You clip it, point,
and straight up,
You stupid quiff.
It was straight up,
you fuckhead,
Just like my cock
for your slutty mom.
Holy fuck,
it's the trailer park boys!
Are you guys gonna get the show
goin' again this year?
No, actually, we have two brand
new shows we're shootin'.
Well, hopefully.
Oh, you fuckin' sharp
little fuckin' slut!
Fuck you!
I see anger management's
workin' like a charm, Smith.
I quit fuckin'
anger management!
Actually,
that fuckin' counsellor
Was makin' me nuts,
that cocksucker!
Hey, boys, how you doin'?
Hey, Johnny,
how's it goin'?
- Hey, Johnny.
- Oh, it's great to see ya.
Hey, Johnny,
how you doin', man?
Oh, man, it's great to have
you on the show.
The fans are still
so fascinated
With "trailer park boys",
you have no idea!
We're here to talk
about new shit.
Yeah, right.
They're swoopin' in.
They're comin' for you,
bubbles.
John...
hey, do the voice, bubbles,
do the voice!
You're not
Jim Lahey anymore.
Yeah, I know,
I'm just fuckin' with you.
Come on, boys,
We're gonna talk
about all your new shit.
All right, let's just get
this goin', John.
Robb and I are gonna
hit the racetrack
First thing in the morning,
okay?
Oh, yeah, right, um...
look, I read the story
about you and your old man.
Sorry for your loss, JP.
Yeah, it fuckin' sucks,
you know.
He was trying to hang
on long enough
To do one more rally with me,
and he just couldn't make it.
Cancer can go fuck itself,
bud.
Oh, uh, hey, Robb,
Do you mind
if I tell everyone
That you're workin'
for a cigarette company?
The fan's will love
the Ricky connection.
John, we can't fuckin' talk
about "trailer park boys".
We're not allowed.
No "trail park boys"
shit on the air.
Hey, no problem.
Welcome to "on the rocks"!
I'm your host,
John Dunsworth.
Today we have some
very special guests
Who need no introduction.
Mike Smith, John Paul Tremblay,
Robb Wells!
Ricky, Julian and bubbles
from the "trailer park boys"!
The fuck are you-?
We just fuckin' talked
about this.
I know, I know,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Listen, I hear you guys are
workin' on some new projects.
I hear they're great.
Well, that's what we're here
to talk about.
We're really excited
to be movin' on,
Doin' something different.
It's great.
The big question
on everyone's mind,
Including mine, is, uh,
Do you think we'll ever
do any more episodes
Of the "trailer park boys"?
- Holy, fuck.
- Fuck this.
Fuck this, John!
Hey, hey, Mike,
have a sense of humour. Ricky?
We can't do this. We're not
allowed. We said that.
Hey, hey, Ricky!
- Nice goin', John.
- Yeah.
Fuckin' tree!
Faster, faster, faster!
Oh, come on, son,
yeah, just like that!
Yes, faster, faster!
Oh, yeah, oh, fuck yeah,
John Paul, nice drivin'!
I think I'm gonna blow
a big load
All over your chest, son!
You're doin' great!
Robb, Robb, don't make my dad
jerk himself off.
It's disrespectful.
Oh my god, it's just a doll,
you fuckin' fruit.
It's not just a doll.
My dad's ashes
are in that thing!
What?
Yeah.
Why didn't you tell me that,
man,
Before I started
jerkin' him off?
Oh, I'm gonna tell ya I put my
dad's fuckin' ashes in a doll?
Sorry, Mr. Tremblay,
you were an incredible racer.
I didn't mean to Jack
your beautiful cock.
- That's enough!
- Punch it!
- Go, Robb, go! Go!
- Oh yeah!
Are these guys ever
gonna grow up?
- Oh, I hope not!
- Go, baby, go!
Nice runnin', baby!
You shave off
11 seconds of time!
Fuckin' women!
Oh my god,
that was so much fun!
Daddy's gonna kick some ass
next week, you little alien!
- Oh...
- Baby.
Thanks for lettin' me do this,
babe, you're fuckin' awesome.
Oh, are you sure you have
to go to that meeting,
'Cause I want this
inside of me right now.
Oh, Jesus,
you're makin' me hard.
- I fuckin' love you.
- Oh, I love you more.
Hey, that's not nice.
Okay, okay, okay,
I love you same then!
I need you to run
some errands.
You can pick up that paint
I ordered on your way home.
- Sure.
- Gotta go, bud.
- Let's move it!
- Gonna be late!
I love you?!
Sorry, I love you too.
- Give me those lips.
- Oh, the paint!
Dad's in the car, okay?
Oh, don't worry!
I'll take care of him!
Fuck, I love you!
Oh, it's so exciting!
The three boys on the TV again!
Oh my goodness!
I just wish Mike
wasn't involved.
He's such a fuckin' idiot.
What do you mean?
They're on the same team,
Julie!
Didn't she just paint
the entire fuckin' house
Like a month ago?
Yup, she's bored with
the colours, man.
You know what
women are like.
No, man,
that's insane.
It was only 1200 bucks.
1200 bucks?!
Jesus Christ, man!
You're making that much money
selling half-Sized cigarettes?
Fuck!
Well, it'll keep her distracted
while we're racin' next week.
Yeah, thanks for fillin'
in for the old man, bud.
Fuck, man, of course.
Sorry again for making
your dad Jack himself off
And say he was gonna blow loads
all over your tits.
I didn't know it was
actually him inside.
Ah, it's cool, man.
I shoulda told ya.
Yeah, you should have.
Oh my fuck!
Is that Smith gettin' loaded
into an ambulance?!
Nope, that's conforti.
I told you that was too much
you stupid fuck splint!
- I can fly!
- I can fuckin' fly!
You can't fuckin' fly!
Call me later when
you come down.
It's gonna be a fuckin'
crazy one tonight, man.
What's up you pussy whipped
shitblasters? Ah!
Jesus Christ, Smith,
what the fuck happened?!
Party got a little outta hand,
nothin' major, baby.
Did you forget about this
morning there, moose clit?
I'm fuckin' 100 percent, boys,
ready to fuckin' rock.
I thought you said you weren't
gonna have a crazy night.
It wasn't that crazy
of a fuckin' night, man.
Mike! Mike!
We can't get the whiskey bottle
out of Patrick's ass
And he's freakin' out!
It's right up in his ass!
It's really fuckin' up there.
We should really call
an ambulance.
No, we're not callin' any more
fuckin' ambulances!
Jesus Christ!
Pat drove the fucking
thing up there,
He can get it out himself!
I'm sorry.
No more ambulances,
my little tits out cookoo bird.
Ah, right on, Robbie boy!
Fuck off, Smith.
Half the length,
twice the flavour,
Just like your cock.
Would you get
in the fuckin' van?
We're late! Come on!
You've got serious,
serious fuckin' problems.
Keep this party goin'!
Boys, I fucked every
one of them.
What are you up to now, Smith,
30 nights in a row?
No fuckin' idea, bud.
So pat's driving liquor bottles
up his ass again, is he?
Yeah, except he's upgraded
to 40-Ouncers now.
Man, you can't be crashin'
at pat's house forever.
One of you guys
is gonna fuckin' die.
I don't have the money to afford
a fuckin' place, fucktits,
Liquor's expensive, man.
I thought you were gonna
chill out for a bit?
I have!
Fuck, I was celebratin',
ya locked up god damn nerds,
You should try it sometime.
No, you should try taking
"Goin' to fuckin' meet
the network
To find out what our fate is"
serious sometime.
And just so you know,
there's no guarantee
They're gonna green light
this shit, you drunk fuck!
Are you fuckin' kidding me?
We're fuckin' icons, boys.
We did all their notes.
We kissed their fuckin' asses!
You're fucked.
Well, you better try
to sober up
And get your fuckin' head
in the game for this meeting!
Okay, just so we're fuckin'
clear here,
I know what's on the line,
boys.
I'm fuckin' taking this
very seriously.
All right, man.
Hi, there, my name's David.
I don't wear pants
And I was thinkin' since
my cock's already out
Maybe you'd like to take
and little suck off?
Jesus Christ, Smith!
Your fuckin' breath smells
like drunk Shamu
Just dumped a big whale load
in your mouth, man, fuck!
Come on,
it's just a little tiny penis.
Why don't you finger
my little tight hole.
Get your fuckin' hands off me,
Smith!
Finger my little hole!
Tongue my hole!
Smith, would you smarten
the fuck up
And get serious here, man?
- Expensive statue!
- Guys, marble.
Great to see you guys!
How you doin'?
- It's great to see you too.
- How was the flight?
- It was wonderful!
- Good.
Yeah, first class, easy peesy,
lemon squeezy...
good, Stephan.
That's great, thank you.
So, guys,
This is quite a selection
you've got here for us today.
"Trans-Am handyman"
And "cooking 'n working out
with mama kunt". Wow.
We've got full seasons
mapped out for both of 'em.
We can start shooting
whenever you guys want.
Straight up, guys,
We can't do a show
on our network
With the word "cunt"
in the title.
Sorry.
No it's cunt-
It's cunt with a "k".
It's still the word cunt
though, Mike, isn't it?
It could be a funny concept.
What if we called her uh...
"mama krazy"?
Or how about
"mama kooky"?
'Cause her name
is mama kunt.
Not on our network
it's not.
Okay, well your network
is one letter away
From being cunt anyway,
So what the fuck's
the difference?
That one letter makes
a big difference, Mike.
It's just the kind of word
That makes a lot of people
uncomfortable.
It does.
Have you ever been
to Australia or Ireland?
They call sandwiches
cunts over there.
They do.
Like we said before, guys,
If you're willing to do
Another toned down version
of "trailer park boys",
Then our network
will certainly listen.
- We can't!
- We told you that.
The producers own the rights.
They don't wanna do it. Jesus!
It's not like it used to be,
guys.
Even if you were willing to do
more "trailer park boys",
The new cnt guidelines
Would restrict you
to two 'fucks', two 'cocks',
And four 'shits'
per episode.
Well, why don't we cut back
on the shits maybe,
Add a couple more fucks,
you know,
And then everybody'll be happy.
Uh, it doesn't really
work like that.
This isn't the Halifax
swap shop.
- No, I'm sorry, guys.
- Cnt just isn't comfortable
Taking that kind of risk
right now.
Christ, so it's an unequivocal
"no" then?
Yes...
it's a no.
Unless you're willing
to compromise on content.
Well we don't feel like
we should have to.
That's the way we talk.
That's the way everybody
fuckin' talks.
People swear!
No, it's not. Not really, no. I don't.
I just wanna know,
seriously,
Are you both fuckin'
retarded?
Uh, excuse me?
There's no reason to get
angry here, Mike.
You know what?
Fuck you guys!
Fuck you both!
We don't fuckin' need ya!
Oh gosh, Mike,
but you do.
Fuck off, Stephan,
you condescending little fuck.
I'll slap that fuckin' prison
pussy right off your face!
Slap it off?
Hey, why don't you
just shave it off
With your razor sharp wit?
You need to take a fuckin'
big hydraulic suck
On my shit pipe,
fuck teeth!
- Wow.
- Okay, we're done here.
You obviously drunk
or stoned or both.
Can someone call
security please?
- Fuck, ooh I'm callin' security!
- Fuck off.
I've got three washed up
one hit wonders
Who need to leave
the building immediately.
Fuck!
No!
Fuck no!
Oh fuck!
Today we're gonna be making
some good old
Classic Shephards pie.
All right,
so lots of ground beef?
Lots of ground beef,
some garlic...
do you mind crushing
the garlic for me?
I'll do the garlic,
that's fine.
Then we're gonna put it into
the pan with some oil...
you one hit wonder,
you Mackeral!
- Will you shut up!
- Shut the up, Smith!
Shut your mouth!
Are you fucking kidding me?!
- Ow!
- Ah!
Aw!
Fuckin' Smith! Shit!
Oh, yeah, take the whole thing,
Jeremy.
Open wide, boy!
Well, that just pretty much
guaranteed
I'll be working at 50's
for the rest of my life.
Thanks, you fuckin' lunatic!
You can't be burnin' bridges
like that, man.
Aw, fuck off.
I can't fuckin' deal with
networks doin' that, boys.
We don't fuckin' need them!
We can do shit on the internet.
Yeah, that sounds like
a great career, Smith.
40-Year-Old out of work
fuckin' actor,
Selling bullshit
fuckin' real estate,
Posting videos on shittube.
Nice!
I'm not talkin' about
fuckin' lametube.
I mean,
our own fuckin' network.
Yeah, people'll are gonna
fuckin' pay you
To watch you swear and Jack
your miniature cock off.
Yeah, they would,
All over your mother's
big sloppy horrible tits.
Think about this though, boys.
We've got fuckin'
direct access
To over a million people
on our fan sites.
We get 10,000 of them even
to pay five bucks a month,
That's fifty fuckin' grand
a month!
Jesus Christ, man,
what if a 100,000 did?
That'd six million bucks
a year.
Imagine the shit we could shoot
with that kinda money.
Fuck my tits, boys!
I would fuck your tits
for that much money.
So would I.
God, can you imagine?
I'd just be prancin' around
gigglin', ticklin' you guys.
This could be fuckin' huge,
boys.
Our own fuckin' network doin'
whatever the fuck we want.
Swearnet.
Swearnet. I fuckin' like that.
It made my balls tingle.
Shut the fuck up,
I'm tryin' to cum!
Fuck off.
Let's take
our fuckin' balls
And cradle then
on the tips of our cocks
And get this fuckin' thing
lit right now.
Let's do this.
Smith, Wells, Tremblay,
your ride's here,
And she is some pissed.
Oh, Jesus fuckin' Christ!
I noticed you picked up
the paint, thanks a lot.
I didn't really have
much of a choice
With you in jail,
did I, Robb?
Those look like really, really
beautiful colours, Julie.
Fuck, that is a lot of paint!
Didn't you just paint
the whole house
Like a couple weeks ago,
Julie?
It's gonna look
fuckin' good though,
That's the designer shit.
That's like sixty bucks a can,
isn't it?
It's the best.
Ah, fuck, I wish I had
unlimited amounts of money
To blow every month
on my hobby.
Smith, Julie took courses.
She's a professional
interior decorator.
Oh, no, I know that,
I just mean, you know,
Usually professional,
by definition,
Means that you get paid
to do it, that's all.
So, Mike, I heard you quit
anger management, did you?
No, actually.
Who told you that?
Robb, you should tell Julie
about the internet channel
We're startin', bud.
We're startin' an internet
channel, Julie.
Rob's gonna be quittin'
his job,
We're gonna be swearin'
our fuckin' heads off
On the internet.
Well, that's...
we're just talkin' about it.
How much do you wanna bet
That Robb won't even be seeing
you after today, Michael?
I'd go all fuckin' in on that,
Julie.
Mike, please just stop it!
What? I'm tryin' to make
conversation!
We're havin' a nice drive here.
So, Julie, are you, uh,
Gonna go see the Sebastian Bach
concert next week?
- Mike, that's enough.
- What?!
I'm just sayin' he's a fuckin'
wonderful entertainer.
He's got beautiful flaxen
golden hair down his back.
Tight pants stretched over
his wank.
Some people might even
go so far as to say
Parts of his body
are irresistible.
Michael, we all know
exactly why
I'm not going
to see Sebastian.
Yeah, why was that?
I can't remember.
Oh, yeah,
'Cause you conveniently
broke up with Robb for an hour
And thought it was fair game
To suck a rock star's
sweaty stage cock
In a piss-Drizzled
porta-Shitter!
Jesus Christ!
Get the fuck outta my car!
You're a fuckin' psycho.
Fuck you.
- See you later, Robb.
- Crazy fuckin' bitch.
Holy fuck he doesn't
deserve that shit!
You're payin'
for the fucking cab,
You fuckin' shit disturber.
Fuck off.
She almost broke
my fuckin' neck.
- Smith, this looks fucked!
- It's rinky-dink, man.
Why didn't you grid
the fucking thing off?
Why didn't you go
fuck yourself?
Man, we need better gear.
No shit.
Conforti knows a guy that
fuckin' loans people money.
Pinchbeck. Owns a bunch
of carnivals overseas.
He's supposed to be-
Fuckin' little slut!
Fuckin' cocksuckin'
fuckin' ants!
Aw fuck!
Quite a hefty limp
you got there, pat.
What happened to ya?
I don't really know,
but my ass is burning!
I do stupid stuff
when I'm drunk.
I'm never drinking again!
- Really?
- Really.
Here, check this out, Smith.
Welcome to swearnet.
No fuckin' regulations,
no fuckin' rules!
Just real people talkin' real.
Fuck off.
- Nice!
- Good job, buddy.
That's fuckin' perfect, man.
I'm gonna fuckin' snap.
Nice work today, Smith!
I just got fuckin' fired
because of you!
Sorry, man, fuck.
At least the workin'
for 50's
For the rest of your life
thing's solved.
Fuckin' dick.
Let's do this.
I told Julie
I'm playin' hockey.
I got 45 minutes tops.
45 fuckin' minutes?!
Fuck sakes.
Good evening,
welcome to fuckin' swearnet's
News, weather and sports.
I'm Mike Smith.
I'm John Paul Tremblay.
And I'm Robb Wells.
Here's what's
The president of the united
states fucked up big time today
When he met with the
prime minister of Canada.
Actress Lindsay Lohan
got drunk
And was fuckin' whoring it up
in another L.A. Nightclub.
Plus we have today's exciting
sports highlights
That you do not want
to fuckin' miss.
But first,
let's bring you up to date
On that big, dirty, cocksucker
of a storm, hurricane evan.
Pat roach, swearnet's own sexy
meteorologist, has more.
Take it away, sexy.
Sexy?
Thanks a lot, guys!
Hurricane Evan,
The fuckin' asshole
is not fuckin' around!
So for those of you who don't
listen to the weatherman
And haven't evacuated
your homes yet,
Get the fuck out!
'Cause this dirty cocksucker's
got a fuckin' opportunity
To fucking kill you!
You might actually
die, die, die!
So get the fuck out!
Take a fuckin' trip!
Go to Qubec!
Have some poutine.
- You lying piece of shit!
- Fuck.
Pat, get the camera
off the tripod.
No way, Smith,
not this stuff!
- Fuck you.
- I'm serious, man!
Aw, everything's content, bud.
You are so not at hockey,
you lyin' fuck!
You think I don't know
where you are
Every second of the day,
Robb?
I watch you like
a fucking hawk!
Jules, please just calm down-
Don't fuckin' tell me...
hi, there, welcome to a brand
"I'm a crazy cunt
And my fuckin' eyes
are too close together".
Let's observe this crazy bitch
in her natural habitat.
Why, why, why?!
You promised me that
you wouldn't see Mike anymore!
- Please, Robb!
- I'm sorry.
Can we just talk
about this at home?
No, I don't want to fuckin'
talk about it at home!
I'm wanna talk about this
And we're gonna fuckin'
deal with it!
Is that chicken?!
I didn't eat any.
- Yes, you did.
- I can see it in your beard,
And you can't 'cause
you're on a fucking diet!
- He's a grown man, Julie.
- No, he's not!
Get it the fuckin' truck
right now
Before I break your dick!
Get in the passenger seat
I'm driving!
Wow, crazy as a shit house rat,
folks!
Notice how too close her eyes
are together, John.
It's just like you want take
'em and go "bink" all fixed.
No comment.
- All fixed.
- No comment.
I'm stay out of it, man.
Are her eyes too close
together or not?
I had nothin' to do with this,
Julie, I'm sorry.
- You're a fuckin' pussy.
- You are fucked, Julie!
Where the fuck'd
you get this chicken?
Chicken palace.
Mmm.
1, 2, 3.
No, no, no, no.
1, 2, 3.
Man, I don't know how I'm gonna
pull off this swearnet shit.
Julie basically said
it's her or Mike.
The fact that she's even
puttin' you in that position
Is fucked!
You gotta do this with us,
man.
We can't break up the team,
bud.
Hey, sweetie.
Smith uploaded our fight last
night, Robb.
It's a show on your stupid
little fucking network
And I'm the fucking star!
Jesus Christ!
Oh yeah.
I'm the crazy cunt who's eyes
are too close together!
- That's crazy.
- I love your eyes.
They whole fucking world
is seeing this shit!
I'm callin' that asshole
right now!
Motherfucker!
Smith, right?
- And you can fuck off.
- Sorry about that.
Sign here.
All right.
And initial here.
Initial here.
Mother's maiden name,
uh, yeah, there.
Okay.
And your blood type.
Blood type?
What the fuck do you need
my blood type for?
AB positive.
Perfect, all done.
That was painless.
So, thanks very much,
Mr. Pinchbeck.
Like I said, you know,
I doubt it's gonna take
the whole term to pay you back.
Let's look at it like
you pay me as it comes in.
Sounds good.
- Smith, you fucking cocksucker!
- What?!
What were you thinkin', man?
Mr. Wells, Mr. Tremblay.
So nice to meet you both.
I'm Mr. Pinchbeck.
And this is my half-Brother
logi.
Hey, nice to meet you guys.
You know, there's nothing more
satisfying for me
Than investing in people when
they're just starting out
And watching them
become a success.
Oh, I had fantasies
About the entertainment
business years ago,
And now I think
I might be in it.
Okay.
Any questions at all?
Sure, yeah, we should
definitely stay in touch.
And we will.
- Are you fucked?!
- What?!
How could you upload that shit,
man?!
You made Julie look
like she's nuts!
She is!
I'm sorry!
People fuckin'
loved it though, man.
We got a fuckin'
1000 memberships!
What? That's pretty good,
isn't it?
Pretty good?
That's 5000 fuckin' bucks!
No shit.
Mike yeah, no shit. Boys, I'm tellin' ya
It's time to get on the fuckin
swearnet ship
Or row the fuck ashore
in your fuckin' whore dories,
I've been workin' my cunt
to the bone all fuckin' day,
Settin' shit up,
And it's gonna be fuckin'
amazing!
And now we got the fuckin'
money to do it!
You borrowed money off those
fuckin' loan sharks?
A bit, yeah,
But I mean, fuck,
enough to get equipment
And get start shit
fuckin' properly.
This is goin' down
right the fuck now, boys,
With or without you guys.
Are you in or out?
What does that mean?
We're a team for fuck sakes!
I agree. We are a team,
an unstoppable fuckin' team.
So let's do this as a team,
no distractions.
Did you tell Julie
you're fired yet?
Fuck no, are you crazy?
All right,
actually that's perfect.
Tell her you're goin' away
on business for a week.
We can't go away
for a week, man,
What about
the fuckin' race?
No, shooting the race
is part of the master plan.
Trust me.
So pack your fuckin'
protein bars, your amino acids,
Whatever the fuck it is that
makes you look like that,
We're goin' on a little trip.
What if I get caught?
Would you fuck off,
you pussy!
Aw, fuck, boys,
look at this.
This is one of the best days
of my life.
This is gonna be awesome.
Hey, how you doin'?
Man, I am not gonna
get away with this!
We gotta get checked
the fuck in quick!
Holy fuck,
you are fascinating.
Smith, just turn off
the fucking camera,
And don't think you're gonna
be shooting us 24 hours a day,
Because you're not.
I don't think you guys
get the fuckin' concept
Of swearnet here, boys.
Everything
is fuckin' content.
We're not just shootin'
news, weather and sports.
That's lame as shit.
We need fuckin' drama!
Smith, shut the fuck up!
Listen to me!
Julie could be lurkin' around
any one of these corners!
Oh, Julie, could be lurking
around anyone of these cor-
You candy coated
piss Gussler.
Why the fuck would Julie
be in the lobby
Of a hotel in downtown
fuckin' Halifax?!
That's bullshit!
What do you mean you gave
my fuckin' room away?!
That's Sebastian fuckin' Bach!
Okay, forget what
I said before.
There's a really good chance
Julie could be here.
Well, you will find
my reservation right now
Or I'm gonna bounce
this bottle of whiskey
Right off the side
of your fuckin' lid!
Sir, you were supposed
to check-In two days ago.
Hi, there, welcome to "hotel
fuck arounds" here on swearnet.
We have a situation unfolding
with Sebastian fuckin' Bach!
I was riding a ferry
across the tranquil waters
Of the bay of fuckin' fundy,
dummy!
Excuse me, Sebastian Bach?
Swearnet's
"hotel fuck arounds".
Can you tell us
the situation unfolding?
Yes, I can tell you
the fuckin' situation!
I rented a room
in this dump
And this clown ass dink
has given it away
Because I'm just late
like two days?!
Jesus Christ!
That sounds like fuckin'
bullshit to me, dude.
Yeah, you know what?
It is a real fuck around.
And as far
as this hotel goes?
Why don't you
all suck my rig!
And cut.
All right, boys,
get ready to butter your tits.
Jesus Christ!
Oh man!
This is fuckin' awesome, man!
Check this shit out.
This is fuckin' amazing!
You guys ready for surprise
number one?
Boys, you are now officially
racing for team swearnet.
Holy shit!
Those are fuckin' badass!
I wanna shoot a whole fuckin'
segment called "race dicks".
If think if we make
it crazy enough
It will be fuckin' huge.
- These suits are gorgeous!
- You got one for me?
Oh, buddy,
You've got the fuckin'
coolist suit of us all.
Huh, you're "swearman" now,
bud.
Right on.
What the fuck is this?!
I can't wear this!
I can't wear silk, man!
Pat, swearman is gonna
be fuckin' huge.
You're gonna be world famous
you squishy fuck tanker.
Girl's boots?
They're not girl's boots.
Lots of guys wear boots.
Surprise number two, boys.
Press passes.
Canada versus the united states
world junior final
At the Halifax fuckin'
metro centre.
I got us a fuckin' skybox,
boys!
Fuck my piss hole
with a pencil eraser!
Are you serious?! Yes!
Serious as a galvanized whore
at a tin shop.
Swearman, down the fuckin'
hatch you hunk of fuck meat.
Time to get suited up, bud.
I'm not fuckin' drinkin'.
Pat, you put the fuckin'
suit on
And you start guzzling liquor
If you wanna to have anything
to do with swearnet.
Mike, I don't want
to be known
As the fuckin' drunk guy
on the internet.
Your fuckin' face is gonna
be covered in a fuckin' mask!
Nobody's gonna know
who you are.
Come on, man,
swearnet needs a mascot
And it's you, buddy.
You gotta do it.
Not a fuckin' chance!
I'm not fuckin' doin' it
and you can't fuckin' make me!
Yeah! Fuck you!
Yeah!
Woo hoo!
Get some fuckin' drinks in ya!
Fuck you! Ha ha ha!
Look at this shit!
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah, yeah, fuck you!
And I want that big fuckin'
finger right up my fuckin' ass!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
That's what you want, isn't it?
You want a bunch
of fuckin' swearin'?
I'll fuckin' swear for ya!
The tension in the air is
palpable here tonight, folks.
Canada and the united states
for this,
The final game
of the tournament.
And a big welcome
to our affiliates
Across the globe this evening
for what is certain to be
History in the making.
Now we go to frontiers
recording artist,
Sebastian Bach,
with our national anthems.
Sebastian! Woo!
# Oh, say can you see #
# By the dawn's early light #
# What so proudly we hailed
at the twilights last gleaming #
I'm fuckin' horny!
Get your fuckin' hands
off me, JP!
Check this shit out, boys.
- Nice.
- Shut the fuck up.
Why do you smell like shit?
Nice fuckin' liquor.
Look at this,
this is gonna be fuckin' epic.
Hey, Robb, Sebastian's got
his leather pants on, man.
# The true north and free! #
# From far and wide
oh Canada... #
He's wearin' those tight
leather pants, buddy,
You better hope Julie's
not lurking around.
Fuck off.
Yeah, fuck you, JP,
you fuckin' pussy!
Swearman, sit the fuck down
and shut the fuck up!
We're gonna shoot
a real segment here.
I don't need you yappin'.
I'm not fuckin' sittin' down
If I don't wanna
fuckin' sit down!
I'm swearman!
You created me
And I didn't even
wanna fuckin' drink!
But you fuckin' made me drink,
now I am fucked!
So take a long suck
on my fuckin' swear cock!
Shut the fuck up
and sit down!
Fuck!
See this little red slot?
Broadcasts live to the fuckin'
the internet.
Suck my balls.
Are you serious?
Smith, I don't think
our press passes
Let us broadcast the game
to the internet, do they?
No, of course not.
We have absolutely no clearance
to use the fuckin' frequencies
We're using either,
titanium tits.
# Oh, Canada,
we stand on guard for thee! #
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the first
Live broadcast
of swearnet sports.
Tonight we have the world
championship game
Between team Canada
and team USA.
That's right, Robb,
These cocksuckers
hate each other.
Should be a fantastic
fuckin' match tonight.
And we're about ready
to drop the puck
So let's get right
to the goddamn action.
No fuckin' around here
on swearnet.
That's right,
no fuckin' around on swearnet!
I'm fuckin' swearman!
Ha ha!
Oh, Jesus fuckin' Christ.
It's just been brought
to my attention
That our mascot swearman,
Has a 3 and a half inch
fully erect penis,
Which I find a little strange
Considering there's
only men in the room,
Don't you think, John Paul?
It's quite strange, Robb.
Swearman, can you tell
us why your tiny, tiny cock
Is hard right now?
I'll tell you why
it's fuckin' hard!
'Cause I'm wearing
a skintight silky suit
And it's rubbin' my cock!
Sorry I've got a hard cock
'Cause silky things
are rubbin' on it!
I'm not all manly like you,
John Paul,
When silky rubs my knob
I fucking gets hard!
And if you haven't had
a silky rub nob
It feels fucking fantastic!
Guys, what the fuck
is going on in here?!
Shut that thing down!
Fuck off!
Take him high, Ronnie,
he's hard as a rock!
We have fuckin' passes, guys!
Fuck off!
What the- Ah!
Ah!
Hold on, pat!
- What the fuck?!
- Get me the fuck down!
Fuck you, CNT,
you cocksuckers!
Ah! Ah! Ah!
You should probably shoot that.
You're on the big screen, bud!
Holy fuck, this is fucked!
What the fuck?!
Get me the fuck down!
I fuckin' swear,
cocksuckers!
An incredibly harrowing
And potentially deadly
situation at game 7
Of the Canada-U.S.
Series tonight
When Patrick roach,
Who you may know better
as the shirtless,
Homosexual trailer park
resident, randy,
From "trailer park boys",
Hung from a skybox
naked from the waist down.
It really was a dumb stunt,
bill.
I don't know
who swearman is,
But clearly a publicity
stunt of some sort.
And not a good one either.
I know if my penis
was that tiny
I wouldn't want
the whole world to see it.
And not sure it was
semi-Erect either.
Well, Mr. Roach was
subsequently arrested
By Halifax police.
Yeah, swearman!
Swearman, yeah!
This is gonna be fuckin' huge,
man.
I think we should be more
like a real network.
Do we really need
cocks on there?
- Yes, we want cocks on there.
- Cocks are fuckin' funny.
People's cocks coming
out unexpectedly,
That's spectacle.
That's what people wanna see.
That's what you wanna see,
man,
Because you're obsessed
with cocks!
Fuck off.
Your grandmother's
obsessed with cocks.
Your grandmother
has a cock.
Who was that?
Nothin'.
Ole Robbie Bobbie rackin' up
a couple sunshine girls.
They're hoping to get
a picture taken with us.
You're fuckin'
right they can!
Here, girls,
say hi to swearnet.
- Hi, swearnet!
- I'm so excited to meet you!
I'm excited to fuckin'
meet you too.
Hi, guys, Jamie Freeson.
I'm sorry, but you can't have
the girls on camera
Without a contract.
Well they came up and asked
us for a picture.
I understand...
and I know who you guys are,
But "the sun"
is a client of mine
And they pay the bills,
so, you know.
Yeah, sorry, just,
they were fuckin' smokin'
And we just wanted
to document it for swearnet.
What's swearnet?
Yeah, so it's like a regular
channel you'd see.
You know,
it's got a morning show,
News, weather, sports,
all that shit,
Except everybody
on every channel
Is allowed to swear
their fuckin' head off.
And you honestly got this many
subscriptions just today?
He's serious, yeah.
Swearman's had almost 100,000
views in the last hour.
- Sorry to interrupt, man.
- I'm a fuckin' huge fan.
Do you think we can get
a couple of autographs here?
Sure, man,
who's got a pen?
You guys-You guys do cocks?
What?
Yeah, we're tryin'
to get 'em tattooed.
JP fuckin' loves
signing cocks.
I'm not fuckin'
signing cocks!
Yes we are, yes we are.
Jamie?
Come on, man,
this'll be fuckin' hilarious.
It's not gay if you're not
touchin' anything.
- I don't care.
- I'm not signing cocks.
Hi, there,
Mike Smith for swearnet.
Welcome to this edition
of "sign my cock".
That doesn't look gay at all,
Smith.
So where are you guys from?
We're form motherfuckin'
medicine hat, Alberta, bitches!
Uh, this isn't gonna work.
Oh, sorry,
I got a silver one right here.
Oh nice, perfect.
Swearnet.Com, motherfuckers.
Five bucks a month all the
craziest shit you'll ever see.
Swearnet, bitches!
Yeah, swearman!
Oh, you guys have
a very unique demographic,
Very marketable.
I would love
to talk to you
About maybe using some
of our clients on swearnet
For promotion and advertising.
Cool, right on.
Ah, I don't know.
What about sponsor my car
in the east coast rally?
You guys are in the rally?
I've got some celebs
at that thing!
We've got tom green there.
Carrot top will be doing
some endorsement stuff
For liquormen's whisky.
God I fuckin'
love those guys!
It's not really what
swearnet's about.
Sponsorship always ends up
meaning fucking censorship.
Fuck, man, let's not write
it off that fast.
Let me at least see if they
would even be interested.
Okay, what are you guys
doing tomorrow?
Liquormen's is hosting a hole
at a celebrity golf tournament,
Maybe I could make a call,
See if we can add
team swearnet?
What do we got planned
for tomorrow?
Nothing as big as interviewing
two huge Hollywood celebrities!
Let's fuckin' do it then!
Come on!
Cheers.
- Right on, thanks, Jamie!
- Woo!
Woo!
Ah!
Not a fuckin' chance!
Fuck. Fuck you.
Robbie, jam those fuckers
together!
Come on, do another one!
I'm watching on swear...
holy shit!
She still has her fuckin'
phone turned off.
What am I gonna do?
Not much you can do now, bud,
other than say fuck it.
I'm so fuckin' stupid.
I fucked up, I fucked up.
I'm fuckin' dumb.
Pinchcock, fuck off.
Here comes swearman.
Here, here,
intro this, intro this.
Today on "drunk tank"
World reknowned
cock-Out acrobat, swearman.
Swearman,
how was the drunk tank?
Oh, just fucking great,
Except at $10,000 fuckin' fine
for public indecency
'Cause my erect cock was beamed
around the fuckin' world
To millions of fuckin' people!
Okay.
Can you tell us why you chose
not to wear any underwear
Underneath the suit, swearman?
Fuck off, Robb!
Turn the fucking camera off,
Smith!
I'm not in the mood
for this fuckin' shit!
Swearnet is fuckin' payin'
for that fuckin' fine!
Swearnet will do no such thing,
my rotund little fuck beast.
Not a fuckin' chance.
Swearnet is gonna fuckin'
pay for that,
'Cause it's your fuckin' fault,
Smith!
You're the fuckin' asshole
that made me fucking drink
For fuck sakes!
He's got a point, man.
All right, ass milker,
I'll see your little offer
And I'll raise
the fuckin' thing.
Swearnet pays the fine,
swearnet pays you a salary,
But from this point on
you are swearman, bud.
Fuck off.
You wanna test the fuckin'
powers of swearman?!
Well, you better
be fuckin' ready
For what's gonna get
fuckin' unleashed!
I'm gonna drink this whole
fuckin' thing.
Hey. Babe, can I call you back
in a couple minutes?
What? Slow down, baby.
Oh my god, are you okay?
All right, okay, listen,
you gotta settle down.
Everything's gonna
be all right.
I love you, okay?
I'm gonna leave right now.
Fuck, we gotta go!
Where the fuck are we goin',
man?
- Just go, go home.
- We gotta go home.
This fuckin' liquor's good!
I can't fuckin' believe
this is happenin'!
Would you get that fucking
camera out of my face?!
Come on, man,
swearnet needs some drama.
Fuckin' shit's never as bad
as you think it's gonna be.
God.
Holy fuck.
Sweet mother of fuck.
I can't start it!
I try, baby, I try!
The car wouldn't start
and then it got too hot
To lift off the blocks!
Everything ignited so fast!
I saved your dad though.
Oh, thanks, babe.
It's okay, it's okay.
You don't have to cry,
all right?
- Look how ugly I am though.
- I'm sorry, baby!
Hey, don't you say that.
You're the most beautiful
woman in the world, okay?
Don't say such silly things!
All right?
Okay, I love you.
Aw, Jesus Christ, jape,
I'm sorry, man.
I saw two men running
into the woods with gas cans.
I couldn't catch them though
because my hair was on fire!
What did they look like?
I don't know,
but one of them
Was like a little
teeny black man.
No, boys,
we don't that's for sure.
Sure, there's lots of little
teeny black men
Runnin' around, Mike.
Well, her fuckin' hair
was on fire.
Maybe she got smoke in her eyes
and got confused.
Get out of my yard.
What?
Get the fuck out of my yard!
- Now!
- Go, man.
Jesus, man.
Sorry, brother. Fuck.
It's okay, baby.
It's just a fuckin' car.
Fuck did he ever get
bent out of shape.
I don't even know what the fuck
to say to you right now.
You better call those psychos
And chill them the fuck out,
man.
Conforti said they were legit
and they seemed nice.
I'm sorry.
Holy sweet flying
fuck squirrels!
That's every fucking thing
you own.
I can't fuckin' believe
Julie did this.
That crazy bitch
ice cream sundae'd ya.
Aw, man, there's your fuckin'
hockey card collection
You had since you were five!
Jesus Christ!
- There's your laptop there.
- It's in good shape.
Why the fuck do you have
a samurai sword?
Oh, is that your Gemini?
This is fuckin' crazy!
- Oh my fuck!
- Best actor!
Are you seriously filming
this right now?
Turn that off, man!
This isn't fuckin' funny!
Hi, there,
welcome to this edition
Of "my friends tried to warn
me my hot girlfriend
Is a fuckin' psycho,
but I wouldn't listen."
I'm your host, Robb Wells.
Hey, fuck off!
Mr. Wells,
just in the nick of time.
Are you seriously trying
to burn down
My fuckin' house right now?
Well, there would
be little point
In burning down
Mr. Roach's house
Seeing as that's where
the business operates from.
Your missus is a very
talented artist.
Is she a professional?
She is actually.
Mr. Smith, I thought it
was perfectly clear
In our initial business meeting
That you have to return calls
in a prompt manner.
I was shootin' for swearnet,
you know, I was busy.
I didn't think it was
a fuckin' big deal.
Oh, Mr. Smith,
if I didn't know any better
I'd say you didn't
read our agreement.
So, do you have a payment
for me today
Or do we have to continue with
these unfortunate tactics?
Do we have his fuckin' money
or not?
And why didn't you answer
his fuckin' phone calls?!
I didn't think he was
gonna start burnin'
Fuckin' structures down!
Look, we are going to pay you.
Mr. Pinchbeck,
from now on I'll be dealing
With the financials, okay?
And I promise you I will
always answer my phone!
Well, that sounds satisfactory
enough for me for now.
And that's just a taste
of course.
Man, who in the fuck did
you get us involved with?
I have no fuckin' idea, man.
We gotta get somethin'
on swearnet 24-7
And pay these
motherfuckers off.
Wake up you hairy fuck log.
Here, grab an ankle,
Let's get this mexican fuck
gorilla out on the ground.
Be careful, he's heavy as fuck!
One, two, three!
Oh fuck!
Jesus Christ, sorry, swearman.
Anyway, let's drag this beluga
shit walrus inside.
- Ready? On three.
- Yeah.
One, two, three!
Holy fuck!
Holy fuck!
Jesus Christ,
there's a fuckin' secret
Victoria probably
wouldn't care to know.
It's so wrinkly.
Did you know
he wore that shit?
Yeah, he made me promise
he wouldn't tell you guys.
It started back in grade 7.
Anyway, man, I don't know.
I think you're thinkin' about
this other shit too much.
I was thinkin' maybe
we should call Jamie.
We gotta tell her
we can't make
The golf tournament anyway,
and let's ask her.
Maybe there's something
she can do.
Man, corporate sponsorship
goes against
Everything we fucking
believe in.
I'm sorry, baby,
please come home. I miss you?
Hmm, oh great,
loonie tunes wants to talk.
- Oh, man, who cares?
- Fuck her!
Well, I should at least listen
to what she has to say.
We went out for a long time.
Do not fucking get back
together with her!
I won't.
She's fuckin' nuts, man.
I know that now.
Anyway, try to think
of something
We can shoot for fuckin'
swearnet
That's gonna be awesome.
I'll call you when I'm done.
You fuckin'
pussy-Whipped fucker!
I'm not gonna get back
together with her!
You're fuckin' calling
her right now, aren't ya?
- No I'm not.
- I'm callin' my mom.
Hey, baby, how are ya?
Cock suckin' fuckin' ants!
Sorry about this, swearman.
- Loosin' up the wrists.
- Cup the balls.
- Shut the fuck up! I got it!
- Jesus Christ.
Stroke the shaft.
God- Fuck!
No more fuckin' autographs!
Don't worry,
you'll get the next one.
And the next hundred.
Hey, Mike, how's it goin'?
Where are you guys?
Uh, we had a bit of a fuckin'
nightmare.
JP's garage caught fire
and burned down
With his goddamn
race car in it.
Oh my god,
are you serious?
Look, if I bent the rules
On swearnet's corporate
sponsorship policy a bit,
Do you think that sponsor
you mentioned
Could help us out
with a race car?
I think it's very possible.
Uh, let me call you back.
Okay, thanks, Jamie.
Hey, Jamie,
how'd you make out?
No fuckin' way!
Right on!
Oh, we'll finally get
to meet those dudes.
All right, amazing.
You rock, Jamie.
I'll call the boys.
Right on.
Sorry about that.
We're fuckin' in, buddy!
Fuck!
Fuck you, Smith!
What?
- Hey, buddy, how's it goin'?
- What're you doin'?
I'm workin' out and fuckin'!
What do you want?
Oh, yeah, baby!
Nice.
Listen, I just got off
the phone with Jamie.
I got you guys set up with
a new car and sponsor,
Racedicks is fuckin' happenin',
bud.
What? Are you fuckin'
kidding me?
I'm back in the race.
- Oh! Oh!
- Yeah! Yeah!
Fuck! Move that! Yeah!
Fuck-You-Rock, Smith!
Yeah, fuck your good news
into me, baby!
Fuckin' pound that shit, man!
Conference Robb in.
It's kind of hard right now,
man.
Just a second!
What's with the fuckin'
rose petals?
Just massage me please, Robb.
Sure.
Oh.
Jesus Christ, Robb,
who is that?
It's JP. I can call him back
though.
Sorry, babe.
No, you can talk to JP.
The mood's ruined now anyways.
Why don't you fuckin'
answer it?
Hey, buddy, how you doin'?
I'm okay, man.
Yeah! Oh yeah!
I'm on too, bud,
what the fuck's goin' on?
Oh, hey, that's really cool
the way you did that.
Why are you talkin' in fuckin'
pussy mode right now?
Tell me you're not back with
that crazy fucktrain, rob?!
- Hell, yeah, he is!
- Yeah, baby!
Uh, not totally,
but yeah.
Tell him the news, Robb.
What fuckin' news
is she talkin' about?
Me and Julie got pre-Engaged,
She finally accepted
the promise ring.
Congrats, man,
third time's the charm, bud!
Jesus Christ!
I just got off the phone
with Jamie.
I got you a new car.
You guys are fuckin'
racin' again!
Oh, that's really cool, JP.
Um, I'll talk to Julie
about that right now.
See you, dude!
Bye bye, come with me!
Oh, I love you, baby!
Fuck this is a good workout!
- Yeah!
- Oh yeah!
Holy fuck!
Oh my god!
What did he want?
Looks like we could
be in the race again.
JP found another car.
Is Mike involved?
I haven't called Mike
and Mike hasn't called me.
This isn't about Mike,
Julie.
It's about JP and his dad.
He's one of my best friends!
Whatever, Robb.
It's great to see what
your fuckin' priorities are.
- Fuck.
- I heard that!
Ladies and gentlemen,
Welcome to the east coast
Targa.
As we get set for our two days
of competition
And it will be
the combined time
From those two days of racing
That will determine
our overall results
And crown our east coast
Targa champion.
Now if you want
to get autographs
From any of our teams,
Today's practice day
is the day to get them,
Because once the two days
of racing start tomorrow
The only way to get
an autograph
Will be with a pit pass.
We're from Hollywood.
Hollywood, huh?
Hollywood California!
California!
- Where are we at?
- Where are we at now?
Where are we anyway?
Canada?
- We're handing out key chains.
- We're handing out key chains.
Key chains and pictures
of celebrities!
Oh, hey, buddy, nice to see ya.
Thanks for comin'.
Oh, hi, ya, nice to see ya.
We're handing out key chains.
- Hey, what's up, grease?
- What's up, slick?
Hey, guys,
so whaddya think?
Holy shit balls!
Deep fry my tits,
are you fucking kidding me?!
Pretty sweet, huh?
Look at these fuckin' things!
Shit, I didn't know you were
gettin' porches!
You okay, man?
They're beautiful, man.
I just hope he's up there
lookin' down at us right now.
Oh, man, you know he is up
there floatin' around in heaven
Jackin' that fuckin'
big rod of his smilin'.
Okay, so I highlighted
some turns
Where a lot spectators
will be watching.
There's some cameras
in the cars.
If you can do some
sponsor shout-Outs there
It'll be great.
That way we'll get the fans
in the background,
And they can swear,
it doesn't matter.
We can't do shout outs
while we're actually racing.
No, I didn't know you meant
during the race.
It'll be way too distracting,
not to mention dangerous,
Plus I need him navigating.
Well, Robb's not in your car.
Huh? What?
You didn't tell them about
tom and carrot top
Being involved either,
did you?
I'm sorry, guys.
I thought Mike ran
all this by you.
Tom and carrot top?
How the fuck
are they involved?
Ah!
Stop the fuckin' car!
Tell me when fuckin' turn!
I don't know when
to fuckin' turn!
There's a fuckin' turn!
This is a fuckin' turn!
That was a fuckin' turn!
Stop fuckin' hitting me!
They stuck me with
a fuckin' lunatic!
Stop fuckin' hitting me!
Let me outta the fuckin' car!
- We're in a race pit!
- I'm not fuckin' stoppin'!
Fuck!
It's only a practice day, jape.
It doesn't count.
It counts to me, Smith,
you fuckin' asshole!
I'm sorry! Fuck, you're better
off with carrot top
Than tom though, trust me.
Fuck off!
How are you doin', Robb?
I'm in a god damn shit show,
Smith.
Tom stopped the fucking car.
People are swarming us
like goddamn locusts!
Sorry, kid, not you.
I mean you guys aren't swarmin'
us really or anything...
Jesus Christ,
you're in a fuckin' race car
With tom fuckin' green!
I'm handing out key chains.
I'm tom green.
I'm handing out key chains.
Would you like a key chain?
I'm handing out key chains.
Tom, get back in the fucking
car now!
We're supposed
to be racin' here
Not signin' fuckin' autographs!
I'm handing out key chains.
I don't know how to fuckin'
read maps!
Read it!
It's all in Canadian!
I don't know how to fuckin'
read this!
What do you mean
it's fuckin' Canadian?!
It doesn't make any difference!
Fuck off!
Aw, fuck this shit!
Jape, man, you're supposed
to do a shout out for puma
That last turn.
Smarten the fuck up!
I don't give a fuck!
Do you hear what's
goin' on in here?!
So when she put the hose clamp
on my sack
And turned on the gas
There were fuckin' feathers
flyin' everywhere, man.
So do you still eat
chicken fingers or what?
Nice, Robb.
Smith!
Hey, buddy, we're gettin'
swearnet god here, man.
Don't fuckin' buddy me!
I got 9 million ant bites
On my fuckin' gut
because of you,
You fuckin' asshole!
Holy fuck, man!
- It's fucked!
- Sorry, buddy.
- Well funny fuckin' this!
- We just got served!
You went too fuckin' far, man!
Check that out!
Pat, fuck off.
Cnt can't sue swearnet.
Well, apparently they
fuckin' can
And they got a bunch
of civil suits against me,
Against swearman!
Just relax, okay?
Nobody can prove
they need counselling
'Cause they saw your hard
little nib cock on TV.
I'm not fuckin' worried
about this shit.
Yeah,
well maybe rob and JP
Will be fuckin' worried
about it!
You fuckin' listen
to me right now!
You fuckin' promise me
You don't say a fuckin' word
about this to those guys!
JP doesn't need fuckin'
distractions right now!
Jesus, Smith,
take it fuckin' easy, man.
Pat, I'm just...
I'm stressed here, man.
Don't ever grab me by
the fuckin' face again!
Fuck! Truce! Truce!
Oh you fuckin-
Listen,
you fuckin' cocksucker!
You fuckin' concentrate
on drivin' up memberships
So I can chill pinchbeck
the fuck out,
Or I'll rip your shitty
fucking head
Right off your fuckin' body!
Okay, my cousin Leigh's hosting
karaoke at reggies tonight.
I want to shoot
swear-e-oke.
What the fuck is
swear-e-oke, man?
Seriously?
Oh yeah, yeah.
Okay, listen,
I want swearman to host it.
It'll be fuckin' amazing.
Go get your suit on,
bring a camera down there,
Get set up,
have a couple drinks,
Just wait for us to get there,
all right?
All right.
Thanks, buddy.
Come here, hug it out,
I love you, bud.
Don't ever fuckin' knee
me in the nuts again,
You fuckin' arctic
polar whore blanket!
Jape, how are you makin' out?
Is carrot gettin' the hang
of this or what?
- Shut the fuck up!
- Shut the fuck up!
No! No! No! No! No!
- Just take this over there.
- That would be great.
Ah!
The race is over!
Stop the fuckin' car!
I am parking the fuckin' car!
Shut the fuck up!
Shut the fuck up!
Get the fuck out of this car!
You're a fuckin' asshole!
You're a fuckin' asshole!
Fuck you. Thank you, god.
Paul Tremblay, Mike Smith here
for swearnet sports.
You have the sixth fastest
time of the day so far,
Unofficially.
What the fuck is goin' on?
How did it go out there?
Not fuckin' good!
You know what?
We tried to do it the way
the sponsors wanted to
And everything got fucked up
because that dick
Is the worst fuckin' navigator
in the fuckin' world!
Fuck off.
Tom Greeen arriving back.
I'm handing out key chains.
Key chains.
Anyone want a key chain?
You guys want a key chain?
I'm handin' out key chains.
Robb Wells,
Mike Smith, swearnet sports.
How did you it go
out there today?
Well, it was fuckin' amazing.
We were so fast!
Glad I wasted two weeks
Preparing my fuckin' route book
for nothin'!
You're in my fuckin'
car tomorrow!
- Good!
- Good!
- Fuck you and you!
- You get in his fuckin' car!
You want to keep fuckin'
pointing at me?!
I'm handing out key chains.
- Keep doin' it!
- You drove me fuckin' nuts!
I'm handing out key chains.
That's what I've been dealing
with all fuckin' day.
Yeah, you do not have
to come down here.
Everything's fine.
Everything is great.
Um, yes, okay, bye.
Sorry, listen, this whole thing
with tom and carrot top
It's fucked.
It's not workin'.
You know the little doll
JP has?
Yeah?
He put his dad's ashes
in that thing
So that they could cross
the finish line together.
His dad's ashes
are in the doll?
That is so sad.
Oh, fuck, it's beyond sad.
It's fucking gut-Wrenching.
But that's the story
I want to be able
to focus on, you know?
The bond between
JP and his father.
Yeah, I think so too.
But you know tom and carrot
don't actually race, right?
That was just some
promo thing for today.
Yeah, fuck no,
I knew that.
Give me one second.
Hey, no those were
happy screams, happy.
Yes, no,
his agent called?
Fuck, I'm an idiot.
That's awesome, bud.
How did you get
her to agree to that?
I finger blasted her.
- What?
- No you didn't.
No, I'm just jokin'.
I told we'd put more heart
in swearnet.
Yeah, well that's a good idea.
It's not a fuckin' good idea.
Spectacle's what people
wanna see.
Get your game balls on, boys,
We're goin' to Reggie's
to shoot.
I'm goin' to bed.
No, you're not goin'
to fuckin' bed.
Did you forget
about pinchbeck?
I'll have you's home
by 11:00. Holy fuck!
I'm not allowed out
till 11:00!
Think about what
you just said.
I'm not allowed out
till 11:00.
Fuck!
What are you
in fuckin' grade 8?
Nice parkin' job,
dick head.
Same way I park up
your mother's ass, bud,
Fast and hard.
Come on, boys, this is gonna be
fuckin' awesome!
My cousin Leigh does
karaoke here.
He's gonna let us do
swear-e-oke.
What the hell
is swear-e-oke?
You can't fuckin' figure out
what swear-e-oke is?
Hey, all you cowboys!
Get your fuckin' cocks out!
Oh my god,
what is that?!
I'd say swearman
showed up.
Hello, boys!
...built this city
on cock and hole?!
What's goin' on, Leigh?
Oh, pretty good, man!
Fuck, I don't know
what this swear-e-oke's
Supposed to be about,
Pat's out there singin'
about cocks and stuff.
Why didn't you stop him?
I don't know, man.
Fuck, I don't think people
are diggin' it though.
I just let him
go with it.
I've lots of 'em!
I'll be here
all fuckin' night!
# You're a real tough cowboy #
# With a great big cock #
# 10 seconds with me I'll make
you hard as a rock! #
# I'll take you right down
to the fuckin' base, #
# Make sure you blow
it in my face! #
# Hit me with your big cock! #
# Come on,
hit me with your big cock! #
# Come on,
hit me with your big cock #
# And I'm not even gay! #
Ha ha!
Yeah, motherfuckers!
Ha ha!
What the hell is this shit?
# Take in the fuckin' face! #
Get off the stage!
# Suckin' on my friend's cock! #
# Come on now,
suckin' on my friend's cock! #
Boo!
# Come on now
suckin' on my friend's cock #
# And blowing it away! #
Get the fuck off the stage,
boy!
We didn't come here
to listen to you
Sing about suckin'
goddamn cocks!
I'm swearman!
If I wanna sing about
suckin' fuckin' cocks,
I can sing about
fuckin' suckin' cocks!
Who gives a fuck what anyone's
sexual orientation is,
You homophobic fuckin' fag!
Okay, swearman, everybody.
- Aw, fuck you!
- Get the fuck outta here!
Fuck right the fuck off,
you fuckin-!
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Okay, I'm really sorry
about that.
Fuck! Jesus Christ!
What the fuck was that?!
Fuck you!
I am swearman!
I'm fuckin' sorry!
Sorry! Sorry!
Sit down and shut
the fuck up!
Fuck!
Shut the fuck up!
How the fuck was I supposed
to know he's gonna throw
A goddamn fuckin'
gumball machine!
Shut the fuck up!
You had to go on about cocks
again though, didn't ya, huh?!
It feels like a thousand
fucking migraines
Are fucking my ear hole
right now!
Aw, fuck, let me see if I can
calm these fuckers down a bit.
Leigh, you got any pain killers
or anything?
There's some codeine 60s
in my bag there, Mike.
Yeah, yeah, codeine.
You just can't help yourself,
can ya?
Holy fuckin' fear and loathing
over here, boys.
Here we go.
Codeine, uh,
Every four hours.
Max dose 60 mill.
Give me some of that shit.
Here open up there, fucky.
Here I'll give you a double
fuckin' whammy of it.
I won't hurt ya.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, man!
Jesus, be careful
with that stuff!
What? What do you mean careful?
It's codeine.
It's pure LSD, man!
You're only supposed to take
a tiny drop!
What?! What the fuck
are you takin' about LSD?!
How much did you give him?
It was in a codeine bottle!
You gotta sit down
and you gotta relax.
Man, I'm tellin' you.
We've smoked wheelchair weed
That's way crazier
than acid.
Okay, that's great, man,
But no one's probably done this
much acid in fuckin' history!
Oh fuck I have.
Holy fuck, JP!
What the fuck are you doin'?
I'm not letting my navigator
Trip out on acid
by himself, man.
We're a team, buddy.
It's 10 o'clock, we'll be
totally fine by the morning.
I don't know about that,
boys.
Boy, I can't fuckin' deal
with this right now, I can't!
No, we're gonna be fine, man.
You're gonna be fucked!
- Would you shut the fuck up!
- You just gotta go with it.
Well, if you're gonna trip,
old boys, all night,
I'll certainly fucking
join ya.
Ah! Good to go!
This acid stuff
is fuckin' intense!
# You're on top of the world #
# You're on top of the world #
# And you can't get any higher
you're on top of the world! #
I'm flying! I'm fuckin' flying!
# It wasn' easy
it was hard as hell! #
# She never grew up
in a wishing well! #
# Never hurt so much
had so much pain #
# Never changed for anything. #
(Thank you! Thank you!
Holy fuck!
How did I even get up here?!
Holy fuck.
Hi, man.
Mr. Wells, Mr. Pinchbeck.
Glad you're still up.
I'd very much like
to make arrangements
For tomorrow's payment.
Mr. Wells?
It's the night people.
The people...
it's the people of the night.
Mr. Wells?
I lovey, lovey feel.
I think Mr. Wells and swearnet
need an intervention, Logi.
Holy fuck, boys,
this acim's awesode, man!
I've got the hunger.
What's that?
- I've got the hunger!
- I'm hungry.
- All right.
- You know what?
We could do an awesome fuckin'
bit for swearnet -
A cookin' show.
What's the most fucked up thing
We could cook and eat
right now?
Pat!
Pat! I want the brains!
Hi, there,
welcome to "acid cannibals".
I'm your host, Mike Smith.
Let's cook this fucker!
Looks to be a 240 pound
Himalayan shitbeast!
More sauce! More sauce!
Yeah, ground pepper.
Guys, how are you feelin'
about the race in the morning?
We've got some bald
pussy tequila.
And then for the fatty layer
we're gonna dissolve it
With some liquormen's
old dirty Canadian whiskey.
To make it crispy.
Holy fuck!
What the fuck?!
Get me the fuck-
Unfucking tie me,
for fuck's sakes!
Smith, you fuckin' untie
me right the fuck now!
You shut your fuckin'
mouth shut!
- You fuckin' shut up!
- I'm fuckin'...
get me the fuck out of here,
Smith!
Fuckin' untie me
right fuckin' now!
This is not fuckin' funny!
For fuck sakes!
Boys, I don't wanna freak
you out, but...
it's about two hours
till race time.
How are you guys feelin'?
He said he's 100 percent,
fuckwad.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to day one
Of the east coast Targa,
We'll be getting underway
shortly.
Just a reminder there are still
tickets available
For the final stages...
walk straight now,
straight up.
Holy fuck.
It's like a buffalo
with 400 balls.
You've gotta avoid
shit like that.
That's a trigger, man.
That'll send you right on
the next train to laughy town.
You gotta focus here.
It's comin' in waves now.
We can control this.
Keep your eyes to the ground.
Don't look anybody, okay?
- Got it.
- Don't look at any-
Oh, we got a greasy bogie
to the right, man.
Don't look at it.
Ah, ah, uh...
hi!
All right,
you did good, man.
Just keep avoiding those
fuckin' triggers, all right?
Avoid fuckin' triggers.
Folks, it has just been brought
to my attention
That Robb Wells
and John Paul Tremblay
And Mike Smith
will be signing autographs
Over by their swearnet
race car.
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, god!
Push the memberships.
Hey, everybody, swearnet.Com,
five bucks a month.
Get your autographs right here
from these two dickheads.
Comin' through, excuse me.
Comin' through.
Oh, good to have you with us,
fellas.
You mind personalizing
that for me?
That's fuckin' beautiful.
What is your name?
The name's Carl,
But the boys down at the gun
club call me trigger.
I'm fuckin'
sorry about that!
Uh, Jesus, do you want
me to get that for ya?
What the hell is wrong
with you guys?
Oh my god!
What the hell is wrong
with you guys?
It looks like
your mother's pussy.
How do you know what
my mother's pussy looks like?
It looks just like that.
I'm surprised you boys passed
the goddamn breathalyzers!
We haven't had a drink.
Okay, let's clear out,
show's over.
We have house of liquormen
samples
Right over there for you.
Thank you, thank you.
Okay, I have you guys
starting sixth.
- Are you guys okay?
- What's wrong?
We were telling jokes
about shit.
We're fine.
All right, get in there.
You assholes are gonna pay
for what you did last night!
That shit wasn't even funny!
Fuck you!
All right,
get to the start line.
Okay, no fuckin' around,
all right?
Are you fucked
in the head?!
- What?
- If you would've passed out
They were gonna cook me
and eat me!
Pat, I wouldn't have let them
fuckin' cook and eat you.
Think about that.
Give me corn dog.
- Fuck off!
- I'm fuckin' starvin'!
You're taking this swearnet
stuff too fuckin' far, Smith!
Pat, I'm in over my fuckin'
head here, man.
Look, I gotta make
a huge payment
To pinchcocksucker tomorrow
And I don't have
the fuckin' money.
We gotta sell subscriptions
here, man.
Swearman might be the only
person that can do this.
You gotta help me.
People fuckin' love you.
They do?
Yes, they fuckin' do.
Hey, it's swearman,
everybody!
Yeah!
Right on.
- How are you feeling, buddy?
- What's your confidence level?
- I feel fucking fantastic, Robb!
- Come on!
Are you ready for battle,
young warrior?
- Okay, get ready.
- Three, two, one, hit it!
What the fuck, man?
Fuckin' neutral!
Smith, heights freak me
the fuck out, man!
I'm not sittin'
by the fuckin' window!
It's okay, buddy,
you won't have to.
Okay, buddy,
get your helmet on!
- All right.
- I still don't know
What swearman has to do
with this shot?
Swearman's critical
to this shot!
Sorry.
The video's gotta be insane,
man, I've done this before!
It's gonna blow
your fuckin' mind!
Smith, you cocksucker,
what the hell are doin'?!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Watch out for the fuckin'-
Oh shit!
I got it, man,
this is fuckin' awesome!
Get the fuck outta the way!
Fuckin' shepherds!
We're handing out key chains.
Fuck off, shepherds!
I still can't believe
that orange-Headed fuck
Was chucking key chains at me!
Stop think about carrot cock
and get back into this!
Carrot cock!
All right, okay,
I'm getting hit
by another wave.
Just settle
the fuck down!
Ahh!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck!
- What is that?
- What the fuck is that?!
Fuck!
Fuck!
Ahh!
Come on, swearman!
- Fuck you, Smith!
- Just get me the fuck down!
You are gonna fuckin' kill me!
He is not fuckin' lookin' good!
Jesus Christ!
What the fuck was that?!
Smith, swearman just exploded,
man.
Is he okay?
I'm sorry!
Swearman!
That was fucked up!
Oh, fuck,
that feels better now!
Swearman, do a shout out!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
I'm not cleanin' this fuckin'
mess though, Smith.
Fuck.
Swearman, you okay, buddy?!
Smith!
That was fuckin' amazing!
I was flyin'!
It was awesome, man!
Fuckin' a! Oh my god!
I was fuckin' flyin'!
I was fuckin' flyin!
God, you stink!
Woo!
Ladies and gentlemen,
driver, John Paul Tremblay.
Navigator, Robb Wells,
With a time of two hours,
Six minutes,
twenty eight seconds.
That currently has them
in third place!
- Yeah!
- Yes!
Right the fuck on!
That was fuckin' amazing, man.
That cocksucker'd be so proud
of you for today.
- Thanks, man.
- Awesome!
Boys, fuckin' third place
already!
- Amazing!
- I know!
Swearman, the fuckin' footage
looks incredible!
I'm fuckin' starvin'!
You fuckin' stink.
This is really comin' together,
boys.
Mike! You're being sued
by CNT?!
Why didn't you tell
me about this?!
What?
I got it under control.
Oh really?!
Because I would have never
gotten involved
If I knew
you were being sued!
Okay, he said he has it
under control.
It's not a fuckin'
big deal!
The sponsors,
they're pulling the cars.
I'm sorry.
There's nothing I can do.
What the fuck
are you talkin' about?!
That's the most ridiculous
fuckin' thing I ever heard!
Are you surprised?
Really?
Sorry to do this, boys,
But I'm gonna have
to disqualify ya.
What are you talkin' about?
Racing under the influence
of a controlled substance?
Does this look familiar?
What does the east coast
Targa people gonna think
When they find out
we're on fuckin' acid!
LSD, baby! Yeah!
- No.
- Unh uh.
Trigger, fuck off!
They're not actually on acid,
for fuck sakes!
I shot that.
We were fuckin' around.
They're just acting.
Son, do I look
stupid to you?
I've seen your show.
They're not that good
at acting.
Sorry, boys,
that's the way it is.
Come on!
Jesus Christ, Mike!
Jamie, I'm fuckin' sorry!
I'm trying not to go
tits up here!
I'm under a lot
of fuckin' pressure!
You couldn't just take
one fuckin' day off
Of swearnet, could ya?
No, I fuckin' couldn't,
actually!
There's houses gettin'
burned down and shit!
Yeah, and why is that
happenin'?
'Cause you made a fuckin'
deal without a lunatic
And you didn't
even ask us!
You know what I hope
you're proud of yourself,
Because I'm fuckin' done
with swearnet...
oh, come on!
...and I'm fuckin'
done with you!
- Jape!
- Thank you!
Fuckin' asshole!
What were you thinking,
Mike? God!
We can figure this out.
I hope so.
Fucking lying piece of shit!
Oh, here you go.
Is this why you never came
home last night, huh?
Because you're fucking
this bitch?!
You fucking slut!
You're not even hot,
And you're very short.
You better back
the fuck up
With those too-Close
together-Fucking eyes,
You crazy cunt!
And put some fucking
clothes on!
I didn't fucking cheat on you,
okay?!
She likes Mike anyway!
What?!
No, I don't.
Look, I didn't come home
last night,
'Cause Mike accidentally
gave me acid.
He thought it was
liquid codeine.
Okay, that's it.
Well,
I accidentally sucked
Sebastian Bach's cock
again last night!
Oh my god.
Oops.
You know what?
This is perfect.
I'm glad
you cheated on me.
But I didn't
cheat on you.
How could you suck
his cock again
After all we went through
the first time?
Maybe you shoulda
answered
Your fucking phone
when I called you!
JP smashed my fuckin' phone! Bull shit!
That's why I didn't
answer it!
You can keep
the piece of shit house.
I'm taking
everything else.
And just so you know,
I'm going on tour
With Sebastian
and his beautiful...
no.
Breathtaking cock.
Have a nice life with
your idiot friends,
You fucking loser!
Julie, don't, please!
- Suck it for me!
- Fuck you, Mike!
You shut your fuckin' mouth!
Thanks, man!
Robb, come on, man, don't
fuckin' quit on me please!
I can't fuckin' do this
on my own, man.
What a corn dog, man?
Robb, it's never as bad as
you think it's gonna be, man!
Good evening,
I'm BJ Wilson,
With a CNT breaking
news update.
The former trailer park boys
Are making headlines again
this afternoon.
After their internet-Based
network, swearnet,
Was slapped with
fourteen law suits
Totaling 4.5 million dollars.
Mike Smith, Robb Wells,
JP Tremblay and Patrick roach,
A.K.A. Swearman,
are all named on the law suits,
None of whom could be reached
for comments,
But I think
it's safe to assume
This spells the end
for swearnet.
Up next,
local religious sect...
fuck you, you cocksuckers.
Religion or-
I just wanted everybody
to know that Robb and JP
Probably won't be
on swearnet anymore
Because I fucking ruined
both of their lives.
I didn't mean to,
but I did.
I'm fuckin' sorry.
All I wanted was for
the three of us
To be able to make people laugh
And not be fuckin' censored,
And it all went to shit.
Jape, if you're watchin' this,
man,
I fuckin' love you, brother.
I'm goin' down to the fuckin'
Targa office in the morning
And I am gonna tell pussy-Eye
That he has to let you and your
dad cross that finish line,
And I don't give a fuck
what I have to do.
I'm gonna make it happen,
brother.
I don't care.
I fuckin' love you.
I love you both, man.
You're both my fuckin' brothers
And I will do whatever
the fuck I have to do
To make this shit happen, man.
I fuckin' love you guys.
I really fuckin' love you guys.
I love you both, man,
I love you both.
You're my brothers!
Jape, I fuckin' love you, man.
I love you, man.
# Hold on tight
to what you believe in #
# Hold on to whatever
you need #
# Oh yeah #
# Step inside
the sweet illusion #
# Of another life #
# Of another time #
# Here it's enough to be
well meaning #
# And if you crash your plane
you can try it again #
# Oh yeah #
Let them fuckin' race!
Let them fuckin' race!
Fuck.
These are all swearnet fans.
- Let them fuckin' race!
- Let them fuckin' race!
- Come on!
- Get outta here!
Get outta the way!
- Doufus, you fuckin' cunt!
- Pussy eye!
Come on, give me a break,
will ya?!
- You guys are awesome!
- Excuse me, please, excuse me!
Get him inside!
- Excuse me! Trigger!
- Trigger, come with me!
Come to the office!
Holy fuck you guys!
Thanks for comin' out!
This is fuckin' amazing!
I love you, guys!
I'm goin' in there to get
the boys back in the race!
I'm not gonna take no
for an answer!
Swearnet.Com!
Swearnet! Swearnet! Swearnet!
Swearnet! Swearnet! Swearnet!
Do any of you guys know how to
turn off this god damn sound?
I do. Here.
I woke up this morning,
15,000 emails.
It hasn't stopped yet!
Everybody's calling
me pussy eye.
Aw, for the love of Christ,
20,000 emails now!
Well, can you imagine
if we flip this around
And actually got swearnet
behind the fuckin' race.
Let me make myself
perfectly clear.
There's nothin'
you can say
That's gonna get
me to change my mind.
They broke the rules!
Look, trigger,
All JP wants is to do is cross
the fuckin' finish line
With his dad next to him.
Come on!
These guys are
my fuckin' family.
I would take fucking bullet
in the face for them.
Jeez, you'd do anything
for them boys, wouldn't you?
Yeah. Anything.
# Think I'm gonna stay
for a while #
# Just to beg for a whisper
and a smile #
# 'Cause I'm in love
with your face and style #
Hey, come on in!
Uh, Robb,
are you here?
Hey.
Excuse the mess.
I haven't had a chance
to clean up.
Hey, I totally understand.
You've been through a lot.
Wow!
Quite a fuckin' thing.
I mean, not a fuckin' thing.
It's a fucked up thing.
Oh, I mean, that part there is
a fucking thing I guess but...
look, rob,
just so you know,
I like you, not Mike.
Really?
I was sure you liked Mike.
And I see the way
he looks at ya,
And a lot of women find him
irresistible
And that sort of stuff.
I just assumed you probably
like him not me-
Wow,
I was not expecting that.
Or that.
That's fuckin' hilarious!
What's going on,
you hungarian fuck tanker?
What?
How'd he get you back
in the race?
Oh fuck.
Who the fuck's piece of shit
car is that?!
Oh! Well if it isn't
the happy couple!
Yay!
I don't want to fucking fight,
Julie, okay?
Fight?
What?
You don't fight, rob.
You stand there like
a little bitch
And take whatever
I give you!
You're a fuckin' pussy!
But it doesn't matter
now anyways now,
Because I have a real man
and he has his own tour bus!
Good for you.
Go get on the tour bus.
I forgot my passport,
which I need
Because my boyfriend,
who is way more famous
And gloriously bigger
than you by the way,
Is taking me on an
around the world tour.
10 countries,
2 months,
all expenses paid.
Woo!
What? Oh fuck! Fuck!
I'll see you later,
you crazy fuckin' bitch!
Get the fuck back here,
you fucking asshole!
Loco!
Bitch, read my ass!
I'm sorry about all this.
Don't even worry about it.
- Do you fuckin' hear me?!
- Come on! No!
Wait for me!
You forgot to take me with you!
Hey, you crazy fuckin' asshole!
Fuck you!
Your cock's not even that big!
You cocksucker!
Hey, Sebastian!
Got some good news, buddy!
Oh yeah, what?
Mike got you back
in the race.
Mike can eat my shit.
If that's truly what you want
I'll do it, buddy.
It wouldn't even fuckin'
phase me at this point.
He really took one for the team
today at trigger's.
I don't know how he pulled
it off,
But it was amazing.
It was fucking mythical!
Pat, fuckin' relax.
I did get you back
in the race.
Let me guess,
So you can shoot the whole
fuckin' thing for swearnet.
Jape, look, I swear to fuck
the only thing I care about
Is you crossing that
finish line with your dad.
That's what I'd like to shoot.
If you're cool with it.
You being serious right now?
All right,
let's hug it out.
Don't you ever, ever,
fuck me over again!
All right.
Okay, thank you,
thank you so much.
I'm with the guys right now.
I will let them know.
Guys, I have great news.
Are you okay?
Yeah, my balls got mashed.
So the sponsors are getting
thousands of emails
From people who wanna see
you guys finish the race.
You shut your sexy little
mouth! Are you serious?
Happy?!
That is awesome.
What the fuck
is that all about?
- What?
- You fucker.
So what do you think,
man?
You wanna fuckin' finish
this thing or what?
Let's win this fuckin' race.
Fuckin' right on, boys.
Swearman, I'll go grab
your fuckin' suit.
Boys, meet me down
at the track.
So what are you doin' there?
'Cause that wouldn't really
do anything to fix the car.
It just looks stupid.
Jesus fuckin' Christ,
I can't deal with you right now
You fucking psychotic prick!
Fuck off, pinchbeck!
Satan's clit!
Good morning,
Mr. Smith.
Mr. Smith,
Curious as to why you refuse
to return my calls.
Wouldn't you agree it would be
rather unfortunate
If you were all to misplace,
say, well, your feet?
Okay, I'm startin'
to understand
Your cryptic fuckin' lingo
a little better here.
Clearly you just said
that Logi's gonna
Chop our fuckin' feet off,
correct?
What the fuck can I do here
to end this once and for all?
All right, Mr. Smith,
$100,000 and Logi and I get
our very own show on swearnet
And we'll call it even.
Are you fuckin' insane?!
$100,000 to pay off 20 grand?!
That oughta keep a bounce
in your step.
More cryptic shit.
Hey, tom, carrot!
Oh great,
the guy who fucked up
The whole weekend
for everybody.
Yeah, listen, look, man,
I know you don't fuckin'
owe me anything
Or probably even give
a fuck, but-
No, we don't give a fuck.
I got me and the boys into
a really fucked up situation
And I need your help.
I'm not handing out
key chains anymore.
No, no, no,
it's got nothin'-
No, no, it's got nothin'
to do with key chains.
Look, we're gonna get fuckin'
our feet cut off
By this psychopath
we owe money to.
You guys are two huge
Hollywood celebrities
And maybe the only people
that can fuckin' help me here
With what I need to do.
Did you say feet?
Now this third turn here
we're fucked.
I'm not worried about
third fuckin' turn, man.
- How's your dad doin'?
- Is he ready?
He's all ready, man,
I should have got him
a swearnet suit, man.
- He looks great.
- He looks okay.
Looks like he's
got a hard on.
Hey, just wanted to wish you
boys good luck out there today.
- Hey, you know what?
- Thank you very much
For letting us back
in the race.
I really appreciate it, sir.
Thanks so much, trigger.
Well, don't thank me,
thank your buddy.
He stepped up to the plate
Big time for you boys,
big time.
What the fuck
did he mean by that?
I don't know.
How the fuck do these
things work?
Is JP cool with this?
Yes, it's fine.
Look, when I give
you the signal
Pull the fuckin' thing
onto the road to block them,
They're gonna be pissed off
so fuck with them a bit,
And then get the fuck
out of the way
And just let them
finish the race.
It would've been nice
to rehearse this once.
Jesus Christ.
Four fuckin' celebrities
Screaming their heads off
at each other
Caught on camera?
Celebrities rehearse.
Yeah, well, fuck.
Pros rehearse.
We're from Hollywood.
Check, check, one two.
We rehearse in Hollywood.
I understand
you fuckin' rehearse.
We don't have time
to rehearse.
Pros rehearse.
Pros rehearse.
We're from Hollywood.
It's working.
They're probably right, man.
That's fuckin' rehearsal
right there, dude.
- Check it out.
- See it?
I saw it.
Yes, it's...
just like that, see?
Yeah, but can you fuckin' focus
on what we're doin' here?
Pull the fuckin' truck out
and block them.
We get one shot at this,
make it real,
Fuck with them.
Swearman.
All right, let's go,
let's go.
Fuckin' go, man!
There's that cocky little slut
in the fuckin' yellow car!
Let's catch him!
Yeah, punch it, punch it!
Fuckheads!
Right on, man!
That's the lead car!
We pass him we're in first
fuckin' place!
He's ours, buddy.
Nice, take him on the outside!
Take him on the outside!
He's blockin' me!
He's blockin' me!
Then take him on the inside!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
First place!
First fuckin' place!
Woo!
Way to fuckin' drive it, man!
How do you like that, dad?
Squirrel.
Smith, you can't fuckin'
do this!
This is fuckin' crazy!
I've got no fuckin' choice!
We have to sell subscriptions
Or we're all gettin'
our fucking feet cut off,
You included!
Jamie said that if they win
the sponsors'll get on board!
Surely to fuck
that's enough money
To pay that pinchbeck guy
the fuck off!
Maybe!
I don't fuckin' know,
But this is gonna guarantee it
if they don't win!
I'm sorry.
Guys, get into character.
It's almost show time.
Pull that. Pull the horn.
- Now we're in character.
- How's that, huh?
Now we're in character,
mother fucker!
You fuckin' listen to me, Smith,
they're fuckin' winning!
Pat, I don't have time
for this!
You better make
the fuckin' time,
'Cause if you fuck this up
You're gonna lose
those guys forever!
Swearman needs
his fuckin' friends!
All right, man,
calm the fuck down.
You're right.
You're totally right.
Guys, forget it.
We're goin' down
to the finish line.
When we made "Freddy got
fingered" we rehearsed.
Carrot top that was a good
- You were in that?
Yeah, I made-
I directed that.
I directed that
and I required rehearsal.
We're going
to the finish line.
Fuckin' forget
the whole thing!
What'd you say?
- What'd you say?
- I said we're-
No, I said we're-
What'd you say?
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Take your finger off
the fuckin' button,
You dumbass!
Hairpin right at 200 meters!
100 meters!
Hairpin right!
Good job, buddy!
Straight shoot across
the bridge to the finish!
Right on, man!
- Punch up!
- Woo!
- Here they come!
- Here they come!
- Axel fuck!
- It got it!
Okay, go! Go!
What the fuck
are you doin'?!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Uh oh, big fuck up.
Oh, my fuckin' god!
What the fuck was that?!
They're okay, buddy,
they're okay.
Fire that up.
Follow the puck.
Are you fuckin'
serious?!
If we don't shoot this
we've got fuckin' nothin'!
Get shootin'!
I didn't hear him say cut.
Fuck yeah, let's do it!
Stupid fucktards!
There's a fuckin' race
going on!
Yeah, we were winnin'
for fuck sakes!
Tom, I'm a big fan.
I don't want to fuckin'
hurt you.
Shoulda had a rehearsal, man!
Holy shit,
you fuckin' connected!
You're fuckin' dead!
Are we playing
or is this for real?!
Oh this is for real,
ginger!
Not the hair!
Fuck, you want to play, Swayze,
let's do it!
You fuckin' pussy!
Huh?
Oh, you fucker!
This is a real fuckin' fight
between tom green, carrot top,
Rob Wells and
John Paul Tremblay!
This is the kind of shit
you'll see on swearnet.Com.
Five bucks a month!
- Fuck you!
- Come on, motherfucker!
Let's see what you got!
Fuck you!
You want to fuck with me?!
Fuckin' bitch slap.
Fuck!
What the fuck?!
Die, you fucker!
This is JP's dad,
you Hollywood fucker!
- I'm gonna kill you! Kill you!
- Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Fuck!
Jesus Christ!
Mike,
will you yell fuckin' cut
Before someone gets
fuckin' killed!
Smith set this up?!
Smith!
You motherfucker!
Jape, this wasn't supposed
to go down like this, man.
I swear to fuck!
Bull fuckin' shit!
I can't fuckin' believe
you did this, man!
We coulda fuckin' died!
You weren't supposed to crash!
I called the fuckin's thing off
and they pulled out anyway!
Fuckin' bullshit!
I didn't want you
to lose the race, man.
I just thought I could
get us out of this situation
With pinchbeck
in case you guy's lost.
I just thought I could
create a spectacle.
You're fucked!
What the fuck are you doin'?
Is this fuckin'
spectacle enough?!
Put the fuckin' rock down!
Jape, don't do that, man!
You never gave
a fuck about us!
That's a big rock.
Where was that
when I need it?
All you care about is fuckin'
swearnet and yourself, man!
Put the fuckin' rock down, man.
Put the fuckin' rock down!
Put the fuckin' rock down!
Goddamn it!
- Jape! Jape!
- You want a spectacle?!
Jape, he fuckin' cares
about you and your dad.
I've got proof!
Pat, no, man, don't! Pat!
He's gotta see this!
I'm gonna fuckin' show him!
Fuck off!
- Pat, fuck off! Pat!
- Jape, look at this!
Everything's contents Smith.
I can't fuckin' do this, pat!
- Aw, pull that trigger, boy!
- Bullets are gonna fly!
You do it everyday!
To me! Not to fuckin'
other people!
Jesus Christ, JP!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
there you go.
This is for you, man.
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
- Too dry! Too dry!
- Lube it up good, Smith!
- Lube it up good!
Wee haw!
- Keep the rhythm going!
- That's it! That's it!
All right, all right,
here we go, boys!
- Stop filming me!
- Stop fuckin' filming me!
I think he's gonna cum, bud!
I know!
Ah!
Aw, fuck!
Woo wee!
Oh fuck!
You took a load in the face
for me?
For the love of fuck, Smith.
I had no fuckin' choice.
That's how I got you back
in the race.
You jerked off an old man?
I jerked him off for you.
I jerked him off for him, man.
He fuckin' shot a load at me,
man.
Do you know
what that's like?
I do.
It's fuckin' horrible.
I'm sorry I fuckin'
hit you so hard, man.
You guys are fucked!
But this has been fantastic.
Thanks for havin' us.
Seriously.
Jape, come here, man.
Oh damn,
did you get it in your eye?
That always sucks.
Look, man,
you may not be able to win,
But that's the finish line
right there.
Come on, man, take your dad,
cross that motherfucker
So that I didn't just jerk off
a man for no reason.
- Come on, man, we can do this.
- Let's make this fucker proud!
Let's do it!
Pat, fire that fuckin'
thing up!
This is our viral video!
This is fuckin' swearnet!
This was a weird day.
No shit.
He did take a load
to the face.
Fuck.
You fuckin' did it, man.
Very impressive business model
indeed, Mr. Smith.
One that lets you
all retain your feet.
Yeah!
We did it, dad!
We did it! We did it!
We did it, babe!
Don't move your fuckin' legs,
man, they're fucked!
I can't feel my fuckin' legs!
Walk it off, buddy!
Don't be a pussy!
Get up! You can do it!
Thanks for watching, everybody,
I hope you enjoyed it...
No-No-No-No sit the fuck down. Get the
fuck back in your seats, you idiots.
The movie's over, Smith, you
can stop being an asshole now.
The movie's not fuckin' over,
the credits are on.
We don't have to call them a
fuckin' idiots. I mean, they
See the credits, they probably wanna
leave and go have a drink or smoke a joint.
But the movie's not fuckin'
over. Why the fuck would you
Get up and leave after
payin' fuckin' money?
Who watches the fuckin' there's
more shit coming up, for fuck sakes.
You know, it's a good
point, it's not 1995, I mean,
People are being a little dumb
here. Dumb here.
You fuckin' put things in the credits.
That's what people do now, it's the standard.
- Oh, that's real cool man.
- Fuckin' original idea...
ah, fuckin' blow me
you fuckin' asshole.
Why don't you suck my
cock Smith, you fuckin' dick
- Fuck you!
- When's this comin' on?
It's comin' on shut
the fuck up
I'm the fuck outta here
me too
Oh my... fuck!
I don't know boys, do you
think maybe we're low balling
Them on this contract? I mean
don't these guys carry guns?
We're not low balling them.
Eighty-Five grand a year
Is more money then they'll
know what to do with.
Even if we have to go to a
hundred thousand dollars
Who gives a fuck?
- Yeah I guess.
Oh look at the big, rich, fancy
fuckin' room, I'm so impressed.
Ricky, fuck off!
Have a seat boys.
Just 'cuz you guys think
you own me doesn't mean
You can fuckin' boss me
around tell me to sit down.
Ricky they're trying to be nice to
us, just sit the fuck down, okay?
Yeah guys look, thanks for coming
in. We don't want there to be
Any weirdness here, I mean we
bought you off your-Your last owners
And we're hoping we can work
something out to have the cameras
Follow you around again,
take a look.
I'll take that. I'm in
charge of my own fucking
Destination from now on.
So this is a straight up
money offer or what kind of
Fucking perks are we
talkin' about here?
It's a good point
Julian. Yes gentlemen,
What are the perks
of the deal?
Actually there's some really
fucking cool perks guys.
Julian you're a heavy drinker,
how'd you feel about
Being the spokesman for "liquorman's
old dirty Canadian whiskey"?
All the free whiskey
you can drink.
Whoa!
What?
I'm a bit of a rum man but if the
whiskey's free fuck it, I'll try it out.
That's a fucking great perk for
Julian but I was actually more
Interested in how bubbles would be
benefiting in the perks department.
Well bubbles I heard you were
a tequila man, is that true?
Ah fuck I'll suck an ape cock for
a fuckin' nice snap of tequila.
Well how would you like to be the
spokesperson for "bald pussy tequila"?
What? Holy fuck boys! It's my favourite
kind! The one with the kitty on the label.
Right on bubs!
Spokesman!
Well what about fucking me?
Anything for me?
We know you're a heavy smoker so we
set up a deal with "50 cigarettes"
For you to be the
international spokesman.
Free cigarettes, bud.
No fuckin' way! I love these
short little fuckin' things.
It feels like there's almost
twice as many in a pack!
Well there is, there's
fifty of them.
Well look this is all fine
and candy but seriously
Where the fuck is the part in
here that tells us how much
We're going to get paid to let those
camera dicks follow us around again, huh?
It's ah right on the last page, the
big bold number there with the zeros.
Eight-Five hundred dollars?
No it's...
done
done
Give me this.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Ricky what the fuck?
No I know how this fucking game
works. What do you think I am, stupid?
Ricky do not
fuckin' blow this!
I'm not going to fucking blow
this. These dicks are willing to pay
Eighty-Five hundred bucks,
you'll pay nine grand.
Hmm, eighty-Five
hundred's fine.
Ah fuck, you drive a hard
bargain Ricky but ah nine grand...
I think we could-I think we
could push it to nine grand boys.
Yes, yes! See that's how you
fucking negotialate boys.
Hahahaha! Holy fuck!
Nice work boys.
Thanks a lot fellas.
Cheers guys.
Boys, holy fuck those guys are
stupid. Nine fucking grand!
Nine fucking grand
Ricky. Yes!
Holy fuck those guys are
stupid. Nine grand.
Nine grand!
Wow
Holy fuck boys!
Yes boys, yes!
My balls are bouncing!
Boys that seemed too
fucking easy!
That's some good fucking money. I
think we should sell smoke every...
I never had this much
money in my life.
Let's smoke a
celebratorytation...
who the fuck are you guys?
What the fuck?
Swearnet crew.
What?
Well we just got word you
guys signed that contract.
We're-We're here to
follow ya.
Yeah we signed a fucking contract,
what do you mean you're here to
Follow us now?! I thought we
were shooting a TV series.
Signed it to make a TV
show, didn't we?
No, no it says 24 hours
a day, 7 days a week boys.
Ricky what did the fucking
thing say? Did you not read?
Are you fucking kidding me?
I didn't really read it. You guys
grabbed it out of my fucking hand,
Eighty-Five hundred bucks,
done, done.
You grabbed it from my
fucking hands!
Ricky this is...
This is fucking... you guys aren't
fucking following me around 24 hours...
would you let go of me.
Ricky, Ricky!
Oh fuck Ricky, you
knocked him out!
Nice going rick.
Oh fuck. Well boys I can't be
followed around 24 hours day.
This is fucking bullshit!
Well you shouldn't have
fucking signed
The fucking cont... read it
first for fucks sakes!
Boys let's get the fuck
out of here! Come on!