GOOD AFTERNOON,
GENTLEMEN.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
THIS WAY, PLEASE.
MR. ORMAN
IS JUST GETTING UP.
FAMOUS PEOPLE
GENERALLY SLEEP LATE.
YOU MAY OPEN IT,
MR. MARTELLI.
YES,
MR. LONGHEART.
UH...
NO.
GOOD MORNING,
GENTLEMEN.
GOOD AFTERNOON,
MR. ORMAN.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
HOW DO YOU
LIKE IT?
FAIR.
LOOK A THE SHOULDERS.
HOW DO YOU LIKE
THOSE LAPELS?
AUTIFUL.
IT'LL LOOK BETTER
ON YOU, SIR.
NO. ALWAYS LOOKS BETTER
ON HIM.
HE'S MORE RELAXED.
LUTHER?
A FLOWER.
LOOK AT HIM.
NOTHING WORRIES HIM.
HA HA.
I SEE YOU'RE NO SUPERSTITIOUS.
NOT IN THE LEAST.
THAT'S FORTUNATE.
WHY?
WELL,
BECAUSE BERTOLDI...
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
OH, NOTHING. NOTHING.
WELL,
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW,
THIS SUI HAS BEEN CURSED.
CURSED?
YES. YOU REMEMBER
BERTOLDI, OUR CUTTER?
YES.
WHAT ABOUT HIM?
I HAD TO DISMISS HIM
ON ACCOUNT OF THIS SUIT.
HOW COME?
WE ARGUED ABOU THESE LAPELS.
THEY'RE PERFECT.
AREN'T THEY?
WHEN BERTOLDI LEFT,
HE WAS RED IN THE FACE
WITH RAGE.
HE ASSERTED THIS SUI WOULD BRING MISFORTUNE
TO ANYBODY
WHO EVER WORE IT.
HE CURSED IT.
THIS IS THE BEST SUI THAT I HAVE EVER MADE.
I KNOW IT WILL BRING YOU
GOOD LUCK.
THIS IS A LUCKY SUIT,
MR. ORMAN.
AND I GUARANTEE
YOUR HAPPINESS IN IT.
ANTHONY,
I DEMAND AN ANSWER.
IS IT TRUE?
UNFORTUNATELY...
YES.
NO...
NO. NO.
TERRIFIC, PAUL!
A SMASH HIT!
THEY ATE IT UP!
THE BIGGEST OPENING NIGH OF THE SEASON.
YOU HELD THEM IN THE PALM
OF YOUR HAND EVERY SECOND-
JUST LIKE THAT!
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WHERE YOU GOING?
CHIEF!
WAIT A MINUTE!
CHIEF!
HURRY! THEY'RE WAITING
FOR YOU!
COME ON, PAUL!
THEY'RE YELLING FOR YOU!
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
ARE YOU MAD?
YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE
10 OR 12 MORE CURTAIN CALLS.
IMPOSSIBLE.
WHERE'S LUTHER?
LUTHER?
YOU CAN'T DO THIS!
WHAT AM I GOING
TO TELL THEM-
THAT YOU'RE CRAZY
OR SOMETHING?
TELL THEM I DON'T CARE
TO STEP OUT OF CHARACTER.
WHAT CHARACTER?
I AM DEAD, REMEMBER?
AW, CHIEF, PLEASE!
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
I'M YOUR MANAGER.
I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW.
WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT?
GO TO MY APARTMEN AND WAIT THERE.
I'LL CALL
IF I HAVE ANY NEWS.
STEP ON IT, LUTHER.
BOSS, YOU WERE
REALLY HOT TONIGHT.
THAT LAST SCENE
WAS A DILLY.
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE?
WE CAN SHAVE OFF 10 MINUTES
IF WE DON'T GET STOPPED.
GOOD.
WE'LL BE THERE
IN 15 MINUTES.
GO ON.
TELL ME WHA EVERYBODY SAYS.
JUST WHAT I TOLD YOU.
YOU WERE LUCKY TO GET RID
OF HER LAST YEAR.
IT WAS MORE THAN LUCK.
IT WAS A BLESSING.
WHY DID I HAVE
THREE FLOPS IN A ROW?
BECAUSE SHE THOUGH SHE COULD ACT.
THE MINUTE I COME ON STAGE WITHOUT HER,
LOOK WHAT HAPPENS.
A SMASH HIT.
YOU SAID IT, BOSS.
BUT WHAT BEATS ME IS
WHY YOU WANT TO STAR EVERYTHING OVER AGAIN.
NEVER MIND.
WHY ARE YOU
SLOWING DOWN?
GET GOING.
GOOD EVENING, SIR.
I BEG YOUR PARDON.
WERE YOU INVITED?
OH, MR. ORMAN.
HOW SWEET OF YOU.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME.
PAUL-
GOOD EVENING.
YOU FOOL.
WHY DID YOU COME?
LOVE. IT SOMETIMES
BLINDS ME.
AFTER WHAT I'VE
BEEN THROUGH TODAY.
HE'LL SEE YOU NOW.
THERE'S NO TELLING
WHAT HE'LL DO.
WHO?
YOUR HUSBAND?
YES.
HOW MANY TIMES
HAVE I TOLD YOU
WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS PAST YEAR?
HE SUSPECTS US
CONSTANTLY.
THE MERE MENTION
OF YOUR NAME,
HE RAVES
LIKE A MADMAN.
THE LUNACY MUST BE
A STRAIN ON YOU.
PATHETIC.
THIS IS
NO TIME TO JOKE.
PLEASE, YOU MUST GO.
I'VE ARRANGED EVERYTHING
PERFECTLY FOR US,
AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO
RUIN EVERYTHING I'VE DONE.
YOU ARE SO
COMPLETELY BEWILDERED
THAT YOU HAVEN'T EVEN ASKED
ME HOW THE OPENING WAS.
I OPENED IN A PLAY TONIGHT,
IF YOU REMEMBER.
OH, FORGIVE ME.
HOW WAS IT?
A SMASH.
WENT LIKE
A HOUSE AFIRE.
AND YOU?
AT MY BEST.
I'M SO GLAD.
THANK YOU.
PLEASE GO, PAUL.
I'LL BE IN TOWN TOMORROW
AT 10:00 TO SEE YOU.
OH, YOU WILL?
CERTAINLY.
AS WE PLANNED.
YOU LITTLE
TWO-FACED LIAR.
PAUL, YOU'RE MAD.
TOMORROW, EH?
NO. YOU WILL NOT SEE ME
TOMORROW OR EVER AGAIN-
UNLESS YOU BUY A TICKE TO THE BOX OFFICE.
I'M SAYING GOODBYE FOREVER.
YOU CAME OUT HERE
TO SAY GOODBYE TO ME?
NO. I CAME OUT HERE
TO PLEAD WITH YOU,
TO HOLD YOU, KISS YOU,
FALL AT YOUR FEET.
YOU'VE EVIDENTLY
CHANGED YOUR MIND.
YES,
WHEN YOU LIED AGAIN.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS
TO LOOK INTO A WOMAN'S EYES
WHEN SHE IS LYING?
FORGIVE ME.
I SHOULD BE MORE TOLERANT WITH A LIAR.
I HAVE BEEN
ONE MYSELF SO OFTEN.
WE'LL PART WITHOU ANY FURTHER ARGUMENT-
QUIETLY AND CALMLY.
I KNOW EVERYTHING.
YOU'RE GOING WITH HIM
TOMORROW AT 9:00
ON A PLANE TO CANADA...
TO HUNT MOOSE.
OH. SO
THAT'S THE POINT.
YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM
YOU WERE THROUGH WITH HIM.
YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM
YOU LOVE ME.
INSTEAD, YOU HELD
YOUR HUSBAND AND SAID,
"YES, DARLING,
I'LL GO WITH YOU ANYWHERE.
"I AM YOUR GOOD
AND LOYAL WIFE.
I LOVE ONLY YOU.
NOBODY ELSE."
HAH.
PAUL, PLEASE.
YOU MUST GO-
JOHN.
LOOK WHO DROPPED IN.
HELLO, MR. ORMAN.
GLAD TO SEE YOU.
HOW ARE YOU,
SIR?
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE EXPECTING
THE CELEBRATED
MR. ORMAN TONIGHT.
I DIDN'T TELL YOU,
BUT I WAS.
PAUL OPENED
IN A NEW SHOW TONIGHT.
OH, YES. SO THE NEW SHOW WAS A FLOP, EH?
NO. ON THE CONTRARY, I WAS A MAGNIFICENT SUCCESS.
I'M SPENDING THE WEEKEND
A FEW MILES FROM HERE.
I DROPPED IN TO WISH YOU
HAPPY HUNTING...
IN CANADA, ISN'T IT?
YES. I DO ALL
MY HUNTING IN CANADA.
OH, WHOA THERE.
NOT SO FAST.
A DRINK, MR. ORMAN?
NO, THANKS.
ETHEL?
NO. DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE
HAVING TOO MANY, DEAR?
FRANKLY, NO.
AND YOU'RE
MIXING THEM, TOO.
PLEASE, JOHN.
THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE
MY DRINKS-MIXED.
KEEPS ME INTERESTED
IN DRINKING.
OTHERWISE I GET BORED.
SURE YOU WON'T HAVE ONE?
NO, THANKS. I HAVE OTHER
REMEDIES FOR BOREDOM.
I IMAGINE.
WELL, I'M SORRY I CANNO STAY FOR YOUR PARTY,
SO I'LL SAY GOODBYE.
AND A VERY PLEASANT TRIP
TO BOTH OF YOU.
WELL, YOU'RE WASTING
ONE OF YOUR GOODBYES.
MY WIFE
ISN'T GOING WITH ME.
SHE INSISTS
ON STAYING BEHIND.
THAT'S OLD
CHARLIE HENDERSON.
I MUST SPEAK TO HIM
BEFORE HE GETS TOO TIGHT.
WELL, GOODBYE.
GOODBYE.
GO TO THE LODGE
AT THE END OF THE GARDEN.
I'LL BE THERE IMMEDIATELY.
I ADORE YOU.
FORGIVE ME
FOR DOUBTING YOU.
CERTAINLY.
DO YOU LOVE ME?
OH, YES.
OF COURSE I DO.
BUT, DARLING,
WE HAVEN'T MUCH TIME.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU
HAVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
BUT, PAUL...
OH, COME.
PLEASE, SIT DOWN.
I LEARNED SOMETHING TONIGHT.
I LEARNED
HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.
YOU TOLD ME THA A YEAR AGO,
AND YOU LET ME GO.
YOU LET ME MARRY HIM.
YOU NEVER EVEN PHONED.
IF YOU'D ASKED ME
TO FORGIVE YOU-
I DIDN'T KNOW THEN
THAT LOVE WAS MORE
THAN A GOOD SCENE.
I DIDN'T KNOW
IT WAS SOMETHING THAT...
THAT WOULD TEAR
AT YOUR HEART...
AND BURN THROUGH
THE GREASEPAINT.
YOU FEEL THAT WAY?
I DO.
MY DARLING...
I KNOW WHA YOU'VE BEEN DOING.
YOU HAVE BEEN TELLING
ME LIES AND HIM LIES.
I KNOW. I'VE DONE I MYSELF TOO OFTEN.
BUT THAT IS OVER...
FOR BOTH OF US.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
YOU'RE COMING ALONG
WITH ME. TOMORROW.
BRAZIL.
YOU CAN WIRE HIM.
WE'LL STAY THERE UNTIL
HE GIVES YOU A DIVORCE.
AND THEN...
THEN WE'LL GET MARRIED.
MARRIED?
YOU?
YES, ME.
I NEED YOU.
I REALIZED THAT TODAY.
I NEED YOU, AND
I'VE GOT TO PAY FOR YOU.
YOU FRIGHTEN ME.
BUT YOU...
YOU LOVE ME ENOUGH?
OH, YES, DARLING.
I'LL CALL YOU
IN THE MORNING,
RIGHT AFTER
HE LEAVES.
BUT...
IF YOU LOVE ME SO MUCH,
WHY WERE YOU SO FRIGHTENED
IN THE HOUSE?
HE'S VERY CURIOUS
WHEN HE'S DRINKING.
I DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING
TO HAPPEN TO YOU.
WHY?
I COULDN' STAND THAT.
I COULDN'T LIVE
WITHOUT YOU.
I COULDN'T-
MURRAY HILL 7564,
PLEASE.
WHO ARE YOU CALLING?
MR. WEBB. MY MANAGER.
WHY HIM NOW?
GOT SOME NEWS FOR HIM.
HE'S WAITING
AT MY APARTMENT.
WHAT NEWS, PAUL?
KISS ME.
I ADORE YOU.
MADLY.
STUPIDLY.
BLINDLY-
HELLO, OLIVER?
YES, IT'S ME.
PAY ATTENTION, PLEASE,
AND NO ARGUMENTS.
I WANT YOU
TO CLOSE THE PLAY.
I SAID CLOSE THE PLAY.
I'M LEAVING TOMORROW
FOR SIX MONTHS.
PAUL, CLOSE A HIT?
DARLING, YOU'RE WORTH
A THOUSAND HITS.
I HOPE.
OLIVER?
NO. NO.
I'M IN MY RIGHT MIND.
IN FACT, FOR THE FIRS TIME SINCE I WAS BORN.
DO WHAT I TELL YOU!
IT'S MY SHOW, MY MONEY,
MY THEATER!
ALL RIGHT.
PAY EVERYBODY OFF!
AND GET ME TWO TICKETS
TO RIO.
ON THE CLIPPER.
FOR TOMORROW.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M A LITTLE AMAZED
AT MYSELF.
DID I SOUND VERY NAIVE?
NO.
THAT'S HOW IT GOES.
ALWAYS ACTING UNTIL YOU FIND
SOMETHING YOU CAN BELIEVE IN.
Put out the light.
THE PARTY'S
BECOMING A BORE.
TOO MANY DRUNKS.
I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU.
WE WERE TALKING OVER
PAUL'S NEW PLAY.
IT WAS SO NOISY
IN THERE.
YES, SO I IMAGINE.
I WONDERED IF YOU HAD
CHANGED YOUR MIND.
ABOUT WHAT?
CANADA.
COMING WITH ME?
NO.
I'M AFRAID NOT.
I DON'T SEE
HOW YOU COULD RESIS THE BEST SHOOTING
IN THE WORLD...
IF YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR MOOSE.
HAVE YOU
EVER HUNTED MOOSE...
MR. ORMAN?
NO, I HAVEN'T.
MAYBE...
YOU'D LIKE
TO COME WITH ME.
JOHN, YOU'RE DRUNK. PLEASE.
DON'T EXAGGERATE.
I NEVER GET DRUNK.
I GET INVOLVED,
BUT NOT DRUNK.
I'LL LET YOU USE MY
FAVORITE GUN, MR. ORMAN.
LET ME SHOW YOU
MY COLLECTION.
ONE OF THE BEST,
YOU KNOW.
HERE IT IS.
TOOK ME YEARS
TO GATHER THIS.
AND HERE...
HERE...
IS MY FAVORITE.
NEVER FAILED ME.
HERE HE IS.
COLONEL JOHNSON.
COLONEL,
HOW ARE YOU?
OH.
BUT I...
I WAS JUST GOING.
NONSENSE. ALWAYS WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.
DON'T MIND IF I SPRUCE
UP THE COLONEL, DO YOU?
PLEASE DON'T POINT THAT.
DON'T WORRY. THE COLONEL'S NOT LOADED.
I MAY BE A TRIFLE,
BUT NOT THE COLONEL.
THREE YEARS AGO,
I GOT AN ELK.
THERE HE IS.
LAST YEAR, I SHO OVER THREE MOOSE.
THE COLONEL WAS ONLY
A CAPTAIN THEN.
I PROMOTED HIM
AFTER THE THIRD MOOSE.
WHAT DID YOU WAN TO TALK ABOUT?
A LOT OF THINGS.
BUT WE'LL BEGIN
WITH GUNS.
THEY'RE MY HOBBY.
I DON'T THINK PAUL
IS INTERESTED IN GUNS.
GUNS HAVE
A CERTAIN INTEREST...
IN THE HANDS OF EXPERTS.
EXACTLY.
A MAN
WOULD BE A NITWI NOT TO BE INTERESTED
IN THIS WEAPON.
A BLIND MAN
COULD HIT A DUCK'S EYE
AT 100 PACES WITH
THE COLONEL.
HA HA.
GOOD OLD COLONEL.
YOU REMEMBER THAT FELLOW UP THERE?
ETHEL, WHERE DID I
PUT THAT OIL CAN?
WE'VE GOT TO GET BACK
TO THE HOUSE.
THEY'LL BE MISSING US.
NOT A CHANCE. THEY'RE
HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME.
WHAT DID YOU WAN TO SAY ABOUT GUNS?
EVER USE 'EM?
YES. ON THE STAGE.
SHOOT 'EM?
ON A STAGE.
NOT REAL BULLETS.
NO.
JUST BLANKS, EH?
YES.
ONLY BLANKS.
WE ACTORS
PREFER THEM.
THIS IS SILLY, JOHN.
PAUL'S GIVEN
AN OPENING PERFORMANCE,
AND HE'S
PROBABLY EXHAUSTED.
DARLING, YOU HAVEN' DANCED WITH ME THIS EVENING.
COME ON, WON'T YOU?
I NOTICED THAT.
IT'S TOO LATE NOW.
WILL YOU STOP PUTTERING
WITH THAT GUN?
I'M GETTING VERY ANGRY!
WHY DON'T YOU GO,
ETHEL?
PERHAPS YOUR HUSBAND WOULD
PREFER TALKING TO ME ALONE.
I HAVE NO SECRETS
FROM MY WIFE.
SHE MAY HAVE FROM ME.
THERE'S ALWAYS
HALF OF WOMEN MISSING.
BUT WITH MEN, THEY'RE
USUALLY IN ONE PIECE,
FULL OF TRUTH
AND HONOR.
YES. THOSE THINGS
COME WITH AGE.
THANK YOU.
WELL PUT.
I SUPPOSE AN ACTOR
CAN GET ALONG
WITHOUT MUCH TRUTH
AND HONOR.
OH, YES. AN ACTOR CAN GE ALONG WITHOUT ANYTHING...
EXCEPT A GOOD PLAY.
SORRY I MISSED YOUR SHOW.
I UNDERSTAND
YOU GET KILLED IN IT.
YES... AT THE END
OF THE LAST ACT.
COULDN'T MAKE UP
THEIR MINDS, EH?
NO, IT ISN'T THAT.
THEY COULD NOT AFFORD
TO KILL ME EARLIER.
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BAD
FOR THE PLAY.
I SEE.
I UNDERSTAND
A WOMAN SHOOTS YOU.
YES.
THE WOMAN I LOVE.
SOUNDS
VERY DRAMATIC.
JOHN...
I DON'T WAN ANY INTERRUPTIONS.
HOW DO YOU ACT WHEN SHE
POINTS THE GUN AT YOU?
AFRAID?
NO.
A LITTLE SAD,
BUT RESIGNED.
I'M DRINKING A HIGHBALL.
HAVE ONE.
NO. THANKS.
I CAN'T BEAR
TO SEE YOU DRUNK LIKE THIS.
I'M NOT BORING YOU,
MR. ORMAN?
NO. NOT AT ALL.
YOU STAND
RIGHT UP TO HER
AND DON' ACT AFRAID, EH?
WHY IS THAT? DON'T SOUND REAL TO ME.
WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU
SUGGEST I DO?
A FELLOW ALWAYS ACTS AFRAID
WHEN HE'S FACING A GUN.
OH, BUT AN ACTOR WITHOU COURAGE WOULD BE A FRAUD.
THE AUDIENCE
ALWAYS LIKES COURAGE.
SO YOU THINK OF YOUR
AUDIENCE WHEN YOU'RE ACTING?
ALWAYS.
I COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND
ETHEL.
I COULD NEVER FIGURE OU WHETHER SHE MEANT SOMETHING
OR WAS JUST ACTING IT.
KEPT ME GUESSING FOR A YEAR.
MARRIAGE IS NO FUN
WHEN IT TURNS INTO
A GUESSING CONTEST.
ALL RIGHT.
THERE YOU ARE,
COLONEL.
ALL SPRUCED UP
NEAT AND CLEAN
AND READY
TO GO HUNTING.
JOHN!
YOU TOOK...
YOU TOOK QUITE A LONG TIME
ABOUT IT, MR. HALLOWAY.
I WAS GETTING
VERY NERVOUS.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
WAS IT?
YOU SAW IT, ETHEL.
I WAS CLEANING THE
GUN. IT WENT OFF.
I DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS LOADED.
YOU'VE KILLED HIM.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
THEY'LL COME HERE.
THE POLICE.
THEY'LL TAKE YOU AWAY.
OH, JOHN,
WHY DID YOU DO IT?
THIS'LL RUIN YOU.
BOTH OF US.
WHY DID YOU DO IT?
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
I WAS CLEANING MY GUN.
YOU SAW IT.
OH, YES.
YES, OF COURSE.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
YOU CAN TELL THE POLICE...
THAT IT WAS...
UNINTENTIONAL.
THAT YOUR HUSBAND AND I
WERE THE BEST OF FRIENDS.
YES, OF COURSE.
I'LL TELL THEM THAT.
I'LL SAY THAT.
JOHN, CALL A DOCTOR,
PLEASE.
NO.
IT'S TOO LATE
FOR A DOCTOR.
THE CURTAIN
IS COMING DOWN.
IT'S THE END OF ACT III.
HE SUDDENLY-
NO, NO.
WE'LL CALL A DOCTOR.
OH, DARLING,
I DIDN'T KNOW.
I'VE BEEN STUPID
AND HORRIBLE.
I MADE YOU DO THIS.
HE DID NOTHING.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
IT MIGHT HAPPEN...
TO ANYONE.
I'LL CALL THE SERVANTS.
YOU'LL BE
MY WITNESS?
YES.
TO THE END.
GOOD GIRL.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL CALL THEM.
HA HA HA HA.
DON'T BOTHER.
I'M ALL RIGHT.
WELL, YOU'RE
- YOU'RE NOT HURT. THANK HEAVEN.
HOW DID I DO,
MR. HALLOWAY?
LIKE WHAT?
MY PERFORMANCE.
COULDN'T RESIST IT. HA HA.
DEATH SCENES HAVE BEEN MY
SPECIALTY SINCE I BECAME FAMOUS.
SO WHEN ANYBODY
SHOOTS ME, I FALL DEAD.
YOU WERE ACTING?
UH-HUH. OH, IT'S
AN OFF NIGHT FOR A COLONEL.
HE IS NOT A WIZARD.
MISSED ME BY A MILE.
I HOPE YOU HAVE BETTER LUCK
IN CANADA, MR. HALLOWAY.
OH, NOW, DON' FEEL SO DEPRESSED.
YOU KNOW, I WOULDN' LOOK TOO GOOD UP THERE
ON A PLAQUE.
YOU WERE ACTING?
YES. YOUR HUSBAND
PUT IT INTO MY HEAD,
COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU,
BEING UNABLE TO TELL
WHETHER YOU MEANT ANYTHING
OR WERE ONLY ACTING.
I THOUGHT THAT WOULD SHOW
HIM A SAMPLE OF REAL ACTING.
PAUL, HE DIDN'T TRY TO
SHOOT YOU. IT WAS ACCIDENTAL.
THE ONLY THING ACCIDENTAL
ABOUT IT IS THAT HE MISSED ME.
THAT WAS PURE ACCIDENT,
NOT HIS,
THE COLONEL'S.
I'M AFRAID, SIR,
YOU'LL HAVE TO DEMOTE HIM,
MAKE HIM A CAPTAIN AGAIN.
HA HA HA.
OH, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE WORRIED
ABOUT YOUR WIFE, MR. HALLOWAY.
OH, SHE MAY BECOME INTOXICATED
WITH THE WINE OF ROMANCE,
BUT YOU, YOU WILL ALWAYS
BE THE MORNING AFTER.
YOU SHOULD HAVE
ASKED ME ABOUT HER.
THEN YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN
SAVED THE EMBARRASSMEN OF TRYING TO MURDER ME.
PAUL, IT'S NOT TRUE.
I SAW IT.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
YOU MUST BELIEVE IT.
YES...
YES, MR. HALLOWAY,
SHE MEANT IT,
THE THINGS YOU DOUBTED.
SHE MEAN EVERY WORD OF THEM.
SHE LOVES YOUR STRONG, MANLY WAYS
AND YOUR STALWART BANK ACCOUNT.
SHE LOVES YOU
VERY DEVOTEDLY
WITH HER WHOLE,
SIMPLE HEART,
GOD BLESS HER.
GOODBYE, ETHEL.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?
NOT A THING.
ORMAN, I DON' KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
WHEN YOU DO, SAY IT TO HER
IN A CANADIAN MOONLIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT,
MR. HALLOWAY.
GOOD NIGHT, CAPTAIN.
GOOD NIGHT.
ALL OVER?
YES.
WHERE TO NOW?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WHY, YOU'RE BLEEDING. YOU'VE
BEEN SHOT. WHAT'S HAPPENED?
ARE YOU HURT BAD,
MR. ORMAN?
WHO DID IT?
WHY, YOU'RE SOAKED!
CAN YOU TALK,
MR. ORMAN?
YES, YES.
STOP YELLING.
WHY, THEY SHOT YOU.
YEAH. SPOILED
MY NEW SUIT.
FINEST SUI I EVER HAD.
IT'S MY FAULT.
I PUT IT ON
THE WRONG DUMMY.
I'LL GET A DOCTOR.
NO, ST. LUKE'S
HOSPITAL.
STEP ON IT.
REMEMBER,
AN ACCIDENT.
NO PUBLICITY.
I DON'T WANT YOU
TO SPOIL MY SCENE.
HA HA.
I WAS SUPERB.
AND THAT GUY SAID THIS SUI WOULD BRING YOU GOOD LUCK.
AHH...
PERHAPS IT HAS.
YES! YES!
WAIT A MINUTE AND
I'LL GET YOU AN ASPIRIN.
GOOD MORNING,
EDGAR.
OH, IT'S YOU,
LUTHER. HELLO.
IS IT, UH...
IT'S ALL RIGHT TO COME IN.
MR. WILSON'S STILL ASLEEP.
LOOK OUT FOR
BROKEN GLASS.
WHAT HAPPENED
AROUND HERE?
MR. WILSON GETS
MARRIED TONIGHT.
OH, OF COURSE
IT'S TONIGHT.
WAS THE BACHELOR
DINNER HERE?
IT JUST AS WELL
HAVE BEEN.
MR. WILSON BROUGHT BACK
SOME FRIENDS AFTERWARDS
FOR A NIGHTCAP.
HA. THEY SEEMED TO HAVE
HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE
GETTING ONE TO FIT.
WHAT'S HAPPENED
TO THE LIVING ROOM?
THE GENTLEMEN WERE
USING IT AS A STADIUM.
THEY THOUGHT IT BES TO PLAY SEVERAL QUARTERS
OF A YALE-HARVARD GAME.
HA HA HA HA.
THESE WERE
THE GOAL POSTS.
DID ONE OF THEM
FALL ON YOU?
OH, THIS?
THAT OCCURRED
WHEN THE GENTLEMEN
DECIDED TO PUT ME IN
THE LAST FEW
MINUTES OF PLAY.
A SCRIMMAGE?
NO, THEY
GAVE ME THE BALL
AND I MADE THE MISTAKE
OF RUNNING THE WRONG WAY.
THAT'S DANGEROUS.
I KNOW THAT NOW.
MR. WILSON
PERSONALLY TACKLED ME.
HE WAS AN ALL-AMERICAN.
A TRIPLE THREAT.
WHERE ARE YOU
TAKING THAT?
HERE, TO YOU
- THE VERY THING TO WEAR TO THE WEDDING.
MR. WILSON HAS
HIS OWN TAIL COAT.
YOU MIGH LIKE TO WEAR I AS A MARK OF RESPEC FOR YOUR EMPLOYER.
ANY RESPEC I HAVE FOR MR. WILSON
CAN BE EXPRESSED
BY WEARING SHORTS.
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I NEED $10.
I THOUGHT I COULD
LEAVE THIS AS HOSTAGE
UNTIL I GE PAID SATURDAY.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S
HAVE A LOOK AT IT.
THIS IS
MR. ORMAN'S COAT.
YES, BUT HE DOESN' NEED IT IN THE HOSPITAL.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?
SOMETHING OF
A PERSONAL NATURE.
ISN'T I A BEAUTIFUL COAT?
MMM, YES.
DO THEY MAKE ALL THESE
COATS WITH HOLES IN THEM?
HOLES?
MUST BE A MOTH.
PRETTY BIG MOTH.
MR. ORMAN ALWAYS HAS
THE BEST OF EVERYTHING.
YES, INCLUDING
.32 CALIBER MOTHS.
NOW, SEE HERE, EDGAR,
EITHER YOU LOAN ME THE
$10 AND KEEP THE COAT,
OR YOU DON'T. THERE'S
NO NEED TO QUIBBLE.
I'M NOT. I HAVEN'T TIME TO
QUIBBLE OR NOT TO QUIBBLE.
ANOTHER INTERRUPTION.
EDGAR, FOR THE SAKE OF
OUR LONG FRIENDSHIP...
EDGAR, I SAY FOR THE SAKE OF
OUR LONGSTANDING FRIENDSHIP-
ALL RIGHT. BUT OUR
LONGSTANDING FRIENDSHIP ENDS
IF YOU'RE NOT HERE ON
SATURDAY WITH THOSE 10 BUCKS.
THANK YOU, EDGAR.
THANK YOU. GOODBYE.
GOODBYE-
OH, I SAID HELLO.
OH, GOOD MORNING,
MISS DIANE.
UH, WELL, YES,
MR. WILSON IS HERE-
DON'T GO ANY FARTHER.
I KNOW THAT TONE.
IT MEANS MR. WILSON
IS STILL ASLEEP.
YES, UH...
STOP MUMBLING. JUST REACH OVER
AND VERY FIRMLY PRESS THE BUZZER.
WELL, WHO CARES
ABOUT HIS HEAD?
OH.
HELLO?
OH, HELLO, BABY.
HOW ARE YOU?
AND WHO ARE YOU?
ONLY THE GIRL
YOU'RE GOING TO MARRY.
NOW, GET UP, DARLING.
YOU HAVE A LUNCHEON DATE
WITH ME, REMEMBER?
I TAKE IT BY THA GARGLING SOUND YOU DO.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S 11:25,
THE DAY IS TUESDAY,
THE MONTH IS SEPTEMBER,
THE LARK'S ON THE WING,
AND I'VE GOT A DATE
TO BE MARRIED TONIGHT.
YES, DARLING. WELL, I'LL
SEE YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE.
GOODBYE.
ASLEEP AT THIS
TIME OF THE DAY.
MARK MY WORDS-
A GROOM THAT SLEEPS
MEANS A BRIDE
THAT WEEPS.
THAT'S A HAPPY THOUGH FOR MY WEDDING DAY.
HELLO, ELLEN.
HELLO.
AH, DIANE,
MARRIAGE STINKS.
THAT'S ANOTHER
HAPPY THOUGHT.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
ELLEN?
OH, EVERYTHING. MY
HANDKERCHIEF IS SOAKING WET.
GET ONE OF MINE. A TOWEL
WOULD BE MORE PRACTICAL.
HA HA HA HA.
THIS IS NOTHING
TO JOKE ABOUT.
I'M MISERABLE.
I'M GOING
TO DIVORCE JIM.
HE KNOWS I'VE ALWAYS HATED
WOMEN WITH RED HAIR.
OH, THERE'S A WOMAN
WITH RED HAIR.
THAT'S A RELIEF FROM
THE USUAL MENTAL CRUELTY.
HOW DO YOU KNOW
SHE HAS RED HAIR?
I FOUND A COMB
STAINED WITH HENNA
IN THE POCKE OF HIS TAIL COAT.
SHE DOESN'T EVEN
HAVE REAL RED HAIR.
AND WHAT WERE YOU DOING
IN HIS TAIL COAT POCKET?
WHAT WAS I DOING?
NOTHING. I-
DID YOU FALL IN?
I HAPPENED TO BE
LOOKING FOR SOME STAMPS.
THE POST OFFICE
IS TOO FAR AWAY?
DO THEY USUALLY CARRY STAMPS
IN THEIR TAIL COAT POCKETS?
YOU'D BE SURPRISED WHA THEY KEEP THERE. ONCE JIM-
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LONG
STORY. I'VE GOT TO GET DRESSED.
COME TO HARRY'S WITH ME.
I'M TOO GLOOMY
TO GO ANYWHERE.
THIS IS MY WEDDING DAY.
YOU'LL BE
THE "SOMETHING BLUE"
THAT BRINGS GOOD LUCK
TO THE BRIDE.
I'LL TELL MR. WILSON YOU'RE HERE.
DON'T WAKE HIM
ALL THE WAY UP.
I JUST WANT HIM TO LOOK
AT ME FOR A SECOND.
HE'LL HAVE DOUBLE
VISION AFTER HAVING THIS.
WHAT'S THAT?
UM, A HEALTH DRINK.
JUDAS!
WHAT'S IN IT BESIDES
EMBALMING FLUID?
TABASCO SAUCE,
SPIRITS OF AMMONIA,
RED PEPPER, BRANDY, AND,
UH, A JIGGER OF MILK.
I SUPPOSE IT'S THE MILK
THAT PACKS THE WALLOP?
I'M SURE IT IS,
MISS DIANE.
OH, ELLEN, CHEER UP.
HOW CAN I BE CHEERFUL
WHEN I KNOW
WHAT I KNOW ABOUT JIM?
WELL, IN A WAY,
IT DOES
SERVE YOU RIGHT.
YOU SHOULDN'T BE
LOOKING IN HIS POCKETS.
YOU NEVER LOOK
IN HARRY'S POCKETS?
THE SUBJEC HASN'T COME UP YET.
WHEN IT DOES,
I ASSURE YOU-
WELL.
WELL, WHAT?
THE SUBJECT'S
COME UP, DEAR.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO ABOUT IT?
I'M NOT GOING TO
DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
BECAUSE YOU TRUST HARRY
IMPLICITLY, I SUPPOSE?
EXACTLY.
MM-HMM.
I WISH I'D HAD THIS CHANCE
BEFORE I'D MARRIED JIM.
THINK OF THE TIME
IT WOULD HAVE SAVED ME.
THINK OF THE TIME IT MIGH SAVE YOU, IF YOU LOOK.
WHY, THAT'S A TERRIBLE
THING TO SAY ABOUT HARRY.
LISTEN, YOU'D BE
LOOKING THIS VERY MINUTE
IF YOU WEREN' AFRAID I WAS RIGHT.
I DON'T THINK YOU ARE.
YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?
UH-UH.
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL SHOW YOU.
STAMPS. UH,
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
I DON'T SEE WHY HARRY
CAN'T KEEP STAMPS IN
HIS TAIL COAT IF HE WANTS TO.
THERE'S NO LAW AGAINS MAILING LETTERS AFTER 9:00.
A HATCHECK.
NOTHING INCRIMINATING
ABOUT THAT, EITHER.
LOTS OF MEN TAKE
THEIR HATS OFF INDOORS.
A HANDKERCHIEF.
STOP TELLING ME
WHAT EVERYTHING IS.
I KNOW A HANDKERCHIEF
WHEN I SEE ONE.
HOLD IT UP.
NOT EVEN A TRACE
OF ANY LIPSTICK.
KEEP ON.
CIGARETTES,
MATCHES,
AND...
13 CENTS.
YOU CAN SEE I'M MARRYING
HIM FOR HIS MONEY.
KEEP GOING.
THERE'S NO PLACE
ELSE TO GO.
OH, YES, THERE IS. THE
MOST CRITICAL POCKET OF ALL.
THIS IS WHERE
I FOUND THE COMB.
REALLY, ELLEN,
THIS IS GETTING...
LOOK, WHA DID I TELL YOU?
OH, IT'S JUST A BILL.
HAVE THEY STARTED
PUTTING PERFUME ON BILLS?
IF THEY HAVEN'T, IT'S
HIGH TIME THEY STARTED.
OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
IF YOU WON'T, I WILL.
"MY PASSIONATE LION."
YOU THINK I MADE IT UP?
I COULDN'T MAKE
THAT ONE UP.
HERE, LET ME SEE.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
"MY PASSIONATE LION."
SOMEBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A TALK
WITH HER ABOUT HER SPELLING.
THEY'RE USING TWO Ss IN
PASSIONATE THESE DAYS.
NEVER MIND. GO ON.
"ALL DAY LONG I COULD
FEEL YOU STALKING ME AGAIN.
"I COULD ALMOST SEE
YOUR GLEAMING EYES
"AND FEEL YOUR
HOT BREATH ON MY NECK.
I COULD EVEN HEAR THE SOFT THUD OF YOUR PAWS
-"
THE LION'S GO ON RUBBER HEELS.
WHO'S IT FROM, DIANE?
WHO'S IT FROM?
IT'S SIGNED "SQUIRREL."
SO HELP ME,
IT'S SIGNED THAT WAY.
OH, YOU POOR DARLING.
"OH, MY LION,
MY LION,
EVERY MOMENT THAT YOU'RE
AWAY FROM ME IS ETERNITY."
DON'T STAND THERE.
GO OUT AND STOP THEM.
STOP THEM FROM WHAT?
FROM READING
THAT LETTER.
WELL, HOW?
ANY WAY YOU CAN. INVEN SOMETHING. ANYTHING.
TELL THEM THE HOUSE
IS ON FIRE.
HELLO, GEORGE? DROP EVERYTHING
AND GET OVER HERE RIGHT AWAY.
EVERYTHING'S THE MATTER.
IF YOU EVER RAN INTERFERENCE
FOR ME, RUN IT NOW!
"OH, MY LION, I LOVE YOUR
STRENGTH AND YOUR GENTLENESS.
I LOVE THE WAY
YOU ROAR WHEN... "
EXCUSE ME, MISS DIANE, I
THINK... SOMETHING'S BURNING.
I KNOW, EDGAR.
IT'S ME.
YEAH, BUT... WHAT?
WELL, GO TO THE CLEANERS
AND GET IT.
YOU'RE NO GOOD TO ME
WITHOUT A TAIL COAT.
I HAVE A TAIL COAT.
YES. IN THE KITCHEN.
HERE?
EDGAR, YOU'RE A DREAM BOY. GEORGE,
FORGET EVERYTHING BUT SPEED.
IT'S THE FOURTH DOWN.
WE'VE GOT TO PUNT.
"OH, MY PASSIONATE LION,
"MY ECSTASY IS
ALMOST UNBEARABLE.
"THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THE MINK HAS JUST ARRIVED.
"IT IS HERE
ON THE BED BESIDE ME,
SLEEK AND WARM LIKE... "
BABY, WHERE ARE YOU?
GOOD MORNING,
DARLING.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
WELL, WHAT-
HELLO, ELLEN.
HOW ARE YOU?
I'M IN MISERY, AND
I THINK I'VE GOT COMPANY.
WHO COULD BE MISERABLE ON
A BEAUTIFUL DAY LIKE THIS?
HA HA HA HA.
WELL, ISN'T I A BEAUTIFUL DAY?
GREA FOR STALKING.
I THINK I'D
BETTER BE GOING.
OH, NO, DON'T GO.
YOU'RE DYING
TO BE ALONE.
OH, NO, WE'RE NOT-
I MEAN, UH,
WON'T YOU
STAY FOR LUNCH?
NO, THANK YOU, HARRY.
AFTER ALL, THIS IS YOUR
LAST LUNCH TOGETHER,
BEFORE YOU'RE MARRIED,
I MEAN.
GOODBYE, DARLING.
GOODBYE.
GOODBYE, HARRY,
YOU BEAST.
KING OF BEASTS.
HMM? HA HA HA HA.
YOU'LL HAVE TO
EXPLAIN THAT TO ME.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, LOST IN
THE DARKNESS OF THE JUNGLE?
JUNGLE?
JUNGLE BELLS,
JUNGLE BELLS
JUNGLE ALL THE WAY
LA LA LA LA
MAYBE THIS CAN MAKE THINGS
A LITTLE CLEARER FOR YOU,
MY PASSIONATE LION.
REMEMBER, THIS IS
HIS TAIL COAT.
MY TAIL COA IS HIS TAIL COAT.
CORRECT.
HIS TAIL COA IS MY TAIL COAT.
PERFECT.
AND HIS LETTER...
IS MY LETTER.
AND I DON' UNDERSTAND ANY OF IT.
WELL?
WELL-WELL-WELL-
WELL-WHERE DID-
YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL
WHERE IT CAME FROM-
YOUR TAIL COAT POCKET.
OH, DIANE,
I DON'T-I DON'T-
HARRY, STOP NOT FINISHING
SENTENCES. LET'S FACE IT.
FACE WHAT?
THE LION IN HIS DEN.
ANYBODY HOME?
GEORGE!
HELLO, GEORGE!
HOW IN THE WORLD
ARE YOU?
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE
THIS TIME OF THE DAY?
YOU'LL HAVE
TO ANSWER THAT.
HELLO, DIANE.
HELLO, GEORGE.
OH, AM I INTERRUPTING
ANYTHING?
TO COIN A PHRASE,
YES.
WELL, THAT'S
A FAIR ANSWER.
AT LEAST YOU'RE ACKNOWLEDGING
THAT I'M IN THE ROOM.
THAT'S MORE THAN SHE
GENERALLY DOES, HARRY.
BUT YOU WAIT TILL I TAKE
THAT PERSONALITY COURSE.
WELL, GOODBYE, KIDS.
HEY, GEORGE,
DON'T GO.
I'LL BE BACK LATER.
DON'T BE AN IDIOT. DON' EVEN THINK OF GOING.
WHY DID YOU COME
IN THE FIRST PLACE
IF YOU'RE GOING
RIGHT AWAY?
OH, IT'LL KEEP.
WHY KEEP ANYTHING?
COME ON, GEORGE.
TELL US WHA IT'S ALL ABOUT.
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT AFTER THA FOOTBALL SCRIMMAGE LAST NIGHT,
I PUT ON THE WRONG
TAIL COAT.
YOU DID WHAT?
I WORE YOUR TAIL COA HOME BY MISTAKE
AND CAME TO GET MINE.
BEST MAN'S GOT TO HAVE HIS
OWN TAIL COAT, YOU KNOW.
THERE IT IS THERE.
NOW, YOU SEE?
GEORGE,
SAY THAT AGAIN.
I WORE HARRY'S TAIL
COAT HOME BY MISTAKE.
YOU MEAN-YOU MEAN,
UH, UH,
THIS
IS YOUR TAIL COAT?
YEAH, LOOKS LIKE I TO ME. YEAH. IT IS.
CERTAINLY.
THAT'S RIGHT.
OHH.
MY CIGARETTES
AND MATCHES.
GEORGE!
MY HANDKERCHIEF.
HATCHECK.
GEORGE...
ARE YOU SURE THIS IS
YOUR TAIL COAT?
I KNOW MY OWN
TAIL COAT WHEN I SEE IT.
WELL, YOU DIDN' KNOW IT LAST NIGHT.
WELL, I WASN'T EXACTLY SHARP
AS A ROWBOAT LAST NIGHT.
BESIDES, HARRY AND I
ARE ABOUT THE SAME SIZE...
EXACTLY. WE'RE EXACTLY THE SAME SIZE.
WHY, YES, YOU
ARE, AREN'T YOU?
HA.
AND THE SAME BUILD,
TOO.
EXCEPT I THINK THAT...
GEORGE'S SHOULDERS ARE
JUST A TINY BIT BROADER.
HEH HEH.
HA HA.
HARRY, WHY DON'T YOU RUN
AND PUT YOUR PANTS ON?
THAT'S NO A BAD IDEA.
A SHAVE WOULDN' HURT, EITHER.
NO, IT CERTAINLY WOULDN'T.
A NICE, CLEAN SHAVE
LIKE GEORGE HAS.
WELL, GO ON, GO ON.
ALL RIGHT,
I WILL.
KEEP DIANE COMPANY FOR ME, GEORGE.
SURE.
ATTA BOY. THAT'S THE BEST FRIEND
A MAN EVER HAD,
DIANE.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING THAT FOR?
JUST THOUGH IT MIGH MAKE YOU FEEL A LITTLE MORE AT HOME.
IT SEEMS TO HAVE
THE OPPOSITE EFFECT.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING
AT ME LIKE THAT FOR?
HAVEN'T YOU EVER
SEEN ME BEFORE?
NO, I DON'T THINK
I HAVE.
AT LEAST NOT IN THIS
PARTICULAR LIGHT.
AAH! HA HA!
AHH.
WHAT ARE YOU LURKING
BEHIND THAT TABLE FOR?
WELL, THIS IS
THE FIRST TIME
I'VE EVER BEEN ALONE
WITH A LION.
LION?
ME?
WELL, THAT'S WHA THE SQUIRREL CALLS YOU,
ISN'T IT?
SQUIRREL?
YEAH.
DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE
FORGOTTEN HER ALREADY!
OH!
SQUIRREL.
YES, OF COURSE.
LITTLE SQUIRREL.
GEORGE, I'M SURPRISED AT YOU.
I'M KIND OF SURPRISED
MYSELF.
YOU'RE CERTAINLY
DIFFEREN FROM WHAT I THOUGH YOU WERE LIKE.
I DIDN'T THINK YOU THOUGH I WAS LIKE ANYTHING.
YES, I DID.
I THOUGH YOU WERE DIM.
YES, THAT'S THE WORD.
DIM.
I THOUGHT YOU
STAYED HOME NIGHTS
AND SOLVED
CHESS PROBLEMS,
YOU KNOW, 'MATE IN THREE
AND THAT SORT OF THING.
BUT NOW...
NOW YOU DON'T THINK
I'M DIM?
I DON'T THINK
YOU'RE DIM.
AND THERE ISN' ANY CHESS.
AND YOU CERTAINLY
HAVEN'T ANY PROBLEMS.
OH, YES, I HAVE.
LIONS DON'T HAVE
PROBLEMS.
LIONS ARE FREE
AND UNINHIBITED.
I CAN SEE YOU NOW
AS EVENING FALLS...
MOVING SILENTLY
THROUGH THE JUNGLE
ON YOUR SOFT PAWS.
YOU DO?
SHH.
YOUR EYES
ARE GLEAMING.
YOUR MANE IS SHAKING
AS YOU GO
STEALTHILY ALONG.
FINALLY,
YOU GET THERE.
WHERE?
STOP INTERRUPTING.
YOU'LL GET THERE.
I CAN SEE YOU
AT THE DOOR.
NO, I CAN' SEE YOU AT THE DOOR.
DO YOU KNOCK
OR RING THE BELL?
JUST SMASH
THE DOOR DOWN.
BUT DOESN'T IT HURT?
I BROKE MY SHOULDER
ONCE,
BUT I WAS ONLY A SCRATCH.
TELL ME, GEORGE,
WHAT DO YOU TWO
TALK ABOUT?
WE JUST CHAT ABOUT...
CURRENT EVENTS.
DON'T YOU ROAR
LIKE SHE SAYS
YOU DO?
OH, THAT.
YES, NATURALLY,
A LION ROARS.
GEORGE, WILL YOU
ROAR NOW?
NO.
I'M NOT IN THE MOOD.
AW, GEORGE,
COME ON. PLEASE.
JUST FOR ME.
NO. I'D FEEL SILLY.
AW, GEORGE, PLEASE?
WELL...
RROW.
THAT'S NOT A LION.
IT'S A PEKINESE.
OH.
RRROW!
OH...
YOU'RE SCARED
NOW, HUH?
OH, I'M NOT SCARED.
DON'T BE SILLY.
I MEAN...
THIS IS-THIS-
AW, NOW WAIT.
JUST A MINUTE.
LIONS CAN BE TAMED,
TOO.
HMM.
GO ON BACK.
BACK.
COME ON, BACK.
BACK.
HA HA HA.
BACK. COME ON.
BACK, BACK, BACK.
BACK.
DOWN.
THERE. THAT'S
A GOOD LION.
OH, WE LIONS HAVE OUR GENTLE MOMENTS.
MMM?
AND THE LION SHALL
LIE DOWN WITH THE LAMB
AND ALL THAT.
MM-MMM.
NO?
THE LION SHALL LIE
DOWN WITH THE SQUIRREL
AND ALL THAT.
OH.
THAT'S THE WAY
IT GOES, ISN'T IT?
AND THE SQUIRREL SHALL
LIE DOWN WITH THE... MINK.
IT'S KIND OF A NOAH'S ARK ARRANGEMENT.
OH, NOAH WAS LATE
IN THE RUN.
THIS GOES ALL THE WAY
BACK TO ADAM.
WERE THERE SQUIRRELS
IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN?
MM-HMM.
THAT'S PROBABLY
WHY EVE LEFT.
THAT'S A PRETTY
CYNICAL THING
FOR A YOUNG WOMAN
TO SAY.
AND WHAT WOULD YOU
LIKE ME TO SAY?
OH, MY LION, EVERY MOMENT AWAY FROM YOU
SEEMS LIKE
AN ETERNITY.
IS THAT BETTER?
SWELL.
WELL, YOU OUGHT TO LIKE
IT. SHE WROTE IT TO YOU.
OH.
TELL ME ABOUT HER,
GEORGE.
WHAT'S SHE LIKE?
WELL, SHE'S...
SHE'S...
SHE'S LOVELY.
YOU KNOW,
SITTING THERE LIKE THAT,
YOU LOOK A LO LIKE HER.
I DO?
YES. SAME LONG LASHES,
SAME LITTLE NOSE,
SAME SUNLIT HAIR.
SAME LAUGHING EYES.
BUT I DON'T WRITE
LETTERS.
I WISH I DID.
IT MUST BE FUN TO WRITE THINGS LIKE-
STRANGE HOW YOU'RE
GIVING ME THOUGHTS
I'VE NEVER
HAD BEFORE...
HOW BEING NEAR YOU
IS NOT LIKE BEING
NEAR ANYONE ELSE.
THAT'S THE BEST PAR OF THE LETTER.
HUH?
HOW W KNOWING YOU...
IS DIFFERENT FROM KNOWING ANYONE ELSE
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
IS THAT RIGHT,
GEORGE?
IT'S PERFECT.
I'M GLAD
YOU LIKE IT.
WOULD YOU... LIKE TO
HEAR WHAT I WROTE HER?
YES, I'D LOVE TO.
YOUR VOICE IS LIKE
A SUNRISE...
LIKE A GARDEN IN BLOOM...
LIKE A BIRD
AGAINST THE SKY.
DO MORE, GEORGE.
WHY DON'T YOU
BE KIND
AND SET ME FREE?
OR WHY DON'T YOU
BE KINDER
AND HOLD ME
FOREVER AND EVER?
YOU DON'T MIND MY QUOTING THAT, DO YOU?
OH, NO. OF COURSE NOT.
IT-IT'S WONDERFUL.
YOU SEEM TO HAVE
CAUGHT EACH OTHER'S
MOOD... EXACTLY.
YES.
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE DO THAT SOMETIMES...
IN LETTERS, I MEAN.
BRUSH YOUR LIPS
ACROSS MY CHEEK,
MY DEAR.
IS THA FROM THE LETTER?
OH, NO.
OUT OF MY HEAD.
I JUST WANTED TO HEAR
WHAT IT WOULD
SOUND LIKE.
SOUNDED WONDERFUL.
LET'S SEE WHA THIS SOUNDS LIKE.
I WANT MORE THAN
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD
TO HOLD YOU
IN MY ARMS.
LETTER?
NO. HEAD.
THERE WAS DARKNESS
FOR A LONG, LONG TIME,
AND SUDDENLY
THE LIGHT CAME,
AND THE LIGHT WAS YOU.
LETTER?
HEAD.
DARLING...
NOW AND FROM
THE BEGINNING.
HEAD, DIANE.
THESE MOMENTS WE HAVE
ARE OURS FOREVER.
LETTER?
THESE MOMENTS WE HAVE-
HEAD?
HEART.
GEORGE.
HOW DO PEOPLE KNOW WHEN
THEY'RE REALLY IN LOVE?
WELL...
FIRST I GUESS
THEY FIND OU THEY LIKE TO BE TOGETHER,
AND THEN THEY FIND OUT THEY
KIND OF THINK THE SAME THINGS.
THEN I GUESS
AFTER A WHILE,
THEY GET SO THEY EVEN
SAY THE SAME THINGS
AT THE SAME TIME.
AND THAT'S THE WAY
YOU KNOW?
WELL,
I'M JUST GUESSING.
WELL, YOUR GUESS WOULD BE MY GUESS, TOO.
IT MUST BE WONDERFUL WHEN-
IT MUST BE WONDERFUL WHEN-
LIKE THAT.
LIKE THAT.
GEORGE.
I'VE WAITED
A LONG TIME.
BUT NOW...
NOW...
YOU'RE GOING
TO MARRY HARRY.
AND, ACCORDING
TO CUSTOM,
MAY THE BEST MAN
KISS THE BRIDE.
THAT'S ALL
THERE IS TO IT.
HE ISN'T HERE.
THIS IS AN EMPTY
APARTMENT.
THERE'S NOBODY
HERE. NOBODY...
IN-IN-INCLUDING
ME.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
EDGAR.
I'LL WAIT.
HE WON'T BE HERE
AT ALL.
MISS GRAY, HE'S GONE TO CHICAGO-
UH, F-FOR
THE NIGHT.
I SEE.
HE'S IN CHICAGO,
AND THE WEDDING'S
IN NEW YORK!
WHY ARE MY LETTERS
SCATTERED ALL OVER THE PLACE?
TO MAKE THE ROOM
LOOK LIVED IN?
SHE FOLLOWS ME
EVERYWHERE.
I'LL SHOW HIM HE CAN' TREAT ME THIS WAY.
SHE HATES FLOWERS.
AND FRUIT, TOO.
GEORGE, STOP HER! SHE
DOESN'T LIKE CHAMPAGNE EITHER.
SQUIRREL! OH, HO HO!
HAVE WE MET?
SQUIRREL!
SHE HAS A VERY
BAD MEMORY.
SO I SEE.
WHAT THE-
I'LL SHOW YOU
WHAT THE!
GETTING MARRIED WITHOUT TELLING ME!
SHALL I THROW
A FIT, SIR?
I CAN EXPLAIN THE WHOLE THING. YOU SEE-
NEVER MIND, GEORGE.
IT'S UP TO ME NOW.
I'M SORRY, BUT I PUT GEORGE ON THE SPOT.
HIS TAIL COAT REALLY
ISN'T MY TAIL COAT-
IT'S NOT REALLY MINE. IT'S EDGAR'S.
IT'S LUTHER'S. NO,
NOT LUTHER'S TAIL COAT.
IT'S MR. ORMAN'S
TAIL COAT,
AND HE'S IN
THE HOSPITAL.
JUST A MINUTE. IT'S BETTER
IF NOBODY EXPLAINS ANYTHING
TO ANYBODY.
HERE'S YOUR LETTER,
SQUIRREL.
AND HERE'S YOUR RING...
HARRY.
AND HERE'S MY LION.
YE-YE-BUT-
YOU EVER WANT ME TO HELP
YOU OUT AGAIN, HARRY,
JUST LET ME KNOW.
RRROW!
IT'S GOT A HOLE.
WE KNOW.
QUESTION IS, HOW MUCH?
WITH THE HOLE.
WELL, $7.00.
$7.00.
FOR THAT COAT?
COME ON, EDGAR.
JUST A SECOND.
LET ME TAKE IT OVER
TO THE LIGHT.
FIND ANYTHING YOU LIKE?
THANK YOU. YES.
JUST LOOKING.
$7.00, AND YOU SAID
AT LEAST 25.
I SAID WE'D SPLI ALL OVER 10, DIDN'T I?
OVER 10, YES.
YOU'RE HERE
TO ENSURE THAT.
WELL, HERE YOU ARE.
$10, TAKE I OR LEAVE IT.
WE'LL TAKE IT.
I'LL TAKE IT.
COME ON.
UH, GOOD DAY,
GENTLEMEN.
MY, WHAT A FINE COAT.
IT WOULD BE NICE
FOR MY HUSBAND.
YOUR HUSBAND A WAITER?
OH, NO.
HE'S NOT A WAITER.
HE'S A GREAT MUSICIAN.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
I'M PAYING YOU FOR?
MUSIC, NOT MURDER.
GOOD MUSIC, GET IT?
MR. WALTER,
I- I-I MUST-
I DEFINITELY MUST GO OU FOR HALF AN HOUR.
KEEP PLAYING.
I- I-I-
I CANNOT CONDUC SLEEPWALKERS.
I CANNOT RAISE
THE DEAD!
I CANNOT!
I WILL NOT!
BACK TO 26, GENTLEMEN.
YOUR E-FLAT IS FLAT,
MISTER.
WOULD YOU OBLIGE ME BY
NOT REWRITING THE SCORE.
THAT NOTE IS SHARP.
YES! YES!
YOU PLAY EVERYTHING
AS IT IS WRITTEN!
EVERY NOTE LIKE ROBOTS-
WITHOUT LIFE!
WITHOUT FEELING!
BUT THEY ARE NO JUST NOTES!
THEY ARE NOTES WRITTEN
FROM THE BRAIN
FROM THE HEART!
MUSIC WITHOUT FEELING
IS NOISE!
DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
CAN'T YOU READ?
JUST LOOK
AT THE FOURTH NOTE
AFTER NUMBER 35!
WHAT DO YOU SEE?
TRIPLETS!
AS IN TRIPLETS!
ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN,
THIS IS TOO MUCH.
WE'LL PROCEED
IN HALF AN HOUR.
YOU NEED A REST.
SO DO I.
PHOOEY!
TOO LATE
TO APOLOGIZE.
COME ON, CHARLIE.
LET'S GO.
COME ON NOW,
WILL YOU?
COME ON.
Wait.
WHAT IS IT?
EXCUSE ME, MAESTRO,
BUT SMITH IS HERE.
WHAT SMITH?
CHARLES SMITH THE COMPOSER,
THE MAN I TOLD YOU ABOUT.
WHEN?
FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS.
YOU PROMISED
TO SEE HIM TOMORROW.
THIS ISN'T TOMORROW.
BUT THAT WAS YESTERDAY.
THAT'S WHEN YOU
TOLD ME TOMORROW,
AND THAT IS TODAY.
SORRY. NO TIME.
BUT, UH, MAESTRO,
THE MAN IS A GENIUS...
A MASTER.
OH, NO, MAESTRO.
I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF
STRAVINSKY AS THE MOST, UH...
NO.
WORTHY OF YOUR
DISTINCT CONSIDERATION.
GOOD EVENING.
GOOD EVENING.
WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
PLAY.
YEAH.
MARVELOUS!
CUBBY,
DID YOU DO IT?
I DID IT! I DID IT!
OH!
WHAT DID HE SAY,
DARLING?
HE KISSED ME ON EACH CHEEK.
OH! DIRTY PIG.
WHEN IS HE
GOING TO PLAY IT?
I'M GOING TO
CONDUCT IT MYSELF.
WE REHEARSE TWO WEEKS,
STARTING TOMORROW.
THE SCHERZO FLOORED HIM.
I HARDLY WONDER.
HE CAME RIGHT OVER TO ME
WITH HIS EYES SHINING.
"SMITH," HE SAID,
"YOU'RE A GENIUS."
HE'S GOING TO PRESENT ME
TO THE PUBLIC HIMSELF.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
I HAVE THE GREAT HONOR
TO PRESENT MR. SMITH
AT THE CARNEGIE HALL.
OH.
GOOD HEAVENS, 8:00!
WE'VE GOT TO RUSH.
MAMA, IT'S CHARLIE'S
BIG NIGHT.
OH, MY BABY.
CHARLIE, YOU CAN'T CONDUC THE SYMPHONY IN THAT.
TAILS AND WHITE TIE.
BUT HE HASN' GOT A TAIL COAT.
YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGH OF THAT BEFORE!
I SHOULD HAVE?
I'VE GONE CRAZY
THINKING OF EVERYTHING-
OH! WHY, CUBBY, DARLING,
I CAN
GET YOU A TAIL COAT.
I KNOW JUST WHERE.
NOW, YOU TWO RUN ALONG.
I'LL BRING EVERYTHING
TO THE DRESSING ROOM.
ALL RIGHT, DARLING.
OH, HURRY, PLEASE,
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.
ALL RIGHT, MADAM, NOW
WHAT SIZE IS YOUR HUSBAND?
HERE. HERE IT IS.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOUR HUSBAND'S
A MUSICIAN, ISN'T HE?
YES.
OH.
LET'S SEE NOW.
THERE YOU ARE.
THAT'LL FIT LIKE A GLOVE.
UGH!
IT'S TOO SMALL.
OH, DEAR.
AND THERE'S A HOLE
IN IT. LOOK.
NO ONE WILL SEE IT.
YOUR CUE, MR. SMITH!
IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT,
DARLING.
IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE DINING OU TONIGHT, BUBBLES.
HERE.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
MR. CHARLES SMITH.
SHH!
WHAT?
Your sleeve
is torn in the back.
CONTINUE.
PLEASE.
HA HA HA!
I BET YOU KNOW SOMEBODY
WHO'S DOWN ON THEIR LUCK.
INDEED I DO.
GIVE THEM THAT,
WILL YOU?
OH, THANK YOU, SIR.
OH, IT'S A TAIL COAT.
NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S A RABBIT'S FOOT.
GOOD NIGHT!
BLESS YOU!
COME ON.
COME ON. COME ON.
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A
RABBIT'S FOOT TO YOU?
HMM? RABBIT'S FOOT?
LOOKS MORE LIKE THE REAR END
OF A MILLION DOLLARS.
HA HA HA!
THERE ARE THE KEYS.
OH, SHUT UP.
PLEASE.
HELLO, FOLKS!
IF THOSE ARE BILLS,
KEEP GOING.
I'VE GOT TO
DELIVER THEM,
BUT YOU DON' HAVE TO OPEN THEM.
ANY MAIL
FOR ME, DAD?
NO VALENTINES.
WILL YOU SHUT UP?
MOLLY, WHA DO YOU MAKE OF THIS?
GOODBYE.
HUH? OH, GOODBYE.
COME AGAIN.
"AVERY L. BROWNE."
AVERY L.?
YOU DON'T SUPPOSE
THAT COULD BE LARRY?
"BLACKSTONE HOTEL,
CHICAGO."
MIGHT BE AT THAT.
HE SHOW UP
LAST NIGHT?
NO. PROBABLY UP
TO HIS OLD TRICKS.
FANCY WAY TO SPELL
"BROWNE," WITH AN "E."
YES.
I THINK I'D
BETTER GO AND SEE.
DON'T FORGE TO LOCK UP.
OH, NO.
HELLO.
HELLO, HELLO.
GO AWAY.
LARRY.
IS THIS YOURS?
NO.
WELL, IF YOUR STOMACH
GETS TO GNAWING,
DROP AROUND.
HERE.
GIVE IT TO ME.
WHAT ARE YOU STANDING
THERE FOR?
GO ON. READ IT.
THAT'S WHAT YOU BROUGH IT HERE FOR, ISN'T IT?
"CLASS OF 1917,
UNIVERSITY...
"25th ANNIVERSARY DINNER
AT THE WALDORF-ASTORIA,
8:00, OCTOBER 5th. "
WELL, THAT'S TODAY.
"URGE YOU IN
THE NAME OF THE LOVE
"WE ALL BEAR
FOR OUR ALMA MATER
"TO BE WITH US,
H.B. HANK BRONSON."
HANK.
"FORMAL DRESS."
WHISKEY.
THERE YOU ARE.
OH. I FIGURE THIS WILL
PUT ME ON MY FEET AGAIN.
SURE. SURE.
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
GOT A CIGARETTE?
NO.
HERE. HAVE ONE OF MINE.
GO AHEAD.
OH.
THANK YOU.
YOU'VE BEEN AROUND HERE
ABOUT FIVE YEARS NOW, LARRY.
SIX.
AND EVERY DAY
FOR SIX YEARS,
YOU'VE BEEN TALKING
ABOUT GOING UPTOWN,
GETTING ON YOUR FEE AGAIN, AWAY FROM ALL THIS,
BUT YOU ALWAYS SEEM
TO NEED ONE MORE DRINK
TO GET YOUR NERVE UP.
MAYBE IF YOU
DIDN'T GET IT UP,
SOMEDAY YOU
MIGHT REALLY GO.
YEAH, WELL, I...
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
OH, SURE, YOU DO.
AND I DON'T WANT ANYBODY
PREACHING AT ME.
DID I EVER SAY
NOT TO TAKE IT?
IF YOU NEED ANOTHER,
HAVE ONE. I'LL BUY.
HERE.
LARRY, THEY TELL ME THEY GOT A
MIGHTY GOOD COOK AT THE WALDORF.
WHY DON'T YOU GO?
OUGHT TO BE
A NICE PARTY.
HERE'S YOUR CHANCE
TO GET UPTOWN AGAIN,
AND I DON'T MEAN NORTH
OF 14th STREET.
I MEAN
NORTH OF YOURSELF.
OH, LARRY, YOU'VE
SEEN ENOUGH OF GUTTERS
AND FLOPHOUSES
AND HANGOUTS.
MAYBE IF YOU GOT YOUR FEE UNDER A TABLE AGAIN FOR A SPELL,
ORDERED A THICK STEAK,
SLEPT IN A CLEAN BED,
TALKED
YOUR OWN LANGUAGE,
YOU MIGHT BE RIGH IN THERE PUNCHING AGAIN.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
WHAT IS IT,
A COSTUME PARTY?
YOU WANT ME TO GO
AS J.P. MORGAN?
I WANT YOU TO GO
AS AVERY L. BROWNE,
AVERY L. BROWNE
WITH AN "E."
HEH.
IF YOU'RE WORRIED
ABOUT YOUR LOOKS,
THAT'S IN MOLLY'S
DEPARTMENT.
WE JUST GOT A DRESS
COAT IN THIS MORNING,
PROBABLY SEN RIGHT FROM HEAVEN.
PETE, WILL
YOU SHUT UP?
REALLY OUGHT TO HAVE
PATENT LEATHERS, BUT-
I THINK THOSE BRITCHES
ARE LONG ENOUGH.
I DON'T BELIEVE
ANYBODY WILL NOTICE.
YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN
HIM A REGULAR SHIRT.
THEY COST $1.75.
I DON'T CARE.
SUPPOSE THAT RIDICULOUS
WHATCHAMACALLIT, UH...
DICKEY, MOTHER.
SUPPOSE IT POPS OUT?
IT WON'T IF HE KEEPS
HIS VEST BUTTONED.
THEY CALL THEM WAISTCOATS
UP WHERE LARRY'S GOING.
THERE YOU GO, LARRY.
PUT THAT ON.
A NICE PIECE
OF GOODS, MOTHER.
IT MUST HAVE COS A PRETTY PENNY.
FEEL THAT SILK.
MMM!
YOUR WAISTCOAT,
MR. BROWNE.
THERE. THAT OUGHT TO
HOLD A MAN OF YOUR SIZE,
IF YOU DON' EAT TOO MUCH.
WHY, YOU'D THINK
IT WAS MADE FOR YOU,
ALMOST.
ALL RIGHT, LARRY.
LET ME SEE IT.
OH, THAT'S FINE.
GIVE HIM
THE HAT, MARY.
PUT IT ON.
ALL RIGHT.
PERFECT!
OH, UH...
HERE, LARRY.
HERE'S WHAT WAS LEF IN THE BOX.
IT'S ENOUGH FOR
A COUPLE OF DRINKS,
OR IT'LL TAKE YOU UPTOWN.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT,
MR. BROWNE.
WAIT.
THANK YOU, MY DEAR.
GOOD NIGHT.
COME JOIN AND CHEER
THE ALMA MATER
OUR GUIDING STAR
TO LIVE THE DAYS
OF HOPES AND JOYS AND
SING THE SONGS ONCE MORE
FRIENDSHIP
OF COLLEGE DAYS
SHALL NEVER, NEVER PASS
COME JOIN AND CHEER
THE ALMA MATER
SING THE SONGS
ONCE MORE
HEY, WHO'S THAT?
WELL, IF I ISN'T LARRY BROWNE!
YOU OLD SON OF A-
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
WELL, I THOUGH YOU'D NEVER GET HERE.
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
HEY, FELLAS,
LOOK WHO'S HERE...
LARRY Y BROWNE
IN PERSON.
HELLO, BROWNE!
WELL, YOU
JUST MADE IT.
WHAT KEPT YOU,
LARRY?
WE'RE JUS GETTING STARTED.
HELLO THERE.
HOW ARE YOU?
HI, EBB.
HA HA!
SOUPY HALES.
HA HA!
LARRY BROWNE.
YOU OLD ROOSTER, I COULD KISS YOU.
HA HA HA!
SAY, YOU'VE LOS A LITTLE WEIGHT.
I DIDN' REALIZE IT MYSELF
UNTIL I GOT INTO
THIS COAT TONIGHT.
HAVEN'T THEY BEEN FEEDING YOU RIGHT?
OH, NO. JUST HARD WORK,
MY BOY, JUST HARD WORK.
YOU OUGHT TO
TRY IT SOMETIME.
HELLO, LARRY!
HELLO, LARRY,
HOW ARE YOU?
HEY, WAITER, HOW'S
ABOUT A LITTLE SOMETHING
FOR BROTHER BROWNE
TO WET HIS WHISTLE WITH?
HE'S WAY BEHIND!
WHAT'LL IT BE,
SOME OF MRS. WALDORF'S
CHAMPAGNE,
OR WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE
SOMETHING WITH HAIR ON ITS CHEST?
I NEVER TOUCH IT.
I ALWAYS SERVE IT,
BUT NEVER TOUCH IT MYSELF.
O.K., PAL, BUT DO ME
A FAVOR, WILL YOU?
JUST HOLD IT.
NOW, DON' FORCE YOURSELF!
JUST HOLD IT.
HA HA HA!
WHOA! DON'T WASTE IT.
THAT'S PRECIOUS STUFF.
WE'VE GOT TO CONSERVE.
WELL, IF YOU DON'T DRINK,
YOU CAN STILL EAT.
WAITER, ANOTHER PLATE!
NO, THANK YOU, BUT I
JUST ATE ON THE PLANE.
WHAT PLANE?
I JUST FLEW IN
FROM THE COAST.
YOU'VE BEEN IN CALIFORNIA ALL THIS TIME
AND DIDN' LOOK ME UP?
I JUST PASSED THROUGH.
UH... I'VE BEEN IN CHINA.
THAT MUST HAVE
BEEN INTERESTING.
SEE ANYTHING OF THE FIGHTING?
A LITTLE.
WHEREABOUTS
IN CHINA?
ALL OVER, FROM CHOP SUEY TO CHOW MEIN.
SAME OLD LARRY. BOY,
AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.
LARRY, COME HERE.
I WANT TO HAVE
A TALK WITH YOU.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
GOING TO BE
IN TOWN LONG?
OH, JUST A FEW DAYS
TILL I SEE
HOW THE LAND LIES.
HAVEN'T GOT YOURSELF
TIED UP YET, HAVE YOU?
NOT EXACTLY, BUT-
DON'T. I'VE GOT A JOB
THAT'S RIGHT DOWN YOUR ALLEY.
WELL, I NEVER TURNED
DOWN A CLIENT YET.
TAX MATTER.
JUST MY MEAT.
CAN YOU BE AT MY OFFICE
TOMORROW AT 9:30?
I PLANNED ON-
MEET MY PARTNER
McREYNOLDS,
GET AN IDEA
OF THE SETUP.
IF IT'S A QUESTION
OF MONEY,
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT.
WHERE ARE YOU?
40 WALL STREET.
WELL, I'LL BE THERE.
GOOD.
I SEE YOU'RE STILL LATE TO CLASSES.
PROFESSOR LYONS.
YES?
THIS ABOVE ALL,
TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE,
AND IT MUST FOLLOW,
AS THE NIGHT THE DAY,
THOU CANST NOT BE FALSE-
NOT THEN BE FALSE!
NOT THEN!
ARE YOU STILL TRYING TO
REWRITE MR. SHAKESPEARE?
WELL, NOT THEN
BE FALSE TO ANY MAN.
RIGHT. HA HA!
HOW ARE YOU, MY BOY?
FINE, SIR.
YOU?
I'M ALWAYS FINE.
COMES WITH HAVING A CAS IRON STOMACH AND NO AMBITION.
OH, YES.
I JUST GO ON VEGETATING
YEAR AFTER YEAR,
LIKE THE IVY
ON THE OLD CHAPEL.
YOU REMEMBER IT?
WHILE YOU PROSPEROUS
LAWYERS AND DOCTORS
AND BIG TIME FINANCIERS
LEAP FROM ONE TRIUMPH
TO THE OTHER,
GETTING RICH...
AND FAT...
FAT, ANYHOW.
SOMETIMES I CONFESS
I ENVY YOU BOYS.
THEN AGAIN, I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S RATHER FUN TO SIT WITH
THE OTHER STICK-IN-THE-MUDS
AND WATCH
THE PARADE GO BY,
SEE YOU BOYS
BEAT THE DRUMS
AND BLOW
THE BIG BASSOONS
WHILE WE TAKE
ALL THE CREDIT.
IT'S BEEN 25 YEARS NOW,
PROFESSOR.
HERE WE ARE AGAIN.
MUST SEEM LIKE A LONG TIME TO YOU BOYS.
I REMEMBER WE WERE
GOING TO LICK THE WORLD.
YEAH. SAVE I FOR DEMOCRACY.
SHOW THE OLDER GENERATION
WHAT WE'D DO
WITH THEIR MESS.
WE WERE YOUNG, FULL
OF VINEGAR, REMEMBER?
I WAS THINKING
OF THAT TODAY,
LOOKING AT MY CLASS
THEY'RE KIDS,
LIKE YOU WERE.
OH, A LITTLE
BRIGHTER, PERHAPS.
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
THEN I THOUGHT, "WELL, THEY
HAVEN'T CHANGED THE WORLD MUCH.
"COME RIGHT DOWN TO IT,
THEY HAVEN'T DONE
SO BADLY, EITHER."
TOM, YOU'VE MADE A PRETTY GOOD
JUDGE, EVERYTHING BEING EQUAL.
THANK YOU.
JOHN, YOU'VE CUT OUT A LO OF APPENDIXES IN YOUR TIME
AND BEEN OVERPAID
FOR IT, TOO.
LARRY HERE'S
BEEN IN CHINA.
NOW THAT'S QUITE
AN ACHIEVEMENT IN ITSELF.
FARTHEST I EVER GO WAS PUGET SOUND ONE SUMMER.
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN,
OH, 40 YEARS AGO.
I'VE LIVED ON THE MEMORY
OF IT EVER SINCE.
YES, YOU HAVE
YOUR FAMILIES.
YOU'RE DOING YOUR JOBS,
AND YOU HAVEN' FORGOTTEN YOUR FRIENDS.
WHEN YOU GE AS OLD AS I AM,
YOU'LL DISCOVER
THOSE ARE THE THINGS
THAT REALLY SPELL SUCCESS
AND HAPPINESS.
DING-A-LING
A- LING A-LING!
HEY, PROF, DIDN'T YOU
HEAR THE BELL RING?
THAT MEANS
CLASS IS OVER.
WE HAVE SOME SERIOUS
SINGING AND DRINKING TO DO.
DON'T LET ME STOP YOU.
I NEVER COULD.
COME ON, FELLAS.
NOW GET READY.
OH, HEN, MY BOY,
HOW ABOU GIVING LARRY
ONE OF YOUR NICE LITTLE
OLD CORONA CORONAS
BEFORE WE START.
YOU KNOW, THE GUY
MUST HAVE SOME VICES.
SORRY. I JUST HAD
TO ORDER SOME MORE.
HANK HERE TOOK
MY LAST HANDFUL.
YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE
SOMETHING THESE DAYS
TO SELL INSURANCE WITH,
BESIDES PERSONALITY.
HELLO, BROWNE.
HELLO, WILLIAMS.
DID SOMEBODY SAY YOU'D
BEEN DOWN IN CHINA?
THAT'S RIGHT.
LONG?
OH, UH, QUITE A WHILE.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
OH, SAME OLD STOMPING GROUNDS, CHICAGO.
SHALL I PUT I ON THE BILL, SIR?
NO, THIS IS MY TREAT.
THERE YOU ARE, BOYS.
HELP YOURSELF.
THE CHAMPION FUMBLER.
LET ME GET IT.
LET ME GET IT.
NO, THIS IS ON ME.
FUNNY. I'M SURE I HAD I WHEN I CAME IN.
LOSE YOUR WALLET?
LOCK THE DOOR, SOMEBODY!
DON'T ANYBODY
LEAVE THIS ROOM!
A CRIME'S
BEEN COMMITTED.
WHAT'D YOU HAVE IN IT,
ANY GOOD ADDRESSES?
NO. I HAD CONSIDERABLE
MONEY IN IT.
I'M RUNNING DOWN
TO WASHINGTON TOMORROW.
I CASHED A CHECK
BEFORE LEAVING THE OFFICE.
DON'T WORRY. WE'LL GE TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.
I DON'T LISTEN TO FRED
ALLEN'S MIGHTY ART PLAYERS
FOR NOTHING.
ME ONE LONG PAN
DETECTIVE, TOO.
UH, KEEP YOUR PLACES,
EVERYBODY!
WE'VE GO TO RECONSTRUCT THE CRIME.
WHO WAS STANDING
NEXT TO YOU, HENDERSON?
OH, LARRY THERE,
I BELIEVE.
OH, BROWNE, EH?
SPLIT WITH ME, KID, AND
I'LL GET YOU OUT OF IT.
WAIT. YOU WERE STANDING
NEXT TO HENDERSON, TOO.
THAT'S RIGHT, BUT YOU
SAT NEXT TO HIM AT DINNER.
SURE.
GENTLEMEN, THERE'S
ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
SEARCH EVERYBODY!
THANK YOU,
MR. DETECTIVE.
I DON'T THINK
THAT'LL BE NECESSARY.
I THINK IT'S AN EXCELLEN IDEA, ALL IN FUN.
DON'T YOU, BROWNE?
I INSIS ON BEING SEARCHED.
ANYTHING TO GET OU OF THIS MONKEY SUIT.
I HAVEN'T WORN THIS
SINCE I WAS MARRIED.
DO WE HAVE TO TAKE OFF OUR PANTS, TOO?
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
BROWNE?
WHERE'S YOUR SENSE
OF HUMOR?
COME ON, LARRY.
LET'S SLIP OUT OF IT.
TAKE YOUR HANDS
OFF ME.
YOU'RE GOING
TO GET TOUGH, EH?
HERE'S WHERE I'LL TACKLE
THE BEST TACKLE FOR
HIS WEIGHT WE EVER HAD.
CUT IT OUT!
GET AWAY FROM ME!
COME ON, FELLAS.
LET'S GET IT OFF HIM!
IT'S STILL
A FREE COUNTRY.
YOU CAN'T FORCE A MAN TO
TESTIFY AGAINST HIMSELF.
NOT IN MY COURT.
COURT!
THERE'S AN IDEA!
WE'LL HOLD COURT.
WE'LL PUT I TO THE JURY TO DECIDE.
YOU GUYS OVER THERE,
YOU BE THE JURY.
12 GOOD MEN AND TRUE.
GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY,
TAKE YOUR PLACES.
I'M GOING
TO SIT RIGHT HERE.
WILLIAMS, YOU'RE A BIG SHO AMBULANCE CHASER. BE D.A.
I SHALL BE DELIGHTED,
UNLESS BROWNE WOULD PREFER
ME AS A CHARACTER WITNESS.
JUDGE, YOUR HONOR,
YOU'RE IN SESSION.
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT'LL IT BE WORTH
FOR ME TO DEFEND YOU?
THE JOKE'S GONE
FAR ENOUGH.
LET'S GET BACK
TO OUR SINGING.
THE PRISONER COULD
EASILY PUT A STOP TO I BY PERMITTING HIMSELF TO BE SEARCHED.
CLEAR THE WITNESS BOX.
GENTLEMEN, I DECLARE THIS
COURT TO BE IN SESSION.
YOU WILL NOW PROCEED, MR. PROSECUTOR.
YOUR HONOR...
GENTLEMEN
OF THE JURY,
IN VIEW OF
THE CIRCUMSTANTIAL NATURE
OF THE EVIDENCE
IN THIS CASE,
THE STATE WILL BE COMPELLED
TO CALL INTO QUESTION
THE CHARACTER OF THE PRISONER AT THE BAR
AND WILL ENDEAVOR TO PROVE
BY THE TESTIMONY
OF EYEWITNESSES
THAT THE CULPRIT,
BY HIS PAST CONDUCT,
HAS PLACED HIMSELF BEYOND
THE PALE OF DECENT SOCIETY.
IS HE ON THE LEVEL?
ORDER!
ORDER IN THE COURT!
SIT DOWN, EVERYBODY,
OR I'LL HAVE YOU
THROWN OUT!
YOUR WITNESS,
MR. BROWNE.
IT'S UH... IT'S QUITE
ALL RIGHT, YOUR HONOR.
MY LEARNED
COLLEAGUE AND I
WERE JUST GIVING YOU
A LITTLE IDEA
OF HOW WE CONDUCTED
OUR CASES IN CHICAGO.
EH, WILLIAMS?
GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY,
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT MEANS TO ME
TO BE HERE TONIGH WITH MY OLD FRIENDS
OF THE CLASS OF 1917.
I DON'T MIND TELLING YOU
I THOUGHT OF YOU MANY TIMES.
OH, BOY. I SURE WISH
I'D KNOWN THAT.
I GOT A LITTLE POLICY
MADE TO ORDER FOR YOU.
HOWEVER, THAT'S
BESIDE THE POINT.
WHAT YOU'RE INTERESTED IN
IS TO HEAR MY ANSWER
TO THIS CHARGE THAT'S
BEEN BROUGHT AGAINST ME.
FRANKLY, I WISH
I'D COME PREPARED
TO MAKE
A BETTER DEFENSE.
BUT, BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
SPEECHMAKING
WAS THE LAST THING
IN MY MIND TONIGHT.
WHAT I REALLY CAME FOR
WAS TO, UH...
WELL, YOU MIGHT SAY
I WAS CHASING
A WILL-O'- THE-WISP.
AND FOR A WHILE THERE,
I THOUGH PERHAPS I'D FOUND IT.
ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS
TALKING TO MY OLD ROOMMATE
SOUPY DAVIS
AND PROFESSOR LYONS.
BUT I EXPECT I DIDN'T.
KNOW WHY?
YOU'RE TOO SOBER.
LIKE ME.
MY DEFENSE,
SUCH AS IT IS,
BEGINS ON THE DAY
WE GRADUATED,
A DAY IN JUNE 1917.
IT LEADS FIRS TO AN ARMY TRAINING CAMP,
THEN OVERSEAS.
THE ARMISTICE,
HOME AGAIN, CHICAGO.
THE LAW.
NOTHING VERY UNUSUAL
ABOUT THAT.
NOR I'M AFRAID
ABOUT THE NEXT CHAPTER
IN THE LIFE OF ONE
WHO, AS YOU RECALL,
JUST BARELY NOSED
WILLIAMS OU AS THE MAN YOU VOTED
MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED.
A GIRL, MARRIAGE,
A HOME,
AND A SUCCESSION
OF THREADBARE CLIENTS
WHO ALWAYS SEEMED
TO BE GUILTY,
BUT WHO NEVER SEEMED
TO HAVE THE FORESIGH TO STEAL ENOUGH
TO DISPROVE IT.
MY WIFE...
YOU-YOU-YOU REMEMBER HER,
WILLIAMS.
I OUGHT TO.
I INTRODUCED HER TO YOU
AT THE SENIOR PROM.
PROBABLY ONE OF THE FEW
MISTAKES YOU EVER MADE.
A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
OH, MAGNIFICENT WOMAN,
WHO HAD EVERY REASON
TO EXPECT ALL THE THINGS
SHE MIGHT HAVE HAD
IF SHE'D MARRIED...
SOMEONE ELSE.
OH, SO THAT'S WHAT STARTED
YOU PICKING POCKETS, HUH?
CHERCHEZ LA FEMME.
THE JURY WILL
DISREGARD THAT REMARK,
AND I FINE YOU
ONE HIGHBALL.
THEN A WONDERFUL AND
BEAUTIFUL THING HAPPENED.
PROHIBITION.
THAT NOBLE EXPERIMEN OF BLESSED MEMORY
CAME TO DWELL AMONG US.
NOWHERE, I ASSURE YOU,
WAS IT GREETED WITH SUCH
OPEN ARMS AS CHICAGO.
ALMOST OVERNIGHT,
BUSINESS BEGAN TO PICK UP.
MY CLIENTS-
YOU REFERRED ONE OF THE FIRS TO ME, YOUR HONOR. THANK YOU.
MY CLIENTS, WHILE NO LESS
LIKELY CANDIDATES
FOR THE JUG THAN FORMERLY,
WERE SUFFICIENTLY
WELL-HEELED BY NOW
TO BE REGARDED AS THE VERY
PILLARS OF OUR COMMUNITY.
FORTUNATELY FOR ME,
THEY WERE BOTH GENEROUS
AND GRATEFUL.
I CONFESS,
FOR A LITTLE WHILE,
I SAW MYSELF
GETTING STINKING RICH.
BUT THE CATCH IS,
YOUR HONOR, IT DIDN'T LAST.
WHAT DOES, LARRY?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
A GOOD MANY THINGS.
FRIENDSHIP...
GOOD FELLOWSHIP...
ISN'T THAT WHY
WE'RE HERE TONIGHT?
ALL THE THINGS PROFESSOR
LYONS WAS TALKING ABOUT.
YOU, UH...
YOU BELIEVE THAT,
DON'T YOU, WILLIAMS?
OH, WITH ALL MY HEART.
BUT AS I WAS SAYING,
WITH THE ADVEN OF PROHIBITION,
TOO MANY OF MY CLIENTS BEGAN
TO FILL UNTIMELY GRAVES.
WHILE MORE AND MORE
OF THE OTHERS
BEGAN TO DISPLAY
A PRISON PALLOR.
IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR A PRETTY
FANCY TIGHTROPE PERFORMANCE,
I MIGHT NOT HAVE
BEEN HERE MYSELF TONIGHT.
THERE'S NO DOUB ABOUT THAT.
AS IT TURNED OUT IT WAS A
SIMPLE CASE OF DISBARMENT,
HARDLY WORTH A MENTION,
NOT EVEN IN
THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE.
YOU GOT THE BENEFI OF EVERY DOUBT.
YES. THANKS TO YOU, THE GRIEVANCE
COMMITTEE OF THE BAR ASSOCIATION
WAS VERY GENEROUS.
WE WANTED TO SPARE
YOUR WIFE AND FAMILY.
UNFORTUNATELY MY WIFE
DIDN'T SEE
THE FULL HUMOR
OF MY PREDICAMENT-
A LOSS OF IDEALS, PROFESSOR
LYONS WOULD CALL IT-
AND ON ADVICE OF COUNSEL,
QUITE RIGHTLY DECIDED IT HAD
ALL BEEN A GHASTLY MISTAKE
ABOUT WHICH
THE LESS SAID THE BETTER.
AFTER ALL,
WHO WAS TO BLAME HER?
SHE WAS STILL YOUNG,
BEAUTIFUL.
I REALIZED I HAD BEEN FORTUNATE
TO HAVE KNOWN HER AT ALL.
AS FOR ME,
THERE WAS REALLY
NOTHING LEFT TO HOLD ME,
SO I JUS DRIFTED AROUND.
FIRST ONE PLACE,
THEN ANOTHER,
UNTIL FINALLY I HAD
THE VERY GOOD FORTUNE
TO SETTLE DOWN IN CHINA...
CHINATOWN.
LARRY.
HA HA HA!
PUT ONE OVER ON YOU,
DIDN'T I,
ABOUT COMING IN
ON A PLANE TONIGHT?
HAD YOU GOING, TOO, SOUPY,
ABOUT TAKING THAT TAX JOB.
OH, WELL, WHY NOT?
THE WHOLE THING'S A JOKE.
I MEAN MY BEING HERE
AT ALL.
I HADN'T GIVEN IT A THOUGH UNTIL THIS MORNING
WHEN A FRIEND OF MINE,
A NICE FELLOW...
RUNS A MISSION
DOWN ON DEWEY STREET-
YOU OUGHT TO DROP AROUND,
HOLD SERVICES
WITH US SOMETIME.
ALL OF YOU.
HEAR SOME REAL
TESTIMONIES-
MADE ME A LITTLE BE I COULDN'T COME
HERE TONIGH AND PULL THE WOOL
OVER YOUR EYES.
I'D HAVE TAKEN HIS MONEY,
IF HENDERSON HADN'T BEEN
CARELESS WITH HIS POCKETBOOK,
OR IF HANK HADN'T SUGGESTED
OUR BEING SEARCHED.
I'D HAVE WALKED OU OF THIS ROOM TONIGH AVERY L. BROWNE,
CLASS OF 1917,
BEST TACKLE FOR HIS WEIGH THE SCHOOL EVER HAD.
NOT ONE OF YOU
WOULD'VE BEEN THE WISER,
EXCEPT WILLIAMS, OF COURSE,
AND HE NEVER WOULD'VE
LET AN OLD CLASSMATE DOWN,
WOULD YOU, WILLIAMS?
SORRY, JUDGE,
BUT I'M AFRAID
I HAVEN'T GOT ANY DEFENSE
AFTER ALL.
I'M JUST THE KIND OF GUY
WHO WOULD STEAL
HENDERSON'S POCKETBOOK.
SO I PLEAD GUILTY.
OF COURSE, YOU HAVEN' ANYTHING AGAINST ME
BUT CIRCUMSTANTIAL
EVIDENCE,
BUT I KNOW TOO MUCH
ABOUT THE LAW
TO THINK I'D GET A CLIEN WITH MY RECORD
OFF THAT EASILY.
IT LOOKS AS IF
MY ONLY CHANCE
IS TO FOLLOW
WILLIAMS' ADVICE,
TAKE OFF MY COAT,
LET YOU SEARCH ME,
AND THROW MYSELF
ON THE MERCY OF THE COURT.
I FOUND YOUR WALLE IN THE CAR, SIR.
I THOUGH YOU MIGHT NEED IT.
OH, THANK YOU.
WILL YOU SHUT UP,
PLEASE?
JOE, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
LARRY, HOW WAS IT?
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME?
MUST'VE BEEN SOME PARTY
TO KEEP YOU OU TILL MORNING.
THE PARTY'S OVER.
HERE'S YOUR
J.P. MORGAN OUTFIT.
LARRY!
HERE, MOTHER. HERE'S
YOUR RABBIT'S FOOT.
TAKE IT ACROSS THE
STREET TO SANTELLI BROS.
MAYBE YOU CAN GET ENOUGH
ON IT TO BUY RABBIT STEW.
EXCUSE ME. DOES
LARRY BROWNE LIVE HERE?
YES. WON' YOU COME IN?
MY NAME'S BRONSON.
HANK BRONSON.
HOW DO YOU DO?
THIS IS JUDGE BARNES
AND MR. DAVIS.
LARRY HAD AN ENGAGEMEN WITH ME FOR 9:30.
I'M PICKING HIM UP.
SO HE WOULDN'T BE LATE
FIRST DAY ON THE JOB.
JOB?
SURE. HE'S GOING
TO WORK FOR ME NOW.
WELL, UH, YOU BOYS HAD
SUCH A PARTY LAST NIGHT,
I SUPPOSE HE'S DUE
TO OVERSLEEP A LITTLE.
WELL, COULD WE, UH...
DON'T WORRY.
I'LL HAVE HIM
THERE ON TIME.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU.
HE KNOWS
THE ADDRESS?
YES, 40 WALL.
THANK YOU.
GOODBYE.
WHAT AM I GOING
TO DO WITH THIS NOW?
TAKE I TO SANTELLI BROS.
IT'S DONE ITS JOB HERE.
NOW MAYBE IT'LL HELP
SOMEBODY ELSE.
"SANTELLI BROTHERS-
SECONDHAND CLOTHING."
EYE-TALIANS.
WHAT WON'T THEY
GET INTO NEXT?
TWO PAIR OF PANTS
WITH EVERY SUIT.
TWO PAIR.
TWO PAIR OF PANTS
WITH-THAT'S A HOT ONE.
HOW DO YOU DO, UH-
I'D LIKE TO SEE
SOMETHING IN A-
HOW DO YOU DO?
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN-
WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?
HAD EVERY RIGH IN THE WORLD,
TILL HE PULLED A KNIFE
ON HIM THAT LONG.
CHARLIE! CUSTOMER!
WAIT A MINUTE!
WAIT A MINUTE!
TAKE YOUR TIME!
WAIT A MINUTE!
I WANT A COAT WITH TAILS!
TAILS! QUICKLY!
UNHAND ME!
COME THIS WAY.
WE'LL GIVE YOU-
ARMENIAN RUG PEDDLERS!
YOU BROUGHT YOUR BOY.
HOW ARE YOU, SONNY?
HAVE THE FINESSE
OF A HERD OF BRAHMA BULLS!
NOW THAT'S FINE.
LET GO OF ME!
IT FITS
LIKE A GLOVE.
I DON'T WANT IT TO FI LIKE A GLOVE.
I WANT IT TO FIT LIKE
A SUIT OF CLOTHES-
IS THAT ME?
SEEMS TO BE QUITE
AN ILLUSION HERE.
BUT GET ME OU OF THIS STRAITJACKET!
HE DOESN'T LIKE IT.
WHY, IT'S JUS LIKE NEW ON HIM.
A LITTLE GAMY,
ISN'T IT?
A LITTLE HIGH.
MY WIFE'S IN THE KITCHEN
COOKING PASTRAMI.
OH, MY ERROR.
BUT GET ME OU OF THIS WINTER QUARTERS
FOR BEES AND INSECTS!
HALF A TICK-
WAIT A MOMENT.
THIS COAT BELONGED
TO A MILLIONAIRE.
YES, SIR!
MUST HAVE BEEN A JOCKEY OR
ONE OF PICCOLO'S MIDGETS.
HOW'S IT LOOK,
SHIGOGOOMI?
THE TRUTH, PROFESSOR,
IT AIN'T VERY GLAMOROUS.
MAYBE THE SUI TOO BULGY.
TAKE YOUR FILTHY
HANDS OFF ME.
THE BULGE GIVES ME
CHARACTER.
IT DENOTES A BIG HEART.
GENTLEMEN,
AFTER MUCH MEDITATION,
I'VE DECIDED
TO CONSUMMATE A DEAL.
SHALL WE ARRIVE
AT A SUM?
VERY WELL.
THIS COAT...
YOU CAN HAVE I FOR $15.
FIF-
THERE'S NO ONE
IN BACK OF YOU.
THERE MUST BE. YOU'RE NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'LL GIVE YOU
3 SMACKERS FOR IT.
YOU BETTER TAKE IT OFF.
WAIT A MINUTE!
UNHAND ME,
YOU BODY SNATCHERS.
I'LL-
GIVE YOU THE $15.
HERE.
THANK YOU.
I'LL WRAP I UP FOR YOU.
I'LL WEAR IT MYSELF.
I'LL BREAK IT IN.
THANK YOU FOR NOTHING.
COME, MY ANEMIC
BLOOD BANK.
HERE. HOLD THESE.
I'VE BEEN HOODWINKED.
I'VE BEEN ROOKED.
FLEECED BY A COUPLE
OF ESKIMOS.
OH, BEG PARDON,
MR. LANGAHANKY.
EH, MADAME LEFT WORD
THAT YOU SHOULD REMAIN
AT HOME THIS EVENING.
SHE WAS QUITE FIRM.
OH, ANOTHER MEETING.
WHAT IS IT TONIGHT?
I THINK, SIR,
IT'S THE UPTOWN ASSOCIATION
FOR THE DOWNFALL OF ALCOHOL.
PROFESSOR POSSFLETHISTLE
WILL BE THE LECTURER.
OH, LECTURES,
MEETINGS.
EVERY WEEK SHE BRINGS
HOME A NEW CRACKPOT.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH
OF THIS.
TO BE TRUTHFUL, SIR,
I'M QUITE FED UP MYSELF.
HMM?
OH! COCOANUT MILK.
RICHARDS, I BELIEVE
I HAVE AN IDEA.
THIS EVENING'S LECTURE
IS GOING TO BE THE LAS IN A LONG
AND PAINFUL SERIES.
WITH THE HELP OF GRANDFATHER, OF COURSE.
BUT, SURELY, SIR,
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO-
DON'T YOU WORRY A THING.
BUT IF MADAME SHOULD DISCOVER
THIS SECRET OASIS, SIR-
SHE NEVER WILL.
COME OVER HERE.
OH, SIR-
TAKE THAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
YES. VERY GOOD, SIR.
THIS WILL BE THE STRONGES MILK THEY EVER DRANK.
YES, SIR.
WILL YOU PLEASE BE SEATED?
YOU'LL BE CHARMED WITH
PROFESSOR POSSFLETHISTLE-
GANGWAY, JAMES,
MY BONNY BOY.
MY DEAR
MADAME LANGAHANKY.
IT'S SO NICE
TO SEE YOU.
OH, IT'S SO GOOD
OF YOU TO HAVE ME.
PUT IT IN THERE.
THANK YOU.
AND GREETINGS TO YOU,
MY BROTHER AND SISTER
PROTAGONISTS
IN THIS GREAT BATTLE
AGAINST OLD NICK'S BREW.
THANK YOU.
A windfall-a large
and prosperous audience.
BEFORE I PROCEED WITH
MY SUBJECT THIS EVENING,
I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE
THAT THE DELICIOUS BEVERAGE,
WHICH MY ASSISTAN IS PASSING AMONG YOU,
IS ONE OF MOTHER NATURE'S
MOST PRECIOUS GIFTS.
THE MILK OF THE HIGH-HUNG
COCOANUT OF KEDULLA-KEDULLA.
DRINK FREELY.
AH! HA HA.
Polite papaya.
EH, NOTE THE PLEASING
RESULTS
OF THIS HARMLESS,
YET EXOTIC, LIQUID.
AHH!
NOTE THE TINGLE
AS IT TIPTOES
THROUGH THE BODY,
TRIPPING O'ER THE TONGUE...
THROUGH THE ESOPHAGUS.
HOW DIFFERENT THE EFFECT.
COMPARE
THIS NOURISHING ELIXIR
WITH THAT INEXORABLE ENEMY
OF MANKIND... ALCOHOL.
DO NOT FORGET THE NAME.
ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES.
THIS IS THE ESOPHAGUS
OF WHICH I SPOKE...
THE FIRST PART OF THE ANATOMY
TO FEEL THE SHOCK
OF THE CONCOCTION
OF LUCIFER...
BEELZEBUB.
AND HERE-
AND HERE
WE FIND THE LIVER...
very good with bacon.
THIS MAJESTIC ORGAN
FALLS EASY PREY...
FALLS EASY PREY...
TO THESE MISGUIDED MOMENTS
OF LIQUID SATURNALIA.
OH! IT'S AWFUL
STUFFY IN HERE.
OPEN THE WINDOW, WILBUR.
Better open the other alley.
WHERE WAS I?
OH, YES.
HERE IS THE BURMA ROAD.
I REMEMBER THE TRIP WELL-
STORM BLEW UP,
AND OUR LITTLE PARTY STOPPED
AT A WAYSIDE INN.
FOR TEA, SNAKE'S LIVER-
SNAKE'S LIVER-HEH.
UH, SNAKE'S LIVER
AND DAINTY COOKIES.
A LITTLE GIRL NAMED MING TOY
WAITED UPON US.
SHE WAS A VISION
OF LOVELINESS.
SHE HAD MORE CURVES
THAN THE ROAD ITSELF.
I CONTINUED MY JOURNEY
IN A CRUDE CART.
OOH!
That's done it.
THIS BRINGS OUR JOURNEY
TO A VERY HAPPY CONCLUSION.
WAS!
MY ASSISTANT WILL
NOW PASS THE BUCK-
UH, THE HAT-PLATE,
UH, AMONG YOU.
I AM ALLERGIC
TO THE SOUND OF SILVER.
I THANK YOU!
AND REMEMBER, FOLKS,
WE SHALL NOT RES UNTIL COCOANUT MILK IS
SOLD ON EVERY CORNER.
AND ALSO IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE BLOCK.
GOOD EVENING.
OUCH!
SAY...
AH, MY CAR.
I'LL JUST HAVE
ONE FINGER.
NO, NO, NOT HORIZONTAL,
VERTICAL.
LET 'ER GO.
THEY WON'T EVEN TAKE
THE TIME TO LOOK AT ME.
QUIET.
I'LL HANDLE THE JOB.
YOU STICK IN THE CAR.
I'LL SLIP IN
WHEN THEY OPEN THE DOOR.
YOU GOT TO WEAR
MONKEY TAILS TO GET IN.
IT'S STRICTLY
A PARK AVENUE LAYOUT.
COME ON. HURRY UP.
TAKE IT EASY.
WE GOT TILL 10:00.
WE GOT A HOT CAR.
THE GUY WILL FIND
IT'S BEEN SNATCHED
AND START SQUAWKING.
SHUT UP.
OH, I'M A FRIEND
OF MR. REED PATTON'S.
GOOD EVENING, SIR.
EVENING.
GOOD PLAY TONIGHT?
YES, SIR.
PLACE YOUR BETS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
STICK 'EM UP!
AAH!
NOT A BAD TAKE,
ABOUT 50 Gs.
WHAT ABOUT THE PLANE?
IT'S WAITING.
SLIP THE PILOT 2 GRAND
AND NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
YOU'LL BE IN MEXICO CITY
TOMORROW.
MEET ME THERE
NEXT WEEK.
DITCH THE CAR, NOT TOO
CLOSE TO THE AIRPORT.
WHERE'D THAT COME FROM?
HEAVEN.
HA HA HA!
SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
CAN'T YOU SEE
THE LIGHTNING
PUT THE MARK OF THE LORD ON THIS THING?
I AIN'T ASKING WHERE
IT COME FROM OR WHY,
BUT IT COME
AT THE RIGHT TIME-
THE DAY
BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
HALLELUJAH.
PRAISE THE LORD!
I BEEN PRAYING
FOR THAT BRINDLE COW
EVER SINCE
I BEEN MARRIED.
GLORY!
PRAISE THE LORD!
THE LORD'S DONE
BEEN HERE AND GONE.
I'M GONNA BUY ME
A TRACTOR,
ONE OF THEM RED ONES,
WITH A BRAND-NEW ENGINE
A- HUMMIN' AND A-SHININ'
IN THE SUN.
I'M GONNA BUY ME
TWO TRACTORS.
THREE TRACTORS.
A BIG PIECE
OF BOTTOM LAND, SEEDS,
AND A GREAT BIG HOUSE.
YOU GOT TO PRAY
FOR THINGS LIKE THAT.
YOU AIN'T NEVER PRAYED
FOR NOTHIN' IN YOUR LIFE.
I WISHED FOR PLENTY, 'CEP MAYBE I DIDN'T BEND MY KNEES.
WISHIN' AIN'T PRAYIN'.
IT AIN'T OURN TO KEEP.
IT'S SINFUL TO HAVE
SO MUCH MONEY.
REVEREND LAZARUS
- HE'S THE MAN OF GOD ON THIS PLACE.
HE'LL KNOW WHAT'S
ON THE LORD'S MIND.
LET'S TAKE
ALL THAT MONEY TO HIM.
HE'LL TELL US
WHAT TO DO.
IF YOU PRAYEYED
FOR A TRACTOR,
AIN'T IT UNDERSTOOD
YOU PRAYED FOR LAND, TOO?
WELL, LUKE, HAVE YOU BEEN SINNIN'
AGAINST THE LORD AND THE LAW?
LOOK MIGHTY LIKE SIN
FROM UP HERE.
DOES THE SHERIFF
KNOW ABOUT THIS?
THIS AIN'T NO SIN,
REVEREND LAZARUS.
THERE'S TOO MUCH
GOODNESS IN IT.
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKIN'?
ESTHER SAYS THE LORD
SENT THIS MIRACLE
FROM HEAVEN ITSELF,
RIDIN' ON THE WINDS
OF LIGHTNIN'.
I AIN'T THE ONE
TO ARGUE WITH HER.
THAT SURE IS
A POWERFUL MIRACLE.
I HEARED A HEAP
OF PRAYIN'
BUT NEVER SEEN THE LORD
PASS NO MIRACLE.
THAT'S BLASPHEMIN',
REVEREND.
SHUT YOUR MOUTH,
NICODEMUS!
WHO'S THE PREACHER
'ROUND HERE?
OR IS YOU?
I AIN'T SAYIN' THE LORD
DIDN'T PASS THIS HERE MIRACLE.
HEY!
YOU CERTAIN THIS COA COME FROM UP THERE
AND NOT FROM
DOWN THERE?
SMELL MORE LIKE
THE DEVIL THAN THE LORD.
I RECKON MOSES DIDN'T STOP
TO FIGURE HOW THE DEVIL
SENT THE MANNA
TO THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL.
HE KNOWED THE LORD SENT I 'CAUSE HE BELIEVED
IN THE LORD!
THAT'S WHAT THIS IS-
MANNA FROM HEAVEN.
LORD DONE GONE
AND DONE IT AGAIN.
PRAISE THE LORD!
HALLELUJAH!
WHAT YOU AIMIN' TO DO
WITH THAT MONEY?
THIS HERE'S A MIRACLE,
AIN'T IT?
I GOT TO PUT IT AWAY
UNTIL I FIGURE IT OUT.
I ALREADY GOT I FIGURED OUT.
IT'S AN ANSWER
TO ALL THEM THAT'S PRAYED,
ADDED UP
TO THE LAST PENNY.
WELL, HALLELUJAH!
I PRAYED FOR
A HORSE AND BUGGY
AND LAST NIGH WHEN THE STORM BLEW,
I PRAYED FOR A NEW ROOF.
I RECKON I PRAYED
ABOUT $100 WORTH.
WATCH OUT.
DON'T FORGET, REV,
THE LORD IS COUNTING
RIGHT ALONG WITH YOU.
YOU MEAN HERE
IN THIS ROOM?
I RECKON I JUST WISHED
FOR THAT HORSE AND BUGGY
AND DIDN'T GET AROUND
TO PRAYIN' FOR IT.
THIS IS THE MOST UPSETTIN'ES MIRACLE I EVER HEARD OF.
THE LORD'S DONE SENT THIS
AS A CHRISTMAS PRESEN TO ALL FOLKS
IN THIS HERE PLACE!
EVERYBODY CALL OUT TO
WHAT THEY PRAYIN' FOR!
I'LL SURE WELCOME
THAT TRACTOR.
WHAT YOU PRAYS FOR AND
BELIEVES IN YOU GETS!
MATTHEW 21:22.
BLESSED AM THE POOR,
FOR THAT'S ALL THEY GET.
HEY, REVEREND,
DON'T THAT SAY,
"BLESSED AM THE POOR...
IN SPIRIT"?
COMES TO
THE SAME THING.
WHEN YOU'S POOR,
YOU'S POOR ALL OVER.
THAT SURE ME,
ALL OVER.
OUR PRESENTS!
DEFINITE!
YOU RIGHT,
SISTER ESTHER,
CHRISTMAS PRESENTS,
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
EVERYBODY ACCORDING
TO HIS PRAYING,
AND WE'S
THE DEPUTIES OF THE LORD.
HEY, AIN'T THAT SOMETHING?
HALLELUJAH.
WHAT DID YOU PRAY FOR,
SISTER ESTHER?
OH, I PRAYED FOR
THAT BRINDLE COW.
WELL, THE LORD'S ALLOWING YOU
ABOUT $60 FOR THAT.
THANK YOU, LORD.
WHAT DID YOU PRAY FOR,
OLD BROTHER LUKE?
I WANTS A TRACTOR,
A RED ONE,
SO MIGHTY BAD
I KNOWS THE LORD
AIN'T LETTING NO PRAYERS
STAND BETWEEN US.
MAYBE LUKE DON'T PRAY
OFFICIAL-LIKE,
BUT THE LORD KNOWS THERE'S
A LOT OF GOODNESS IN HIM.
I AGREES. I BEEN WISHING
FOR A TRACTOR MY-
I SAID WISHING, NO PRAYING, SISTER ESTHER.
WELL, LOOKED IT UP
IN A CATALOG,
AND THE PRICE REVEALED
IS $798.
HERE YOU ARE, LUKE.
I PRAYED FOR
A SLINGSHOT.
THAT'S A WEAPON
OF THE DEVIL.
HE PRAYED FOR IT,
HE GETS IT.
WELL... HERE'S $1.00 FOR A SLINGSHOT.
MAY THE LORD
GUIDE YOUR HAND.
I PRAYED
FOR NEW SHOES.
HERE'S $2.00 FOR SHOES. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I PRAYED FOR A BLANKET WITH NO HOLES.
$3.00 FOR A BLANKE FOR CHRISTMAS.
I PRAYED FOR SHOES AND STOCKINGS.
HERE'S $4.00 FOR
SHOES AND STOCKINGS.
I PRAYED FOR
A NEW WAGON.
$2.00 FOR THE WAGON.
WE PRAYED FOR
GOOD VITTLES.
HERE'S $2.00 APIECE
FOR GOOD VITTLES.
THIS IS THE BUSIEST DAY
BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
MY PAPPY PRAYED
FOR A NEW PLOW.
TELL YOUR PAPPY THE LORD'S
GOT HIS PLOW READY.
MY PAPPY NEED
A NEW PAIR OF PANTS.
HE DONE PRAYED
AND HOLLERED.
TELL YOUR PAPPY
THE LORD'S WAITING
TO FI THE PANTS ON HIM.
SHH! SHH! SHH!
CHILDREN, HEARKEN TO ME!
RUN AND SHOUT THE WORD
THAT LORD HAS SENT DOWN A MIGHTY
FINE CHRISTMAS FOR EVERYBODY.
TELL PEOPLE
TO COME A-RUNNIN'.
PRAISE THE LORD!
I GOT SHOES,
YOU GOT SHOES
ALL GOD'S CHILDREN
GOT SHOES
WHEN YOU GET TO HEAVEN
GONNA PUT ON
YOUR SHOES...
PA, LOOK!
MA, LOOK!
EVERYBODY, LOOK!
THE LORD SENT DOWN
MORE MONEY
THAN YOU EVER SEEN
BEFORE.
PA! MA!
GRANDPA! YOU KNOW
THAT FINE COFFIN
YOU WAS WANTING
TO BE BURIED IN?
YOU CAN HAVE IT!
WHAT Y'ALL MEAN?
I AIN'T DEAD YET.
I CAN SEE THAT,
BUT THAT COFFIN'S WAITING
FOR YOU DOWN AT THE CHURCH.
TRYING TO MAKE
A FOOL OUT OF ME.
I'M GONNA PRAY MY SOUL
IN JUDGMENT
FARE THEE WELL,
FARE THEE WELL
I'M GONNA PRAY MY SOUL
IN JUDGMENT
FARE THEE WELL,
FARE THEE WELL
THERE'S A GREAT DAY
A- COMIN'
FARE THEE WELL,
FARE THEE WELL
IF YOU LYIN' ABOUT THIS,
THE FIRE IN HELL WILL GET YOU
BEFORE YOU'S DEAD.
FARE THEE WELL,
FARE THEE WELL
IN THAT GREA GETTIN'- UP MORNIN'
FARE THEE WELL,
FARE THEE WELL
IN THAT GREA GETTIN'- UP MORNIN'
FARE THEE WELL,
FARE THEE WELL
IN THAT GREA GETTIN'- UP MORNIN'
FARE THEE WELL,
FARE THEE WELL
OH, THE PREACHER
HOLD THAT BIBLE
FARE THEE WELL,
FARE THEE WELL...
WHAT FOR?
I NTNTS $32.
I DONE PRAYED FOR
CARPENTER TOOLS.
YOU GETS 'EM.
THANK YOU,
REVEREND.
WHAT FOR?
I WANTS $9.75.
I DONE PRAYED FOR
A BARREL OF FLOUR.
WELL, HERE'S $10.
BAKE YOURSELF SOME BISCUITS
FOR CHRISTMAS
AND DON'T FORGE REVEREND LAZARUS.
I WANTS $25, SIR.
WHAT FOR?
MY COFFIN.
A MAHOGANY ONE,
WITH WHEELS ON I SO I CAN ROLL RIGH THROUGH THE PEARLY GATES.
PRAISE THE LORD I DONE
LIVED TO SEE THIS DAY!
I CAN GIVE YOU
A POWERFUL GOOD SERVICE
FOR $5.00 EXTRA
WHEN THE TIME COMES.
MAYBE WHEN
THAT TIME COMES,
YOU WON'T BE HERE.
HEH HEH HEH!
FARE THEE WELL,
FARE THEE WELL
IN THAT GREA GETTIN'- UP MORNIN'
FARE THEE WELL,
FARE THEE WELL
IN THAT GREA GETTIN'- UP MORNIN'
FARE THEE WELL,
FARE THEE WELL
IN THAT GREA GETTIN'- UP MORNIN'
FARE THEE WELL,
FARE THEE WELL...
BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
BROTHERS...
BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
BROTHERS
AND SISTERS...
THIS HERE PAPER
HAS ALL THE FIGURES TAKEN
ON THIS HERE MIRACLE.
SISTER ESTHER DONE
WORKED IT OUT HERSELF.
ACCORDING TO THE FIGURES,
THE LORD SENT US $43,000.
NOW, THAT'S MORE MONEY THAN
THERE IS IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
FURTHERMORE AND WHEREAS,
WE HAVE PAID OU TO TRUE BELIEVERS-
WHO PRAYED FOR IT-
THE SUM OF $1,454
AND 50 CENTS,
LEAVING A TOTAL OF...
$41,545
AND 50 CENTS,
BELONGING TO ALL OF US
IN THIS HERE PLACE.
HALLELUJAH!
WELL, PASS OU THE MONEY!
A MIGHTY AMOUN OF MONEY, FOLKS,
AND IT AIN' GOING TO WASTE.
I SEE
THE NEW CHURCH NOW-
STANDING ON THE HILL,
SHINING IN THE SUN.
AND A HOSPITAL!
WE'RE BUYING THE LAND,
YOU HEAR?
AND TOOLS
WITH EDGES SO SHARP,
THE EARTH WILL JUMP UP
TO MEET THEM.
WE'LL WORK THAT GROUND SIDE BY
SIDE, RAISING CORN AND COTTON.
AND WHAT WE GETS,
WE SHARES.
WON'T BE NO RICH
AND NO MORE POOR.
YES, FOLKS,
A NEW DAY IS DAWNING.
STOP!
STOP, Y'ALL!
WE DONE FORGO POOR OLD CHRISTOPHER.
BUT HE AIN' THE PRAYING KIND.
HOW COME YOU KNOW THAT?
THAT'S SOMETHING
NOBODY KNOWS
BUT THE LORD
AND POOR OLD CHRISTOPHER.
HE'S THE POORES OF US ALL.
HE AIN'T GOT NOTHIN',
NEVER HAD NOTHIN'.
MAYBE HE PRAYED
FOR EVERYTHING.
YOU MEAN HE PRAYED
FOR ALL THIS MONEY?
WE GOES AND FINDS OUT.
IF CHRISTOPHER DONE PRAYED
FOR ALL THIS MONEY,
THEN HE GETS
ALL THIS MONEY.
WE PRAISES THE LORD
FOR WHAT HE GIVE US...
AND FOR WHAT HE GIVES
POOR OLD CHRISTOPHER.
COME ON, LUKE,
WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT.
GOOD MORNING,
BROTHER CHRISTOPHER.
GOOD MORNING,
BROTHER LUKE.
UH, BROTHER
CHRISTOPHER...
HAS YOU BEEN PRAYING FOR
SOMETHING FOR CHRISTMAS?
I'S GOT ALL I NEEDS.
WELL, BROTHER CHRISTOPHER,
IF YOU AIN'T PRAYED
FOR NOTHIN'...
I GUESS I CAN-
IT DONE COME
TO ME NOW.
I'S PRAYED
FOR SOMETHING.
IS YOU SURE?
I SURE IS.
BUT YOU SAID YOU AIN'T.
THAT'S 'CAUSE
I DISRECOLLECT.
WHAT YOU ALL PRAY FOR?
I DONE PRAYED FOR...
I SAID, WHAT YOU PRAYED FOR,
BROTHER CHRISTOPHER?
WELL, BROTHER LUKE,
TO TELL THE TRUTH...
LOOK.
SEE?
I DONE PRAYED
FOR A SCARECROW.
SAY THAT AGAIN.
SCARECROW.
SO THAT'S WHAT THEY MEAN
WHEN THEY SAYS,
"THE LORD MOVES
IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS."
MAKE WAY FOR
THE GLORY DAY
NO MORE TROUBLE
AND WOE
THERE'S ANGELS FLYIN'
FROM THE SKY TO THE JUBILEE
IN OUR HEAVENLY HOME
HALLELUJAH,
WON'T YOU
MAKE WAY
FOR THE GLORY DAY
GOOD TIMES
COMIN' TO STAY
BROTHER, START JUBILEE,
AND YOU AND ME IS GONNA BE
HIS GLORY
GLORY
DAY