[tense eerie music]
- September 16th,
approximately 12:05.
Video log of Abe Bond.
[thudding]
[groaning]
After many months, I've
finally broken through
the forbidden wall.
I stand at death's door.
[thudding]
My chosen subjects, too,
at this time have shown
an
amazing aggression,
something that I never imagined.
[crashing]
[dramatic tense music]
With this final act,
I join my legion.
The world that is known
dies tonight.
[door squeaking]
[dramatic tense music]
[gunshot blasting]
[roaring]
[screaming]
[thunder clapping]
[tense eerie music]
- Okay.
October 31st, 9:45 p.m.
Happy Halloween.
Autopsy of male Caucasian,
age approximately 24.
Time of death
approximately 11:08 p.m.
Cause of death unknown.
Dr. Sarah Ross
slicing and dicing.
[thunder clapping]
Let's see what we have here.
[zipper zinging]
[tense music]
Subject has suffered
serious exterior trauma.
Several sizable wounds
starting at the torso
continuing down
to the abdominals.
First glance my guess
to cause of wounds to be
power tool.
Possibly a chainsaw.
Very nice.
Several more wounds at
the tricep neck regions.
Not as large as torso
wounds, but deeper.
[thunder clapping]
Wounds unlike others.
Flesh appears to have
been torn out, not cut.
[tense music]
Closer inspection reveals what
appears to be a human tooth.
[clinking]
Whoever did this hasn't heard
too much red meat'll kill him.
He's sure in for a surprise.
Facial and cranial areas have
suffered the most damage,
that's for sure.
[neck cracking]
Why is it the hunky
guys are always dead
before I get to meet 'em?
Guess I have to get
outta here more often.
Clearly exterior trauma is
most probable cause of death,
however, interior
examination is necessary
to clear up any--
[thunder clapping]
What the fuck?
Okay, there was just
a mangled cute guy
here a minute ago
and now he's gone.
It's Halloween.
Obviously you're
either working too hard
or someone has really
gone out of their way
to play a joke on you.
[crackling]
Shit.
[tense music]
[thunder clapping]
Okay, time to get
the fuck outta here
and find a new career.
[screaming]
[whimpering]
[tense music]
[tense metal music]
You're right above me
Until it's low
The deeper you take me
The further I go
My accent has faded
It's given a real
I gotta remember
The things I won't feel
When I'm dead
And gone when I'm dead
And gone from you
When I'm dead
And gone when I'm dead
And gone from you
- Cut.
[laughing]
That was great, you guys.
Real horror show.
- Thanks.
Can someone please
get me my robe?
- You too, Shell.
Really, really killer stuff.
- Yeah, your stuff
is disgusting David.
Paul!
- Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, what do you need?
- Can I have some
water so I can rinse
this shit out of my mouth?
- Well see, it's
corn syrup, so--
[blowing raspberry]
Yeah, I got it.
- Why do you do that?
You know he likes you and
you always torture him.
- What did I say?
- You called his blood shit.
You know how he takes
pride in that techie crap.
- Look, you deal with
him and my brother
for as many years as
I have and you take
your shots where you can.
Besides, he's your
best friend, not mine.
- Hey, hey, hey watch it.
No fair giving the
other actors here
any inside info on
the director, okay?
- Eric, any time you wanna
know what kind of hell
you got yourself
into, you can ask me.
- Hey.
I just had to direct
my sister here
in a less-than-fully-clothed
scene.
Now that, my friend,
is hella weird.
- Yeah well, if you
weren't such a sick and
twisted pervert you
wouldn't write such smut
for your sister, someone
you hardly know to be in.
- That's true.
- [Nina] What the
hell is going on here?
- [David] Oh, shit.
- Who's that?
- [Both] Our sister.
- [Eric] You never told
me you had two sisters.
- [Shelly] Hmm.
- That was sorta the idea.
Nina, you made it.
- Why the hell is
Shelly doing my part?
- Well, you're two hours late.
I had to do something.
- Well I'm here now.
Shoot the scene over.
- What?
- Look Shell, you and I both
know I'm the better actress.
- Look Nina, you and I
both know the only way
you've ever gotten
anything your entire life
has been by badgering
someone into it.
- That is so not true.
David, tell her.
- All right, enough, okay?
I've got enough to deal with
here to have you two fighting.
- Well, what are you
gonna do about it, David?
- Shell, will you give me a
minute with Nina here, please?
Please?
- All right.
- I'll take that.
You won't be needing it.
[chuckling]
- Hey listen, man.
I can take off too, if it's
gonna become a problem--
- Who are you?
- Well, this is Eric.
- [Nina] Yeah, great.
- He's gonna be the
next David Warbeck.
Huh?
- [Both] Who?
- David Warbeck.
He was the zombie-busting
hero in The Beyond.
Come on, man.
Here you go, Shelly.
[gasping]
Nina.
[chuckling]
You're here.
How great.
- I see the regular
group of misfits is here.
- And he was good.
- What?
- This David Warbeck
guy, he was pretty good?
- He was the best, bro.
- [Both] Trust me.
I'm a doctor.
- That was--
- You're getting
really good at that.
- So, if this guy
was so good then
how come we've
never heard of him?
- Well.
- Hey, Paul, Paul.
Why don't you go
get the stuff ready
for the head tear off bit, huh?
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Good idea.
- So?
- What?
- This actor was so good.
How come what's his face and I
have never heard of him?
- Uh, well.
You guys obviously don't
watch enough horror movies.
Trust me, those in the know,
they know David Warbeck.
- So, we're what
you're telling...
- Eric.
- Eric is that someday, if
he plays his cards right,
a small and obsessive group
of people will know who he is.
- Nina, why don't you
go get your stuff ready
or something, okay?
Like, now.
Will you excuse me for
one minute, please?
- Yeah.
- [David] Thanks.
[mellow music]
[swishing]
It's all I know
[mumbling]
It's all I know
[mumbling]
- I thought you said
this part was mine.
- It is.
Look, don't worry.
I'm gonna figure something out.
Trust me.
Shelly.
I promise, I'm gonna
figure something out, okay?
- Okay.
You better, because I can
be a bitch too, you know?
- Yeah, right.
Oh, and one more thing.
Can you go talk to
Eric for me, please?
I think Nina just
gave him a complex.
- Would you relax?
You just want everything
to be perfect,
as usual because it is
your first real film.
- Yeah, and Nina
makin' the other actors
scared about their career
future doesn't exactly calm me.
[chuckling]
- I think I can relate to that.
But you're doin' a great job.
- Yeah?
- However, if I did
wanna be a bitch
in this situation,
I could remind you
that you broke
into this location
and are shooting here illegally.
[chuckling]
- Whoa!
[screaming]
- Oh you, don't do that to me!
- I'm sorry.
I can't help it.
Wanna see your head?
- [Shelly] Excuse me?
- Ta-da!
It's exact.
I studied photos
of you for days.
I probably know your
face better than you do.
- [Shelly] That's,
that's nice Paul.
- Well, you can have it
after the shoot, if you want.
- Oh jeez, Paul, that's
real sweet of you, but uh,
I'll catch you guys later.
- Okay.
I'll catch you later.
[groaning]
Oh, dude.
Have I told you how much
I lust after your sister?
- Ooh, since we were 12 buddy.
- It's all comin' together, man.
You and me, finally
makin' a movie.
- Next Romero and Savini, huh?
- With Shelly
finally starring...
[throaty meowing]
Dude, she loved the head.
- Really?
Wow.
She must have been desperate
if she finally let ya, huh?
- Ha, ha, ha, asshole.
You just wait.
You and me, we're
gonna be related.
- Paul, the only head
that you're ever gonna get
from anything even remotely
resembling my sister
is that one you got in
your hands right now.
- And who's to say I
haven't already had it?
Oh, Shelly, it's a graveyard.
My God, have some
respect, oh God.
- You are truly--
- Oh God.
- Truly a sick bastard.
[moaning]
And I love you for it.
But um...
I got some bad news.
- What?
- Well, we gotta make
the head look like Nina.
- What?
No!
No, no, no, no, no.
- Look, unfortunately,
our little plan
to keep her out
didn't work, okay,
as you so gracefully found out.
I told you it wouldn't work.
- Well,
man, how the hell did she
find this place anyhow?
I mean, she's always
gotten lost before.
Well, what are you
gonna do, Merlin, huh?
Have two people
playin' the same role?
- I don't know, man.
I'm makin' this up as I go.
- God.
- Look.
How long before we're ready
to do the head tear off gag?
- Well, I don't know, Dave.
I'll just whip another one up.
That's what I came
here to tell you.
I can't do it anyhow.
- Why not?
- Because the PA I sent
to get the supplies
isn't back yet, okay?
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- Shit.
Can anybody tell
me where Topaz is?
- Next.
And uh,
will that be all?
- Can I get eight
boxes of condoms?
Dry.
- Eight.
[faint uptempo music]
Eight boxes.
Anything else?
For that private itch.
Personal lube.
Well, this stuff is great.
So I've been told.
Okay.
That'll be...
And uh, you have
a great weekend.
- Oh, and you
go fuck yourself.
- Dike.
[uptempo rock music]
She's a new generation
The girls are out
[mumbling]
She's a side breaker
[mumbling] if you don't know
If you want to feel
Come on, do her up
Cemetery girl
Well, she's back
She's the cemetery girl
[door squeaking]
[tense music]
[growling]
- Hi Marcus.
- Damn.
Question, how...
How'd you know it was me?
- Come on, Marcus.
Who else could it be?
No one else is that
ugly in real life.
- Oh ha, ha.
Well, for your information,
it took Paul nearly two hours
to make me look this good.
[chuckling]
- [Topaz] Marcus.
- Wait.
Forget about that.
Did you get
everything you needed?
- Yeah, I think so.
Yep, everything a good
effects artist needs,
or any 17 year-old
with his parents
gone for the weekend.
- Well, it's a good thing
you got here when you did.
They've been going crazy
waiting for you to show up.
- Really?
Oh, shit.
- 45 minutes.
How long's it take to
go the store and back?
- Dave man, relax.
It's not like we're
shootin' Titanic
and everything costs you 300 Gs.
- Yeah, don't remind me.
If I had their cappuccino budget
I could make four
of these movies.
- Well, I told ya.
You shoulda shot on video.
- Real filmmakers shoot on film.
Where could she be?
- Never fear.
Godzilla is here!
- I'm really,
really, really sorry,
but the first store I went to
didn't have the dry kind, so
I had to go to another one.
- Eh, perfecto.
- I swear to God, this
will never happen again.
I really hope I didn't
screw you up too badly.
- [Nina] Well,
you certainly did.
- Who are you?
- I'm David's sister,
little Miss Black,
and the one who's helping
fund this little project
which means, you work for me.
- You have two sisters?
Great.
Well, um, excuse me
all to hell, but uh...
Just so we're clear,
I'm not getting paid so I
don't work for you, okay?
- Let me tell you something--
- [David] Nina, go away.
- David, don't talk
to me like that.
This little girl needs to know--
- Nina, we're behind
already, okay?
Now, we're almost ready to shoot
so why don't you go
make sure you know
your lines or something?
- [Nina] I know my lines.
- Now!
- Okay.
I'm going.
For the record, it's Miss
Poe to you, got it, kid?
[growling]
[chuckling]
- Look, I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean to cause
you any grief, there.
- Oh, don't worry about it.
- Really?
- [David] Yeah.
- Okay.
- But, Shelly and Eric ran
off to look around for awhile.
Would you go find
them and tell them
we're about ready to go?
- Oh, yeah sure.
- Thanks.
- So, Dave.
If I were you, I'd grab a
couple of these bad boys.
Looks like you may be
needing them later.
- Ha.
Hey, Chas.
[funky jazzy music]
- Yeah.
- We're back on.
- Cool.
Let's...
Let's shoot this fuckin' thing.
- Dude, how does he shoot
anything when he wears
sunglasses all the time
and he's constantly stoned?
- I have no idea, but I mean,
he's the best [mumbling] I know
and can afford.
- You know, for your
information, pot
sharpens the senses.
It actually makes some things
clearer to some people.
Some people.
Fuckin' head
Then he's dead
He got what he deserved
But today's do different
Can't control my nerves
Like a dream but
my conscience
Never sees
- [Shelly] If you haven't
noticed, David has a way
of convincing people to
do just about anything.
- [Eric] Yeah.
[tense music]
- [Shelly] Well,
so how 'bout you?
- Me?
- Yeah, how'd my brother
get you into all this?
- He promised me a tape.
If I can just get
a couple of scenes
to put on a reel, I can
show them to an agent.
The pilot season's coming
up, so whatever helps.
Besides, Nicholson started out
doing this type of crap, right?
- I guess.
- Not that I want to get
typecast in this kind of role.
No offense to your brother.
Honestly.
Do you think I have the
look to be a leading man?
[tense eerie music]
[chuckling]
Oh, God.
Pretty creepy, huh?
- That's an understatement.
You know, maybe we
should head back.
- Oh come on, just
a little further.
Call it character motivation.
- Yeah well, my
character doesn't need
this kind of motivation
if you get my drift.
Eric, let's--
- Shh.
What is that?
[staticky crackling]
[tense music]
What do you suppose
happened in here?
- [Shelly] I have no idea.
[tense music]
- [Eric] I don't like it.
Who would trash a room like
this and leave the TV on?
- Marilyn Manson?
[staticky crackling]
[thudding]
Hey look.
[tense music]
- Why would anyone
leave that behind?
- Maybe because
they haven't left.
- What, are you saying
there's someone else
in here besides us?
- God, I hope not.
- Could be homeless people.
Lot of times they find
these abandoned places
and squat in them until they're
about to tear them down.
- Hey, there's a tape in here.
- Is there anything on it?
- I don't know.
I just found it.
- Let me see that.
[tense music]
- September 16th,
approximately 12:05 am.
Video log of Eibon.
Many months, I've finally broken
through the forbidden wall.
I stand at death's door.
[chuckling]
My chosen subjects,
too, successfully--
- What is so funny?
- [Eibon] Are showing
an unnatural--
- Oh, come on.
Isn't this obvious?
- I guess not.
- This has got to be part
of my brother's film.
- You think?
[growling]
- Oh!
[chuckling]
- What have I
gotten myself into?
- Welcome to the wonderful
world of low-budget films, pal.
[bell chimes]
- Hey, what's so funny?
- Oh!
- [Eric] Jesus!
- [Shelly] Christ,
what is wrong with you?
- Sorry.
I'm sorry, I just really
can't help myself.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to scare you that badly.
Anyway, David's ready for you.
We're ready to shoot.
- Great.
The sooner I get outta
here, the better.
Can't take much more of this.
- Oh, look Shelly, I'm sorry.
I really didn't mean
to scare you like that.
- I know, that's cool, but um...
David left a tape
in that camera.
Why don't you get it
and hurry back to set?
- Okay.
- Knowing my sister,
if you've met her,
she's probably noticed
you've been gone.
- Yeah, I met her all right.
Don't think she likes me much.
- Of course not.
You're David's type.
She,
she hates that.
She'd probably rip your
head off if she could.
[growling]
- [David] More blood!
Paul, that's great!
Cut!
[creepy tense music]
That was awesome!
- Eat your heart out,
Gino De Rossi, uh huh.
- Question, is,
is this stuff supposed
to sting your eyes?
[creepy tense music]
- [Paul] Marcus, lean back.
- Oh man, this stuff
is really stinging.
- Dude, you gotta lean back
so I can flush out your eyes.
- So, did you guys find
anything cool or...
- Not really.
What happened here?
- Oh, we just ripped
Nina's head off.
- Damn.
- Ha, bet you've wanted to
do that your whole life.
- You have no idea.
- Oh, Topaz found
you guys, right?
- You mean Morticia?
- She found us, all right.
Took about a year off
my life in the process.
- Well, where is she now?
[tense music]
- [Topaz On Radio]
Marcus, come in.
- Yeah, Topaz, what's up?
- [Topaz On Radio]
Is everyone up there?
- Yeah.
I think so.
- Great.
Tell everybody to come down here
to the office that Eric
and Shelly were in.
[tense eerie music]
They are never gonna
believe what I found.
[tense eerie music]
- Here it is.
Found it.
Whoa.
[tense eerie music]
- So, where's Nina?
- Probably lost.
Or maybe she found someone
else's movie to fuck up.
[chuckling]
Oh, did I say that?
[rustling]
[tense music]
- Whoo.
- So, what do you think?
- It's perfect.
- Hold on a sec.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be
the voice of sanity here, but,
this place is obviously not
as deserted as we thought.
We can't stay here.
- What are you, crazy?
- Yeah, come on, Shelly.
We been all over this place
and we haven't seen anybody.
Where's the sense
of adventure, huh?
- You're gonna have to come up
with something better than
a lame dare like that.
Look at this thing,
I mean, you guys.
Does anyone else see a
resemblance to a coffin?
- Yeah.
- Fuckin' hey.
- You know, there could
be hundred reasons
why this thing is here.
- Yeah, name one, good one.
- Maybe it's some sort of
'50s cryogenics project.
- Yeah, it kinda looks
like a big refrigerator.
- Yeah.
- Listen to me, guys.
This place is really
not deserted and I think
we need to get outta here
before they come back.
I'm sorry, David, but
it's not worth it.
- Not worth it?
What do you think
I'm doin' here?
This isn't some
backyard thing I'm doing
for shits and giggles.
I'm trying to make a movie.
- Yeah, and there
will be other movies.
- I can't believe
you're sayin' this.
- Whoa, whoa.
[whistles]
Time out, sibs.
Look, Shelly, hey.
David's right.
I mean, we can't quit now.
Look, it's already nighttime
so if somebody was gonna
show up, they'd have
been here already.
I mean, I say we shoot all
night, get as much stuff
as we can, then jet outta
here in the morning.
I mean, guys.
Look at this thing.
And it's like it
was made for us.
It's...
It's perfect.
[door creaking]
[tense music]
[screaming]
- Jesus!
Christ.
[tense music]
I think we just found the owner.
- Is he dead?
- Why don't check
for pulse, that way,
you can find out for sure.
- [Eric] No thanks.
- [Shelly] What are you doing?
- Well, I think
we should at least
turn him over or something.
- Oh, God.
Oh, jeez.
[tense music]
- Who do you think he was?
- I think Marcus is right.
This is probably the guy
that was using this stuff.
- Well, does he
have any ID on him?
- How can you do that?
- Well, part of being
a good makeup artist
is studying anatomy
so it looks real.
You just gotta disconnect
yourself from it
and pretend that it isn't
really freakin' you out.
No, nothing.
- So, what are we gonna do?
I mean, we should really notify
somebody or something, right?
- [Marcus] Yeah.
- [Topaz] Yeah.
[tense music]
- Why?
- What, David?
- Why do we have
to notify anyone?
- [Marcus] What do you mean?
- Well, don't you guys see?
I mean, if we call somebody,
then that's it.
Movie's over.
The cops or whoever,
they're gonna roll in here,
they're gonna confiscate
our film as evidence
and we're all gonna be right
back to where we started.
Paul, you'll be back
slinging foam, man,
for Subhuman creations
hopin' someday maybe
they'll let you be
an on-set assistant.
Chas, you'll be back
shootin' weddings, bro.
Yeah, Eric, you know I,
I hope you get that
dandruff commercial, man.
Or that quick walk-on
on Seventh Party.
I hope you like
makin' copies, really.
And you know, what have we
worked for this whole time?
And Marcus,
I don't know what
you did before.
But my point is is
that we all go back
to the end of the line, here.
Takin' shit from people
that are half as talented
and dedicated about
makin' movies as we are.
- So, what are
you saying, David?
What should we do?
- I say we keep going.
In fact,
I say we use it.
- Whoa, wait a minute, what?
- Just think about it, you guys.
What do have here that no other
living dead movie has ever had?
A real corpse, right?
Just think about it,
kids would race to see
a living dead movie
with real corpses in it.
It would be the ultimate, man.
- Have you completely
lost your fucking minds?
I can't believe you're even
seriously considering this.
Any of you, this
is fucking sick!
- Shelly, just calm down.
- No, no, no, don't touch me.
I don't even know you any more.
This movie has completely
made you lose your mind.
I mean, first you just
hand my part over to Nina.
Big surprise there, but now
you wanna use a dead body
in some stupid little movie?
I don't want any part of this.
I'm outta here.
- [Paul] Shelly, wait.
- Marcus, will you go make sure
she gets to the
front safely, please?
- Yeah, sure.
- Thanks.
Look, you guys.
I know what I'm asking
you all to do here is...
Well, it's a little unorthodox.
But I don't know
what else to do.
But I'm not gonna force
anybody to do this
if they don't want to.
- Look, man.
I know it's, it's fucked
up and all, yeah, but...
I'm not gonna quit.
I'm with you, bro.
You know that.
Always.
- Shit, dude.
It's twisted.
But it's not like
we killed the guy.
I'm in.
[smacking]
Mmm hmm.
- Eric, you okay, man?
- Dave, I don't know
if I can do this.
- No one's forcing
you, bro, okay?
- I don't know, I don't know.
I mean, we're not gonna go
to hell for this, are we?
- Dude.
- I mean, God, I wanna
be an actor, but,
I don't wanna damn
my soul for it.
- Look, just do what
you have to, all right?
- You promise me this
is gonna get me noticed?
- Eric, trust me, man.
You're gonna be the
next Dick Miller.
- Ooh.
- This is gonna be a great
story to tell on Leno.
- Who's Dick Miller?
- Well.
Looks like it's up to you, huh?
Do we stay?
Or do we go?
- Well.
I guess we could always call
the police afterward, right?
[smooching]
- All right people.
We got a long night
ahead of us, right?
So let's shoot this fucker.
- [Paul] Yeah.
[mumbling]
[melancholy music]
- Shelly.
- What are you doing here?
- Your brother sent me to
make sure you're all right.
- How thoughtful of him.
I'm sure he feels just terrible.
- He seemed pretty upset.
- He's still shooting, isn't he?
- Can I get ya anything, or?
- No, I just want a few
minutes alone, okay?
- [Marcus] Yeah, no problem.
[melancholy music]
[tense eerie music]
- Close your eyes.
Okay.
You're all set.
- God, it's good to
be out of that stuff.
Feel like myself again.
- Why would you want that?
- Oh, well...
- So, everybody ready?
- You know it.
- Yeah, pretty much.
- Good, okay Eric, now make
sure you know your lines, okay?
'Cause we're runnin' late.
We gotta get this
in one take, okay?
Great.
- One take.
- [David] Could you
help me out for a sec?
- [Paul] Sure thing, buddy.
No problemo.
- [David] Great.
- [Paul] Oh, yeah.
Him.
- [David] Yeah, him.
We gotta get him
back into this thing.
- [Paul] Okay.
Yeah, okay.
- [David] Okay?
- [Paul] Yeah.
So, uh,
on three.
One, two, three.
[body gasping]
Ah!
Jesus!
- What are you doing?
- Fuck you, man.
He breathed.
- That's just pent-up
gas in the body.
Now, come on,
everyone's watching.
- Sorry, guys.
First corpse.
- [David] Come on.
- [Paul] Okay.
Okay.
- [David] Okay.
[groaning]
[body flatulating]
- [Paul] Stinks.
- [David] Door.
[door squeaking]
[mumbling]
- Okay, yeah.
Okay.
[door creaking]
Okay, that wasn't so bad, huh?
- Well, you let me know
when it gets bad, okay?
- Mr. Poe?
- Yeah.
- I've been looking
at this thing
and I think I've figured
out how to power it up.
- [David] Really?
- Yeah, I think so.
See here?
It looks like everything
has been routed
to one coaxial cable,
so all we really
have to do now is juice her up.
Not exactly sure what
this thing does, but,
I've a feeling it's gonna be
a whole lot cooler with it on.
- That's great,
Topaz, that's great.
Look, I hope you
didn't take that stuff
my sister said earlier
too personally.
- Oh you know.
She's just protective of ya.
- Yeah, she's
protective all right.
She's kind of like a lion
with her cubs, you know?
- [Topaz] Yeah.
- Yeah.
Now, it's just that things are,
like, they're weird
enough already, you know?
And uh...
I don't know.
Just,
I'd hate it if you left.
- Well you know.
Stuck around this long.
Guess I'll wait and see
how things turn out.
Besides, Nina hasn't
been around, right,
so things are
already lookin' up.
- Thanks, Topaz.
- Oh, and Chas?
- [Chas] Uh huh.
- Call me Paul.
Everyone else does.
- Oh, and Topaz?
Just call me Dave.
Everybody does.
[gagging]
Okay people, we ready
to shoot or what?
Eric.
Okay.
You're gonna want to start back
here, okay, at the machine.
Right?
- [Eric] Right.
- And you wanna
throw this switch,
which is gonna power it up.
- Okay.
- Okay?
You wanna take this
medallion type thing, right,
and you're gonna
put it in this hole,
which we're gonna pretend
is gonna bring back
your army of the dead, okay?
- Right.
- Great.
- Sounds good.
- Let's roll.
Let's shoot this.
- Lemme just get
these work lights.
Rock and roll.
- Action!
[dramatic tense music]
- Yes, my lovely dead thing.
After years of struggling,
I have found the way
to bring you back.
You will lead my
army of the dead
so that I can avenge
all those who mocked me.
Tonight will bring
the end of mankind.
[dramatic tense music]
[rumbling]
- Eric, don't stop.
- [Eric] Live.
Live!
Live!
[tense eerie music]
[thudding]
- Keep going.
Open it.
[rumbling]
[door creaking]
- What the hell?
[hissing]
[growling]
[screaming]
[splattering]
- What the fuck!
[dramatic music]
- At least he got
it in one take.
- No, David!
- Oh, God.
[tense music]
[tense eerie vocalizing music]
[growling]
[screaming]
[uptempo tense music]
Oh fuckin' shit!
Get me up, get me up!
Someone get me the
fuck outta here!
Get me up.
Somebody fuckin' help me!
[growling]
- Make them die.
Slowly.
[tense uptempo music]
[growling]
[sinister laughing]
- [Topaz] Which way?
[tense music]
[screaming]
[thudding]
- [David] Come on.
[growling]
[tense music]
- You guys?
Where are you?
David?
I'm lost.
Shit.
Can't believe this.
You guys better not
be filming without me!
[tense uptempo music]
- Jesus Christ, man.
Did you see that?
- 'Course I saw it.
- What the fuck is goin' on?
- I don't know, dude.
[growling]
Shit, come on.
Come on.
Check and see if any of
these doors are unlocked.
Shit!
[mumbling]
[tense music]
[growling]
Chas.
- What?
[tense music]
Oh fuck.
- [Zombie] Die!
- [Chas] Let's go.
Let's go!
Come on, let's go!
Shit!
Who the hell chains
an emergency exit?
- People who don't
want people comin' in
under stupid, sappy experiments.
God, God dammit!
All we need is an
ax or something!
[crashing]
- Like that one?
- Oh, God.
This is just not fair.
[tense music]
[growling]
- [Chas] Stand back, stand back.
[crashing]
Help me through.
- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
What the fuck, dude?
[growling]
Jesus Christ, Chas!
What the fuck, man?
[panicked mumbling]
[gasping]
Ah, Jesus.
[growling]
[squishing]
[screaming]
[tense music]
- Time to bring you back
to the land of the living.
[eerie tense music]
Ellie.
[melancholy music]
Never again.
[groaning]
[dramatic vocalizing music]
[melancholy music]
[screaming]
[tense music]
[growling]
[dramatic chanting music]
[tense music]
- Oh, thank God.
I finally found this place.
Where'd everyone else go?
[tense music]
[growling]
Oh, no.
[screaming]
[growling]
- Go.
Bring the rest to me.
[growling]
Tonight the dead
will rule forever.
[tense eerie music]
Don't fear.
The others will be here soon.
[smooching]
[eerie music]
- What could be
taking them so long?
- I don't know.
I thought you were
gonna leave, anyway.
- I am.
I just wanna make sure
David makes it back okay.
- Question, weren't you
just disgusted with him
just a little while ago?
- Do you have any brothers
or sisters, Marcus?
- Me?
No, no.
I guess after my parents had me,
they decided one was enough.
Wait.
That didn't come out right.
- Well, lemme tell
you somethin'.
Unfortunately,
your family can do
some pretty messed up things.
But when it comes down to it,
nothing's thicker than blood.
- [Topaz On Radio] Marcus!
Are you there?
[staticky crackling]
- Yeah, I'm here, Topaz.
We got a really bad signal.
- [Topaz On Radio] Listen,
[staticky crackling]
[tense music]
- Okay.
That's a roger there, Topaz.
I'm on my way.
I guess they're all done.
Must need help
lugging the gear back.
Do you wanna come along?
- No, I think I'll
wait right here
for the happy little band
of degenerates to come back.
- Okay well, we
shouldn't be too long.
[tense music]
- Repeat Marcus, I need you
to go and get help, over.
[staticky crackling]
Marcus!
God dammit, Marcus!
Why don't you answer me?
[growling]
[tense music]
- [David] All clear.
- Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
What the hell are we gonna do?
- I don't know.
Gimme a minute.
I'm still trying
to grasp the fact
that I'm living my movie, okay?
- Hey.
[smacking]
We don't have a minute, okay?
Marcus is on his way down here.
Those things are out
there wandering around.
- I know, I'm sorry,
but this kind of stuff
doesn't happen to
me every day, okay?
Okay, think.
What would Bruce Campbell do?
- Hey, news flash.
This isn't your movie.
It's reality.
[dramatic music]
[growling]
[crashing]
[screaming]
[clanking]
- [David] Are you okay?
- No, of course not!
Let's get the fuck outta here!
[growling]
- [David] That
could be a problem.
[growling]
[tense music]
[crashing]
- I see they put you
back in that shit.
Don't blame me.
I told you my brother
can convince anyone
to do just about anything.
Have to admit, you lasted
longer than I thought you would.
[growling]
[tense music]
I bet he told you you'd be
a big star and everything.
I hate to burst your bubble,
but my brother's the biggest
bullshit artist I know.
[growling]
Take a good long look at
yourself in the mirror.
This is as good as it gets.
Whole lot of shattered dreams.
[growling]
[crashing]
[screaming]
[grate squeaking]
- [David] All clear.
- [Topaz] What do you see?
- Not much, it's pretty dark.
Smells kinda funny though,
like, like biology class.
[thudding]
Here, take my arms.
- [Topaz] Shit.
- [David] What?
- [Topaz] I dropped the tape.
- [David] What tape?
- Oh, wait.
I've got my lighter.
[tense music]
- [David] Oh, Jesus.
They just keep gettin' worse.
- [Topaz] Who are they?
- [David] I don't know.
[tense music]
- [Topaz] What does it say?
- Just a number and a date.
But if I was gonna take a guess,
I'd say that Sam Raimi extra
we found in that machine
is pretty busy tryin' to
bring these guys back.
Ooh.
- [Topaz] God, why
would anyone want
to bring back the dead?
- Why try to create
a master race?
Or a bomb that can kill anything
within a 10-mile radius?
'Cause they're fuckin' crazy.
[tense music]
- No, no, no, this is,
this is one guy, David.
This isn't some
government funded thing.
He was working alone.
No.
Something had to have
happened to make him do this.
- Well, no offense, but I'm
a little more interested
in trying to get outta
here in one piece,
not why some nut job's tryin'
to bring the dead back to life.
- [Topaz] No, wait,
wait, wait a second.
- What?
- [Topaz] The tape.
- What the hell is so important
about that video tape?
- Look, Shelly and Eric found it
in the office next to the lab.
At first, I thought it
was footage that you shot.
That's what they told me,
but after everything
that's happened,
I think maybe it's that guy's.
- Well, maybe there's
something on there
that can tell us what
the hell's going on?
- Exactly.
[tense music]
I found it.
[growling]
[screaming]
- Jesus, one's alive.
- [Topaz] But look at it.
Barely even can move.
- What are you doing?
- This may be our only chance
to find out what they want.
- They want us dead, Topaz.
No big surprise there.
[tense music]
- Who are you?
- Eibon.
- Ellie.
[raspy mumbling]
- What do you want?
- To kill the living.
- Why?
- Hate the living.
Love the dead.
- What do you want from us?
- Die!
- To die.
- Yeah, well you first.
[thudding]
- No!
[dramatic music]
Ellie!
- See?
I told you.
That's all they ever want.
Can we get outta here now?
[tense music]
- Which way now?
[tense music]
[growling]
- [David] Any more questions?
- [Topaz] Not really.
[growling]
[tense music]
- Marcus, get the
fuck outta here, now!
- What's the problem?
[tense music]
- [Topaz] Oh Marcus, run!
- Oh.
[tense music]
- Living.
[thudding]
- Question.
[growling]
[thudding]
[grunting]
- Not long now.
- [David] Come on, he's dead.
Let's get outta here.
[Topaz whimpering]
Come on!
[tense music]
- Take him back now.
[tense music]
[clattering]
- Stop!
- [Topaz] Oh!
- Paul, thank God, man.
I thought, I thought--
- Don't go out there.
- [Topaz] Why not?
- Where's Chas?
- Chas went outside.
- He did?
He made it?
- No, he didn't.
- [Topaz] Oh.
- Paul, what do you mean, man?
What's out there?
[tense music]
- Death.
Listen, listen to me.
I've been thinkin' about it
the whole time I was hiding
and the only thing
I can figure is that
when we turned on that machine,
it put us in some kind of limbo.
- How is that possible?
- Are cadavers coming
back from the dead
a common thing in your world?
- Yeah.
- Kinda of, yeah.
- Well, what are
we gonna do, then?
- Well, dude, there's
only thing we can do.
We gotta shut the
damn thing off.
- How?
Those things are down
there and call me nuts,
but I don't think
they're gonna let us
just walk down there
and turn that thing off.
- Well, I don't know, man,
but we better do somethin'
or we're gonna end
up like the others.
- He's right.
[tense music]
There's no way to
escape your fate.
So, why don't you come with us
and die like you're supposed to?
- No.
If you want us, you're
gonna have to catch us,
you undead fuck.
- Yeah, and we're fast.
[tense music]
- Mmm, just how I like it.
Messy.
- Oh, wait a minute.
Look at you, man.
You're just one.
So, what's to stop us
from comin' up there
and knockin' your ass back in
the grave where it belongs?
- Just one?
[tense music]
[growling]
- Oh, now what?
- Party time.
[growling]
[dramatic tense music]
[eerie chanting]
- Time to die.
[growling]
- What are we gonna do?
- We've got two choices:
fight or die.
- Oh man, those aren't the
options I was lookin' for.
- Topaz, stay behind us.
- Huh uh.
I didn't go to rape
prevention classes
to be a token damsel, here.
- Why didn't you tell me
you had that thing before?
- I don't know.
- Dave, I just got one
thing to say to you, man.
- Yeah, what's that?
- This is all your
fault and if I die,
you better dedicate
that Fango Award to me.
- Deal.
[chainsaw buzzing]
[dramatic tense music]
[uptempo rock music]
[growling]
[groaning]
- Oh, that's just great.
[growling]
[uptempo rock music]
You better bring it out
[mumbling]
[screaming]
[growling]
Too slow
- Topaz!
[screaming]
[chainsaw clinking]
Shit!
[screaming]
[mumbling]
Come on, Paul.
Grab your case.
- [Paul] What?
- Just do it, grab it.
[uptempo rock music]
Find somethin' to
barricade the door!
[thudding on door]
[gasping]
- [Eibon] No!
[screaming]
- [Topaz] Oh my God, Marcus.
- So, you want to
know my secrets.
- Please don't kill me.
- I'm not going to, my lovely.
You want to know my secrets,
then I shall show them
to you first hand,
but I think I'll play awhile.
You're so much
prettier than my wife.
[screaming]
You pray, pretty thing?
[thudding on door]
- What are we gonna do?
- We gotta go back down
to the lab and save Topaz.
- We could wait 'til dawn.
Maybe they'll go away.
They'll go away at dawn.
- Check your watch, man.
Time doesn't exist.
You were right.
Whatever that machine
is, it's trapped us
in some kind of netherworld.
There won't be
another dawn for us
unless we destroy that thing.
- Well, how are we
gonna do that, man?
We got no guns,
we got no weapons.
We got nothin'!
It's like you said.
They're not gonna just
let us walk in there.
- Actually,
that's exactly
what I had in mind.
[dramatic tense music]
[thudding on door]
- That's it, man.
- [David] What are these?
- Those are those new
remote squibs I scored.
Looks like we won't get a
chance to use those though, huh?
- [David] Here, take 'em.
You never know.
- [Paul] Foreshadowing?
- [David] Hardly.
We'll need everything we use.
- Yeah?
That reminds me.
I was savin' this for when
the shoot was over, but,
under the circumstances...
[thudding on door]
Cheers, bro.
[sighing heavily]
You think this is gonna work?
- I don't know.
We stay here, those
things are gonna
get in here sooner or later.
Hey man, save some of that.
We don't wanna be
drunk and do this.
- [Paul] Yeah.
[mumbling]
[dramatic tense music]
- [David] We ready?
- No.
Not really.
Let's do it.
[dramatic tense music]
You realize man, if
we get through this,
we have one hell of
a movie on our hands.
- [David] Yeah, I
bet John Carpenter
didn't have to go through
this to get Halloween made.
- [Paul] Well.
[mumbling]
[growling]
- All right, remember,
slow stiff moves.
[growling]
- No, stop it!
Stop it please!
Oh, please stop.
Make 'em stop, please.
- Don't worry, they
won't kill you.
I've other plans for you.
It has occurred to me that
I've never experimented
with a living entity before.
You could be the key to bring
our two worlds together,
then we can extinguish
all the disgusting life
from your world,
glorious mega death.
- Then do it.
If that's what
you want so badly,
then just fuckin' do
it, get it over with.
- Yes, it is time.
[footsteps thudding]
- Dude, I can't
believe that worked.
- Dude,
- [Both] You look rad.
- [Paul] Kiss my ass, K and B.
- [David] Yeah.
- So, what's the plan?
When we get in there?
- I don't know.
[thudding]
- What?
- What do you want, man?
I'm scared shitless.
- Oh, great.
- I'm just goin' with my gut.
- Dave.
You know, she
might not be alive.
- Yeah, I know.
[screaming]
- [Both] She's alive.
[dramatic tense music]
[clattering]
[whimpering]
- [Eibon] You killed my wife.
Now, you'll take her place.
- [Topaz] Someone
please help me.
[dramatic tense music]
- Okay, you grab the TV and
when I say, we'll rush in.
You throw that thing at
the machine to distract 'em
and I'll go get Topaz.
- What?
Dude, you want me to
throw a TV at them?
- Well, you got a better idea?
Let's hear it.
If not, time's up
and Topaz is dead.
- Fine, fuck it.
[tense music]
Dave
throw
fuckin' TV at 'em.
- Okay, new plan.
[breathing heavily]
- Why fight for such a
wasted thing as life?
You are about to be reawakened
and become part of a new world,
a world where loss and
pain are non-existent.
This is salvation
and not damnation.
- Fuck you.
- Perhaps when you return.
Put her in the chamber!
[growling]
[screaming]
- Creepazoid.
[grunting]
[crashing]
[dramatic tense music]
[crackling]
[sizzling]
- No!
Kill him!
[growling]
[breathing heavily]
- [David] Let her go.
[dramatic tense music]
- [Paul] Come on, come on.
Come on, come on!
That's it.
[growling]
Come on, that's right.
[mumbling]
You guys are gonna
like this one.
Mmm hmm.
Come on, come on.
[dramatic tense music]
It's called zombie barbecue.
Here goes.
Lights.
Camera.
Action.
[dramatic music]
[flames crackling]
[growling]
- I said let her go.
You're the only one left.
All your things are gone.
- Not all of them.
[coughing]
- That's a wrap.
That's a wrap.
[coughing]
Shelly?
- [Shelly] Paul.
- Shelly!
Shelly, you're alive!
Oh my God.
Oh my God, I thought you were--
[tense music]
- Kiss me loverboy!
[growling]
[grunting]
- [Paul] God.
[tense music]
- You may have
stopped the others,
but there's always more dead.
I think this one could
be most entertaining.
- You know, I think I'm
over this whole goth thing.
[screaming]
[tense music]
- [David] Shut down
the machine, now!
[clacking]
[chuckling]
- You living fools!
You have destroyed your
only way out of here.
The portal cannot be closed
now that the chamber
is destroyed.
You have damned yourselves.
I have won.
- That's a wrap, fucker.
[gunshot blasting]
[tense music]
[breathing heavily]
[tense music]
Jesus, Paul.
Fuck.
Oh God dammit.
- Dave.
[melancholy music]
There you are.
I'm okay.
I got 'em, man.
The zombie barbecue.
- [David] Fuck, Paul, fuck.
- She scratched me, Dave.
She scratched.
[weeping]
She bit my mouth.
I don't wanna die,
not like this.
- [David] Hang on, man.
[mumbling]
[growling]
- They're comin'.
Dave, go, go.
- I'm not fuckin'
leavin' you, man.
- Get the fuck outta here, Dave.
Go!
- Dave, we have to go!
- [Paul] Get outta here!
[tense music]
[growling]
- David.
[gunshots blasting]
[growling]
[tense music]
[eerie music]
What do we do now?
- We try to live.
[tense eerie music]
[birds cawing]
[uptempo rock music]
Say have mercy
On these killing machines
Dead hate the living
Can't you hear their screams
With this magnus
I need to survive
Are you
Undead or alive
Dead hate the living
Hate the living tonight
Dead hate the living
Living terrorize
Dead hate the living
Hate the living tonight
Dead hate the living
Living terrorize
[mumbling]
We're together now
All this flesh and blood
Has taken its toll
[mumbling]
I feel so
Trapped
Dead hate the living
Hate the living tonight
Dead hate the living
Living terrorize
Dead hate the living
Hate the living tonight
Dead hate the living
Living terrorize
Dead hate the living
Hate the living tonight
Dead hate the living
Living terrorize
Dead hate the living
Hate the living tonight
Dead hate the living
Living terrorize
Oh
[mumbling]
Will you kill for me
Who should I kill
Will you die for me
Already died
In a flash I'm back
In the hall of the black
[mumbling]
I got to struggle
got to fight
My soul's on the line
Or I'll be buried or dead
[mumbling] for all time
[mumbling]
Can't move my hand
There's a burning
in my [mumbling]
Down to the depths
of my very soul
Give it all try to cease
Rat my control
Now my own gut's twanging
At my head
I know if you go
In an instant I'll be dead
But he's laughing
[mumbling]
Now it's all comin' back
The day I made the choice
I need Mary for help
But I can't hear her voice
I scream and I fight
But there is no pity
Everything went dark
For the rest of all eternity
- [Eibon] You living fools.
You have destroyed the
only way out of here.