Do we take the boat
from there, Daddy?
Yes, my son...
and all the way
across the Pacific Ocean.
That's China, isn't it?
Yes. Sheng Tu
is a little village...
far in the interior.
Miles from the railroad even.
We'll have to travel by ox cart.
Daddy,
aren't we nearly there?
I think so, my son.
You must have patience.
Are you all right, my dear?
A little tired, Julian.
The trip has been so long.
Yes. Stockport
seems a long way off now.
The mission... our new home.
Welcome to Sheng Tu, Mr. Cobb.
Thank you, sir.
This is Mrs. Cobb, my wife.
How do you do, Mrs. Cobb?
May I present you to
my venerable friend Keen Lung?
How do you do, sir?
And this I presume is
the successor to my successor?
My son Ezekiel.
I'm glad to meet you, sir.
You, too.
A cordial greeting,
my worthy friend.
Thank you, sir.
Isn't that funny writing?
Our native language,
my young missionary.
- May I have it?
- Ezekiel!
Oh, I shall be honored...
if he would accept it as a gift.
Thank you, sir!
As he ripens in years,
he will learn from it.
The wisdom of Ling Po...
our great poet and philosopher.
You are very kind, sir.
Now, if you will enter
the mission...
I will introduce you
to your future friends.
It would be a privilege, sir.
Hello.
What?
You'll have to talk
a little slower.
I guess I just don't understand.
Ohh, I see!
I have told them
that Ezekiel is leaving...
and they grieve exceedingly.
Yes. I've just bid him
Godspeed on his journey...
and in a few minutes
he will be gone.
It is well, honorable sir.
The separation must be borne
in fairness to the boy.
True, but I'm worried.
You see, he hasn't been
out of this little village...
in over 20 years.
Ah, but he is well-versed
in languages and the classics.
He is educated.
As a Chinese gentleman, yes...
but he knows
nothing of the world.
Then this trip to America
will broaden his education.
It will fit him
even more eminently to return...
and continue
your missionary work among us.
It's always been my ambition...
for him to perpetuate
this mission.
To do that, he must marry.
Therefore a visit
to America is necessary...
for him to find a mother
for his children.
I realize that.
And he has promised
to return as soon as...
he has found a suitable wife.
I must give him this
to mail in San Francisco.
It's a letter to the Reverend
Junius P. Withers...
of our parent church
in Stockport.
I'm sure that he will welcome
Ezekiel as a guest.
Good-bye, my son.
May God be with you.
Good-bye!
Good-bye, my son!
Good-bye!
Read all about it!
Death in the penthouse!
Pardon me, sir.
May I humbly inquire
the direction...
to the First Church
of Stockport?
The first church? Sure.
Just grab yourself a bus...
and hop over to the music box
on 31st street.
You know, where the red-hot
babies are playing?
You'll find it easy.
Just buzz any flatfoot
on the beat.
He'll serve you the dope.
You got me? OK.
Extra! Read all about it!
Big love murder!
Murder for love!
Extra! Murder for love!
Murder for love! Extra!
What are you talkin' about?
Read all about it!
Playboy graft! Extra!
Extra! Read all about it!
Uh, pardon me, sir.
I seem to be in a predicament.
You see, I'd like to get to
the First Church of Stockport.
Well, ain't this
the joint you want?
Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.
That was most kind of you.
Want me to wait?
Oh, no. I'm to be a guest of
the Reverend Junius P. Withers.
You see, this is the parent
church of my father's mission.
Think of that.
For what reason?
Once more?
Why should I think of
my father's mission?
I'll bite. Why?
Well... I enjoyed
our little ride exceedingly.
Uh, would you allow me...
to pay you for
the use of your conveyance?
I'll say I will. 2 bucks.
Bucks?
Couldn't I pay you in dollars?
Sure.
Just give me $3.00
and we'll call it square.
Thank you.
Hey, buddy!
There's a dollar for yourself...
for pickin' an honest guy
out of a bunch of crooks.
Ha ha ha!
Ah ha ha ha!
Oh, pardon me.
Will you kindly convey
to your master...
We don't want any.
Well!
Pardon me.
I don't think you understand.
I wish to see
the Reverend Junius P. Withers!
You can't. He's busy.
But I'm Ezekiel Cobb.
I've just arrived
from China to visit him.
From China!
China!
- Huh?
- China!
China?
Yes. He's expecting me.
Well, I'll tell him.
Come in.
There's a man outside
selling china.
Says you're expecting him.
China? Ridiculous.
Yes, sir.
Do you want to see him?
Certainly not. I'm busy.
Mr. Withers says
he's too busy to see you.
Oh, but there must be
some mistake!
He don't want to see you!
Oh, I'm afraid
this is my last attempt...
to become mayor of Stockport.
Oh ho!
I'm not as young
as I used to be.
Oh, forget it.
Why, say, it wouldn't be
an election...
if you weren't
running on our ticket.
Why, say,
I really have a chance...
to be elected this time,
don't you think?
- Why, sure you have.
- Yeah?
Anyway,
we'll know by Tuesday night.
Yeah. Well, good day, Mr. Mayo.
So long. See you tomorrow.
Hello, Jake.
- Hello, Pete.
- How are you?
Hey, if you're waiting
for a parade, there ain't none.
Were you addressing me?
Say, what's the big idea?
I have no ideas.
In fact, I'm quite bewildered.
Now, don't get gay with me.
Sir, I'm far from gay.
Now, listen...
Now, keep
your shirt on, Pete.
Where you from, son?
China.
China? You mean
where the laundrymen come from?
Yes.
Well, what brought you
to Stockport?
I was born here.
Uh-huh. Hometown boy, eh?
Any friends here?
Well, uh... no.
But I have a letter
to Tien Wang...
a Chinese gentleman.
I'm sure he'll welcome me
as a guest.
Say, that ain't right.
White man coming back here,
no place to go but a Chink's?
Oh, but it's the Chinese...
that defrayed
the expenses of my trip.
What, from China?
Oh, yes! The celestial
Keen Lung sent me...
to his gracious friend
Lee Wong in Shanghai...
who sent me to the worthy
Ma Sing in San Francisco...
who sent me to
the venerable Fu Chi...
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You mean,
they sort of passed you along...
from one to the other?
Yes, you see, Fi Chu
is a friend of Ma Sing...
and Ma Sing
was a friend of Lee Wong...
Yeah, never mind. Never mind.
If the Chinks
can do that for you...
I guess an Irishman
can stake you...
to a flop and a boiled egg.
Call a taxi, Pete.
We'll fix him up at Mrs. Noon's.
Well, I'm most grateful, sir...
but, you see,
I have a little money.
Oh. Well, you might just as well
put up at the boarding house.
It's better than any joint
you'll find over in Chinatown.
You don't need any ready cash?
Oh, no, thank you.
You see, I have here
a parting gift...
from the good Keen Lung.
Gold?!
Holy cats, shut the lid!
You say a Chinaman
gave you that?
Well, yes.
There is a great friendship...
between my father and Keen Lung.
Well, I'll say there was.
And I thought the Irish
were generous.
Well, here's your cab, son.
Jump in.
Thank you.
And look out for that jack.
That!
That vest pocket mint of yours.
Oh! Well, frankly,
I'm worried about this.
I'm sure
it's exceedingly valuable...
Ha!
Well, I'm in constant
fear of losing it.
Ha! Well,
would you like to have me...
take care of it for you?
Why, I'd deem it a great favor.
Say, are you kiddin' me?
Oh, I'm sure it'd be much safer
in your keeping.
Well, I'll be...
I suppose you'd give this
to the first one that asked.
Certainly not.
Only to a person
of self-evident integrity.
Of which?
He who gazes upon the sun
need not debate its brilliance.
Uh, Ling Po.
- Ling who?
- Ling Po.
I quote a great
Chinese poet and philosopher.
Oh, uh, may I introduce myself?
I'm Ezekiel Cobb.
Mayo's my name. Jake Mayo.
Look me up tonight
at the Good Government club.
Thank you. I will.
Unless I've been dreaming
all this.
Oh, Mrs. Noon's boarding house,
18th and Flint.
May I bid you good day, sir?
So long.
You poor sap.
Extra! Extra!
Reform candidate dies.
Hold it, sonny.
Reform leader dies!
Extra! Withers drops dead!
Extra! Reform leader!
Extra! Extra!
Extra! Extra!
Evening, Mr. Strozzi.
Good evening, Mr. Strozzi.
Good evening, Mr. Strozzi.
Mayor Morgan's here, ain't he?
Yes, sir, at his private table.
Say, chief, look!
What do you think of that?
"Withers drops dead."
- Can you imagine that?
- When did it happen?
Honey,
I guess the poor sap...
just got tired of
running against you.
And can you beat it?
With next Tuesday election day!
Yeah, they'll have to work fast.
Excuse me.
Follow me.
I want to make a telephone call.
I wonder who they'll nominate
in his place?
Don't lose any sleep
over it, dearie.
Why, Ed Morgan could commit
murder on the city hall steps...
and still be re-elected.
Get me
the Good Government League.
Have you heard the news?
Withers... he's dead!
Yeah, you're tellin' us?
A fine time he picked
to pass out, the old gas bag.
Yeah.
Two days before election...
us without a candidate.
Lord, what a mess.
Morgan on the phone
for you, Jake.
Oh, this is terrible.
The best candidate we ever had.
He never had a chance.
Hello?
Mr. Mayo? I want to offer
my condolences...
on the death
of Junius P. Withers...
a fine public-spirited citizen.
Your Good Government League
has lost a standard bearer...
whom I highly respected
as a rival candidate.
Say, listen,
you don't have to make a speech.
This is a private wire.
Oh. Well, listen, Jake...
you gotta replace
that old fool in a hurry.
I'd say we do...
and we got to decide on
another man tonight.
What we want to know is...
Another candidate?
Lmpossible!
Why, Withers was
the idol of the Reform element!
And just a sap to the regulars.
That's the idea. Morgan loses
the Reform vote anyway.
Yeah, well, we'll do that.
OK, Ed.
What are the orders, Jake?
Morgan says we can substitute
any candidate we want...
so long as
we're sure he's a pushover.
But that ought to be easy!
Yeah?
Well, I'm not so sure of that.
Folks are getting fed up
on Morgan...
with his dames and his drinkin'.
We may need an especially
weak candidate this time.
Fella named Cobb
to see you, Jake.
Cobb? Cobb? Who's he?
Search me.
Said he met you this afternoon.
Cobb? Cobb?
Oh! Hello, Cobb. How are you?
A cordial greeting, sir.
Say, listen, Cobb,
we're very busy.
Do you mind
coming 'round tomorrow?
See, we got
a committee meeting here and...
Oh, I'm sorry I intruded...
but I just read
of the untimely death...
of my friend Mr. Withers.
Your friend?
Are you a friend of Withers?
Well, I had expected
to be his guest.
Oh, yeah?
Well, why didn't you
tell me that?
Say, Jake!
We got a lot of work to do,
you know.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, come in and
meet the boys just a minute.
Fellas, this is
a friend of mine, Mr. Cobb.
This is Slattery, McGee,
Mulligan, Burke.
Mr. Cobb's from China.
Darned if I don't believe it.
Say, Cobb, how'd you happen
to know Withers?
Well, it was his church
that maintained...
my father's mission in China.
Are you a missionary?
I assisted my father
in that work, yes.
Say, what is
this missionary racket?
Sort of cleaning up a joint,
you know.
Oh, the old Reform gag, eh?
Yeah. The kind of a guy...
we're looking for
as a candidate.
I was deeply grieved
over Mr. Withers' demise.
A splendid character.
Say, listen, Cobb,
did you figure on doing...
any missionary work over here?
Not exactly...
but I had hoped
to be associated...
with Mr. Withers
during my stay here.
Oh, sort of an assistant, eh?
"Reformer's assistant
to carry on his noble work."
"Famous missionary
returns from China...
"to clean up his home town."
"Stockport needs me
more than China."
I beg your pardon?
Never mind. We were just
thinking of something.
Say, Cobb, we're very busy.
Do you mind if
you just sort of mosey along?
Oh, I really must apologize.
May I bid you good night?
Well, never mind that now.
You trot over
to your boarding house.
I'll telephone you about 10:30.
See, I want to talk to you
about something.
- Telephone?
- Yeah.
How interesting.
You know, I've never conversed
over a telephone.
May I bid you good night?
Holy cats,
he's got me doing it now.
Boys, he's it!
A missionary...
an expert at reforming.
Won't the longhairs eat that up?
He came all the way
from China...
but nobody
ever heard of him, Jake.
Ell, what do you suppose
they invented brass bands for?
Now, I can handle that sap...
and here's the way
we go about it.
Oh, uh, pardon me, Mrs. Noon.
Uh...
I expect a communication
by telephone.
I presume you have
such an instrument?
In the parlor.
Shove over the "Journal,"
will you, sweetheart?
There you are, Pet.
Thanks.
Perhaps if the gentleman's
your sweetheart...
you'd rather he sat next to you.
That's not very funny.
- Well, l... l...
- Pet's her name.
What a charming name.
So... intimate.
- Intimate?
- Yes.
Uh-huh.
Fast worker, aren't you?
Not especially...
but I fancy I can work
as rapid as another.
You see, for years
I assisted my father...
What did he do,
play a saxophone?
Oh, no. My father...
Well, let's not get into
an argument over it.
But, Miss Pet, l...
My name's not Pet.
But he just said...
Well, they call me Pet
because I'd slap 'em down...
if they called me
by my right name.
What's that?
My mother kept a window box
on the fire escape...
so she called me Petunia.
Eminently proper.
The Chinese frequently...
name their girl children
for flowers.
You know, I believe
that's the telephone.
You wouldn't kid me?
If you'll excuse me...
I'll hold a brief discourse
over the instrument.
A cordial greeting,
my worthy friend.
A cordial greeting,
my worthy fri...
A cordial greeting...
Aw, cut the clowning!
A cordial greeting,
my worthy friend.
Speak up!
Hello!
Uh, that you, Cobb?
Say, I'd like
to see you tomorrow.
Oh, no, nothing important.
Just a friendly little chat.
Yeah. Drop over
to the City Club about 1:00.
Yeah, it's in
the city hall building.
Yeah, so long.
All right, boys, now we go.
You'll have to
put it over big, Jake.
They've got to know him.
Now, leave it to me.
That sap will be...
the best known guy
in Stockport.
Remember,
City Club tomorrow at 1:00.
Say, who is this Ezekiel Cobb?
I never heard of him.
Must be Jake's new candidate.
Where did they dig him up?
Well, they had to run somebody.
Well, we'll get a good feed
out of it anyway.
I told him 1:00. You heard me!
Personally,
I think the guy is nuts.
An hour late!
Say, this is getting serious.
We can't wait much longer.
What are we gonna do?
He's not at his boarding house.
They don't know where he is.
- Did you call the jail?
- Huh?
- Mr. Mayo?
- Yeah?
I'll bet it's from him.
"My honored friend Tien Wang...
"has graciously
invited me to tea.
"If it will not
inconvenience you...
"I'll meet you
at the City Club...
"later in the afternoon."
Who in blazes is Tien Wang?!
Must be a Chink.
Tea with a Chink! Holy cats!
Where's that telephone book?
Say, how do you spell Tien Wang?
It is a great privilege
to welcome...
so honorable a guest
to my lowly abode.
No, I beg
to differ with you, sir.
The privilege is mine.
I am indebted to you
for your gracious courtesy.
Oh! If I may humbly
beg your pardon, sir.
A cordial greeting,
my worthy friend.
Never mind the cordial greeting.
You get yourself up
to the City Club...
and make it snappy!
But, Mr. Mayo, I'm enjoying...
a bowl of rice
with my gracious host.
Well, we'll give you
some rice up here!
Now, you bust out of there
in a hurry.
I regret
I cannot leave so abruptly.
Courtesy forbids it.
Courtesy? Rats!
Now, you jump into a taxi
and step on it!
I shall leave only after...
a respectful period
of friendly discourse.
I shall be delighted
to converse with you...
later in the afternoon.
- Well?
- Well, I'll be!
He won't come. He's eating rice.
Oh, he won't come, eh?
Well, I'll get him.
Wait a minute! You can't bring
a guest of honor...
to a banquet
at the point of a gun.
No. Courtesy forbids it.
How about the old nosebag, Jake?
We can't take all afternoon
for lunch, you know.
Start right way, Nick.
Right away.
Jake, we've got
to go through with it.
He may arrive in time
for my speech.
Yeah, let's go.
All right, boys.
We won't wait for Mr. Cobb.
Eatin' rice with a Chink.
I regret, sir,
that I cannot tarry to view...
some of your treasures
of ancient China.
Ah, but you will visit me
quite frequently, my friend.
I'm very grateful, sir...
for the great kindness
you have shown me.
And now, if you so desire...
I will point out the way
to the city hall.
And, gentlemen,
I regret to inform you...
that at the last moment...
our guest of honor
was taken ill.
A slight attack of indigestion,
wasn't it, Mr. Mayo?
Yes, from eatin' rice.
But the Good Government
League...
is going to honor him
just the same...
and as chairman
of the reception committee...
I now propose a toast.
Gentlemen,
I give you Ezekiel Cobb!
Ezekiel Cobb!
A man of honor,
a man of ideals...
a man of determination...
a man of whom
Stockport is proud.
Pardon me.
Where is that voice coming from?
It's the radio, of course,
in that car.
We need a man
of his experience...
in the great work of Reform...
and we are going to ask him
to continue this work...
in the city of his birth.
To take up the burden...
where the late Reverend
Junius P. Withers laid it down.
We are going to ask Mr. Cobb
a momentous question.
The Good Government League
wants him to carry on...
for his faithful friend
and associate...
and we are going to ask him if
he will join forces with us...
in our grim battle
against graft and corruption.
We are going to ask him
at the last moment...
to replace
the late Junius P. Withers...
and to accept
the nomination for mayor!
Aah!
What's the matter with you?
And if he will accept
this nomination...
the Good Government League
will be able...
to point to him
with pride and say...
"There, gentlemen,
is the next mayor of Stockport!"
And it doesn't make
any difference...
whether you know anything
about politics or not.
Why, we haven't elected
a candidate in 12 years...
and it's a cinch you ain't
gonna spoil our record.
Gentlemen, if there's no chance
of my being elected mayor...
why do you wish me
to become a candidate?
Don't you understand?
We gotta put up a show
to make the people think...
they're really having
an election.
Morgan gets in,
licks up the gravy...
and there's plenty left
to pass around among the boys.
No, that isn't
the idea at all, Jake.
Listen, Cobb, you believe in
standing up for a principle...
even if they knock you down,
don't you?
Certainly.
Well, that's the idea.
The city government
is full of graft and corruption.
Are you gonna sit by...
and not even raise your voice
in protest?
Perhaps you're right.
You know, the lowly fisherman
is helpless...
to hold back the tidal wave.
But his warning cry may save
his neighbor's children.
Ling Po.
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
Cobb, it's your duty.
Your sacred duty.
Perhaps it is.
But on the other hand,
I have another duty...
to my father in China.
You see, gentlemen,
it is his wish...
that our family perpetuate
his mission there.
And therefore,
I came to America...
simply to find
a mother for my children.
Say, now listen, Cobby...
the election will be
all over by Tuesday.
You won't need a mother
for your children...
till next Tuesday, will you?
Oh, no. Of course not.
You might as well pick out
a good one while you're at it.
And after Tuesday...
you'll have plenty of time
to look the dames over.
You really feel
that it's my duty?
Sure it is! It's...
What did you say it was, Spike?
His sacred duty.
I must return to China
as soon as the election's over.
I'll accept the nomination
only on condition...
that you assure me
that there isn't a chance...
of my being elected mayor.
Not a chance.
- Not a chance!
- Not a chance!
Better hurry, boys.
He's liable to be down
any minute now.
How will we know who he is?
Don't worry. Jake Mayo will be
leading him by the hand.
Hey, Red!
Hi, Pet.
What's all the rumpus?
Mayo's got his new candidate
for mayor...
up in the City Club.
We're just hangin' around
to grab off a few headlines.
This has got to be
a one-day campaign...
and there isn't much
you can do...
seeing as
you're new in the game.
You desire me merely
to lend my moral support.
Yes, you just lay low...
and we'll tell them
all about you.
- Oh, Jake!
- Huh?
Did you get him to accept
the nomination?
Uh... Hey! Wait a minute!
Hey, here he comes, boys!
This ought to be him!
OK, let him come.
- Ohh!
- Ohh!
Nertz! Where is that guy?
Aw, Jake must be
holding onto him.
Hey, sonny!
Out of the way, will you,
or you'll be in the picture.
Oh! Heh. Yes, certainly.
Probably some
funny-looking old guy...
like they had the last time.
Yeah, with long hair
and a beard.
Leave it to Jake
to pick a pushover.
Well, Miss Pratt!
Oh, you.
This is indeed
a pleasant surprise.
A cordial greeting...
My worthy friend.
Why don't you get a new line?
A line?
Or better still,
don't try to be funny.
Say, here it is.
This must be him!
Oh, for the love of...
Hey, Jake,
where's your new candidate?
Yeah, that's what
I want to know.
Yeah,
where you hidin' him, Jake?
Oh, there he is, boys.
Turn your guns around.
What, that guy?!
But, I assure you, Miss Pratt,
I wasn't trying to be comical.
At that I guess
you don't have to try.
Hey, Mr. Cobb!
Now, let's have another one!
But, gent... gentlemen...
Aw, thank you, Mr. Cobb.
Don't mind if I do.
Why, thank you very much!
Come on, boys!
Say!
Is that the new candidate?
Yeah, he came from China.
Why?
Cobby, pose for another.
Yeah! Let's have
another with you.
Yeah, very good idea.
Shake hands with him.
Shake hands.
Hey, put on
that funny-looking hat!
Yeah! Good idea.
That's a swell hat.
Now, wait a minute!
A politician without
a cigar in his mouth?
That's it.
Now puff on it, son.
Get it cooking good.
Hold it!
Now, hold it.
- One more!
- One more!
Here, Cobby,
you won't need this.
Hold it now! Hold it!
- Aah!
- Oh!
Who left the lid off?!
Why'd you leave...
How did I know the nut
was gonna throw a cigar?
Who did that?
I'd better take you out of here.
Just one more, Jake!
No more, boys.
Now, Mr. Cobb's busy.
You sure started off
with a bang, Mr. Cobb!
How about a statement
for the papers?
Yeah, give us the lowdown
on the Reform racket.
How was the missionary
business in China?
Now, wait a minute, boys.
Wait a minute.
Mr. Cobb's not ready
to make a statement.
You see, he's got to study
the situation.
That supposed to be funny, too?
Oh, no...
- Well, what kind?
- I beg your pardon?
They always start by
buying cigarettes.
What a strange custom.
May I purchase some?
15 cents.
And $4. 00 for the cigars.
Thank you.
So you're gonna run for mayor.
Oh, yes.
They've convinced me
it's my duty.
Even though
defeat is inevitable.
Yes?
After all, should the lark
cease singing...
because winter was come?
Ling Po.
I don't know. Should it?
Well, l...
Say, is Jake Mayo paying you
to do this?
Certainly not.
Then you're really a sap.
A sap?
Well, I suppose somebody
had to be the cat's-paw.
Are you insinuating...
Oh, no, don't bother about it.
It'll all be over tomorrow...
and I suppose you'll never know
the difference.
Say, are those clothes
tattooed on you?
Tattooed?
Well, I... I don't believe so.
They come on and off?
Yes, certainly.
Then I'd suggest
that you turn 'em in...
and get something that a dog
wouldn't want to bury.
Oh, I see.
You feel that my clothes
are unsuitable here.
Well, it's very kind of you
to advise me.
Oh, no, it's just
a bad habit with me.
I'm always buying milk
for stray pups...
or bringin' home
old alley cats.
You're jesting, Miss Petunia.
Say, mention that name again...
and you'll be sprawlin'
in the gutter!
The name's Pratt to strangers
and Pet to friends.
Well, which am I?
Well, you're not a stranger...
and you're not a friend.
I guess you better not
call me any name.
When you speak to me
just say "Say."
Ezekiel!
Ezekiel! Ezekiel!
Yeah, Ezekiel Cobb.
"China's gift to Stockport."
Yeah, in big letters.
Say, Jake, couldn't we get
one of them sky rockets...
to spell "Cobb" when it bursts?
OK, OK, did you get
that balloon up...
with Cobb's name on it?
Good.
Hey, Jake, the president
of the Women's Club...
just made a 4-dollar speech
endorsing Cobb.
There's not another band
in the city?
Well, get a guy to sing
"The Star-Spangled Banner."
Great show, Jake. A wow.
...And he came
all the way from China.
McGee's doing his stuff.
What a lot of ballyhoo...
to get a few votes
we're sure of anyway.
Cobb's here, Jake.
Do you want to see him?
What? Cobb?
Sure! Bring him in.
Come in, Cobby.
Say, you're goin'
like a house a-fire.
We're proud of you.
Great work, kid. Great work.
Well, thank you,
but I just dropped in...
to see if there wasn't
something I could do.
Nah, it's all over
but the shoutin'.
The boys got sore feet
parading...
and the bands don't know
any more tunes.
We're all ready
to close up shop and go home.
Go home? Nuts!
After that days work...
I need some relaxation.
Bottles of it.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
You, too, Cobby.
Forget it. Relax.
Yeah, go and
get yourself a twist.
- What?
- A twist.
Yeah, go and have
a nice little supper.
Here's your report, Jake.
Get myself a twist?
Come in!
Shades of Ling Po!
What's the big idea?
Uh, I followed your advice
and purchased some new clothes.
Well, you're not
getting married, are you?
Oh, no.
Uh, Mr. Mayo suggested
I get myself a twist...
for a quiet little supper.
He did?
So what?
Well, uh, you're really
the only twist I know.
Oh. Oh, I get the idea.
Oh, very pretty compliment.
And where do you want to go?
Well, Mr. Mayo suggested
some nice quiet spot.
Which would be in keeping with
the high ideals of Reform...
for which I stand.
Yeah?
Well, I know a nice quiet spot.
Like it, China?
Yes. Very interesting,
but I'm afraid...
Mr. Mayo wouldn't approve
of this place.
Yeah. Jake's pretty particular.
Hi, Jake!
Hiya, Red. Hi, Bill.
Hi, Jake.
Holy smoke, look!
Cobb! Can you beat it?
Now, this is a fine place
for a missionary.
Well, he ought to be able
to find a mother...
for his children
out of that bunch.
I told him to keep
out of sight, the sap.
Oh, you want him
out of sight, huh?
Well, here he goes.
Now, wait a minute!
You'll do more harm...
than you'll do good
if you raise a rumpus.
Gonna do your old-fashioned girl
number next?
What do you think I'm putting
this trick dress on for?
Now, make that pretty loose.
It got stuck last night.
Come in!
Say, chief, Cobb's downstairs.
What?
Yeah! With a dame!
What's the idea of bringing...
the Reform candidate
into a place like this?
Looks phony to me.
A longhair posing as a regular?
Want me to take care of him?
Now, I like this music
much better.
It's more romantic.
Uh-oh.
I wonder if
I may confide in you.
You mean tell me a secret?
Well, yes.
Oh, that'd be fun.
I'll play checkers, too.
Well, you see,
I'm thinking of marriage.
A beautiful thought.
I consider it a duty.
It usually is.
A duty to perpetuate
my father's mission in Sheng Tu.
Oh.
You see,
I really came to America...
to find myself a wife.
I thought you said
you weren't a fast worker.
Oh, I'm not especially.
But I would like to ask you
a question. May I?
Well, I...
I suppose you might as well
get it over with.
Mmm.
I want to ask you...
why is it
that all American girls...
are so lacking in individuality?
What?
Well, they all look alike.
Big-eyed and pasty-faced...
and, well,
one exactly like the other.
How interesting!
Yes, and furthermore...
they seem to lack
that sense of inferiority...
that a woman should have
in the presence of a man.
Oh, they do?
Yes, I'm disappointed.
I doubt whether I shall be able
to find an American girl...
who will make me
a suitable wife.
"I'm just a woman"
" Like you're a man "
" You command and I'll obey "
" I'll get by if I know why... "
Now, there's a girl
who'd make a good wife for you.
Yes, she's the type.
She's modest, retiring...
and very attractive, too.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, she'd be right at home...
as a missionary's wife in China.
Yes, she seems
so out of place here.
You know, the song of the thrush
is thrice beautiful...
amid the discordant call
of the crow.
Ling Po.
I guess that makes me a crow.
" Honey, anything at all
you ask me to do "
" I'll gladly do and smile "
" I would go with you right
to the end of the earth "
" Love makes it
worth the while "
" Maybe it's right, dear "
" Maybe it's wrong "
" I don't care what people say "
" Right or wrong,
I'll string along "
" Beside you forever "
" I'm just that way "
" I'm just a woman,
like you're a man "
" You command and I'll obey "
" I'll get by if I know why... "
" I'm just that way "
"Just as I am"
" As I am I'll always stay "
" Everywhere that you may go "
" I'll follow right after "
" I'm just that way "
" Honey, anything at all
you ask me to "
" I'll gladly do and smile "
" I would go with you
right to the ends of the earth "
" If you'll make it worth... "
Holy cats, there goes the works.
" Maybe it's right, dear "
Don't let her get away
from you, buddy!
" I don't care what people say "
Look at the sap!
" I'll string along
beside you forever "
" I'm just that way "
Stay with 'em, boy!
Stay with 'em!
Hey, go into your dance!
Hey, get him to dance!
Yeah! Get him to dance!
Folks,
do you know who that is?
That's Ezekiel Cobb,
the new candidate for mayor!
Ezekiel Cobb from China!
Hey, that guy's kind of
a regular at that.
Those showgirls are good.
Yeah. He's beginning to like it.
He's no longhair!
Hey, not bad for a missionary!
Ezekiel Cobb, the next mayor!
Hey, he's a swell guy!
That's the way
to reform the town!
Vote for Ezekiel Cobb!
Say, they're beginning
to go for that guy.
Yeah. Guess I'd better
go see Morgan.
Say, that guy's
stealing your stuff.
Where's Mayo?
I want to see him.
He's right here now, folks...
and isn't he
having a swell time!
He may be running
on the Reform ticket...
but believe me,
he's a regular feller!
If this is reform,
let's have reform!
I want to see you.
I want to see you!
What's the idea of...
letting a line like that
go out over the air?
Well, you don't think
that was my idea, do you?
Well, what do you
expect me to think...
parading the Reform candidate
around like that?
Now, wait a minute, Ed...
Mayo, if I thought you were
trying to double-cross me...
Come on, chief,
let's get going.
Oh, now, forget it, Ed.
I'll see you first thing
in the morning.
You bet your life you will!
Hurray for
the next mayor of Stockport!
You're all right, Mr. Cobb.
You're a regular.
Give us a few words, Mr. Cobb.
Sure put on a great show!
How about a statement
for the papers, Mr. Cobb?
The new angle on Reform.
Scram, Red. You're intruding
on our social life.
Allowing a Reform candidate
to put on an act like that!
How about a statement
from you, Mr. Morgan?
Ain't you gonna denounce
the dancing missionary?
Don't bother me!
Now, will youse guys
lay off the mayor?
Come on, Ed. Let's be going.
Paper, Mr. Mayor? Buy a paper?
Let me tell you something.
I didn't...
Don't bother me!
Please buy a paper, Mr. Mayor.
Nobody can double-cross me
and get away...
Will you let me alone?!
Hey, hold on there!
It's Morgan, the mayor!
That's Cobb,
that missionary fellow!
The rival candidates!
Wow! What a story!
Where are those telephones?
...gave Morgan
a sock on the chin!
Well, you have got your points.
Better call an ambulance.
No, no, he's all right.
Get him to his car.
Somebody call for an ambulance!
You young idiot!
What did you do that for?
I forgot myself!
I acted without thinking!
This is terrible. Terrible!
Yeah, I'll say it's terrible.
If this gets in the papers...
it'll bring you
thousands of votes.
Huh?
Yeah, big fight.
Cobb and Morgan.
Socked him right in the nose!
Yeah, knocked down a newsboy!
Say, do you know this story
is liable to elect him?
I knew all along
he was a great guy.
Sure you did.
Well, here he is now!
Hooray for Battling Cobb!
How's the fighting missionary?
You sure made the headlines!
I bet he hasn't seen
the paper yet.
Here, take mine.
Thank you.
I'd rather not read it.
Say, you're not sorry
you socked Morgan, are you?
No, I'm not.
That's just the trouble.
He is twice guilty
who regrets not an unworthy act.
Ling Po.
I got some nice hotcakes
for you, Mr. Cobb.
I don't believe
I'd care for my breakfast.
What's the matter, China?
I'm humiliated, Miss Pratt.
Ashamed.
They made me a candidate...
of the Good Government League...
and I can't even govern myself.
Where you going?
To visit my friend Tien Wang.
I must regain
my serenity of spirit.
Ling Po.
Ahh!
Huh?
Cobb!
Yes?
Cobb! It's Mayo!
Oh! Oh, yes!
Come on, hurry up!
Open the door!
All right, yes, yes, Mr. Mayo!
Cobb, open the door!
Come on! Come on!
All right, I'll come right away!
Hurry up, Cobb!
Open the door!
All right!
Mr. Mayo, what's the matter?
Close the door!
Now, don't answer the phone
and lay low.
They're liable to be here
at any minute.
Who? Why?
The reporters.
We gotta do something fast.
Now, don't you talk to anyone!
Yes, but I don't understand...
I gotta figure out
what you gotta say!
Say? About what?
About what?!
About being elected mayor,
of course!
Elected mayor? Who?
You, you sap!
Only 5 precincts missing.
You're in by a mile!
I... l'm elected mayor?
Yes.
- No!
- Yes!
Hear the news, Pet?
- What's the latest?
- He's elected!
Jake Mayo just told me.
He's upstairs with Cobb now.
Boy, I bet they're celebrating!
But I don't want to be mayor.
I don't know how to be mayor!
Now, you told me
that I never would be mayor.
Yeah, but I never told you
to go around...
sockin' people on the nose,
did I?
- Yes.
- It's your own fault.
Well, what are we going to do?
Yes, you've got to get me
out of it!
Yeah, well,
I'm sure going to try.
Now listen, Morgan's waiting
for me outside in his car.
I'll slip him up here
before the reporters come.
We'll figure out what to do.
Now, you sit tight.
I'll be right back.
But...
Oh! Congratulations, Jake.
Bah!
Well, Mr. Mayor!
Good evening, Miss Pratt.
Isn't this terrible?
What?
What?! L... I've got to be mayor!
Oh, well,
it's all a circus anyway...
and every circus
must have its clown.
This is serious, Miss Pratt.
The term of office
is for 2 years.
I can't stay away from
my father's mission that long.
Why not?
My duty lies in China.
Oh, yeah, you and your wife.
Miss Pratt, they need me...
To reform them, I suppose.
Rats!
Why, there's more reforming...
to be done
right here in this town...
than in all of China
put together.
It's filthy with corruption.
Crooks and grafters,
racketeers.
Say, you have bandits in China,
haven't you?
Well, they're
a bunch of pansies...
compared to the bandits
over here.
Pansies?
Oh, go to bed.
Do you really think
that I could...
You couldn't do anything.
Imagine you being mayor
of this town.
Well, that's a man's job,
a fight!
I knew you couldn't fight...
but you don't even
want to fight.
But, Miss Pratt...
Oh, go on and run.
Pick up your legs and
run with your tail between them.
- My tail?
- Yeah.
Beat it back to China
with that wife of yours...
and spend the rest
of your life...
teaching little Chinese children
how to blow their noses.
Right up here, Ed.
He's waiting for us.
Is this it?
Yeah, go on in there.
Come on, Cobby...
we'll go in your room,
close the door.
Come on.
Now see here, Cobb,
I haven't got much time.
We've got to talk fast.
This whole thing is fantastic.
It's a miracle.
It couldn't have happened,
but it did.
Now, we've got
to figure out some way...
Say, will you listen?!
Oh, yes.
A way to figure out to...
To get you out of this!
Oh... oh, yes, yes.
If there was only some way
for him to resign.
Mr. Mayo,
it just occurs to me...
why are you so anxious
to get rid of me...
after you worked so hard
to elect me?
You don't think he wanted
you elected, do you?
Well, of course, son,
it was just a show...
but we meant
to do right by you.
Oh. You mean
you nominated me...
because I was more likely
to be defeated than anyone else.
This is politics, you fool!
Why, sure, son.
Now, we've got to be reasonable.
We help to elect Morgan...
his organization
takes care of us.
Then she was right.
A cat's-paw.
Now let's get down to cases.
You've been elected mayor.
Yes. I've been elected mayor.
And the point is...
The point is
that I'm going to be mayor.
Without any interference
from you or anybody else.
Now, wait a minute, you're not
talking to the newspapers.
No, I'm talking to you.
Why, do you think...
with a chance to do
some good in this town...
that I'm gonna
pick up my tail and run?
You'd better...
Do you realize, Mr. Morgan...
that this town is filthy
with corruption?
Now, hold on now!
It's full of bandits!
We have bandits in China, yes...
but they're
a bunch of, uh, buttercups...
compared to the ones
you have in this town!
Wait a minute!
I can't keep those reporters
downstairs much longer.
They're yellin' for Mr. Cobb.
Quick, Ed.
They mustn't see you.
The back stairs this way?
So, you said
you could handle him, eh?
Ha ha! Well, you better.
Oh, I will. Don't worry.
Stall them all
for a minute if you can.
Well, I can't!
All right, Cobb, you're mayor.
That's settled,
but now you listen to me.
You're gonna do just
as you're told, you understand?
You can sit back
and look important...
but the organization
will run the city.
Now, is that clear?
It's very clear.
OK, then remember it.
Now let me to the talking.
How about it, Mr. Mayor?
Got a sizzling statement
on the tip of your tongue?
Come right in, boys.
Mr. Cobb was just going
to send for you.
Congratulations!
You sure put over a fast one.
The headlines are waiting.
How about a story
from the fighting missionary?
Tell us all about how you're
going to reform this burg.
Speak up, Mr. Cobb,
you're among friends.
No, I'll talk for Mr. Cobb
if you don't mind, boys.
He's had a hard day
and he's dead tired.
Ain't you, Mr. Cobb?
Not at all.
I'm not the least tired.
Go ahead, mayor,
shoot the works.
Sure, didn't they tell you
what to say?
Oh, yes.
I was told
I should sit back...
and allow the organization
to run the city.
Now, wait a minute...
This I refuse to do.
Hey, Jake,
he's reading the wrong speech.
I don't think
I should allow anyone...
to dictate my actions.
I realize that I know
nothing whatever...
about governing a city...
therefore,
I shall welcome advice.
The blind man,
lest he stumble in darkness...
welcomes the guiding footsteps
even of an ass.
- Ling Po.
- What?
And he looked
right at you, Jake.
Who is this Ling Po?
A sage who lived
under the Chi Lung dynasty.
Well, he certainly knew
his onions.
Say, Mr. Cobb,
what job does Jake Mayo get?
Well, Mr. Mayo's been
very kind to me.
I find in him
many splendid qualities.
As a man.
But as a politician, well...
I question his honesty.
Wow! Can we publish that?
Certainly. Why not?
Let me outta here!
That's enough
for an extra edition!
Say...
Anything more from Ling Po?
No!
Say, what was that crack
you made about me?
Holy cats. Listen to that.
Jeez, look at that mob!
Brass bands and everything.
Uh, Mr. Mayo,
I hope you're not offended...
Offended?
I haven't got time to be.
Now, they're yelling for you
and you got to make a speech...
and this time you're gonna say
what I tell you!
Well, I shall, providing
I approve of your sentiments.
Sentiments, my eye!
Now get this...
"Fellow citizens,
I've been elected mayor...
"on a wave
of popular indignation.
"I'm gonna give this city
an honest, fearless government.
"A government
with the best interests...
"of the people at heart.
"For first, last, and always
I am a servant of the people.
"I'll work 24 hours a day
to make this...
"the best-run city
in the United States!"
Now, you got that?
Why, Mr. Mayo, that's splendid.
And that's exactly
what I'd like to do.
Well, that's just hogwash
for the public.
Now, get out there and say it!
Oh, I'll be glad to.
Now, let's see...
I think I got it
almost word for word.
Let's see...
Speech! Speech! Speech!
Uh...
Fellow citizens...
Uh...
"First and last, I am always
a servant of the people"?
Yes, yes!
Uh...
Fellow citizens...
Quiet! Quiet! Quiet!
Quiet!
I'll do the best I can.
Aw, nuts!
I tell you,
I won't stand for it!
You think I'm going to have
my salary cut in half?
Well, now don't worry, Lou.
I'll talk with him about it.
Well, you'd better
because I won't stand for it!
Is Mayor Cobb in?
I want to see him right away!
Well, what's up?
What's up?
That idiotic mayor of yours...
have vetoed my bill
for a municipal hothouse...
for yellow chrysanthemums!
Well, I'll speak to him.
Just give me time.
But he can't do that, Jake!
I know he can't!
Will you excuse me
just a minute? I'll...
- Oh, say, Mayo!
- Yeah?
Did you tell that young fool
to veto the garbage franchise?
Of course not!
I begged him...
Do you realize he's robbing me
of a cool 100,000?
Me, with a family of 5 children?
I know, Pete, but you can talk
to him this afternoon.
I will!
And if he quotes
another Chinese proverb...
I'll kill him!
Hi, Jake! I see Ling Po made
the headlines again.
What?!
Don't get sore, Jake.
You can handle him.
- Yes, you can.
- Hi, Red!
Hi, boys.
Well, what has he done today?
Well, he hasn't torn down
the city hall yet.
But he vetoed the bus franchise
and will Morgan like that?
That guy's nuts for bucking
the Morgan crowd.
Here's the screwiest one yet.
Advertising for
commissioner of public works.
Boys, here's the payoff!
He just fired
Police Commissioner Moriarity!
- He did?
- Yeah!
Good morning, Mr. Moriarity.
Say, Mayo...
what in thunderation's
the meaning of this?
Now what?
Now what? I'm fired!
- No!
- Yes!
Holy cats, what next?
Say, Mayo,
he can't get away with this.
I've been
police commissioner for...
Of course he can't, Dan.
Now, wait a minute.
I'll talk to him.
Is the mayor in his office?
He just stepped out to lunch,
Mr. Mayo.
Yes, he would. Who with?
I'm not sure, sir...
but he said something about
a Mr. Wang.
Wang? Wang?
Wang...
That Chink again.
And I hardly know
which way to turn next.
Their method of government
is so complicated...
I cannot understand it.
But you do understand...
the difference
between right and wrong.
That is always simple.
Continue to act simply
and you will be acting wisely.
Yes, but wisdom
without experience...
is like water without a pail
in which to carry it.
Ling Po.
The great sword of Fu Wong?
It's a treasure
I have long sought.
A relic of the ages!
Would it not please you
to feast your eyes upon it?
Indeed, yes.
Mayor Cobb here?
He is with Mr. Wang, sir.
Yeah?
One side, monkey.
Pardon me, sir,
but you cannot go down there.
Chee Foo is unpacking
the shipment...
and will bring the great sword
here immediately.
Hey, Cobb!
I got a message for you.
Just two words.
And they are?
Lay off!
Lay where?
You got me.
This comes straight from Morgan.
He don't like the way
you're actin'.
I take that for a threat.
I'll say it's a threat.
Mr. Strozzi, you irritate me.
Your childish threats
are very annoying.
Yeah?
You seek to frighten with
a wickedness you think is new.
Why, in China,
they've dealt with...
bandits like you
for 4,000 years.
This ain't China.
I'm liable to forget
that it isn't.
I may resort
to a Chinese system...
that is centuries old
and cut off your heads.
Ha ha!
And if I start beheading,
I'll begin with you.
Say, look here, Cobb...
if you think
that you're gonna...
What the...
Trying to throw a scare
into me, eh?
May I bid you good day,
Mr. Strozzi?
Now let's look upon
the great sword of Fu Wong.
Just remember what I told you!
And to think that
this is the very sword...
with which the great Fu Wong...
beheaded every bandit
in the city of Gang Wo.
Don't forget!
We mean business!
It's still very sharp.
Just watch out. That's all.
What time did he say
he'd be back?
2:00.
Ehh... it's 3:00 now.
Good afternoon, Mr. Mayo.
Hey, what's been keeping you?
I'm sorry I'm late.
I had to buy some cigarettes.
Well, that Pratt dame
sells matches, too...
and they're cheaper.
Say, you young idiot!
Idiot?
You fired
the police commissioner.
I'm quite aware of the fact.
Well, why?
I learned
he was accepting graft.
Oh, you don't mean it.
Now listen, Cobby,
this has got to stop.
It's all right
to make a bluff of reform...
but you're going too far.
You're busting up
the whole machine.
- Machine?
- The system!
The system it's taken us
years to build.
Now there's enough gravy
washing around this town...
to put us all on easy street...
and just when
we get it organized...
you think we're gonna let
a little cockeyed fool like...
Mr. Mayo, I like you.
Hey?
I've never known any white men.
Well, except my father and you.
A fine man, my father.
Ahh.
He's devoted his life
to the needy in China.
Taught them,
cared for the sick...
helped them in times of famine.
You know,
you're very much like my father.
Huh?
Now, this is no time
for kidding.
No, I'm serious.
I believe you would do that.
You would help the needy.
You would make sacrifices
for them.
And on top of that,
you're a crook, aren't you?
Well, what of it?
Now, that's what
I like about you.
You're so honest
in your dishonesty...
that at heart
I believe you're honest.
Say that again,
kinda slow like.
That gives me a thought.
Get me
the City Press Association.
W-what are you up to?
I've solved a problem.
City Press Association?
I've just appointed
a police commissioner...
to replace Daniel Moriarity.
Well, who are you gonna...
I just appointed Mr. Jake Mayo.
Hey, you can't do that. Wait!
It's done.
Holy cats.
And he fires me
because he says...
I didn't agree
with some guy named Ling Po.
I'm telling you, Chief...
that Chink joint
gave me the creeps.
You should have seen it!
Oh, forget it.
When were you notified, Dan?
This morning,
right out of a clear sky!
And all he kept talking about
was cutting off my head.
He dug up the dirt
about that gambling joint...
and spilled the whole story
to the papers.
And you know he vetoed
the bus franchise, too.
All right, we'll give him
one more chance.
The board of aldermen
have just passed the bill...
awarding the street cleaning
contract to my company.
If he vetoes that...
we'll start to move in on him
and we'll move fast.
Take him for a ride, eh?
No.
No, there's a better way
than that...
to put him out of the way.
I tell you,
I won't be police commissioner!
What'll my friends think?
What'll my...
Say, will you pay
some attention to me?
Oh, pardon me.
What were you saying?
L... I don't want to be
police commissioner.
Why not?
Well, you can't make
a silk sow...
You can't make a sow's purse...
Well, anyway, you can't!
He who has lived
in the jungle...
is best equipped
to fight wild beasts.
- What?
- Ling Po.
What do you mean
live in a jungle?
$700,000. That's rather
a high figure, isn't it?
Eh, what?
Yes, of course it is.
There's another one
for $200,000 less.
Jake Mayo...
police commissioner.
Think of my reputation.
Isn't that company
as good as this one?
Sure it is,
but it ain't Morgan's.
And if you think I'm going
Reform at my age, you're crazy!
L... What are you doing?
I'm going to veto this bill.
Now, wait a minute, son.
I'd go easy on that one
if I were you.
For what reason?
Well, that's Morgan's pet graft.
I don't think you'd live
to be an old man...
if you vetoed that.
Why, you heard what
I just said, didn't you?
Yes, but what else could I do?
If Morgan controls the company,
it's obviously dishonest.
Well, that settles it.
Son...
you're talking to
the best police commissioner...
this town ever had.
Put it there.
Hey, what are you looking at?
I'm looking at the moon.
Oh. Yeah. There's a moon.
Uh, yes.
And I was thinking
what a beautiful time...
that I have with you, Miss Pet.
Why, China, you outdo yourself.
Well, it's all quite true.
An evening spent with you
benefits me...
like an evening
talking to my friend Tien Wang.
The Chinaman? Oh.
Oh, well, that's great.
You mean you enjoy my mind?
Oh, I do.
I find it quite first-rate.
It's much better than going out
with a beautiful woman.
I hear all you say.
Perhaps you'd enjoy it
even more...
if we spent the evening
on the telephone.
Oh, well, no.
But it would be charming
talking to you on the telephone.
And save a lot of walking.
We could take turns
dropping nickels.
Yeah, that'd be very amusing.
Wouldn't it, though?
And thrilling!
I can hardly wait.
I believe we're arriving
at our destination.
Oh, well, after all,
beauty's only skin deep.
Oh, Mr. Cobb?
- Mr. Cobb!
- Yes?
I must see you right away.
May I?
Well, l...
Why, it's Miss Skin Deep
herself.
Oh, it's so terribly important.
I must talk to you.
Please! Please!
Enter the thrush,
exit the crow.
You don't mind?
Oh, no.
I'm gonna read a book.
To improve my mind, you know.
We must be alone.
Where can we go?
But we are alone.
We might be interrupted
out here in the street.
Let's go inside!
But-Just a moment!
Maybe I'm a fool to do this.
I don't know.
I don't know anything!
Well, that's
quite possible, but...
Uh... Wait a minute!
But what are we doing in here?
Yes!
This is my bedroom.
It is?
Oh, I know you think
this is bold of me.
And I'm not really bold,
Mr. Cobb, if you knew me.
Well, as I remember you
at our last meeting...
you were not exactly timid.
Who's that?
Don't open the door!
Well, why not?
They mustn't see me.
What would they think?
Send them away!
Cobby!
J-just a minute!
Don't let him in, please!
- Cobby!
- Please!
Well, very well.
Now, don't worry.
- Cobby!
- Yes, yes.
Say, I want to talk to you.
Just a minute.
Let's go down to the parlor.
It's much more
comfortable there.
Well, I wouldn't be comfortable
no matter where we were.
Yeah, well,
there's a draft in here.
You might catch something.
We'll... we'll go down
to the parlor.
Is there anything the matter?
There must be.
Now, listen, Cobby,
the town's hot with rumors.
They're saying that you got
a slice of that company...
that you gave
the street cleaning job to.
That your graft is making
Morgan look like a piker.
Why, they've even called out
the grand jury...
and they've got 'em
pointed right at you.
They got something on you
and you know it!
Maybe you know
a lot of things.
Say, if you got a split
in that company...
you must've grabbed off
50 grand.
Ah, no wonder
you vetoed Morgan's bill.
And you preaching to me
about honesty.
I guess
I'm pretty dumb after all.
Yeah,
he's too smart for you, Jake.
Say...
Well, what do you mean?
He's got a mind, he has.
What a mind.
Why, to figure out
a nifty little double-cross...
is just child's play for him.
Double-cross? Him?!
Why not?
Gravy's gravy, you know.
They even put it on chop suey.
Why, you little...
If I wasn't a gentleman, I'd...
Him? A crook?
Why he hasn't got brains enough
to be crooked.
Well, that's true.
But if he did have,
he wouldn't be.
If ever a white man
was dead on the level...
you're lookin' at one
right there.
Are you sure of that?
You can bet your life
I'm sure of it!
Well, then I can go back
to my book.
Yeah. You...
Now, don't you worry, Cobby.
They can't fool me
with their rumors.
It's just that...
Say, will you listen to me?
Oh, y-yes, of course.
Aw, never mind.
Forget it and go to bed.
Now, I'll take care of
everything.
- Bed!
- I know their game.
I played it myself.
It's a big bluff.
Just a big play
for public feeling.
Uh, yes, of course.
But it's a cinch...
they haven't got anything
on you so far...
because I've been stickin'
too close to you.
And from now on, son,
I'm a porous plaster...
because we gotta be careful.
Now, don't you go out tonight.
I'll see you at the office
first thing in the morning.
So far, so good.
Now, don't forget.
Go right to bed.
Yes, right away!
At least almost right away.
Oh, Mr. Cobb, save me!
The fighting mayor! Look out!
Hurry!
Oh, thank you, Mr. Cobb!
You're so brave!
Oh, close the window quick!
They may come back!
Uh, l... I hope
they didn't hurt you.
No. They were after
these letters.
Oh, how can I explain?
My honor is at stake!
Your honor?
I'm so afraid.
I know they'll follow me...
and if they ever steal
these letters...
l... I can't bear to think of it!
Now, now, please...
Mr. Cobb, you have
a safety deposit box...
in the bank, haven't you?
Yes, but...
Then keep this for me, please!
Keep it as a sacred trust.
Now, if you don't mind,
I'd rather...
Oh, it means so much to me!
It means my honor! My life!
It means...
Oh, the shame of it all!
Well, now...
Oh, very well.
I shall deposit it.
Darling!
Yes, but now it's much against
my better judgment.
That makes it so much
sweeter of you, you dear man!
Yes, now if I may bid you
good night.
Promise you'll put
that envelope...
in your safety deposit box
first thing in the morning?
Yes, I will.
On your way to the office?
- Yes, yes.
- Promise!
Yes, I shall promise.
Oh, darling!
Pet...
Well, that's one thing
you can't do over the telephone.
But... but the lady was merely
expressing her gratitude...
for a small favor that...
Favor? You flatter yourself.
Miss Pet,
I would like to explain.
Wipe the lipstick off your mouth
and go to bed!
Miss Pet!
This makes me realize
a very important fact.
Yes? What?
Well, I can't shout it
through a closed door.
Then keep it to yourself.
But I must tell you!
I find I'm profoundly
attached to you.
I believe I love you.
In fact, I know I love you!
I'd like you to marry me.
Would you marry me, Miss Pet?
I love you!
Go to bed, you idiot!
Listen, Neal, this grand jury
stuff's a bluff.
It's all a bluff.
I know that Morgan sicced you
on the kid...
and you'd try to get
something on him...
but you ain't got nothin' yet
and you never will have.
Nevertheless,
I'm going to challenge him...
to turn over to me the key
to his safety deposit box...
in the National Bank.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
And if he refuses,
I'll get out a court order...
permitting me to open it.
Well, you won't have to.
You can open it
any time you want...
and that's how much
I'm sold on that kid. Yeah?
Mayor Cobb is calling you,
Mr. Mayo.
Oh. Hello, Cobby.
I'm down in the lobby, Mr. Mayo.
Yes, I'll be a little late
for that conference.
I've got to buy some cigarettes.
Oh, you can see her tonight.
Come right up, will you?
The district attorney's here.
No, wait a minute.
Meet me at the bank right away.
I'm coming down there with
a couple of friends of mine.
Now, Mr. Neal,
I'm just gonna call your bluff.
Well, since
you're so confident...
perhaps you'd like to have
the newspapermen present.
Sure, bring 'em along.
They can publish a story...
that'll squash your dirty rumors
once and for all.
All right.
Ned, phone the boys...
and tell 'em to meet us
at the bank.
Yeah. Ha ha ha!
City Press Association.
Well, what's the betting, boys?
District attorney in one round.
I'll take Cobb by a knockout.
They're in their corners!
Ah, here they are now.
Well, how are you, Mr. Mayor?
Good morning, gentlemen.
It seems a rather
unusual request, but...
Well, I have no objections
to your opening the box...
providing you touch nothing
of a personal nature.
We're interested in nothing...
except evidence
of political corruption.
Well, naturally,
you'll not find that in there.
Ha ha! You said it
or Old Man Mayo...
would never have
brought you here.
If you'll follow me, gentlemen.
Do these old nostrils
deceive me, boys...
or do I smell dynamite?
There you are, gentlemen,
if you care to examine it.
Put on your glasses, Neal,
you're going to need 'em.
2 to 1 it's full of rice.
Heh...
What's that?
A passport.
Ah, the mayor himself.
Well, that ought
to prove something.
That Chinese photography doesn't
do you justice, Mr. Cobb.
Grab again, Neal.
This is lots of fun.
What's that?
"Proverbs of Ling Po."
A first edition, too.
- Got any pictures in it?
- Read us a couple of proverbs.
Now, there's evidence
of corruption, Neal.
Just a minute, gentlemen,
just a minute.
What's this?
Now, that
I must forbid you to open.
May I ask why?
Well, it has nothing whatsoever
to do with my administration.
Well, what is it, son?
Well, I really don't know.
It was entrusted to my care.
Well, let's open it.
Certainly not!
I'm sure it contains papers
of a very personal nature.
I'll bet it does.
Say, son,
why didn't you tell me?
It certainly
arouses my curiosity.
Give me that envelope,
Mr. Neal.
Now, this is going too far.
Now, just a moment, Mr. Cobb.
Why are you afraid to open this?
I cannot.
It's a matter of honor.
Yes, I'll say it is...
and I'm going to find out
whose honor...
How dare you! Give me that!
Now, wait a minute, son.
He can get a court order
and do it anyway.
But I won't let him do this!
I can't let him do this!
Tell me,
what's in the envelope?
Papers of a very personal
nature, Mr. Mayo.
Would you like to see them?
Well, I'll be...
Can you beat it?
Gentlemen,
you'll recall that Mr. Cobb...
vetoed a bill giving
the street cleaning contract...
to the Great Excelsior
Company...
What has that got to do...
And then awarded the contract
to the Northeastern Company.
Were you in
any way interested...
in the Northeastern Company,
Mr. Cobb?
Not in the least.
Then how do you account for
these 1,500 shares of stock...
in that company
made out in your name?
What?
Say, what kind of
a cockeyed game is this?
You say there's stock
made out there in my name?!
Plenty. And shares in...
the Golden City
Bus Company as well.
Another of your vetoes,
Mr. Cobb.
And I thought he was a sap.
Gee, this story tops them all.
Well, boys, an open-and-shut
case if ever there was one.
Looks like curtains, Mr. Cobb.
Say, son, what does it mean?
Ain't you gonna say nothing?
If your enemy's jewels
be found in your pouch...
utter no word...
for silence is the friend
of the accused.
Ling Po.
What's the matter, China?
Been to a funeral?
Package of Nickels, please.
Last night, Miss Pet,
in a moment of stress...
I asked you to become my wife.
Stress?
What do you mean stress?
Well, if you don't mind...
I would like to withdraw
that request.
Oh. Changed your mind?
Yes.
Well, there weren't
any witnesses...
so I can't sue.
What's wrong with me?
Don't I match in daylight?
Oh, on the contrary.
You're more desirable now
than ever.
Well, that's something.
But l... Well,
if I ever was desirable...
I've ceased to be.
Oh, your beauty
almost drove me mad.
You're derisive.
Well, I hardly blame you.
I see now what a joke
it was when I was elected mayor.
I also realize
that I'm not equipped...
to fit into this civilization.
My place is in Sheng Tu
at my father's side.
In China,
I wasn't funny, Miss Pet.
I was even useful at times.
I should never have left.
Come on, Cobby,
the boys are up in your office.
They're waiting
for a conference.
What's happened, Jake?
Frame-up. He's sunk.
Say, if I told you the story
he told me...
you wouldn't believe
he could be so dumb.
I certainly would.
I'm a firm believer
in the gentleman's dumbness.
How'd they do it?
Morgan's dame.
Ooh, the old-fashioned girl.
Come on, Cobby. We better hurry.
Stay with him, China...
for the glory of old Ling Po!
Come on, son.
They're in the conference room.
If ever a crook
was caught red-handed...
Why, they've got
enough evidence...
to send him to jail
till Doomsday.
They'll rush
his conviction, too.
He hasn't a chance.
The main thing to do
is to protect the organization.
We've got to issue
a statement to the press...
publicly disavowing him.
That won't be necessary,
gentlemen.
Cobb!
Well, Cobb, after all,
we can't help...
No. To help me,
you would have to defy...
the racketeers
that control this town.
That'd endanger your property
or your lives.
You'd be afraid to do it.
Just a moment, Cobb!
You're not only cowardly,
you're selfish.
Your only thought
is to save yourselves.
Well, you needn't worry about
your reputation, gentlemen.
You need not disavow me.
I'm going to disavow you.
Now, hold on, Cobb...
It is I who shall issue
a statement to the press...
repudiating you
and your whole party.
From this moment, I'm my own
political organization.
A party of one.
I shall stand alone
or fall alone.
I bid you good morning.
Holy cats!
Now what are you gonna do?
I think
I'll buy some cigarettes.
Extra paper!
Governor to remove Mayor Cobb!
Thanks for the lunch, China.
Extra!
Governor to remove Mayor Cobb!
Uh-oh. Won't be long now.
No. Mr. Mayo has told me...
that my removal
by the governor is certain.
By tomorrow,
I shall no longer be mayor.
Well, how about today?
One day?
Why, in weeks as mayor
I've accomplished nothing.
The men who could have
helped me...
they've hampered me.
And you've thrown them all out,
haven't you?
Yes.
I've no obligations to anyone.
I stand as
head of the city alone.
Sort of a dictator, huh?
Why not?
Say...
24 hours.
Dictator.
But, Cobby, you can't do that!
You couldn't get away with it.
I've never had to pull a job
like that before.
Now, you don't know
what you're saying!
Why, it's lawless!
Lawless? It's loony!
It can't be done!
Say, what are you reading?
Oh. Mr. Shigley...
I appointed you
chief of police...
because Mr. Mayo told me
that I could depend upon you.
You can, Mr. Cobb...
Pat'll stand by you, son.
He's for you.
But this is impossible!
Why?
Why is it impossible
to arrest...
every known gangster
and racketeer in the city?
We gotta have evidence!
Why?
Because it's the law,
that's why!
- Disregard the law.
- What?!
Now, listen, Cobby...
I know you're all upset,
and it's kind of got you...
off your nut
and I don't blame you...
but what you want to do
is ridiculous!
Sure, we know every grafter,
every gangster in this town.
Know 'em like a book,
and we'd like to get...
the goods on 'em
just as much as you.
Why, there's a hundred murders,
robberies...
every crime encountered
we ain't ever solved...
though we know
these fellas did them...
but we ain't got nothing on 'em.
You'll arrest them all...
with or without evidence.
But, Mr. Mayor, if I did that...
Don't worry.
I'll take the responsibility.
But it won't do no good!
Morgan will have them
all out in no time!
Arrest Morgan, too.
Arrest Morgan?!
Say, now listen, Cobby,
even so...
we'd be up to our necks
in writs of habeas corpus.
Sure, you couldn't hold him
in jail 20 minutes.
Pardon me?
You couldn't keep him in jail,
don't you understand?
You're not to put them in jail.
Sure, you just said
to arrest them.
Yes... and deliver them...
to the great cellar
of Tien Wang.
Where?
The basement below
the antique store...
of Tien Wang in Chinatown.
Hold them there
with an armed guard.
Say, you have gone nuts!
Well, of all the crazy...
Did you ever hear
the story of Fu Wong?
No! I suppose
he was Ling Po's grandfather.
When Fu Wong was about
to be executed...
by the wicked mandarin Li...
he took the city
with sudden onslaught...
and for 48 hours,
he ruled supreme.
During that time...
he cleansed
the wicked city of Gang Wo...
where he seized every cruel
and dishonest official...
and cut off their heads.
Sure, son, that's a nice story,
but let's...
Then he gave himself up
to the emperor...
and although honored
for his noble deed...
was himself executed...
because the law had been broken.
Say, listen, son,
we ain't got time...
to read the history of China!
Tien Wang
has in his possession...
the very sword used
in beheading those bandits.
Think of that!
I'm thinking of your crazy idea
of rounding up these gangsters.
What are you gonna do with them?
What do you want 'em
in the cellar for?
You leave that to me.
What do you got in mind, son?
Now, remember,
you ain't in China.
Now, if you don't wish
to carry out my orders...
you may resign.
Well, I'll stand by you, son,
but I wish you'd tell me.
And you?
All right, I'll round 'em up
for you, but...
Then do so.
Say, son, you ain't
gonna do anything...
Well, come on, Pat,
let's shoot the peace.
And of all
the cockeyed ideas...
I'll have to strike suddenly
and all at one time.
Say, at 7:00.
Yes,
and you'll have to work fast.
Say, what was that story...
about the guy
who cut off their heads?
Ah, a lot of hooey to me.
You don't suppose that...
No, of course not.
But still...
He's full of
those Chinese ideas.
Oh, but he wouldn't.
Now, don't worry, Pat.
I suppose it's all right.
Now, don't worry, I tell you.
Don't worry.
But do you suppose
he's really got...
the sword of that Chinese guy?
Pack up, boys. We're moving.
Pete, take 'em all.
On your feet, mugs.
You're going for a ride.
Hey, boys.
Ed, take care of 'em.
All right, you boys,
the mayor's giving a party...
and you're all invited!
We're in for it!
Must be a parade.
Hello, Gil. Just have time
for a cup of coffee.
No, you haven't. Come on!
I got a perfect alibi.
Come on, Eddie.
Gonna take a little ride.
Wait a minute, Merv.
- Come on.
- What's it all about?
Search me. Just got orders
to run you all in.
10 cents for the shoe shine,
please, boss.
Oh, yes. Yes, of course.
OK!
I don't belong to this gang!
Come on, Joey.
You're pinched.
Huh? What for?
Search me. Mayor's orders.
Oh, give me a chance
to get my hair cut.
Come on. Never mind the...
What the...?!
Say, youse ain't got nothin'
on me!
Well, put something on
and come along.
Now, wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
You want me to come clean,
don't you?
Hey, stop that!
Listen here, where are we going?
What's the idea?
Hey, why the ice wagon?
We haven't got enough patrols
for this roundup.
Hey!
By the way, you can't hold us!
I tell you, I don't know...
anything more about it
than you do.
What kind of a joint is this?
What are you doing,
holding a convention, Jake?
Bah.
I guess they moved the jail
to Chinatown.
Hey, mister, I don't belong
to this here gang.
Hey!
Come on!
What are you fighting for,
you sap?
They can't hold us.
Oh, what are we gonna do,
play a game or something?
Yeah. The idea of this game
is "Try and get out."
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!
Some of Mad Cobb's
little playmates, huh?
Yeah. Sort of
a Chinese chain gang.
Must be a sightseein' tour
of Chinatown.
Oh, Jake!
Boy, what a mob.
How's it coming?
Right on schedule.
Ain't missed a one.
- Got 'em all in the cellar?
- Yeah.
- Disarmed?
- Yeah.
- Where's the mayor?
- Down with 'em.
- What's he doing?
- I don't know!
Well, why don't you find out?
He won't let me down.
He won't even talk to me.
Pat, we never should have
let him do this.
Don't I know it.
Listen, Jake, you're me boss.
Give me the word
and I'll call it off.
I can't, Pat.
I can't call it off now.
Promised the darn fool
I'd stick with him.
And I've gotta stick.
What an idiot
I've turned out to be.
Well, I'm off to get Morgan.
Yeah.
What's the idea of
bringing us down here for?
No time for riddles.
Come on.
Say, I know this joint.
That Chink friend of the mayor.
Say, Mayo, what are you trying
to pull around here?
- What's your gag?
- My gag?
It ain't mine, brother.
Ask the mayor.
Where is he?
Down the cellar
with every crook in Stockport.
Say, he can't get away
with this!
He's... he's gone nuts!
That's just what I'm afraid of.
You mean...
He keeps jabbering about
bandits in China.
And now he won't talk to nobody
but them Chinks in the cellar.
Is that big Chink
with the sword down there?
It's full of Chinks.
Come on, Strozzi,
down the cellar.
- I won't go!
- Come on.
You can't do this to me,
I tell ya!
I'll... I'll phone Morgan!
You won't have to.
He'll be here.
You... you pinched Morgan?!
What's he saying?
Who do you think I am, a Chink?
Go on, get down there.
All right, all right, I'm going!
Hey, listen, Cobb...
What are you trying
to get away with...
What's the idea of
this Chink stuff, you mug?
What did you tell that guy?
Hey, wait a minute.
You gorillas can't muscle me
around like this.
Let go of me!
Morgan'll have youse deported!
Ow!
This is an outrage.
I'm going to see
the district attorney.
He's r-right over t-there.
Ha ha!
Why, you can't hold me, Shigley.
I'll be out of here
in a half hour...
on a writ of habeas corpus.
You know that.
Maybe, but you'll have
to write it in Chinese.
Bah! What's the matter
with you, Mayo?
You losing your mind?
That's just what I'm doing.
Well, you better find it and
you better find it right away.
If I only knew what that guy
was gonna do down that cellar.
Pat! That story...
Do you remember?
The Chink
that cut off their heads!
The very sword.
Holy cats!
Hey, you!
Let me go! I gotta stop it!
Let me go, I tell you!
L-l-look!
Let me go you, fool!
Let me go!
I've gotta go down that cellar!
Boy, what a razor!
Cobby! Cobby!
Cobby! Heavens, man,
what are you doing?
Mr. Mayo, I requested
you remain upstairs.
But, Cobby, that sword...
Cobby, will you stop
that business and listen to me?
Now you're going too far, son,
you're going...
Son, you gotta lay off
this stuff!
You don't know
what you're doing!
The chief.
- Morgan?
- The big chief.
Nice little show, Cobb.
Go right ahead.
Mister, I don't belong
to this here gang.
Call it off, Cobby, please!
What good will it do you?
Do me?
Well, I'm not
thinking of myself.
I'm destroyed.
Of course,
that's of little importance.
It is important however that
the rulership of this city...
must not revert to
these gangsters and racketeers.
That's why
I'm going to destroy them.
If your enemy force you
over the edge of the cliff...
death is sweeter if you leap
with his body in your arms.
Ling Po.
If you're just trying
to scare 'em, Mr. Cobb...
it's no use.
This bunch is too wise.
Scare them?
Gentlemen,
I'm not trying to frighten you.
I'm simply offering you
information.
You're all aware
of the political frame-ups...
the corruption,
the many crimes...
that have gone unpunished
in this city.
If any of you are guilty...
or know who is
guilty of these crimes...
you may confess.
If you do not care to confess...
you will be executed.
I failed to accomplish anything
with your American methods...
therefore I'm going to adopt
the ancient Chinese system.
You mean cut off their heads?!
I will now give you...
two minutes to decide
whether you wish...
to sign a written confession.
The choice is yours.
Prison or the next world.
In any event,
Stockport will be rid of you...
as it will be rid of me.
Aw, nuts.
I guess we're supposed
to be scared or somethin'.
Oh, it's a lot of hooey.
Don't you think?
Sure.
He's only kidding.
Boy, I hope
he's only k-k-kidding.
You know, that guy's
just screwy enough to do it.
I beg your pardon...
but I said I don't belong
to this here gang.
Cobby, you can't do this!
That Chink stuff don't go here!
You're not in China!
You... you...
Will you stop grinding
that sword?!
Silence, please!
Stop him, Jake!
Cobby, listen to me!
You can't do this!
Cobby, you've got
to listen to me!
Let... let me go, you fool!
Let go of me, I tell ya!
Cobby! Cobby! Please, Cobby!
Cobby, this means
the electric chair!
Aw, stop him, Ed!
You're a rotten actor, Jake.
Mr. Cobb! Mr. Cobb!
Will you please listen to me?!
Please! Mr. Cobb!
Hey, wait a minute!
Why pick on me?
Hey, let's go in turns!
He was here before me!
O-oh, I w-was not. Go on.
What's that for?
What are you scared of,
you fool?
It's only a bluff.
I know it's only a bluff...
but why didn't
they pick someone else first?
Say, listen, old fella,
my doctor says...
I ain't supposed to have
any excitement.
I got liver trouble.
Hey, you ain't really
gonna do this!
Don't do that, please!
Save me, somebody!
Don't do it!
Aah!
He's done it.
Ohh!
Cobby! You can't do this!
Cobby!
Cobby, you got to listen to me!
Mr. Morgan, your hat, please.
Thank you.
Would you care
to loosen your collar?
Ow!
Ohhh...
Ohh!
I don't belong to this gang!
Don't do it! Don't do it!
Take them Chinks away!
Take them away, I tell ya!
I'll talk! I'll talk!
Oh, you wish to confess?
Yes, yes, anything!
Don't cut off my head! Don't!
Do you know anything about
those securities...
found in my safety deposit box?
Yeah! Morgan done it!
It was a frame-up!
He done it, I tell you!
I'll talk! Only take 'em away!
Take them away!
Hey, Cobby!
Get that in writing!
Will you sign a confession
to that effect?
Yes, yes!
I'll sign! I'll sign!
Anything!
Hey, Cobby! Cobby! Cobby!
Let me loose! Let me loose!
How did...
By golly, son, this clears you!
Mr. Strozzi, if there's
any crimes of your own...
that you wish to confess,
don't hesitate to do so.
Pardon me, sir.
Would you care to confess?
Will you... will you call off
these Chinks?
You'll be unharmed.
All right. I did it.
You did what?
I bumped him off.
You bumped whom off what?
Sid Bacon.
You know? You know?!
Ohh, of course.
Would you be good enough
to put that in writing?
Why, sure. Sure I will.
Sure! Yeah!
I won't talk!
No?
No!
Um, Mr. Moriarity,
I'd appreciate it...
if you'd give me a full account
of the corruption...
in the public offices during
Mr. Morgan's administration.
How do you spell murder?
Huh?
Just say you bumped him off.
I'll talk.
I c-c-conf-f-f...
Write it.
S-s-sure! Ha ha ha!
"Dear Mr. Cobb..."
By this most unusual method...
he obtained
confessions of guilt...
of every unsolved crime
of recent years.
Attaboy, China!
He has not only
vindicated himself...
but purged the city
of countless criminals...
and completely smashed
the corrupt political machine...
of former Mayor Morgan.
Yes?
It is I, Miss Pet!
Oh, you. What do you want?
I have an important statement
to make.
Well, what is it?
Won't you please
come to the door?
Uh, I can't. I'm dressing.
Miss Pet, you remember
that I recently...
proposed marriage to you and
later retracted that proposal.
I now wish to retract
that retraction.
Say, will you make up your mind?
It is made up, Miss Pet.
I want to ask...
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
This time
you'll put it in writing.
It's pretty good rice.
I am happy you like it.
That was a great stunt
you pulled, Wangy old boy.
- It was darn clever.
- Yes.
Of course, you never fooled me
for a minute.
Oh, no, of course not.
But the boys sure fell for it,
the saps.
Ha ha ha!
Mr. And Mrs. Cobb, sir.
What?
Well, a cordial greeting,
my worthy friends.
Say, you didn't marry him?
I didn't, huh? You think
that's painted on there?
Well, I'll be. Where is he?
He's telephoning the office.
He'll be right in.
May I offer you
my humble felicitations?
Thanks, Mr. Wang.
We just dropped in
to say good-bye.
We're leaving for China
tomorrow.
You're what?!
You tell him.
Say, Pet, he can't do that!
Why not? It's his idea.
So... he wants to go back
to China.
Say, you young idiot!
I beg your pardon?
You can't walk out on this job!
What do you want to go back
to China for?
China?
Well, I'm not sure that I do.
Say, will you two
get together on this?
Why, Ezekiel, dear,
didn't you convince me...
that your duty... our duty...
lies in China?
Well, I did think...
Oh, and after filling me
with all those beautiful ideals.
Oh, well, I'll get a divorce!
Well, now, Miss Pet...
We're going to China.
Now, I don't want to be rude,
but we're not going to China.
We're going to China.
We're not going to China.
We're going to China.
We're not going to China!
Holy cats!
What do they need of me
in China?
This city needs a missionary
more than China ever did!
I have work to do in Stockport.
I can clean up this town.
I can't clean up China.
You could try.
Even though
defeat be inevitable.
After all, should the lark
cease singing...
because winter was come?
Ling Po.
Now you quote me one.
Heh.
All right, I will.
About that lark you mentioned.
After all, should the lark
bring worms to the seagulls...
when the baby larks
are starving in her own nest?
Ezekiel Cobb.