Captioning made possible by
Lions Gate Entertainment
In Hollywood,
one of the fastest ways
to the top
is to work for someone
who's already there.
The system dictates
that one must first be a slave
before you can become
a success.
But this can be
a very demanding process.
Only a few people
have the drive
to endure the thousands
of indignities and hardships
that make up the system.
Now, this drive
is usually motivated by greed,
sometimes ambition,
sometimes even love.
There are stories of love
inspiring success
over the most
insurmountable of odds.
This is not
one of those stories.
Buddy's doin' great,
and it's great to see you,
Derrick.
I'll tell him
he owes you a call.
Cool. Thanks.
Thanks, Derrick.
Where was I?
Shelley Winters.
Shelley Winters.
Buddy invites her
to do a reading
for a part.
Now, Shelley Winters
has not auditioned
for a part
in 15, 20 years,
but Buddy can convince
a flea it needs ticks.
That's why
the man is my guy.
Who's Shelley Winters?
You know,
she's the actress.
Older, right?
Shelley comes rolling
into the office,
plops down in a chair.
Buddy was working her,
sweet-talking her.
"Got a project, new project.
Wonderful project."
Shelley's not buyin' it.
She's just sitting there.
Finally, she reaches
into her bag,
pulls out an Oscar.
No way.
An honest-to-god
Academy Award.
You're kiddin' me.
Buddy still doesn't
shut up.
He's goin' on and on
and on and on.
Buddy's sweet-talkin'
like crazy.
Shelley, not phased,
again reaches down
into her bag.
Pulls out another Oscar.
And another one.
She's got
a line of them.
Buddy shut up.
The woman is surrounded
by Oscars.
Dead silence.
Finally, she looks him
right in the eye,
and she says...
"You know...
some people
think I can act."
This coming from the future
president of Keystone Pictures.
You know, I can't
really picture her.
Who's Shelley Winters?
Wait. I got it.
She's that actress
that does the poly-denture
commercials, right?
Right, right.
And she's married
to that guy who's, like,
what, 20 years
younger than her?
Yeah. Right, right.
Stop it. Stop it.
That's Martha Raye,
you idiots.
Shelley Winters.
Winchester '73.
A place in the sun.
Patch of blue.
Lolita.
The Poseidon adventure.
Oh!
Oh!
Sure.
Yeah, yeah.
I've seen that movie.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, that was
a very good film, actually.
Sorry I asked.
I was curious.
I apologize.
Never apologize, Moe.
It's a sign of weakness.
Holy shit. Guy,
there's Foster Kane.
Introduce us!
The man is my god!
Guy. They let you
out of the salt mine.
To keep an eye on you, Foster.
Say hello to the boys.
Hey.
How you doing?
Good to meet you.
You're the best.
How's-- how's Buddy?
Well, he's great.
He's great.
I called the other day.
I haven't heard back,
though.
Well, I'll tell him
he owes you a call.
Ok. I appreciate that.
Be seein' you again.
Foster.
Uh, very nice...
Bye-bye.
I love that guy.
He's amazing.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
Who was that again?
That's only the most
powerful, sought-after
director in town.
What, Buddy's paging you now?
excuse me, gentlemen.
What are you doin' here?
What, are you trying
to embarrass me?
No.
No.
He is the prodigal son
of Keystone Pictures.
He is Buddy Ackerman's boy.
He is our ticket in.
So don't blow it
with your stupid questions.
Moe. Moe.
What?
You're not comin' anymore.
Don't bring him anymore.
You can't come anymore.
Ok.
Yeah, what?
Dawn?
It's Guy.
Oh, h--hey.
Hi.
Listen, um...
about the other day.
Sounds like you're
being summoned there.
He's been trying
to reach me all night.
Forget about Buddy.
Can I come over?
I--I think--
I think we
really need to talk.
Not right now, ok?
Um, I--I have
these scripts to read,
and I'm really busy.
Oh.
Uh... can--can we
do this tomorrow?
Tomorrow.
Yeah, all right.
Talk to me.
What is it?
Nothing. I--I...
there's just something
that I want to tell you,
and... uh, i--it can wait
till tomorrow.
Call me in the morning, ok?
I will.
Dawn?
What?
I really am sorry.
Ok.
Yeah, what?
Uh, it's Guy.
You beeped?
What took you so fuckin' long?
Ahem, well, I--I had
to get to a phone...
Whatever.
Anyway, is it done?
Yes. I returned every call,
and I left work.
Well, that's good,
because some asshole
complained to Cyrus
that I'm not returnin'
my calls.
I can't afford to have that.
Not now, not ever,
and certainly not when
I'm about to be promoted.
Yes.
Ok. You're right.
And, uh,
it won't happen again.
Christ, you're not
even listening, are you?
I'll tell you, Guy,
I don't think
this is working anymore.
Maybe it's time we reconsider
our relationship.
Reconsider?
What do you mean?
We'll talk about it
in the morning.
No, wait a minute.
R-reconsider what, Buddy?
What are you gonna do?
You gonna fire me?
Hold on. I got another call.
Hello? Hello?
It's still me.
Listen,
we couldn't return
a lot of calls today
'cause you've been away.
Now, what do you mean--
Hold on. Shut up.
Guy, listen,
tomorrow morning,
call the phone company,
because all my phones
are fuckin' screwed up!
Cancel the call-waiting crap
and put in 2--
No, 4 extra lines
here at the house.
After you've fixed
the phones,
research who directed
the new slam-a-jam
music video.
It's got this blonde.
Find out who his agent is
and what he's doing next.
And then track down
the blonde.
She's wearing this,
um...
It's like an American flag
kind of thing.
It's draped all over her,
uh...
I don't know what.
Set up a meeting.
She's...
she's really...
she's patriotic.
The video was directed
by a she...
What the hell?
...Tracy Janowitz.
And you're a little late.
She signed a 3-picture deal
with Universal.
What the hell?
And as far as the blonde...
What are you doing?
Don't you think
she's a little young...
even for you?
What are you doing?
What are you doing here?
Jesus Christ.
You scared the living shit
out of me.
You're lucky
I didn't shoot you.
With what? This?
Oh, great.
My gun. Hand it over.
Sit.
Have you gone
completely insane?
Give me the gun now!
Sit the fuck down
now!
Ok, look, I know things
have been a little crazy
at the office lately,
but there's
no need for this.
Now, why don't you
put down the gun,
and let's talk?
We're both
rational adults here.
Bullshit.
You are a fucking child.
All right, fine. I gave you
a chance, you know.
But it's late, and
I'm tired of this bullshit.
I'm calling the cops,
and you're going to jail.
End of story.
Have a nice life.
What do you want?
I want you...
to think...
and remember...
every insult...
every offense...
everything that you have
ever taken away...
from me.
Think to yourself.
It's payback time.
It's currently
and it's shapin' up to be
a great weekend, everyone.
'Course, you gotta make it
through the week first,
but if you do,
you can look forward
to the third annual
celebrity tractor pull
at the Pomona fairgrounds
this weekend.
Tickets are--
Hi. How are you?
Fuck you. You're in my spot.
Could you move?
Ok.
Sorry about that.
I didn't realize
that was your spot.
I slaved 3 miserable years
to get that spot.
It's mine. I earned it.
It's a great spot.
As soon as I pulled in,
I thought, "wow,
what a great spot."
I'm Guy, by the way.
What is this, your first day
on the job or something?
Yes. Yes. As a matter
of fact, it is.
Yeah, well,
piece of advice.
Lose the smile.
Makes you look
like a schmuck.
Hello.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Oh, uh,
h-hold on one second.
Here.
Ready to go to work,
I see.
Oh.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
No, Derrick,
he's not here right now.
No, that's not what I said.
I said he's not here right now
at this moment in time.
Mm-hmm.
Gonna miss you, too, Derrick.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Yes, I know the meeting
has started, ma'am.
I'll send him down
as soon as he gets here.
Thank you.
Buddy Ackerman's--
ooh, hey, Mona.
How are you,
gorgeous?
Of course you and Buddy
are on for tonight.
Just get your cute little butt
over to his place by midnight.
Bye.
So I don't know what
you've heard about this job,
but it's gonna be a lot of work
for shit wages.
A lot of shit work
for shit wages.
Picking up dry-cleaning,
gassing up his car,
getting him coffee,
getting him lunch,
and getting him laid.
And he can be, well...
difficult.
In there.
Difficult at times.
After all, Buddy
is the senior executive
vice president of production
for Keystone.
Only 2 people
bigger than that.
Stella Smiley,
President at
World-wide Production...
for now.
She doesn't like us.
Let me write this down.
But that's ok--
excuse me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Because above her
is Cyrus Miles...
studio chairman
and grand poobah.
We call him god.
And he does like us.
That thing is gonna be
the second most important
thing in your life.
I pity the day
it breaks down on you.
Ah.
Oh.
Whew.
Guy, if you do this job well,
wealth and opportunity
are yours.
All of Buddy's assistants
have gone on to bigger
and better things.
One is running the Sony Channel.
Another one has produced
all the Macaulay Culkin
action pictures.
Wow.
It's a good lineage.
A legacy.
Fantastic.
If you don't mind me asking,
where are you going?
Vice President of production
at Paramount.
Like I said,
it is a good lineage.
This is the most important
thing in your life.
It works very simple.
Steady green light--
the line is active.
If it's off, it's dead.
Flashing red--
someone's holding.
Flashing green--
incoming.
Flashing green.
Incoming. Yes.
Ok.
Don't worry,
You'll do all right, farm boy.
Actually...uh...
I'm from upstate New York.
There are farms around...
in the area.
Good morning, Mr. Ackerman.
Hello.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
I'm from
a more urban area.
Guy?
So glad to see you here.
I cannot tell you
how grateful I am
that you could start
right away.
It'll be nice to finally get
some real help around here
and get rid
of this mongoloid
so he'll stop
screwing me up
and fuck the competition
for a change, huh?
Our gain is their loss.
What?
Stella's on line 1, Nom's on 2,
and they called
from the stage.
They want to raise the
volume on the final mix.
You get me Rob
on the phone.
He's on 3.
Well, I'll take him.
You tell Stella to hold.
Take my Mom, and when
you're done with her,
west lobby, tube dress,
stiletto heels. Hurry.
Fetch.
Come on, Guy.
You're in for a treat.
Hi, Stella. Yeah,
he'll be right down.
Yo, Rob, listen, I ran
the rough cut last night,
and the mix is still
way too goddamned low.
I told you you gotta
bring up the explosions.
They gotta be
loud, loud, loud!
The audience should feel
their balls tremble.
Their ears should bleed!
So I don't care if God
told you to keep it down,
much less Stella.
What do you mean,
it can't be done?
Que pasa
this "can't be done"?
All right, Rob,
shut up for a second.
Just listen.
All right, let's try
something easier.
Repeat this:
"Would you like that
in a pump or a loafer?"
No, Rob,
just say it with me.
Come on, just humor me.
Just say it once.
Just...
"Would you like that...
"in a pump...
or a loafer?"
Good. Now memorize it,
because as of tomorrow,
the only job you're going
to be able to get
is selling shoes!
Well, I--I, uh--ahem.
Shh, shh, shh.
Rob's calling again
on line one.
Yo, Rob, look,
I'm busy now.
I can't really--
well, I'm glad
you see it my way...
Now.
Hey, look, we all have
our misunderstandings.
Just get it done.
Where's Stella,
and what's my schedule?
She hung up,
and they want you
down in the staff meeting
right away.
They start yet?
No. They've been waiting for you
for about 15 minutes.
Good.
Let me tell you something,
Guy, and learn from this--
if they can't start
a meeting without you,
well, that's a meeting
worth going to, isn't it?
And that's the only kind
of meeting
you should ever
concern yourselves with.
File this!
What's next?
Her name is Mitzy.
Mitzy.
I like that.
Ok, let's do it.
Mitzy. Hi.
Buddy Ackerman,
senior executive
vice president
of production.
I couldn't help it.
I saw you
in the lobby
on my way in.
I'm on my way
to an important meeting,
and...I can just tell
that there are
enormous opportunities
for the both of us,
and I will pull myself
out of this meeting
if you can bear
just waiting 10 minutes.
Because I would love it
if you and I can just...
sit and chat.
Would that be possible?
Oh, that's great.
Now, if you need
anything,
you just ask
these 2 boys here. Ok?
Keep her happy.
All right?
Why don't you
just go sit down,
and I'll be right back.
Where's
my fuckin' coffee?
Oh, coffee. Coffee,
Coffee. Coffee.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Can you please hold?
Cream, sugar.
Sweet'n low.
Swee...
guy: sweet'n low,
sweet'n low.
Come on, people!
I'm late
for a meeting here!
Let's go, go, go,
go, go, go!
Excuse me.
What is this?
Sweet'n low?
No.
This is not sweet'n low.
This is equal.
Blue packet.
Sweet'n low is pink.
See?
Equal--blue.
Sweet'n low--pink.
It's not the same thing,
is it?
Uh, well, I...
I think they both
contain the same--
What equal contains
is not my concern here.
I don't care if it has
fucking fairy dust in it.
What I am concerned with
is detail.
I asked you to go get me
a packet of sweet'n low,
that isn't what I asked for,
that isn't what I wanted,
that isn't what I needed,
and that shit
isn't gonna
work around here.
I--I just thought...
You thought.
Do me a fucking favor.
Shut up, listen,
and learn.
Look, I know that
this is your first day
and you don't really know
how things work around here,
so I will tell you.
You...
have...
no...
brain.
No judgment calls
are necessary.
What you think
means nothing.
What you feel
means nothing.
You are here for me.
You are here
to protect my interests
and to serve my needs.
So while it may look like
a little thing to you...
when I ask for a packet
of sweet'n low...
that's what I want.
And it is
your responsibility now
to see that I get
what I want.
Am I clear?
Y-yes, sir.
I'm not trying to be cruel.
I'm just trying to help.
Because if you
do this job right,
if you listen and learn,
then you're gonna
be able to do
anything you want
in this town.
You can have
whatever you want.
I mean, look at Rex here.
A V.P. at Paramount. Ha!
"Rex." What a name.
Belongs to a mutt.
I mean, if I can get
dog boy here a job,
you're gonna do
just fine.
I fucked up.
I fuck--fuck!
It's over.
Relax.
He does that a lot.
Tomorrow, he'll ask you
for an equal.
You can't win.
It's a lose-lose
situation.
Well, does it still
happen to you?
Daily.
Actually, hourly.
Look...every day
is something
completely different.
Nothing is ever the same.
What he wants,
what he needs
can change in a second.
The trick is to have
everything ready.
Anticipate.
Next time, bring back
an equal and a sweet'n low.
Remember,
protect his interests
and serve his needs.
Come on.
Say it with me.
Protect his interests
and serve his needs.
Ok, but that's crazy.
That's no way
to run a business.
Uh-uh.
First mistake.
This is not a business.
No rules here.
This ain't
that candy-striped crap
for the Wall Street
wimps, huh?
This is...
show business.
Punching below the belt
is not only all right...
it is rewarded.
So in this,
this business of show,
you gotta
ask yourself...
What is it
that is gonna
make them sit up
and take notice of you?
Work really, really hard.
Don't worry, farm boy.
You'll learn.
Have a cigarette.
I--I don't smoke.
It won't last.
This and that pot
of coffee are gonna be
your best friends
for the next year.
Get to know them.
Come on.
Roll up your sleeves.
We got work to do.
Ok.
Let's do it. Hmm?
What do you want?
You are in big trouble.
Start making
funeral arrangements,
because you are dead
in this town.
I am not kidding you.
Apologize.
Excuse me? What?
Ow! Ow!
Ow! My hair!
I want you
to apologize!
For what!
Oh! Ohhh...
Apologize.
Fuck you.
Oh! You...
Fu--
Ooh!
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Um...I d--I don't have
that information,
but, I--look...
Let me ask him,
and I'll have him call you--
I'll call you back.
Bye.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Hank.
Wh--ok, listen.
Is there any way
you can have that delivered
by the end of the day?
Oh, great, great.
Great.
I appreciate it.
Thank you. Bye.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Pick up the phone,
pick up the phone!
Pick up, pick up,
pick up!
It is in your job description.
Sorry. The phone's
been goin' crazy here.
I don't care.
If I get that answering machine
one more time, I draw blood!
All right.
Today's schedule. Do it.
Ok. You have
a ptch at 10:30.
No, no, no, no!
How many times
have I told you?
No pitches before 11:00!
We've got too much to do.
I got calls to return.
Cancel whoever it is.
It's with Dawn Lockard.
Oh.
Well, ok.
Um, tell her
I'll be a little late,
and, uh, get me Stella.
Patch her through to me
right away. All right?
All right.
Buddy Ackerman calling.
Yes, I'd--
Hi. I'm here
to see Buddy.
I'm Dawn Lockard.
I'm the producer on...
the lot.
Hi.
Hi.
Well, Buddy's
running a little late,
so, uh...
just have a seat.
Uh, y-yes. Fine.
Yes. I'll tell him.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Yeah. What happened?
Uh, Stella's office
just called.
Uh, she's gonna be
unreachable till Monday.
What do you mean,
unreachable?
Well, evidently,
she's white water rafting
in Colorado
with Tom Cruise.
Yeah? So?
Track her down.
Find out
where she's staying.
Uh, well,
she's rafting.
Well, she's unreachable.
Uh-huh.
I don't see the problem.
She's...rafting...
on the water.
I--I...
I don't imagine
they have phones there.
They have helicopters,
don't they?
Y-yes. I...
I--I suppose they do.
You suppose? Listen,
you little twerp,
I can't spend my day
telling you
how to do your job!
Is he in one of his moods?
Yeah.
It's not brain surgery,
you know? Get me Stella.
And you come back
with "she's unreachable"?
I don't ever wanna hear
that word again.
Get outta my way!
Shut up, listen, learn!
There is no such word as
"unreachable" for this office.
Find her. get her.
I wanna talk to her
by lunch.
- If she's not on the phone-
- Out! Out!
Who do you work for?!
If she's not on the phone
by the time I get back...
Listen, about that
parking spot thing--
Had I known that
you work for Buddy,
I certainly
would have let you...
No. Don't worry about it.
Really.
No. I'm just saying you get
enough shit from him.
You don't need it from me.
Believe me,
I can handle Buddy.
"Unreachable" may work
for other hacks out there,
but not here!
Dawn, excuse me.
I just need to, um,
yell at my mongoloid
brain-dead assistant
for a second.
Get in here!
If you ever use
the fucking word
"unreachable"
in my office again,
I swear to god
I will send you goddamn
through the lobby
in a mail chute.
Don't ever do it again.
You understand?
Now, give me my phone.
If my car phone isn't
put in my car by 4:00,
you are a dead person.
I already did it.
Dawn, gorgeous.
It's been too long.
Get your cute
little butt in here.
Guy, hold all my calls.
Ok, ok.
Dawn, I just don't
think that this pony
is gonna win,
place, or show.
I mean--
even the title,
real life--
it's a real pass.
You need this film, Buddy.
It's an important film
for the 18-to-25ers.
It's a redeeming film.
Uou cannot keep dissing
what they want to see.
Oh, really?
How about that, Guy?
You're of that age.
You--you feel dissed?
Well, uh, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Uh...disillusioned,
dismayed...
disposable.
Yeah, thanks, and this
is too dark, depressing,
and dull. It's not
what people want to see.
And I suppose
that pumped-up,
overadrenalized,
male macho
bullshit is.
Excuse me. My male macho
bullshit just broke 180 mil.
The last important film this
studio made peaked at 18.
The one before that didn't
even break double digits.
Dawn, forget about this
lost artsy generation crap.
You've been away
from me too long.
Come back tomyteam,
and we can make
some real movies.
Or I could just go to Stella
with it.
She is, after all,
president of production.
Am I right?
Mm-hmm, for now.
Who called?
Oh, um...
ahem, ok...
uh...
Mitch and Cyrus.
Cyrus, and you didn't
put him through?
You--you said hold
all your calls.
Fine. Who else?
Uh...uh, Derek, Mitzi,
and Stella returns.
Stella?
Stella?!
You--you said to hold
all your calls.
I didn't know.
You didn't know?
You didn't hear me
when I said "very
important" this morning?
What good are you?
Do you have a brain?
Do you want
to keep this job?
Shut up, listen, learn!
Fuck your
disappointment!
Fuck your
disillusionment!
And fuck you!
Fuck you!
You are a worthless,
fuckin'--
well, isn't this turning into
an intelligent conversation?
Loud and nasty.
That's the only way it sticks, Dawn.
You did say "hold
all my calls," Buddy.
And I certainly hope
you wouldn't want anyone
to intrude
on our time together.
Mm-hmm.
Find Cyrus, find Stella.
Get them on the phone.
If they aren't on the line
by the time I get back,
you'd better not be here either.
I'll get back to you
about this.
Let me think about it,
and, um...
let's get together soon.
Buddy Ackerman's office calling.
As I was saying--
about that little
misunderstanding,
why don't you let
me make it up to you?
How about lunch?
Thank you, but
I--I really ca--I can't.
Look, I'm gonna be
real blunt here.
As much as I hate it,
I need buddy.
I need my calls
to find their way
onto his phone sheet.
I need my scripts
to go home with him
on the weekends.
In short,
I need you on my side.
See what I'm saying?
I don't want
to be put on hold
over a parking spot,
so why don't we
just try this again?
Hey, how about lunch?
Well...
I'm not allowed
to take lunch.
Um...Buddy...doesn't
believe in it.
Fine. Drinks it is.
Here's my card.
Call me when you're done tonight.
All right?
Tonight?
That's all right with you,
isn't it?
Oh, yeah.
It just seems that a woman
as powerful and as attractive
and as pleasant-natured
as yourself
would be booked up
for tonight.
Well, guess what.
I am now.
You know what?
Piece of advice.
You should talk to him
about the yelling.
'Cause it really
kind of makes you look
like a schmuck.
Yeah, some tip.
You ought to be shot
for scaring me
that early in the morning.
The change Stella wants--
it's not me,
although I'm sure
she would like it to be.
Yeah, well,
your sources suck.
Anyway, it turns out
that Cyrus' teenage
grandson was whining
about how all of today's films
are made for adults,
how there's nothing
for him and his friends.
So the old man bitched
and moaned to Stella,
and now we gotta go out
and find the next
hippest, hottest thing,
you know, something for the kids.
Isn't that great?
You got anything?
Great. Send it to me.
All right. Bye-bye.
Yeah, what?
Well, I wanted to talk to you
about the phone calls.
No apology necessary.
Everyone's allowed
at least one mistake.
You've used up yours.
Let's not dwell on it.
Well, that's just it.
See, I...
I don't feel
that I made a mistake,
and...
Well, I would appreciate it
if you didn't yell at me
in front
of the entire office.
Excuse me. What?
Uh...the--the yelling.
Uh...
Oh.
You...disapprove.
I'm sorry.
Did I...
did I hurt your feelings?
No. No, no.
Uh...I...
I just don't feel
that it's necessary.
It certainly doesn't help me,
and I think that--
well, I'm glad
you brought this up.
Great. Great.
'Cause I've found that
an office can't run...
properly if the lines
of communication aren't open.
Right, right, yes.
So, in that case...
let's make
a few things clear.
Ok, great, great.
No, this--this is helpful.
I mean...
let's review.
What did I tell you
the first day?
Your thoughts are nothing.
You are nothing.
And yet you have the nerve
to walk into my office
and tell me--
I--
Please shut up.
At least allow me
the courtesy
of finishing
what I have to say.
That's the very least
that you can do
after I've had to endure
your insults.
This is a bad time.
Who do you think you are,
you snot-faced little punk?
Let me make this clear
for you, ok?!
And now try to follow me,
because I'm gonna be moving
in a kind of circular motion,
so if you pay attention,
there will be a point!
You are nothing!
If you were
in my toilet bowl,
I wouldn't bother
flushing it.
My bath mat means
more to me than you.
You see this?
This means more
to the office than you.
And yet do you hear
any complaints
when I do this?
These pencils,
more important!
These pens,
more important!
These paper clips,
more important!
You miserable
little crybaby!
You don't like it here, leave!
There are thousands of people
who would kill for your spot!
Who would kill for
the opportunity to be here!
I could spit
and hit somebody
who could do this job
better than you!
This is the fast track
to the top, boy.
I don't see you breaking
any speed records!
Why can't you show
a little backbone, huh? Huh?
"I don't think the yelling
is necessary."
You gotta be a little more
thick-skinned, you turd.
You gotta be a man
to do this job!
"Talk to him about the yelling."
Thanks.
That was a good tip.
You gotta give
action to get action.
So, Guy,
what's your story?
Is your uncle Bob
in the business?
Or are you just another
boy out for quick cash,
quick cars,
and an easy lay?
You hate me.
Is that it?
Y-you really hate me.
No, I'm just feeling
extra charitable.
So, talk. Amuse me.
What's your story?
I'm a recent
film school graduate
with fairly disappointed
middle-class parents,
uh...who had hoped
their--their son
would have been
anything but a writer.
Oh, you're a writer?
Really?
Yeah.
Why, then, pray tell,
are you fetching coffee
for Buddy Ackerman?
Fetching? I'm...
I'm not fetching.
He--he's one of the top studio
executives in the business.
I'm his--his assistant.
So, basically, you're
substituting talent
with liberal amounts
of ass kissing, right?
Ok.
Well...
I've taken
just about enough
character assassination
for one day. Yhank you for--
Would you please sit down?
Sit.
Look, if this time can be spent
convincing you
to do anything else
with your life,
to getting out while you
are still whole,
it is time well spent.
Let me ask you
a question.
Why do you want this?
I don't know.
It's just something
that I have always
wanted to do.
Oh, bullshit.
Is it the money?
There are easier ways
to get rich. girls?
Hey, I'll float you a bill
and give you a number
to call right now.
Why the movies?
Do you really want to know?
I really want to know.
Are you gonna form
some conclusion?
No, I really want to know.
Do you really want to know?
I want to know.
Well, fine. Memories.
Memories?
Yes. All my favorite memories
have been of movies.
For instance,
my first...job.
Summer of '88, Indiana Jones
and the Last Crusade.
My first car, the summer
that rancho del rio opened.
A fine Buddy Ackerman film,
I might add.
What about your first kiss?
Uh...
Summer of 1979.
The fish
that Saved Pittsburgh.
What was her name?
I don't remember.
But Gabe Kaplan's hair
in that movie was amazing.
The only white man
I've ever seen with an Afro.
Wow. A smile.
Maybe you don't hate me.
Wow.
Get over yourself.
Let me give you
a piece of advice here.
If you want to make it
in this business,
you don't have room
for a personal life,
much less
a relationship.
Absolutely
no relationships, no.
Absolutely
no relationships.
Hi. This is Guy.
Leave me a message.
Michelle, stop it.
I'm on the phone.
All right?
I'll be right there.
Guy, hey,
I just wanted to call
and say I think today's talk
was very helpful,
at least for me,
which is great,
Especially at this critical
juncture in our relationship.
Good thinking.
Anyway, tomorrow morning
on your way in
I need you to stop off
and pick up
a prescription for me.
It's some pretty sensitive stuff,
so keep it quiet.
Try not to screw up.
It's a top priority.
Don't fail me.
Sorry, Dawn.
I had to take that.
So, dinner tonight.
Ok.
Your place?
You're happy!
I hate that.
Get me packed up now.
I need to get to services.
I gotta go.
What services?
Who died?
No one...yet.
It's Yom Kippur,
you idiot.
Oh. I--I didn't realize
Ackerman was a jewish name.
It's jewish enough,
especially when the big
players are involved.
Besides, I feel a sudden
need to atone for my sins.
Marie call?
Marie?
Uh, yes, she did.
She'll be at your place
at midnight.
Great, great.
Buddy.
Yeah.
I wanted to talk to you
about Dawn's project.
Oh, yeah, she's got a great one,
doesn't she?
Yeah. Yeah.
No, a-actually I w--
I wanted to talk to you
about Dawn's project
real life.
Now...I think it has a lot
of potential. I really do.
It's young, it's--it's hot.
And it could be exactly
what Cyrus is looking for,
and I was thinking we get
somebody really big to direct,
maybe...Penny Marshall.
What?! Shut up,
listen, and learn!
Avoid women directors.
They ovulate.
Do you have any idea
what that does
to a 3-month shoot?
I mean, do I need
to say more? Next?
Ok, uh, well, what about Altman?
Altman could do it.
Altman? that hack
couldn't direct his way
out of a paper bag.
You want to talk
big directors,
think Attenborough,
think Spielberg,
think Lean.
Lean's dead.
No, he's not.
Don't you ever say that.
He's just...unavailable.
Did you get the stuff?
Oh, yes, the stuff.
I put it in the cabinet
under the sink.
It's in a brown paper bag.
No, no, no, no, no,
it doesn't belong there.
No, no, no.
Great. Great. File this.
Rogaine.
But you're not
losing your hair.
Exactly. Anticipate.
All right, listen,
about Dawn's project--
it's not a movie,
it--it's a cause.
Even the title,
real life?
All those speeches
and pronouncements.
That is not what
people want to see,
much less pay to see.
don't ever forget--
we are in the business
of developing
people's dreams,
not damning them.
Besides, Cyrus has already
found the next new thing,
this young hot director,
this fuckin' Foster Kane.
Picture did very well at
the box office last weekend,
and Stella's
already wooed him.
She's got him, not us.
We're fucked. We're fucked!
Well, uh, y-you still got
that article in time.
What article?
It's that article on--on--
on violence in--in cinema.
It calls you "the king
of wham-bam action."
Yeah, right here.
Why does nobody
tell me these things?
I put it on your desk
this morning.
Who gave them
this picture?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Where do they get these lies?
Listen to this crap.
I'm "a blight on society"?
This has got Stella
written all over it.
These are
her fingerprints.
Fine. That bitch wants a war,
she'll get one.
Tomorrow morning,
fire the fuckin'
publicity department.
You got plans tonight?
Uh...
Cancel 'em.
I'm sorry, Buddy,
I can't. I--I h--
not for nothin', Guy.
You want to make
Dawn's project fly?
Go ahead,
put it together.
Let's see
what you can do.
Really?
Yeah. But first we need
to bury this article.
This kid reads I'm
"a blight on society,"
Forget it, forget you,
forget me,
forget the expense
account.
We're out, out, out!
You need to find
every copy in town
and destroy it.
Every copy?
Yeah. Every copy.
Find it, bury it.
But it...it's
time magazine.
It'd be probably hard
to get every copy.
Yeah? So?
Find a way. Do it.
Figure it out.
My briefcase, you idiot!
I'm sorry.
It's all in there.
Jesus Christ.
Dawn, I'm--I'm sorry, but I--
of course I want
to be there, but I can't.
I have to work.
Please...try to understand.
I have to go.
I have another call.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Oh, good. You're still there.
Listen.
You gotta stick around
and tape this interview
with Foster Kane
tonight.
It's on CNN, 11:00.
It's very,
very important.
We have gotta find
a project for this kid.
You got it?
Hello.
I got it.
Great. Now, did you get
rid of all the articles?
I'm just throwin' out
the last copies now.
No, no, no. You can't
just throw them out.
You have to destroy them.
Rip them up,
every copy.
Well...
It's just that
it's gettin' kind of late.
I know, I know.
things are rough now,
But they'll get better.
I promise, Guy.
If you prove you can
manage these tasks,
if you work hard now,
then you're rewarded.
You get to have some fun,
because
don't ever forget,
this job is
very big on payback.
God, what do you want?
You sick, twisted fuck,
why are you doing this?
This is so cool.
I saw this in a movie once.
Matter of fact,
it was one of yours, I think.
This isn't
gonna fix things.
This isn't gonna help
any of your problems.
You're right.
But it makes me feel
so much better.
Is this good?
This ought to loosen up
the chicks, right?
Let me ask your opinion.
What is the best
gettin'-laid music?
I mean...I mean,
the Carpenters
and that kind of stuff,
just, it--
it just puts 'em
right to sleep. You know.
Well, let's--let's--
let's just suppose.
Let's suppose somebody were
to come over here tonight.
Just suppose.
Am I boring you?
I'm sorry.
What was it you...
you said about me once?
"The personality
of a roof shingle"?
Ha ha ha!
Oh, that was good.
That was funny.
Everybody laughed.
Ohh...well...
I don't want to bore you,
so let's get back to work.
Ahh, gotta be one
in here somewhere.
Every kitchen drawer
has one.
You know, it's funny.
I only dreamt
about doing these things
all those lonely nights
in the office,
all those weekends,
playing out all these torture
scenarios in my head.
Thinking about it
again...and again.
You can't imagine
what I've come up with.
Whatever you're
thinking of doing...
please don't.
Shh.
Paper cuts.
Now, they can be a bitch.
Occupational hazard,
I guess.
But I'll bet it's been a while
since you've had one, huh?
Me?
I'm startin'
to get used to 'em.
Ohh!
God.
Stings, doesn't it?
Well...
like I said,
you'll get used to 'em.
Now, the ones that
I could never handle...
Say "ahh."
Come on, don't!
You're only gonna make it
harder on yourself.
Forget about the shitty
mint flavor on these things.
The real pain in the ass
is when you get a paper cut...
on your tongue.
No.
Aah!
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Hello, Mishka.
No, he's not in.
Mishka, Buddy is
devoted to only you.
Well, I'll tell you
what you do.
Get your cute little butt
over to his house by midnight.
Ok.
Bye-bye.
This could be the biggest
picture of the year--
real life,
directed by Foster Kane.
I like it.
It smells of money.
It was a great idea, bringing
Dawn and Foster together.
I would have never thought of that.
I gotta admit,
you may not be a complete
idiot after all. Ha ha!
Your ideas here
aren't half bad,
but I hate the title,
I hate the ending.
It's too depressing.
You think we're gonna be ready
for Cyrus by next week?
Cyrus? Uh, well...
don't you think
we ought to wait
for Stella
to get back?
Stella? Fuck her!
Listen.
We take this to Stella,
she's just gonna take
credit for all your work,
for all of our work.
No. Fuck her.
It's kill or have your contract
terminated early. No, no.
We need to go
directly to the top.
We need to go to Cyrus.
But hold on a second.
Dawn's bringing
the project to Stella.
Remember, you passed.
You like Dawn,
don't you?
You consummate the relationship?
Dawn? Well...I mean,
Dawn and I--
I don't give a fuck.
Listen, I'm just sayin'--
Shut up and listen.
Women...
they respond to one thing
and one thing only:
Success. Now, this
isn't just me talking.
This is scien--
Sit down.
This is scientific fact.
It is primitive instinct
for a woman like Dawn
to choose a mate
who can best provide
for her needs,
for her wants. Now,
it's no offense to you,
but...you are
only an assistant.
Sure, I mean,
you're my assistant,
but, you know,
nonetheless...
an assistant.
Dawn, on the other hand,
is a...
is a producer.
Her car phone bills
are more than your rent.
So just how long do you think
you're going to last?
D-Dawn and I,
we--we--
All right,
I want to help out.
Because if you put
this project together,
you're not going to be just
the assistant any longer.
So...
I'm gonna give you
the chance...to play hero.
You...get to be
Dawn's white knight
in shining armor.
You.
You have to convince Dawn
to bring the project
back to me.
Not to Stella.
To me.
Now, I could do it,
but there'd be
no payoff for you.
I just don't know
how I would--
You do this thing...
you convince Dawn
to go this way...
and then you and I...
are going to run this place.
The both of us.
All right.
I--I'll do it.
He said
I was indispensable.
Look.
He gave me a beeper.
I think he--he's
beginning to respect me.
I think he's really
beginning to respect me.
Oh, God.
Please wake up.
He's just got you
on a shorter leash,
that's all.
Oh, you're doing it all wrong.
Move.
So...
Let me guess.
He gave you
that team horseshit, right?
"Win one for us,
you and me."
Exactly what is it
that we are supposed to do?
Not much.
To find a new title,
new ending...
you have to cancel your
meeting with Stella.
Unbelievable.
Un-fucking-believable.
Listen, all
Stella wants to do
is take credit
for your work.
Now, I already
convinced Buddy
to go directly
to Cyrus.
Now, he can't do that
if you pitch it
to Stella.
I don't want to jeopardize
your relationship with Stella.
I'm sorry, but this is
the only way--
Stop.
Do not apologize.
It's a sign of weakness.
Move.
Don't tell me what
needs to be done, Guy.
I know the drill...
the politicking,
the compromises...
the spilling of coffee
on ourselves
in the race to kiss ass.
Oh. Actually,
Buddy did that.
I let--I let his coffee get cold,
and he threw it at me.
But I learned
a valuable lesson--
Never let Buddy's coffee
get cold.
And...this?
It's a bagel stain.
Bagel stain?
Yeah. Well, I put too much
cream cheese on his bagel,
so he threw it at me.
But, again, I learned
a very valuable lesson--
Never put too much
cream cheese on Buddy's bagels.
Yeah. He really
respects you.
I think
we should wait.
I will wait,
and I want
to go to Stella.
No. Bu--Buddy wants
to do this now.
Look, if this picture
is big,
we'll--we'll go make
our own movies. We'll--
we just have to deal
with Buddy on this one.
Do you hate me?
Is that it?
I mean...
You do. You do.
You hate me.
Oh, God.
I don't hate you.
I just...
want you to make
the right choice.
I say we go
with Buddy.
Ok...
but know this...
I have seen
what he can do.
You cannot get into bed with him
without getting fucked.
He plays
a zero-sum game.
That's his drill.
Nobody wins unless
somebody loses.
Yeah, well...
As long as
I don't lose you.
Loss.
They say that
real pain...
real suffering...
is caused from loss.
Loss of family...
and loss of love.
Loss of the things
that matter most.
I like it.
It's a little different
look for you, but I like.
Ok.
Now...
let's forget
all the other shit
we've been doing here
tonight, ok?
Let's--let's
start thinking big...
uh, grand...
abbondante, if you will.
I'll be right back.
Don't go anywhere.
?? Ta-da ??
So?
What do you think?
That's it?
That's all?
Come on!
Look at yourself.
Look at your face.
Look at your
precious hair.
I mean...
There's no way
that Rogaine's
gonna help you
out of this one, my friend,
I'm tellin' you.
You are fucked up.
Fine.
You want to go back
to the hot sauce,
that's fine by me.
What?
The mirror.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Shut up.
Shut up!
I said, shut up!
Oh...that's brilliant.
That's fuckin' brilliant.
Ha ha ha!
This is genius,
sheer fucking genius.
This is great work, Guy.
Thanks. Well, you said
you needed an ending.
And to set it
in a laundromat.
It's perfect. It's real.
It's believable.
Right, right, right. And--
and what's more romantic
than a woman scrubbing
your shorts, right?
Oh, that's great.
Oh, really, good work.
Really? Well--no,
thank you very much.
We have a go movie.
Cyrus is gonna
green-light this right away.
I'm gonna show him
these notes.
He is gonna love it.
It's "Say good-bye, Stella"
and "hello, Buddy and Guy."
To hell with that.
Don't worry about that.
It's minor details.
He's gonna be too excited
about content
to worry about spelling.
Congratulations.
You did it.
I am not gonna forget this.
Get ready to meet
the chairman of the board.
I'm gonna tell Cyrus
about you.
You earned it.
You deserve it.
Oh, shit.
I left my belt
at Marnie's last night.
I can't see Cyrus
like this.
Oh.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Dawn.
Buddy loved the notes.
Yeah. He's in a meeting
with Cyrus right now.
Yeah, Cyrus.
Cyrus.
They're coming
down the hall right now.
Let me call you back.
I'll call you back.
Let's face it, guys.
than a girl scrubbing
a guy's underwear.
You know what I mean?
You think the kids
are gonna respond to this?
Oh, absolutely.
Cyrus, it speaks
to their generation,
a generation
that's been dissed,
disillusioned,
disappointed, dismayed.
Right, Foster?
That sums it up
perfectly.
Well, good.
You can never tell
with you kids these days.
Let me just grab this,
and then we'll go eat.
Uh-huh.
Now, look, you just gotta
fix these spelling errors.
Oh, I'm sorry. I should have
checked it first.
I just had Guy
type it up for me.
But you know what? I was
just too damn excited.
Can you blame me?
Oh, no. I admire
that kind of enthusiasm.
This is a great project.
Buddy, I'm not gonna forget
who brought it to me.
You keep this up...
I'm gonna have to make you
president of production.
Me? Naw, I just want to
hit a home run for the team.
You all right, man.
Let's get somethin' to eat.
Yeah. I'm hungry.
Oh, yeah.
Buddy Ackerman's
office calling...
No, man, listen to me.
I'm tellin' you, I'm not
gonna let that one issue
be a fuckin' deal-breaker
on this.
It's im--
it's impossible, since--
No way.
Well, you go back, and
you make a counteroffer--
Where the fuck
are you goin'?
I was goin'
to the bathroom.
I--I need to go.
Well, forget
about what you need
and concentrate
on what I need.
I need you here.
Get me
on another fuckin' call.
Shut up for a second.
Listen to me, all right?
I'm tellin' you, I don't care
what Stella said.
You...close the deal.
We're gonna lose the kid.
All right? Get back to me.
This is Buddy Ackerman's
office calling.
Fine. I'll have him
get back to you.
Buddy Ackerman's office
calling.
Uh, fine. Yes.
We'll hold.
But please get him.
Water?
Uh, this is Buddy Ackerman's
office calling.
I don't want any water.
Buddy Ackerman's office
calling.
Thank you.
Leave word.
Buddy Ackerman's office
calling.
Fine. Please.
Well, leave word.
Yes. We'll call back.
Arrrghh.
Wyoming.
What? Oh, you
goin' western now?
Forget about Montana.
Wyoming is--is...
it's clean.
It's--it's pure.
We'll--we'll never leave
except if you need something.
We'll only go into town
if we need something.
We? Aw.
Yeah. You're gonna
want to come, aren't you?
Mm-hmm.
I could write.
No more sucking up
to these...
egotistical idiots.
No more politicking.
No more bad scripts.
Most of all...
no more Buddy Ackerman.
Hi. This is Guy.
Leave me a message.
Guy, pick up the phone.
I know you're there.
Come on.
Pick up. Pick up.
Pick up. Pick up.
Hello.
Hey. How ya doin'?
Uh, I'm fine.
I'm here with--
Great. That's great.
All right,
let's do it.
Script status.
The new draft's in.
Notes by Monday.
That's great.
And the deal?
Signed and delivered
Friday night.
Ha ha!
Any new, uh--
No. No new hair products
this week.
All right. Ok.
No, that's great.
No, no. Great.
Um...
?? give me Mindy's number ??
Weekend's almost over, everyone,
so enjoy it while you can.
We're gonna continue on
with the Sunday Marathon,
nonstop, commercial-free...
I don't have it with me.
It's at the office.
Jesus Christ.
You can't do anything right.
You know I was
seeing her tonight.
How many times
have I told you,
"Your head has
gotta be a rolodex,
or your ass is gonna
be on the line"?
I know, I know,
I know. You're right.
Now, get down to the office
and get me her number.
Sss...
Come on.
I have to go to the office.
You were just there.
I know. It'll just
take me a minute.
I gotta get
a phone number.
For what?
One of Buddy's bimbs?
Just try
to understand, ok?
I--I have to do this.
No, you don't!
You have played the doddering
houseboy long enough.
I know, I know,
but I made a commitment.
Oh, and you think that
means something to him?
You don't have to leave.
I'm coming right back.
Look, do me a favor.
The next time Buddy calls,
just say to him,
"I don't care."
No, really. Try it.
Say it with me.
"I don't care, Buddy."
Come on.
You really can't do it,
can you?
Wyoming, my ass.
You know, when you figure out
what it is you really want,
why don't you
give me a call?
You.
What?
You are
the only thing...
in my miserable,
shitty, little existence
that I have
to look forward to.
You're the only real thing
that I have left.
Then say it.
Say you don't care.
Come on, say it.
Fine. Leave.
Your project's set up.
You don't need me
anymore.
You got what you wanted,
and I got laid.
"Gotta give action
to get action."
Yeah, that's it.
That's it exactly.
Congratulations, Guy.
You just graduated.
You're gonna make a killing
in this business.
Protect my interests,
serve my needs.
Christ, you're dense.
No wonder
your wife left you.
That's another thing.
All--all this time
that I've worked for you,
I still don't know a thing
about your ex-wife.
Jesus, not a trace.
Not even a picture
in the whole house of her.
What...
was she beautiful?
Yes.
Did you love her?
Yes.
Oh.
Well, how nice.
When's she comin' home?
Mmm. I forgot.
She left ya.
Ha ha ha ha.
What do you want?
What do I want?
What do I want?
What do I want?
Well...
Tell me a story.
Tell me about
a young Buddy in love
with a woman who
just didn't want him.
Was it a painful separation?
Did you--
did you find her
in the passionate throes
of a secret lover, hmm?
Did she take you
for everything you had,
or did the lousy bitch
only get half?
She died.
Oh. Is that all?
Ha ha.
Well, boo hoo.
What a line.
"My wife died.
"Can you come home with me?
Hold me. Love me.
Fuck me." Christ.
God. You are such an asshole.
Christmas Eve,
She was on her way
to the mall.
I was supposed to
have gone with her.
We hadn't started our
christmas shopping yet.
But it was
gonna be simple.
Just some stuff
for our parents.
Money was tight,
and...
shopping was
a hassle anyway.
We even promised
not to give
each other gifts.
On the way,
there was a...
car that had
broken down,
so mallory
pulled over to help.
I always told her
she was such a busybody,
but she just called it
being nice.
She got out and...
asked if everything
was all right
or something stupid.
Anyway, it was a scam--
bunch of punk kids
stealing cars.
They shot her.
I was stuck
at the office
wrapping christmas gifts
for my boss.
Lot of gifts. We had
a good year that year.
I was there until 3 A.M.
And the whole time,
I'm thinking to myself,
"oh, boy...
"she is gonna be pissed.
When I get home,
I am a dead man."
Anyway, I got home,
got the message,
went down to the hospital
to identify her.
It was a whole week
into the new year
before I found them,
these stupid wind-up
toys and a note.
"In the constant
rat race of life,
don't ever forget
to unwind."
She was never really
any good at writing notes.
I didn't know.
Oh, "I didn't know."
Imagine that.
Boy genius here
didn't know something.
Hey, look...
that is no excuse
for your behavior.
You think you know
it all, don't you?
You're 25 years old.
You're a baby.
You don't know shit.
Look, I know what's fair, ok?
I know what's right.
Look, I can appreciate this.
I was young, too.
I felt just like you.
Hated authority,
hated all my bosses,
thought they
were full of shit.
Look,
it's like they say--
if you're not a rebel
by the age of 20,
but if you haven't
turned establishment by 30,
you got no brains...
because there are
no storybook romances,
no fairy tale endings.
So before you run out
and change the world,
ask yourself...
What do you really want?
?? When the plane lands ??
?? And the cracks ??
?? Give in the land ??
?? And the rocks turn ??
?? Into sand ??
Hank...
What happened to that delivery?
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Ooh.
Stop it, Hank.
That's not what I asked for.
Mm-hmm.
Look, I don't care
if God himself
came down and destroyed
the messenger van.
What I care about is detail.
as 8:00.
Hank, shut up,
listen, and learn.
When I ask for something
to be delivered at 8:00,
I expect it at 8:00.
I want it at 8:00,
not 8:30.
So the next time I ask
for something
to be delivered at 8:00,
get it there.
Good morning.
What's going on?
There was just a little
mix-up in the mail room.
Cyrus' birthday gift
is on its way.
The phone is ringing.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
Yes, Julie,
he's right here.
Hold on one moment,
please.
Cyrus.
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
Cyrus.
Hey.
?? Happy birthday to... ??
What, are you kidding?
How could I forget?
The project?
Looks great.
How great?
Like a hundred million
bucks great.
How's that sound?
Yeah? Ha ha.
Really.
Well, tell me about it.
Buddy Ackerman's office.
No, Foster.
He's out with Cyrus.
Well, you asked for it,
you got it.
I'll have him call you
right back, Foster.
As soon as he's off. Bye.
Aw, that's great.
Me? Oh, are you kidding?
I got no time.
I'm too busy workin' for you.
Yeah, well, ok.
All right.
Well, anything you say.
I'll take care of it.
Uh, foster--
The notes? Yeah, you'll
get them by 6:00 tonight.
Guy's working on 'em
right now.
Guy? Oh, he is
fan-fuckin'-tastic.
He's the best.
He's the best I've ever had.
I'm gonna have to start
lookin' after my back.
He's comin' up.
He's the one to watch. Yeah.
The one movin' up.
Uh-huh.
Ok. Yeah. Bye-bye.
You see?
I'm lookin' out for you.
Listen to me, nobody else,
because I have your
best interests at heart.
Do I look that... stupid?
Do I look that dumb?
Un-un-unbelievable!
Did you really think that
you could pull that on me?
Hey, I told Cyrus
about you!
Bullshit!
I never lied about that.
That's bullshit. I told him.
He knows who you are.
You lied!
You lied to me!
I told you what
you wanted to hear.
I told you what
you needed to hear.
Bullshit.
You were getting
complacent, ungrateful,
complete and total
job burnout,
and don't think
I didn't notice.
You just didn't
give a shit anymore,
draggin' your feet everywhere,
telling everybody
you were doing my job,
that you were
running the show,
that without you,
I was nothing.
Yeah.
People tell me things.
So don't come preaching to me
about your ideas
of what's fair.
You're no martyr here.
You're no hero.
You're just
a fuckin' hypocrite.
You're just like any
other punk kid out there
lookin' for a way in,
any way in,
and you need me!
Does that give you the right
to belittle people?
To abuse people?
What gives you the right
to treat people like--
Because I earned it!
What, you think someone
just handed me this job?
I've handled the phones,
I've juggled the bimbos,
I've--I've put up
with the tyrants,
the yellers, the screamers.
I've done more than
you can even imagine
in that small mind of yours.
I paid my dues.
I didn't spend one year--
And I spent 10!
Damn it, it's my turn
to be selfish!
It's my turn.
See, that's the trouble
with your fucking MTV
microwave-dinner generation.
You all want it now.
You think you deserve it
just because you want it?
It doesn't work like that.
You have to earn it.
You have to take it.
You have to make it yours.
But first, Guy,
you need to decide
what it is
you really want.
I want you...
to stop calling me
in the middle of the night.
I want you to stop sending me
to the fucking office
for your goddamned
phone numbers,
for your fucking sunglasses!
I want my life back!
What life?
What life?
I gave you life.
Before me,
you were nothing.
Before me,
you were an ink spot,
and now you're playing
in the majors.
I made you.
You will always be Guy
from Buddy Ackerman's office.
You want to go back to your
shitty little existence,
go ahead. Leave.
There's the door.
No one's stopping you.
You could have left any day,
but you stayed.
So let's forget the dudley
damn do-right crap,
because out here,
it's kill your parents,
fuck your friends,
and have a nice day!
And that makes it all right?
That's a load of shit.
I don't make the rules.
I play by them.
What, your job
is unfair to you?
Grow up. Way it goes.
People use you?
Life's unfair?
Grow up. Way it goes.
Your girlfriend
doesn't love you?
Tough shit. Way it goes.
Your wife gets raped and shot,
and they leave their
unfinished beers...
their...
their stinking longnecks...
just lying there
on the gr...
so be it.
Way it goes.
So, now you want to tell me
what you really want?
What this is really
all about...
What happened to you
this evening?
Hello?
Hi, Dawn.
It's, uh, Buddy. Hi.
I'm lookin' for Guy.
Have you seen him?
No. I haven't seen him
in a while, actually.
Aw, that's too bad.
Um, listen.
You want to come on over
and discuss the project?
You're not really
looking for Guy, are you?
Oops. You caught me.
So, what do you say?
I'd say I'm really busy. Sorry.
You forgetting what I taught you?
Never apologize.
It's a sign of weakness.
Never forgot it.
You know, I can
remember the days
when you would have
scurried over here
like an eager beaver.
Yeah, well, those days
are long gone.
That's why your career has
been on hold the past year.
Remember, you got to give
action to get action.
Never forgot that.
I gotta go, Buddy.
It's Guy, isn't it?
What's wrong? Can't see the boss
'cause you're
screwing the assistant?
Yeah, that's it.
That's it exactly.
Fine. He's no longer the assistant.
Excuse me?
You heard me.
He's history. He's gone.
There. Any problems
in coming over now?
I am warning you.
You leave Guy out of this.
He is not the problem, Buddy.
Well, maybe he is,
and maybe he isn't,
but there's really only
one way to find out--
Fuck.
Fuckin' men.
Fuckin' crazy.
What?!
Dawn? It's Guy.
Oh, h--hey.
Can I come over? I--
I think we need to talk.
Um...
Um, look, n-not--
not tonight, ok?
I--I've got, uh...
a lot of scripts to read
and stuff, so, uh...
Can we do this tomorrow?
Oh. uh...
Tomorrow.
Y-yeah. Ok.
Talk to me.
What is it?
Oh, nothing. I--I...
I just-- I...I wanted
to tell you something,
but I guess it can
wait till tomorrow.
Ok. Call--call me
in the morning, ok?
I will.
Dawn...
What?
I'm really...
I'm really sorry.
Ok.
I love you.
I love you.
No, wait a minute.
R-reconsider what, Buddy?
Uh...what are you gonna do?
You gonna fire me?
I have another call.
Hello? Hello?
It's still me. Listen.
We couldn't return
A lot of calls today
because you've been away.
Now, what do you mean,
"reconsider--"
Hold on! Fucking phones.
Call waiting.
Call conferencing.
Gotta be a rocket scientist
to make this thing work.
Hello? Hello?
Buddy.
Well, hi.
Dawn. You win.
Really?
Midnight, right?
Yeah. Just like old times.
Yeah, not even close.
Shall I bring anything?
No, not a thing.
Just get your cute
butt over here.
I'll leave the key out.
Buddy, Dawn.
Well, hi.
Shall I bring anything?
I'll leave the key out.
Midnight, right?
Yeah. Just like old times.
Midnight, right?
Just get your cute
butt over here.
I'll leave the key out.
So we're left
with just one thing...
the only thing I know
that drives men
to hurt, to want.
This is about a girl,
isn't it, Guy?
This is about Dawn.
All this over a chick?
You fool!
Please,
just shut up.
Aw, Guy,
you disappoint me.
You're gonna have
to start thinking
with your head
and not your hips.
I gave you everything.
But you weren't satisfied.
You had to have her, too.
Oh, some gift.
She's not what you think.
Come on, grow up!
You know as well as I do
that a bed
is the best friend
a girl like Dawn can have.
Be a man!
If you're gonna lose it
every time some bim
decides to climb
the social ladder,
you're never
gonna make it!
Isn't that right, Dawn?
Dawn, honey, so glad you
made it on time, darling,
"because you got
some 'splanin' to do!"
Buddy, what happened to you?
Guy, what are you
doing here?
Oh, don't you think
that's a question
that you should be answering?
What?
Oh, Christ.
No, Guy,
this is not
what you think.
Oh, really?
Well, tell us.
What are we supposed
to think? Huh?
A young, eager producer
comes up to the house
of a top executive
for a midnight rendezvous?
She's right, Guy.
It's not what you think.
She's definitely not
selling girl scout cookies.
What has happened here?
Oh, stop. Stop with the
fuckin' stupid questions!
What do you think
has happened?
He's taken me hostage!
He's beaten me,
he's tortured me,
and I think
you're next, dear.
Guy, this--this is
completely insane.
Just put the gun down,
and why don't we
talk about this?
What the fuck do you think
we've been doin' all night?!
Dear, I don't think
you fully appreciate
the situation.
After you get past the
"oops, he caught us" stage
and realize we are both
fucked, let me know, ok?
Shut up! I've got
nothing to do with you.
Aw, I'm hurt.
What happened to standing
by your man, Dawn?
n.
oh, that's right.
you don't stand by your me
you stand on them
as you climb up
to get to
the next one's bed.
yeah, let me tell you
somethin' about dawn here.
she used to be quite
the little fuck towel.
fresh film school grad
who fucked her way
to top assistant desk,
fucked her way
to junior executive,
and then fucked
her way to V.P.
It was quite a rise.
Of course,
she stopped all that
the day she got
her producer deal.
Been 3 years now. Trying
to make important films.
Redeeming films.
See, she started to
worry about words like
honor, dignity,
and respect,
words that a one-time
two-bit tramp
could never afford.
How dare you judge me?
Who the hell
do you think you are?
Ok, fine.
You tell him, then.
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
Why don't you tell him?!
No, I think it's better
he hears about
your past from you.
Shut up!
Both of you...
Shut up.
Guy, you are acting
like a child.
You are no better
than he is right now.
Me? What about you?
Tell me something.
H-h-how long have you
been fucking him?
A couple of years now, actually.
Good years, if you--
shut up!
Guy, I know what
this looks like.
It is not what you think.
I came here for you.
I came here for us.
You came here for us?
I told him to promote you.
The film was getting made.
It's everything you wanted,
everything you hoped for.
No.
No, it isn't.
It--it's not
what I wanted.
It's not the way
it was supposed to be.
I wanted this for us.
I--I wanted this for you.
Excuse me.
Wait a minute.
You two think
you love each other,
and that's the only reason
you put up with my shit?
Jesus, that's pathetic.
That's about
the most pathetic thing
I've ever heard.
I told you to shut up!
Guy, this is
what he wants.
Put the gun down.
He has got to pay.
He is not worth it!
Let him do it.
Come on, Guy.
You know what
you have to do.
Don't you dare give up
everything you've worked for.
Come on, boy.
Take it.
We can fix this now
if you put the gun down.
You know what
you have to do.
It's yours, and
you know you want it.
If you don't take it,
I got no sympathy.
Don't you dare
throw everything away.
You have to do it.
You want to do it.
Do it!
All for nothing?!
Will you stay
the fuck out of this?!
I--I am trying to save
your life here.
And I am trying
to give Guy his.
Listen, baby,
he can't fuck his way
through the ranks
nearly as well as you can.
He's gotta kick and fight
and scratch his way there.
He doesn't have a choice.
You have nothing
to contribute to this,
so stay the fuck out!
Go ahead. Shoot.
I don't care.
Yabba-dabba-doo.
All right, Guy. Come on.
Let's finish this.
Give it to me. Show me
what you're made of.
Show me what you've learned.
Don't let me down, son.
Everything I've taught you
comes down to this.
This is the only way that
you could hope to survive.
Because life...
is not a movie.
Everyone lies.
Good guys lose.
And love...
does not conquer all.
So let's do this thing.
Let's finish it.
I'm sorry.
Do it! Come on!
Do it now!
Currently 78 degrees
in Hollywood,
and it's beginning to look
a lot like Christmas.
Hey, hey. Look who's
the new big man on campus.
Come on in
and sit down, Jack.
What? This is unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
You have got to be
the youngest executive
they've ever had here.
Yeah, well...
"Well," nothin'.
You deserve it.
You deserve it.
After you saved Buddy
from that crazy chick?
Unbelievable.
That's not quite
how it happened, Jack.
That's not quite
the way it happened?
Shit! This jilted lover
holds Buddy hostage,
beats him, tortures him,
and you ride in
and save the day.
Oh, above and beyond
the call of duty, Guy.
I was delivering
some scripts,
and I happened
to be there.
You pulled the trigger
on her, man!
You are a hero!
You deserve this.
So, you know,
do you think that you could
just, you know, pop a good word
in there for me, you know?
I mean, my year's
almost done here.
Let me tell you
something, Jack.
Everyone is gonna want to
give you the same advice...
tell you that you
have to pay your dues...
ask you to do them a favor.
"Do this for us."
They all want you to play
by the rules, Jack.
Their rules.
Well, save that
candy-striped shit
for the Wall Street
wimps...
because
this town is a jungle.
This is your inner city.
These are your mean streets.
And the only interests
that you need to protect...
are yours.
And the only needs...
that you have to serve...
are yours.
So the only question
that you need to answer
is this--
And think about this, Jack--
What do you really want?
Well...
I have to go to
a meeting, Jack, so...
Ok.
You are my God.
Hey, Guy, what do you say
we grab some dinner tonight?
I'd like to, Jack...
but I have to wrap
some Christmas gifts.