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The Beach Bum (2019)
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[drunken half-singing] [singing] [glass clatters] [laughing] - [half-singing] - [cat meows] - [low whistle] - [mewing] - [mewing] - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. [babytalk] Un poquito albino... [indistinct, drunken] ...my little angel pussy. Nobody? Anybody? [indistinct] [man sings and plays guitar indistinctly] [singing continues] Lying in each other's arms [singer] Moondoggy! [cheering] Best part of the city of Key West, Florida. [man sings indistinctly] [singing, indistinct] [both singing, indistinct] [singing continues] [cheering] [singer] The most prolific poet of Key West, Florida. I'm gonna throw some fresh lines at you from a little poem I am working on right now. Last night... when I went to bed in Havana, I was thinking about you, I was thinking about you. And I got up about 4:00 a.m., and I had to take a piss, as guys do, and I looked down at my dick. And I had such affection in my heart when I did... knowing that it had been inside you twice today... [laughter and whistling] ...made me feel... beautiful. [cheering, whooping] That's what I got. Have a great night. Chase the moon. [cheers, whooping] [man] Mother, mother, ocean I have heard you call Wanted to sail Upon your water Since I was three feet tall [bell rings] [yells] Fish on! [women squeal, laugh] Moondog is going to go get dinner. Yes, I am a pirate - Moby Dick, ladies! - Whoa, Moondog! I'm going to need a bigger boat! [Moondog roars] Yes! [cheering] See that? They don't even make these anymore. [screaming, laughing] I've done a bit of smuggling And I've run my share Of grass I'm looking for something a little more earthbound. Big-breasted, no scars. Just like you. Just like you. Just like you. She won't have me unless I put a ring on it. [singing, indistinct] I passed out and I rallied And I sprung a few leaks But I got to stop wishing Got to go fishing - Down to rock bottom again - [drunken laughter] Before I accept whatever award they're giving me today, I'll start with a little bit of poetic foreplay. I wrote this in the wilds of Kentucky. I didn't have peach fuzz over my pecker at the time. I was surrounded by inbreds, rednecks, juveniles, limp dicks. All that time, I was 14, it's a little poem I wrote, that I was always like to read first because it takes me back to such a pure place. - [cheering] - Okay... One day, I will swallow up the world... [laughing] And when I do, I hope you all perish violently. [laughing] Thank you. How about another from Mr. Jimmy Buffett? [cheering] [howls] Hey, hey! I go for younger women Lived with several a while Though I ran them away They'd come back one day [all laugh] Hey, hey, what's shaking, little ginger goat? [woman] I miss you. I miss you too, sweetie. It's boring here without you. I know, right? I can only imagine. I need you back here in Miami. I need my husband. Ugh... Civilization... Come on. I need help with the wedding. Well, I mean, do you really? Heather and I need you to come back home. Ah, you know my home is down here in the Keys with all the burn-outs. I'm a bottom feeder. I got to go low to get high. You know that. No. It's here and we have so many friends and guess who's coming? They're your friends. I don't have any friends. Yes, you do. Well, at least they pretend to be your friends. You know what? Ray just popped over. - Moondog, what it do? - Is that the Lounger, one and only? You already know it, man. I just stopped by to drop off some roses to your lovely wife. To keep it pushing, you understand, boss? I wish you could see Heather. My goodness, she is just glowing... - Glowing? - ...about the wedding, baby. Why is she glowing? Because she's so in love. Ah! Shit, you scared me for a minute. But what does she know about love, anyway? She's 16 years old. She doesn't know what love is. - She's too young to get married. - She's 22, Moondog. Ah, 22, whatever. I mean, besides, she's marrying such a limp dick. You're probably right. Bye, boo-boo, I love you. Lounger. [Lingerie] Moondog, until we meet again, bad moon rising. - [wind chimes] - [groans] [laughs] ["Right Down the Line" plays] You know I need your love You've got that hold over me Long as I've got your love You know That I'll never leave When I wanted you To share my life I had no doubt in my mind - It's been you woman - [tuba plays] Right down the line [tuba blares] [laughing] [meows, Moondog laughs] [shouts in Spanish] [speaking Spanish] [Spanish continuing] [ship horn blows] [whispers] I think it's time to go home. [snorts] [indistinct] [kiss] [laughing] [laughing] I missed you, my love. Ah, yeah, one more shot, baby! [laughing] [howls] Did you miss me? - I got it. I got it. I got it. - Oh, honey. Oh... [kiss] Oh! - Look at you. - No, you've been gone too long. - Look at you. - You have to woo me. Woo-woo-doo, did you miss me? [piano plays] Oh, my God. I forgot how rich we were. Yeah. You did forget, Moondog. I missed all ten of you. - Mmm. - [moans] - Oh, that's so good. Oh, God. - [slurping] [moans] You're never going to write that new book, honey. - [Moondog] I'm having lunch with my agent today. - Oh, God! We will be going over the new book. It is not written yet. Of course not. [moans] I think this is going to be a big one, baby. [laughing] Well, make sure it doesn't take too long. I want everything to go perfectly for Heather's wedding today. I'm so fucking on time. I'm the last guy you gotta worry about. No, sweetie, seriously, you cannot be late. Okay? Because you just can't. - Okay. - I'm not going to be late, sweetie. I forgot to tell you that I invited your mother to the wedding. Oh, Heather is not wearing the white dress. She's going with the oyster one with the pearls. [moans] Oh, you can go, Akiko. - Thank you, ma'am. - That's right. Right there, honey. [moans, screams] Oh, Moondog! It's so nice of Ray to let us have the wedding at his place. He's really pulled out all the stops. Lingerie Doggy Dog? He got ordained just for the event. Dearly beloved. No, I wouldn't say that shit like that. Players and playettes. Today, we have this man coming for this woman. Bitch, you know you're too young to be married, right? You got a lot of livin' to do, baby. Ain't nobody made your little pink twitter squirt yet, huh? You need to settle down somewhere and run for the motherfucking hills. Shit, I got sidetracked for a minute. Putt! It breaks my heart, Moondog, breaks my heart, 'cause you a motherfucking has-been, boy. [laughs] Whatever the fuck that is. - Is that a bad thing? - Goddamn it's a bad thing, Moondog. As your forever agent, I feel obliged to be truthful with you at all times. - You're a shitty agent. - It's sad, Moondog. You used to be a motherfucking ATM for me, boy. You have pissed away your talent on women and booze and total excess. Now you're talking. Yeah, all those things, that's what feeds the juices up here my nugget, man, through my loins up the Autobahn, my spirit and mind, man. I'm... I'm moist right now, I'm lubricating. You're the fastest horse in my stable, boy. You think I wanna take a motherfucking shotgun, put it in your mouth, blow your brains all over my nice, motherfucking clothes? That's the fucking Lewis I'm talking about. You think I wanna do that? You was a revolutionary writer. You were a radical. Your words meant something to people. Either way, it's a good thing I'm rich, Lewis. Especially since I'm well hung. You ain't rich, Moondog. Your wife's rich. That's true. And it's been a while since I had you in them, but you ain't well hung, boy! - You ain't well hung! - Get in there! Goddamn! - San Francisco standoff, baby? - Oh! [laughing] I read in The Pelican today Heather's getting married. It's a big day. Yeah, this afternoon handing her off. Well, congratulations. And you know what? I worked through it, and I'm not even upset, even a little bit, that I was not included in the ceremonies. Oh, you thought you'd be included? No, well, like I said, I'm busy, anyway, so like I said, I'm not offended. And I just want to be clear, this doesn't have to do... with the incident a few years back. Oh, when you walked in and saw that... I didn't know she was changing. She said you stayed a little longer than a few seconds. - Well, I used to mix signals back then. - [laughing] It was a confusing time. I would misread things often. Whatever raises your skirt, man. It never bothered me. Well, I'm busy, regardless, so I could not attend, even if you... if people had a change of heart. - [stammering] I-I, um, have other obligations. - Sweet as, man. - Yeah. - Hey, here's your ball, man. Let's knock this fucker back to the fair and get a good line. [light reggae plays] - [Moondog] Name is? - [woman] Chardan. Now, how does that say Chardan all the way up in a weird line? Do you know what my horoscope said? Don't play with matches. You don't have to, because the fire is already lit, sweetie. That veil is fire. You got a lot of great things going on all over your B-O-D-Y right now. - [Chardan] I got a leopard. - Leopard? - [Chardan] Yeah. - I've got volcano orange. [laughing] [Free Ride plays] The mountain is high The valley is low I love you. You're so crazy. [Chardan squeals] [squealing] What are you making back there, a salad? [squealing] [barking] [squealing, barking continue] Are you making a burger back there? [laughing] [dinging] Who do you suppose I really love? [rings] - Hello. - Moondog. Where are you? [Chardan] Yeah! Yeah! Oh! [Moondog] Hey, baby, right around the corner. Finishing up a little yoga class. Downward-doggie style. You are gonna miss our daughter's wedding. I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'm right around the corner, honey. Pulling in the driveway any second. The limp-dick groom is melting down. [laughing] - Okay, hurry up, please. - You're stressing me. - I love you, baby. - I'm on my way. - Okay. The wedding is starting. Lingerie, let's hit it, baby. [Lingerie] Love between a boy and a girl can be so wonderful. Especially when it's the girl that I've known ever since she was born. Heather, you know I love you and I love your family and I'm so happy to see you get married today. To him. And you gotta be ready to take on everything that she stands for. - [shouting] - [woman] What are you doing? [babbling] Bye, Mom. [screaming] - [thud, guests gasp] - I'm just kidding. Sweetie, that's not my mom. You know that. - How are you? - [nervous laugh] May I borrow that, Lounge? Sir. Yes, sir. All right. Everyone knows this is my daughter. Me and my Minnie-Boo's daughter. [guests] Aw! I'm gonna be handing away the bride-to-be right now. A little family tradition we got before we hand over a daughter in our family. We gotta... [gasps] ...check the package. - What are you doing? - [Moondog] You understand, it's not bad. Like, five inches flaccid. Uh, Mr. Ray, your mic, sir. Thank you. Pardon the interruption. We'd like to thank Mr. Moondog for that presentation. Today, dearly beloved, we come together to give Heather to Mr. Limpy. You have one motherfucking problem with this family. They fucked up. [music plays] [Lingerie] Is that the motherfucking Moondog? The one and only paw me. Yeah, Longet. Moondog, be careful. This here... I can't even explain it. This is like a hallucinogenic. See all kinds of shit, man. My number one jam, you know, the single that was number one for 16 weeks. - Uh-huh. - This is that thing. Wait, wait, wait. Be careful, dog You're about to go to a place you never been before. That shit don't come with seat belts. He almost ruined the whole day. Don't say that. No, it was fun. He's fucked up, Mom. - It's just Moondog. - Don't make excuses for him. You just kind of have to accept that he's from another dimension. He really is. And you have to love him for it. I do. You and limp dick are gonna have to accept that. [laughs] No, but I do think Moondog's mother coddled him way too much. I've told her this before. I mean, he wore a diaper until he was eight. Honestly, I think she put brandy in his little bottle. [laughing] Man, I'm high. My nuts are throbbing right now. First time I hit this shit, I nearly went into a coma. I forgot how to motherfucking breathe. What do you see? The delights of 39 ladies. What about those cartoons right there? Can you see them? Are we looking at the same screen? [laughing] - Are you sleeping with Lingerie? - Yes. Yes. And he's a wonderful lover. Does Dad know? Your father wouldn't mind, darling. Your father goes away. You know, Ray is... [gasps] [laughing] Um, I think it was just, Ray's been there, I mean... At your third birthday, it was Ray who brought the pony in. I remember. And he blew out my candles. Exactly. Well, he was stoned. [Moondog] What's happening down here, Captain? Just fuck with me one time, dog. You are going to love it. Slide in with your ride in, dog. What the fuck? [laughing] Moondog, welcome to the NASA command center of Mary Jane. - [whistles] - This shit only grows in an isolated pond in Jamaica. It sprouts out of a pink fluorescent moss patch. - Pink fluorescent? - Mmm-hmm. This weed here is so good, it can make a motherfucker yearn for the afterlife. It could send you to the outer limits of humanity. That's the keys and the trees to my success. Because once a year, I fly to Jamaica, throw a concert in a big, old park. Bribe the government. They turn their cheek this way, and we fly off that way. - Get down. - Mmm-hmm. [cheering] You won't remember this but the day you were born, when you came out of your mother's womb, I was there between her legs. And your head came out nice and smooth with guts all over. It was a bloody mess but it was poetry. I saw your face but I didn't quite see your eyes until I stuck my pinky finger in this like placenta veil and peeled it back over your face and there you were. And that's when I put my hands on both sides of your head and escorted you into this world. [all] Aw! I want to say... What's your name again? - For real. - Frank. - Frank. - Frank Upink. Now... I give you my daughter to put your hands, and take her into the rest of the world. - Aww... beautiful. - Thank you. [cheering] [spluttering] [coughing] [coughing] [bong bubbling] Oh, shit. In the dusk, you see that woman. She is singing to us, calling us back over the vistas of our past, right back to our child hunched under the piano... sitting in the boom, and the tinkling strings. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got his hand on it. On the foot of his mother. And she smiles... as she sings. And in spite of myself, the insidious mastery of the song has betrayed me back once again... to the heart of me, where I weep to belong. Oh! That is the most brilliant shit I've ever heard. You wrote that? Yeah, I did. - That is some wild shit, dog. - Glad you like it, man. I wrote that in my younger years. Phew! Actually, D. H. Lawrence wrote it. All right? But I stole and plagiarized it for my seventh-grade poetry contest. And guess what? I won that motherfucker. [laughing] - Moondog, you my motherfucker. - Hey, hey. Family and friends... thank you for coming and sharing this perfect day with us. This day has been off the hook, am I right? [cheering] Heather, you're my angel. - Thanks. - [cheering] [rock music plays] - Where have you been? - Waiting for you. Have you seen Moondog, darling? No, I haven't. But what I do know is when I don't see him and I see you, that means there's more time for us. [Just Like Heaven plays] Show me, show me, show me How you do that trick The one that makes me scream She said The one that makes me laugh She said And threw her arms around My neck Show me how you do it And I promise you I promise that I'll run away with you I'll run away with you Wow. [man] You need some help, man? [woman] Sir, are you okay? [Margaritaville playing] It's nobody's fault Don't know the reason [exhales] Stayed here all season Nothing to show But this brand-new tattoo But it's a real beauty A Mexican cutie How it got here I haven't a clue Wastin' away again In Margaritaville Searchin' for my lost shaker Of salt Some people claim that There's a woman to blame Now I think Hell, it could be my fault The only two things in life That make it worth livin' Is guitars that tune good And firm feelin' women I don't need my name In the marquee lights I got my song and I Got you with me tonight Maybe it's time we got back To the basics of love Let's go to Luckenbach, Texas With Waylon and Willie And the boy This successful life We're livin' Got us feuding like The Hatfields and McCoys [slurring] You know, I knew... I knew Minnie was fucking Lingerie. [slurring] Sometimes you just know... Just know... You don't have an explanation. Like you two. You probably just knew, right? Huh? [kisses] What tricks of the trade have you got going on, huh? [woman] Moondog! Hey, hey, hey, Minnie-Minnie Boo-Boo. Minnie-Boo. I knew I'd find you here, darling. You are fucking stunning. [laughs] God was having a good fucking day when he made the Minnie-Boo. I think it's their anniversary and if it's not, it ought to be. Oh! Happy anniversary! Sweetie, don't be insincere with strangers. It doesn't look good on you. - Let's go driving. - You wanna go driving? - Let's go! - Let me grab my beer. - [laughing] - Happy anniversary. [spoken word] I remember when I was a little girl, our house caught on fire, I'll never forget the look on my father's face, as he gathered me up in his arms and raced to the burning building on the pavement. And I stood there, shivering in my pajamas, and watched the whole world go up in flames, and when it was all over I said to myself, is that all there is to a fire? Is that all there is? ["Is That All There Is?" plays] If that's all there is My friends Then let's keep dancing Let's break out the booze And have a ball If that's all there is [spoken word] And then I fell in love with the most wonderful boy in the world. We'd take long walks down by the river. Or just sit for hours gazing into each other's eyes. We were so very much in love. And then one day, he went away, and I thought I'd die but I didn't, and when I didn't, I said to myself, is that all there is to love? Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that's all there is My friends Then let's keep... [spoken word] I know what you must be saying to yourselves. If that's the way she feels about it, why doesn't she just end it all? Oh, no, not me. I'm not ready for that final disappointment. Because I know, as sure as I am standing here talking to you, when that final moment comes and I'm breathing my last breath, I'll be saying to myself... Is that all there is? - Is that all there is? - [indistinct] If that's all there is My friends Then let's keep dancing Let's break out the booze And have a ball If that's all There is [siren wailing] [radio dispatch] Where's Minnie? [chattering] Airbag deployed. Possible chest trauma. Keep the C-collar in place, please. How much has she been prepped? - Hey. - Hey. Hey. [coughs] Hey, there. Aw. [indistinct babytalk] What do you want to do? - I... - What do you want to do? You're such a fuck-up. [laughing] [coughs] [rapid bleeping, flatlines] [monitor beeping] Mmm... [whispers] [priest] And to Almighty God we commend the soul of our departed sister, and we commit her body to the ground. Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Minnie was a fine woman, and we, her family and friends, are blessed to have known her. In the fullness of time, with the help of the good Lord, we shall all be with her again. Until that time, may the blessings of God Almighty... How are you doing, honey? I'm okay. I'm okay. How are you? "When I was born, I was happy. I was born on the ocean a gigantic boat. Big fucking boat. My parents were fishermen. Both were great long-distance runners. I was read to as a child, mostly books about survival and contortion. I drank off the teats of caribou, scrumptious, tasted like jasmine and cupcakes..." Fucking good, Moondog. "I lived through several wars. They were never fun. Why? Because I was shot at. But I fucking returned fire. I wrote letters to loved ones and memorized..." [laughing] "...stared in the mirror. I did what I had to do... to keep going." Damn, I was good. [recording of Moondog continues] That's great poetry. [laughing] [typing] [talking incoherently] [Moondog] Come on, what's nothing mean, huh? Nothing. That's what it means. Not a single cent until... Until what? You gotta publish your novel or you get nothing. Uh... Minnie always had a feeling she was going to die before you. She used to call me up in a panic because someone did her tarot cards. Predicted it all, freaked her out but she was right, I guess. Her will is very precise. Minnie had a will. Motherfucker. That's weird. Yes, she did. She was concerned that if anything ever happened to her, you'd piss away her family's fortune and she wanted you to finally publish your novel. Poems. - Whatever. - I write poetry, you old bitch. Until then half of everything goes to Heather, and the other half of yours sits frozen in escrow for a bit of time until you fulfill the requirements stated here. It's about time you guys got here. I need some help carrying my luggage. Come in and kick off your shoes. Effective immediately, you can go back to your home, and get your typewriter and some crappy underwear but that's it. You're now persona non grata. Minnie owned everything. Everything was in her name. You're now basically a bum. She owned the cars, clothes, houses, country-club memberships. - Cats and dogs. - She did not own all the cats. Minnie loved you very much. She just hated seeing you throw it all away. Thank you, Minnie-Boo. Fuck you, as well. I mean, to be fair, there's a whole lot of bad guys out there, right? You guys are with me in my wife's closet. [laughs] [laughing] This is what you went to the academy, though, for, right? Shit like this. Look after guys like me at times like this. You never know when you're gonna catch a fully dressed man unarmed. I'm gonna wear my Minnie-Boo's Uggs. [sniffs] Wear them in her memory. She had abnormally large feet. Great fucking style. See those books? I wrote those. You're probably not big readers, are you? That's cool, no pressure. Alvarez, I wrote that one for you. Jose, I'm gonna take a little leave of absence. But I left you a little bush of the sticky-icky that you like. But I can't tell you where it is. These guys might go and try and smoke it, but it's the same place as last time. - Keep the pool hot. - I put it on 120 for you. That's what I'm talking about. Keep it there, baby, and add the chlorine 'cause I may have a gangbang when I get back. - I'll invite your mother. - Thank you, Mr. Moondog. [Moondog] Wish me luck. I'm off to write the next great American novel. Thank you, sir. Mom did this for a reason. I'm not going to let you stay here. Okay. Dad... - Sorry. - How about just loaning me a little bit of spending cash? So I can get by for a week or two. Dad, I just... I'll be here for you but just don't come back till you're ready. I mean, I'm not asking for the world here. I'm just asking for a wee bit of compassion for your father. I know. But when is it going to end? You're gonna keep coming back and ask me for more and more and more. Dad, I love you but I can't do that. I just can't. Just come back when you're ready but... Okay, I understand. - I'm sorry. - I understand. Don't apologize to me. You'll see, you'll see, my little angel. I'll be back. Better than ever, back so good. You're going to see that I was never gone in the first place. I love you, Dad. I'm sorry. I love you. I still don't understand how you married this milk-drinking closet case. I mean, look at him. He's got no magic, he's got no style. He's dressed up like a J.V. cheerleader. I had high hopes for you, Heather. High fucking hopes. Fuck off! Get out of here, you fucking turd. It's okay. Sorry. He just makes me crazy. He may be a jerk but he's a great man. He's brilliant. I mean, you'll never be great or brilliant. You're dependable. Oh, well, thanks. [distant shouting] [drunken rambling] [drunken rambling] Float me enough cash to get back down to the Keys to buy the fun goodies that make me smile and laugh all day. Is that so much to ask? I can't do it for you, big papa. I can't. Because you know what, I been waiting for ages and I ain't getting no pages. I can't do it. [Moondog] That's a good... That's a good point. It is a good point. That's why I made it, you dumb fuck. I'm not asking you to part the fucking Red Sea for me. I'm asking for enough loot to set me up for a few weeks here so I can have my daily goodies. A little booze, a little weed, a little poontang. That is not asking too much. And since you are saying you won't, then do your fucking job and just get me a gig, you know? Fuck, I'll speak anywhere. Set me up at a church, public library, a retirement home... Mapco! They can pump their gas and they hear me through the little speakers up there. The little aluminum thing. My God. Call my motherfucking chiropractor. My back is gonna be fucked up tomorrow. [rambles] Fucking, I'm not even sure... Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, is friendship about, I need something from you? Do you do you understand what I'm talking about? - [bong bubbles] - Civility. - [laughs] Yes! - Make complete sense, man. I have real clients up for literary awards. I'm sending faxes at my office. Hello? This motherfucker hung up on me. Oh, my God! [drunken rambling] What's going on, guys? Hey, is Lounger in? - No. - Lingerie is not in? - No. - Where is he? Jamaica. Oh, the magical stoner. I get your drift, man. Your silence is code with me. So what's with the guns? Huh? You guys ever watched Magnum P.I.? It's based on my life. I watch it all the time. It's like looking in the fucking mirror. [laughs] All right, catch you later. Hey, let him know Moondog came by. The wind, the rain, the stars, the bird, the clock will answer you. Get drunk, good man. [shouting, mocking laughter] Get drunk, and stay drunk. Is that poetry? Of course it's poetry, you toothless, illiterate chump. It's Baudelaire. - Here's a poem. - Come on. It goes... [squealing] [squealing, laughing] Not bad, Phil, not bad at all. Hey, who wants to go on a field trip? [low chanting] [shushing] [toots recorder] [gates release, cheering] [no audible dialogue] [laughing] This your car here? - [shouting] - [Heather] Why did you destroy your own house? [whines] Boredom, I guess. I don't know. Dad. What is wrong with you? I'm fine. I'm really better than fine. This is another little adventure we are on. When did you become such a Republican? Republican? - Whatever. - Oh, my God. I'm just getting my groove on. Having a little fun. - Your groove? - Yeah. - What groove? - Honey, whoa... When was the last time you laughed, honey? Do the thing. See if you can make my baby laugh. Hi, Heather, I am Toothless Phil. I am a good friend of your daddy. We want you to be happy. We love you just the way you are. Who's your daddy? Moondog's your daddy. He loves you. Mmm-hmm. Back again, huh? Your choice, prison or rehab. Is there a third option? - Nope. Last chance. - Rehab, it is. Preferably somewhere tropical. I'm remanding you to the custody of your daughter. She will escort you to a rehab facility now. [Moondog] Great. You need to spend a mandatory 12 months there, - getting your life back together. - Twelve days is not a problem. Twelve months. [gasps] Okay. It all stops now. - The foolishness. - I understand. I need a change of pace. Yeah, yeah. And if you mess this up, it's jail time. If I may suggest, Your Honor... [man] Tell 'er, Moondog! I was told of this amazing rehab facility in the Virgin Islands. It's got an open bar and 24-hour Thai massage. An old jerky jerk could take the edge off during the detox period. Drain the old jizz pipe of the antitoxins. - Excuse me? - With all due respect to my own personal, fluid transition into my sobriety, I wanna let you know that the therapeutic value of a groin massage during the acute withdrawal phase is off the charts. - Fucking medicinal. - [judge] It's not gonna happen. - It's not gonna happen. - Why you gotta be like that? You know, I was a real fan of your writing, Moondog. - Huh? - [whooping] Shut up. You know, it amazes me how someone that can write so beautifully can be so crude and reckless. Don't you be acting like you never heard the rooster crow. Don't let us down, Moondog. We're rooting for you. Next. Get him out of there. Heather, my dear. Would you be so kind as to pull over and get your old man one final beer? Sure, Dad. Give me a Lucky Lotto, Triple Seven and a cigar, would you? Sure. - You don't sell acid, do you? - No. That's too bad. This place used to. Your mother loved me. Yes, Dad. - She said that? - Of course. - She think I was brilliant? - She thought you were a genius. She said that? That's why she stayed with you all those years. And that's why you've always been able to get away with everything, Dad. [laughs] Ah, Minnie-Boo. She had an incredible ass. Could fellate like a python. Fuck, she could fellate a python if she wanted. I'm gonna miss her. [laughs] Let's go to rehab. Hmm. I'll try and do better, okay? Okay, you can do this. Hmm, yeah. All right, Sunrise. Let's get this party started. Really wasn't up to me. Should have heard the judge, man. She swung a hard gavel. She was a fan of mine too. Which is kind of weird. I mean, I wouldn't have come down here like, you know, if I didn't have a little bit of a nudge, you know. Well, this lady's very happy that you're here. We have your entire year planned out. So when you leave us, you'll be a changed person. [laughing] [all] God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. [laughing] [laughs] You guys are funny. That's such bullshit. [all laughing] Ah, you are fucking talking to yourself. What's up, everybody? My name is J.C. Cramer. Third time here. What? Who's repeating? Who's repeating? Oh, you are. Yeah. First time I was here, I was drinking a lot. So I decided to make myself a better person. I decided to come here. When I got out, I was good for about six months, and my friends were like, "Dude, you don't have to drink to have fun..." [voice fades and blurs] My dad's a preacher. He's the one that fucking put me in here. Why? Because he caught me huffing paint a few times. Also, I was breaking into people's houses and just burning shit. - [laughing] - Like, nothing real bad. I love lighting shit on fire. I'm a tiger, bro. It wasn't dangerous. - Yeah. - Nobody was home. We didn't find out the kids were upstairs until later. If I wasn't there, they would've fucking burned to death. - I got 'em out. - From the second floor? - Yeah. - With a ladder, and shit? Yeah. No. I just went upstairs. - That's cool. - Yeah. [rock music plays] - What type of music is this? - Christian fucking metal, man. - Do you like it? - I do. The band is from Albuquerque. The lead singer fucking blew himself up by accident. Accident? Nice. Fucking gone, dude, just disappeared. Fucking weird. How do you know these guys, man? I was in a cover band. And goddamn! We used to fucking... [mimics guitar solo] ...rock this shit. I don't blame you, man, this is good shit. Do you think about getting out of here? Out there is the real world. In here is the fake world. All right? Out there is beautiful. Things really happen. The seasons change, babies are born, old men wither away and die. The fucking sands of time. Eloquently put, Flicker. The choice is yours. Sell me no more, man. Let's blow this fucking joint. [glass shatters] [alarm blaring] That is real shit, bro! Guess we go for time. Fast into overdrive. Fucking punch this shit, Bro. Go! - [Moondog squeals] - Fuck you! Come on, baby, let's go. Fucking freedom! Like, can't you feel it, brother? Love is in the air. See, things happen in the real world. Look, we're at a wedding. And my God, look at that boat. - [chatter] - Oh, beautiful. Beautiful! Congrats, man! [screaming] [man] Get back here, asshole. Have a great honeymoon. You two look fucking fine. [both whooping] [whooping] We're free, man. You drove that golf cart with the wings of God behind you. [Moondog] Let's get up to a little Devil's business before we get saved. You know the best part about the devil. Fucking, he finds the fun. And then we take Jesus and we just ride him all the way to the top, because the best part is, we can do whatever the fuck we want. Jesus already paid for all our sins. - Excuse me, thank you. - [man] Fuck you, pal. [laughing] Hey, do that flick thing you do. [yells] Do it again. [yells] - [woman shouts] Moondog! - Do you know what we need? - What, what do we need? - We need money, man. Fucking money. Goddamn it, you're a fucking genius. I know where we can get some money. - Where? - Just follow me, my friend. Cool. I've got two tickets To paradise Won't you pack your bags We'll leave tonight I've got two tickets To paradise [whispering] Yo, Moondog! Hold this! Hold this! [whispering] Watch this. [old man screams] Boy. Hey, I'm sorry, man. You're gonna be fine. We just need this money. [Moondog] Don't want to be part of this derelict behavior, man. Derelict behavior? What are you talking about? - Christ already paid for all our sins... - Come on, man, let's go! [laughs] Wait, hold on. - Uh... - No, no, no, no. Fuck, that was for him when he wakes up, dude. - Fuck that. - Fucking A, man. You know the best part about God? Christ was even a sinner. - So we clean, man. - [man] That's my money! ["On an On" plays] Down in Jamaica they Got lots of pretty women Steal your money Then they break your heart Lonesome Sue She's in love with old Sam Take him from the fire Into the frying pan On and on She just keeps on trying And she smiles When she feels like crying On and on On and on On and on God, you're so beautiful. I love you. [deep voice] I love you. [Flicker] Hmm. [Moondog] Oh, setting sun, though the time has come, I warble under you. Well, no one else does. Unmitigated adoration. [laughing] Hey, that was fucking beautiful. I know, right. There she is, shining on you, man. - I'm outta here, man. - I mean you. I mean you. We're all the same. Give me a hug, man. - [Flicker] You leaving? - Setting sail, man. [Flicker] Yeah. Hey, that was the most fun I had in a long time. - [Moondog] Fuck, yeah. - For real, brother. For real, brother. You got God on your shoulder, man. Ain't that far down if you don't look, right? Hey, just promise me one thing. Remember me. Every time you think of my face, you remember this. This shines bright, fucking real bright. - You got it, tiger. - Go spread that light. Shine big, brother. ["Sundown" plays] I can see her lyin' back In her satin dress In a room where ya do What ya don't confess Sundown you better take care If I find you been creepin' Round my back stairs Sundown you better take care If I find you been creepin' Round my back stairs She's been lookin' like A queen in a sailor's dream And she don't always say What she really means Sometimes I think it's a sham When I get feelin' better When I'm feelin' no pain Sometimes I think it's a sham When I get feelin' better When I'm feelin' no pain I can picture every move That a man could make Getting lost in her lovin' - [laughing] - [man] Hey. Asshole. Sundown you better take care If I find you been creepin' Round my back stairs Aw, Jesus. Sometimes I think it's a sin When I feel like I'm winnin' When I'm losin' again [muttering] Hmm. [indistinct] Guess who's back. Hey! - Place is good. - What's up, man? - It's pretty lunar these days, man. - Good to see you. Gotta tell you, Moondog, business is so good, I bought a second boat. - Yeah? - Yeah. Named it Success. I just take tourists to the Outer Key. When they see a dolphin, I act all fucking stoked. Right. Oh, there's a dolphin. Look at the baby dolphin. Tell him to dive in and make sure they don't drown. - I only had four deaths on my watch. - Only four? Four deaths in over eight straight years of dolphin touring. It's a terrific record. Now, I've been stripped of my license temporarily on five separate occasions but each time, I get it reinstated due to a technicality I never quite understood. - [laughs] - It is beyond luck. Karma, man, I'm blessed, bruh. Meant to be. I've seen many in this industry. They fucked with old Captain Whack around these parts. Don't fuck with Captain Whack. You will get whacked for fucking with Captain Whack. [cackling] Dolphins. I love those fucking dolphins, man. The sounds that come out of their mouth... They're trying to communicate with you. All you gotta do is talk back to 'em. I fell in love with dolphins ever since I saw the show Flipper. Blew me away. [squeaks] How they make that noise. [squeaky noises] I'll tell you, I wouldn't be able to live like this if I wasn't fucking doing dolphin tours. I wouldn't have all this. This is all from dolphin tours. I've got something. Get your ass... There. Oh, we gonna fry this motherfucker up. Yes. Gotta get your tastebuds ready. Yeah. This is almost done. Lookee here, Moondog. You come work for me, man. It would be great. Dolphins are great, when they go up and down in the water like porpoise, you'll learn that shit, man. That sounds cool, Whack. Yeah. I'm here now. - [gunshot] - [screams] What the fuck? - Fucking... - Man, that shit's loaded. Man! You could've killed a dolphin, Moon Dog. - [cackles] - You want to shoot something, shoot this thing here. This is what I used in 'Nam. Shit, man. Now I gotta feed my coke-addicted parrot. - [Moondog] Yeah, set him up. - Give me some of this shit right here. [Moondog] Oh, yeah. [Whack] There you go. - She's gonna get high as shit. - [snorting] But seriously, Moondog, I could use a partner and I got a good sense about you, man. - Like I say, I'm in. - Yeah, man. Yeah. We become millionaires together, man. - [Moondog] Shit, man. Looks good. - Look how far I've come so far. I like your style, Whack. [Whack laughs] Look at that, see the juices dripping off that? - Oh, man, that's gonna be good. - Gonna be real good, man. I like your swagger. Thanks, Moondog. Got nicked in 'Nam, makes me walk like a pimp. Some shrapnel partially shredded my nut sack but everything still works fine. Bop, bop, bop. Well, usually, when people call and say they coming for the dolphin tour, they come and they pay cash, right? My bread and butter, baby, my bread and butter. So you can tell in the tone of their voice, they're, like, serious. Exactly. If they really love the dolphins and if they really want to see the dolphins, you hear it in their voice, right? See? That's right. Come on over. Yes. Hi. Welcome. Lots of dolphins for you today. Yeah. Act real stoked. Act real stoked. Yeah! [shouting] - [Moondog] Welcome aboard. - Welcome. - What's your name, little lady? - Lexie Lipschitz. [Moondog] I knew it. Hello, Miss Lipschitz. - Hello. - Dr. Lipschitz, call me Ted. - All the Schitzes. - One, two, three. We are the Lipschitzes That is our name [Whack] Listen up, everybody. All right. We're in the middle of mating season. If you see some humping, don't look away. It's cool, looking. It's nature in all its glory. Dolphins love to bone. - Oh, my God. - [Moondog] Listen up, kids! Greatest guide in the history of dolphin guiding, sharing wisdom with you. - Thanks, Moondog. - It's a fact. Now, what he failed to mention, that these dolphins have got a sort of corkscrew pecker. All right. A little, whippy, winding ranky-cank thing. [Whack] It's true, kids. It's sort of like a corkscrew. - People, look out. - And it's orgy season. So hopefully, we will get to see something, some real wild stuff. Everybody's fucking, they're really horny this time of the season. So watch your back, Carnello. Some of them prefer redheads. Is this thing safe? Very safe. I wouldn't have you on here if it wasn't safe. Family, I just gotta tell you, I love dolphins so much. After today, you're gonna love dolphins as much as I love dolphins. They don't hurt you. - They just want to love you... - Dolphins know this man. They come from all over the world to come see Captain Whack. - They're coming to see me. - You guys get to be on his boat today. [Whack] All right, all right. I see a few out there. We have business. Who wants to dive in? [all] No, we're good. It's prime mating season. Seaweed is an aphrodisiac. I think they're getting cold feet black, Whack. All right. Last chance, any takers? - [all] No... - Y'all are a bunch of pussies. - [grumbling] - Dolphins, here I come, baby. Get... Get in! Get in. This water's beautiful. - Honey, look at the dolphins. - Lots of dolphins, motherfuckers. - Does that look right? - Get in! The water's perfect! You good, Whack? Are you good? - Dolphins... - Honey, honey, honey! That doesn't look like a dolphin fin. Captain, that kinda looks like a shark fin. This must all be part of a show. [Whack] I'm having a great time. It's perfect. [shouting] - [laughing] - [woman] Come back, Mr. Whack! Oh! What the fuck? - [screaming] - Fuck it, Whack! You put on a fucking show, man. This ain't no motherfucking dolph... [screams] - Whoa, that's cool. - When was the last time he cut his toenails, seriously? - That's gnarly. - [screaming] Shit. Holy shit. - [screams] Oh, Lord! - [woman] Just a flesh wound. Don't worry! [Whack] Holy shit, where's my foot? Fuck, Whack. He got a pretty good, man. Oh, man. Couldn't have been a fucking dolphin. Can't believe this shit, man. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a dolphin that bit you, just look at your foot. Listen, you're gonna be all right. You're gonna be just fine. I mean, it's just a little flesh wound. You're gonna be up dancing in no time. [sighs] You going somewhere, motherfucker? Yeah, I am. - [Whack laughs] - Trade you, though. Foot for the hat, huh? - Come on. - [laughs] Here we go. Cool, man. It's been real, Moondog. It's been more than that. It's been whack, Captain Whack. [laughing] See you down the road. [groans] [music plays] Look at what the Moondog just sniffed out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Lounger! Hey, Jimmy. - I'm back. - Moondog? - Yeah. I'm back! - Where the fuck you been, man? You look like shit. No, I look like I always look. We're about to set sail. Come fuck with us. Let's go. I think we need to look at a positive ID on him. Make sure the motherfucker washes his feet. Take your shoes off, dog, when you get on the fucking boat. [music plays] Glad I came up on y'all, man. You did, man, but you look like you in some serious shit, though, dog. - Give it up. Jimmy, tell him. - You're in serious shit, man. How do you figure "serious"? I've heard from some guys down, you know, the US-born people, Keys people. - Word's out down there. - Word on the street's that you did escape and then the pigs is on your ass now. Both are true. Shit. Yeah, that sounds pretty cool the way you put it. You sound like a wanted man, the way I put it. [Lounger] Da-da-da Dog [both] Lost in the fog - Trying to find the dog. - [Lingerie] Yeah. Lost in the fog Trying to find the dog He's lost in the fog - Okay, here it is. - Looking for the Moondog He's lost in the moon fog And I'm looking For the Moondog He had it all, he had money, cars, everything you could possibly imagine. Mmm-hmm. But this is the story of the death of a dream. Death of a dream. The one who had has not any more. - Moondog - [laughing] [Moondog barks] [laughing] [barking] This is The motherfucking Moondog [howls] Howling at the moon That's the dog, y'all - [song ends] - Yes! [Lingerie] Got something I gotta get off my chest with you, man. Don't really know how to say it. I'm just gonna come clean. I was having an affair with Minnie, man, several years behind your back. I'm talking about really sexually wild experiences with your wife, man. - Yeah, I figured as much. - I do know she didn't love me. She loved my sex but she didn't love me. I was the R&B singer with the big ding-a-ling. I was just a diversion. Until you came back. You dig? But she honestly loved you. I know that for a fact. - She did, didn't she? - She loved the fuck out of you, Moondog. I really loved her, man. Still do. - So sexual. - Hypersexual. Oh, man, the moves that she doing. She had these tiny hands. And what I loved about her tiny hands, it made my cock look so big. You should've seen what mine looked like in her hands. The way she went down on me, I could just see it right now. - Yeah. - And if you make eye contact. Yeah, I hear you. That's enough. I had a crazy-ass dream. To help you get out of that motherfucking thing that you're in. I had a dream you was dressed like a woman to help you escape. - A woman? - [Jimmy] Yeah, I had the same dream. I had this guy, buddy in Vietnam, dressed up like a geisha, walked out of the war. [laughing] - Get in touch with your... - His femininity. [Lingerie] Tap into it, man. It may not be a bad look after all. You understand me. I can see you with a dress on, and everything. Moondog, you might get used to it. The dog wanna dress in some high heels. Let him strut the runway. It's a ridiculous idea. It's kinda fucking freaky and genius, guys. I think I already got the underwear right. - [whistling] - And if I got my walk right. This'll be too easy. [Lingerie] Oh, look it there. Motherfucker giving the whole moon there, Moondog. You hear me? You actually look good, dog. I mean, it's kinda fucking freaky, right? [Lingerie] I mean, it's supposed to look freaky. You a freaky little fish. That's what's gonna throw the police off. You dig? [laughing] Moondog, ain't nobody gonna fucking recognize you in that shit right there. Especially the fucking pigs. You fucking look amazing right now, dog. Do you know what the challenge of this situation is gonna be? - [Lingerie] Yes, ma'am. - Dudes are gonna want my shit. [laughing] [cheering] We slipping through the city unseen. What a disguise, a perfect disguise, baby. Your bitches are gonna get hot on you, seeing you riding around with a hot blonde like me. They gonna like the fact. This is that interracial shit. Like Jim Brown with Raquel Welch. You know what I'm talkin' about? I love it when a plan comes together. Anything for a friend. [Moondog] Jim Dubie's bud. Yes! Yes! Look at that. Heaven looks like that, Lounger. Think of it like this, dog. I'm gonna give you so much of this, you gonna be able to write you a couple of novels and that poetry shit. Poetry... Yeah, I'm talking about poems out of your motherfucking asshole. Yes, yes. This is the safecracker right here. To crack the safe to write that thing and getting that money! Because this is the key to unlocking all of those juices in that head of yours. Trust me. [sirens wailing] - Cops are here. - [Lingerie] Say what? The pigs is here right now? Fuck! I must've been high as a motherfucker when I hatched that plan. Gas up the seaplane. Go get my shit out of the magical room. Somebody scrape up Moondog. It's time to go. Let's load this shit up. Let's get it rolling. Stop dillydallying, the cops is coming. Load up the motherfucking rasta van. I'm bringing y'all for the music. We on the run like we used to be back in the day. Let's get the fuck out of here. [Jamaican man] Hurry, man! Hurry! Put it in now. Lingerie, close the fucking door. It's time to go. [Lingerie] You know I got a motherfucking master plan. My rastas are gonna fly you to the Keys on my seaplane. [Moondog laughs] Time to get me down to Key West, baby. Cops ain't never gonna catch the Moondog. [Lingerie] Moondog, hurry up. Get this shit on the plane fast. [Moondog] I hope we got enough weed for this. Let's go, man. Yeah. [Moondog laughs] Shit. This is gonna be fun. Didn't know it would be this easy. Hey, is he a good pilot? - [Lingerie] Not at all. - Not at all? No, man. He got glaucoma in both his eyes. But when he's zooted off of that shit, he gets you where you need to be. Look, dog. You're gonna need some cash for the splash. That's gonna cush the landing. - Yes, sir. - Well, what can I say, Lounge? We shall meet again on some distant shore, my friend. [Moondog] Yeah... The sun, the rain and the motherfucking moon. - You make us proud down there, you hear me? - Time for liftoff. Lounge, time for liftoff. Be good and be good at it, man. When I smoking enough weed and drink the shroom tea... A few lines of dainty white Bogot coca. - Yeah. - Shit! Man. Woof, woof, man. - [laughs] - I get insane vision. And the vision guide, like a spirit... - in a direct line to our final destination. - [Jamaican accent] Yeah. Safe and sound, I don't fuck around. You know, it doesn't matter what you said, it just sounds so good when you fucking say it. You know I'm 98 percent blind? It's perfect. [laughing] - They don't even know, man. - [man] Moondog, what you got? [Moondog] Flying through the slipstream with a whole lot of green. [crowd shouting, Moondog laughs] [woman] Moondog, I love you. I love you too. What's up, Moondog? - [laughing] - [man] Get 'em, man! Honey, I'm home. [speaking Spanish] My dream wife, this is my Cuban maid. - Oh, I see. Got to get me some of that. - Let's get the party started. - Your health. - Salud. [no audible sound] [no audible dialogue] [woman] Moondog! [no audible sound] [man] Thank you for meeting with me today. [Moondog] My pleasure. I don't remember the last time I did one of these. What an interesting life. How did you pull it off? How did you do it? How did I pull it off? How did I do it? [laughing] I mean, look, I could tell you that I've been trying to uncover the abyss beneath my illusory connection with the world. I could tell you that it's all written in the stars. I could tell you that I'm a reverse paranoiac. I am quite certain that the world is conspiring to make me happy. All three of which are true but it's really simpler than that. I like to have fun, man. Fun is the fucking gun, man. That is why I like boats. I like water. I like sunshine. I like beautiful women. A lot. I get all these things going, man, and they are all turning me on. And my wires are connecting upstairs and I start to hear music in my head. You know, and the world is reverberating back and forth and I hit the frequency and I start to dance to it. My fingers get moving, my head gets soupy, I'm spinning all over the fucking place, and the fucking words come out. It is like it's a fucking gift. What makes you, Moondog, different than all these other people? Seriously? You mean the ones up north on the mainland, the ones racing to the red line, the ones stuck in their ways, a little bit too busy to check in and say, howdy-howdy-doo? That shit's not for me, man. I mean, fuck, man, so many people trip themselves when they're running downhill. Life's hard enough. Why would you fucking want to do that? I mean, it's like, we're here to have a good time. I just want to have a good time until this shit's over, man. This life gig's a fucking rodeo, and I'm gonna suck the nectar out of it. Fuck it raw dog until the wheels come off. Let me ask you something. - Off the record. - Come on. Come on. What's up with the women's clothes? What women's clothes? Motherfucker, my phone was dead. I held a funeral for that motherfucker. I had people giving speeches and remembrance of the time when my phone was alive but it is back to life. It has resurrected and the phone is ringing! Off the hook! They are calling you motherfucking Van Gogh with words, baby. They call on you Walt Disney. They want to freeze your motherfucking brain when you die. This say your new book is a masterpiece, Moondog. But he was acting like a little fuckboy for a minute. And I had to admit, true genius takes true guidance. It takes true pushing. - Let me tell you something. - [laughs] Please tell me something, tell me something. You up for a motherfucking Pulitzer. - My book's up for a Pulitzer? - Pulitzer. [screams] Minnie-Boo, do you hear this? Thank you. And now the prize for outstanding poetry. It is a great honor that I introduce to you, Mr. Moondog. Thank you. [barks] [cheering] [applause fades] I've had a lot in my life. But I always had this feeling like when I left... no one gonna remember me. But knowing you, being a part of what you did... maybe that means something, you know? I want to thank you. You know what I like the most about being rich? You can just be horrible to people and they just have to take it. [laughs] This next poem... is one I wrote at 3:00 a.m. coming down off of a two-day acid trip in the Virgin Islands. It's called "The Beautiful Point." "I go to bed in Havana... thinking about you... pissing a few moments ago... I looked down at my penis with affection... knowing it has been inside you, twice today... makes me feel beautiful. [applause] I have to admit, I didn't think you could do it, Dad. No? But you managed to pull it off somehow. Sweetie, I'm telling you, don't ever bet against the Moondog. [laughs] I'm just so happy you finally dumped limp dick. [Heather] I know. He sucked. - [Moondog] Really? - Yeah. [laughing] [lawyer] You unlocked the fortune. The money is yours. Your complete inheritance is all yours. - Congratulations. - Exactly. Perfect. Listen. I want it all in cash, man. - What was that? - Cash, man. C-A-S-H, cash, all greenbacks. I don't want you to put a penny of that stuff in the bank. You know, I don't trust those Illuminati motherfuckers. Here's what you're gonna do. I want you to buy me a sailboat. All right, like a 150-200-footer, something really nice, preferably vintage. Then I want you to name that boat Success after my old friend, Captain Whack. Then you're gonna put the rest of the cash stacked in that sailboat. And I want you to sail down here to me. [lawyer] That's over $50 million in cash, Moondog. All right, don't fuck it up. [humming, laughing] Next, she's gonna want to marry me now that I'm rich. Right? Huh? That's right. What do you think about that, huh? Cash in a boat. You can do whatever we want or nothing at all. [laughing] [rasta] Yeah, man. - [Moondog] There she is. - Yeah, it's beautiful. - Awesome, man, awesome. - Got great shapes and her cargo, there's $46 million on board. - [laughing] - You're gonna buy yourself so much weed. - What do you think about that? - [cat meows] [laughing] You know what I want to do? I wanna have a big fucking fireworks show, man. Invite all my friends from the Keys. None of that sparkler bullshit that impresses lesbians, pregnant women and babies. No, no. Let's Valhalla this motherfucker, you know what I mean? Raise the dead. - [whoops] - Make it awesome for Minnie. - Work it, Moondog. Money! - [cackling] Money! Money! [cheering] [mewing] All right, federales, this is where you get off. One for you. Thank you. [whooping] [whooping] [cheering] [whooping] I don't have to fear it And I wanna rock Your gypsy soul Just like way back In the days of old Then magnificently We will float Into the mystic [mewing] Whoo! [crowd gasps] I gotta hear it I don't have to fear it And I wanna rock Your gypsy soul Just like way back In the days of old And together we will float [Moondog] That's great poetry. [fireworks whistle] [Moondog shouts] Holy shit-fire. [whoops] This is so much fun. [laughing] [explosion] Oh, shit! That was a close one, wasn't it? Ah! Yeah, yeah, yo. - [barks] - [explosion] [laughing] Will they stop now? [laughing] A fucking blast. Looking for the Moondog Is she fishing In the moon fog I'm running days Like a wild hog Never want them back again Because We've seen this act before Heard this monologue He's a wanted man with His head stuck in the sand Down and disavowed Bein' way too fucking loud We gotta get a leash On that dog Woof! On that dog He's always dancing In the moonbeams Never cozy in the mainstream Always looking At the moonlight Never really got His mind right Melted like a fudgesicle Left out in the sun Time is running out He's a man on the run Death of a dream We've got to plot a scheme Got to get his ass Out of town Hiding in the mangroves Till the coast is clear Take him up to Disney World Get him out of here Looks like He's having flashbacks Speaking Lebanese Put him in a Greyhound Heading for the Keys They ain't never find The Moondog ...kenneled To the Moondog I was working On a moon speech Not exactly lookin' Downstream Watch him hopping Like a tree frog Hope he makes it To his epilogue Epilogue Here we go Monologue A hoppin' frog Moondog |
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