[WOMEN CHANTING RHYTHMICALLY]
T-H-E-T-A
T-H-E-T-A
Theta
[MEN CHANTING] Theta
[WOMEN CHANTING] Ooh, stop
[WOMAN SINGING] There ain't no woman
Like a Theta woman
[MAN] Come on, now!
Theta
[WOMEN SINGING]
There ain't nothing greater
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
[CROWD CHANTING] Theta! Theta!
Theta girls are lovely, we're so fine
Rah
And we came to rah
[MAN] Go on, number two!
Theta
Theta
Theta
Theta
Eighth wonder of the world
Is a Theta girl
[SINGS] He parted the sea
[ALL SING] When he made me
Red, black, and gold
Deep down in my soul
Theta Chi Phi
You already know
[ALL] Hmm...
[ALL CONTINUE HUMMING]
Sah!
Mmm, ska!
Ska!
Ska!
[MALE ANNOUNCER] Alright.
Zeta Rho Nu's up next.
Zeta Rho Nu, take to the stage.
Damn, girl!
Looked like a sniper hit you.
- Oh, God. That was so embarrassing.
- I'm a Theta now.
- I don't care what people think.
- Exactly. You're a Theta now.
Start caring.
Jamilah! Oh! What's up, girl?
[BOTH LAUGH]
- Worlds mixing, head spinning.
- I know, right?
Oh, Beth, this is... This is Aisha.
- Hi.
- Hi.
And Cheryl, one of our neos.
Neo is short for "neophyte."
It means she just crossed.
Ooh, crossed what?
Crossed the burning sands.
Oh!
So, you're like a Theta for real now.
Like for real, for real.
Mazel tov, neo. That show was...
Fine for exhibition.
They've got to step it up for competition.
We will. Alright, look,
I've got to say hi to somebody, OK?
What?
I do not choreograph all that dopeness
so heifers can perform it mediocrely.
What's Theta's motto?
"Perfection over excellence,
sister over self."
- Exactly.
- [AISHA] I get it.
But let a sister have her moment.
Don't be a Theta-hater. OK?
My house would have been a murder scene
if our sorority tried to work
together like that.
Yeah, well, Thetas,
we don't F around with stepping.
No, you don't.
Stepping is like African dance
meets hip-hop...
Three words.
Stomp the Yard.
You think I'd miss a movie
with a bunch of shirtless black men
and Chris Brown getting shot?
[BETH LAUGHS]
How do you two know each other?
I was Beth's TA.
Ouch!
Or friend.
TAs don't bail you out of jail
after a fake ID bust.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've got to go holler at a brother or two.
Bye!
Bye.
[MESSAGE TONE]
Damn, girl.
Your man cooks dinner for you,
and you're going to Harvard Law together?
[GROANS] I need to get on your life track.
Dane got into Harvard early.
My application is in. I just need
to get my parents' recommendation.
It's just a formality.
I'll definitely get in. I'm a legacy.
And, well...
I'm me.
Girl, bye.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Oh, oh, Zeta Nu, oh, oh
Yoo-hoo!
[DANE] Is that the ebony to my ivory?
You know it is.
- Hey.
- Ooh, what are you making?
Something special.
Why don't you let it simmer
and give me what I'm really hungry for?
- Babe...
- Sexy, dirty, big...
[COUGHING]
[JAMILAH] Mom! Dad!
Hey.
Isn't this a great surprise?
Like Pearl Harbor.
So, who died?
You guys only surprise me with bad news.
You did it
with the last two dead relatives.
If I do say so myself, I put my
whole entire foot up in this gumbo.
Dane, we love you
like a rescue puppy.
You do realize that
you're Mayflower white, right?
- Country-club-brochure white?
- [DANE] Yes.
I hate that I'm lumped in with my brutal,
imperialist, plutocratic white brethren
who have committed every modern atrocity
on a macro-systemic level.
We know. You're an African American
Studies and Poli-Sci major.
All great prep for Harvard.
God, I can't wait.
Matching law degrees.
We're gonna change the world.
Aw. Reminds me of when
we were at Harvard.
We all wanted to change the world.
And it is a shame that the one of us
that has the power to do it...
Here we go.
...is a sinewy, self-aggrandizing ham.
Yvonne had a little rivalry
with a certain former first lady.
Mom, seriously...
Who has beef with Michelle Obama?
That heifer...
That heifer stole my internship.
If you were more driven,
you would understand
just how devastating that is.
Who needs drive when I inherited
your natural brilliance, Mom.
And thighs.
- Enough.
- Take the good with the bad.
Oh, I deserve credit
for not mentioning that.
She adorns the walls with paintings
by mental patients.
Yvonne!
I'll tell that to the 12-year-olds from
the community center who painted them,
Mother.
You...
I deserve credit. My grades are tight.
I was chapter president of our sorority.
I love it here at Westcott.
I'm doing fine.
Harvard will not be possible
with transcripts that are just "fine."
I'm a legacy. Hello!
That's like automatic admission.
[JAMILAH SCOFFS]
Jamilah, we came here today to tell you
that we will not be giving you
our legacy endorsement for Harvard.
We had an agreement.
If you earned a 4.0 GPA,
we would give you
the letter of recommendation.
Dad!
Sorry, I have to live with her.
It's more important
that you build your own legacy,
not inherit ours.
Sweetheart,
we don't want to give you a fish.
We want to teach you to fish.
Speaking of fish,
the halibut in this gumbo is on fleek!
What is fleek?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[DEAN BERMAN YELLS] Bishop!
What's up, player?
You're a little jumpy this morning.
Just...
hadn't had my coffee yet, but...
Dean Berman?
You're a Harvard alum, right?
Yep. They gave me a great education
and a husband.
Nick was a studly, closeted lacrosse star.
He'd sneak into my room,
and with the passion of ten sailors...
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
Such a good story. It reminds me of
when we talked about the boundaries.
Boundaries. Right, right.
You know what?
Harvard is my top choice for law school.
I could actually really use
an alumni recommendation.
Aren't your parents alums?
Um...
Yes. But "legacy" -
that's just a fancy word for nepotism.
Home is where the Harvard is.
I just made that up.
[WHISPERS] Home is where the Harvard is.
Oh, my, my
Look at it, girl
Just touch down
Add it to the show
I'm not phased
Because we're in another city
But I swear to God...
[BETH] Hey, girl!
Jumpy Jam.
You know what calms me down?
Is there something?
Weed, Billie Holiday,
Grand Theft Auto...
Oh, and tickling my man
in the rowboat.
You know what I mean?
I have no idea what you mean.
What's wrong?
My dad and my bougie egg donor
are in town.
- Oh.
- Fricking killing me.
I need, like, all the drinks.
Well, SBB is having a party tonight.
I know you think white sororities
are beer-soaked brothels
with less sisterhood
than an honor stoning.
Yeah.
But if you're just trying
to drown your sorrows...
come to my beer-soaked brothel.
["SHAKE MY BODY"
BY MICHELLE DELAMOR PLAYING]
Shake my body
Shake my body
[ALL CHANTING] Chug.
[SHOUTING] Is that a twerk pyramid?
[BETH] Yes!
Nectar of the gods, ladies?
Yep!
Are you gonna get "white girl" wasted?
Hate this song!
[BETH SQUEALS EXCITEDLY]
Yes!
Yeah. Hey!
The next one's a neck shot, douche.
Amber, this is my girl, Jamilah.
Amber is the only one in SBB
I've never wanted to choke out.
I don't let her choke out the girls,
but sometimes we pee in their shampoo.
Yeah!
[BETH] This is Libby.
And believe it or not, the whole
southern belle thing is not an act.
Oh, Beth!
Libby, this is my friend Jamilah.
So nice to meet you. You all want to play?
Oh, no. I'm from Philly.
We don't play with our drinks.
How precious!
I've been dying to go to those mooky,
blue-collar towns, like Philly or Detroit.
Oh, my gosh.
Have you ever been stabbed...
[LIBBY SQUEALS]
[JAMILAH] Oh, my God.
My heart was so low
Wait, you have black SBBs?
What?
Love is a battlefield
[BETH WHOOPS]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[BETH] Oh, Saundra, that was amazing.
This is my girl, Jamilah.
Jamilah, Saundra.
You killed it, sis.
We're not related.
[MAN SINGS OUT OF TUNE]
You're as cold as ice
Somebody likes being
the only chocolate in the candy dish.
[BETH] Oh, my God!
And that, right there, is Danielle Harris.
She's like a skinny Kim Jong Ew.
The Zeta Lambda Pi social tomorrow
may get awkward.
Amber called them all "Date-a-Bi" as some
brothers know their way around a shlong.
I wanted to bite off her nipple
and spit it at her!
[JAMILAH LAUGHS]
[JAMILAH SNORTS]
Hi, Danielle.
This is my friend Jamilah.
And this is her first SBB party.
Then where is her goddamn beer?
Be a better hostess, Beth.
Oh, no. I don't really do beer.
Weird.
So, interested in rushing SBB?
Actually, I'm a Theta.
- Not heard of it. I'm sure it's great.
- It's a black sorority.
OMG.
They are so mysterious!
Do they really beat you until you pass out
and brand you like cattle
with a hot coat hanger?
I saw it on 20/20.
Maybe it was The View.
Whatever! It was totally Babs.
Do you line up in bikinis and circle
each other's cellulite with a marker?
Used to.
Ah, the good old days!
How come none of your sororities
have houses?
Why don't you participate in Greek Week?
Oh! We have a black girl in ours.
- Do you have a white girl?
- Oh, my God.
- Are you the ones who do the screeching?
- Danielle!
Beth, sweetie.
THAT ENSEMBLE:
five years and ten pounds ago, maybe.
That's a hard "maybe".
So, that beer. Do you have Heineken?
No, skip that. Do you have crack?
[MEN GROANING IN DISGUST]
Jamilah?
I'm deactivating.
What?
You can just quit your sorority?
Black Greeks are like gangs.
You get out when you die.
Damn.
My point is...
weak people quit.
- I'm not weak.
- Why are you quitting?
I have tried!
But all these girls care about is
blow-drying their hair,
and getting skinny and getting wasted...
But there's sex.
That's true.
SBB has helped me get mad laid.
No! I mean there's sex happening
right in front of me.
[LIBBY GASPS]
This is just like summer camp!
Oh, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
Bad Libby!
Oh, oh, oh. Hey, Libby!
- Get up, Libby!
- Beth, please go away.
- You're making it awkward, and I like you.
- Oh, my...
Stop it! I'm trying... to help you!
- [SHOUTS] Bishop!
- [WHISPERS] God.
- This has got to stop.
- Are you hung over?
[SWALLOWS]
No.
Well, wring out your liver, Bishop.
We have got a big problem.
There is a video online
of a Sigma Beta Beta member
having sex on their lawn!
They're making porn on...
[BETH OVER VIDEO] Get down, Libby!
They're making porn on my campus.
It's gone viral.
Poor choice of words.
If they can't get their shit together,
I am pulling their charter!
Yeah...
Terrible.
[LIBBY OVER VIDEO] Goodness!
[BETH OVER VIDEO] Get down!
Am I supposed to say something else?
That you're gonna help fix this!
You understand Greek culture.
Oh, no. I understand black Greek culture.
Look, you make this SBB mess go away,
and I'll guarantee you
admission to Harvard.
[VIDEO CONTINUES PLAYING]
- Nick and I will both endorse you.
- Oh, OK...
We want to create a distraction,
make SBB look like positive contributors
to the community.
Ooh.
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
What if they did that steppy thing?
- Steppy thing?
- You know...
That's Voguing.
Please stop. Please...
Don't you have a competition coming up?
You have that charity step deal.
Yes, but I can't teach them.
- My black card would get revoked.
- Do you want to go to Harvard or not?
[SIGMA BETA BETA VIDEO CONTINUES PLAYING]
Frigging amateurs. When I have sex
outdoors, what I like to do is...
- Boundaries, boundaries!
- Sorry.
Boundaries.
I cannot believe
you're not stepping with us this year.
- I'm mad at you. You're killing me, OK?
- I've been spending all my time on Theta.
- I have to focus on getting into Harvard.
- Alright.
You are a dope choreographer.
You don't need me.
You're right. You're right.
I am seriously dope.
Thanks.
[AISHA CHUCKLES]
Hey, did you guys hear about that sorority
that had sex on their lawn?
Oh, yeah! Somebody Tweeted,
"S-B-B stands for Skanky Bougie Broads."
It was me.
Of course it was!
Dean Berman is trying
to rehabilitate their image,
get them to do something outstanding.
You mean get through a sentence
without the word "like"?
I mean like having them step.
[AISHA] Wait. White people, stepping?
- I know.
- That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
The dumbest. It's so stupid.
Stepping is a black Greek thing.
[CHERYL] Uh-huh.
I will say, though, that we did get
our letters and organizational structure
from white fraternities and sororities.
What's wrong with sharing
one part of our culture with them?
Helping white Greeks jack our traditions
is a slap in the face to our founders.
- [CHERYL] Hmm.
- No, worse.
A slap in the face, then a headlock,
and a weave yank.
And that isn't cute.
[SCOFFS]
So, just to be clear, you're not on board?
[CHERYL] Not even close.
Right.
Can you imagine, all those little Beckys
trying to get the beat?
They're trying...
Girl, you're crazy.
[CHUCKLES] Dean Berman.
Idiot.
[DANIELLE]
Ladies, this probation is preposterous.
We are not going to take this lying down,
like a pillow princess.
Our redemption begins at tonight's social
with Zeta Pi.
- I still like "Date-a-Bi" better.
- You would, fruit fly.
Be aggressively delightful tonight!
Have sunshine shooting out
of your hooters.
You must all be sunshine hooter shooters.
Hello. Middle of a meeting...
Sorry. OK, you all remember Jamilah.
She works for Dean Berman
in Student Affairs.
She wants to talk to us
about our suspension.
Please, enlighten us.
[SIGHS]
So, I think I have a way to save
your charter and get you reinstated.
You would compete in a charity step show.
It would show the Dean
that you are capable of teamwork,
community service,
cultural awareness
and you would get great press.
That could be really fun!
I'm an excellent country line dancer.
That surprises no one.
Thanks, but no thanks.
We're sorority girls, not showgirls.
Actually, you'd be legends -
the first white Greeks ever to step.
Uh...
We're not all white Greeks.
Right.
Thank you.
Stepping requires
an extraordinary amount of discipline.
And to make it easier,
mentally and physically,
we don't drink during the week.
[ALL GASP]
Jesus Christ. Calm down.
I'm sorry, but Margarita Mondays
at Borracho's - that's an SBB tradition.
Turnt Up Tuesdays at Fleck's? Hello?
And if you think we're missing
Wine-down Wednesdays at Bedspins,
you can lick my...
I think we've heard enough.
SBBs, we're out.
No, no.
Beth.
The Dean is making an example of us.
SBB has become a beacon
of powerful, sexy bitches
that every guy wants to be with
and every girl wants to lose 30 pounds
and be like.
We are highly respected on Greek row.
That's all that matters.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, SBB. There's a ficus in the corner.
Start screwing.
[MAN] Oh, where's Tyler?
He's gonna get some!
- [MAN #2] I thought Devin nailed her!
- [MAN] I think they both hit it!
[ALL GASP]
[MEN CHANTING] SBB, STD!
[ACTRESS SCREAMS]
[KNOCK ON THE DOOR]
Did you order food?
No. I just ate.
[JAMILAH] OK.
Ugh.
Nice digs.
Well, look who has their own slice
of Wonder bread.
Pumpernickel.
Hmm.
Can I help you with something?
Step show. We're in.
Great.
SBB tomorrow, 9:00.
Can't wait.
Seriously, a Snuggie?
I'm sorry. Did I... Did I hear that right?
You're teaching a white sorority to step?
Dean Berman is forcing me.
Look, there are better ways to impress
Harvard than playing Debbie Allen.
Oh, well, thanks for having my back,
just like you did with my parents.
They had a point.
You don't aim high enough.
Your ancestors fought
for your access to education.
- Honor their struggle.
- Struggle?
You should honor my struggle
not to slap you.
Snuggle me!
It is 9:17 p.m., ladies.
You are late to an event taking place
literally a hundred feet
from your bedroom.
[SHOUTS] Get your flat asses in gear!
Go, go, go!
My ass is perfectly shaped for my frame!
Line up in two rows.
Do we have to do this in the basement?
It is really creepy down here.
Says the girl who does it in the bushes.
Stepping makes a lot of noise.
If we do this upstairs, your neighbors
will burn this place to the ground.
Where's Amber?
Does she get a demerit, Drill Sargent?
You know,
when I was president of my sorority,
I led by example.
Maybe if you tried that,
your charter wouldn't be in danger.
[WOMEN] Ooh!
OK. Now that we're all here...
What makes a great step team?
- Oh! Big-ass feet.
- Jesus.
Clever.
- But no.
- Oh.
- Unity.
- Unity! I was going to guess that.
In order to create the beat,
everyone has to be in sync.
Like our periods.
The audience spots mistakes
and weak links immediately,
and then you are done.
You have to think of yourselves
as limbs of the same body.
Sounds really corporate retreat-y.
Are we gonna do trust falls next?
[WOMEN LAUGH]
Do not talk while I am talking.
I'll extend you the same courtesy.
It's like mutual respect.
OK?
OK. Let's back it up a little bit.
Let me see you guys dance.
We are here to step.
That's different to dance.
[JAMILAH] You're right.
But I've got to see what I'm working with.
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
First five.
["LEFT FOOT, RIGHT FOOT"
BY ILOVEMEMPHIS PLAYING]
Turn it up right now
Left foot, right foot
Left foot, right foot
Left foot, right foot
Get it on
Left foot, right foot
Left foot, right foot
Left foot, right foot
Put your hands up
Waa!
Hit it on them, hit it on them
Hit it on them
Hit it on them, hit it on them
Hit it on them
Put your hands up
OK, people, let's get started
I'm the turn up king
So I'm piping
Every guy is like, "Aye"
If you can't dance...
Um...
It's OK
Left foot, right foot
Come and swing my way
Memphis is my state
But I'm always in the A
And when I do my dance
Everybody's like "Ay"
Swag surfing caught a wave
And I ain't coming back down
Left foot, right foot
Turn up right now
OK! I've seen enough.
Alright. Today,
we're gonna do some stepping.
I'm gonna teach you an eight-count.
Watch my hands, watch my feet,
and really listen to the rhythm.
OK. Now, slow...
Now you try it.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Stomp, clap, slap.
Stomp, clap.
Bend your knees.
[UNCOORDINATED CLAPPING]
OK, just stop! This is so childish.
This is going to impress no one.
Danielle...
try the step alone.
My pleasure.
[JAMILAH] Oh, my God.
[LIBBY] Is she crazy?
Something like that?
Let's call it a night, ladies.
Practice this on your own.
Same time tomorrow.
Oh, my God.
[CHUCKLES]
I totally only drink things
with "skinny" in the title.
Like my handy work?
I built this so you can grab a bottle
from anywhere,
and the rest will redistribute
without breaking.
Are you a... Are you a new pledge, or...?
Oh, hell, no.
[JAMILAH LAUGHS]
You'd have to pay me, like, 12
Scrooge McDuck gold vaults to pledge SBB,
especially with Darth Hater as president.
Wow. Duck Tales and a Star Wars
reference in one sentence.
What's your name, not pledge?
Jamilah.
Jamilah.
That's Arabic for "beautiful" or "lovely."
I'm a former Arabic Studies minor.
I wanted to open a ski resort
in Afghanistan.
What could go wrong there?
Kevin.
So, you just hang out
in sorority houses, Kevin?
It's pretty creepy.
"Darth Hater" is my sister.
Danielle?
Nipple. Ass! Bitch. Christ. Crack.
Hooters. Spit it at her!
Danielle?
- Sorry. Her?
- Yeah.
- So, you're adopted?
- Yeah.
Sorry I'm late, Kev.
Somebody ran practice late.
So, like 20 minutes.
[JAMILAH GROANS]
My brother makes very bad decisions
when it comes to relationships.
I like to counsel him
because I'm an amazing sister
and an excellent leader.
I'll be right back.
- You...
- Easy. Easy.
- She touched your hair.
- Yes, Sharpton. Sharpton!
We used to bathe together as kids.
She gets a pass.
Good luck with that.
Thanks for the drink.
Yep.
Well, I'm around if you need anything!
So, I realized you guys are missing
some of the basic cultural building blocks
for stepping,
plus Danielle thinks this is childish.
And that gave me an idea.
This is Deja. This is Alani.
They're from 40th Street,
where my sorority volunteers every week.
Why would you be doing community service
if you didn't get a DUI?
The shade is real.
[ALL] Ooh!
OK. Show them what you got, ladies.
Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack
All dressed in black, black, black
With silver buttons, buttons, buttons
All down her back, back, back
OK, fine. That was precious.
But everybody's played
"Patty Cake" as a kid.
Oh, no, no.
"Patty Cake" is Taylor Swift.
"Miss Mary Mack" is Beyonc.
[BETH LAUGHS]
Partner up. Give it a shot.
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
White, white girl
White girl
Hello?
White, white girl
[PANTS]
Come on, sis.
Don't let the white girl out-rhythm you.
Excuse me, young lady.
Is that how we speak to our elders?
- It is in my house.
- [GASPS] Ooh, I like you.
- No, she's rude.
- Hey! Hey, Saundra.
[BOTH] Ooh!
You should really
take this more seriously.
You have so much potential.
And you kind of have the most to gain.
You're learning something
to connect to your people.
No, I'm just saying,
your life is kind of all white everything.
- Being around black culture...
- I'm sorry.
Isn't your boyfriend white?
Much to his dismay, yes.
[LAUGHS MOCKINGLY]
So, I can't be around white people,
but you can be all up
under Iggy Bro-zalea?
Your hypocrisy bores me.
Hey! I feel you. I'm a suburban girl, too.
I'm just saying, you need that.
You need to worry about
your own little life,
and let me live mine.
[WHISPERS]
You are so thoughtful, Jamilah.
I've got you, girl, anytime.
You are so smart and brilliant.
It's so nice to be around people who care.
Anytime, girl. High five.
Beth, you were supposed
to have our appeal letter drafted.
Get your shit together.
Libby, where are we at with our threat
to freeze alumni donations?
Um...
[AMBER SNORES]
Amber, you just sat down.
[SHOUTS] You cannot possibly be asleep!
Sorry! It's $20.
What is going on here?
I am the only one trying to fix this.
You are all sitting on your tits!
If any more SBB business
falls through the cracks,
I am pulling the plug
on this entire step show.
[JAMILAH] Threats?
That's bold leadership.
Um, don't talk when I'm talking,
and I'll do the same.
[IN DITZY ACCENT]
It's called, like, mutual respect.
[IN DITZY ACCENT]
Is that supposed to be me?
Moving on, we are completely behind
on our community service
slash fund-raising
slash SBB bonding night.
Speaking of which, if Her Majesty
would cede me the floor, I have business.
[DANIELLE SIGHS]
Thank you. Beth and I have been doing
some shopping for props and costumes.
All in, we're looking at three grand.
How much is in
your special events account?
We don't have an account.
Every month, we make a video
for Libby's daddy, asking him for money.
He wires it,
and then we all go out for a fancy dinner.
Oh, and then we give the doggie bags
to the homeless people.
That part was my idea.
So sweet.
Very smart.
- Really fulfilling.
- Good idea.
That's your fund-raising?
- Community service and chapter bonding?
- Yeah.
Ladies, trust me. Raising money yourselves
is a lot more rewarding.
It can even be fun,
like a karaoke night or something.
Oh!
I love to sing.
And I'll organize
a real community service project.
No...
Guys, there is no better feeling
than helping people who need it.
- It will be great.
- Downer!
You are like
a Sarah McLachlan animal commercial.
By the way, can we talk
about our rehearsal space?
Stomping on concrete...
Should I send you my chiropractor bills?
Yes, and it's killing our pedis.
- And our knees.
- Uh-huh.
That's what's killing your knees?
You need to get that black widow
out of your box, missy!
- Or else, what?
- [LIBBY] I'll get it out for you!
[ALL] Ooh!
Hey!
I'll see what I can do
about the rehearsal space.
In the meantime,
can you guys go five minutes
without being dicks to each other?
We can try.
I'm so glad I stopped by.
Well, I'd like to spread the butter,
so if anyone's got...
[DANIELLE] You better not...
[WOMEN CHATTING]
[AMBER] I can't believe it's not butter
that she bought.
["JUST WHAT I NEEDED" BY THE CARS PLAYING]
I don't mind you coming here
[WOMEN CONTINUE CHATTING]
And wasting all my time
'Cause when you're standing oh so near
I kind of lose my mind
Is this a date?
- Because it kind of feels like a date.
- Uh... no.
Dates require romance,
potential longevity,
actual physical attraction.
[WAILS]
I guess you're just what I needed
Just what I needed
[JAMILAH] Oh, God, no.
[KEVIN WAILS]
- Don't tell me you like The Cars.
- Yes.
No, the late seventies is about Chaka Khan
and Rick James,
P-Funk.
The Cars are so corny.
Ooh!
I didn't realize "corny" meant
"combining punk minimalism, classic rock
showmanship and new wave synth."
[JAMILAH] Hmm.
- I'm gonna learn so much from you.
- Can I help you guys?
Three-quarter maple wood
for a low platform
and the biggest wall mirrors you have.
- It's for step practice.
- Actually, I've got this.
[LAUGHS] We just need plywood.
Right. If you want the wood to warp
and break your girls' ankles.
[EMPLOYEE] He's right, ma'am.
A platform is safer,
more stable and hollow,
so it will echo like a real stage.
My girl and I argue like this
all the time.
- Yeah.
- [SCOFFS] Ugh! I am not his girl.
- Thanks, bro.
- [EMPLOYEE] Sorry.
I have a boyfriend, FYI.
Why isn't he here buying wood with you?
- He's not that good with his hands.
- Oh, you know...
Don't you dare.
And I didn't mean "ugh."
I guess you're not that gross.
- [KEVIN] This is definitely a date.
- No, it's not a date.
["TIGHTROPE" BY JANELLE MONE PLAYING]
Another day
Some people talk about you
Like they know all about you
When you get down, they doubt you
And when you tip it on the scene, yeah
They're talking about it
'Cause they can't tip on the scene
They just talk about it
T-t-t-talk about it
When you get elevated
They love it or they hate it
You dance up on them haters
Keep getting funky on the scene
While they're jumping round you
They're trying to take all your dreams
But you can't allow it
'Cause, baby
Whether you're high or low
Whether you're high or low
You've got to tip on the tightrope...
[LAUGHTER]
Tip on the tightrope...
[LIBBY SQUEALS EXCITEDLY]
Whether you're high or low
Baby, whether you're high or low
You've got to tip on the tightrope
Now let me see you do the tightrope
Tip, tip on it
And I'm still tipping on it
See, I'm not walking on it
Or trying to run around it
This ain't no acrobatics
You either follow or you lead, yeah
I'm talking about you
Keep on blaming the machine, yeah
I'm talking about it
T-t-t-talking about it
I can't complain about it
I've got to keep my balance
And just keep dancing on it
We're getting funky on the scene
Yeah, you know about it
Like a star on the screen...
[ALL SCREAM EXCITEDLY]
Then, baby, whether I'm high or low...
[ALL] One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, ten!
[ALL CHEERING]
Tip on the tightrope
Baby, baby...
Bitch! Are you kidding me?
[DANIELLE] Oh, my God.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[SHOUTING]
Ladies!
[SHOUTS] Ladies!
[PANTING]
[JAMILAH SQUEALS]
[JAMILAH GASPS]
[BETH] Oh...
Apt metaphor.
What?
[JAMILAH PANTS]
I just mean, the girls are getting better,
but if they can't work together,
we're screwed.
Hey, girl.
[BETH] Oh, hi.
I'm headed to the Pilates class
that you prepaid for but keep missing.
Oh, yeah. I know.
I've been so "incognegro" lately.
[BETH LAUGHS]
- I've just been running more.
- Girl, I don't do running.
I mean, I will do side bends or sit-ups,
but I will not lose my butt.
[LAUGHTER]
[BETH CACKLES]
Oh, hey, Betsy.
Hey... Beth.
Right.
Aren't you in SBB?
Yeah. Don't hold it against me.
So, how's the theft? Oh...
I mean, cultural appropriation...
I mean, stepping, coming?
Well, I mean, it started pretty rough,
because it's hard.
- You know?
- Yeah.
But we have a pretty sick-ass coach, so...
You're not teaching them are you, Jam?
Girl, you're crazy.
Teaching?
Oh, we're... I'm busy, you know.
- OK.
- Cardio, Harvard...
I mean, I'm surprised
they find time to practice,
with all the tanning sessions
and blow-drying...
Girl, when was the last time you
left the house without your edges laid?
Cheryl? No. I didn't send for you.
- It's the wrong time...
- We should run.
Because we don't want our FitBits
judging us tonight.
Because we want to be more like... OK.
Ooh! Oh no, girl. You're mad sweaty.
You know I don't do sweat.
- I glow.
- I forgot.
- You're right. OK, girl. Bye! See you!
- See you.
- You're about to get that shit again.
- Bye!
I don't know what's going on with her.
Out of control.
[BETH PANTS]
If my sorors find out I'm teaching you
to step, it will get ugly,
like Love and Hip Hop reunion show ugly.
- I like Love and Hip Hop reunion shows.
- I know.
What do you have,
an exam on that comic book?
I didn't know you liked zombies.
Campus is all abuzz about
these white girls stepping next week.
- Are they excited?
- Depends on the skin tone.
Seems to be a direct correlation
between pigmentation and indignation.
Great. So, my college legacy will be...
Auntie Tom, the sell-out house Negress.
[KEVIN] Let's postpone your pity party.
OK, my sister tells me you guys
are doing a karaoke fund-raiser?
- Yeah.
- Karaoke's way more fun with a live band.
And I happen to play keyboard in...
So, your legacy will be...
the keyboard playing, Arabic studying,
snowboarding handyman?
- Honey, you're a mess.
- Or a Renaissance man.
I'll just...
I'm gonna get back to work, so...
Let me take you out.
Like a date.
I'm not, you know,
a dinner-date kind of guy.
I'm more original with my game.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
I just think it's probably too soon
for a ski weekend in Afghanistan, so...
The whole playing-hard-to-get thing
really works well for you.
[CHUCKLES] You've got a lot of balls.
Nah.
Just two.
So corny.
Ugh. There you go.
That word again.
Look, make a list of everything
that's not corny,
so I can be cooler in the future.
Oh, you've got it. What's your e-mail?
Uh, twobigballs@forreal.com.
- Twomicro...
- Massive...
- ...balls@inyourdreams.com.
- Inreality.com.
[JAMILAH] OK. Got it.
Ooh, baby, baby
Baby, baby
Salt and Pepa's here
And we're in effect
Want you to push it, babe
Cooling by day...
[HUMS INTO GLASS]
Let's go show the guys that we know
How to become...
$2,100 at the door.
Jam, will you gay-marry me?
Yeah!
I need more songs.
- [JAMILAH] Behind the bar.
- I crossed out the Prince songs.
Drunk assholes screeching Purple Rain
is no way to honor his memory.
You missed my rendition of
Bitch Betta Have My Money.
And calling it "epic"
would be a gross understatement.
[CHEERING]
[CROWD WHOOPING]
Up next, Jamilah!
Please report to the stage.
Jamilah.
[BETH] Kill it, girl!
[CROWD WHOOPING]
- Cute.
- [KEVIN] I've been called worse.
So, what will it be?
Shoop? Single Ladies?
Hmm? Well?
["JUST WHAT I NEEDED" BY THE CARS PLAYING]
[WOMAN HOWLS IN APPROVAL]
I thought was corny?
I don't mind you coming here
And wasting all my time, time
'Cause when you're standing oh so near
I kind of lose my mind, mind
It's not the perfume that you wear
It's not the ribbons in your hair
I don't mind you coming here
And wasting all my time
I guess, you're just what I needed
Just what I needed
I needed someone to feed
I guess, you're just what I needed
Just what I needed
I needed someone to bleed
[LIBBY SCREAMS]
Hey. Quick second.
Stay away from my brother.
He falls really hard and really fast.
He just got out of a bad break-up.
He doesn't need some rebound chick
heart-raping him.
I have a boyfriend,
who's driven and successful...
Kevin is my best friend in the world.
And if you hurt him,
I will wear your ass like a leg warmer.
Great job up there!
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
[CELL PHONE PINGS AND BUZZES]
[SIGHS]
[BETH]
Jammer! Come to Fleck's with us tonight.
It's Ladies' Night -
epic buzz for minimal ducats!
Hmm...
Maybe, but I'm kind of stressed.
Just want to chill. OK?
[AISHA] Hey, Jam. Sorors from Cornell
are in town tonight - dying to see you.
Fleck's, at 11:00. Ladies night.
Oh...
Uh...
[BETH] Come, for reals!
SBBs are actually missing you!
Aw.
[AISHA] Not to nag, but this MIA routine
is making girls feel some kind of way.
[DANE] Beautiful brown boo!
My plans fell through.
You down for some spoken word tonight?
Ew.
[KEVIN]
You know, I've been thinking about you.
All good thoughts.
Well, mostly good thoughts.
[DANE] Are you there?
Childproof your thoughts, buddy.
I've got a boyfriend, remember?
[DANE] What are you talking about?
[BETH] I'll stop by on my way to Fleck's!
[AISHA] The sorors wanna
bring the party to you!
[DANE] Are we role-playing again?
I'm coming over.
[JAMILAH SCREAMS]
God!
[CELL PHONE PINGS]
What?
[DEAN BERMAN] Grab me a cheeseburger pizza
and some bacon-wrapped onion rings.
It's Faturday night!
[CELL PHONE PINGS]
[DEAN BERMAN] Sorry, Bishop.
That was for the hubby.
Do not judge my carb-loading.
Weird.
God!
[FEET STOMPING]
OK. Hold that pose.
Throw your hand sign up.
You've got to let people know
the koala bear is your emblem.
This is an applause break and a chance
for you guys to catch your breath.
Also, you'll stop becoming moving targets.
GET READY FOR PROJECTILES:
hot dogs, sodas,
any aerodynamic concession, really.
If they throw it,
they better be ready to catch it.
- It doesn't matter. We are gonna kill it.
- [JAMILAH] There's one more thing.
You guys need to get intense.
[SHOUTS] Gentlemen!
[FEET STOMPING]
[SHOUTS] Greetings from the brothers
of the rugged, the raucous,
and oh-so-ruthless Rho Lambda Chapter!
Rho Beta Mu fraternity, incorporated!
[ALL SHOUT] Rho, Beta, Beta, Beta Mu!
[BETH SQUEALS]
[AMBER WHISPERS] Jesus Christ.
Ladies, introduce yourselves!
- Amber.
- SBB!
[LIBBY] I'm from Texas. I'm actually...
- [BETH] Shh.
- Pitiful!
Man, you all need to spit with some fire.
Put some bass and gravel in your voice!
You all can say some
whack-ass words all day,
but if you spit with some fire,
it will make people's ass hair stand up!
Hey.
Their ass!
[SHOUTS] Make their ass hair... stand up!
Serious.
Shut up!
Say "Hello Kitty."
- Are you hitting on me?
- I said, say "Hello Kitty!"
- Hello Kitty.
- Louder!
Hello Kitty!
Not the back of your throat,
from the bottom of your ass!
- [SHOUTS] Hello Kitty!
- Louder!
[SCREAMS] Hello Kitty!
- Say "Honey Boo Boo!"
- Honey Boo Boo.
[SHOUTS] Pull that Barbie
out of your butt, sis!
[GROWLS] Honey Boo Boo!
- Chicken!
- Chicken!
- Tenders!
- Tenders!
- Chicken tenders!
- Chicken tenders!
I said, chicken tenders!
[GROWLS LOUDLY] I said, chicken tenders!
Calm down, white girl.
Say "Chef Boyardee."
You've got to be kidding me.
Come on "Becky with the Good Hair!"
Say it like you mean it!
[SHOUTS] Chef Boyardee, bitch!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit, shit, shit!
[SCREAMS] Shit!
[GROWLS]
[DANIELLE SIGHS]
[GROWLS] Yeah!
[BETH CONTINUES GROWLING]
[BETH PANTS]
[SHOUTS] That's what I'm talking about!
Now, who are you?
[ALL SHOUT] SBB!
I can't hear you!
[ALL SHOUT] SBB!
SBB!
SBB!
[DRUM MUSIC PLAYING]
Yo!
- Jam. What's up, Dane?
- Hi.
- The white girls are stepping tonight.
- No!
If they wanna sample the black experience,
let them be slaves and step in chains,
and we'll knock 100 points
off their credit score.
- See how they feel about that!
- [CHERYL] Aisha!
Yeah, I know, girl.
[CHERYL] What are you doing? Come on!
They don't know, do they?
Lying to your own sorors.
Sad times.
Let's get through this, so I can go home
and fling myself off the balcony.
[DEAN BERMAN SHOUTS] Bishop!
God, you're gonna feel really bad
when I have a heart attack.
Is that how you greet your boss?
Dane Hagley. It's a pleasure, sir.
I've heard such great things.
I'm proud of you
for marrying your life partner.
You're a brave soldier, in the war...
on intolerance.
So, The Daily Orange is coming,
as well as some other local media.
- Hopefully, we'll get exposure.
- Fingers crossed.
Between the community service
and the step show, this might work.
If this doesn't work, we're screwed.
Sad times.
Sad times!
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
Alright, Westcott.
Alright.
Remind me again
for whom I should be rooting?
- Root for whomever you want.
- Oh.
Up next,
we have one of the best step teams.
I do not think you are ready.
[SAUNDRA] What's wrong?
[WAILS] Oh, oh, nothing. Nothing.
It's just my nervous cry.
It makes for really awkward job interviews
and first dates.
Damn. It doesn't take but a stiff breeze
to get a white girl crying.
[CRIES] It's a serious condition!
Up next, it is our undefeated
stepping champions.
It's the Biggie Smalls of stepping,
the lovely ladies of Theta Chi Phi!
[CHEERING]
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
[ALL CHANT] T-H-E-T-A, rah!
T-H-E-T-A, rah!
T-H-E-T-A, rah!
Let's go!
Thetas, alright
Thetas, alright
Game time
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Sta!
Sta!
Ah!
Rah!
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
[BOTH WHOOP]
[ALL CHANT] Rep one-six
Hut, hut, hut, hut
Hut one, hut two, hut three, hut four
Theta's gonna come give you some more
Hut one, hut two, hut three, hut four
Theta's gonna come give you some more
[ALL HISS]
Chi Phi
[ALL HISS]
Chi Phi
Chi Phi
Get some
Hut one, hut two, hut three, hut four
Theta's gonna come give you some more
Theta girls are lovely
We're so fine
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Get some
Theta Chi Phi will blow your mind
Get some
Theta Chi Phi will blow your mind
Get some
Ooh!
Sta!
Let's go
Huh, huh, ha, ha
Panthers
Fourth down
Ah, rah!
One-nine
Sixteen
Say one-nine
Sixteen
Say one-nine
Sixteen
Say one-nine
Sixteen
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
Is the fire department here?
Because they just set this stage on fire!
Let me hear you make some noise
for those Thetas!
OK, Sigmas,
do we want to be the girls who bombed?
Or do you want to be the girls
that blew the roof off this bitch?
I wanna blow the roof off the bitch.
Yes, Libby.
[MC] We have a different flavor
going on today.
# TheyAreWhiteAsShit.
That's racist. She's being racist.
Black people can't be racist
to white people.
Oh, my God. Never say that again.
Systemic racism.
Where the shit is Amber?
She's on her way.
Get your hot sauce in your bag swag,
because shit's about to get
real bland around here.
[DANIELLE] Alright.
- Put your hands together.
- Line, now.
Give it up for Sigma Beta Beta!
[MUTED APPLAUSE]
[AUDIENCE MEMBER] Time for the rodeo!
[AUDIENCE MEMBER #2] Yee-haw, girl!
- Cowboys? That's cool. Yeah.
- What's wrong?
If there's any Native Americans in the
audience, they'd feel great about that.
It's not like it was a genocide
or anything!
[AUDIENCE MEMBER #2]
Let's go, white girls!
[DANIELLE CHANTS]
SBB, we're repping
[ALL CHANT] The purple and pink
["RICH WHITE LADIES" BY WIMBLEDON PLAYING]
Uh, ooh
Uh, ooh
You are so bull-bullshit
We are so Wimbledon
You are so bull-bullshit
[ALL CHANT] S-B-B, S-B-B, step
Koala-ah-ah-ah
S-B-B, S-B-B, step
Koala-ah-ah-ah
S-B-B, S-B-B, step
Koala-ah-ah-ah
S-B-B, S-B-B, step
Koala-ah-ah-ah
SBBs, when we get on the floor
Everybody knows we put on a show
Sigma Beta Beta
Sigma Beta Beta
Sigma Beta Beta
Koala
[MAN] Corny!
[MAN LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]
[AUDIENCE MUTTERING]
[MAN #2] Oh, she's late!
[AMBER WHISPERS] What?
We'll see... White-people time.
Thanks for joining us, Amber.
Really appreciate it!
[ALL CHANT] S-B-B
Lean
[ALL GROAN]
[DANIELLE SQUEALS]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Oh, my God.
Your god can't help you now.
[BOOING]
[SBB MUTTERING]
[DANIELLE GROANS]
[DANIELLE WHISPERS] One, two, three, four.
[SBB CHANT] S-B-B
[AUDIENCE BOOING]
S-B-B
S-B-B
Are you kidding me?
[SBB SHRIEK]
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
[AUDIENCE BOOING]
[WOMAN] Girl, please!
Somebody stop them!
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
It's a great job, babe.
Congratulations.
Well, that was an experience.
Dean Berman,
I'd like to formally request
sobriety tests for all those young ladies,
because there's no way they came out here
and did that sober.
And then the girl fell at the end.
What did she trip on? Life?
Let's give it up
for our sisters in Christ,
Sigma Beta We-Don't-Have-Rhythm-eta!
Iggy Azalea, come on down.
Get your back out there.
At least it's for breast cancer.
Oh, my God.
[DEAN BERMAN] Bishop!
SBB couldn't even nail
their dance routine?
I'm pulling their charter.
- Dean Berman, wait...
- I can see the hashtags already.
# BlackSteppersMatter.
# SteppersSoWhite.
- We're lucky we didn't have a race riot.
- You're overreacting. Shocker.
Please be patient. I promise
I will show you what SBB is capable of.
It didn't work. It's over, Bishop.
Let's go.
I am so not in the mood to socialize.
Wow. It's come to this, huh?
Cowering to avoid your own betrayal?
[WHISPERS] OK, you are being super judgy.
Sorry, "super judgy"?
Jesus, you're becoming one of them.
Don't forget you had a brain
before these Beckys turned you.
Oh, what, you actually care about SBB?
Enough to help, yeah.
This is serious.
You've abetted the latest cultural theft.
Well, get ready for white,
WASP-y step shows to sweep the nation.
Blond ponytails swinging,
stomping off beat...
What's up, brother?
Catch you later. Good looks.
Now whitey can add stepping
to the long list of things
we've stolen from black culture,
including jazz, rock and roll,
those beaded vacation cornrows.
OK, that is on you, Slugworth.
We need to break up.
No, we don't need to break up. I got us
tickets to the New Edition reunion tour.
Dane, you're never on my side.
I didn't see it before
because you look great on paper.
You're smart, handsome,
you don't have that weird white-boy smell.
White-boy smell?
It's like old leather couch and wet dog
and hair gel and...
It doesn't matter.
I'm done being proof
of how liberal you are.
That's what your Prius is for.
Beaded vacation cornrows?
Really?
[SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
Well, I guess we all know
who's responsible for all this.
- Dean Berman?
- Miss Libby.
Enough with the slut-shaming.
What are you, a virgin?
Yes. I'm a Catholic.
- Stop fighting.
- The white girls crashed and burned.
The ones who were there
when the show started?
They did just fine.
It's a shame that I was the only one
who took this seriously.
[AMBER] Are you kidding me?
[SHOUTING]
Stop! Stop!
This is a shit show!
Right? We would have been fine
if you had showed up on time...
No! I'm talking about your sorority!
Nobody respects you guys
because you don't respect each other.
There is zero sisterhood here.
Danielle, why did you choose
these girls at rush?
Why did you choose Amber?
Because I knew if we ever needed help
dropping and-or popping it,
we'd have an instructor.
What about my face
is giving you joke time?
She was a tough broad.
In a campus full of girly-girls,
I thought...
well, here is this badass chick
who's wicked smart,
sees through bullshit,
and plays by her own rules.
I respected that.
[JAMILAH] OK.
What about Saundra?
Saundra's...
unique.
And fashionable.
She had a bad experience
with another sorority.
I knew their loss was our gain.
OK. This is great. And Libby?
- Her father's very wealthy.
- Come on.
I don't know!
She's...
like an innocent little redneck.
That's not a compliment. That hurt.
No, no. I knew that other houses
would try to turn her into a New Yorker.
She needed a place where she could
let her confederate flag fly.
Uh-uh. No.
- Not literally.
- [SAUNDRA] Not at all.
And me?
I know saying nice things about me
gives you the squirts,
but you're kind of on a roll.
You were an insurance policy.
I knew that...
if I ever had a bad day for the rest
of my time during college...
that you'd be there to cheer me up.
Your positivity is as infectious
as it is nauseating.
Thank you.
Eyelashes are gonna pop off.
Oh, my God, you guys.
There's real love here.
You've got to use it.
This doesn't have to be the end.
There's a way that you guys
can prove to the Greeks
and the rest of the school -
hell, to yourselves -
that you are some badass,
stepping-ass bitches.
That you are a real sorority
and a force to be reckoned with.
How can we do that?
We donate $100,000
to the 40th Street Community Center.
It's Dean Berman's favorite charity.
All we have to do...
is win Steptacular.
It's the regional step show
I told you about.
First prize is a hundred grand.
We didn't even place
at a student step show.
- How are we gonna win at a regional one?
- You choked because your teamwork sucked.
Trust me, if you get that back,
if you build up the sisterhood,
I promise you have a real shot.
I say, hell yeah. I mean, all in favor?
Excuse me. I am the president.
I will conduct the votes.
Look, we had a good run.
Let's just quit while we're ahead.
For the record, when this goes to shit,
I told you so.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
[SBB CHATTERING]
[BETH] I love you. You're the best.
[AMBER] Sometimes...
- Cheers.
- [BETH] She loves us.
[JAMILAH] Hey.
- Hi.
- Leaving after one drink?
Are you sure you're an SBB?
I know, right?
Nah, I've got to go.
- But thanks.
- Oh, OK.
Hey, Beth.
- Can I borrow your phone?
- You bet.
[CELL PHONE BEEPING]
Thanks. Good night.
Hey.
Want to chat?
When you bounce from foster home
to foster home, a...
a sorority feels like a stable family.
I didn't tell the girls because
I didn't want to be an SBB charity case.
Yeah, but stripping?
Why not just bartend at Fleck's like Beth?
I make a thousand dollars a night.
Are they hiring?
I'm sorry you've been
going through all this.
What, you think white girls
can't struggle?
The struggle is real.
Please tell me your stripper name.
Bob.
[JAMILAH] OK, this is a teamwork exercise.
Your arms will stay linked up,
no matter what.
Your sisterhood is your bond.
Do not let it break.
Not ready! I'm not ready! Oh, my God!
- [DANIELLE] Oh, Libby!
- I'm sorry. I got so scared.
You need to look nasty...
Furious. Demonic. This is your haka.
[SHOUTS] This is your war cry.
[SCREAMING]
- [JAMILAH] Guys!
- [DANIELLE] That was aggressive.
[SHOUTS] Scare them broads
off your island.
Because this... This is your island.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
SBB Island!
[SBB CHANT LOUDLY] SBB Island!
SBB Island!
- SBB Island!
- Come on!
[BETH GRUNTS]
[SCREAMING]
[RHO BETA MU GUY]
Can I get an "ugly" on three?
- One, two, three.
- [SBB] Ugly!
Alright!
[SCREAMING]
[DANIELLE YELLS] We're bonding here!
Get him! Get his nuts!
[JAMILAH] No, guys! No! No biting!
Word on the street is that you sent
White Malcolm X packing.
Should I believe the streets?
- You can this time.
- [KEVIN] Perfect.
Because I have planned
possibly the sickest date
in the history of courtship.
But it's time sensitive,
so we should get going.
OK, I'll just go change.
No need.
You won't be wearing that outfit for long.
Presumptuous.
- And dead wrong.
- Not like that.
It's just,
the best date ever requires...
a little wardrobe change.
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
Well played, Harris.
Very original.
[KEVIN] Yeah.
So...
What are your Theta girls gonna say
now that you're out of the nerd closet?
This is not an image I plan on projecting
to my Thetas.
You know, it's like there's this
awesome chick inside you, right?
But then on the surface,
it's like work, success, motivation...
You wouldn't understand.
- You have white parents.
- What is that...
Bougie black parents are tough. Perfect
black girls did not read comic books.
I had to steal them from my guy friends.
I don't know.
It's like I got so good at doing exactly
what I was supposed to do that...
it didn't really leave time
to find a passion.
You could always be a zombie slayer.
Relax.
You'll figure it out.
It's that simple, huh?
It can be.
So, why are you single?
Uh...
Every girl I tried to date
was crazy, flaky,
and in the last case,
a lesbian.
I feel her pain.
Me too.
So...
Actually,
I have a confession to make.
I am...
sane,
I'm dependable
and mostly...
heterosexual.
[PARTY GUESTS GROWLING LIKE ZOMBIES]
[THUMPING]
[GLASS RATTLING]
[GLASS SMASHING]
[BANGING ON DOOR]
I'm from Kappa next door.
You shook our house.
We lost a row of
totally irreplaceable shot glasses.
Hello? I was talking to you!
I think you're ready.
What?
[BETH SQUEALS]
[DANIELLE] Oh, my God.
I need a shower now.
[AMBER] My boobs are sweaty.
[JAMILAH] Hey.
What's up, ladies?
Well, this is one lame surprise party.
Mom?
Soror Yvonne.
I am not calling you "Soror Yvonne."
Did you violate the sanctity
of our sisterhood?
Have you betrayed all of your black,
Greek brothers and sisters?
Those are very abstract questions.
Oh, so you think this is funny?
Well, let me remind you.
Our organizations were founded
to create community where there was none,
built upon sisterhood,
in a world that did not welcome us.
And over a hundred years,
we have stood the test of time.
This is your fault!
- My...
- Yes! You and Dad screwed me with Harvard.
This has nothing to do with family.
Well, I didn't start this conversation,
and I damn sure didn't send for you.
Sorry it's not going the way you planned,
Soror Yvonne.
You do not deserve to wear our letters.
You lied to my face.
We don't get down with you anymore,
so when you see us around...
keep walking.
- Aisha...
- [AISHA] I don't care.
Why don't you just run to the SBBs?
They're not your sorors.
They're not your friends.
You're the help.
That's how those bitches look at you.
And that's how
they will always look at you.
Actions have consequences, Jamilah.
Why don't you just step?
[DOOR SHUTTING]
When you took this job,
I told you that
even though you're still a student,
you represent this office.
Of course.
Then why am I seeing these?
[JAMILAH] Oh...
God. Oh.
I wasn't in the twerk pyramid.
- God.
- What were you thinking?
- I know this looks really bad...
- I'm sorry. I have to fire you.
And Nick and I can't endorse you
to Harvard.
Not now.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUTED CHANTING]
[ECHOING] Yo, Jam. What do you think?
[LIBBY] Jamilah?
What's wrong, honey?
I got fired.
What?
- What happened?
- No!
Dean Berman found pictures of me
partying here, with you guys,
and I'm an employee, so...
So we're gonna do something about this.
- Like what?
- I don't know. Give me 40 seconds.
- I don't have these things chambered.
- Wait, how did he get the pictures?
Aisha.
- What?
- She did not!
SBB isn't the only sorority
with internal drama.
Yeah, but you're not gonna
beez out on us, right?
[JAMILAH] Um...
Listen, guys, I...
I only have one class left,
and I can finish it online.
So...
So I'm gonna go back to Philly
and figure out my next move.
- What? We're not done choreographing.
- Steptacular is ten days away.
What are we supposed to do
without our captain?
Danielle is your captain.
It will be fine. You guys know this stuff.
You don't have a job.
Just stay with us until Steptacular.
- I really can't.
- This is bullshit.
I don't have time for this, you guys!
I have spent every minute on SBB.
- Now, I have no job, my sorors hate me...
- And that's our fault?
My life was perfect before coaching SBB.
This is obviously
the worst mistake I've made.
Wow.
You spout out this sisterhood shit,
and then you bail when we need you?
What was in it for you?
So you and the Thetas could just laugh
at a bunch of dumb white girls?
- Hello! We're not all white girls.
- To get closer to my brother?
To boost your resume for Harvard?
Was...
Was it for Harvard?
Harvard?
Yeah, Jamilah wants to go to Harvard Law.
And Dean Berman is an alum.
And so, what?
You worked out a deal that
if you tame some crazy white girls,
he'd put in a good word?
I figured everybody wins.
I get to go to law school,
your charter is safe,
the community center gets money.
[AMBER] You know what?
You're an asshole.
And I am done with you.
You're a goddam phony.
Freshman year,
I went to a Theta informational meeting.
My mother and my grandmother,
they're both Thetas.
But you guys rejected me
because I was too whitewashed.
I didn't realize.
It's fine.
I dodged a bullet.
SBB is not perfect.
But at least we judge on actions
and not stereotypes.
We're better off without you...
sis.
Long-distance things
don't work all the time.
Neither do airbags.
I just have to do what's best for me.
Only problem is just that
you have no idea what that is.
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[GASPS]
[JAMILAH] What the...
OK.
You messed with the wrong bitch today!
What the hell is wrong with you?
I thought you were a crazy person.
Obviously, I was right.
I sent the pictures to Dean Berman.
[TASER CRACKLING]
I thought you'd get into a little trouble
and we could bail on Steptacular,
and I could get SBB back in order.
I was trying to protect Kevin!
I do not believe this shit!
After everything I did for you?
In all fairness, you did it for yourself.
Actually, it was me. It was me!
It was all me!
[TASER CRACKLING]
[WHISPERS] You are so pretty.
[TASER STOPS CRACKLING]
Please come back.
[TASER CRACKLES]
SBB needs you.
You may not actually be an SBB,
but you're still one of our sisters.
I was your coach!
Your...
Your friend.
Not your sister.
It doesn't work like that.
I thought Steptacular was a bad idea
from the beginning. I admit it.
But the girls really want to do it...
together.
Please, stay.
Help us be better sisters.
YOU SAID IT YOURSELF: there's no better
feeling than helping people who need it.
I...
am not...
the help!
I'm pretty sure I said, "Keep walking,"
yet here you are.
I came to say goodbye.
And to apologize.
I screwed up.
Just for fun, you know, come in. Come in.
I'd love to hear this, just for fun.
How did you screw up?
[SIGHS]
- I lied to you.
- Uh-huh.
And I bailed on SBB.
And...
I disappointed my parents.
You know what? Take that off the list.
That doesn't bother me.
Do you even hear yourself?
Those are all the same problem.
You're a user.
I am not a user.
You used SBB and Dean Berman
to get into Harvard.
And to be honest, Jamilah,
I always thought you've been
using Theta for years
to prove how black you are.
OK.
Yeah.
I did.
I joined a black sorority
because I wanted people
to stop calling me "white girl" or "Oreo."
I admit that was the wrong reason.
You have to understand. I...
I love Theta. I love my sorors.
You let them take stepping from us.
Aisha, white people said the same thing
about Tiger Woods
and the Williams sisters.
We said the same thing about Eminem.
Races can't own things.
I give up.
[IN-CAR MESSAGE SYSTEM OVER SPEAKER]
Text from Beth.
[SIGHS]
[IN-CAR MESSAGE SYSTEM]
So much for "Perfection over excellence,
sister over self."
# WeakPeopleQuit.
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[MALE HOST ON TV]
I am in love with my Meat Genie.
[FEMALE HOST]
You're going to love it even more.
Look what it can do now!
Giant, hefty man-sized sandwiches.
Golden, fluffy pancakes, quiches,
and pot pies, too.
[MALE HOST]
You've improved what was already perfect.
[FEMALE HOST] It gets better.
You aren't winning shit,
sitting around like this.
Listen.
I don't have a job, or a man,
or a shot at law school.
But I'm here
because I believe you guys can win.
So, either prove me wrong,
or get your asses in gear,
because we have a step show in one week.
You never took off your workout clothes.
- Alright, alright.
- [BETH] Thank you.
[JAMILAH] Alright.
I know you missed me.
Hey.
Listen.
Theta missed out.
You'd have been a great soror.
But I'll settle for a friend.
Let's win, sis.
["CRZY" BY KEHLANI PLAYING]
Everything I do
I do it with a passion
If I've got to be
I'm gonna be a bad one
Crazy
Live for the challenge
Only make me stronger
One more reason to turn up on them
I go, I go, I go, I go crazy
Crazy
[GROANING]
OK!
[PANTING]
You guys look good.
Let me see it one more time from the top.
[ALL] No!
Goddamnit.
We have been doing this all night!
Oh, I think I gave myself a hemorrhoid.
OK, fine. Take five.
Hey, can I talk to you for a second?
It's Kevin.
I haven't seen him this upset
SINCE THEY CANCELED STAR TREK: Voyager.
Is he sad about me?
Or is he sad that his sister
tried to sabotage his girlfriend?
- I said the "G" word.
- Yeah, you did.
Do you think he'd talk to me?
Get out of here.
Yes, ma'am.
[SNORING]
["JUST WHAT I NEEDED" BY THE CARS
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS OUTSIDE]
[GROANS]
What...
[PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
I don't mind you coming here
And wasting all my time
'Cause when you're standing oh so near
I kind of lose my mind...
Look, Kevin.
I've always been good at everything.
Very little in life has challenged me.
I had a clear image of my perfect guy,
and it looked nothing like you.
- Why are your apologies so mean?
- No! You don't look bad.
You look great,
beautiful,
tall and handsome,
and your teeth are so white.
Your skin is so smooth and soft,
like a baby, and it's hairless.
I have no idea how you do it.
And you're just like...
You're a goofball.
You play video games online
with 12-year-olds.
- I'm about to ask you to leave because...
- Hey, I'm trying to be corny here.
I realize that Harvard
is what my parents wanted.
Well, what do you want?
I don't know.
But I know I want you.
I know I want to give us another shot.
What do you say?
That I'm never gonna be a six-foot-four
football-playing lawyer
who knows all the lyrics to old
Tribe Called Quest songs.
And that's who you always wanted, so go...
Go find him and...
Hey.
Actually...
don't find that guy.
In fact,
Eff that guy.
He probably doesn't exist anyway.
I do.
I guess, you're just what I needed
Just what I needed
I needed someone to feed
I guess, you're just what I needed
Just what I needed
I needed someone to bleed
[MC]
Welcome to the 25th annual Steptacular.
We're bringing fire all night!
Give it up for Zeta Rho Nu!
[HIP HOP PLAYING]
Give it up for Rho Beta Mu!
Sigma Delta Eta!
You all make some noise.
They were on fire!
Yow! There it is! I approach it.
That is why they make it
to the Steptacular every single year!
Yeah.
Alright.
[LIBBY SQUEALS]
[LIBBY] Oh, my God.
There are ten times as many people here
as there were last time.
Next group of ladies,
they've got brains,
beauty,
and talent!
[SQUEALS EXCITEDLY]
You all give it up for the sexy ladies
all the way from Westcott University.
You all make some noise
for Theta Chi Phi!
Come on, you all.
Come on, you all! Come on!
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Hmm, sta!
One-six
Panthers, attack
Sta!
[WOMAN] Yes, ladies!
We are the...
Thetas, Thetas, Thetas
Thetas
The soul-stepping
Thetas, Thetas, Thetas, Thetas
When you see us, back it up
Thetas, Thetas, Thetas, Thetas
Let it go
Now you know we're in control
Thetas, Thetas, Thetas
So fine
I said, my sorors!
Yeah?
Let's show them how it's done
Break it down
Ah, step
Booty drop, booty drop
Ah, step
Ah, step
Work it, girl
Ah, step
Ah, step
Hmm, sta!
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Theta
Rah!
I heard...
the SBBs came to step!
Oh, nah, nah, nah!
See what I heard
was that the SBBs got some soul!
[ALL] Like what?
[CHEERING]
Well, let me tell you who's got some...
Tell them, girl!
That's me, yeah. Say that!
[SINGS] Theta Chi Phi got...
Soul
Theta Chi Phi's got soul
Theta Chi Phi's got soul
Lock up!
Rah!
Hmm, sta!
Thetas, are we done?
Hell no
Let me see you work it, work it
Let me see you
Theta
Sta!
Let me see you
Sta!
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
[MC] The show is over! Oh, oh, my God.
You know...
- [BETH] Good job.
- Break a leg.
[MC WHOOPS]
[BETH GROANS]
[MC WHOOPS]
I'm gonna ahead and warn you all.
This next group
is a little on the Caucasian side.
What if they hate us?
What if they boo us off
like Showtime at the Apollo?
Oh, God. Is that clown guy
with the long cane thingy here?
[JAMILAH SIGHS]
Are you guys feeling out of place,
like maybe they're judging you
before you've expressed yourselves?
- Yeah.
- Yes.
Tell me something.
How do you think they feel
when they're the only black person
in a class or at the office?
- So, you're saying we're screwed?
- You're in this position for ten minutes.
Are you gonna fall apart
and drown in a pool of white-girl tears,
or are you gonna cowgirl the fuck up?
- Yeah. Cowgirl up!
- Hell yeah.
- Thank you.
- Let's do it.
Koala on three. One, two, three!
[ALL] Koala!
I want you all to make some noise
for the Sigma Beta Betas!
Come on, now. Come on, now.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Sigma
One, eight, six, five
- What's this?
- No, just wait.
[BETH] Alright, no.
No.
[BETH SHOUTS] No, stop!
Ladies...
we didn't get our bodies bruised
and our feet bloody...
just for this shit!
We didn't come here
to do no half-assed stepping!
We came here to represent like this
Sigma Beta Beta
Ah!
[CHEERING]
[CHEERING]
[JAMILAH WHOOPS]
Who are we?
We're white girls
With a chocolate twist
But don't get it twisted
Ha!
Ha!
We don't have to break it down
SBBs turn it up
You need to cut it
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Yes!
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
Koala
[JAMILAH WHOOPS]
One, eight, six, five
SBB
[MEN CHEERING]
Slow it down now
You might be good
But you ain't us
We are the Sigma Beta Betas
And we can't be touched
I said
We can't be touched
I said
We can't be touched
SBB
Step, SBB
Step, SBB
Koala, ah, ah, ah
Step, SBB
Koala, ah, ah, ah
Step
What?
What?
["GET DOWN LOW"
BY SNOW THA PRODUCT PLAYING]
Get down, get down low
You know how that go
You gonna drop it to the floor
Get down, get down low
What's up? What's up?
Good game, cut throat
Shorty says that she love thugs, oh
She better say no names
If she got cuffs on
Lately, I just do it for the fun of it
Eyeliner so sharp that it will cut
If it's Henny
Then of course I'll take a cup of it
Good luck getting me to give a damn
In, out and in out of state
I've been eating good
Not been out of shape
But I've been out and sent out
Better get out the pen now
To print out the pay
I'll be in out and in out
And in out of planes
I don't trip out
I trip out to get out of lane...
[SBB CHANT] Koala, ah, ah, ah
["GET DOWN LOW"
BY SNOW THA PRODUCT CONTINUES PLAYING]
Get back before I block her
You're bad, I'm a bad...
[SBB CHANT] Koala, ah, ah, ah
[CHEERING]
[MC] Yeah! There it is. I told you...
[ALL CHATTER EXCITEDLY]
[MC] OK. Sigma Beta Beta,
leaving their footprint on this stage.
You never know what you're gonna get
at the Steptacular!
I see some of you sisters in the crowd
are a little salty.
You didn't expect that, did you?
Uh-huh. I see you over there.
"It was alright. It was alright.
It wasn't all that."
[JAMILAH] You guys slayed.
I am so proud of you.
[BETH CHUCKLES]
White girl tears. It's contagious.
[SBB LAUGH]
[MC] Our judges have made their decisions.
All competitors to the stage.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
And now, for the moment
we all have been waiting for...
Let's get ready for the tears
and the cheers.
[MC] In third place,
taking home $10,000,
all the way from Hampton University,
Sigma Delta Eta!
Come on, now!
[CHEERING]
Give it up for them.
[CHEERING]
This is yours. Come here.
Come here.
And in second place,
winning $25,000...
I want you to make some noise
for Heta Rho Nu!
Yeah!
[MC MUTTERS]
[CHEERING]
And now, first-place winners,
taking home $100,000!
[MC WHOOPS]
[MC] That's a lot of money.
All the way from Westcott University...
Make some noise for the sexy sorority.
Put your hands together
for your Steptacular champions of 2017...
Theta Chi Phi!
Come on, now.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
[MC WHOOPS]
[MC] Alright! Give them that thing.
You deserved it.
You deserved it.
So, that's it.
No money, no donation,
no reinstatement.
I want a picture with your fine ass.
All day, baby.
Check this out. Me and the judges
got a little creative with the scores.
You know what I'm saying?
We've got to keep stepping ours.
- Come on with the picture.
- Wait. Wait, what?
You know how it is.
Can't give them second. You feel me?
[MICROPHONE SQUEAKS]
Give me that. Excuse me.
[SHOUTS] Hello, hello! Excuse me!
Hold up.
This fool right here,
he just told me the judges
changed a score,
so that SBB would lose
and stepping would stay ours.
[AUDIENCE MUTTERING]
It's not right.
It's 2017.
According to the real scores,
SBB came in second place tonight.
[SBB SQUEAL EXCITEDLY]
[AISHA] And it's not right.
Listen, it is not right.
We need to give them their just due.
Come on.
Are you all gonna give it to them?
[AUDIENCE MEMBER] Whoa!
Really? Ooh! You all are really,
really testing my nerves.
You know what?
Come on, Becky.
Uh, Britney. Oh, gosh.
What's the child's name again?
- [JAMILAH SHOUTS] Beth!
- [BETH] Beth.
[AISHA] Beth. OK.
You all need to show some love to Beth
and her sorors. Come on.
Some love...
Because we, Theta Chi Phi,
we're gonna do the right thing
and split our check
with the real second-place team,
Sigma Beta Beta,
the real second-place step team.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
[AISHA] OK. Alright. OK.
[JAMILAH'S DAD] Under the tutelage
of trailblazing senior, Jamilah Bishop,
SBB has made history
and managed to keep
a community institution's doors open.
[JAMILAH'S DAD CHUCKLES]
- That's my baby girl.
- I know.
[CAR DOOR CLOSING]
Hi, guys.
I can be strong-willed,
forceful,
intransigent.
All qualities that make me
one of the best judges in Pennsylvania.
But they can also make me
a difficult mother.
And I've learned,
with the help of my therapist...
that I am jealous
that you are a freer spirit than I.
And I am working on
accepting you unconditionally
because that is the way I love you.
If you do it one more time, Negro...
I know how to be civil,
unlike a certain physically fit
White House princess.
You are literally
the only person in the world
that does not love Michelle Obama.
But most importantly,
we're endorsing you to Harvard, baby girl.
I'm not going to Harvard.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[DEAN BERMAN] What's next for you?
Get my drink on,
grab a couple guys,
try out my new vibrator.
[DEAN BERMAN HOOTS]
Boundaries! Hello!
Seriously, don't dodge the question.
What's next?
You know, I've never said this...
I don't know.
I don't know.
Feels good.
Luckily, I can work at 40th Street
until I figure it out.
You're a real rock star over there.
I've got to run. Nick just got back
from The Pleasure Chest.
[LAUGHTER]
I heard you got shit canned.
[JAMILAH LAUGHS WITHOUT HUMOR]
And I let you get away.
Hmm...
[BOTH LAUGH WITHOUT HUMOR]
Look, I know some people speechify
about inclusion and equality and...
[JAMILAH] Uh-huh.
I do. Fine. I do. But...
I mean, you really
walked the walk with SBB,
and I'm proud of you.
Look, I...
I should have never
taken you for granted, Jamilah.
Dane, we're cool.
You're still my nigga.
That's...
That's...
That's the nicest thing
anyone has ever said to me.
As-Salaam-Alaikum.
[KEVIN] Come on, Jam!
I feel like Robyn over there,
Dancing on My Own.
Oh, I'm sorry.
OK. Hello?
Before you two get to second base,
girl, you feel like strolling?
You know I do.
["ONE, TWO, STEP" BY CIARA PLAYING]
[KEVIN] Get her, boo.
You're a little freak.
Yeah.
I'm watching you.
[CHANTS] One-nine
[ALL CHANT] Sixteen
One-nine
Sixteen
[PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
Automatic, supersonic, hypnotic
Funky fresh...
[ALL CHANT] Mmm, sta!
Koala, ah, ah, ah
Mmm, sta!
Koala, ah, ah, ah
[MEN CHEERING]
[ALL CHEERING AND CHANTING]
Mmm...
Koala, ah, ah, ah
["ONE, TWO, STEP" BY CIARA PLAYING]