1
Huh!
Hey, stroker, let's rest. I'm tired.
Sure, doc. Want some gum?
I guess so.
Howdy, boys!
Hi, dad. Hi, Mr. seegle.
Looks like y'all have
a little problem there.
Yeah. Could you give us a lift?
Sure enough. Get in.
What happened to your bike, son?
Ace tried to jump the gully.
I told him we couldn't make it.
You remember Ace, don't you, dad?
Uh-huh. Ain't you that kid that locked
that lady schoolteacher
in the outhouse?
Yes, sir.
And then turned it over?
Yes, sir.
Hey, boy, I need my mirror, now.
Dad runs shine.
Here comes seegle.
I've been waitin' to
nab him for a long time.
He's definitely got a load of shine.
Mm-mm. You boys, hold on.
I'm going to have to stand on it.
Ride!
Hey, stroker,
your hair looks real nice.
Yeah, I know.
Lugs, lean out further.
I'm going to make a turn.
The birthplace of speed--
The Daytona international
speedway in Florida.
Where in just a few moments,
the starting drivers
will battle at better
than 200 miles an hour
for upward of a million dollars.
He's only got 3 wheels!
Next, from Ashland, Ohio,
and the j.D. Stacy-pak,
number 2 buick--
Tim Richmond!
And driving out of
ellerbe, north Carolina,
in the Wyman-Gordon express...
Benny Parsons!
On the next row, inside,
in the 7-Eleven skoal bandit
from taylorsville, north Carolina,
here's Harry Gant!
Look out!
From grosse pointe, Michigan,
driving the four star whiskey entry,
Aubrey James!
On the pole, race fans,
with the fastest qualifying
effort of the week,
here he is--3-time
Nascar driving champion...
A guy, you can see,
who always makes a dynamic entrance,
ladies and gentlemen...
Stroker Ace!
Hi, stroker.
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I have your attention?
Ok, I got them up. You entertain them.
Well, you've done it again.
How's it going?
Well...
Hi.
Look. Your tail's bent.
Kind of unique, huh?
Same old shit, stroker.
I know you?
Yeah, you know me.
Nice to see you again.
Ah, hello. I love your patches.
In Talladega, you left me
to go get a loaf a bread.
Got to maintain my energy. Hi.
Hi.
I have to keep up my strength--hi.
Listen, after I win the race today,
let's get together for
a little kick-the-can.
Hey, stroker, we got a race to run.
Later. Woof!
I don't care what you say.
It won't be like last year.
I'll kick his ass.
You don't have to be on
Nascar 50 years to win.
Aubrey, forget about stroker Ace.
Race the pavement, not another driver.
You're obsessed with him.
Obsessed? You bet I am!
Didn't I just say that?
Check that out.
I'll eat his lunch.
Ok, I'm ready.
You are a bum!
You're nothing but trouble.
You think the world owes you a living.
Yes, sir, Mr. Coty.
Catty! Whatever.
It ain't gonna be like last year.
I hate to interrupt, Mr. Coty--
Catty! Whatever.
But stroker and I got
to talk about the race.
All right, I'll see you after the race.
But you work for me, see?
I am your boss! B-o-s-s!
Get your hand off the car.
Now, you go on out there,
and you win one for big "z" oil!
We're all pulling for you, stroker boy!
What a putz.
You have a good race.
Harry Gant!
Here comes chicken pit.
Lookin' righteous. Gonna win?
I'll let you know about 5:00.
Ready for Clyde Torkle's
name on your car?
I'll let you know. See you.
Hey, junior, give me a Jack!
Ready with the air bottle?
Aah!
Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo!
Stroker Ace, how you doing, boy?
Not now, Clyde.
I can't talk but just a minute.
Remember my chauffeur Arnold?
Talk to him.
Yeah, let's talk.
I hear you're having sponsor trouble.
No, I'm not having sponsor trouble.
Yes, you are, too.
Why don't you drive a Clyde Torkle
chicken pit special?
We'd be partners.
Me drive for you?
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
You want me to drive for you?
I couldn't do that!
Why not?
'Cause everybody loves me.
Everybody hates you.
I'm good-lookin'.
You're not that bad-lookin'.
My money looks good.
Don't lean on the car.
Nobody touches the car. Not ever.
Except you.
You can touch it anytime you want.
Lugs Harvey!
Best mechanic in America.
And you're the best, too.
Best in the Nascar. Yes, you are, too!
You either crash or win.
I like that.
Petty!
Come on, Arnold.
See you guys.
Go blow their doors off, stroker.
Can't you come up with
anything more original?
Well, that's what we always say.
I'll think about it.
Gentlemen, start your engines!
Well, the field begins
to roll down pit row,
and we're ready to go racing.
Go, ruddy!
The pace car drops down onto pit row.
Harold Kinder standing by,
holding them down as the green
is set to be unveiled.
Go, stroker! Go!
Go!
Hammer down, pistol cocked,
as these gladiators work
out of turn number 2,
moving down the back straightaway.
120,000 fried-chicken junkies,
and god knows how many
watchin' on television.
Kind of makes you
want to cry, doesn't it?
Arnold!
Oh, yeah. Whatever you say.
Come on, Arnold. Excuse me, honey.
Come on. Let's get out of here.
Beat some of this traffic.
Mr. Torkle, the race just started.
Darlin', when my own car
is on that track,
I'll stay and watch the race.
But I can use my time better
gettin' to know my new employee...
Go get some dinner...
Get ourselves some champagne.
I don't drink.
No. You don't?
Why don't you?
I'm a Sunday school teacher.
That was on my resume.
Oh, yeah, sure. Of course.
Of course.
Lugs, who's driving number 10?
What are you talking about?
That's Aubrey James.
He's only been trying
to kill you for 2 years.
By the way, I already
got blisters on my hands.
If I'm gonna drive
this thing 500 more miles,
I'd have to be king Kong.
It shouldn't be any problem for you.
You both got the same IQ.
Very funny!
Oh! Aubrey James,
at the bottom of the racetrack,
cuts into Harry Gant's automobile!
Stroker Ace to the outside,
spinning wildly!
There's 5, 6, 7 automobiles,
slipping, sliding--
Into the wall!
He shortened that automobile
about 1 1/2 feet!
Stroker Ace in a major altercation
with Aubrey James and Harry Gant...
Brings out the first
caution of the day.
A send-tow vacation
down in turn number one!
I'm sure all of you stroker Ace fans
are wondering just how stroker is.
We'll get you a report
on he and the other drivers
as soon as possible
from down in turn one.
Who set up the car, drug addicts?
You just lost it.
I didn't lose it!
Number 10 made me eat wall.
Why? How do I look?
TV cameras.
Hey, Ken. Hey, Ken.
An early pedestrian here in the 500,
the well-known stroker Ace.
You walloped the wall. What happened?
One of the tires equalized, Kenny,
and shoved me into the wall.
You were fighting the car.
Handling problems?
Not true, Ken. When lugs sets up a car,
your mother could drive it.
Lugs Harvey, chief mechanic.
How about it?
If stroker can't drive a car,
nobody can.
Well, that's the story
from the veteran stroker Ace
and his venerable chief
mechanic lugs Harvey.
Just once--just once, I wish you guys
would tell us the real story!
Shit.
You wreck your race car,
your rental car, your hotel room.
Nobody's perfect.
Watch where you're goin'!
This car's in my name.
Yes, Mr. Coty.
Catty! You this far way, boy!
Just this far!
You want to lose big "z" oil,
stroke, old boy?
No, sir.
I'll go get my key,
and then I'll drive you to your room.
Well, get my key, too.
Yes, sir.
Now, that's more like it.
I think Mr. Ace finally gets the idea
that this is a business,
and in a business,
you don't run around
acting like a maniac.
It's nice meetin' you, Mr. Coty.
Catty! Whatever.
Holy shit!
Ha ha ha!
You son of a bitch!
You'll never work again!
Goddamn it! Get me the hell outta here!
Get me out of here!
Whoo! Whoo!
I'll get you, you son--
Ha ha ha!
Why can't you just stop
and talk to somebody?
Why do you have to fill up
their car with cement?
Because a man's got to do
what he's got to do.
We don't even have a sponsor,
and the season's already started.
You don't ever think of
anybody but yourself.
What? Hold it.
See that guy sitting over there?
He's got my exact same shirt on.
I ought to go back
in the room and change.
We're gonna run out
of sponsors someday.
We might have done it today.
I wonder what he paid for that.
I don't even know why I try.
Ok, who's gonna buy the winner a drink?
Ok, I'll have 2 beers.
You know that number 10
you asked about--
Aubrey James--
Today's winner?
There he is.
You know stroker?
What town are we in?
Daytona.
Damn! I think he's with my girl here.
What's her name?
I don't know her first name.
Last time I saw her,
her sash said "miss Daytona."
That's probably her last name.
Stroker Ace!
You gonna be so glad I called you.
Anytime I see Clyde Torkle,
I get worried.
I can handle Clyde.
He's putty in my hands.
Hello, Clyde.
Is that god's own race car,
or what is it?
What is it?
I got my name up there!
Yep.
What's it look like?
This car would be
disqualified in 2 seconds.
Why?
Your engine's set too far back,
you got an oversized carburetor,
and nitrous oxide is
automatic 6-month suspension.
This ain't a Bible class.
Everybody cheats a little.
What kind of contract?
5 years.
4. 2. A year.
The contract will read 3 years.
You like the car?
I like the car, not him.
He don't like you.
He's supposed to like the car, not me.
Here's your contract.
It's bigger than
my high school yearbook.
You went to high school?
One year. Ooh.
Got a pen?
Ain't you gonna read it?
Of course I am! You think I'm stupid?
Good god...
Hey, there's no writin' on this paper.
It's upside down.
You just want to get through all this.
I got to read it!
Get to the important--
Oh, shoot!
I forgot to tell you
about the uniforms.
We're gonna have red ones
and some black ones.
The red ones have black trim.
The black will be
mostly black with some red.
Are they tailored?
They'll be real tight-fittin'.
You couldn't wear one, could you?
I wouldn't want to wear one--
Here's where you sign. Sign there.
All black?
A little white on some.
Shoot! I bet I look good in that.
You will. Women will drop like flies.
And driving out of waycross, Georgia,
in a Clyde Torkle chicken pit special,
here's stroker Ace...
The fastest chicken in the south!
Say what?
It's on your car.
Ha ha ha!
Bawk!
Bawk bawk bawk!
Fastest chicken in the south.
Fastest chicken in the south.
Fastest chicken in the south.
I've got "fastest chicken
in the south" on my car.
Oh, yes.
That guy clucked at me.
Whup him!
I'm not gonna have that on my car.
Yes, you are.
It's in your contract.
Arnold.
Here you go.
Page 417, paragraph "a,"
subparagraph "b,"
little letter "c."
Gentlemen, start your engines!
Waahh ha ha!
Whooo!
Whoo hoo!
Whooo!
Whoo hoo!
I don't think he's coming down.
I'll go up. What room's he in?
Thanks, lugs. 308, right?
I'll see you later, hon.
Well, hello.
Hey.
How are you, ma'am?
I don't know.
How am I?
I'm not one of the drivers.
I'm just a mechanic.
I like mechanics.
You do?
They know how to tinker
with things for hours...
Make them go fast.
Go away, lugs!
Hi!
Saw you when your dress went pffft!
I hope you're here to talk business,
'cause he's all tuckered out.
"All tuckered out." Ha!
See how the tail's bent? Unique, huh?
Got pictures for me to sign?
Come on in.
I'm going to get into
somethin' comfortable.
Come on.
Come on.
I'm Pembrook feeney.
Who?
Pembrook feeney,
Clyde Torkle's executive assistant.
Who?
Clyde Torkle.
Clyde Torkle's executive assistant
with responsibilities
overseeing all chicken pit
advertising and public relations...
Public relations, huh?
Including what we call
our collateral racing thrust.
What's that?
That's you.
Collateral what?
Thrust.
I think I like that.
As I was saying--
Can I ask you a question?
Of course.
Is that your real voice?
You don't like it?
It's unusual.
Actually, it's weird in a nice way.
I think we should
get started right away.
We?
We have 2 objectives.
We do?
Mm-hmm.
Is this one of them?
No. Our first objective
is to expose you
to our company's history.
The other is to apprise you
of our new advertising campaign.
Which is?
Ta-da!
Ta-da!
I just spent all night
having to deal with
this very strange person--
Howdy, ma'am.
Howdy, ma'am.
This is lugs Harvey. Miss...
Pembrook feeney,
chicken pit advertising
and PR director.
How do you do?
Pembrook feeney.
That's her real voice, too.
Boy, she sure is pretty.
Mmm.
Lugs Harvey is my chief mechanic.
Then you'll be interested in this.
I was about to show stroker
our gross volume chart.
Now, as you can see,
our sales have steadily
increased since 1967.
At one point,
our sales matched the colonel's...
Until sympathy purchasing broke out
following his death.
Well, that's very interesting, miss...
Feeney.
Pembrook.
Whatever.
And I'm sure you're
very good at your job.
Oh, thank you.
See, I ain't gonna do
but 2 personal appearances this year.
I might do one commercial
if it's real classy.
And I want "fastest chicken
in the south" off my car.
I'm sorry. That's quite impossible.
You have a whole schedule
of personal appearances.
And it's my job to travel with you
to make sure everything
is properly arranged.
Travel with me?
Uh-huh.
Excuse me.
Well, then, we'll be
sharing a room, right?
No. We couldn't do that.
We're not married.
What a little kidder!
What's that got to do with it?
I can't share with a
man I'm not married to.
You couldn't?
No.
And you never been married?
No.
That makes you a...
A virgin.
Yes. Sure, I am. I'm single.
Well, I think that's nice.
Thank you.
You would.
We have a ribbon cutting at 2:30.
Will you stop?
Stop!
He has a beautiful voice.
A beautiful voice, yes,
but I mean the mouth...
Doesn't work right.
The lips aren't under
the nose when he sings.
They're over here
on the side of his face.
Are too. Are not.
They are not! Are too.
Can I ask you a question?
Ok. You can ask me anything.
Are you sure you've
never slept with anybody?
Maybe there was somebody you forgot.
Stroker Ace, I'd be ashamed!
How could you ask her
something like that?
Good lord.
I'm sorry.
Just nervous. I'll be making
this personal appearance...
Over 1,000 people there.
I have to sign autographs.
I'm sorry. Go ahead and sing.
Watch his mouth.
Oh, yay!
Yay! Yay!
Oh, stroker! Stroker!
Yay! Stroker!
Stroker! Yay!
Stroker! Stroker!
Here he is! Stroker Ace!
Yay!
Yay!
Where is everybody, Clyde?
Got your ribbon-cutting clothes on?
There's nobody here!
People are waiting to buy some chicken.
Boy, you are really
packing them in, stroker.
Stroker!
Stroker! Rah rah rah!
This is the big time, boy.
Show a little excitement.
Yay! Yay!
Very good! Real good!
Even word of mouth
won't help this joint.
Ain't he something? Yay!
I don't believe this.
This is the 12th chicken pit
we've opened this week.
Only 2 years,
10 months, and 3 days to go
on your contract.
Don't be putting
that stuff on my mouth.
Big smile now!
Is he smiling?
I'm smiling.
Come on! Look.
Look a little more like a race driver.
This is stroker Ace,
Clyde Torkle's new driver
in the chicken pit special,
the fastest chicken in the south.
Could you emphasize the word chicken?
Chicken.
This is stroker Ace,
Clyde Torkle's new driver
in the chicken pit special,
the fastestchicken in the south.
Another race car driver.
Why can't they find one with a voice?
Fastest chicken in the south.
That's it. That's what I want.
I could sing it for you.
Thank you, Mr. Ace.
Stroker.
Mr. stroker, thank you.
That lawyer says you got
to do what Clyde wants,
or you can't race for 3 whole years.
Not here, Canada,
Europe, not even Italy.
No. Not Italy?
You sure that's exactly
what that lawyer said?
Uh-huh.
Let's get another lawyer.
Lugs, what day is it?
3 chicken pits past Sunday.
Our special guest is stroker Ace,
3-time Nascar champion
and leading contender for
this year's championship.
And here he is!
Ready on camera! Let's shoot this.
Cale, how you runnin'?
I'd be doin' a lot better without him.
I thought you trained a crew chief.
Hang in there.
Sum up in a few well-chosen words
the essence of a Nascar driver.
Go down to the end of the straightaway
and turn left.
Unless you're number 10.
Then you turn right.
Who's number 10?
Who is number 10?
Number 10 is Aubrey James.
This is my chief mechanic.
Lugs Harvey.
All right.
Stroker, what does a chief mechanic do?
Well--
He takes care of the car
and sees that everything is right.
That's what I do,
but I'm also a singer.
Everybody around the pits
says I sing real good.
Amazin' grace
Engineer, cut to a commercial.
These ladies are the wives
of franchisers or franchisees.
Come on. You're next, darling.
There you go.
Get up close and smile.
You got it.
Who's next?
Come on!
I'll hold on to it.
Give the girl a kiss!
Give her a smile!
These people sell chicken for us!
Who's next?
That no-class son of a bitch
doesn't know who he's dealing with.
4 different lawyers
said the same thing.
One of them was a German.
Clyde Torkle's got to fire you.
Oh, yeah?
You know... i have
a certain amount of dignity
and a pretty good self-image.
I know what I am.
I'm a race car driver.
I ain't no goddamn chicken.
Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!
I'm stroker Ace.
The only thing I like
better than winning a race
is to stuff Torkle chicken in my face.
It's not very dignified, is it?
No, but he looks real nice
in his chicken outfit.
Try harder. We could do better.
What do you say?
No. I don't want to.
You have to. It's in your contract.
I don't give a shit.
I did some dumb things in my life,
but this is the dumbest!
It's in my contract
I gotta sell chicken,
but he didn't tell me how hard
I have to sell chicken.
I'm going to sell this chicken so hard
he'll choke to death on it! Choke!
You drive.
Look at this.
Must be some new kind of cult.
Boo! Boo!
We've seen promotions come and go
in Nascar grand national racing,
but Mr. Clyde Torkle
may have laid the ultimate egg
with this one.
Blatant commercialism.
Fans of the veteran 3-time
Nascar grand national champion
are not very enthusiastic
about what they're seeing.
There you see stroker Ace
coming down before
this tremendous congregation,
the audience not appreciating a bit
the fact that Clyde Torkle
has turned one of the great
heroes of American motor sport
into a farce.
Man, that is funny.
Ha ha ha ha!
Boo!
And here, perhaps,
the final insult to racing fans
the new thunderbird of stroker Ace
outfitted as a plucked chicken.
Ha ha ha! Ha ha!
We'll never see Torkle's
name on my car again!
Ha ha ha ha!
Poor, pitiful... ha ha ha!
Whoever thought of this...
I love it.
Huh?
Keep it up.
Miss Pembrook, you're not only a Saint,
you a smart woman.
Gonna give you a raise.
Our beautiful grand marshal
will commence this event.
Gentlemen, start your engines.
Can you drive like that?
Let me explain, Arnold.
When a dumb hick like stroker
pulls a stunt like that,
just make out like he did you a favor.
He won't never do it again.
Looks like it didn't work.
We sure went to a lot
of trouble for nothing.
This is embarrassing.
What will we do now? Got more ideas?
I want you to put
your devious mind to work,
'cause we'll get out
of this damn contract!
Gum!
Here at the world's
fastest motor speedway
at Talladega, Alabama.
Get ready for the first pit stop.
Through the tri-oval come the field
down for the start.
Into the back straightaway
for the first time,
and they go over 200 miles per hour
down that 4,000-foot backstretch.
Pffft! Pffft!
Shit!
Fastest chicken in the south!
Balls!
They come out of turn 4,
headed back through the tri-oval
for the first time.
As they come through,
stroker Ace mixing it up.
Caution is on the speedway
early in the going.
Ever think about trying to lead?
We could use a lap!
You think it's easy
driving with chicken feet?
Here! Take the other one.
Hurry up!
Once again underway.
Lugs!
Yeah?
Check the pit!
See if any tools are missing.
Why?
I think there's something
in the engine.
That engine's perfect.
You've got my word on it.
Pfft!
Goddamn!
Shit!
Oh, shit.
It's all over for stroker Ace.
Stroker hand-grenaded an engine
in turn 2.
The caution is up for the second time
in this Talladega 500.
Lugs!
Yeah?
About your word...
It ain't worth shit!
The whole thing's a trick.
What is?
It's a Clyde Torkle chicken pit trick
to get me to go around cutting ribbons.
You mean Pembrook feeney?
Of course! No woman looks like that
and is a...
What do you call that?
Virgin.
Right. You buy that?
There are some nice women
in this world.
Pembrook feeney is a god-fearing woman.
I'm proud and honored to know her.
May I ask a question?
If you had a Ferrari,
would you just leave it in the garage?
If you had wild Turkey,
would you never drink it?
Stroker Ace, I do believe
meeting Pembrook feeney
is the healthiest thing
that ever happened to you.
Down the inside
goes Aubrey James, number 10.
On the outside, stroker Ace.
7-Eleven car inside,
wall on the outside.
If Aubrey James can contain Ace,
he's going to come home the winner!
Aubrey James takes the checkered flag
in the Michigan 400,
but not the appreciation
of the 75,000 in attendance.
Perhaps the angriest is stroker Ace.
Should have given you a taller gear.
Wasn't your fault.
He just boxed you in. He beat you.
He did it with style.
Guys, what's so bad about second?
Screw second. Screw second.
Come in.
Hello.
Hi.
They slide out.
Oh.
I knew that.
Well...
How is everything at
the chicken factory?
Mr. Torkle says you're
doing a wonderful job.
He'll be in later if you
want to speak with him.
I don't think so.
Where's lugs?
Lugs?
Lugs is dead.
What?
Just kidding.
Oh. Making a joke.
I like to kid. Girls seem to like it.
What do they know?
My sister always said
I had a great sense of humor.
Oh, yeah?
If she's like you,
I'll be in double trouble.
She's dead.
Oh, I'm s--
Oh, you're kidding like me, huh?
No. She was run over by
a tractor-trailer truck.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Oh, don't get upset.
That was a long time ago.
Let's go out to dinner
so we can kid some more.
No. Let's stay here and drink.
I don't drink.
You don't?
No.
Oh, I knew that.
Lugs told me that.
That's why I ordered
nonalcoholic champagne.
Looks and tastes like the real thing,
right down to the phony label.
Really? I've never heard of that.
You have to order it special...
All the way from... New Hampshire.
I'll be darned.
I'll be darned, too. Drink up.
Oh, that was good.
Good. Have some more.
There.
Shall we go out on the balcony?
Why?
Enjoy the view?
Ok. What about dinner?
Room service.
Why?
Better food.
I want to talk to you about, uh...
Some chicken things.
Oh, I forgot my charts.
Oh, darn.
It smells so good, like after a rain.
That would be your magnolia.
Jasmine.
Whatever.
Stroker.
Why do men race?
What?
Why race? Why do you do it?
I don't know.
But you must.
Well, it's, uh...
Kind of hard to explain.
Try.
It's more like a feeling
you get, you know?
When did you first feel it?
Feel what?
The feeling.
Oh.
I was a young kid.
I used to run around
with this guy named doc.
We had a bike--
You had a bicycle!
Yeah.
Ooh, somehow I think that's very sweet
that you had a bicycle.
You do?
I do.
I had a whole bunch.
You did?
What y'all doin'?
Oh, hi, lugs!
Hi, Pembrook. How was your flight?
I drove.
You shouldn't have driven by yourself.
What are you doing here?
Just seeing what's going on.
I'll get it.
I told her about my bicycle.
Your what?
My bicycle! It was working, too.
Oh, look, lugs!
Golly!
That's beautiful!
You got enough there for 3!
It's lucky I came by.
It sure is!
Stroker, this has your name on it.
Here we come!
Whoo!
What' seems to be the problem there, James?
Not handling too well
in the turns, Kyle.
Never could drive anyway James
it's always the equipment.
I ain't falling off this time.
I'll beat you in that inside turn.
Kyle, you ready?
I'm ready.
Stand on it!
Yaaah!
We got 'em by a mile, Ricky!
Stroker. Cluck for me, 10.
The name's Aubrey James!
Bye-bye!
No!
Ha ha ha ha!
Come on. Let's go.
Glug! Glug!
That-away!
I'm stroker Ace.
The only thing I like better
than winning a race
is to stuff Torkle chicken in my face.
Look at that chicken!
That's a real chicken in a human suit!
Come down here, chicken.
Come on down!
Come on!
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
I'm sorry, stroker.
I didn't think it would be like this.
It's all right. I signed the contract.
Sure did.
But everything's
going to be all right, hon.
I should talk to Mr. Torkle.
It's going to be fine.
Ok.
Excuse me.
Hey, kitty, goin' to the sandbox?
Ha ha ha!
Cluck for us, Ace.
You can do that good.
Come on, damn it!
We want to hear a cluck.
Who gives a cluck?
Ha ha ha!
Why don't you cluck for him, stroker?
He does it good. Really does.
You want me to stand up
and cluck for 'em?
Of course.
Cluckin' is real hard to do.
You got to get
your head back like this.
It starts in your diaphragm.
It comes up through your esophagus
and goes right through the larynx...
The Adam's apple.
You got to get your chin way up there.
That's it.
Are they lookin' up?
Yeah. They're really lookin' up.
They're lookin' at the ceiling.
We ought to get a good cluck.
Hot damn!
A fight!
Want to go get into it?
Sure.
Safe!
Ooh!
I don't know what you're
shoppin' for, cowboy,
but you're lookin' in the wrong place.
You didn't have to come in here for me.
Always a gentleman.
Thanks, stroker.
You're welcome.
Ooh!
Take that, 12.
10. 10.
Whatever.
Yeah?
I'm sorry to barge in on you like this,
but it's very important.
I sure hope it's important,
you comin' up here this time of night.
The things we have stroker doing
are very embarrassing.
What kind of things is that?
Why does he have to
wear a chicken suit?
Because I want him to.
Mr. Torkle...
Can't we release him from his contract?
With all the money he's makin' me?
You still working for me?
What's the matter?
You gone sweet on him?
No. No. I do like him.
Oh, you like him, huh?
Yes. But professionally speaking,
we should reevaluate
the whole situation.
Professionally?
Yes. I'm speaking as a businesswoman.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I guess you ain't
as professionally religious
as you used to be
before going on the road
with the stroker.
What are you talking about?
Honey, what I mean is,
we can do better for you
than some hayseed racetrack driver.
I can make life a bed
of roses for you, honey-pie.
Oh! Mr. Torkle, stop that!
Stop? I ain't started real good yet.
Don't you do this.
Jumped right into the bed!
I just knew it would
end up with us like this.
Now stop this.
Come on, let's have fun!
What do you say?
Mr. Torkle!
I quit!
Good.
Is your race ready, Charlie?
She's ready.
Take the day off.
Hate to mess up your fun,
but I fired that woman.
I quit!
You're fired.
Ow! Sorry.
What are you doin' down there?
She's workin' for me.
No, she's not. This is my car.
Better check the contract, Clyde.
I can have anybody I want
in the pit crew.
Ok.
Oh!
She tell you what happened between us?
No.
It's not true.
What happened?
I fired her, that's all.
But I ain't firin' you.
We'll be together forever.
Be back at that hotel at 6:00 sharp.
What did happen between you two?
He just made me mad, that's all,
so I kicked him in the scrotum.
Scrotum?
What's a scrotum?
I don't know.
I think I'll find out.
Pembrook, what's a--
You ought not have to make
appearances after 6:00.
A man should only have
to work a 12-hour day.
Ain't never seen this boy
in such a hurry
to open a chicken pit.
Is Arnold a good driver?
Don't upset Arnold.
I want to upset Clyde.
Arnold, he's tryin' to lose us.
Thinks if I get mad, I'll fire him.
Yes, sir.
Ain't gonna fire him.
If we lose him, I'm going to fireyou.
Me?
I ain't gonna get mad.
He'll fire me.
He won't fire you.
Hang in there, Arnold.
I got him.
Ha ha ha! He's tryin' to make me mad.
He'll fire me.
He won't fire you.
Don't lose him.
Oh, my god!
Grab somethin' that floats, boss.
I don't believe this!
I ain't mad.
No. I'm not mad.
He's going to be thinkin' that I'm mad,
but I ain't.
I'm mad.
Just turn stroker upside down,
and get that free chicken leg.
Another winner here
at Clyde Torkle's chicken pit.
Get that free chicken leg.
Step right up. They're goin' fast.
Better get your lucky shot here.
Is that stroker Ace in that race car?
Afraid it is.
Come on!
We got one more big winner here.
Who's going to be next?
That's all, young fella.
Doc, is that you?
It's me.
Hey!
How you doin'?
Havin' a lot of fun.
Hey, you're lookin' good.
You, too. Lot of color in your face.
Lugs, meet doc seegle.
His dad taught me how to drive.
Heard a lot about you.
Nice to meet you.
Come on. Let me see your best shot.
Wh-where is dad?
He's right here with me.
Stroker, we're mighty proud
of you back home.
Oh, thanks.
Bull's-eye!
Thank you.
At least we was.
Acting is one of my favorite things.
I can't believe you're an actor.
How long have you been at it?
Not long. Got the urge
a couple years back.
I can't get over you bein' an actor.
I thought actors were egotists,
hypochondriacs, and sissies.
Well, they are, but I like them.
What are you doin' now, dad?
Oh, I make jewelry.
That's real pretty.
What do you make it out of?
Organic matter...
Manure.
That makes you the cartier of caca.
What do you do in them acting classes?
Learn to dance and sing.
You sing?
Yeah. Everybody says
it sounds like somebody else.
You got me drunk, didn't you?
Well, you know...
Yes, I do know.
Nonalcoholic champagne, my foot!
You're not mad?
Mmm!
I guess not.
Stroker...
You're so sweet.
Oh, I'm not sweet.
Good-lookin', great driver,
snappy dresser--
Stroker?
Wait. One more.
I want you.
You do?
Yes.
I want you.
Right here...
And right now.
Pembrook.
Honey?
Sweetheart.
Angel baby.
It's important
that you be here for this.
This could be a very moving
experience for both of us.
It's not a good time to take a nap.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up.
I'm going to go to my room.
I'm not going to do something
that I'm going to be sorry for.
Good night. Damn!
I guess I should undress you.
I mean, people don't sleep
with their clothes on.
I mean, nobody sleeps
with their clothes on.
It's very uncomfortable
sleeping in clothes.
People should be comfortable
when they sleep.
I'm going to close my eyes,
and then--ooh!
What is this, a button?
I'm going to look.
This could be something
entirely different.
No. This is a button.
I'll just undo that
and just pull that right off there.
Now you'll be c-comfortable.
I'm going to go now.
I'm definitely going to go now.
Yep.
I'm going to go.
How is this going to look?
I mean, you're half undressed.
I can't leave you like this.
I'll just--I'll just undo
the rest of you,
and then you'll be...
You know, air-cooled.
It's silly to leave you like this...
With half the dress
and--oh!
I'm going to go.
I am.
I'm going to go to my room.
Take another--
Another cold shower.
Yep.
I was reading in a medical
journal the other day
about how brassieres
cut the circulation off in your body.
It's not a good thing.
I mean, a person could die
with one of these things on.
The blood doesn't get to your head.
I'll just take this off,
then take off...
This would be more fun
if you were here.
I mean, I could
just ravage you, anyway.
Who would know?
Stroker?
Hmm?
Did we--
I mean...
Didithappen?
You mean you wouldn't know?
I guess not.
You guess not?
Nothing happened.
Oh.
You are so sweet...
That you could have and you didn't.
Well, that's part of
the wonderfulness of me.
You are the most wonderful man.
I got to make a phone call.
I'll be right back.
Hey, Pembrook.
Oh, hi, lugs.
What's the matter, hon?
It's stroker. He's just...
Where is he?
He is making a phone call.
Hey, doc.
Are you really a good actor?
I need help with my contract.
Stroker, come on out here!
It's a hell of an idea.
In a second, lugs.
Right now!
Uh, doc...
Doc, I can't hear you.
Doc, I got this idea
on how to get out of my contract.
Mr. MacKenzie... hot damn!
For a little ol'
redneck company like mine,
it's somethin' to be talkin'
to you yankee boys
from the Miller brewing
company in Milwaukee.
We've been watching
your company growth.
We're impressed.
That's really somethin'
comin' from you.
You've done well these past few months.
How could you know that?
'Cause that's secret
company information.
Believe me, we know.
Damn! You corporate boys
are really somethin'.
You got a real operation.
We want to buy your company.
Well, it's not for sale.
Well, I've written down a figure
on this piece of paper.
I think that figure
is just a little low, Mr. MacKenzie.
That's exactly 10% higher
than this company's total worth...
To the exact cent.
20% over stock value.
Damn!
You really are somethin', aren't you?
Let me get you somethin' to drink.
Anything you'd like.
I'll just have a Dr. Pepper.
What's a good ol' boy
from the brewin' company
doin' drinkin' a Dr. pepper?
Well, it's a little early.
I thought I'd...
Uh...
I got you.
You're going to buy them
out, too, ain't ya?
Damn! See?
You are somethin'.
I mean, you got your fingers
in everything.
Well, I'm not at Liberty
to discuss that.
Hey. I'm a businessman.
I understand these things.
Well, then I hope you understand
there are a few stipulations
to my offer.
Foremost, you tell no one of this meeting.
Not even someone from our own company.
Do I look like a bigmouth to you?
Secondly, if you sell,
we'd like a 2-year employment contract
between you and your key people.
You'd be gettin' the best.
We take over your
advertising immediately.
Things like auto racing.
You sponsor a driver with
a questionable reputation.
Can you get rid of him?
Like that.
We'd like your answer by 4:00 Sunday.
Sunday?
That's too quick.
I can't do that.
We have no deal, Mr. Torkle.
Good-bye.
Mr. MacKenzie, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
It's too quick.
I'll give you an answer
Sunday, October 23rd at 4:00.
Sunday, 23rd, 4:00. It's a deal.
Deal? October 23rd in Charlotte?
That's the last race of the season.
Stroker, I did my best.
You got till 4:00.
The race is over at 4:00.
I did my best.
He's got to fire stroker
during the season.
Otherwise, he's got months
to discover there's no deal.
I did my best.
You said that.
I'm about to run out over here.
I did my best.
Let's pack up this shit.
And get out of here.
You're a good boy.
I don't want to hear that crap.
He hit me. I can't remember his name.
You never can.
He spun me out. What should I do?
Stick him in the fence.
Good idea, Neil.
Mr. bonnett. Stroker.
Hello, Audrey.
Aubrey.
Whatever.
You'll remember my name after tomorrow.
Your name is Audrey meadows.
Audrey James!
Aubreyjames!
Schmuck.
Stick him in the wall.
I'm gonna.
Son, I know about makin' jewelry
out of quail droppings.
But actin',
I don't know nothin' about that.
Try.
I don't know nothin'.
No. It's "I know nothing."
Nothing.
I knownothing.
I am just the... wh-what am I?
Never mind. I'm calling Torkle.
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the Charlotte
motor speedway.
Hey, stroker.
How about this?
There's somethin' I want you to know.
I'm thinkin' about
sellin' my little business.
If I do, I'll let you go.
If you win this race,
you'll be too valuable
a commodity to let go.
I'd have to expand
that little business...
We'd have 2 more
glorious years together.
Isn't that somethin'?
You lose the race, I'll set you free.
You win the race, I got to keep you.
What do you say?
Ever throw a race before?
All drivers to your cars!
Better get out there.
Them boys are waitin' for you.
Kind of a mess, ain't it?
Hey, Arnold!
Wait up.
Welcome to the Charlotte motor speedway
for a great day of stock car racing.
Later today we will have
a new national champion.
It should be an exciting day.
Working with me
is bill dollar and David hobbs.
We'll be back for the start after this.
Go to the pit and tell
Mr. big to come here
to say hello to
these people if he wins.
5 hours in a race is mighty tiring.
I don't think--
I don't pay you to think,
Alfred Einstein.
Just deliver me a message.
Hey!
Where the hell is my blimp?
There it is.
Oh!
There it is. I love it!
That's me, darlin'! I love it!
I want you fourth or fifth,
but not too far back.
Gum!
I haven't got any.
Where is it?
It doesn't matter
whether I win or lose.
The field begins to roll down pit row.
A kaleidoscope of colors,
ready to do battle for 500 miles.
Coming down to this last race,
4 men are in the running
for the championship--
Stroker Ace, Aubrey James,
Harry Gant, and Cale yarborough.
When it's all over,
who wears the crown?
There are rumors of a feud
between stroker Ace and James.
That could affect the outcome.
Bill knows more about that.
I asked stroker Ace.
He answered, "what feud?"
We'll find out.
The cars are waiting
for the green flag.
Field on the tow of the pace car.
Just coming off the back straightaway.
Moving into the fourth corner,
they're less than 1,000 feet
away from the start
of this $500,000 chase,
the final race of the season,
the championship on the line.
Here come the warlords.
The pace car pulls off onto pit row.
Here they come...
Less than 500 feet
from Harold Kinder holding them down.
Out of turn 4,
they're back to the stripe.
Look at that draft up front!
Shepard, Cale yarborough,
and Harry Gant!
And are they setting a blistering pace!
We're early in this 500-mile race
as they slam into
the 3-story-high banking.
Stroker Ace is moving to the front.
Talk about a guy driving his heart out.
Stroker Ace
has worked his way
in front of the field.
How am I doing?
You guys are setting
a new track record.
Damn!
Maybe you'll get some caution flags,
and the race'll last till 4:30.
Stroker must be in trouble.
He's been passed by at least 4 cars.
We'll get a pit report
and keep you informed.
What are you doing?
I'm gettin' out
of the chicken business.
Stroker, this is humiliating.
Well, then don't watch!
What is he doin'?
I'll be damned.
Mr. all-American hero
is goin' in the tank.
Mr. Torkle!
There's someone here
that says he's from
the brewing company.
First caution of the afternoon
at Charlotte motor speedway.
The strategy has changed
for this race--
A time strategy, not a speed battle.
The leaders come in.
What a break for stroker Ace,
who was almost 1/2 lap back.
He may make up that 1/2 lap...
Hopefully get service for the problem.
Stroker, you're embarrassing me!
You got the key to the rest room?
I guess not. Ha ha!
You sure you wouldn't like a Miller's?
4?
Oh, yeah. 4:00.
Hell, we got plenty of time.
Listen, where is that guy MacKenzie?
I know nothing.
I am merely the messenger.
I know. I know.
You said that before.
A real battle at Charlotte speedway,
but the heated battle is in front.
Yarborough and Gant
keep swapping that lead,
lap after lap after lap.
What's stroker doing?
Don't worry. Run your race.
Aah!
We're seeing some blazing speed.
The average is 154.25 miles an hour.
Unless we have a wreck
or some caution flag,
this is going to be
the fastest 500-mile race.
Woo!
Lugs!
What?
I just made a corporate decision.
I am choosing to win this damn race.
Sell chicken for the next 2 years?
Yeah!
I knew it.
I knew he couldn't stand to be beaten.
You know what that boy's problem is?
Got too much ego.
Fine. Next year we'll
open the rib pits.
Wa-hoo!
Time is running out.
That battle up front is unreal.
Gant is your leader.
Stroker Ace has moved into second.
Aubrey James is right behind him.
Outta my way!
Oh, hell. Here we go again.
Oh!
Oh! Ooh!
The caution is out.
It will take a while...
The way they were running,
it had to happen.
It'll take a long time
to clear to track,
so no record race today.
It also took out Harry Gant,
so we're down to a 3-way--
Cale yarborough,
Aubrey James, and stroker.
Hey, what happened?
Everything's Ok.
Aubrey James just got
a little ambitious.
He's comin' in!
Lugs, hurry up! Number 10 is leaving!
We'll beat him.
The Jack's broke! The Jack's broke!
Go borrow one!
Hello, Arnold. You do this often?
Just want to be on the winnin' team.
We got a new Jack man!
The yellow is still out.
Stroker Ace is getting in line...
In sixth place.
Next time, they get green
with 12 laps to go.
With so few laps and
such strong competition,
I rate stroker's chances
as slim to none at all.
That Jack problem
dropped stroker to sixth place.
Aubrey James passed him
and took the lead.
Cale yarborough's car is in the pits.
He's out of it.
Hey, you!
I know nothing.
I am merely--
A messenger. Yes, sir.
Here is the message.
Call those good ol' boys in Milwaukee.
Tell them they got a deal.
It has been a wild afternoon.
The green is back out.
The battle shapes up at turn one.
Dad just called!
Hey, stroker! Dad called and said,
"stand on it, son!"
This is as good as it gets.
Unbelievable!
Stroker Ace is passing cars
in wholesale fashion.
Hey, press boys!
You're here to get the news, ain't you?
I got news for you!
And it's an exclusive!
As of this moment,
stroker Ace is no longer
driving for me.
He's through. He's released.
Off the record, he's out on his butt
because he no longer represents
the Clyde Torkle chicken pit image.
Why fire him when he's in second place?
What?
He just moved into second place.
It started out with 4, then 3,
now it's down to 2.
The only thing between stroker Ace
and the checkered flag is Aubrey James.
Doesn't matter what I think,
but in 3 miles or in 2 laps,
one of these 2 guys will be
the Nascar champion.
I got you now!
Damn!
It's the white flag. One lap to go.
30 seconds and Harold Kinder
will drop the checkered flag
on what portends to be
a dramatic finish.
Come on, 10!
The whole Nascar season will be decided
between these 2 guys
by just a matter of inches.
Come on!
How's this for spectacular?
Wa-hoo!
Unbelievable!
Upside-down over the finish line.
Hee hee! Woo!
Hey, stroker!
Did you see that?
You should have seen it!
I was in the car!
Get that piece of shit out of here!
Whoa!
What, ap? Upi?
Good. Great.
To the left.
Right over there, please.
Fellas, it's a go.
You're a champ. Let's get him.
Give him a peck!
Another!
Hey, you!
Hey, smart ass!
Won the championship?
Champion.
Well, I ain't mad.
No?
No. Because I am clean out of it.
I'm fired?
Yes!
You're fired!
I fired you, boy,
right in front of god and everybody
in the press box!
Don't laugh at me, redneck!
I'm the richest man you'll ever know.
Just how rich is you?
I am s--
MacKenzie?
No.
Doc's the name. This here's my dad.
Would you like a victory drink?
Should we give him a cluck?
Arnold, is it all right?
Let's give him a cluck.
Did the best I could.
You done good, stroker.
Give me another marker, Burt.
This is mine.
Hers is the quiet one.
I see Torkle, I get worried.
Don't worry... worry.
That's kind of a Jimmy Stewart.
It's Burt.
It's me.
Nothing but white pages.
Give me some stickum, will you?
Ain't you going to read it, stroker?
Of course I'm going to read it.
There's print in here,
and it's right side up.
And action!
Let's go.
Ready?
I stay ready.
Kyle, you ready?
Da doo da
Guys, clean up your act!
Oh!
Where does it say in the contract
the producer has all the fun?
See that tail? Unique, huh?
Got some--
Do it again.
Pembrook feeney?
That's her real voice.
That's--
That's her--
That's real thunder.
Wait for that to die.
Chicken pit advertising
and public relations.
Nah.
Give us that again.
Here we go.
Rolling!
Ha ha!
Here we go!
You might be interested in this.
I was about to show stroker our--
I forgot what it was.
Ha ha!
Ha ha!
Stay there. I'll come by again.
It's like going by herschel Walker.
Bags!
So many bags there!
Just keep rolling.
I'll have it in a second.
Ok.
I couldn't share a room
with a man I'm not married to.
Why not? I mean--
Ha ha!
We have to get going.
We have a r--
It's catching.
Oh...
Stop!
He has a beautiful voice.
He has a beaut--
Keep singing.
Mark.
That no-class son of a bitch
doesn't know who he's dealing with.
I have talked to 4 lawyers.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Mark!
That no-class son of a bitch
doesn't know who he's dealing with.
I talked to 4 lawyers.
They all said the same thing.
Torkle's got to fire you.
Oh, yeah?
I happen to have a pretty good--
Ha ha!
Ready, Burt?
I'm ready.
Hurry up! I'm molting.
Burt, I need technical advice.
Reed, what do you think?
Oh.
A couple--3 things wrong, Burt.
I've been lookin'.
The set's weak.
Your dialogue's weak.
I like the people you got here.
The home run is...
Your wardrobe is beautiful.
Ha ha!
Come on!
Let's have some fun!
What do you say?
Not you, Reynolds.
Cameras rolling.
"B" camera mark.
All right? Ok?
Ok. Come on, bubba.
Ugh!
Action, bubba!
Damn it. The door won't open.
Ha ha!
That a cut?
No. Yeah, go ahead and cut it.
Over here.
He's got to fire stroker
during the seas--
Sorry about that.
You got till 4:00.
The race is over--
The race is over at 4:00.
Common marker.
Common marker.
Did you have a nice day?
Is that right? You shittin' me?
Son of a bitch.
What do you mean, a raise?
Ha ha ha!