[Up-tempo music plays]
(music) The computer
wore tennis shoes (music)
(music) And a twinkle in his eye (music)
(music) Never met a groovier dude,
an electric kind of guy (music)
(music) A socket shock (music)
(music) And suddenly socked him
into a real cerebral high (music)
(music) Growing his mind
into the kind (music)
(music) That leaves old Einstein
wigging out behind (music)
(music) The computer
wore tennis shoes (music)
(music) And a smile upon his face (music)
(music) Turnin' on every chick in town
at a cosmothropic pace (music)
(music) A guy that crazed and amazed
and otherwise dazed (music)
(music) The whole darn human race (music)
(music) Makin' the news,
payin' his dues (music)
(music) That turned-on, uptight,
flat out-of-sight (music)
(music) Totally together
computer in tennis shoes (music)
(music) A guy that crazed and amazed
and otherwise dazed (music)
(music) The whole darn human race (music)
(music) Makin' the news,
payin' his dues (music)
(music) That turned-on, uptight,
flat out-of-sight (music)
(music) Totally together
computer in tennis shoes (music)
(music) Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo (music)
(music) Baa, baa, baa, baa (music)
(music) Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo (music)
(music) Baa, ba-ba-ba-ba, baa, baa (music)
Professor Quigley, I'm sure
that we all appreciate
your interest in progress,
but a computer.
Well, that is a luxury
that we just cannot afford.
Dean Higgins, today,
a computer can hardly
be considered a luxury.
Oh, very well.
Then it is a necessity
that we just cannot afford.
Now, unfortunately,
Medfield has quite
a long list of necessities,
and a computer
just does not have
a very high priority
on that list.
Now, it's not
that I'm old-fashioned.
You all know that I have
an open ear for progress,
and we do all that we can.
Why, when Mrs. Ferguson
wanted live frogs
for her biology lab,
we went to the expense
of live frogs.
Just last month, we purchased
brand-new Bunsen burners
for our chemistry class.
We're not dragging
our feet, Quigley.
Why, I just put an order
in today
for two garbage disposals
and an electric dishwasher
- Anything yet, Bradley?
- For our cafeteria.
- Not on us.
- Talk about modernization.
- Quig's still fighting
the battle of the computer.
- And it's expensive, too.
How's he doing?
Yeah, that figures.
Aw, Higgins is
weaseling out again.
What's he pulling
this time?
Ah, he's got a new one.
- Hi, Dex.
- He says he's spending
too much money
for frogs and Bunsen burners
and garbage disposals.
Thanks.
Quigley, you talk
about $ 10, 000
as though it were 10 cents.
You just don't understand
the problem.
Do you know what the
telephone bill alone
is here every month?
Take State.
I don't want to hear
about State.
Yeah,
but do you realize
that they give
an entire course in
computer technology?
Now, I don't like to draw
comparisons, gentlemen,
but if we want to keep
abreast of the times
and raise
our academic average,
- [Gavel bangs]
- We have got to modernize.
Modernization isn't everything.
Uh, huh...
Yes, uh, Regent Deeds.
Thank you very much.
That's... that's well-put.
[Clears throat]
Gentlemen, I, uh,
I wouldn't like this
to get any further
than this room,
but frankly,
we are down to the nitty-gritty
on our budget.
The building program
is bogged down.
The bankers in this town
won't even answer
my phone calls.
Why, we raffled off
everything on the campus
but the women's gym.
I tell you, gentlemen,
it is tough to be the dean
of a college today.
It's tough, tough, tough.
Unrest.
Everywhere you look, unrest.
Now, I wonder
who's behind that.
Hmm.
Oh, uh, that part
about the unrest,
that's, uh, that's off
the record, Mrs. Winifred.
[Clears throat]
So, Quigley, I'm sorry,
but I'm certain that you
understand our problem.
That's it.
They killed him.
Now, for the next item
on the agenda...
Us?
Deadwood.
Us.
Well-put, Dean.
An apt title for
the ne'er-do-wells
who ought to be expunged
from this...
Leonard...
The not-so-gifted students'
needs are just as great
as those
of the gifted ones.
Quigley, this is a competitive
educational institution.
All right, gentlemen,
all right.
Now, um, Quigley, we do have
certain ne'er-do-wells
that must be seen to.
Therefore, I'm suggesting
that the following students
be placed on probation...
Quigley: Probation
is no substitute
for catching the interest
of the student,
for firing
his imagination.
- Yeah.
- Come on, Quig.
- Thattaboy.
Higgins: Timothy Balsen,
John Colligan, Roger Demney,
Henry Fathinger,
- Eeeeehh!
...Myles Harris,
Adam Jervins,
Keith Richards,
Dexter Reilly...
Ugh! They got me!
Dexter, it's not funny.
...Robert Ross,
Sliver Roth.
Sliver?
A man with a name like that
has no business in a college.
Arnold Sandy,
Stanley Tyler...
He missed me.
He went through all the S's.
- Hey, that's right.
- Nice going.
Dexter:
What about Schuyler?
Hmm?
Oh, yes, of course.
Richard Schuyler.
Put him on there.
Richard Schuyler.
[Laughter]
Thanks a lot.
He's sick.
No, it's just plain hate.
That man's all hate.
You know, Quig really cares,
but the guy can't even
reason with him.
Well, how can you
reason with a guy who
lives in the Dark Ages?
Hey, wouldn't it be terrific
if we swing it for old Quig?
Well, swing what?
The computer.
Hey, yeah.
It'd drive Higgins
right over the edge.
You guys
must be dreaming.
The guy who's selling it
wants 10 grand.
Who is that, Bradley?
A.J. Arno.
That big shot, uh,
who runs the A.J. Arno
investment company, huh?
Well, he's not such
a big shot.
I mean, I think
if we went down there
and talked to him,
we could get him to
donate it to the college.
Aw, man, listen, I'll lay
you any kind of bet
we couldn't even get
in there to see A.J. Arno.
Well, I don't know about that.
I used to work for him.
Dexter, you just cleaned up
at night.
Arno wouldn't even
remember you.
What do you mean
he wouldn't remember me?
Well, I always used
to bump into him
in the elevator
and halls and stuff.
And he always said hello...
kind of.
You know, that's not
too bad an idea.
You know, big firms...
they're always donating
things to universities.
No. No trouble at all,
Wexler.
I'm glad you boys dropped by.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I, uh, I'd love to donate
the computer to Medfield.
I mean, I love that school.
I love the football team,
the track team, the golf team.
It's a wonderful place,
but, uh,
well, uh, I already give them
$20,000 a year.
Gee, Mr. Arno,
we didn't realize
that you'd already
donated.
Well, believe me, if I didn't
give them all that money,
I'd be glad to donate
the computer.
But honestly, uh,
nobody could expect me
to do both, now, could they?
- No.
- No.
- No.
Wait a minute.
Maybe I can work
something out.
Look, just give me
a little time, huh?
Sure.
You know, I like you kids.
I like your spunk.
I like your get-up-and-go.
I like the idea of a student
delegation coming to see me.
Makes me feel good...
up here.
- Bye.
- Thanks.
Goodbye. Goodbye, boys.
Good to see you.
Thanks a lot for giving us
your time, Mr. Arno.
Well, A.J. Arno never forgets
an old employee.
You just come back
any time, Lester.
Um, it's... it's Dexter.
Ah, yes, Dexter.
[Chuckles]
[Click]
O'Brien...
Ready with yesterday's
stuff?
Yeah, just about, sir.
- Well, run it.
- All right.
[Beeping]
Hey, they did pretty good
with the horses.
750 isn't bad.
That crap table figure
okay?
525. That's real good
for The Palace.
Looks like a real good day
for Applejack.
Yeah, real good.
Incidentally, don't send
that 20 grand to Medfield.
Don't? But you made
that pledge.
Don't you think...
Don't worry about it.
It's all taken care of.
Now, 102 goes right over there.
And, uh, 149
also over there.
146, right.
Okay. Right this way now,
Baxter.
Easy through the door,
you guys. Easy.
That's it.
Right in there.
Now, what do we have here?
Number 125.
Okay, boys,
right over there.
- Right.
- Let's go.
Easy now.
Take it easy.
What a slave driver.
Yeah, if he'd been in charge
of that Russian 5-year plan,
they'd have made it.
You know, it's
a great idea doing
something for the school,
but next time
let's do something easy,
like hijacking
a Cuban airliner.
Yeah.
Okay, boys,
now we need number 126.
Professor, can we just
take a few seconds off?
My back's killing me.
Oh, sure.
Take as much time as you want.
Uh, Dexter, there's a box of
tools in the back of my car.
Would you get that
for me, please?
Sure. Right away,
professor.
Good.
- Dean Higgins.
- Good morning, Dean.
- Good morning, Dean.
Hi, Deano.
Oh, hello, there,
Dean Higgins.
Nice of you to visit us.
Of course, we're not
really set up here yet,
but very soon.
Heh heh.
"Dear Dean Higgins,
first of all,
"I would like
to congratulate you
on your splendid
student delegation."
Well, that's wonderful.
I see.
[Clears throat]
Uh...
[Mumbling]
"And you will understand
"that since we have made
such a valuable donation,
"we must withhold our yearly
cash contribution.
Yours in the interest
of higher education,
A.J. Arno."
Well, this... this is
a dreadful mistake, sir.
You can say that again.
And I'm gonna tell you
this much, Quigley...
in the future, I'm gonna be
watching them.
But you can't blame
the boys, sir.
Why, i-it's Mr. Arno
who's acted in bad faith.
Oh, good faith, bad faith,
who cares?
They've cost this school
$20,000.
Well, not altogether,
Dean.
We still have
the computer.
Oh, shut up!
Higher education.
Hey, pretty great
about the computer, huh?
You know,
I don't like to brag,
but if it hadn't been
for the fact that I
used to work there...
Him I'm gonna watch
most of all.
Well, what's he gonna be
watching me for?
The elements of a computer
are input, memory, control,
arithmetic and logic,
and output.
And I think we can see,
demonstrated from these charts,
that man has done
a rather admirable job
of imitating the human brain.
And, uh, even though
it's an imitation,
in many ways,
the machine we've developed
can operate more efficiently
than we can ourselves.
Now, in the past
couple of weeks,
I've been, uh, working
on a small experiment,
uh, which is intended to show
how we can be replaced
by a computer.
Hey... this may be a way
of getting rid of Dean Higgins.
We live in hope, Dexter.
[Laughter]
[Clears throat]
Now, let's suppose
that your parents are going away
for the weekend,
and they leave you
the following instructions...
"If it's raining tomorrow
morning when you wake up,
"you are to close the windows,
"open the door
and let the cat in,
phone the grocer
and have him send
over the following list
of groceries."
All right?
Well, you wake up in the
morning, and it is raining.
And being the conscientious
and reliable young people
I know you to be,
you promptly forget to do it.
[Chuckles]
Now, well, actually,
I'm sure you would do it,
but let's see if a computer
could also do it.
[Beeping]
Now, this is a rain gauge,
and it's, uh, sitting on a roof
of a building.
Now, when the water falls
into this gauge,
it sends a signal to the logic
unit of the computer,
which immediately notifies
the memory bank of the computer
to seek out its instructions
for a rainy day.
The memory bank, in turn,
activates
the electronic circuits,
the window closes,
the door opens...
hopefully the cat comes in...
and the automatic telephone
goes into action, right?
Well, let's see.
[Beeping]
The rain... falls.
[Bangs]
Computerized male voice:
This is s recording.
Please deliver
the following groceries
to 445 Annex Street...
one pound of bacon,
two dozen eggs,
4 quarts of milk.
Hmm. Well, I...
that's enough of that.
[Light laughter]
Uh, thank you.
Thank you.
Well, so much for the speed
of the computer.
Now, another very
important feature
is its infallible memory.
Before this computer was owned
by the A.J. Arno Company,
it used to be employed
by the Space Research Center
at the Pacific Institute
of Technology.
And they were kind enough
to send us this magnetic tape,
which will call forth
from the computer
solutions to a series
of problems that would occur
on a simulated flight
to the planet Saturn.
Now, mind you,
it was 20 years ago
that this program
was operational.
20 years.
Well...
If you'll watch
the center panel, please.
[Beeping continues]
[Banging]
[Electricity crackling]
[Laughter]
Hey, Quig.
- Hey.
- [Applause]
Well, it [Sighs] seems like
our flight to Saturn
will be a little delayed.
Higgins: [Clears throat]
Your attention, please.
This is Dean Higgins.
Now, the State General
Collegiate Classification tests
will be held tomorrow at 11:00.
Now, as many of you know,
we came in 36th last year.
And, now, I think
we could get out there
and improve upon that position.
[Chuckles] Thank you.
36th?
Gee.
You know, Dexter,
there are only 37 colleges
in the state.
Gee, I wonder
who we beat.
I don't know.
What happened,
professor?
Oh, it's a part in the logic
activator unit.
It, uh,
should be replaced,
but I can't get over to
Capital Electronics today.
Well, listen,
I'll get it for you.
Oh, I wouldn't expect
you to go all the way
over there, Dexter.
That's 70 miles away.
Oh, that's okay.
I've got nothing to do.
You have nothing to do?
Didn't you just hear?
That classification test
is coming up tomorrow.
Oh, yeah, but I know
all that stuff.
Cars and buses going
from place to place.
Car "A" goes 70 miles an hour.
Car "B" goes 60.
One guy stops for lunch
for 20 minutes.
And who gets
to Chicago first?
I got it all, prof.
Yes, I'm sure you do
have it all, Dexter,
but if I were you,
I would look it over
again this afternoon.
Aw, honest, professor.
It wouldn't do any good.
I'm up to here with it.
Let me go to Marshfield.
Believe me, the drive
and fresh air will do me good.
It'll give my brain
a chance to ventilate.
It couldn't be "A."
It couldn't be "A."
The answer to the last
two questions was "A."
- [Thunder rumbling]
- Would never have three A's
in a row.
It's gotta be "B" or "C."
I haven't seen a "C"
for a long time.
It's gotta be "C" then.
[Sighs]
Got to be "C."
[Squeaking]
"A"?! That's three A's in a row.
That's impossible.
[Sighs]
How do they ever expect anybody
to figure this out?
[Thunder crashes]
[Wind howling]
[Thunder crashes]
[Suspenseful music plays]
[Door closes]
[Click]
[Thunder crashes]
[Thunder crashes]
[Electricity crackling,
computer beeping]
[Whirring]
[Explodes]
[Whirring and beeping
slow to a halt]
[As computerized voice]
3 at 8-02-30.
[Beeping]
Applejack Rainbow Lodge
4378,
animals 750, tables 480,
amusements 624.
[Beeping]
Applejack Pompey Palace,
- Dexter? Dexter?!
- 4379...
[Normal voice] Huh?
Dexter, are you okay?
Yeah.
Did you wake me up
to ask me if I was okay?
Nah, you were beeping.
Burping?
No, beeping.
Oh, that's good.
[Sighs]
[Thunder crashes]
- Hey, Dexter...
- Uh...
What'd you do
to the computer anyway?
W... nothing. I just tried
to put in that part,
and I got
this terrific shock.
Well, there must be
a short in it somewhere.
Yeah, there sure is.
I had to call in
these computer people.
They can't get a spark
out of it.
Well [Sighs]
I'm sorry, professor.
Well...
Sorry I'm late, prof.
Yeah. Well, move along,
boys. Move along.
[Clears throat]
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
this is a speed test.
And that means if you have
trouble with any question,
skip it and move on
to the next one
because you'll be graded
on the total number of questions
you answer correctly.
Is that clear?
All right.
You may begin.
Dexter, come on.
Start the test.
[Chair squeaks]
[Beeping]
[Laughs]
Shh.
[Beeping]
[Page turns]
[Page turns]
[Page turns]
[Beeping]
[Page turns]
[Beeping,
page turns]
[Booklet slams shut]
Shh.
Funny guy.
[Pounding]
[Pounding]
Shh.
[Sighs]
Dexter, cut it out.
[Coughs]
[Chair creaking]
[Clears throat
deliberately]
[Creaking stops]
[Bag rustling]
Shh!
[Rustling continues]
[Crunching]
I tell you, Quigley,
he cheated.
I tell you, Quigley,
he cheated.
It's just as simple
as that.
Spending $20 for a doctor.
That's ridiculous.
He didn't cheat,
Dean Higgins.
Something has happened
to Dexter.
Now, we usually allow an hour
and a half for that test.
And since I've been
at this school,
nobody's ever finished it.
Dexter finished it
in 41/2 minutes,
and he didn't make
a mistake.
Man: Professor Quigley?
Yes.
[Clicking]
[Switches clicking]
[Sighs]
[Knobs turning]
[Steady buzzing]
[Beeping]
[High-pitched whistle]
Dexter: I can't go on TV!
I don't even want to go on TV!
Listen, at this rate,
you're gonna faint
in front of all
those people.
Dexter, it isn't that easy.
Things aren't the same.
You have
a responsibility now.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Listen, Dexter, it's almost
like playing a game.
Now, I know the first few
minutes are gonna be tough.
But, listen, after you
answer a few questions,
you're gonna get
your confidence.
Don't worry
about it, man.
And the thing to remember
is that you're smarter
than all those people.
- That's right.
- That's right.
I am?
That doesn't make any sense.
[Indistinct conversations]
There are going to be
37 million viewers, Quigley.
I tell you,
he'd better come through.
No question.
Oh, Mayor Collins.
Nice to see you, Mayor.
Take a seat right down
front, Mayor.
Ha! It's the mayor.
I tell you, Quigley,
Medfield has really brought out
the fat cats tonight. Ha!
Mayor Collins and there's
Councilman Cooper over there
and Supervisor Straight
and there's, uh,
oh, he's not anything.
Oh, there's Dean Collingsgood
in the booth.
Hello, Dean!
Ha ha!
Dean Coll...
what's he doing here?
Well, it's perfectly natural
for a dean of the state
university to be here.
Well, I don't like it.
Every time I see him,
I have to hear about
his building program.
Building, building,
building.
It's enough
to make you sick.
Ha ha ha ha!
- Hello, Eugene. Hello.
- Dean, nice of you
to come.
Say, what about that
boy wonder of yours?
I've been hearing
great things.
Well, you know, at Medfield,
the scholastic...
Nice to see you.
I would have gotten
over here sooner,
but I've been tied up planning
our new science building.
Building, building,
build...
You know, Quigley,
sometimes I think I should
have taken up contracting
instead of education.
[Chuckles]
Say, Eugene, I was talking
to some of our faculty today,
and we thought
it might be a good idea
if we had a sort of a
Dexter Reilly rally at State.
So many of our teachers
want to meet him...
No. I-I mean,
he's all booked up.
Uh-huh. Well, we can
work something out.
Man: 30 seconds,
ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, I'd better take
my seat.
I've been invited to sit
in the control room.
[Chuckles]
In the control room.
I tell you, he's trying to steal
that boy away from us.
Oh, you're exaggerating
a little, Dean Higgins.
I'm sure of it.
You don't understand him,
Quigley. The man is greedy.
He's up to his throat
in state money, and
still he's greedy.
[Dramatic music plays]
[Applause]
On behalf
of the major networks,
I would like to extend thanks
to our learned panel
who has come here tonight
from all parts of our land
in the interests of science
and education.
[Applause]
And, of course, special thanks
to the one who is the reason
we are gathered here...
the wizard of Medfield
College... Dexter Reilly.
- Yay!
- Yay!
- Yay!
Each of our learned guests
will be allowed 3 questions.
Our first questions will be
from Dr. Rufus Schmidt,
head of the Department
of Higher Mathematics
at Purdue University.
Dr. Schmidt.
Thank you.
Mr. Reilly, you're acquainted
with the mathematical subject
of calculus?
Well, I...
[Feedback]
[Feedback stops]
I, uh, I guess I am.
I kind of looked at the text
this morning.
I see.
Mr. Reilly, using
the fundamental theorem
of advanced calculus,
and applying the formula
that the square of a distance
from the origin to "P"
is equal to "X" squared
plus "Y" squared
plus "Z" squared.
Now, could you tell us
the point of the plane
where X + 4, Y-1, Z =26?
- [Beeping]
- The point is where "X" is
equal to 3, "Y" is equal to 4,
and "Z" is equal to -1.
The answer's quite right.
[Applause]
You see?
He's getting his confidence.
I told you.
Your next question,
Dr. Schmidt.
Mr. Reilly, my next question
is an exercise
in mental gymnastics.
Could you please tell us
what 13 to the 9th power
would be
and then give us
the square root
of that product?
13 to the 9th power would be
- [Beeping]
- 10,604,499,373.
The square root of that product
would be...
102,978. 14997852.
I'm afraid
that's quite correct.
Hey.
Man: Congratulations,
Mr. Reilly.
I must say,
that was really something.
Yes, I suppose it was,
but wouldn't it
speed things up a bit
if we could save the applause
till the end?
We've wasted 38 seconds
on it already.
Yes, uh, I'm sure the audience
would be glad to comply.
Good.
Your third question,
Dr. Schmidt.
Mr. Reilly...
assuming that the population
of the United States
increases on a geometric
progression...
Dexter:
Gentlemen, please.
This is our third question
in mathematics.
I hope you're aware
that I'm perfectly equipped
to go into other fields.
Of course.
Uh, perhaps now we could hear
from, uh, Dr. Seigel,
professor
of foreign languages
at Lansing University.
Getting his confidence
is one thing,
but this is ridiculous.
I liked him better
the way he was.
Msn on TV: We're awaiting
the arrival of the phenomenal
Dexter Reilly.
Msn on TV: We're awaiting
the arrival of the phenomenal
Dexter Reilly.
It promises to be exciting,
so stay with us
as our cameras follow
Dexter Reilly on his journey
through Gotham.
There's been s buzz
of excitement
around the big city this past
week, Ladies and gentlemen.
Everywhere you go, you hear
the same question...
is Dexter Reilly for real?
Now the landing platform is
in position, the door is open.
Should be any second now.
- And there he is!
- [Crowd cheers]
- Wow.
- Whoo-hoo.
- He's out of sight.
- He sure is.
Well...
Now, uh...
Uh, Mr. Reilly's being
greeted by two young Ladies
who came all the way from
Yonkers just to greet him.
This is
Priscilla Cummings...
Queen of the Yonkers
Botanical Society,
- and her lady-in-waiting...
- That dirty rat!
I always knew if he had any
brains, he'd be dangerous.
Hey, Annie, wait a second.
Just a second.
Look, I know Dexter's
acting kind of weird,
but it's kind
of understandable.
I mean, all of a sudden,
like,
he's the smartest guy
in the whole world,
and everybody's
catering to him.
Well, you're telling me.
[Cheers and applause]
[Marching band plays
"Anchors Aweigh"]
Look at that crowd,
Quigley.
What a boon
for the college.
But, you know, w-we
weren't thinking, Quigley.
Why couldn't the boy
have been carrying
a Medfield pennant?
Don't you think
that would have been
pushing it a little, sir?
[Intercom buzzes]
- [Click]
- Yes?
Winifred:
Mr. Clodshoe is here.
- Clodshoe?
- From Universal Encyclopedias.
- Oh, tell him we already
have a set.
- [Click]
Salesmen.
That's all we need.
We can't pay
for what we have now.
He's no salesman, sir.
He's the president
of Universal Encyclopedia.
I don't...
the president?
Sure. You know, they're
the people who sponsor
the "College Knowledge"
program.
The quiz program
where they ask the questions
from the encyclopedia,
and they give away
$ 100,000?
What have I done, Quigley?
Oh.
Mr. Clodshoe, it's a pleasure
to meet you, sir.
It's a real pleasure.
Thank you.
Who are you?
Who am...
Ha ha ha! That's good.
I like that.
Who am I?
And I like that set of
encyclopedias of yours.
I like it... remarkable set.
Remarkable.
Msn on TV:
Displaying again his remarkable
intellectual prowess,
Dexter Reilly was able to
converse with each delegate
to the U.N. In his own tongue.
Speaking in French, the
official language of the U.N.,
Dexter Reilly has informed
the international group
that he must now go inside.
They're waiting for him
in the Security Council.
Earlier today,
Dr. Suzuki of the International
School of Languages
stated that with
s computer-type brain
such as Dexter Reilly has,
he'll soon be able to master
every Language
the world has ever known.
I think he's given s good
indication of that today.
Professor Mertins,
we need that boy.
He can wrap up that "College
Knowledge" program for us.
Should be a simple
matter to get him
transferred to State.
We have so much more
to offer.
Of course, but we can't
take any chances.
See if you can get
Coach Parsons in here.
Then we'll send off a wire
to Dexter Reilly.
Parsons?
The football coach?
This is a problem
of recruitment.
I need the best advice
I can get.
Msn on TV: [Whispering]
Ladies and gentlemen,
Dexter Reilly is now at the
Long Street Jewelry Salon,
where he's been invited
to observe the cutting
of the Calcutta Blue.
I, uh, I hate
to disturb you, sir.
Uhh, just a minute, Quigley.
This is exciting.
And I wish that announcer
would raise his voice.
You'd think Arnold Palmer
was putting.
Now, Sigmund Van Dyke,
the world's foremost
diamond cutter,
is in charge of the operation.
[Pops]
Tremendous.
Well, t-this is rather
important, sir.
It's about the "College
Knowledge" program.
That's no problem.
Dexter will chew up
those encyclopedias.
We'll beat every team
in the state.
It seems that Mr. Van Dyke
is explaining the operation
to the boy wonder.
Only maybe
we don't have Dexter.
What?
He hasn't registered
for the spring semester.
We've gotta do something!
We need that boy!
Winifred, get out
Dexter's itinerary!
Find out when his plane
arrives!
Quigley, how could you
let this happen?!
The first operation
of cutting the diamond
in two exact halves
is the most important.
I think Mr. Van Dyke
has now made s decision.
Wait a minute!
I beg you...
I beg your pardon.
It seems there's an area
of disagreement
as to where the diamond
should be cut.
Keep that kid
away from me.
Wh-iii-pppp!
[Sighs deeply]
[Shudders]
[Metal clinks]
[Shouts in native language
indistinctly]
Yeah, Mr. Arno, but I'm kind
of busy right now.
Mr. Arno: Well,
I hated to interrupt you,
but I've got some good news.
Oh?
I think I've found a spot
for you in my organization.
- 13... 12...
- Well, gee, I really hadn't
given much thought
- 11... 10...
- to what I'm gonna do.
- 9... 8...
- I tell you what, I'll pick
you up at the airport.
We'll have a nice,
relaxing afternoon,
- 4... 3...
- then maybe talk
a little business.
How's that? Hmm?
- 2... 1...
- That sounds fine.
Just a minute.
- 0.
- [Fire whooshes]
[Engines roar]
Pardon us, boys.
Pardon us.
- What's happening, please?
- Come on, you guys.
[Cheers and applause]
Hello, professor,
how are you?
- Welcome home, boy.
- Dean Higgins. How are you?
Let me get this.
I know you've been very
busy, son, and it's probably
just an oversight,
but you haven't registered
for the second quarter.
Now, if you can stop by
the school, I'm sure that
we could take care of that.
Well, you see, Dean,
there is a problem.
A problem?
Yes, I don't know whether
I want to enroll at Medfield
for the second quarter.
Well, w-where else would
you possibly go?
Well, don't get me wrong.
Uh, it's not that, uh,
I don't like Medfield.
I like it.
I like the guys and the teachers
and I even like you.
There's Mr. Arno.
Excuse me.
He likes me.
Isn't that wonderful?
Dexter! Hi!
What's happening?
What's happening?
Whoo!
Dexter?
Where are you going
in such a hurry?
Yeah.
Mr. Arno wants to see me
this afternoon.
Well, so do we.
Yeah, man.
Everybody's been waiting
for you to come home.
We're going to the lake
this afternoon.
Annie, are you kidding?
Mr. Arno's a very important
man in this town.
I just can't turn my back
on him.
Well, Dexter,
he'll understand.
Yeah, come on, Dex.
And look, I'd like you
to come, too.
I'm sorry, Annie.
Mr. Arno arranged
for this meeting yesterday.
I'll see you later, guys.
I gotta go.
[Engine turns over]
What's with him?
I don't know, Pete.
But I think if we're going
to have anything to do
with Dexter anymore,
we'll have to make
an appointment.
[Scoffs] Yeah.
[Trumpet plays fanfare]
Little champagne,
Dexter?
Best there is.
$34 a bottle.
No, thanks.
Uh, not right now.
Ah, healthy. Ha ha ha!
I like that.
Well, who do you like
in the first race, kid?
Well, according to
all the information,
it should be the number 8
horse, Market Doodle.
Market Doodle?! Ha!
Boss, that horse is a pig.
It ain't got a chance
in this race.
Well, it's just
a matter of analyzing
all the information...
the weight, distance,
past performance.
And Market Doodle
does figure out to be
the best horse.
Bet $200
on Market Doodle.
Boss, how can you listen
to this kid?
He don't know nothin'
about horses.
I have been listening
to you for years.
Do as I tell you.
Okay. Sweetheart...
I don't know.
I think you're flipping.
$200, Market Doodle,
the number 8 horse.
Announcer: Flag is up.
[Bell rings]
And there they go.
Market Doodle comes slowly.
French Suzie is going to best
First Orbit,
second, Cottontop,
third on the outside,
Maladjusted,
fourth, Nobody's Baby,
Clean Clem, Rare Addition,
then... Snoopy's Pal
and Market Doodle.
Down the backstretch,
it's First Orbit
in front, between horses,
by s head.
Cottontop is second
on the rail, by s neck,
French Suzie,
third, by s length,
Nobody's Baby is fourth,
and Market Doodle is far back.
Around the far turn,
it's Maladjusted in front
on the inside by s head.
French Suzie is second
by s neck.
First Orbit, third.
Cottontop is fourth.
Nobody's Baby and Clean Clem
turning for home.
It's First Orbit in front
on the inside by s head.
Cottontop is second
by two lengths.
French Suzie, third,
Maladjusted, fourth,
and Market Doodle is closing
much ground on the outside.
Come on, boy!
It's French Suzie in front
on the outside by s head.
First Orbit is second
by s half-length.
Cottontop, third by s length.
Maladjusted is fourth.
And here comes Market Doodle
in the middle of the track.
- French Suzie in front,
- Come on! Come on!
First Orbit is second,
Cottontop, third.
And Market Doodle flying
on the outside.
- French Suzie...
- Come! Come on!
Market Doodle moving
up on the outside.
Here comes Market Doodle.
Come on, boy!
Come on!
French Suzie
and Market Doodle...
And Market Doodle
is the winner by s nose.
- Hey! Ha ha ha!
- [Crowd cheers]
Hey, honey, cash 'em in.
Cash 'em in.
Ha ha ha ha!
Uh, you bum.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
16... 18... 20...
22... 24... 26...
$28,000.
I never seen anyone
win that much money
all at once, straight.
Yeah,
not a bad afternoon.
Well, I gotta split.
I got a chamber meeting
tonight.
Chillie will take you
to dinner.
Take him down
to Garibaldis.
They got good pizza there.
- Hi, there.
- Hey, Tom.
Here, you drive, kid.
I'm right over here.
Hey, thanks.
[Vehicle approaches]
Oh, Dexter, can I have
a word with you?
Uh, we are in a hurry,
Dean.
[Engine turns over]
It's very important.
It's about your enrollment.
I brought the short form.
I think this will be an ideal
time to discuss it.
I'm sorry, Dean,
but I'm afraid
we'll have to talk about it
some other time, okay?
Well, I really think
we should talk about it tonight.
- [Crash]
- Sorry.
Is that all right
with you?
Impossible.
You haven't been talking
to Dean Collingsgood,
have you?
- Not yet.
- Wh...
Not yet?
[Crickets chirping]
[Engine turns over]
[Engine turns over]
[Up-tempo jazz music plays]
[Indistinct conversations]
What are you doing here?
Well, uh, I-I'm absolutely
f... I'm fl...
Isn't this
Professor Stanley's house?
There was supposed to be
a dinner party in my honor
at Professor Stanley's.
You're not fooling me,
Collingsgood.
I know what
you're doing here.
[Whistle blowing]
It's a raid!
[Screaming]
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're police officers.
All the exits are guarded.
We urge everybody
to remain calm.
It is my duty to inform you
of your Constitutional rights.
You have the right
to remain silent.
You have the right to have
an attorney present before
and during all questioning.
If you wish an attorney
and cannot afford one,
the state will refer
an attorney.
For those of you...
Where do you think
you're going, buster?
Buster?
My name is not Buster.
This is just what
I thought it was.
This is a case
of mistaken identity.
Ha!
How I ever let you lead me
into such a mess!
[Stomps foot]
Lead you?
You're the one that tried
to steal the boy.
You ought to be in jail,
not me.
Collingsgood,
you're acting like this
is the first time
a thing like this
has ever happened.
- Hey, you okay, kid?
- I can remember the time
you stole "Breakaway" Jones
from me.
Hey, come on.
Don't be depressed, will you?
Spending the night in jail
ain't so bad.
Look at me. I've been
in and out 100 times.
It's not that.
Higgins: It's not the alumni
that's trying to steal Dexter.
It's you.
Man: You know,
I don't understand you.
You should be the happiest
guy in the world.
I've been going
to the track all my life.
I never once met a guy
who could pick eight races
in a row, never.
Dexter, you and me
could have the world
at our feet here.
Collingsgood: I'm just trying
to be fair to the boy.
I mean,
with his capabilities,
why should he stay
at an academic fleabag
like Medfield?
Well, it was that
academic fleabag
that taught Dexter Reilly
everything he knows.
You just want him for that
"College Knowledge" program,
and you know it.
You know... everyone's
just out for himself.
It was like that
everywhere I went.
Everyone's just out
for himself.
[Exhales sharply]
Oh, you mean those guys?
Don't let them
bother you, man.
You stick with me.
Who are you thinking of,
Mr. Walski?
Oh, come on,
will you, kid?
You're supposed to be smart,
some sort of genius.
Don't you think everybody
thinks about themself?
Huh?
[Door opens]
Okay, kid,
you've been bailed out.
[Claps]
There, you see? I told you
Mr. Arno would come through.
- Just the boy.
- Huh?
Oh, u-uh, Dexter,
tell the boss, uh, not
to forget I'm in here, huh?
[Keys jingling]
Higgins:
Uh, Dexter...
Uh, Dexter, do you suppose
that you could, uh...
Dean Higgins, I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
- Man: 92... 93... 94...
95... 96...
- [Indistinct talking]
Will you all shut up
for just one minute?!
[All talking indistinctly]
92... 93... 94... 95...
- Quiet!!
- [Silence]
96... $97.50.
Well, the bail
for Dexter Reilly's $ 100.
You've only got $97.50 here.
You owe $2.50 more.
[All talking indistinctly]
Wait a minute.
- Wait a minute!
- [Silence]
Now, if you'll all promise
to get out of here,
I'll pay the $2.50 myself.
[Indistinct talking]
Dean Higgins,
I'll come by tomorrow
and fill out
that application.
Oh, that'll be wonderful.
Hey!
- What's happening?!
- [All talking indistinctly]
The jailbird.
Thanks for bailing me
out, guys.
- Sure, man.
- Yeah, sure.
A lot of things have been
happening to me lately.
Yeah, I...
I guess I've been
acting kind of weird.
But I guess
the worst thing I did
was to forget who my friends
really were.
- Aw, come on.
- What are friends for?
I'd just like to say
that I'm sorry.
- Come on.
- What are friends for, man?
Come on, man.
Annie...
Annie, I, uh...
What?
Heck, I don't know what
I was doing.
That's okay.
Come on, let's go.
[Coins clinking]
[Beeping]
[Beeping continues]
[Book slams shut]
- [Sighs]
- That's fantastic.
You did the S's in...
8 minutes and 18 seconds.
That beat the R's
by 91/2 seconds.
And there were 1,200 pages
in the S's
and only 1,000 in the R's.
I picked up 22.68%.
[Siren wailing]
I'll get it.
[Wailing stops]
[Door opens]
Bradley: Oh, hi,
Professor Quigley.
Quigley: Hello, Bradley.
Is Dexter here?
Yeah, he's just boning up
- for the "College
Knowledge" program.
- Time. Mark.
Page 4, paragraph 16,
line 398, word 4,001.
Hi, professor.
Hello, Dexter. Boys.
[Clears throat]
Well, I'm... I'm sorry.
I didn't mean
to interrupt anything.
Oh, don't worry.
Heck, these are a cinch.
Ah, you can't believe
this guy.
Yes. Yes. I-I know.
Hmm.
Well, it's just, uh,
a little thing, Dexter.
It, uh, seems that we need,
uh, three more members
for the panel.
I see.
And, uh, Dean Higgins sent
over a list of suggestions.
Oh. [Chuckles]
For you.
[Clears throat]
These guys are smart,
all right.
Well, you know me, Quigley,
I'm not a proud man.
Lf, uh, Dexter doesn't
like my suggestions,
then he can have anybody
he wants.
Good.
Who does he want?
Schuyler, Henry,
and Myles.
Hmm. Schuyler, Henry,
and Myles.
That seems like
a perfectly logical s...
Schuyler, Henry, and Myles?
Oh, no.
Eh, well, they're very
good friends of his, sir.
Well, I don't care.
And I'm afraid
that if we tried to force
anyone else on him,
he might...
He might.
Y-You're right. He might.
He would, too.
I mean, we want to keep
that boy happy.
[Chuckling]
But Schuyler, Henry,
and Myles.
Well, I'm not sure about
the answer to the third part.
Well, I'm not sure about
the answer to the third part.
But the answer to part one
is "The Battle of Thermopylae,"
and the answer to part two
is "The Naval Battle
of Salamis."
Well, Lockhurst
has answered two parts
out of three correctly.
And that's good
for 20 points.
Now we have a question
concerning Greek art directed
to our Medfield panel.
For 10 points each,
please name
the three greatest sculptors
of The Golden Age of Greece.
- Okay, Schuyler,
you answer this one.
- What?!
It doesn't look good
if I answer all the questions.
Now, there were
three sculptors.
Phidias, who did
a statue of Athena,
and Praxiteles, who specialized
in human figures,
then there was Myron,
who sculpted the figure
of a discus-thrower,
kind of like the best thing
he ever done.
- Okay. You got it?
- Got what?
Gentlemen,
you have 20 seconds.
Well, tell him.
I think I misunderstood
the question, sir.
You tell him, Henry.
W-Who's that guy,
Merlin?
Not Merlin, Myron.
Is he the guy who threw
the shot put?
It wasn't a shot put.
It was a discus.
And he didn't throw it.
He was a sculptor.
Gentlemen, your time
is almost up.
I think I misunderstood
the answer, sir.
You did?
[Sighs]
That's the last time
I'll do that.
We have time
for one more question
directed to our
Medfield panel.
Gentlemen, these are the works
of the famous Marcel Duchamp
as found in the collection of
the Philadelphia Museum of Art.
Thank you, Miss Ackerman.
For 10 points each,
please identify.
Number one is called
"Portrait of Chess Players."
It was painted in 1911.
Number two is called
"The Bride,"
and it was painted in 1912.
And number three is called
"A Nude Descending
a Staircase."
It was also painted in 1912.
That's right
on the button.
Very good.
That answer
is absolutely correct.
[Applause,
dramatic music plays]
Next week, Medfield will meet
Franklin in the semifinals.
So until then, good night to you
from Universal Encyclopedia,
your passport to knowledge.
[Music continues]
[Indistinct conversations]
You guys were great.
We're gonna win.
Thanks. Hey.
"A Nude Descending
a Staircase."
- Boy, that'd never
make Playboy.
- Ha.
Oh, Dean Collingsgood,
nice to see you.
You're scouting,
I imagine.
Can hardly blame you.
It should be Medfield
and State in the finals.
Oh, what an exciting match
that'll be.
And I would like to say
right at the beginning,
I hope that the better
team may win.
Withdraw him, Eugene.
I beg your pardon.
If you had
an ounce on integrity,
you'd withdraw him.
Withdraw whom?
That boy.
It's unfair.
He's an intellectual
freak!
Now, Dean Collingsgood,
control yourself.
I know how you feel,
but you can't win them all.
Unfortunately, this year,
Medfield has the horses.
Hmm.
Are those the horses?
Well, actually,
Collingsgood,
they're just, uh,
part of the team.
For 10 points each,
could you give us
the highest and lowest points
in South America?
The highest point
is Mount Aconcagua,
which is 22,934 feet.
The lowest point
is Salinas Grandes,
which is 131 feet
below sea level.
Both locations are in Argentina.
That is absolutely correct.
20 points for Medfield.
How do you like that?
I could have had that kid
in my organization.
Hey, I didn't try to get him
arrested, you know.
He won't even answer
the phone when I call.
But, boss, how did I know
there was gonna be a raid?
I mean,
I didn't think that...
Will you shut up?
I want to hear this.
However, we have time
for one more question,
and I will direct it
to our Medfield panel.
The Department of Agriculture
stated last year
the people of the United States
consume more apples
than any other country.
Some of that consumption
was in the liquid form.
Can you give the phrase
in slang
for the central unfrozen portion
in a container of frozen cider?
Applejack.
That's absolutely right.
Applejack.
[Beeping]
[As computerized voice]
Applejack, Chissum City
Social Club
137, Feb. 29,
animals 740,
tables 600,
- amusements 500.
- Hey, boss, I had nothin' to
do with this. I swear. Nothin'.
[Beeping]
Applejack, Pompey Palace,
138, Feb. 29.
Animals 740.
[Beeping]
Applejack, Charlie Place.
Are you all right,
Mr. Reilly?
Yeah, sure.
What was I talking about?
Mr. Arno, if you could please
relax for just a little...
All right. Out, out.
Just get out of here.
But... But... But what
do I do with this?
Chissum City Social Club.
Hello. This is Applejack.
Oh, yes, sir.
Shut down right now.
Everybody and everything
out of there.
I don't want a trace
of that operation left.
Shut down? Why? What's
the matter? Somethin' wrong?
Just do as you're told.
I'll keep in touch.
Whatever you say.
Boys, out!
We gotta put that kid
on ice.
Look, we need time
to figure this out.
[Dialing telephone]
Hello? Long distance?
I want the Pompey Palace
on Franklin Road
in Charlottesville.
Yeah.
You know, if that kid
hadn't been stopped,
he'd have mentioned every joint
I own in this state.
Pick him up.
Take him out
to the Hancock place.
Right.
What?
No, I don't know
the area code.
[Crickets chirping]
[Car squeaking]
Hello, Dexter.
What are you doing here?
Well, Mr. Arno figured
you might be overworking
yourself.
He thought you could use
a little vacation
in the country.
Go ahead.
Start the car.
You know,
fresh air and stuff.
Look, Mr. Arno's
not my boss,
and I don't need
any vacation.
Dexter, start the car.
[Suspenseful music plays]
[Engine turns over]
Well, drive.
I just don't know what could
have happened, Lieutenant.
He was supposed
to be at my house
about 8:30 last night,
and he never showed up.
And nobody's seen him since.
Well, we've checked
all over.
He hasn't been in an accident
nor has he been arrested.
Lieutenant, I wonder
if he could have had
an attack of amnesia.
With that peculiar brain
of his,
he might just have wandered
off somewhere.
Could be miles away
by now.
Mm-hmm. I've alerted
the state patrol
to be on the lookout
for his car.
And if they don't
pick him up pretty soon,
then I'm afraid we'll have
to suspect foul play.
Hmm. Foul play, huh?
Well, that's it!
He's been kidnapped.
Collingsgood
has kidnapped him.
Collingsgood?
You don't mean
Dean Collingsgood
over at State?
Well, yes, of course.
Oh, don't you see it,
Quigley?
I mean, if Dexter
isn't back tomorrow
for that "College Knowledge"
program,
then Springfield State will
get the $ 100,000 grant.
We don't stand a chance
without him.
- Uh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
- Hmm?
The dean of a college,
a kidnapper?
Well, you don't know him.
You don't know him at all.
The man is ruthless.
He gets all that taxpayers'
money and still he's ruthless.
[Sarcastically]
Y-Yeah. Uh-huh. I see.
Well, we'll, uh,
we'll check it out.
I guess that'll be all
for now.
If any of you
hear anything,
uh, be sure to let me know.
Thank you.
[Sighs deeply]
Pete... I just don't think
Dexter would go wandering off
without telling anyone.
I don't think
the lieutenant does either.
Let's stop by my place
for a second.
I just
thought of something.
Dexter: [Beeping]
Dexter: [Beeping]
[As computerized voice]
Applejack, Chissum City
Social Club
137, Feb. 29.
Animals 740, tables 600,
amusements 500.
[Beeping]
Applejack, Pompey Palace
138, Feb. 29.
Animals 740.
[Beeping]
- Applejack, Charlie...
- [Clicks off]
Gee, all those places
and always "Applejack."
That's weird.
When I played the tapes
to Dexter,
he didn't remember.
He didn't have the foggiest
idea what they were.
Maybe it doesn't mean
anything.
Nah, they got to.
Look, he was on TV
for 15 weeks,
and nothing happens to him.
Then all of a sudden,
he mentions "Applejack,"
and wham!
Just like that,
he's missing.
Pete, I just don't get it.
What?
Look, Dexter glances through
an encyclopedia,
he remembers
every single word.
He browses through a book
on an oriental language,
and then speaks it
fluently,
remembering every accent.
He remembers everything
he's ever seen, touched,
heard, or read
in his whole life.
How come he doesn't
remember this?
Pete,
it doesn't make sense.
Unless... unless
he'd never read it
or seen it
or heard it before.
It was in the computer.
Of course.
When he got that
big, giant shock,
he was not only able
to remember and think
like a computer,
but all the information
that was in the computer
was zapped into him,
and he didn't even
know it.
And now he blurts it
all over the TV.
W...
that's why he's missing.
A.J., Applejack.
A.J. Arno.
A code name...
- Applejack.
...for something,
something he doesn't want
anybody to know about.
Hi.
Tables, animals,
amusements.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Pete, nobody would believe
this but you and me.
Hi.
I don't care
who believes it,
just as long
as we find Dexter.
Hey, Schuyler, will you
do a favor for me?
Sure.
All right. Take these tapes
down to the police station.
Tell them if they
look up these places,
they're gonna find out
what Applejack is up to.
Applejack is Arno,
and he's probably a crook.
And the reason why we know
Applejack is Arno
is 'cause it came from the
computer into Dexter's head.
And that's why Dexter
doesn't remember it.
Come on.
Dexter:
[As computerized voice]
138, Feb. 29, animals 740.
[Beeping]
Applejack, Charlie Place...
That's why Pete remembered
that Applejack was Arno.
Arno?
Yeah, because it was the only
thing he couldn't remember.
Pete couldn't remember?
No, no, no. Dexter.
And that's how
he remembered.
Because he couldn't?
Exactly.
Yeah.
Well, uh, thank you,
Mr. Schuyler.
Sure.
Oh. Incidentally, if I go out
of town or anything,
I'll be sure to notify you.
Meantime, I'll be on
the "College Knowledge" program
if either of you want me.
Tell me straight, Lieutenant.
Ever seen anything
like that before?
Never.
Let's hit this tape.
I want to hear it again.
[Suspenseful music plays]
[Engine turns over]
W-What do we do now,
Pete?
Well, if there's any
dirty work to be done,
Arno wouldn't be involved.
Come on.
Let's follow his stooge.
- [Engine turns over]
- I hope you're right.
[Music continues]
- [Horn honks]
- [Horn honks]
[Crickets chirping]
[Engine turns off]
[Car door closes]
[Leaves crunching]
[Chirping continues]
Man: Licorice Skull.
$50 on Licorice Skull
in the 5th.
[Chirping continues]
And John Aloicious
in the 6th, $50.
Miss Press.
Yeah, that's right.
Miss Press in the 7 th,
$50.
In the 8th, Forever Anger.
$50.
Yeah, that's it.
Thanks.
Angie, uh, a word,
if you please.
Sure. Get your mind
on Sataquoi Downs.
Hey, how'd you ever get the kid
to pick the horses?
It's easy.
If he don't pick the winners,
he don't eat.
Hey, hey.
That's good thinking.
Good thinking.
But it don't make
no difference.
I just got the word...
we get rid of him.
Oh, gee.
I was just gettin'
a good streak goin'.
The boss says he
cannot live, not with
that memory of his.
Yeah. Well, I figured
it'd come to that.
That's too bad,
but we gotta figure out now
how to get rid of the body
so nobody but nobody
finds it.
That's understandable.
Hey,
how 'bout Navajo Lake?
It's about 240 feet deep
in the center.
We weight the kid down,
throw him in.
He goes down and down
and down.
Nobody'd ever find him.
Nothin' the matter
with that.
I like it.
Maybe we could get some fishing
in afterwards, huh?
The season don't open
for a couple weeks yet.
Well, gamble.
We'll take a chance.
Well, whatever.
Good.
Then it's all settled.
First thing
in the morning,
kid takes a dip
in the lake, huh?
Beautiful. But let me get
a couple more winners.
Yeah, sure, calling the police
would be the easy way.
What about Dexter?
He ends up in jail
with the rest of 'em.
Yeah, but how are we gonna
get Dexter out of the house
without the help
of the police?
We gotta realize that
this could be dangerous.
Okay. So it's dangerous.
We owe it to Dexter.
And what's a couple of bullets
in the old gut anyway?
Yeah.
You aren't going.
You guys and Schuyler
gotta stick around here
for the "College Knowledge"
program tomorrow.
Us?!
Without Dexter?
[Groans] Ohh.
I've rather have a couple
of bullets in the old gut.
Listen,
what if we get hung up
and we don't get back
in time?
You guys gotta represent
the school.
Annie:
What's your idea, Pete?
[Sighs]
Okay. We gotta have
the run of the place
without anybody
catching on.
[Birds chirping]
[Whistling]
Somebody's coming!
[Metal bucket clangs,
whistling resumes]
Hey, where's the paint
for the trim?
Chillie, there's a whole bunch
of painters outside.
- Painters?
- Yeah.
Get him upstairs.
- Upstairs, kid.
- I hate painters.
- [Whistling]
- See? They're swarmin'
all over the place.
- Good morning.
- What are you people doing
out here? What is this?
- We're painting the house.
- I can see that!
What am I, blind?! But why?!
Well, this is the Hancock house,
isn't it?
- 22 Forest View Road?
- Yeah. Yeah, this is it.
Boy, you had me worried
there for a second.
Terrible thing if we were
painting the wrong house.
What is this?
That's an order.
No, it's all correct.
An order to paint
the house.
- An order, huh?
- Yeah.
Well, look, look,
w-why don't you people go away
and come back tomorrow, huh?
We can't do that.
We gotta do it today.
Man,
it says so right here.
Give me this! Angie,
nobody moves here, nobody.
Whatever.
Just hold up the work
here!
Hold it, kid!
Hol... hold it!
One second.
[Dialing telephone]
[Telephone rings]
Good morning.
Medfield Paint Company.
We cover the county.
Oh, they got there.
Fine. Fine.
You mean they really
are painters?
They look like a bunch
of punks to me.
Well, sir, they're part
of our youth program.
Don't worry, you'll find
they do excellent work.
[Click]
I guess it's okay.
They check out.
This could be murder!
Not if we don't panic.
Just keep on painting
the house
like we know
what we're doing,
and keep your eyes on those
windows and be ready, okay?
[Birds chirping]
You have any luck
up there?
Nothing yet.
That's where I thought
they'd be keeping him.
Yeah, well, some of
the shades are drawn.
He could be in one of those
rooms without us knowing it.
Yeah.
We'll watch real close.
Hey! Look out!
Beautiful.
Really beautiful.
Oh, come on, you guys!
Be careful, will ya?
You know, we've been here
almost an hour
and nobody's
seen anything of him.
Do you think
he's up there, Pete?
Yeah, he's in there.
I'll guarantee it.
He's in there somewhere,
man.
Just keep your eyes peeled,
okay?
The big guy's gone through
a couple times,
but so far, no Dexter.
Bradley!
Bradley, what...
Oh, Bradley!
You mean I was supposed
to paint the house orange
and the trim green?
That's exactly what I mean
to tell you, Bradley!
Gosh, Pete, I don't
know how I could make
a mistake like that.
- [Groans]
- Annie: Pete!
Pete, those guys!
I just heard them talking,
and they're going to do
something to Dexter, I know it!
All right.
What'd they say, Annie?
Well, they said to get him
ready, and the longer they wait,
the more chance they have
of getting caught.
A-And then a couple of them
went upstairs.
Okay.
We gotta make our move.
Come on, let's go.
I don't understand
why you don't understand.
The police
understood perfectly.
Ohh. Oh, Quigley,
thank heavens you're here.
- Did you find Dexter?
- No luck. I'm sorry.
What... do you realize we might
be stuck with these things?
Oh, now, really, Dean,
we don't like this
any more than you do.
Oh, shut up.
I'm talking to him.
Don't we at least have
an alternate for Dexter?
[Chuckles] Well, yes.
We, uh, we have Peter Ocho.
Oh, thank heavens.
At least he's intelligent.
Only, uh, he's not there,
either.
Where is he? Where?
Well, uh,
as near as I can find out,
he's off painting a house
somewhere.
- Painting a house?!
- Good morning, Eugene.
I see we're all here early.
Well, it's the early bird
that catches the worm.
Don't you worm me,
you worm!
Eugene.
Now, what have you done
with that boy?!
You've done something
with him!
I'm gonna see you in jail
for this!
Dean Higgins, perhaps we'd
better go sit down.
I don't want to sit down.
Eugene, you mustn't get yourself
so excited.
After all, you have your health
to think about.
So you don't win the contest.
It's only money.
A car!
[Clank]
[Engine turns off]
[Car door closes]
[Clanking]
Oh, hi, boss.
What's with all those kids
out there?
- Oh, you mean
the painters?
- Painters?!
This place looks like
a Halloween joke!
Oh, no.
I called their shop, boss.
They're painters.
I tell ya, they're okay.
They'd better be.
They are. You'll see.
I checked.
[Dialing telephone]
[Telephone rings]
Sherwood Forest.
Robin Hood speaking.
This 247-8824?
Congratulations.
You win the prize.
How would you like
your sheep dog wrapped?
[Receiver hangs up]
So, they're okay?
You checked 'em out,
did ya?
They're not painters,
you numskull!
They're a bunch
of his school buddies!
- School buddies! I knew it!
I knew it all the time!
- Yeah, I'll bet!
[Rustling]
How are you gonna get him
outta here?
Oh, boss, I am way ahead
of you on that.
The boys are upstairs getting
him ready right now.
Oh, you pea brain.
Did you find him?
No. Didn't you guys?
- No.
- No.
I looked everywhere,
even in the closets.
Arno's guys...
what are they doing?
Well, they're back there
packing a trunk.
They must be getting ready
to leave or something.
I mean, they...
they wouldn't leave
without taking Dexter
along with them.
What kind of a trunk was it,
Bradley?
Um, about that long,
and about that high.
You know,
a regular trunk.
It was Dexter.
They're packing Dexter!
- Man: Man, this kid's heavy!
- They're comin'!
Take it easy goin' around
the corner.
How come I always get
the heavy end?
Quit complainin',
will ya?
Oh!
[Dramatic music plays]
Ugh!
Here, here, here!
Well, break it down!
Yeah, yeah.
Bradley: The door!
- Hey!
- Ohh!
Grab it! Grab it!
[Clanging]
[Dexter groans,
stuttered whirring]
Dexter?
Dexter!
[Clattering]
Come on!
Let's get outta here!
[Engine revving]
Whooooa!
W-W-Whoa!
Ahhh!
Ohhh!
[Engine sputtering]
Aw, you're probably outta gas,
you idiot!
What's goin' on here?
They put paint
in everything.
[Groans]
Well, what do we do now?
- The kid's car!
- Well, come on!
Let's go!
- [Engine turns over]
- Come on! Let's go! Let's go!
[Engine revving]
This is the only truck
I've ever been in that didn't
have any tools in it.
- [Knocking]
- Dexter, are you all right?
Hey, it's hot!
Get me outta here!
He...
He needs ventilation!
[Gunshot]
Dexter's car!
I forgot all about it!
Give it all you got!
I can't!
I've got it floored now!
[Gunshot]
What are we going to do?
Hey, what's going on?!
Hey, get me outta here!
Come on,
help me with this paint.
Not them!
Their tires.
Get closer.
[Tires screeching]
- [Cheers and applause]
- Whoo-hoo! Ha ha!
[Tires screeching]
Oh, no!
Here he comes again, Pete!
- What are we going to do?
- Let's get the other one!
Get the other one!
Look out! They're gonna dump
some more paint!
No problem.
- Aaaahh!
- [Tires screeching]
- Come on!
- Come on!
- Come on, baby! Fall!
Get me in, you dummies!
[Horn honking]
[Tires screeching]
Get me in!
Fall!
[Groaning]
What are you tryin' to do,
kill me?!
[Horn honking,
tires screeching]
Now what, Pete?
Start dumping
everything.
Throw everything!
[Clanging]
Duck!
[Engine revving]
[Tires screeching]
- Whoo-hoo!
- [All cheering]
[Both coughing]
Aw, you blithering idiot!
[Moos]
Aw, shut up!
[Silence]
- [Applause]
- We will now direct our fourth
historical question
to Medfield College.
The word "paleolithic"
is used to describe
a stage of human culture lasting
probably over a million years
and ending about 8,000 B.C.
Now, for 10 points each,
please describe and date
the following cultures...
the mesolithic culture,
the neolithic culture,
and the chalcolithic culture.
Do you know what he's
talking about?
No. Do you know what he's
talking about?
Unh-unh.
Gentlemen, you have about
15 seconds.
He could give me
15 months.
Medfield, your time is about up.
I will need an answer.
We pass on that one,
your honor.
"Your honor"?
We have the reports about
that stuff on the tape.
Yeah?
That kid
really had something.
Riverdale and Scottsfield
card room...
and Emmitt Junction, a horse
parlor behind a barbershop.
And the guy in Emmitt Junction
mentioned a Mr. A.J. Arno.
Well.
That's the end of an era.
Mm-hmm.
Let's pick him up.
[Horn honking]
[Brakes squeak,
engine turns off]
Bradley, go tell Dean Higgins
we've got Dexter here.
Right!
Annie: Dexter,
are you all right?!
Oh, I don't know.
Pete:
What's the matter?
It's my head.
There's this ringing in my head.
Come on,
let's get him outta this box.
Maybe he'll feel better.
Now,
take it easy with him!
Hey, Dexter,
straighten out your legs.
I can't!
And they were bringing him
down the hall,
and then
we fought with them,
and we took him in the room
and put him on the windowsill.
- Put who on the windowsill?
- I think it's "whom," sir.
Oh, is it?
I don't care about that!
What about...
go on with the story!
And then the trunk fell out
of a second-story window.
On top of him?
No, he was in it.
- Hi, Dean Higgins.
- Hi, Dean.
Higgins:
What happened to him?
Pete: Ah, it's a long story,
Dean Higgins.
It was really a terrible
experience.
Bradley,
I'm not asking you.
Look, Dean Higgins, Dexter's
been through quite a bit,
but that really
doesn't matter now.
The main thing
is that we got him back.
So you don't have to worry
about him.
He's gonna be all right...
I think.
[Applause]
And so we arrive at the halfway
portion of our show
with the score Springfield, 115,
Medfield, 20.
[Indistinct talking]
Hey, that's Dexter.
It looks like the missing
panelist from Medfield
has finally shown up.
- [Applause]
- There, ladies
and gentlemen,
we'll see now whether
the old adage "better late
than never" can hold up.
Medfield has quite a bit of
ground to make up,
and, uh, we'll see whether the
man with the computer like mind
can, uh, can pull it off.
It should be
an exciting second half.
And we will begin,
peculiarly enough,
by asking this 20-pointer
of Medfield.
He's here.
Would you please give us
the common name
of the following species
of birds...
the Lagopus Scoticus,
the Amazona Farinosa,
and the Pica Pica?
The Lagopus Scoticus
is the red grouse,
the Amazona Farinosa
is the mag...
parrot, and the Pica Pica
is the magpie.
That is absolutely correct!
20 points for Medfield.
[Applause]
I tell you, Quigley,
it's in the bag.
For 10 points each,
could you tell us the capitals
of these countries...
Pakistan, Mongolia,
and Jordan?
The capital of Pakistan
is... Rawalpindi,
Mongolia...
Ulaanbaatar...
Jordan is A-A...
A...
[Sighs]
Amman.
That's absolutely correct
for 30 points.
[Applause]
Quigley,
what's the matter with him?
I think
he's falling apart.
[Clears throat]
Now, Springfield State,
please give us the victorious
army and generals
in the following
Revolutionary-War battles...
the first battle of
Freeman Farm,
Bennington,
and the Battle of Quebec.
[Whispering]
Bennington.
Freeman Farm was under Stark,
Bennington under Cornwallis,
- and Quebec under Carleton.
- Sorry.
The information is correct, but
the correlation is incorrect.
Medfield... Freeman Farm,
Bennington,
and the Battle of Quebec.
Freeman Farm...
The... The English...
un-der Corn-wallis.
Benning-ton...
Bennington...
The Ameri-cans...
un-der...
S...
S-Stark.
Quebec, Dexter.
What about Quebec?
The... En-glish...
un-der...
C-C-Carle-ton.
That's... correct.
[Sighs]
[Applause]
We're getting there,
but I don't know how much
more of this I can stand.
Would you, Springfield State,
give us, in the proper order,
the six largest bodies of water
in the world?
[Whispering]
[Clears throat]
The, uh, Pacific, Atlantic,
Indian, Arctic,
Mediterranean,
and Caribbean.
Sorry, again.
The order is not quite correct.
Medfield, you now have
an opportunity to go ahead.
The Pacific,
At-lan-t-tic...
In-di-an...
A-ar-ctic...
Car-i-bbe-an...
and Med-i-
ttt-ttt-
ttt-tt-
...terranean.
[Pants]
That is absolutely correct.
- 20 more points for Medfield.
- [Applause]
And with two minutes left,
Medfield now has
a 15-point advantage.
Maybe we can make it now.
We live in hope.
Now, a 10-pointer
for Springfield State.
In the Congress
of the United States,
there are 435 representatives.
Please tell us
how many representatives
come from states
west of the Mississippi.
[Whispering] 140?
[Whispering] 148.
Out of 435 representatives,
148 come from states
west of the Mississippi.
That is correct
for 10 points,
and Medfield's lead
is now cut to 5 points!
[Applause]
Medfield...
New York City was the first
capital of the United States.
For 10 points, can you name
the second capital of
the United States
and what year it was moved
to Washington?
Ph...
Come on, Dexter.
Hang on for another minute.
[Panting]
Ph...
Phil-a-dee-
el-phi-a...
m-m-moved...
i-i-i-i-in...
eight-t-t-t-t-teen...
[Pants]
Eight-teeee-yump.
[Thud]
"Yump"?
Oh, he's gone, Quigley.
He's completely gone.
Springfield...
For 10 points and the lead,
can you answer the question?
The national capital moved
from Philadelphia to
Washington, D.C., in 1800.
That is absolutely correct!
[Applause]
We have time now
for one last question...
a 10-pointer for Medfield.
And this will determine
the winner.
A small, midwest city is located
exactly on an area
designated as the geographic
center of the United States.
For 10 points and $ 100,000,
can you tell us the name
of that city?
Come on, Dexter. Think.
I can't.
I've had it!
I'm just like
I used to be!
But you know this one.
We talked about it before.
Remember? It's that place
where my uncle owns
the dry-cleaning store.
I've told you about it
a thousand times.
You know, they have those signs
at the edge of town that...
I know.
For the first time in 15 weeks,
I know an answer.
I know!
He knows?
I know!
Yes, well, s-sit down
a-and g-give us an answer.
I know. I know, I know,
I know, I know!
You have three seconds left.
Lebanon...
Lebanon, Kansas.
That is absolutely correct,
and Medfield wins
the $ 100,000 prize!
[Cheers and applause]
[Marching band music
plays]
[Tires screeching]
[Cheers, applause,
and music continue]
We've gotta get outta here.
[Engine sputtering,
turns over]
Not here, stupid!
Come on!
- Yes!
- Now, take it easy!
You almost killed me
before!
Don't worry, boss.
Don't worry.
[Siren wailing]
[Engine turns over]
[Tires screeching]
Do you hear a siren?
What siren?
[Engine revving,
siren wailing]
[Tires screeching]
Why, you stupid...
[Chuckles]
Don't worry about it, gentlemen.
We got insurance.
[Chuckles]
But, Dean Higgins,
it's new equipment
like this
electroheliospectrograph
that's going to put Medfield
on the map.
Oh, really, Quigley...
an electroheliospectrogram?
Graph, sir.
Well, graph. Whatever.
Everybody knows that I am
all for progress,
but there are limits.
You wanted a computer,
we got you a computer.
Now, I'll admit, I was a little
bit reluctant at first,
but we've got to remember,
we can't do everything
that a state school can do.
Now, there's Collingsgood,
sitting over there
in the lap of luxury
with all that tax money,
building, building, building.
It's disgusting...
all that building!
I tell you, the trials
and tribulations
of administration
weigh heavily on one today.
It's not easy to be a dean
in a private school today.
It's tough, tough, tough.
There they are again.
Every time we meet, they meet.
Maybe I can find out from
the gardener what's going on.
Oh, uh, strike that,
Winifred.
No, I'm...
I'm sorry, Quigley.
The helioelectrospectrograph
is out.
Electroheliospectrograph.
Well, whatever it is,
it's out.
- It's, uh... gram?
- Graph.
Graph. Out.
Gentlemen,
I've made a decision
on what we're going to do
with our award money.
As you know, the building
and loan associations
are paying an excellent rate
of interest.
Now, if we were to put our funds
in one of these institutions,
at the end of, say,
uh, five years,
the equivalent of interest would
obviously be considerable.
And at that time I think it
would behoove us
to look into the long-neglected
plumbing situation.
- Plumbing?!
- Plumbing, are you kidding?!
How do you like that?!
We kill ourselves
on that program,
and Higgins wants to spend
the dough on plumbing.
Poor Quig. You know,
we ought to figure a way
to get him
one of those things.
Yeah, that's for sure.
See you later.
Oh, yeah.
See you later.
Hey, Dexter, what's an
electroheliospectrogram?
Heck, I don't know.
I don't know either,
but if we ever get one,
don't fool around with it,
okay?
Okay.
[Up-tempo music plays]
5@y3