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Streaker (2017)
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That's me, baltasar naf. Part-time teacher at baden high school. Actually I'd like to teach more classes, in addition to my class, 3b, but the principal, mr ziegler, would rather I do the school finances. But you must be wondering: Is the beard real? No, but that's another story. This one began eight weeks ago. With this guy: Gottfried Keller. The great Swiss writer was born in Zurich in 1819. After a childhood prank, he was barred from higher education, and began training as a landscape painter. Destitute, he lived with his mother until receiving a writing scholarship. His work delights both young and old. "What lovely wonder do my eyes behold? A wee fountain..." Stop, stop, stop. Can't you hear the tenderness in the language? "What lovely wonder," writes Keller, and not just "fountain." "Wee fountain." Who will read next? Thanks, annina. Maybe someone else? Striver, striver, striver! Come on. Elisabeth, wait. Yes, mr naf? Look at your clothes. You can't go to school like that. - No? It's too revealing. Up top and in between. It doesn't matter, Mr. naf. What you wear does matter. And stop saying "mr naf." What should I say? Dad. Not everybody has to know. But they do. No, not the new kids. A little less skin, please. Hey, balz. - Hello, Anja. So, you like my new lamborghini? I saw you looking at it. What? It's yours? Sure. I'm an Albanian. Is this salon really that profitable? More or less, plus sports betting. You should try it. I'll help you. Sunday is baden vs. Solothurn. Bet on baden and you'll win. You're sure? Of course. I've got a kind of betting office. Give me your money. I've got the best odds. Thanks. Betting and sports aren't my thing. No biggie. It's up to you. I'm doing the quarterly accounts. It's you. Who else would be here so late. Karl, you promised me, if I raised funds for the new sports field, and there was anything left over, that I'd get it for the Keller museum. Does that offer still stand? Of course. Sure. Anything else? Hey, thanks! Thanks! What's up with you? - Hey! Thanks to me there'll be a Keller museum. Wow! Cool. Remember how I met your mom? Yes, at a gottfried Keller reading. And I'm named after his mother. Thanks. Yes, and before she died... 100 years ago! Time to find a new woman! Before she died, our dream was to open a gottfried Keller museum. Now the dream will come true. Great, dad. I'm sure she'd be proud of you. Shall I cook something? Soccer and literature have a lot in common. They're for everyone. Incorruptible, unbribable... That's why it's wonderful that along with the FIFA museum, we'll get a gottfried Keller museum. Thanks to one man, and that man is mr naf. That's the "haus zum goldenen winkel," where gottfried Keller was born. The city will pay the remaining costs. Former councilor leuenberger supported it personally. Just imagine it! A little museum in Keller's honor, with his furniture, books, slippers... Balz, we're talking about 280,000 Swiss francs? Is that correct? Yes, that's exactly the amount that I've saved. 280,000? It wasn't easy, but I've worked on it for three years. We could use it for teacher parking! Or for the sports field. For FIFA-regulation turf. Yeah! But as teachers we can surely agree that Keller is more important than turf. Let's make the decision as a team. So, listen up. Who wants FIFA-regulation turf? Raise your hand. And opposed. Who wants the gottfried Keller museum? Sorry, balz. I think you can accept that. But you can't do this! You're reliable as always. Thank you. Karl! You promised me! Let's move on to the next topic: Dirty coffee mugs in the classrooms. But everything's been prepared. Karl, please reconsider. You promised me. Please! This is the last time. Of course. Just this once and never again. Who knows about it? Just you and I. Okay, give me the money. But this is definitely the last time. The fans already think I'm too old to be goalie. I'm your biggest fan. You're fantastic. That's when I knew what to do. Bet against our home team and use the winnings to save my museum. Hello, Maya. - Hello, balz. I'm here for the money for the sports field. Here is the authorization from Karl. - Great. You can finally begin. How much do you need? Everything. Everything? In cash? Yes, the construction firm is old-fashioned. Hello. Go, baden. I want to bet on the game after all. Perfect. Come in. 741,000 francs. What? 741,000 francs? Yes. You're a real high roller. Mr naf? Since when do you watch soccer? I'm supporting our team. Go, baden! Please don't. There are other people here. So, cheers. Go, baden! Go, baden! Go, baden! Baden: 0, guests: O0. Hey! It's your fault I lost all that money! My fault? I heard you bribe the goalie. Oh, I see. When will you fix the next game? That was the last time. He's my only contact. I lost a lot, too. I'm screwed. My lamborghini is gone, and this painting... What do I care about that crap? It was the money for the school sports field. And I agreed with the city council. If this gets out, I'll be fired. The town will tar and feather me! I'll probably go to prison. Yes, probably. Help me with this painting? Nobody knew fritzli's brother would strike again. You know him? Everybody knows him. He lives in wettingen. One minute. I just have to get dressed. Want a few eggs? - No, thanks. You could do it again and interfere with one of the teams. I'll go to the bank and bet... Out of the question. - Why? Betting on sports isn't sportsmanlike. Not sportsmanlike? But streaking into a game is sportsmanlike? Sure. Streaking is a sport. The object is to stay on the field, naked, for as long as possible. I train just as intensely as a professional athlete. Nonsense. Strategy, stadium knowledge, endurance, undressing technique, tempo, interaction with the press... Most people think: "Look a naked dude! Ha ha, that's funny!" They have no idea what it takes to get there. No idea. A man has 741,000 francs debt. He has a net salary of 6,200 francs, and fixed costs at 3,500 francs. How long will it take to repay his debt. Annina. 22 years, 9 months, 2 weeks and 5 days. Very good, annina. I'm looking for the site manager. - That's me. Great. I'm looking for you. We were in contact about the payment... The payment that hasn't been paid yet? That's right. That payment. Unfortunately, there's a little problem. So I won't get my money today? No. It's not possible, sadly. Fine. Then pay on Friday. Otherwise we've got a real problem. Bingo. What's insider information worth to you? Well, if it pays off, I'd give you 50% of the profit. Okay. Fifty-fifty. Fifty-fifty. On Wednesday at stadion breite, fritzli's little brother will streak again. To interfere with a team? It's not that. The streaker. The streaker is the bet. You don't understand what I do. My clients like to bet on sports. Streaking is a sport. The streaker runs around as long as possible until he's caught. Your clients could bet on that. Why bet on a streaker and not the game? Because it's something new. No. Your idea is mentally retarded. Hello. You don't have to iron my hotpants. It's my pleasure. Thanks. Teacher gambles away school money Baltasar. Baltasar. Lost is your pride. Gottfried, no! So, what's next on the program? I'm considering betting the 25 babies I won last time. Good idea. I've got all sorts of games. Chiasso vs. Schaffhausen. Biel vs. Wohlen? - Boring. Zurich vs. Vaduz? Maybe I'll just buy my wife that necklace she really wants. - Okay. I have something very different, exclusive. Just for my best clients. Really? Yes. It's a kind of... new sport. I'm sorry. I've got bad news. It's about the money. Yeah? I have to take this. My hairdresser. What? You're an awesome guy, bro. Whatever. All my clients are crazy about your streaker idea. Fritzli's brother streaked like you said. Go, go, go! He stayed on the field for 49 whole seconds! The guy's a real athlete! My clients want more. When's his next game? Why should I tell you that? Your cut, that's why. Thirty-seven. 37,000 francs? What can I do with that? Wipe my ass? It's the first five percent. The rest is temporarily unavailable. Because of the added value tax. Oh, added value tax. I see. One, two, three, four. For me, for having to wait. That's over ten percent. Exactly. From now on it's cash in hand. Or should I talk to the administration? Leave me alone! Don't touch me! You're mean! Not in the car! I don't want to go! My mother is on the local council! Is something wrong? Your sticker is expired. Replace it right away, mr naf. Recognize me? My daughter is in your class. Striver... I mean strebel, annina. Yes. I see. It's nice to see you. You, too. I'll take care of the sticker. No! Help! Get in! - I feel dizzy! What did he do? He's a streaker. Streaker? We're taking him into custody. You go to jail for that? Yes, if there's proof it's premeditated. I have to go. - Okay. Two months? - The problem is they found all my material. And commissar strebel is a striver. You thinking about starting? Streaking? Are you nuts? I'm a respected teacher. I'd be a laughing stock. I'd never see my daughter again. My ex-girlfriend tried very hard to understand... Interesting, but do you know other streakers? Why? Get lost, you dirty capitalist! People like you ruin our sport! I hope you choke on your money in hell! Yes? - When is his next streak? Tell me now, or we'll lose a fortune. If it's Wednesday, will you pay on Friday? Wednesday? You're an awesome guy! Sunday, Monday, Tuesday... Four days. Oh, excuse me. Excuse me. What? - What? Are you serious? Fuck off, little pervert. What? Streaking? What's wrong with you? Surprise, newspaper by the unemployed. Surprise, newspaper by the unemployed. Okay. Do you own this? My fatherin-law. He emigrated. Come here. Here, take a seat. This is stadion kleinfeld in kriens. Capacity: 5,100 people. 540 seats. You will be located here. It's 46.5 feet to the edge of the field. Got it? Sure, boss. Good. Come with me. So, this is a model of the situation. I built it 1:1 for you. You start here. That's not a chair. This is the barrier. It's the same height as in the stadium. Undress, undress, undress here. And in you go! Any questions? - No. Good. And go! Pull, and it's off. Okay, I have just the thing. Very good. Hello. New soccer boots? Let's look at two different models. So, pull the pants down with both hands, then yank them forward. It's not easy. I tried. Have you done this before? - No. Doesn't it look a bit gay? No, no. The thong works the same way. Yank it forward, but be careful it doesn't get stuck on your... ass. Awesome! It'd better work. It'll work. Go, go, go! That's your streaker? Yes. Surprise! He's not on the field! He isn't naked! Four, five, six and 7,000. Is that it? Somebody bet correctly. I had to give him his winnings. What? Down to the second? Yes, he won 30,000. What if two or three people bet correctly? It's improbable, but possible. That's how it goes. Some win, many lose. We need quantity and time. I don't have time. Then you need quantity. It's simple: More streakers, more money. The longer they're out there, the less people will bet correctly. "Like the scent of violets. Like the yearning of love's lament..." "It roams..." Thanks. Sit down. Annina, continue. "It is the song of..." "It is the song of peace among men..." I thought we had a deal. Pick him up! It'll be healed in a few weeks. In a few weeks. It was worth it. Man, I overcame an obstacle and won self-confidence. It was so awesome! I'm so awesome! Excuse me. Is this "overcome obstacles, win self-confidence"? Yes. - Thanks. My name is strapinski. Wenzel strapinski. I'm glad you felt compelled to answer my ad. Here you will learn to overcome obstacles and win self-confidence. After intensive personal training you will each give an unforgettable show in front of a large live audience. My method is somewhat unconventional... What a bastard! No, thanks! It's nice you've stayed. It was his first streak. Must've been the pressure of unemployment. Something's not right. Striver. Fredy, rewind it a little. I'm Franz. That's fredy. Sorry, Franz. Rewind a bit. Stop. Now play. Stop. Zoom in. There. An accomplice? Maybe. I'll look into it. Hi, I'm ren strunz from bergisch gladbach. I work at quality-pet. Monique la fleure, self-employed, and open for anything. Gabriel griinthaler, 36, single. Should I undress? - Not yet. I don't mind. - No. Marwan al'sharaa, I have 30 years and no work permit. No problem. Welcome to Switzerland. My therapist said I should come out of my shell more. Thanks. You will each make just a few appearances. What if we get caught? Good question. The first three times they won't do much if you have an excuse like a bachelor party, alcohol, you lost a bet or trouble at work. Excuse me. My language not good. What we doing here? You'll see in a second. On your Mark, go. This is 40 degrees and this is 75 degrees. It's time to learn to let go of inhibitions. Grass off limits So, they're coming this way. And he comes from behind? Yes, clothes off. Yes, yes, yes! Kushtrim, I know when and where the next streaks will happen. Awesome! There will be several. Go, aarau! Go, aarau! Go, aarau! Are you sure... Only 14 seconds. The next one's better. 24 seconds. Good. Come on, the next one's in biel. Sure, you can take your people and your equipment and leave, sue me or break all my bones... But on the other hand you're a businessman, and there are 82,000 francs in there, plus 10% for you. The choice is yours. And suddenly I had a very different job. Ajob... How can I say this modestly? Ajobl hada certain talent for. So, what's this? If he comes this way, you're in trouble. Streaking! The new sports trend? This streaking epidemic is intolerable! They're making us look like asses! Yes, with their asses. I summoned a special unit to put an end to these nut jobs. Ms Sandra strebel leads the unit. She's a distinguished commissar. Go ahead. Thanks, mr president. Hello, ladies and... Gentlemen. This is, most likely, the work of an organized gang. Several clues point to that, and I've identified a signature. The signature of a kind of mastermind behind the whole thing. I must find that mastermind and bring him to justice. Hello. You're never home anymore. Did you meet someone? - No. I have more important things to do. Like what? Well, your father... I'm teaching a kind of course. Wow. Super exciting. He's dangerous. You've got a radius. Every stadium has its plusses and minuses. Letzigrund stadium has this athletics track. That influences your gear and streak angle. Standard model Hercules, Here are two mammoth models. Stop streaking! He's our best man. Got an 1q of 138. Hits the target at any range. Black belt in karate. Dan rank five. Tip-top. I've got a mission for him. Of course. What's it about? Sorry, it's top secret. That's what I thought. Stop. This is interesting. This security guard approached at 35 degrees, and this one at 120 degrees. The best evasive route isn't this way. It's where you'd least expect it to be. This isn't just any streaker. Leandro de la Cruz set the world record in 1997. He was on the field 3 minutes and 18 seconds before they caught him. Watch, marvel and learn. Strapinski. - This is Monique. You said to call if something's up. Two of my clients... - Fredy. Pass the shampoo? - Sure Franz. They're cops! You won't believe what I heard. Three times the budget. Three times the security. And a special unit just to stop us. What does it all mean? War. Thank you for coming by. We need to talk about annina's performance. Of course. It's just a bit of a shock. She's never had problems. She's sad if there's no homework. It's not about homework. It's about her behavior in class. Oh? She's behaving... Differently. She disrupts class. That's not true! And lies. Honey, go outside for a sec. It's better if I talk to mr naf alone. What's wrong all the sudden? Do you have stress at home or at work? No. Have you taken on any new responsibilities? I'm the head of a special unit to catch streakers. But with annina... A special unit for streakers? Isn't that going overboard? Not at all. We're talking about an organized gang lead by a certain strapinski. Interesting theory. How do you plan to stop the streakers? That must be difficult. Yes, it is. But I think I've discovered a simple pattern. Just imagine this is the playing field. And this is the streaker. Stop! Stop! Change of plans. The police know everything! Three, two, one, kick-off in thun. Keep me informed. St. gallen? We're in the 34th minute. All is quiet. Good. Basel? - Here, too. 88th minute, basel is in the lead. - Thanks. Stick to important information. Roger. It looks good. They don't dare. Basel here. Possible streaker from section a3. Shit! Let me guess: Lost bet, bachelor night or problems at work. I know all the excuses. We know you belong to a streaker gang. Catch the tiger by the toe. Eeny, meeny, miny, mo and you are out! What's with him? Blood alcohol: 2.0. It's his excuse. But he was sober before. Sorry, do we know each other? You're an actor. - No. But I've been on TV before. The streaker, right? You saw that? Of course! You were incredible! Awesome. - I'm a huge fan. Thanks. - Excuse me. A beer for my buddy. It's on me. Cheers. - Cheers. What a coincidence. I don't believe it. Tada! Our training center. I recruited somebody. You can't just bring him here. Without a background check. You can trust Andreas 100%. We've really old friends. It's an honor. We have to be very careful. No problem, mr strapinski. Hello. I'd like to speak to mr strebel. Ah, mr n&f. Sure. We've been expecting you. Come with me. Here you go. Thanks. Hello, mr naf. I'm glad you had time. Thanks for coming all the way to Zurich. Especially on the weekend. Take a seat. Thanks. Is this about my daughter again? Yes. Annina... - Stop. Before you start ranting, I've been thinking about a few things. Last time we talked about my work. I wondered why. Why is a teacher interested in my work? After your second call, it hit me. I'm sorry. So you figured it out. - Yes. Yes... you've got a crush on me. But that's not forbidden. Most men are cowards nowadays. It's great you took this step. I don't like cowards. Annina's dad was my boyfriend for 8 years. He didn't have the courage to marry me or to leave me. He didn't leave till 1 got pregnant. I'm sorry. - Don't be. I just want to say: Sometimes you have to be brave. To bravery. To bravery. Have you been up the grobmunster lately? Not for ages. Have you been to the lake lately? Not for ages. Have you rented a boat lately? Annina? - At a friend's house. I'll do it. It's a sports bra. Oh, shit! - Oh, no. Sorry. Go on, you were undressing. Mission complete. Strapinski = baltasar naf Need more time. I'll report later. I've got to go. You can stay in bed. Need more time. I'll report later. Bad news? It's just work. It was really nice. Mr naf? I thought you were at a friend's. She went to the movies with someone else. Well, did you do your homework? Yes. Mr naf? Was it by the book? You're walking funny. Sore muscles? Watch out, mr naf. The cops are coming. He knows all about that. That's enough. Now an excerpt from clothes make the man: "Strapinski smiled a sickly smile..." "Strapinski smiled a sickly smile..." So, you want to streak with us? Yes, very much so. Okay, then undress. Okay, now do the propeller. The what? The propeller. You know. Okay, now turn your body. Stay like that. Don't stop. Faster. A little more to the left. Turn it the other way. Faster. Okay, I see you've definitely got talent. I've got a special mission for you. Here. An international mission. The cup semi-final is about to begin: Zurich vs. Bern. It's an exciting match. Who will make the final? And will a streaker make it onto the field again today? One team is out to stop them: The security team from letzigrund stadium. We've worked on anticipating the streakers. Identifying streakers immediately is key, and the legwork. Strapinski wants me to streak in Columbia. What do I do? Do it! Important! More security. Yes. I was expecting them. Did we get a lot of bets? Yes, too many. We could lose a lot of cash. When will I get 140,000? 140,000? That's tough. He's got to survive for 52 seconds. Okay. If he does, I'm out. - Out? Yes, then I can pay off the sports field. Out? Out? What about the Keller museum? I met somebody who's more important to me than he is. Okay. Deal. It's getting too risky for me anyway. Their defense is like a wall. Speaking of defense, there are no streakers in sight. We're coming to the end of the first half. A nice pass to the center. And still no suspicious people in sight. Fuck! Eleven seconds. Sorry. You saw it yourself. Not one but two streakers today, mr gress. That surprised me, but it proves that streaking is an evolving sport. It's not like back in your day. No. It wasn't modern soccer, but we were dressed. This has to stop right now! They're dicking us around! Yes, with their dicks. Ms strebel. We agree. We've got a top agent working undercover in the gang. A very exceptional agent. It's only a matter of time. Where is that game? In Columbia. It's a categoria primera game. Their problems are similar to ours. Ms strebel, please go on. We'll get strapinski soon. Then I'll show him! Take care. Okay, bye. - Great. I'll be right back. Fuck. - Wow! It's sucks. They're betting for security. Nobody believes anyone can do it. That's even better. - No! How do we pay them if they win? Some of them don't have a sense of humor. We'll cancel it. - No, we won't. Don't worry so much. It'll work. I'll send in my best people. What's the extra cash for? It's a surprise. I hate surprises. It's not for you. We inscribed it like you requested. Perfect. Would you like to have a box? No, that's not necessary. You'll get the last 110,000 on Monday. Plus your 10 percent. But if you don't pay on Monday... Yes, I know. Then you'll break all my bones. Exactly. Sure. The cup final will also be our final. Our crucial, final appearance. There will be victims. Some of you won't make it. But we will succeed as a team! Franz, get our best surveillance team. Understood. Your mother. You need to be on the left at halftime, near the locker rooms. Okay. In sector a, you're seat 23, in the second row. You wanted to see me? - Yes. I've got a surprise for you. Me too. Look, I made them just for you. Try one. Thanks. You coming? I want to show you something. I see. In the bedroom. Lie down on the bed. Now close your eyes. Oh boy! - You're strapinskil you lied to me, faked everything! I wasn't faking. My feelings... What you say now can be used against you. I love you. "Il love you." Any other lies? Yes, I am strapinski. I couldn't tell you! We have to do this one! The site manager wants his money! The salon clients will make trouble! Let me go. It's a life and death matter! "Life and... Death." I can't do that. You can watch your team from here. The final is about to begin: Baden vs. Bern. Enjoy. Fuck! Annina, thank god. Do you have a saw for metal? Yes, we do. - Great! Go get it. I just forgot this. No! At least give me the phone! No! They're not for youl! No! Hello. - Cheers. But baden has proved that they can beat the big boys, too. Thanks to stiel in the goal. Stiel has seen better days. Mr salzgeber, the man is in peak form. You have no idea. Hey, guys. - Hello, annina. Look, I've got cookies. May 1? Thanks. Want one? Dear spectators. On behalf of stadium security and the police, I'd like to inform you that, today, we caught the streaker gang. Their leader is baltasar naf, a teacher from baden. His partner and accomplices are being arrested as I speak to you now. So, it looks like the end. The streakers will streak no more. Congratulations. The game lasts 90 minutes. The ball is round and the streaker comes at the end. Enjoy the game. I take full responsibility. Fine. Was it something I said? Hey, mom. Want a cookie? They're amazing. No, thanks. Is that the best way to do it? Sure. We always do it this way. So, my situation is easy to explain. To save the sports field, I need to stay out here for one minute and 23 seconds. So wish me luck. Unbelievable! It looks like the streaker is baltasar naf, the streaker gang leader! 69% angle... 110% angle... He's doing well. His strategy is excellent! Naf! Naf! Naf! Naf! "Sometimes you have to be brave." Wow! He's been out there two minutes! You thinking what I am? He might do it! He might just break the world record set in 1997 by Leandro de la Cruz! Go, dad! You can do it! Naf is your dad? Yes, of course. Go! World record: 3:18 The whole stadium is with him, but security is closing in! World record: 3:18 Crazy! - A world record for Switzerland! It's unbelievable! Way to go, naf! New world record! You're the best, dad! I cuffed you a bit better this time. I'm sorry. There are worse things. Like a damage suit for two million and six months prison. Although 30 minutes ago a man in a white lamborghini drove up. He paid the damages for you. So where will you serve your sentence? I found just the place for you to do that. There was enough money for the sports field and for the Keller museum. I was allowed to serve my sentence there. Come closer so you can all see. This was Keller's living room furniture where he relaxed after a hard day's work. These were his slippers. He wore them while he revised the 7th version of the people of seldwyla. We're closed for today. We're closed. Have a safe trip home. Want me to help tomorrow too? Sure. Cool. Closed I'm sorry. We can't leave you unsupervised. No? No. It's way too dangerous. Then you'd better sleep over. Exactly. The end |
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