Ready? On? I think it is.
Is it running?
WOMAN: Yeah, go. Wait, no, hang on,
I'm not. Action!
So where should we start, you think?
WOMAN: Just introduce yourself
and tell me about your company.
You wanna do a push up or something?
- No.
- Okay.
Okay.
Hi, I'm Beatle Boy... That's stupid, okay?
WOMAN: It's not, it's cool. Do it again.
Hi, there, I'm Beetle Boyin,
and I'm gonna be your guide
on the fascinating journey through
the world of cold-blooded killing.
WOMAN: Tell me about yourself, Beetle.
Uh... ever want to kill somebody?
I know I do.
Whoa, sorry.
Not a Hitman, you say.
Well, that's not a problem.
Just follow the instructions in my easy
to follow video, and you too...
WOMAN: Nah, that sounds weird.
- How many times do we have to do this?
- What do you think? We got everything?
'Till I want to buy the video.
Hi, there, my name is Beetle Boyin,
and I'm here with
the first ever of its kind,
instructional video for Hitmen.
Ever want to kill someone? I know I do.
It's easy, just follow the instructions
in my video, and you, too,
can be a Hitman.
WOMAN: That was really good.
MAN: This is some really, really
great stuff here, Beatle.
I mean it's just down right
entertaining all the way around.
You know what I like about it
the most though?
That even though the footage
is several years old.
There is no statue
of limitations on murder.
You know what that is?
Let me jog your memory. Dead body.
In your loft about seven years ago.
No? Nothing?
Well, based on the evidence at the time,
we couldn't charge you with a crime.
But that's all changed now, hasn't it?
Still not ringing a bell, huh?
Okay.
Maybe this will help.
Why don't you tell me about
your relationship with Athena Glendon?
How about Carla Garret?
You care to explain that one to me?
So you don't wanna talk about Athena,
you don't wanna talk about Carla?
Well, maybe we should
talk about Kyle Sullivan? Hm?
How bout we talk about the time
when you knocked him unconscious?
Did your connection to Kyle
kinda slip your mind
when you were giving
your statement to the police?
Look we got him now, okay?
And I gotta do everything I can
to keep this guy locked up.
So here's the deal.
You tell me everything you know.
And I'll do what I can in getting this
first degree murder charge reduced.
- Can I ask you a question, Randy?
- It's Detective Hult.
Hmm. Do you see handcuffs on my wrists?
No.
Okay, then. I think we can both agree
that I am not under arrest. Correct?
And I think we both know that's because
you can't charge me with anything.
Unless you can prove it.
Oh, I intend to, believe me, I do.
You see when we brought Kyle Sullivan
down and we went through his stuff.
I think you're gonna be surprised to know
that he had an awful lot of
information lying around.
But what I think you're gonna be
more surprised about Beatle?
Is that some of that evidence tells
a very compelling story about you.
I like to call it,
The Adventures of Beatle.
And it all begins April the 27th, 2006.
The day you met Athena Glendon.
[GASPS]
Uh, wait, uh.
It's four o'clock in the morning,
don't you think that you should,
um, stay and just get some rest?
Gotta run. See you next week.
[ALARM RINGING, MEOWING]
Shut... Shut up!
MAN: The red hot action
starts tonight, at eight,
followed by an all new episode of...
WOMAN: Isn't that the truth Phil?
- Well, folks, it's Thursday April 27th.
- Thursday. Shit!
We have a foggy start this morning.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shit. Shit!
Have a nice trip, buddy.
Okay, so, what's the total
for all the parking tickets?
What?
No. No, I'm still here.
Are you sure that's right? I mean...
I know it's eight tickets
but you could feed a family of four
for three fucking months
with that kind of money.
No, I'm not.
Don't get snippy with me. Ma'am.
According to Athena's
bank statements at the time.
She had approximately
negative $27.38 to her name.
But Athena didn't get the money
from you did she? She got it from Kyle.
You know the guy
that you beat the shit out of?
I really don't get where you're
going with this, Randy.
It's Detective Hult.
And where I'm going is Kyle Sullivan.
- [HORN HONKING OUTSIDE]
- So it's come to this has it?
- You know I'll pay you back.
- I know you will, I know you will.
You realize, of course,
you're going to have to pay it
back in more ways than one.
You know my situation, Kyle.
Yeah, well, I know if you were still
managing the store for me
you wouldn't need to be
borrowing any money.
Yeah, and from what I understand,
they give you free room and board
in prison, so you're probably right.
Meanwhile,
I have a regular legal job as a career
and my car is sort
of an integral part of that.
- Ah.
- You gonna help me, or not?
Why should I?
I don't know.
Kyle, why don't you think of it
as workman's comp
for this krink in my neck
I'm getting from looking the other way.
Well, you know, Athena, I'd be happy
to rub that out for you myself.
- Stop.
- Oh, just calm down, tootsie pops.
Sit down.
Should I make it out to cash?
No, just to the city.
I don't have time to cash it.
They are going to tow my car at three.
I'll call you tonight.
Next!
Hi, um... I have a boot on my car.
We don't take checks.
Oh, but, um... I just, I spoke to someone.
We don't take checks, people!
The lady on the phone.
We don't take checks.
The lady on the phone said you did.
I'm sorry but what do her
DMV issues have to do with me?
I want to talk about your doctor.
- Who?
- Your shrink.
I want to talk about Dr. Vanderark.
Okay.
I would appreciate it if you would
apologize to my secretary
before you leave today.
- Why?
- I think you know why.
- Can I help you?
- I very seriously doubt it.
You can't go in there, he's with
a patient, and you can not smoke!
There. Happy?
HULT: We'll come back to that.
So you were making trouble
while Athena was having her own problems.
I mean what makes you think that I have
that kind of cash just lying around?
Does it seem like I've been
lobotomized in the past six months?
Turn around. Turn around!
You know, you have a really
nice ass, Athena.
You should think about
wearing shorter dresses.
Okay, you can turn around.
Now, why don't you take my car,
you're gonna be
coming back here anyway, right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, good.
Okay. It's yours.
So she goes to this guy for cash
and gets the keys to the car.
Uh-huh?
The car that later breaks down
and bingo, he calls a tow truck, you!
A tow truck?
So now I'm a tow truck driver,
not an assassin?
Well, every assassin has a cover, right?
DR. VANDERARK: Yes, and you were saying?
Oh, yeah. So, I went to go
kill this guy today, right.
And before I did, I sorta said that
I thought that he might deserve it.
And then I got to thinking about it
later and I realized that,
that wasn't really a very nice
thing to say. So, I felt bad.
- I wanna stop you right there, Ronda.
- Don't say it!
Let's not get distracted
from the matter at hand.
Why do you insist on this fantasy
of being an assassin?
- It's not a fantasy. It's true.
- No. It's not.
Personally, I think an assassin
sounds better than a tow truck driver.
So now you're admitting to being
an assassin? Which is it?
You tell me.
Next.
I'm back. And I have cash now.
[TYPING]
Eight hundred nineteen dollars,
twenty-three cents.
Shit.
The meter...
I had to... I had to pay the meter
I must have miscalculated. I...
This is all the money I have in the
world, I had to borrow it to pay this.
So you have to pay the whole thing.
Are you serious? It's ten cents.
Sorry. You have to pay the whole thing.
You're not sorry.
Are you, you certainly should be.
But you're not. Not at all are you?
- No.
- Shit!
[COUGHS] Next.
No. Is this funny,
you think this is funny?
You think it's funny that my car has a gaudy
hunk of orange metal on it right now,
and the only way for me
to get it off before it gets towed
is to borrow $819 from a man
I'm already indebted to
for the rest of my natural life?
You think it's funny that I got here
first thing this morning?
I waited two fricken hours
only to have you to tell me
I have to have cash, when I called
before to make sure you take checks
and I was told that you do.
Is there some sort of humor in the fact
that it's now almost
four o'clock in the afternoon
and for all I know you've towed my
fucking car already,
and you can't help me out
with ten fucking cents.
When I'm already paying $819
to you goddamn highway robber.
Where's the fucking punchline, asshole?
Because I'm obviously
not too quick on the pickup today.
[EXHALES]
No.
Sorry, you have to pay the whole thing.
Does anyone have a dime I can borrow?
It doesn't have to be a dime, um...
Two nickles?
- [MAN COUGHS]
- Nickle and five pennies?
- Anybody? Please?
- MAN: Sorry.
Here, senorita.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- De nada.
Look, I'll grant you, I do enjoy
a little artistic flare here and there.
It helps me fill in the occasional gap,
you know what I mean?
I actually think that
it makes things more interesting.
For example, the DMV may have
been a bit more like...
Seriously, we don't take checks.
As opposed to my version,
which you have to admit
is far more entertaining, right?
Here you are, picking up a payment.
- Payment for what?
- For a hit, of course.
- Oh, because I'm an assassin.
- Well, aren't you?
What does the evidence say?
You know, that park has had
security surveillance cameras
in operation for over a decade?
And they take a shot every 45 seconds.
Oh, and please if you will,
Beatle, note the time stamp right there.
You've got to fucking
love those things, right?
They're absolutely incredible
at placing a certain individual
in a certain spot, at a certain time,
Doing a certain thing.
And in some cases,
committing a certain crime.
- It's certainly detailed.
- Yeah.
So while I may be guilty of peppering in
a little artistic flare here and there.
The one thing that you can be sure of
is that where the facts are concerned,
the parts that really matter,
I absolutely have all the evidence
I need to take this to a court of law.
Care to explain this receipt to me?
I'll tell you what I think happened.
Kyle's car breaks down
and he calls a towing company.
You. You show up, you see
he's giving her a hard time.
He's got his hands around her neck,
and he's strangling her.
So you decide to knock him out, right.
What did you use? A tire iron, a wrench?
Come on, Beatle, am I getting warm?
Beatle Boyin Towing/Assassination?
You the mighty assassin, you bust up Kyle,
and you whisk away
your damsel in distress, Athena.
I've got to be getting
warm now, right, Beatle?
I don't know.
- You know what I think, Beatle?
- What?
I think you were sweet on Athena.
[UP-TEMPO SONG IN BACKGROUND]
So, uh, how much do you charge?
- Depends.
- On what?
On what you're looking for.
I give a discount for child molesters,
wife beaters, the occasional pimp.
Also, you have to factor in travel,
method of execution, risk...
yada, yada, yada.
- What about me?
- What about you?
How much for you to kill me?
- You ever mess with a kid?
- No.
This should answer
any questions you might have.
You put this in writing?
Yeah, how else are you going to know
what you get yourself in to?
What if you get caught?
Are you afraid they'll find this?
Well, if I get caught then it
won't really matter will it?
So, Athena Glendon.
Any relation to the multi-billion
software company, Glendon?
Barton Glendon is my father.
He disowned me years ago.
- Is that why you want to die?
- No.
So why do you want to die then?
It's really none of your business, is it?
[CHUCKLES]
Well, now my curiosity is peaked.
- Aw, I'm so sorry about your...
- Okay, ladies, what's it gonna be?
How's the eggs Florentine here?
You gotta death wish?
Uh, I guess I'll have one of these then.
One of what, hon?
The little eggy deally here.
We've got umpteen egg dishes here,
sweetheart, which one do you want?
This one.
I left my glasses in my other apron.
The egg-stra me-egga
Del-egg-table spec-egg-tacular.
- And you?
- Um, nothing thank you.
Eggs Florentine would be
a hell of a lot cheaper than me.
Uh, probably, but I can't afford it.
So now are you planning on
paying for me then?
Well, I have a life insurance policy.
It's the one thing my parents
didn't take away from me.
So, I figure I'd change it,
make you the beneficiary.
More than cover your fee.
You just have this
all figured out don't you?
I need a place to stay
while I work out the details.
As soon as, uh, Kyle wakes up
from the coma, you put him in,
he's gonna come looking for me.
- And?
- He'll kill me.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, it seems you'd be saving us
both a whole lot of trouble then
if you just went home
and got knocked out for free.
Not like that, not by him.
What difference does it make who does it?
You serious?
Yeah, I mean, who cares as long as
the job gets done?
- I do.
- And I'm asking you why?
Because I hate him.
And I don't want my last moments
on this earth to be spent
anywhere near him, I just...
I can't think of
a worse tragedy than that.
And what makes you think that
spending your last moments with me
is going to be any better?
I like you.
Randy, I'm really confused.
Detective Hult.
What's this first degree murder charge
you're threatening me with?
Don't play stupid.
Is the possibility of
a death sentence not enough for you?
- Huh?
- The death penalty for killing who?
Okay, let me get this straight.
Are you saying that
this story so far is not true?
I'm not saying anything.
Bruce?
Bummer.
Look, boss, she can't get too far
without cash or a car.
Just find the gypsy, you'll find Athena.
Actually, boss, I think
the proper term would be.
Roma or Romani, not Gypsy.
Yeah, you see it's a common
misconception stemming from
the erroneous conjecture
that the Roma or Romani,
if you will, originated in Egypt.
Recent studies have shown
the fact that they...
Bruce. Just find them.
Oh, and Bruce, don't touch either of them.
Bring them both back here.
I want to help this time.
[DOOR OPENS]
You in some kind of a coma or something?
Seriously, should I be looking for
a piece of candy
or a wallet to shove in your mouth?
Maybe one of those long ass needles
to plunge into your chest?
Hello?
Why do you have
a wall full of dead spiders?
Oh, yeah. Those...
I keep them there as kind of
a warning to any other spiders
that might wander through here.
That way they can glimpse their
fate and decide whether or not
they want to hang around to meet it.
Huh, and did it ever occur
you after the fourth or fifth time
that your plan wasn't working out so well?
What do you mean?
Are you serious, there has got to be
97 spiders on this wall.
And?
And they don't understand they're spiders.
How do you know they don't understand,
are you some very unusual spider psychic?
Are there perished souls
speaking to you right now, Ms. Cleo?
I'm looking at the wall and I'm taking
a wild stab in the dark here,
I'm guessing, if they understood your
twisted little warning sign,
probably wouldn't be
a part of it right now.
So in your infinitely wise logic
that I am obviously
too cabbage-headed to grasp.
You're saying that if those spiders
knew that if I was going to kill them
then they wouldn't be in my house. Right?
Now you're catching on.
Because if they knew and they stayed,
that would make them what?
What would that make them?
So there is a wall full of dead spiders?
What does that have to do with anything?
It has to do with you, Beatle.
Your character, you're a killer
and you enjoy killing things.
So this is just me letting you know
that I know, I see it,
and I'm going to make sure a jury sees it.
So you think that I kill things
because I enjoy it?
Maybe, then again, maybe not.
I don't know,
I'm not a psychiatrist I'm a cop.
The point is you entered into a contract
with Athena Clendon to kill her.
Change that life insurance policy yet?
Yes.
It takes seven to ten
business days before it's final.
- Seven to ten business days, huh?
- Why?
The assassination fee's one thing,
but room and board for two weeks?
We're going to have to
work something out here.
I told you, I don't have any money. Okay?
And just because my last name is Glendon,
don't think you'll see
a dime of that money either.
You... You could chop off
my tits and send them to him
in an empty Ding-Dong box,
they wouldn't even send you
a quarter and a pack of chewing gum.
So whatever's going through
your head right now...
Whoa, there, hose. Reel it in.
Nobody is talking about
medieval torture around here.
I'm not even talking about money,
for fucks sake.
Oh... Now I get...
My gaydar isn't quite as acute
as it used to be but it...
It makes sense.
Um, before you embarrass
yourself even further.
I'm not talking about sex either.
You don't want money, you don't want sex.
Right. Well, not from you anyway.
What do you mean not from me?
I... I happen to be
a very attractive woman.
Who most people would cut
their right arm off to be with.
When I was in high school...
Why is everything an amputation with you?
Every other sentence out of your mouth, some
unfortunate asshole is loosing a body part.
It's a little weird.
[SCOFFS] Okay, what do you want me to do?
Because I'm not sticking around
here if it's not kosher.
I need you to help me with my infomercial.
Infomercial? Of course, that
would have been my next guess.
So we have a deal?
Yeah, yeah, I think I can handle that.
Good.
We can talk about this further
when I get back from my shrink.
- Why do you want to die again?
- Nice try.
So now you've actually got
your next hit living with you,
not to mention she's helping you
out with your business.
- Of being an assassin.
- Yes, exactly.
But what does any of this
have to do with Bruce?
I want to talk about Carla.
Randy. You're all over the place.
It's Detective Hult.
- This isn't making any sense.
- Then start making sense, Beatle.
It's up to you to make sense, not me.
I know my story.
I know my case. I've been working
on this for seven years now.
- So you start making sense.
- Okay.
Tell me about the last time you saw Carla.
[HEAVY BREATHING]
Okay...
Alright, who are you and what
have you done with my favorite trick?
Huh?
Well, I don't know, I mean, you know,
it's like you're not here or something.
Is everything okay?
I don't know, that's what I was
sitting here trying to figure out.
Well, you are not only just sitting here,
you happen to be sitting here
with the most talented mouth
this side of the continental divide.
Jesus! Can you fucking pretend to have
some sexual etiquette or something?
Act like you're having fun.
Alright, look, you know...
Don't get it twisted
or anything because I...
I like you a lot, but you're still
going to have to pay me so...
You like me?
Sh... Sure.
- That's strange.
- [CHUCKLES]
Okay, I'll bite, why?
That's the, um... second time this week
that somebody's said that to me.
The first time was the first time.
- I don't understand.
- Ever. In my life.
Are you shitting me?
No.
Beatle.
What was your relationship
with Athena Glendon?
I really don't think
that that's any of your business.
Friends?
Maybe a little more than friends?
You know the bartender at St. Mary's
said you two
were getting a little cozy together.
Really cozy together.
It's very interesting kind of stuff
they have here at your bar.
Yeah.
It's, you know, the local dive bar.
Right.
Well, cheers.
Cheers.
- You should do that more often.
- Hm?
Smile.
Okay.
I'll try to do that more.
Okay, Beatle Boyin.
Where, where can you be?
I see London, I see France.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
What time are you out of here, sweetheart?
Two o'clock.
So have you ever been in a relationship?
Yes. I have.
Well, I... I meant a serious relationship.
Yes. Very serious.
Did it end badly with him or something?
- Her.
- Oh...
Um...
She was into this whole subculture thing
that was happening in Portland
at the time and...
I just wanted to make her happy.
What kind of subculture?
She liked to bite.
Oh, wow.
- Well, was that a bad thing?
- With fangs.
- Oh, wow.
- So... a little weird.
Yeah. That's really weird.
Kinda sounds like a really great
way to get AIDS, too.
Oh...
It's a bill for a blow job,
250 if you want to go all the way.
Anything else you want to
incorporate is obviously extra.
Um... I'm as flexible as your wallet is.
So if you have any kinky shit you want
to do just make sure you can pay for it.
So, what's it going to be?
You and me
need to have a little chit chat.
No! No! No! No!
- [GRUNTS]
- [GROANS]
- Ladies, here you go.
- Thank you, Katie.
- You're welcome.
- You're so sweet.
- I know.
- [GIGGLES]
- So, Beatle.
- Hmm?
How are you going to kill me?
Um... I'm working on that.
- Oh.
- Yeah... I'll figure it out.
- You'll figure it out?
- Yeah.
- Well, let me know.
- Okay.
I told you already. I don't know
who you're fucking talking about!
Well, my dear.
That is just really, really
unfortunate for you.
[SOBBING]
You know...
[GRUNTS]
I would imagine
that in your line of work...
physical perfection is almost
a pre-requisite.
What do you think?
Would that be a safe assumption to make?
What's that?
What, this little thing?
- [SIZZLING]
- It's just a little acid.
[CRYING]
No big whoop.
No...
No!
I'm going to tell you something,
this is only going to hurt for...
No!
Who am I kidding, this is going
to be fucking excruciating.
No!
I want you to open
your mouth and say, ahh.
[SCREAMING]
[CHUCKLES] And now you want to be silent?
Okay.
- No! No!
- [SIZZLING]
Yeah, you know what,
that's going to leave a fucking soar.
[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMS]
[DOOR OPENS]
You want to get killed, do that again.
Okay.
[DOOR SHUTS]
You okay?
Thanks.
[SPITS]
Ew, what is that?
It's warm milk.
Isn't milk suppose to be cold?
Didn't your... didn't your mom
ever give you warm milk
when you were a kid?
I don't know, I don't remember my mom.
But I'd like to think that she's not
a complete tard so I'll go with no.
You don't remember your mom?
No. Why?
Just sad, I mean, no wonder you're...
No wonder I'm what?
You have to admit
that you're not exactly normal, Beatle.
I'm not one of the sheep.
Yeah, right, thank God.
It's like... you're all like
an army of fucking robots.
Sad! I can't imagine living like that.
Wait, where do you get off telling me
what I'm like? You don't even know me.
I don't need to know you, you're one
of them, that's all I need to know.
As opposed to what?
As opposed to being like you?
- I'll pass, thanks.
- No. As opposed to being yourself.
Try thinking for yourself for once.
I do think for myself,
thank you very much.
You think you do, but you don't,
that's the trap.
- Say, cheese.
- [CAMERA CLICKS]
[MOANING]
Aw, this is just the before picture.
- [GROANS]
- [LAUGHS]
I got something I wanna show you.
I got it right here.
You're gonna love this.
Take a look. What do you think?
I know, I realize that's just my first
try and it needs a little improvement.
But what I need to do is...
a little something different right here.
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
What was that? I couldn't quite hear you.
Hm.
Shh...
There, there.
Now...
is there something
you'd like to say to me?
Because now would be the time.
You know where I found this little
psychotic book of horrors, Beatle?
No, I can't say that I do.
I found it in a box
with this camera in it. Your camera.
You know, if you don't
speak to me I can't help you.
Is that what you're doing here?
You're helping me?
Yeah, I'm trying to.
Whatever you think,
I'm not out to get you. Okay?
In fact, I think
you and I are very similar.
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[PAN FRYING]
[WHISTLING]
Oh, good, you're up.
What? I didn't know I had all this food.
Oh, believe me, you didn't.
You... you had a can
of pork and beans, circa 1936
and a box of baking soda in the fridge.
And I gotta admit,
I was tempted by that pork and beans
because I'm pretty sure that can
showed all signs of botulism.
But then I realized as another benefit
connected with my new outlook on life.
I can eat whatever I want.
Isn't that fabulous?
So I kind of decided,
over the course of the next week.
I'm gonna try something new
every single day.
I am throwing caution to the wind
when it comes to calorie intake.
Sit, eat. I made this for both of us.
- You did?
- Of course I did, sweetie.
I may not be counting calories,
but my stomach is only so big.
- What?
- Did you just call me sweetie?
Oh, so I did. Just came out.
I decided not to edit myself.
You're gonna get a kick out of this, too.
I got all of these groceries for free.
Really, how'd you swing that one?
Flash the grocer
in the ten items or less aisle?
[GASPS] No, but I'll remember that
for next time.
All I did was fill up my cart
and walk out of the store.
About 15 people watched me do it, too.
It was like their brains couldn't
process that somebody would just.
Walk out of the store with a cart full
of groceries she didn't even pay for.
What... what's wrong, it's not good?
Uh, no I'm just not used to all this.
Used to what, honey?
Everything.
Nothing, nothing.
Eat.
Wow.
She really cared for you didn't she?
That must've felt good, right?
And now, she's cooking me breakfast,
she's calling me "baby" and "honey"
and "sweetie", and then,
last night, she hugged me.
I mean, it's all too much.
So, let me get this straight,
you came bursting into my office
claiming to have a serious emergency,
while just to go on and on
for the last half hour
about the fact that
another human being treated you kindly.
Thanks for the instant reply, doc.
Now I know you were paying attention,
but that does nothing to help me.
Help you with what?
You have a friend, that's a good thing.
You're showing a range of emotions
that far exceed the neutral indifference
that you've exhibited for years.
You're making progress.
I don't see what the problem is.
She hired me to kill her.
Oh, shit, we are back to this again?
She did! I have to kill her
in less than a week.
Well, I guess you should enjoy it
while it lasts then.
It's hard for you to open up, isn't it?
Why do you think that is?
I don't think, I know.
Bruce, it's been two days,
I don't think that I need
to tell you the amount of shit
that you will be in
if I don't get my delivery.
- Say, cheese!
- [CAMERA CLICKS]
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
Let me explain to you
what's going to happen here.
I'm gonna very slowly peel
the toenail off your broken toe.
Which will undoubtedly
jar that injury a bit,
while at the same time,
creating an all together new wound.
See the pain is basically going to be
focused on one area of your body,
but it will be
two different torments, if you will.
What I want you to do,
is I want you to tell me
if you can feel both injuries at once or
you can only feel one thing at a time.
Okie dokie artichokie?
Alright, here we go.
What can I do for you today?
- Enjoying the view?
- Oh...
Oh, come on, don't let the fact
that I know what you're thinking
- stop you from thinking it.
- Ma'am?
[CHUCKLES] You really going to
mentally fuck my brains out
- than refer to me as ma'am?
- I assure you...
- Are you Catholic?
- Sorry?
- Are you a Catholic?
- Uh, yeah, I suppose.
Okay, then do yourself a favor, Hugh.
Don't lie to me.
Okay, I mean you've already got enough
pointless guilt to wrestle with already,
don't you think?
And if you finish that sentence,
you're just gonna be in confessional
a few minutes longer than necessary.
By the time you're done with all
your Hail Mary's and Our Father's,
that's like a good five minutes
you could've spent jerking off.
Any who, my friend gave me
a thousand bucks and told me
to find the best video camera I can.
Suggestions?
Shall we move on to the next foot now?
- [MUFFLED SCREAMING]
- [CHUCKLES]
You trying to say something, man?
Ugh, Jesus. What you got?
- Her file is in the desk.
- In the desk.
As much as I'm enjoying
this psychological,
and somewhat entertaining,
side to this case.
I want to focus
on this right here, Beatle. Okay?
Because this right here is the evidence
that proves you're a killer.
You want to start co-operating?
And remember, I'm not just the
spokesperson, I'm also a client.
And by the time you see this infomercial,
Beatle Boyin will have yet
another satisfied customer.
Did you get it, because I'm gonna be dead?
- Right.
- Right.
Well...
Beatle.
You're not thinking about
pussying out on me are you?
- No.
- No, because that would not be cool,
because we have a deal.
Yes, yes we have a deal.
So you're gonna hold up
your end of the bargain?
- Yes. Can we just move on, please?
- As long as we're clear.
Yes. We are clear,
I will kill you, you will be dead. Okay?
Good, let's do it again.
I think its time for you to start
admitting how you felt about this girl.
Why do we keep on going back to Athena,
when this is supposed to be about me
being, what,
the killer of this guy named Bruce?
Because I need a motive.
Now, I think you killed Bruce
because he was on to Athena.
Okay, so, I'm going to kill Athena.
WOMAN ON TV: How many times
have you found yourself
in the awkward position
of having to ask a complete stranger
in a public restroom
to provide you with toilet paper?
Really?
What?
You have how much time left
and you're really gonna spend it
watching television?
I'm broke.
So?
So, unless you're offering to take me out
on a date I don't really have any options.
You'd go out on a date with me?
What you mean?
If you approached me in a bar?
Yeah, if I approached you in a bar
and I asked you out, what would you say?
I'd probably say yes.
Really?
Yeah.
You got that sexy sort of
bad ass thing happening.
Wow. Who knew?
But of course I'd have to tell you
I have AIDS and you'd probably
retract the offer, so really, this
conversation is pointless, isn't it?
MAN ON TV:
Shipping not available in all states.
- Some restrictions may...
- [TV SHUTS OFF]
Will you go out with me tonight?
Yes.
[ACOUSTIC MUSIC PLAYS]
How am I doing so far?
Good. So far, so good.
This is my first date, so I kinda
want to make sure I do it right.
Are you serious?
You've never been on a date before?
Never.
Wow. Being a woman's first date.
I feel so privileged.
Got to be something to be said for it,
not really sure what it is but...
- Does that mean you've never?
- What?
You know?
Oh, God, no. Of course I have.
Well, I don't know,
if you've never dated...
- I have a girl.
- Oh.
What does that mean you have a girl?
Are you... are you in a relationship?
Are you kidding?
She's a stripper,
we see each other once a week.
It's a mutually beneficial situation.
She's a hooker.
Okay, that's one way to put it.
Okay, do you guys have one of
those weird relationships.
Where one or both of you
has feelings for the other one?
Why are we still talking about this,
it's really insignificant.
Because sometimes people
get really attached,
and it turns into this whole big thing.
Athena, I've never been attached
to anyone before in my life.
Before you I've never felt
anything for... anyone.
They have an excellent tortilla soup here,
you should try it if you've never had it.
Tortilla soup, it's good.
It sounds... good.
Good.
- Ah, excuse me.
- Uh-huh.
Hi, I'd like to place
an order for delivery, please.
[CLATTERING]
Okay, so, just wait here.
[SWITCH PULLING]
You know, I totally
couldn't find that light switch.
- Who the hell are you?
- Bruce.
Athena, looking lovely as always.
We'll see if we can't
change that, shall we?
Beatle, we have to go, he'll kill us.
Now, now, Athena,
no one's going to get killed.
I'm just going to take you
both over to Kyle's
and see what happens after that.
Okie dokie?
- Hold it right there, don't move.
- Or what?
Huh? What you want to do?
[GUN SHOTS]
Beatle, come on.
Beatle, Beatle!
- [GRUNTS]
- [SCREAMS]
Maybe you ought to call her Ronda
that'll get your attention.
Oh, really?
You haven't told her yet?
Did I let the cat out of the bag?
Shame on me.
Let go of her.
What do you suppose the chances are?
Of you actually hitting me
with that bullet.
Without accidentally hitting your
bestest friend
in the whole world here, in the process?
I said, let go of her.
You know what, I'm feeling pretty fucking
lucky, I'm going to call your bluff.
- [GROANS]
- Stop it, let her go!
Make me.
Actually surprised you haven't heard
the story, it's a really good one.
One more step and I'll shoot you.
I guess I'll tell her the story myself.
It goes a little something like this.
Once upon a time,
there was this crazy cult.
- [GUN SHOT]
- [SCREAMS]
The end.
Are you okay?
- Call the cops.
- Beatle, what are you talking about?
- Call the cops!
- Beatle, you don't want the cops here.
This is an apartment complex,
people notice things like gun shots,
- work with me here, please.
- Okay.
BEATLE: I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I'm calling, I'm calling right now.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- [SIRENS]
Thank you, Ms. Glendon. We'll be in touch.
Thanks.
Well, as far as I can tell
this is an open and shut case.
Trespassing, self defense, What have you.
But I will need you to stay in town
until the official investigation is over.
You understand? Okay, great.
Here's my card. If you have any
questions, feel free to call me.
[DOOR SHUTS]
- You know... I don't understand...
- Please... don't, okay.
You weren't expecting Kyle
to clear out Bruce's things
and put them in storage
for seven years, now were you?
Including your video camera
that he took from your towing office.
Which features a taped confession
about being an assassin.
So where's the tape
showing me saying that?
You really think we don't have it? Hmm?
Anyway, you think the tape
is going to make or break this case?
I mean look around you,
this file on its own!
All fantasy.
And besides we've got you
taking payments for those hits.
This could be anyone.
But it's not, Beatle. It's you, isn't it?
Now I've been very patient here, alright?
But I'm starting to get very tired
with this conversation, Beatle.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah? Why are you getting tired?
Because of the way that
you have this story in your head.
You already have me tried and convicted,
and it feels like nothing I say
is going to convince you otherwise.
So... why should I bother?
Try me.
I think there's a chance that you
believe it's possible, just possible,
that things happened differently
then the way you presented them here.
That there might be another explanation
for why things are the way they are.
[BEATLE GASPS]
[MOANING IN PAIN]
- Shh, shh.
- [MOANS LOUDER]
Shh, it's okay.
It was a nightmare. It's okay. It's okay.
Drink some of this.
[SPEAKS INDISTINCT]
Who's Ronda?
I have no idea.
What? I never heard of her.
You know what, if you're not
gonna be honest with me.
- What?
- Something reeks.
[SNIFFING]
I don't smell anything.
Are you kidding me?
[SNIFFING] No.
Okay, so I'll break out some Lysol.
Beatle, what are you doing?
You have to get whatever's down there,
out of there. This is not pretty.
There is nothing down there!
I'm sorry.
Alright, look,
it's where I keep my money stashed.
Money doesn't smell like that.
Well, that's all it is, babe,
I don't know what too tell you.
Why do I feel like
I'm getting tricked around here?
I don't know, you're not.
Jesus, paranoid much?
What's going on Beatle? Huh?
Who's Ronda?
What are you not telling me?
And what for the love of all
things holy is under the bed?
Fine.
No, get away from there. Get away!
Get off of me. [GRUNTS]
Shit! Get the fuck off of me, Beatle!
What's under the bed, huh?
What are you hiding? Huh?
- Business, Athena.
- Huh?
Get the... fuck off of me!
Oh...
You thought...
My shrink gave me that shit.
He thinks I have a problem,
but I don't. So can we drop this now?
Why would he think you have
a problem that you don't have?
I don't know! He also doesn't
think I'm an assassin.
But as you and I both know,
that's not true either.
I actually don't have any proof
that you're an assassin.
Um, you hired me too kill you, remember?
And I am still very much alive, aren't I?
Fine, screw you, you want to believe?
I don't need this shit from you,
if you want to believe some asshole
you've never even met before, over me,
then there's nothing
I can do about it, is there?
And maybe you can go hide out from your
little wannabe Tony Soprano fuck wad
at Dr. Vanderark's house.
Because I sure as fuck
don't want you here.
You know what, Beatle? I'm just trying
to figure out who the fuck you are.
Well, go figure it out, somewhere else.
Do you know what the books say?
Do you know what these books say, Beatle?
These book say that you might be
acting out a fantasy life,
that you might not
even know you're doing it.
Please! What are you saying, sweetheart?
Are you calling me a liar, huh?
Or maybe I'm just an idiot who's too retarded
to tell the difference between real life
and a fucking fantasy.
Or maybe, maybe, maybe you're just
plain calling me crazy? Is that it?
Do you think I'm fucking crazy?
Huh? Because that's a laugh
coming from you,
little miss, "I like to pretend
I'm a vampire and suck AIDS blood"
out of my girlfriends neck."
Yeah, that's fucking funny.
Yeah, I'm the fucking crazy one, here!
What's under your fucking bed, Beatle?
Money.
Show me. Show me, Beatle.
This isn't fucking money, Beatle.
This is fucking trash!
This is garbage, you see this?
Do you see that? Come look! Show me!
- [SCREAMING]
- Show me!
This is fucking garbage, Beatle. Look!
Look in there! Look! Huh? Fucking trash!
Trash!
[SOBBING]
Look at me.
You're not really an assassin, are you?
Say it. I want to hear you say it.
I want to hear you say,
"I'm not really an assassin."
Beatle.
I don't even know your name.
[SNIFFLES] Wait.
What?
Did you know last night,
last night I was actually
considering staying here with you.
For a minute, I...
I actually thought,
you know, what, this could be...
This could be enough to change everything.
I could deal with a situation, I could.
But, obviously, you can't.
I'm not gonna sit around
and watch you live a lie,
it's just something I don't have
the time or energy to do,
for someone that won't even
tell me her name. I'm sorry.
You're not an assassin?
No.
Who are you?
Who do you think I am?
[CRYING]
This is you?
Shh...
Who is this girl, Randy?
It's Detective Hult.
Who is this girl, Randy?
Detective Hult! Detective Hult!
Detective Hult! Detective Hult!
Do you recognize the girl?
I've just taken down
one of the biggest criminal masterminds
in modern history, and I demand
a little respect from you now. Okay?
I got him with all the evidence
I had and I'm going to get you
with the same evidence right here,
it's here, right in front of me.
Where's the tape?
- Where did you put the tape?
- There is no tape, Randy.
What do you mean there's no tape?
Where's the tape, it was right here.
There never was a tape, Randy.
There was a tape in there,
you stole it and that's another of fence.
There was never a tape.
Hello, Randy.
What are you... What are you doing here?
You can't be in here.
What's going on?
What are you doing in here?
- You can't be in here.
- I'm here to help.
No, wait a minute who let you in?
You can't be in here.
I'm here to help, let's just talk.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa...
- Just come, sit down.
- You can't be in here!
- It's okay, I just want to help.
You can't even be in here.
You're gonna have to leave.
You two can't be
in the same room together.
Just gonna talk.
- You gotta leave.
- No, no. I'll just be a minute.
It's okay.
Randy, why don't you just come over here
and have a conversation with us, okay?
I don't know what's going on here,
I don't know why they let you in here.
- Randy, we're your doctors.
- What the fuck are you talking about?
We're your doctors,
and we're here to help you.
What the fuck are you talking about?
I'm a cop.
I'm a cop and I keep people safe.
That's what I do.
I protect people, okay?
And I make sure no body dies.
Like Kyle Sullivan.
The drunk driver that killed your family.
- What are you talking about?
- That you murdered.
- I'm not a murderer.
- Because he killed your wife.
Carla.
And your daughter.
Remember that?
I'm a detective. I don't kill people.
It's true.
This is your wife, Carla.
She and your daughter were killed
when Kyle Sullivan crashed into
your car while driving drunk.
This is insane.
I don't know who this is in this
picture, but it's not me, Randy.
I'm your doctor. I'm Dr. Richards.
We are both your doctors.
You're Beatle.
No. Beatle is a part
of yourself that's a murderer.
You're Athena Glendon.
No. I'm not Athena Glendon.
I'm Dr. Sharlett Lyn, I'm your doctor.
And that picture is...
it's from my ID card.
You see that?
Athena, is the part of yourself
that wants to die.
This is you, Randy.
And this is your wife, Carla.
And this... is your daughter.
Ronda.
I don't understand anything.
It's okay.
I'm a cop.
No, Randy you're not a cop,
you're an engineer.
And this is your family.
- They're my family?
- Yeah.
- It's okay, Randy.
- Why do I not remember this?
We're here to help.
You just have to trust us.
[CRYING]
You guys are good.
Really good.
But I know the truth.
I'm not gonna stop
until everybody else does.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave,
Ms. Glendon.
I'm in the middle
of a police investigation,
and this is an interrogation room,
and you two can not be in here
at the same time.
So if you don't mind?
[DOOR OPENS]
Okay, detective.
Can I borrow you for a moment?
It's okay. Go ahead.
I'll wait for you.
- We'll finish this later.
- Okay.
Okay.
It's been a long day today.
Next time, okay?
- We'll get there.
- Yeah, we will.
Good job, detective.
What do you got, detective?
We were close.
- Maybe next week.
- Yes. Maybe next week.
Where do you think he gets this crazy idea
that Beatle and Athena are together?
Seems, um, pretty consistent
in the story don't you think?
- It's always my favorite part.
- Mmm. You should do that more.
Yeah, come on, let's go home.
Come on! Cheer up.
After you.
[POP MUSIC PLAYS]