1
(CROWS CAWING)
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
(FLIES BUZZING)
RONNIE:
Yuck.
The fire's still warm.
Is that you, Hermit Bob?
We kinda can see you.
Farmer Miller says
you might have stole
one of his chickens.
That happens to be
against the law.
Now, I'm hoping that it was
a fox that did that.
HERMIT BOB: Up your hole
with a wooden pole, Cliff.
(BULLET STRIKES TREE)
That also happens to be
against the law.
Should we take him in?
Where'd he go?
CLIFF:
I don't know.
I don't see him.
Uh, we're gonna go back
to town now...
Hermit Bob.
Don't break any more laws.
Just calm down.
HERMIT BOB:
Hey, Cliff.
Fuck you.
("THE DEAD DON'T DIE"
BY STURGILL SIMPSON PLAYING)
Oh, the dead don't die
Any more than you or I
They're just ghosts
inside a dream
Of a life that we don't own
They walk around us
All the time
Never paying any mind
To the silly lives we lead
Or the reaping
we've all sown
There's a cup of coffee
waiting
On every corner
Someday we're gonna wake up
And find the corners gone
But the dead will still
be walking round
In this old world alone
'Cause after life is over
The afterlife goes on
'Cause after life is over
The afterlife goes on.
Should we bring him in
one of these days?
I mean...
he fired a weapon
at police officers.
Yeah, I don't know.
I doubt he even stole
that chicken.
Farmer Miller
is such an asshole.
I've known Bob
since junior high.
RONNIE:
Oh, wow.
That must have been
like 50 years ago.
CLIFF:
Yeah, it was.
You know, Bob's been out there
for years,
eating squirrels and bugs,
and he never hurt anyone
that I ever heard of.
Well, he is kind of unusual.
Is it already 20 after 8:00?
Shouldn't it be
getting dark by now?
Yeah, this
daylight savings thing
is all out of whack lately.
- (DOG BARKING NEARBY)
- (TAPPING WATCH)
Damn it.
My watch stopped.
Or is broken or something.
Yeah, something weird's
going on.
Yeah. Weird.
Yeah, this isn't gonna
end well, Cliff.
The ant colonies.
All jacked up like it was
the end of the world.
Hey, Ronnie,
you want to swing by the diner,
get some doughnuts, coffee?
Um... (SIGHS) no, thanks.
It seems late
for coffee and doughnuts.
CLIFF:
I guess so.
- (RADIO STATIC CRACKLES)
- MINDY: This is home base.
Are you guys reading me?
Over.
- Hey, Mindy.
- You guys okay out there?
Yeah, we're just, uh,
cruising a bit
before we swing on back.
Uh, you need anything?
We could, uh, run by the diner,
pick you up
some coffee and doughnuts.
MINDY:
Negative. Thanks.
There is something strange
going on, though.
Have you guys, by any chance,
noticed that the...
- (STATIC DRONES)
- ...and the daylight and the...
- (STATIC CRACKLES, WHISTLES)
- I think the news report...
(HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING)
Hello, hello.
Shit. We lost her.
Use your cell.
That's funny.
It's completely dead.
And it was fully charged.
Hey, Cliff, should we listen
to the civilian radio?
Sure. Go ahead.
(CYCLING THROUGH STATIONS)
("THE DEAD DON'T DIE"
BY STURGILL SIMPSON PLAYING)
Oh, the dead don't die
Any more than you or I
Wow, that sounds so familiar.
They're just ghosts
inside a dream...
What is that song, Ronnie?
It's "The Dead Don't Die."
By Sturgill Simpson.
Sturgill Simpson?
Never paying any mind
to the silly lives...
Why does it sound so familiar?
Well, 'cause it's
the theme song.
- The theme song?
- Yeah.
There's a cup of coffee
waiting
- On every corner
- (TURNS UP VOLUME)
Someday we're gonna wake up
And find the corners gone
But the dead will still
be walking round
In this old world alone
'Cause after life is over
The afterlife goes on
There'll be old friends
walking round
In a somewhat familiar town
(BIRD SQUAWKING)
That you saw once when
you looked up from the phone
(OVER RADIO):
Nobody bothers saying hi
(QUIET CHATTER)
And you can save
all your goodbyes
Stop trying to pretend
That we're all
not at home...
How much longer until
my takeout's ready, Fern?
Be out shortly, Frank.
Just heating it up for you.
Would you mind turning off
that goddamn music?
Fucking Sturgill Simpson.
- (MUSIC STOPS)
- Sure thing.
So, Frank,
what makes you so sure
it's Hermit Bob
who stole your chicken?
Well, who the hell else
could it be?
That goddamn hairy lunatic,
living out there
all these years like a caveman.
Like some kind of ghost.
Might as well be Amish.
Maybe it was a... a fox, Frank.
Um, I don't think
Bob ever hurt anybody.
Yeah, well, tell that
to my fucking chickens.
(SCOFFS)
Fox, my ass.
Here you go, Frank.
Want me to put that
in a to-go cup for you?
Nah, I can't drink
any more of that stuff.
It's too damn black for me.
I meant it's too strong.
Take care, Frank.
Yeah.
POSIE (OVER RADIO):
This special report:
These activities
could possibly be affecting
the Earth's rotation
on its axis.
Scientists say
even the slightest change
in this balance
may already be causing
a dramatic change
in our usual hours of daylight.
Meanwhile,
government officials,
as well as the heads of
the energy companies involved,
say the recent extensive
polar fracking
has had no discernible
consequences whatsoever.
Here's what
the energy secretary had to say
in this evening's
press conference.
ENERGY SECRETARY: Listen, these
alarmists are dangerous liars.
Let's not believe something
just because one so-called
scientist says it's true.
Polar fracking has created
fantastic jobs,
big profits and energy
for our great country.
- Let's not forget our priori...
- (RADIO SHUTS OFF)
What you think, Fern?
I don't know, Hank.
Shouldn't it be
getting dark out?
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
POSIE (OVER TV): So,
you can see from this diagram
that if the Earth is pulled
even slightly off its axis,
the repercussions
could be extreme.
Coming up
in the next segment...
(TV SHUTS OFF)
Holy shit, man, this is crazy.
A change in the Earth's
rotation or its spin rate?
That'd be catastrophic,
for sure.
All the cycles of the biosphere
would be affected.
The natural cycles of sunlight
would be disrupted,
plants wouldn't grow,
wind patterns would change,
and tectonic activity...
Forget about it.
The polar caps shifting
would mean...
I don't want to say.
Total planetary destruction.
For real?
Shut up.
(DOOR OPENS)
GUARD:
Okay, time's up, girls.
Way up.
Well, if it isn't Geronimo
on the girls' floor again.
Do you want to be a girl,
Geronimo?
No.
Well, then get back
to the boys' section... now.
Dennis.
Can you please escort Geronimo
back to the boys' section?
I'll deal with these girls.
Let's go, Geronimo.
You know the drill.
Let's go, you clowns.
It's bedtime for bozos.
You two ladies, too.
Let's go.
(OVER TV): Secretary of Energy
Pillerton, however...
- (STATIC WARBLING)
- GUARD: Thank you.
...fully refutes
these speculations,
- insisting...
- (STATIC DRONING)
- TEEN BOY: See you, Bobby.
- (MUSIC PLAYS OVER RADIO)
- YOUNG BOY: Excellent.
- You got it? Need a bag?
- No, thanks.
- All right.
- Bye, Bobby.
- See you guys.
TEEN BOY:
Wow, it's still so light out.
(SIGHS):
Okay. So...
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
(VAN DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
- (TURNS OFF MUSIC)
- (CLANKING)
- Bilbo Baggins.
- Hey, Dean.
- What's up, buddy?
- How's things?
After-hours delivery, WU-PS.
Check this out.
Got some
Weird News of the World.
(CHUCKLES)
The Earth off its axis.
That's bad news.
This is for you right here,
for your collection.
Oh, man. Starlog.
Eerie.
- Creepy, number 61.
- (DEAN CHUCKLES)
April 1974.
That motherfucker's rare,
before you was born and shit.
Oh, man. Here, let me
give you some money.
No, that's on me.
- Add it to your collection.
- Thanks, man.
Just give me
your Herbie Hancock right here,
and I'll be on my way.
They need to fix the AC.
You know, it's kind of hot
in this motherfucker, huh?
All right.
Okay-dokay.
All right,
see you next week, Frodo.
Hey, Dean.
I was wondering
if you wouldn't mind just, uh,
dropping a little wisdom
until the next delivery.
The world is perfect.
Appreciate the details.
BOBBY (WHISPERS):
"The world is perfect.
Appreciate the details."
HERMIT BOB:
You guys shouldn't be here.
(CROW CAWING IN DISTANCE)
Strange.
Tasty porcinis.
Okay.
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
(CLEARS THROAT)
(CHUCKLING):
Mmm.
- Kitty!
- (NEWS THEME PLAYS)
POSIE (OVER TV):
Good evening.
This is Posie Juarez.
We interrupt this program
for a Centerville 7 News
Special Report.
People are saying their pets
have either just disappeared
or are acting unusually
skittish and aggressive.
Here's a report
from Harrisville.
WOMAN:
Look at this.
I mean, I just couldn't find
my cat, Rainbow.
And when I finally did
find her,
she was under the house.
She's never done that before.
She's not usually like that.
She's very gentle and...
That's so strange.
Where are you guys?
(OVER TV): ...too, and she had
this wild look in her eye,
and when I finally tried
to pull her out,
she scratched me all to shreds,
like a wild animal.
That's so creepy.
I knew...
We're back?
Hello. (CHUCKLES)
Wow, that is strange, and it
seems to be happening all over.
We'll have more reports
at 11:00.
But for now,
this is Posie Juarez
for Centerville 7 News.
- Stay safe...
- (STATIC DRONES)
and keep your eyes open.
FRANK:
Rumsfeld.
Rumsfeld. Here, boy.
Where the hell are you?
(SIGHS)
Goddamn dog.
- (DOG PANTING)
- (CROWS CAWING)
Rumsfeld? You out here?
Rumsfeld,
what you doing over there?
Get your ass inside.
(PANTS, WHINES)
- Come on, stupid.
- (BARKING)
Hey.
What are you doing?
(PANTS, WHIMPERS)
Goddamn it.
Holy shit.
Who stole my fucking cows?
Where the hell are my chickens?
(MOOING)
HERMIT BOB:
Frank's cows.
Into the woods, ladies.
Welcome to my world.
CLIFF:
Damn it, Mallory.
Even dead,
you reek of chardonnay.
Cheap chardonnay.
(CROW CAWING IN DISTANCE)
How's she looking?
Well, she's not getting
any older.
Wow.
The diner sure makes
the world's best coffee,
doesn't it?
Yeah, but how can you
drink it so late?
- Won't it keep you up?
- No, I sleep like a baby.
Except maybe when I know
there's a corpse
waiting for me at work.
Oh, y-yeah.
Cliff, is the coroner
from Latrobe
gonna pick her up tomorrow?
It's getting a little creepy
being here alone
with Mallory decomposing
in there.
Yeah, they're supposed to come
pick her up tomorrow morning.
MINDY:
Thank God.
I don't know why she can't be
over at the funeral home.
CLIFF: 'Cause she's going
to Potter's Field in Latrobe.
And 'cause our new
unusual undertaker,
Ms. Winston,
has got those two golfers
that were struck by lightning...
the Logans.
(MINDY CLEARS THROAT)
Thanks, Ronnie.
It's not really necessary,
but...
Can I, uh,
drive you home, Mindy?
Also not necessary, Ronnie.
You know I have my car here.
Oh, yeah.
- How is the Prius running?
- Fine.
Can you even fit two people in
that little Smart car of yours?
Well, yeah.
Holds two nicely.
CLIFF: This daylight thing
is bothering me.
It's strange.
MINDY:
Well, what can I say?
The world is
kind of strange lately.
Yeah, it sure is.
If you ask me, this whole thing
is gonna end badly.
So, what exactly do you mean,
Ronnie?
Oh, uh, don't know.
Just a feeling, I guess.
Strong feeling.
Oh, boy.
You okay doing the whole
night shift alone, Cliff?
Yeah, I can take a nap.
I mean, I can just lie down
in that other cell
next to old Mallory.
MINDY:
Oh, God.
Next to her... her dead body?
Might bring back
some old memories.
See you guys tomorrow.
- See you, Cliff.
- Yeah, see you tomorrow, Chief.
CLIFF:
"This is all gonna end badly."
What does that mean?
I knew Mallory O'Brien
since I was a kid.
(CHUCKLES)
And believe it or not,
sh-she was
a pretty young thing, too.
- Please.
- (LAUGHING)
Sorry, but good riddance
to that drunken old goat.
Well, I-I-I don't know, Fern.
Geez, I got to get up
out of here.
I-I got to, uh, get
to the hardware store
early tomorrow morning.
(GRUNTS)
I'm looking forward
to seeing you ladies tomorrow.
- Mm.
- Take care, Hank.
- Good night, Hank. Sweet dreams.
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Hank is such a gentleman.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
Sure is.
(SIGHS) Well, I better
get started cleaning here.
Listen, Lily.
I've been dying to ask you
about that new foreign woman
that took over
the funeral home.
What's her name?
Her name is Zelda Winston.
And she's strange, for sure.
And she's got these, like,
really weird eyes,
like she's, like,
looking right through you.
She pays me really well,
though.
Zelda. What-what kind
of name is that?
I don't know.
She's probably, like, Irish
or Scottish or whatever.
And she talks
really funny, though,
so I don't always get it right.
But I like the name Zelda.
It reminds me of, um,
Zelda Fitzgerald.
Who's that?
That's Great Gatsby's wife.
And who's that?
That's the really rich guy
from the 1920s.
The Robert Redford guy.
Well, anyway,
so what's it like over there
in those secret rooms
since she took over?
Well, there's these, like,
really creepy back rooms,
you know, where they, like,
keep all the stiffs.
And then next to that,
there's this big golden Buddha.
A what, now?
There's a big, shiny,
golden Buddha.
And then there's these, like,
old-looking samurai swords
on a rack.
(SCOFFS)
Really?
Amituofo.
(SCOTTISH ACCENT):
That's peculiar.
Now, stay put, will you?
(SHARP EXHALE, SHEET RUSTLES)
(GASPING, RUSTLING)
(GASPS)
(PANTING QUIETLY)
What is it, Liv?
You okay?
Yeah.
I guess so.
I just got this creepy feeling.
You were probably just
having a bad dream.
Yeah, guess so.
A bad dream.
It's okay.
Just go back to sleep.
Thanks, Stell.
(QUIET GRUNTING, SIGHING)
Hmm.
Toxic lunar vibrations.
(SIGHS)
(RASPY MOANING)
(GROANING)
(RASPY MOANING AND GROANING
CONTINUE)
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS)
(FERN MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)
All right, honey, I'm done.
- I'm leaving your money here.
- (RASPY MOANING)
I'm out of here, Lil.
Okay, Fern.
See you tomorrow.
(SINGSONGY):
Not if I see you first.
(CHUCKLES)
Very funny.
Excuse me, we're closed.
- What... what happened to you?
- (GROWLING)
- (SCREAMS)
- Aah! Lily!
(FERN SCREAMING)
(GASPS, SCREAMS)
(SCREAMING, STAMMERING):
Oh, get the fuck away from me,
you little motherfucker!
Oh, I'll fucking kill you!
I'll shove this mop up
your fucking ass, motherfucker!
(LILY SCREAMING)
Get the fuck away from me!
(SCREAMS)
- (GASPING, SOBBING)
- (GROWLING)
(LILY CONTINUES SOBBING,
SCREAMING)
(LILY CONTINUES SOBBING)
Coffee.
(LILY CONTINUES SOBBING,
GROANING)
(MUG SHATTERS)
Coffee.
Coffee.
(LILY MOANING IN PAIN)
(MUG SHATTERS)
(COFFEEPOT SHATTERS)
(LILY CONTINUES SOBBING,
MOANING)
(DOOR OPENS)
(PHONE RINGING)
(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)
(GLASSES CLATTER ON FLOOR)
(SIGHS)
Centerville Police Department.
This is Chief Robertson.
Hi, Hank. What's up?
Is it really 6:30?
What?
At the diner?
(TIRES SQUEAL)
(QUIET CHATTER)
Uh, like I said
on the phone, Cliff,
often, Fern gets here early,
and so I thought I might
get some coffee to go,
and-and then this.
Oh, my God.
I-I saw them.
Fern and Lily.
(SIGHS):
Oh, man.
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS)
Uh, wh-what the hell was it?
A wild animal?
Uh, several wild animals?
I don't know.
But whatever it was,
it even smashed the coffeepots.
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
(QUIET CHATTER)
Oh, yuck.
Jesus Christ, Cliff.
What the heck was it,
a wild animal?
Several wild animals?
That's exactly what I said.
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
(QUIET CHATTER, SOBBING)
Hey, guys.
Wow. Fern's really done wonders
with these flower beds.
Really perks up the place, huh?
What?
- What happened?
- God, Mindy.
I don't think
you want to see this.
Uh, no, no, I didn't need
to see that.
Was it a wild animal?
Or several wild animals?
Cliff, is that really
Fern and Lily in there?
CLIFF:
Uh, no.
That was Fern and Lily,
but now...
Do you need me here?
Maybe you could help out
with crowd control.
Okay, folks, can you move it
along now, please?
- (WOMAN SOBBING)
- Thank you.
WOMAN:
I can't believe it.
(QUIET, INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(MINDY COUGHS)
(COUGHING, RETCHING)
(VOMIT SPLATTERS)
CLIFF: God, Ronnie.
This is really awful.
Maybe the worst thing
I've ever seen.
Yeah. Sure is.
- I...
- (CAR DOOR OPENS)
I-I got to go.
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
(TRUCK DOOR CLOSES)
So, what are you thinking?
(ENGINE STARTS)
You... you really want to know?
(VEHICLE DEPARTING)
I'm thinking zombies.
What?
You know, zombies.
Ghouls. The undead.
Are you...
you're trying to tell me...
...you're thinking
zombies did this?
Yup.
Hey, Jack,
will you check your phone
- and see where we are exactly?
- Yeah.
Oh, man.
I'm not getting
any reception out here.
Geez, I don't even know
if my phone's working,
- for some reason.
- ZACK: Hmm.
(SIGHS)
Let me try the radio.
(STATIC WARBLING)
Oh, wow,
it's working again, so...
MAN (OVER RADIO): I mean,
they're absolutely wrong.
We know very well
that polar fracking
has been great
for this country.
In my opinion, these naysayers
should just move
to somewhere else
- where they don't have to...
- I'm not listening to this.
(CYCLING THROUGH STATIONS)
And the streets
look so empty
In the morning
"The Dead Don't Die."
I love this song.
There'll be no one
out at night
For the lights
to shine down on
But the dead will still
be walking round
In this old world alone
'Cause after life is over
The afterlife goes on
Hearts break
When loved ones journey on
At the thought
That they're now
forever gone
So we tell ourselves
They're all still
around us all the time
Thanks.
Gone but not forgotten
Just memories left behind
Oh, shit, you guys.
We have to stop and get gas.
Look. Gas sign right there.
But the dead will still
be walking round
- In this old world alone...
- (WIND WHISTLING)
Okay, cool.
Come back soon, okay?
See you, Bobby.
- Stay sick, guys.
- Turn blue, Bobby.
JACK:
Hey, kids, how's it going?
Eat me.
Whoa, this place is a trip.
Sure is.
Oh. Hi.
Hi.
Nice shirt.
- Nosferatu.
- Yeah.
It's really cool.
Thanks. I make 'em.
How about that?
Earth off its axis.
- End of the world.
- Mm.
Flesh-eating zombies.
You get a lot of zombies
around here?
That depends, I guess.
(CHUCKLES)
Uh, so... so, about the gas.
You want to pay cash or credit?
Here you go, Frodo.
Cool. Thanks.
Uh, did you, uh...
(SIGHS)
Did you just call me Frodo?
Did I?
Hey, is there a motel in town?
- (GASPS)
- Yeah, there is one
- just down the...
- ZOE: Ooh.
BOBBY:
Oh, that's a really good CD.
Sturgill Simpson,
"The Dead Don't Die."
Yeah, I know.
I love this song.
Is it nice?
- What?
- The motel.
Oh, yeah.
It's, uh... it's kind of cool.
It's one of those
old-school ones.
ZACK: Like in old-school
horror movies,
with, like... like in Psycho
with the separated bungalows?
Uh, the Bates Motel in Psycho
was not separated into
"little bungalows."
- Ooh.
- (SIGHS) All right.
That's 12 for the CD
and two dollars for the soda.
- Here you go. You can just keep the change.
- Thanks.
Oh, cool.
- JACK: Whoa.
- (ZOE LAUGHING)
(CAR DOOR OPENS)
That's a super cool ride,
by the way.
Very, uh, George Romero.
Yeah, it's a classic.
Your film knowledge
is impressive.
What's your name?
Bobby.
Bobby Wiggins.
What's that?
Bobby Baggins?
(QUIETLY):
No, Wiggins.
- I'm Zoe.
- (MAGICAL CHIMING)
Thanks, Bobby.
(CAR DOORS CLOSE)
(ENGINE STARTS)
Will the Feds be
brought in on this?
It's... it's really weird.
I see.
But Miss O'Brien...
so she has to stay with us
another night?
(SIGHS) Oh, God.
Okay. Thank you.
Hello, Ms. Winston.
Hello,
Officer Minerva Morrison.
Do call me Zelda.
Yeah, okay, sure.
You've been informed
of the tragedy?
I have.
Am I to understand
that the remains
will be brought to
The Ever After Funeral Home
for my preparations?
Uh, no,
that won't be necessary.
The Feds have already
collected the remains.
They've brought them
out of the county.
I see.
(QUIET EXHALE, SHEET RUSTLES)
Is there anything else
I can do?
Yes.
I do have
an unrelated question.
- Shoot.
- "Shoot"?
I mean ask me.
Oh, yes.
Are you, by any chance,
a couple?
You and the physically
attractive one?
Um, you mean the younger one?
(CHUCKLES):
Officer Peterson?
That's the one I mean...
Officer Ronald Peterson.
Well, actually, no.
Why do you ask, Zelda?
Just accumulating
local information.
Oh.
Okay.
Dear Jesus.
I mean, that's
absolutely horrible.
I mean, who or what is-is-is
per-perpetrating
these... these...
Hey.
- What's going on?
- Hey.
Nice car.
'68 Pontiac LeMans.
JACK:
Yeah. It's a beauty, huh?
It's our friend's
totally rad ride.
It's a classic.
Have a good one.
ZACK:
Later.
ZOE:
Guys, I'm so hungry.
ZACK:
Same. Let's eat.
I'll ask. H-Hey.
- Nice car.
- Thank you.
Uh, do you guys know if there's
a diner or restaurant nearby?
CLIFF:
Sorry.
The only diner in town
is closed, indefinitely.
Well, that's unfortunate.
Uh, but we, uh, have
several vending machines
containing snacks, uh,
right over by the office.
Okay. Thanks.
Do you have change
for three dollars?
Yeah, I do.
I like your badge.
Oh, th... thank you.
That's, uh...
(COINS CLINKING)
- That-that should be good.
- Oh, okay.
- Thanks.
- Oh, no, no.
- You can, you can have it.
- Yeah?
Okay. Thanks.
They just checked in.
Hipsters from the big city.
- Yeah?
- Yep.
My educated guess
would be Pittsburgh.
They got that urban style,
you know.
Oh, well, those plates
are from Ohio,
so my educated guess
would be Cleveland.
- Oh. Cleveland. Hmm.
- (ZOE SIGHS)
CLIFF:
Yeah, Cleveland.
Thanks.
Oh, yeah. Thanks.
- That girl's part Mexican.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Hmm?
- Really?
How can you tell?
I have an affinity
for Mexicans.
They're, like,
my favorite people.
I love Mexico.
I've been down there twice.
(SIGHS)
Okay, Ronnie,
then you should be the one
to inform them
that if they're gonna spend
the night in Centerville,
to not go out and to keep
their hotel room door locked.
Okay?
- Uh, you know, Cliff, uh...
- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
I know this isn't important
comparatively, uh,
- but, uh, all of my cats are gone.
- (DOOR OPENS)
And-and, normally, they-they,
uh, just stay inside.
(QUIET CONVERSATION)
Well, I'm sorry
about that, Danny.
They could be hiding.
(STAMMERS)
Nothing is happening normally
right now.
- Yeah.
- How did they react?
They said, "I heard you had
a lot of zombies around here,"
- and then they laughed.
- (DANNY SCOFFS)
Infernal hipsters
with their irony.
Melville.
"Nameless miseries
of the numberless mortals."
(CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
OLIVIA: Well, everything
looks normal out there.
STELLA:
Yeah.
OLIVIA: But what happened
sounds like the start of
- a gruesome horror film.
- Sure does.
- GERONIMO: Boo! (LAUGHS)
- (STELLA AND OLIVIA GASP)
Really, really not funny,
Geronimo.
You guys hear about those
grisly murders at the diner?
Yeah.
Just talking about them.
Creepy.
I've been listening
to the radio,
and I'm sure
it's the undead, yo.
Reanimated by the Earth
being thrown off its axis
from the polar fracking.
What are you saying?
I'm saying...
full-on
zombie apocalypse, baby.
Soon, there'll be
hordes of them.
- Geronimo.
- Shit.
Do you want to lose
your privileges again?
(SIGHS)
No, sir.
Then let's go.
Unbelievable.
(VEHICLE PASSING)
RONNIE: Cliff,
why'd they used to separate
the children's graves
from the adults'?
Don't know.
Some kind of
a 19th-century thing.
RONNIE:
Huh.
Seems like a bad idea somehow.
Yeah. So, what exactly are we
looking for here? Zombies?
(CLIFF YELPS)
(GRUNTS)
Hey, look over here.
Here's another one.
Oh, man.
This isn't gonna end well.
(CAR DOORS CLOSE)
(ENGINE STARTS)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Goddamn it.
Ghouls.
This is undead, reanimated,
full-on,
flesh-eating zombie shit.
No question.
I was supposed to retire.
- Two years ago.
- RONNIE: I know.
- Why didn't you?
- What?
Retire two years ago.
Are we improvising here?
No, I was just asking.
But I probably know
the answer anyway.
Probably. Yeah.
So, is our plan
to continue to inform people
about the zombie danger
before it gets dark?
Oh, God, Ronnie.
Uh... I guess so.
Because we passed
Farmer Miller's place
a little while ago.
Do we need to inform him?
Fuck Farmer Miller.
Really?
He is a citizen of Centerville.
You're right. Uh...
We'll have Mindy call him.
Oh, okay.
So, Ronnie, how the fuck
do you kill a zombie?
Well, you got to kill the head.
- "Kill the head."
- Yeah.
By any means necessary,
kill the head.
Decapitate.
It's the only way to kill them.
(SCOFFS) Jesus.
And that's really the only way
to stop zombies,
is to kill the head, Hank.
I know it's gruesome,
but complete decapitation.
Doesn't matter if you use
a-a machete, steel wire,
hedge clippers, whatever.
Just as long as the spinal cord
is severed, right?
- And the head... is cut off.
- (RUMMAGING)
And that's it.
De-animated.
Only way to kill the dead:
kill the head.
Uh, wait, Bobby.
I-I'm not so sure
it was zombies.
You said they ate
Lily and Fern's flesh.
Usually, they go for
the brains.
It's unusual, but...
it's still cannibals, man.
HANK:
Mm.
Definitely zombies.
Okay?
Hank, you can trust me.
I've seen almost every
zombie film ever made.
HANK:
Mm.
This is zombie shit going down,
and we got to get prepared.
I don't know
what to think anymore.
(HANK CHUCKLES, MUTTERS)
BOBBY:
Hank, the shells.
Oh, yeah.
(HANK GRUNTS)
Better safe than sorry.
Yeah, you're right.
Safe than sorry.
Just kill the head.
(GRUNTS)
POSIE (OVER TV):
Several other shocking
- and brutal attacks
- (FAUCET RUNNING)
occurred in this
residential neighborhood
just outside East Brady.
The images are just
too gruesome
to broadcast at this time,
and police are saying
that it almost looked like
the victims were attacked
by a wild animal
or perhaps
several wild animals.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(STATIC BUZZES)
Police did provide this map
- showing where these...
- (WATCH CHIMING)
Goddamn it,
my watch doesn't fucking work.
I just got it.
It's mad expensive.
Holy shit, dude,
this is insane.
Wow.
Maybe that Harry Potter guy
at the gas station
wasn't kidding, man.
What, about-about what?
About there being zombies
around here.
ZOE:
That's not even funny.
Don't joke.
It's really, really creepy.
POSIE: Authorities are
warning all citizens
to stay inside
and keep all doors
and windows locked and secured.
Zack, lock the door, will you?
- Got you.
- POSIE: But for now,
this is Posie Juarez
for Centerville 7 News.
(DOOR CLOSES, LOCK CLICKS)
Stay safe
and keep your eyes open.
(RASPY GRUNTING)
(ZOMBIES GRUNTING AND MOANING)
Kitties!
Where are you guys?
(GRUNTS)
Kitties!
Kitties!
(SIGHS)
What in the name of...
Cats are gone.
Haven't seen or heard a bird
in two days.
- (ZOMBIES SNARLING)
- It's already night out.
It's 5:00.
Dear Lord in Heaven, help us.
(RASPING):
Free cable.
- Oh, it's free ca... (YELLS)
- (SNARLING)
- (DANNY SCREAMING)
- (ZOMBIES GROANING)
Thank God you guys are back.
Jesus, Cliff, do we really need
all this stuff?
What's all this for?
We went by the hardware store.
You know what happens.
Hank and that hobbit kid Bobby
from the gas station
have locked themselves in
over there.
They tried to convince
other citizens to join them,
but with no success.
Why? What's happening?
Is it some sort
of epidemic or what?
It's zombies.
- What are you saying?
- Well, it's the undead.
They've been reanimated.
Caused by the Earth having been
pulled off its axis,
caused by the polar fracking.
But the authorities
and energy people
keep saying that's not true.
Really?
(SCREAMS)
Oh, my God.
- She's alive?
- RONNIE: No.
She's not.
She's just undead.
Chardonnay.
Holy shit.
Did she just say "chardonnay"?
Yeah, she did.
Look out, kids.
Hey, little Mallory.
(GUNSHOT, BULLET RICOCHETS)
(GUNSHOT)
Chardonnay.
I got this, Cliff.
(BLADE SCRAPING)
(RONNIE GRUNTS)
(THUD)
(RONNIE GRUNTING)
- (CLIFF GASPS)
- (HEAD THUDDING)
Chardonnay.
- (SCREAMS)
- (GUN COCKS)
(GUNSHOT)
Those are some
pretty good cuts.
You played some
minor league ball, didn't you?
Well, um, a little Class A.
It-it was a long time ago.
Mindy, just remember
to kill the head.
Okay.
Kill the head. Okay.
Ronnie, take this thing
out of here.
You got it, Chief.
Oh, that's very nice.
Very nice, indeed.
You look gorgeous.
You two could have been
the king and queen
of the golf club, so you could.
(BELL DINGS)
Oh, my.
(RATTLING)
(BELL DINGS)
What's this?
(BELL DINGS)
(BELL DINGS)
Are you in this together?
I mean, this is
really inappropriate.
Oh, good grief.
So, the dead just don't
want to die today.
Is that it?
That's a shame.
I had them looking so bonny.
- (BANGING AT DOOR)
- Oh, what is it now?
- Who's there?
- (BANGING CONTINUES)
Shit.
(LOCKS CLICK)
Who the fuck are you,
- and what do you want?
- (HISSES)
Ow! Hey!
Get the fuck...
- (SNARLING)
- (FRANK GROANING)
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
(FRANK COUGHING)
(PANTING)
Shit.
I killed him.
That was weird.
Candy.
- Candy.
- Snapple.
Snapple.
Snickers.
- Popsicle.
- Snickers.
Popsicle.
Popsicle.
Toys.
Skittles.
Toys.
(GROWLING SOFTLY)
Wi-Fi.
(ZOMBIES MOANING, MUTTERING)
Wi-Fi.
Bluetooth.
Bluetooth.
Siri.
- Xanax.
- Oxy.
- Xanax.
- Oxy.
Ambien.
Oxy.
Guitar.
Guitar.
- Tools.
- Drill.
- (DRILL WHIRRING)
- Sander.
Tools.
(BOBBY WHIMPERING)
- BOBBY: Hey, no. Come on.
- HANK: Hey. Hey.
HANK:
Okay, okay. Holy shit.
- Hey, we need to mow them down.
- Come on, man.
- Bobby. Shit.
- (ZOMBIES SNARLING)
(RASPY MOANING)
(GUN COCKS)
BOBBY:
I got this one, Hank.
HANK:
Shit.
(ZOMBIES MOANING)
(HANK GRUNTING)
(GASPS)
Hey, Bobby!
The head, Hank!
(GRUNTS)
I killed the head.
(ZOMBIES CONTINUE MOANING)
(ZOMBIES GROANING)
What the fuck?
Is this for real?
- Shh, shh! Shh, shh, shh.
- Quiet!
- (THUMPING)
- (GUARD YELLS)
GUARD:
Get the fuck off me!
(GRUNTING, GROANING)
- Fuck!
- DENNIS: Holy shit!
Shithead!
(GUARDS SCREAMING)
DENNIS:
Save me!
- What? No!
- What are you doing? Stop!
- DENNIS: Get the fuck off me!
- (GUARD GROANING)
Closet.
- GUARD: Fuck!
- DENNIS: Fucking shithead!
- (ZOMBIES SNARLING)
- (GUARDS YELLING, GROANING)
(RASPY MOANING)
(STATIC DRONES,
FEEDBACK SQUEALS)
MAN (OVER RADIO):
...violent...
MAN 2 (OVER RADIO):
Reports of these
bizarre attacks are escalating,
with incidents occurring
sporadically across the country
and, as we're now learning,
uh, across the globe.
You see,
these violent marauders
have apparently first
been gathering in cemeteries,
then dispersing
into towns and suburbs,
while other reports suggest...
(STATIC CRACKLES,
VOICE DISTORTS)
- (BROADCAST STOPS)
- (SNIFFS) Great.
Now even the radio's dead.
Good riddance.
(ZOMBIES SNARLING IN DISTANCE)
Guys...
shouldn't we be
telling each other
that it's all gonna be okay?
That this will all go away,
like a bad dream?
Ronnie?
RONNIE: Gee, Mindy,
I'm not sure I can say that.
Cliff?
Please?
It's all gonna be okay, Mindy.
Maybe it'll all just go away,
like a bad dream.
I doubt it.
(CRYING SOFTLY)
WOMAN (OVER TV):
Seven and eight.
- Now do both for eight.
- (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
- And push. And push. Yeah.
- (STATIC BUZZES)
- (STATIC BUZZES)
- (MUSIC CONTINUES)
(WATCH CHIMING)
(GROANS)
Cleveland.
(MUTTERS, MOANS)
- (WATCH CHIMES)
- (CHEWING)
(CROWS CAWING)
(GASPS)
What the...
Now, that's what I call
a murder of crows.
(ZOMBIES MOANING)
Darn, she's really good
with that thing, isn't she?
She sure is.
She's strange.
- She's Scottish.
- She's Scottish?
(ZOMBIE MOANING)
Let's unbolt the door
and get her in here.
Thank you very much,
Officer Ronald Peterson.
Chief Clifford Robertson.
Officer Minerva Morrison.
What exactly is
your plan of action,
Chief Clifford Robertson?
Well... well...
uh, it's a little
quieter now.
I-I think, I guess we should
just get in the patrol car...
some of us, anyway...
and, uh, patrol the community.
After all, that is our job.
MINDY:
I'm not staying here.
I-I think we should all
go together.
CLIFF:
Well, I guess you're right.
I could stay here
and monitor things,
if that would help.
I'm quite confident
of my ability
to defend myself
against the undead.
Well, I-I can see that.
But, uh, can you operate the
police radio and our computer?
Oh, aye.
No bother.
Certainly.
MINDY:
Yeah, if it still works.
RONNIE:
I don't know.
That would be a little unusual,
wouldn't it, Cliff?
ZELDA: Well, this is
a highly unusual situation
we're in, is it not,
Chief Clifford Robertson?
Perhaps we could all
meet up again in a wee while
in the cemetery.
Yeah, it's okay.
I guess it's okay.
Uh, let's go, guys.
We've got some more weapons
in the patrol car.
Excuse me,
Officer Ronald Peterson.
Might I request that I have
the use of your own
personal vehicle?
Uh, oh.
Oh, uh... okay.
(KEYS JINGLING)
ZELDA:
Oh. Star Wars.
Excellent fiction.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, yeah.
- ZELDA: Mm.
It's the, uh...
Red convertible Smart car?
Yes.
Mind how you go.
(ZOMBIES MOANING)
(LAWN MOWER ENGINE RUMBLING)
(METAL SCRAPING)
Slow down a second, Cliff.
Excuse me.
(GRUNTS)
Yes.
Kill the head.
(MOANING, MUTTERING)
(GROANING)
They gravitate towards things
they did when they were alive.
Yeah.
(RASPY MOANING)
CLIFF:
Tennis girl's kind of cute.
MINDY:
Geez, Cliff.
This is way too creepy.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
(ZOMBIES CONTINUE MOANING)
CLIFF:
Oh, God.
I know those kids.
But they're all dead.
Watch it, Cliff.
- (TIRES SQUEAL)
- (ZOMBIE GRUNTS)
(CRYING):
Did you have to do that?
I'm sorry.
I didn't see him.
Well, it doesn't matter, Mindy.
They're already dead.
Well, undead, to be precise.
Reanimated.
- (ZOMBIES GROANING)
- Fucking trespasser.
Kiss your ass goodbye.
Oh, shit, where are they all
coming from?
It seems pretty quiet.
But door number three is open,
so I'm gonna check it out.
Let's both check it out.
Well, I'm coming, too.
(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
Oh, that's bad.
(MACHETE HACKING)
(MACHETE HACKS,
HEAD THUDS ON FLOOR)
Sturgill Simpson.
- (MACHETE HACKS)
- (MINDY GASPS QUIETLY)
MINDY:
Oh, my God.
Why did you do that?
They're not zombies.
They're just dead people.
Well, yeah, for now, they're
still just dead hipsters,
but they haven't turned yet.
It can take a while.
He's right, Mindy.
Now they're just...
dead hipsters from Cleveland.
MINDY (SOBBING):
Oh, my God.
I can't.
(CRYING):
My God.
(COMPUTER BEEPS, WHIRS)
(ZOMBIES MOANING NEARBY)
(TYPING RAPIDLY)
(STOPS TYPING)
(BANGING)
(MOANING CONTINUES)
Well, look at all of you.
So very ravenous,
yet well past
your expiration date.
(GLASS CRACKLING)
Oh, man.
Get a load of these two.
Coffee.
- Coffee.
- Coffee.
(ZOMBIES GROANING IN DISTANCE)
("THE DEAD DON'T DIE"
BY STURGILL SIMPSON PLAYING)
Oh, God.
Not that again.
Sturgill Simpson.
- Oh, the dead don't die
- Great song.
Any more than you or I
They're just ghosts
inside a dream
Of a life that we don't own
They walk around us
all the time...
Goddamn it.
I can't take any more.
- (MUSIC STOPS)
- (WINDOW WHIRS OPEN)
(WINDOW WHIRS SHUT)
That was irrational, Cliff.
(ZOMBIES SNARLING)
CLIFF:
Fuck. Do you think Hank
and Bobby Wiggins
are still in there?
Should we try to get 'em out?
Uh, Cliff, we're drawing
some attention.
MINDY (CRYING):
Oh, God, Cliff.
Please get us out of here.
(SNIFFLES)
Please, Cliff. Please.
(MINDY SNIFFLES)
(DRILL WHIRRING)
- That should hold.
- (HANK PANTING)
Goddamn zombies, Bobby.
(ZOMBIES CONTINUE MOANING
AND SNARLING)
(BANGING)
HANK:
I know those guys.
They were two of
my best customers.
Yeah, yeah, the Good brothers.
Travis and Dallas Good.
They died in a car crash
some time back.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, now I remember
those guys.
The Good brothers.
- They were really good guitar pickers.
- (HANK MUTTERS)
HANK: That's right.
It's-it's like they came out
of the birth canal
with guitars in their hands.
(BANGING)
I think you saved my life, man.
No worries, Hank.
(PANTING)
(BANGING AT DOOR)
HANK:
Shit.
- What?
- The fucking back door.
The back door
to the storage room.
- BOBBY: What?
- HANK: Here. (GRUNTS)
- (MOANING)
- Jesus, Bobby.
Shit.
(DRILL WHIRS)
There's way too many, Hank.
This here is a nightmare,
Bobby.
- (DRILL WHIRS)
- BOBBY: We're goners, man.
BOBBY (WHIMPERING):
Fuck.
(DOOR CREAKS)
(ZOMBIES GROANING)
(GASPING)
FRANK:
Come on. Give me that!
HERMIT BOB:
Well, I'll be a monkey's ass.
(FRANK YELLS)
HERMIT BOB:
It's finally payback time.
FRANK: You goddamn refugees!
I'll get all of you!
You're gonna pay for this!
(FRANK GRUNTING,
YELLING INDISTINCTLY)
Get off my property!
- Hey! Ow!
- Mmm.
(FRANK SCREAMING)
This is good chicken.
FRANK:
Damn it! Hey!
(FRANK GRUNTING)
(FRANK YELLING INDISTINCTLY,
SCREAMING)
(ENGINE WHINING,
TIRES SPINNING)
You want to get out and check?
Uh, I'd-I'd rather not.
Well, that's perfect, isn't it?
Right in the middle
of the fucking cemetery.
No, it isn't perfect.
Why did you run over them?
(ENGINE WHINES, TIRES SPIN)
They are not
ordinary pedestrians.
(ZOMBIES GROWLING, MOANING)
This is definitely
gonna end badly.
Shut up, Ronnie.
No, you shut up.
Shut up, Ronnie!
(SOBBING):
Please stop fighting.
Please.
FEMALE ZOMBIE:
Mindy.
Mindy...
(SCREAMS)
It's my grandmother.
(SOBBING):
Oh, God, Granny.
- RONNIE: Mindy, Mindy.
- No.
Mindy, get it together.
It was your grandmother.
(GASPING)
I can't take this anymore.
I can't do it!
I'm done with this nightmare.
Granny, I'm coming.
- I'm coming.
- Mindy?
No, Mindy! No, don't!
MINDY (SOBBING):
Oh, no!
(MINDY SCREAMING)
(DOOR LOCK CLICKS)
(RASPY MOANING)
(CLIFF WHIMPERS)
Holy fuck.
God help us.
(ZOMBIES CONTINUE GROWLING
AND MOANING)
(TIRES SQUEALING SOFTLY)
Centerville.
USA.
A real nice place.
What an amusing little machine.
Oh, here's a curious one.
(TIRES SQUEAL)
Hello there.
Fashion.
I can assure you
that is not your tartan.
Nice neck, though.
(TIRES SQUEAL)
(TIRES SQUEALING IN DISTANCE)
Come on. I know
a safe place we can hide.
(GRUNTING)
Oh, shit.
Is that Danny Perkins?
Over here.
RONNIE:
Sure looks like him.
I'm sorry, Ronnie,
if I've lost it.
It's okay, Cliff.
But I got to say,
you have been acting
a lot different
since all this weird shit
started happening.
What-what are you
saying, Cliff?
I'm saying that you seem
so oddly controlled.
(CHUCKLES):
I mean, shit.
Well, I'm just, you know,
dealing with it in my own way.
But I've been telling you
this is all gonna end badly.
Goddamn it, Ronnie.
(ZOMBIES CONTINUE MOANING)
May I ask you a question?
Sure. Ask away.
You have been saying
that this is
all gonna end badly,
from the very beginning,
over and over.
So, what made you
so fucking sure of that?
How did you know everything
in advance?
Do you really want to know?
Yes!
I want to know.
I really want to know!
Okay. I know because
I've read the script.
You...
read the script.
The whole script?
All of it?
Yeah.
Jim gave me the whole script.
He only gave me our scenes.
I never saw a complete script.
After all... I've done
for that guy.
And it's a lot that
you don't even know about.
What a dick.
(RASPY MOANING)
(ZOMBIE GRUNTS)
(ZOMBIES GROANING)
That's weird.
They're all leaving.
Right. Here we go.
Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
I think I am.
Was that in the script?
No.
Not the one I read.
(ZOMBIES CONTINUE MOANING)
(ELECTRICAL HUMMING)
(ELECTRICAL WHIRRING)
(SHIP RUMBLES)
Well, that was unexpected.
I knew there was something
unusual about her.
Yeah.
So, Ronnie,
how does it end, then?
Well... (SIGHS)
(SIGHS) We got to give it
our best shot.
"Our best shot."
Okay. Yeah.
But then it ends badly, right?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, it does.
Okay, then.
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
(ZOMBIES CONTINUE MOANING)
HERMIT BOB:
Cliff and little Ronnie.
Warriors.
Among the dead.
(ZOMBIE SNARLS)
(GUNSHOT)
HERMIT BOB:
Zombies.
Remnants of
the materialist people.
(GRUNTING)
Oh, no, you don't.
No, you don't.
(CLIFF GRUNTS)
HERMIT BOB: I guess they've
been zombies all along.
Ghosts.
Oh, hey, Bobby.
Shit.
HERMIT BOB: "Nameless miseries
of the numberless mortals."
(GROWLING, PANTING)
Frank.
(CHUCKLING):
Hey.
You got this coming.
(GRUNTS)
HERMIT BOB:
Goodbye, Frank.
You reap what you sow.
- (BODY THUDS)
- All right, who's next?
Ow.
Yuck.
All righty.
(BODY THUDS)
Hold your head up.
- (ZOMBIE GRUNTS)
- Granny.
Mindy would want you
to say hi to Grandpa.
(GRANNY GRUNTS, BODY THUDS)
Ah, Hank.
I'm so sorry, brother.
I just can't do it.
You take care of yourself.
(ZOMBIE GRUNTING)
- Danny.
- (GRUNTING)
I just saw Hank.
HERMIT BOB:
Ashes to ashes.
- (GROANS)
- Dust to dust.
Ronnie.
Mindy!
Cliff.
Ronnie.
No!
Jesus, Ronnie.
(RASPY MOANING)
HERMIT BOB: The dead just
don't want to die today.
Reanimated and all jacked up,
just like those ants.
The end of the world.
I guess all them ghost people
plumb lost their goddamn souls.
Must have traded 'em away
or sold 'em for gold
or whatnot.
New trucks, kitchen appliances,
new trousers,
Nintendo Game Boys,
shit like that.
Just hungry for more stuff.
(ZOMBIES CONTINUE MOANING)
Oh, down they go.
The sad end
of Cliff and Ronnie.
(SCREAMING)
What a fucked-up world.
(ZOMBIES SNARLING)
("THE DEAD DON'T DIE"
BY STURGILL SIMPSON PLAYING)
Oh, the dead don't die
Any more than you or I
They're just ghosts
inside a dream
Of a life that we don't own
They walk around us
all the time
Never paying any mind
To the silly lives we lead
Or the reaping
we've all sown
There's a cup of coffee
waiting
On every corner
Someday we're gonna wake up
And find the corners gone
But the dead will still
be walking round
In this old world alone
'Cause after life is over
The afterlife goes on
There'll be old friends
walking round
In a somewhat familiar town
That you saw once
When you looked up
from the phone
Nobody bothers saying hi
And you can save
all your goodbyes
Stop trying to pretend
That we're all not at home
And the streets
look so empty
In the morning
There'll be no one
out at night
For the lights
to shine down on
But the dead will still
be walking round
In this old world alone
'Cause after life is over
The afterlife goes on
Hearts break
When loved ones journey on
At the thought
That they're now
forever gone
So we tell ourselves
they're all still
Around us all the time
Gone but not forgotten
Just memories left behind
But the dead will still
be walking round
In this old world alone
'Cause after life is over
The afterlife goes on
'Cause after life is over
The afterlife goes on.
(SONG ENDS)
(MUSIC FADES)