OH
HOW WE DANCED
ON THE NIGHT
WE WERE WED
WE VOWED
OUR TRUE LOVE
THOUGH A WORD
WASN'T SAID
THE WORLD
WAS IN BLOOM
THERE WERE STARS
IN THE SKY
EXCEPT
FOR THE FEW
THAT WERE THERE
IN YOUR EYES
DEAR, AS I HELD YOU
SO CLOSE IN MY ARMS
ANGELS WERE SINGING
A HYMN TO YOUR CHARMS
TWO HEARTS GENTLY BEATING
WERE MURMURING LOW
DARLING, I LOVE YOU SO
COULD WE
BUT RECALL
THAT SWEET MOMENT
SUBLIME
WE'D FIND
THAT OUR LOVE
IS UNALTERED
BY TIME
[TRUCK HONKS]
GET THAT BLEEDING THING
OUT OF THERE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
THANK YOU.
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
I'M LOOKING
FOR MR. TAGGART.
I'M MR. TAGGART.
OH, YOU MUST BE...
TERRY?
NO.
HENRY.
YES.
I'M SHIRLEY.
HOW DO YOU DO?
IS TOM ANYWHERE ABOUT?
OH, YES.
HE'S ON PLOT FOUR.
THANKS.
OH, MAY I LEAVE
MY CASE HERE?
YES.
EXCUSE ME,
MISS, UH, SHIRLEY.
IS TOM EXPECTING YOU?
OH, DIDN'T HE TELL YOU?
WHAT?
HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU.
I'M SHIRLEY BLAIRE,
TOM'S FIANCEE.
SEE YOU LATER.
[GRUNTS]
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING THAT FOR?
WELL, SOMEONE'S GOT TO DO IT.
THEY'RE MOVING IN TONIGHT.
WELL, WHERE'S GEORGE HANSON?
I HAD TO SEND HIM HOME.
HIS WIFE'S SICK.
WHY DOESN'T ANYTHING FI IN THESE ROTTEN HOUSES?
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH
THAT MATE OF HIS--
JIMMY WHAT'S-HIS-NAME?
I HAD TO SEND HIM
OVER TO PLOT NINE.
STAIRCASE IS COMING
AWAY FROM THE WALL.
OH. MOVING STAIRCASE.
[CHUCKLES]
HERE. DO YOU KNOW TOM'S GO A GIRL WITH HIM?
SHE SAYS
SHE'S HIS FIANCEE.
SHE SAYS WHAT?
WELL, THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
SHE'S GOT A SUITCASE WITH HER.
I'LL BREAK HIS BLOODY NECK!
TOM!
TOM!
TOM! TOM?
[CAR DOOR SHUTS]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THA BIRD? TOM, GET OUT OF IT!
TOM?
TOM!
THAT TWO-FACED, CONNIVING
LITTLE BASTARD!
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I'M GOING TO WARN KAREN.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
I'LL SEE YOU AT MUM'S.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FLOORBOARDS?
STUFF THE FLOORBOARDS!
NIGHT, GUV.
OH, WHAT ABOUT A BI OF OVERTIME, CHARLIE?
NO, NOT TONIGHT, GUV.
FRED?
I'M SORRY, MR. TAGGART.
I'M TAKING THE OLD WOMAN
TO THE DOGS.
TELL THE BOSS LADY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
EH?
YOUR MUM. TELL HER
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM THE LADS.
IT'S NOT HER BIRTHDAY.
IT'S HER ANNIVERSARY.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, THEN.
[CHARLIE]
NIGHT, GUV.
SEE YOU
IN THE MORNING, GUV.
[RATTLING KNOB]
I WAS JUST CLOSING.
OH, I'M SORRY.
THERE WE ARE.
I DID THEM UP ALL NICE.
THEY'RE FOR AN OCCASION,
AREN'T THEY?
MY MOTHER'S ANNIVERSARY.
THANK YOU.
WISH HER A HAPPY ANNIVERSARY
FROM ME.
OH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
OH.
[CLOCK CHIMES]
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE PLACE?
WELL, IT'S NICE.
VERY NICE.
DID YOU AND YOUR
BROTHERS BUILD IT?
COME OFF IT. WE WOULDN'T LIVE
IN ANYTHING WE BUILT.
OH, WE DID THE CONVERSIONS.
WELL?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME?
YOU LOOK GREAT.
[QUIETLY]
HOW ABOUT POPPING UPSTAIRS
FOR A QUICK ONE?
NO, WE WON'T.
NO MORE QUICK ONES.
AND NOT HERE, EITHER.
WE'RE ENGAGED.
WE'RE GOING TO BE MARRIED.
WE CAN DO IT IN COMFORT NOW.
YOU'LL JUST HAVE
TO CONTAIN YOURSELF.
ANYWAY, I CAME HERE
TO MEET YOUR MUM.
REMEMBER?
I REMEMBER.
HAVE YOU LEARNED
YOUR PARTY PIECE, THEN?
WHAT?
A TURN.
WE ALL DO A TURN.
YOU KNOW, SING A SONG, RECITE.
PLAY THE PIANO.
WELL, I'M NO GOING TO DO A TURN.
MUM WON'T LIKE IT.
YOUR MUM WILL HAVE TO LUMP IT,
WON'T SHE?
AND YOU'LL TELL HER, WILL YOU?
SHE'LL NOT GET ME
DOING ANYTHING.
SHE'LL BE LIVID.
SHE CAN THROW THAT POT AT ME,
FOR ALL I CARE.
AND SHE PROBABLY WILL.
THEN I'LL JOLLY WELL
THROW IT BACK AT HER.
THAT'S MY GIRL.
NO, TOM, DON'T.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WILL SHE?
WILL SHE WHAT?
THROW THE POT AT ME?
WELL, SHE DOESN'T LIKE
NOT GETTING HER OWN WAY.
SEEMS TO BRING OU THE FEMININITY IN HER.
I ALWAYS WONDERED WHY YOU NEVER
ASKED ME HOME TO MEET YOUR MUM.
NOW I KNOW.
KEPT THINKING SHE WAS
SOME SORT OF CRIMINAL
OR COULDN'T KEEP OFF THE GIN.
I NEVER GUESSED IT WAS
BECAUSE SHE MIGHT STAR THROWING POTS AT ME.
I'M SURE SHE WON'T.
HAVE YOU BEEN JOKING, THEN?
DEPENDS WHAT YOU THINK'S FUNNY,
DOESN'T IT?
WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT IS.
I'M FULL OF NERVES
AS IT IS.
ANYWAY, IF YOU DO SEE HER
GOING FOR THAT POT,
JUST GRAB ONE OF
THESE THINGS IN HERE.
THAT'LL MAKE HER DROP IT.
WHY, THAT UGLY THING?
UGLY? THAT'S A THING
OF BEAUTY TO MY MUM.
I MIGHT HAVE WON IT IN A FAIR,
BUT IT'S THE EQUIVALENT OF
THE CROWN JEWELS IN HERE.
MUM'S TREASURES.
THAT'S MY FIRST TOOTH,
HENRY'S ONE AND ONLY CURL,
AND TERRY'S NAPPIE,
ALL BEYOND PRICE
'CAUSE MUM'S GOT "NOSTALGIAITIS"
IN BOTH LEGS.
AW, WAS IT HIS LITTLE
EGG CUP, THEN?
THAT'S MUM'S. SHE BOUGHT I ON HER FIFTH BIRTHDAY.
HER VERY FIRST PURCHASE.
OOH! YOUR DAD
MUST HAVE BEEN CLEVER.
DAD?
YES. ALL THESE
CERTIFICATES.
THEY'RE MINE AND MY BROTHERS'.
YOU'RE CLEVER.
MASTER THOMAS, THIRD PRIZE
BIBLE STUDIES.
MASTER TERENCE, SECOND PRIZE
FOR THE BEST LOSER.
AND MASTER HENRY,
FIRST PRIZE
FOR CONSISTENT IMBECILITY.
I GIVE YOU FAIR WARNING.
YOU MOCK ALL THIS
AT YOUR PERIL.
I'M LOOKING FORWARD
TO MEETING YOUR MUM.
[DOOR CLOSES]
OH, HELLO, TOM.
SHIRLEY, YOU'VE MET HENRY,
THE ELDEST SURVIVING
MALE TAGGART.
YOU ARE SURVIVING,
AREN'T YOU, HENRY?
YOU KNOW MUM'LL
BE HERE SHORTLY.
DOES IT MATTER?
SHIRLEY'S STAYING.
OH.
IN THE GUEST ROOM.
OH. MUM DIDN'T SAY.
MUM DOESN'T KNOW.
I THOUGHT YOUR MUM
HAD INVITED ME.
I DIDN'T SAY THAT, LOVE.
TOM, THIS MEANS SHE'S BEING
IMPOSED UPON.
I DON'T SEE WHY.
YOU CAN'T HAVE SOMEONE
STAY IN YOUR OWN HOUSE
AND NOT KNOW ABOUT IT.
SHIRLEY'S RIGHT.
YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD MUM.
DO YOU THINK I SHOULD GO?
YES, I DO, REALLY.
SHE'S NOT LEAVING.
YOU'RE NOT LEAVING, SHIRLEY.
YOU'RE ASKING
TOO MUCH OF SHIRLEY.
WELL, YOU CAN'T ASK TOO MUCH
FROM SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU.
AH, NOW, THAT'S SWEET.
ISN'T THAT SWEET, HENRY?
I'M GOING TO GO AND CHANGE.
[TOM]
COME AND HAVE A LOOK
AT THE KITCHEN.
LOOK, TOM, IF THIS
IS A FAMILY AFFAIR--
IF YOU LOVE ME
LIKE YOU SAY YOU DO,
YOU'VE GOT TO STAY
AND SEE IT OUT.
YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE
AN ENDURANCE TEST OR SOMETHING.
WELL, UH, WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF ALL THIS, THEN?
YOUR MUM DOES KNOW
WE'RE ENGAGED, DOESN'T SHE?
I'M TELLING HER TONIGHT.
I SUPPOSE SHE DOESN' KNOW ABOUT THE BABY,
EITHER.
SHE'LL KNOW IT ALL TONIGHT.
TOM!
[BLOWS]
RIGHT. NOW GO AND SIT DOWN
AT THAT TABLE, WILL YOU?
BOTH OF YOU.
SIT DOWN, JANE. GO ON.
NOW THEN. YOU GO HERE.
[BABY CRIES]
PET, NOW DON' START CRYING.
YOU'VE BEEN
SUCH A GOOD BOY.
THERE YOU ARE.
THERE YOU ARE, DARLING.
NOW I DON'T WAN A WORD OUT OF ANY OF YOU
UNTIL NANNA COMES DOWN.
OH, HI, TOM.
HELLO, LOVE. KAREN,
THIS IS SHIRLEY.
SHIRLEY, KAREN.
HELLO.
YOU'RE GOING TO BE ONE IN
THE EYE FOR HER LADYSHIP.
[TERRY] COME ON. IN YOU GO.
LOOK, YOU TREACHEROUS
BAS-- WHAT'S--
GO ON THERE.
I WANT WORDS WITH YOU.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE MATTER.
COME ON.
SIT DOWN THERE, JAKE.
GO ON!
ALL RIGHT. THERE, LOVE.
ALL RIGHT?
HELLO. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
[BABY'S CRYING CONTINUES]
OH, DARLING.
NOW DON'T MOVE A MUSCLE,
ANY OF YOU.
KEEP HIM QUIET,
DAWN, WILL YOU?
I HAVE A GOOD MIND TO FLING YOU
THROUGH THAT DOOR!
IT WOULDN'T HURT.
IT'S ONE OF YOUR DOORS,
ALL GLUE AND MATCHES.
YOU'RE NO TELLING HER TONIGHT.
I AM.
I'M HAVING MY SAY FIRST.
I'M TELLING HER ABOUT ME, FIRST,
THEN YOU CAN DETONATE YOUR
FLOOZY IN HER FACE.
NO, YOU DON'T.
I WANT TO BE HERE
WHEN THAT HAPPENS.
I'LL PICK MY MOMENT.
YEAH, I'LL BE YOU WILL.
WHERE'S HENRY?
[TERRY]
CHANGING.
IT'S NEARLY TIME,
ISN'T IT?
OH, HELLO, KAREN, TERRY.
MUM'S COMING DOWN.
[ANNIVERSARY SONG]
[DOOR CLOSES]
OH
HOW WE DANCED
ON THE NIGHT
WE WERE WED
WE VOWED
OUR TRUE LOVE
THOUGH A WORD
WASN'T SAID
THE WORLD
WAS IN BLOOM
THERE WERE STARS
IN THE SKIES
EXCEPT
FOR THE FEW
BLOODY HELL.
THAT WERE THERE
[FAMILY]
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MUM.
THANK YOU, DARLINGS.
OH, MY DEAR!
THEY'RE SO LOVELY.
WHO DIED?
HOW DO YOU DO,
MY DEAR?
YOU'RE NOT ONE OF
KAREN'S, ARE YOU?
HOW CAN SHE BE ONE OF MINE, MUM?
SHE DON'T LOOK LIKE TERRY.
COULD HAVE HAD HER
BEFORE TERRY.
SHIRLEY,
THIS IS MY MOTHER.
HOW DO YOU DO?
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY,
MRS. TAGGART.
WOULD YOU LIKE HER
TO STAY, TOMMY?
SHE IS STAYING.
THAT'S JUST WHAT I SAID, DEAR.
WOULD YOU LIKE HER TO STAY?
YES, MOTHER.
OH, THANK YOU.
I'VE ALWAYS LIKED THIS.
THAT'S WHY I GAVE IT TO YOU
LAST YEAR FOR CHRISTMAS.
WHERE ARE
MY GRANDCHILDREN?
THEY'RE IN THE KITCHEN, MUM.
WELL, WHY AREN' THE LITTLE DARLINGS
IN HERE?
'CAUSE LAST TIME YOU
THUMPED HIM WHEN THEY
THREW UP ALL OVER THE CARPET.
HENRY, GO AND KEEP THEM COMPANY.
THERE'S A DEAR.
YES.
DO YOU LIKE IT, MUM?
YES, DEAR. IT'S JUS WHAT I WANTED!
AT LEAST HE KNOWS HOW
TO HANDLE CHILDREN.
HOPE HE HAS SOME OF HIS OWN
ONE DAY. HE DESERVES IT.
I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS MARRIED.
YOUNGSTERS. ANYONE OVER 20,
AND HE'S READY FOR BURNING.
HENRY'S PUSHING 40, MUM.
HE HAPPENS TO BE WAITING
FOR THE RIGHT GIRL, KAREN,
NOT LIKE SOME I KNOW
WHO'LL MARRY THE FIRST TAR WHO WINKS THEM
INTO THE NEAREST BED.
EH, TERRY?
NO.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF HENRY, SHIRLEY?
I THOUGHT HE WAS VERY NICE.
HE'D HAVE BEEN AN AMBASSADOR
BY NOW IF HE'D JOINED
THE DIPLOMATIC CORPS.
[TOM]
THAT'S TRUE. TOOK HIM AGES WHEN
HE LEFT SCHOOL, DECIDING BETWEEN
THE DIPLOMATIC CORPS
AND BEING A PLUMBER.
[LAUGHS]
WE DON'T HAVE TO ASK
WHO THIS IS FROM,
DO WE, TOMMY?
LET ME SHOW YOU
HOW IT WORKS.
I LOVE IT!
LET ME HAVE A GO.
[CRASH, CLANG]
[CHILDREN LAUGH]
ARE THE CHILDREN STAYING?
WHY? DO YOU WANT 'EM
TO STAY, THEN, MUM?
WHO'S GOING TO
LOOK AFTER THEM?
MY MOTHER.
I SEE.
FIVE MINUTES WITH ME
AND FIVE HOURS WITH HER.
I'D LIKE TO SEE
MY GRANDCHILDREN
OCCASIONALLY, TERRY.
THEY'RE, UH,
WAITING FOR YOU, MUM.
WAITING TO SEE
WHAT I BOUGHT THEM?
WELL, WHAT HAVE YOU
BOUGHT THEM, THEN, MUM?
YOU SEE, SHIRLEY,
NO SUBTLETIES WITH KAREN.
"WHAT HAVE YOU
BOUGHT THEM?"
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW,
I'M GIVING THEM MONEY.
OH, GOOD IDEA.
THEN THEY CAN BUY
WHAT THEY LIKE.
I'VE ALREADY BOUGHT IT.
I'M PUTTING THE MONEY
IN TRUST FUNDS
SO NO ONE CAN GE THEIR HANDS ON IT.
[CRASH]
[CHILDREN LAUGH]
THEY'RE IMPATIENT.
I KNOW.
I'VE HAD
THREE CHICKS OF MY OWN.
ONLY THREE,
I GRANT YOU, KAREN,
BUT NATURAL
GOOD MANNERS TOLD ME
WHEN TO PUT THE PLUG IN.
[CHILDREN LAUGH]
[EXHALES]
WELCOME TO THE FAMILY.
HOW DO YOU FIND
YOUR FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW?
WELL, SHE'S--
I ALWAYS LEAVE HERE
WITH A SCREAMING HEADACHE,
AND MY WHOLE BODY SHAKING
WITH MURDER AND HATE.
BUT...
NOT FOR LONG NOW.
WE'LL SOON BE OUT OF IT,
WON'T WE, LOVE?
OH. YEAH.
WHERE YOU GOING, THEN?
CANADA.
WHERE WE SHOULD
HAVE GONE YEARS AGO.
YEAH, BUT MY TROUBLE IS,
I DON'T LIKE HURTING HER.
YOU'RE SCARED WITLESS
OF THE OLD BAG.
AT LEAST I'VE GOT SOME
CONSIDERATION, WHICH IS MORE
THAN I CAN SAY FOR YOU.
FANCY DRAGGING YOUR
FLOOZY HERE TONIGHT.
TONIGHT'S MUM'S NIGHT.
SHE'S GOING TO DO HER BLOODY NU WHEN SHE FINDS OUT ABOU YOU AND HER.
SO WHEN ARE YOU GOING
TO TELL HER THA YOU'RE EMIGRATING?
YEAH, WELL. THAT'S DIFFERENT.
I'VE GOT TO GIVE HER
A WEEK'S NOTICE.
YOU COULD HAVE TOLD HER
YESTERDAY OR LAST WEEK.
NO, YOU'RE GOING
TO TELL HER TONIGHT.
STOP GETTING AT TERRY.
HE'S SENSITIVE.
WELL, TOM'S
SENSITIVE, TOO.
WE'RE NOT TALKING
ABOUT BEING TICKLISH
IN THE LONG GRASS, SHIRLEY.
I AM SENSITIVE.
I'LL NOT GOING TO STAND HERE
AND SEE YOU BEING RIDICULED!
AH, POOR TERRY.
DON'T BE RUDE, TOM!
I'M NOT BEING RUDE!
AH, SHUT UP,
THE LOT OF YOU!
YOU'RE LIKE A PACK OF WOLVES,
SNAPPING AWAY AT NOTHING!
[SHOUTING]
IT'S THIS BLOODY HOUSE!
FIVE MINUTES INSIDE IT, AND--
[CALMLY]
AND-AND EVERYBODY
GETS A-SCREAMING--
HE'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW.
YES, HE IS.
IT MAKES YOU WANT TO SCRATCH
AND DRAW BLOOD.
IT OUGHT TO BE
PULLED DOWN OR BURNED.
YEAH. NOW THERE'S A THOUGHT.
POUR PETROL OVER IT.
START A BLOODY GREAT FIRE!
[KAREN] WHERE'S MUM, TOM?
SHE'S IN BED
SLEEPING PEACEFULLY,
AND THE FLAMES ARE LICKING AWAY
AT HER LEGS.
SHE THINKS OLD DAD'S RETURNED!
TOM, SHE'S YOUR MUM!
IT'S ONLY A GAME, LOVE.
NO, IT'S NOT.
[BABY CRIES]
HERE YOU ARE-- DARLING.
THANK YOU, GRAN.
NOW...IT'S YOUR TURN.
[BABY WHIMPERS]
WHEN'S THE WEDDING?
[BABY CRIES]
HMM?
LITTLE MISS BAG OF BONES.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
I DIDN'T. YOU JUST TOLD ME.
I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT IT, MUM.
HE JUST SAID
THEY WERE ENGAGED.
MMM.
SHE SEEMS
A NICE ENOUGH GIRL.
I'M SURE SHE IS,
FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S SON.
I'M TIRED OF PLAYING NURSEMAID.
[CHILDREN SHOUT AND CRY]
LET'S GET THIS LOT OUT OF HERE.
[HENRY]
COME ON, CHILDREN.
OUT TO THE CAR.
[BOY]
WE'RE GOING HOME!
[GIRL]
WE'RE GOING HOME! COME ON!
[BOY]
COME ON. HURRY UP. RUN.
[GIRL]
I CAN'T RUN ANY FASTER.
[LITTLE GIRL]
I BEAT YOU DOWN THE GARDEN.
[LITTLE BOY] WAIT FOR ME, THEN!
[BOY]
I KNOW WHAT TO DO.
[HONKS HORN]
TAKE THEM HOME, KAREN,
OR THEY'LL WRECK THE CAR.
THEY'RE LOVELY,
BUT QUITE EXHAUSTING.
THE BABY'S MAKING ME
FEEL QUITE FAINT.
NONSENSE.
[HONKING]
OH, SHUT UP!
I'LL TAKE THEM HOME.
IT'S NOT CONVENIENT, TERRY.
SHALL I TAKE THEM, THEN?
AH.
HENRY, THE WORLD'S A BETTER
PLACE FOR HAVING YOU AROUND.
OH.
NO MESSING ABOUT.
COME STRAIGHT HOME.
MOVE UP. COME ON.
HERE YOU ARE.
HERE ARE THE KEYS.
YOU BEHAVE YOURSELVES
WITH UNCLE HENRY.
LOOK, MUM. LOOK WHA GRAN GAVE US.
YEAH. LOVELY.
THERE ARE TIMES,
SHIRLEY,
I'M SORRY WE'RE NO ROMAN CATHOLICS.
HENRY WOULD MAKE
A LOVELY POPE.
"HENRY THE HUMBLE."
I WISH YOU WOULDN'T GIVE THEM
POCKET MONEY.
THEY'LL ONLY BUY ICE CREAM, AND
THEY GOT THEIR RATION FOR TODAY.
RATION? WHAT YOU
PREPARING THEM FOR,
THE NEXT WAR?
DO THEY SLEEP
IN THE UNDERGROUND
AND WEAR GAS MASKS
AROUND THE HOUSE?
YOU'RE A HARD MOTHER,
KAREN, VERY HARD.
THAT'S HOW I WANT THEIR TEETH
TO BE, MUM. GOOD AND HARD.
NOW DON'T PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH.
I DIDN'T SAY "GOOD."
I DON'T THINK
YOU ARE A GOOD MOTHER,
BUT IT'S NOT MY PLACE
TO SAY SO.
ICE CREAM
IS VERY BAD FOR TEETH.
COME HERE, MY DEAR.
LET ME TAKE
A GOOD LOOK AT YOU.
TOMMY'S TASTE
IS CHANGING.
HE USED TO LIKE
A LOT OF FLESH.
YOU WOULDN'T FETCH MUCH
ON THE BUTCHER'S SLAB.
IS SHE SLEEPING
IN THEGUESTROOM, TOMMY?
THAT'S THE GENERAL IDEA, MUM.
I'VE BEEN MEANING
TO BUY A NEW BED.
WHEN TOM HAS GUESTS,
I NEVER GE A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.
ALL THAT CREAKING.
BUT THEN, HE HAS
SO MUCH ENERGY,
HE HAS TO USE IT UP SOMEHOW.
THANK YOU.
WE'RE GOING TO BE MARRIED.
WILL IT BE A WHITE WEDDING,
MY DEAR?
YES. YES, IT WILL.
HOW MANY BRIDESMAIDS, TWO?
ALL IN YELLOW?
AND THEY'LL EACH CARRY
A BOUQUE AND YOU'LL CARRY
A PRAYER BOOK?
AND THE BELLS WILL RING
TING-A-LING,
AND YOU'LL BE
SO HAPPY?
AND WE'LL ALL BE
SO VERY SYMPATHETIC
WHEN TOMMY
DOESN'T TURN UP.
ISN'T IT ABOUT TIME WE CHANGED
THE SUBJECT?
YOU HATE NOT BEING IN
THE SPOTLIGHT, DON'T YOU?
WE HAVEN'T NOTICED YOU
FOR TWO MINUTES.
NEVER SEEN
SUCH A STRONG FACE.
GRANITE.
THE FACE OF A MAN WHO'S SUFFERED
AND COME THROUGH IT ALL.
AM I RIGHT, KAREN?
I SHOULD SAY HE'S STILL
SUFFERING, WOULDN'T YOU, MUM?
YOU THINK YOU FAILED
HIM, DO YOU DEAR?
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
AT LEAST YOU'RE HONEST ABOUT IT.
[MRS. TAGGART]
ELWOOD DOUBLE-FOUR-DOUBLE-NINE.
YES.
OH, THAT'S VERY BAD, ISN'T IT?
ALMOST CRIMINAL NEGLIGENCE.
I'LL SEND SOMEONE OVER
RIGHT AWAY.
ONE OF YOU
FORGOT TO PU THE KITCHEN FLOORBOARDS DOWN
IN PLOT 10.
THEY'RE MOVING IN.
LOOK AFTER IT, TERRY.
WHAT, NOW?
WELL, TOMORROW
WILL BE SOON ENOUGH.
WE SEEM TO BE GETTING
A LOT OF COMPLAINTS LATELY.
I'VE TOLD YOU WHY. IT'S THA CLAUSE YOU'VE GO IN ALL THE CONTRACTS--
50 QUID OFF THE PRICE
FOR EVERY DAY WE'RE
BEHIND SCHEDULE.
THAT'S KNOWN AS
A GOOD SELLING POINT.
NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S BLOODY
RIDICULOUS. WE'RE FLOGGING
OURSELVES TO DEATH
JUST TRYING NOT TO BE FINED, AND
YOU WON'T BRING IN EXTRA STAFF.
BRING IN MORE STAFF
AND OUR STANDARDS
WILL GO DOWN.
THATWOULD BE
DIFFICULT.
WE CAN'T KEEP UP THE PACE, MUM.
IT'S CRIPPLING US.
SHIRLEY, MY DEAR.
WOULD YOU MIND
SITTING SOMEWHERE ELSE?
BODY ODOR OFFENDS ME.
I HAVEN'T GOT BODY ODOR!
TERRY, YOU WON'T FEEL THIS WAY
ONCE YOU'VE MOVED.
[GULPS]
SURPRISE. I'VE BOUGHT YOU
A NEW HOUSE.
WHY?
THERE ARE PEOPLE
WHO WOULD BE GRATEFUL
FOR SUCH NEWS, KAREN.
YOU ASKED ME WHY AS IF
I WERE SPITING YOU.
YOU HAVEN'T PAID
FOR IT YET, HAVE YOU, MUM?
NEXT WEEK. 15,000.
WHAT?
WHERE'S THE CONTRACT,
THEN, MOTHER?
WITH THE SOLICITOR.
WATCH HER, TERRY.
SHE'S FISHING.
SHUT UP, TOM.
15,000 POUNDS, EH, LOVE?
[SHEEPISHLY[
WHAT ABOUT THAT, THEN?
[CLINKING ICE CUBES]
IT'S--IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU MUM.
VERY KIND, INDEED.
ASK TO SEE THE CONTRACT.
I HAD YOU SUMMED UP
THE MOMENT YOU POKED
YOUR HEAD OUT.
"THIS ONE'S A THOMAS,"
I SAID.
AND I WAS RIGHT.
RIGHT!
WELL, TERRY, ARE YOU GOING
TO PLEASE YOUR MOTHER
ON HER ANNIVERSARY
AND ACCEPT THE HOUSE?
WELL, AS I SAID, MUM,
IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU.
VERY KIND, INDEED.
TELL HER, TERRY.
TELL ME WHAT?
UH, NOTHING, MUM.
NOTHING AT ALL.
SHE WANTS TO KNOW,
SO TELL HER.
WELL, I CAN'T TELL HER NOW,
NOT AFTER JUST BEING
OFFERED A HOUSE.
IS THERE SOMETHING
I SHOULD KNOW?
NO, MUM. NO, NO.
IT'S JUST THAT, UH--
WELL, KAREN AND ME,
WE WERE THINKING--
WE'VE ARRANGED IT!
ARRANGED WHAT, MY PRECIOUS?
IT COULD ALWAYS BE CANCELED,
COULDN'T IT, LOVE?
NO, IT COULDN'T,
"MY PRECIOUS"!
[DEFIANTLY]
WE'RE EMIGRATING
TO CANADA, MUM.
I KNEW...
THERE WAS SOMETHING.
YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN
THE SAME, TERRY.
WHENEVER YOU WERE
A NAUGHTY BOY,
STRAIGHT INTO
A SHELL YOU'D GO.
TERRY WAS NEVER
A LEADER, SHIRLEY.
HE WAS ALWAYS LED.
AND NOW HE'S BEING
LED OFF TO CANADA
BY THAT PREGNANT COW
OVER THERE!
WHEN DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE LEAVING?
A WEEK TOMORROW.
HAVE YOU A JOB TO GO TO?
YEAH.
DOING WHAT?
WELL, MY TRADE, OF COURSE.
TRADE?
YOU HAVEN'T GOT A TRADE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I'M A MASTER CARPENTER.
A CARPENTER? YOU CAN' HAMMER A NAIL IN
WITHOUT BEING RUSHED TO HOSPITAL
WITH A BROKEN THUMB.
WHO BUILT THAT BROOM CUPBOARD
BEHIND THE DOOR
SO YOU HAD TO WALK INTO
THE KITCHEN SIDEWAYS?
THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOOD A IS MAKING SHAVINGS.
TWO WEEKS IN CANADA, AND YOU'LL
BE DEPORTED FOR SABOTAGE.
COME OFF IT, MUM. HE'S NOT AS
BAD AS ALL THAT.
OF COURSE NOT,
COMPARED TO YOUR
ELECTRICAL GENIUS.
REMEMBER THAT HOUSE
ON CHURCH AVENUE,
WHEN THE OWNER PRESSED
THE SWITCH IN THE LOUNGE
AND THE LAVATORY FLUSHED?
I THOUGHT YOU BOYS UNDERSTOOD
I MADE YOU BOSSES
BECAUSE YOU WEREN' GOOD ENOUGH TO BE WORKERS.
OH, I'VE BEEN CRITICIZED,
BUT IS IT SO WRONG
TO PROTECT ONE'S OWN CHICKS?
MIND YOU, I UNDERSTAND.
IT'S THE CONSTANT WORRY
OF WORKING AGAINST TIME.
BUT WHAT'S ONE TO DO,
BUILD FEWER HOUSES?
THAT'S UNFAIR
TO THE HOMELESS,
TO THE MILLIONS
OF FAMILIES
WHO LOOK TO US TO PUT A ROOF
OVER THEIR HEADS.
WE ARE DOING A SERVICE
TO THE NATION
BY GIVING PEOPLE DECENT HOUSES
TO LIVE IN.
GET OUT OF IT!
OUR HOUSES AREN'T DECENT.
THEY'RE OBSCENE!
WE'RE THE ONLY BUILDERS
PUTTING UP CONDEMNED PROPERTY.
YOUR FATHER NEVER
PUT UP A JERRY-BUIL HOUSE IN HIS LIFE.
I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT DAD.
THIS BUSINESS STARTED
TO GO ROTTEN WHEN HE SNUFFED IT.
THEN HOW DO YOU ACCOUN FOR THE 250% PROFI SINCE HE DIED?
BECAUSE YOU GOT US TO KNOCK OU TWO HOUSES IN THE TIME THA IT TOOK HIM TO BUILD ONE!
TIME AND MOTION, DEAR.
NOW WILL YOU SHUT UP?
A LITTLE THING
TO REMEMBER, SHIRLEY.
TOMMY DOESN' LIKE CRITICISM.
TELL HIM HE'S
BRILLIANT, OFTEN.
TERRY, COME
AND SIT BY ME.
HERE.
NOW...WHY DO YOU
WANT TO GO TO CANADA?
TELL MUMMY.
SHE'LL UNDERSTAND.
WELL, IT-IT-IT'S SORT OF WANTING
MY INDEPENDENCE, MUM.
INDEPENDENCE
IN A STRANGE COUNTRY,
WITH A WIFE
AND SIX CHILDREN
AND NO MONEY.
IT'S-IT'S MORE THAN THAT.
IT'S BEING PART OF SOMETHING
THAT'S ALL WRONG.
WE'RE NOTHING BETTER
THAN CON MEN.
WELL, THEN WE'LL BUILD
FEWER HOUSES,
DETACHED HOUSES.
THAT'S ASKING FOR IT. WHAT'S
GOING TO KEEP 'EM UP?
WE'RE-WE'RE WORKING 12 HOURS
A DAY, SIX DAYS A WEEK!
IT'S A KILLER!
WELL, THEN WE'LL HAVE
AN EIGHT-HOUR, FIVE-DAY WEEK.
YOU'VE SAID ALL THIS BEFORE,
BUT IT NEVER HAPPENS!
WHY BE SO DESTRUCTIVE, KAREN?
BE CONSTRUCTIVE FOR A CHANGE.
I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU IN WRITING,
WITNESSED BY THE HOUSE OF LORDS.
IT'S NOT JUS THE WORK, MUM.
THEN WHAT?
WELL, IT'S--
GO ON. TELL HER!
[YELLING]
TELL HER!
IT'S YOU!
ME?
YOU'RE INSIDE HIM
ALL THE TIME,
SCRATCHING AWAY
AT HIS ULCER!
AH!
THAT'S MORE LIKE
MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW,
DOWN ON ALL FOURS,
SPITTING AWAY,
WITH HER WHISKERS
QUIVERING.
OH, NO.
YOU'RE HOPING THA I'M GOING TO FORGE WHAT WE WERE ARGUING ABOUT,
GET BACK TO
THE MUD-SLINGING.
WELL, I'M NO GOING TO DO THAT.
TERRY NEEDS ORDER
IN HIS LIFE.
ALL YOU'VE EVER
GIVEN HIM IS CHAOS!
AND I'M TAKING HIM
AWAY FROM YOU.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
ELWOOD DOUBLE-FOUR-DOUBLE-NINE.
WHEN?
GOD!
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT IS IT, MUM?
THAT WAS
THE COTTAGE HOSPITAL.
HENRY'S BEEN IN A CRASH.
THE CAR OVERTURNED.
WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS, MUM?
POOR HENRY!
THEY'RE OPERATING ON HIM.
BUT THE KIDS, MUM.
WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?
I'M AFRAID THEIR CONDITION
IS CRITICAL.
OH, NO!
HOW DID IT HAPPEN, MUM?
DIDN'T SAY.
OH, GOD, LET THEM
BE ALL RIGHT.
OH, GOD, LET THEM
BE ALL RIGHT!
WE'D BETTER GO
DOWN THERE, LOVE.
IT'S ALL MY FAULT, TERRY.
I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THEM.
IT'S ALL MY FAULT!
NO, NO, IT'S NOT.
COME ON.
I SHOULD HAVE
TAKEN THEM!
[SOBS]
IS THERE
ANYTHING I CAN DO?
I'LL GO UP TO MY ROOM.
HOW BAD ARE THEY, MUM?
THE KIDS.
WHAT DID THEY SAY
ABOUT THE KIDS?
TO LOSE ONE'S CHILDREN...
WHOEVER WOULD WAN TO BE A MOTHER?
[TOM]
WHAT IS IT, LOVE?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
HENRY'S HERE!
WHO?
HENRY!
WHERE?
IN MY ROOM.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, MUM?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, LOVE?
DID YOU HEAR
WHAT SHIRLEY SAID, MUM?
WHAT, DEAR?
SHE SAW
HENRY UPSTAIRS!
WELL, HE LIVES HERE,
DOESN'T HE?
YOU SAID HE WAS
BEING OPERATED ON.
A LITTLE FIB,
I'M AFRAID.
WHO WAS THE PHONE CALL
FROM, MUM?
THAT MAN ABOU THE FLOORBOARDS AGAIN.
I WANTED KAREN TO FIND OUT WHA IT'S LIKE TO LOSE A SON.
AN EYE FOR AN EYE.
THAT WAS A DIABOLICAL
THING TO DO, MUM.
I DON'T AGREE.
I HOPE IT'S TAUGH HER A LESSON.
THEN I WON' HAVE TO HEAR ANY MORE
ABOUT MY TERRY LEAVING.
IT'S ALMOST TIME
TO LEAVE FOR THE PARTY.
I BOOKED THE TABLE
FOR 9:00.
SOMETHING THE MATTER,
MY DEAR?
IT'S HENRY.
WHAT ABOUT HENRY?
HE'S IN MY ROOM.
HE'S DRESSED HIMSELF
UP IN MY CLOTHES.
YOU SHOULD TAKE THA AS A COMPLIMENT.
HE ONLY WEARS CLOTHES
THAT ARE CLEAN AND PRETTY.
VERY PARTICULAR,
IS MY HENRY.
GET THAT STUFF OFF, HENRY!
THERE'S A DEAR!
YOU CAN'T GO TO DINNER
DRESSED LIKE THAT!
YOU KNOW NYLON BRINGS YOU
OUT IN A RASH!
[RESTAURANT CHATTER]
I WAS A BIT LIKE YOU
AT THE TIME, SHIRLEY,
WANTING TO FALL
THROUGH THE FLOOR
WHEN SOMEONE
LOOKED AT ME,
FUMBLING WITH WORDS,
NOT VERY PRETTY, EITHER,
BUT MY HUSBAND, BLESS HIM,
HE COULD SEE.
UNLIKE YOU, I HAD
ONE MAGICAL QUALITY--
A SENSE OF HUMOR.
"DELICIOUS," HE CALLED IT.
"A DELICIOUS SENSE OF HUMOR."
I'VE STILL GOT IT, OF COURSE.
I CAN FEEL IT WAFTING
OVER US, LIKE POISON GAS.
IT'S NOT FUNNY, MUM.
SHE WAS CRYING HER EYES OU WHEN I LEFT HER AT HOME.
WANTING YOUR SYMPATHY,
I SUPPOSE.
YOU'RE NOT EATING, DEAR.
YOU'RE UPSET.
KAREN SHOULD BE HERE.
SORRY I'M LATE.
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE COME.
CHANGED MY MIND.
DON'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALONE
FOR HER TO GET AT YOU.
IN FIVE MINUTES YOU'D BE BEGGING
NOT TO BE SENT TO CANADA.
I'M NOT HUNGRY.
THE CHILDREN ARE ALL RIGHT.
YOU SHOULD BE THRILLED
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM.
A GLASS OF WINE
WILL PUT YOU TO RIGHTS.
TERRY, POUR HER A GLASS OF WINE.
HERE WE ALL ARE TOGETHER.
YOUR FATHER WOULD BE SO
HAPPY TO SEE US LIKE THIS,
A FAMILY UNITED BY BONDS
OF LOVE SO STRONG.
WHICH ONE OF YOU IS TAGGART?
THERE ARE THREE OF THEM.
TAKE YOUR PICK.
OH, WELL, WHICH ONE
OF YOU DIDN'T PU MY FLOORBOARDS DOWN?
I'VE GOT THE WHOLE FAMILY
WITH ME, I'VE DRIVEN ALL
THE WAY FROM SCOTLAND,
AND THERE ARE NO FLOORBOARDS
IN MY KITCHEN!
[TERRY]
THEY'RE HALF-DOWN.
WAS YOU, WAS IT?
WELL, HALF
ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH.
I DIDN'T HAVE TIME
TO FINISH THEM.
GET OVER THERE. FINISH THEM NOW.
I'M HAVING MY DINNER.
WHAT ABOUT MY DINNER?
MY WIFE AND KIDS CAN'T EVEN
GET INTO THE KITCHEN!
WELL, I'LL FIX THEM TOMORROW.
I WANT THEM FIXED TONIGHT.
GO ON, TERRY.
GO FIX HIS FLOORBOARDS.
IF YOU HADN'T SCREWED UP THE
WIRING, WE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD
TO PULL THE BLOODY THINGS UP!
THE WIRING'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S THE FLOORBOARDS
HE'S COMPLAINING ABOUT.
YEAH.
I'M NOT FIXING
ANY FLOORBOARDS TONIGHT!
BUZZ OFF, OR I'LL PUNCH
YOU IN THE FACE.
THE DIPLOMATIC TOUCH.
YOU KEEP OUT OF THIS!
ARE YOU GOING TO BUZZ OFF?
YOU GONNA MAKE ME?
YEAH. I'M GONNA MAKE YOU.
JUST YOU TRY IT.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU JUST TRY.
I'M NOT AFRAID
OF A CHAP YOUR SIZE!
WATCH IT, MATEY.
I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU.
THE FLOORBOARDS IN THE KITCHEN!
I WANT THEM FIXED!
LOOK, I'VE DONE
12 HOURS WORK TODAY!
I DON'T CARE ABOU YOUR FLOORBOARDS!
[ANNIVERSARY SONG]
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MADAM.
THANK YOU, CARLO.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
MR. BIRD.
I'M AFRAID MY SON IS A LITTLE
DISTRAUGHT THIS EVENING.
I TELL YOU WHAT WE'LL DO.
GO COLLECT YOUR FAMILY AND BRING
THEM HERE FOR DINNER--
AS MY GUESTS, OF COURSE,
AND WHILE YOU'RE HERE,
I'LL HAVE YOUR FLOORBOARDS
PUT DOWN. HOW DOES THA SOUND TO YOU?
YOU'RE GOING TO PUT THEM
DOWN TONIGHT?
NOT PERSONALLY, OF COURSE.
OH, NO. SO...
I BRING ALL MY FAMILY HERE,
AND-AND YOU PAY?
EXACTLY. I'LL RESERVE
A TABLE FOR YOU.
HOW MANY ARE YOU?
NINE.
OH, WELL, OFF YOU GO,
MR. BIRD, AND PICK THEM ALL UP.
OH, THANK YOU, MA'AM.
THINK NOTHING OF IT.
IT'S A GREAT PITY
YOU HAVEN'T INHERITED
SOME OF YOUR MOTHER'S KINDNESS.
NINE. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGH A LITTLE SQUIRT LIKE THA WOULD HAVE SEVEN CHILDREN?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS LOT'S
GOING TO COST ME?
YEAH. WELL, I'M STILL NOT LAYING
ANY FLOORBOARDS TONIGHT.
HENRY...
GO AND FIX THE FLOORBOARDS.
I WANT THEM ALL TO CREAK.
HOW WILL I DO THAT?
JUST DO YOUR USUAL JOB.
THEY'LL CREAK.
NOW...
[KAREN]
YOU'VE FORGOTTEN
SOMETHING, MUM.
I MADE MY WISH.
[FOOTSTEPS]
[GASPS]
[DOOR CREAKS]
OH.
I BEG YOUR PARDON.
I JUST WANTED TO BRING
THESE BACK BEFORE I WENT OUT.
THANK YOU.
WHERE SHALL I PUT THEM?
UH...
WELL, ANYWHERE.
ON-ON THE BED.
I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE.
I WOULD HAVE SAID
SOMETHING BEFORE,
BUT THE RESTAURANT DIDN'T SEEM
QUITE THE RIGHT PLACE.
[SOFTLY]
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
ANYWAY, WE'VE ALL
GOT OUR LITTLE...
IDIOSYNCRASIES.
THAT THE RIGHT WORD?
IT'S A VERY NICE WORD, SHIRLEY.
AND IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU
TO LOOK AT IT LIKE THAT.
I MUST HAVE GIVEN YOU
QUITE A TURN,
COMING IN ON YOU LIKE I DID.
WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT THERE,
SHIRLEY.
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T HELP FEELING
A BIT GUILTY, BEING FOUND WITH
SOMEONE ELSE'S CLOTHES ON.
NO, I'M SURE YOU CAN'T.
I APOLOGIZE.
GOOD LORD. IT'S NOT YOU
WHO SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING.
IT'S ME.
THE FACT IS,
ONCE I GET THE URGE,
I JUST CAN'T STOP MY...
IDIOSYNCRASY.
I KNOW IT'S NONE
OF MY BUSINESS,
BUT HAVE YOU EVER THOUGH OF GOING TO SEE
A PSYCHIATRIST?
I DON'T REALLY
SEE THE POINT.
IT'S NOT AS THOUGH
I DO ANYONE ANY HARM, IS IT?
EXCEPT YOURSELF.
WELL, I LOOK AT I LIKE THIS, SHIRLEY.
IF I DIDN'T...
DO...WHAT I DO...
WELL, THERE'S NO SAYING
WHAT I MIGHT...DO.
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?
I SUPPOSE SO.
I LIKED YOUR SLIP.
IT CAME FROM MARKS & SPENCERS,
DIDN'T IT?
YES.
I'VE GOT A LO OF MARKS & SPENCERS.
YES. THEY'RE VERY NICE.
GOOD VALUE FOR MONEY.
YOU'VE GOT SOME NICE
CLOTHES, SHIRLEY.
YOU'VE GOT GOOD TASTE.
HELLO, KAREN.
I'VE GOT TO GO AND LAY
T HOSE FLOORBOARDS.
MAKE THE MOST OF IT, MATE.
THAT'S ALL YOU'LL EVER LAY.
OH...
YOU STILL HERE?
I'D HAVE ESCAPED
AFTER DINNER.
I DON'T WANT TO.
YOU'RE BARMY.
YOU'RE STILL HERE.
I WOULDN'T HAVE GONE TO DINNER
AFTER WHAT SHE DID
TO YOU AND TERRY.
YOU'RE NOT USED
TO HER LITTLE WAYS.
IS SHE ALWAYS LIKE THIS?
TOM SAYS THAT, WHEN SHE'S
GOT HER SONS TO HERSELF,
SHE'S ALMOST HUMAN,
BUT AT THE FIRST WHIFF
OF PERFUME, SHE TAKES
TO HER BROOMSTICK.
I'VE BEEN LET OFF RATHER
LIGHTLY, HAVEN'T I?
WHAT? SHE HASN'T EVEN
STARTED ON YOU YET.
SHE WILL.
SHE'LL FIND YOUR WEAKNESS,
AND SHE'LL DRAG IT ROUND
THE ROOM IN TRIUMPH.
TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME.
I CAN BE PRETTY NASTY
IF I PUT MY MIND TO IT.
REALLY? WELL,
IT'LL BE A CHANGE FOR ME
TO HAVE A RINGSIDE SEAT.
I'M USUALLY INSIDE
THE RING ON THE ROPES.
SHE'S GOT TO BE SHOWN THAT,
AS FAR AS TOM IS CONCERNED,
I'M THE BOSS NOW.
THE BOSS?
WELL, I MEAN, IF WE'RE
GOING TO BE MARRIED.
OH. DOES TOM KNOW THIS?
WHAT?
THAT YOU'RE GONNA BE
THE BOSS?
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED,
AREN'T WE?
INTO THE FRYING PAN.
INTO THE FRYING PAN.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN.
NO. I DON'T SUPPOSE
YOU DO.
POOR OLD TOM.
ONE THING'S FOR SURE.
YOU WON'T BE GOING TO CANADA.
I WILL.
YOU WON'T!
I WILL!
YOU WON'T!
TWO CAN PLAY
THIS PREDICTION GAME.
YOU'VE HAD YOUR TURN,
I'LL HAVE MINE.
YOU WON' BE MARRYING SHIRLEY.
YEAH? WHO WILL STOP ME?
SHE WILL, IF SHE'S GOT ANY
SENSE, WHICH I DOUBT,
AND SHE'S LIKE ALL THE
REST THE BIRDS YOU'VE--
[CLEARS THROAT]
WELL, I KNOW WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THIS HOUSE.
IT NEEDS SOME LOVE
PUMPING INTO IT.
WHAT THIS HOUSE NEEDS
IS A HEAVY LEAD BALL
CRASHING AGAINST THE WALLS.
YEAH, AND WHERE'S MUM,
TOM? WHERE'S MUM?
SHE'S STANDING UP THERE.
YEAH.
SHE SEES THE BALL.
"STOP!" SHE SAYS.
"STOP! THIS IS MY HOUSE!"
YES, BUT THE BALL DOESN'T STOP.
NO!
BIFF! RIGHT ON HER HEAD!
HER HEAD GOES DANCING
DOWN THE STAIRS.
AND SHE'S LEFT WITHOUT A HEAD,
STANDING UP THERE.
YEAH!
HELLO, MY DEARS.
WELL, 40 YEARS AGO,
THE BEGINNING OF
A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE.
THIS IS THE DAY WE THINK
ONLY OF KINDNESS AND LOVE,
AND WE CAN BEST DO THA BY THINKING OF YOUR FATHER.
HIS LAST WORDS TO ME WERE--
AND THERE WERE TEARS IN
HIS EYES WHEN HE SAID THEM--
"I DID TRY, MUM.
I DID TRY."
AND THEN HE LOOKED
UP AT THE CEILING,
SIGHED, AND SAID HOARSELY
BUT CLEARLY,
"NOW, I CAN GET A BI OF BLOODY PEACE."
DON'T TALK LIKE THA IN FRONT OF YOUR FATHER.
IF YOU TWO ARE STARTING,
I'M GOING.
SIT DOWN.
THIS IS MY DAY, ISN'T IT, LOVE?
I'M NOT YOUR LOVE.
YES, YOU ARE.
YOU BELONG TO ME.
IF I COULD STUFF YOU,
I'D PUT YOU
IN THAT CABINET THERE,
ALONG WITH MY OTHER
BEAUTIFUL POSSESSIONS.
AND THAT'S LOVE.
IS IT?
NONE OF US CAN WAI TO GET CLEAR OF YOU.
HENRY'S ALREADY GONE.
HE WENT THE QUICK WAY:
'ROUND THE BEND.
TERRY THERE,
HE'S OFF TO CANADA.
HE'S NOT GOING.
[KAREN]
HE IS.
HE PROMISED FAITHFULLY
HE WOULDN'T.
WHEN DID I DO THAT, MUM?
YOU DIDN'T, TERRY.
TAKE NO NOTICE OF HER.
BUT YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE NOTICE,
AREN'T YOU, DEAR?
NO. I DON' THINK SO, MUM.
I THINK SO...
'CAUSE WE HAVE A LITTLE
SECRET, HAVEN'T WE?
AND WE WOULDN'T WANT I TO COME OUT, WOULD WE?
NOT IN FRONT OF KAREN.
SHE'D NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN.
LEAVE IT ALONE, MUM.
ONLY IF YOU SAY
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CANADA.
STOP IT, MUM.
WHAT ABOUT THE MONEY, THEN?
THE 5,000 QUID?
1,000 IN FIVERS,
EVERY TIME YOU TELL ME
KAREN IS PREGNANT.
YOU SWORE YOU'D
NEVER LET ON ABOUT IT.
SHE GIVES YOU 1,000 QUID
EVERY TIME KAREN'S
GOT A BUN IN THE OVEN?
I MAKE ONLY ONE CONDITION--
TERRY IS THE FATHER.
WELL, YOU KEPT QUIET ABOU THIS ONE, THEN, DIDN'T YOU?
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
YEAH, BUT WHY?
TO SAVE THE MARRIAGE.
A HOUSE FULL OF CHILDREN,
A PREGNANT WIFE,
HE NEEDS AN OUTLET.
CARDS, ROULETTE, DOGS, HORSES--
THAT TAKES MONEY.
CODSWALLOP!
YOU'RE RIGHT, TOM.
IT IS CODSWALLOP.
WHEN MY MOTHER HEARD
THAT MY SECOND BABY
WAS ON THE WAY,
SHE STARTED ON AT ME
ABOUT NOT ALLOWING A DECEN INTERVAL IN-BETWEEN.
SHE STARTED GOING ON
ABOUT MY HEART.
YOU'VE GOT A DICKEY HEART?
NO.
BESIDES, KIDS COME OU OF ME LIKE BULLETS,
BUT YOU KNOW MOTHERS.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE HAD
PLEURISY WHEN I WAS A KID.
EVER SINCE THEN, SHE'S
MAINTAINED I'M DELICATE.
[CHORTLES]
ME, DELICATE.
WELL, MY MOTHER
HAD A QUIET WORD
WITH TERRY'S MUM
ABOUT MY POOR OLD HEART,
AND WHAT DID TERRY'S MUM
DO ABOUT IT?
SHE GAVE TERRY
1,000 QUID AND SAID,
"HOW QUICKLY CAN YOU GE THE NEXT ONE ON THE WAY?"
FOR YEARS, SHE'S BEEN WAITING
FOR ME TO DROP DOWN DEAD.
SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA
COMMIT THE PERFECT MURDER,
BUT ALL SHE'S BEEN DOING
IS PAYING US TO HAVE KIDS
THAT WE WANTED ANYWAY!
BUT WHERE'S THE MONEY NOW?
I'VE GOT IT STOWED AWAY.
CANADA, HERE WE COME!
YOU TRY HIDING A WAD OF FIVERS
AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE, MUM.
IT CAN'T BE DONE.
BUT YOU HAVEN'T HEARD
THE LAST OF IT, TOMMY.
SHE GAVE TERRY 1,000 QUID
BECAUSE OF THE LATEST ONE
THAT'S ON THE WAY,
ONLY THERE ISN'T ONE!
THERE ISN'T ONE?
NO. I'M NOT PREGNANT, LOVE.
I THOUGHT SHE WAS, MUM.
IT'S WHAT SHE TOLD ME.
WELL, WE NEEDED
THAT EXTRA 1,000.
WELL, YOU BOOBED BRINGING
THIS ONE OUT IN THE OPEN,
DIDN'T YOU, DARLING?
CLOBBERED INTO SILENCE,
AT LAST.
NO. SHE'S UP
TO SOMETHING.
[DOOR OPENS]
CLOSE THE DOOR.
I DON'T WAN TO LOSE THE HEAT.
I DISLIKE DOING IT,
CHILDREN,
BUT I DON'T SEE
ANY WAY OUT.
DOING WHAT?
HAND HENRY OVER
TO THE POLICE.
HAND HENRY OVER
TO THE POLICE?
I CAN'T POSSIBLY
COPE WITH HIM ON MY OWN.
YEAH, BUT-- BUT YOU CAN' DO THAT TO HIM, MUM.
HE'S GETTING WORSE.
I CAN'T GET INSIDE HIS ROOM
FOR UNDIES.
HE HAS TO BE WATCHED
MORNING, NOON, AND NIGHT.
WITHOUT YOU, I JUS HAVEN'T GOT THE TIME.
SO LET HIM GO FOR TREATMEN OR SOMETHING.
HE'LL GET TREATMENT IN PRISON.
I'M SORRY...
BUT I CAN'T THINK
OF ANY ALTERNATIVE.
UNLESS TERRY STAYS.
UNLESS, AS YOU SAID,
TERRY STAYS.
[CLICKS OFF LIGHT]
YEAH, BUT-BUT THAT'S BLACKMAIL.
SHE'D NEVER DO IT,
NOT TO HENRY.
[TOM]
YOU WANNA BET?
MUM, YOU WOULDN'T SEND
HENRY TO PRISON.
ONLY ON HUMANITARIAN
GROUNDS, DEAR.
MY ELDEST NEEDS HELP.
WHAT KIND OF A MOTHER
WOULD I BE IF I DIDN' GIVE IT TO HIM?
THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF HELP
YOU WOULD GIVE. SLING SOMEONE
IN THE NICK FOR SIX MONTHS.
I'M NOT "SLINGING HIM
IN THE NICK,"
AS YOU PUT IT,
TERRY IS.
DARLING, COULD YOU TURN YOUR
BACK ON YOUR BIG BROTHER?
HE WAS THE ONE WHO GRABBED
YOU OUT OF THE POND
WHEN YOU WERE FOUR YEARS OLD.
HE WAS THE ONE
WHO LET YOU PLAY WITH
HIS CLOCKWORK TRAIN.
HE WAS THE ONE
WHO WENT OUT ONE MORNING
AND BOUGHT 72 MARBLES
AND GAVE THEM ALL TO YOU.
HE WAS THE ONE WHO TOOK YOUR
CHAIR AWAY THAT TIME
AND NEARLY BROKE YOUR BACK.
HE NEVER DID.
HENRY'S NEVER DONE ANYTHING
ROTTEN TO ME IN HIS LIFE.
I KNOW HE HASN'T, IDIOT.
IT'S JUST THAT I FIND MUM'S
SENTIMENTAL RUBBISH NAUSEATING.
I KNOW ALL THAT, BUT I STILL
DON'T WANT HENRY TO LAND UP
IN THE NICK!
[KAREN]
I THINK MUM'S RIGHT.
HENRY SHOULD
BE LOCKED UP.
IT'S FOR HIS OWN GOOD.
IT'S HUMANITARIAN.
MY GOD, SHE'S QUICK!
NOTICE HOW SHE'S
PINCHED MY ARGUMENT.
WELL, IT WON'T WASH, DEAR.
IF YOU'RE REALLY A HUMANITARIAN,
YOU'LL SEE TO IT THAT HENRY
DOES NOT GO TO JAIL.
I DON'T THINK HE OUGH TO GO TO JAIL, EITHER.
YOU DON'T?
NO, I DON'T.
EDUCATION IS A WONDERFUL
THING, KAREN.
WE HAVE AN EDUCATED WOMAN HERE.
SHE SAYS HENRY
SHOULD NOT GO TO JAIL.
WE CAN'T ARGUE WITH AN EDUCATED
WOMAN, CAN WE?
HE'D ONLY BE RIDICULED
IN PRISON, WOULDN'T HE?
NO ONE WANTS HIM
RIDICULED, SURELY.
WELL, LET'S ASK THEM,
MY DEAR. TERRY?
DO YOU WANT HENRY RIDICULED?
[SHIRLEY]
IT WOULDN'T HELP HIS ILLNESS.
HE'D ONLY COME OUT,
DO IT AGAIN, AND BE GIVEN
A LONGER SENTENCE.
THEN ONE DAY HE'D GO IN
AND NEVER COME OUT AT ALL,
JUST BECAUSE
OF TERRY'S SELFISHNESS.
OH, I THINK TERRY
SHOULD GO TO CANADA.
YOU DO?
YES. DEFINITELY.
YOU'RE A BIT OF A CRETIN
ON THE QUIET, AREN'T YOU?
I THOUGHT SHE
WAS AN EDUCATED WOMAN!
ONLY A FACADE, OBVIOUSLY.
LET'S TAKE A CLOSER LOOK.
WHAT ELSE IS FALSE
ABOUT YOU, MY DEAR?
NOT YOUR LASHES...
NOT YOUR NAILS...
YOU'RE NOT WEARING
A WIG, ARE YOU?
WHY ARE YOU HIDING YOUR EARS?
LET ME SEE YOUR EARS.
NO.
LET ME SEE THEM.
HA! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN EARS
LIKE THAT, KAREN?
COME AND LOOK. THEY'RE BOXER'S
EARS, ALL MOTTLED.
SHUT HER UP, TOM...PLEASE?
WAVE GOODBYE, TOM. SHE'S FOUND
HER WEAK SPOT.
I'M MARRYING HER, MUM.
HAVE YOU SEEN HER EARS?
THEY'RE REPULSIVE.
AREN'T THEY REPULSIVE,
MY DEAR?
YES.
YOU SEE?
SHE AGREES WITH ME.
[TOM]
BECAUSE SHE'S GOT A THING
ABOUT THEM, THAT'S ALL.
I HAVE AN AVERSION TO ANYTHING
THAT'S REPULSIVE.
COULD YOU LIVE
WITH THOSE EARS?
OH, COME ON.
LEAVE HER ALONE.
SHE CAN' HELP HER EARS.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH HER EARS!
DO THEY LET IN MUCH
OF A DRAFT, MY DEAR?
COME, CHILDREN.
THE TOAST.
LET US NO FORGET YOUR FATHER.
I EXPECT HE'S LISTENING IN.
OH, DAD...
WHY'D YOU LEAVE ME WITH
ALL THIS RESPONSIBILITY?
WOULD YOU FORGIVE ME IF I GAVE
IT ALL UP AND RETIRED...
MAYBE TO CANADA?
[POP]
IF YOU'RE HERE, DAD,
GIVE US A SIGN.
CAREFUL. HE MIGHT HAVE
THE HOUSE DOWN ON TOP OF US.
DO SOMETHING USEFUL, DAD.
GET THE GOVERNOR TO TURN HER
INTO A PILLAR OF SALT.
I'M SURE YOUR FATHER
IS THINKING,
"THEY HAVEN'T CHANGED,
HAVE THEY?
THERE'S MUM, IN THE MIDS OF ALL THIS TREACHERY...
STILL LOVING.
ALWAYS LOVING.
AH, WHOSE IS
THAT NEW FACE I SEE?
MUST BE A GIRLFRIEND
OF TOMMY'S.
STRANGE WHAT MEN
FIND ATTRACTIVE."
MUM...
I WAS JUST TELLING YOU
WHAT YOUR FATHER WAS SAYING.
HE'S DEAD.
HE STILL HAS A RIGH TO BE HEARD.
WELL...
HERE WE ARE, DAD,
PAYING OUR RESPECTS TO YOU,
THE SAME AS LAST YEAR,
THE SAME AS IT WILL
BE NEXT YEAR.
YOU ARE OUR FATHER,
THE ROCK UPON WHICH WE STAND.
NO ONE WILL EVER LEAVE.
THEY ARE OUR CHILDREN
AND HAVE IT NOT IN
THEIR HEARTS TO DESTROY US,
BECAUSE IT IS US WHO
WILL BE MORTALLY WOUNDED
AND THE PAIN,
THE AWFUL PAIN,
WILL BE SUCH AS NO PERSON
HAS EVER BORNE BEFORE.
THAT'S IT.
I'VE HAD IT.
TO DAD.
[TOM, TERRY]
TO DAD.
DAD.
ROCK OF AGES
CLEFT FOR ME
LET ME HIDE MYSELF
IN THEE
LET THE LA DEE
AND THE BLOOD
FROM THE DEE DAH
AND, UH, FLOWED
ROCK OF AGES
CLEFT FOR ME
LET ME HIDE
MYSELF IN THEE
THAT WAS MY HUSBAND'S
FAVORITE HYMN, SHIRLEY.
HE KNEW ALL
THE WORDS, TOO.
WELL, I'VE
DONE MY SOLO BIT.
IT'S YOUR TURN, TERRY.
HEY, HEY.
COME ON, MAESTRO.
COME ON, LOVE.
GET IT OVER WITH.
[FR ELISE]
[CHANGES TUNES]
[PLAYS FR ELISE OFF-KEY]
YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THAT,
WERE YOU, SHIRLEY?
THAT'S WHY I KEEP THE PIANO,
IN THE HOPES THAT TERRY
WILL TAKE IT UP AGAIN.
TAKE IT UP AGAIN, TERRY.
YOU OWE IT TO CULTURE.
[MRS. TAGGART]
NOW, WHAT YOU GOING TO DO FOR
US, LITTLE TOMMY TUCKER?
I'M GOING
TO RECITE A POEM.
WE WON'T FIND IT IN
THE GOLDEN TREASURY, WILL WE?
"THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY OF BOW
WHO SLEPT WITH 10 MEN IN A ROW,
'BECAUSE,' AS SHE SAID,
'WHEN I GET INTO BED,
I FORGET WHA THE WORD IS FOR NO.'"
VERY GOOD, VERY RIBALD.
FETCH ME SOME CHAMPAGNE.
NOW, IT'S
YOUR TURN, SHIRLEY.
ME?
YES.
NO. I'D BE
TOO EMBARRASSED.
[MRS. TAGGART]
I WANT YOU TO ENTERTAIN ME.
GET UP AND DO SOMETHING.
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME
DO A THING.
I CAN STOP YOU
FROM MARRYING HIM.
NO, YOU CAN'T, BECAUSE I SHAN' BE LIKE KAREN.
I DON'T NEED
ANYTHING FROM YOU.
YOU'LL NEED A SEDATIVE
WHEN I TELL YOU
TOMMY'S ALREADY MARRIED.
THAT'S NOT TRUE,
SHIRLEY.
WELL, AT LEAST IT SHUT HER UP.
GAVE US A BIT OF RESPITE.
PERSONALLY, I PREFERRED
LAST YEAR'S EXHIBIT.
WHAT WAS HER NAME? HEATHER.
SO THERE WAS A GIRL
HERE LAST YEAR.
YES, THERE WAS, SHIRLEY.
YOU DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE
THE FIRST, DID YOU?
YOU'RE THE THIRD--
AND ALWAYS ON THIS DAY.
I WONDER WHO
IT WILL BE NEXT YEAR.
YOU'VE BEEN ENGAGED
TWICE BEFORE?
SHE WAS ALWAYS ABLE TO BREAK
THEM INTO LITTLE PIECES.
SHE THINKS SHE CAN DO THE SAME
WITH ANYONE I BRING HERE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
I HAD TO SEE IF SHE
COULD BREAK YOU, TOO.
AS I SAID, YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST.
BUT I'M GOING
TO BE THE LAST.
EVEN IF I TELL YOU
TOMMY GETS ENGAGED EACH YEAR
TO SPIT IN MY EYE?
I'D SPIT IN THE OTHER ONE
IF YOU HAD IT.
I DON'T KNOW WHY
THEY DON'T CALL YOU OLD ONE-EYE!
SHUT HER UP, TOM!
I'M ONLY GIVING HER
WHAT SHE GAVE ME!
STUPID LITTLE BITCH.
SHH.
YES. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
BROUGHT THAT UP, MY DEAR.
WHY?
YOU'RE RIGHT, OF COURSE.
I HAVE ONLY ONE EYE.
MUM, PLEASE.
ONE, HOT DAY IN AUGUS WHEN TERRY WAS A LITTLE BOY,
HE CREPT INTO HENRY'S BEDROOM
AND TOOK HENRY'S AIR PISTOL.
HE RAN UP TO ME IN THE GARDEN.
HE WAS SO EXCITED.
AND AS HE PRESSED THE TRIGGER
WITH BOTH OF HIS
LITTLE HANDS, HE SHOUTED,
"BANG! YOU'RE DEAD, MUMMY."
AND HE LAUGHED AND LAUGHED,
UNTIL HE SAW
THE BLOOD SPURTING OUT.
HE HAD NIGHTMARES FOR TWO YEARS.
HE'S NEVER LOOKED ME
IN THE FACE SINCE.
SO...
INSTEAD OF BEING CRUEL
TO ME, MY DEAR,
YOU'RE BEING CRUEL
TO TERRY,
BY REMINDING HIM OF THA HOT DAY IN AUGUS WHEN HE STUNG THE LIFE
OUT OF HIS MUMMY'S EYE.
BUT MUMMY FORGAVE,
DIDN'T SHE, DARLING?
YOU'VE NEVER FORGIVEN.
WELL, I CAN'T EXACTLY
STOP LOOKING AT HIM.
IT WAS NOBODY'S FAULT.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
TERRY DOESN'T THINK SO.
AS FAR AS HE KNOWS, HE BLINDED
HIS MOTHER IN ONE EYE.
AND HOW IS HE REPAYING HER?
BY GOING OFF TO CANADA
AND SHOOTING OUT THE OTHER.
WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN
THE LITTLE FOOL ABOUT IT?
IT--
I'VE DONE NOTHING
I'M ASHAMED OF.
I'M NOT HAVING HER
DICTATE TO ME!
WHY? WHAT'S SO SPECIAL
ABOUT YOU?
I WANTED TO RAM IT HOME TO HER
THAT I'M NO CLAY PIGEON
FOR A SHOOTOU WHENEVER I TAKES HER FANCY!
AND WHILE WE'RE ABOUT IT,
WE MIGHT AS WELL GE MORE FACTS SORTED OUT.
FROM NOW ON,
I COME FIRST WHERE
TOM'S CONCERNED.
HE ANSWERS TO ME!
I'VE MADE UP MY MIND
WHERE WE'RE GOING TO LIVE
AND IT'S NOT NEAR HERE!
AND I KNOW THE SOR OF JOB HE'LL BE DOING.
IT WON'T BE WORKING FOR YOU.
AND I KNOW HOW MANY KIDS
I'M GONNA HAVE,
AND I'LL TELL YOU THIS.
NOT ONE OF THOSE KIDS
WILL BE SEEING ANYTHING
OF OLD ONE-EYE!
AND I'M STAYING THE WEEKEND,
BECAUSE I'M NO TO BE GOT RID OF!
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?
NOTHING, MY DEAR.
YOU'VE FOUND SOMEONE WHO CAN
STAND UP TO YOU, AND YOU DON' LIKE IT, DO YOU?
TOM AND I ARE GOING FOR
A WALK AND WHEN WE COME BACK
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE
TALK ABOUT THE WEDDING.
IT'S BEEN SETTLED.
I'VESETTLED IT.
TOM AND I
ARE GETTING MARRIED.
AND IF YOU
START UP AGAIN,
I'LL--
I'LL POKE OUT YOUR OTHER EYE!
NOW, COME ON, TOM!
GO ON, TOM.
YES.
WELL...
[SHIRLEY]
TOM?
[SHIRLEY]
TOM!
AND JUST YOU REMEMBER
WHAT SHE SAID.
[WHISTLES A DOG CALL]
WELL...
NOW LET'S LIGH THE BONFIRE.
COME, CHILDREN.
FIREWORKS TIME.
[VOICES FROM INSIDE HOUSE]
[MAN]
HERE! THERE'S SOMEBODY
AT YOUR WASHING.
SOMEBODY HAS STOLE
SOME THINGS.
[WOMAN]
GO ON, AFTER HIM.
[GASPS]
[MAN]
AFTER HIM? IN MY PAJAMAS?
[WINDOW SLIDES OPEN]
[MAN]
HERE, COME BACK,
YOU THIEVING PERISHER!
FETCH THOSE THINGS BACK!
I'LL CALL THE POLICE!
[TRASH CAN CRASHES]
[CAT SCREECHES,
DOG BARKS]
[GASPS]
OH!
[WHIMPERS]
[TRAIN WHISTLE]
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
NOTHING.
YES, THERE IS.
WHAT IS IT?
YOU'RE EVEN BEGINNING
TO LOOK LIKE MUM.
WHAT A TERRIBLE
THING TO SAY.
IT'S BEEN WORRYING ME
EVER SINCE YOU
WENT FOR HER BACK THERE.
YOU TOOK OVER, DIDN'T LET ME
GET A LOOK IN, YOU KEPT ME OUT.
I WANTED TO PROVE THA I LOVE YOU.
THAT'S THE SORT OF REPLY
I'D OF GOT FROM MUM.
WILL YOU STOP COMPARING ME
WITH YOUR MUM?
I LOVE YOU.
WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO,
IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.
SUCH AS?
YOU'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
WE COULD--
YES, THAT'S IT.
THE TWO OF US
WILL SPEND THE NIGH IN MUM'S BED.
I-I DON'T THINK
I'D ENJOY THAT, TOM.
YOU'RE THINKING
OF YOURSELF AGAIN.
NO. IT'S NOT THAT.
WELL, I--
IT JUST WOULDN' BE ANY GOOD.
IT DOESN'T MATTER. IT'S ENOUGH
TO BE JUST LYING THERE,
HEARING HER THUMPING AWAY
ON THE LOCKED DOOR,
AND SCREAMING THROUGH
THE KEYHOLE.
LET'S GO BACK
TO MY PLACE.
AND WHAT WOULD THE OTHERS
THINK IF I LEFT NOW? I'D BE
FINISHED IN THEIR EYES.
A HEN-PECKED WRITE-OFF.
NO. I CAN'T LEAVE UNTIL
MUM'S BEATEN AND I'M
BACK ON TOP AGAIN.
LISTEN, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE ASKING, TOM.
I FEEL UNCLEAN.
YOU NEEDN'T. THE SHEETS
ARE CHANGED ONCE A WEEK.
THAT WASN'T WHAT I MEANT.
THERE YOU GO AGAIN.
I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN WHAT YOU MEAN.
IT'S WHAT I MEAN,
I FEEL, I WANT!
SO MAKE UP YOUR MIND, LOVE.
WHAT'S IT TO BE?
SORRY YOU MISSED
THE FIREWORKS, DEAR.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU GET LOS IN AN UNDIE FACTORY?
OH, NO. IT WAS
THE POLICE.
THEY NEARLY CAUGHT ME.
I'D GOT HOLD OF A GARMEN AND WAS JUST PINNING
THE 10-BOB NOTE
TO THE CLOTHESLINE.
SOMEBODY STARTED SHOUTING,
I'VE BEEN RUNNING EVER SINCE.
IT'S A GREAT PITY
YOU WEREN'T CAUGHT.
A SCANDAL LIKE THAT MIGHT BRING
YOU TO YOUR SENSES.
WHAT ABOUT THE CAR?
OH, MY GOD.
FORGOT ABOUT THE CAR.
THE POLICE ARE SURE
TO FIND IT.
AND IT'S GOT A SARI, SUSPENDER
BELT AND A COUPLE OF PAIRS OF
PANTIES ON THE FRONT SEAT!
GOOD. HEADLINES ACROSS THE FRON PAGE WILL SERVE YOU RIGHT.
I'M SORRY BUT I'VE GO NO SYMPATHY WITH YOU.
BUT IT'S NOT MY CAR, KAREN.
I WAS STILL USING YOURS.
TERRY'S CAR?
THE--THE POLICE
WILL THINK IT'S ME!
TALK YOUR WAY
OUT OF THAT ONE, TERRY!
BUT...MUM?
HENRY'S ROOM
NEEDS A SPRING CLEANING.
MAKE SURE THE BONFIRE'S
STILL BURNING, TOMMY.
[TERRY]
MUM.
IF THE POLICE COME, YOU'LL TELL
THEM, WON'T YOU?
WHAT, DEAR?
THAT IT WASN'T ME.
IT'S YOUR CAR.
MUM, LOOK. I MEAN--
SURELY YOUR MUM WON'T LET TERRY
TAKE THE BLAME.
GIVE HER HALF A CHANCE,
SHE'LL DRIVE THE WAGON HERSELF.
YOU SEE IT FROM YOUR POIN OF VIEW, TERRY.
THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE.
I SEE IT FROM THE POLICE'S
POINT OF VIEW,
SIMPLY AS A GOOD CITIZEN.
LOOK, MUM. YOU MIGHT BE
SENDING ME TO PRISON.
DISHONESTY SHOULD
NOT GO UNPUNISHED, SON.
BUT I HAVEN' DONE ANYTHING!
BUT THE CAR GIVES YOU AWAY.
EVEN A MOTHER CAN'T BE BLIND
TO THAT EVIDENCE.
LOOK, MUM.
LOOK, HENRY, YOU CAN'T LE YOUR BROTHER TAKE THE BLAME
FOR WHAT YOU DID.
IT'S NOT AS SIMPLE
AS THAT, KAREN.
IT COULDN'T BE MORE SIMPLE!
YOU DID IT,
AND YOU'VE GOT TO PAY.
I'LL GET CLAUSTROPHOBIA,
IF I'M SHUT UP IN THERE.
YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGH OF THAT BEFORE!
OH, PLEASE, KAREN, I'VE GO TO PUT THESE ON THE BONFIRE.
I'M SURPRISED
AT YOU, TERRY,
TRYING TO PUT THE BLAME
ON YOUR BROTHER,
KNOWING WHAT AN ADVERSE
AFFECT IT WOULD HAVE ON HIM.
YOU WERE THE ONE, EARLIER,
THAT WAS ALL FOR TELLING
THE POLICE ABOUT HENRY!
GOD! SOME PEOPLE
WILL STOP AT NOTHING,
EVEN TRYING TO TURN A MOTHER
AGAINST HER ELDEST SON.
NOW, GO ON.
OH, WELL...
IN FOR A PENNY,
IN FOR A POUND.
I THINK IT'S TIME FOR BED. WHA DO YOU THINK IT'S TIME FOR?
YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE
UNTIL THE POLICE ARRIVE
AND YOU TELL THEM IT WAS HENRY.
[TOM]
LOOK, MATE, WE'VE ALL
GOT OUR PROBLEMS.
ANYWAY, IT'S YOUR
FIRST OFFENSE.
IT'S NOT EVEN
MY FIRST OFFENSE!
YOU'LL PROBABLY
ONLY GET PROBATION.
BUT LOOK, IF YOU--
TERRY.
YEAH?
I'D BE AWFULLY GRATEFUL IF YOU'D
ASKED FOR 62 OTHER OFFENSES
TO BE TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION.
LOOK, HENRY.
IF YOU WERE A MAN LIKE TERRY,
YOU'D GIVE YOURSELF UP.
IF I WAS A MAN LIKE TERRY,
NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED.
WHAT ARE YOU, THEN?
I'M GOING BY WHAT YOU'VE
ALWAYS CALLED ME: A PERVERT.
WELL, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE
TO REFORM.
BUT I LIKE BEING ONE.
MMM. SORRY, I DIDN'T KNOW.
THAT'S GOING TO BE A COMFOR TO YOU, TERRY, WHILE YOU'RE
SEWING YOUR MAILBAGS.
KAREN,
AS TOM SAYS--
GET OUT.
AS TOM SAYS, IT'LL ONLY
BE PROBATION.
HENRY, I AM NOT GONNA HAVE
MY MATES THINKING I GO
CREEPING OFF
GETTING MY SATISFACTION
FROM A CLOTHESLINE!
NEXT THEY'LL SAY I CAN'T BE
THE FATHER OF ME OWN KIDS!
LOOK, HENRY.
TERRY, TRY AND SEE I FROM MY VIEW.
THIS TIME I'LL GET PROBATION,
BUT NEXT TIME, PRISON.
WHEREAS, IF I KEEP QUIET,
NEXT TIME WILL BE MY FIRST TIME,
SO I'LL ONLY GET PROBATION.
DON'T YOU SEE?
IT GIVES ME A BI OF BREATHING SPACE.
FOR GOD'S SAKE,
TERRY, DO HIM IN.
[KAREN]
CHOKE A CONFESSION
OUT OF HIM!
DO SOMETHING TO THE FAT CREEP
BEFORE I MURDER HIM!
THERE IS ONE THING I WILL
NOT TOLERATE IN MY HOUSE.
THAT IS THE SHOUTING
OF ABUSE.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING,
TOMMY?
BED.
I SEE.
SHIRLEY, IF THE POLICE COME,
KEEP OUT OF THE WAY.
I DON'T WANT THEM TO THINK
I'M RUNNING A HOUSE
OF ILL REPUTE.
GOOD NIGHT, ALL.
A KISS FOR YOUR MUM
ON HER ANNIVERSARY?
FOLLOW THAT,
IF YOU CAN.
GOD, YOU'RE DISGUSTING!
WELL, I FEEL
BETTER FOR THAT,
GIVEN ME A BI OF THE OLD SPARKLE.
NOW...
LET'S ALL STAR TALKING LIKE MAD
SO THAT SHIRLEY WILL HAVE
A CHANCE TO SLIP UPSTAIRS.
TAKE YOUR TIME, MY DEAR.
JUST KEEP WALKING, SHIRLEY,
OUT THE FRONT DOOR.
[QUIETLY]
BUT I NEED HIM.
I LOVE HIM.
I'VE GOT HIS BABY.
NOT VERY ORIGINAL,
ARE YOU?
WELL, I KNOW
IT DOESN'T SHOW, BUT--
OH, NO.
HE'S NEVER GONE
THIS FAR BEFORE.
WE OUGHT TO
MAKE HER LEAVE.
HENRY, IT'S ABOUT TIME
YOU HAD TREATMEN FOR YOUR COMPLAINT.
IT'S AFFECTING YOUR MIND.
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT OUGH TO WALK OUT, HENRY.
I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO.
NEITHER HAVE I WHEN MY PARENTS
FIND OUT ABOUT THE BABY.
THANK GOD
THERE ARE SOME OF US
WHO STILL
HAVE CHRISTIAN VALUES,
NOT MANY, BUT A FEW.
YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THE BABY,
THEN, MRS. TAGGART?
NO. I KEEP SEEING I WITH YOUR EARS.
WELL, WALKED OUT DIFFERENTLY
THIS TIME, DIDN'T SHE?
GOING SOMEWHERE, HENRY?
I'M JUST GOING
TO LOOK AT THE BONFIRE.
MUM, DID YOU MEAN WHA YOU SAID JUST NOW
ABOUT HENRY NEEDING TREATMENT?
WHY?
THAT'S WHAT HE'LL GE IF HE'LL GIVE HIMSELF UP.
WELL, THAT'S NOTHING TO WHA YOU'LL GET IF THE POLICE
FIND YOUR CAR.
OF COURSE, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO APPEAR IN FRON OF ANY MAGISTRATE
IF YOU FORGET ABOUT CANADA.
ALL RIGHT, LOVE.
NO!
BUT I'M NEVER GONNA GE INTO CANADA WITH A PERVERT LABEL
STUCK ALL OVER ME!
WHAT IS IT, TERRY?
YOU LOOKING FOR
AN EXCUSE TO STAY?
DON'T YOU WANT TO GO?
WOULD YOU RATHER WAI FOR HER TO FORGIVE YOU
FOR SOMETHING YOU DID
20 ODD YEARS AGO,
AND TO HELL WITH ME
AND THE CHILDREN,
IS THAT IT?
HAVE YOU JUST BEEN KIDDING ME
ALONG ABOUT CANADA?
COME ON, LOVE.
I DON'T WANT TO.
ALL RIGHT, MUM.
WE WON'T GO.
GOD! YOU'VE HAD A GOOD
ANNIVERSARY.
HAVEN'T YOU?
IT'S NOT OVER YET.
I WANT AN I.O.U.
FOR 5,000.
BUT THAT'S
TERRY'S MONEY.
YOU GAVE IT TO HIM.
YOU TOLD HIM TO BLOW THE LOT.
NO DOUBT HE'S SORRY
HE DIDN'T TAKE MY ADVICE.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL SIGN IT.
I PREFER IT FROM KAREN.
SHE'S GOT IT STOWED AWAY.
WILL INK DO, OR WOULD YOU
LIKE IT IN BLOOD?
INK WILL BE FINE, DEAR.
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
THERE SHE GOES AGAIN.
PROBABLY DISCOVERED MY GLASS
EYE. I LEFT IT ON THE PILLOW.
HAVE YOU SIGNED IT, DEAR?
[SHIRLEY SOBS]
THEY REALLY SHOULD NOT BE
IN MY BEDROOM, YOU KNOW.
THANK YOU, DEAR.
VERY SWEET OF YOU.
[SOBBING CONTINUES]
[DOOR SLAMS]
IS SHE STILL LOOKING
AT MY GLASS EYE?
I THINK IT'S GIVEN HER
A MISCARRIAGE.
POLICE, PLEASE.
GOOD EVENING.
I WANT TO REPORT A STOLEN CAR,
MY SON'S, ACTUALLY.
WE'D BEEN HAVING A PARTY.
WHEN HE WENT TO LOOK FOR
HIS CAR, IT WASN'T WHERE
HE PARKED IT.
HOLD ON, PLEASE.
YOU SEE...
WHOEVER PINCHED THE CAR,
PINCHED THE UNDIES.
SIMPLE?
USE THE PHONE
IN THE STUDY.
THEY WANT YOUR NAME, ADDRESS,
REGISTRATION NUMBER.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING,
KAREN?
TO SHIRLEY.
SOMEBODY SHOULD
BE SITTING WITH HER.
SHE'LL BE ALL RIGHT,
MUM, WON'T SHE?
SHE SEEMED TO BE
IN A LOT OF PAIN.
NOT PAIN, DEAR, JUST DISCOMFORT.
LIKE, HAY FEVER.
OH, TERRY, IF YOU'RE
GOING TO PICK ME UP
AT SIX IN THE MORNING,
YOU'D BETTER BE
ON YOUR WAY HOME.
YOU CAN USE HENRY'S CAR.
6:00?
I WANT TO START WORK
ON THAT NEW OFFICE BLOCK
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
WHAT OFFICE BLOCK?
REMEMBER THAT PLO I BOUGHT NEAR THE STATION
A FEW YEARS AGO?
THEY WANT AN OFFICE BLOCK THERE.
DIDN'T I TELL YOU?
THE LAST THING YOU SAID ABOU THE BUSINESS WAS THAT WE
WOULDN'T BE WORKING SO HARD.
AH, THAT WAS BEFORE
YOU ALL UPSET ME.
SHE'S NOT LOSING IT.
IT'S A FALSE ALARM.
THAT GIRL.
BEEN WORRYING MYSELF
SICK ABOUT HER.
YOU COULD HAVE
MURDERED THAT BABY.
YEAH, YOU OUGHTN' TO HAVE DONE THAT.
YOU WENT TOO FAR
THIS TIME, MUM!
LISTENTO THEM!
JUST LISTEN TO THEM!
SO RIGHTEOUS!
ACCORDING TO YOU LOT,
I'VE BEEN PLAYING
WITH SHIRLEY,
LIKE A PUPPET ON A STRING.
WHY DIDN'T ANY OF YOU
FACE UP TO ME,
TELL ME TO PACK IT IN?
NO, MY DEARS, THE FINGER'S
NOT POINTING AT ME!
IT'S CROOKED!
IT'S POINTING BACK
TO ALL OF YOU!
NOW...
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I SAID, "NUTS."
YOU WERE HOPING
SHE'D LOSE THAT BABY.
GOD! WHAT KIND OF A WOMAN
DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'LL TELL YOU.
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN CONTEN JUST KNITTING AWAY DURING
THE FRENCH REVOLUTION,
LIKE THE OTHER HAGS,
OH, NO!
YOU'D HAVE BEEN UP THERE,
WORKING THE GUILLOTINE
YOURSELF!
THEN YOU'D HAVE GONE ROUND
WITH A BASKET, SELLING
THE HEADS FOR DOORSTOPS!
SHE MUSTN'T GET AWAY
WITH THIS, TOM.
YEAH? WHAT DO
YOU SUGGEST, KAREN?
PUT HER ON A BONFIRE?
TIE HER TO A STAKE?
YOU LOVE YOUR MUM!
FLAMES ARE CREEPING UP ROUND
HER LEGS AND SHE THINKS
OLD DAD'S RETURNED!
[KAREN]
NO, TOM! NO MORE GAMES!
THIS TIME,
WE REALLY KILL HER.
JUST CLEAR OUT!
WITHOUT ALL OF YOU LO TO FEED ON, SHE'D STARVE!
OOH, AND I WANNA
SEE HER STARVE.
I WANNA SEE
HER BODY SHRIVEL.
I WANT TO SEE
THE CRACKS APPEAR.
I WANNA SEE THE MAGGOTS
GET AT HER! LEAVE HER!
MY, GOD, SHE'S SCUMMY!
GREEN WITH ENVY!
GO ON, TOM. GET OUT!
GO TO SHIRLEY.
SHE WON'T HAVE ANYTHING
MORE TO DO WITH ME.
SHE'S WAITING FOR YOU
IN THE CAR.
SHE STILL WANTS ME?
YEAH. SHE'S A REGULAR
LITTLE NUTCASE.
GO ON, TOM.
SHE'S GOT YOUR THINGS.
I'M LEAVING YOU, DEAR.
DON'T FORGET TO MENTION
ME IN YOUR WILL.
YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE ME.
I'M LEAVING WITH SHIRLEY,
AND I'M GETTING A SPECIAL
LICENSE IN THE MORNING.
CAN I BE YOUR
BEST MAN, TOM?
YOU CAN BE MY BEST MAN
WITH PLEASURE!
IN FACT, IF YOU LIKE,
YOU CAN EVEN BE
ONE OF THE BRIDESMAIDS.
[DOOR CLOSES]
YOU GOADED HIM
INTO LEAVING!
YOU'RE LIKE A CANCER!
[CAR DRIVES AWAY]
FROM THE MOMENT YOU
CAME INTO THIS HOUSE,
THE DISEASE SPREAD.
LOOK, MUM, I KNOW
YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT--
AND YOU BROUGHT HER!
I PROMISE YOU,
I'LL HAVE YOUR SKIN FOR RAGS
AND WIPE THE FACES OF
YOUR CHILDREN WITH THEM!
GOD, HE'S YOUR SON!
HE'S NOT A SON.
HE GIVES ME THE SHUDDERS,
ALWAYS HAS DONE.
YOU'VE NEVER FEL ANYTHING FOR ME?
IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID?
[YELLING]
IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID?
YOU MEAN, IT WASN' THE ACCIDENT THAT TURNED
YOU AGAINST ME?
NO, NO, NO!
SHE'S NEVER GIVEN A DAMN!
YOU'VE GOT TO GET THA INTO YOUR THICK SKULL, TERRY.
TO HER, YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN JUS A WET SPANIEL WITH THE SLOBBERS.
LISTEN, TERRY.
FOR YEARS,
YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR HER
TO SHOW THAT SHE CARES FOR YOU.
BUT, LOVE,
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL,
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT FROM YOU.
JUST SOME LITTLE SIGN
TO SHOW THAT I'M NOT JUST...
SECOND BEST.
WELL, SURELY MY LOVE'S
BETTER THAN NOTHING,
AND THAT'S ALL YOU'RE
GOING TO GET FROM HER:
A BIG FAT NOTHING!
WELL, WE BETTER BE
PUSHING OFF, KAREN,
PICK UP THE KIDS.
WE DON'T WANT YOUR MOM
TO START WORRYING.
YOU KNOW WHAT SHE'S LIKE.
DON'T FORGET. 6:00.
I'LL BE TOO BUSY, MUM.
I'VE GOT A LOT TO SORT OU BEFORE WE LEAVE FOR CANADA.
[MRS. TAGGART]
CANADA, HE SAYS,
AS IF IT WERE JUS OUTSIDE WIMBLEDON.
WHAT I WANT--
[YELLING]
LOOK, IT'S FINISHED, MUM!
SO FORGET IT!
COME ON, KAREN.
TERRY!
[SNIFFS]
HE'S NOT MUCH TO WRITE
HOME ABOUT, IS HE?
BUT HE'S BEAUTIFUL,
REALLY.
[CRYING]
OH, GOD! HE'S BEAUTIFUL!
[KAREN, SHOUTING]
WHOOPEE!
[CAR DRIVES AWAY]
HE'S JUS LIKE HIS FATHER,
ANOTHER WET SPANIEL
WITH THE SLOBBERS.
OH, NOW, NOW, MUM.
YOU WERE VERY FOND OF DAD.
OF COURSE I WAS,
AFTER HE'D BEEN LAID OUT.
YOU CAN'T MEAN THAT, MUM.
OTHERWISE WE WOULDN' HAVE BEEN REMEMBERING
HIM TONIGHT.
WELL, I--
I THINK I'LL GO UPSTAIRS,
HAVE MY BATH.
OH, HENRY?
WHO WAS THA MUCKY FRENCH ARTIS WHO USED TO PAINT FAT WOMEN
GETTING IN AND OUT OF BATHS?
I DON'T KNOW, MUM. WHY?
OH, NEVER MIND.
GOOD NIGHT, HENRY.
GOOD NIGHT, MUM.
CARTER, THIS
IS MRS. TAGGART.
I KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS.
ARE YOU MY SOLICITOR,
OR AREN'T YOU?
VERY WELL. LISTEN.
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING,
I WANT YOU TO STAR LEGAL PROCEEDINGS
FOR THE COLLECTION OF AN I.O.U.
FOR 5,000, THEN I WANT YOU
TO GET ON TO
[MRS. TAGGART, VOICEOVER]
THE CANADIAN IMMIGRATION PEOPLE
AND TELL THEM LEGAL
PROCEEDINGS ARE BEING TAKEN
AGAINST ONE OF THEIR
PROSPECTIVE IMMIGRANTS:
TERRENCE OLIVER TAGGART.
NO, I HAVENOT FINISHED.
I WANT YOU TO TEAR UP
TOM'S SERVICE AGREEMENT.
SACK HIM.
HE'S MARRYING A--
A SHIRLEY SOMETHING OR OTHER.
QUITE SWEET, REALLY.
SHE REMINDS ME OF MYSELF.
I WANT TO GIVE HER
A WEDDING PRESENT.
5,000 SHOULD DO IT.
WE'LL SEE HOW LONG
THE MARRIAGE LASTS WITH
HER HANDS ON THE PURSE STRINGS.
YES, THAT'S ALL.
I'LL BE AROUND
IN THE MORNING,
SIGN WHATEVER'S NECESSARY.
GOOD NIGHT.
IT'S BEEN A LOVELY
ANNIVERSARY, DAD.
TILL NEXT YEAR.
[ANNIVERSARY SONGPLAYS]
DARLING, I LOVE
[LAUGHS]
YOU SO
COULD WE
BUT RECALL
THAT SWEET MOMEN SUBLIME
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
WE'D FIND
THAT OUR LOVE
IS UNALTERED
BY TIME