1
Ready for bed?
Yeah.
Alrighty.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cutie.
Cutie who?
Cutie you, that's who.
Alright, have a good night,
okay?
Yeah.
Knock knock.
Knock knock.
Daddy?
Knock knock.
Wait,
somebody just left it there?
That doesn't make any sense.
Yeah, it was just
there when I opened the door.
It's so weird.
So are
you gonna show it to me?
Yes, but you're not
gonna be seeing it tonight.
Come on,
babe.
I wanna see it.
Just bring it over.
We can have some fun with it.
I told you I'll bring it by
tomorrow.
Oh, you're no
fun.
It's your loss.
Anyway, I gotta get some sleep.
See you tomorrow.
Okay, bye.
Joli, watch
whatever you want on TV.
Just watch it in the room
at the end of the hall
so the kids won't hear you.
Back at 10.
Thanks, Lori.
Finally.
I thought they'd never go to
sleep.
God, I hate clowns.
God, it looks so real.
That settles that then.
Okay.
Oh, my god.
I don't care what she said.
Hey, Jo.
Lori?
Hey.
Um, I hate to bother you.
It's okay.
Are the kids...
Oh, yeah.
No, they're fine.
Uh, they're out cold.
Listen, Lori.
Um, can I, can I watch
TV in a different room,
any other room?
What's going on, Joli?
Oh, nothing.
I just, I just can't look
at that new creepy clown doll
anymore.
Um, Joli, what new
clown doll?
Come on, Lori.
The huge life-sized one in
the den, sitting in the chair,
the one that's been watching
me watch TV all night.
Joli, we don't
have a new clown doll,
at least not one like that.
We never have.
Joli?
Joli?
What's going on?
What clown doll?
Are the kids okay?
Jo!
Up, up, up, up.
Oh, no, pillow fight, huh.
Pillow fight.
You'll be late for school.
No!
I caught myself a bacon strip.
No, no.
Sandwich.
Bacon.
Tomato.
Bread!
Bread gets squished.
I love you.
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you.
I love you too.
Can you brush my hair?
Mm-hmm.
This cereal.
Mm-hmm, eat it up.
It's good for you.
But then
the toys kind of talked.
Really?
Yeah.
They it flashed, then it went
back in.
They were magic.
Good.
Okay, finish your cereal, hon.
You're gonna be late.
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
Could you draw me a choo-choo
train?
Shh, be quiet.
It's not me.
It's Claire.
It's not easy.
I'm not sure he realizes at all.
The T-Rex can't eat his
head because it's too hard.
Yeah, I'm sure it's just a
phase.
He acts like she's still here.
Oh, you wanna hear
about the flying dinosaur?
Well, I don't know what he's
called.
He flies, but he's dangerous
too.
Okay, well, I gotta
get going with dinner.
So I'll talk to you later.
Oh, no, humans didn't exist
when the dinosaurs were alive.
Yeah.
I'm gonna fall.
No, just go, now.
I'll come and I'll catch you.
Matisse, what are you doing?
Matisse, answer me when
I'm talking to you.
Come on, Matisse, we talked
about this.
Answer me when I'm talking to
you.
Matisse?
Matisse!
Matisse!
Baby, what were you thinking?
I'm sorry, mommy.
I only wanted to play with
Claire.
I can't, I can't lose you.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
I love you too, mommy.
Could you read me a story?
It's getting late.
Tomorrow, okay?
Okay.
Could you sing me a song?
No, Claire wants to hear
Rock-a-bye Baby.
You wanna hear Rock-a-bye
Baby?
No, Claire wants to.
It's her favorite.
No, Matisse, she doesn't.
Claire is not here anymore.
Yes, she does!
Listen, you want to hear the
song.
Tell mommy you wanna hear the
song.
She's not here!
Mommy, you're wrong.
She is.
Look.
What are you talking about?
She's not there.
Yes, she is!
Yes, she is!
Why can't you believe me?
She's right there!
I believe you, baby.
I believe you.
Claire?
Claire?
Claire?
Mommy.
What are you doing up, baby?
Why aren't you sleeping?
Claire won't let me.
Oh, baby.
Mommy, I wanna be with Claire.
I wanna be
with Claire too, baby.
I wanna be with Claire too.
Good morning, mommy.
Oh, Claire.
I missed you.
I missed you too.
I missed you so much.
Oh, Claire.
Yes.
We have a tomato.
I'm the bacon.
Yes.
I'm the bread.
Best sandwich in the world.
I love you.
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
Push!
Push!
I'm pushing!
He's coming.
I always hear people
say
you don't get to choose who
you are when you're born.
What the.
But you can choose
who you are when you grow up.
Honey?
That's never
been the case for me.
It's not all bad though,
and there are definitely
many perks of the job,
like free healthcare.
And no one seems to
bother me on the street.
But I guess it's hard
being the angel of death
when all you wanna do is help
out.
Like this morning, for instance.
Where's my walking stick?
I think the
biggest misconception
is that I'm out to kill
everyone.
Really, I'm just trying
to be a good citizen.
Part of the day job is
writing down their names,
then there's the wallet.
She only had an address.
And that's how it all started.
What are you doing?
What are you doing in here?
So she's dead.
You don't remember me, do you?
Fun times.
This is so cool.
Do you wanna hang out?
I don't know why
I stayed with her so long.
There was just something about
her.
I had fun.
And she made me do things
I'd never done before.
We could talk about anything.
And even when I
accidentally killed someone,
she didn't mind.
She was,
well, she was perfect.
She made me forget who I was.
But then came the party.
I'm getting clothes out.
For the party we're going to.
Well, they're not for me.
You look fine.
Do you wanna dance?
Suit yourself.
Come on.
It was in that moment
I could see I was losing her.
And fast.
I knew what I needed to do.
If I really wanted her,
I had to take a chance.
And maybe she would hold out her
hand
and our dance could begin.
Life
and death,
together.
But it didn't happen that way.
Mom, English, please.
We have a guest.
Fine.
It's your turn to do grace.
Mom...
Listen to your mother.
Dear Baby Jesus,
thank you for this good day.
Thank you for this good food.
Thank you for mom who made the
food.
Rory.
Thank you for
our guest today and...
Rory!
Not now.
Are you okay, baby?
I'm fine.
It's okay.
Anyway, once again,
thank you for our wonderful
guest today,
and I pray that we have
a great day all together.
Stop it!
Get back here!
Ha!
Is that all you've got?
Get rid of her.
Rory!
Stop.
I know, I know.
I'll walk myself out.
Alright.
I'm gonna go see how much
a room is for the night.
What about that one across the
street?
Hmm, I didn't even see that
motel.
How about you go cross the road
and see how much that one is
and we'll see which room's
cheaper?
Alright.
Hi.
Um, how much for a room?
How many peoples?
Just one room.
Any pets?
No.
55.50.
Thanks.
Hey.
This one's 55.50.
So is that one.
Really?
Well, this one's closer.
You wanna just stay here.
Yeah, sure.
Hey again.
We're gonna take the room.
Uh, this looks exactly like...
How many peoples?
It's just us.
Any pets?
No.
95.50, please.
You don't remember me?
You said it was 55.50 for a
room.
55.50, one person.
Two peoples, 95.50.
You don't understand
here, we just need one room.
We're gonna share a room.
Is that what you don't
understand?
You think we need two rooms?
Two people, one room, 95.50.
You're serious.
Alright, I'll give you 60.
95.50.
It's either 60 or we leave.
You want us to leave?
Is that what you want?
Fine.
You just lost a customer,
probably your only customer of
the night.
How do you feel about that, hmm?
You're feeling pretty
ridiculous now, aren't you?
Let's get outta here.
You know, you're not the
only motel on this road.
There's many other motels
that we could stay at.
I just don't want you thinking
that you're the only one,
'cause you're not the only one.
I'm just saying that you're
not...
Come on, Brad.
Come on.
You're not the only one.
Yeah, we're, uh, we're
gonna take the room.
How many peoples?
Uh, it's just us.
Any pets?
No.
110.50, please.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
110?
I was just in here and you said
55.50.
Yes, 55.50 for one person.
Two peoples, 110.50, please.
You know, the guy across the
street,
he offered us 95.50 for one
room.
No.
Yeah.
So if you want us to stay,
you're gonna have to
bring your price down.
I sorry.
I can't do it.
Let's, let's just go get
the room in the other motel.
I'm tired.
I just don't wanna deal
with this crap anymore.
That's fine.
You know, buddy, you just
lost yourself a customer.
Get a good look 'cause
you're seeing us walk out
your front door, and that's
money out of your pocket, pal.
Only now, we're not coming back.
How does that feel?
Literally, two of us,
money out of your pocket,
out the front door.
Fine.
Suit yourself.
Alright, you got us.
We're gonna take the room.
How many peoples?
What?
How
many
peoples?
What do you mean how many
peoples?
It's just us.
Any pets?
No.
110.50.
100?
What happened to 95?
I talked to my neighbor
across the street.
He said I charging too little.
Too little?
What's wrong with you peoples?
Brad.
No, no, no.
Listen, I'll give you the 95.
Sorry, I can't take that.
I have to keep up with competition
or I go out of business.
Competition.
But there's nobody else here.
How do you...
Maybe you don't get the
idea behind competition.
The idea is you lower
the price or we walk.
I'm sorry.
I can't do it.
It's fine.
We're walking.
Fine with me.
This is really starting to annoy
me.
Let's just go.
I mean my guy said 55.50.
You heard him, right?
Well, I heard my guy across
the street.
I didn't hear your guy.
Well, my guy said the same
thing.
Wait, what is that?
What?
That over there across the
street.
Is that another motel?
It looks like it.
Oh, I don't get it.
Is this some kind of
joke?
There must be some kind
of strange motel monopoly
on this road.
Is anyone here?
I don't think so.
What the hell!
Good Lord, this is possible.
Yes?
We need a room.
How many peoples?
We don't have any pets.
It's okay.
Pets are free.
Oh, good.
It's 95.50.
Oh, my god.
Are you to be having vehicle?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
$40 for parking.
You know, I can't keep doing
this.
Let's just go.
Let's get outta here.
I don't know about you,
but I've never heard of foreign
triplet motel barons before.
Let's just go.
Hey, there must be other
motels up the road.
There's not.
Not for miles!
Let's just go anyway.
I'll drive.
No.
First, let me see how much
that first guy charged for
parking.
No.
Brad, I'm not gonna pay $150
to sleep for three hours, okay?
That's insane.
The sun is coming up.
Well, good for the sun.
Brad, stop it.
Get outta my way.
Stop it!
Get outta my way!
Yes?
So your rooms are $110.50,
right?
Yes.
Okay, do you charge for
parking?
Yes.
How much do you charge for
parking?
$30.
$30?
No, it's not bad.
Yes, it is bad.
It's the same price as the other
place.
No, this is what we want.
This is where we're going to
stay.
Let's just go.
No.
Brad, are you crazy?
Listen, I'll put it on my
credit card.
I'll get the points.
We won't leave empty handed.
Sorry, no credit card.
Cash only, please.
Watch your step.
I'm not gonna spend 150
cash for a motel room.
That's just insane.
It's only $75 each.
It's still not bad.
Think about what you're
saying, okay?
It doesn't make sense.
No, that's where you're wrong.
They wanna play this game?
They don't know who they're
dealing with.
I'm prepared to pay twice that.
Whoa, think about what you're
saying for a second, okay?
Just think about what you're
saying.
They just don't want
us to stay here tonight.
Don't you understand?
It's all a game to them!
Look, let's just go.
That'll fix this whole thing.
No, we can beat 'em.
What does that mean?
Honest to god, Roger, I'm
gonna stay here tonight.
Do you understand me?
Roger, wake up.
What?
What?
My dad's wiring us the money.
We're golden.
Brad, it's morning.
I know.
We're close.
It's starting to take form.
We're almost there.
What's that on the windshield?
Parking ticket?
What is this?
Are you trying to screw with us
now?
Well, I got news for you, pal.
We've got money on its
way, so you haven't won.
It's not over.
I just want a room.
I'm freezing.
I'm tired.
And I can't keep on doing this.
You win, you win.
Okay, sorry.
I'm sorry.
Is that what you wanna hear, I'm
sorry?
I just want a room.
How many peoples?
Any pets?
Hey, guys.
It's Lulu, your favorite foodie.
And today, I'm gonna be
reviewing Tim's famous
double-decker burger on
Lulu's no soy reviews.
Look at this monster.
So we're gonna make today a
burger day.
And the reason I'm so excited
is that I get to stuff myself
with burgers all day long.
Jesus Christ, Carol.
Can't you see I'm working here?
You're promoting death again?
What the hell!
Are you PMS-ing?
Meat is murder.
Meat is good.
Burgers are good.
So why don't you quit harassing
me
before I go tell mom again.
Why don't you tell your
nine subscribers the truth?
Soy is the way.
FYI, soy sucks.
That's so disgusting.
Oink oink.
That burger is murder,
and I don't want it
anywhere in this house.
Do you hear me?
If you only knew what they
did to those poor animals,
you would not be enjoying that
thing.
This thing is a delicious,
mouth-watering work of meaty
art.
It's murder.
Can't you see that?
I can't believe you're
promoting the mistreatment
and exploitation of
animals just to get likes
on some stupid online video
channel.
My channel isn't stupid.
It's fairly educational.
And my 67,000 subscribers
love my deliciously meaty food
reviews.
So take your vegan crusade
elsewhere.
Welcome back to yet another
one of Lulu's no soy reviews,
just for you.
That burger is murder.
As you can see, it's a
charcoal burger
with all the delicious fixins.
Hmm, this is heaven on a bun
if heaven was full of dead
charred cows and smothered
in Tim's famous secret sauce.
Mmm.
You're what's
wrong with this world.
And this is actually
one of the best burgers I've
ever had.
It's rare and juicy,
with just enough char.
Mmm.
Lu!
What now?
Say tofu, bitch.
At least
four people have been killed
and 10 injured following another
attack
by the so-called vegan
vigilante, this time
at an all you can eat
steak and lobster buffet
in a small rural town
outside San Antonio, Texas.
This individual is responsible
for approximately 15 murders, 12
assaults,
and an attack on a Fourth of
July hotdog eating competition.
Hello.
Oh, hey.
How are you?
No, it's a good time.
No, I'm just getting in the
door.
Yeah, it was a long day.
Actually, I'm not doing anything
tonight.
Yeah, I'm keeping it real
simple.
I'm tired, man.
I actually picked up
an apple pie yesterday.
Well, a slice of pie.
So I'm pretty much gonna eat
that and watch some Netflix.
You know, the life of a solo
traveler.
Yeah.
No, it's like my favorite apple
pie.
And it's vegan too, which is
good
because I just switched to vegan
because it's the hip thing
to do these days, they say.
Yeah.
No, I mean I'm sure I can
catch you later though.
Yeah, for sure.
I mean.
I gotta be honest.
I'm probably not gonna get back
to you.
Yeah, I'm pretty stoked
to just watch Netflix and eat my
pie.
Yeah, I'm sure we can do
something next week though.
Yeah, for sure.
Alright, dude.
Okay, peace.
Netflix and pie
Yeah, Netflix and pie
Netflix and pie
Netflix and pie
Netflix and pie
Netflix and pie
Netflix and pie
Apple pie
Netflix and apple pie
Netflix and apple pie
Netflix and apple pie
Netflix and apple pie
Oh, my life is sad.
What the fuck!
What the fuck?
Where the fuck is my pie?
Hello?
Hello?
Hey, hey.
I don't know if this is a weird
question.
I was in yesterday and I
bought a piece of apple pie.
Yeah, I was wearing a
black sweatshirt, jeans.
It was like two o'clock.
No, yeah, I know.
A lot of people probably come in
there
buying pie because it's
delicious.
But it was me though.
I had like jeans on, a black
t-shirt,
kinda boyishly handsome,
some might say baby faced.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I look like the Gerber baby.
Yes, yes, that's me, yes.
I bought apple pie, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so I'm not crazy.
No, yeah, no, no, thank you.
Yeah.
It's just the weirdest thing.
I think I've lost my, nevermind.
Anyways, thank you, thank you.
Okay, okay, bye.
Thanks.
What the fuck?
What do you do when you
lose your apple pie?
Fucking nothing?
Let me try Bing.
Lost my apple pie.
Help, I lost my apple pie,
Yahoo! answers.
Yes!
Holy shit, Bing worked.
Help, I lost my recipe.
Recipe?
Shit!
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
Holy shit.
Whoo.
You scared the shit outta me.
Yeah, David's coming.
He just,
yeah, he went out to get
Halloween decorations
and a costume apparently.
Yeah, I know it's only September,
but what can I tell you.
He's into all that spooky shit.
Okay, okay, but call me back.
I'm trying to hear about
this guy you're seeing.
I'm not nosy.
I'm just curious.
Alright, alright.
Okay, cool, bye.
David?
That is your sad attempt
at trying to frighten me?
Unoriginal.
I think I married something
a little more bone chilling
than a white bed sheet.
Honestly, David, don't be a
meatball.
This isn't funny or scary.
Take off the sheets and
let's go watch Netflix.
David?
David, I'm not in the mood for
this.
My tits are sore, my back aches.
Cut the shit, okay?
Baby, if you're in the
mood to be under a sheet,
why don't we take this to the
bedroom?
I could put on that little thing
you like
and we can play naughty
ghost games together.
Fine, whatever.
But this is getting really
weird, okay, even for you.
I know it's almost Halloween
and you're into all this
horror shit, but I'm not.
You know that.
So quit it.
It's not cute.
I'm not gonna,
for fuck's sake, David!
Is that what you wanted?
I'm scared now, okay?
You're a real jerk.
There's no such things as ghost.
There's no such things as ghost.
I can't.
An
attack on a Fourth of July
hotdog eating competition.