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The Domestics (2018)
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You probably already know what happened. Then again, you might not. You might not even give a shit. But I'm gonna tell you anyway. We all went about our daily lives, oblivious to how bad things were in the world. And then they hit the reset button, erasing all of their problems along with hundreds of millions of lives. No one saw it coming. The end. The lucky ones were dead in seconds. As for the rest of us, immune to the black poison, we had to decide. Hang on to the civility of the past, or become savages in a new dark future. Hey, kids, this is 99.2 KILU... and you're listening to Crazy Al's radio party, The Last Radio Show. Here's another safety update for all you domestics out there, just trying to stay alive. If you're new to the area, listen up, and I'll fill you in on all the shit we've been dealing with here, in the once beautiful Midwest. Still no word from the US government. What a shocker. But I suppose when you make the decision to crop dust your country with deadly chemicals, there's really not much more to say. I guess that's what happens when a democracy turns into a dictatorship. You thought we had problems before? Debts, disease, dwindling resources? Some barista put too much syrup in your macchiato fucking Frappuccino? You know what I saw the other day? A guy wearing a goddamn deer head holding an AK-47. The crazy thing is, the son of a bitch used to be my neighbor. This once great nation on God's green earth no longer belongs to God. It belongs to the gangs. That's right, daddy-o, the Midwest may have been the land of macaroni casserole, fresh cut lawns and Schlitz beer, but we've got some of the worst gangs in the country. Nailers, Plowboys, Gamblers, Cherries, Sheets, just to name a few. They're all bad news. So keep your eyes open, your guns loaded, because in this world, you shoot first, then run like hell. You dig? Well, that's enough of my bullshitting, let's play some music. We're on day 902 of our weekend oldies marathon. You might be asking, "Crazy Al, is this not the weekend anymore?" Well, honey, I just don't give a fuck. With that said, here's Roosevelt Nettles on the Chess label - with Drifting Heart. - So you're really doing this. -Yep. -Why? You got everything you need right here. You think I don't know that? I know it's probably the stupidest thing I've ever done. But I still love her. - You see, this is why I never got married. Look, Mark, I'm not gonna tell you what to do, because I know you know what's out there. You get one flat tire, you're fucking dead. If you still feel this is the only way to save your marriage, for the love of God, take a different car. I fixed it. -You fixed it? -Yep. Uh, are we still talking about the same car? I fixed it. Crazy Al's radio party. The music time machine... Hi, this is Crazy Al. It looks like it's gonna be another shitty-ass day, daddy-o. Thanks for tuning into KILU radio. No requests, no dedications, just a kick ass soundtrack to your new way of life. Stay off the freeways and watch out for those snipers. And if you see someone dressed like a ghost, shoot that motherfucker because Sheets ain't trick-or-treating. As that great philosopher Baba-Oom-Mow-Mow once said "Doo-wop unto others as you would have them doo-wop unto you." Come on, let's make this quick. Those fuckers are still out there. Fuck the Sheets. Fucking pussies. Those fucking pussies just kicked our asses. Come on, let's eat some beans and get the fuck outta here. We still got that town up the road. Open the door. Hold down the gas. You guys want any salt and pepper? Come one. Here's another safety update for all you domestics out there braving the barren countryside. It's official that Sheets and Nailers are in a turf war. I know you fuckers can hear me out there. So do us all a favor and just kill each other so we can get on with our lives. With that said, it's time to get safe. Pull off the roads, find some shelter, because the sun is going down. thirty-five past the hour and you're listening to Crazy Al's radio party... We should stay off the roads. Crash here for the night. Do you think it's safe? We'll find out. This will never be us, I promise. Miss Milwaukee, this is Eagle. Over. Miss Milwaukee, this is Eagle. Over. Mom? Okay. I just wanted to let you know that we're on our way. I wish I could hear your voice. I know Mark wants to fix things between us. I just don't know how. We've been broken for too long. I wish you could tell me everything's going to be all right. I miss you. You remember when we used to complain about the Milwaukee drive? Five hours. Seems like nothing now. You think I'll be able to, uh... To get your dad to give me his gun this time? The one you always steal from his safe? Mmm. The Wildey Magnum? Yeah. I doubt it. He doesn't like you. No, he does not. I'm actually pretty sure the last thing he said to me was - "Get your shit together, you clown." It was nice. That sounds about right. Good night, Markus. All right, kids, it's 20 past the hour and this is Crazy Al, bringing you words of wisdom and a whole lot of good goddamn music, too. Hey, we are on day 903 of our weekend oldies marathon. - With that said, here's a sleepy little tune. Denny Reed on the Trey label. It's calledNo One Cares. Where you headed? You guys and your scary masks. Argh! No, stop. Please. Stop! Stop! Stop, please! Please don't do it. My guys are tired. Angry. They need a little morale boost. Understand? Now if you happened to know where we could find a woman's touch... -No. -...we'd greatly appreciate it. I wouldn't want these animals to have to go to town on your friend here. Not their preference. We're the same, you and I. You do this for me, I'd personally see to it that you live. Join the Nailers and own the fucking world. I'm nothing like you. Fuck it! Come on. Wait, please, please. Listen, I saw someone. A girl. A girl and a guy, up Shadow Brook Road. This house had Christmas lights. Did it have a manger? You know, the baby Jesus thing? Yeah, we hit that shit up the other day. No. No. This was last night. You just let them go? They seemed, uh... They seemed nice. What about this one? Fuck! Fuck him. I don't want to die here. We're not. We are not. I want to go home. Hey, we are, okay? We are. I'm going to take you home, okay? It's going to be okay, all right? Look at me. Hey, it's going to be fine. Say it for me. Come on, say it. Be careful. Miss Milwaukee, this is Eagle. Over. Miss Milwaukee, this is Eagle. Over. Mom? Here's another safety update for all you domestics out there. Word on the street is there's a renegade Cherry saving women and killing anyone in her way. Look out, boys, she's a fucking psycho! There's also a lone wolf roaming the countryside, who likes to get kinky with a straight razor. I mean, come on! Who comes up with this shit? Is the world really this crazy? Of course it is, or my name isn't Crazy Al! Hold it. Drop the basket and put the gun on the ground. Slow. Don't try anything. I'm not alone. Fuck. Just take whatever you want, okay? Just let us go. All I'm looking for... Is a handshake, friend. Here. Take it. Nathan Wood. Mark West. Pleasure to finally meet you. And, uh... Nina Monroe. Sorry for the theatrics, but you know how it is. Been a while since we've seen folks like you. -We? -I've been watching you. Wait. Sorry. That came out wrong. Listen. We are the same. We want the same things. As a matter of fact, uh... Well, I know this sounds crazy, but I was wondering... Shit. Go. If you find the blond, don't mess up her face. Listen up. My wife and I would like to invite you both over for dinner. -What? -Uh, sorry, late lunch. That's Theresa. You don't have to dress up or anything. The girls can open a bottle of wine, I'll make cocktails, and you can meet my kids. The fuck was that? My son, Steven. All clear? Clear. My dad had one of these. He liked it. -Yours '81? -It's '82. Four wheel drive standard. Yours five speed? It's, uh, converted to automatic, actually. That faux wood on navy. Man, it was a different era. It's running rich. My guess is the float level in the carb is off, but just been messing with it. Well, my offer still stands. You can talk it over if you like. But if you did happen to come, I might just have an original service manual for an '81 Eagle. Bullshit. My old man's. It'll definitely have the float level specs. -You into cars? -Nah. I like guns. You know, uh... It would mean the world to my wife and to me, if you would join us. Oh. We really should get going. I understand. I just can't help but think that we met for a reason. People like us don't just cross paths, not out here. And seeing you two gave me hope. And I might add that Theresa makes the best goddamned green bean casserole you'll ever have. I guess, if it's on the way. Well, now that's the spirit! Steven, let's get this beautiful car hooked up to the rig. It'll be safer for us to ride in the truck. Pull her around back, I'll go get the truck ready. I can't wait for you to meet Theresa. I think you girls will really hit it off. Shit! Plowboys. Just sit tight. Jim. How's the family? Safe. Yours? Steadfast. So what are you boys doing out here? Just patrolling the neighborhood. Hunting for Gamblers. You know they stole nine of my girls? Fucking freaks! Probably using them to make babies. You have some fresh faces with you. They're friends. Couldn't help but notice the merchandise. K-98. Where'd you get it? You see the cooch in the truck? I call her Betsy. Is she a Cherry? - What's she doing down here? - I don't know. Deserter, maybe? Didn't see any more of those man-hating bitches, so, I assumed she's alone. She will turn a pretty penny. Just relax, sugar pop. I even injected her with one of those animal tracking devices. Just like old Ginger. This one ain't getting away. She's a wild one, too. She bit Bruce's finger clean off when we caught her. Oh, yeah. I am going to test drive her tonight. So, who is the cha-cha in the truck? Don't worry. Plowboys are pussies. Don't tell my dad I said "pussies." I would really appreciate it if you would move your plow. Gonna be late for dinner. What if I don't? Give my best to Theresa. Will do. I really appreciate you guys doing this. As promised. Oh, my God. Wow, thank you. So obviously, you wanna stay off I-94 and Highway 10. If the snipers don't get you, the gangs will spot you from the radio towers. -Mmm-hmm. -You came from Two Harbors? -Yeah, yeah. -Quaint. Why did you leave? Nina wanted to be with her folks, so we're making the trek to Beer Town. You having second thoughts? No. No. It's, um... They, uh... They don't know that we're coming. They used to speak over the CB about every day, and we haven't heard from them in a couple of weeks. You think something happened? Can't really say that to her though, can I? - Dinner's ready! - Come on. - Oh, no, I couldn't... - I don't believe you. Thank you. Oh. Sorry, generator. So what did you do, Nina? Out there, before. I worked in a design firm, in downtown Minneapolis. And Mark? Uh, I was in-between jobs. You know, did some handyman stuff, construction. Mark was trying to get his contractor's license. I wasn't trying to get, I was getting it, um... -That's what I meant. -Right. So, Nina, bringing home the bacon. That's neat. Bet you took advantage of that, Mark. Fishing, drinking beer, golfing. Hell, I would have. For all you lovebirds out there brazen the barren countryside. On the Caprice label, it's calledTill by The Angels. Oh, hon? Come on, now. So sorry, our song. Till then I'll worship you Till the tropic sun Turns cold Till this young world Grows old My darling, I'll adore you You are my reason to live All alone I would give Just to have you adore me Oh, till the rivers Flow upstream Till lovers cease to dream Gross. Okay. Okay, we have guests. Sorry, I get carried away. Man, Crazy Al. World may have went to shit, but damn, did radio get better, huh. - Language. - Sorry, hon. You like this music? It's okay. So you're a designer. No artist gangs for you to join? Theresa. No, I... I used to work in the office, handling monetary things. Budgets, contract negotiations. I don't think they have a gang for that. - The Gamblers. - The Gamblers? I saw this Gambler once, he was wearing a buffalo head. Hey. You should tell Mark about the Bobbies. -The Bobbies? -I found this Nailer with my dad once on the side of the road. He was stabbed all over his body. Blood was everywhere. All his cuts were below his chest, like, whatever was stabbing at him was short. Like Bella. We're thinking they're kids. Little stabbers. Hey, Bella. How about you show me your room? Sure. Let's go. Mark and I will wash up. You guys seem really happy. We are. Nathan is amazing. What about you and Mark? Come on. Don't pretend I didn't see that little thing at dinner. It's complicated. Try me. We were going through a divorce when everything happened. You're still wearing your ring, I see. It feels weird to take it off. In the beginning, things were different. He would sneak into my office and leave sweet notes all over the place for me to find. We were crazy about each other. But then life got hard. All we did was fight. It broke my heart. And then the world changed. Happiness isn't out there, Nina. Not anymore. It's in front of you. We need more wine. Yes. Dinner was amazing, by the way. That's all Theresa. Those, uh, hamburger steaks that we had tonight, do you think you'd be willing to do some trading? Dry foods have been getting a little bit old, and I've got bullets, tools, gas. How about if I just give you some? If you can guess what it is. Um... beef? Now when was the last time you saw a cow? That's a good point. Um... Uh, venison? Mark, when was the last time you saw a cow, a deer, a dog, bird? Hell, they all died out before we started to. It was... It was meat, right? I mean, it wasn't a veggie burger or a bean patty, or, I don't know, some vegan shit. No. No. Not bad, right? I mean, a little gamey, but tender. You okay? I ate a fucking person? -We all did. -Jesus Christ. Come on, Mark. The Darwin Awards, we made it. We didn't drink the government Kool-Aid. We escaped the race wars, toxins didn't do jack shit to our immune systems. When they hit the reset button and we said fuck you. Now I think that allows us a little freedom. - Good people didn't survive, Mark. We did. If you tell Nina what we ate, I will kill you. Keeping secrets from your wife? Not the healthiest choice in a marriage. -I assume you tell your wife everything. -I do. Then you're a fucking liar. We're leaving. Nina! Whoa. Wait, calm down. Now, listen. Let me tell you what's gonna happen. You and Nina will stay and continue to have a wonderful time. And if you don't, I will bleed you both out like pigs, and feed you to my wife and children. You understand? Or maybe just you? Seems to me Nina would be better off. One a day, keeps the blues away. Is everything all right here? I was just about to mix up a couple of cocktails for Mark and me. You ladies want one? I make a killer Old Fashioned. I'm okay. Yeah, I'm good. So who wants to play a board game? How about Monopoly? Bella! Bella! Bella! Oh, my God! Didn't expect to see me again, did you? Should've finished the job. It's okay. Mommy's here. You're gonna be okay, baby. Please don't hurt her. Now, what do you want? Anything. Just don't hurt my-- Him. And her. They're yours. Just give me my daughter. Daddy. It's okay. Mommy's here. Do what you gotta do. Just give me my daughter back. Just give me my daughter back. Okay. Go! Theresa! Shit. Grab your stuff. Grab your stuff. -What about Bella? -We gotta go. You okay? Are you hurt? Nina? I can't do this anymore. What? Do what? Play this delusional game of survival with you. Delusional? You wanna talk about delusional? Who are you talking to on that radio, Nina? I want to get home to my parents. You know what? That's your problem. If you had just played along in any of this instead of running home to Mommy and Daddy, you would have realized, you know what, it's not that bad. Not that bad? Look around! Shit, Nina! Stay with me. Just stay with me, stay with me. Nina. Nina! Fuck! Goddamn it! Shit! Jim, you copy? Over. Jim, you copy? Nathan. How's dinner? Theresa and Bella are dead. Oh, shit. What happened? You remember those friends of mine I introduced you to today? How could I forget? What if I told you, you could have the girl? Hell, yeah. Shit on a fucking shingle. Oh, my God! She's a Cherry. I think she's a Cherry. Can we go? Hi, this is Crazy Al with another safety update for all you domestics out there. Gambler territory is now spreading like a fucking cancer, so keep your loved ones close, stay indoors, because if those horned sons-of-bitches catch you and spin that wheel of death, - chances are they're gonna send you straight to hell! Now, here's Rickie Paige and her never released 1959 track,Forever. Forever Yes, I wait forever Darling, I will never Love somebody new Believe me When I say I'm sorry Darling, please forgive me Give me one more chance Since you went away The tears are falling Just like summer rain Can't you see my heart Is slowly breaking Please come back And ease the pain Forever Yes, I'll wait forever Darling, I would never Yes! Love somebody new Holy fuck. Now where do I get one of those? Right there! It would be such a shame to splatter your brains before all the fun and games. Will you kindly place that gun on the ottoman there? Mmm-hmm. You can do it. So handsome. Let me out of here! Let me out of the fucking truck! Let me out of here. Let me out of here, you... Is that all you got? Fuck! You know these two poor souls? Yes. Seems that they were following you. Why? Why what? Why were they following you? Why were you following me? Allow me to introduce myself. My name is William Cunningham, but you, my new friend, have the divine pleasure of calling me Willy. Oh, that's fantastic. There are two things that Willy loves. A show, and a bit of the ultra-violence. That's very original. -You know it? -It was my favorite film when I was 17. Not anymore? A shame. Surprised me though. You're the first person to ever call me out on it. These fucking simpletons out here are clueless when it comes to classic cinema. Could you believe this one, he'd never even heard of Eyes Without a Face. But, uh... I was getting ready to... ...teach him all about it. What do you want? Ooh! Ah! A man who likes to get right down to the nitty-gritty. I like it. I'm pretty tired, man. Can you just get to the fucking point? Meet Bill. I, uh, call him "The Big." Now, you and The Big... Come on, Big. You're gonna get to know each other a little bit. Unless, of course, you wanna finish the job that I started on these two poor bastards, with me watching, of course. That allows you to leave with your findings and your good looks. What do you say? You wanna go Big, or you wanna go home? This is fucking bullshit. Now that's freedom. Feel it in your fucking veins. Argh! Feel the electricity. Come on, explore the fear. That's right, experience life, you motherfucking cocksuckers. Goddamn it! Fucking cow! You're different than the rest of us. Make sure she understands that. Come on. Target practice? Yeah. I, um... I found a scope down in the cellar. I'm trying to see if I can make it work. Can I try? Okay. Thanks. It's, uh, not bad. -Can I just show you one thing? -Mmm-hmm. Okay. Square up. Okay. Now, step... Lean into your front foot. -Okay. -There you go. And relax. Now, when you pick out a target, you wanna pick something small. So, let's say, the zipper, and then when you pull on the trigger... Don't pull just squeeze. Nice and easy. Okay. That was really good. Felt good. I didn't think I'd like it. Yeah? A little change of heart? Just trying to play along. Are you gonna ask me about the suitcase? No. I wanna show you something. We're almost there. We should go. It'll only take a second. This is it, right? Wow. Well? This is it. I mean, my seats were black, but I kind of like the red better. Man, a lot of memories in this car. First real date. First ticket. First accident. First roadie. Goose'n down the on-ramps. And what about back here? Uh, yeah, I was pretty cool back then, but no, not that cool. So you never ever? Not even in the backseat? Never in a car. That makes two of us. And here we are. Oh, my God. My God! Come on! No! Fuck! Yo, Wanda, you got my money? Oh, baby, baby. -Vanilla latte. -Whoo! Baby! Oh, baby, they smell like sweet Kool-Aid. Special cream. Check out this dame. -Kick his ass, Scratchy! -Cheating, motherfucker! Names? What's the money for? Names, please. What's the goddamn money-- Money's the only God you have left. Names? Mark and Nina. West. Mmm. Married. Take them to the Snake Eyes Suite. Yo, this is bullshit. - Fuck you! Stay the fuck out of here with those manners. -Eat it! -Get out of here, you fucking creep. Relax. No! No! All right, bets are open! Bets are open! All right! Get in there. Now, bets are open! Bets are open! Big money now! Come on now! Fuck! No! No! Bet them up! Bet them up! Bet them up! Yeah! Let's see some gambling now, we got fresh meat here. We got some live ones, come on! Come on, let's see it! All right, bets are closed. Mark. I don't know. Now, after my count down from five I want you both to pull the trigger. If you both fail to pull the trigger on my count, I will be forced to add two bullets to each gun thus making the total bullet count three. I think you see where I'm going with this. So, do yourselves a favor and pull the fucking triggers. I heard you two are married. You make it six rounds, and you get to go home. Capisce? Hey, give me my money. Yeah! Count down with me now. Nina, point the gun down as far as you can and pull the trigger. - I can't. - Three... -It's our only chance. You have to. -Two... Wait! You got a kiss for me, little sweetheart? A wager. I'm listening. You put three bullets in his gun... And we walk in two. Nina, what are you doing? Playing along. Higher stakes. Bigger take. Ladies and gentlemen, the stakes have just risen! Three bullets in his gun and one in the little lady's. Three and one! This was a good idea. Count with me. Five, four, three, two, one. Round two! Place your bets! We got a marriage on the line here! Count down with me. Five, four, three, -two, one. -I'm okay. No! There you have it! A short game but a good game. Pay up, bitch! Come on! Calling me bitch! Whoa, ladies! Wanda! Goddamn it... I'm gonna kick your ass out of here! Sit the fuck down! Fuck yeah! Bitch is hardcore! Somebody stop her. Stay the fuck back! Bitch, you better have a plan because we're coming to get you. Shut your fucking mouth! Ooh, I'd run as fast as you can, girl. Jacket. Give me the fucking jacket! This bitch is crazy! Let's rush her. She can't kill us all. Then I'll just have to kill you first. It's okay. Let her go. This is gonna be fun. Bitch, I'm gonna give you to the count of five. Guns! M-3 grease gun. The fucking gold grease gun, motherfucker! Give me my fucking Uzi! Goddamn it! Come on! Come on! Shoot those motherfuckers! Fucking cunt! Yeah! Yeah! Come on! Somebody get my Stutz. Who's coming with me? Who's coming with me? Huh? You? I just painted flames on my car so I don't really want to... Fuck you! Let's go. I don't understand. Your father was very ill. This was in her hand when I found her. I think your mom just wanted to be with him. -Hey. -Hey. How you feeling? I've been better. Are you okay? No, I'm not. But that's okay. I'm sorry. No. I never would have made it here without you. Mom wrote me a letter. What'd it say? Don't shoot your husband. -How you doing, sweetheart? -Hey. I didn't think people mowed their lawns anymore. Well, normality. Uh, routine, home life. -Keeps us going. -What about out there? The gangs. We get a Gambler or two every so often. That's why we have the car barricades. That's why it took so long to get you in here, hon. Thank you. And we do lookout shifts on the rooftops. Javier is up there now. Why don't you leave? Find some place safer. Safety doesn't exist anymore. You have to fight for it. Hey. You want to see something cool? What am I looking at here? Well, basically, it's a trip wire on steroids. Instead of stopping a man, in theory, it should stop a tank. Mark's gonna love this. See, someone has to turn the crank on the boat lift here, and that picks up the slack in the line. Once the line is taught, whatever runs into it takes the brunt of that little bad boy right over there. And inside, enough explosive matter to level a house. I made that. Well, look at this beautiful ray of sunshine. Phil. Hey. Welcome home. We'll talk later. -Come by for a refill. -I will. Phil, I need you to reset that barricade. Roger that. I'm sorry about your folks. They were good people. Thank you. -Hi. -Hi. Welcome to the neighborhood. -That's so sweet. Thank you. You shouldn't have. -You're welcome. And what's your name? Cynthia. You can say hi. She's shy. Well, that's a very pretty name. I swear I'm looking at it right now. All right, thanks, Phil. We're coming. Nina? Phil, a minute from your place. What's your 20? Oh, my God. Cynthia! Come here. Come here. Jump up. Run with me. Good girl. Well, shit. -Whoa, whoa, what's going on? -Gamblers. What? They followed us? No. Phil sold us out. -What? Who's this? -Cynthia. It's the neighbor's daughter. Hi, sweetie. Whoa, what are you doing? - What does it look like I'm doing? Nina, no. We should go. -We should leave right now. -We can't just leave these people, Markus. This is all they have. Nina, wait. Cover me. Fucking suburbs! Remind me to come back here and burn this whole motherfucking place down. That's it. Radio Jerry, tell him we found his brother's car and that bitch who popped a cap in his ass. Where the fuck is Phil? Shit! Shoot that bitch! Machine gunner at nine o'clock! Here we go. Hey, hey, should I get the wheel? Fuck the wheel! There are people trying to kill us. Kill 'em back! Oh, fuck! Go! Go! Go! Cynthia! Cynthia! Oh, shit! Fucking shoot! Oh, fuck! Mike! Holy buckets! No. Plowboys! Gamblers? What the fuck are Gamblers doing here? Who gives a shit! Kill the whore. Fucking Cherries. Let's go, motherfucker! Come on! Oh, shit! There. What do you wanna do now? You hold the street. I'll handle this bitch. Goddamn it! For her. Thank you. Typical. Fuck you. One more. Cynthia. Cynthia! Hurry up! I love you, Markus. Here's another safety update for all you domestics out there. Just when you thought you've heard it all, something like this comes along. Rumor has it, there's a husband and wife that just took out a platoon of Gamblers in Milwaukee, and they're heading west. Let this be a warning to all you gang banging sons of bitches, these two lovebirds ain't fucking around. You see, this is why I still have hope. Because amongst all the savagery, there are still the ones who love, and it's the ones who love that will change the motherfucking world. |
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