I tailed Kerr from the factory.
I lost him.
But I saw it land:
their Interflug 747.
An hour ago.
When I asked for Orgenov,
this asshole in Defense Ministry
said he was unavailable.
Probably blind drunk. Then he denied
that any plane had been hijacked.
So what are the tire marks
on the roof of my car?
Somewhere in the desert.
I don't know where they'll hide it.
It's too late to bring ethics
into this. Way too late.
I can't do it.
I can't!
These are our own people,
for Christ's sake.
Face reality. It's over.
They know we turned on them.
They won't sleep till we're dead.
I'm leaving Tucson.
If you're smart, so will you.
Where's your roommate?
Better tell me.
Wanna talk now or what?
Hey! Where is she?
Don't you think you were
a little rough on her?
I don't know. It'll look like she
slipped in the shower.
- What about the roommate?
- We'll be back.
Oof. This car
brings me to my knees.
- You did good up there.
- Oh, shut up.
Temperatures are already dropping,
along with the barometer... Whoa!
What on...
- Is this the bachelorette party for...
- It's Bernadette's party.
- Bernadette is eight years old today.
- Oh.
Well, in case you missed it, there
was a U.F.O. spotted over Phoenix today.
That's "Unidentified
Falling Object. "
You may remember 31-year-old Richard
Brodie from another high-profile escapade.
Last year Brodie skydived into
a football game at Sun Devils stadium...
and proceeded to pick up the ball
and run for a touchdown.
He was tackled in the end zone
by both teams.
As a result of today's stunt, police
charged the wayward skydiver...
with violating
restricted air space.
The F.A.A. is said
to be investigating.
Ahh!

Got a ten-room house
that overlooks the sea
Got a boss at work
who's overlookin' me...
- Polyester makin' a comeback?
- Loaner clothes. County jail.
Uh-huh. Suit with
the breakaway buttocks?
- Tryin' to pick up a little extra cash, Jo. A man's gotta eat.
- Yeah? Eat this.
F.A.A. inspection report. They hit us
with 12 safety violations last month.
That's the most for any jump center
in the country. And now, you pull this.
- Wow. The most ever?
- Yeah.
Thank you, thank you. All right, relax.
Shut up!
We're already
on the F.A.A. hit list.
You pull a stupid stunt like this,
it hurts everyone here.
Now you listen to me.
Until we pass the next inspection,
there will be no more base jumps
off of radar towers.
No more bungee jumps off construction
cranes while they're operating.
And, Ditch, no more low altitude pulls.
You're going to bounce.
Yeah. Can I use a Q-tip inside
my ear or just around the edge?
This is serious. Knock it off.
Quit kiddin' around.
All right. Ease up, Jo.
Just tell me what you need done.
Reserve chute inspections,
A.O.D. checks, pH tests.
- All the things I put on the list.
- What list?
The list I put on your desk
last week.
You put it in there?
- Hey, handsome.
- Hiya, Max. How are you?
You gonna be done soon?
Yeah, soon as I file this half
of the room and chrome that half.
Got a new student needs a lesson.
Think you can handle it?
- You better run it past Jo.
- Can't do that. Jo...
This is not you.
- Afraid so.
- This is you!
Oh, my God. I didn't know you were
one of those big gymnast guys.
How come you never showed this
to anyone? You look so cute.
- See the haircut? That's how come.
- Uh-huh.
You are so funny.
Ahem. Okay. Jo's gone into Phoenix,
and I got four phone calls on hold.
I really need you to schedule
this lesson for me, okay? Please?
All right.
Where is he?
It's a she.
My.
You better get on
those phone calls, Max.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- See ya later.
Uh-huh. See ya.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
You're the instructor?
Yes. Ditch Brodie.
If you saw the recent media coverage,
it was all a pack of lies.
- Sorry. I didn't know.
- Good.
- Um, Chris Morrow. Hi.
- Hi, Chris.
I, uh, wanted to take
a lesson today, so...
I think I do...
Yeah, I think I do.
- So it's a rush, right?
- Oh, yeah.
That's what I keep reading.
Just like a great high, right?
- Let me guess. First time?
- How'd you know?
Just a hunch.
Listen, Chris,
I'm a little shorthanded today.
The good news is I can squeeze you in
first thing Friday morning.
- How's that sound?
- Hey, Ditch, if you're grounded, maybe I could...
Hello, Tom. Bye, Tom.
Hey, guys, it's me, all right?
- Ditch?
- You don't want Tom.
- Why not?
- Because you want the best, and you're already talkin' to him.
- How does Friday sound?
- Right. Um...
I don't know.
Maybe.
You see, it took me a while to work up
the nerve to just drive here,
and I think if I don't
do it today, right now,
I'm afraid I may
never come back.
Ever?
Um, no.
Oh, boy.
- Okay.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God!
Now, first lesson,
I usually recommend a tandem jump.
- Which is?
- We go out of the plane together.
I hang onto you the entire way down.
It's a nice, safe, secure feeling.
Right.
Like that?
Unless you prefer
to be on top.
No. No.
Um, someone mentioned
a static line.
- C-Could we try that or...
- Yeah, it's an option.
- That's safe, right?
- Yeah.
- So we're on.
- This is good. I'm excited.
- Oh, God.
- I mean, I'm excited.
- Oh, really? Okay.
- Let's sign you up, all right?
- Break.
- You dip your right shoulder, then move to the right.
Your other right.
There you go.
Dip your left shoulder
and move to the left. Feel that?
Stay in the middle,
you're flyin' stable. How's that feel?
I don't know. I'm not very athletic.
It's not too late
to switch to tandem.
Oh, we'll stick with this,
as long as it's safe, I mean.
Very safe. Let's get you out of
the harness and go find you a jumpsuit.
How about this?
It's cute, but it's a little baggy,
don't you think?
- How about this gray one? It's smaller.
- I think the orange works.
- Cool.
- Do I have time to make a call?
I promised my roommate one last chance
to talk me out of this.
- Sure. Phone's over there.
- Great. Thanks. What about this?
- I'll take that into the locker room for you.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
- She's gorgeous but cheap.
- What's that?
- Your new student. She's stingy.
I offered to tape her jump,
special introductory price: $59.95.
She played me like a video game.
Maybe you could talk her into it.
I got something else in mind.
- It's 12:30 now.
- Uh-huh?
We do the jump,
grab a Coke afterwards,
talk about our bonding experience
on the way down.
Leave her a message
around 5:00, 5:30...
- "Hey, what's up? It's me, Ditch. "
- Right. Dinner.
- Yady-yady-yada.
- Yady-yady-yada.
Her place. Kick the stuffed animals
off the bed by 9:45.
- I'm home by 11:30.
- In time to watch Leno.
- Yep. What do you think?
- I say go for it.
I'm all over it.
Up you go.
Dirt alert.
- Huh?
- You only hear this for eight seconds.
- And then what?
- Splat.
Scattered clouds.
You wanna go upstairs?
Maybe
six grand, huh?
- Just find us some good air.
- Roger.
Still got a few minutes.
Just relax.
Between your legs?
- Best seat in the house.
- Why do you pretend that that's what you're about?
What makes you think
I'm pretending?
Because I'd be stupid to trust
my life with a walking penis.
And I'm not stupid.
I'm much more than a walking penis.
I'm a flying penis.
Yes, you are.
Remember: hard arch
into the wind.
Now, your chute opens automatically,
but look up and check it.
Be sure that it's opened. If it hasn't,
cut away. Use your reserve.
Hello.
I'm over here.
I thought I saw another plane.
Is that safe?
- We got company?
- Not that I see.
- Let's get ready to jump-run.
- Mmm.
Now when you fi...
Jesus!
Ahh! Pull your cord!
Pull! Pull! Pull!
Ah! Ah!
Shit.
Hold it.
We used to joke
about it, didn't we?
'Bout some student hittin' the dirt
and diggin' in like Wile E. Coyote.
I saw her, man.
I was right here
videotaping landings.
I saw her bounce.
I don't think we'll be
joking about it anymore.
What happened, man?
How'd she get
away from you?
I'm very calm!
We're flying. I looked back...
You think I'm lying, don't you?
I looked back.
Then she's gone.
She's gone! One minute she's there;
the next, she's gone.
You're up next.
These guys are tough.
I could have sworn
I did her dope-rope.
I could have sworn
I hooked her in.
Sometimes you do it when you load up;
other times, right before you jump.
But I could have sworn...
Handsome gal, she was.
- Yeah. And?
- Hell. An angel like that walks in,
a man starts thinkin'
with his little head.
I hooked her in, Noble!
Like I've done
thousands of times!
That's what you can tell
the F.A.A. guys.
Then what do I say?
I saw the line break?
That she
unhooked herself?
I never saw the line
on her, son.
That's all I can say...
if they ask me.
Unhooked herself.
Come on, man. Nobody's gonna do this.
There's easier ways to kill yourself.
Earth's rushing up at you at 120 miles
an hour, and all you gotta do is not pull?
What's easier than that?
Come on. After all these years,
you never thought about it?
No, man. I never have.
Hey, wait a minute. That must be
her roommate. She called her roommate.
"2201 High Desert Road. "
Tucson.
Hello?
Not very athletic.
Yeah, right.
A Boss fan.
Come here!
Who the hell are you?
What are you,
the boyfriend? Huh?
Hey, boyfriend.
Where's the body?
Who the hell are you?
Well... here's my card.
Where's the body?
I'll give you
30 bucks for it.
- I just want to get an idea where it's from.
- It's a handy little poker.
But it's seen better days.
Phosphate finish.
Steel hammerbutt cap.
Sawtooth back edge for wire cutting.
- Ninety bucks, my final offer.
- What about these markings?
- Cyrillic.
- From Syria?
Ditch, I don't got all day.
Take my dough
or take a hike.
- How fast this thing go?
- 'Bout 350.
- You're gonna kill yourself.
- Exactly. But what a ride.
Hello? Hello!
Hello? Hello!
Anybody here?
Hello!
- Richard Brodie?
- Maybe.
You know, this dust
that you have out here?
It just kills me. How do
you stand it every day?
I like dust.
Who are you?
My name is Ben...
... Pinkwater.
I called earlier, and, uh, there was no
answer. So I figured I'd take a chance.
I'm glad I did 'cause I need to speak
with you about a Chris Morrow.
- Can't you F.A.A. guys just get off my back?
- Sorry, I'm not from the F.A.A.
Maybe I wasn't clear. Um, I'm the, uh,
Deputy District Attorney of Tucson.
I'm here to determine whether manslaughter
charges should be brought against you...
in Chris Morrow's death.
You're kidding.
I don't know
what the hell's goin' on,
except somebody's doin'
a major number on my head.
Yes, well, let's just
stick to specifics, shall we?
I find it works
better that way.
Yesterday, this
wet dream walks in,
all cute and jittery like she's
never been on a jump before.
Then I find this
in her apartment.
So you think she misrepresented
her actual abilities.
I think she did for bullshit
what Stonehenge did for rocks.
That's very good.
That's very funny.
Uh...
What were you doing in her apartment?
Lookin' for her roommate.
Instead I get attacked by some jamoke with
pink rubber gloves and a bad Sinatra cut.
Let's backtrack a little bit. How did
you gain access to her apartment?
- I used keys.
- Whose keys?
- Her keys.
- Without any permission.
She's dead, remember?
What do you want
from me?
I just want the truth.
No, you just want
someone to hang.
Richard. M-May I
call you Richard?
Ahem.
I know guys like you don't like
guys like me, a-and that's fine.
But let me suggest
you drop the attitude.
Okay? Because if you
take a look around,
you'll see I'm the only guy here
tryin' to help you.
Just... work with me.
Look, here's my card.
If you think
of anything else,
you beep me,
day or night.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Oh, oh, uh...
One more thing.
Uh, did anyone take any pictures
or video or anything like that?
I can look, but I...
I don't think so. No.
Okay.
All right.
- I'll be in touch.
- All right.
- Get some rest.
- I will.
Robocam with the cavity-cam.
What's up, pretty lady?
- Be natural, all right?
- I'm always natural.
Oh, God. Well, it's like
you just feel free.
Like a bird.
I always think
of that song "Free Bird. "
- Do you know it?
- Holy shit!
There was another plane.
All right, Slammo,
who the hell are you?
Come on, man! What are
you buzzing me for?
Because apparently, Ditch, you needed
a tour guide to find your way here.
- What took you so long?
- What I don't understand, lady,
is how you're still vertical.
Why don't we start there, all right?
The woman you saw falling
wasn't me.
It was a female body dressed
in an orange jumpsuit.
The suits from your jump center
were easy enough to copy.
Okay. Okay, I'm startin'
to catch on, I think.
So you unhook while I'm up front
checkin' for traffic, and then...
She jumps. She max-tracks into
the blind spot behind your plane.
A body drops from the plane
above you: mine.
Shadowing above.
You look out, see her falling.
Or think you do.
Actually, I'm on my way
landing a mile off.
I see.
Yeah, I was this close
to puttin' it together.
Of course you were.
All right, so you've fooled a guy who
can't get his sideburns even when he shaves.
- What about the coroner?
- Terminal velocity.
How fast does
an unstable body fall?
110, 120 miles an hour?
- Yeah, about 110, 120...
- Miles an hour.
Well, forget the dental records.
Her teeth are Chicklets.
What about fingerprints?
You could still I.D. her that way.
But they wouldn't, not if
there was a simpler way.
Like all of us on the ground
tellin' the cops who it was.
Let me ask you somethin'.
Who was the corpse?
I'll tell you on the plane.
We have to leave now.
What do I look like here, a brain donor? The
only place I'm goin' is the county sheriff.
- Think they'll believe you? - They will as soon
as the coroner double-checks the fingerprints.
They got somebody
on ice, right?
- Late again, Ditch.
- What do you mean?
Funeral director claimed the body
for cremation this morning.
- What funeral director?
- Ditch, meet Lex.
I don't think you really understand
what's happening here.
I got some D.A. talkin'
about manslaughter charges.
I'm not surprised, with
a safety record like yours.
What was it, 12 violations
just last month?
What kind of prison term
was he talkin'? Five years? Six?
If they prove negligence,
there'll be two or three more years.
- That's right.
- You've been workin' me from the start, haven't you?
Look, Ditch, you have a right to feel
used and deceived, because you were.
But if you come with me now,
I'll set the record straight.
I will hand you physical proof
that I'm still alive. I promise.
You just have to do
one thing for me first.
Wh-Wh-What do I...
I'm going, Ditch.
You're in or out.
I don't believe this.
Up you go.
Put these on.
Let me see if
I've got this straight.
You dumped your own roommate out
of a plane, and she was already dead?
- It served a cause.
- Aw, lady, that's cold.
Well, they would have murdered me too
unless I killed myself first.
I just had to
buy some time.
- We're gettin' close.
- I just want you to know...
that the idea of following you out that
door again makes me very uncomfortable.
Are you afraid
of a night jump?
- Hey, I invented the night jump.
- What are you afraid of then?
- Who says I'm afraid of anything?
- You're shaking.
The whole plane is shaking.
Not that your orientation
wasn't thorough or anything,
but do you mind tellin' me
what the hell we're doing?
- I'll tell you on the way down.
- Beautiful.
- Can you hear me?
- Hello.
Is this Suzie, my Time-Life operator? Hey,
what is this? That aerospace plant out by...
- You should speak only when asked a direct question.
- What are we doin' here?
We're here to retrieve vital
information. Do you see the north rooftop?
- Yeah, okay. Piece of cake.
- Don't land there.
- Don't?
- The roof has motion sensors.
See the red lights on
the west end of the tower?
- Can you hit it dead center?
- You kiddin' me? In these winds?
Oh, shi-i-i-i-i-t!
Goddamn it.
You there?
Ditch? Ditch?
Ditch, are you there?
Yeah, I'm here. Tell me you didn't send
me down this shit chute on purpose.
Keep your voice down and make your way to
the south side. There's a breaker board there.
- Okay. I'm here.
- Throw switches 17 and 23.
You just cut the juice
to the security fence.
You need to move upstairs
and find door 207.
The one marked
"Authorized Personnel. "
- Should I be writin' all this down?
- Just go!
A little close.
I'm here. 207.
Authorized personnel only.
Use the key and go inside.
- What key?
- The one in your hook-knife sleeve.
How convenient.
I'm in.
How do you know your way
around this place so well?
Never mind.
The money will be wired in the morning.
We'll fly the shipment
out tomorrow night.
Put the full crew on standby.
Let's try not to mess it up.
All right.
Go to the closet.
It should be on your right.
- Okay. I see it.
- Open it.
Now... take the clothes
off the hanger pole.
Don't need to. I see the safe.
What's the combo?
Forget the safe.
It's only there to distract idiots.
Now lift out the hanger pole
and look inside.
You know those robots the bomb squad
uses? That's what I am, isn't it? Huh?
Kerr, check this out.
That's the fence perimeter.
Light it up!
Now replace the hanger pole, and leave
everything exactly as you found it.
Oh, no!
Ditch? Ditch!
We might, uh, have a...
have a problem here.
I'm checkin'
the perimeter.
If you can make it to the west door, you
can make it out. Now move, move, move!
Look. It's him.
He's goin' to the roof.
You stay here!
Watch the exits.
Ditch Brodie!
Ah!
Ditch, you're on your own.
He's going to jump!
- Hello.
- Do you still have the cylinder?
Yeah, I'm fine, thanks.
Question:
Who were those goons tonight?
Was that Russian they were speaking?
And don't tell me it was French,
parce que je parle francais, honey.
- Those men are Mafia.
- Mafia. Please.
There's more than one kind of Mafia,
Ditch. I'll be there in 15 minutes.
I won't be. I'm headin' out to Sam's
Surplus, Highway 18 near the aqueduct.
Are you getting this?
I'll bring the cylinder and a witness.
- You bring that pretty face and your attitude.
- What are you doing, Ditch?
What am I doin'? Puttin' this mess
in my rearview mirror.
I told you I'd take care of your problem
and I will, but it has to be done my way.
Highway 18.
Sam's Surplus.
- Anything?
- Not yet.
Forgive the skepticism
on the phone...
No, I know how
it sounds, believe me.
- You're certain this woman is the same woman that was in the plane with you.
- Absolutely.
She said she's
from the C.I.A.
C.I.A., I.R.S.
Mafia, I don't know.
I just want you to see her face, see that
she's come back from the dead, all right?
- This is incredible.
- I know.
- Would you like a Certs?
- No, thanks.
I'm sorry.
It's a nervous habit that I have.
Give me those.
Don't take them all.
That's her.
- She's coming in a plane.
- Yes, she has a plane.
Now, uh, I think
the smart thing to do here...
would be to get her away from the plane
and make her come to us.
No, I think
I should go to her.
- Fine. Go to her. I'll stay here.
- Good.
Fine.
Two men,
one coming this way.
Looks like your stooge.
- The cylinder's in my car.
- Bring your car.
- My witness is back that away.
- Bring him and the car.
He's a little jumpy.
I think we should go to him.
Chris.
I don't like this.
Let me go instead.
Just keep an eye on me.
- What if things get out of hand?
- I'll kill 'em.
- Let's go.
- Great.
- Where's your witness? - Probably
in his car power-locking the doors.
He's not used to all this
cloak-and-dagger stuff.
- There's a rifle on us. Any attempt to detain me...
- Calm down.
The guy just wants to watch you
breathe a couple of times, all right?
- What do you see, Lex?
- Now, he said he would wait right here.
Lex?
Lex?
What are you doing?
Hey! Get back here!
Pinkwater!
What is goin' on here?
Welcome, Comrade.
- Get down! Get down!
- What, what, what?
They're not gonna damage
my car, are they?
- Here, this is your gun.
- My gun?
Shoot!
- Ah, it's broken!
- The safety's on, you idiot!
Jesus Christ!
No! No!
Ah! Jesus Christ!
Run!
Whoa! Mother of God!
What's going on out here?
- Where's the cylinder?
- Who started shooting? It scared off my D.A.!
- That's not a D.A.
- Who the hell is he?
He's one of the killers!
- Give me the gun!
- What are you doing?
- You said that was my gun!
- Not anymore!
- That freakin' witch broke my nose! I want her dead!
- No kidding.
You have five seconds to tell me
where the cylinder is. One.
- You gotta be kidding me.
- Two!
- Five!
- What the hell happened to three?
Three got his balls blown off
while you were counting!
Okay. Relax.
The cylinder is in my...
car?
Come on!
How do you stop this thing?
Come on!
- Ditch!
- Oh, God!
What are we doin'? Covering our scent?
I didn't see any dogs.
Why don't you tell me
who you are for real?
What does it matter?
We'll be dead in a few hours anyway.
Well, that's comforting.
Hey! Woman!
What?
- Excuse me?
- K.G.B. for short.
- Oh, come on! It's the K.G. used-to-be.
- Don't be naive.
So you're sayin' that,
that you and, and,
and Lex and Pinkwater and
Blondie are all Russian spies?
I'm saying we were.
We've been laid off!
K.G.B. laid off.
Auto workers get laid off!
I tell ya, one day this bitch
is gonna run out of lives.
Where'd you learn that?
Moscow. I was gonna
go there once.
You have excellent
pronunciation.
- How do you say "ass"?
- Zhopa.
Well, no smoke up
my zhopa, please.
So, when was this?
Moscow.
Ancient history.
'80 Olympics.
- Well, America boycotted that year.
- Yeah, rub my nose in it.
- You were on the team?
- Gymnastics.
Trained for ten years.
Qualified in two events.
All I wanted was a shot
at that Russian gold.
Look at the haircut.
- Here.
- No, keep it. I got more.
You were young then. God. Sixteen.
Seventeen. Why didn't you try again in '84?
I probably should've. I wasn't about to
let my teeth get kicked in like that again.
It's them!
This makes a lot of sense.
light a fire when we're being chased.
Don't worry. I know them.
They never backtrack.
Right. Russian Mafia.
Amazing.
Well...
What have we here?
- Want a slam?
- Mm. No.
Krista.
Excuse me?
My real name is
Krista Moldova.
That's very nice.
It's very pretty.
Anything you wanna toast to,
Krista Moldova?
You're Richard.
Richard, right?
Yeah. I don't know.
Somehow, uh,
Rich and then Dick
got slammed up into Ditch.
Richard is nice.
- How long you been away?
- Oh, years.
I'll have some.
Y- You might wanna
let that breathe... there.
They're all back there.
Brother, father, mother.
And a little dog. Tambov.
Got hit by a car
last I heard and lost a leg.
Aw, that's terrible.
- Poor puppy.
- Poor puppy.
Only, it wouldn't be
a puppy anymore.
Watch out for the...
Oh, God.
- What was that?
- You swallowed the worm.
Well, I was trained to
swallow all sorts of things.
Careful. I may just
have to marry you.
- What's that?
- Just that normal male response.
No, I mean
under your shirt.
Oh, that. That's, uh...
That's your metal thing.
You had it?
You had this
the whole time?
The whole time I was talkin' about
my family and you... My poor little dog!
Yeah. I thought
it was important.
American!
Inconsiderate, uncultured...
Oh, good.
You can't be serious.
That is amazing.
What is that?
A flight chart?
Yeah. For a plane that
landed here last week.
With luck, it'll tell us
where that plane still is.
- What's so special about this plane?
- It's not the plane. It's...
- What's on board, right?
- Right.
Last coordinate is Cochise County Airport.
But it doesn't say where it's going next.
Once that plane takes off, it's
gone forever. We have to get there.
That's an airplane graveyard.
It's only five, six miles from here.
Great. If we run now, we'll
be there in an hour. Come on!
Run? I haven't
even stretched!
- Did you find her?
- No, I didn't find her. There's not a sign of her!
Call Cartagena. Tell 'em
we're comin' 12 hours earlier.
No, no! That's crazy!
She's not gonna go to the cops.
I say we get the hell outta here
and deliver on schedule tomorrow night!
Don't underestimate her! You understand?
She's smarter than you'll ever be!
Go. Go!
Why don't you tell me what we're
looking for. Maybe I can help.
- We're looking for a big plane.
- These are big planes!
- A 747200-C.
- They picked a good place to hide it.
Hey! There isn't, like, any
nuclear shit on this plane, is there?
Give me
the flashlight.
- Well?
- Yeah, this is it.
- Great.
- It's booby-trapped.
Is that something
dangerous?
Huh?
It smells like
old airline food in here.
Ahh! Oh! No!
Genuine dead people!
- Now what?
- What? A dead flight crew makes me very uncomfortable!
Level with me! Is this a nuclear thing?
This is a nuclear thing, isn't it?
Look, you don't have to come any closer.
In fact, you probably shouldn't.
- External genitalia are more susceptible.
- What? Susceptible to what?
- Here. Cover yourself with this.
- What is this?
- Use it as a testicular shield.
- Oh, come on.
"Come on" what?
I'm not joking.
Cover yourself.
And stay here. Don't move.
Well. Look at this.
I told you to wait!
Don't worry. I got my coffee-tron
dick defender.
I never said it was nuclear.
You just assumed.
- My, my, my, my, my!
- Put it back!
Do you mind? I spent ten years
chasing Russian gold.
Maybe it's not a medal around my neck,
but it still feels good.
Look, it's not mine, and it's certainly
not yours. So put it back!
What? You don't think I've
earned it these past few days?
I think this deserves
an explanation.
This shipment was heading for
the gold reserve in Moscow.
The K.G.B.,
the K.G. used-to-be,
hijacked the plane
and flew it here.
It was Pinkwater's job
to find a buyer...
and change the gold into
hard currency... cash.
There's about
$600 million here for...
- My God! Oh, shit!
- Damn!
Come on! Let's go!
Welcome aboard,
ladies and gentlemen.
...certain safety features
of our Boeing 747.
We have several emergency exits
on either side of the aircraft.
I'm gonna check
on the gold!
Your seat belt has been designed
for easy fastening and release.
To fasten, insert the metal
strip into the buckle.
To release, lift up on the metal flap
on top of the buckle.
- Vlad, get up here!
- Your cabin is being pressurized for your...
- Ah!
- However, should there be a rapid change in pressure...
Let's go this way!
Come on! Quick!
Vlad! Vlad, there's someone
in the plane! Check the cockpit!
Place the oxygen mask
over your nose and mouth and secure...
Pilot escape hatch.
Oh, God.
If you are traveling
with infants or small...
Please be sure
to put your own...
And right now we just want you to sit
back, relax and enjoy your flight.
We have to call
the F.B.I.
Money.
- Do you have a phone? - Mm-hmm.
Straight through that door in the lobby.
Do you have change
for two dollars?
- We really don't give change, but...
- Thanks.
- Hi.
- What can I get for you, young man?
- Some coffee, please.
- Cream and sugar?
- Black.
- Yes, sir. Comin' right up.
There you go.
Some special agent.
He said I had to drive all the way
to Phoenix to file the report in person.
Wouldn't even send
a goddamn field agent.
So, drive to Phoenix.
What's the big deal?
Those men came to the plane
for a reason, Ditch.
They're ready to move the gold. They
have a buyer! We gotta go back there.
No. No, wrong. Wrong.
I- I am not goin' back.
I'm not talking big heroics. All we have
to do is get their flight information.
It'd mean lives,
Ditch. Please.
You keep talkin' about all these lives
we're supposed to be saving.
What about my life, huh?
It's been circling the drain
for a few days now.
I'm out of business. I lost my car.
The F.A.A. still thinks I let you die.
For somebody I never slept with,
you sure fucked me pretty good.
Look. That gold was earmarked
to buy basic necessities.
Do you even know what's happening
in Russia? How close it is to collapse?
If the gold deal goes through, Pinkwater
and his comrades use the money...
to finance a coup
to take control!
And they're killers!
Just like Stalin was!
And thousands of people will die!
People like my family!
Yeah, people like your family.
I'm startin' to believe that maybe this
whole family thing is a bunch of bullshit!
Maybe you're workin' for yourself, tryin'
to scam your partners out of the gold.
I can't believe
you're saying that.
As for that little dog with three legs...
Wh-What was his name? Tripod?
I didn't say anything at the time because,
basically, I thought I was gonna get laid.
But couldn't you have come up with something
a little stronger than a three-legged dog?
Oh, I see. You wanna believe
it's a lie, don't you,
because then you don't
have to do anything, right?
Pack the bags.
We're goin' on a guilt trip.
Those men are gangsters.
In Russia, they're into arms,
counterfeiting, contract kills!
That is Russia!
Not here!
But once they're in power,
it'll be the cold war all over again!
More missiles aimed at your country!
Is that what you want, Ditch?
Don't wave that flag at me,
because it's not gonna work.
Well, what does
work on you, Ditch?
I haven't been able
to figure that out.
What are you willing to
stick your neck out for, huh?
I'd really like to know!
You're using me. Just like
you used your roommate.
That's not fair.
But it's true, isn't it?
You never wanted to help me
'cause you didn't give a shit about me!
- Admit it!
- Maybe not at first.
No. Not then.
Not now. Not ever.
Give me my wallet back.
So I'm the bad guy, right?
What do you got
for Desert City?
11:40 Phoenix bus
stops there. $5.50.
Hey! What do you have,
a death wish, buddy?
- Nice work, pal.
- Hey. Cool, dude. Thanks.
You're welcome.
Hey.
Got one just like it.
Two more.
Keep it goin'.
You got it.
Yo!
- What's your name?
- Me? Chuck.
Brodie. F.A.A. I need you
to call the county sheriff.
Tell him there's a cargo jet out there that
just loaded up 1,000 keys of black tar heroin.
They're gettin' ready to take off,
so tell him to roll now!
Hey, you got
any proof that, uh...
- What, you wanna see my I.D.?
- Yeah!
- I'll show it to you at the hearing.
- What hearing?
The one where we jerk your license for lettin'
this happen right under your nose, Chuck!
- You spoke to Cartegena?
- Of course. Just now.
- Everything's confirmed?
- Yes. He said the sooner the better.
- What's with the car?
- This is a Cadillac Allante. Northstar edition.
Double the horsepower.
They don't make 'em anymore.
It's an American
collectible classic.
Okay. Just put the ridiculous car
on the plane and then leave me alone.
It gets noticed.
- What are you doing, Chuck?
- I'm enterin' my calling card PIN.
No. No!
- I'm on hold.
- No time for that.
- Raise your right hand.
- Wh-What for?
Federal emergency.
Now repeat after me.
- I do hereby solemnly swear.
- I do hereby solemnly swear.
I will honor,
observe and obey...
all the applicable rules
and regulations of the F.A.A.
all applicable rules and
regulations of the F.A.A.
- E pluribus unum.
- E pluribus unum.
Great. Okay, Deputy, you got
a spare chute somewhere?
- Deputy?
- Welcome aboard.
That lake, the one over the Indian
reservation. What is it? San Carlos?
- How long 'til we're there?
- Another ten minutes. Why?
- I have to throw out some garbage.
- All right.
Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
I can't stop!
Lower! Slower!
Lower! Lower!
What the hell you doin'?
All right!
I'm gonna crawl out
onto the wing!
When I get stable, I'm gonna
give you a signal!
I want you to flip
this plane over!
Then I'm gonna
hang by my legs!
So when you flip back over,
I'm sittin' on the other wing!
That way, when you maneuver
up to the other plane,
I'm in a better position
to grab on! You got it?
Are you outta your mind?
Yes. Yes, I am!
Steady! Steady, okay?
I'm ready! Go!
Whoa!
All right,
Chuck! Now!
- Hey! Watch the paint job!
- Shut up!
I made you. I found you
and I trained you,
and you turn around
and you use it against me!
Krista. Krista.
There's no need for you
to die here today.
Look at me.
You are one of us.
All you have to do is tell me
the names of the people you told.
And tell me about
this Ditch Brodie.
Ah!
You can have this money.
Some of it is yours.
Hey! Hey! We got company!
Get up here!
Put her in
the trunk! Oh!
- In the trunk! Come on. Come on!
- Get... Get in there!
Ah!
- What is it?
- It's a biplane.
It's Ditch.
It's Ditch.
Shit!
Get outta my car!
Give me your parachute!
Oh, shit!
Oh! Keys!
Don't worry! Come on!
Ditch!
We finally
got that tandem jump in!
We're losin' hydraulic power!
I'm goin' backup.
Where ya goin'?
Woman, are you
outta your mind?
- Let it go. Let it go!
- What?
I'm gonna take a nap.
Wake me when you're done
savin' the world, will ya?
You'd make a great K.G.B. agent.
You're really courageous.
And you're really cute.
You are.
Krista, you've done very well.
But then again,
you always were
my favorite.
Hey, Ditch, look.
It's for you.
Krista was more of a man
than you could ever be.
Krista was more of a man
than you could ever be.
Ditch.
Ditch.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna
get you outta here.
Hey, Jo. Robocam.
Guess what I got.
Check it out.
Postcard from Ditch.
- No! Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.
- Really.
Come on, Jolleen,
read it.
- Ha-ha! He made it!
- Hey, you guys, a postcard from Ditch.
- Postcard from Ditch.
- He made it, guys.
Mr. Richard Brodie.
Mr. Richard Brodie.
Come.
It's the first time we have
presented this medal to a foreigner.
I do so with great pleasure.
My, my, my, my, my.
Buses here don't work.
I am an asshole.
I think he made one jump too many.
Thank you. Very cool.
You look good
in Russian gold.
Hello. How are ya?
Hi, Mama. How are ya?
Uh, hey! Papa! Get that hand.
Good to see ya. Yes.
Hey-hey! I don't believe it!
Yes! Tripod?