- Morosgovnyi!
- Yes, Lieutenant!
What day is it today, Morosgovnyi?
Saturday, Lieutenant.
Second Saturday.
Bathing Saturday, Lieutenant.
What are the duties of an orderly
on a bathing Saturday, Morosgovnyi?
I humbly report, he is obliged
to set up the trough
that serves as a bath tub,
in the kitchen
that is appropriately heated
and propped up
at four... six points,
then to fill it up with water
that has been boiled
to the correct temperature
from the pot outside,
according to demand and person.
And what makes the water boil,
Morosgovnyi?
I humbly report,
the fire does and this has to be...
laid in the fireplace outside
in east-south-
easterly direction...
This is after?
After the wood has been chopped
to the correct size.
The correct size is?
Twenty, five, five...
Centimetres.
This is after...?
After the Lieutenant's
been accompanied out...
After...?
After the bicycle tires
have been pumped...
- After...?
- After the toilet's been scrubbed...
- After...?
- The muck's been carried out...
- After...?
- The straw's been carried in...
The other way around, Morosgovny,
the other way around.
Yes, the other way around!
This is after...?
- The Lieutenant's buttons
have been polished. - After...?
The daily field exercise
has been completed.
After...?
After the pig has been fed.
Quite right.
And?
What is it that the orderly never does,
Morosgovnyi?
I humbly report, under no
circumstances does he peep.
Because if he peeps?
- His big mouth will be shot off!
- His harelip! Morosgovnyi.
Yes indeed, Lieutenant!
Hang on... hang on!
Too much, too much, too much!
Hang on! Hang on!
Just a drop more...
Good, good. Too much, too much!
Now, get out!
Don't you have
anything better to do? Get out!
And what are you smiling at?
What's true is true.
The poet was right.
For what, I ask,
does a man's dick stand erect?
Who knows that?
- Don't you think, Morosgovnyi?
- Yes, Lieutenant.
And so I ask you straight,
Morosgovnyi...
is there anything better
than the cunt of a woman?
Because you can call it
what you like...
...the cunt is still the common
denominator...
Isn't it?
And if it's not,
it's because it's not,
or because it's ugly...
I mean the word...
or unwashed, I mean.
- Or like a pig.
- Yes, Lieutenant.
For, I quite agree
that a poet's description
of a love chalice
is more beautiful...
Or a dewy lilly.
Or perhaps a pussy...
No doubt about that.
Or in the words of the song.
How does it go?
If you were a rosebud, a rosebud,
I would be a bee.
I'd buzz up to you...
But that's just how they say it.
When courting or being polite.
Because all they are
really saying is "cunt".
Do you understand?
The cunt, yes!
Because, listen, Vendel...
I've got my own theory
that it's not the world
that makes cunt go around,
but it's cunt that makes
the world go around...
Erno, lunch is ready!
What are you going on about?
Go and find something to do!
Leona! Now! I've had enough!
Not now! You're it!
Leona, come on, run, Leona!
Come on, come on, throw it then!
Girls!
Bedtime!
Girls!
Into bed, one, two.
Miss!
Sleep well.
Don't worry about your figure,
just grow nice and fat for me.
Sweet dreams!
There is a poor, orphan girl...
She doesn't have a mother or father
to love her.
She has a friend, loneliness
and she washes clothes in the stream
morning and night
Her stepmother shouts at her
and beats her
Poor orphan, her life is miserable.
The little girl washes a white dress
in the little stream.
HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN:
THE LITTLE MATCH GIRL
Don't be afraid of me.
But you're trembling.
Shall I magic
stars for you in the sky?
Yes.
- Would you like that?
- Yes.
You really want me to?
- Yes.
- Millions of tiny stars...
But you have to help me.
Give me your hand.
Yes, there.
I'm flying!
Here you are! My dear Leona!
Gentlemen! Gentlemen!
To the final victory!
Cheers! Cheers!
Hey, where are you?
Here, Morosgovnyi.
The candle supply.
Morosgovnyi!
But won't you get cold, Mistress,
out of bed like this?
That only depends on you,
Vendel,
on how skilful you are.
Scratch me, Morosgovnyi,
scratch me!
Keep scratching.
Are you undressing me, silly boy?
It's winter...
A woman can't afford to catch
a chill with her equipment,
you know, Morosgovnyi. A woman
needs a lot of warmth, a lot.
Oh, yes. You.
Wait, I 'm going to throw
my guts up, hey.
I'm going to fuck you, Irma.
Can I say things like that?
Sure I can, damn it!
Fuck my cunt,
shove your prick right up.
Fuck my cunt,
shove your prick right up.
My little mangalica piggy.
My little mangalica,
my little pig,
my sow,
my piggy!
Tell me, Ferike, Leona,
Vilma.
Tell me, Irmuska, you, you, you!
Let's shriek together.
And let's laugh and
let's grunt,
because life's too short.
And get it in,
get it in,
get it in!
As hard as you can!
Morosgovnyi...
Yes, Lieutenant!
Little Klmn, my little son!
...and now, at this very moment,
if we can believe the scales,
and why shouldn't we?
Our boy Klmn Balatony
is moving into second place
behind Hristo Mehmedov
who's in position 2, so he's
only behind by a fraction
Ivan Duharin,
Soviet world champion...
Come on, come on!
You've got second!
...then Bla Miszlnyi,
in a phenomenal fourth place!
The contender from of the 12th Regiment
of the Bulgarian Liberation Front
is keeping up
with the two Hungarians.
It's still impossible to tell
what the final result will be.
We know, who the winner will be,
but there is an incredible chase
for the second, third
and fourth place!
Colonel Ivan Duharin,
is now in first place,
followed by Klmn Balatony
in the colours of Honvd.
Come on Klmn, come on Honvd!
Then Hristo Mehmedov,
followed by Bla Miszlnyi.
After him...
Come on Hungarians,
come on Hungarians!
Come on Balatony!
Come on Miszlnyi!
Come on Hungarians,
come on Hungarians!
Will Balatony be able to keep
his very shaky second place?
Of course he will,
he's putting on an amazing finish.
And so is Miszlnyi.
Miszlnyi is third,
Balatony is 0.2 behind Duharin...
Only 0.1! Is he...?
No, he isn't.
You like her, don't you?
Leave her alone!
- You kept looking at her.
- I'm second all the same.
Because I pushed you.
Ah, Chick!
This competition
is more important than that.
This woman is going to be my wife.
Are you crazy?
You don't even know her.
What the fuck are you looking at
all the time?
You know where you are, Chick? No?
Then look out there to see
where you're standing.
At a turning point.
And you still fuck it up?
Is it worth anything to you
if you're second? Norway!
- Are you crazy?
- I'm second. - But how?
By a thread. Shut your face.
Just stare into your plate and eat!
It's not soup anymore.
You eat some false tooth or ring
or something and that's it.
- Do I make myself clear?
- Yes.
I should think so.
Now, the lipid.
It's dry, dangerous
and full of shit like
gauze and wadding.
Only a little lubricant,
enough for three regurgitations.
Do I make myself clear?
Bla.
Bla, you keep up with Klmn.
And keep an eye on the Russian!
It's good for you, too.
The Soviet's first and we're second.
Go, Honvd! Go Hungarians!
The Vasilyev move worked and
the Garmeyer cross-swallow.
I don't know what his problem is.
The Garmeyer cross-swallow?
With bean soup?
You didn't even notice, did you?
And why not? Because the pacemaker
was watching the woman too!
I'm telling you,
you can be only third,
and only the champion
can take the women's champion.
All right. The champion
gets the women's champion!
Welcome to the Spartakiad.
We welcome
Comrade Gizella Aczl who competes
for the canning factory and
won the Junior World Championship
in Cuba in "sausage and beans".
And another international champion
in sport eating:
Comrade Bat Bulgana from Mongolia
who took gold in Beijing
in "hard-boiled eggs".
To your plates,
get set,
go!
And the fight has started
in the second course.
The two Hungarians are right
behind the Spartacus star.
The stakes are high
in the second round
with horse sausage chosen by
the Soviets, who knows?
Go Hungarians!
Tempo! You're first, come on!
Let's go! Come on!
And I can't believe my eyes.
Balatony's scales are showing 23.5,
no, 23.7 less than Duharin's.
Yes, Balatony is winning!
A historic moment!
It's good to be Hungarian
in Kecskemt.
A milestone in Hungarian sport eating!
Come on Balatony!
Come on Miszlnyi!
Come on Balatony!
The spoon, the spoon!
...they keep on eating
but Klmn's stopped.
It looks like lockjaw!
The others just keep on going
as the clock eats up the last
few seconds. But Balatony! Klmn!
Comrade! What are you doing?
You can still win. Come on!
Oh, there seems to be a problem...
It is lockjaw, I'm afraid.
Let me tell you,
Cuba is a Socialist paradise.
And there are oranges everywhere.
You don't have to queue,
they just drop from the trees.
Hello, hello.
How are you, son, how are you?
You're getting your colour back...
Hello, you cheat!
Tinned strawberries.
Your favourite.
- Bla Miszlnyi.
- Gizella Aczl. Congratulations.
I've heard so much about you,
Comrade Aczl.
I respect your results. If you
have results, you have everything.
Bla came second, after Duharin.
And this has its own consequences.
I hear, it's Norway.
Norway. They'll put me forward
for the European championship.
The most important thing is
that you're in one piece.
I can tell you this,
as one champion to another.
Isn't that right, Klmn?
I brought some bananas.
Good and soft.
Nice.
- Do you want some, Comrade?
- No thanks.
Are you not coming, Comrade?
My car's outside, I can give you
a lift if you like.
Or you want to chat, Kalmn?
All right, my boy.
Don't let yourself go!
So then, good bye, Klman.
Get well soon.
Bride for sale!
Faster, gentlemen, faster!
Come on, don't be mean!
Smile, Matyi, it's a wedding,
not a funeral!
Bride for sale!
Faster, Matyi, faster!
Have you grown roots or what!
Thank you, Juliska!
Laci, my old mate,
put the money in here.
Hey, don't take it out, put it in!
Bride for sale!
Let's run away!
Sure.
The bride's running away!
- Bla?
- Bla.
That fucking liar!
- Where is he?
- Not so fast.
It must be worked for, my boy.
First test: singing.
No you don't.
Norway.
Come with me.
I want you, Gizi.
I want to spend my life with you.
I love you, Gizi.
It cannot be the time for farewell,
I only had you, no one else.
You took my dreams,
I still see your face.
A painful thought is haunting me:
Will you think of me,
when the night is over?
All our dreams are torn...
We can go to Norway, Gizi!
Gizi! You're mine, Gizi!
I won you, Gizi!
Norway!
And you have never loved
anyone like me.
Will you think of me,
when the night is over...
Don't tear all our dreams apart.
Lie that it hurts,
that it still hurts.
Pista, Jzsi, move!
Pali, don't just sit there!
Get to the machine!
Just how are you holding that hose?
Excuse me.
Good afternoon.
Comrade Szakacs said...
It's arranged.
Sit over there.
Menu: dessert, semolina pudding.
You get cocoa powder on it.
Sit up!
Spoons up.
You too!
Your spoon?
Marks, get set, go!
Semolina, mushy,
lumpy.
Don't forget to work your elbows.
Go for the cross-swallow.
Come on, ten seconds left.
Finished!
Oh, I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.
Kiril Gottman.
Kzystof Dihar.
Jan Beher Kekes.
Bla Miszlnyi.
I can't!
This is a totally different world.
It needs a different personality.
Listen to this, listen to that!
Do it like this, then like that!
Then the Bulgarians and
Soviets take everything.
- And Bla Miszlnyi.
- I don't give a shit about him!
They gave him everything.
"Mister Miszlnyi, please".
Throat expansion.
Where are we compared to them,
Chick?
Do you remember, Uncle Jeno?
With the Inota chocolate bar,
at the fluid stage, to be precise,
it was neither shaped nor cut.
Still hot.
I was in the sixth grade, I think.
The man in the factory told us
we could eat as much as we wanted
but not to put any
into our pockets or bags.
There was a girl, Ibolya,
I wanted to impress her.
I wanted to show that I was
good at something and
there are other things than
climbing a rope or singing.
"Can you give me a spoon
and soda", I asked.
I just counted to myself.
It was about 2.2 kilos
for the first round.
That was when I got the first buzz.
This trembling excitement
that my capacity is bigger than me.
The feeling that you are growing
bigger and bigger inside,
and deep and unknown chambers
open up.
Just a slip of a boy, Uncle Jeno,
and I still had the right feeling.
I wanted to bet him
they were a rarity then,
all went for export.
We didn't have them,
not even at Christmas.
But he said it was over,
and we had to leave.
"You're a fucking liar!"
I said to him. He didn't dare hit me.
He called the guard.
And what did I say?
That I should leave those losers
at Kinizsi Meat.
And that there'd be money
for the tram home
and a small snack after
competitions - sandwiches, juice...
I say the same right now.
And no bullshit.
You've got to work like hell!
Keep practicing!
When speed eating comes
into fashion again,
and the IOC admits it at last,
then we'll show the world
that Klmn Balatony s a
real gem.
Dear Comrade Gizella, welcome to
our hospital. Our most modern ward
is named after the wife of the martyr
Tibor Szamuely. This is gynaecology.
Our doctors are patient and
the examination is painless.
- The staff are all excellent...
- That's important.
So, Comrade Gizella...
we transfer you
to vegetable wholesale.
You'll need to pee and we'll take
some blood, all right?
Congratulations!
You know, doctor,
there is a small problem...
Vegetable wholesale.
Yes, but Gizi competes
for the canning factory.
Vegetable wholesale.
- They're second division.
- With no calorie allowance.
No way. Internal order.
Pregnant women must transfer.
- Cyst or myoma?
- Cyst! - Myoma!
Tibor...
Ilonka...
Jnos...
Or Piroska...
Or Mikls...
Lajos!
Comrade Aczl!
Gizike!
They said I'd find you here.
Comrade Svigadurin
would like to invite
our famous sportswoman and
her husband to join us onboard.
And the situation is...
well... you know... it was sort
of announced that...
You should give a short...
demonstration...
in 20 minutes
in honour of the 20th anniversary
of the liberation.
The first minute is over.
So 45 kilos in 20 minutes,
do you understand?
I don't know,
but my stomach feels very odd.
No wonder after vomiting so much.
But I'm sweating
like Ili Fibinger in Parliament.
Don't be silly, that was
something totally different.
Goose liver got stuck in her throat,
poor thing.
I don't know,
something is definitely not right.
Hey, are you crying? You?
The canning factory champion?
Listen.
What about the time with
Fidel Castro and the soup? Hmm?
That great man clapped so hard,
he nearly fell off the podium.
All right, I'll tell the doctor
to stop everything.
Health is more important.
But we'll lose the trip to Sochi.
Come on, pull yourself together.
Wait, I'll blow down!
Dear Comrades...
now, more than ever,
we need helping hands to strengthen
the construction of communism...
now, when the most important issues
are real friendship
and honest brotherhood,
I thank you for this commemoration.
Are you OK, pussycat?
Have a drop of cognac!
It hasn't happened
since I was a junior.
That one, on the left,
in the top row.
- Is that little Lajos?
- Yeah, he's beautiful.
- A bit small though...
- It doesn't matter!
A child is a child.
We'll bring him up, pussycat.
LAJOS BALATONY - TAXIDERMIS
Thirty kilos of margarine
and 800 Champion Bars.
And this lolly...
- When do you finish today?
- 38,526.
- Are you here tomorrow?
- Ten bread rolls?
Move your arse!
What are you doing there?
Is that 15 kilos?
Don't spare any!
Margarine.
Sticky, oily vegetable fat.
Come on, start eating.
Hurry up, Grta, what is it then?
Chew faster.
Watch out for the cross-swallow.
They should be able to eat the...
This was well worth it.
She's really coming on!
All the hard work
is starting to pay off.
At least on those
who put some effort in.
But you,
I can't even look at you.
- Then don't look.
- Sure I won't.
These little things
are the apples of my eye.
I'd give anything just to stroke
those little hairy bellies!
Oh, you are beautiful.
Youuuuu!
Come on, let them out,
just for a minute!
No way.
Later.
I'll open it later. You'll see.
If it snaps,
if notice it snap,
I'll have a wash, clean myself
and open the door for Gizike.
You'd have to get up for that.
You'll see.
You watching that shit again?
The losers.
If only I were there!
- Can you believe it?
- Yeah, probably.
Arseholes.
Losers.
Gorging.
Arseholes.
I'd be a whatsit by now.
A, you know...
A world star.
But you won't make a fool out of me!
Who?
- Should I heat the meat up?
- Los Angeles?
- I've never been there.
- And you're not likely to...
But the Romanians went,
all the same.
Just look at this!
- Can I help you?
- Good afternoon.
I've got something.
I was told to come to you.
Wild or domestic?
Not really sure...
domestic, I guess.
Your name?
Regoczy.
Andor Regoczy.
Doctor.
How much is this?
It's not for sale.
Only if you keep the schedule.
No meat until then.
Everything in its own time.
Black pudding
or industrial lard.
Well, if you don't eat Lajoska
before then,
though there's not much on him.
My little kittens.
All right,
grow nice and big.
You're my world sensation.
You could even be on television.
Sure you could.
If there was somebody
who'd arrange it! Right?
Clever girl, Gizi.
I myself started with fat.
- A long time back.
- And that's how it should be.
Come on, kitty,
eat it.
Maybe if you took the wrapper off...
Watch this!
Can you see?
And the silver paper?
It just slips down.
I can do 400 plain bars an hour
but 570 with the silver paper on.
- And does it come out?
- It gets absorbed.
I've never eaten anything that
should get absorbed and didn't.
It finds a role in the body.
Now, listen.
Check the time.
Ah, I'm just wasting my breath.
Cyst.
What did you say?
- Dad? - Don't you realise that
I'm ashamed because of you?
Because of me?
And you make me puke!
- I've never done anything but...
for you! - Why do you come then?
You don't have to do me a favour!
Carcass stuffer!
Alright then.
That's enough.
I just wonder
how long you'd survive.
For how many days?
You'd die of hunger, together
with your stinking competition cats.
You'd drown in shit and filth!
You can't go to the loo
- by yourself. - I can manage.
You don't have to do me any favours.
How would you manage?
I'm curious! Under yourself?
Get lost, shoo.
You don't realize that there's
no one you haven't chased away.
Only me, I'm such a fucked up idiot.
I won't come anymore, for sure.
Who else would pay for pile of food
that you and these cats get through?
You son of a bitch!
Mum was right.
She was right when she left.
She didn't want to stay
in your huge fat arse
and rot along with you.
Because everything rots here.
Everything. But I won't!
Remember that! Loser!
Do you understand?
I'll smash your face, you shit!
Who do you think you are?
- You loser.
- So what? You want to hit me?
Come and hit me then.
It's never too late.
A fatherly slap.
Once in your life. Come on then,
I'll let you!
You don't even deserve a slap,
you bastard!
You stinking sack of shit!
Don't you bullshit a world star.
Just for comparison:
Igor Vostongonov made it with 3:21...
- In '69...
- Still no reason to bullshit me!
You carcass stuffer!
You don't know who I am!
What I've been through!
I worked hard!
I worked hard for success!
Who are you kidding,
you little runt?
- I had a vomiting technique
named after me! - Drop dead!
Chick!
We've got an infrared cabin,
sauna and turbo solarium
in the basement.
The recreation room
is next to the fitness room.
We've got back massage,
ayurvedic hand and head massage,
Swedish, Thai and sports massage
as well as tailor-made...
So you need to repeat this exercise
twenty times.
You could do fewer.
Stop for a while and rest
if you're tired.
Try not to push it
too much at the start
but focus on your muscles
and breathing.
In, out.
Alright, very good.
Don't do it too hard,
you can slow down a bit.
Focus on your body,
feel your muscles.
This exercise is good for your
pecs and can do wonders.
You'll notice the difference
when you leave the gym.
Five more to go, and then finished.
Good, very good.
Slower,
try to keep the distance
between your arms.
Good.
Well done,
finished for today,
stop it now.
Stop.
Here you are.
Good bye!
Dad.
It's me.
I'm back.
Fuck you, Galamb,
what are you doing!
Well, Dad.
You'll look really good.
Excuse me.
Hey!
Excuse me...
directed by
photography
based on the works of
screenplay
music