod?
- Yeah.
I must've been wasted.
Yeah. Well, you had to have been
pretty wasted to fuck this girl.
- She's kind of a biatch.
- [chuckling] Yeah, yeah.
[exhales]
There's this girl that I met
at this party, like, a year ago,
and we, like, just kissed and we
talked about undersea creatures
and had this amazing conversation.
I got, like, so obsessed with her.
And then I kept calling her and calling
her and she never called me back.
And then today,
I was on the subway, I saw
her on the subway platform.
It was amazing.
Wait,
but what happened?
Nothing. I'll probably
never see her again,
she got on a train and left.
- That's the end of the story?
- Yeah.
[Oliver] That's the most depressing
story I've ever heard in my life.
Why did you tell me that?
[Sally] So, Jasmine, Eli and Joe
were all run over by my mom.
Maddy ate rat poison,
Sam walked off the deck with
his leash still on, and, um...
[both laughing]
Oh, my God!
And Wicker...
Wicker, I don't know. I think she
vanished under mysterious circumstances.
It was not mysterious. Wicker was
like, "There are a lot of dogs
"dying around me. I gotta
get the hell out of here."
- Yeah. [laughing]
- Dogs are dying
- all over the place.
- [laughing] Probably.
Anyway, you guys are so lucky.
You have one dog your whole life.
That's such a beautiful thing.
Are you sure you want
to have a party for Stella?
Don't you think it should
just maybe be us
- hanging with her on her last...
- No.
It's so good
we're having a party.
I wish we had a party
for your dad when he...
- When we put him to sleep?
- Yeah, actually.
[laughing]
You are one batshit,
crazy bitch, aren't you, Mom?
I know.
I know.
You're gonna let him
talk to you like that?
What? Oh, no, he's just joking.
Oh! Disrespect is your
idea of a joke, huh?
- Hey, Mom, have you seen the guy trying to see his own eyes?
- I love that guy.
No, don't do that.
Ollie, stop it.
- [laughing]
- Open your eyes, man.
Do they look okay? You wanna
just look in the mirror?
- You can probably see them if you just look in the mirror.
- Mirrors lie.
Stop! Stop!
[laughing]
Why?
Why is that funny?
Uh...
It's just funny.
Well, Ron, If you want
me to explain it to you,
he can't actually see
his own eyes,
He knows. He knows.
He knows, Ollie.
- Oh, I wasn't, I just...
- Jack,
did you tell Ron all about how you
study Marine Biology in college?
Uh, I've been, I've been studying
Marine Biology in college.
Oliver too.
Oliver's gonna probably...
Oliver just won the science award.
Did you know that, Jack?
Yeah, I heard.
That was amazing.
- That was awesome.
- So great.
Speaking of Marine Biology,
kind of,
there's a big push
online to get fish
on the menu
in my restaurant.
- I mean, its crazy, right?
- Oh.
I tell them "We do
chicken, understand?"
It's the Authentic
Chicken Kitchen.
It's not the Authentic
Fish and Kitchen.
- Right.
- People are nuts.
Mmm-hmm...
Mom, love you death, babe, bye.
I gotta go.
Thank you for dinner.
Oh, Ollie. It's a school night.
You can't go. And Jack's here.
Oh, that's fine. If he wants to go.
I don't... Yeah.
Okay, you can go for an hour.
What? An hour? That's not long
enough, Cock-Block Sally.
- Don't hinder my chances.
- Hey! Don't sass your mom.
Hey, don't sass me, baldie.
- Well, uh, what am I supposed to say to that?
- Okay...
Apologize to Ron, please.
I'm sorry, Ron,
for acknowledging what
everybody already knows
that under that comb-over you bald
as a baby's testicle, my man.
And you're
a spoiled little shithead.
Mom!
That hurts my feelings, Ron.
I demand an apology.
Apologize.
Here's your apology.
- Whoa, Mom.
- I'm sorry.
He's a bad influence on me.
- Man! Ron!
- All right. Just wash your plate, please.
I'm gonna wash it.
[Oliver] I'm gonna wash
it with my tongue.
[sighs] Sorry.
Really nice meeting you.
- You know...
- I'm sorry.
It always ends like this.
I try to understand. I don't get the guy.
I don't get him.
Ooh, you're kind hard
on old Ron, aren't you?
I'm doing him a favor. That
relationship's a non-starter.
You know mom. She always
dumps those guys eventually.
I'm just helping
to expedite the process.
So it's pretty much
a humanitarian gesture.
- Exactly.
- [chuckles]
You just want Mom
all to yourself, don't you?
Yeah, my mom is sort of
like my only friend, but,
hey, quality over quantity.
You know,
I missed you, Nelson.
I missed you,
George Walters.
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
- I've missed you
- I've missed you, too.
Hey, I'm George. I've
a question, so...
I sent out invites
for this pizza party
and nobody responded, so,
would you wanna come?
I would love
to go to your pizza party
except that
I'm lactose intolerant.
I'm gonna have to
decline...-
No, I'm also
lactose intolerant.
- You're also lactose intolerant?
- I'm also lactose intolerant?
- Yes
- That's wonderful.
Okay, so we're gonna
tell my mom,
we're just gonna be like, "Mom, you
just grab off all the cheese..."
- That's my mom.
- That's my mom, too.
That's your mom?
No, I don't even understand
how that's even
freaking possible.
Did you get me these?
- Sweetie...
- I, uh...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. From me.
- I love violets.
I'll put these in the vase.
- You're welcome.
- Yeah. Thank you.
Thanks.
So, who're you
going out with?
You're going out
with Underboobs?
Yes, but when she comes over
you got to contain yourself
because she would kill me
if she knows you saw that.
- I'm gonna say, "Hi,
Underboobs." -Don't.
Kill you, if you
knew she saw what?
My girl friend, um,
sent me an s-chat
of her fat sweater puppies.
[laughing]
You have a girlfriend, Ollie?
That's the information you got from that?
I gotta be real.
Not the response
I expected from you, Sal.
[both laughing]
I get it.
I'm a big joke.
Talk to me when you have
your own restaurant chain.
Come on, Ron. They weren't
even talking about you.
They were talking
about Ollie's girlfriend
sending him a picture
of her boobs.
What?
- [girl] Hello.
- What the hell?
No, it was of her
underboobs, okay?
Relax, dude.
Jesus Christ.
Violet?
- Hi.
- Baby.
Meet the gang. Come here.
Meet the whole squad.
Everybody.
This is Violet.
Violet,
this is everyone I love,
and Ron.
[Sally] Hi, Violet.
Ollie was just...
He's told us
so much about you.
Oh!
Taken
any good pictures lately?
[Sally]
Shh!
It was a picture that disappears
in like three seconds.
How did you manage to show it
to your entire family?
I didn't show it to anyone.
I just...
My brother was over
my shoulder when you sent it,
and then everyone else
was just collateral damage.
Your brother saw it?
You know what, Ollie?
That was the most awkward and
embarrassing moment of my whole life.
- I'm not kidding.
- Okay, look, I'm sorry.
And I understand
that you're really mad,
and you have
every right to be, but,
for what it's worth,
I love that you
sent that picture,
and I really hope that this
teeny-tiny little incident
does not deter you from sending
pictures of that nature in the future.
- You're so immature.
- Really?
I'm gonna get the whole, "You're
two years older than me" lecture?
- I can't believe you let Jack...
- Jack's cool.
- Jack's seen lots of different underboobs.
- Oh, my God!
Look. Look.
Now would have been
a very good time,
to give you the flowers
that I bought for you
for the solo thingy and
apologize for being immature.
But unfortunately,
my mother thought that my
brother got them for her,
and I didn't have the heart
to tell her the truth.
So I gots no flowers.
[sighs]
It's actually really sweet.
It is?
Wait, what is?
The fact that you let your brother
take credit for flowers he didn't buy
because you wanted
your mom to be happy.
Oh.
Well, when you put it
like that...
That's really, really,
really sweet of me.
- Mmm.
- You're really, really lucky to have me.
- [sighing]
- I mean, I am a saint.
So, you're okay with your son
dating an exhibitionist?
Oh, for heaven's sakes, Ron.
They were just playing around.
That's what kids do these days.
No, not decent kids.
I'm telling you...
You spoil them, Sally.
They boys, they...
They're not learning
how to be men.
I will talk to Ollie about
how he acts towards you.
It's not nice, I agree.
You could tell him I'm sick
and tired of the bald jokes,
I mean,
I'm not even that bald.
- Am I right? I mean...
- Yeah...
You're not.
[chuckling]
Hey, Jack, we're gonna go
to a party, you wanna come?
Yes, please.
Yes. Yes.
Wait. What? Ollie...
I already told you, you're not
allowed to go out on a school night.
What? Mom, Violet is outside and I
already finished all my homework.
Oh, okay.
Oh, okay?
What?
Just that he did
his homework so...
Ollie, you can't go out on a
school night and that's final.
Mmm-hmm.
Later, Mom.
- Young man.
- Old man.
- I love you, Mom. Bye.
- Oliver, stop. Wait.
I'll meet you outside.
Come here.
Ollie, over here.
Okay, it's fine,
you can go, okay?
Just come back in and just
sneak out down the...
Just jump off the roof
or something, okay?
Pretend I made you stay.
Fine, I'll stay if you're gonna
be such a bitch about it, Mom.
[sighs]
- Is that okay?
- Mmm.
Well, yes, but can you now
apologize for calling me a bitch?
- Really?
- Yeah.
- You are so pitiful, Mom.
- I know.
Sorry for calling you
a bitch, Mom.
- Good.
- Can I go now?
Yeah.
When are you gonna
dump that scoob, Mom?
I don't know, honey. Soon. But
you shouldn't be so mean to him.
You hurt his feelings. Well he's really
sweet when he's not being defensive.
Okay, whatever.
Can I go?
Yes. Bye.
No!
[exclaiming]
Uh, Ollie invited me
to go with you guys.
Is that cool if I tag along?
- Yeah, I don't care.
- Yeah.
I, uh...
[clears throat]
I think I saw you
on the subway today actually.
- You did?
- Yeah.
You still like octopuses?
Or, sorry, octopi.
What?
Oh, at the...
At the party,
I just remember
we were talking about undersea
creatures for some reason,
- and you said that you liked the octopi.
- Oh, yeah.
Octopus, yeah...
Or whatever.
Did you not
remember meeting me?
- I remember.
- Okay, good.
And, and, and... You never
told Ollie about us, like...
- He doesn't...
- Why?
It's not like
it was a big deal.
I mean we just kissed.
Yeah. Right, right, right.
Well, I know.
Yeah, we just, uh...
I guess...
So...
Ollie's more your type,
or whatever?
He's more of an extrovert
or something?
I'm only asking because I just
called you so many times,
I was, like, calling and calling
and you never called me back.
You know why
I didn't call you back.
- Uh...
- Why would I?
- After you...
- [crashing]
[Oliver] Oh, shit. Fuck, ow!
Ow! fuck!
You guys ready
to rock and roll?
So we finally solved the big mystery
of why Violet like me so much.
Guess what it is?
- I don't know...
- You'll never guess what it is.
Turns out,
I'm actually really sweet.
Like when I let Mom think that the
flowers were for her tonight.
That was really sweet.
Sweet...
Yeah, maybe it's not so sweet
if you brag about it, Ollie.
I still think it's sweet.
She still thinks
it's sweet, bro.
Hey, actually me and Jack
realize we know each other.
[Oliver]
You do?
- Uh, yeah, yeah. We...
- We met last year at a party.
Yeah,
she never called me back.
What? Another girl
didn't call you back?
Dude, you're slipping.
What do you mean another?
You were telling me about the girl
in the train today that you saw.
Jack saw this girl that he was
in love with on the train today
and she never
called him back either.
I'm sure
she had her reasons.
- What was her name?
- I don't remember her name.
Was it Amy?
No, who's Amy?
I don't know. I was just
gonna start with the A names
and then go through the
alphabet to help you remember.
It wasn't Amy.
[Oliver] Holy crikey!
This is someone's house?
[Violet] It's Cassandra's
parents' house.
Wait. Isn't Cassandra the
one you said that I...
Oops!
Yeah, the one you nailed.
Could be awkward.
I just realized.
Sorry.
Violet, what are you doing here?
Did Cassandra invite you?
Um, Richard did.
Oh, well, it's Cassandra's party.
Not Richard's.
Well, tell Cassandra we brought
the male escort she ordered.
Oh, I didn't see you, Jack. Um,
all right,
you guys can come in.
Take your shoes off
over there.
The floors are, like, imported
from the ancient Roman ruins.
[Jack]
Do I know huh, too?
She's Cassandra's best friend. She
probably knows about the boinking.
[Caitlin] No!
Please don't sit on that couch
because it's white and Cassandra's
father would flip out
because it's, like,
super valuable.
Sorry. [clears throat]
uh, just so you know, Violet, it's
kinda awkward having you here since
the party's for Caroline and you're
replacing her because of her toe.
Hey, Caitlin,
if you don't shut the hell up, I'm gonna
pee all over that couch, I swear to God.
- I'm telling Cassandra.
- Oh, are you? I'm so scared.
At the Salem bitch trail,
she's the first one I'm burning.
We should leave.
What? No way we're leaving.
- Are we bro?
- No, we're not gonna leave.
We stay here, and we're not gonna
take our shoes off, either.
We're just gonna
rub our shoes...
We're gonna march all over
these ancient ruins.
- Yeah, Caesar.
- Et tu, floor.
Dude, champagne.
Sir. Hello.
- Wait, after I what?
- What?
You said that I did something, and you
didn't call me after I did something.
It's nothing. Jack, it doesn't...
No. No.
- You said something.
- It's nothing, Jack.
- You said...
- It doesn't matter.
[sighs]
[classical music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
It matters to me,
okay?
It matters to me what I did to blow it with
the coolest girl I've ever met in my life.
Oh, my god, Jack. Okay,
you slept with Cassandra.
Did you think
I would never find out?
Okay, where is she?
This Cassandra girl, would you
just point her out to me?
- Seriously?
- Yes, because I keep hearing this name,
and I have no idea
who that person is.
- The girl with the crutches?
- No.
No, the one with her hair
pulled back in a bun.
All of those girls have their
hair pulled back in buns.
- You really don't remember huh, do you?
- I don't know this girl.
- Cassandra?
- Yeah, hi, Jack.
Hey, do we know each other? Because
I know that I never met you,
but I heard a rumor that we slept
together, so I'm just trying to...
See who started that.
- I don't know.
- Yeah.
You agree
we've never met before?
We've met. You were just too busy
hitting on Violet to remember.
But we never slept together,
right?
We never hooked up in any way whatsoever.
Am I right?
Thanks a lot Violet. That was
supposed to be a secret.
No, Cassandra.
That's a lie.
Yeah. So?
I was just... I was just
messing with you, Violet.
You're so gullible.
I'd never sleep with you, Jack.
You think I sleep with guys
who live in Queens?
[both laughing]
Is that supposed to hurt my feelings?
Guys who live in Queens?
It just doesn't.
They have, like, a mountain of seafood
over there. You have to check it out.
That's for the invited guests,
Oliver. You can't have any.
Oh.
Do you want it back?
Oh, my...
I'm leaving.
- Seriously?
- I wanna leave too, Ollie.
What?
We just got here.
Okay. Just wait. One sec.
Here you go, babe.
[gasps]
Thanks.
Hang on.
Oh, give us your vote
Whoa! [exclaims]
Now I feel better.
If you know
What's good for you
Oh, give us your vote
Give us your vote
If you know
What's good for you
Cause your
English is good
We can see it
In your bones
Wait, so what happened
with that girl Cassandra, dude?
Was she mad
you didn't remember her?
She fucking made it up, man.
- What?
- Yeah.
Why?
I don't know.
My mom says that ballet dancers
are evil, George Walters.
- We have to stay away from them.
- George Walters?
- Nelson has a friend...
- No...
- Do it.
- No.
- Come on, George.
- No.
[imitating George Walters]
Hello, I'm George Walters.
How's it going?
[all laughing]
Hi, my mom invited me to go
to a pizza party with Nelson
and all her friends,
just George and Nelson.
- I love George Walters.
- She loves me, Nelson.
Wait, I thought you loved me.
I'm an embarrassing nerd,
too.
I love both of you.
Wait.
- Let's do our dance.
- Okay.
[Oliver]
Okay.
You stretched?
Okay, first I paddle around
like this.
One more.
[exclaims]
Don't drop me!
[Violet laughing]
Watch him.
He's a master at work.
- How many tries for the bunny?
- Oh, the bunny's un-doable,
but I can get
that octopus in two.
[Oliver] He promises
something very big.
Unrealistic?
We shall see.
He's moves it slightly.
All the way to the side.
He goes for something,
and gets absolutely nothing.
So off the mark, you wonder
if he's Stevie Wonder.
A failure? Yes.
A failure of a brother?
So far, yes.
All right. All right.
Here we go.
- Needs a shot of tequila.
- This is the one. This is the one.
[Oliver]
We cheer him on.
Great positioning,
ladies and gentlemen.
This boy has the stuff
to go all the way,
[man] Hey, Jack.
I work security here now.
I know about you and the claw.
He doesn't cheat, Marty.
He's very loyal to your mother.
[laughs]
Security cams, Jack.
[woman] Marty! Marty,
the coin thing is broken again.
- Psycho.
- Psycho.
Jack decides he's gonna
get back in the game.
Did we have faith
in the wrong kid? Maybe.
Maybe he'll pull through
in the last minute.
Be very careful.
He grabs the octopus.
- Oh! Oh! The octopus is going.
- Oh!
- It's going. It's going.
- [all cheering]
[bell ringing]
He's my brother.
Everybody, this is my brother.
Here.
Do you want it?
Oh, you should give it to her.
No way.
I'm getting her the bunny.
I'm getting you
the goddamn bunny, baby.
Okay, claw.
It's you and me.
Let's dance.
Uh!
Let's get freaky.
And not off to a great start.
Fuck!
- Let's play something else.
- No.
I'm getting that fucking bunny
for my girl.
- Ollie.
- Give me some more quarters, woman.
We don't have any more quarters.
He took all of us quarters.
Okay.
Stay here. Don't let
anyone touch this machine.
We're gonna be here
all night.
[chuckles]
Hey, Violet.
That was so badass when you poured
that red wine on that priceless couch.
[laughs]
That was pretty...
Pretty badass.
You said I looked
like a mermaid.
- Really?
- Yeah.
My dress was blue
and kinda sparkly.
I remember your dress.
And you said
I looked like a mermaid.
That's how the whole octopus,
undersea conversation started.
Right.
Yeah.
And then you told me
how they mate.
Um, octopus...
- Octopussi?
- Octopussi.
[both laughing]
That was a little
forward of me, huh?
You said, um,
the octopus lady tries to eat
the octopus dude...
So, he hides behind a rock,
and...
Yeah, he, like, does this
thing where he's just like,
"What's up?"
- [laughs]
- "What up?"
It was so weird, when you didn't
call me back I was just, like...
Like, I just went out
and thinking that...
Maybe you found out I was
going to a lame college
or you thought I was a loser
or something.
I don't know.
I wish I called you back.
I liked you so much.
I liked you so much.
I like you so much.
Uh...
I... This, uh...
We, uh...
This is...
I...
[sighs]
- [Sally] Hey.
- Hey.
Hey, are you okay?
Uh...
Uh-huh.
Oh,
I got these flowers for you.
The other ones
weren't actually from me.
- These are.
- Aw. Thanks, sweetie.
I'm glad you came home.
Do have any pot?
Uh, yeah.
We're getting Stella baked.
[Sally] I figure she's
in so much pain.
She's gonna feel
so much better soon.
There we go, girl.
Do you think she's feeling
it already?
She looks kinda crazy.
You look a little stoned,
Stella.
Are you feeling high?
Coming. Coming. Coming.
- Coming. Yes! Yes!
- [alarm sounds]
I knew it.
What did I tell you? I told you I'd win.
I told you.
Man,
I wish Jack was here.
Hold on.
Let's send him a picture.
Hold this.
Smile. Smile.
All it took was hard work,
dedication,
about ten thousand dollars
worth of quarters,
and a smoking hot
muse like you, baby.
Getting high
with my two favorite ladies.
It's my idea of a good time.
The best.
[cell phone pings]
Something bad happened today,
Mom.
What?
I sort of uh...
Kissed Violet.
- Ollie's Violet?
- Yeah, she's not really Ollie's Violet.
Sort of, Jack?
You sort of kissed her?
We kissed.
We definitely kissed.
Where was Ollie?
He was getting tokens for the
claw, he didn't see anything.
Thank God.
[sighs] What there
aren't girls at college?
No, Mom,
I really like this girl.
Jack, I don't care.
Don't go near that girl again.
Did you hear me?
- Yeah.
- No matter how much you like her.
- Okay.
- And don't get all guilty and tell Ollie about it,
just to make yourself
feel batter.
- Got it?
- Yeah.
I won't.
I promise.
Okay.
Good boy.
Mom, am I a disappointment
to you?
What? No, sweetie, just
don't kiss her again.
No, I mean, because I didn't get
that scholarship to Columbia.
Oh, that. Screw Columbia.
They didn't deserve you.
You will never be
a disappointment to me.
Ollie's probably gonna get that scholarship
'cause he won that science award.
Well, if he does, then I will remove
my witch's curse from the place,
but until that moment,
it sticks.
Mom, is that, um,
trip to the Galapagos that Ollie's
going on, isn't that really expensive?
[Sally] Yeah, it's expensive, but I
really liked that he wanted to go.
And I think it would be
a good idea for him.
You didn't think it would be
a good idea for me to go?
You?
Did you wanna go?
Mom, how do you think Ollie
even knew about that trip?
I had that pamphlet, remember?
I slept with it under my pillow
for weeks and I got that job
at Queenie's to wash dishes so I
could afford to go on that trip.
I really, really
wanted to go on that trip.
Sweetie, why didn't you
just ask me?
'Cause I was embarrassed
that it cost so much money
and I didn't want to put that
on you, you know, so...
- I just...
- Oh, Jack!
That is so...
That just makes me feel so...
I...
- Sometimes you remind me so much of your dad.
- Stop.
[Sally] Oh.
He would be so proud of you.
I mean,
I'm looking at you,
but it's like this
cardboard cut out of you.
And then behind that is
this big giant mirror...
Reflecting all of these yous.
- And then...
- Mom, I think you're really stoned.
Yes.
Yes, I am.
When was the last time
you smoked weed again?
[Sally]
Twenty-six years ago.
[both chuckling]
It always made me hallucinate.
Like now,
I can't see the ceiling.
Oh, there it is.
Now it's gone.
Oh, its there again.
Gone.
There.
So was it good for you?
Yeah.
Okay. Good.
I kept getting so worried
I was gonna...
Mess it up and do it wrong.
- Me too.
- Really.
Yeah, it was my first
time too, you know.
Oh, yeah.
We killed it.
[laughing]
So, um,
what made you
finally succumb to my charm?
Was it the bunny?
It was the bunny.
That damn bunny.
That bunny probably cost you
more than a Porsche.
- It did. I'm completely poor now.
- [laughing]
But it was totally worth it.
- Violet.
- Yeah?
I'm just really,
really happy.
I'm not yours anymore
I'm not yours anymore
No, I
I'm not yours anymore
I'm not yours anymore
I have no idea.
I will ask, though.
Yes.
Thank you.
Do you guys
wanna bury the body,
or would you like
to cremate it?
Oh, we're burying her.
I found a beautiful place
overlooking the ocean.
Oh, which reminds me,
I need shovels.
- Shovels?
- Hey, what happened
to Ollie last night?
He didn't...
- Oh, he...
- Never mind, I don't even want to know.
And by the way, I'm taking these and
putting them on the washing machine.
When you finish eating, Jack, can you just
put them in there with a little bleach?
Stella had a really bad
night, and she's...
I got to go upstairs
and wash her right now.
Aw... Poor old
Stella, the stoner.
[mouthing]
[Oliver] Please prepare yourselves
for the entrance of King Oliver III.
[mimicking trumpet]
Yeah?
Where were you, with your
porn star last night?
Oh, yeah, Sally,
oh, my god.
I'm not gonna let this fall
off, I swear, Sally, I swear.
- I swear I'm not gonna let this princess fall off.
- Why aren't you at school?
Uh, why aren't you frying
chickens with the Colonel?
'Cause I don't fry chickens,
for your information.
I hire others
to do that for me.
Well, for your information,
I don't go to school,
I hire others to do that for me.
Did that girl really send you...
Porno shots of her rack?
I mean, she might be
the type of girl you wanna...
Bang the heck out of,
but,
you don't want to marry,
am I right?
What type is my mom, Ron?
Hey, don't get fresh.
That's your mother.
Look, Jack, it's a bird's nest.
Quit it. Stop. Hey!
- Little baby birds.
- Hey! Hey!
Ron, take your hands away.
Stop it.
Will you freaking quit it?
Jesus H. Christ.
Hey!
Look, Stella,
everybody's here for breakfast.
You never see him
at his worst.
And you wanna know
what he just asked me?
The one who you assured me was less a
trouble maker than this character here?
He just asked me
whether you were the type...
Tell your mother.
I just asked if you
were the type of woman that
a man wanted to bang
or man wanted to marry?
[laughing]
He said that?
You think that's funny?
Why am I not surprised?
So what did you say?
- Huh?
- Do you want to bang or marry me, Ron?
- You're kidding, right?
- Duh, she's kidding.
Look, it's nothing personal,
Ron,
but I think my mother
would rather take this fork
and stab it
in both her eyeballs...
- Oh, my god, Ollie.
- [laughing]
Oh, really?
Oh, why don't we ask her?
Sally, were you just joking, or do you
really want an answer to that question?
I mean, I was...
[laughing]
Ollie and I are gonna take
Stella on a nice day out.
[Sally]
Oh, good.
Stella, how do you wanna spend one of
your last days before Mom offs you?
- Shh! Don't say that.
- I'm just kidding.
Aw...
- [Sally] Oliver.
- Ron.
- [Sally] Stop it.
- Please leave.
- If Sally's not meeting your needs...
- Please leave.
I'm the first person. I think you're cute.
That's all I mean.
[Ron] Great.
[Oliver]
I gotta change.
I mean, I don't know what to do.
I'm trying.
I mean I try to talk to them,
it's like they're mutants.
Dude,
I'm straight up in love.
Everything went perfectly.
Foreplay, boom. Nailed it.
Condom, boom. Nailed it.
And we didn't just do it once. We
did it one, two, three times, bish.
Did she, uh...
I didn't really last as long I
would've liked to the first time...
I didn't really last as long as I would've
liked to the second time, either,
honestly.
But the third time,
I nailed it.
How did she, um...
How did this, like, happen?
Well, you left, and I won her the
bunny, and he jumped my bones.
Can you help me
with the fucking dog?
Yeah.
I keep on rolling around
This town
Rolling around this town
But nobody wants to see me
Nobody wants to see me
I keep on rolling around
This town
Rolling around this town
But nobody wants to see me
Nobody wants to see me
[Oliver] Stella.
- Hey.
- Hello.
I'm coming to Stella's celebration Sunday.
Looking forward to it.
Reggie, come on. Ro, come one girl.
Come on.
- Something wrong with that, right?
- Yeah.
We celebrate our dog dying?
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Guess what?
- [Oliver] What's up?
Recently,
my dog had four puppies.
Oh, this dog?
- Uh-huh.
- Out of where?
Out of there, mate.
[both laughing]
We have no idea
who the father is, though.
It's a scandal.
- It's a broken helm.
- [cell phones pings]
The puppies are extremely cute,
though I prefer sharks.
- Wait, what's that?
- What?
I let you see Violet's under
boob, I can see this.
Is this the octopus
you won last night?
Is it?
Yeah. I guess so.
Why would she send you...
I don't know,
I mean...
How did she
even get your number?
Oh, because you hit
on her last year.
Yeah, yeah.
Right, right, right.
You know what's so funny about
you hitting on Violet last year?
Is that...
I mean I'm always worried
about girls liking you better,
but with Violet, she had the
choice between you or me,
and she chose me.
If she sent you the octopus, she probably
sent me a picture of the bunny, too.
Oh, no, she didn't.
That's weird.
It's no big deal.
I'm sure she just
wanted to let you know
the octopus
went to a good home.
See you, Leo.
Girls do that
kind of weird shit.
They, like,
give stuffed animals feelings.
There's this one girl
who's in the tenth grade,
at lunch, she never picks
the chocolate milk
'cause she's worried about hurting
the plain milk's feelings.
Hurting the plain milk's feelings?
What are you talking about?
I don't know, man.
I mean girls are...
Different... They just have
a different set of values.
I know, man.
Starts freaking out
The neighborhood
Wow.
Mom, stoned?
Wow. I would've killed
to see that.
Nah. Mom should never get stoned.
She was like,
hallucinating that there were
three different versions of me
and she kept crying about how I
reminded her about dad and stuff.
Dude, I just got my first
semester grades emailed to me.
They're all D's and F's.
- I'm, like, flunking out. Yeah.
- What?
D's and F's at that college?
Mom's gonna flip her shit.
No, don't fucking tell her, man.
I mean it.
I won't.
I don't wanna have to be
the responsible brother now.
Eat all the garbage.
Let's go. Come on.
- Come on. Let's go.
- Come on, Stella.
You want a sniff
of doggy heaven?
Come on, girl.
Hey, is that, uh...
Yeah. I texted her
to come join us.
No, man, no.
Why...
I mean, I thought...
I thought it was gonna be
just you, me, and Stella.
Sorry, I didn't know it was
supposed to be just a brother hang.
- Do you want me to...
- No, it's fine.
Look at her.
She's so beautiful.
I always feel like a before photo of a
Proactiv commercial when I'm with her.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Saw you from across the room...
- [both laughing]
Didn't know what you were up to, but
I thought I'd say, "What's up?"
- [Violet] You're so cool.
- [Oliver] Thanks.
Mind if I kiss you?
Thanks.
Okay. Okay.
Let's go in the water.
Don't you want to go in the water?
Look.
Look.
Look at that. Look at that.
Stella, come on.
Come on.
Get in the water.
This is getting depressing.
It's right here.
Come on. Come on.
Remember when she used to run in the
water and bring us tons of seaweed?
I remember when she used to swim out
and try to rescue us when we'd go in.
Yeah. Maybe we should
just take her home.
What're you doing?
What does it look
like I'm doing?
It's April. You're gonna
be cold as balls in there.
I'm hoping
Stella will rescue me.
[Oliver]
Wait!
You're gonna die.
[exclaiming]
Help!
Whoo!
[exclaiming]
- Dude, you have no choice.
- Dude, I know.
Okay, stay here.
- I'm coming.
- [Violet] Come here!
Come in the water!
[Oliver]
I'm coming, baby.
[Violet]
Hurry!
I'm trying.
I'm doing my very best.
This is not as easy as it looks like.
I have very tight jeans.
It's freezing!
One day it hits the sand
We touch each other
One day we'll understand
[Oliver exclaiming]
Jack, get in the water!
Nah, I'm just gonna
hang here with Stella.
[Oliver] No way.
You get in here.
[both exclaiming]
[Oliver]
Stella, get in the water!
Hi.
Hi.
Did you get the octopus?
Yeah. Ollie saw
it too, actually.
Wow, do you guys just watch over
each other's shoulders all the time?
Why would you send
that to me, Violet?
Just...
You know, like,
can't we be friends?
Friends?
Yeah. Okay.
- You know.
- What?
I know that you slept
with Ollie last night.
Why would you do that if...
If...
[stammering]
I don't know.
I don't know.
You left, and I was
confused, like...
Confused about what? That...
Who is the right brother?
I mean, we're not the
same person, okay?
We're different people. I was born
three years before he was ever born,
so then you have...
[Oliver] Yes, he's coming in.
Talk to me.
Come on, Stella, in the water.
- Come on, Stella.
- Come on.
Come on, Stella.
[both chattering indistinctly]
Ow!
Come on, Stella, come on.
[Stella barks]
- She's coming.
- [Oliver] That's what she said.
- Come here!
- Come on, Stella.
Come here, Stella.
Come on, baby.
[Oliver] Isn't she, like, the most
incredible girl you've ever met?
Uh, yeah, I mean...
I don't know.
She's older, so...
She may... You might not want
to get too deep with it.
I don't know.
What do you think?
I mean, I think I'm
in too deep already, bro.
I'm, like,
six feet under deep.
I mean, who cares
that she's older.
I mean,
it's just two years.
Yeah, I mean...
I got the goods, man.
I got a bit slab of 17-year-old
salami right here.
All the ladies are dying
to hop on my master wang.
- What's up, Ron?
- Oliver. Jack.
Oliver, I would like to
extend my apologies for...
Making inappropriate comments about
your girlfriend this morning.
Okay.
And,
so both of you know,
any time you wanna stop down
one of the Authentic
Chicken Kitchens,
I'll be happy to serve you up
an order of our finest.
On the house, of course.
Why are you suddenly
being so nice to us?
I was very comfortable with our
relationship the way it was, Ron.
Well, we all have to learn how
to get along, don't you think?
So I don't have to constantly kick that
kiester of yours when we're family.
[alarm blaring]
Holy mother of cock.
Did you tell that idiot
you were gonna marry him?
Oh, did you run into Ron?
Yes. And he's talking to
us about being a family.
He said when we're family,
and I quote,
"He doesn't have want to constantly
kick that kiester of mine."
[laughs] Do you believe he still
uses that word, "kiester?"
I thought that word got retired
with my middle school principal.
- Mom.
- You know what else he says? Folks.
Folks. It makes me feel like
I'm dating a congressman,
- Okay, Mom. Is it true?
- No, no, no. I'm not gonna marry him.
Then why is he talking to us
about being a family?
I told him I would think about it.
That's all.
- Why would you tell him you'd think about it, mother?
- Oh, for heaven's sake.
It wasn't a formal proposal.
Remember that whole bang
or marry thing this morning?
- Yes.
- I think he just felt
obligated to show that I was the kind
of woman that men wanted to marry.
I would have been perfectly
happy if he just said
that I was the kind of woman that men
wanted to bang and we just had sex.
That is his forte.
Jesus Christ, mother.
Do you wanna make us even more
messed up than we already are?
Hey, you guys. Will one of
you just take out that box
out of there? It's the
clouds for doggie heaven.
"We love you, Smella?"
What?
- Why does it say. "Smella?"
- What?
Oh, my God!
I can't believe
they messed the sign.
I mean an M doesn't even
look like a T.
Why did they do that?
That just makes me...
- Mom.
- I mean...
Yeah, Mom. Stop.
No, it just makes me sad because
I just want everything to be perfect
for her. She's such a good girl.
It's okay.
Stella can't read, Mom.
[laughing]
[Sally]
Then what happened?
Well, it took a couple of tries to get her to
go out with me because I'm younger, but...
[Sally] I don't see why
that would be an issue.
Ollie's always been really
advanced for his age.
Oh, thanks, Mom.
Yeah, I'm a little
socially awkward.
So I just have my mom brag
to everybody about me.
Jack. Come in, we're
doing arts and crafts.
No.
No, it's chill. I gotta
do my homework anyway.
Oh, I feel bad. You don't to
see your brother that much.
If you want to...
Uh, I think it's best we just
let Jack be for now, Violet.
A little overwrought
there aren't we, Sally?
I just meant,
if you want to hang out with your
brother, just the two of you tonight,
I totally understand.
- No. No. Jack gets it.
- [doorbell rings]
It's hos before bros.
That's the house rule.
Ollie, why don't you
get the door, please?
What bee's gone up
your ass today, Mom?
- Just get the door, Ollie.
- [Oliver] Jesus Christ.
Violet, sweetheart, you seem
like a really good girl
and I know you don't wanna
cause any problems,
but I love my sons more than
anything else in the world,
and my sons love each other more
than anything else in the world.
And if you
come between them...
I swear to God,
I'm gonna fucking kill you.
I know.
I know.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what to do.
I know, baby.
I know.
Oh, God.
Oh, sweetheart.
I didn't know
that you knew...
I would have just told you,
I would have...
I know...
Life is so complicated, isn't it?
Especially for women.
Oh, my God.
'Cause men are
sometimes a little dense.
[laughs]
- Right?
- Right.
Mom, look.
Ron looks less
like a pedophile now.
- Oh, you...
- You like it?
- I like it.
- [Ron] You like it?
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, I like it.
Why are you crying? What
the hell happened in here?
I gotta apologize
for my mom.
She's not usually like that.
I don't know. She's been
in a really weird mood.
Last night apparently
she got high with Jack
and started crying about
our dad, and then today
she started crying because
the "We love you, Stella" sign
came out
"We love you, Smella."
Ollie...
We have to talk.
Do you think it was the sex?
Maybe I didn't bring her
to orgasm or something.
- No, man.
- Because...
I couldn't tell if she...
I mean...
How can you tell if a girl...
Like, I know that some
girls have multiples,
but I didn't know how to...
I didn't know how to really
give her, like, one...
It wasn't about the sex, man. You
just stop thinking about that.
I can't stop thinking about it. I'm
thinking about, like, everything.
I'm second guessing literally
everything single thing.
Like...
What if she liked the octopus
better than the bunny,
'cause remember
she texted you that picture...
Maybe she fell in love with you
once she got to know you better,
or maybe she likes that
ballet fucker, Richard,
who spins her, and twirls
er, and lifts her up,
and touches her,
and...
I just feel like
I'm going fucking crazy.
Sorry to interrupt,
but I brought some food from my
restaurant if you guys are hungry.
Yeah, man.
Thanks.
You want some chicken?
This chicken's
fucking tasty, Ron.
- Yeah, man.
- At the Authentic Chicken Kitchen,
we use only
the finest ingredients.
We say that in our commercials.
But it's true,
and it makes a difference.
And people really appreciate
the little extra effort.
Sally,
you taste the paprika?
Mmm.
Is that what it is?
- It's so good.
- Yeah. And it's never dry.
Our white meat is never dry.
I'm very strict about that.
The kitchen never serves
dry white meat.
Ollie, you like
the french fries?
We're famous
for our french fries.
- Yeah. They're really crispy.
- [Ron] Exactly.
Jack, you like the fries?
Hmm? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
These are amazing.
Guys eat up. Don't be shy.
Don't be shy.
You know, you want more, I get
on the phone, have it delivered.
- I own the joint.
- [all chuckling]
- [Sally] Thank you.
- Enjoy. It's my pleasure.
[Sally] I like your hair.
[Ron] You like it?
[Sally]
Yeah. Hey, I mean...
It's great
for the wind, right?
[cell phone ringing]
Please tell me that you didn't
break up with Ollie because of me.
Hi.
Hi.
Shit. I gotta... I have to go.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Dude, so I was thinking...
Maybe you could talk to her.
Like you could tell her, how
upset I am that she dumped me
and how much
I love her...
Hey, Ollie I really, I don't
think I should be the one who...
Please, Jack, please.
I'm begging you.
[stammering] I really...
I can't do that.
I'm begging you. I need you.
I really need you.
Just come with me
to her show tomorrow.
I can't go alone.
Um...
- Okay.
- Okay, thank you.
- I love you.
- I love you too, man.
[classical music playing]
You think she's having
an affair with that guy?
No, that guy is as gay
as a bowl of dicks.
I don't know, man. He's got his
hand up in there pretty good.
Shh.
Shh, yourself.
We're having an important
discussion here.
She makes these other girls look like
the flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz.
God, she's so beautiful.
My face is shaking.
Jesus, I feel like my entire
body is having a meltdown.
[Jack]
Just be cool, man.
Give her the flowers,
tell her she did a good job,
and let's just get out of here
and go to Stella's death party.
Okay, come in with me.
What? No.
You have to.
You promised.
- Please talk to her, man.
- Ollie.
You're a year older than she is.
You go to college.
You're super tall,
she'll listen to you.
[sighs]
[knocking on door]
- [music playing]
- Hi, Ollie.
She's in the bathroom.
She'll be out in a sec.
Hi.
Hi.
Um...
I got worried that there wouldn't be
anybody to give you these violets
or tell you how amazing
you were, so...
I came.
Thanks, Ollie.
That's really sweet.
- Hi, Jack.
- Hi.
I brought Jack along to...
Tell you some of the good
qualities you may have overlooked
when you broke up with me.
Go ahead, Jack.
Right...
You wanna do it right here?
Yes.
Jesus...
- Ollie loves you.
- Ollie loves you.
I love him, too.
[both] You do?
- Then why did you...
- Yeah, why did you break up with me?
[sighs]
I just...
- There's someone else, I think.
- I knew it.
No, no, no.
So, if you just take that
someone else out of the equation,
cause that someone else knows...
[Cassandra] Knock, knock.
Is this a bad time?
Yeah, Cassandra,
it's a really bad time.
It fucking sucks.
Go away.
Violet, when you're doing that extension,
you really shouldn't take it up so high.
- Shouldn't take it up so high.
- And your turnout still need a lot of work.
- Like a complete overhaul.
- I mean, we have to compensate for you up there.
We do. We do.
Are you kidding me? She was
the best one up there by far.
- Wasn't she, Ollie?
- Hell, yeah.
- You guys, it's fine.
- No, it's not fine.
Oh, yeah? How many ballets have
you guys seen in your life?
We don't have to have seen
a lot of ballets to know that
she looked like a butterfly
out there
and you guys looked
like a couple of fucking moths.
[laughter]
- Come on, Caitlin. We don't have to listen to this.
- Don't have to listen.
And you're paying for the couch
you poured red wine on, Oliver.
- I know it was you.
- It was totally you.
- Yeah, I did do it.
- Actually, Cassandra, I was the one...
No, you what it was me. But I shouldn't
have just poured red wine on it,
I should have doused it gasoline
and set on fucking fire.
Nice guys you picked, Violet.
- You've got great taste in men.
- [Caitlin] Great taste.
You know what, Cassandra?
Just give it a rest.
Okay? Every one's exhausted and
we haven't even got notes, yet.
By the way, Violet,
does Ollie know
what's going on
between you and Jack?
What?
Get a life, Cassandra.
No one believes a word
that comes out
of that jealous mouth.
Well, if you don't believe me,
ask Caroline's brother, Marty.
He does security at the arcade.
He says he has actual
surveillance footage
of Violet and Jack kissing
by the claw on Thursday.
Actual surveillance footage.
Actual surveillance footage
from Marty, the meth-head?
Yeah. That sounds like
unimpeachable evidence.
Fine.
Don't believe me.
- Don't.
- [Oliver] Fine.
I won't believe you,
and you know why?
Because Jack and Violet
aren't like you.
They're not snakes in the grass who
lie, and scheme and betray people.
They would never do that to me.
[man] Notes in the green room.
Right now.
Hurry.
Move it.
Move it girls.
Franz is waiting.
- Ollie.
- You heard him. Franz is waiting.
[girl] You guys,
notes are starting.
Ollie, I'm not gonna go sit in a
surveillance booth with a guy
who used to try and run us
over with his motor cycle.
If you tell me you didn't
do it, I'll believe you.
[sighs]
I can't, man.
- Ollie, where are you going?
- Where am I going?
I'm going to go celebrate killing our
fucking dog, is where I'm going.
How much is that doggie
In the window?
The one with
The waggly tail
How much is that doggie
In the window?
I do hope that doggie's
For sale
I must take a trip
to California
Come,
you go after grandma.
Thanks, baby.
Aw!
Hey, sweetie.
Are you ready
for some party fun?
All right. It's time for
the circle of love.
So, Ralph.
Why don't you go first.
Say some nice things
about our wonderful Stella.
Hi, I'm Ralph.
I live next door.
Stella was...
Is a good neighbor.
Uh, she didn't bark much.
I'm Glinda.
I know Stella from the dog park.
Don't I, sweet girl?
Most of you who know me,
also know I love sharks.
So, here's a picture
I drew for Stella
of a cookie-cutter shark.
Aw!
Look, Stella.
[Dennis] I'm Dennis, a
representative from Peaceful Pet,
and I will be administering the
euthanization shot to Stella today,
allowing her to be released
to her eternal rest.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah. All right, baby?
We're gonna have a lot more party fun.
Right baby?
[Oliver]
I'll go.
Okay.
Hi, everyone,
I'm Ollie.
Uh...
Stella's been a part
of our lives for,
well, since I was
about four years old,
which is...
About, or almost as long as I've
known my mom or my brother.
And,
it's longer than I ever
knew my dad...
So...
In a strange way, she means more
to me than my dad ever did.
I'm... I'm sorry,
I know that sounds weird, Mom.
- It's just... It just...
- No.
It just shows you...
how much she means to me.
You always got my back,
Stell-bells.
I used to think that
my brother always had my back, but
I realized today that isn't true.
So...
I wish that my dad
was here today,
because I know if he was here
he'd kick your fucking ass, Jack.
What?
Ollie, I'm really, really sorry, but can
we please talk about this in private?
The girls like you so much, don't they?
But you know what?
You're never gonna be like dad.
You're not smart enough.
The closest you'll ever
be to a marine biologist
is being a fucking towel boy
at a beach club.
Oliver,
stop that right now.
Do you know he's flunking out
of college, Mom?
What?
- God damn it, Ollie.
- Oh, no.
How could you do that to me, Jack?
How?
I would never do that to you.
If you met her first or anything.
I would never do that to you.
- I did meet her first.
- Well, she didn't want you.
- She did want me.
- Then why did she sleep with me?
- I don't know!
- Will you both stop it right now.
Maybe she just slept with you because she
didn't want to hurt the plain milk's feelings
- Did you ever think of that?
- So I'm the plain milk?
So I'm the plain milk
in this scenario,
which makes you the chocolate milk?
You white motherfucker.
[dogs barking]
Sally, I'm not going to do
anything until you ask me to.
Ron,
do whatever you need to do.
I'll get the hose.
You knocked me into the
hot dogs, asshole.
Save your life.
Stop it. Both of you.
Stop it, now.
Jack and Ollie.
Stop it, now.
Did you notice
That I spend
My nights alone
[dogs barking]
Aren't you burning?
For a love that
Never turns its head
Tenderly
Tenderly
From anywhere to you
From anywhere to you
[man] Excuse me.
Excuse me. Can I get
everyone's attention, please?
I think the dog has passed.
- Passed?
- She's dead.
I didn't get
to say this earlier
to all of you in the
commotion, or whatever...
But I'm real sorry
for your loss.
Thanks, Ron.
I don't know
what I was thinking,
having a stupid party.
Well, at least, Stella had the
good sense to leave early.
Death is tough.
That's all.
So, you're flunking
out of school, Jack.
Does that mean you're gonna
lose your scholarship?
Probably.
Thanks a lot, asshole.
[Oliver] Thanks for kissing
my girlfriend, asshole.
Hey, both of you,
have some respect for the dead.
[both] Sorry.
There falls the night
Birds pushing sky
All for you
Colors divide
Creation it's size
And all for you
How great your love is
How much you are needed
Oh, oh, oh
Time in the world
The world's still in turn
And all for you
Heaven it seems
Angels applaud
And all for you
How great your love is
How much you are needed
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
So you really think
she's just plain milk to me?
Don't listen to me, man.
I'm a loser.
Probably going to get
my scholarship taken away,
spend all my time at the dining hall
with a fucking hair net on my head.
Look at you, man.
You're amazing.
I'm...
I'm real proud of you.
But really, do you think she just slept
with me because she felt bad for me?
Well, she's right there, so
you should go and ask her.
Oh, fuck.
Turn around.
Turn around.
I can't turn around She's right there.
She sees us.
[sighs] Okay, you go talk to her.
She wants you anyway.
No, I'm taking myself out of this.
You go talk to her.
No.
What, no? Jeez, Oliver,
go and talk to her.
No, you're the one
who kissed her.
You're the one
who slept with her.
- Get out of the fucking car.
- You get out of the fucking car.
- You go.
- No, I'm not gonna go talk to her.
Hey!
You both should go.
Now man the heck up.
- None of my business, I know.
- No.
It's the right thing to do.
Did you? I totally forgot they
were at the back of the car.
Yeah.
All right, fuck it.
- You coming?
- No.
Just please get rid of her.
Wait. Jack.
Give these to her.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- We can't.
- I know.
Okay, I'm, uh...
[breathing heavily]
- Uh, Ollie picked these for you.
- [laughs]
He's in the car.
Oh, yes.
[sighs]
Oh, fuck.
Fuck!
Shit.
God damn it.
[sighs]
[sobbing]
[knocking on window]
Thank you for the flowers.
I wrote down, um...
Some things I wanna say.
Can I?
I mean, they're not, like, things.
They're just bullet points.
So, um...
Number one.
Ollie, I'm an only child with
divorced parents who hate each other.
I've never known what it's like
to have a brother or a sister
or be a part of a family
who loves each other.
I never even had a dog
because my dad is allergic.
Anyway, um...
I wanna apologize for coming
between you and Jack.
What you guys have is so
precious and beautiful,
and I ruined it because I'm
selfish and I wanted you both.
Wanted Jack, you mean.
You felt sorry for me.
- That's not true.
- Yes, it is.
No, it's not.
Sometimes you're so...
Yeah, I know. I'm so immature.
I got it.
You're so mature,
and that's why you like him.
You just felt bad for me.
I was like...
Your fucking consolation prize.
And what was I for you?
Wasn't I just your prize?
Your first conquest?
No.
I loved you.
I loved you so much.
Well, what else on your...
PowerPoint presentation?
Just...
Mostly how sorry I am,
that...
You have been
nothing but sweet to me,
and supportive,
and so fun to be with,
and so loving,
and you came to my ballet,
even after...
- I...
- What can I say?
I'm a patron of the arts.
And so funny.
And you forgot great lover.
- What?
- In your list of my great qualities,
- you forgot great lover.
- [laughs] You are.
You are, Ollie.
You're the best.
I'm the only.
I'm glad.
I'm really glad...
That you were my first.
I figured we should clean up
this, uh...
Doggie hell?
[chuckles] Yeah.
Your mom is in there.
She's crying.
Saying it's her fault that you
and your brother are fighting.
- Something about a trip to the Galapagos.
- Oh, my God, no.
If you don't mind me asking,
what is she talking about?
It's just some stupid highschool
trip that I wanted to...
Just tell her that it doesn't
matter to me anymore, okay?
It has nothing to do with that.
Are you smoking marijuana?
Yup.
[Ron]
You do that often?
Yup.
You think that may have
something to do with
why you're flunking out
of college?
Look, Ron, I really have no
interest in getting a lecture,
from some random guy my
mom is dating, okay?
[sighs]
No, I...
I didn't mean for you
to take that personally.
Really, I didn't. I mean, I actually
think you're a really good guy.
I thought your chicken
was amazing, and...
And don't know who else
she could find to help
illegally bury some dead dog
in the middle of the night.
It's just... It's my mom.
She's... You know...
She hasn't moved on.
- I get it.
- Yeah.
Yeah. That's exactly what it is.
She hasn't, uh...
She hasn't moved on,
and...
I wished she would.
It would make it a lot...
Easier on me,
and take a lot of pressure off.
Pressure to do what?
To, uh...
Be like my dad, I
guess, so my...
Mom and brother
wouldn't miss him so much.
So why was the trip to
Galapagos so important?
It's... It's just a
fun trip you know?
I wanted to go on.
I guess I really wanted to see
these red-tipped tube worms.
What the heck is that?
Red-tipped tube worm?
It's an a-fertile worm
that lives in the bottom
of the ocean,
like, way under the
bottom of the ocean.
It exists in this entire world
without sunlight and eats bacteria
and has this little red-tip
that's kinda like...
Sort of a head,
I guess...
[laughs] Why the heck were
you interested in that?
Well, my dad was studying the
effects of pollutants on them,
and we had this inside joke when I was
twelve if the red tips were their,
uh, heads
or if they were their asses.
So I was excited to...
I guess I just wanted to go on the trip
to find out, you know, which it was.
I find all hydrothermal-vent
creatures really interesting.
Like, on the trip I was hoping
to see these ghost fish
that you can
see right through.
And then, oh, there's
these little tiny shrimp
that have eyes in the back of their
heads and can see everything.
I'm a really good scuba diver, so I
thought maybe they would pick me
to be the one
that went down and...
And checked them out.
But, uh...
You know, I'm not just that
guy anymore, you know.
My dad was the one that cared
about that kinda stuff.
[sighs]
Well, what guy are you?
I'm the guy that
smokes pot
and kisses other people's
girlfriends, I guess...
You know, the thing I love
about Marine Biology is,
the more you study it,
the more you realize that everything
under the ocean makes sense.
Sounds comforting.
It is.
It really is.
[classical music playing]
What?
- Are those ours?
- These are ours.
The shark boy got us
these puppies.
He was just gonna get us one,
but then he saw us fighting
at the dog party,
and he thought, you know,
"They need two. They're not
gonna share one puppy."
- Oh, my God.
- Isn't that amazing?
Mom doesn't know about
it yet, but she's,
she's about to find out.
Jesus Christ.
[laughs]
Unbelievable, right?
I thought we could name him Nelson,
and we could name him George Walters.
Nelson.
Hello, Nelson.
You look like a Nelson.
Nelson, my mom is gonna be so
mad you chewed up this pillow.
Actually, to tell you the truth, it was
George Walters that tore apart that pillow,
not Nelson.
I'm sorry, Nelson,
for falsely accusing you.
I wanna tell you something.
You can't tell George Walters.
You're so much cuter than him.
It's ridiculous.
Also...
George, it's not a competition, but
you are far cuter than Nelson.
Your dog's eyes
are in different area codes.
You're still adorable.
- You're adorable.
- He's falling asleep in my hand.
He's falling asleep in my hand.
He's falling asleep
in my hand right now.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, man, that's the cute...
That's the most adorable thing
I've seen in my entire life.
Where were you?
Violet?
Yeah.
I went to her performance.
But I didn't talk to her
after or anything.
I realize that being anywhere
near her is kinda like,
aliens shining a light
in your face
and you have to follow them,
even though you know
they're gonna perform
scientific experiments on you.
I love you, man.
I know.
- What're you watching?
- Oh, I was watching Mom's Stella video.
- Can I watch it?
- Yes.
Stella's her name because, wait
why is her name Stella, Daddy?
Stella.
Stella.
[Jack and Oliver] Stella.
Stella.
We love you, Stella.
For ever and ever
and ever and ever.
[Sally] I put the camera
on a tripod.
Oh, I wanna hold her.
- Hello, baby.
- Right over there.
Look at Mom and Dad. They're
so cool and young and pretty.
Yeah. I forgot that's how
dad's voice sounded.
I know.
His voice sounds so cool.
I'm sorry I said that
you aren't as smart as him.
I didn't mean it.
You're the smartest guy I know.
Well...
I am pretty smart
for a towel boy.
Do you remember the day
that we were on the beach
and Dad
was in the wheel-chair?
- Yeah.
- Remember that?
And the wheelchair
was sinking into the sand.
Yeah. And then they had to come
and get a truck to get him out.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
And Stella was there, right?
[Jack] Yeah. Stella kept dropping
all that seaweed on Dad's lap.
And being like, "Throw it for me.
Come on, come on!"
[Jack] And we were all laughing so hard.
That was like...
Really that was, like,
Dad's last good day,
but it was just such a good day.
I think about that day a lot.
[Oliver] Hey, Nelson.
High five.
Oh, wait.
You don't have any thumbs.
[Jack] Why can't he high-five
if he doesn't have any thumbs?
You can high five
without thumbs.
You can't thumb wrestle,
- but you can high five.
- [Oliver] No thumb wrestling for you guys.
No middle fingers.
No pinky swears.
No finger in my butt-hole.
[Jack and Oliver laughing]
I will remember your face
'Cause I am still in love
With that place
But when the stars
Are the only things we share
Will you be there?
I've got a plan
I've got an atlas
In my hands
I'm gonna turn when I listen
To the lessons I've learned
I've got a plan
I've got an atlas
In my hands
I'm gonna turn
When I listen to the lessons
I've learned
Sorry, Mama
There are times
I get carried away
Please
Don't worry
Next time I'm home
It'll still be the same
I know it's no fun
When you're first son
Gets up to no good
Starts sneaking up
The neighborhood
Really
I'm fine
Never been better
Got no job on the line
Really don't worry
Same old boy that you
Hoped you would find
I know
It's no fun
When your first son
Gets up to no good
Starts freaking out
The neighborhood