1
WOMAN: I COULD BE HAPPY
WITH YOU
IF YOU COULD BE HAPPY
WITH ME
I'D BE CONTENTED...
- HERE YOU ARE, POLL.
- OH, OH!
OH, HOLD ON, OH.
HERE YOU ARE.
YOU LOOK AFTER HER.
BUT WHAT ABOU MY MONEY?
HEY!
WHERE'S MY BABY?
SHE'S OVER THERE.
PUT IT ON THE SLATE.
I'LL GET THE SACK
IF THEY'RE LATE AGAIN.
WOMAN: HURRY UP, THEN.
JUST ALONG THERE.
GOOD AFTERNOON,
MR. AND MRS. PARKHILL.
GOOD AFTERNOON,
LEN.
ALL FOR MRS. P, I'M AFRAID.
MUST BE BILLS, THEN.
THANK YOU, DARLING.
HAS MY OLD MAN SENT ME
MAINTENANCE ORDER, LEN?
I'LL HAVE
A LOOK, LUV.
OH, DEAR OLD PALS,
ENJOY YOUR COMPANY
DISGUSTING!
ALL FOR YOU, DEAR.
ARE YOU SENDING BY POS NOW, LUV?
BETTER THAN
GIVING IT AWAY!
HELLO, GORGEOUS.
I SUPPOSE I SHOULD BE THANKFUL
FOR SMALL MERCIES. ANYTHING?
NOTHING FOR YOU
THIS MORNING...
THEY ALL IN YET,
LEN?
ALL IN EXCEP RITA AND TOMMY.
HE WON'T BE LONG. YOU CAN HEAR
HIM COMING A MILE OFF.
PRACTICING, PRACTICING.
DON'T YOU EVER STOP DANCING?
CAN'T, TOOTS. I'M IN TRAINING
FOR MY SECOND BIG BREAK.
SECOND? YOU'RE KIDDING.
WHAT WAS THE FIRST?
DIDN'T YOU EVER HEAR
OF THE BABY TOAST OF BROADWAY?
TINY TOM,
THE TAPPING TOT?
(HUMMING)
HA HA! GREW UP,
DIDN'T YOU?
HA HA! OVERNIGHT.
AND WHO CAN USE A TINY
TOT WHO'S 10 FEET TALL?
HOW ABOU BARNUM & BAILEY?
(LAUGHING)
THEY ALREADY HAD ONE,
AND HE WAS A BEARDED
LADY TO BOOT.
SO I BOOKED
A ONE-WAY TICKE ON A CATTLE BOA TO MERRY OLD ENGLAND.
BLIMEY! FROM BROADWAY
TO PORTSMOUTH?
BIT OF A COMEDOWN,
ISN'T IT?
A STEPPING STONE,
TOOTS...
A MERE STEPPING STONE
TO STARDOM.
HEY, NOT BAD.
(MUSIC PLAYS)
HERE'S YOUR
STOUT, LUV.
TA.
CHEESE AND CHUTNEY,
RIGHT?
OH, THANKS, POLL. PU IT ON THE SLATE.
TA.
I SEEM TO...
WHO SENT ME THE FLOWERS?
OH, l...
I FORGET.
I BOUGHT ONE APPLE
TOO MANY.
WOULD YOU LIKE IT?
NO, THANKS.
I HAD ONE ALREADY.
MAN: DEE DEE DEE DA
DEE DEE DEE
POLL...
I'LL HAVE IT IF
IT'S GOING BEGGING.
RIGHT, LUV.
HERE. YOU HAVE IT.
OH, TA.
5 MINUTES, EVERYONE.
MAN: DEE DA
DEE DA DEE DAH
DEE DEE DEE
AFTERNOON.
HERE'S YOUR GIN.
DON'T YOU KNOCK WHEN YOU ENTER
THE STARS' DRESSING ROOM?
SORRY. THEY DIDN' HAVE SMOKED SALMON.
SO I GOT SALMON
SHRIMP, ALRIGHT?
PASTE! SURELY YOU DON'T EXPEC MRS. P. TO EAT PASTE, DO YOU?
I'M SORRY, BUT IT WAS
THE NEAREST THEY HAD.
NEAREST THEY HAD!
OH, HARK AT THAT!
TAKE OFF, WILL YOU?
DON'T MIND, POLLY. I JUST NEED
A LITTLE SOMETHING TO SETTLE ME
BEFORE I GO ON.
ANYTHING WILL DO.
BUT IT WAS THE BEST THEY
HAD, MRS. P.
SHIPHAM'S.
BY APPOINTMENT.
THEY HAVE IT A BUCKINGHAM PALACE.
WHEN THEY'RE ENTERTAINING
THEIR COCKNEY HIGHNESSES,
IT'S THE PEARLY KING AND
QUEEN, I SUPPOSE.
HOW LONG WE GOT?
OH, 5 MINUTES, PLEASE.
THERE'LL BE SOME
CHANGE, THEN?
CRIKEY. I FORGOT. I OWE YOU
2 AND 11 PLUS 3 FARTHINGS.
IF I GIVE YOU A FARTHING,
YOU COULD GIVE ME 3 BOB, RIGHT?
OH, YEAH.
- POLLY!
- HMM?
OH, TA, MRS. P.
YOU SHOULDN'T.
WHY DO YOU
ENCOURAGE HER?
OVERTURE,
BEGINNERS, PLEASE.
MY HATBOX RIBBON CAME
UNDONE YESTERDAY, POLLY.
OH, IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN,
MISS MAISIE.
OH, POLLY, HELP ME WITH
MY HOOKS.
HELLO, ROSIE.
OH, LOOK, I DO LIKE ME
FEATHER DUSTER
HANGING OUT BESIDE ME DISMAL
DESMOND, POLLY.
DO TRY AND REMEMBER.
GOT A FAG, POLL?
OOH. AIN'T HE LOVELY?
(WHISTLE)
OH, POLLY, DON'T WHISTLE IN THE
DRESSING ROOM!
- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE IT'S UNLUCKY,
THAT'S WHY. NOW GO OUTSIDE,
TURN AROUND 3 TIMES
AND KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
WHAT DO NURSING
MOTHERS NEED?
EVERYONE:
MY-ROSE!
COME IN!
- NOW SWEAR.
- DAMN!
WHERE'S THA LAZY LADY?
SHE'LL TURN UP.
DON'T WORRY.
SHE'LL BE LATE FOR HER
OWN FUNERAL, THAT ONE.
HERE.
WHERE IS RITA?
OH, ISN'T SHE
HERE YET?
WELL, I DON'T EXPEC SHE'LL BE MISSED.
WELL, SHE IS THE STAR
OF THE SHOW.
DO YOU REALLY
THINK SO?
SHE'LL BE FINED AGAIN
IF SHE AIN'T CAREFUL.
(FLORID PIANO INTRO)
THEY'RE ALL CALLED,
MR. MAX, EXCEPT RITA.
SHE AIN'T HERE YET.
NOT HERE?
PUT HER DOWN FOR A FINE!
IF YOU FINE HER AGAIN,
SHE'LL BE OWING YOU MONEY.
WITH THIS HOUSE,
I NEED IT.
WHY MUST THESE WRETCHED GARDEN
FETES ALWAYS COINCIDE
WITH OUR MATINEES?
NOT A CLOUD
IN THE SKY!
LET ME KNOW THE MINUTE
SHE ARRIVES!
YES, MR. MAX.
BLIMEY! THERE'S
MORE ON THE STAGE
THAN IN
THE BLOOMING AUDIENCE.
(BABY CRIES)
DOWN THERE.
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
ALLO? ALLO?
IS THAT GASTON,
THE COSTUMIER?
OH. IT IS
MADAME DUBONNET'S MAID.
DUBONNET.
DAY-OOH-BAY-OH-
ENNY-ENNY-EE-TEE.
MADAME DUBONNET OF THE
VILLA CAPRICE!
MR. MAX:
ACCENT!
ACCENT!
OH. HA HA HA!
(IN FORMAL FRENCH ACCENT)
ZEE SCHOOL FOR YOUNG LADIES.
I WISH TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE READY
THE COSTUME
FOR MISS POLLY BROWNE.
B-L-O-DOUBLE D-N-A-AHVE-EE.
ACCENT!
WITH AN E. SHE WISHES I FOR ZEE CARNIVAL BALL CE SOIR.
HA HA HA.
YOU DO NOT COMPREHEND?
THEN GET ME
MONSIEUR GASTON HIMSELF!
MMPH! MONSIEUR GASTON?
OH.
ALLO.
NO, NO, NO.
SHE'S NO MORE
FRENCH THAN I AM.
- RITA NOT HERE?
- NO, MR. MAX. NAUGHTY!
NOBODY ASKED
FOR YOUR OPINION.
SHE WAS HAVING HIJINKS
IN THE HIGH STREE WITH A SAILOR
AROUND LUNCHTIME.
OPENING TIME, YOU MEAN,
DEAR. LET'S BE HONEST.
FINE PUBLICITY!
WELL, SHE'S NEVER
MISSED AN ENTRANCE YET.
MIND YOUR
HATBOX, DULCIE.
MAID: MADAME DUBONNE OF VILLA CAPRICE!
SHE'S NEVER BEEN THE SAME SINCE
I PROMOTED HER TO STAR BILLING.
WENT TO HER HEAD, TOTALLY. NO...
TELEPHONE, MR. MAX.
TELL THEM TO
RING AGAIN!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO SPEAK
AT A TIME LIKE THIS?
BUT THEY MUST SPEAK
TO YOU PERSONALLY!
IT'S NOT C.B. COCHRAN
FROM LONDON, IS IT?
NO, IT AIN'T.
IT'S THE HOSPITAL.
HA HA HA. BON.
THEN YOU WILL DELIVER
IT STRAIGHT-AWAY?
MERCI!
(ALL CHATTERING AMONGST SELVES)
S'IL VOUS PLAIT,
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN
WHO YOU ARE?
ALL: FORGOTTEN
WHO WE ARE?
OF COURSE NOT!
WE'RE PERFECT YOUNG LADIES
PREPARING TO TAKE
OUR PLACES AMONG
THE NOBLESSE
WE'RE PERFECT YOUNG LADIES
PREPARING TO MAKE
THE MOST OF
THE CHARM WE POSSESS
YOU'RE BEING FINISHED,
AND YOUR FAMILIES' WEALTH
MAY BE DIMINISHED, BUT...
AT LEAST YOU ALL
HAVE PERFECT HEALTH
AND MAKING THE GRADE
IS OUR DUTY, YOU SEE
FOR PERFECT YOUNG
LADIES ARE WE
WE'RE PERFECT YOUNG LADIES
WE HOPE TO ATTRACT
A HUSBAND WHOSE
CREDIT IS GOOD
YOU MAY BE
YOUNG LADIES
BUT WHY
DON'T YOU ACT
THE WAY THA A YOUNG LADY SHOULD?
I'VE OFTEN
TOLD YOU
PLEASE DON' TELL US AGAIN
I OUGH TO SCOLD YOU
BUT...
YOU KNOW I WILL BE QUITE IN VAIN
FOR BEING OUR MAID
IS YOUR DUTY, YOU SEE
FOR PERFEC YOUNG LADIES ARE WE
OH!
OH!
PERFECT YOUNG
LADIES ARE
PERFECT YOUNG
LADIES ARE
PERFECT YOUNG
LADIES ARE WE
TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE!
NOT RITA.
TRAPPED HER HIGH HEEL
IN A TRAM LINE.
HER FOOT.
OOH, IT AIN'T OFF?
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
MILD FRACTURE, BUT SHE'S
LAID UP JUST THE SAME.
WE'RE RUINED!
NO, WE'RE NOT.
YOU WILL HAVE
TO GO ON.
GET READY!
WHAT, ME?
BUT I'M ONLY
THE A.S.M.!
L...l CAN'T GO ON.
IT'S THE ASSISTANT STAGE
MANAGER'S JOB
TO UNDERSTUDY EVERYBODY'S PART.
NOW I TOLD YOU THA WHEN I TOOK YOU ON.
NOW HURRY UP
AND DON'T ARGUE.
YOU'VE GO EXACTLY 5 MINUTES!
OOH, I DON'T KNOW.
I FEEL FUNNY.
(STREET MUSICIANS PLAYING)
ZOOM!
YES?
I WANT THE BEST SEAT IN
THE HOUSE.
AH. NOW LET ME SEE.
YOU COULD HAVE
THE ROYAL BOX.
I'LL TAKE IT.
EXCEPT THAT IT'S
PERMANENTLY RESERVED
FOR THE PRINCESS
ARTHUR OF CONNAUGHT.
WE OFTEN STAY WITH HER.
OH, REALLY.
NOW, HOW ABOU THE STAGE BOX?
HOW MUCH?
ONE POUND, PLEASE.
MUST BE A SMALL BOX.
HOW MANY ARE YOU?
WE ARE ONE!
ANY FURTHER ORDERS,
MR. DETHRILL, SIR?
JUST WAIT OUTSIDE.
ON NO ACCOUNT MUST MR. DETHRILL
BE DISTURBED, WOMAN.
- GET IT?!
- REALLY!
OH, WHY DOES SHE
HAVE TO HAVE
SUCH BLINKING BIG
PLATES OF MEAT, ALPH?
NOW STOP WORRYING
AND TRY THAT FOR SIZE.
ROSEMARIE AND MISS SUKA
VOLLEN, THEN. OH, WELL.
IT FITS.
YES. OH, WELL, FIND THE
OTHER ONE,
AND YOU'RE READY
FOR THE BALL.
I HEAR YOU'RE
GOING ON.
YES.
ALL THE BEST.
YOU'RE NOT WEARING THOSE,
ARE YOU?
OH.
BUT, Y-YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!
GOOD LUCK.
ALL THIS IN ONE DAY.
IT'S TOO MUCH.
COME ON, CINDERELLA.
YOU'RE ON!
OH, HOW PERFECTLY RIPPING!
OUR VERY FIRST CARNIVAL BALL.
EN FRANCAIS, OF COURSE.
OH, I CAN'T WAI FOR THIS EVENING.
MY FROCK IS A DREAM.
SO IS MINE, AND
RATHER DARING, TOO.
I'M SURE MADAME DUBONNE WILL BE FURIOUS.
OH, NOT SHE.
I BET YOU
SHE'LL TURN UP
IN SOMETHING
FRIGHTFULLY SHOCKING!
(GIGGLING)
NOT DETHRILL, THE FAMOUS
MOVIE DIRECTOR!
HOW'D I KNOW WHAT SOR OF A THRILL HE IS?
LOOK FOR YOURSELF!
HE'S IN THE STAGE BOX.
WHY DIDN' YOU SAY SO?
WOMAN ON STAGE:
...ANYONE WHO ASKS ME!
YES! IT'S HIM.
WORD'S GOT ABOUT. MY
REPUTATION WILL BE MADE!
NO. WE'LL BE RUINED.
THAT GIRL!
CHORUS ON STAGE:
OOH, ISN'T SHE THE LIMIT!
THAT GIRL.
SHE CAN'T GO ON.
WE MUST STOP HER!
HE DON'T THINK
I'M ANY GOOD.
I CAN'T GO ON NOW.
OH, RING DOWN
THE CURTAIN.
WE'LL SEND THE
AUDIENCE HOME.
THEN I'LL GO AND REFUND
THE MONEY, SHALL I?
WAIT! LET ME FIX,
SPENDTHRIFT.
OH, LOOK!
HERE COMES POLLY BROWNE
ACROSS THE TENNIS COURT.
CHORUS: POLLY BROWNE?
YES, AND SHE'S CARRYING
A LETTER.
CHORUS: OH!
HELLO, POLLY!
OH, POLLY.
JUST THINK.
LONDON'S GREAT THEATER
LAND, WAITING FOR YOU.
HIS MAJESTIES,
THE PRINCE OF WALES,
THE DUCHESS,
THE ROYALTY,
THE DUKE OF YORKS,
THE QUEENS...
NOW THAT'S AN ICE RINK.
HOLD YOUR TONGUE, WOMAN.
IT'S HOLLYWOOD CALLING,
NOT THE PALACE!
POLLY.
LISTEN TO ME.
THE CAREERS AND LIVES OF
ALL THESE BOYS AND GIRLS
ARE DEPENDING ON YOU.
I'M NOT ASKING
FOR MYSELF.
BUT DO IT FOR THEM.
NOW, POLLY,
LISTEN TO ME!
YOU'RE GOING OUT THERE
AS A YOUNGSTER.
YOU'VE GOT TO
COME BACK...
A STAR!
NOW GET OUT THERE AND DO
YOUR DAMNEDEST!
HELLO, POLLY.
OH, HELLO, EVERYONE...
STAGE-WHISPERING: WHERE'S RITA?!
SHE GOT HER FOOT CAUGH IN THE TRAM LINE.
SHE'S IN THE HOSPITAL.
(LAUGHING)
PSST!
STAGE-WHISPERING:
OH, HELLO, EVERYONE.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
OH, HELLO, EVERYONE.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
WE DASHED INTO TOWN
THIS MORNING
TO COLLECT OUR COSTUMES
FOR THE CARNIVAL BALL.
WE COULDN'T WAIT UNTIL
MONSIEUR GASTON DELIVERED THEM.
YOU MUST SEE MINE, POLLY.
YOU'LL ADORE IT!
OH, MINE.
YOU'LL BE GREEN
WITH ENVY!
OH, BE QUIET, CHAPS.
YOU KNOW WE'LL ALL BE JEALOUS
OF POLLY WHEN SHE GETS HERS.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING AS, POLLY?
I'M GOING AS PIERRETTE.
PIERRETTE.
CHORUS: HOW DIVINE!
NOW DO TELL US
YOUR SECRET, POLLY.
WHAT SECRET?
WELL, IF YOU'RE
GOING AS PIERRETTE...
WHO'S GOING...
AS PIERROT?
OH.
I STILL WANT I TO BE A SECRET.
CHORUS: OH, POLLY!
BUT, I'VE HAD
ANOTHER LETTER...
FROM PARIS!
FROM PARIS.
HOW MARVELOUS!
AND WHAT DOES
HE SAY?
HE SAYS HE'S...
MOTORING DOWN OVERNIGHT.
IN FACT...
HE SHOULD
BE HERE ANY MOMENT...
- NOW.
- OH, HOW THRILLING.
AND HOW DOES
HE SIGN HIMSELF?
DOES HE SAY,
"PASSIONATELY YOURS"?
OR, "YOURS ADORINGLY"?
OR DOES HE JUST SAY,
"WITH ALL MY LOVE"?
CHORUS: OH, DO TELL
US ABOUT HIM, POLLY!
WELL, THERE AIN'T VERY
MUCH TO TELL, REALLY.
I EXPECT YOU KNOW
HOW I FEEL AS WELL AS I DO.
ANY GIRL
WHO'S REACHED THE AGE
OF 17 OR THEREABOUTS
HAS BUT ONE DESIRE IN VIEW
EYES AND TEETH.
EYES AND TEETH!
SHE KNOWS SHE HAS
REACHED THE STAGE
OF NEEDING ONE
TO CARE ABOUT
NOTHING ELSE
WILL REALLY DO
CHILDHOOD GAMES ARE
LEFT BEHIND
AND HER HEAR TAKES WING
HOPING THA IT SOON WILL FIND
JUST ONE THING
WE'VE GOT TO HAVE
WE PLOT TO HAVE
FOR IT'S SO DREARY
NOT TO HAVE
THAT CERTAIN
THING CALLED
THE BOY FRIEND
WE SCHEME ABOU AND DREAM ABOUT
AND WE'VE BEEN
KNOWN TO SCREAM ABOUT
THAT CERTAIN THING
CALLED THE BOY FRIEND
HE IS REALLY
A NECESSITY
IF YOU WAN TO GET ON
AND WE MIGHT AS
WELL CONFESS IT, HE
IS OUR SINE QUA NON
WE SIGH FOR HIM
AND CRY FOR HIM
AND WE WOULD GLADLY
DIE FOR HIM
THAT CERTAIN THING
CALLED THE BOY FRIEND
PIANO AND DRUMS!
WHAT MUS DETHRILL THINK?
IF ONLY WE HAD MONEY,
WHAT A SPECTACLE I'D SHOW THEM.
A ROYAL
COMMAND PERFORMANCE!
(ORCHESTRA TUNING UP)
(ORCHESTRA PLAYS)
WE PLEAD TO HAVE
WE NEED TO HAVE
IN FACT, OUR POOR
HEARTS BLEED TO HAVE
THAT CERTAIN THING
CALLED THE BOY FRIEND
(ORCHESTRA PLAYS)
WE'D SAVE FOR HIM
AND SLAVE FOR HIM
WE'D EVEN...
MISBEHAVE FOR HIM
THAT CERTAIN
THING CALLED
THE BOY FRIEND
LIFE WITHOUT US
IS IMPOSSIBLE
AND DEVOID OF ALL CHARMS
NO AMOUNT OF IDLE GOSSIP'LL
KEEP THEM OUT OF OUR ARMS
WE'RE BLUE WITHOUT
CAN'T DO WITHOUT
OUR DREAMS JUS WON'T COME TRUE WITHOUT
THAT CERTAIN THING CALLED
THE BOY FRIEND
POLLY, THE SPIRI OF ECSTASY.
RIDICULOUS!
OH, NO!
SHE'S FORGOTTEN THE STEPS!
(GIRLS SCREECH)
DEE DEE DEE DEE
DEE DEE DEE DEE DEE
OOH, OOH, OOH
DEE DEE DEE DEE
DEE DEE DEE DEE DEE
OOH, OOH, OOH
WHEE
WE'RE BLUE WITHOUT
CAN'T DO WITHOUT
OUR DREAMS JUST...
DO A RUBY KEELER!
THAT CERTAIN
THING CALLED
THE BOY FRIEND
(APPLAUSE)
HEH HEH. SHE'S DOING
ALRIGHT, HUH?
ALRIGH FOR PYGMALION.
SHE'S SUPPOSED TO COME
FROM WESTMINSTER,
NOT WAPPING.
WOMAN ON STAGE:
BOYS, BOYS.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE NO ALLOWED ON THE PREMISES.
YOU MUST LEAVE
AT ONCE!
SEE YOU ON THE PLAGE!
SHARP AT 2:00.
DON'T BE LATE, NOW.
TOODLE-OO!
MEN: BYE!
GIRLS: BYE!
BUT YOU STILL
HAVEN'T TOLD US
MUCH ABOUT HIM, POLLY.
NOT EVEN HIS
CHRISTIAN NAME.
WHAT IS IT, POLLY?
WELL, IT'S,
UM, UM...
KEEP IT, GIRLS. HERE
COMES MADAME DUBONNET!
CHORUS: OOH!
(HUMMING)
(GARGLING)
A-HA...
HA-AH-AH-AH-AH
AH, TIENS, TIENS, MES
ENFANTS!
THIS IS NO
WAY TO BEHAVE.
NOW THEN, ALL OF YOU
TO YOUR CLASSROOM...
WHERE MADEMOISELLE ALICE IS
WAITING TO INSTRUCT YOU
IN PETIT POIS.
MADEMOISELLE BROWNE!
GIRLS: OUI, MADAME DUBONNET.
MADEMOISELLE DUBONNET:
MADEMOISELLE BROWNE!
MR. MAX, WHISPERING:
RITA! RITA!
PLAY IT LIKE RITA!
OH!
OUI, MADAME?
I WISH TO HAVE A LITTLE WORD
WITH YOU,
MA PETITE.
PROMENADE WITH ME INTO
LE JARDIN.
YOU CAN HELP ME GATHER
SOME HOLLYHOCKS!
DO NOT BE FRIGHTENED,
MA CHERE.
YOU HAVE DONE
NOTHING WRONG.
I MERELY WISH TO ASK
IF YOU ARE COMING TO THE
BALL TONIGHT.
OH, YES, OF COURSE.
I'VE ORDERED MY FROCK.
I'M GOING
AS PIERRETTE.
OH, SO YOU HAVE A FRIEND
TO TAKE YOU, HUH?
I HAD A LETTER TODAY.
HE'S ARRIVING BY CAR
FROM PARIS!
FROM PAREE?
YES, FROM PAREE.
PSST. ONION!
YOU'VE GOT TO CRY!
THEN WHY IS THIS LETTER
POSTMARKED FROM NICE?
(sesame)
OH, NEVER MIND,
MY LITTLE POLLY.
YOUR SECRET IS
SAFE WITH ME!
SOYEZ GAIE
AND TRUST ME!
NOW THEN, DRY YOUR EYES,
THEN CHANGE INTO YOUR TUNIC.
WE ARE DANCING
ON THE GRASS!
HA HA HA!
NO! I WON'T DO IT!
A WESTERN ARTISTE AC WITH AN AMATEUR? NEVER!
WE'VE ENOUGH COCKNEYS
IN THIS SHOW AS IT IS!
AND WITH DETHRILL
OUT FRONT, TOO.
HE'LL THINK HE'S
WATCHING A VARIETY ACT!
YOU'LL BE EXPECTING
ME TO SING,
ANY OLD IRON NEXT!
YES!
ANY OLD IRON ANY OLD IRON
ANY ANY ANY OLD IRON
YOU LOOK NEA TALK ABOUT A TREAT
YOU LOOK BETTER
FROM YOUR HEAD TO YOUR FEET
DRESSED IN STYLE,
BRAND NEW DOLL
WITH YOUR FATHER'S
OLD GREEN TIE ON
I WOULDN'T BE THE DUFFER IN
THE OLD WATCH CHAIN
OLD IRON, OLD IRON
DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH, DAH
DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH
DAH-DAH, DAH-DAH
HOW'S THAT?
THAT'S IT! YOU'RE A
COCKNEY JUNK DEALER.
MADE YOUR FORTUNE IN
SCRAP METAL AFTER THE WAR.
YOU WANT TO
BETTER YOURSELF.
POLLY, TOO!
YOU'RE TRYING TO LIVE DOWN YOUR
PAST.
I'LL WRITE IT.
WE'LL SAVE THE SHOW YET!
I WON'T DO IT!
HAS ANYONE GO A FOUNTAIN PEN?
DID YOU HEAR THA GIRL'S ACCENT?
PAPER, PAPER!
I WANT YOU ALL
TO DO YOUR BEST.
AND TELL THE BOYS I
HAVEN'T TIME.
TELL THEM TO
DANCE LIKE NIJINSKY.
DETHRILL'S OUT FRONT!
OH, NOT DETHRILL, THE JENNY DILL
MERCHAN FROM CABLE STREET?
NO, IT MUST BE DETHRILL,
THE GREAT HOLLYWOOD
DIRECTOR,
TALENT-SPOTTING FOR
HIS NEW, SUPER, COLOSSAL,
ALL-TALKING, ALL-SINGING,
ALL-DANCING FAMOUS MUSICAL!
GIRLS: OH, THAT ONE!
HI, TOOTS.
HOW'S POLL DOING?
QUITE PROMISING,
ACTUALLY.
CARE FOR A PUFF?
UH-UH.
IT MIGHT STUNT MY GROWTH.
I SAY,
THAT'S A KICKY STEP.
WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?
SEARCH ME, TOOTS.
YOU SEE, AS A KID I
WAS KICKED IN THE HEAD.
AND WHEN I CAME TO...
AMNESIA.
HOW ON EARTH
DID THAT HAPPEN?
YOU'VE HEARD OF
THE RUSSIAN REVOLUTION.
BAH-BAH-BAH!
AND ALL THAT JAZZ.
YES.
WELL...
I'M TOLD I WAS ON
THE STEPPES OF ODESSA...
WHEN THE WHITES
WENT BANANAS!
WHEN I WOKE UP,
ALL I COULD REMEMBER
WAS HOW TO TAP DANCE.
FASCINATING!
PLUS THE NAME
OF ONE STEP.
THE DOUBLE TRIP...
MAXIE FORD...
WITH A KNICKERBOCKER BREAK!
WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR PARENTS?
I DON'T KNOW.
I NEVER HEARD
FROM ANYBODY.
I GUESS THEY
WERE DONE IN.
ANYWAY, SINCE
I SPOKE AMERICAN,
I WAS SHIPPED OFF
TO THE STATES,
WHERE THEY PUT ME
IN AN ORPHANAGE.
WHAT WAS THAT LIKE?
IT WAS CRUMMY. THEY
WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME TAP-DANCE.
SO...
ONE DARK NIGHT,
AT THE RIPE OLD AGE
OF 6 1/2,
I RAN AWAY
TO NEW YORK!
TO MANHATTAN.
TO TIMES SQUARE.
TO BROADWAY!
WHERE I BECAME
A BABY STAR.
I'M...
A-TAPPING
DOWN BROADWAY
JUST A-TAP, TAP
TAPPING DOWN BROADWAY
'CAUSE BROADWAY'S
MY TAP SLAP-HAPPY HOME
CRAM, ROLL, SHUFFLE,
BALL CHANGE, TAP TAP
THEN I OUTGREW
MY SHORT PANTS,
AND IT WAS CURTAINS
FOR TINY TOM.
I SAY, YOU WOULDN'T BE PULLING
A FELLA'S LEG, WOULD YOU?
NO. EVERY WORD'S
THE TRUTH.
CUB SCOUT'S OATH!
OH, THERE'S OUR CUE.
READY?
OH, THA WAS MARVELOUS.
BUT TOMMY, COULD WE TAKE
IT EASY THIS AFTERNOON?
I'VE GOT THE MOS APPALLING HEADACHE.
OH, OK, TOOTS.
I'LL GIVE IT THE OLD
MATINEE SOFT SELL.
(LAUGHING)
MAN: AND...
(PIANO PLAYS WALTZ)
EXCUSE ME.
PLEASE, COULD YOU GIVE THIS
TO THE MAITRE D'?
OUI, MAM'SELLE.
THANK YOU.
- GUESS WHO.
- TOMMY!
GOODNESS ME,
WHERE I AM...
OH, GOSH, YOU DID
MAKE A TAP JUMP.
FANCY MEETING YOU
HERE.
I LIVE HERE.
YOU WANT TO COME UP AND
SEE MY ETCHINGS?
OH, I SAY, PLEASE...
PLEASE! I MUS LEAVE AT ONCE!
I'M JUST HERE
ON AN ERRAND
FOR MADAME DUBONNET,
ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE
CARNIVAL BALL TONIGHT.
IF SHE WERE
TO FIND OUT,
I'D BE ASKED TO
LEAVE UNDER A CLOUD.
MMM. I'M NO LETTING YOU GO
UNTIL YOU PROMISE ME
ONE THING.
AND WHAT IS THAT?
OH, YOU KNOW AS
WELL AS I DO.
- DO I?
- OF COURSE YOU DO.
I WANT YOU TO PROMISE
THAT TONIGHT...
YOU'RE GOING TO
DANCE EVERY DANCE
AT THE BALL WITH ME.
OH, THAT! THAT'S OUT OF
THE QUESTION.
COME ON, MAISIE. BE A SPORT!
OH, YOU KNOW THERE'S NOBODY
I WANT TO DANCE WITH
BUT YOU.
REALLY?
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!
LISTEN, BABY,
TO MY PLEA
WON'T YOU COME
DANCING WITH ME?
BE MY BABY AND SAY YES
OR ELSE I'M
DONE FOR, I GUESS
TO DANCE WITH YOU
IS THRILLING TO
MY POOR EGO
SO BABY,
SAY YOU'RE WILLING
TO SHAKE A LEG,
OH...
WON'T YOU
CHARLESTON WITH ME?
WON'T YOU
CHARLESTON WITH ME?
AND WHILE THE BAND
IS PLAYING THAT
OLD VO-DE-O-DO
AROUND WE WILL GO
TOGETHER WE'LL SHOW THEM
HOW THE CHARLESTON
IS DONE
WE'LL SURPRISE
EVERYONE
JUST THINK
WHAT HEAVEN
IT'S GONNA BE
IF YOU WILL
CHARLESTON
CHARLESTON
WITH ME
WON'T YOU
CHARLESTON WITH ME?
WON'T YOU
CHARLESTON WITH ME?
AND WHILE THE BAND
IS PLAYING THAT
OLD VO-DE-O-DO
AROUND WE WILL GO
TOGETHER WE'LL SHOW THEM
HOW THE CHARLESTON
IS DONE
WE'LL SURPRISE EVERYONE
JUST THINK WHAT HEAVEN...
SHE'S DOUBLE-CROSSED
YOU!
WHAT?
DETHRILL'S IN
THE STAGE BOX!
CHORUS: WON'T YOU CHARLESTON
CHARLESTON WITH ME?
CHARLESTON, CHARLESTON,
CHARLESTON, CHARLESTON
CHARLESTON WITH ME
JUST THINK WHAT HEAVEN
EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE
WHY DON'T YOU CHARLESTON
CHARLESTON, CHARLESTON?
WHY DON'T YOU CHARLESTON
CHARLESTON WITH ME?
THEY TOLD ME WHEN I JOINED
IT WAS A NOEL COWARD PART.
NOW YOU DON'T EXPECT NOEL
TO TALK COCKNEY, DO YOU?
ANY MORE THAN
YOU WOULD A QUEEN.
HERE.
I CAN ACT POSH.
ACT POSH?
AH, CUT THAT.
DETHRILL WON' UNDERSTAND A WORD OF IT.
IT'S A FOREIGN LANGUAGE
TO THEM YANKS.
HE'LL THINK I'M
A CHARACTER MAN.
WELL, YOU'RE HARDLY
A JUVE, ARE YOU, DARLING?
PLEASE KEEP OU OF IT, MOIRA.
WELL, THE
CHILD'S NOT THAT BAD.
SHE'S GO A LITTLE TALENT.
TALENT? SHE'LL
NEVER MAKE THE WEST END
IN A MILLION YEARS.
WELL, LET'S BE
HONEST, DARLING.
THE NEAREST YOU EVER
GOT TO THE WEST END
WAS HARROW-ON-THE-HILL.
UNLESS YOU COUN THE TWICE-NIGHTLIES.
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN
THAT CHARITY MATINEE
I GAVE AT CROYDON?
OH, HERE. I WAS
IN THAT SHOW.
COCKNEY CAPERS.
YOU SANG
HENRY THE EIGHTH.
THERE YOU ARE.
WON'T TAKE A JIFFY.
- WHAT ABOUT ME?
- YOU TALK COCKNEY VERY REFINED.
YOU SHOULDN'T FIND
IT TOO DIFFICULT.
I WON'T DO IT!
UNLESS I PLAY IT STRAIGHT.
- IT'S PERFECT.
- HAVE YOU FIXED IT ON?
HERE, IT WON' COME OFF.
JUST PUT THIS
ONE ON AS WELL.
AND NOW, POLLY, BEFORE
YOUR FRIENDS ARRIVE,
I WANT YOU TO TELL ME
JUST ONE THING.
YES, MADAME?
HOW IS IT THA ONE SO SWEE AND CHARMING
AS YOU ARE
HAS TO PRETEND TO
HAVE...HOW YOU SAY...
BOY FRIEND,
AND WRITE HERSELF
LOVE LETTERS?
IT'S BECAUSE OF
MY FATHER, MADAME.
YOUR FATHER, HUH?
YES. YOU SEE,
BEFORE KAISER BILL
THE HORRIBLE,
HORRIBLE WAR,
WE WERE TERRIBLY,
TERRIBLY POOR.
DADDY WAS A SCRAP
METAL MERCHANT,
AND I WAS
A LITTLE MATCH GIRL.
BUT AFTER THE ARMISTICE
HE MADE HIS FORTUNE,
BOUGHT UP ALL THE ALLOYS
OUT OF THE STREET,
AND NOW WE ARE TERRIBLY
NOUVEAU RICHE, YOU SEE,
AND WHEN HE DIES I SHALL
BE REALLY EXTREMELY WEALTHY,
AND HE THINKS THAT EVERY MAN
WHO MAKES ADVANCES TO ME
IS JUST AFTER
MY MILLIONS.
SO, HE FORBIDS YOU
TO HAVE A BOY FRIEND?
WELL...
PRACTICALLY.
SO, YOU INVENT HIM?
YES, I'M AFRAID SO...
I SEE. POOR LITTLE
RICH GIRL.
WELL, I, TOO, HAVE HAD A LETTER
TODAY FROM YOUR FATHER,
AND HE IS COMING HERE
THIS MORNING.
DADDY? COMING HERE?
OUI.
HE IS COMING FROM TOULON
ON BUSINESS.
AND WHEN I SEE HIM,
I WILL HAVE A LITTLE
WORD WITH HIM.
HE MUST LISTEN!
HE SHALL SEE.
ATTENDRE,
MY LITTLE DAUGHTER.
TODAY, WE DANCE!
MAN: ALRIGHT!
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYS)
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC BEGINS)
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(CHARLESTON MUSIC PLAYS)
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL
MUSIC BEGINS)
(CHARLESTON MUSIC PLAYS)
(CHARLESTON MUSIC CONTINUES)
(LIGHT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC BEGINS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
(LIGHT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS)
BLESS YOU,
MES ENFANTS.
MAY THE GODS
POUR LIBATIONS
AND HAPPINESS
ON YOUR HOUSES.
NOW RUN ALONG,
MY DEAR DAUGHTERS.
MADAME WISHES
TO MEDITATE!
OH, REALLY!
NO, THANK YOU.
MADAME, ICI MONSIEUR BROWNE,
LE PERE DE POLLY.
MONSIEUR!
HERE YOU ARE.
IN COCKNEY ACCENT:
HOW DO YOU DO, MADAME?
HOW DO YOU DO?
MONSIEUR BROWNE,
OR SHOULD I SAY
MA PETIT PERCY?
MR. BROWNE:
I DON'T FOLLOW YOU, MADAME.
MADEMOISELLE DUBONNET:
MAIS OUI, MON CHER.
WON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
DO YOU NOT REMEMBER
YOUR LITTLE KIKI?
KIKI.
GOOD HEAVENS!
THIS IS
IMPOSSIBLE!
MOST AWKWARD!
HOW COULD IT BE?
AFTER ALL WE HAVE BEEN
TO EACH OTHER!
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN
ARMISTICE NIGHT?
WHEN YOU
KISSED ME ON...
THE CHAMPS-ELYSEES?
YES, MADAME.
I HAVE...
COMPLETELY
FORGOTTEN!
SURELY NOT, CHERI.
I WORE A WHITE DRESS,
AND YOU WERE IN UNIFORM.
LATER ON,
I CALLED YOU
MY PRETTY PRIVATE.
THEN WE DRANK
CHAMPAGNE.
EVERYONE WAS HAPPY!
THEN...
TWO LITTLE
LOVEBIRDS FLEW OVER OUR HEADS.
(BIRD WHISTLE)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
SO, THE KID HAS STEPPED
INTO THE STAR'S SHOES.
GOSH, RITA.
I'M SORRY.
DOES IT HURT?
HURT? OF COURSE
IT HURTS...
WHEN SOMEONE ELSE
TAKES YOUR PLACE.
BUT I COULD NEVER HOPE
TO BE ANOTHER RITA MONROE.
NO ONE COULD,
DEAR. EVER!
BUT YOU MIGH JUST GET BY.
MM-HMM. ONE DAY.
NOW YOU'RE JUS A NERVOUS, SKINNY KID
OVERWHELMED A THE IMPOSSIBILITY
OF TRYING TO
SAVE THE SHOW.
AND ON TOP OF THAT,
YOU HAVE TO FACE
THE BITTER
DISAPPOINTMEN OF ALL MY FANS
OUT THERE,
WHO SCRIMPED AND
SAVED THEIR PENNIES
WEEK AFTER WEEK
TO COME HERE
THIS AFTERNOON
TO SEE THAT SPECIAL
KIND OF MAGIC
THAT ONLY...
THEIR RITA
CAN GIVE THEM.
OH, WELL.
DO YOU KNOW YOUR STEPS?
NOW SHOW ME
THE BUCK-AND-WING BREAK
FROM THE FIRST DUET.
OH, SORRY, RITA.
YES, WELL, FAKE IT!
THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS
DID WHENEVER I WAS ILL.
CHANCES ARE THEY'LL
NEVER NOTICE.
OH, AND THEN THERE IS
THAT TRICKY OBBLIGATO
IN THE PIERRETTE NUMBER.
AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH
AH-AH-AH-AH...
(COUGHING)
AH-AH-AH-AH-AH...
MMM...
OH, WELL,
THAT PARKHILL WOMAN'S
SURE TO BE SINGING FLAT.
OH, THEY'LL
NEVER NOTICE.
OH, AND IF YOU DO
FORGET YOUR LINES,
AD LIB.
IT'LL DESTROY
THE REST CF THE CAST,
BUT AT LEAS YOU WON'T DRY.
OH, NOW, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER
AND DON'T WORRY.
THEY'LL FIND A REPLACEMEN TOMORROW.
NOW GET OUT THERE,
AND BE SO GREAT...
YOU'LL MAKE ME
HATE YOU.
OH, THANK YOU, RITA.
YOU'RE REALLY TOO KIND.
SWEET.
I COULD BE HAPPY WITH YOU
IF YOU COULD BE
HAPPY WITH ME
(BIRD WHISTLE CONTINUES)
THEN,
FROM A LITTLE CAFE,
CAME THE STRAINS
OF A WALTZ.
HOW DID IT GO?
I STILL RECALL
SO TENDERLY
THE NIGHT WHEN
FIRST WE MET
THE MEMORY'S
SO DEAR TO ME
SO HOW CAN
YOU FORGET?
FANCY FORGETTING
THE LOVE THAT WE KNEW
WHEN WE WERE
FANCY FREE
FANCY FORGETTING
WHAT I SAID TO YOU
AND WHAT YOU
SAID TO ME
THOUGH THE YEARS
GO BY
AND OUR YOUTH
IS GONE
MEMORIES
DON'T DIE
LIKE A SONG
THEY LINGER ON
TOGETHER: SO JUST WHEN
I THOUGHT YOU'D
REMEMBERED IT, TOO
FANCY, JUST FANCY
YOU FORGETTING
(APPLAUSE)
I TOLD YOU
I'D PLAY IT STRAIGHT!
WHOO! HARK
TO THAT!
OOH, I'M REAL SCARED.
I CAN'T REMEMBER A THING!
AH, DON'T WORRY.
AND POLL...
DON'T TRY
TO COPY THE OTHERS.
IF YOU REALLY MEAN
WHAT YOU SAY
ON THE STAGE, YOU CAN' GO WRONG.
I'LL LOOK AFTER YOU.
(PIANO PLAYS
PERFECT YOUNG LADIES)
OOH!
OOH!
OOH LA LA!
CLASS DISMISSED!
OOH...OOH...
GIRLS, I KNOW.
LET'S GO AND TRY ON
OUR COSTUMES
BEFORE LUNCHEON!
YES, LET'S!
ARE YOU COMING
TOO, POLLY?
OH, NO.
I THINK I'LL JUST STAY HERE.
I'M EXPECTING
DADDY ANY MOMENT.
AND AREN' YOU EXPECTING...
HIM?
HIM? OH.
OH, YES, OF COURSE.
HOW DESPERATELY
SMALL.
OH, LET'S LEAVE HER GO.
SHE WANTS TO BE ALONE.
GOOD-BYE.
MAN: EXCUSEZ-MOI.
OH! YOU STARTLED ME.
I'M SORRY, MISS.
I'M AFRAID I CAME IN
THE WRONG WAY.
THIS IS THE VILLA
CAPRICE, ISN'T IT?
YES.
WELL, I HAVE A PACKAGE HERE FOR
MISS POLLY BROWNE.
OH, REALLY?
HOW FUNNY.
FUNNY? WHY?
BECAUSE I'M
POLLY BROWNE.
WELL, IT'S
A VERY PRETTY NAME.
OH, THANK YOU.
AND YOU LIVE
UP TO IT.
OH!
(CHUCKLING)
I'M SORRY, MISS.
I'M AFRAID I'M
FORGETTING MYSELF.
HERE'S YOUR
PACKAGE.
OH, THANK YOU.
DON'T THEY MAKE
A LOVELY COUPLE?
(TITTERING)
I'M SO SORRY.
I PACKED I MYSELF, AND...
WELL, IF YOU DON' MIND MY SAYING SO,
IT'S A VERY
PRETTY DRESS.
OH, YES,
IT IS, ISN'T IT?
YES.
I'M SURE THAT YOU'LL...
I MEAN IT...
IT WILL BE THE PRETTIES AT THE BALL.
OH, I DON' EXPECT SO, REALLY.
I DO.
IN FACT, I KNOW IT.
LI-I
YES?
WELL, PERHAPS
I'D BETTER BE GOING.
OH, YES.
OH, NO!
OH, YES.
PERHAPS YOU HAD.
ACCENT! ACCENT!
I SAY!
YES?
AREN'T YOU?
YES, AS A MATTER
OF FACT, I AM.
YOU DON'T SEEM LIKE
A MESSENGER BOY SOMEHOW.
DON'T I?
WELL...TO TELL YOU THE
TRUTH,
I DON'T USUALLY
DO THIS SORT OF THING,
BUT JUST AT THE MOMENT,
I'M AFRAID I'M RATHER
ON MY BEAM-ENDS.
OH, WHAT A SHAME.
AND AT CARNIVAL TIME, TOO.
YES, IT'S A PITY, ISN'T IT?
I WAS HOPING I'D BE ABLE
TO GO TO THE BALL TONIGHT.
I'LL BE WATCHING.
OH, WILL YOU?
YES, OF COURSE.
WHY DON'T YOU COME, TOO?
ME, COME TO THE BALL?
YES, WHY NOT?
I'VE GOT AN EXTRA TICKET, AND...
OH, DEAR.
YOU MUST THINK ME
TERRIBLY FORWARD!
NO, I DON'T!
LI-I
I THINK YOU'RE...
TERRIBLY...TERRIBLY...
(MUSIC PLAYS)
MAN SINGS: I DON'T CLAIM
THAT I AM PSYCHIC
BUT ONE LOOK AT YOU
(MOUTHS WORDS)
AND I KICK AWAY
EVERY SCRUPLE
I LEARNED AS A PUPIL
IN SCHOOL, MY DEAR
WOMAN: I'M NOT ONE
TO MAKE PREDICTIONS
BUT I'VE THROWN OFF
ALL RESTRICTIONS
AND BY CONFESSING
I THINK IT'S A BLESSING
THAT YOU ARE HERE
(BOTH MOUTHING)
m: THOUGH I'M PREPARED m:
TO FIND I'M WRONG
I'VE GOT A FUNNY FEELING
WE BELONG TOGETHER
(REAL SINGING)
I COULD BE HAPPY
WITH YOU
IF YOU COULD BE HAPPY
WITH ME
I'D BE CONTENTED
TO LIVE ANYWHERE
WHAT WOULD I CARE?
AS LONG AS YOU WERE THERE
SKIES MAY NOT ALWAYS
BE BLUE
BUT ONE THING IS CLEAR AS
CAN BE
I KNOW THAT I COULD
BE HAPPY
WITH YOU, MY DARLING
IF YOU COULD BE HAPPY
WITH
(RECORD SKIPS)
HAPPY WITH
HAPPY WITH
HAPPY WITH
HAPPY WITH
HAPPY WITH
HAPPY WITH
HAPPY WITH...
(WALTZING MUSIC)
THEN YOU WILL COME
TO THE BALL?
WELL, I'LL TRY.
I'LL HAVE TO SEE
ABOUT A COSTUME.
THERE'S A PIERROT'S
COSTUME AT GASTON'S.
COULDN'T YOU
BORROW IT?
WELL, I'LL SEE.
HOW CAN I LET YOU KNOW?
OH, LET ME THINK.
I'LL BE ON THE PLAGE
AT 3:00 THIS AFTERNOON...
ON THE CRAZY
GOLF COURSE.
GOOD-BYE TILL THEN.
GOOD-BYE.
AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW
HIS NAME.
POLLY! OH, POLLY!
I HAVE A VISITOR FOR YOU.
DADDY!
I'M SO HAPPY!
ARE YOU, MY DEAR? I'M
GLAD TO HEAR IT.
HAS HE ARRIVED YET,
POLLY?
YES, HE'S ARRIVED.
HE'S REALLY ARRIVED.
ALL: HEY!
THEY'RE BLUE WITHOUT
CAN'T DO WITHOUT
AREN'T WE JUST
ONE PLUS TWO WITHOUT
THAT CERTAIN BIG BOY
THE BOY FRIEND?
(APPLAUSE)
IN MY IMAGINATION
I SEARCH THE STARLI SKY SO BRIGHT
IN MY IMAGINATION
THERE I SAW YOU
IN THE NIGHT
AND THEN ONE DAY
I FOUND YOU
HOW COULD I HELP
BUT REALIZE
MY LUCKY STAR WAS SMILING
RIGHT THERE BEFORE
MY VERY EYES?
YOU
ARE MY
LUCKY STAR
I SAW YOU
FROM AFAR
TWO LOVELY EYES AT ME
THEY WERE GLEAMING
BEAMING
I WAS STAR STRUCK
YOU WORE
MY LUCKY CHARMS
I'M LUCKY
IN YOUR ARMS
YOU OPENED HEAVEN'S PORTAL
HERE ON EARTH
FOR THIS POOR MORTAL
YOU ARE
MY LUCKY STAR
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
EY?
HE SAYS YOU WERE
LOVELY, DARLING.
OH, YOU SPEAK
FRENCH?
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
...COLLEGE DE BRIGHTON.
EN FRANCE,
NATURELLEMENT.
(CHUCKLES)
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
MERCI,
MADEMOISELLE.
AU REVOIR,
MADEMOISELLE.
THAT MEANS
GOOD-BYE, MISS.
SHE'S ONLY AN UNDERSTUDY,
YOU KNOW.
NOT A REAL ACTRESS.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
I HAVE A FEW PHOTOGRAPHS
HERE OF OUR PAST SUCCESSES
THAT MIGHT INTEREST YOU,
MR. DETHRILL.
THAT'S ME
IN THE CHINESE BUNGALOW.
AND WHAT ARE YOU HERE?
OH, THAT'S ME AS HAMLET.
A TRAGEDY.
A TRAVESTY.
HERE I AM IN THE LUCK
OF THE NAVY.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
...MERCI...
(CONTINUES IN FRENCH)
(CHUCKLES)
HA HA HA HA HA.
(ALL LAUGH)
(SNOOTY FRENCH)
SHADDUP.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
OUI.
HAH!
HAH!
ALL: AAH!
(SEVERAL SPEAKING FRENCH)
THAT CHAMPAGNE
COST MONEY!
WE SHOULD BE SAFE IN HERE.
POLLY!
WE THOUGHT YOU WERE
WITH THE OTHERS.
SORRY.
E-EXCUSE US.
COME ON,
DULCIE.
(BABY CRIES)
(PIANO PLAYS)
WHAT A LOVELY DAY
WHAT A LOVELY DAY
FOR A DIP IN THE SEA
OH, WHAT FUN IT WILL BE
WON'T YOU COME
AND HAVE A SWIM WITH ME?
BUT WHATEVER YOU DO,
WHEN I'M SWIMMING WITH YOU
PLEASE REMEMBER
NOT TO GO TOO FAR
THOUGH YOU MAY LOOK CUTE
IN YOUR BATHING SUIT
WE DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE
THERE'S NO KNOWING
WHO YOU ARE GOING TO
MEET SUR LA PLAGE
YOU MAY RUN UP
AGAINST A RAJAH
OR MAYBE YOUR MAN
WILL BE
A POOR MAN
SAL OR SUSIE CANNO BE CHOOSY
FOR HERE LOVE'S
A GUESSING GAME
SUR LA PLAGE,
SUR LA PLAGE
EVERYONE LOOKS THE SAME
HUBERT!
HUBERT, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
NOTHING,
MY DEAR.
JUST ADMIRING
THE VIEW.
SO DIFFEREN FROM BOGNOR, ISN'T IT?
MUCH PRETTIER.
I FEEL 20 YEARS YOUNGER.
AND BEHAVING ACCORDINGLY,
I NOTICED!
REALLY, HUBERT,
HOW CAN YOU AFTER OUR LAST...
OH, NOW, HILDA,
DON'T TAKE ON SO.
TONY ISN'T DEAD,
YOU KNOW.
HIS NOTE SAID
HE WAS OFF TO NICE.
BUT HE HASN'T ANY MONEY.
WE MUST FIND HIM.
DO SOMETHING, HUBERT!
VERY WELL, MY DEAR!
(HONK HONK HONK HONK)
OH, HOW DARE YOU!
STOP IT!
SUR LA PLAGE,
SUR LA PLAGE
EVERYONE LOOKS THE SAME
THERE'S NO SAYING WHO
MAY BE PLAYING WITH
YOU SUR LA PLAGE
A KNIGHT WHO'S LEF BEHIND HIS CHARGER
MAY CALL YOU
DUCKY
WON'T YOU
BE LUCKY?
IN THE OCEAN,
YOU'LL FIND EMOTION
MAY PLAY YOU
A FUNNY GAME
SUR LA PLAGE,
SUR LA PLAGE
EVERYONE LOOKS THE
EVERYONE LOOKS THE
EVERYONE LOOKS THE SAME
(APPLAUSE)
OH! HA HA! OOH...
(GIGGLES)
WHAT DO YOU WEAR
THAT FOR,
TO KEEP WARM
IN BED?
SO ME OWN WIFE
WON'T RECOGNIZE ME.
OH, YOU! (GIGGLES)
OOH, COME HERE.
OH, THERE YOU ARE!
YES. DID YOU THINK
I WASN'T COMING?
WELL...l WASN'T SURE.
WELL, YOU OUGH TO HAVE BEEN.
OH, AND I'VE SEEN
MONSIEUR GASTON
ABOUT A COSTUME,
AND IT'S ALRIGHT.
NOW I SHALL REALLY
ENJOY THE CARNIVAL BALL.
SO SHALL l.
BY JOVE...
I NEVER THOUGH I SHOULD BE GOING TO I WITH ANYONE LIKE YOU.
MAKES ME FEEL RATHER
NERVOUS, REALLY.
NERVOUS? WHY?
WELL...
ME JUS A MESSENGER BOY,
AND YOU A RICH
YOUNG LADY
FROM THE VILLA CAPRICE.
RICH? OH...
I AIN'T RICH.
I THOUGHT YOU COULD
TELL THAT BY ME ACCENT.
I JUST WORK THERE AS...
AS...MADAME DUBONNET'S
SECRETARY!
DO YOU HONESTLY?
Y-YES.
WELL, THEN...
WE'RE NOT SO DIFFEREN AFTER ALL.
NO.
I'M SO GLAD.
I THOUGHT YOU'D
ONLY LIKE...
THE GRAND LIFE.
YOU KNOW, BIG CARS
AND DIAMONDS
AND CHAMPAGNE.
OH, NO.
I'M QUITE CONTEN WITH SIMPLE THINGS.
HOW RIPPING.
SO AM I.
A LIFE OF WEALTH DOES NO APPEAL TO ME AT ALL
DO YOU AGREE AT ALL?
I DO
THE MERE IDEA OF LIVING
IN A PALACE IS
SO FULL OF FALLACIES
THAT'S TRUE
I'VE GO A VERY DIFFERENT
SORT OF SCHEME
IN MIND
IT'S JUST A DREAM
DESIGNED
FOR TWO
WOULD YOU CARE
TO HEAR ABOUT IT
DEAR?
WOULD I CARE TO?
CAN YOU DOUBT IT
DEAR?
ALL I WANT IS A ROOM
IN BLOOMS
BURY
JUST A ROOM
THAT WILL DO
FOR YOU
AND ME
ONE ROOM'S
ENOUGH FOR US
THOUGH IT'S ON
THE TOP FLOOR
LIFE MAY
BE ROUGH FOR US
BUT ITS TROUBLES
WE'LL IGNORE
WHILE I'M READING
A BOOK
I'LL COOK
A STEW
THEN I'LL BAKE
A PLUM DUFF
ENOUGH
FOR TWO
YOU'LL BE SITTING
AND YOU'LL BE
KNITTING
AND SO CONTENTED
WE'LL BE
IN OUR DEAR LITTLE
ROOM IN BLOOMSBURY
ALL WE WANT IS A ROOM
IN BLOOMS
BURY
JUST A ROOM
THAT WILL DO
FOR YOU
AND ME
I'LL SEW THE COVERS FOR
TWO OLD COZY ARMCHAIRS
NEIGHBORS WILL LOVE US FOR
WE SHALL LAUGH
AT ALL OUR CARES
FROM THE HEAVENS ABOVE
OUR LOVE WILL BRING
SUCH A BUNDLE OF JOY
OUR HEARTS WILL SING
LIFE'S SO JOLLY
FOR ME AND POLLY
A HAPPY FAMILY ARE WE
ALL WE WANT IS A ROOM
IN BLOOMSBURY
(APPLAUSE)
SHH!
MADEMOISELLE BROWNE,
WHAT WOULD
MADAME DUBONNET SAY
IF SHE SAW YOU CARRYING ON
WITH A MESSENGER BOY!
OH, PLEASE DON'T TELL
HER, HORTENSE! PLEASE!
MADEMOISELLE,
PLEASE.
WELL, ALRIGHT.
AFTER ALL, IT IS
CARNIVAL TIME!
OH, MADEMOISELLE!
OH, THANK YOU!
AU REVOIR,
AU REVOIR!
GOOD-BYE! OH!
HORTENSE, DO TELL!
WAS THAT MADEMOISELLE BROWNE
WITH HER BEAU?
I HAVE NO IDEA!
(GASPS)
OH, YES YOU HAVE.
GO ON, HORTENSE,
DO TELL!
HORTENSE, IS HE
TERRIBLY SLICK AND HANDSOME?
I DO NOT KNOW WHA YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!
OH, ISN'T SHE MEAN?
IF YOU JUST TELL ME
WHAT HE'S LIKE, HORTENSE,
I'LL GIVE YOU THA HANDKERCHIEF SACHET!
AND I'LL GIVE YOU
THOSE CROCHETED FLOWERS.
MEN: AND WE'LL GIVE YOU
A RIDE IN HIS CAR.
OH, YEAH!
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
IT IS NOT SEEMLY TO BE
SO CURIOUS ABOUT A YOUNG MAN.
AND WHY NOT?
HAVEN'T YOU EVER
BEEN CURIOUS,
HORTENSE?
ALL: HORTENSE, DO TELL!
OOH LA LA!
HORTENSE
IS NOT SO PRIM
AS SHE PRETENDS, EH?
OOH!
OF COURSE SHE ISN'T.
AFTER ALL,
SHE IS FRENCH.
YES, I AM! WITH...
HOW DO YOU SAY IT...
KNOBS ON.
CRIKEY, THE WIFE.
AY?
(BABY CRIES)
OH. HA.
AND LIKE EVERY
GOOD FRENCH WOMAN,
I HAVE A PAST.
ALL: OH, DO TELL US
ABOUT IT, HORTENSE.
(PIANO PLAYS)
HERE. YOU'RE NOT ON
IN THIS NUMBER!
I AM NOW. THE WIFE'S
OFF AFTER ME.
WHAT?
I'M OFTEN ASKED IF
I WOULD LIKE TO TRAVEL
AND VISIT OTHER LANDS
ACROSS THE SEA
BUT THOUGH IT MIGH BE PLEASANT
I THINK THAT FOR
THE PRESENT
THIS IS THE PLACE
WHERE I PREFER TO BE
LET OTHERS GO
TO SWEDEN OR SIAM
I THINK I STAY
EXACTLY WHERE I AM
THEY SAY IT'S
LOVELY WHEN A
YOUNG LADY'S
IN VIENNA
BUT IT'S NICER,
MUCH NICER IN NICE
IN AMSTERDAM OR BRUSSELS
THE MEN HAVE
GREAT BIG MUSCLES
BUT THEY'RE NICER,
MUCH NICER IN NICE
I'VE HEARD THA THE ITALIANS
ARE VERY FOND
OF DALLIANCE
AND THEY'RE ALL SO KEEN
ON IT IN GREECE
BUT WHATEVER THEY MAY SAY
THIS IS WHERE
I WANT TO STAY
FOR IT'S SO MUCH NICER
IN NICE
SHE SAYS IT'S NICER,
MUCH NICER IN NICE
SHE SAYS IT'S NICER,
MUCH NICER IN NICE
SOME PEOPLE'S
ONE DESIRE IS
TO GO TO BUENOS AIRES
BUT IT'S NICER,
MUCH NICER IN NICE
THE LAWS
ARE RATHER VAGUE IN
THE TOWN OF COPENHAGEN
BUT THEY'RE NICER,
MUCH NICER IN NICE
AND SOME MAY
LIKE A FLUTTER
IN BOMBAY OR CALCUTTA
BUT THEY MIGHT HAVE TROUBLE
WITH THE POLICE
OOH LA LA
OTHER PLACES
MAY BE FUN
BUT WHEN ALL IS
SAID AND DONE
IT IS SO MUCH NICER
IN NICE
BUT IT'S NICER
MUCH NICER IN NICE
AH HA HA HA HA HA!
BUT IT'S NICER
- MUCH NICER IN NICE
- DO SOMETHING!
OOH, LA LA!
BUT THEY MIGH HAVE TROUBLE
WITH THE POLICE
OOH, MON DIEU!
THOUGH I KNOW
A LOVE AFFAIR
IS DELICIOUS
ANYWHERE
IT'S SO MUCH NICER IN NICE
SOME MAY LIKE A FLUTTER
IN BOMBAY OR CALCUTTA
BUT THEY MIGHT HAVE TROUBLE
WITH THE POLICE
OTHER PLACES MAY BE FUN,
BUT WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE
IT'S SO MUCH NICER
SO MUCH NICER
SO MUCH NICER
IN NICE
(LAUGHTER)
AND NOW I REALLY
MUST GO.
POLLY, WOULD YOU...
YES?
WOULD YOU KISS ME
GOOD-BYE?
YES, IF YOU
WANT ME TO.
WAS THAT ALRIGHT?
OH. OH, YES.
WORD PERFECT.
DETHRILL WILL
WHISK YOU OFF
TO HOLLYWOOD AFTER THIS.
OH, HOLLYWOOD? DON'T!
IF I JUST GET THROUGH
THE SHOW, IT WOULD BE
ENOUGH FOR ME.
IT WAS NICE OF YOU
TO REHEARSE WITH ME. THANKS.
OH, THAT'S ALRIGHT.
I WISH
I WAS PLAYING TONY.
I'M GLAD I COULDN' FIND HIM.
HE SEEMS TO AVOID ME
OFFSTAGE.
YET HE'S VERY KIND.
I SUPPOSE I'M JUS NOT HIS TYPE.
I WONDER WHO HE'D...
REALLY GO FOR.
OH, WELL, IF SEEING
IS BELIEVING,
I RECKON IT'S SOMEONE
LIKE DULCIE.
(WHISTLING)
HEY, TOOTS,
YOU'RE QUITE A HOOFER.
OH! TA!
I'LL HAVE TO TEACH YOU
THE DOUBLE TRIP...
MAXIE FORD...
WITH A KNICKERBOCKER
BREAK.
THAT'S GOOD.
WHERE'D YOU LEARN THAT?
SEARCH ME, TOOTS.
YOU SEE, AS A KID
I WAS KICKED
IN THE HEAD.
AND WHEN I CAME TO,
AMNESIA...
(MUSIC PLAYS)
PERCY, PERCY
PLEASE HAVE MERCY
WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS
BE SO SAD AND GLOOMY?
WHY CAN'T YOU BE
A LITTLE NICER TO ME?
CHERI, CHERI
PLEASE BE MERRY
WHEN I AM TRYING
TO BE BRIGHT AND JOLLY
IT ISN'T NICE TO BE
SO MEL-AN-CHOLY
OH, DEAR
I GOT THE YOU-DON'T-WAN TO-PLAY-WITH-ME BLUES
DON'T-WANT-TO-PLAY
WITH-ME BLUES
IT'S CLEAR
I GOT THE YOU-DON'T-WAN TO-STAY-WITH-ME BLUES
DON'T-WANT-TO-STAY
WITH-ME BLUES
I AM
SO GOOD
AT SPREADING MIRTH
AND JOY
BUT IT'S
NO GOOD
WITH SUCH A SULKY BOY
I TRY
TO PLAY THE GAME
THE OTHER FELLOWS ALL CHOOSE
THE OTHER FELLOWS
ALL CHOOSE
I SIGH
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS
REFUSE
(RI-I-IIP)
WHAT IS A GIRL
TO DO?
(SNAP!)
WITH SUCH A BOY AS YOU?
I'VE GO THOSE DREARY
WEARY
YOU-DON'T-WANT-TO
PLAY-WITH-ME BLUES
OH, DEAR
I'VE GOT THE YOU-DON' WANT-TO-PLAY-WITH-ME BLUES
DON'T-WANT-TO-PLAY
WITH-ME-BLUES
IT'S CLEAR
I'VE GOT THE-YOU-DON' WANT-TO-STAY-WITH-ME BLUES
DON'T-WANT-TO-STAY
WITH-ME BLUES
I AM SO GOOD
AT SPREADING MIRTH
AND JOY
BUT IT'S NO GOOD
WITH SUCH A SULKY BOY
I TRY
TO PLAY THE GAME
THE OTHER FELLOWS ALL CHOOSE
THE OTHER FELLOWS
ALL CHOOSE
I SIGH
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS
REFUSE
WHAT IS A GIRL
TO DO
WITH SUCH A BOY AS YOU?
I'VE GO THOSE DREARY
WEARY
YOU-DON'T-WANT-TO
PLAY-WITH-ME BLUES
I'VE GOT THOSE
DREARY
WEARY
YOU-DON'T-WANT-TO
PLAY-WITH-ME BLUES
SHE TOLD ME SHE HAD
A HEADACHE FROM THE CHARLESTON.
WELL, SHE DIDN' AT ALL.
I THINK THERE'S GONNA BE
TROUBLE WITH THE CHAPS.
HMM...MAYBE SOME PEOPLE
DON'T LIKE BEING
DOUBLE-CROSSED.
WELL, WE'VE GOT TO LOOK
AFTER OURSELVES.
(PIANO PLAYS)
MAISIE!
MAISIE!
MAIS...OH, HERE YOU ARE
AT LAST.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING
EVERYWHERE FOR YOU.
HAVE YOU?
I'VE BEEN FOR A BATHE
WITH FAY.
OH, WITH FAY. ARE
YOU SURE THERE WASN' ANYBODY ELSE
WITH YOU?
WHAT IF THERE WAS?
I CAN GO BATHING
WITH WHOM I CHOOSE.
I WISH YOU'D CHOOSE ME.
YOU'RE JUST A BOY.
MAYBE I WANT SOMEONE
MORE MATURE.
SAY THE RIGHT LINES
OR SHUT UP!
BUT MAISIE, WHY?
BECAUSE I WANT TO HAVE
A GOOD TIME WHILE I'M YOUNG!
AFTER ALL,
I'M ONLY 17.
HEH HEH.
BUT I CAN SHOW YOU A
GOOD TIME.
IT'S NOT AS IF I HADN'T GO PLENTY OF CASH.
MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING,
THOUGH IT CERTAINLY HELPS.
ONE MORE AD LIB
LIKE THAT, TOOTS,
AND YOU'RE GETTIN'
A KNUCKLE SANDWICH.
HA HA HA.
BUT, MAISIE,
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA COME
AND SEE MY YACHT AGAIN?
YOU LIKED THAT,
DIDN'T YOU?
OH, YES!
IT'S A VERY DINKY YACHT.
I LIKE YACHTS.
MADEMOISELLE MAISIE.
OH, ALPHONSE!
HA HA HA HA! YOU
LOOK RAVISSANT!
BEHAVE YOURSELF
OR I'LL BELT YA.
JUST TRY IT,
YOU LITTLE TWERP.
DO NOT FORGET TONIGH YOU WILL DANCE THE TANGO
WITH ME!
OF COURSE NOT!
MAISIE!
MICHAEL!
YOU LOOK ENCHANTING.
TONIGHT YOU AND I WILL
DANCE THE TWO-STEP, YES?
I CAN HARDLY WAIT!
PACK IT IN,
YOU OLD COW.
DROOP OFF,
YOU FADED PANSY.
OH, PETER!
I, TOO, WANT TO DANCE
WITH YOU AT THE BALL,
YOU BEAT UP OLD BAG!
AND SO YOU SHALL... YOU
BALD-HEADED OLD LETCH!
MAISIE!
LISTEN TO ME!
ALL: LISTEN TO
ALL OF US.
YOU'RE SO FASCINATING,
BUT IT'S AGGRAVATING
THAT YOU KEEP US
WAITING TO HEAR
WHICH ONE WILL BE
YOUR FAVORITE HE
YOU'RE SO VERY TAKING
THAT OUR HEARTS ARE BREAKING
SO YOU SHOULD BE
MAKING IT CLEAR
WHICH ONE OF US
YOU'LL RATE ALPHA PLUS
NOW LISTEN
BO-OYS
YOU SHOULD RECALL
I'VE OFTEN SAID
I LOVE YOU
ALL
ALL: YOU LOVE US ALL?
YES! I LOVE YOU ALL!
IT'S TIME YOU LEARNED
THAT I'M NO FOOL
WHERE LOVE'S CONCERNED
I STICK TO THIS
RU-U-ULE
THERE'S SAFETY
IN NUMBERS
THAT'S WHAT I BELIEVE
A GIRL WHO'S CUTE
AT MAKING LOOT
IS NEVER LIKELY
TO GRIEVE
THE LADY WHO SLUMBERS
IS LEFT HIGH AND DRY
BUT I COULD MAKE
AN HONEST BUCK
I ALWAYS BET
ON LADY LUCK
THERE'S SAFETY
IN NUMBERS
AND THE MORE THE MERRIER,
SAY I
YOU...ME...
HOLLYWOOD.
CASH REGISTER SOUND:
(KA-CHING!)
(KA-CHING!)
(KA-CHING!)
WHOO!
WHOO!
YA-HOO!
YIP-EE!
YA-HOO!
YA-HOO!
(KA-CHING!)
(KA-CHING!)
(KA-CHING!)
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
(APPLAUSE)
CAN YOU SPEAK FRENCH?
AH, FRENCH!
I THINK PERHAPS
I'D BETTER BE
GETTING BACK TO
THE VILLA.
I HAVE SOME
LETTERS TO TYPE.
OH, DO YOU REALLY
HAVE TO GO SO SOON?
YES, I'M AFRAID I MUST.
BUT I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT,
WON'T I?
I SHOULD JOLLY WELL
THINK SO.
WHERE SHALL I
MEET YOU?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
YOU SAY.
WELL...HOW ABOU THE BALL AT 9:00?
LOVELY.
I SHALL BE WAITING.
OH, DEAR.
TONIGHT SEEMS
A VERY LONG TIME AWAY.
OH, IT'S NOT REALLY.
JUST A FEW HOURS.
YES.
AND IT'S GOING TO BE
A WONDERFUL EVENING,
ISN'T IT, POLLY?
YES, I'M SURE IT IS, TONY.
BUT IT'S JUST THE FIRST...
OF LOTS OF WONDERFUL
EVENINGS, ISN'T IT?
YES! A-AT LEAST,
I EXPECT SO.
BUT WHY
SHOULDN'T IT BE?
I MEANT WHAT I SAID
THIS MORNING.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I COULD BE HAPPY
WITH YOU
IF YOU COULD BE HAPPY
WITH ME
I'D BE CONTENTED
TO LIVE ANYWHERE
WHAT WOULD I CARE
AS LONG AS YOU
WERE THERE?
SKIES MAY NOT ALWAYS
BE BLUE
BUT ONE THING
IS CLEAR AS
CAN BE
I KNOW THAT I COULD
BE HAPPY
WITH YOU, MY DARLING
IF YOU COULD BE HAPPY
WITH
OH, NO, TONY.
I REALLY MUST GO.
POLLY?
YES?
WOULD YOU...
WILL YOU KISS ME
GOOD-BYE?
OH, YES.
IF YOU WANT ME TO.
HAVE YOU DECIDED?
I...LOVE...YOU!
OH...GOOD.
(FOOTSTEPS
APPROACH)
OH, GOSH!
OH, LOOK! IT'S TONY!
I'VE GOT A HOP IT,
QUICKLY!
BUT WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WE MUST STOP HIM!
HEY, YOU THERE! GENDARME!
GENDARME!
GENDARME! GENDARME!
STOP, THIEF! STOP!
CALLING THE POLICE?
OH, SURELY NOT!
ALPHONSE,
TELL ME QUICKLY.
WHO ARE THAT LADY
AND GENTLEMAN?
WHY, IT IS THE RICH MILORD
BROCKHURST AND HIS WIFE.
THEY SEEM TO BE
CHASING A THIEF.
A THIEF? OH, NO!
IT COULDN'T BE.
AND YET, THEY ARE RICH,
AND HE'S PENNILESS.
HE TOLD ME SO HIMSELF.
OH, DEAR,
HE MUST HAVE KNOWN
ALL ALONG
THAT I'M NOT A WORKING GIRL
BUT A MILLIONAIRE'S
DAUGHTER.
OH, DEAR.
HE'S JUST LIKE
ALL THE REST!
OH, POLLY, DID HE
STEAL SOMETHING
FROM YOU?
YES, HE DID.
NOT YOUR GOLD BANGLE!
NO.
NOT MY GOLD BANGLE.
SOMETHING
MUCH MORE PRECIOUS.
WHAT IS IT,
MA PETITE?
YOU LOOK QUITE PALE.
I THINK I CAN
EXPLAIN, MADAME.
THAT MAN WAS...
NO HORTENSE.
YOU PROMISED.
WHAT IS IT, POLLY?
IT'S NOTHING, MADAME.
I'M JUST A LITTLE
DISAPPOINTED, THAT'S ALL.
YOU SEE...l SHAN'T BE
GOING TO THE CARNIVAL BALL
AFTER ALL.
I COULD BE HAPPY
WITH YOU
IF YOU COULD
BE HAPPY
WITH ME
I'D BE CONTENTED
TO LIVE ANYWHERE
WHAT WOULD I CARE
AS LONG AS Y-YOU
WERE THERE?
SKIES MAY NOT ALWAYS BE BLUE
BUT ONE THING
IS CLEAR AS CAN BE
I KNOW THAT I COULD BE HAPPY
WITH YOU, MY DARLING
IF YOU COULD BE HAPPY WITH
ME
HAPPY WE'D BE
(APPLAUSE)
MICHAEL, MICHAEL,
JUST SLIP DOWN TO THE
CANTINA CAFE
AND GET ME THE
IVY PERKINS TRIO.
IT'S NEARLY TEA TIME, MR. MAX.
THEY MAY BE PLAYING.
WELL, THEN GET ME
THE BEST MUSICIANS IN THE TOWN.
THERE ARE NO GOOD
MUSICIANS IN THIS TOWN.
WELL, THEN GET ME
ANYBODY!
(SPEAKS BAD FRENCH)
AH! HOLLYWOOD!
NO. 'OLLYWOOD.
'OLLYWOOD?
THEY DROP THEIR S
IN FRANCE.
(sesame)
HEY, WHATSA MATTER, POLL?
OH. NOTHING.
I'VE GOT SOMETHING
IN MY EYE, THAT'S ALL.
DON'T WORRY, POLLY.
YOU WEREN'T THAT BAD.
THE DOG, IN LIFE,
MAN'S FIRMEST FRIEND,
IS WOMAN'S CONSOLATION
IN THE END.
UH...UH...
OH, MY DARLING, MY...
WHERE IS HE?
- WHO?
- DETHRILL, OF COURSE.
I INVITED HIM ROUND
FOR DRINKS IN
THE GREEN ROOM!
PERHAPS HE'S
COLORBLIND.
HO HO HO. VERY FUNNY.
YOU SHOULD BE
ON THE STAGE.
YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO
BE AN OLD MAN.
SO WHY DO YOU KEEP DYING
YOUR WHITE HAIR BLACK?
MY PUBLIC WOULDN' RECOGNIZE ME
FROM MY PHOTOGRAPH
IN THE FOYER.
NO, I SUPPOSE
THEY WOULDN'T.
IT'S SO YELLOW
WITH AGE,
YOU'D HAVE TO
MAKE UP AS A CHINAMAN!
HA HA. JEALOUSY
WILL GET YOU NOWHERE.
IS THAT MY MELBA SPRAY
YOU'RE USING ON
THAT WRETCHED DOG?
SHE'S NOT A DOG!
SHE IS A KING CHARLES!
HA HA. NAME-DROPPING
AGAIN.
HELP ME ON WITH
MY SPATS, WOMAN.
KA KA KA KA KA KA KA.
SHARP. POINT. SHARP. POINT.
HE'S THINKING OF TURNING
THE SHOW INTO A FILM.
HURRY UP!
TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK,
SHARP, POINT, HIP, BATH,
LUMP...
DID YOU BLANCO THEM?
OF COURSE!
AH. AH. AH. AH.
(BABY CRIES)
PSST!
(BABY CRIES)
WHEN EVERY DAY BEGINS
WHEN EVERY DAY IS DONE
HERE IN MY HEART
NEVER TO PART
YOU'LL ALWAYS BE THE ONE
ALL I DO
THE WHOLE NIGHT THROUGH
IS DREAM OF YOU
WITH THE DAWN,
I STILL GO ON
AND DREAM OF YOU
YOU'RE EVERY THOUGHT,
YOU'RE EVERY THING
YOU'RE EVERY SONG
I EVER SING
SUMMER, WINTER, AUTUMN
AND SPRING
AND WERE THERE MORE
THAN 24
HOURS A DAY
THEY'D BE SPEN IN SWEET CONTENT
DREAMING AWAY
WHEN SKIES ARE GRAY,
WHEN SKIES ARE BLUE
MORNING, NOON,
AND NIGHTTIME, TOO
ALL I DO
THE WHOLE DAY THROUGH
IS DREAM OF YOU
(TONY TAP DANCING)
THIS WAY, GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE.
UH, MR. MAX.
WHAT'S THIS?!
FRED KARNO'S ARMY?
WHERE'S THE IVY PERKINS
TRIO?
BUT YOU DID SAY
GET ANYONE, MR. MAX.
AND I WAS THROWN OUT OF THE
CANTINA CAFE FDR SOLICITING.
WELL, THEY MUSTN'T BE SEEN.
THEY'LL HAVE TO PLAY
IN A RECUMBENT POSITION.
(GAGS) LET'S PRAY
FOR AN UPSTAGE WIND.
NOTHING MUST DISTRACT DETHRILL
FROM MY PERFORMANCE!
THAT GOES FOR YOU,
TOO, MISS.
YOU JUST SIT STILL
AND GIVE ME MY CUES,
AND I MIGHT TAKE YOU
TO HOLLYWOOD WITH ME.
AH HA HA HA...
(SINGS SCALES)
BONSOIR, MA PETITE.
OH...YOU STARTLED ME!
I THOUGH YOU WERE FRENCH.
OH! DID YOU HONESTLY?
WELL, I'M NOT.
(LAUGHS) I DIDN'T MEAN
TO BE RUDE!
OH, THAT'S ALRIGHT.
IT'S JUST THAT...
I'M RATHER FED UP
WITH FRANCE.
HA HA! I CAN'T IMAGINE
A PRETTY LITTLE THING LIKE YOU
BEING FED UP
WITH ANYTHING!
WELL, I AM.
AND NOT JUST WITH
FRANCE.
I'M ALSO FED UP
WITH BOYS.
WITH BOYS?!
WELL, WHY NOT...
TRY SOMETHING OLDER?
SOMETHING...OLDER?
WHAT THE HELL
DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
A NURSE, NOT A TART!
HA HA HA!
SOMETHING OLDER...
LIKE ME, FOR INSTANCE.
I MAY BE TOO OLD
TO RUN A MILE
RUN A MILE?
YES, RUN A MILE
BUT THERE'S ONE THING
I STILL DO VERY WELL
I MAY BE TOO OLD
TO CLIMB A STILE
CLIMB A STILE?
YES, CLIMB A STILE
BUT THERE'S ONE THING
AT WHICH I STILL EXCEL
ALTHOUGH MY HAIR
IS TURNING GRAY
YES, IT'S RATHER
GRAY
I STILL BELIEVE I WHEN I SAY
WELL,
WHAT DO OOH
SAY?
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO HAVE A FLING
FOR AUTUMN IS JUS AS NICE AS SPRING
AND IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO FALL
IN LOVE
BOOP-A DOOP, BOOP-A
DOOP, BOOP-A DOOP
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO WINK AN EYE
I'LL DO IT UNTIL
THE DAY I DIE
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO FALL IN LOVE
BOOP-A DOOP, BOOP-A DOOP,
BOOP-A DOOP
IF THEY SAY I'M
TOO OLD FOR YOU
THEN I SHALL
ANSWER, WHY, SIR
ONE NEVER DRINKS
THE WINE THAT'S NEW
THE OLD ONES
TASTE MUCH NICER
A GENTLEMAN NEVER
FEELS TOO WEAK
TO PAT A PINK ARM
OR PINCH A CHEEK
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO FALL IN LOVE
SAYS WHO?
SAYS ME
SAYS YOU?
SAYS ME!
SAYS BOTH OF US TOGETHER
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO WHISPER WORDS
CONCERNING THE WAYS
OF BEES AND BIRDS
AND IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO FALL IN LOVE
WHACK-A-DO, WHACK-A-DO,
WHACK-A-DO!
PUSH ME BACK!
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO FLIRT AND SPOON
A FIDDLE THAT'S OLD
IS MORE IN TUNE
AND IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO FALL IN LOVE
WHACK-A DOO,
WHACK-A DOO, WHACK-A DOO
THE MODERN ARTISTS
OF TODAY
MAY PAIN THEIR PICTURES FASTER
BUT WHEN IT COMES
TO SKILL, I SAY
YOU CAN'T BEA AN OLD MASTER
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO BILL AND COO
AT ANY AGE,
ONE AND ONE MAKE TWO
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO FALL IN
NEVER TOO LATE
TO FALL IN
NEVER TOO LATE
TO FALL IN
BOTH: LOVE
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I PROUDLY PRESENT...
MY LATES CINEMATOGRAPHIC FANTASY
FOR THE SERVICE GREEN
ENTITLED
BEAUTY AND THE BATH CHAIR.
(MUSICIANS PLAY OFF-KEY)
(APPLAUSE)
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO BLOW A KISS
ESPECIALLY
AT A TIME LIKE THIS
NO, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO FALL IN LOVE
VO-DE-O, VO-DE-O,
VO-DE-O
IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
FOR FUN AND LARKS
A JOLLY OLD FLAME
HAS LOTS OF SPARKS
AND IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO FALL IN LOVE
VO-DE-O, VO-DE-O,
VO-DE-O
THE MODERN BUILDINGS
THAT YOU SEE
ARE OFTEN
MOST ALARMING
BUT I AM SURE
THAT YOU'LL AGREE
A RUIN
CAN BE CHARMING!
THERE'S DOG'S DIR ALL OVER YOUR SPATS, SIR.
(LAUGHTER)
OH, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO FALL IN
NEVER TOO LATE
TO FALL IN
NEVER TOO LATE
TO FALL IN
BOTH: LOVE
(PIANO PLAYS)
THE OUTRAGE, MR. DETHRILL.
THE GIRL'S TAKEN LEAVE
OR HER SENSES! SHE'S DISMISSED.
SHE CAN PACK HER BAGS AND
LEAVE AT THE END OF THE WEEK.
SHE'S SACKED, FIRED!
YOU'VE HAD YOUR CHANCE,
AND YOU'VE LOST IT!
(PIANO PLAYS)
SO SHE CAME TO THE BALL
AFTER ALL.
POOR CHILD.
HOW SAD SHE LOOKS.
LET ME TALK TO HER.
I KNOW HOW SHE IS FEELING.
WE ALL MISSED YOU LIKE MAD!
DIDN'T WE, CHAPS?
YES, WE DID, POLLY.
POLLY, YOU'LL NEVER GUESS
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO US.
WE'VE ALL BEEN
PROPOSED TO.
BUT WE HAVEN'T BEEN
ACCEPTED YET.
WE'RE LETTING THEM KNOW
AT MIDNIGHT.
POLLY, WHAT A SHAME YOUR
FELLA TURNED OUT TO BE A...
A ROTTER
AND A CAD.
SHH!
YOU DO NOT WISH
TO DANCE, POLLY?
UNTIL I DANCE
WITH HIM, MADAME,
I WILL NEVER DANCE
AGAIN.
NEVER MIND.
THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG.
YOU KNOW, POLLY,
WHEN I LOOK AT YOU
IN THAT SWEET COSTUME,
YOU REMIND ME...
OF A SONG I ONCE KNEW.
DO I, MADAME?
CAN YOU SING IT?
YES. I THINK SO.
THERE IS AN OLD
FRENCH LEGEND
THAT'S SET TO
AN OLD FRENCH TUNE
IT TELLS HOW PIERROT LOVED
PIERRETTE
UNDER
A SUMMER MOON
EVERY NIGH THE LOVERS MEET
JUST AS THE CLOCK
STRIKES NINE
THEN HE GIVES HER
KISSES SWEET
AS VINTAGE WINE
BUT ALAS,
ONE FATEFUL NIGHT
PIERRETTE IS FORSWORN
THERE SHE STANDS, FORLORN
TILL THE COLD, GRAY DAWN
POOR LITTLE PIERRETTE
WHERE'S YOUR PIERROT?
WHY ARE YOU ALL ALONE?
AH AH AH AH AH AH AH
YOU SHOULD BE
SO FANCY FREE
YOUR HEAR SHOULD BE HIGH
BUT INSTEAD,
YOU HANG YOUR HEAD
AND TRY NOT TO CRY
AH AH AH
POOR LITTLE PIERRETTE
YOU MUSTN'T SHOW
YOUR DREAM OF LOVE
HAS FLOWN
AH AH AH AH
JUST KEEP ON DANCING
TILL THE DAWN AND THEN
AH AH AH AH
HE MAY COME BACK AGAIN
POOR LITTLE PIERRETTE
WHERE'S YOUR PIERROT?
WHY ARE YOU ALL ALONE?
YOU SHOULD BE
AH AH
SO FANCY FREE
AH AH
YOUR HEAR SHOULD BE HIGH
BUT INSTEAD
AH HA HA
YOU HANG YOUR HEAD
AH AH HA
AND TRY NOT TO CRY
POOR LITTLE PIERRETTE
YOU MUSTN'T SHOW
YOUR DREAM OF LOVE
HAS FLOWN
JUST KEEP ON DANCING
TILL THE DAWN AND THEN
HE MAY COME BACK
A...GAIN
MAY I HAVE
THIS DANCE, PIERRETTE?
I'M AFRAID I CAN' DANCE WITH A STRANGER.
BUT I AM PIERROT...
YOU ARE PIERRETTE.
SURELY WE ARE
NOT STRANGERS.
BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHO YOU ARE.
MAYBE THIS...
WILL REMIND YOU.
IT ISN'T...
IT CAN'T BE!
YES, IT'S ME!
TONY!
POLLY!
DULCIE AND I MADE I BETWEEN US DURING THE SHOW.
"HAPPY FIRST NIGHT.
I LOVE YOU. TONY."
OH!
BLOW IT OUT THEN.
HUBERT, IT'S TONY!
OH, WE'VE FOUND HIM
AT LAST!
MY SON!
MOTHER.
TONY!
- MY BOY!
- FATHER!
AND WHOM,
MAY I ASK,
IS THIS YOUNG MAN?
THIS, SIR,
IS MY SON,
THE HONORABLE
TONY BROCKHURST!
THE HONORABLE
TONY BROCKHURST?
OH!
YES, POLLY.
I'M AFRAID I'M NO A MESSENGER BOY AFTER ALL.
CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?
OH, YES, OF COURSE!
AND WHO,
MAY I ASK,
IS THIS
YOUNG WOMAN?
THAT, MADAME,
IS MY DAUGHTER,
AND l...
AM PERCIVAL BROWNE.
NOT...PERCIVAL BROWNE
THE MILLIONAIRE?
YES. I'M AFRAID I'VE
DECEIVED YOU, TOO.
I'M NOT A SECRETARY
AFTER ALL.
CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?
OH, OF COURSE,
MY DARLING!
OOH LA LA!
IT SEEMS THAT LOVE
IS IN THE AIR TONIGHT.
IT IS, INDEED.
I, TOO, POLLY,
HAVE SOME NEWS.
HAVE YOU, DADDY?
HOW THRILLING!
MAY I TELL HER,
KIKI?
OF COURSE.
SHE SHOULD BE
THE FIRST TO KNOW.
VERY WELL, THEN,
POLLY.
MADAME DUBONNE HAS CONSENTED
TO BECOME...
MY WIFE.
OH!
MAISIE,
IT'S MIDNIGHT.
HAVE YOU
THOUGHT IT OVER?
AND YOU?
AND YOU?
ET TOI?
WOMEN: AFTER DUE CONSIDERATION,
WE HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION
THAT THE ANSWER
IS UNANIMOUSLY...
YES!
MEN: SWELL!
NOW WHERE SHALL WE GO
FOR THE HONEYMOON?
ALL: THE RIVIERA!
MAN: READY WHEN
YOU ARE, MR. DETHRILL.
BACKGROUND. ACTION!
1 TAKE 1.
STANDBY.
WRIGGLE YOUR HIPS AND
KICK UP YOUR HEELS
YOU'LL BE SURPRISED
HOW LOVELY IT FEELS
EVERYBODY'S DOING
THE RIVIERA
WIGGLE YOUR FINGERS
WAGGLE YOUR TOES
JUST HOW IT STARTED,
NOBODY KNOWS
EVERYBODY'S DOING
THE RIVIERA
MULTIMILLIONAIRES
AND THEIR LITTLE PETS
DO IT
EVEN MAIDEN LADIES
WHO WEAR LORGNETTES
HAVE TAKEN TO IT
TELL EVERYONE TO GIVE OUT THE
NEWS
THIS IS THE WAY TO
SHAKE OFF THE BLUES
EVERYBODY'S DOING
THE RIVIERA
- YEAH!
- PLAYBACK.
QUIET ON THE SET,
EVERYBODY!
2...1,
AND...
HUSHED VOICES:
GET ON THE DANCE FLOOR
GET IN THE SWING
THIS IS THE TIME FOR
HAVING A FLING
EVERYBODY'S DOING
THE RIVIERA
CLAP-A YOUR HANDS AND
SLAP ON YOUR THIGHS
GRIN LIKE A GOON AND
ROLL UP YOUR EYES
EVERYBODY'S DOING
THE RIVIERA
ALL THE BRIGHT YOUNG THINGS
AND THEIR BRIGHT YOUNG BEAUS
DO IT
EVEN DUCHESSES
AND THEIR GIGOLOS
HAVE TAKEN TO IT
AIN'T IT TERRIFIC,
AIN'T IT THE TOP?
YOU GOTTA DANCE RIGHT ON
TILL YOU DROP
EVERYBODY'S DOING
THE RIVIERA
I KNOW THAT I COULD
BE HAPPY
WITH YOU, MY DARLING
IF YOU COULD BE HAPPY
WITH ME
(APPLAUSE)
(PIANO PLAYS)
(APPLAUSE PICKS UP)
(APPLAUSE PICKS UP)
WELL DONE, LOVE.
YOU SAVED THE SHOW.
A STAR IS BORN.
YOU'RE WELCOME
TO BE THE STAR
OF A CRUMMY
SHOW LIKE THIS.
AND YOU CAN UNDERSTUDY
MY PART TONIGHT, DEARIE.
THE PUBLIC LIKES YOU.
DETHRILL LIKES YOU.
I LIKE YOU. YOU CAN STAY ON
FOR ANOTHER WEEK.
A DOUBLE SALARY,
OF COURSE.
WE'LL DISCUSS THAT LATER.
WE'LL DISCUSS THE YOUNG
LADY NOW,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
SHE'S A JONAH!
I'VE NEVER KNOWN
OF A FORCE LIKE IT!
AD-LIBBING, UPSTAGING,
A FAMILY ROW ON STAGE?
CAKES AND BUSKERS?!
MY PROFESSIONAL
CAREER IN TATTERS!
MY HARD-WON REPUTATION RUINED!
AND IT ALL STARTED
WITH HER!
EITHER SHE GOES,
OR I GO!
THAT'S EASILY SETTLED.
I'VE BEEN THINKING
FOR SOME TIME OF
TAKING OVER YOUR PART.
I'M REALLY MISCAS AS LORD BROCKHURST.
FAR TOO YOUNG.
PAY NO ATTENTION
TO HIM, MR. MAX.
HE'S RATHER OVERWROUGHT!
DON'T BOTHER ME NOW.
MR. DETHRILL AND I HAVE
THINGS TO SEE TO.
BONJOUR,
MR. DETHRILL!
(SPEAKING BAD FRENCH)
...HOLLYWOOD!
(SPEAKS GERMAN)
...FRAULEIN POLLY.
FOR POLLY.
CAN'T YOU SPEAK GERMAN?
GERMAN?
I THINK I WILL
MAKE, UH...
SINGING IN THE RAIN.
I'LL SEND YOU A POST CARD
FROM HOLLYWOOD, CHAPS.
THERE, MY DARLING.
WE'LL MAKE YOU
THE MOST LOVELY-SMELLING
LADY IN CHRISTENDOM.
JUST REHEARSING.
HOO-EEE!
HEY!
WAIT! WAIT! LOOK!
LOOK!
PA PA PA PUM PA PA PA
PUM
BRRR PA PA
BRRR PA PA
PUM PUM PUM PUM
PA PA PA PUM
PA PA PA PUM
BRRR PA PA
PA PA PA PUM
PA PA PA PUM
PA PA PA PA
PUM!
YOU KNOW THE DOUBLE TRIP
MAXIE FORD
WITH A KNICKERBOCKER
BREAK!
WELL,
I TAUGHT IT TO YOU.
BOTH: I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!
NO, I LOST MY MEMORY!
NO, I WASN'T DEAD!
POP?
MY SON!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
NEITHER CAN I!
COME! HA HA HA!
MR. DETHRI...
IT'S ALL A GAME.
GOOD-BYE, MISS.
ZOOM!
HOPE YOUR HEADACHE GETS BETTER!
BOTH: HA HA HA HA!
(GIGGLING)
(BEEP BEEP)
BYE, Y'ALL!
BYE!
HAVE FUN!
FROM DETHRILL!
WHA DOES IT SAY?
OH, NOTHING.
COME ON.
LET ME LOOK.
GOSH!
HE WANTS YOU
TO GO TO HOLLYWOOD.
SHOULD I
HELP YOU PACK?
NO.
LET'S GO FIND OUR ROOM
IN BLOOMSBURY.
I THINK I'LL
TAKE THE CLOTH.
LIKE TO BET ON
YOUR FIRST CUSTOMERS?