A Swiss legend tells of three herdsmen who
let themselves in for the powers of evil
and were punished gruesomely
for their outrage.
I swear to god...
to carry out my duties as a herdsman
conscientously and faithfully,
to be without bias,
to take good care of
the kettle confided to me
and to protect it from any harm
with all my means.
I will distribute the salt
justfully among the kettle.
I shall see to it that
my fellow herdsmen
carry out their duties carefully.
Furthermore, I shall not hunt,
neither socialise
nor trade with strangers,
report sacrileges
or misdoings immediately
and obediently follow
the orders of the alp reeve.
I will do so with the utmost faith
and without material desires,
with the help of the Lord
and the dear saints.
A herdsman protects.
He doesn't kill.
Next time he hits me,
I'll spit on him!
Lord, we praise thy name,
for you do us good!
We ask of you...
to listen to the Alp...
and to guard everything attached to it.
[inaudible]
This is the will of god...
and the dear, holy St. Anton!
This is the will of god...
and of the dear, holy St. Wendel!
This is the will of god...
This is the will of god
and the dear, holy St. Carlos...
and of all the other
dear, holy saints...
and chosen ones belonging to the lord.
This is god's will...
under the holy cross!
Praised be Jesus Christ!
That's three a day...
Multiplied by twenty...
That means there are...
One, two, three, four, five, six...
Sixty plus three...
Now, that's sixty plus three...
One multiplied by ten...
No, not ten, twelve!
One multiplied by twelve...
One multiplied by twelve...
Alright, up on the slope...
there are 140 cows.
One, two, three, four, five...
six, seven, eight.
Seven days and till noon...
We'll go back to the black mountain.
To the black mountain.
For seven days and until noon.
Nobody's been up there since...
I won't come!
Look, boy...
This helps!
A whore's stocking and a peasant's axe,
if that ring's closed,
it's bad for the witch!
A whore's stocking
and a peasant's axe
if the ring's closed
it's bad for the witch!
A whore's stocking
and a peasant's axe
if the ring's closed
it's bad for the witch!
Come home unharmed!
Come home unharmed!
Come home unharmed!
Come home unharmed!
Lord protect us - our dear, holy cross.
The cross, boy!
Go!
You like it?
Milk onto the grass,
by God's power it'll help.
Milk onto steel won't
leave the devil a choice.
Wherever you go,
praise in the name of god!
We ask of you to protect the alp...
and everything attached to it!
Amen!
It's humid, isn't it?
- But no thunderstorm coming.
Sakrament!
[blasphemical curse]
No Sakrament!
[Don't curse!]
Go get some wood, boy!
Christ!
Yes, yes...
Come!
Pretty baggage!
Baggage!
Where have you got it,
so that I can't find it?
This will make a head.
Two round boobies
from the acre's bottom,
a belly,
a cunt.
A cunt! An ass!
I won't allow this here!
No!
You dirty pig!
Biting me, huh?
I'll grind your dick!
Lay down and sleep, boy!
Bruni! Come, Bruni!
Look here! Good girl.
Yes.
Good girl.
You can take it.
Yes, good girl. Look!
One day you'll end up
like the herder of Sieglsvat.
For a hundred years, he's been roaming
the alp, wiping his hand on the grass.
Because he let one cow lick
more salt than the others.
That's not fair.
Open it.
That's medicine!
Why don't you drown yourself in it!
He bit me and now I got an infection!
Damn!
C'mon, give me a hand and tie it up!
Ouch! Damn!
Skip it!
Good, isn't it?
Pretty baggage.
Want some as well? Here, drink!
Now we'll make a head!
Two round boobies
from the acre's bottom!
A breast, a handful...
that's one!
A nice little belly full of jelly!
A girl of sand from Rhineland!
One girl of this kind is like two!
And now, something for the legs!
A nice little skirt...
And what should the cunt be made of?
And a large ass full of joy!
And a large ass of old wood!
That lap of hers is enough for three!
A cunt that can never be filled!
Hell, yes!
Hand it over!
The tits small and nice.
Yes, nice!
Two round titties from
the acre's bottom,
that's what god and
holy St. Anton want!
A nice little belly full of jelly
that's what god and the
dear holy St. Wendel want!
What should the cunt be made of?
This is the will...
this is the will of god...
and of the dear, holy St. Joseph...
who's coming to consolate
and deliver us by the...
by the...
- By the deathbed!
And the big ass of Altdorf!
[inaudible]
Amen!
Want some too?
And some schnapps!
Yeah! Yeah!
One breast, a handful, that's one!
A woman, one armful of her's like two!
One ass, that lap or hers are three!
A cunt! One that can never be filled...
- Hey hey hey!
Slow down, you stud!
She's still a virgin!
And not yet baptised.
- Let's baptise her then!
With holy water, huh?
Boy, pass me the schnapps!
I baptise you...
In the name of the father,
And the boy,
And the schnapps,
Amen!
Sepp!
Hey, herdsman!
Come, get up!
- What is it?
What is it, what is it!
You, carry on.
My hand's aching.
A thunderstorm's coming!
It's coming from the east.
What is it?
Sit down and eat.
Eat!
Eat!!!
They're all soaked!
We ask of you to protect the alp
and everything attached to it!
This is god's will!
- And of the holy St. Anton!
This is god's will!
- And of the holy St. Wendel!
This is god's will!
- For all the chosen, holy ones.
This is god's will.
- And our dear, holy cross!
They won't help us in this storm!
That's good, boy.
Don't look!
Or it will take us over.
I'll get you, cunt of satan!
You...
Boy!
Boy!
Boy!
Boy!
She's taken him!
Don't open!
Who is it?
- Me!
The boy!
What's the matter?
What happened?
What happened?
Bruni's dead.
She made a false step, fell.
Down the rocks into the river.
Doesn't move.
Won't give no more milk.
Watch out!
The bull shall screw her,
then she'll have enough!
Yes!
You damned witch!
Fetch the rope, boy!
Get the bull!
- Yes!
Give me the rope, boy!
Good.
Now she's done for.
Come now, boy!
Go ahead, cut!
Cut!
Blood doesn't melt like snow,
blood averts forever.
Come boy!
Wake up. We'll leave.
We won't stay here!
Go, boy! Get going!
Roundup the kettle on the lawn!
The very same evening, some men from
my village went up the black mountain,
made a doll just like
the witch and burnt it,
so that the ban would be in force.
for Cinemageddon - March 2010