We're going where
the sun shines brightly
We're going
where the sea is blue
We've seen it
in the movies
Now let's see if it's true
Everybody has a summer holiday
Doing things they always wanted to
So we're going on a summer holiday
To make our dreams come true
For me and you
Mm-hm, mm-hm
Mm-hm, mm-hm
I always say there's nothing like
a beautiful English summer's day.
And this is certainly nothing like one.
Come on, Cyril, in seven days
we'll be on our holiday.
Seven more days
and we'll be on our holiday.
- Very well put, Edwin.
- Where are we going to, anyway?
Steve, my boy, I've got it all worked out.
- Yeah?
- Assuming we can hitchhike free
to the French Riviera and taking
into account present prices there,
and the sum total of our savings,
we'll be able to stay there
for three whole luxurious hours.
Very funny! Ha-ha!
Look, but seriously, fellas,
what are we gonna do?
I don't know. I think Don's
got something up his sleeve.
- Yeah.
- His arm.
- I've got it!
- Got what?
This bus - London Transport said OK
OK?
OK to what?
OK to use this bus
for transport on our holiday
They're with it
With what?
With the plan I outlined
to them today
What plan?
That's right, what plan?
If we can do it once,
they'll back us all the way
Look, can you explain
in words of one syllable
exactly what you're talking about?
Listen, you nuts.
I've persuaded London Transport
to lend us this old bus.
We fix it up like a mobile hotel.
This year, we live in it,
take it to the South of France.
Then next year, we'll be ready
to take paying passengers.
The sky's the limit!
- Great! Marvellous!
- Isn't that great?
- Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- One thing.
- We've got to do the fixing.
- That's all we've got to do?
That's all we've got to do, hmm.
Oh, come on, we've got plenty of time.
Plenty of time? Seven whole days?
It's easy when you've got friends.
We'll get some of the fellas to help us.
Come on! Come on, everybody,
we need your help.
Fred, come on. Bill, bring your mates.
Fred, Bill.
Jonathan, come here.
Bert, come on, got news for you.
Come on.
All we need is your help.
Got some great, great news.
Fellas, fellas.
Look, fellas.
How would you like the unique opportunity
of doing seven days overtime with no pay?
No! No!
They sound very keen.
Look, seriously, fellas, we're in
a bit of a jam. You see, we've just...
Seven days to our holiday
And there's such a lot to do!
Come on, fellas, it's up to you
We're in an awful stew
Get us out of this spot
Are you with us or not?
- Yeah! Yeah!
- That's great!
Thanks a lot.
Six days to our holiday
And the bus should look like new
Shiny bright as a birthday gift
Give it a real facelift
and its body, the sheen
Of a top beauty queen
Five more days, just five more days
To fix up dozens of things
Let's spring-clean it
from front to rear
Yes, I've cleaned all the springs
Four days to our holiday
And we know before we're through
Our bus will be safer than any bank
Tough as an army tank
We will check everywhere
Though it's hard to get there
Three days to our holiday
And though sunny skies are blue
By the time that it leaves our shed
Our bus will be bright red
and we know that we will
Paint Paris redder still!
Oui!
Two days to our holiday
All of the inside to do
So this old London bus can pass
As a hotel first-class
We'll make everything fit.
- Including...
- Ah yes, that's it!
One more day, just one more day
So we must not waste an hour
Come on, let's get the plumbing in
Cor blimey, what a shower!
Off we go on our holiday
And it's you we have to thank
Fellas. Fellas.
Fellas.
We'd just like to say that on
behalf of the four of us that...
Well, we'd never have made it without you.
Would we, chaps?
- No!
- Definitely not.
It just goes to show,
you can't do without friends.
No, we promise we won't forget you.
- We'll send you postcards.
- Yeah! So long, chaps!
Cheers, guys!
- Great job!
- See you when we get back, fellas.
See ya! See ya, fellas! Thanks, cheers!
- See ya, fellas!
- Thanks for everything!
Bye, boys!
Yeah, bye!
Who forgot to fill the tank?
Oh!
We're all going
on a summer holiday
No more working
for a week or two
Fun and laughter
on our summer holiday
No more worries
for me or you
For a week or two
We're going where
the sun shines brightly
We're going where the sea is blue
We've seen it in the movies
Now let's see if it's true
Everybody has a summer holiday
Doing things they always wanted to
So we're going on a summer holiday
To make our dreams come true
For me and you
- Hey, what's up, doc?
- Well, look at that thing ahead of us.
- What is it?
- I dunno, but it shouldn't be on the road.
- What's the matter?
- Look at that, look!
Aah!
Why doesn't he stop hooting his horn?
There's plenty of room to pass!
Oh, don't take any notice of them. You
know what they say about French drivers.
In a London bus?
- Ah, but they won't stop.
- He thinks you want to pass.
- They can't see us for baggage.
- I'll have to get alongside.
- What's the French word for wheel?
- Erm?
- La wheel!
- No!
- "La" what?
- What's the matter with the English word?
- Because they're probably French!
- Oh, yeah.
Roue! Roue, that's
the French word for wheel.
- Roue!
- Roue! Roue!
- The wheel! The wheel!
- What's he say?
Rue. That's French for road.
Roue! Roue! Roue!
- It's as much our rue as it is yours!
- Roue!
What else did you get for Christmas?!
We're just trying to say...
Will you please get out of our way?!
Ow!
Oh!
Well, go and see how the girls are
while I see what the bus is doing.
- Oh, the girls!
- Yeah, let's go and see how they are.
Well, they look alright.
Women!
Everything they say
about women drivers is true!
Of all the stupid, idiotic, dangerous...
Women drivers indeed! It's people like you
that shouldn't be allowed on the road.
I'm Cyril.
I'm Sandy.
We just wanted to let
you know about your wheel.
If you'd been watching where you were
going instead of shouting at us,
- we'd need never have met!
- Oh, Sandy, don't be beastly to them.
- It wasn't their fault, was it?
- Steve, Steve Jones.
- I'm Angie.
- Glad to know you, Charlie.
I'd just like to say, miss, that the
accident would've been far more serious
had it not been for your superb driving
and very quick thinking.
Oh, glad that didn't go unnoticed.
You certainly didn't mean any harm,
did you?
- Cyril.
- I'm Cyril. He's Edwin.
- Oh, yes, of course, Edwin.
- Oh, it's my favourite name!
- Really? Oh!
- Anyone hurt?
- Hey, what's the damage?
- Well, the light and the radiator,
- but we should make it to Paris.
- Great!
Hey, but your car
doesn't look so hot. What hit you?
Maybe it's lucky for you that we stopped.
Now you can travel in comfort.
We're not going on a London bus
if that's what you had in mind.
Well, you're not going to get very far
on your holiday in this thing!
We're not going on a holiday,
we're on our way to an engagement.
We're a singing trio and we're on our way
to our latest and greatest engagement.
- In six days.
- It's our first job.
Singers! Well, that's great.
We can have you wherever
you wanna be in a couple of days.
- Paris, Cannes, Nice...
- Athens.
Athens. Athens?!
I think it's conference time, gentlemen.
Ladies, excuse us a moment.
- Will you get out? Try again now.
- They're never gonna make it in that car!
Start the ignition. We'll give it a push.
Come on.
Hey, if we go as far as Athens,
maybe I can drive.
Yeah, maybe, Edwin, maybe.
Yeah. Well, those in favour
of taking the girls?
- Edwin?
- Oh!
Let's go!
Good news, girls. My board of directors
and myself have unanimously agreed
to take you all to Athens
in the company coach.
- But we don't...
- As our guests.
You could have saved the board meeting.
We're not hitchhikers.
- We've got transport of our own.
- Look, take it from me,
we're all expert mechanics and...
Well, this car's a right-off.
Now how do you know?
You haven't even looked at it.
Yes, the least you can do is look at it.
Very well, gentlemen, let's look at it.
- What are they going to do?
- Just don't take any notice.
What are you doing?
Angie.
Get out!
Come on.
Come on!
The bush upon the rotor pump
Is pushed into the floater sump
It's wearing out the trunnion teeth
By bearing on the cog beneath
Which means in terms
of tension swings
The seams of your suspension springs
In cyclic thirds are set apart
In very simple words,
dear ladies
Your car won't start
So we're making this offer
Ride with us, come ride with us
Through the countryside with us
For our bus has every comfort inside
We are pleading,
please let us take you for a ride
Now look what you've done!
Listen...
Do you mind?
To try to wrench the gyro sphere
Without a bench would take all year
Don't risk it like that on the road
The brisket feedline might explode
The ball valve's past the hydro trend
There's something nasty round the bend
The lubri-tank is running slow
To put it very frankly, ladies,
your car won't go
So ride with us, come ride with us
Better be allied with us
Here's an offer
That is quite bona fide
We are pleading,
please let us take you for a ride
Ooh!
Ow!
Oh!
Aw!
What do you think he's doing?
- Here you are.
- Thank you.
Come on, girls!
Hey!
You know I shouldn't be surprised
that gasket hood looks pulverised
The shocking coil is now reversed
so flush it, boil and then you burst
Compression peak will soon distend
the leak that leaks in your big end
That nasty coke has got a hitch
around the choke adjustment switch
The piston spark is dynamite
and cutting out the parking light
And from its shake, your outside brake
is needing a new drum!
In fact, make no mistake
You've really had it, chum
So ride with us, come ride with us
Past the forest and the riverside
Take a tour with us
that's really nationwide
For as guys we're really qualified
- There's no need to look terrified
- Oh, really!
For when you have tried
you will say, wide-eyed!
We are just
what the doctor specified
We are pleading,
please let us take you for a...
Ride with us!
Ride with us!
Please let us take you for a ride!
Oh!
Our offer's still open.
Girls, I think it's time for a conference.
Excuse us.
I think the problem is quite simple.
Do we take a nice, fast train to Athens
that'll get us there on time or...
shall we risk it in a rickety old
London bus with four strange boys?
Those in favour of the nice fast train?
- Oh!
- Super!
Load the bus, boys, here we come.
- Oh, hoorah!
- Come on, get the cases. Here we go.
We're all going on a summer holiday
No more working...
Oh!
Ooh-la-la! Oui, oui, oui!
Oh, boy, we made it! Paris, France!
Look, we're staying in Paris
as long as it takes to repair the bus.
That's all. A few hours at the most.
Oh, a few hours in Paris
can be like a lifetime! Oh!
Oh, I feel so cool!
Ooh! Cool!
- Sandy?
- Yes.
- I've never met a singer before.
- You must have.
Well, not a professional, I mean.
Oh, you can't really call me
a professional. I've never been paid.
I bet you've got a lovely voice.
Mm, it's not really good enough
to be a solo.
In the trio, you don't notice it so much.
I bet I'd notice it anywhere.
Would you?
So then we decided to call ourselves
Do, Re and Mi.
- I thought of that. Do you like it?
- Yeah.
I think a good name for an act
is very important.
Yes, I've heard that.
Of course I've heard it!
I said it!
Hey, Charlie, has anyone ever told you
that you are the most beautiful girl
I've ever seen?
- Do you call everyone Charlie?
- No, only the people I dig.
- But why Charlie?
- I don't know.
It's an up-name.
Happy, you know what I mean?
- Oh, like good-time Charlies?
- Yeah, that's right.
Do you like my name - Angie?
Oh, I think it's the most, Charlie.
- Hi.
- Everything ready, Don?
- Everything's fine.
- Oh, you should've seen it!
I know, I know,
but we've got to get going.
- Oh!
- Not yet.
- Well, you do want to get to Athens?
- Yep, he's right. Let's go.
Come on. Where's Steve?
Come on, hit it!
Let's hear you play, come on!
Go!
Hey!
- Go, go!
- Hey, yes!
Hey! Look out!
Yee-ha!
Ouch!
Thank you!
Oh, come on, we've gotta go!
Come on, let's stop now!
Yeah! Yeah!
All right, we must get out
in about five minutes.
- Hey!
- Oh, please!
Come on!
Come on!
Oh!
Whoa!
Steve!
Time to go.
Come on, let's get him out of here.
Not too loud.
We mustn't disturb the neighbours!
- Don, where did you get to tonight?
- Oh, I went to a caf near the garage.
Had a great meal.
Food! Of course, food.
I knew we'd forgotten something. Food!
- Girls, to the kitchen.
- I'm hungry.
I'll do the table.
You know...
I might just start off with some
lovely French onion soup.
Followed by roast duck in orange sauce.
Finishing with crpes Suzette.
- Well, you'll have baked beans.
- With an egg on top.
And like it. Now, turn off the music
and help me lay the table.
- Come on!
- Oh, watch it! Mind the disc!
Look out back there.
We're coming to a railway crossing.
Oh, oh, oh! Watch it!
Edwin!
Not me this time.
Hey, what was that?
- I think we've got mice.
- King-sized mice.
I think we'd better find out
who's up there.
Girls, stay down here.
- Boys, let's take a look.
- Yeah, you take a look.
Oh, come on!
Blimey!
It's a boy.
Yeah, he looks frightened.
Hey, what do you know? Our first stowaway.
Alright, young fella, what's it all about?
Maybe he doesn't understand English.
I'll speak French. Erm...
Parlez-vous franais?
Are you lost, Charlie?
tes-vous perdu, Charlie?
- Ask him where he comes from?
- Oui.
O est la plume de ma tante?
Oh, leave him alone.
Can't you see he's scared?
Yes, poor little boy.
He can't be more than 14.
- Well, he should be able to talk.
- He's probably hungry.
- Well, he can't understand.
- You watch. Manger?
Manger?
Yes, that settles it. No more questions
till he's had something to eat.
You're English?
American?
How old are you?
Have you run away from home?
- Oh, I haven't got a home.
- Oh! Did you want to ride on the bus?
- Mmm.
- Well, where do you want to get to?
- We're going to Athens.
- That's where I want to go!
Oh, well, you eat your meal
and we'll see what we can do.
I... I think we ought to
bury the scraps outside.
Cyril.
And we'll get the sleeping bags ready.
Have you finished?
- Shh! Cyril.
- What are we gonna do, Don?
Well, we can't keep him here,
that's for sure.
Perhaps we could drop him off
at the next police station.
No. If we do that, we'll get tied up with
French red tape for at least a month.
- Well, maybe he's run away from home.
- He said he hasn't got a home.
Probably just a hitchhiker.
There are dozens of them all over.
Well, we've got to make up
our minds quickly,
- cos as it is we're pushed for time.
- To get to Athens?
Yup. We've got to rush through
France, Switzerland, Austria
and then we've got two days
for Yugoslavia and Greece.
That means we get to Athens by Saturday.
Do we take him?
Crazy.
Bury these, Edwin.
Well, it looks like you've got
yourself a ride. What's your name?
Bar... Bobby.
- Welcome aboard, Bobby. My name's Don.
- Steve.
- Sandy.
- I'm Cyril.
- Angie.
- Mimsie.
- Hello.
- The one outside's Edwin.
Listen, we'd better turn in. We've got
an early start tomorrow morning.
- Goodnight, girls.
- Goodnight, boys.
You stay here with us.
Here, Bobby.
Er, do you always sleep
with all your clothes on?
Yes.
Goodnight.
How does this sound?
"Dear Mummy, France is very well.
We've picked up lots of culture.
- Love, Sandy."
- Oh, that's fine, Sandy.
How about this one to Ken?
"Dear Ken, the world is beautiful.
Things really swing
when you travel by bus.
The sky is bluer, the sun is brighter
and the girls are lovelier."
Signed Don.
Hey, that's sheer poetry, man.
Yeah, but not very accurate.
We've been sitting here for nearly an hour
and I've not seen one lovely girl yet.
- Oh, yeah?
- Present company excluded.
- How about them?
- They're lovely?
Ooh, they're lovely.
What you guys don't understand is that
beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
And when you're travelling,
you're very beholden.
Yeah.
Every girl is a beautiful girl
When you're a stranger in town
And every chick
looks so cute and slick
When you're all alone and low down
And then a smile
Will open the door
And in a little while
You'll be a stranger no more
But till then,
every girl is a beautiful girl
When you're a stranger
In any town
Bonjour, madame.
Oh!
Oh!
And then a smile
Will open the door
And in a little while
You'll be a stranger no more
But till then,
every girl is a beautiful girl
When you're a stranger
Your heart is in danger
When you're a stranger
In town
Whoa!
But I was...
Oh! Women!
- Hooray!
- Watch it!
Careful!
Hey, hang on to that. Coming down.
Ooh, you are messy.
Edwin! Edwin, put me down! Idiot!
- Bonjour.
- Bonjour, monsieur.
- Er... une tlphone, monsieur.
- Un tlphone.
Un tlphone.
- Monsieur, monsieur!
- Ah, monsieur.
Merci.
Hotel Napoleon, Paris,
person-to-person, Mrs Winters.
Oui.
A TV show of her own, ten weeks'
top money and what does she do?
She runs out of here someplace
without even signing a contract.
Children these days don't know
how to spell gratitude.
You did say she could have a holiday.
She's a star. A star can't just
loaf around for ten weeks.
A star must work and work and work.
She's worked all her life. Supported the
three of us since she was four years old.
She had a childhood
that any other child would envy.
While other girls were filling their heads
with algebra and geometry,
she was learning practical things.
Like how to slip past the hotel clerk?
Oh! We travelled everywhere.
Running away from creditors.
- She got to see the country, didn't she?
- At that speed?
I don't want to speak to anyone.
Oh, how could she do this to me?
When I get hold of her, I'll give her
a lesson she'll never forget.
- After all I've done for her.
- Hi, honey! How are you?
- I'll say, "Miss Barbara Winters..."
- Sure.
- Who is it?
- Barbara.
Barbara, baby! What are you doing to me?
Oh, I just hope...
I never have to spend another night
like last night. Sick with fear...
and worried to death. Where are you?
Never mind where I am, Mother.
I only called to let you know how I was
and so you wouldn't worry.
But, baby, where are you?
I'm not going to tell you where I am.
What do you mean, you're not going to
tell me where you are? I'm your mother!
I've a right to know.
Just a minute, honey,
there's someone at the door.
Get on the other phone quick
and have them trace this call.
Now, Barbara, baby, listen to me.
I'm your mother, your own flesh and blood.
And if you're not back here
tonight by six o'clock,
you're going to see flesh and blood
turn into cold, hard steel!
Mother, I'm having more fun than
I've ever had and I'm not coming back.
Now, just get on the plane
and go to New York,
and I'll see you there in a few weeks.
- Come on, Don! Where you been?
- No, I can't... I've got to go. Bye-bye.
Barbara! Barbara!
Hey, wait!
Come on, Bobby!
Hello?
Oui.
Hey!
Barbara!
Well?
He called from a newspaper stall
in Chaumont.
I spoke to the proprietor. He said
the call was placed by a little boy.
It was not. I know
Barbara's voice when I hear it.
- She's in disguise.
- What's she in disguise for?
So you can't find her.
Are you intimating that
she ran away from me?
- Who's intimating?
- What else did he say?
She's travelling with a bunch
of English kids on a London bus.
One of those big red things and he heard
them say something about going to Athens.
Athens? Well, what she
want to go to Athens for?
I could tell you but you wouldn't like it.
Oh, here it is - Chaumont.
Now they'll be travelling along there.
- Their next stop would be "Soik-sant".
- What?!
"Soik-sant"!
- Soixante.
- Well, I'll have her stopped there.
Somebody bring up a towel.
Our local Casanova's having
his second bath of the day.
Edwin... Oh!
Bobby, do us a favour, take him up
a towel, there's a good lad.
- Me?
- You're not doing anything, are you?
Well... Well, yes. In fact...
I'm reading! This is very...
One soft towel coming up!
Hey, Bobby, tell him that's the last one.
After this, he'll probably have
to use a handkerchief.
Hurry up with the towel.
- Here you are.
- Thanks, Bobby.
Don't go away!
I want to speak to you a moment.
- What about?
- About you.
You're not in any kind of trouble,
are you?
Who, me?
Whatever gave you that idea?
Well, you're a bit young to go wandering
around Europe all by yourself.
Excuse me.
I can take care of myself.
I may be young but I'm tough.
If that's the way you want it.
Pass me my shorts.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Well, just you remember,
if ever you need any help,
you know where to come.
Oh... Thanks. That... I'll get your shirt.
Oh, two buttons missing.
I'll sew them for...
I'll get one of the girls
to sew them for you.
Yeah, I guess I'm better with a spanner
than a needle and cotton. Pass me another.
Don, you need a woman to look after you.
Oh, no, not this one.
Mind you, girls are all very well,
but at a distance.
Date them once and then run.
Date them twice
and they're getting serious.
- They don't think the way we do, do they?
- Oh, you're so right.
They're off with that chat
about marriage and weddings,
and, "What's your
favourite name for a girl?"
Next thing you know, you're hooked
and wondering what hit you.
No. No girl is gonna own me.
What if you fall in love though?
I mean, what if you meet a girl
that you want to own?
- Oh, that'll never happen.
- It could.
Suppose it did.
Well, I'd...
I'd...
Oh, well, you wouldn't understand.
You're only 14.
And a half.
What's all that hooting.
Come on, let's go and see.
- Would you get this character in the road.
- What is he doing?
What's with you, Charlie?
You tired of life or something?
- What do you think he is?
- I don't know.
Who's that?
What do you think he wants?
I think he wants to ask us something. Oh!
- Vroom!
- Oh!
- I've got it, I've got it!
- I think he's got it.
He's stuck here and he wants us
to give him a lift to the next town.
- Of course!
- Oh, very brilliant.
But surely there must be
a simpler way to ask somebody.
- I don't think he speaks English.
- I don't think he speaks.
- Ow! Ooh!
- Oh!
I do not have to speak, mon vieux.
I am the Great Orlando.
I speak the most
international language of all.
- The language of mime.
- How's that?
I can say anything I wish with my hands.
- Very good.
- My face.
Well, say something.
- I think he wants a lift.
- Bon, bon, bon! You understood!
Actions speak louder than words.
How's this?
Trs bien.
Time is flying, you have to be off.
- Oui.
- Voil!
- And if you want a lift, hop aboard.
- Merci bien.
And while we are speeding
along the highway, er,
I will teach you all
the magical mysteries of mime,
with, of course,
the assistance of my company.
Mind what you're doing
with your French stick!
Vive la France!
Vive la France.
Good morning, good morning. Hi, Annie.
- Hi.
- We found Barbara. She'll be back tonight.
No! No, no, don't let her come home.
Oh, Jerry, you mustn't be hard on her.
Think how I feel.
- Stella, look, look.
- You're only her agent.
But I'm her mother.
I've given up my life for her career.
True, you have.
I could have thought
of myself all these years,
but no, all I thought about
was her security...
Look, Stella, will you please read this?
- It made the front page!
- That's what I've been trying to tell you!
Look, this is the greatest thing that
could've happened and you know why?
Because it's a natural.
We didn't dream it up.
You couldn't buy this kind of publicity
for a million bucks.
Look, Heather Harper got
on the phone to me this morning.
- She did?
- Yeah.
She wanted the inside story
of Barbara's disappearance, see?
- She didn't think it was phoney?
- No, no, no.
She said she wasn't at all surprised
the kid ran away, cos she'd met you.
Oh, Jerry that's wond...
What she mean by that?
I... Well, who knows?
Look, the main thing is,
Barbara must not be brought back.
We've gotta milk this for all it's worth
and it's worth at least ten days,
maybe two weeks. Can you imagine it?
For two weeks, all over the world,
people doing nothing
but reading about and talking about
Barbara Winters. Everywhere.
London, Paris, Rome,
New York, Hollywood...
Hollywood? The Academy Award.
- Stella!
- She mustn't come back.
What have I been saying? Where is she now?
Well, she met up with
a bunch of English kids
and they're on a London bus
going to Athens.
A London bus?
That's going to attract attention.
- We've gotta get it off the road.
- Maybe we could have them arrested.
- Arrested? For what?
- I don't know.
Oh! Wait a minute. I bet they haven't got
a licence to carry passengers on that bus.
- Well, are they carrying passengers?
- What do you think Barbara is, baggage?
- Ah!
- Now, look, they'll be coming along here.
Call the police at that place
and have them stopped.
- Yeah. "Swixant".
- Well... Yeah.
"Swixant". Yeah, hello.
Yeah, we'd like to place a call
to the police at "Swixant".
Mention the name of that official
we met at dinner the other night...
Yeah, yeah. Alright, yeah.
"Swixsant". S-O-I-X...
- Oh, come on!
- Soxiante. Yeah, fine. Eh?
Oh, yeah. She got the breakfast alright.
Look, police, Soixante.
That's right. Quickly.
Silence!
But really, sir, we weren't taking
any money. Just giving them lifts.
They were in the road
and they were all by themselves...
I have definite information that you were
plying for hire in this dangerous bus.
You shall be made an example of. We cannot
have such dangerous conduct in France,
a country of good, careful drivers.
You will be remanded
in the custody of this town,
pending further investigation
into this incident.
But we're just tourists
on our way to Greece!
This entire affair is
fraught with duplicity.
But I daresay we shall have the whole
thing solved in a week's time.
- A week?!
- A week?!
Silence!
- Silence!
- We can't stay here for a week.
We've got to be in Athens in five days.
Your Honour, we did not
use the bus for hire.
Yeah. Well, that is what you say.
But I have had word from Paris
that says differently.
- But we don't know anybody in Paris.
- We have had information from Bonaparte.
Napoleon Bonaparte?
No, Himmi Bonaparte.
He is no relation but
very high up in the ministry.
And if he says that you are
bus passenger transporters,
bus passenger transporters you are
until you've proved differently.
- Monsieur le Prsident.
- Yes.
- Perhaps I can be of some assistance.
- Ah oui.
Ah oui, ah oui. Oh, ah, bon.
Who are you?
I am the Great Orlando,
leader of this troop of entertainers.
So, now you are entertainers?
A moment ago, you were tourists.
A tourist can be many things.
Truly we are all entertainers.
I suppose this can be proved?
Monsieur, I ask nothing more than
that you permit us to entertain you.
- Very well. Begin.
- Merci bien.
Now, I beg a few moments
of the court's time to organise...
No, no, no, no! You want to give a show,
you give it, here and now.
But we have need of props,
makeup, costumes...
If you are entertainers,
all you need is talent.
- Absolument vrai, Monsieur le Prsident.
- Oui, oui.
- Absolument vrai.
- Mmm.
Just as a judge needs
nothing more than wisdom.
- Oh.
- Yet you wear this robe as a costume.
Use that gavel as a prop
and this courthouse as your scenery.
Very well. You can have
ten minutes to get ready
and then you either begin your show
or your jail sentence.
Very vite! Oh, pardon, monsieur.
What have you got us into?
We're not performers!
Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!
You wish to get out of here, do you not?
- Yes!
- You will perform!
- Oh, we can't! We don't know how.
- You will learn!
- In ten minutes?
- Oui!
Look, we haven't even got a script.
We three are very professional performers.
We can't go out there
saying any old lines!
Who has mentioned any old lines?
Have you already forgotten
what I told you?
Actions speak louder than words.
Sylvie, la maquillage! Gaston, la scne!
Josephine, la musique! Ren, la costumes!
All of you, cher amis, give forth dans
la plus belles spectaculaire du monde!
- Voil!
- Voil!
Voil!
La plus belle au monde!
Vite, vite, vite!
Vite, vite, vite, mes amis, vite!
Don't forget, action is louder than words!
Whoop!
Oh!
I think we'd better beat it.
Oh, wait!
Call on me if you ever need work, my boy.
That's a splendid imitation of a girl.
Hello.
Look, I know I owe you all an explanation.
But I just can't. Please, if I could
just go along and pay my fare, and...
be treated like any of the other girls.
Careful! You don't know
what you're saying.
You don't owe us an explanation.
You're welcome aboard the bus
and as for paying...
Why don't you come along as a friend?
- Yes.
- Unanimous.
- Head 'em up and move 'em out!
- Let's get going!
- Oh, thank you!
- Let me see. I can't...
I must say, you've done alright
for yourself. That's a very nice girl.
- All I did was ask her along on the bus.
- Yeah, she seemed very grateful.
Hey, what's this?
This is not a running buffet!
Yeah, I'd watch that girl. You know what
they say about American dollies. Aw!
Cyril, not this boy.
Who is he?
When I was young my father said
"Son I have something to say"
And what he told me
I'll never forget
Until my dying day
He said,
"Son, you are a bachelor boy
And that's the way to stay
Son, you'll be a bachelor boy
Until your dying day"
When I was 16, I fell in love
With a girl as sweet as can be
But I remembered just in time
What my daddy said to me
He said,
"Son, you are a bachelor boy
And that's the way to stay
Son, you'll be a bachelor boy
Until your dying day"
As time goes by I probably will
Meet a girl and fall in love
Then I'll get married
have a wife and a child
And they'll be my turtle doves
But until then
I'll be a bachelor boy
And that's the way I'll stay
Happy to be a bachelor boy
Until my dying day
But until then
I'll be a bachelor boy
And that's the way I'll stay
Happy to be a bachelor boy
Until my dying day
- Well, where are they?
- They're depart. They've gone.
What do you mean, they've gone?
They were supposed to hold them here.
- Well, they didn't.
- That's French justice for you.
- How long have they been gone?
- Er, we... Er...
Monsieur, are you...? Er, a few hours.
- Well, come on then.
- Well, wait a minute.
Shouldn't have any trouble finding
a London bus on the road.
Look, Stella, they're liable
to be in Switzerland by now.
So, we'll stop them in Switzerland. Move!
Oh, the agonies of motherhood!
Come on, Cyril, where's my breakfast?
Isn't it your turn to take over yet?
Yeah, be with you in a minute, Steve.
- As soon as I finish shaving.
- Come on, Cyril.
Steve's breakfast is ready.
Does this bus never stop?
You know, I don't think
I slept a wink last night.
In that case, you'll remember
that we stopped at the Swiss frontier.
- Last night.
- Did we? Oh, yeah, yeah.
If we can keep this up, we should
be in Athens in plenty of time.
Hey, Steve, pull over a bit.
There's something coming up the road
like a flipping rocket.
Hey, where's the fire, Charlie?
- Do you think they saw us?
- At this speed, even I can't see us.
Well, they'll never get up that road.
They'll have to take the other road
about a mile back.
- Remove that sign.
- But, Stella...
If they go up there, they're liable
to get stuck on the mountain.
- So what are we here for?
- You're so right.
- What's slowing us down?
- This hill.
I think it's a one-in-one.
Cyril, listen to me. Don't turn round!
Now, look, you and the others are still
a bit worried about Barbara.
I have an idea. The bus stalls, you and
the others walk up the hill with the gear,
just to make it look authentic.
I drive Barbara up
and find out all about her.
- I've got a better idea.
- What?
We drive the bus and you walk up the hill.
- Do you want me to find out about her?
- Yes.
- Good. Just back me up.
- I'll give the performance of my lifetime.
I'll probably get a busman's Oscar.
Don.
- Bachelor boy.
- Just tell me when.
When!
Ah!
- Edwin!
- Sorry, Cyril.
- Think you can make it now?
- Yeah. Wish me luck.
I'd better take someone with me though
in case I run into any kind of trouble.
How about you, Barbara?
Well... Sandy, you're the lightest.
Oh, no! I want to stay with Cyril.
Yeah, come on, Barbara.
- All clear?
- Good luck, Charlie!
Good luck!
- Ready when you are!
- Ready when you are!
Move it! Come on!
Are you sure you know
where you're going, Edwin?
You know, I think this mountain
keeps growing as we climb.
Hey, look!
Oh!
- Oh! Oh, it's got no collar.
- Look, and no brandy.
Wouldn't you know, we find the only
St Bernard in Switzerland with no brandy.
Story of my life. Here we go then.
Bye-bye then.
Ah, look, he wants to join us.
Maybe we can take him
with us to Athens.
- He doesn't seem to belong to anyone.
- You want to go to Athens, Charlie?
Well, that settles it.
But I'm warning you, if you turn out to be
a girl too, then I'm leaving the bus.
Come on, Charlie!
We made it!
What's so funny?
Oh, I know.
You're laughing at me because of all
those things I said to you yesterday.
No. No. I... I agree.
I think you were perfectly right.
- I was?
- Yes.
Why should a girl think that she owns
a fella just because he holds her hand?
You know, I brought you up here
to find out all about you, but...
now I don't think it matters.
Oh. Thank you.
Hey, Barbara, wait a minute! Barbara!
I know what bothers you.
Maybe you think I'm going to be like
every other girl you've ever known.
Afraid I'm going try to help you,
want to own you.
Well, may I tell you something?
I don't want to own you.
I don't even want to rent you.
So, you haven't got
a thing to worry about.
Sure. I'm not committing any crime, am I?
I just want to be...
Well, free, that's all.
I have nothing against love.
It's just that it ought to be
easy and casual.
- Fun.
- That's right.
Yeah, that's right.
It's too light to go on forever.
I don't think anything
should go on forever.
I lose interest in things after an hour.
Hey, we really see eye to eye, don't we?
On everything.
You know...
I could be interested in you.
Feel free.
Well...
Ours will be...
A swingin' affair
We won't be tied
We'll stay as free as air
For we won't care
what tomorrow brings
It'll be just one of those
Swingin' things
Ours will be...
A swingin' affair
We will just be
A very casual pair
For love won't make us an April fool
Now we've both decided
we'd play it cool
We'll share a few laughs
We'll share an odd date
We'll share a few kisses
when it's growing late
And though the stars and moon
May shine up above
We'll enjoy the magic
but we won't fall in love
Ours will be...
A ring-a-ding-ding
Just for kicks
We two will have our fling
And we'll have fun
while there's time to spare
For we'll both enjoy
our swingin' affair
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
- It was fun while it lasted.
- But, but, but, but...
It can't go on forever.
I'll always remember you.
Hey, let's have...
A swingin' affair
We won't be tied
We'll be as free as air
For we won't care
what tomorrow brings
It'll be just one of those
Swingin' things
Ours will be...
A swingin' affair
We'll just be a very casual pair
For love won't make us an April fool
Now we've both decided
we'll play it cool
We'll share a few laughs
We'll share an odd date
We'll share a few kisses
though it's growing late
And though the stars and moon
may shine up above
We'll enjoy the magic
but we won't fall in love
Ours will be...
A ring-a-ding-ding
Just for kicks
we five will have our fling
And we'll have fun
while there's time to spare
For we'll all enjoy
our swingin' affair
Hey, hey, hold on!
- Don't move.
- But...
Don't move!
We'll enjoy the magic
But we won't fall in love
Ours will be...
A ring-a-ding-ding
Just for kicks
We five will have our fling
And we'll pretend we are not aware
This is more, so much more,
than a swingin' affair!
Signorina, cinque birre, eh?
Hey!
Hey, Don!
Here come the others.
Excuse me.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hey, where's Cyril.
- Oh, he's just coming.
- Hey, we've got a new passenger, too.
- Oh, you'll never guess what it is!
Yes, it's a...
Brandy!
- No sign of the bus yet?
- Nope.
Are you sure there isn't another road
they could take?
Not unless they built a new one
since yesterday.
Look, quit worrying. After three days,
we move in for the big, dramatic rescue.
Yeah, I'll organise a couple
of hundred photographers
that just happen to be around.
Ah, watch it. We're not dealing
with normal kids, you know.
- They're more like a bunch of Houdinis.
- Yeah.
Well, we'll just stake out
the road from here.
I'll do it tonight and you
take over in the morning.
I couldn't sleep with my darling daughter
dying of exposure
up there on that mountain.
Oh, I'm sorry, Stella.
I've never been a mother.
- Would you like something to eat?
- Just something simple.
Oh, my poor baby up there
dying of starvation.
Champagne.
Truffles.
Smoked salmon and asparagus.
Hey, look!
I knew it!
What did I tell you? Bunch of Houdinis!
- Follow that bus!
- Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Wake Cyril up, Steve.
He's on in five minutes.
It'll be a pleasure.
Oh!
Cyril!
Come on.
Oh, what do you wanna wake me up for?
I was having a fabulous dream.
I dreamt I was on my holiday.
Oh, I know what he means! I feel as if
I haven't been out of this bus for a week.
Wouldn't it be marvellous if we could get
all dressed up and go out somewhere?
Oh, marvellous!
We all owe the boys so much.
Why don't we,
the next time we come to a town,
take them out and give them
a huge feast on us?
- Oh! With dancing and champagne?
- Yes!
I want to really dress up.
I was beginning to forget I'm a girl.
- Alright, those in favour?
- Oh, yes.
OK, you tell them, Angie.
Boys, boys.
My partners and I would like to have
the honour to invite you to be our guests
at our coming out party tonight.
- Coming out?
- Coming out of where?
Coming out of the bus party
at the next town we come to.
Oh, that's great.
The next town should be Telfes. So you've
got half an hour to get ready, girls.
Come on! Quick!
I'm going to have a shave.
- Well, how about this place?
- What a ritzy-looking joint!
Well, maybe
we can find a smaller place.
Nonsense, this is our treat!
Only the best is good enough.
- It looks sehr gemtlich to me!
- Don't be filthy, Edwin!
What's filthy about gemtlich?
- Those no more wine.
- Well, we'll have some more.
- Frulein! Bitte schn, ein bisschen wein.
- No, just some more wine.
- Have one more glass of wine.
- Yes, I will have some more.
This is the nicest place
that we have been.
Yes, it reminds me though
of some place that I know.
- I've seen it all before.
- Where?
White Horse Inn.
That's right!
One, two, three. One, two, three.
One, two, three. One, two, three.
Something is happening to me
Suddenly I'm on my feet
And as the music goes through me
I belong to the song
with the one, two, three beat
And it's happening to me!
It's happening to me!
- And me!
- And me!
And me!
Me!
Is... this...
me here really waltzing?
Is this me here being so square?
Although I know this sort of music
makes me sick and you sick
Still I'm aware
This is me here really waltzing
To a Viennese one-two-three
And if you'll pardon me the simile
I'm Romberg and Friml-y
How can this be me?
I've got the urge to wear
short leather trousers
And dance the way
Strauss's Fledermaus-es
Give me some frau-ses
dressed up in cute blouses
Helping their spouses
tie bells on their cows-es
For here I'm really waltzing
Though I shudder at the idea
And though I really should
know better
Here am I in operetta
Really waltzing here
Come on. Come on!
Eins, zwei!
Hey!
And so
We're here really waltzing
As we take our partners and bow
We say a plague upon the houses
of all the three Strausses
But, all the same, we must kow-tow
To the rhythm, catchy rhythm
For the violins play
and we've got to go with 'em
We're waltzing, really waltzing
Look at us, really waltzing
Now!
Cyril, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
What are you doing? Don?
I've got to speak to you.
Something's happened.
- Oh, not to the bus?
- Hang the bus! Something's happened to me.
What is it?
Well, remember those things I said to you
about the way I feel about love.
Oh, I haven't forgotten a thing.
You want to be free,
you don't want to be owned.
We needn't go through all that again now.
I want you to forget it.
I want you to forget everything I said.
I don't want to be free.
I do want to be owned.
And I am in love.
You sure it isn't the wine and the music?
No, it's not the wine,
the women or the song, it's you.
You, you, I owe you, I owe you
Why owe me?
Because I love you, that's why.
All at once
It's you, it's you for me
And all at once
There's blossom on each tree
It's so thrilling
And so new to me
This enchantment
That you do to me
And forever in your spell
I'll be
All at once
My doubts and fears are past
I feel as though
I've come back home at last
I thought I was fancy-free
Till I felt this magic glow
Now, you're for me
And all at once
I know
You don't believe me?
I just don't want you to say anything
I'll regret later.
I swore I'd never tell a girl I loved her,
but I'm telling you now.
I love you.
I love you!
I love you, I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you, I love you, I...
Am I boring you?
No, you're hurting me a little,
but I'm riveted. Go on.
I'm sorry. Got so carried away
with the way I felt,
and I thought that when I told you
how I felt and how you'd feel and how...
How do you feel?
Just for the record, I've loved you
ever since I was a little boy.
All at once
My doubts and fears
Are past
I feel as though
I've come back home at last
I thought I was fancy-free
Till I felt this magic glow
Now, it's you for me
And all at once
I know
Here. Hide it well, they mustn't see it.
Well, does it have to be this?
This is worth a fortune.
So, it's insured.
Besides, if we keep the story running
long enough, I'll have hundreds of them.
Cufflinks for you.
- Mission accomplished.
- Not quite.
We've got to inform Yugoslav border guys
that a valuable diamond pendant
is missing.
How do you get these fabulous ideas?
Pure mother love. Now, let's get going.
Here look, here's my passport...
I'm a foreigner! Do you mind?
Listen, I'm an English citizen!
I've got a British passport.
Look, that's my face! Look! Ooh!
It seems the, er, natives are restless.
Goodbye, Don. It was nice knowing you.
What do you think they're looking for?
I told you we shouldn't have tried
to smuggle a bus.
Do you think Charlie's got a licence?
Maybe they're searching
for dangerous weapons?
In that case, we can say goodbye
to Steve's bongos.
Hey!
Oh, Charlie!
That's mine!
Mine.
He tried to steal my pendant, look.
It's got my picture in it.
- Let's move!
- Come on! Let's go!
Let's get out of here
before they change their minds, huh?
Don't push, Cyril.
Goodbye!
Arrivederci!
- Bye!
- Goodbye!
Bye-bye!
- Cor, stone me! Did you see that, Cyril?
- Yeah. Innit marvellous?
Everybody seems to be
driving Thunderbirds over here.
I'm not so sure everybody does.
That looks like the same one to me.
Put it over there. That road ought
to delay them for a couple of hours.
With a little luck,
they might even get lost.
- Over here?
- No! Over there!
Oh.
Lost?
I think we should've gone the other way.
That danger sign must be wrong.
- This isn't the main road.
- I dunno. This is a pretty wild country.
Look, you probably think I'm a bit mad,
but I've got the strangest feeling
that someone's trying to stop us
getting to Athens.
- Who'd do that?
- Well, I don't know.
It's just that we're getting into too much
trouble and having too many delays.
And how about that Thunderbird
being everywhere?
That was just a coincidence.
- Perhaps he's trying to get to Athens too.
- Yeah, maybe.
Look, don't say anything to the others.
It'll only upset 'em.
- Donald?
- Yeah?
- Can we have tea now we've stopped?
- Yeah, we may as well.
Oh, who's a darling?
Sustenance.
Come on, girls, what fabulous dish
have you prepared for our tea?
Well, we were going to have sandwiches,
but we're short of one vital ingredient.
- Yeah, what's that?
- Who forgot to buy the bread?
- Oh!
- Oh!
Maybe there's a supermarket near.
Eh! Would you get a load
of little Bo-Peep out there.
- Where?
- Look.
- Sheep.
- Little darling.
Eh, maybe she could direct us
to the nearest loaf of bread.
Maybe. Come on, let's go.
No, stay with us, Charlie.
Stay there, Charlie,
look after the girls.
Oh, wait a minute.
What's Yugoslavian for bread?
Oh, hang on.
Here's a guidebook.
The thingamajigs are at the back.
- See you, bye!
- Don't be long!
Hey!
- Hey, lady!
- Hey! Hey!
Here, come back!
Hey!
Hey, wait a minute!
Ow!
- Come back!
- Come back!
Relax!
We don't want anything. Look!
We just want to buy some bread.
- Bread?
- She doesn't understand.
- She looks scared to death.
- Oh, she's frightened.
Don't be afraid. We no hurty.
- We friends.
- Friends!
Me Tarzan, you Jane.
- Oh, she's not with it.
- Actions speak louder than words.
Whoa!
Oh, don't cry.
- Sing to her, sing to her.
- What for?
Well, then she'll know you're a friend.
Your enemies don't sing to you, do they?
- Well, what will I sing?
- Well, it doesn't matter.
She won't understand you.
Just sing something friendly.
Come on. He sings you something friendly.
Nice song, yes!
Yeah, come on, up.
You must have heard
of a little Bo-Peep
She was the gal with all the sheep
Well, one day, it's a sad to say
Her sheep all ran away
She was lonely and she was blue
She was sad and crying too
So I told her what to do
I said, "Put on your dancing shoes"
Put on your dancing shoes
Put on your dancing shoes
Put on your dancing shoes
- Dance away your blues
- Whoa! Whoa!
- Whoops! Hey, hey!
- Try something else.
I'll try another.
A friend of mine had an accident
Laughed so hard,
off the wall he went
Humpty Dumpty was his name
I guess you've heard the same
He was lying on the ground
Bits and pieces all around
So I told him what to do
I said, "Put on your dancing shoes"
Put on your dancing shoes
Put on your dancing shoes
Put on your dancing shoes
Dance away your blues
Hey, hang on!
Yeah, yeah!
I'm sure you know
about Jack and Jill
They're the ones
that went up the hill
Jack fell down
and a broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after
What a noise their crying made
It was a-ringing through the glade
So I told them what to do
And I changed their tears
to laughter
Put on your dancing shoes
Put on your dancing shoes
Put on your dancing shoes
Dance away your blues
Mm, put on your dancing shoes
Put on your dancing shoes
Put on your dancing shoes
Yeah, yeah!
Quick, while we've got her in a good mood,
what's the Yugoslavian for bread.
Nvjesta!
- Enough for eight.
- Nvjesta!
- Nvjesta!
- Nvjesta!
Nvjesta! Nvjesta! Nvjesta!
Nvjesta! Nvjesta!
Nvjesta! Nvjesta!
Nvjesta! Nvjesta!
Oh, well... Not too much though.
Enough for eight.
Are you sure nvjesta means bread?
Hey, Don.
Bread is hleb.
Well, what does n vjesta mean then?
- Bride.
- Bride?!
Oh, let's get out of here. Ooh!
Oi!
Aaah!
Ooh!
Ooh!
- Any sign of them yet?
- No, and it'll be dark soon.
- They've been gone almost an hour.
- An hour?!
Oh, those poor boys will be so hungry.
I told you we should've gone to Blackpool!
Hey, hey, hey! Keep moving, fellas!
Keep moving, fellas!
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey!
I've got an idea!
What is it?
- Boom!
- That's it!
Ha-ha!
Hey!
- Oh!
- Oh!
Hey, get out!
I'll see you.
- We'll never make Athens in time!
- Oh yes, we will.
Hold on to your safety belts!
Oh, we made it!
What's all this?
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Donald Preston?
- Er, yes.
- Oh, congratulations.
Well done indeed, I must say.
My name's Wrightmore.
I'm with the British Consul here.
If there's anything I can do to help.
What's all this about? I mean...
I mean, how did you know we were coming?
Well, actually, you've made
quite a sensation.
The sight of a London bus
travelling on the Continent
has aroused tremendous curiosity
and the press are playing it big.
We've all been trying
to follow your course.
- Well, here's yesterday's Daily Mail.
- Oh, it's us. Look, Steve.
"That London bus operated
by four young mechanics
would seem to be making its way to Greece.
A trio of singers known as
Do, Re And Mi...
are known to be aboard the bus,
as well as an unidentified American girl."
Come on! Come on!
"The bus was last seen...
Continued page three."
Oh, quick!
There they are!
I want those people arrested for
the kidnapping of Barbara Winters!
What's this about?
This is ridiculous!
- Who are these people?
- Stop it!
Baby! Baby!
Mother, what on earth are you doing?
A million dollars' worth of publicity.
I swear I didn't know
anything about this, Don.
Oh, sure! Just do me a favour.
The next time you want to travel,
take a plane.
Don't worry! There must be some mistake!
I'll get you out!
Well, at least we'll be
comfortable till the trial.
Yeah, it's alright.
Nice.
Girls?
The boys and I would like to say that...
Well, we're sorry, aren't we?
- Yeah.
- What for?
Well, if you'd caught your train, you'd be
working instead of facing a kidnap charge.
Oh, boys. The girls and I
would like to say,
we wouldn't have missed it
for the world, would we?
- No.
- There.
- I'll see you later.
- Don, where you going?
Nowhere. I just want to
get some fresh air.
Oh, I wonder what it'll be like to sleep
without stopping
for red lights all the time.
I wonder what's happened to Don?
Don's got an acute case of the blues
and I think we should just let him
get it out of his system.
They say I'll love again someday
A truer love will come my way
The next time
But after you there'll never be
A next time for me
They say that I'll find happiness
In someone else's warm caress
The next time
I'll soon forget your kiss
And heartaches such as this
Will just be ancient history
They say that I'm a fool to weep
That I won't go on losing sleep
The next time
That someone else will
mend the heart
You've broken
In two
But how can I fall in love
The next time
When I'm still so very much
In love
With you?
They say that I'm a fool to weep
That I won't go on losing sleep
The next time
That someone else will
mend the heart
You've broken
In two
But how can I fall in love
The next time
When I'm still so very much in love
With you?
When I'm still so very much in love
With you?
You've been ages!
- Clap hands, here comes Charlie.
- Where have you been?
Oh, just walking.
- Well, who's that then?
- Must be the house detective.
- Mr Wrightmore.
- Everything alright?
- Oh, yes.
- Depends on what you mean by everything.
- A cable came for you this morning.
- Hey, what is it?
"Your request for additional buses
for your project approved." Stop.
"We will give you all the support we can."
Stop.
"Very proud of you all." Stop. Signed
Onslow Harbour for London Transport.
If we had all those buses,
maybe I could drive!
Maybe, Edwin.
All the way to the local jail.
Ooh, yeah.
Just wait till they hear that we've been
accused of kidnapping our first passenger.
Look, Mr Wrightmore,
we never kidnapped that girl.
She boarded the bus of her own accord.
Her mother must be
suffering from delusions.
Yes, you're not far wrong.
I've just been talking to Mrs Winters.
They're both of them
just down the corridor.
Well, she's having a press conference
in the ballroom at six.
- What's Barbara's room number?
- Er, 483, I think.
- Thank you, Mr Wrightmore.
- Here, Don...
- Who is it?
- Me.
- Go away!
- Not on your life.
Now you listen here to me, Miss Barbara
Winters, if that's your real name.
I don't care what you've done
or why you did it.
The fact is, I'm in love with you.
Don!
Of course, I realise it was nothing
but a publicity stunt for you.
What beats me is why you didn't
go the whole hog and marry me.
- Yes, I'd love to!
- Now that would be a great story.
Big American star marries bus mechanic.
- I'd love to.
- I can see it now.
Ten-inch banner headlines.
What did you say?
I said I'd love to marry you.
- Barbara.
- I love you.
- Shouldn't you open the door?
- She's locked me in.
It isn't any good.
She says that if I ever see you again,
she'll put you and the others in jail,
- for years and years.
- Leave me to deal with your mother.
- But you don't know her.
- I'll see to her.
- Oh, Don, you don't know what she can do.
- I said, I'll deal with your mother.
- Don't go away now!
- I won't. But, Don...
Alright, quiet now! Quiet, please, quiet!
Take your seats, please.
Take your seats, please. Hi, Charlie.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
I got you all here today to give you
the lowdown on this story.
It's not a very pretty story.
It's a bit rugged.
Still, it's kind of a beautiful story
at that because it concerns a mother.
Not just a mother, but an American mother.
And here she is, that
self-same American mother,
the very beautiful and charming
Stella Winters.
Thank you, thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen of the press,
my story begins seven days ago.
Not a long time, you'll say.
But a whole lifetime for a mother
whose daughter has been kidnapped.
Come on!
Barbara!
The boys will get you out. I've got to go.
I've got an important date with the press.
- Get weaving, Steve.
- Crazy.
- Come on, Cyril, you're the smallest.
- Yeah, but you're the strongest.
- Edwin.
- No, fellas! No, fellas! Mind the suit!
Oh, careful! Oop!
- Come on, get in!
- I'm not used to heights!
Cyril!
Cyril?
- You pushed.
- Oh, Cyril!
What are you doing?
Hurry up, we haven't got all day.
Right, careful. Come on.
- Come on.
- Ow!
Am I hurting you, Cyril?
No! No.
- We've got ya!
- That's it. That's it.
- You OK, Barbara?
- I think so.
- Right, let's go.
- Hey, fellas!
- Oh.
- Fellas.
We'll catch you.
Oh!
Finally, here in Athens,
I caught up with those hoodlums.
And now my lovely daughter, Barbara,
is back with me.
Right now, I ask only one thing.
I'd like to meet up with one
of those hoodlums face to face.
Well, that shouldn't be difficult.
I'm one of them.
- This is a hood?
- You?!
You've got a nerve turning up here!
There are two sides to every question
and I thought the gentlemen of the press
would like to hear our side.
- It's OK.
- Well, how about it?
Listen, kid, we're not
interested in taking sides.
We are interested in you.
You got something to say, say it.
Alright.
Big news, big news
Have you heard the news?
Here's some news
to hit the headlines
- Tell your papers
- What?
- Better hold page one
- Sure will!
Have you heard the news?
I'll give you a headline story
- You'll be cheering
- When?
When my story's done
Gentlemen.
I want to make a statement,
I want you all to hear
Yes!
Listen closer to me
for the story of the year
I've found the plan for living
To last me all through life
I'm gonna take that girl of mine
and then make her my wife
- That's great!
- Have you heard the news?
Have you heard what I've been saying
I've been saying
that she's the girl for me
Now here's another statement
- To all of you today
- Let's write it!
When you get my story
then print the words I say
In ten-inch banner headlines
For everyone to see
I'm gonna wed this girl of mine
Cos she said she's in love with me
Wow!
Now you've heard the news
Now you've heard why I'm so happy
I'm so happy and it's clear to see
Great!
Now you've heard the news
Now you've heard why I'm so happy
I'm so happy cos she's
in love with me
Big news, big news!
Big news, big news
I think we've got trouble.
What did you think of that, Mrs Winters?
Why, if Barbara were here,
she'd tell you it's all a pack of lies.
Do you mean that if Barbara really
loves this guy, you'd give your consent?
If my daughter loved that...
boy, I'd drop all charges.
All I care about is
my darling baby's happiness.
Well, I do love him, Mother.
- What?
- Oh...
Oooh! Oooh!
Is it true you're in charge of taking
a party of 200 London buses
to the Riviera next year?
200 buses?
Will you be forming your own company soon?
He'll be big. He's going right to the top.
Oh, he needs someone to shape his career.
Is it true you're going to form
an American branch of your company?
Jerry, there's nothing we couldn't become.
A transport tycoon.
They'll make us a lord.
We'll be presented at court.
- We'll curtsy.
- Stella, Stella.
Stella, now, look, look, please.
Young man...
you may kiss me.
Baby, oh!
Don!
Oh. Well, thanks again
for everything, Mr Wrightmore.
- We'll be back as soon as we can.
- Good.
I've had a lot of requests from tourists
who'd like to make this trip with you.
Well, you can tell them that Double
Decker Tours will be ready for business
in about two weeks' time.
Till then, we're gonna have the holiday
we started out to have.
Good luck, Don.
We're all going on a summer holiday
No more working for a week or two
Fun and laughter
on our summer holiday
No more worries for me or you
For a week or two
We're going where
the sun shines brightly
We're going where the sea is blue
We've seen it in the movies
Now let's see if it's true
Everybody has a summer holiday
Doing things they always wanted to
So we're going on a summer holiday
To make our dreams come true
For me and you
For me and you
For me and you!