[chatter]
THERE HE IS.
[overlapping chatter]
MAKE A NICE, NEAT LINE,
AND I'LL BE WITH YOU
IN A MINUTE.
YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
[clamoring continues]
OKAY, YOU CAN COME IN NOW.
ONE AT A TIME, PLEASE.
MAKE A NICE LINE, ORDERLY,
AND BE KIND. BE NICE.
WHAT ABOUT MY PAINT JOB?
MR. BILLINGS, YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT A MAJOR IMPROVEMENT.
IT WOULD BE UP TO THE OWNER.
OH, IT'S ALWAYS
UP TO THE OWNER.
I HAVE COCKROACHES.
NO, YOU DON'T.
IN NEW YORK,
THEY HAVE COCKROACHES.
HERE WE HAVE PALMETTOS,
AND THEY'RE HARMLESS.
MY LITTLE GRANDDAUGHTER,
VERY PLACID, VERY QUIET,
NEVER TALKS ABOVE A WHISPER,
TIPTOES WHEN SHE WALKS.
ADORABLE, NO?
NO.
LOOK, JUST FOR TWO DAYS WHILE
HER MOTHER GOES TO VISIT HER...
MRS. DAVIS,
RULES ARE RULES.
AND AT GRAND MANOR,
THE RULES ARE NO CHILDREN,
NO PETS, AND NO UNNECESSARY
REPAIRS OR EXPENSES.
I'M NOT ASKING
FOR UNNECESSARY REPAIRS.
IT'S AN EMERGENCY.
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU,
MRS. DAVIS?
NO CHILDREN
MEANS NO CHILDREN.
IF I'VE HEARD IT ONCE,
I'VE HEARD IT A MILLION TIMES.
THE OWNER HAS SAID THEY'RE
VERY CUTE WHEN THEY'RE LITTLE,
BUT WHEN THEY GROW UP...
THAT SAYING IS FOR KITTENS!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
AFTER ALL WE'VE MEAN TO EACH OTHER,
YOU WOULD ACTUALLY
EVICT ME
FOR KEEPING A PARAKEE IN MY ROOM?
SWEETHEART, IF I LET YOU
KEEP A PARAKEET,
I'D HAVE TO LET EVERYBODY ELSE
KEEP A PARAKEET,
AND THIS IS NO A BIRD SANCTUARY.
IT'S AN APARTMENT HOUSE.
HONEY, HE'S ONLY
FOLLOWING RULES.
IF YOU WANT TO BLAME SOMEONE,
BLAME THE ROTTEN OWNER.
(woman)
HE IS THE ROTTEN OWNER.
WELL, THAT'S ALL
FOR NOW, FOLKS.
I HAVE AN IMPORTAN APPOINTMENT OUTSIDE.
EXCUSE ME.
MR. GARRONE, IS THAT YOU?
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU!
MR. GARRONE!
IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS,
AND I WANT MY REN OR I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR
APARTMENT, MR. GARRONE!
I WANT IT BACK!
I WANT MY RENT, MR. GARRONE!
YOUR RENT IS DUE.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO TAKE STEPS!
MISTER, WOULD YOU CROSS ME?
OUT OF MY WAY, OLD LA... AAH!
[thud]
[chatter]
HARE KRISHNA
KRISHNA KRISHNA
HARE HARE
HARE RAMA,
HARE RAMA
RAMA RAMA
HARE HARE
[thunder]
[woman screaming]
[screams]
[all screaming]
[ominous music]
[wailing and shouting]
I'M HAVING
A BAD DREAM.
I'M HAVING A BAD DREAM.
I'M HAVING A BAD DREAM.
I'M... I'M...
BARNEY SATIN,
SOULS MANAGER.
ON BEHALF OF GREGORY,
JULIAN,
VERONICA,
PAUL, AND LANCE,
AND OUR ESTEEMED CHAIRMAN,
WELCOME TO HELL.
BUT... BUT I'M NOT DEAD.
SEE? SEE?
I'M NOT DEAD.
NO, WAIT, WAIT! WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT! WAIT A MINUTE!
NO, WAIT, HOLD EVERYTHING!
YOU'RE MAKING
A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
I DON'T BELONG HERE.
I-I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING.
(deep, booming voice)
MAXWELL HARVEY DEVLIN,
FOR CHEATING
IN FOURTH GRADE SPELLING TEST,
FOR MISREPRESENTING HIS AGE
AT THE LOCAL MOVIE HOUSE,
PRANK PHONE CALLS,
STEALING BUBBLEGUM
FROM THE LOCAL SUPERMARKET,
DITCHING AN UGLY BLIND DATE...
THESE ARE
TRIVIAL MISDEMEANORS.
I'M AWARE OF THAT.
THIS IS A NEW GAME PLAN,
REMEMBER?
NOW IF YOU'LL JUST BEAR WITH ME,
MR. CHAIRMAN, SIR.
(deep, booming voice)
FOR FRAUDULENT INCOME TAX
DEDUCTIONS...
BUT EVERYBODY DOES THAT.
(deep, booming voice)
FOR FAILING TO FOLLOW THROUGH
ON INNUMERABLE
REAL ESTATE PROMISES,
FOR FAILING TO FOLLOW THROUGH
ON 11 PROMISES OF MARRIAGE...
BUT I'M NO THE MARRYING KIND.
I'M A-A-A PERENNIAL BACHELOR.
(deep, booming voice)
FOR FAILING TO ASSIS AGENT HARGRAVES...
AGENT HARGRAVES? WHAT?
WHO'S AGENT HARGRAVES?
NOW LOOK, THIS IS ALL...
THIS IS A MISTAKE!
LOOK, I'VE NEVER HEARD
OF ANY AGENT HARGRAVES BEFORE
IN MY LIFE.
[snaps fingers]
AGENT HARGRAVES.
THAT'S ENTRAPMENT!
IT'S NOT FAIR!
FAIR?
ARE YOU FORGETTING
WHERE YOU ARE?
(deep, booming voice)
MAX DEVLIN IS HEREBY CONDEMNED
TO LEVEL FOUR.
LEVEL FOUR?
WHAT'S LEVEL FOUR?
IT'S HORRIBLE.
HORRIBLE.
YOU'RE GONNA SEND ME
SOMEPLACE HORRIBLE?
UNLESS...
UNLESS...
UNLESS WHAT? WHAT?!
WELL, LET'S SAY THAT WE
CONDITIONALLY RESTORE YOU
TO LIFE ON EARTH,
SAY FOR A PERIOD OF,
MMM, TWO MONTHS.
IN THAT TIME, IF YOU
COULD FIND THREE SOULS
TO TAKE YOUR PLACE,
YOU SIGN THEM.
THEN, IF YOU DON'T, HMM...
LET ME SEE.
THERE'S JOE BASUTI.
HE'S OUR SLUM LANDLORD.
AND THERE'S A DOCTOR I KNOW
WHO'S DEEPLY
INTO MEDICAID FRAUD.
AND OH, YEAH,
A HIT MAN I KNOW IN VENICE.
NO GOOD.
NO, NO, NO,
IT'S NOT VENICE, ITALY.
IT'S VENICE,
RIGHT HERE IN CALIFORNIA.
NO GOOD.
SOONER OR LATER, WE'LL GE THOSE PEOPLE ANYWAY.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
[imitating The Chairman]
IT'S NO GOOD.
WE GET THESE PEOPLES
ANYWAYS.
MR. DEVLIN,
WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR
IS FRESH,
UNSULLIED INNOCENCE.
OH.
I DON'T THINK I KNOW
TOO MANY PEOPLE LIKE THAT.
ACTUALLY,
I DON'T THINK I KNOW ANY.
WHERE DO I FIND THEM?
THEY'RE ALL OVER,
UNFORTUNATELY.
TO FACILITATE MATTERS,
LET'S START WITH YOUR AREA.
UNSULLIED INNOCENCE.
L.A.
GET THEM.
YOU WANT ME TO CORRUP THE SOULS OF LITTLE KIDS?
SEE, I'VE NEVER
BEEN MUCH ON KIDS.
BUT THAT'S NO A NICE THING.
NEITHER IS LEVEL FOUR.
WHERE DO I SIGN?
[siren wails]
[cheers]
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
Y-Y-YOU JUST GOT KILLED
BY THIS BUS.
YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND.
[chanting]
(Barney)
MIND IF I JOIN YOU?
(Max)
DO I KNOW YOU?
D'YOU LIVE AROUND HERE?
I MEAN... I MEAN,
YOU LOOK VERY FAMILIAR.
MY GOD.
WHAT'LL IT BE?
JUST GIVE ME
A SECOND.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I SAID,
"JUST GIVE ME A SECOND."
WAIT A MINUTE.
THIS IS CRAZY.
I DON'T KNOW YOU.
I DREAMED YOU.
IT WAS NO DREAM,
MAX.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
HOW DO YOU KNOW
MY NAME?
I KNOW
EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, MAX.
WELL, YOU WANNA ORDER
OR NOT?
UH, I'LL HAVE
ANOTHER BLACK COFFEE.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ABOUT MY FRIEND HERE?
(waiter)
YOUR FRIEND?
(Max)
YEAH, YEAH.
MY FRIEND.
OKAY, TWO COFFEES.
ONE FOR YOUR FRIEND.
HE CAN'T SEE ME, MAX.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
ONLY YOU CAN SEE ME.
(Max)
YOU CRAZY.
YOU CRAZY, YOU KNOW THAT?
YOU MUST HAVE JUST ESCAPED
FROM THE FUNNY HOUSE.
[laughs]
TWO COFFEES.
ONE FOR YOUR FRIEND.
(Max)
HEY, DO YOU KNOW THIS GUY?
YEAH, YEAH.
I SEEN HIM AROUND.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, LOOK, YOU MAKE
SURE TO PICK UP THE TAB.
YOU SEE,
I DON'T TRUST YOUR FRIEND.
HE'S PUTTING YOU ON.
HE CAN'T SEE ME.
YOU'RE CRAZY!
YOU'RE CRAZY!
YOU KNOW...
HEY, MAC!
MAC, HE TELLS ME
YOU CAN'T SEE HIM.
LOOK, BUDDY, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
YOUR FRIEND AND LEAVE.
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE
TO CALL THE COPS.
COPS?
HE'S GONNA CALL
THE COPS NOW.
EVERYBODY'S CRAZY AROUND HERE.
I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE.
HEY, HEY, HEY,
THAT'S $1.05 FOR THREE COFFEES.
DON'T WORRY.
I'M PAYING.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S HAVE IT.
OKAY, BUDDY.
LET'S HAVE IT.
LISTEN.
A WEIRD THING...
A WEIRD THING JUST HAPPENED.
THERE'S THIS MIRROR
BEHIND THE CASHIER.
YOU'RE ONE OF US NOW.
INHABITANTS OF HELL CAS NO REFLECTION.
YOU REMEMBER THIS.
OH, MY GOD.
I WISH
YOU WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
I'M SORRY.
YEAH.
IT'S TRUE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
WHY ME?
I'M YOUNG.
I WASN'T ANY WORSE
THAN THE NEXT GUY.
I MEAN,
I WASN'T ALL BAD, WAS I?
IT'S NOT FAIR.
WHERE WERE YOU
WHEN I NEEDED YOU?
YEAH, WELL,
YOU CAN'T BLAME HIM.
I MEAN, YOU DID I ALL YOURSELF.
NOW IS THERE SOMEPLACE
LESS PUBLIC WE COULD...
WE HAVE THINGS TO DISCUSS
BECAUSE TIME'S WASTING.
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
YOU... YOU OKAY?
NOW, LOOK, LET'S SYNCHRONIZE
OUR WATCHES.
WHAT TIME DO YOU HAVE?
WHO CARES?
I'M DEAD.
NO, CHEER UP NOW.
YOU HAVE MIDNIGHT,
MAY 15TH.
I WANT SIGNED CONTRACTS
OF THE THREE KIDS.
OKAY.
FOR STARTERS,
WHO ARE THEY?
WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES?
HOW AM I GONNA MEET 'EM?
CONCENTRATE.
CONCENTRATE?
CONCENTRATE.
LIKE THE GIRL.
SHE'S YOUR TARGET.
CONCENTRATE.
LIKE THAT?
YEAH.
[twinkling sound]
YEAH?
YES.
THIS IS PHENOMENAL.
WOW. IT'S LIKE I GOT ESP
OR SOMETHING.
I GOT HER. I GOT HER.
I CAN SEE HER.
IT'S A LITTLE HAZY...
WELL, WHAT DO YOU WAN FOR THE FIRST TIME OUT?
WHY, THIS IS AMAZING.
HEY, HOW CAN I BE THERE?
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
SAME TECHNIQUE.
YOU CONCENTRATE
HARDER.
LITERALLY THINK YOURSELF
THERE.
I HATE THE WAY
I LOOK.
NO, NO,
YOU LOOK GREAT.
I LOOK TERRIBLE.
NO, YOU SHOULD SEE THE BACK.
(Stella)
I LOOK TERRIBLE.
I CAN'T GET THE BACK.
I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.
(Heidi)
STELLA, YOU'RE GONNA BE
TERRIFIC TONIGHT.
(Stella)
YEAH, SURE.
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN HERE?
IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.
I-I'M...
I'M VERY...
I'M NOT REALLY HERE.
EXCUSE ME.
OH, WELL, COME...
COME IN... IT'S...
KINKY.
OH, YEAH, BOY.
BARNEY!
IN THE LADIES' ROOM.
FOR GOD'S S...
PLEASE.
IN THE LADIES' ROOM.
NEXT TIME,
YOU LOOK BEFORE YOU...
LEAP.
RIGHT.
NEXT TIME, I LOOK
BEFORE I LEAP.
NOW... OH!
NOW, FROM NOW ON, THIS,
IN ORDER TO CONCENTRATE...
BUT I THOUGHT...
IT'S NOT NECESSARY.
OKAY?
ONE OF THE MOST VALUABLE
OF YOUR NEWLY-ACQUIRED GIFTS
IS TO CONFER
MAGIC PROPERTIES,
YOU SEE.
NOW TO DO THAT,
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS COMMAND YOUR TARGE TO PERFORM.
PERFORM WHAT?
WHATEVER.
OH.
YEAH.
(man)
THE AIR CONDITIONER'S
ONE THE FRITZ AGAIN,
AND IT'S HOTTER THAN HELL
UP HERE.
HA!
HE DOESN'T KNOW
HOW HOT IT IS.
MAX, YOU BETTER GE MY SCREEN FIXED,
THOSE PALMETTOS ARE COMING
IN THE WINDOWS.
THEY'RE ALL
OVER THE PLACE.
(second woman)
MAX, MAX, I DON'T HAVE
HOT OR COLD WATER.
(Barney)
I'M OVER HERE.
(woman)
PLEASE BE AN ANGEL
AND FIX IT.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I CAN'T WASH...
MAGIC PROPERTY LASTS
ONLY SO LONG
AS YOU AND THE TARGE ARE WITHIN SIGHT OF EACH OTHER.
WHAT HAPPENS TO THE KIDS
AFTER THEY SIGN?
NOTHING.
WE DON'T GET THEM TILL
THE NATURAL ENDS OF THEIR LIVES.
[rock music]
[gasps]
HEY, ISN'T THAT THE HEAD
A & OFF
OF BLIZZARD RECORDS?
(Stella)
AH, MAN.
WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE
NOT TO MESS UP NOW.
YOU WON'T. YOU WON'T.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
HEY, THAT'S THE GUY
FROM THE JOHN.
HEY, DON'T COME NEAR ME,
PAL.
YOU LAY A HAND ON ME,
AND I'LL SCREAM.
OH, I'M GENUINELY SORRY ABOU WHAT HAPPENED IN THE BATHROOM.
IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE.
I JUST WALKED
THROUGH THE WRONG DOOR.
HE DOESN'T SEEM
LIKE A PERVERT, HEIDI.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I'M NOT.
BUT I AM VERY GOOD LUCK.
AND I GUARANTEE,
YOU WILL NOT FAIL TONIGHT.
[applause]
YOU'RE GONNA DO ALL RIGHT.
NOW GO GET 'EM, STELLA.
[chatter]
ALL RIGHT, NOW, TO SING
HER OWN MATERIAL,
THIS IS HER FIRST TIME NOW,
FOLKS,
SO LET'S HAVE A WARM WELCOME
FOR MISS STELLA SUMMERS.
COME ON.
[applause]
HI.
IN, UM, IN TOPANGA CANYON,
UH, WHERE I COME FROM,
THE LIVING... THE LIVING'S
REAL EASY
'CAUSE EVERYBODY'S FOLKS
KINDA LET THEM DO
THEIR OWN THING,
WHICH IS WHY I'M GLAD
I COME FROM THERE.
[chatter]
UM, SO WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO
RIGHT NOW
IS SING TO YOU A TUNE THAT I...
I WROTE THIS TUNE.
AND I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE I TO ALL THE KIDS
AROUND THE COUNTRY
WHO DON'T HAVE IT SO GOOD.
[applause]
WHOO!
[piano plays]
[weakly]
OH, IT'S SO HARD
SAYING... [clears throat]
WHAT I NEED IN HERE [coughs]
WHEN I KNOW IT MEANS [booing]
THERE'S NO YOU
[suddenly stronger]
I'VE NEVER LOVED
AND BEEN SO SURE OF I WHAT HAPPENED?
NOW I GUESS WE BOTH HAVE
TO CHOOSE
OH, YOU SAY FRIENDS,
AND I SAY THAT'S NOT ENOUGH
GIVE IT UP
OH, I SAY LOVE IS,
BUT IT IS JUST TOO MUCH
FOR YOU TO TOUCH
OH-OHH
SAY GOOD-BYE
ANY FOOL COULD SEE
IT'S NOT ENOUGH FOR ME
HERE ALL ALONE
YES, I'M ALL GROWN-UP NOW
WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE
SO STRONG
SHOULD I GIVE IN
AND SETTLE FOR THE MOMEN WHILE I HOPE
THIS ROMANCE
IS OHH...
WHOA-OA, YOU SAY FRIENDS,
AND I SAY THAT'S NOT ENOUGH
GIVE IT UP
OH, I SAY LOVE IS,
BUT IT'S JUST TOO MUCH
FOR YOU TO TOUCH
OHH-OH!
SAY GOOD-BYE
ANY FOOL COULD SEE
OH, YOU SAY FRIENDS,
AND I SAY THAT'S NOT ENOUGH
GIVE IT UP
OH, I SAY LOVE IS,
BUT IT'S JUST TOO MUCH
FOR YOU TO TOUCH
OHH
SAY GOOD-BYE
ANY FOOL COULD SEE
THAT IT'S WHAT I NEED
'CAUSE I MUST BE FREE
YES, IT'S TIME
TO BELIEVE
IN ME
[cheers and applause]
YEAH!
WHOO!
STELLA SUMMERS.
JUST STICK
WITH ME, KID.
EXCUSE ME.
YEAH?
JERRY NADLER,
A & R,
BLIZZARD RECORDS.
LISTEN, SWEETHEART,
THAT WAS SHEER DYNAMITE.
YOU GOT ANYTHING ON TAPE?
NO.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN,
WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS COME
INTO THE PLACE, ANY TIME
THAT'S CONVENIENT FOR YOU
WE'LL LAY SOMETHING DOWN,
OKAY?
YEAH.
HOW ABOUT NEXT WEEK?
YEAH.
OH!
CAN HE COME?
CAN HE COME?
WHY, WHAT IS HE?
YOUR MANAGER OR WHAT?
SHE NEEDS ME.
COME ON. THEY WANT YOU!
WHO ARE YOU?
I'M HER, UH, GROUPIE.
GREAT.
GREAT.
[dramatic ominous music]
NELSON, DARLING,
IT'S 1:00 IN THE MORNING.
WHAT'S KEEPING YOU UP
SO LATE?
UH, THE UCLA LAW REVIEW.
IT'S FASCINATING.
OH.
THAT'S NICE, DEAR.
WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
COME ON.
FORGET ABOUT HIM.
AH, COME ON.
JUST ONE QUICK LESSON.
JUST FORGET IT,
NERD.
WHY?
BECAUSE NERDS DON'T DO
DANGEROUS STUFF.
SUPPOSE YOU FELL
OFF THE BIKE?
YOUR DADDY'D SUE US.
I'LL SIGN A WAIVER.
FORGET IT.
OH!
UH, DO YOU TAKE
BEGINNERS?
DEPENDS ON HOW BADLY
YOU WANNA LEARN.
WHAT?
WHAT?
I SAID, IT DEPENDS
ON HOW BADLY YOU WANNA LEARN.
OH, A LOT.
BECAUSE I WOULDN'T WAN TO DIVULGE
MY EXPERTISE
TO JUST ANYONE.
YOU'VE GOT TO WANT I SO BAD,
I MEAN, SO BAD THAT YOU'D SELL
YOUR SOUL FOR IT.
WELL, I'M YOUR MAN.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
IT'S SUCH A WILD COINCIDENCE
YOU JUST COMING ALONG
LIKE THAT.
HOP IN.
MAX DEVLIN.
NELSON NORDLINGER.
HOW DO YOU DO?
NICE MEETING YOU,
NELSON.
(Nerve)
OH, IN SCHOOL,
THEY JUST CALL ME NERD.
(Max)
INSENSITIVE BUMS.
(Nerve)
AREN'T YOU GONNA SHOW ME HOW
FIRST?
(Max)
NAH, LEARNING BY DOING...
THAT'S MY MOTTO.
COME ON.
GET ON, AND TAKE HER AWAY.
WELL, MR. DEVLIN,
YOU KNOW, THE WORST THING
ABOUT BEING THE NERD
IS JUST THAT YOU BEGIN
TO BELIEVE THE LITANY OF
DISASTER YOU WERE BROUGHT UP ON.
TO PUT IT BLUNTLY,
I'M SCARED TO GET ON THIS THING.
OF COURSE YOU ARE.
I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
BUT SONNY BOY, I'M NO YOUR RUN-OF-THE-MILL TRAINER.
I HAVE WROUGHT MIRACLES
IN MY DAY.
YOU EVER HEARD
OF ROGER DECOSTER?
YOU TAUGHT ROGER DECOSTER?
BY THE TIME I'M FINISHED
WITH YOU,
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ROGER DECOSTER
LOOK LIKE MOLASSES.
YOU'RE GONNA BE THE MOTOCROSS
CHAMP OF THE WORLD.
NOW COME ON.
MIRACLE MAX SAYS
STEP ON THE STARTER.
[engine starts]
MIRACLE MAX SAYS YOU'RE GONNA
RIDE ALL OVER THIS HILL,
AND WHAT'S MORE,
YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT.
TRY.
JUST THOUGHT I'D REMIND YOU
THAT THE MAGIC PROPERTY LASTS
ONLY AS LONG
AS YOU AND THE SUBJECT ARE
WITHIN SIGHT OF EACH OTHER.
HEY, COME BACK!
YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH.
YOU DID PRETTY GOOD,
CONSIDERING THE HUNK OF JUNK
YOU WAS RIDING ON.
WELL, THAT'S NOT MY HUNK
OF JUNK.
IT BELONGS TO MY TRAINER.
IT DOES?
WHAT KIND OF TRAINER'S
LEARNING YOU
ON A RATTLY TRAP
OL' THING LIKE THAT?
OH, WELL, SO LONG
AS IT RUNS, I GUESS.
HEY, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
YOU COME ON OU ,
I'D BE GLAD TO RACE
AGAINST YOU PROPER.
BIG BILLY HUNNIKER'S
THE MONIKER.
NERVE NORDLINGER.
NERVE WITH A "V."
BE SEEING YOU NOW.
YOU STUPID, DUMB IDIOT!
IT'S A MIRACLE
YOU WEREN'T KILLED.
LOOK,
WHEN I SAID OVER THE HILL,
I DIDN'T MEAN
LITERALLY OVER THE HILL.
NOW LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
HOW YOU CHOOSE TO ENDANGER
YOUR LIFE
IN YOUR SPARE TIME
IS BEYOND MY CONTROL.
BUT WHEN YOU'RE RIDING
THIS BIKE,
I NEVER WANT YOU
OUT OF MY SIGHT.
EVER!
IS THAT CLEAR?
NOW LET'S CRUISE,
EASY AND NICE, BACK TO THE CAR.
YEAH.
OKAY.
[carnival music]
FOUR.
NEXT.
I'LL TAKE ONE.
SORRY.
NO CHILDREN UNDER 12
ARE PERMITTED WITHOUT AN ADULT.
HE'S WITH ME.
I'M HIS UNCLE MAX.
MAKE THAT TWO, PLEASE?
YEAH.
TWO.
THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.
NEXT.
BY THE WAY,
WHOSE THE UNCLE MAX AM I?
TOBY'S.
TOBY WHO?
TOBY HART, AND THANKS A LO FOR HELPING ME.
MY PLEASURE.
[riders scream]
WELL, I'LL SEE YA,
UNCLE MAX.
THANKS AGAIN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU'LL SEE ME?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE HAVING
SUCH A GREAT TIME?
UH, I AM,
BUT I RAN OUT OF MONEY, SO.
WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
I GOT PLENTY OF MONEY.
THE NEXT ONE'S ON ME.
REALLY?
SURE.
I FIGURE WE SPEND
SOME TIME TOGETHER,
GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER.
I'LL FIND OU THE KIND OF THINGS YOU LIKE,
YOU'LL FIND OU THE KIND OF THINGS I LIKE.
FOR INSTANCE, TOBY,
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANYTHING
IN THE WHOLE WORLD,
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
TO DO THE OCTOPUS AGAIN.
WELL, THAT'S NOT EXACTLY
WHAT I HAD IN MIND.
DON'T YOU LIKE THE OCTOPUS?
BETTER THAN LIFE ITSELF,
BUT WHAT I THOUGHT WAS
THAT IF YOU AND ME
GOT OUR HEADS TOGETHER...
[screams of excitement]
OKAY, SO YOU DON'T WAN TO BE THE BEST PITCHER
IN YOUR CLASS.
AND YOU DON'T WANT TO BE
THE STRONGEST KID IN THE WORLD.
AND YOU DON'T WANT TO BE
THE LEAD SOPRANO
IN THE VIENNA BOYS' CHOIR.
THEN WHAT DO YOU WAN TO BE?
HEY, I GOT IT,
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT.
INVISIBLE!
IF YOU WERE INVISIBLE,
YOU COULD COME HERE ALL THE TIME
AND RIDE THE RIDES
FOR FREE.
WOULDN'T THAT BE GREAT?
WAIT.
BUT WOULDN'T THAT BE CHEATING?
YEAH.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO CHEAT.
WELL, TOBY, OLD PAL,
OLD SPORT,
ISN'T THERE SOMETHING
YOU WANT THAT'S SO BIG
AND SO TERRIFIC
AND SO IMPORTAN THAT YOU'D... WELL, YOU'D
PRACTICALLY SELL YOUR SOUL FOR?
HMM.
WELL, THERE IS ONE THING.
WHAT?
TO HAVE YOU
FOR MY FATHER.
WELL, WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOUR OWN FATHER?
DEAD.
OH.
SAY, IF YOU WERE
MY FATHER,
I CAN GO TO THE CARNIVAL
FOR FREE
ANY TIME I WAN ANYWAYS.
'CAUSE YOU'D BRING ME.
IT'S ONLY A COUPLE BLOCKS
FROM THE HOUSE.
I LIVE RIGHT OVER HERE.
COME ON.
OH. OKAY.
I MEAN, HOW DO YOU KNOW
YOUR MOTHER WOULD WAN TO MARRY ME?
SHE WILL.
WHY WOULDN'T SHE?
[chatter]
ARE THOSE ALL
YOUR LITTLE BROTHERS AND SISTERS
AND THINGS?
(Toby)
NAH, THEY'RE PAR OF MOM'S DAYCARE CENTER,
WHICH YOU'D BE HELPING HER
WITH.
AH.
OH, AND THAT'S MOM
OVER THERE.
SHE'S A NEAT LADY
MOST OF THE TIME.
THERE.
OKAY.
HI, MOM.
TOBY.
MR. MAX DEVLIN.
PENNY HART.
TADA.
HOW COME YOU'RE SO LATE
AND YOU'RE SO DIRTY?
AND I ASKED YOU
NOT TO WASTE YOUR MONEY
IN THAT PLACE AGAIN.
UNCLE MAX PAID.
UNCLE MAX.
HE'S OKAY.
I FOUND OUT ALL ABOUT HIM.
HE'S IN REAL ESTATE,
38 YEARS OLD,
NOT MARRIED,
AND LOVES LITTLE KIDS.
OH, I'LL BET.
LISTEN, TOBY,
I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED AGAIN
FOR A GOOD LONG TIME.
IF EVER.
SO STOP MATCHMAKING.
ONE OF THESE DAYS, YOU'RE GONNA
DRAG HOME A MURDERER.
THIS IS PROBABLY THE DAY.
OH, MOM,
HE'S NICE.
LOOK AT HIM.
(Max)
THE NAME OF THIS GAME
IS NAMES.
I'M MAX.
I'M TREMAINE.
(Max)
GOOD.
I'M SEAN.
SEAN.
I'M CHRISTIANA.
OH.
CHRISTIANA.
(Jerry)
STELLA.
YEAH?
LET'S TRY IT AGAIN, OKAY?
OKAY, YEAH.
I'LL DO GOOD THIS TIME.
ROLL MUSIC.
ROLL PLAYBACK.
TAKE 41.
[softly]
OH, IT'S SO HARD
JUST SAYING
WHAT I NEED
WHEN... [coughs]
I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T.
I'M SORRY.
I'M BLOWING IT.
TAKE FIVE, STELLA.
WE'LL COME BACK TO I IN A MINUTE.
CUT IT.
I'M KATIE.
HOW DO YOU DO?
I'M MOE.
MOE.
I'M... I'M MARIE.
OH MY GOODNESS.
JULATA.
JOY.
STELLA!
(kids)
STELLA?
[laughter]
[phone rings]
(kid)
YOU'VE GOT TO USE YOUR HAND...
TOBY, WATCH THAT MAN.
I DON'T WANT HIM LEFT ALONE
WITH THOSE KIDS FOR TWO SECONDS.
HE LOOKS
THOROUGHLY UNRELIABLE.
HELLO?
OH, OH, I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW.
I'M REALLY BUSY.
(all)
MAX? MAX?
COME OUT, COME OUT,
WHEREVER YOU ARE.
MAX!
(Penny)
OKAY, GOOD. THANKS.
BUH-BYE.
MOM.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE HIM
ALONE WITH THEM.
I DIDN'T.
HE LEFT THEM ALONE.
JUST WHAT I THOUGHT.
THOROUGHLY UNRELIABLE.
(kids)
MAX!
MAX?
(kids)
MAX! MAX!
OH, IT'S SO HARD
[coughs]
I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T.
YES, YOU CAN.
(Jerry)
STOP THE MUSIC.
WHERE'D HE COME FROM?
I DON'T KNOW.
LISTEN, MAX,
WE'VE DONE I 42 TIMES ALREADY.
YEAH, BUT YOU DIDN'T DO I 42 TIMES WITH ME HERE, OKAY.
STELLA.
YEAH?
LET'S GIVE 'EM A PERFECT TAKE,
OKAY?
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, GUYS,
START THE MUSIC.
START THE MUSIC.
ROLL PLAYBACK.
TAKE 43.
OH, IT'S SO HARD
SAYING WHAT I NEED
WHEN I KNOW
THAT IT MEANS
THERE'S NO YOU
I'VE NEVER LOVED
AND BEEN SO SURE OF I NOW I GUESS WE BOTH
HAVE TO CHOOSE
WHAT HAPPENED?
OH, YOU SAY FRIENDS,
AND I SAY THAT'S NOT ENOUGH
GIVE IT UP
OH, I SAY LOVE IS,
BUT IT IS JUST TOO MUCH
FOR YOU TO TOUCH
OH-OHH
I SHOULD SAY GOOD-BYE
ANY FOOL COULD SEE
YOU SAY FRIENDS
AND I SAY IT'S NOT ENOUGH
PROMISED TO SIGN
EVERY ALBUM
YOU BUY HERE TODAY.
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS.
STELLA, LOOK.
NUMBER 28.
IT'S CLIMBING.
[phone rings]
[phone rings]
HELLO?
HELLO, TOBY.
THIS IS YOUR UNCLE MAX.
(Toby)
OH, HI.
CAN I TALK
TO YOUR MOTHER, PLEASE?
UH, JUST A SEC,
ALL RIGHT?
IT'S FOR YOU, MOM.
IT'S UNCLE MAX.
UNCLE MAX?
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
TELL HIM THAT I'M...
TELL HIM THAT I'M NOT HERE.
SHE SAYS TO SAY
SHE'S NOT HERE.
HUH... WELL, YOU TELL HER
IT'S SOMEBODY ELSE.
I HAVE TO TALK TO HER.
HE SAYS TO SAY
HE'S SOMEONE ELSE.
EXCUSE ME, GUYS.
HELLO.
UNCLE MAX?
UH, I DON'T KNOW
WHO YOU ARE
OR WHAT YOU WANT,
BUT I WANT YOU TO LEAVE
ME AND MY SON ALONE, PLEASE.
(Max)
MRS. HART, DON'T HANG UP
ON ME, PLEASE,
UNTIL YOU HEAR ME OUT,
OKAY?
YOU MAY THINK
THIS SOUNDS INSANE,
BUT I'VE FALLEN DEEPLY
IN LOVE...
[static]
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?
YOU ARE THE ONLY 11-YEAR-OLD
PROCURER IN THE BUSINESS.
WHAT'S A...?
FORGET IT.
[upbeat music]
GREAT PARTY, JERRY.
GREAT.
MY SOURCES TELL ME
THAT THE RECORD DEAL
STELLA'S MANAGER
NEGOTIATED FOR HER
IS WELL UP THERE
IN THE SIX FIGURES,
WHICH MAKES STELLA
A VERY LUCKY LITTLE GIRL.
AND WHAT PERCENTAGE
OF THE SIX-FIGURE DEAL
IS LUCKY LITTLE MAXY
GOING TO GET?
SO, UH, WHERE'S
YOUR GIRLFRIEND, HEIDI?
PARENTS WOULDN'T LET HER COME.
THEY'RE SUCH A PAIN.
WELL, YOUR PARENTS
ARE OKAY, AREN'T THEY?
THEY'RE ALIVE.
SURE.
IN TOPANGA CANYON, THOUGH,
IT'S DIFFERENT, YOU KNOW.
THE PARENTS DON'T CARE
WHERE YOU GO
OR WHO YOU GO WITH
OR WHAT KIND OF MUSIC YOU PLAY.
YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, MAXY, I AM REALLY LUCKY.
I MEAN, THERE ARE SOME PARENTS,
THEY ARE SO STRICT.
THEY DON'T ALLOW ANYTHING
BUT CLASSICAL AROUND THE HOUSE.
AND THEY DON'T EVEN OWN
A TV.
HAVING A SWELL TIME,
AREN'T WE?
YEAH, THIS IS GREAT.
I HOPE THIS LASTS FOREVER.
I BET YOU'D BE WILLING
TO SELL YOUR SOUL FOR THAT.
HA!
IF I HAD A SOUL TO SELL.
WOULD YOU CARE TO PUT THA ON PAPER?
'CAUSE I'M THE GUY
WHO CAN ARRANGE IT.
REMEMBER ME.
MIRACLE MAX.
(Stella)
RIGHT NOW, I'D SELL MY SOUL
FOR A CHEESEBURGER.
WELL, THAT TOO CAN BE
ARRANGED.
JUST PUT YOUR LITTLE
JOHN HANCOCK RIGHT THERE
AND WE'LL FILL THE DETAILS IN
LATER.
MAX, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE REALLY
OFF THE WALL TONIGHT.
HERE, HOLD THIS.
I WANT TO TALK
TO JERRY.
OH, EAT FIRS AND CORRUPT LATER.
THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY.
HOW MUCH LATER
ARE YOU PLANNING TO WAIT?
IT'S ALREADY APRIL 10TH.
WELL, LOOK AT HER.
SHE'S AS GOOD AS IN THE BAG.
AS GOOD AS
IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
NOW WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS?
OH, DON'T WORRY.
I'M WORKING ON IT.
[chatter]
(male announcer)
NAKAGUCHI'S BEEN RUNNING
VERY WELL HERE.
CERTAINLY COMPETITIVE
HERE ON THE CROSS
OF A WARM AFTERNOON.
WE HAVE A LITTLE BOY WITH
A RED SHIRT AND GREEN PANTS.
HE'S HERE
IN THE ANNOUNCER STAND.
HIS PARENTS ARE LOST.
A LITTLE BOY
WITH A RED SHIRT...
WHAT CATEGORY?
EXPERT.
I'M NOT SO SURE
ABOUT THAT.
I'M SURE.
(announcer)
IF YOU'RE IN THE FIRST RACE, YOU
SHOULD BE AT THE STARTING LINE.
GET YOUR BIKES
TO THE STARTING LINE, PLEASE.
HEY, MAN.
HEY, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO GET EXCITED NOW.
I'M NOT EXCITED.
OH, OH, MY GOD.
DON'T TURN AROUND.
THERE ARE TWO NAKAGUCHI SCOUTS
SITTING
RIGHT THERE
IN THE BLEACHERS.
WELL SHUT MY MOUTH.
DON'T TURN AROUND.
LOOK, I KNOW
WHY THEY'RE HERE TOO.
THEY'RE LOOKING
FOR FACTORY RIDERS,
AND IF YOU GO OUT THERE
AND WIN,
THEY'RE GONNA MAKE YOU ONE,
I JUST KNOW IT.
HONEY, THEY WILL.
THEY WILL.
I WANT YOU TO GO OU AND DO YOUR BEST, BILLY, OKAY?
LAVERNE, HONEY,
DON'T I ALWAYS?
YEAH.
(announcer)
NOW IF YOU ARE
AT THE FIRST MOTO...
HOW ABOU A FEW LAST MINUTE POINTERS?
WHAT FOR?
YOU'VE BEEN OVER THIS TRACK
A MILLION TIMES
IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS.
YEAH, BUT NEVER IN A RACE.
IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
YOU START,
YOU RIDE LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL,
AND YOU WIN.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
ONE OF OUR BATS?
UH, SCRATCH THAT.
YOU START,
AND YOU WIN.
OKAY, I'LL BE WAITING
OVER THERE.
(announcer)
...STARTING LINE.
START LOOKING 'EM OVER.
30 SECONDS.
FIELD IS ON THE STARTING LINE.
THEY'RE ALL LINED UP.
ABOUT TO START.
STARTER HAS HIS HAND
IN THE AIR.
AND THERE THEY GO!
[cheers]
[announcer commentary]
...GOOD START GOING
INTO THE FIRST TURN.
AND OVER THE HILL,
NUMBER 19
MAKING A BIG MOVE.
TYPICAL RIDE THERE
BY RALPH HANSON.
AND BIG BILLY HUNNIKER.
AND NUMBER ONE AND 19,
THEY ARE GOING
HANDLEBAR TO HANDLEBAR.
WHAT A RACE.
AND 19 HAS TAKEN
THE LEAD.
HUNNIKER IS RUNNING SECOND.
BIG BILLY WITH NUMBER ONE,
WAS A NATIONAL CHAMPION
ON HIS PLATE.
HE'S HAVING PROBLEMS
CATCHING THE NEWCOMER.
THERE'S A MEDAL
BACK THERE.
GOD, THAT NUMBER 19.
HE'S OUT OF SIGHT.
NO, HE ISN'T.
HE'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
(announcer)
HERE THEY COME.
WHO IS HE ANYWAY?
I DON'T KNOW, BUT BIG BILLY'S
GONNA TAKE HIM IN THE FINAL.
HOW DO YOU KNOW
HE'S GONNA?
'CAUSE HE HAPPENS TO BE
THE BEST AMATEUR RIDER
IN THE COUNTRY, DUMMY.
(announcer)
HERE THEY COME AROUND.
19'S STILL IN THE LEAD.
COMING DOWN
TOWARDS THE CHECKERED FLAG.
AND NUMBER 19 WINS IT.
NERD.
NERD WON IT.
(announcer)
NUMBER 19.
NORDLINGER.
[exclamations]
WOW, YOU WERE WONDERFUL.
HEY, DOES EVERYBODY HERE
KNOW MY GOOD BUDDY,
BIG BILLY HUNNIKER?
AND MRS. BIG BILLY HUNNIKER.
WELL, THEY DO NOW.
NICE FORM, BOY.
WOW.
YOU WERE GREAT.
BEATS THE HELL OUT OF ME
HOW YOU DONE IT, THOUGH.
YEAH, COME ON, NERD.
TELL US.
HOW'D YOU DO IT?
(girl)
HOW DID YOU DO IT?
TELL ME.
[laughs]
WELL, I-I JUST...
DON'T GO AWAY.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, OKAY?
WONDERFUL.
MAX?
LISTEN, KID.
THIS IS THE FIRS OF A LOT OF WINS FOR YOU,
SO A WORD OF ADVICE.
WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU
HOW YOU DID IT,
JUST SAY,
"THAT'S MY LITTLE SECRET."
OKAY.
BUT HOW... HOW DID I DO IT?
THAT'S MY LITTLE SECRET.
JUST DON'T EVER DO I WITHOUT ME.
HI.
IT'S ONLY DEAR OLD DADS.
YOU WISH.
WELL, IT'S NOT MY WISH.
IT'S YOUR WISH.
BUT SINCE YOUR VERY WISH
IS MY COMMAND,
I'M GONNA GIVE I ONE MORE TRY.
TOBY, YOU THINK YOUR MOTHER'S
GONNA BE HOME TONIGHT,
BY ANY CHANCE?
YEAH, BUT NOT TO YOU,
I BET.
WHY?
WELL, IT'S VERY DISCOURAGING.
NOW SHE'LL PROBABLY END UP
MARRYING BORING LARRY BINDER.
WHAT'S A BORING LARRY BINDER?
UM, MY MOM'S TENNIS TEACHER.
YOU MEAN
I'M NOT THE ONLY CONTENDER?
GEE, IF IT'S JUST ANY OLD FATHER
YOU'D SELL YOUR SOUL FOR...
WELL, IT ISN'T.
YOUR MY FIRST CHOICE.
THAT'S A RELIEF.
TOBY, DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD KEEP YOUR MOTHER
REALLY BUSY
FOR THE REST OF THE DAY?
WHY?
JUST TRUST ME,
OKAY?
OKAY? OKAY.
OKAY.
(Toby)
WEIRD ABOUT TWO THINGS.
THE WAY THEY COME AND GO.
(Penny)
OH, IT'S WEIRD, ALL RIGHT.
THREE HOURS
AND $25 LATER.
SORRY.
IT JUST SUDDENLY GOT BETTER
AGAIN.
I'M SORRY.
YOU MUST HAVE THE WRONG HOUSE.
I DIDN'T AUTHORIZE
ANY OF THIS.
PENNY HART,
1723 TOBIAS STREET?
I HOPE
YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WELL, I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING
REALLY NICE
SO YOU WOULDN'T THINK
I WAS SUCH A TERRIBLE GUY.
WELL, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO
THROUGH ALL THIS TROUBLE.
I CAN'T ACCEPT THIS.
OH, PLEASE. THE KIDS'LL
REALLY ENJOY THE EQUIPMENT.
AND IT'S GONNA MAKE ME FEEL
VERY WARM INSIDE.
(Toby)
LOOK, MOM,
GRASS, SO WE DON'T HAVE
TO SIT IN THE DIRT ANYMORE.
I'M REALLY VERY TOUCHED.
OF COURSE, I'VE COMPLETELY
DEPLETED MY SAVINGS ACCOUNT,
BUT TOBY AND TREMAINE AND
CONSUELA ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE.
AND OH, WHAT THE HECK.
SO BETWEEN MANAGING
THE NORDLINGER BOY AND STELLA,
I'M PERPETUALLY ON THE RUN,
AS YOU CAN IMAGINE.
I DON'T HAVE TO IMAGINE.
I CAN TELL
BY LOOKING AT YOU.
DON'T YOU EVER LOOK
IN THE MIRROR WHEN YOU SHAVE?
NOT IF I CAN HELP IT.
TAKE TONIGHT.
TONIGHT'S A PERFECT EXAMPLE
OF WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
STAND FREE.
WHO NEEDS IT?
BELIEVE ME, PENNY.
MY LIFE ISN'T MY OWN.
AND ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE
IS MY REAL ESTATE
RESPONSIBILITIES,
WHICH ARE CONSIDERABLE.
SOME LANDLORDS WILL ALLOW
A PLACE TO GO TO HELL
IN A TRASH CAN,
BUT NOT ME.
CONSTANT REPAIRS,
CONSTANT MAINTENANCE,
CONSTANT OUTLAYS
OF TIME AND MONEY.
I'LL BET.
AND THEN THERE'S
THE LITTLE OLD LADIES
WHO INSIST ON KEEPING
THEIR PETS
AND THE YOUNG, MARRIED COUPLES
WHO INSIST ON KEEPING
THEIR KIDS.
NOT THAT I'VE GOT ANYTHING
AGAINST KIDS.
BUT SOME LANDLORDS FEEL
IT'S ROUGH ENOUGH
TAKING CARE OF A PLACE
THESE DAYS
WITHOUT THEM THUMPING
AND BUMPING AROUND,
AND PLAYING HANDBALL
ON YOUR WALLS AT ALL HOURS,
AND PUTTING THEIR MANGY LITTLE
HANDS ON YOUR FRESH PAINT.
PLUS, THE WHINING
AND THE WAILING ALL NIGHT.
AND AT THE CRACK OF DAWN
IN THE MORNING
BEFORE YOU'VE HAD
YOUR COFFEE,
THEY'LL RING YOUR BELL WITH THE
MOST INSIPID, STUPID QUESTIONS
THAT YOU NEVER HAVE
AN ANSWER TO.
IT COULD DRIVE YOU NUTS.
IS THAT HOW YOU REALLY FEEL
ABOUT KIDS?
WELL, SOMETIMES.
ME TOO.
SOMETIMES.
[romantic music]
[rock music]
[chatter]
EVERYBODY IN THE GRANITE LOUNGE
AT 10:45 AM SHARP,
AND THAT MEANS SHARP.
WE'VE GO A HEAVY BODY COUNT.
AND, STELLA,
I STILL DON'T KNOW
IF THE NUMBER ONE GROUPIE
IS COMING OR NOT.
HER PARENTS
WON'T LET HER.
WHAT DO YOU NEED HER FOR?
COMPANIONSHIP.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
SWEETHEART.
I'LL FIND SOMEBODY FOR YOU.
KEEP YOU COMPANY.
SOMEBODY YOU CAN RAP WITH.
DIG?
WAIT A SECOND.
MAX IS COMING, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
(Jerry)
AHA. SPEAK OF THE DEVIL.
GREG WEEMS, I WANT YOU TO MEE MAX DEVLIN.
THE SVENGALI MANAGER.
NOW HIM YOU GOTTA TAKE
VERY GOOD CARE OF
BECAUSE THIS DIPPY CHICK
DOESN'T SING A NOTE
UNLESS HE'S PRACTICALLY
IN HER POCKET.
HEY-HEY,
RIGHT ON, EH?
(man)
STELLA, YOU'RE ON.
COME HERE.
LISTEN TO ME, CAREFULLY.
YEAH.
I'M GOING OUT FRON TO WATCH YOU FROM THERE.
WITH THAT CROWD,
TIMING IS EVERYTHING.
SO DON'T START TO SING
UNTIL I GIVE YOU THE CUE
FROM THE AUDIENCE.
IS THAT CLEAR?
OKAY.
IT'S CLEAR.
[audience cheers]
GREAT.
WISH ME LUCK.
[music starts]
(male announcer)
OKAY, HERE'S WHAT YOU'VE BEEN
WAITING FOR.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
STELLA SUMMERS.
[cheers and applause]
(audience)
COME ON, STELLA!
[clamoring from audience]
OKAY, STELLA!
KNOCK 'EM IN THE AISLES!
[cheers and applause]
OH, IT'S SO HARD
SAYING WHAT I NEED
WHEN I KNOW
THAT IT MEANS
THERE'S NO YOU
I'VE NEVER LOVED
AND BEEN SO SURE OF I NOW I KNOW WE BOTH HAVE
TO CHOOSE
OH, YOU SAY FRIENDS,
AND I SAY THAT'S NOT ENOUGH
GIVE IT UP
OH, I SAY LOVE IS,
BUT IT IS JUST TOO MUCH
FOR YOU TO TOUCH
OH-OHH
BYE.
BYE.
MAX.
THANK YOU.
[catcalls]
WHAT'S WRONG, PAL?
NO GOOD WITHOUT YOUR COACH, HUH?
CAN'T START IT.
WANT SOME HELP?
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
HUH, BUD?
COME ON.
KICK IT OVER, PAL.
START IT UP.
COME ON. GET IT STARTED.
WELL.
[laughter]
(girl)
COME ON!
WE GOTTA TAKE YOU.
[girls scream]
[screams]
[melancholy music]
OH, YOU SAY FRIENDS,
AND I SAY THAT'S NOT ENOUGH
GIVE IT UP
OH, I SAY LOVE IS
BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH
(Barney)
MAX!
MAX!
FOR YOU TO TOUCH
OH-OHH
HEY, YOU, GET YOUR HANDS
OFF THAT ROPE.
ANY FOOL COULD SEE
WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?
WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?
I-I WAS JUST TRYING
TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.
SAVE MY LIFE?
WHAT, BY KILLING ME?
YOU'RE CRAZY.
OH, NOW I'M SORRY,
JERRY, REALLY.
JUST DON'T... DON'T TOUCH ME.
YOU, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
GOSH, JERRY, I'M ALL WOUND UP.
I'M SORRY.
TENSE.
I GOTTA GO AND RELAX
IN THE MEN'S ROOM.
BARNEY, BARNEY,
YOU SON OF A... WHERE ARE YOU?
THERE YOU ARE,
YOU OBNOXIOUS...
OH, I'M...
OH, SORRY.
HEY, HEY,
IT'S OKAY.
WE'RE ALL SHOW BUSINESS HERE,
YOU KNOW.
THAT'S RIGHT.
[applause]
YOU HARBORING
SOME KIND OF DEATH WISH, MAX?
NO, BUT YOU ARE.
YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE DEAD,
MAN,
OR SO HELP ME,
YOU WOULD BE.
YOU'RE GETTING ANGRY,
MAX.
YOU'RE DARN RIGH I AM.
DON'T YOU EVER, EVER TRY
A STUNT LIKE THAT ON ME AGAIN.
JUST TRYING
TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.
WELL, NEXT TIME, TRY TAPPING ME
ON THE SHOULDER.
WHAT ABOUT MY CONTRACTS?
SO THAT'S WHAT THIS IS
ALL ABOUT.
YES. MY ASSOCIATES
ARE GETTING A LITTLE ITCHY.
I DON'T CARE.
I GOT UNTIL MIDNIGHT,
MAY 15TH.
THAT'S OUR DEAL.
I'M TELLING YOU,
I'M TRYING TO GET THESE PEOPLE
SO HOOKED ON ME,
THEY'LL SIGN ANYTHING.
THAT TAKES TIME.
NOW IF I GO TOO FAST, I'M LIABLE
TO BLOW THE WHOLE DEAL.
I LIKE YOUR STYLE, MAX.
YOU'RE A DEVIOUS FELLOW.
[flushing sound]
[knock at door]
WHO'S THAT?
OH, HI, MAXY.
COME IN.
WHAT'S THAT?
LET ME SEE.
"GENTLEMEN, I HEREBY
ENGAGE YOU TO BE
"MY SOLE PERSONAL MANAGER
FOR AN INDEFINITE PERIOD..."
AND STUFF AND STUFF...
HEY, WHAT IS THIS?
WELL, NOW THAT YOU'RE
SUCH A BIG HIT,
I THOUGH THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA
FOR US TO ENTER INTO
A BUSINESS-LIKE ARRANGEMENT.
THAT'S ALL.
WELL, WE HAVE A BUSINESS-LIKE
ARRANGEMENT.
I MEAN, YOU GET 20%
OF EVERYTHING I MAKE.
ISN'T THAT BUSINESS-LIKE?
BUT WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING
OFFICIALLY ON PAPER.
EH, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
YOU GET THE BREAD ANYHOW.
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
STELLA, SUPPOSE I DECIDED
NOT TO SHOW UP SOME TIME
AND WITHOUT MY MIRACLE,
YOU COULDN'T SING.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
THEN YOU GET 20%
OF NOTHING.
I MEAN, WHY WOULD YOU DO
A DUMB THING LIKE THAT?
(Toby)
LISTEN, HOW'D YOU FIND US?
THERE MUST BE
A HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE HERE.
(Max)
WELL, I TOLD YOU
THIS MORNING.
INTUITION.
YEAH, WELL, I WISH
YOUR INTUITION TOLD YOU
TO BRING YOUR SWIMMING TRUNKS.
WE COULDA GONE IN.
WELL, I'M STILL GLAD
YOU CAME ANYWAYS.
I MISSED YA.
WELL, IT'S THE FIRST DAY OFF
WE'VE HAD IN QUITE SOME TIME.
YEAH, WELL,
MY MOM MISSED YOU TOO.
YEAH?
SO YOU STILL WANT ME
TO BE YOUR DAD, HUH?
YEAH.
DON'T YOU WANNA BE?
WELL, OF COURSE I DO,
TOBY, YOU KNOW THAT.
BUT A GUY LIKE ME'S GOTTA THINK
PRETTY CAREFULLY
BEFORE HE GIVES UP HIS FREEDOM
AND TAKES ON THE RESPONSIBILITY
OF A FAMILY.
SO ON AND SO FORTH.
I MEAN, IT'S, LIKE, YOU'RE GONNA
GET ME FOR A FATHER,
BUT WHAT AM I GONNA GE FROM YOU?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WELL, WHAT DO YOU GOT?
UM, SOME BASEBALL CARDS,
A CASSETTE DECK...
IT DOESN'T WORK TOO GOOD,
BUT...
NEVER MIND,
KEEP GOING.
I THINK WE CAN COME
TO AN AGREEMENT HERE.
OKAY, LET ME THINK.
UH, I GOT A GUINNESS BOOK
OF WORLD RECORDS.
WOW, THAT'S GREAT.
UM, LET ME SEE,
A ROCK COLLECTION...
I ALWAYS WANTED
ONE OF THOSE.
UM, A REAL PAIR OF HANDCUFFS
WITH THE KEY...
OH, A KEY.
UM, LET ME THINK,
I GOT SOME MORE STUFF.
YEAH.
A RUBBER-COATED HARD BALL...
OH, WOW.
UM, ONE MORE. WAIT.
OH, YEAH,
AND TWO PACKS OF RED HOTS.
YOU KNOW, THOSE ARE
THOSE LITTLE CINNAMON CANDIES.
OH, YUMMY, YEAH, YEAH.
THAT'S ENOUGH,
ENOUGH.
OKAY, NOW LISTEN,
HOW DOES THIS SOUND?
"I, THE UNDERSIGNED..."
THAT'S YOU.
"AGREE TO SURRENDER
MY CARD COLLECTION,
"MY CASSETTE DECK,
MY SOUL,
"MY GUINNESS BOOK
OF WORLD RECORDS,
"TWO PACKAGES
OF RED HOTS,
IN RETURN FOR WHICH..."
I'LL MARRY YOUR MOM,
AND I'LL BE YOUR DAD, OKAY?
HERE, NOW SIGN HERE.
RIGHT THERE.
TRICKY.
THANKS.
YOU DIDN'T PU YOUR PART YET.
NO FLIES ON HIM
EITHER.
"MARRY MOM..."
NOW WILL YOU SIGN?
SURE.
AS SOON AS YOU MARRY MY MOTHER.
HE HAS POTENTIAL.
SIX WEEKS AGO,
YOU WERE NOWHERE ON THIS PLANET.
AND NOW LOOK AT YOU.
KING OF THE CASTLE
AMONG YOUR PEERS
AND PEERLESS
AMONG YOUR COMPETITORS.
THANKS TO ME.
THANKS TO YOU IS RIGHT,
MAX.
NO, NO,
DON'T GET ME WRONG NOW.
I'M NOT LOOKING
FOR YOUR THANKS.
THANKS AREN'T IMPORTANT.
IT'S YOUR LOYALTY.
YOUR LOYALTY IS
WHAT'S IMPORTANT.
YOU HAVE THAT.
YEAH, WELL, YOU SAY THAT NOW,
BUT YOU'LL FORGIVE A TOUCH
OF THE CYNIC.
I'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN
TIME AND AGAIN.
AN OLDER GUY LIKE ME
GIVES HIS ALL
TO A YOUNG PUNK LIKE YOU.
GOOD FAITH ON BOTH SIDES,
YOU UNDERSTAND.
AND WHEN THE KID MAKES I TO THE TOP,
WELL, BECAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING
LEGALLY BINDING
BETWEEN 'EM...
MAX, YOU GOT SOMETHING
FOR ME TO SIGN,
I'LL BE MORE THAN HAPPY
TO SIGN IT.
NOW, MAX,
NOW.
GET LOST.
HMM?
I WAS JUST SAYING HOW EASY
IT WOULD BE TO GET LOS IN A BIG CROWD LIKE THIS.
HERE. IT'S A STANDARD
TRAINER-RIDER AGREEMENT.
SIGN RIGHT HERE.
[engines rev]
MAX, SOLE IS SPELLED S-O-L-E,
NOT S-O-U-L.
WELL, MAX,
YOU JUST BLEW IT AGAIN.
[splashing and shouts]
(child)
OKAY, HOLD ONTO THIS!
[laughter and shrieks]
IS THAT HOW YOU REALLY FEEL
ABOUT CHILDREN?
AH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
SOMETIMES.
YEAH, I KNOW.
SOMETIMES.
HOLD ON.
MAX, EVERYBODY'S HAVING
A WONDERFUL TIME.
YEAH, WELL, THAT MAKES ME
FEEL REALLY HAPPY.
YOU COULD STAY
AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
THEY EXTENDED THE CONCERT TOUR
FOR ANOTHER DAY
SO I GOTTA LEAVE NOW.
BUT TOBY WILL BE CRUSHED.
AND WHAT ABOUT DINNER?
I DON'T KNOW WHY
I PUT UP WITH YOU.
SINCE I'M SUCH A GOOD KISSER.
THAT SO, HUH?
[splashing]
WHERE IS HE GOING?
BAD NEWS.
HE HAS TO LEAVE.
BUT... BUT NOW?
HE PROMISED TO TAKE ME
TO THE CARNIVAL
RIGHT AFTER SWIMMING.
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
HE PROMISED!
NOW YOU SEE HIM,
NOW YOU DON'T.
WHAT GOOD OF A PERSON
IS THAT?
[door opens]
[footsteps]
THAT'S THAT.
19 CITIES IN 21 DAYS
AND A KNOCKOUT EVERY TIME.
YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
"EVERY NIGH I MAKE LOVE TO 25,000 PEOPLE.
AND THEN I GO HOME ALONE."
JANIS JOPLIN,
STELLA SUMMERS,
HEY, MAXY,
WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
LEND ME A DIME?
AND I'M GONNA BE ALONE,
OKAY?
OPERATOR?
THIS IS COLLEC TO ANYBODY WHO'LL ANSWER.
I'M STEPHANIE PEPPER.
(recording)
THE NUMBER YOU HAVE REACHED
IS NOT IN SERVICE AT THIS TIME.
AH, WHERE ARE YOU?
(recording)
PLEASE MAKE SURE
YOU HAVE DIALED CORRECTLY.
THIS IS A RECORDING.
[coin clatters]
[crying]
(Max)
STEPHANIE PEPPER?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
HOMESICK
FOR TOPANGA CANYON?
[sniffling]
NO.
BOROUGH PARK,
BROOKLYN.
[laughs]
NICE MIDDLE CLASS FAMILY
IN NEW YORK.
AND NOTHING
BUT CLASSICAL MUSIC AT HOME
AND NO TV.
[sniffling]
RIGHT.
PLUS, EVERY TIME I SAID
I WANNA BECOME A STAR,
THEY'D SAY THAT'S NO KIND
OF LIFE FOR ANYBODY TO LEAD.
MY PARENTS ARE SO SQUARE.
THEY WERE RIGHT ABOUT THAT,
YOU KNOW.
I-I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS THEY DIDN'T WAN TO SEE ME GET HURT.
YEAH.
I MEAN,
THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T THINK
I WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO MAKE IT,
YOU KNOW.
BUT I ALWAYS HAD
THIS FUNNY FEELING...
THAT I WAS.
THAT I COULD.
AND I DID.
NOT WITHOUT ME.
I KNOW, MAXY,
I KNOW.
AND I'M REALLY GRATEFUL
TO YOU, I AM.
NOW'S THE TIME,
MAX.
I'M NOT SO SURE
I DID YOU ANY FAVORS.
[chatter]
LOOK, UNCLE MAX!
(children)
UNCLE MAX!
HI!
HI.
LISTEN, I'VE GOT TO SEE TOBY.
HI, CHILDREN.
(children)
NO!
(Max)
OH, YEAH, YOU'RE GOING
TO PLAY.
GO AND PLAY
RHYTHM, RHYTHM.
OR PLAY HIDE AND SEEK,
AND WOLF WILL BE IT.
COME ON.
OKAY, MARIE.
I GOT HERE AS SOON
AS POSSIBLE.
YEAH?
WHAT FOR?
WELL, I'M READY
TO PROPOSE TO YOUR MOTHER.
WHERE IS SHE?
INSIDE, BUT DON'T BOTHER.
THE DEAL'S OFF.
COME HERE.
LOOK, YOU CAN KEEP
THE ROCK COLLECTION
AND THE HANDCUFFS.
AND FORGE ABOUT THE RED HOTS.
I NEVER REALLY CARED
FOR THEM ANYWAY.
THAT PART OF THE DEAL
ISN'T WHAT BOTHERS ME.
WELL, WHAT PART DOES?
THE YOU PART.
I THINK I'D RATHER HAVE BINDER.
YOU'RE NOT SO RELIABLE.
WELL, YOU'RE A FINE ONE
TO TALK, TOBY.
IF YOU DON'T WANT ME
FOR A FATHER,
THEN HOW AM I GONNA MARRY
YOUR MOTHER?
WHICH IS SOMETHING
I REALLY WANT TO DO.
VERY SIMPLE.
JUST ASK ME.
I THINK IT'S MY DECISION,
NOT HIS, ISN'T IT?
DON'T YOU WANT A FATHER
WHO'S GONNA MAKE YOUR MOTHER
VERY HAPPY?
BINDER'S BETTER.
YOU CAN COUNT ON HIM.
TOBY,
BINDER IS BORING.
BINDER TOOK ME
TO THE CARNIVAL SUNDAY.
YEAH,
AND HOW WAS IT?
BORING.
TOBY, WHEN YOUR MOTHER AND I
ARE MARRIED,
YOU'LL BE ABLE
TO COUNT ON ME TOO.
I PROMISE.
OKAY, BUT SINCE YOU DON'T LIKE
THE RED HOTS,
WELL, I GUESS
I'LL KEEP 'EM ANYWAY.
THAT'S FAIR.
MIND IF I JOIN YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I'VE NEVER BEEN
TO THE GRAMMYS.
BE MY GUEST.
GOODY FOR ME.
GOODY FOR YOU TOO.
CONGRATULATIONS
ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT.
WHEN'S THE HAPPY DAY?
SATURDAY.
SANDWICHED IN BETWEEN
THE FIRST AND SECOND MOTOS.
AND AFTER THAT,
STELLA'S CONCER AT THE MUSIC CENTER.
WELL, IT'S GONNA BE
VERY BUSY.
THE 15TH?
YOU'RE CUTTING I A LITTLE CLOSE, AREN'T YOU?
I HAD NO CHOICE
IN THE MATTER.
IT WAS HER DECISION.
WELL, AT LEAS YOU'LL HAVE SAVED YOURSELF.
YEAH.
YOU DON'T LOOK TOO HAPPY
ABOUT IT.
NOBODY SAID
I HAD TO ENJOY IT.
BEATS LEVEL FOUR.
BUT YOUR HAIR LOOKS NICE.
THANK YOU.
[chatter and whoops]
JERRY!
GET ME AWAY FROM THEM!
GET ME AWAY FROM THEM!
I WANT THEM AWAY FROM ME!
[screaming indistinctly]
AND THE WINNER IS...
ANY FOOL COULD SEE,
STELLA SUMMERS.
[applause]
[orchestral music]
THANK YOU.
WINNING THIS GRAMMY
IS A GREAT HONOR.
AND TO THOSE WHO ARE NOT UP HERE
WITH ME NOW
TO SHARE IT WITH ME,
MAX DEVLIN,
MY MANAGER,
JERRY NADLER
OF BLIZZARD,
I HAVE ONLY THIS
TO SAY.
IT WAS
A LONG, HARD PULL, MAN.
AND I'VE GOT NOBODY
TO THANK BUT MYSELF.
[disapproving whispers]
[reluctant applause]
[orchestral music]
MY GOD,
SHE'S A MONSTER.
SHE'S FABULOUS,
SWEETHEART.
IT'S JUST THE WAY
WE LIKE 'EM.
ONE DOWN,
TWO TO GO.
[triumphant festive music]
COME ON.
FAST, FAST.
THIS IS A SPECIALTY PRECAUTION
INDEMNIFICATION THING
IN CASE OF AN ACCIDENT,
DUH-DUH-DUH-DUH...
I, THE UNDERSIGNED,
DECLARE THAT MY TRAINER,
MAX DEVLIN,
DUH-DUH-DUH-DUH-DUH...
WILL TAKE SOLE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR ME.
UH, HERE, NOW YOU SIGN IT.
ISN'T IT A LITTLE LATE
IN THE GAME FOR THIS, MAX?
WELL, BETTER LATE
THAN NEVER.
COME ON.
SIGN IT.
[snorts]
MAX, YOUR SPELLING
IS ATROCIOUS.
I TOLD YOU,
"SOLE" IS S-O-L-E.
SIGN IT NOW.
I'LL CORRECT IT LATER.
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
(announcer)
LADDERS COMING
INTO THE POSITIONS NOW
FOR THE FEATURE EVEN OF THE AFTERNOON.
FANS WAITING TO SEE
IF NERVE NORDLINGER CAN KEEP
HIS STREAK INTACT.
MOST OF THE FANS ARE HERE
TO WATCH THE REMATCH
BETWEEN NORDLINGER
AND HUNNIKER.
AND THERE THEY GO.
THEY'RE OFF.
FEATURE RACE
OF THE AFTERNOON.
AND IMMEDIATELY, NUMBER ONE,
BIG BILLY HUNNIKER,
ALONG WITH NERVE NORDLINGER,
AND NUMBER NINE TRACY ALSO
IN THERE.
A THREE-WAY RACE
FOR THE LEAD.
JUST MAKE IT FAS AND SAFE.
WHY BOTHER WITH SAFE?
YOU ALREADY HAVE HIM
DOWN ON PAPER.
'CAUSE I DON'T WANT HIM
TO KILL HIMSELF.
(announcer)
AND THEY'RE COMING
DOWN THAT HILL IN GOOD SHAPE.
LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY THERE HAD
A PRIMARY CHAIN LOCK UP ON HIM.
HERE COMES HUNNIKER
ON THE INSIDE.
OH, IT'S HUNNIKER.
[cheers]
TWO DOWN
AND ONE TO GO.
I DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS GONNA BE LIKE THAT.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I WASN'T THINKING.
[classical music]
[Wagner's Bridal Chorus]
(priest)
BELOVED FAMILY AND FRIENDS,
WE ARE GATHERED HERE
TO JOIN THIS MAN AND THIS WOMAN
IN THE BONDS OF HOLY MATRIMONY.
IF THERE'S ANYONE PRESEN WHO CAN SHOW JUST CAUSE
WHY THEY SHOULD NOT BE JOINED,
LET HIM SPEAK NOW
OR FOREVER AFTER
HOLD HIS PEACE.
WHAT A...
WHO INVITED YOU?
I'M THE MAID OF HONOR.
(priest)
DO YOU, MAXWELL DEVLIN,
TAKE PENELOPE HAR TO BE
YOUR LAWFULLY-WEDDED WIFE,
TO LOVE, TO HONOR,
AND TO CHERISH
TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?
I DO.
DO YOU, PENELOPE HART,
TAKE
MAXWELL DEVLIN TO BE
YOUR LAWFULLY-WEDDED HUSBAND,
TO LOVE, TO HONOR,
AND TO CHERISH
TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?
I DO.
BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME
BY THE LAWS OF THE STATE
OF CALIFORNIA,
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
HUSBAND AND WIFE.
[Mendelssohn's Wedding March]
BETH HENRIETTA!
HELLO!
WELL, SON, DID YOU FORGE ABOUT YOUR AGREEMEN WITH DEAR, OLD DAD?
BUT I GET TO KEEP
THE RED HOTS, OKAY?
WELL...
OKAY.
[ominous bell rings]
MOM, I GOTTA TALK
TO YOU FOR A SECOND.
SURE, WHAT?
OVER HERE.
EXCUSE ME.
TOBY, WHAT IS SO IMPORTAN THAT YOU HAD TO DRAG ME
AWAY FROM EVERYBODY?
IT'S SOMETHING
ABOUT MAX.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS,
BUT I JUST DON'T SEEM
TO LIKE HIM ANYMORE.
YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS.
IT'S NATURAL,
OF COURSE.
NO, IT'S SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD
AND BAD ABOUT MAX.
IN FACT,
I HATE MAX!
SHH.
YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGH OF THAT BEFORE.
NOW SHAPE UP.
GO PLAY.
SOME SWELL MARRIAGE
WE'RE GONNA HAVE
IF HE HATES ME.
HE'LL BE IMPOSSIBLE
TO LIVE WITH.
YOU DON'T HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.
SLIGHTEST HIN TO AGENT HARGRAVES,
AND IT'S ALL OVER.
WANNA SYNCHRONIZE
YOUR WATCH?
THEY ALL SIGNED.
I'M FREE.
AREN'T I?
YES, YOU ARE.
BUT BY MIDNIGHT,
THEY BELONG TO ME.
NOT UNTIL THE NATURAL END
OF THEIR LIVES,
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID.
POINT OF FACT...
I LIED.
I NEED THEM NOW.
OH, NO, BARNEY.
PLEASE.
I COULDN'T HAVE DONE I IF I'D KNOWN THAT.
HE'S A GREAT KID.
THEY'RE ALL GREAT KIDS.
BUT THAT KID...
KILL HIM, AND YOU KILL HER!
UNFORTUNATELY, HER SOUL
DOES NOT BELONG TO ME.
YOU WIN SOME,
YOU LOSE SOME.
BUT THEN AGAIN,
YOU HAVE
YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE.
[urgent music]
OKAY, BARNEY.
I KNOW YOU'RE HERE.
LET ME SEE YOUR ROTTEN,
LYING, DECEITFUL FACE NOW
WHEN I BURN YOUR CONTRACTS.
(Barney)
BURN THOSE CONTRACTS,
AND ETERNAL DAMNATION
IS YOURS.
YOU'LL KNOW THE UNMITIGATING
PAIN AND HORROR
OF LIMBS BEING TORN
FROM THEIR SOCKETS...
YOUR LIMBS,
YOUR SOCKETS!
YOU'LL FEEL PAIN
YOU NEVER IMAGINED IN LIFE.
YOURS.
FOREVER.
FLESH YOU'LL SMELL BURNING.
YOUR FLESH ROTTING.
FOREVER.
YOU'LL NEVER GE THESE KIDS.
NEVER.
(Penny)
MAX.
MAX.
MAX?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I HAVE TO GO NOW.
MAX, IT'S OUR WEDDING DAY.
THERE ARE PEOPLE
WHO NEED ME.
I PROMISE TO COME BACK
AS SOON AS I CAN.
MAX.
WELL, ANYWAYS, TO ANSWER
YOUR QUESTION,
BIG BILLY HUNNIKER IS NOT ONLY
A SWEETHEART OF A GUY,
HE'S ALSO ONE OF THE TRULY GREA MX RACERS OF ALL TIME.
BUT CAN HE BEAT YOU OUT IN THE
SECOND MOTO HERE TODAY, NERVE?
I WOULDN'T BE
A BIT SURPRISED.
ESPECIALLY IF MY TRAINER
DOESN'T SHOW UP.
SO THE WINNER
OF THE 1980 NATIONALS
HERE IN ANAHEIM
IS BIG BILLY HUNNIKER.
AS OF YET, NO WORD FROM MEDICS
AS TO THE SEVERITY
OF INJURIES SUSTAINED
TO NERVE NORDLINGER.
(Nerve)
MAX!
OH, MAX,
WHAT'D YOU MISS!
HOW'D IT HAPPEN?
I TRIPPED.
ON YOUR BIKE?
NO, I TRIPPED BEFORE THE MOTO
EVEN BEGAN.
OVER... OVER HER.
SHE DIDN'T SEE ME COMING,
THOUGH, I MEAN...
SHE... I TRIPPED OVER HER
AND FELL.
WHO ARE YOU?
WE HAVE THEM HERE TOO,
YOU KNOW.
WE?
WHERE DO YOU COME FROM?
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO TAKE HIM AWAY NOW,
ARE YOU, YOUR HOLINESS?
OH, NO, HE'S MUCH TOO YOUNG
TO DIE.
SO AM I.
I HOPE
YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME
FOR QUITTING THE RACING SCENE
LIKE THAT.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL YOU'VE DONE
FOR ME.
OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
I WAS THINKING
OF MOVING ON ANYWAY.
I'M GONNA SEE YOU
AGAIN, AREN'T I?
I DON'T THINK SO.
I'M GONNA BE GOING
A LONG WAYS AWAY.
WELL, HEY, MAYBE I CAN SEE YOU
WHEREVER YOU'RE GOING.
NO WAY.
I DON'T EVER WANNA SEE YOU
WHERE I'M GOING.
I MEAN... THAT EVERYBODY HAS
THEIR OWN THING
TO DO IN LIFE, RIGHT?
WELL, NOW, I GOTTA GO
TO PLACES
THAT ARE REALLY HORRIBLE.
PLACES THAT NICE YOUNG MAN
LIKE YOURSELF
SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO SEE.
OKAY?
WELL, AM I AT LEAST GONNA SEE
YOU AT THE CONCERT TONIGHT?
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
I'M GONNA BE GIVING UP
ALL MY MANAGEMENT CONTRACTS,
EVEN STELLA'S.
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND THEN.
OH, YEAH,
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.
MAXY!
AH, THANK YOU
FOR MY PARENTS.
THANK YOU.
OH, IT'S...
LISTEN, STELLA, YOU KNOW
HOW YOU SEEM TO BE COOLING I ON THE PERFORMING THING
AND ALL?
WELL, I THINK NOW
IS THE PERFECT TIME TO QUIT.
NOW?
WITH MY PARENTS OUT FRONT,
BEFORE THE CONCERT?
ABSOLUTELY.
ALL THE MORE REASON.
MAX.
YOU KNOW HOW YOU ALWAYS WONDERED
HOW COME YOU COULD SING
WHEN I WAS OUT THERE
AND NOT OTHERWISE,
AND I KEPT TELLING YOU
THAT I COULD WORK MIRACLES,
AND YOU BELIEVED ME?
WELL, I LIED.
I CAN'T MAKE MIRACLES, STELLA.
AND EVEN IF I COULD BEFORE,
I CAN'T ANYMORE.
YOU'RE GONNA GO OUT THERE
AND DIE.
YOU'RE GONNA FALL FLA ON YOUR FACE.
I AM NOT.
I AM NOT.
STELLA,
I'M GONNA PROVE IT TO YOU.
I'M GONNA WALK
AROUND THIS CORNER,
AND YOU TRY TO SING,
AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO.
NOW I'M WALKING
AROUND THE CORNER, STELLA.
MAX.
MAX!
COME ON.
JERRY AND OTHER OTHERS,
THEY ALWAYS SAID TO ME,
SAID MIRACLES IS ANOTHER WORD
FOR CONFIDENCE.
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WAN TO TAKE MY CONFIDENCE
AWAY FROM ME NOW.
YOU ALWAYS BEEN SO GOOD
TO ME, MAX.
AND IF EVER THERE WAS A TIME
I WANTED TO BE GOOD...
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU
DO THIS TO ME.
BYE, STELLA.
HAVE A HAPPY...
MAX.
YOU KNOW, IF I'M GONNA FALL
ON MY FACE, YOU CAN WATCH.
BYE, STELLA.
BYE.
MAX?
I'M GONNA MISS YOU.
OH, HI.
YOU'RE BACK.
YEAH.
NOT FOR LONG,
I'M AFRAID.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
UH, LOOK...
AT 12:00
I GOTTA BE SOMEWHERE ELSE.
SO I GUESS
I OUGHTA TAKE OFF NOW.
BUT YOU'LL BE BACK.
YOU ALWAYS COME BACK.
NOT THIS TIME,
SPORT.
WHERE I'M GOING IS TOO FAR AWAY
TO COME BACK FROM.
UH, I JUST WANTED
TO SAY GOOD-BYE.
YOU PROMISED.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
DON'T I RATE A GOOD-BYE?
YOU KNOW,
IT REALLY STINKS.
EVERY FATHER I GET ALWAYS GOES
AWAY AND NEVER COMES BACK.
ARE YOU GONNA DIE
ON ME TOO?
AND WHAT ABOUT MOM?
WELL, WHAT'S SHE GONNA DO?
LOOK, TOBY,
YOUR MOTHER'S A GREAT LADY...
SHE'LL GET ALONG JUST FINE
WITHOUT ME.
NO, I WON'T.
TOBY.
I LOVE YOU, MAX.
HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY
LOVE ME?
I'M NOT LOVABLE.
I'M NOT EVEN NICE.
I'M IRRESPONSIBLE,
UNRELIABLE,
YOU'VE SAID SO YOURSELF
A MILLION TIMES.
LOOK, EVEN IF WE TRY,
I'LL STILL PROBABLY LEAVE YOU
WITHOUT ANY WARNING.
I'M A ROTTEN PERSON.
THE ONLY TROUBLE WITH YOU,
MAX, IS YOU HAVE NO SELF IMAGE.
YOU NOTICED?
OH, MY GOD.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
WHAT IS IT, MAX?
WHAT'S WRONG?
IT'S ME.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
IT'S ME IN THE MIRROR.
I-I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
I WON.
I WON.
I WON.
WON WHAT?
I BEAT THAT LOUSY,
ROTTEN, SLIMY,
NO-GOOD SON OF A...
BEAT WHO?
BARNEY!
I BEAT BARNEY!
HE HAD MY SOUL.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT,
MAX?
ALL RIGHT?
I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE ALL RIGH IN MY LIFE.
HELLO.
THAT'S THE MOST AMAZING SIGH I'VE EVER SEEN.
YOU'RE TALKING CRAZY,
MAX.
DON'T... I KNOW IT'S CRAZY.
I KNOW... I KNOW...
I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY,
I KNOW THAT,
BUT IT'S SO BASIC.
IT'S JUST SO SIMPLE.
IT'S LIKE
IT'S GOOD AND BAD.
AND HEAVEN AND HELL
AND GOD AND THE DEVIL.
PENNY, LOOK,
ALL MY LIFE,
I MADE WRONG CHOICES.
I MADE WRONG CHOICES!
BUT THIS TIME I MADE
THE RIGHT CHOICE,
AND THE DEVIL LOS MY SOUL.
HE LOST ME.
I'M GONNA CALL
THE DOCTOR.
NO, NO, NO, PLEASE, PLEASE,
PENNY, YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME.
PLEASE, TRUST ME.
I SWEAR,
I'LL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO YOU.
BUT YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME NOW
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.
AND YOU'RE NOT LEAVING,
RIGHT?
I'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU.
WHERE'S TOBY?
TOBY!
TO... COME ON,
WE GOTTA GO TO A CONCERT.
A CONCERT?
[music strikes up]
[cheers and applause]
THANK YOU.
OF ALL THE AUDIENCES
THAT I'VE EVER SUNG FOR,
I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA BE
THE BEST.
THANK YOU.
BUT YOU'RE ALSO GONNA BE
THE LAST.
[groans]
JUST FOR A WHILE.
JUST FOR A WHILE.
YOU SEE, A YEAR IS A...
A LONG TIME
TO BE AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY.
AND YOUR HOME.
AND NO MATTER HOW SQUARE
YOU ALWAYS THOUGHT THEY WERE,
REALLY DO GET TO MISSING THEM.
REALLY GET TO MISSING SCHOOL.
[laughter]
BUT NOW I'M GOING
TO MISS ALL OF YOU.
BUT MOST OF ALL,
I'M GONNA MISS A MAN
WHO...
IT'S, YOU KNOW, IT'S THAT THING
THAT EVERYBODY ALWAYS SAYS.
EXCEPT I REALLY DO MEAN IT.
IF IT WASN'T FOR HIM,
I WOULDN'T BE HERE RIGHT NOW.
SO HERE I AM
ALONE AGAIN
NOT ALL LIKE I THOUGH THAT I WOULD BE
YES, I LOST MY WAY
SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY
SOMEBODY PROMISED ME
THE SUNSHINE
SOMEBODY PROMISED ME
THE MOON
SOMEBODY TOLD ME
THERE'D BE ROSES AND RAINBOWS
I ONLY HOPE
THEY'LL GET HERE SOON
SEEMS I'VE BEEN WAITING HERE
FOREVER
THINKING THAT LOVE WOULD COME
FOR FREE
SOMEONE'S STILL WAITING
FOR THOSE ROSES AND RAINBOWS
I HOPE THAT SOMEONE
WON'T BE ME
YOU SEE, MAXY.
SO LET GO NOW,
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN
IT'S OKAY TO BE LONELY
NOW AND THEN
OPEN UP YOUR EYES
YOU ARE MUCH TOO WISE
IF SOMEONE PROMISES
YOU SUNSHINE
YOU BETTER KNOW
THERE'LL STILL BE RAIN
IF SOMEONE SAYS THEY'LL BRING
YOU ROSES AND RAINBOWS
YOU BETTER TAKE
A LOOK AGAIN
YOU BETTER FIND OU WHO YOU ARE, GIRL
BEFORE YOU RUN
TO SOMEONE ELSE
INSTEAD OF WAITING
FOR THOSE ROSES AND RAINBOWS
YOU BETTER GIVE THEM
TO YOURSELF
SOMEBODY PROMISED ME
THE SUNSHINE
SOMEBODY PROMISED ME
THE MOON
SOMEBODY TOLD ME
THERE'D BE ROSES AND RAINBOWS
AND NOW I KNOW
THEY'RE COMING SOON
AND NOW I'M READY
FOR THE SUNSHINE
AND I'M AS HAPPY
AS CAN BE
AND ALL MY DAYS ARE FILLED
WITH ROSES AND RAINBOWS
MY LIFE BELONGS TO ME
MY LIFE BELONGS TO ME
[cheers and applause]
[silently]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
IF SOMEONE PROMISES YOU
SUNSHINE
YOU BETTER KNOW
THERE'LL STILL BE RAIN
IF SOMEONE SAYS THEY'LL BRING
YOU ROSES AND RAINBOWS
YOU BETTER TAKE
A LOOK AGAIN
YOU BETTER FIND OU WHO YOU ARE, GIRL
BEFORE YOU RUN
TO SOMEONE ELSE
INSTEAD OF WAITING
FOR THOSE ROSES AND RAINBOWS
YOU BETTER GIVE THEM
TO YOURSELF
OH
IF SOMEONE PROMISES YOU
SUNSHINE
YOU BETTER KNOW
THERE'LL STILL BE RAIN
IF SOMEONE SAYS THEY'LL BRING
YOU ROSES AND RAINBOWS
YOU BETTER TAKE
A LOOK AGAIN
YOU BETTER FIND OU WHO YOU ARE, GIRL
BEFORE YOU RUN
TO SOMEONE ELSE
INSTEAD OF WAITING
FOR THOSE ROSES AND RAINBOWS
YOU BETTER GIVE THEM
TO YOURSELF
OH
SOMEBODY PROMISED ME
THE SUNSHINE
SOMEBODY PROMISED ME
THE MOON
SOMEBODY TOLD ME
THERE'D BE ROSES AND RAINBOWS
AND NOW I KNOW
THEY'RE COMING SOON
AND NOW I'M READY
FOR THE SUNSHINE
AND I'M AS HAPPY
AS CAN BE
AND ALL MY DAYS ARE FILLED
WITH ROSES AND RAINBOWS
MY LIFE BELONGS TO ME
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