A legend is sung
Of when England was young
And knights
were brave and bold
The good king had died
And no one could decide
Who was rightful heir
to the throne
It seemed that the land
Would be torn by war
Or saved by a miracle alone
And that miracle appeared
In London town
The sword
In the stone
And below the hilt
in letters of gold...
were written these words:
"Whoso pulleth out this sword
of this stone and anvil...
is rightwise king
born of England."
Though many tried for the sword
with all their strength...
none could move the sword
nor stir it.
So the miracle
had not worked.
And England was still
without a king.
And in time, the marvellous sword
was forgotten.
This was a dark age...
without law
and without order.
Men lived in fear
of one another...
for the strong
preyed upon the weak.
A dark age indeed!
Age of inconvenience.
No plumbing...
no electricity...
no nothing!
Oh, hang it all!
Hang it all!
Oh, now what?
Now what?
Leave, leave off!
Leave off!
Oh, you, you, you
fiendish chain you!
Everything complicated.
One big medieval mess.
Now, uh, let me see.
He should be here in,
I'd say half an hour.
Who? Who? I'd like
to know who.
I told you, Archimedes.
I am not sure.
All I know is that someone will
be coming. Someone very important.
Oh, pinfeathers!
Fate will direct him to me
so that I, in turn...
may guide him to his rightful
place in the world.
Huh! And-And you say he will
arrive in half an hour?
Ha! Well, we'll just see.
And you will, Archimedes.
You will.
Ow!
He'll be, uh, a boy.
Small boy.
Eleven, twelve years old.
And a scrawny little fellow.
Oh, no, no, no.
That can't be the one.
Surely not. Why, that big lad
must be close onto 20.
Ah. There he is.
The scrawny little
fellow about 12.
He's a regular
little grasshopper.
Look at him go.
And where... where would you
guess he is at this very moment?
I am not guessing,
Archimedes!
I know where he is!
Less than a mile from here
just beyond the forest.
And right on schedule,
if-if all goes well.
- Quiet, Wart.
- I'm tryin' to be.
And nobody asked you to
come along in the first place.
- I'm not even movin'.
- Shut up.
Aha! Here we go.
Oh, what a set-up.
Right smack through
the old gizzard.
Whoa. What? Oh!
Why, you clumsy,
little fool!
Oh, Kay, please, I'm sorry.
I couldn't help it. Please.
If I ever...
If I ever get my hands on,
on you, I'll, I'll ring...
your scrawny little neck,
so help me, I will.
I'll get the arrow, Kay.
I'm sure I can find it.
Don't tell me you're
going in there.
Why, it's swarming with wolves.
I'm not afraid.
Well, go ahead.
It's your skin, not mine.
Go on, go on.
There it is.
Oh, there it is.
Whoa! What... Oh!
Well.
So, you, you did drop in
for tea after all.
Oh, you are a bit late,
you know.
- Oh, I, I am?
- Yes.
Now, my name is Merlin.
Come, come,
who are you, my lad?
Oh, my name's Arthur,
but everyone calls me Wart.
Oh.
Oh, what a perfect
stuffed owl.
Stuff...
I, I, I beg your pardon!
He's alive and he talks.
And certainly a great deal
better than you do.
Oh, come, Archimedes.
Come, come now.
I, I want you
to meet the Wart.
Now, you must forgive him.
He's only a boy.
Boy? Boy?
Well, I see no boy.
- Oh, I'm sorry that l...
- That's all right.
He's much too sensitive.
Sensitive? Huh?
Who? What? What?
- Oh, well.
- How did you know that I was...
Oh, th-that you would
be dropping in?
Well, I happen to be
a wizard. A soothsayer.
A prognosticator. I have
the power to see into the future.
Centuries into the future!
I, I've even been there, lad.
And I've seen all these things.
They're, they're only plans and
small models, of course, you know.
Now, this for instance
is a steam locomotive.
There she goes.
Pretty good, eh?
Now, that won't be invented
for hundreds of years!
Oh. You mean you can see
everything before it happens?
Yes, everything.
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
Everything, Merlin?
Uh... No, no,
not everything.
I, uh, I admit I didn't know
whom to expect for tea.
But as you can see...
I figured the exact place.
You're very clever, sir.
Yes. Well, never mind
the, the, the sir.
Just, uh, plain Merlin will do.
Now, would, would you
care for sugar?
Oh, yes, I would, please.
All right. Sugar. Sugar?
No, no, manners, manners, manners!
Guests first, you know that!
All right.
Say when, lad.
When!
- Have you had any schooling?
- Oh, yes!
I'm training to be a squire.
I'm learning the rules of combat
and swordsmanship and...
and jousting
and horsemanship.
Oh, yes, yes, very good.
That's, that's...
No, no, no, l...
I mean a, a, a real education.
Mathematics. History.
Biology. Natural science.
English. Latin. French.
No. When! When!
Blast it all! When!
Impudent piece of crockery.
Boy, now, you can't...
You can't grow up without
a decent education, you know.
Oh, I suppose not, sir...
Merlin.
So, I am going to be
your tutor.
But I've got to get back to the castle.
They'll want me in the kitchen.
Oh, well.
Then very well.
We'll pack and
be on our way.
You... You watch now.
You'll like this.
Higitus figitus
zumba ka zing.
I want your attention,
everything.
We're packing to leave.
Come on. Let's go.
No, no, not you. Books are
always first, you know.
Hockety pockety wockety whack
Abra abra dabra nack
Shrink in size very small
We've got to save enough room for all
Higitus figitus migitus mum
Prestidigitonium
Alika fez, balika zez
Malaca mez meripedes
Hockety pockety wockety...
Whoa!
Now, stop, stop, stop, stop!
See here, sugar bowl.
You're getting rough. That poor
old tea set is cracked enough.
Now. Now, all right.
Let's start again.
Ah, let's start... Eh...
Oh. Where was I, boy?
- Uh, hock-hockety pockety?
- Oh, yes, yes, that's right.
Hockety pockety wockety wack
Odds and ends and bric-a-brac
Be with you in just a minute, son.
Packing's almost done.
You, you, you
bungling blockhead!
Hey, easy there.
No, no, go ahead.
Dum doodly doodly doodly dum
This is the best part now.
Higitus figitus migitus mum
Prestidigitonium
Higitus figitus migitus mum
Prestidigitoni...
- Ha, ha!
- What a way to pack.
Well... Well, now,
just a minute, boy.
How else would you get all this stuff
into one suitcase, I'd like to know?
- Oh, but I think it's wonderful!
- Oh.
Yes, it is rather.
Now, well...
don't, don't you get any foolish ideas
that magic will solve all your problems.
- Because it won't!
- But, sir, I don't have any problems.
Oh, bah, everybody's got problems.
The world is full of problems.
Oh, blast it all!
There, now. You see what I mean?
See, that's the trouble
with the world today.
Everybody butting their heads against a
brick wall. All muscle and no mentality.
Do you want to be
all muscle and no brain?
- I don't have any muscle.
- You don't? Well,
how do you move about?
Oh, I suppose I,
I do have a little.
Aha. There, you see. Well, that's
enough. Now, develop your brain.
Knowledge, wisdom. There's
the real power. Higher learning.
That's the thing.
So, first thing tomorrow morning,
we'll start a full schedule.
Eight hours a day. We'll have six hours
for schoolroom and two for study period.
But l... I don't have the time.
I have page duties.
Uh, page duties? Ha!
Ah, well, we'll change all that.
There's got to be a shake-up.
Well, yes, sir.
I, I suppose so.
How do you ever expect
to amount to anything without
an education, I'd like to know?
Even in these bungling,
backward, medieval times...
you have got to know
where you're going, don't you?
Ye... Yes, sir.
Yes, of course. So, you must
plan for the future, boy.
You've got to find a direction.
And you've...
Now, by the by, what direction
is this castle of yours?
I think it's north.
The other way.
Oh, oh.
All right, then we better get
a move on. Come on, come on, lad.
Pick up the pace. Pick it up.
Pick it up.
Pick it up.
Yo-ho, the devil take it!
No, the devil take it.
Anyone's got better sense
than to go barging off in
that infernal forest alone.
You had no business
letting him go.
Look, Dad, I'm not
the Wart's keeper.
Well, blast it all, I am.
After all, I, I took him in,
adopted the lad, you might say.
Being his foster father,
well, I'm responsible.
Whoop.
Tiger! Talbot! Off with you.
Now, look here, Wart.
What's the big idea of
gallivanting off in the woods...
and worrying the living
daylights out of everybody?
- I'm sorry, sir.
- Well, sorry's not enough.
That's four demerits.
Four hours extra kitchen duty.
Eh, report to the cook!
- But, sir, I'd like you to meet...
- Go on, hop it, boy, hop, hop, hop it!
Well, yes, you've got to keep a tight
schedule to run a big place like this.
Need strict rules.
Especially for small boys.
And I most certainly agree.
Who are you and...
Oh. I mean, uh, you?
Uh, my name is Merlin.
Uh, this is Archimedes.
A highly educated owl.
Educated owl?
Say, that's a good one.
Say. Hey, I know.
You've got him under a spell,
Marvin. You're a magician.
The name is Merlin.
And I happen to be the world's
most powerful wizard.
Come off it, man.
Gadzooks!
All right.
I shall demonstrate.
Higitus figitus migitus moe...
wind and snow
swirl and blow!
What the devil
are you up to?
And that is what I call
a "wizard blizzard."
Hey, Kay, would
you look at this?
An indoor blizzard.
And in the month of July.
So what?
All right, Marvin. Turn her off.
I'm convinced.
Alakazam!
I, uh... I hope you don't go in
for any of that black magic.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Never touch the stuff. No.
My magic is used mainly
for educational purposes.
In fact, that is why
I am here.
I have come
to educate the Wart.
Oh, no, you don't.
I'm running this place. And if you think
you're gonna fiddle with my schedule...
you'd better pack up your bag
of tricks and be gone.
Wha... Well, by Jove.
Hey, he's gone.
Hm-mmm. Good riddance.
I'm gone, but then,
I'm not gone.
So, if I do leave...
you could never be sure
that I am gone, can you?
Well, uh...
Well, I must say, you...
you got me there, Marvin.
Yes. Well, you win. You're
welcome to stay if you like.
Thank you.
You're very kind.
Very generous, I must say.
Well, uh, all we can offer
is room and board.
Hard times,
you know, Marvin.
We'll put you up
in the northwest tower.
That's the guest room.
It's a bit draughty in the winter...
but in this blazing hot weather,
it's the best room in the house.
Oh, yes.
Very lovely indeed.
So just make yourself
at home, Marvin.
Marvin, Marvin,
Marvin, Marvin.
Best room in the house!
Guest room!
Unwelcome-guest room!
But if he thinks that he can get rid of
me, I've got news for that old walrus.
- I'm sticking it out.
- And I say we go back to the woods.
No, not on your life.
That boy's got to have an education.
He has a future.
Well, you may be right.
A skinny kid like that would make
a cracking good chimney sweep.
Something tells me that
you're all wet, Archimedes.
- Who goes there?
- Pelinore!
It's Pelinore, dash it all!
I've got big news from London.
Big news!
Come on, man.
Drop the bridge.
Oh, big news, eh?
They can't wait for
the London Times. First edition
won't be out for at least, uh...
Archimedes, would you mind
sailing down there and, and...
Not interested!
Oh, come, come, come, come now.
You're as wet as you can get.
No! No, no, no!
Archimedes! I'll turn you
into a human.
- Hmph! You wouldn't dare!
- I will. So help me, I will.
Well, all right, all right.
All right!
All right.
It works every time.
Just like magic.
Pelinore!
Pelinore.
Greetings, old boy. And what's
all the noise about London, hmm?
Big news. Really big news.
Sit down, man,
and let's hear all about it.
They're having a big tournament
New Year's Day.
Oh, that's not news,
dash it all. They always do.
Yeah, but, Ector... Ector, here's
where all the excitement comes in.
To the winner of this tournament
goes the crown.
You mean... You mean
he'll be king of all England?
King of all England.
- Kay, lad, did you hear that?
- Pretty fair prize, I'd say.
Yes, and you can win it, boy,
if you knuckle down to your training.
And we'll have you knighted by Christmas
and off to London. What do you say?
Sure. Why not? Why not?
Wart, lad, how'd you
like to go to London?
- Oh, Sir Ector, you mean it?
- If you stick to your duties,
you can be Kay's squire.
Oh, I will, sir.
I will.
I don't want the Wart
for my squire.
Here's to London!
And here's to Kay.
And here's to the banner
of the Castle of the Forest Suavage.
- Cheers!
- Cheers, cheers.
- Cheers.
Charge!
Weight forward!
Lean into him!
Steady, boy. Steady!
Steady with the lance!
Grip her tight!
Hit him clean!
No, no, no!
Heads up!
Ar-Ar-Archimedes. Archimedes,
wh-where, where, where are we?
In a tumble-down old tower...
in the most miserable old castle
in all Christendom, that's where.
C-Castle? Castle?
Don't you even
remember the boy?
Uh, the boy?
Can't you remember
one blasted thing?
- Oh, now, just a moment. L...
- Tight grip on the lance.
- Oh.
- Loosen the saddle, knees in tight.
Weight forward
and stay on target.
You keep losing your grip.
It's not a mere matter
of muscle, sir.
Jousting is, uh, uh,
a fine skill.
It... It's a highly
developed science.
Science, indeed.
One dummy trying to knock off
another dummy with a bit of a stick.
And the Wart's just as hot
for it as the rest of them.
He certainly is. That boy's
got real spark. Lots of spirit.
Throws himself heart and soul
into everything he does.
That's really worth something if it can
only be turned in the right direction.
Ha-ha.
Fat chance of that.
Oh, I plan to cheat,
of course.
Use magic. Every last trick
in the trade if I have to.
I'd give anything to go riding
about on a great white charger...
slaying dragons and griffins
and man-eating giants.
Well, won't you?
Oh. No. You see.
I'm an orphan, and a knight
must be of proper birth.
I only hope I'm worthy
to be Kay's squire.
That's a big job too,
you know.
Oh, indeed, yes, yes.
I would say almost impossible. Yes.
Well, now then. When I said
that I could swim like a fish...
I really meant as a fish.
You mean you can turn
yourself into a fish?
After all, I happen
to be a wizard.
- Could you turn me into a fish?
- Well, do you have any imagination?
Can you imagine yourself
as a fish?
Oh, that's easy.
I've done that lots of times.
Oh. Well, good. Then I think
that my magic can do the rest.
Archimedes, what, what
is that fish formula?
- Who? Who? What? What? What?
- You know, that, that,
that Latin business.
Hmm? Fish? Latin?
Oh, uh.
Aquarius aquaticus aqualitus.
And-And now if you don't mind...
I say good day to the both
of you, if you please.
When he stays out all night...
he's always grumpy
the next morning.
- Then he must stay out every night.
- Yes.
Oh. Oh, yes. Oh, I say,
that's very good, boy. Very.
Who? What? What?
All right, boy. All set.
Here we go.
Aquarius aquaticus
aqualitus quum.
Aqua digi tarium.
Merlin, am I a fish?
Am I a fish?
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes,
you are a fish...
but if you don't stop that
flippity-flopping around...
and get in the water,
you won't last long.
Now, now, stay right here in the tules
and I'll... I'll be with you in a minute.
Oh.
So you thought you could take
right off like a shot, did you?
Well, I am a fish,
aren't I?
You merely look
like a fish.
That doesn't mean that you can swim like
one. You, you don't have the instinct.
So, you'll have to use your,
your brain for a change.
You are living between
two planes now.
Somewhere between the ceiling
and the floor.
Now, there, there's lots
of ups and downs...
like-like, uh,
like a helicopter.
- Helicopter?
- Yes...
Oh. No, never mind.
Every flick of a fin
creates movement.
So, first we'll start
with a caudal fin.
No, no, boy.
Your tail. Tail.
Now, now, that gives you
the forward thrust now.
Come on. Let's get a rhythm.
Right, left.
Right, left. One, two.
Left and right
Like day and night
That's what makes
the world go 'round
In and out
Thin and stout
That's what makes
the world go 'round
For every up
there is a down
- For every square
- There is a round?
Yes.
For every high
- There is a low?
- Uh-huh.
- And for every to...
- There is a...
- Fro.
- Fro.
Yes, fro.
To and fro, stop and go
That's what makes
the world go 'round
In and out
Thin and stout
- Merlin! Merlin!
- Oh!
- I swallowed a bug!
- Oh. What's wrong with that?
After all, my boy, you are
a fish. L-Instinct, you know.
- But you said I had no instinct.
- Yes, of...
Oh. Oh, I did. Well, th-that's
neither here nor there.
But the main thing
is you must...
Set your sights
upon the heights
Don't be a mediocrity
- Mediocrity?
- That's right.
Don't just wait
and trust to fate
And say that's how
it's meant to be
It's up to you
how far you go
If you don't try
you'll never know
And so, my lad
as I've explained
Nothing ventured
nothing gained
Let's, let's swim through that
tall grass again. It tickles.
Oh. Oh,
I beg your pardon.
Me too.
For every to there is a fro
For every stop
there is a go
And that's what makes
the world go 'round
Oh, let go,
let go, let go!
Oh, you big,
bug-eyed bully, you!
Who, me?
Oh, here, here, here,
here, here, now, boy.
There's no sense in going
around insulting bullfrogs.
A fish has plenty of other
problems without that.
The water world has its
forests and its jungles too.
So it has its tigers and
its wolves. And that, eh, ah...
That's what makes
the world go 'round
You see, my boy
it's nature's way
Upon the weak
the strong ones prey
In human life
it's also true
The strong will try
to conquer you
And that is what
you must expect
Unless you use
your intellect
Brains and brawn
Weak and strong
- Help, Merlin! Help! Help!
- That's what makes the wor...
Jehoshaphat!
Oh!
- Quick, Merlin, the magic!
- No, no.
You're on your own, lad.
Now's your chance to prove my point.
Wha-What point?
He's the brawn and you're the brain.
Oh, now, don't, don't, don't panic!
You use your head.
Outsmart the big brute.
Smart move, lad!
That's using the old intellect.
- Bravo, boy! Great strategy!
- Is the lesson about over?
D-D-Did you get the point?
Yes, yes, brain over brawn.
Okay, lad, I'll fix the big
brute. Higgeldy piggeldy...
No, no. Hocus pocus...
Now, what in blaze... Eh...
Merlin!
Now what? Oh, it's,
it's that, that boy!
- Wh-Wh-What in b-blazes!
- Help! Help! Help!
Ouch!
Help!
Archimedes!
Help!
What in thunder is a monster
like that doing in the moat?
By George, l-l-l... I'll, I'll...
I'll turn him into a minnow.
- Merlin!
- Oh! Oh, there you are, boy.
Snick snack snorum!
How in the world did you ever
get out of that mess?
That, that big fish almost swallowed me
and, and Archimedes, he, he saved me.
Well, by Jo...
Oh, what do you know about that?
I did nothing of the sort!
I intended to eat him.
Young perch is my favourite dish.
You know that!
Oh.
- Do you believe that, Wart?
- Well, l...
Wart. Wart!
I've gotta go. Thank you,
Merlin. It was so much fun.
- And, Archimedes, I, l...
- Pinfeathers, boy!
Wart! Where are you, Wart?
Coming!
I'm coming.
Now, Archimedes.
Why would you half-drown
yourself for a tidbit of fish?
And after such
a big breakfast?
Pinfeathers and gully fluff!
We were doing fine
until we got in deep water.
Then along comes this huge pike
with big jaws and sharp, jagged teeth.
Oh, turn him off, Dad.
He was a monster!
The biggest fish I ever saw.
- And, boy, that's the biggest
fish story I ever heard.
- But it's true, sir.
That's three demerits for being late
and three more for the fish story.
Now, hop into the kitchen!
I told you the Wart
was loony.
Yes, well, he's either
out of his head or, uh...
there's something mighty
fishy going on around here.
For every high
there is a low
For every to
there is a fro
To and fro
Stop and go
That's what makes
the world go 'round
- Oh, it's you, Merlin, sir.
- Uh, yes, my lad.
Now, have you ever
considered being a squirrel?
Well, no, I don't suppose.
Well, now, there is
a tiny creature...
with enormous problems.
How he has survived
throughout the ages...
is one of nature's
big mysteries.
His life is hazardous.
Downright dangerous.
Uh, would you
like to try it?
- Oh, no, I'd better not.
- Oh-ho.
It's, uh, too dangerous
for you, eh?
Oh, no, it's not that.
It's just that I've got six
demerits. All this work to do.
What a mess!
What a medieval muddle.
We'll have to modernize it.
Start an assembly-line system.
All right now. One and a-two
and a-three and a-four!
Higitus figitus migitus mum
Skitun de bitun de batun de dum
- But I'm supposed to do it.
- No one will know the difference, son.
Who cares as long
as the work gets done?
Rubbedy scrubbedy
Sweepety flow
Come on, son.
Let's go, let's go.
Wart. Wart!
Wart. Now, take it easy.
Take it easy, boy.
Wart! Oh, no, boy!
No, no!
- Wart!
- Whoa. Oh!
Now, what did I tell you?
Always look before you leap.
Well, I made it,
didn't I?
Yes, yes, you made it.
You made it, but you, you can't
always trust to luck, boy.
Now, first thing...
you start with
the short jumps.
Gauge the distance carefully.
And... Oh!
Now, there, you see?
Even, even, even then you can miss.
So, don't take gravity too lightly
or it'll catch up with you.
- What's gravity?
- Gravity is what causes you to fall.
Oh, like a stumble
or, or a trip?
Yes, it's like a stumble
or a... No, no, no, no, no.
It's the force that pulls you downward.
The, the phenomenon that any two
material particles or bodies...
if free to move, will be
accelerated toward each other.
- Merlin, how will we get by?
- Hmm?
Oh. Oh, well, I, I suppose we
better go back to a side track.
Go on, go on.
You got lots of room.
Well, l... I, I, I guess
she can't be sidetracked.
That's a girl squirrel, that,
and a redhead at that.
- She sure acts funny.
- Well, she likes you.
Why?
Yes, well, well, well,
that's nature again.
But I'm afraid there's
no time to explain.
Here, here, now.
You better leave me out of it.
Yeah, me too.
Merlin! Merlin!
You're on your own, lad. I'm afraid
magic can't solve this problem.
Look, I'm, I'm not a boy.
I mean...
I'm not a squirrel.
I'm a boy.
A human boy.
Not a real sq...
Oh, leave me alone!
Merlin, what'll I do?
She won't leave me...
Well, I'm, I'm afraid
you're stuck, lad.
Well, when a girl squirrel
chooses a mate, it's for life.
- But I won't be a squirrel tomorrow.
- But she doesn't know that.
She only knows one simple fact.
That you're a him and she's a her.
- That's a natural phenomenon.
- Phenomenon-menum?
Well, it's the, the, uh...
It's a state of being
A frame of mind
It's a most
befuddling thing
And to every being of every kind
it is discombooberating
You're wasting time
resisting
You'll find
the more you do
The more
she'll keep insisting
Her him has got to be you
Now leave me alone!
I mean it!
It's a rough game
Anyone knows
Go away!
There are no rules
Anything goes
There's no logical
explanation
For this discombooberation
It's a most bemuddling
Most befuddling thing
Oh! Who? Who? What... What...
Now, go on. Shoo!
Get a tree of your own.
Skedaddle!
You... You... You... You...
Oh, you squirrelly squirrels!
She's gaining on you, Wart.
There's no sensible
explanation
For this discombooberation
It's a most hodge-podgical
Most illogical
Most confusiling
Most bamboozling
Most bemuddling
Most be-befu-fuddling
Thing
Really, now, Miss, uh...
Madam. I, uh...
You, you, you've made a mistake.
Now, now, now, please.
Please, you...
Oh! Madam! Madam!
Now, look here.
I am not a boy.
I, I mean, I'm...
I'm not a squirrel. I'm a b...
No, that's not what... No!
No. I'm, I'm,
I'm a stupid old...
No!
I'm an old man.
An old human.
Understand?
Oh, hang it all.
Now, go away.
Shoo, shoo.
Impossible. Impossible!
Ooh, confound it!
Confound it all!
Merlin, I'm tired of being a squirrel.
It's nothing but trouble.
Oh, you've got trouble?
Look at my... Look back there!
One side, lad.
Whoa, what...
Help, Merlin!
Help!
Oh, no!
By George!
I've had enough
of this nonsense!
Alakazam!
There. You see? I'm an ugly,
horrible, grouchy old man!
- Merlin!
- Oh.
- So, here we are.
- Quick, Merlin, the magic.
Snick snack snorum.
There. Now you see?
I'm not a squirrel. I'm a boy.
I tried to tell you.
I'm a boy.
A human boy.
Oh, if you could only understand.
Ah, you know, lad...
that love business
is a powerful thing.
Greater than gravity?
Well, yes, boy,
in its way, I'd, uh...
Yes, I'd say it's
the greatest force on Earth.
Oh, Ector!
Ector! Sir Ector! The kitchen!
- Hold it, son! Hold it.
- Black magic all over the place!
Kay! Hold on, I say!
Stop!
Oh. Now, what's
all the commotion, hmm?
Oh, the kitchen,
it's under an evil spell!
- Huh?
- It's bewitched.
Oh, I bet it's
that old goat Marvin.
Come on, son.
L-I knew he'd give us trouble.
Gadzooks!
Black magic
of the worst kind!
Come on, Kay!
To the attack!
Wha... Oh!
Hold it!
Heaven preserve us!
Kay!
- Now, what have we here?
- Jumpin' hoptoads!
Alakazam!
So there you are,
you old goat.
Well, what's the idea of flinging
your evil spells all over the place?
Oh, oh,
lend me a hand, boy.
Well, what have you got
to say for yourself, hmm?
You call washing dishes and
sweeping floors a work of evil?
I'll decide what's right
and wrong around here.
Besides, that's the Wart's job.
One of his duties.
Uh, and look here, boy.
If you want to make that trip
to London, you'd better toe the mark.
You old goat! If I ever catch you
in my kitchen again, I'll...
Madam, you won't.
Oh, dear. He's gone.
Well, by Jove.
We ought to run the old geezer
right out of the castle.
Oh, no, no,
no, no, Kay. No.
He might cast an evil spell
on the lot of us.
Turn us all to stone.
No. There's no telling
what the old devil might do.
He's not an old devil!
He... He's good!
And, and his magic
is good too.
Lf, if you'd just
leave him alone!
Now, look here, Wart.
That's three more demerits.
- Box his ears, Dad.
- Just because you can't
understand something...
- it, it doesn't mean it's wrong.
- Ten more demerits!
You make all the rules and, and
nobody else can say anything.
You've said aplenty, boy! All that
popping off just cooked your goose.
Kay, from now on,
young Hobbs is your squire.
Did you hear that, Wart?
Hobbs is going to be Kay's squire.
- Ye... Ye... Yes, sir.
- Now that'll teach you to pop
off, you little pipsqueak.
Oh, I'm sorry, lad.
I'm sorry.
I spoiled everything.
I know that trip to London
means a great deal to you.
Oh, it's,
it's not your fault.
I shouldn't have popped off.
Now I'm really done for.
No, no, you're in
a great spot, boy.
You can't go down now.
It can only be up from here.
- I'd like to know how.
- Use your head.
An education, lad.
What good will that do?
Get it first. Then who knows?
Are you willing to try?
Well, what have
I got to lose?
That's the spirit!
We'll start tomorrow!
We'll show 'em.
Won't we, boy?
We sure will.
Now, first of all, lad...
we've got to get all these
medieval ideas out of your head.
Clear the way for new ideas.
Knowledge of man's
fabulous discoveries...
in the centuries ahead.
- Now that'll be
a great advantage, boy.
- Advantage, indeed!
If the boy goes
about saying the world is round,
they'll take him for a lunatic.
- The world is round?
- Yes, yes, that's right.
And it also goes around.
- You mean it'll be round someday?
- No, no, no.
It's round now. Man will discover this
in centuries to come.
And he will also find that
the world is merely...
a tiny speck
in the universe.
- Universe?
- Oh, you're only confusing the boy.
Before you're through, he'll be
so mixed up, he'll, he'll be
wearing his shoes on his head.
Man has always learned
from the past. After all,
you can't learn history in reverse.
It's, it's, it's confusing
enough, for heaven sakes.
All right! All right.
Have it your way, Archimedes.
You're in charge.
You're the headmaster now.
So from now on,
he's your pupil.
So, from now on, boy...
you do as I say.
- Yes, sir.
- All right.
Now to start off, I want you
to read these books.
- All of them?
- That, my boy, is
a mountain of knowledge.
- But I, but I can't read.
- What, what? What? Then I don't
suppose you know how to write?
- No, sir.
- What do you know?
- Well, l...
- Well, never mind. Never mind.
We'll start at the bottom.
The ABC's.
First the A,
and now the B.
Loop and around
and there's the C.
Merlin. Look.
I can write.
Oh. Yes, yes.
That's very good, boy. Very...
Henscratch, that's all.
Henscratch. Now, come on.
D, E, F,
and now the G.
You see, it's as simple as...
No, no, no! No, boy!
Now, use your head.
Use your head, will you? How do you
ever expect to learn anything?
Archimedes!
Have you seen that, uh...
flying machine model?
I have nothing to do with your
futuristic fiddle-faddle, you know that.
- What's that thing up there?
- Hmm? Oh, yes, of course.
- Here we are.
- You mean man will fly
in one of those someday?
If man were meant to fly,
he'd have been born with wings.
I am about to prove
otherwise, Archimedes...
if you care to watch.
Here she goes.
No, no, no, no, no...
Man'll fly all right.
Just like a rock.
It would have worked if, if,
if, if it weren't for...
this infernal beard!
I never, never
in my whole...
Man will fly someday,
I tell you.
I have been there.
I have seen it.
Oh, I do hope so.
I've always dreamed about flying...
that I was a bird and
that I could go sailing all over
the sky high above everything.
Prestidigitonium.
It's my favourite dream.
Oh, but then I suppose
everybody dreams about flying.
I'm a bird! I'm a bird!
I'm a bird!
Hold it, boy.
Not so fast. Not so fast.
First, l... I'd better explain
the mechanics of a bird's wing.
Now, these large feathers...
are called the primaries.
- And, uh...
- And, uh, since when...
do you know all about
birds' wings?
I have made an extensive study
of birds in flight. And l...
And if you don't mind,
I happen to be a bird.
All right, Mr Know-It-All,
he's your pupil.
- Ouch!
- Now, boy...
flying is not merely
some crude mechanical process.
It is a delicate art.
Purely aesthetic.
Poetry of motion.
And the best way to learn it
is to do it.
Now, since we're pretty far up,
we'll start with a glide.
Spread your wings way out,
way out. That's it. That's it.
Now, fan your tail.
Tippity-toe, tippity-toe,
and off we go.
Now, tuck your feet under,
like me. That's it. That's the idea!
- Whoa! What? Oh!
- And don't fight the air currents.
Use them.
Well, say, boy!
That's pretty good.
Well, boy,
you're a natural!
Are you sure this is
the first time that you've...
Wart! Wart!
Hawk! Hawk!
Look out, boy!
Heads up! Wart!
Archimedes! Help!
Wart! Wart!
Whoa! What? Oh!
Sounds like someone's sick.
How lovely.
Oh, bat gizzards.
It's nothing but...
a scrawny little sparrow
with a beak full of soot.
Oh, l-I'm not really a sparrow.
I'm a boy.
- A boy?
- Merlin changed me with his magic.
He's the world's
most powerful wizard.
Merlin. Ho-ho!
Merlin, the world's
most powerful bungler.
Why, boy, I've got more magic
in one little finger.
Now, don't tell me you've never
heard of the marvellous Madam Mim?
Well, no, I don't guess so.
Madam Mim? Oh! Good heavens,
good heavens, good heavens!
Why, boy, I'm the greatest.
I'm truly marvellous!
With only a touch
I have the power
Zim zab rim bim
To whither a flower
I find delight
in the gruesome and grim
- Oh, that's terrible.
- Thank you, my boy.
But that's nothing,
nothing for me.
No! 'Cause I'm the magnificent...
marvellous, mad Madam Mim.
You know what?
I can even change size.
I can be huge!
Ooh! Fill the whole house.
I can be teeny
Small as a mouse
Black sorcery
is my dish of tea
Uh, it comes easy to me.
'Cause I'm the magnificent...
marvellous, mad Madam Mim.
Marvellous, boy!
Marvellous, I'm marvellous!
Say, lad, did you know that
I can make myself uglier yet?
Well, that would be some trick.
Er, um, ah, I mean, uh...
Want to bet? Boo!
You see? I win, I win!
Aren't I hideous, boy?
Perfectly revolting?
- Well, uh, yes, ma'am.
- But you ain't seen nothin' yet.
Watch this.
I can be beautiful
lovely and fair
Silvery voice
long purple hair
But it's only skin deep
for zim zaberim zim
I'm an ugly, old creep!
The magnificent, marvellous...
mad, mad, mad,
mad Madam Mim.
Now what do you think, boy?
Who's the greatest?
Well, uh, Merlin's magic
is always, um, well, useful...
uh, for something good.
- And he must see something good in you.
- Oh, I suppose so.
Yes, and in my book,
that's bad!
So, my boy, I'm afraid
I'll have to destroy you.
De-Destroy me?
Yeah, l-I'll give you
a sporting chance.
I'm mad about games,
you know.
Yeah, well, come on,
get going, boy.
You gotta keep on your toes
in this game.
I win, I win!
Oh, the game's over.
Why, you little devil, you!
I'll wring your scrawny little neck!
Mim! Mim! Wha-Wha-What...
Eh, what was you up to?
Uh! Me-Me... Oh, Merlin!
Well, you're just in time.
- We were playing a little game.
- She was gonna destroy me.
And just what are you
gonna do about it?
Want to fight?
Want to have a wizard's duel?
- As you wish, madam.
- Well, come on. Step outside.
After you, madam.
What-What-What-What, what's up, boy?
What's going on?
They're havin' a wizard's duel.
What's that mean?
Oh, it's a battle of wits.
The players change themselves...
to different things and, and attempt to,
uh, to destroy one another.
De-Des-De-Destroy?
Well, just watch, boy, just watch.
You'll get the idea.
Now, first of all, if you
don't mind, I'll make the rules.
Rules indeed!
Why, she only wants rules
so she can break 'em!
I'll take care of you later,
featherbrain.
Now, rule one,
no mineral or vegetable.
Only animal. Rule two,
no make-believe things...
like, uh, oh,
pink dragons and stuff.
Now, rule three,
no disappearing.
- Rule four, no cheating.
- All right, all right.
Now, pace off ten.
One, two, three, four...
- Merlin! She disappeared!
- Huh? Ah... Duh... Bah... Mim!
Now, you made the rules!
Ouch!
- Change to somethin' else, Merlin.
- Ah... Buh... Y-Yes...
yes, yes, yes,
give me time to think.
- Ah, higgety-piggety.
Ah, duh... No, no, no, no, no.
- Quick, Merlin, hurry!
Ah... Duh... Hoppity-hip-hip.
Ha-ha!
Got me tail, now!
Madam, just a minute.
Ah... D-D...
This is not the-the-the-the...
- Come on! Something bigger!
- Something smaller!
Mi-Mi-Mim, Mi-Mim,
Mi-Mim Mi-Mi...
Ooh!
Merlin! No disappearing.
Whoo!
Ouch!
Mim? Mim?
Are-Are-Are you...
Now... Gah... What-What...
W-W-What's going on here?
You, you... You big blimp!
Squash me, will ya?
Ah, ah, ah, ah, Merlin!
- Ouch! Ooh!
- Bravo!
Oh, just you wait!
Just you wait! You're gonna pay!
So you want to play rough,
do ya?
All right, Merlin. I'll
smash you good, you old crab!
Jehoshaphat!
Here I come, Mim,
ready or not.
Merlin, you wouldn't dare!
Now, now, Mim, Mim!
No-No dragons, remember?
Did I say no purple dragons?
Did I?
I win, I win!
Oh, that horrible old witch!
I'll, I'll peck her eyes out!
Huh, no, no.
No, no, no.
- He's gone!
- Disappeared.
Madam, I have not disappeared.
I am very tiny.
I'm a germ. A rare disease.
I'm called "malagolintomontorosis"...
and you caught me, Mim!
What?
First, you break out
into spots.
Followed by hot
and cold flashes.
Then violent sneezing.
Huh! Watch it, boy!
Oh! Er... You-You-You-You
sneaky old scoundrel!
Oh, it's not too serious, madam.
Ah, you should recover...
in a few weeks and be as good, uh...
Ah, heh-heh... l-I mean as bad as ever.
But, ah, I would suggest
plenty of rest...
and lots and lots
of sunshine!
I hate sunshine!
I hate horrible,
wholesome sunshine!
I hate it, I hate it!
I hate, hate, hate, hate...
You were really great, Merlin,
but-but you could've been killed.
It was worth it, lad, if you
learned something from it.
Knowledge and wisdom
is the real power.
Right you are, Wart,
so stick to your schooling, boy.
Oh-Oh, don't worry, I will, sir.
I will, oh, I really will.
We will sing all night
and all day we will fight
For the blue oak tree
on the field of white
For the blue oak tree
on the fie-ie-ie-ie-ield
Of white
Here's to victory in London
for my son, Kay!
Sir Kay.
I've been knighted,
don't forget.
No-o, of course, son,
of course.
Ah, here's to Sir Kay.
And who knows?
The future king
of all England!
- Watch it, will ya?
- Kay the king?
What a dreadful thought.
Sir Ector! Sir Ector!
Hobbs has come down
with the mumps!
Face all-all-all
puffed up like a toad!
Then Kay'll need another squire,
hang it all.
- Hmm. Wart, you're it.
- I'm what, sir?
Kay's squire.
You're going to London, boy.
Oh, Sir Ector!
Whoa! What? Whoa!
Merlin! Archimedes! Merlin!
Merlin, look!
I'm a squire!
Hah!
Oh. Uh, very nice, boy.
Yes, indeed. A fine monkey suit
for polishing boots.
It's-It's what
all the squires wear.
And I thought you were
going to amount to something!
I thought you had
a few brains!
Great future. Hah!
A stooge for that
big lunk Kay.
Congratulations, boy!
What do y... What do you want
me to be? I'm nobody.
You... You don't know a thing
about what's goin' on today.
L-l-l-I'm lucky
to be Kay's squire.
D... Oh! D...
Of all the idiotic...
Y-Y-Y... l...
Blow me to Bermuda!
Where... Uh, where did he go?
- To Bermuda, I suppose.
- Where's that?
Oh, an island way off somewhere
that hasn't been discovered yet.
Will he ever come back?
Who knows?
Who knows anything?
For the crown
of all England...
let the tournament begin.
Oh, Kay, now
it's up to the swords.
Swords? Swords?
Ah... Oh, no! Kay?
What? What?
I, eh...
l-l-I forgot your sword.
Forgot my sword?
L... l-I left it
back at the inn.
Why, you bungling little fool!
I'll... Oof!
You better get it!
Or don't you dare come back!
Let me in! Let me in!
Somebody please!
Please let me in!
It's no use, boy.
They've all gone to the tournament.
Oh, what'll I do?
Kay's got to have a sword.
Look, boy! Look!
There in the churchyard.
A sword!
Oh, Archimedes, a sword!
You're gonna have a time
pullin' it out.
Huh! Watch it, boy!
Better leave it alone!
But Kay's got to have
a sword.
Now, come on, quick.
Let's get out of here!
Y-You're up next, son.
Uh, better get ready.
Kay, Kay, here's a sword.
This is not my sword!
Hold on, Kay!
Wait a minute.
"Whoso pulleth out
this sword..."
Ooh, eh... It's the sword
in the stone!
- The sword in the stone? It can't be.
- But look. It is!
- It's the marvellous sword.
- Hold everything.
Someone's pulled the sword
from the stone.
Where did you get it, Wart?
I, l-I pulled it out of an anvil
that was on a stone...
i-in, in a churchyard.
- That's funny!
- The lad's a young Samson!
You're making a fool of us, boy.
Now tell the truth.
- But I did, sir. Ow! Ooh!
- Then come on, prove it.
- Ouch!
- Back to the stone with you.
- Yes, prove it.
- Come on! Prove it!
All right, boy,
let's have the miracle.
Now, wait a minute!
Anyone can pull it
once it's been pulled.
Go to it, Kay.
Give it all you got.
Put your back into it!
- Here now!
- Here, here, here!
- Push him and see.
- It's my turn. One side!
- Pull this thing.
- Hold on. That's not fair.
I say we let
the boy try it.
That's what I say.
Give the boy a chance.
Go ahead, son.
It's a miracle
ordained by heaven.
This boy is our king.
Well, by Jove.
- What's the lad's name?
- Eh, Wart.
Oh, uh, I mean Arthur.
- Hail, King Arthur!
- Hail, King Arthur! Long live the king!
- Long live King Arthur!
Long live the king.
- I can't believe it!
- Ooh, forgive me, son.
- Hail, King Arthur.
- Long live the king. Long live...
- Forgive me.
- King Arthur. Long live the king.
- Oh, please don't, sir.
- Kay, bow down to your king.
- Hail, King Arthur.
Long live the king.
- Hail, King Arthur.
- So, at last the miracle...
had come to pass in that
far off time upon New Year's Day...
and the glorious reign
of King Arthur was begun.
I can't be a king, Archimedes. I don't
know anything about ruling a country.
I told you to leave the thing
in the stone, boy.
I'll, I'll run away,
that's what I'll do.
They'll just have to get
somebody else.
Better take the side door, Wart.
Out the side door.
Hail, King Arthur!
Long live the King!
There's another door. Over there,
over there! Come on, come on!
Long live King Arthur!
Long li...
Looks-Looks like
we're surrounded, boy.
Oh, Archimedes,
I wish Merlin was here.
Merlin! Merlin!
Oh, Merlin, you're back
from Ber-Ber-Ber...
Bermuda?
Yes, back from Bermuda...
and the 20th century.
And believe me,
you can have it.
One big modern mess!
Alakazam!
I'm in an awful pickle.
I'm king.
Ooh, he pulled the sword
from the stone.
Ha-ha!
Of course, of course!
King Arthur and his
Knights of the Round Table.
- Round table?
- Oh, uh, w-would you
rather have a square one?
Oh, no. Round'll be fine.
Boy, boy, boy.
You'll become
a great legend.
They'll be writing books
about you for centuries to come.
Why, they might even make
a motion picture about you.
- Motion picture?
- Oh.
Uh, well, um... Uh, that's
something like television...
without commercials.
Hail, King Arthur
Long live the King