Fuck!
Okay,
you caught me.
I mean...
men are not the only ones who like
to whack off like zoo monkeys.
Why isn't it okay for girls
to just like fucking?
If you could have sex once a week,
no attachments, no expectations...
...just straight up fucking, would you?
- I like fucking.
I like it a lot.
Who doesn't?
But people make such
a big deal out of it.
And there's so much emphasis
placed on appearance.
I don't know why. I've had sex
with fat girls and skinny girls...
...it's really all the same.
- I know...
that everyone is a little...
self-conscious about
how good they are in bed...
and I was never really, I guess,
great in bed because...
I didn't read Cosmo's latest article
on how to please my man...
because I don't read those magazine
articles and, quite frankly...
I haven't really been too concerned
about pleasing him.
Fuck me.
I blew a great setup.
Did you ever fuck something up and
you knew you were fucking it up...
but you did it anyway?
Maybe she fucked it up.
I don't know. I'll let you people
decide. My opinion is biased.
I don't why there's this myth that
women get dependent on men.
I mean, every day in America some
guy snaps and kills his girlfriend.
They gotta get restraining orders
taken out against them all the time.
Women never do that.
Oh, you think you're immune, pal?
Well, brother, you just haven't met the
girl you wanna fuck and kill someday.
You're a fucking asshole!
I was trying to tell you
how much I love, for fuck's sake!
- How, if you think I'm fat? Thanks!
- I didn't say that. You're nuts.
- You're paranoid. You realize that?
- No, you're the one that's paranoid.
You're the one that gets pissed off
every time Damien comes here.
- Grow up!
- Listen, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
you got insulted by my attempt
to compliment you.
But if you're gonna bring up your
ex-boyfriend, at least understand...
...why I wan to punch him in the face!
- What the hell is that?
A woman's place in procreation
has always been to attract a man:
big tits, small waist
and round ass.
And you're really sensitive about
that shit being in its proper place.
- I'm not even half as sensitive!
- Okay, tell me that I gained 5 pounds!
If I get a new haircut and you didn't
notice, would I give a shit? No!
I do not like to be insulted, no,
but that has nothing to do...
with you wanting to punch
somebody in the God damned face!
You tell me that you love me
'cause I'm so manly.
This is it, this is
the whole package.
Oh, shut the fuck up!
What a mess!
How do two people end up
talking to each other like that?
Let me rewind to the
very, very beginning.
LA's real interesting,
but it ain't cheap, huh?
I'm down to my last hundred.
What'd you got?
I bought your cigarettes.
Fuck.
I don't understand...
we've been here like a month.
We should've found jobs by now.
It's the concrete companies here,
they just hire migrant workers.
It's bullshit.
You think California
was a bad idea?
Couple guys like us,
we'll get something going.
Well, we better get
something going soon.
We don't have even have enough
money to get friggin' drunk!
When was the last time
we went into a fancy hotel bar...
ran up a huge tab
and then just bolted?
Shit. Months?
Come on, this is the kind of sun shit
we always talked about doing.
Fun shit you always
talked about doing.
I'm only going along
to make sure you're okay.
Haven't you ever wanted
complete control in bed?
They'll have to do whatever
we say, it'll be amazing.
How do you even know
how to find male prostitutes?
Please tell me you didn't
go on the Internet.
No, no, there's this hotel downtown.
It has a lounge.
That's what it's famous for.
This woman at my salon was
telling me all about it.
You go down there, you see the
guys and pick out the one you want.
Sounds very romantic.
- How's your black eye by the way?
- Not so bad. I keep covering it up.
How do you even do it?
God, you're like Houdini.
I keep 'em pre-tied in my nightstand
and I just slip them on.
Well, that's you, babe.
Very efficient.
Stanny, think that
security guy's onto us.
Joe, we've done this to every fancy
hotel in NY for what, ten years?
You think some
LA rent-a-cop's gonna bust us?
We shouldn't be doing this.
They charge us like
seven bucks for a beer.
That's ripping people off.
We're just making shit even.
The guy will think that we're
so desperate to get laid that...
Stop it! God!
They're gonna be so excited.
They usually have to do it with
a bunch of disgusting old women.
- They're gonna think that we...
- They're whores! They're prostitutes.
If anyone has issues with their
self-image, it's them, not you.
Oh yeah.
- Check it out. Check that shit out!
- Wait, wait!
- Please don't. We should...
- Hey there.
- Hey.
- Hi. California is a friendly place.
Yeah, we're not used
to two beautiful girls...
...just walking right up to us.
- So, you two boys have names?
- Yeah, I'm Joe. This is Stanny.
- This is Christi Ann. I'm Donna.
Hello, Joe and Stanley.
No, it's not Stanley, it's Stanny.
There's no "L".
Oh, Stanny.
Does it really matter now?
So, where are you girls
from and stuff?
Up in the hills, Laurel Canyon.
We just moved to town.
Oh, a couple of regular guys
new in town looking to meet people.
Yeah. Yeah, we're both
in construction.
Time's a little slow right now,
but we'll get something going soon.
- Just trying to get by, huh?
- Construction workers.
Are you girls like models
or something?
You don't have to belittle us,
we don't usually do this.
Let's grab a table.
What, do you work out?
I work out a lot.
But usually I get enough
of a workout on the job.
We work with concrete.
Shit's heavy.
Yes, look, we wanted manly men...
but you're overdoing it...
with the blue collar routine.
- Is that Drakkar you're wearing?
- Yep. Thanks.
- So, what do you do for a living?
- I'm a writer.
Really?
Like books and shit?
Screenwriter,
like movies and shit.
Get out of here!
That's so cool.
I mean, what have I seen
that you wrote?
Nothing yet. None of my scripts
have been turned into movies yet.
Well, you gotta start
by writing it first, right?
- What about you? What do you do?
- Christi Ann is a clothing designer.
- She designed this.
- Really? Very nice.
Shit! Christi Ann,
I totally forgot.
I was in this coffee shop...
and I saw a woman wearing
one of your new shirts.
- Really?
- Man!
Somebody took your shit
from the Laundromat?
That happened to me.
Remember that, Stanny?
Somebody just took my stuff
from the dryer...
and then we see this guy from two
floors up wearing my sweatpants!
No, Joe, she's saying that she
makes clothes. She made this here.
- Oh, you invent clothes!
- Yes, I invent clothes.
In fact, people were running around
naked before until I came along.
I have to go to the bathroom.
I'll be... right back.
California girls, man.
They're fucking unbelievable!
Okay, what about the bill?
- I think we should hire them.
- Shut up!
You flirted, you got
your twisted affirmation.
I think we should get out of here.
Look, I'm inviting Stanny
back to the house.
If you don't wanna sleep with Joe,
you don't have to.
I got it. I'll make it look like
I left my wallet back at the motel.
These girls come here all the time.
They can cover us.
No, that ain't right, man.
Why don't we just stick the hotel
with the bill and split?
These girls shouldn't...
I... I think I left my wallet
back at my motel.
Sure you did.
Why don't I just get this round?
So, how do you boys wanna do this?
Should we get a room upstairs or?
Why don't we just go back
to my house...
and we can fool around up there?
Okay.
Let me show you my room.
Wow!
- Is this your parents' house?
- No.
No, it's Donna's house.
I just live here.
Wow, you must come home
everyday and do this, huh?
- No.
- If I lived here, I would.
- You like it rough, don't you?
- Yeah!
Boy, did you pick the right guy!
Punish me, I'm bad!
Look, this was all
my friend's idea. I...
I don't think I can do this.
You must have a fancy bar
or something around here, right?
Oh, perfect.
Perfect.
You don't wanna have sex?
That's fine.
Your friend, Donna...
she needs to get laid.
You, Christi Ann...
you need to get drunk.
- What, you wanna get me drunk?
- No, I wanna get me drunk.
But I can tell you're one of those,
you know, uptight people...
that I love to help out by getting
them good and hammered.
So, here's the deal:
for every two drinks that I have...
you gotta have one, until you're
either puking or laughing.
- Yeah! Yeah!
- You like that, don't you, nasty?
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- You're so bad.
- You're the man! You're the man!
I was 15 years old...
I'd been jerking off two years
straight, dreaming of this moment.
And the second
she goes to kiss it...
my dick just starts like,
flapping all over the place!
And she looks up at me,
all freaked out.
At the same time, whack!
My dick hits her right in the jaw.
You're gonna make me come!
Oh, my God!
- Do you want some water?
- Sure.
- Do you like that?
- Oh yeah.
I go to the gynecologist like a week
later, 'cause I felt uncomfortable.
I know the doctor's gonna know
it's cause I lost my virginity...
but I don't care, because
I was starting...
to get paranoid something's wrong.
The doctor finds the condom.
My asshole boyfriend was so
embarrassed to tell me...
that he finished right away...
so he's moving around 'til
it got soft and it just came off.
And the thing was stuck up in me
for like a week!
What was he thinking?
You're okay? God, that felt so...
Oh, my God! So fucking great!
You want a cigarette?
- Do you want some water?
- Sure.
That... That was...
That was thrilling.
I can't believe it.
That was...
Did you like that?
You okay?
Want a cigarette?
Here, here's a cigarette.
So, should we?
- I don't know.
- Yeah, you do.
You know, I've never ever...
ever had a one-night stand.
You're the first girl
who's told me that...
who I believe it's true.
- Alright.
- Alright.
I'm sorry.
Everything tickles.
I'm sorry.
I don't think I can do this.
Okay.
- Can I ask you something?
- Sure.
How often... do you think men cry?
What the fuck kind
of fucked up question is that?
Well, I'm writing this character...
and I was just trying to figure out
how real he was.
So I'm asking you how often.
Fuck, I don't know
the national average or nothing.
And how often
do you think you cry?
Never, really. I mean...
life sucks sometimes, but you know,
I get pissed off and shit.
Crying never solved nothing.
- You guys ever get caught?
- For what?
You know, loitering at the bar?
Damn, was it that obvious?
It's not like we always do that.
You know, it's just something fun
to do when the funds are low.
So the he yells out,
"So yeah, I'll call you tomorrow!"
Seriously, I swear to God I burst out
laughing.
I don't care that it was rude.
God!
My God!
Are they doing it again?
My record is five times.
- One night, five times.
- Wow! Really?
I usually do it once. Well, I mean,
sometimes, you know, I've done it...
I've had guys who wanted
to do it more.
And that one that was finished
after the first time...
but I had another guy who...
who would sometimes wanna go
again and sometimes I would.
You like... have a thing
with sex, huh?
Well, if Donna's gonna do it, I mean
I should... Maybe I'll do it too.
- Don't do it on account of her.
- No.
- No, no. I want to.
- Alright.
I mean, we probably
shouldn't do it here.
- Okay, you gotta relax.
- Oh no, I'm relaxed.
You like that?
That doesn't feel good?
Okay.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
You know any jokes?
No.
A guy walks into a bar...
and the bartender says...
Shit, I forgot what he said.
He said something.
We heard you two having fun
last night.
Never mind that.
Check out the sunrise.
Isn't it beautiful?
Cool. I love dusk.
Does anybody need anything
to drink? Water, juice?
Just sit here and relax, baby.
Actually, you know, I...
I should probably try
and get some sleep.
I've got a lot of writing
to do tomorrow.
- I mean, today.
- Yeah, I guess it is getting kinda late.
So, I guess you boys deserve
to get paid.
How much do we owe you anyway?
Yeah, you know, I have to admit
I was opposed to the idea...
but I think, who knows,
maybe in like six months...
if we're still two lonely women,
we might call you again.
Yeah. Leave us your cards,
your pager numbers or whatever.
Can you take a check?
Cause I don't think we have
that much laying around.
- A check?
- It's good.
Look, we can go to an ATM.
How much do we owe you, anyway?
I mean, I have money.
Hold on.
Wait a minute. Do you think
that we're prostitutes?
What, making fun of the girls
who've never done this before?
So, what's the damage?
I have 1,000 dollars.
You gotta tip 'em,
mine was really good.
Wait. You're serious?
Why is everything getting
all strange all of a sudden?
I asked you if you'd ever
been arrested...
Yeah, for drinking dash.
We're not gigolos!
We thought you girls just
wanna hang out and stuff!
- You're serious?
- Yeah, I'm fucking serious!
We're hanging out at the bar,
you roll up on us...
you say you wanna fuck us, what
the hell are we supposed to think?
We never said you had
to pay us to fuck you!
Wait a second. What about that
Joe, they think
we're male prostitutes.
They're kicking us out of here,
they never wanna see us again.
Man! I thought you thought
I was funny and stuff!
So, you two are really two
construction workers from Queens?
Yeah!
I knew this was gonna happen!
I can't believe you made me do this!
I am so mortified!
I didn't make you, how was
I supposed to know they were...
- Gross! God!
- Fuck you, ew!
You sure seemed to like
when I had your legs in the air!
Goddamned freaks!
Wanna get spanked and shit?
We are not freaks! You're the one
who wanted to spank me!
Yeah, but I didn't know
I was getting hired to do it!
Come on, Joe,
let's get the fuck out of here.
- I don't believe it. I've been used!
- Must be some rich girl thing.
California girls!
Where are we?
You think they'll still
give us the money?
Oh, they'd better!
I'm never drinking again. I can't
believe you made me do this.
Stop blaming me! Hell, you were
with the really stupid one.
Why couldn't you tell
he was just some moron?
Why couldn't you tell?! God!
And Jesus, they were both morons.
Your guy was drooling all over you.
It was pathetic!
- I forgot something.
- Yeah?
Never mind.
Stanny, wake up.
We gotta go find a place
to live. And a job!
- Can you believe those bitches?
- Just forget about it, bro.
Let's just go find a place to stay.
We have enough for
a deposit now, right?
What are you talking about? We have
We made 1,000 dollars last night.
What, they wouldn't give it to you?
- No.
- No, they wouldn't give it to you?
- Stanny, you didn't ask them, did you?
- No, I didn't fucking ask them.
Fuck them, friggin' rich chicks!
I don't need their money.
I'm a working man.
I worked my whole fuckin' life.
Can you believe that one girl
told me she was a writer?
Yeah, if I had rich parents, I'd tell
people I was the King of Egypt.
We really could've used
that thousand bucks, Stanny.
Well, you wanna hike back up there
and get the money, go ahead.
I need cigarettes.
Christi Ann, I'm sorry.
The whole thing was my idea...
and I shouldn't have forced you to do
something that you didn't wanna do.
It's okay. Maybe we'll look back
at it and laugh.
Look, I'm really sorry
'cause I know you.
And you wouldn't have done
anything with that guy.
You probably only did it 'cause
you didn't want me to do it alone.
Well, that's true. But...
I don't know,
my guy was kinda cute.
- Was he?
- He wasn't very smart...
but he was really sweet.
- How was he in bed?
- He was fine.
Just fine? Mine was nuts.
- What, like crazy nuts?
- No, nuts like amazing nuts!
- Wow. Really?
- It only stands to reason.
Good in bed,
fucking asshole in the morning.
You need to take that up
with your therapist.
Next time I come up with
a stupid idea...
just tell me I'm being stupid, okay?
- Deal.
- Friends?
Okay.
Joe.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Your name is Joe, right?
- Yeah, Joe Santarella.
Nice to meet you.
Thank you for telling me
your last name...
'cause I have a short mental list
of the men I've had sex with...
and I would've hated
just to have Joe.
I was hoping that...
I could get that money from you.
Stanny and I, we're...
gonna get booted out
of this motel and...
since you guys were gonna give us
a thousand bucks anyway...
We could really use it.
Yeah, sure.
Can you hold on a second?
What's up?
It's Joe.
They want the money.
- Is Stanny there too?
- No, just Joe.
He's probably gonna
sleep for two days.
I mean, I fucked him so hard
he was incoherent.
You know, when you
fuck a guy into a coma?
No, obviously I don't
because he's fully conscious.
Why do you ask me questions
you already know the answers to?
Why should we even pay them?
I mean, every other guy...
in America went home drunk
and lonely last night.
They're getting booted
from their motel, plus...
I don't think they have a car.
I think he walked here.
Fuck it.
Go ahead, pay him.
Although I gotta admit, best 500
bucks I have spent in a long time.
Thanks. This is really gonna help.
I appreciate it.
Nice meeting you, then.
Bye.
I was a really lousy lay,
wasn't I?
No.
Look, usually when people first
have sex, they're a little inhibited.
No, that was me at my best.
But thanks for being honest.
- What's the matter?
- I'm...
I don't know, you know
how I'm a shitty dancer?
How every other girl in the world
can dance, but I have no rhythm.
- You dance fine.
- Fine!
- Great. Story of my sex life: fine.
- Wait a minute.
Are we talking about your sex life
or about you being a shitty dancer?
I'm a shitty lover, I'm a shitty
kisser, I'm a shitty blowjob giver...
- And never mind...
- I thought you didn't give blowjobs.
I don't. I can't. I don't know,
I missed that class in college.
Man, that's the only thing
I do remember about college.
How come I never fucked a guy...
until he was laying there
like a zombie?
I wanna turn a guy into a zombie.
Look, I just think this is
too extreme an idea!
You said you wanted to get laid!
We'll have them come in at night,
or every couple days...
you know, we'll hardly notice
they're there.
I just don't like people knowing
my private business.
- I didn't live with my boyfriends...
- They're not living with us.
They're crashing in the pool house,
like our neighbors.
But we have to share
the yard with them.
Please! When have you ever
gone in the back yard?
We go in that pool
maybe once a month.
When did you become
the nympho all of a sudden?
Well, not all of us got
to sport fuck through school!
Excuse me, it was college,
and everybody else was fucking!
You were just too uptight,
so don't talk shit about me.
Besides, you're supposed to have
cabana boy when you're 45, not 25.
I'm sorry I called you
a sport fucker.
You really think this will
help you get some experience...
or confidence boosting
with some boy toy?
I guess so. Yes, exactly.
We don't have to pay the rent.
We'll have somewhere to stay
until we get on our feet.
I don't know. There's some weird
catch to this you ain't telling me.
Stanny, we're about a week away
from getting booted outta this motel.
We don't have jobs. This is about the
best thing that ever happened to us.
- Are we allowed to go in the pool?
- I guess so.
- How often I gotta fuck her?
- Come on, man.
I know you like fucking her
even if you don't like her.
Yeah, she's nasty.
Still, how come...
how come I get the bitchy one
and you get the nice one?
Mine's a terrible lay.
She can't even kiss.
It's like...
making out with a baloney
sandwich or something.
- Really?
- Yeah, she's like...
- It's terrible.
- Okay.
I can't believe this.
I have gotta go write.
I can't spend all day doing this.
Yeah, but you said yourself you can't
write when you're not getting laid.
This is gonna cure any
writer's block you've ever had.
Okay, you understand:
we don't want boyfriends.
We don't want boyfriends,
we don't want relationships.
We want two guys to service us,
this is strictly sexual.
You're on call 24 hours. We get laid
when we want, how we want.
You work for us. We'll give you
a place to stay in the pool house...
and you're not allowed in the house
unless you're working.
You know, and during the day
you can look for legitimate jobs...
and try to save money
until you get on your feet.
Okay, alright. But we got
a few small requirements.
We want TV with a satellite
in the pool house.
I have a TV. And I'm sure you know
how to run a cable through the yard.
Anything else?
Beer.
Know what I love about LA, Joe?
People don't date.
They just move in.
Yo! Yo!
- Dick, gimme it.
- You're being a dick, man, I found it.
Dude, it ain't yours. It belongs
to somebody else, let me have it.
It ain't yours either, man.
- They're fighting over a ball.
- Just spray them with the hose.
Should we do something?
They're probably hungry,
put a bowl of food out for 'em.
- Let go, dick!
- Gimme it!
It's my ball, man!
You guys hungry?
Where are you going?
Isn't it Saturday?
No, I'm going to the store.
It's open.
In fact, I have a very important
meeting with a fashion rep.
Okay.
Bye.
I'm going to write.
You two boys behave yourselves.
- Don't you write at home?
- Too distracting.
See that, Joe?
They're up all night on Friday
and then go to work on Saturday.
Yeah, they're like guys.
Hardworking. Like us.
I respect that.
Look, fashion week is next month.
All the top designers, all the critics...
...every magazine are gonna be there.
- Yeah, I know.
No, I know you know.
You're a designer but I'm the rep.
And I'm very successful
at getting people in.
- Absolutely. You're one of the best.
- My being the best isn't the point.
The point is that's very difficult
to get into fashion week.
Only a certain amount of designers
get in. You're lucky.
This guy just dropped out.
Drugs, overdose, who cares?
- I want you to take his place.
- Are you serious?
- You can get my line in?
- Yeah.
Just have your line ready.
And putting the show on isn't cheap.
You're gonna have to pay
for all this yourself.
Don't come to me.
I'm not the bank.
Well...
...I cab barely make ends meet now...
- Make it happen.
I make the rest happen.
How do you like my dog? Makes me
seem warm and approachable, right?
- Think we're invited for dinner?
- Shit, I guess not.
- I think we're slaves.
- We are.
- We are whores.
- We are, aren't we?
Should we go invite them in?
No, we always make enough
food for four.
I don't know, I guess I just
thought you were... I don't know.
You are such a liar. You always
act like this when you like a guy.
Don't even!
I like fucking the guy.
- Boys, dinner's ready!
- Guess we're invited.
This is a good gig
we got going on here.
- So don't, you know, mess it up.
- What do you mean?
You know what I mean. You can just
kinda piss people off sometimes.
So, how come y'all didn't
have girlfriends back home?
What?
Did you just kick me? She asked
a legitimate question. I'll answer it.
No, no, never mind.
It was a stupid question.
Tell you why we didn't have
girlfriends back home.
Three simple words:
women are morons.
Excuse me?
Are you for real?
He just said all women are morons
and I'm included in that group.
- I mean, you know what I mean.
- He didn't mean you two.
And where do you get off
saying something like that anyway?
No, I'm trying not to piss you off,
so forget it.
No, no, please.
Please, let's hear this.
Women wanna be treated like shit.
Thus the fact: they're morons.
Can you generalize a bit more?
Listen, whether she's a supermodel,
works at a daycare center...
ugly, hot, it don't matter. You all look
for the guy that pisses you off...
a guy you couldn't complain
about try and fix.
Should I complain about men?
Where should I be getting?
First of all...
You wanna know the number
one complain...
I hear about men from women?
"He's too nice."
That's considered a detriment.
Show me some girl can date
any guy she wants:
fifty bucks says
she's with some asshole.
They don't want nice.
They want asshole.
Okay, let's just drop it
'cause you're pissing me off now.
Alright. I'm a guy. I'm the one
suffering the injustice of it all.
You don't see guys saying...
"Yeah, I broke up with this girl
because she was too nice".
I don't do anything shitty.
Guys break up with you
'cause you're too nice?
- No, I break up with them.
- Oh, yeah? How come?
Stanny, it's not
in your job description.
You're right.
Would you like some sex?
You have a way with words.
You should be a writer too.
Oh yeah, I'm gonna write a book.
It's called...
"Men Are From Mars and
Women Are Fucking Morons"!
What? Bro, this is what they're really
paying for, they want to hear abuse.
You should thank me.
All you can do is sit there.
You look like Mr. Compassionate
next to me.
So, wait.
If all they want is abuse...
and I'm the nice guy...
does that make me
the good one or the bad one?
We're a team.
We're a team, brother.
My God.
Right there. That was so good.
Don't stop.
While I'm down here
can I ask you something?
Well, okay.
Where the hell does the pee
come out of this thing?
- No, don't stop what you're doing.
- You want me to explain specifically...
That's okay, later.
Fucking amazing view. I could stand
here for hours and just take it in.
Yeah, it's funny.
Never really come out here anymore.
I'm sorry if I offended you before.
I was just fucking around.
No, you weren't.
No, I guess I wasn't.
Actually, it's alright.
I'm writing and you're giving me
a lot of good material.
- What do you mean?
- I guess writing is...
just putting down on paper
what people say.
I forget sometimes
how the male mind works.
It's good just to, you know,
get it down.
I hope you're learning something.
Let's just say my characters
are coming to life.
You must be a really great writer.
How do you know
how good or bad I am?
'Cause you got conviction, you know.
Not a lot of girls are like that.
When you talk about men or sex...
you don't apologize, you don't
hold back. You just say shit.
You got something to say.
I love that.
I think it's time
you got back to work.
That was amazing.
Don't be shy to tell someone
what you like.
People miss out on great sex
all the time...
just because they're shy about it.
It's just communication.
- You're secretly very smart.
- I know. Don't tell anyone.
- No one would believe me anyway.
- Okay.
So, there's gotta be something
you've never done...
something you swore
you'd never do.
- Yes, there is but I'm not gonna do it.
- Well, why not?
Is it something that your last few
boyfriends wanted you to do...
and you wouldn't?
Oh, yeah.
Tell me, how come you write? I mean,
you don't really have to do anything.
Why do you write stuff?
I don't know.
I guess I should have some Byzantine,
philosophical reason why, but...
mostly I just like making
things up. It's fun.
Yeah, it probably is, huh?
It's kind of like reading a great
book or going to a great movie.
It's just this amazing escape.
Yeah, fuck reality.
I just drink more.
- Okay, you just gotta relax.
- Oh, my God. No, no, no.
This isn't physically possible to...
No, this can't fit.
What d'you mean? You've seen
the size of my dick, right?
Well, have you ever taken
a poop that big?
See? It's gotta fit then. All you have
to do is just relax a little bit.
So here we go, just relax.
Here, look.
- My God! Did I just?
- What? Did you what?
- Just relax.
- This is so fucking overrated.
This is the furthest thing
from sexual I've ever done!
No, no, I should go in.
I didn't get any sleep last night.
Alright.
Good night.
Good night.
- I can't believe I did that.
- My aunt Emily used to say...
"You never know if you like
something until you try it".
Is she alone?
I don't know.
Sounds like it.
Joe, maybe you should leave
because I think...
this whole thing's made Donna
really uncomfortable.
Okay.
You know, Stanny's funny and
everything, but he's so intense.
I don't know, I think sometimes
he just needs to get over himself.
- Don't do that, okay?
- Do what?
- Don't talk shit about my friend.
- I wasn't talking shit.
I didn't... I was just saying
that I... No, I'm serious.
- Whatever.
- I didn't mean to get you all defensive.
Wait.
Joe, gimme a break.
Joe, I didn't mean that. I promise
I didn't mean that in a nasty way.
You know how I said Stanny and I
got kicked outta Concrete Union?
Well, it was me
that got kicked out.
It was for a stupid reason,
and that's the point.
Stanny came with me
to the hearing.
We had great jobs.
And he told the guys on the board,
"That's bullshit".
And if you're gonna kick me out,
then might as well kick him out too".
And they did?
Yeah, well, Stanny didn't
exactly say it so nicely.
But he wasn't mad. We got
shitcanned from a solid union job.
"Fuck it. Let's move to California".
So we did.
We just have this understanding,
wherever we go, we go together.
That's a good friend you have.
Yeah.
- What time is it?
- Almost midnight.
- How was your first lesson?
- Shut up.
What's that smile for?
Did you get some too?
Maybe.
To us.
Brother, we are the
mack fucking daddies.
Man, it ain't easy.
This girl don't know
the first thing about sex.
We could trade tomorrow
if you want.
No.
She's a doll, I like her.
Besides...
I'm helping her with something that's
gonna make her whole life richer.
Yeah. We're good fucking
Samaritans, that's all.
Seriously.
Just like a sister I never had,
just sweet.
Yeah, I wish I had a sister
to instruct on proper ass fucking.
Hello?
- Anybody home?
- Hi, Damien.
What's new with you guys?
- How's the store going?
- Good. How's the movie going?
God pushed.
Man, all these studios waste a lot
of money making good scripts lousy.
When are you gonna finish
your script?
- I wanna read it.
- It's getting there.
Just working in the second act.
It kinds of slows down.
Well, why don't you let me
look at it, give you some notes?
Hey, bro.
There's some dude
in the house with them.
Who the fuck is that dick?
You have to be more assertive.
You should've seen the rep
I met today.
She was the most confident person
I've ever met...
This has nothing to do
with confidence, okay?
The script is not ready yet, okay?
So I do not wanna show it to anybody
until I'm happy with it.
- Somebody's a little tense.
- I am not tense, okay? I'm just...
I do not appreciate my ex-boyfriend
and my best friend...
trying to tell me how to run
my business, okay?
We heard some yelling,
so we came over.
- We were arguing about nothing.
- I'm Damien Radford.
- Joe Santarella.
- Yeah, I'm Stanny.
I'm renting the pool house
out to them.
The pool hou?
You mean the cabana?
- Yeah, they just got into town.
- Cool.
I was just getting ready to go
to bed, Damien. Good night.
Gosh, actually, me too.
Hey, you guys play videogames?
- No.
- Yeah.
Don't mention anything
about your job here.
Why not?
This whole thing with the boys
is getting out of hand already.
This has nothing to do
with Stanny and Joe.
Well, I've got all kinds of people
tripping in and out of the house.
- I'm talking about your career.
- And...
let's not bring that up
in front of Damien, okay?
Because I'm sick of him
needling me about my work.
Okay. Sorry.
But, you know, I...
I was really nervous about opening
my store, but I didn't have a choice.
And I think sometimes I'm lucky
my family didn't have money...
because I always had to put myself
out there. It's how I pay my bills.
What're you getting at?
I just think sometimes your back's
never up against the wall...
so you never have to push hard
to move forward.
Okay, and what about you?
Isn't that rep supposed to be getting
your stuff into stores over the world?
Yeah. But I can't afford to do that.
And if I had money like you,
I would put up a show...
and then I would have
backers to start manufacturing.
Excuse me? What'd you mean
if you had money like me?
Exactly like I said. If I had money
to do the show, I would.
I just think you need to be a little
more aggressive. That's all.
Okay, I got it.
I've got money but no balls.
You've got balls but no money.
Shut the light off on your way out.
You almost got me there, sporty!
"Sporty". That's funny.
- How do you know the girls?
- Donna and I dated for like a year.
But, yeah, I stay friends
with all my ex-girlfriends.
It's like Zen Buddhism thing.
Make you a business offer?
- Okay.
- Look...
I invest in all kinds of things.
Why don't I invest
in your putting on a show?
You put on a big fashion show.
You have a blowout party and...
you're the next Donna Karan.
Donna, you've read me all wrong.
I wasn't trying to hit you up
for a loan.
I know you weren't.
Look, Christi Ann,
your store does well...
and if that rep knows
what she's talking about, then...
it's not a favor.
It's a good investment.
Are you serious?
Okay.
Yeah, let's do it.
But you have to promise me
you'll finish that script...
and start sending it out.
No more excuses.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Gee, this is crazy. Why am I gonna
show my new men's clothes?
I just started making these.
- They look great to me.
- Thank you.
Alright, the word's out, lots of buzz.
All the critics are gonna be there...
mostly because of the celebrities.
You know, I'm not sure
who I hate more frankly.
Actually, no, that's not true. I hate
them all. But I do love this dress.
Please tell me
you're sleeping with him.
- No, he's just an employee.
- Put him on the runway.
- Well, I don't know if I'm...
- No, you have to.
It'll be a fun surprise.
Think about it: hot new designer
puts warehouse boy on catwalk.
It's brilliant. It's a tease.
Leave them wanting more. I gotta go.
- This is the last box.
- Will you do me a favor?
Will you try this on?
I wish I was as confident as you look.
Will you model this for me?
Yeah, sure. Why not?
Thank God. I need as many pillars
of strength around me as possible.
Christi Ann, this looks fine.
Hey, come on now.
This is all good.
It's exciting!
Look, no matter what
the critical people say...
might as well enjoy
what's going on.
Come here.
- You got brothers and sisters?
- Yeah.
I mean, I got a brother
and I got a sister.
- Older, younger?
- One's older, one's younger.
Why do people always ask this?
I don't...
Who cares about
somebody's brothers and sisters?
- Do you talk to your parents a lot?
- No. We got an understanding.
What kind of understanding?
I left when I was 17.
I gave them one of these.
What's that?
What does that mean?
My mom and dad weren't
very bright people.
Which would've been okay
if they were nice...
I mean, there's plenty of dumb
but sweet people in the world.
But, I don't know, they were shitty
too. They were just mean people.
- How were they mean?
- They just always said mean things.
You know, told me I was a fucking liar
and a goddamned bullshiter.
I go to a therapist. I've been going
for three years actually and...
I've learned that you have to move on,
that you have to forgive them.
Right, yeah.
I mean, I forgive them. Like I say,
they weren't bright people.
They had me.
They didn't abort me.
I mean, they raised me, kind of
a fucked up way to do it, but...
maybe them being so harsh
made me the way I am today...
you know, like resilient?
Gotta thank them for that, huh?
Yeah, so whatever.
That's why I gave them one of these.
'Cause what it means is...
you did your best to love me.
I did my best to love you back.
We just reached a point where
there's nothing left to say, so...
...good luck.
- I like how you explain things.
You ever thought about writing?
- Me?
- Seriously.
- Come on!
- Seriously.
Seriously. You definitely
have a way with words.
I think you should write stuff
down, you know? Not to...
not to be rich or famous
or anything, but to...
to express yourself.
I'm gonna get you a notebook
and a pen. Just try it.
Just jot stuff down.
Okay, yeah.
Good luck with the show.
We can't wait to see it.
Thank you.
See you on the front row!
Thanks.
"See you on the front row"?
How ass-kissy was that?
Honey, you don't even
need to be kissing her ass.
She's just a manufacturer.
I gotta go.
- Thanks for coming.
- Sure.
You know, I think you're
making me addicted to sex.
Thanks.
And, you know, I've never...
given a blowjob to a guy in a car.
I'm just gonna... I just wanna...
You've gotten really good at that.
When you're through with that can
you please call the silk place back...
and tell them that you're
repped by me? They'll knock off 20/.
Where is everybody?
Joe's helping out Christi Ann
at her store.
Good. Did you get
any writing done today?
- Yeah, yeah, no, it's really cool.
- So what you writing about?
Never mind.
Just keep getting it down on paper.
Okay.
Had the printer print up like
Getting ready to send it out
to agents.
- Great.
- Tell you what...
when you're ready to take a break,
why don't you come inside?
Okay. I will.
I'm sorry! I know, I'm a bad little slut
and you're the big strong man!
That's right.
I'm not done fucking you.
I'm gonna fuck you harder
and you're gonna like it.
Oh, no, no!
Don't punish me! Hey!
- Baby, I can't do this anymore.
- Why? What's wrong?
This... this whole routine
of me holding you down and...
your begging me to stop...
it's fucking weird, I don't know.
It's just...
Well, you seemed to enjoy it just fine
every day for the past three weeks.
I know. Look, at first I did.
It's just lately...
It's 'cause I care about you,
and I don't wanna do that...
...to somebody I care about.
- Look, we're just playing. Come on.
I mean, we're just...
Why are we even having
this conversation?
You have a simple job, Stanny.
Are you telling me that you can't
fulfill it? Because, you know what?
There are a lot of guys in this city
that would be more than happy...
to do this without complaining.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Is that all that I am to you?
I think you'd better
take the blindfold off now.
I'm such a fucking idiot.
I'm an asshole.
I mean, I was like ready to tell...
What?
I think I'm falling
in love with you.
Okay. Can you untie me, please?
I think you and Joe
need to move out.
Joe, get up. We gotta go.
Seriously. I'm not fucking
around, man. Pack your shit.
Stanny, what did you do?
I didn't do anything shitty. I stopped
being shitty. Figure that one out.
Come on, we got a pretty good deal
going on here, man.
How long did you think this was
gonna last, you know, seriously?
Okay, it's been a fun month
or two, but...
we milked this for as much
as we could. The milk's gone sour.
What did you?
Joe, what the hell's going on?
- We're leaving.
- Hold on!
- Did you get in a fight with Donna?
- What the fuck you think?
I guess we're gonna go and try
and find our own place.
No, I don't want you to go.
I don't want either one of you to go.
Well, you don't always get
what you want.
- Take care.
- Wait! Wait!
Hold on one minute!
Hold on.
- Donna, what's going on?
- I guess they're leaving.
And you're just gonna sit there?
Yeah,
what am I supposed to be doing?
What happened?
It was just getting too...
...I don't know, too weird.
- Too weird?
Why is it that every time you like
a guy things get too weird?
- Who says I like the guy?
- You're full of shit.
And I don't have time to sit here
and listen to you lie to yourself...
because they're leaving!
What do you wanna do?
- Well, Joe doesn't have to go.
- Joe goes wherever Stanny goes!
And I'm not about to let him do that
because you got this thing about...
What? This thing about what?
I don't know,
but you've got this thing!
And...
if you look at me and tell me
that you don't like the guy...
fine, I'll say goodbye
to both of them.
Tell me what happened.
He said he thought
he was falling in love with me.
Okay. Well...
the guy who loves you
is walking out the door right now.
Is that what you want?
Let's get out of here.
This is friggin' humiliating.
She asked us to wait a minute,
so we're gonna wait.
- It's been over a minute. Let's go.
- It's an expression, Stanny.
Okay? It's like "hold on a sec".
It's more than a second.
Okay, it's a stupid fucking
expression then.
Just...
don't ask me to say it to you
'cause I can't, Stanny. I'm sorry.
- I just can't say it to you.
- Just... just let me love you.
I was close.
It's alright.
I'm sorry. My mind's just
on the fashion show.
Don't be sorry.
Joe, how come you never
slept in my bed?
You never asked me to.
Well, will you sleep here with me?
I mean...
just for the next two nights
until the fashion show.
Well...
sure, girl.
Be happy to.
- What about the cuteness?
- What about the dumbness?
- You're dumb.
- No, you're dumb.
- What about the sweetness?
- Guys, do it in private! Jeez!
You guys, really.
Why don't you just
give each other hickies?
You have rug burns on your elbows.
You broke your nails
scratching his back!
I chipped my tooth last week...
'cause we were doing it
doggy style...
and she friggin' jerks her head
back right into my jaw. You did!
My God, Christi Ann!
Remember back in college...
when I was giving a blowjob
to that guy...
that would not take the beret off?
My God. the bathroom is in-between
our two bedrooms...
which is right next to this
little tiny living room.
So I'm ready
to come out and spit...
and there's like ten people
in the goddamned living room.
So I come out and my mouth's like
this 'caused it's all full of his cum.
And I come out and
everybody starts laughing.
And then I start to laugh...
and then everyone's jumping back
out of the way...
'cause they're like terrified I'm gonna
spit up right there on the carpet.
So I got running into the bathroom
and I spit out and...
I get a standing ovation.
That's disgusting. Ew!
Honey, you know
what I was just thinking?
- How adorable you are?
- No, I think pretty highly on myself...
but I ain't best described
as adorable.
No, I was thinking about
how we first met and all.
It's funny, I used to be
so choosey.
Like every girl I dates
had to have a perfect ass.
Joe and I used to argue
about it all the time.
If the girl had like
a big square man ass...
forget it. I couldn't do it.
And it's funny when I met you...
I was like, "This chick is hot-looking,
but what does her ass look like?
So we get naked
and we start fucking...
And I'm like,
"Wow, this chick has a big ass!
But I'm diggin' it. It's great."
It's like you converted me.
Now I'm like all the black and Puerto
Rican guys I used to give shit to...
'cause they always went for the
big booty. I love big asses now.
It's weird how like your taste
could change like that.
How about how adorable you are?
Don't fuckin' touch me. I cannot
believe you just told me I was fat.
I didn't say you were fat!
I said I love you no matter
what your body looks like.
Another sacrifice to the beer gods.
Man, Donna's making me insane.
Yep. Well, you're in love with her.
Yeah. Still, she's got
some mental problems.
Women just have
more emotions than we do.
And they don't think of all the things
they're thinking as mental problems.
That's just their
daily way of thinking.
And he repeats himself. I think
he's borderline schizophrenic.
We argue and I explain to him
how he's being ridiculous.
He admits it.
He apologizes for it and then he does
it again the very next day!
Well, what're you arguing about?
It just depends on what
you're fighting about.
It has nothing to do
with what you were fighting about.
She always gives me this
psycho-friggin'-logical bullshit...
I ain't in touch with my feelings.
After about an hour of yelling, I just
say, "Yeah, whatever. You're right".
And then the next day we have the
same argument like a bad rerun!
You're lucky.
Joe seems a lot more sensitive.
- He tries.
- Yeah, he tries.
Bro, just make it look like
you're trying. Don't say nothing.
At most just say, "I wish
I was more aware like you guys.
- But I'm still learning".
- He says that? That is so sweet!
And Stanny can be so great.
I mean, he really can.
And that's why it kills me
to get rejected like that.
What does she expect me to say?
I feel like saying to her...
"All those years shoveling concrete
I had a lot of shitty days.
Would've been really nice to just
lay on a couch on a doctor's office...
and talk about my feelings".
It ain't fair!
I worked so hard
to get to this point.
My therapist is so proud
of my progress.
But this whole relationship
is putting me in a tailspin.
You're not thinking of breaking up
with him, are you?
No! Well, thinking about it
but no, I mean...
we've come this far and
we should try and get through this.
You ever cry in front of her?
No.
You don't cry ever, do you?
No.
You ever cry in front of Donna?
Yeah, I suppose. This once.
And he cries.
- Really?
- He cries a lot, actually.
And more and more lately.
Joe doesn't cry
in front of you, huh?
Well, no.
Just take it in a notch, Stanny.
I know you, man, you don't let shit go.
- This chick could turn on you.
- No.
You kidding me?
This chick is crazy about me.
You really love her, don't you?
Joe, I never loved nothing
like I love that girl.
Joe is... he'll open up. He's the type
of guy who grows on you.
He's somebody you
fall in love with slowly.
Love him like a friend.
You don't say "I love you"
to each other?
- No! You don't say that to friends.
- Yes, you do. We do.
- I mean, you know I love you.
- I love you too!
- But guys don't say that as friends.
- You're right.
- Joe, I fucking love you, man.
- I love you too, bro.
Christi Ann...
you gotta relax.
I want you to know something, okay?
Sex isn't about...
talking dirty or...
some silly new position.
It's about trust.
Do you trust me?
It's tender...
soft.
I'm gonna kiss you delicately.
If it makes sense, give it back.
This is going to be a great show.
Yeah, it is.
- You're amazing. Okay.
- Thank you.
This is insane!
I think you're gonna get backers.
I've gotten so many cards
I can't even keep track!
That's awesome.
- Do you know that guy over there?
- Mark.
He's like, "Come to Europe.
You know...
the fashion season's
just starting".
Like, he told me I could be making
a couple grand a day just doing this.
- Is he like for real or what?
- Well, he owns a modeling agency.
- He's for real.
- It was nice for him to say it and all...
but I don't know if he meant it,
you know?
Christi Ann. I want you to meet Arthur.
He's an editor from Vogue Magazine.
Love your show, very elegant.
Nikki, you don't care about fashion.
You're just here for the
party afterwards.
How can you blame me?
You always seem to have...
the most entertaining guests.
I'm sure he's already
told you ladies...
but Nikki sold his first
screenplay last year.
And now he's in production
on his next film.
Congratulations.
Of course when I sell
one of my scripts...
I'm gonna have to surround myself
with a bevy of beautiful men...
which I'll have to secretly blow
because I have a boyfriend.
You know...
you always have to talk about cock
and fucking and it's really disgusting.
Excuse us.
I am trying to host a party here
so back the fuck off.
Okay, can you not
embarrass me, please?
Can not talk like that
in front of me?
Stop smoking that thing in my face.
I smoke wherever I want.
How do you like that?
You're drunk.
You're such an ass.
- Stanny, you won't believe this shit.
- I've figured it out. Relationships...
it's all about control. If you're
in control you don't get hurt.
'Cause everyone's afraid
of getting hurt.
I gotta tell you what this guy
was saying to me.
You know what?
These girls, they just own us.
It was never about sex.
It was about...
being able to give us shit
and we couldn't give shit back.
I know Donna can be shitty
at times but Christi Ann...
Yeah, yeah, she's more subtle at it.
You don't even realize you got
a leash around your neck.
You know what?
You ain't always right, Stanny.
You ain't always right about shit
and you're wrong about that girl.
Yeah, right. You're falling all over
these phony who wants to be...
...a high-class designer.
- Why do always do this?
Why is that every time
I like a girl...
you say she's no good
'cause of something?
You say it like she's trying
to split you and me up or something.
You know what?
- I think it's the other way around.
- You really think...
that that girl
considers you her equal?
Brother, that girl considers
herself above you.
I'm just saving you
from a painful fall!
My girlfriend's got me buying
every goddamned thing here.
That's wonderful! Or maybe not.
I wouldn't be here
if it weren't for her.
I'm blowing cash
on that dress, this skirt...
Don't even listen to him.
- He can afford it. He's a lawyer.
- Lawyer my ass.
She's got one hand in my pants,
one hand in my goddamned wallet.
- Your illustrious model.
- He's not really a model.
He's actually my personal cabana boy.
Come with me right now.
That's exactly what I'm talking about.
Great. Okay, talk to you later.
Don't be showing up
at my girlfriend's house.
You guys are boyfriend
and girlfriend now?
- That's cool.
- Yeah.
So maybe you don't need
to be stopping by here anymore.
Christi Ann invited me.
You wanna push it?
We'll settle this old school.
What? We're gonna break dance?
Look, shit. I forgot
to tell you about him.
Tell him about me what?
I'm standing right fucking here.
Don't talk about me like
I'm a piece of friggin' wood.
Easy, fella, you don't gotta...
"Easy, fella"? Do I look like a fucking
horse to you?
Do I have fucking hooves?
Don't fucking say "easy fella" to me!
Did you say the word "fuck"
enough in that sentence?
No, let me add a few more.
Fuck you. And fuck you too!
Let's just all cool out.
- Stanny!
- Wanna try to grab me again, fucker?
- Easy, fella, just...
- Quit saying "easy fella" to me!
- Just chill the fuck out!
- Stanny!
- Don't you lay a hand on me!
- I'm not gonna lay a hand on you.
Didn't even lay a hand on him.
I knocked him on his ass
with my elbow.
Stanny, get in the goddamned house.
And, Damien, you can go!
- I hope you're proud of yourself.
- I hope you're proud of yourself...
using that stupid fuck
to get a reaction out of me.
Yeah, go ahead, keep fooling yourself.
At least you're fooling somebody.
- Joe, I'm gonna cum...
- You motherfuckin' shit!
Thank you, Joe.
Was that good?
Was that good, Joe?
Do you want me to get you a towel?
Just fucking listen to me, alright?
You realize what you do to me?
You insist that I throw you down
and treat you like a cheap whore...
'cause it's the only way
you can get off.
Then in daily life if I show
any form of aggression...
or jealousy, you freak the fuck out.
Do you know how confusing it is...
...to be in a relationship with you?
- What we do in the bedroom...
and what we do in our relationship
out in the real world...
those are two goddamned
different things, Stanny.
So just as long as we do everything
the way you want on your terms...
then we'll be fine.
Why do you have to be
so combative with me?
I'm not the combative one, okay?
This is what you do. It's not funny.
You pick fights with me and then
you yell at me for fighting!
I'm not the one who's fucking
yelling here, okay, buddy?
You instigate me to do shit.
Then when I do you get to point out
how fucked up I am.
'Cause you're so pathetically afraid
I might realize how fucked up you are.
Oh, I'm the fucked up one?
I'm the fucked up one?
Honey, I gotta fucking hold you down
and call you a whore for you to cum...
and you say I got self-esteem issues?
You know what?
Fuck this and fuck you...
because I am not gonna do this
with you, fucking asshole!
- I am through!
- Be a fucking rich bitch crybaby.
It doesn't affect me anymore 'cause
I'm done back-peddling just so...
I don't notice what a goddamned
psycho you are. You're a head case.
I am not the fucked up one.
I am not the psycho, okay?
I'm not the one that's hit people.
You should be in goddamned therapy!
You're the one who's fucked up,
just like your goddamned parents.
- You're just like them!
- Well, I don't have the luxury...
of your rich parents to pay for
your goddamned therapist, alright?
And you know what? All that
money you waste on that bullshit...
I'll solve your problem right now
in three words: eat less food!
You're a fucking asshole,
you know what?
You're a fucking asshole.
And I loved you. I did.
I loved you.
I don't know why. I don't know
why I did! I was stupid!
I was really dumb! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry I did this to us!
I did it and I'm sorry!
You gotta go!
- Here we go again.
- No, it's for real this time, bro.
- What happened?
- I stopped thinking with my dick.
No, I take that back.
I stopped thinking with my wallet.
You think if I had a job I'd be putting
up with that bullshit?
I just wanted to sleep late.
I've been working hard my whole life
and I wanted a break.
We got a break.
Now what?
Now what? I'll get myself
a job tending bar at night...
write during the day...
I'm gonna be a starving artist.
Look, you don't gotta come
with me, alright? Stay here.
This works for you.
Doesn't work for me.
Stanny, just calm down.
Just sleep over it. Maybe you'll feel
different about it in the morning.
I ain't gonna feel any different
about it tomorrow, Joe.
Where the fuck are you
gonna go at three a. m?
Bro, just go back to the party.
Go have fun, alright?
Don't worry about me.
Just try and get
some sleep, alright?
So...
I think I'm gonna take
that guy up on that offer.
What guy?
That agent guy. He...
said he'd get me a plane ticket
and that his...
agency has some sort
of a deal with a...
hotel in... Milan.
It's in Europe.
I leave tomorrow.
- The fashion season starts soon so...
- I know when the season starts.
It's kinda cool though, right?
I mean, never been to Europe.
Shit, I've never been anywhere.
How am I ever gonna
repay you for this?
I think it's a great opportunity.
- Christi Ann.
- Hi!
- Hi. These are my friends. Justin.
- Justin.
- And this is Carlos.
- Hi. How you doing?
- Thanks for the invitation...
- Yeah.
...for your party.
- It was fantastic. The show...
- So you'll be back in four months?
- Yeah, when the season ends.
Well, good luck.
You too.
Well, at least your show
was a big hit.
And to think I didn't want to go
to California with you.
- Wherever we go, we go together.
- Yeah.
This is gonna be a tough act
to follow, though.
But I bet there's all kinds of
different countries and shit in Europe.
Man, my best friend's gonna be
a friggin' supermodel.
We're gonna be balls deep
in ass over there.
Wow...
...what a summer.
- Tell me about it.
Goddamn it, I smoke too much pot.
I'm sorry that it didn't work out
with Stanny.
Yeah. I'm sorry too.
Guess it's just
you and me again, kiddo.
They sure were funny.
Yeah.
You said we'd look back
on this and laugh.
We're crazy, aren't we?
Yeah.
But we're damned great at it.
My God!
- You're gonna miss her, ain't you?
- You're gonna miss Christi Ann?
Joe...
look, I'm starting
to like this LA thing...
like writing movies and...
I don't know if I'd like Europe
all that much.
- Bro, you gotta come with me.
- No. This writing thing, I gotta do it.
Well, I don't wanna go
over there all by myself.
I don't think you really want
to go there in the first place.
Look, I gotta leave that house,
but you don't.
And what I said about you and
Christi Ann last night, I was wrong.
I mean, thank God girls bitch at us:
make you dress better, motivate you.
I ain't the expert on relationships
obviously, but I know this:
you don't wanna leave your girl.
- Did you love Donna?
- Despite how much I hated her...
I always will.
You think I'm in love?
Do you think you are?
Me and you ain't breaking up.
Go on, get out of here.
You wouldn't kick me out or nothing
if I told you I loved you, would you?
I love you too.
So it's kind of a happy ending,
for Joe and Christi Ann anyways.
Don't worry about me and Donna.
You know real life,
it ain't like the movies.
Life is just a bunch of stories
you go through...
and they all end sooner or later.
But it's okay. I'm gonna go
find my next story.
Hope you do the same.