1
-"Please put all wet food
down the garbage disposal."
"I am sensitive to the
smell of rotting food."
"Don't let the same
dog bite you twice."
"What did you do with
my sunglasses???"
-Alright people,
let's get started.
Put your bags aside.
Now I know you all wake up
every morning and
you brush your teeth...
hopefully.
You drink your coffee and
you smoke your cigarettes.
You put on your little leotard.
And you come to audition.
You come to work.
But what makes today
the day that you book?
What makes today more than
just a job, more than just your
stupid little dancer's
life playing out in a loop?
-Five, six, seven, eight...
One and two.
Three and four.
And five and six...
and seven and eight...
One, two, three, four...
Five, six, seven and eight...
One, two, three, four...
Five, six and seven--
-Athena, how long have you
been auditioning for me?
- Six years.
- Six years?
So I'm going to ask
you one last time:
How bad do you want this?
- Max, you know--
- Shut up!
More than your family?
- Yes--
- More than your friends?
- What friends?
- Alright - you can go.
- Choke me.
Harder!
Like you're raping me.
- What?
- I like it rough.
Harder... Oh God!
Oh my God I'm gonna cum!
Oh God...
Oh God...
I think I'm still drunk...
and bad with names in general.
-Bryan.
- Right.
- Bryan.
- Well Bry, that... that was
fun.
-It was fun.
Athena.
Give it to me.
Don't leave me hanging.
At some point did you
ask me to rape you?
Did that actually happen?
- What if I did?
- I've just been out of
the game for a while.
I don't know if that's
like a thing now.
I don't know if I know
an actress in L.A. who
doesn't smoke cigarettes.
- Why, have you been fucking
a whole load of actresses?
- Maybe.
- Well it's alright because
I'm not an actress.
- You're not?
- Sex is better when guys think
they're banging actresses.
A kindergarten
teacher is a close second
but a... it's no actress.
- Kindergarten teacher is
pretty sexy actually.
- Well I'm pretty sexy.
- So how long have
you been doing that?
- Not long.
Because I'm not really
a kindergarten teacher.
- You uh--
I think your booty call
is trying to get a hold of you.
-Booty call, no.
Boyfriend, yes.
I'm kidding.
- I can't tell if you're funny
or just bat shit crazy.
- You must have a pretty
lame sense of humor
if you think that's funny.
- Who's Jack?
- Dude, I just met you
five minutes ago.
Please don't snoop my phone.
Give it back.
- Tell me who Jack is first.
- Jack-- Jack is my father.
He drunk dials me sometimes.
- Prove it.
- I really don't feel like
talking to him right now.
- It's because you're a liar.
- I only lied about
being an actress.
- And a kindergarten
teacher, so...
track record's not great.
- Oh you want me to
prove it to you?
Fine... fine.
Let's see what Jack,
my father, has to say.
- Athena...
- Alright-- I get it.
- goddess of wisdom, it's your--
It's daddy.
King Jack, the Duke of Soul.
I need you to come to
Florida as soon as possible.
Big News... I have cancer.
- Honey Bunny.
- Did you forget about me?
- No matter how hard I tried, I
could never forget about you.
- Is it just me or did
your boobs get smaller?
- It's just you.
- A hug- Athena.
Come here...
come on.
- I got it... I'm fine.
- Pink...
- Yeah, it's been
pink for a while.
- Really.
- You wouldn't know that though.
- You haven't visited
me in three years.
What do you think?
So, how's the dancing going?
Huh..
Hey, I hear all the young
girls are shaving off
all their cabbage these days.
Is that true?
- Cabbage patch kids!
- Well I'm not 'all the young
girls.'
So how am I supposed to know?
Well what about you?
You going bald
eagle now or what?
- No.
- No?
Because they say that- tha-
that you feel things better
because of the, uh -
the whatchamacallit.
The nerve endings.
- Nerve endings?
- Yeah.
Yeah, that's what
they're saying.
-If you want everyone to know
you have a small johnson,
- Drive that car!
-Sixty years old.
Six feet.
One hundred and
ninety three pounds.
No history of cancer, no history
of heart disease, no history
of anything aside from a
cataract surgery in 2008
and high cholesterol.
-See Honey Bunny?
Except for the cancer,
I'm in perfect health.
Oh, pay attention.
The doctor is going to show us
a picture of daddy's lungs
and we're going to see
what cancer looks like.
-Based on pet scan, cat scan,
and biopsy today we have
determined that the tumors are
spreading from your lungs to
your lymph nodes which is
typically a pre-cursor for
spreading to the brain.
- Wait, what?
- Why are you taking notes?
What do you think he's going
to give you a test after?
-Tests so far indicate
no brain cancer.
Maybe the doctor can tell us the
name of a good Indian restaurant
where we can get a bite after.
- Jack.
Please1
- She calls me Jack...
I'm her father -
she calls me Jack.
Why don't we try a
version of Papa Bear?
-Why don't we try
listening to the doctor?
-Fine.
What's with the lymbergs-
-Lymph nodes, yes.
Perhaps you could see better
if you removed your sunglasses?
-How'd you know?
- I don't understand.
- We're invisible!
- When he's wearing his
sunglasses indoors, we have
to pretend he's invisible.
Theoretically, you can't tell
him to take them off
because you can't see him.
-Right...
Well, since I can hear your
voice Mr. Morehead, but I can't
see you, I have to assume you're
wearing your invisible glasses
and therefore request you
remove them so we can discuss
the treatment options
for your cancer.
-Wow.
There you are!
Great!
-It's okay to be scared.
-But I'm not.
I have my Honey Bunny here.
You're here...
-Jack.
-I told you.
Call me Papa Bear.
-Jack, I'm serious.
-I don't have many left and
you know how I hate to waste.
-I love daddy.
He's not baddy.
-I love you, princess.
Promise you'll stay
with me, til the end.
-Then you have to do everything
possible to beat this.
Guess I'll switch
to ultra lights.
-No.
It means you have to quit.
For good this time.
For all the nicotine starved
children in Africa, right?
-Twenty-four fifty.
-What?!
Twenty-four dollars and
fifty cents for parking?
-That's what I said, sir.
-Oh, why you gotta do
a brother like that?
I was just getting my lung
cancer test results, which were
positive, I have cancer, and
they didn't validate my ticket.
Can't you help me out?
-There is no validation.
So...
-No, dig this.
Dig this, superfly.
I got a year to
three years to live.
So just help me out-
-Dad, please.
Just pay so we can go home.
-You want to give me
twenty-five bucks for parking?
- Hell no.
- Well then zip it!
Seriously, what
can you do for me?
-If you buy something
at the gift shop,
they validate in there.
-Really?
-Sorry.
Sorry.
Thank you for your patience.
Relax, buddy.
Relax.
Sorry, I have cancer, so...
Here you go.
Thank you, my brother.
Ah, Jimminy Crickets!
I forgot to ask the Punjabi
doctor where we could eat.
-Oh Jimminy crickets!
Let's go.
- Not those!
-Athena we don't have all day.
-I told you.
We're only eating only
organic from here on out.
Okay?
-I forgot how much you
like to spend my dough.
Oh, a banana.
It tastes like a banana.
Come on.
-Let's go, Athena.
-What are we
having, Honey Bunny?
-Salad.
And my name is Athena
for the third time.
And my name is Honey
Bunny for the third time!
-And what are we having
for the main course.
-This is the main course.
-I guess
what I mean then is what are
we having for our entre?
-What- this is an entre salad.
There's chicken, grilled
zucchini, onions, peppers-
- Yeah?
- Look, we got
everything in here.
We got radishes-
- What are we having
for dessert?
You know what?
I got to take this call.
-You want some real food?
Yeah?
- Daddy?
- Yeah?
Do you know where
my orange marker is?
-How would I know that?
Why would I have any idea
where your orange marker is?
-I don't know.
-Well then why are you
asking me?
-I don't know.
Alright...
Alright, I'll be right back.
-I'm hungry now.
-Well if you don't
want salad- Here.
Eat that.
I'll be right back.
-Hi, I just had a missed
call from this number.
- Hey.
- Who is this?
-It's Bryan.
-Who?
-It's Bryan.
-I'm sorry.
I meet a lot of people.
Bryan - it doesn't
ring any bells.
-From the other night.
The one who heard the
message from your dad.
-Did I give you my number?
-Is this a bad time?
-Listen, I can't
fuck you, alright.
I'm out of town for a while.
-No, I wasn't calling
for-- I just--
I just wanted
to check up on you.
-Oh, I get it.
You get off on rescuing damsels
in distress, is that it?
-What? No!
I do not get off on
whatever you just said.
I just was thinking about you
and wanted to give you a call.
Jesus Christ, I wasn't
prepared for an interrogation.
- Wait, I gotta go!
What - you're smoking now?
You're like four.
-I'm six and a half!
-Yes.
Yes, you're six and a half.
Yes you are, girl.
Come here.
You do not want to start smoking
now, believe me, that is not-
-Honey Bunny, stop.
Seriously.
- You're mean.
- No I'm not.
-To Daddy you are.
-Well Daddy doesn't always
behave the way a daddy should.
-Yes he does.
-If you can't see that, you
totally drank the Kool-Aid.
-Kool-Aid's for coloreds.
-Great.
Now he's turning you
into a racist too.
-A what?
-Listen, there's Daddy's world
and then there's the real world.
-Is the real world L.A.?
-Turn back around.
-What are you doing?
-Drinking Baily's
over three ice cubes.
- Why?
- Because that's what
it recommended on the
back of the bottle.
Why are you still awake?
-I want to listen with you.
-No.
No, kid.
Back to bed.
Go.
- But I don't want to-
- Come on.
Go on, back to bed.
-But I don't want to...
-Say goodnight moon.
-But I don't wanna go to bed!
-I'm going to count to three.
One...
Two...
-Goodnight kittens,
goodnight mittens.
-Say goodnight to the boys.
-Goodnight Miles.
Goodnight B.B.
Goodnight Coltrane.
-Good girl.
Good night, princess.
-Well you can expect all sorts
of things: lack of appetite,
lethargy, hair loss, loss of
bowel movement, dry mouth,
difficulty swallowing.
It's important that
he takes a rest when he
needs to feel rested.
Here's the pamphlet form
the lung cancer alliance.
-Thank you.
-Did you have any
other questions?
-Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
How long does the first
cycle of Chemo last?
-It's six weeks.
He'll come in for five-hour
treatments Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays.
Then we check if the cancer has
spread to assess whether or not
he needs another
six week course.
-I'd like to make an
announcement to everybody.
I have officially quit smoking.
-Oh, well I think we would all
agree that's a positive step.
Have you noticed anything
different since you quit?
-I have.
Boners.
First thing in the morning
as soon as I get up.
Hard as a rock boner.
Hasn't happened to me in years.
What's that about?
-Well the blood
flow starts to build back up--
-Wait, wait, wait, wait...
I have another question.
Does cancer- would that allow
me to get handicap parking?
-Um...
-I don't want to hear it.
-I didn't say anything.
-I know what you're thinking.
-She's here.
-Who is that?
I didn't make that much food.
-Hey!
Athena, this is Seashell.
Seashell, this is
my daughter, Athena.
-Hello Athena.
- Seashell?
- Actually
it's pronounced Say-chel -
but Jacky here can call me
whatever he likes.
- Jacky?
- Yeah, Jacky.
-I see you're still paying
women to have sex with you.
-I don't pay them
for the sex with me.
I pay them to leave!
Athena, I could die any day now.
You want to deprive me of my
final Seashell experience?
-You are a piece of
work, you know that?
-Don't be such a square.
Marriage is just a socially
acceptable form of prostitution.
-Prostitution is illegal!
-When you marry a woman, you
take a vow to pay for her.
And she takes a vow to fuck you.
The problems come when
she doesn't hold up
her end of the bargain.
Here, I can't open this.
Here.
- What is this?
Oh dude, are you for real?!
-Don't dude- I'm not your dude.
-Viagra?!
-Call me a version of
Daddy-O or Papa Bear.
Capiche'?
-You can't even open the
lid, do you honestly think
this is a good idea?
-Because I've got something
wrong with my hand here.
But it has nothing to
do with the cancer.
Alright look, I haven't
lost a hair on my head.
-It's been a week, okay?
And not everyone loses
their hair from Chemo.
-There's one left - you
know how I hate to waste.
One pill is not
going to kill me.
Athena...
Think of all the flaccid
children in Africa.
Come on, help an old guy out.
Please?
Come on...
come on...
- I hate you.
- No, you don't.
- I do.
- No, you don't.
Was that hard?
-It will be now.
-Come here, Seashell.
Just sit here.
-Okay.
Thank you.
-What are you doing?
-I'm praying, sweet child.
-My father doesn't pray.
He's an atheist.
-Well that's all fine but in
the midst of all the
craziness in the world,
we gots to remember to be
grateful for our blessings.
-Grateful for what?
-Well for one thing, I think
it's something that you're back
here with your daddy, Athena.
-Thank you, Seashell.
- And what are you
thankful for--
- I'm thankful for the
pharmaceutical companies.
-Thankful that they can make a
pill that can help an elderly
man with cancer get an erection.
- Alright, that's enough.
- I'm thankful for Daddy
teaching me how to drive.
For James Bond.
And for my press-on nails.
Oh, and hugs.
-Oh, and you know what?
If you'll excuse me, father,
it seems that I've suddenly
lost my appetite.
-Now I know what
alligators eat their young.
-You bitch!
Oh my goodness you just keep
getting tinier don't you.
-I've been on the Paleo
for the last year.
-Fuck that L.A. shit, alright.
I'm on a Snickers diet.
-Oh look at you, you're
glowing, really.
Thanks 'Theens.
-Come on, sit.
Sit, sit, sit.
-So, how's the dancing?
-It's... I dunno, it's- I
don't want to jinx it.
-Do you want a beer?
Maybe some wine?
They have some pretty
good wine here.
So why are you home?
-I'm just visiting.
What are you guys doing here...
together?
-Nat didn't tell you?
I'm the automatic
'plus one' these days.
Nat. Do you have to go
to the bathroom?
I have to go to the bathroom.
-Okay, well we would bring
you along if we could, baby.
-You know what, it is the
only place you don't
get an automatic 'plus one.'
-Oh please with that, alright.
Not everything is about you.
-What happened to that guy you
were dating before, that um--
Fuck, what was his name...
the Mike guy?
What happened to him?
-First of all it's Mitch.
And if you really must know...
he was a Jew.
- So?
- You know I love the Jews.
I do love the Jews,
don't get me wrong.
I love the Jews.
But Mitch was very Jewish.
I mean he told me that the only
way we'd get married is if I
converted, and something
about that just-- ugh,
just did not sit right with me.
So wait, you come home and the
only non-Jew you could find
happened to be my high
school sweetheart?
Your sweetheart?!
Okay, you're delusional, right?
You know that, right?
He liked you for like a minute
when we were seventeen and honey
let's be real- you
broke up with him.
You left.
Shoot, you haven't emailed or
called me in God knows how long
and all I know is that it was
long enough for this shit
to go down and you not
have a fucking clue.
So what are you
doing home, Athena?
-Can you pass me the
toilet paper, please?
-Not until you tell me
what you're doing home.
Wait, he makes you happy?
Wes, you're happy with him?
-Yeah.
Yeah.
And I'm sorry.
I really am.
If I thought you gave a
shit I would have made it
a point to tell you.
-You were at least going to
invite me to your wedding
though, right?
-Are you even going to
come back for the wedding?
-I will come back
for the wedding.
Please pass me
some toilet paper.
Fuck, are you okay?
-Wes doesn't know, alright?
And I cannot tell him before the
first trimester because then he
gets like- Oh and his mom...
-Stop - are we talking about
the same guy who makes you
quote unquote happy?
I don't hear anything.
Oh my God...
-So if anybody asks just tell
them that your mother's dead.
That's why you
don't have a mother.
But you have the best dad
in the world so it's okay.
-So Mommy's in heaven?
-Heaven's a bunch
of bullshit, kid.
Trust me.
Some very, very smart people
invented heaven to sell cream
cheese and toilet paper.
-What happens when you die?
-I don't.
See?
Look.
I'm right here.
I'm not going anywhere.
You're stuck with me, baby.
-Daddy, have you found
my orange marker yet?
-Come here.
Let me impart some
wisdom on you, daughter.
Okay?
Sometimes in life,
people lose things.
You, for example, you
lost your orange marker.
Now I'm sure this cute peanut
sized brain of yours doesn't
believe that you truly lost
the orange marker,
only that you can't find it.
Which is why you keep asking
Daddy if he's found it.
But there's a very strong
probability that you're never
going to see that
orange marker again.
It's gone.
Do you understand?
-Athena?
Athena?
Athena?
I went to Costco.
Then I went to a deli.
Got you a pastrami sandwich,
which is right here.
I went to Bed Bath and
Beyond and then I went to a
great thrift store.
And - look at this...
Look at that.
It's a pillow on one
side, desk on the other.
- Wow...
- Isn't that unbelievable?
That's unbelievable.
-Wait until you see this...
The best part - here.
Here, the piece de residence,
or whatever that is.
Here we go.
A hot plate.
Isn't that great?
Now you can cook for us.
No more salads.
Well salads - but
just not as many.
-But what's wrong
with the stove?
-The repair guy said it was
broken, said I needed a new one.
Those guys are always
trying to gouge you!
So, I got this instead.
Look at that.
Look at that, good as new.
-Good as new.
-Hey you, no more vitamins.
-But they're healthy!
-Oh-- oh, what is it Dad?
What did you get?
Well I'm glad you asked.
I got some weights.
Because now I can fulfill
my lifelong ambition of
being a weightlifter too...
-Yeah, I got the pastrami
sandwich for you.
-What kind of animal am I?
-I don't know.
A fish?
-What kind of fish?
-Max!
Hi!
-What kind of fish am I?
-No, no, no.
I'm sorry, it's just me here.
Um...
I am all ears.
What?
So I got through
to the next round!?
Okay.
The second round
is the final round.
That is, um-- that is good news!
That soon?
No.
No, no, no that is um-
that is not a problem.
-Yes it is.
-Uh-huh.
Okay, see you in two weeks.
-See who in two weeks?
What about Daddy?
-Shit...
-I don't know what to
do, I mean--
This tour - it's everything I've
been working and waiting for.
Yeah but it's your dad.
I wonder why my dad even had me.
It's not like he was
ready to be a father.
-That's it right there.
Can you see it?
-It's the size of a grape!
Do you notice how our
culture never celebrates
death or divorce?
-Okay, excuse me.
This is not about you.
This is about me and my
baby and we'd like a little
attention from auntie Athena.
Look, I have a grape!
-Look at that...
- You can't see it, can you?
- No.
No.
Come on, this is like one
of those magic eye thingy's.
You know I could never do those.
-If you didn't want to
give up your life,
why did you come back?
Because he asked me to.
-Because he's your dad.
-Come on.
Hey.
Hey.
Come on, it's time to go.
-What time is it?
-Time to go, Daddy.
-You're- you're supposed
to be here at one o'clock!
- I'm sorry.
Well I'm here now.
- Don't worry...
- Just answer the question.
- Calm down.
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine!
Where the hell were you?
I asked you a question!
Where were you?
-What do you want me say?
-Why were you late?
-The parking lot was filled
with a bunch of mooks!
There, is that a good
enough answer for you?
You're never on
time for anything.
The only thing you haven't been
late for is your fucking period!
-Jesus!
Why do always make me feel like
shit for the stupidest things?
I was ten minutes late.
Big fucking deal!
I dropped my goddamn life
to come take care of you.
-Why do I make you
feel like shit?
The only person who can
make you feel anything
is your-fucking-self!
Give me the keys, I'm driving!
- Are you sure
that's a good idea?
- Give me the- You don't
tell me what to do.
I tell you what to do.
I'm the boss.
You're the employee.
As a matter of fact from
now on you call me 'boss'!
Now give me the keys!
You're a stupid little girl
who doesn't know a thing.
You don't know how to drive.
You don't know
how to be on time.
You don't know how
to find parking.
And you sure as fuck don't
know how to dance or else
you'd have a job by now!
I'm fucking in
there having chemo!
For five fucking hours!
Tell me not to live
my fucking life...
-Daddy!
Daddy!
-What?
What? What?
What's the matter?
What's wrong?
- The tooth fairy
didn't like me.
-What?
-I lost a tooth so I
put it under my pillow.
-Wait- wait, wait, wait,
wait- wait a minute-
You lost a tooth?
Why didn't you tell me?
-Why didn't the tooth
fairy give me money?
-Well maybe last night
was her night off.
-No.
-Well maybe a lot of kids lost a
tooth yesterday and- you know,
she couldn't get to
everybody's house on time.
That's all.
-But you said that when you lose
a tooth you put it under your
pillow and the tooth fairy comes
to your room and takes it and
gives it to all the little
babies who don't have teeth yet.
-Yeah, I did say that...
Alright.
I'm going to level
with you, kid.
Every time...
Every time a kid puts a
tooth under the pillow,
their mom or their dad - they
come in the room at night
and they exchange- they
swap the tooth for money.
-What?
-Do you- it's- it's- Do you
remember like how the Wizard
of Oz was really this little
old man behind the curtain?
-I never saw it.
-We never watched
The Wizard of Oz?!
Yes we-- no?
Oh, well I'm slipping.
Do you- I know you've seen
this one; Do you know how
From Russia With Love,
Tatiana Romanova, right?
She meets James in Istanbul to
return the Lektor to England
and only to find out the
whole thing was a trap.
It's like that.
That's how it is.
The tooth fairy.
Life.
Marriage.
You think something is one
way only to learn that it's
something entirely different.
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
It's just- you do or you don't?
I know something that
you're going to understand.
I don't know how many teeth
you've lost, but this...
this should cover it.
-Don't you know the rule about
not calling girls who
sleep with you the
first night you meet them?
-Girl, you know what
they say about rules.
-What?
That they're made to be broken?
-Oh yeah.
So how are ya?
-Oh, I'm fine.
-How's your dad?
-Uh- Still very much himself.
-Good.
Good.
-Yeah.
-Uh...
I just wanted to say that, uh...
I'm always around.
You know, if you ever want to
shoot the shit of just-
you know...
I'm here for you.
-Hey Bryan, I- I have to go.
-Hey, can you see the moon?
-Um...Uh yes.
Yeah, I can see it.
-You see that halo?
-No.
No halo.
-I always find that funny.
That two people can be looking
at the same sky on the same
night and see two different
versions of the same thing.
- Hey Bryan?
- Yeah?
-Thanks for calling.
-Hey Athena?
Hang in there.
-Okay.
Goodnight.
-I'm here to pick up my
father, Jack Morehead.
-Can you spell the
last name, please?
- M-O-R-E-H-E-A-D.
-Dr. Halper, please come
to the nurses station.
Dr. Halper, to the
nurse's station please.
-The doctor will
be right with you.
-Hey.
What do you mean by
"an adverse reaction?"
The Chemo is supposed to
make him better, not worse!
-Some people get worse
before they get better.
Chemo is a shock to the system.
Different systems handle
that shock very differently.
-Yeah?
Well how did his handle it?
-Not well.
He was disoriented, very
irritable, he started cursing...
-He's always like that.
-He pulled the
I.V. out of his arm
and held it to
a nurse's neck.
Does he always do that?
We sedated him and then
his blood pressure
dropped considerably.
We just want to take
precautions, run a few tests,
make sure everything checks out.
Trust me.
He'll be out in two
days, maybe three.
-Trust me.
You'll want him out after two.
-Close out or keep it open?
-Keep it open.
-This seat taken?
-It's all yours.
-You know, I've never
been good at playing it cool or
whatever so um- I'm just
going to go right ahead and
tell you why I'm here.
-What, you mean to tell me
you're not a Jehovah's Witness?
What'dya say your name was?
-Let's not task ourselves with
the silly chore of trying to
remember each other's name now.
-So you're not going
to tell me your name?
-I prefer we go to a motel.
Or the bathroom's fine.
Then say our goodbyes
and be on our merry way.
Aren't musicians used to meeting
girls they'll never have
to see or talk to again?
-Listen darling, I'm sorry
but I'm just going to
have to politely decline.
-I gotta friend who could
get you some morphine.
You could buy a boat and we
could all sail around the world
til the pain got too bad.
-You know it's not the
cancer that landed me here,
it's the Chemo.
That's what got me.
-The medical profession ain't
nothing but a bunch of assholes
who do whatever the insurance
companies tell them to do.
-Hit me.
-No, no.
With this.
-Oh Jacky, you
better watch yo-self.
You'z in the hospital.
-Come here and slap my ass.
Ah look what the cat dragged in!
-Hello Ath-ena.
- Hello Ath-ena.
- Hello Seashell.
I'm not an invalid.
- Just say thank you.
- No.
-Shhhh!
This is the best part.
- Hey, the Spy Who Loved Me?
- Yep.
Who plays James Bond in this?
Please.
Roger Moore.
- Duh!
- Yeah, yeah.
That was too easy.
Everybody knows that.
Alright, who played Agent XXX?
-Barbara...
-Barbara Bach.
-Very good!
Now what kind of
gun was she using?
-Which one?
-In the last scene
against James.
What was the gun that she had?
-Oooh, that's a hard one.
Started with a "W"...
- The...
- The Walther PPK.
That's my girl!
What a good girl.
Only girl in her class who
could identify firearms.
-I can't wait to taste something
other than tasteless dinner
rolls and Jell-O the
texture of butter.
It's horrible.
-Hey, hey, hey!
Watch it! Watch it!
I got cancer here!
I want the cancer
to get me, not you!
If you want everyone to know
you have a small johnson...
- Drive that car!
-Very good!
-Dad, there's something I
need to talk to you about...
-Dad?
Wow, I've been promoted.
-Daddy, listen.
I got a call-
And there's something that
I want to talk to you-
-Wait there!
Wait there!
-Jack, I swear I'll be back.
I swear I'll be back.
Jack, this is my life...
This is my life, Jack...
-Daddy, can I drive?
-No. No.
I just got out of the hospital.
I'm driving.
-Like I was saying, Dad.
I'm- There's something
that I really want
to talk to you about-
-Athena, I just
got out of the hospital.
So whatever it is can it wait?
Yeah. Sure.
-Hey, time for your vitamins.
-My throat hurts too much.
I can't swallow.
-You want some more ice chips?
-Pacifier.
-What?
-I want you to go to the
drugstore and get me a pacifier.
-Are you serious?
-Go on.
-Oh.
Okay.
Wait- Did you take
my sunglasses?
Oh... thank you.
I don't remember putting
them up there like that.
-Excuse me, ma'am.
Can I help you find something?
-Uh yeah.
Yeah.
I'm looking for a pacifier.
-Alright.
How old is your baby?
-Sixty.
- Here you go.
- Wait, in a minute.
I gotta use the john.
- Oh. Okay.
-Just- just leave me be, Athena.
-Fine.
-Don't just stand
there - help me up!
Oh- Oh God-
Oh God- - Oh, okay- -
Just go-
-No, no, no!
We can not do.
-But these are his
favorite pants.
Jack Morehead.
He said that you know him.
That you'd take care of it.
-Very bad.
Not clean.
Very bad.
Must throw away.
-He sent me here to-
-Poopy ca-ca, no!
It will go all over
other customer clothing.
I'm not throwing them away.
They're my favorite pair.
-You have a closet full of at
least fourteen identical pairs.
-I like those.
Those are the favorite ones.
-What- I don't know
what to tell you.
- Wash them by hand.
- Excuse me?
It's just a little shit, Athena.
-No, it's a lot of shit actually
And, wait a minute, forgive me
for not wanting my father's poop
stench on my hands all week.
-Do you know
how many times I had your
poop stench on my hands?
-Oh, okay - oh my God,
what - when I was a baby?
All the time!
For years on end.
-This is slightly different.
-You know what?
You're such a fucking princess.
I raised you better than this.
-Hi.
What do you need?
-It's two thirty...
I don't see, taste
or smell my lunch.
-Does this mean your
mouth is better now?
-I expect it at three o'clock.
Goodbye.
-Yes, Boss.
-Where are they?
Where are they?
I know that they are
somewhere in here.
-Stop!
Leave them alone!
I know you took the last
pack from the freezer.
- Did not!
- Did too.
Don't lie to me!
- Did not!
- You did too.
Do not lie to me!
Okay?
-You came!
-Of course.
You called and begged.
-Oh please, I didn't beg.
-I know, I'm sorry.
You just butt-dialed
me and casually asked.
-What you doing?
Oh my god, okay?
You wanna do that?
-Okay, that's happening.
I don't know what's
happening-- whatever that is.
- Let's go.
- Okay.
- How was your flight?
- It was long.
It was long but I'm
very happy to be here.
-Yeah.
Haven't had much time--
after you, my darling.
-Thank you very much.
-I haven't had much time
to clean up so don't
judge me please.
-Well, no judgment.
-You've been here before so
just make yourself at home...
VOICEMAIL]
-I'm sorry.
If you come back, I promise
it will be different.
I promise, Athena.
I'll get a nurse.
I'll be nice.
Whatever you say-
-I quit smoking.
Finito--
-Honey Bunny,
goddess of wisdom...
I can't die alone.
- Focus!
Come on, Athena!
God damn it, if you're gonna
be this distracted now what
am I going to expect
during rehearsals?
Let's go!
Lift it up.
Whoever's phone it is ringing,
please turn if off - now!
-People, please, keep your
personal belongings
in your lockers.
Thank you.
-I have made you some
delicious oatmeal.
Come on, Daddy.
I'm back!
It is hot, it might
burn your tongue.
Daddy, I'm here.
Jack?
Jack...
Jack...
-Excuse me Miss?
Is this your--
-He's my father.
- Do you have power of attorney?
- Yes.
-Do you want us to start his
heart if it stops beating?
-Excuse me?
-Right now, your father
is hooked up to a machine
that is breathing for him.
His heart is still beating on
its own but it will stop soon.
And when it stops, do you
want us to restart it for him?
-Yes.
-We have to crack ribs and press
on his chest with all of our
might to restart the heart.
-Crack his ribs then.
- No, you don't
understand-
- No. You don't understand.
-If his heart stops,
crack his ribs.
-Fine.
-As you can see in the brochure
we have a large selection.
You were his daughter?
-I am his daughter.
-Yes, right.
What I meant to ask
is he had no spouse?
-Nope.
No, never married.
-What about your mother?
-What about my mother?
-Well- where is she?
-I like to think she took the
Thelma and Louise route and her
spirit is just floating
somewhere over the Grand Canyon.
-No older siblings?
No other legal guardian to
help you with all of this?
-I'm my legal guardian.
-That one.
Could I tell them
that he took a job selling
scrap metal instead
of following his dreams of
playing jazz saxophone?
Could I tell them that he
didn't fight for his life...
didn't take it seriously...
didn't think about how his
dying would affect
those he left behind?
How about how he's handicapped
me in virtually every
relationship I attempt with
a member of the opposite sex?
Was I allowed to
tell them the truth?
"Romance is mush,
stifling those who strive,
I'll live a lush
life in some small dive.
Whoever feels it deepest wins.
Remember the Alamo.
Please put all wet food
in the garbage disposal.
I am sensitive to the
smell of rotting food.
Don't let the same
dog bite you twice."
-Nice sunnies.
-Oh, you want them?
I don't know what to
do with all this shit.
-You should keep them.
-Yeah?
Maybe you can tell me everything
I should keep and what I'm
allowed to throw out.
-'Theens, I can't.
Please.
-I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry, too.
You should come over for
dinner before you go...
Nat'll like that.
-Yeah. Sure.
-We're always here for you...
all three of us.
-I suppose you think I'm a
massive bitch for not returning
any of your calls or texts.
-I can take a hint.
-There's no hint.
I had to go back to Florida.
-Is your dad okay?
Shit, I'm sorry.
-What are you doing this Friday?
-You know, hanging
out with my boys.
Go clubbing.
- Go clubbing?
- Yeah.
What about you?
-Coming over to your place?
- Oh really?
- Uh-huh.
-I won't hold my breath.
-No, I'm being serious.
How's eight?
-Uh...
I'll have to check with my boys.
-Of course.
- But eight probably works.
- Yeah?
Okay, well text me your address.
I'll do that right now.
I mean, after
I finish my-
Yeah, I'm up to like
four miles- I got it.
-What's this?
-Bond marathon.
-Hey, how do I look?
-Like a slut.
-Fine- I'm going to be back
in two hours tops, okay?
-Alright my lady, have a seat.
-Bryan, this isn't necessary.
-I know it's not necessary, but
when was the last time someone
made you a home-cooked meal?
Now I was not sure if you ate
meat or not because, you know,
all you actresses are vegan.
-I'm not an actress.
-I know.
Joking.
-She looks like you.
Your mom.
-I think the baldness really
exaggerates the similarities.
Careful, I only have
three more bottles.
So, uh- are you ever
going to tell me what you
really do for work?
-I am a stripper.
-Do you mind if we eat first?
Look, Athena, I know how hard
a time this must be for you.
-No, you don't.
-Yes, I do.
-No, just because your mom died
of cancer you think that you and
I are the same somehow.
Is that it?
- What?
- The photo.
Alright, you're not exactly
hiding the fact
that she had Chemo.
-My mom didn't have Chemo.
I did.
My family shaved their heads
when I started losing my hair.
You're not the only one in
the world whose been
affected by this shit.
-Listen, I'm not--
I'm not good at this.
-What's that?
Eating or talking?
-This, alright.
All this.
-Look, Athena.
I'm just trying to
get to know you.
-I should go.
- No, come on.
- I should go.
-No, no, no.
come on, that's a
little dramatic.
-No, you know what?
I don't do the whole
boyfriend-girlfriend thing.
I don't want to
do that with you.
-What about the whole
grown-up talking to another
grown-up over dinner thing?
Do you do that?
-Look, I didn't come over here
for you to wine and dine me and
be all nice to me and tell me
everyone has fucking cancer.
-No, you just came here for
little empty, meaningless sex.
-I'm sorry - what kind of fag
turns down a half naked girl
in his living room?!
-The kind who knows you can't
keep fucking away your pain.
-"Pain"?
My pain?
Well what are you now,
my fucking shrink?
- Oh come on.
We both know that you
don't have a therapist.
-Oh fuck you!
What is that?!
-It's the souffl.
I made it for dessert.
-It's Jack!
You know what to do.
- Daddy...
I just wanted to say that I'm...
that I'm so sorry.
I am so sorry for everything...
I forgive you...
I do... I do.
I forgive you.
Daddy, this is so hard...
I miss you...
And I love you.
-Alright, hold the music - stop!
-Athena...
I'm sorry, Max.
I'm so sorry.
- Shhh.
-I'm sorry.
-Welcome back.
-Smile!
Smile, baby.
One, two, three!
Got it?
-Big smile, Athena.
One, two, three!
-Yeah!!!
I love you, princess.
If you want someone to know you
have a small johnson-
- drive that car!
Very good.
-Honey
bunny...goddess of wisdom...
What are we having, honey bunny?
-Good to see you, honey bunny.
Honey B-- Athena...
-...that orange marker is gone.
...forever.
You've never going
to see it again.
And that's okay...