Left! 3rd!
Jean-Louis Schlesser in his mean
machine, No.10. 10 like Zidane!
World rally champion
in '98 and '99...
winner of the Paris - Dakar:
the man to beat!
Left, top speed!
Get a move on!
We'll get slaughtered.
I'm flat out!
The guy behind's flatter out!
Watch out!
He's flashing me!
Isn't that Vatanen?
No, a taxi!
Move your crate!
I'm working here!
Is it the right road?
- Short cut!
Short cut.
Don't let a taxi win!
- No way.
Sorry, folks.
A tourist's blocks the road!
It looks more like a race car.
It's just a clown
in a ''babe magnet''!
A taxi on our tail
sure looks bad!
I'll shake him now.
He rammed me!
Enough!
We'll be here all week!
Nearly there, lady.
Why... why are there
so many people here?
They're in vacation.
Oh, right!
C'mon, Jean-Louis!
- Bravo, Jean-Louis!
No.10...
It's not Schlesser!
A taxi.
l didn't catch his number.
People always throw up after!
Never during!
OK, lady?
Who's it for?
- Her! Her water broke!
May l?
You're giving birth!
- Well, l ain't knitting!
Get the gear! We'll do it here!
Hey, doc, l gotta run.
Use the ground, not my seat!
Water's broken!
Water breaks?
Push!
Breathe! Push!
Hi, Lilly.
for lunch with my folks!
Yeah, I'm on my way.
Daniel, you're finally meeting my Dad.
He's expecting you!
This is a super-big emergency!
What are my folks? Diesel?
Lilly, come on!
Mom's edgy, Dad's pacing the floor.
But hey, take your time!
l can't help it,
I'm stuck tight here!
''Stuck''? Who's yelling?
It's... a woman.
Thanks! l guessed that much!
What's up?
I'm just watching.
It's not what you think, you hear me?
l can hear that bitch!
Is it someone l know?
No! l don't know her either!
l just met her!
Oh, l feel it now!
l feel it!
Don't fuck with me!
You've got some slut there
while l wait for you!
No! This big woman's yelling
'cause her water snapped!
Her husband's here.
-Husband, too? A threesome in a car!
Oh, no! Someone tell her!
l don't know l can.
Here! This is your fault.
I'm the husband.
It's marvellous!
Daniel, he's dead meat!
He's all shook up, that's all.
Want to talk to the doctor?
A doctor, too!
Lilly, l swear it's the truth!
The baby's coming out.
It's a baby, l swear!
-A baby?
l see the head!
l think it's a head!
Your baby?
No, it's not!
He's nothing like me l swear!
He's as wrinkly
as an old garden gnome!
Marvellous!
You're messing me about!
-Just listen!
This woman just gave birth.
Outside the clinic, in my taxi!
She's ruined my back seat!
Don't hit that poor kid!
l can't hear a thing now!
Marvellous!
You be there
when l give birth!
l can sit and wait if you like.
This place looks fine.
You got 10 minutes!
Not twins? Is it a wrap?
No offence, but l gotta run!
Ah, hon!
Problem with your friend?
An emergency at the hospital.
A difficult birth.
l understand.
Saving lives all day. l respect that.
l don't know what to say.
You were wonderful!
l know!
-l hope you won't lose your license.
l don't have one!
l am quite pleased...
moved, even...
to give you... your first...
driver's...
license!
You sure?
- Yep!
l don't want to twist your arm.
No doubt about it, it's just fine!
It's not 'cause it's my 27th time?
Your 100th time
would be the same!
You're ready. Really ready.
OK, l accept.
- That's fine.
I'll back out.
- No!
Leave it!
Don't touch! Leave it!
I'll do it! I'll sort it out!
We'll sort it out!
Don't l have my license?
Yes, you do!
But don't go to extremes.
Take it smoothly.
Your license is in your hand.
Now you go home.
On foot! See?
l see. I'll call tomorrow
in case you regret it.
No! l won't be around,
nor the following days.
l got transferred to Paris.
This a leaving present?
-For my most regular pupil!
Yeah, right.
''Regular''!
Car Weekly, please.
That's OK.
My pleasure!
Mom, he's here.
Yes, of course!
Let's eat!
Sorry, it won't happen again.
Not if you screw this up!
My dad's real strict.
Oh, come on,
deep down, he must be nice.
His daughter's eyes are so blue!
You just be careful!
-Don't worry, it'll be OK.
l know I'll like him,
so he'll like me!
Is he a cop?
-No!
OK, then!
Ain't nothing worse than a cop!
Dad? I'd like you
to meet my boyfriend, Daniel.
You're a doctor?
Go on.
knock him dead!
Pleased to meet you.
I've heard so much about you.
Are you deaf
or won't you answer?
I'm not a doctor.
I'm an apprentice!
What year?
l mean, I'm about to change into 2nd.
- Edmond!
What? I'm just inspecting
a new recruit. Answer!
Sir, I'm not young,
but I've done lots of jobs
to feed my family...
and pay for my license... studies.
l started when l was 12,
so I've aged.
What jobs?
l drive a taxi... ambulance.
Ambulance!
l got delayed at the clinic.
It lets me keep my hand in.
Eye in the road, eye on the patient.
you make mistakes!
Excuse me, sir, but l disagree.
Just look at you.
Oh? What do you mean?
l see a lot of decorations there...
proving you've had
a successful career.
Then l see Lilly:
pretty, intelligent, well-educated.
You clearly managed
to do 2 things at once.
l drove an ambulance, too,
in '59 in Algeria.
Eye on the road,
eye on the machine gun!
See to the injured later.
lf they're still alive!
I'd like to see my roast beef!
Affirmative! I'm starving!
Forward!
Now, the endurance test:
I'll slip into neutral
and cruise through!
l hurt you?
- Not at all.
Good.
l heard your hip crack.
It's mine!
- Let's stop.
I'm fine!
l don't want to hurt you,
but I'll be OK.
I'm OK now.
l could've massaged it for you.
But if you're OK. fine!
The surface pain's gone...
but deep down,
there's a nagging pain, a stiffness.
Maybe a little massage
would ease it.
OK, guys, a match to finish,
for 5 minutes. Bow!
Change partners?
- No.
l really don't want to hurt you.
I'm touched
by your concern, Emilien.
Now l warn you, l started, aged 4.
l can teach you a thing or two!
Your smile could melt a radiator!
You put me off!
Real opponents don't smile!
It's not fair!
Listen up, you sumos!
Meeting with the boss in 5 minutes!
What's up?
You lost your lenses?
l can see you well enough
to kick your ass!
Just trying to help!
You done much judo?
- No.
Only a couple of times.
It's not my sport.
So, what is?
- Karate. Far more effective!
Mine's ping-pong.
No good in fights, same principle:
Spirit of Rising Sun!
Kon-ichi-wa!
It's easy.
''Con''.
''consummate idiot'' like Emilien!
Thanks!
Then, ''ninny'' like...
Sorry, Petra.
It's just an example.
And ''a'' as in ''aaaa''!
Kon-ichi-wa!
Now, you.
Not bad.
- What's it mean?
It means ''hello'' in Japanese.
And don't forget it!
In under an hour, in ol' Marseille
we greet Japan's Defence Secretary.
Mr... Tefu... Techumila.
Mr. Tef... Tejus.
Just call him Nip!
The Nip's from Tokyo.
Before the Franco-Japanese summit
after Bastille Day in Paris...
he's visiting our charming town.
Known why?
The climate?
The sights?
- Sure.
The food?
- The Pastis?
The soccer match!
You're a big bunch of nerds!
Our anti-gang training base!
The Japs have a problem
with the Jacuzzi... Yakuza...
who are even kidnapping
members of the government.
The Defence Secretary
visited England, Germany and France.
Let's get one thing clear:
the Krauts and the Limeys
mustn't win the contract.
Let's make this World Cup II!
l put together a detailed operation
which l will now explain.
l called it Operation...
Ninja!
He's got no more ammo.
Suddenly... no more ammo!
Well, that's only natural.
Yeah, only natural.
l turn to Raymond.
Here he is.
l shake him.
''Raymond, your ammo!'' l say.
No answer!
l shake him again!
Then...
he falls sideways.
Dead!
Terrible!
- My whole unit!
I'm alone.
Armoured car's on fire, radio's out
and my flask's half-empty!
Oh, no!
So, then what?
l prayed!
- Well done!
That's all l could do.
Only a miracle could save me!
A miracle!
We're saved!
Now what?
Edmond, the red phone!
The red phone?
Excuse me.
General Bertineau speaking.
It's you, Bertrand on the red phone?
Well done, Daniel.
You'll get dessert!
My God! l completely forgot!
No problem! I'll be there!
Catastrophe!
We'll wait.
- I'll be 1 hour!
l want you right now.
- Give me 20 seconds!
The airport, fast!
That's kinda long!
Catastrophe!
Dad!
You OK? You hurt?
Catastrophe!
She won't go so good now!
In 15 minutes I'm to greet Japan's
Defence Secretary. Catastrophe!
I'll get you there in time.
- Impossible!
Try me, sir!
Seatbelt, please, Dad.
Is this your ambulance?
- No, a taxi.
My brother loaned it to me.
Save me some dessert.
- You can have seconds!
Let's go.
- Sure!
We're crawling 'cause of these tires,
but they'll soon warm up!
Don't overheat!
Now look, kid.
This is the new Cortex 500.
The Rolls Royce of speed traps!
Turn it on.
Instant read-out.
Go to the roadside.
Put your arm out slightly.
You better learn on the old model.
We're on the highway?
- Now l can step on it!
You must like hospitals!
Catastrophe!
Chief! We got one!
A biggie:
l think it was a 406.
And not factory-fresh!
Tell others!
A white taxi at 206 mph.
l repeat 206 mph!
Yup, 206!
We'll get him!
You OK, sir?
It's him! l must get there!
Change of tactics!
What? This isn't it!
It's a short cut!
Hold on!
l have a UFO on Runway 1!
Yield to aircraft.
We have just landed.
Outside temperature: 95 degrees.
We hope
you enjoyed flying with us!
Excuse me, Captain,
a taxi's coming.
l can't hear over the noise!
l repeat: taxi approaching.
l never ordered a taxi.
Did you?
No, but l know him.
Great!
Bertineau, why the taxi?
We lost a car.
This guy saved my life.
Con-ninny-a!
What?
- What you said.
God help me!
Glad to be here.
Thank you
for greeting me in Japanese.
Me, Gibert, protect you
during your vacation... uh, stay.
Our Secretary.
Say hi. This is he.
Dear fellow!
I'm honoured to meet you.
I'm a member of your security team.
We wish you a nice stay.
You speak very well.
A little.
lf l can help in any way, just ask.
Pleased to meet you.
Only the blonde girl
speaks Japanese.
l copy. Go back to base.
Let us offer you a cocktail.
This way.
Does your file say
you speak Japanese?
Below my measurements.
Guess l stopped there.
Do me a favour, son.
See that taxi there?
l sure do!
Love to, lady, but I'm busy.
Another time?
Always in the right place!
- Know that guy?
Bertineau, head of the Med. Basin.
Lilly's dad!
- No shit!
l was there for lunch.
Unbelievable!
- Yeah, l can't stand the army.
You couldn't stand cops.
- l still can't. l can't stand you!
Well, he seems to like you.
He wants you
to come to the cocktail party.
Half cops, half soldiers?
That's a nightmare!
Prefer half mechanics,
half gas station attendants?
Come on. The chat's the same:
cars, sport, chicks!
You'll fit in fine.
- I'd be ashamed.
Listen. lf Bertineau is Lilly's father,
he could end up your father-in-law.
What will he think if you say no?
One drink, no more.
Martini?
- My sister's name!
One for the road won't hurt you!
Domo arigato.
- The gateau is good.
Locally made.
Next to the station.
Excuse me.
I'll get you another.
Don't get him too stewed
to sign the contract.
No worries,
l know what I'm doing.
Just softening him up.
He's nearly done!
Is your plan ready?
Sir, it's hearsed
and rehearsed to death!
It's fine-turned to the second.
You're not all as l imagined.
No offence,
but a bright 2nd-year medical student...
l thought you'd be more...
Pimply?
-Right. And a slower driver!
Yes, he's the ''fastest'' doctor l know.
Well, I'm very grateful.
Gratefully indebted to you!
Ask me anything,
but Lilly's hand!
'Course not!
l can't think of anything else.
Valid 1 year, parts and labour!
Excuse me.
- Go ahead.
Emilien, start of Operation Ninja.
Petra, watch him.
- Watch me?
Friends with cops?
- No, only with one.
Good! It's rare.
Most youths are anti-cops...
anti-army, anti-everything!
They want to kill the father figure.
Sir, my patients are waiting.
Wait! 5 more minutes.
You'll find this very interesting.
Selling the Japs Peugeot?
- Nothing's impossible!
This is the Cobra.
Specially designed
to protect visiting dignitaries.
Titanium bodywork.
The multiple side panels
can resist any bullet!
Missile detectors,
front and back!
Coating: Phantom!
Solid tires!
It's linked to the Atlas satellite...
and if necessary,
can be piloted from HQ.
Now, the engine.
Ninja!
Nice noise for a V12.
V12 engine, twin turbos.
Voice-activated!
Top speed: 210 mph!
Range: 550 miles.
Paris-Marseille.
Ladies and gentleman,
this car is like France:
indestructible!
That's just 'cause we set it
to ultra-sensitive.
It's usually on normal!
See the balloons?
Useful against thieves!
Get him out!
Tell him not to worry.
He needs the bathroom.
Bertrand, go with him.
- Yes, sir.
It'll be good as new
in no time.
Will he?
Now who'll drive it?
Sir, l have a young civilian driver.
He's very good. I'll vouch for him.
Banco!
Before your tour of the town, I'll show
you our latest computing innovation.
Gimme that!
Wear this.
- It'll cramp my style.
Even a cretin with mitts on
could drive this baby!
Take him away!
- No, it's OK.
Told you!
- Never mind. No one'll see.
Go on! Ninja!
How do you stop it?
- You just have to say ''Nip''.
Ninja!
The mission's simple. We prepared
a demonstration. With fake attacks!
Like the ghost train?
- Yes, so as to impress the Nip.
Above all, don't worry.
Let things happen.
lf the Nip...
Don't play while I'm talking.
- You keep saying ''Nip''!
Great!
- Not bad.
Sir, we shall now escort you
to your hotel.
Get in!
Up shit creek again!
Forward!
They're here.
On this road.
It's going as planned.
Very good, Katano.
Let me hear them.
Spring Roll, come in.
Hey, Emilien, come in!
Do you read me?
- Loud 'n' clear.
We just left for the 1st trap.
Be with you in 20 minutes.
OK, 20 minutes to warm up.
What about us?
What can we do for about 20 minutes?
l don't know. Any ideas?
Yeah, but 20 inches...
minutes is too short!
Oh yeah? So, we need an idea
we could start now and finish later.
Yes, that would work!
But... l too have an idea.
I'm sure you'll really like it.
Oh yeah?
It may be the same one.
That 'd be marvellous!
It'd be ideal!
Go on, you first.
Make the most
of these few quiet moments...
to learn Japanese!
It wasn't the same idea.
He won't see much of Marseille.
Sorry, he's suffering from jetlag.
May l ask why your boss is here?
To sign very big contract
and see anti-gang method.
He'll sure see that!
- You know method?
Sure l do!
A foreigner is doubly suspect!
Then there's the guilty,
foreign, tanned suspect! He's had it!
lf he's tanned, he just sun-bathes and
does nothing all day, he's a suspect!
So, he's guilty. Faultless logic!
That boy any good?
Very good. A young doctor,
friend of my daughter's.
Something tells me they're flirting.
Only natural at their age.
- Quite.
To make the guilty party confess,
they use questioning!
Simple!
They apply a trilogy like Star Wars.
Episode 1: Beat him up!
Good, healthy exercise!
Episode 2: Tax 'em to raise
some cash for the Christmas party!
Episode 3: Drink copiously!
I'm pleased some youngsters
still respect our values.
A good son-in-law.
- Think so?
Many French gangs?
The most dangerous are
the heavy mob: 100,000 - strong!
Easy to spot:
always guzzling beer!
Go toward the port.
- My pleasure, chief.
He sounds very polite.
- Affirmative. Courteous, too.
Polite to your face,
shaft you from behind!
Like in the souk.
A big smile as they steal your cash!
But I've got my eye on him.
Tell me something.
I've not been in the police long,
but try me.
What means the word
your captain uses: ''Nip''?
Why 'd he stop?
l said to beware!
What's going on?
Just a simultaneous translation
problem!
Cut the crap.
We're at the meeting point in... now.
Don't worry!
General alert.
Shit!
There's a missile pointing at me.
Missile? What missile?
Atlas: real-time missile diversion.
Unique!
The Limeys won't get the ball!
Impressive,
but where's it headed?
Don't worry.
Somewhere far out at sea.
Shit, my boat!
The high point of our show.
Impressive!
Very good work, Gibert.
Thank you, sir, I'm so pleased to be
able to try out this equipment at last.
Roadhog!
OK, the coast is clear.
Impressive
- You get used to it. A regular day.
Your moves are improving,
but not your accent.
Spring Roll! Copy?
Just fine. Did you make it.
l mean, are you here?
Be with you in 5.
Ready?
Petra and l were checking
a few things out. A-OK.
Emilien, Gibert here.
I'm counting on you.
You can count on me, Petra.
l mean: you can count on Petra!
Count on Petra!
Go!
Dammit, l told you to warm up!
We're hot!
Gibert will kill you guys!
Go warm up!
Just off to the little girls' room.
I'll go with you. You never know.
Can't you read?
It says ''Green light''!
Get a move on, you fag!
Oh shit!
Now turn left.
l repeat left.
Yes, chief.
l repeat, chief!
He says you drive well.
- I'm not moving!
It freaks me out
not to hear the engine speak to me.
Putting in earplugs?
Do l talk too much?
Nein!
It's a miniature ear transmitter.
Brand-new!
I'm on channel 1.
But how do we talk?
l know you French can't handle it,
but an order isn't to be discussed!
Yeah, but if you have a problem
what do l do?
Can you hear me?
Mind if we keep chatting?
That's good, 'cause the closed door
makes it easier to talk to you.
l don't dare
to say things to your face.
Your eyes trouble me.
They're so...
so blue!
What's Spring Roll up to?
- What?
It's in code.
l just can't find the translation.
When your eyes look at me...
wow!
It's a 1st,
or l had my back turned.
Part of method?
- You bet! Daniel's method!
It's good to open my heart to you.
You don't mind too much?
Should l go on, then?
l don't get it!
Have you noticed
that I'm much closer to you now?
''No''?
Good!
OK, Petra, I'll say something
you may find shocking. Here goes.
He'll screw up!
Well, since Day One,
I've known l love you!
Well played!
- Told you!
There, l said it!
Now put me out of my misery:
is it mutual?
So, uh...
Change channels to talk dirty!
We're working!
Left here, kid.
- Yes, pops!
He's not one of us.
That's for sure.
He's not one of us.
What're you playing at?
Go on! Ninja!
Sorry to be so down:
l smell a trap.
Smell a trap?
l don't smell a thing. Do you, sir?
Strange how those trucks are parked.
Just room for 1 car!
No, there's no trap.
l checked the map. No trap here.
Drive on!
- lf you say so.
l should know.
Well, l never!
A trap!
What's he up to?
What page?
That's not on my list.
Hats off!
Shit!
Glad it's not my taxi!
What happened?
Where's the Nip?
Some Ninjas... came,
and the Secretary went.
What? He didn't fly away?
He did! At that speed,
he must be on his way to Mars!
Ask Atlas.
It must've spotted him!
General alert!
Stop! Police!
Shit!
Complex town, huh?
Small streets!
The jails are no bigger!
Lie down there!
I'm crack shot, so no tricks!
You speak French?
Me warn you: me shoot!
Spread out!
Is that how you wanna play it?
All right!
Now where are they?
They didn't fly away, too?
Where's Emilien? Emilien!
l reckon he's near the garbage.
l was this close to getting 'em,
but l was outnumbered.
They took the Secretary!
- Which one?
The Nip, not ours.
It's a disaster!
Yeah, and they got Petra, too.
Good. She speaks Japanese,
so he'll be less alone.
Lilly, I'm coming.
Your dad made me stay!
But it's been 2 hours.
I'm hot all over.
All over?
- Yeah, all over!
I'll be on fire soon.
I'm coming. Watch a documentary -
it'll calm you down!
I'll be 5 minutes.
- Too long!
It's my fault
for leaving her in the john!
You shoulda gone with her.
- l thought of that. l did. But...
Finished scratching about yet?
There were indeed cars here.
You read Sherlock Holmes
to deduce that?
Don't you have any clues
to get us started?
We'll analyze the tire samples
at the lab. That'll tell us more.
They'll have time
to swim back to Tokyo!
Thanks for everything,
but l need my taxi now.
Want your convertible?
We're in shit!
These clowns are shaving the road!
Please help us find a clue.
Look, Lilly's on fire.
She might burn herself.
They got my girl.
Give me 2 minutes of your time.
Take a look, then I'll handle it.
From below, l saw 3 black Mitsubishis.
A new model.
Tires straight from Japan.
- How d'you know?
Smell it.
- Fish.
Meaning?
- A restaurant?
You got fish oil for brains?
Restaurants and ports!
They were on a boat from Japan!
- So, that's why they smell of fish!
See? Now, are they stolen cars?
- Easy!
Alain!
- I'm onto it.
OK, you put your tweezers down.
On Monday morning, you'll get a whistle
and be put on traffic duty!
Idiots!
Nothing stolen from the port.
Bingo!
- What? It just means you were wrong.
Why wasn't the theft declared?
'Cause they use the warehouse
as a base!
You can be real smart!
General alert!
- No, Emilien. That's always my line.
Explain it to me once more.
I'm on my way!
You watching TV?
No, l stopped. There was a report
on animal sex. l burned the rug!
Lilly's worried.
Give me that.
Tell your mom it's OK,
but l need to commandeer your friend.
He did a great job. Good recruit.
He'll bring me home.
You can say goodnight then. Bye, hon.
C'mon, let's go.
The mission's not over.
What's Gibert up to?
l dunno. He's been in the john for ages,
making weird noises.
What's up?
- l can't tell you. It's... too horrible!
They won't come.
- What?
l think this was their 1st base.
They're gone. Long gone.
Suspect approaching.
Asian male.
They always return to the crime scene!
Police Academy, lesson 1! Positions!
Captain?
Suspects approaching front door.
Perfect!
I'm ready for 'em!
Hey, you sure about this?
What?
It's the heist of the century!
There's a mountain of VCRs,
boxed and awaiting delivery!
They're about to break in.
We got 'em!
- Emilien! You break in to your home?
Sure.
- Oh yeah?
Well, no.
Uh-oh!
Chief, are you gonna...?
l like to stay close to my men.
Some action won't hurt me.
Just like in the old days!
It was long ago.
- The memory is distant.
But the reflexes...
are still intact!
Believe me.
Thanks!
Sure there's no cops?
- Relax, dammit! There's no one here!
They're all watching the game.
Every cop's in front of a TV.
Ready to attack?
Wait for my signal.
You worry me.
It's a long way down.
It's OK. Tie the knot.
I'll do the rest.
Uh-oh.
See? They're all
at the match, like l said!
Attack!
Shit!
Emilien?
- OK, chief.
Bonzai!
Someone being knifed?
The knot's all right.
- Yeah.
Maybe the rope.
You got the wrong one.
- You're right.
Ambulance! Now!
l should never have left her
or let him down.
That's enough crying over spilled milk.
It won't bring her back. Think!
l am! But we don't have
a single lead to go on!
Ask the right questions.
Why didn't the Yakuza kill him at once?
- They need him?
Why? Did they ask for a ransom?
- No.
Why kidnap him here?
They must have had a good reason.
Why's he going to Paris?
To sign contracts.
Security, trains, army, nuclear.
There! Maybe they want to stop him.
-Makes no sense. Why do that?
He's right.
Yuki Tsumoto wants to stop him.
l know you.
Weren't you an air hostess before?
I'm here to protect the Secretary.
I'm in counter-espionage.
Funny! l too am.
I'm in counter-espionage.
That's Daniel.
- Intern. I'm learning to be stupid!
Clever!
Who's this Yuki Tsumoto?
Yakuza. Controls the north.
Powerful and conservative.
Refuses airplanes, trains,
nuclear power.
As France is keen to sell,
he's taking steps.
The Secretary won't sign,
nor will Japan ever again!
Tsumoto sent over
The Secretary, when the time is right
will shoot someone.
Perhaps the President.
France will sever
all diplomatic ties for years?
Exactly.
- Crazy!
We must free your friend
and the Secretary before 11.
l better tell my boss.
- The cripple or Sleeping Beauty?
Listen.
You both got someone to save.
As we're in a rush, we better
not disturb the powers that be.
No?
- Right!
No Nip'll beat us! Pardon me!
Where do we start?
First, can you find them in Paris?
- No way!
Easy! Child's play!
Thanks, Joe. You saved my life!
See you soon, pal.
They're hiding out
in southern Paris.
Sure it's her? Uh, them!
with a blonde. OK?
To the airport!
- No plane for 3 hours.
We can't wait.
We must get there right away!
Get up! It's war!
Men!
- It's me, Daniel!
The troops?
- Wiped out! Just us to save the day.
You're indebted to me.
- Affirmative!
l need your help.
Shit! What 're they up to?
Cool, pal! Way to go!
l really hope you know
what you're doing, 'cause l don't!
Got a better idea?
- Right now? No.
Well, think fast!
l got it! Let me out.
- Too late!
Are you cool?
You bet! Cool as ice!
Just shout, OK?
OK, I'm shouting!
We lost a parachute!
There are 3.
Oh, right!
Got your license?
- Yes.
So, take over here.
C'mon, move!
I'll steer us.
- Where do l go?
Straight ahead.
Straight ahead? OK!
Come on, just relax.
Be more zen.
That's good. Real good.
Oh Lilly, you OK?
Who's the warbler?
- Air hostess.
No, a nurse!
You in a massage parlour?
- No way, Lilly!
We're in the sky.
Your dad's guiding us.
Emilien's steering,
I'm fixing a parachute...
the nurse is singing
to calm us down!
You smoke a tree?!
I'm trying to save
Petra and Japan's Secretary!
I'll call you when we land!
Goddammit!
You OK, hon?
- Just fine!
What a doubter!
Try to turn left a bit.
Now, turn left.
l repeat, left.
Hi there!
It's OK! Stay calm!
Marseille Police!
Move!
You know them?
- Yeah.
An old pupil.
Well, I'll walk home.
OK, Lionel?
- Jacques, Mr. Coutta.
Hello there.
All set, Coutta?
- Just Japan's Secretary to come.
l see her.
God, she's lovely!
l mean, she looks well.
The Secretary?
- Fine. He's exercising.
Maybe we should get 'em back.
- But we must warn your friend.
It won't be easy.
What a jerk l am!
- Really?
Her earphone!
Are you ready to kill?
You hear me?
We're not far away.
Get up...
and turn around.
Show me your hands.
What's going on?
- It's not me.
You suck!
- So do you!
Sit down. We're coming.
Easy to say!
- l got a plan.
That's what worries me!
You hear only what l tell you.
Only what l tell you.
You obey me.
You do only what l tell you.
l wanna go home!
'Cause it's cold
and I'm getting sick.
You're going to sleep.
Raise your arms.
Hey, it's my turn now!
Come on!
I'm not bad at hypnosis!
Sit!
Good!
Now lie down!
Very, very good!
Now sleep!
Freeze or you'll sleep, too!
OK, I'll cover you.
Hey, girls, what're you doing?
No need.
l had 'em covered.
It's not loaded.
What's that?
How come?
It was me.
l emptied the clip yesterday.
So... it was never loaded?
So you wouldn't get hurt.
I'm late.
Help me out!
It's OK, I'll manage.
Jump in there!
Are you sure?
l don't wanna fall down!
Catch those clowns!
Fancy some sushi?
No exit, Daniel!
Nips closing in!
One less!
We'll get out here.
We're too heavy.
They're good!
Ask your colleagues to help out.
Forget it.
Paris Police hate us.
You just never asked 'em politely!
What the... ?
You faggots not at the parade?
Soldiers ain't your thing? You'd rather
stay home and gobble knobs?
How 'bout a love parade?
Catch me if you can!
You went a bit far!
- Don't worry! They love it!
Catch him alive!
I'll kill him myself!
Where are you?
Where's Trocadero?
Change at Chatelet!
A bus!
Oh, the Eiffel Tower!
Off the grass!
Straight on!
OK!
There's one!
Get the taxi!
Kamikaze!
- Kami what?
l can't shake 'em!
We're too heavy!
I'll get out!
- No, try again!
l can't!
Call the General.
- General!
Loud 'n clear!
How's your tour going?
Whizzing by!
He's gotta block the Dauphine tunnel.
We'll trap 'em!
Give me 5 minutes.
Picard? Bertineau here.
- Sir!
Got a spare tank or two?
- Sure l have.
He better hurry up!
We're there. What's he up to?
OK, sir, the tunnel is blocked.
Well done, sir.
- Hang on!
l don't wanna play!
- You wanna get shot down?
l don't wanna hit a tank!
l wanna spend time with Petra
before l die!
I'm taking you to Heaven!
l wanna stay here on Earth!
Learn to drive, you moron!
You scared me again!
Maybe one day you'll trust me!
You're wonderful.
Be his driver in Japan.
Thanks, but right now,
l just want to go home.
Yeah, we're going home.
Want dropping off somewhere?
Not the TV!
Just 5 minutes.
l want to see your father.
It looks like Daniel's taxi!
Well, that's brand-new.
A stealth taxi.
I'll drop you at the grandstand.
This place freaks me out.
Translation: J. Miller