[SIREN WAILING]
BALLADEER:
Hazzard County, U.S.A.
For all y'all that ain't ever been there,
you better buckle up...
...because you're in for a ride.
Lots of folks have been curious
about what ever happened...
...to the Dukes of old Hazzard County.
First, there's Bo.
One day, old Bo was driving to Nashville
to see the Opry...
...but took a wrong turn at Charlotte...
...which turned out good because
now he's a racecar driver on the pro circuit.
That's him in that fancy sports car
heading for Hazzard.
And Luke Duke was full of plans to
leave Hazzard and set the world on fire.
But instead old Luke's putting out fires...
...as senior smokejumper
for the Forestry Service.
Now, that's hot.
Sweet Daisy Duke followed her heart
after some slick Romeo.
It didn't work out, but, friend,
you talk about changes.
The Duke on her jacket
doesn't mean her name.
That's where she goes to graduate school,
getting a Ph.D. in ecology.
Yeah, that Daisy.
Remember old Cooter?
He took a bath and had a shave
and got himself elected to Congress.
Only in America.
Now, Boss Hogg is passed,
God rest him...
...but he left his empire
to Sheriff Rosco...
...and Rosco's doing his best to maintain
Boss Hogg's high standard of low villainy.
But he's still Rosco.
And Uncle Jesse is the grand marshal
of the whole reunion...
...if they can ever get it off the ground.
Wait a minute.
Wait, you're stopping it.
BALLADEER:
Anyway, you'll see everybody...
because they're all coming to
the Hazzard homecoming.
And believe me,
you don't wanna miss that.
- Uncle Jesse. Hey.
JESSE: Cooter.
- Good to see you.
-You look great.
You know what? You drove all the way
from Washington D.C...
...and got here before anybody else.
I wouldn't have missed this for the world.
Now tell me what's gonna happen.
Well, we're pulling out all the stops.
We're gonna have ourselves
a possum cook-off.
COOTER:
Mm-hm.
And I'm entered into
the rattlesnake-chili cook-off.
You know, that's a hard one to win...
...because it calls for a scratch recipe.
and you start with a live snake.
Well. that ought to thin out
the competition.
Oh, it does.
I'm telling you,
old Hazzard ain't changed a whole lot.
Hello, Sam, Martha.
COOTER:
Well, now, wait just a minute here.
Those folks just snubbed you,
Uncle Jesse.
JESSE:
Never mind, Cooter.
Would you look at that?
We had to change the name of
the Hazzard County Tough Man Contest...
...to the Tough Person Contest.
- How come?
-Well, Bertha Jo Barlow entered.
And in a way, she is the toughest man
in Hazzard County.
Hey, Bertha Jo.
Uncle Jesse.
[JESSE CHUCKLES]
JESSE:
You know Cooter here.
COOTER:
Yeah, how you been, girl?
Cooter.
Oh, it's good to see you.
When's Daisy coming?
I'm dying to see her.
Well, they're due in around 12:00.
Come by.
Oh, I can't.
Today's first-round eliminations.
- Well, stomp them good.
-Okay.
- I've gotta run. Bye.
-Bye, Bertha Jo.
Hey there, Jake.
All right, Uncle Jesse.
What's going on?
Well. a lot more than the homecoming.
Your Uncle Jesse's in big trouble, Cooter.
So you can't tell me anything?
Well, Cooter, my stomach just won't stand
to tell that story more than once.
So you just wait till everybody gets here
and I'll tell you.
All right.
[CAR BACKFIRING]
That'll be Bo.
Sounds like he's got a bad cold.
Hey, Bo.
Well, you sure as heck ain't Bo.
Hey, darling.
BO: Hey, hey, Uncle Jesse.
-There he is.
- Cooter.
COOTER: Hey, Bo.
Well. if you two ain't a sight for sore eyes.
Look at you.
- Look at you.
JESSE: You rascal.
BO:
Oh, hey, wait, excuse me.
Y'all, I want you to meet Tammy.
She is Miss Talladega Raceway.
She gave me a ride
when my car wrecked.
Ma'am, can you stay for ribs?
No, Uncle Jesse. Thanks.
- Tammy, thanks a lot.
-Any old time, Bo.
- All right.
TAMMY: Bye.
Bye now.
She's so good-looking it hurts.
Yeah, that Tammy ain't half bad, either.
I'm kidding you.
I'm kidding you, Cooter.
Look at you. with a suit and tie on.
Don't you look like something else--
[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]
- Ribs ready?
JESSE: Waiting.
I've been riding this hog since dawn.
COOTER: Hey.
BO: Hey, Daisy.
- You're a sight for sore eyes.
DAISY: Hey. Cooter.
I'm so proud of you.
You served in Congress.
Me? How about you?
Going off to graduate school.
getting a Ph.D.
DAISY: Well, working on it.
BO: Hey, come here, you.
- You look great.
-Well, thank you, honey.
So, what's new?
- Well. I wrecked my car.
JESSE: That's not new.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Which race?
Well. it was actually on
the way to the track.
- No.
-The ribs are ready.
BO:
Hey, hey, hey.
- You ain't lost that old barbecue touch.
DAISY: Uh-uh.
[HORN HONKING]
That'll be Luke.
- See you later, guy.
LUKE: All right.
MAN: Take her easy, now.
LUKE: Be good.
- See you all later.
-What happened to his car?
Well, he's a smokejumper
for the Forest Service now.
He probably just got a ride
with those people.
Here, have this one.
Hey, how long's that boy
been out of Hazzard?
[LAUGHING]
- Gotcha, Cooter.
-We gotcha.
LUKE: See you.
-Sure.
All right, now.
BALLADEER:
Now that everybody finally showed up...
...it was time for Uncle Jesse
to explain why he was in trouble.
Here they are, Uncle Jesse.
JESSE: Pass them out, Bo.
-Yes, sir.
JESSE: So. what's going on here is
more than just a homecoming festival.
Sometime ago, a big-city developer
by the name of Jo Max came to town...
...and offered to build
a Hazzard County theme park.
COOTER: Theme park?
BO: Jo Max?
Shoot, even the name sounds like
a big shot.
JESSE: She is.
-She?
Jo stands for Josephine.
Her name is Josephine Max.
- And they call her Mama Max.
-So, what's the catch?
JESSE:
They're gonna build it in Hazzard Swamp.
Oh, wait a minute,
won't that ruin the swamp?
Yeah. And in order to get to it.
they have to go across our property.
So Mama Max sued me
for access to the swamp.
Hey, wait a minute.
She can't do that, can she?
And folks are very unhappy about that.
They want those jobs and that money.
- And I'm the one preventing it.
-But they mustn't destroy the swamp.
That swamp has been a haven for wildlife
ever since God created it.
- That's right.
COOTER: It sure has.
Now, they've called a press conference
to make some kind of announcement.
- What about?
JESSE: And Boss Rosco is--
- Boss Rosco?
-Boss Rosco?
- What?
JESSE: Well, yeah.
Since Boss Hogg died,
Rosco inherited his whole empire.
BALLADEER: So now old Rosco wears
two hats, sheriff and boss commissioner.
And Cletus is now chief deputy,
driver and dog nanny.
Rosco tries hard to run things
just like Boss did: crooked.
ROSCO:
Ladies and gentlemen.
Today, our honored guest
is a famous developer.
Now, she doesn't need any introduction,
so I'm gonna introduce her...
...Miss Mama Jo Max.
BALLADEER: Rosco and Mama Max
are tangled together thick as kudzu.
Thank you, fine citizens
and neighbors of Hazzard.
I wish to tell you today
that on Saturday...
...we are gonna sign the lease
for 99 years for Hazzard Swamp...
...where we will develop and build
a magnificent theme park.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Even though our good neighbor,
Mr. Jesse Duke...
...has denied us access across his land.
WOMAN: Oh, no.
MAN: Jesse.
[CROWD GRUMBLING]
MAX: We are gonna have
that theme park...
...even if we have to build a causeway
over the swamp.
[CROWD CHEERING]
However, that would mean at least
a three-year delay.
[CROWD GROANING
AND BOOING]
MAX: Now, let's just get on
with the celebration. Rosco.
- Now, boss? Now, boss?
-No, not now, you lug nut.
Now, I have had a wonderful idea.
I was just thinking. what if
we had an overland moonshine race...
...like we used to have with
the famous General Lee of the Dukes?
You know. And I have convinced
Miss Mama Jo Max to sponsor a vehicle...
...to race against for the $1000 prize.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Of course, we all know that
the General Lee is long gone.
What do you mean, long gone?
General Lee's family.
And he's been stored
over in Cooter's garage.
Oh, isn't that wonderful.
Now, Cletus.
CLETUS: Now?
ROSCO: Yes, now.
Uh...
Then why don't we--?
Here. Take this.
Then why don't we have
an overland car race...
...between the challenger
and the General Lee?
[CROWD CHEERING]
What a great idea.
- If the General Lee is up to it.
-Well, now, hang on a minute, y'all.
The General's been sitting up for years
and he might not even crank.
- I agree.
MAX: Wait a minute...
...I just had a good idea
of how to avoid the three-year delay...
...in the theme park.
How about a sporting wager, Mr. Duke?
If the General Lee wins.
you win $1000...
...plus we'll drop the lawsuit.
But if the challenge car wins...
...you give us access across your land...
...and there will be immediate jobs
for everybody.
- Lady--
-Hang on, Bo--
- You got yourself a bet!
-This is a setup.
Done deal.
[MOTOR REVING]
What's that?
Our challenge car.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Hi.
- Hey, ain't that Buzz?
LUKE: And the Double Zero.
Yep. The only car that ever whipped
the General in an overland race.
- Thanks for reminding us.
-Listen to that engine.
- Couldn't you see it's a setup?
-So what? It's the only race we got.
I agree with Bo.
Come on, y'all. Let's go see if
we got a racecar to race with.
ANNOUNCER:
In this contest, anything goes.
BALLADEER: While the boys
took off to find General Lee...
...Daisy went to the Tough Person Contest
to cheer her friend, Bertha Jo.
All right. let's have a clean, dirty fight.
Okay.
Get him, Bertha Jo! Get him!
BALLADEER:
The rules were very strict.
- No guns, knives or bottles.
- Let's fight.
[CHEERING]
BALLADEER:
You see, Bertha Jo's daddy raised mules.
The first time she was kicked in the head,
she got the idea for fighting mule-style:
[GRUNTING]
For she'd simply kick her opponent
out of the ring.
[JESSE LAUGHING]
MAN:
Get up!
BALLADEER:
Again...
...and again.
JESSE:
Looking good, Bertha Jo!
BALLADEER: And so on, until he was plum
wore out just trying to get back in the ring.
[CROWD CHEERING]
ANNOUNCER: One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven, eight, nine--
[ROSCO AND MAX LAUGHING]
Boss Hogg would be mighty
proud of you, Mama Jo.
- Oh, thanks.
-You're slick. Very slick.
[PHONE RINGING]
Thank you, and you know,
you can call me Josephine.
- Josephine.
-Have a cigar.
Oh, okay. Oh, Josephine.
Yeah.
You know, the first time I saw your name,
J-O...
...I thought you were a man
that couldn't spell Joe.
And the first time I saw you, well,
I knew you were also a lawman.
- And you reminded me of someone, but--
-Mm-hm?
- Clint. Clint Eastwood.
-Mm.
Yes!
It's the way you carry yourself.
Oh.
- Yeah. A lot of people notice that.
-Oh, I bet they do. Yeah.
You know,
when I showed you that old swamp...
...well, you know, I knew we were gonna
have trouble with the Dukes.
- You know, we gotta win that race.
-Oh, we will.
- We will.
-Rosco, darling.
What?
Do you know how much money
theme parks make?
Are you kidding?
- How much?
-Tons.
- Tons?
-Tons.
Is that more than a thousand?
Oh yeah, way more, and you're gonna
get your cut just like we agreed.
Shh. Shh.
Oh, oh, oh. Shh. Shh.
Okay, see you later.
- Clint.
-Mm.
Yes. You just...
[ROSCO BABBLING]
Clint? What do you think's wrong
with that woman's eyes, boss?
What you talking about?
Any half-wit can see the resemblance.
Well, I can't.
You could if you wanna keep your job.
[COUGHS]
Just a minute.
Say Make my day.
All right, punk...
...make my day.
You give me chills, Clint.
That's Boss Clint.
Boss-- Boss Clint.
Well...
[COUGHS]
...all right.
[CIGAR HISSES]
If that idiot ever got any money,
somebody would have to count it for him.
Okay, now let's go get our ringer.
What ringer?
Oh, a little insurance named Kam Cutler.
A disbarred race driver.
BALLADEER:
Kam was so mean...
...he couldn't resist causing trouble
even when he wasn't racing.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
COOTER:
Well, I sold off all my tools...
...took all them junk cars
and put them in the old barn there.
- General Lee's in there too.
-it looks like it's haunted to me, Cooter.
It's haunted all right,
by a lot of great memories.
Good to see the General a--
BO:
Hey, Cooter...
...where exactly did you say
you put the General?
He's gone.
I was wrong before.
Now we've been had.
BALLADEER: You can't say those
Duke boys aren't perceptive.
BO:
Well, isn't this great?
Bet the farm on a race
we got no car to race with.
ENOS:
What are you boys doing?
COOTER: Hey!
BO: How are you?
Hey, Enos.
It's good to see you.
- Hey, look at you.
ENOS: Hey, Bo.
All the way from Los Angeles.
Tell me, how's the pride
of the L.A.P.D. doing?
Hey, great. Traffic tickets are up,
crime is down.
Hey, is Daisy around?
- No, she's back at the farm.
-What are y'all doing here?
We came here to pick up General Lee
and it looks like it disappeared.
Me and my big mouth got us
snookered into an overland car race...
...with a couple of real shady characters.
We come here to get the car
and he's missing.
- The whole thing smells like a setup.
BO: I think they took him.
Well, they must be smart,
planning so long ago.
LUKE:
What do you mean?
That layer of dust on the floor.
Only your footprints.
No tire tracks.
Must have been a long time
since the General Lee disappeared.
Well. I gotta go find Daisy.
Sure good seeing y'all again.
- Good to see you, Enos.
-I'll see y'all later. Cooter. Thanks a lot.
Duh!
Looks like he learned a whole heck of a lot
out there in L.A.
We were all so stunned by
the General being gone...
...we didn't even think
to look for tire tracks.
The last person who would have
been in here three years ago, Red Perkins.
I gave him the junk cars,
he must have took the General.
Absolutely.
BALLADEER: Red Perkins was
the second-best mechanic in Hazzard...
...but when Cooter went to Congress,
Red became number one.
Hey. Hey, Red, what you doing,
you sorry old ridgerunner?
Ridgerunner, moi?
You mean my daddy.
Retired. Florida.
Mavis? Is that you?
Hey, hey, fellas.
Hey, gator!
Hey, Mavis.
- Gal, I believe you done grown up on us.
-Yeah.
- Very nicely too.
-I'll say.
- Well, thank you.
-You know, we're looking...
Do you know what your daddy did
with them old cars I gave him?
Yeah, sent them to the car crusher.
Oh, no.
- See, he...
-Yeah?
Old Red took a car by mistake--
-it was an orange stock car with a 01--
-And a flag on the top?
- General Lee.
-That's him.
Oh. yeah. Yeah.
Romeo's using it.
[ROOSTER CROWING]
Who's Romeo?
MAVIS:
Romeo is our rooster.
Daddy was sending this car to the crusher
when something made him stop.
He said it was just too pretty to destroy.
- Well, Mavis...
MAVIS: Yes?
...your daddy has got a whole lot of soul.
Wow.
I had actually forgotten
how great-looking this car is.
The General just added to his legend.
Too pretty to die.
MAVIS: Okay, I'm gonna leave so
you men can have a good cry.
COOTER:
Okay.
So Mama Max didn't steal him.
No, but that doesn't mean
we weren't set up.
You know, Uncle Jesse, I still always
try to get the peeling in one piece.
You know what the old-timers say:
if you throw it over your left shoulder...
...it'll form the initial of the person
you're gonna marry.
I already had one bad marriage.
L.D. ran off, I divorced him.
and I swore never again.
I know.
I'm gonna put these in to soak.
Why not?
Hey, Daisy.
Enos.
- Oh!
-I knocked in front, but nobody answered.
You look wonderful.
Daisy, it's a miracle.
You're more beautiful than ever.
Oh, you old honey-tongue, you.
- Here.
-What's this?
Just some letters.
I wrote you every week.
Sometimes twice,
but I couldn't bring myself to mail them.
There's so many.
Four hundred and seventy-six.
it's been a while.
It really has.
It'll give you something
to read this year.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Enos, you are so amazing.
- Come on up.
ENOS: Daisy?
Let's go out tomorrow night.
We'll do the whole town.
Barbecue at the Boar's Nest,
frozen custard at the Dairy Queen.
- The works.
-I'd love to.
- You would?
-Yes.
Well, great. Great.
Well, I haven't been home yet
to see my folks.
I guess I better go.
- Oh, hey, Uncle Jesse.
-Hey, Enos.
Come on up and sit a spell.
Well, he hasn't changed.
I'm not so sure.
BALLADEER:
Now, friends, that is a pathetic sight.
We're gonna have to work all night
and all day to get the General right.
And we ought to be praying on a miracle.
We'll do it.
Oh, wow, will you look at that.
Poor old General Lee.
Oh, there ain't nothing wrong
with the General Lee.
What?
You better look through here, boss.
Get those glasses away from me.
See, they ain't seen the day
they could fool Rosco P. Coltrane.
Ain't that right, Toodles?
ROSCO: Sneaky. You know, those
Duke boys are sneaky, you know?
Did you see what they did?
They dirtied that General Lee down
and then they towed it around so I'd see it.
- They're in trouble!
-Yes! No, not in trouble.
If they were in trouble,
they pretended they weren't.
But they didn't, so they ain't.
You got it?
No. It must be a boy thing.
Well, there's nothing wrong
with the General Lee.
And this Buzz, you know,
that worries me...
...because he's gotta beat Bo Duke,
and Bo Duke is a professional driver.
MAX: Buzz Kilroy is not driving for us.
-Yeah?
No?
Kam, come here a minute.
You're gonna like this.
Meet Kam Cutler.
He's been outlawed on every pro track
in the country. He's our driver.
Oh.
He? Oh, I love it. I love it.
And we've got some other surprises
for the Duke boys along the way.
- We certainly do. Now come on, boss.
-Yeah?
- Why don't you just head over to the bank...
-Yeah?
...and see if they won't let you
practice counting money, okay, Clint?
[STAMMERING]
Counting...
Oh, that does it.
That is the dumbest primate
in this galaxy.
Yeah, a car ages about like a horse.
You know, one year's equal to six.
Poppa said seven.
BO:
Ta-da, look at this.
Shoot, that'd make the General
over 100, wouldn't it?
Yeah, older than that.
Y'all sure know how to build confidence.
Let's get after it.
[ROOSTER CACKLING]
BALLADEER: The next day
at the Tough Person Contest...
...Bertha Jo kicked her way
to another victory.
Bertha Jo. Way to go, girl.
Way to go. Oh, get over here.
You don't know what it means
to have you cheering for me again.
You were there when I tried out
for the Atlanta Falcons.
And you should've made that team.
Bertha Jo,
I just know you're gonna win.
- That's what I'm afraid of.
-What?
- You don't wanna win?
-Not if it means beating Bubba.
Why, who's Bubba?
That's Bubba.
- The cute one.
-Which cute one?
- The one with the beard, silly.
-Oh.
Isn't he gorgeous?
DAISY: Look out, Brad Pitt.
-Oh, Daisy...
...I love Bubba something terrible.
-Oh.
Can you believe we've been together
for a year?
- That's wonderful.
-Yeah, I know. But don't you see...
...if we both make the finals,
I'll have to fight Bubba.
I might win.
DAISY:
Well, isn't that the point?
Love is real strange, Daisy.
When I beat him
at the Hazzard arm-wrestling contest...
-...he wouldn't speak to me for a week.
-Oh, men are such babies.
Beating a man in private is one thing.
But beating him in public,
that does something to his ego.
So I'm gonna have to throw the fight.
What? B.J. you can't do that.
Women everywhere are counting on you.
What kind of a man would want a woman
who would throw a fight, huh?
- You really think so?
-Oh, absolutely.
Women's honor is at stake,
and your integrity.
Now, if you really love Bubba...
...you'll mop the floor with him.
Besides, maybe he won't make the finals.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Don't count on it.
BALLADEER: Friends, this plot
is downright Shakespearean.
And while Daisy
was counseling Bertha Jo...
...the boys were working
all through the night.
[MOTOR REVING]
Yes!
[ALL CHEERING]
Man, that is as beautiful
as an old Hank Williams song.
Hey, now. Listen, just take it easy,
except on the straightaways.
I don't want no jumping at all.
Go easy on the curves.
This suspension's still a little squirrelly.
So no matter what you do,
please, take it--
[ENGINE ROARING]
All right.
BALLADEER: It just so happened
that on that same road...
...old Cletus was
doing speed trap duty.
[GENERAL LEE'S HORN
HONKS DIXIE"]
[CLETUS BABBLING]
Boss-- I mean. sheriff...
...General Lee just ran our speed trap.
[SIREN WAILING]
ROSCO [OVER RADIO]:
Well, go after him.
And then I'll head south
and we'll box him in.
Oh, goody.
I knew there was nothing wrong
with that dang General Lee.
Hot pursuit!
[SIREN WAILING]
We got company.
Hey, isn't that Cletus?
- Hey, Cletus.
-Just like old times.
I got them in sight, sheriff.
ROSCO: Well, stay with them,
lug nut. I'm coming, I'm coming.
I'm closing in on them, sheriff.
Me too. I love it.
Oh, we got them trapped like rats.
Stay with them, Cletus.
You are aware this road
goes to Dry Creek.
I am aware that this road
goes to Dry Creek.
You are aware there's no way
to get over Dry Creek.
I am aware that there's one way
to get over Dry Creek.
LUKE:
Oh, Lord, we're gonna die.
Yee-haw!
Hang on, Luke.
Whoa! Oh!
[ROSCO SCREAMING]
[DOG WHIMPERING]
You all right?
BALLADEER: Which is not
the way to get over Dry Creek.
- The General can still outrun old Rosco.
-Yep.
- What do you say we try some curves. huh?
-Why not?
Well, well, the so-called General Lee.
Here they come.
Let's see what they got.
They're not making cars like this
anymore.
LUKE: People must not have
enough to do today.
We got company again.
I don't recognize these guys.
It's looking awful close.
LUKE: Who are those guys?
-I don't know.
- They're wearing crash helmets?
-We can't today. No way.
- They really wanna race.
-We gotta save it for Saturday.
- They won't take no for an answer.
-We can't do it.
The suspension won't do it.
Hey, what are you doing, now?
- What's the matter with those guys?
- They look serious. Look out.
Well, you haven't lost your touch.
BALLADEER: Y'all hang on...
- Baseball cards.
BALLADEER: ...we're just getting started.
-Yeah, look.
ENOS: Oh, you ready?
-Sure am.
Oh.
But I wasn't ready for that.
I've been planning for years to do that,
Daisy.
Ever since you kissed me goodbye.
It's worth the wait.
Almost.
BALLADEER: The old Boar's Nest was
destroyed during a wedding reception...
...so a new one opened up across town.
[SINGING OH SUSANNA"]
LUKE: Sounded painful.
COOTER: Yep.
Y'all, I'm gonna take it in
and start beating it out.
I think you need to take the night off.
- Hey. stay out of trouble.
BO: Oh, yeah.
Well, there it is, Luke.
The Boar's Nest.
- Where we learned all our social skills.
-That explains why we're still single.
- You think?
LUKE: I know.
BO:
Come on in.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY]
- Here's to good times.
- And good memories.
- And absent friends, huh?
-Amen.
- Here, I'll--
ENOS: Yeah.
[ALL LAUGHING]
So these guys
just rammed you off the road?
- Yep.
-So you have no idea who they are?
I couldn't really see.
They had helmets on.
But I tell you what--
[MEN LAUGHING]
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Hey, Luke?
-Hmm?
-Isn't that...?
-it sure is.
MAX: You know, without the
helmet on, I do recognize the driver.
He's a disbarred race driver
named Kam Cutler.
Oh, Luke.
- They wouldn't.
-You wanna bet?
BO: Shall we?
-Let's do it.
BO: Excuse us.
DAISY: Sure.
Wait, wait, now.
You missed the best part here.
My buddy Kam here,
he gives them a little love tap...
...and they just flip over.
[LAUGHING]
- Fools gotta flip.
-Evening ladies.
Well, well, well,
if it's not the Hazzard lug nuts.
What could we do for you boys?
Well, I was hoping that you could
give me Kam there's autograph.
That is, if he can write.
MAN: Ooh.
-Ooh.
We figured since you was
responsible for our wreck...
...you might wanna contribute
to our car-repair fund.
Oh, hey, hey.
I will pay for the whole car.
Let's see here.
Here's a dollar.
[LAUGHING]
MAN:
There's a dollar.
- I'm offended. Are you offended?
-I'm offended.
[GRUNTING]
- Daisy, would you excuse me, please?
-Sure.
That ain't fair, buddy-ro.
Get off of me.
LUKE:
Well, look what we have here.
Howdy, Kam.
Why don't you take your dollar back
and get a haircut?
[LAUGHING]
See you at the starting line.
BALLADEER: Can't nobody say they
don't know how to have fun in Hazzard.
Ryker, where'd you hire that muscle,
Cirque du Soleil?
Those clowns fight like ballet dancers.
- Come on, get tough.
-Ow.
Yes, Mama. Will you stop it?
You know what?
One more stunt like this...
...and y'all are gonna race
in a big orange pile of parts.
Wish I knew what they was up to.
They snooker us into making a bet...
...they hire an outlaw driver, wreck our car
and pick a fight with us.
What exactly makes you think
they're up to something?
[CHUCKLES]
It's almost enough to make a man
consider a few tricks of his own.
You start acting like your enemy,
what makes you any better?
I've been up pacing the floor all night
worrying.
Why'd they even talk us into this race?
If they lose, they build the causeway
and they got the theme park.
- No, there'll be no theme park.
-What?
Back in '41
...the Army Corps of Engineers
was gonna build a causeway...
...as a shortcut to Fort Hooker
and they found out there's no bedrock.
So they can't build it.
Mama Max knows that.
Now, you boys gotta win this race...
...and you gotta win it fair and square.
Get back to work.
MAX:
Twenty-four thousand five.
- Twenty-five thousand dollars.
-Five thousand dollars. Oh!
You get the next 75,000
when the lease is signed on Saturday.
Well, listen, don't you worry about that,
you know.
- What I worry about is this Kam...
-Kam.
Yeah, whatever, beating Bo Duke,
you know.
Listen, you have no idea
what that General Lee can do.
He ain't human.
Honey, do you really think that old relic
can beat the Double Zero?
- Oh, no.
-No.
- Never.
-No.
Ain't no way he can fight the king.
- Come with me, Clint.
-Clint.
- Take your money.
-Oh, yes.
- Yeah, don't forget that.
-No.
- Come on.
-A lot of doggy num-nums in here.
MAX:
Yeah.
Ta-da.
You're gonna enter two vehicles
dressed alike?
Oh, that's cute.
But you see they only look alike.
Kam.
They do look alike if you--
[ROSCO BABBLING]
That is not a stock-car engine.
- No.
-No.
That is a super turbo-charged
racing engine.
Nothing in this country can catch it.
- Well, that's illegal.
-You're very quick.
Well, they're gonna check that engine
when you take it up to the starting line.
No. They won't be checking
this engine.
They'll be checking that engine.
- Well, they're gonna check...
-Get it?
Well, l...
No, I don't get it exactly.
- Well, it will come to you.
ROSCO: Oh.
Now, why don't you just go home
and count your money...
...and leave the driving to us, Clint?
Clint. Yes.
I'll get it. I get it. I'll get it.
[CHUCKLING]
Deputy Dawg never even
checked his money.
I don't think he would ever have
suspected counterfeit...
...if the picture on the bills
had been Daffy Duck.
- Light me, sweet cheeks.
-You got it.
There you go.
More soil samples.
Yeah, we have to get
the new assayefls report out right away.
Nothing can go wrong now.
ROSCO: Hey, you look
at this, boss. Look at this.
I think I did everything
that you taught me.
Dang it, little fat buddy.
I sure wish you could have been here.
You'd love it. You'd love it.
I got $100,000 for a piece of rot--
Worthless swamp, you know.
It's not good for anything
except, you know...
...deer and raccoons and little butterflies
and crickets...
...and snakes and gators,
lots of gators.
BALLADEER: And all that breeding
wildlife has a magical effect.
Because folks have always used
Hazzard swamp for serious courting.
It's been working for generations.
I just love this old swamp.
It's what got me interested
in ecology, Enos.
- You ever miss Hazzard?
-All the time...
...and all the good things I remember,
like you.
You have really changed.
Matured, I guess.
Yeah. Tangling with street gangs
tends to ripen you.
Anyway, you haven't changed, Daisy.
Oh, I have. A divorce,
been working my way through school.
Now, you've accomplished so much.
Just proves there's
more reasons to love you.
That's beautiful, Enos.
And now I've got a
confession to make, Daisy.
I didn't come back to Hazzard
for the reunion.
- You didn't?
ENOS: No.
It's taken me 10 years of shootouts,
gang wars and a tour on the SWAT team...
...to get up the courage.
Daisy Duke, will you marry me?
Enos.
- Please don't say it's sudden, Daisy.
-Enos.
It's been going on
since the seventh grade.
I...
You make me so proud.
Enos.
- Oops. I'm sorry.
ENOS: That's okay, Daisy. I'll find it.
- It's so unusual.
-Oh, it's just a little old diamond, Daisy.
No, this plant. it should be filicinae,
but there's no spore indication.
A subspecies. Enos, I think I--
Oh, I could've discovered
a whole new species.
I've gotta call the university
right this minute.
Oh, Daisy, it's been 32 years.
I can't wait here 32 more.
Enos, yes, of course.
Of course I'll marry you.
Now come on, let's hurry.
BALLADEER: Now, I told
you that swamp was magical.
Now, Mama's boys,
who were getting more soil samples...
...Just happened to be watching.
RYKER: Okay, they were right
in here. And then she bent over...
...dug something up, put it in a bag...
...and then they all got very excited
and ran away.
Gallium-arsenide ore.
She found it just like we did.
- That hick chick?
-ls studying for her doctorate in Ecology...
...you chauvinist ass.
If you went to the beauty parlor,
you'd know the gossip.
- Well, she found it just lying there?
-That's how we found it, just lying there.
We'll know for sure by what they do next.
[PHONE RINGS AND
FAX MACHINE WHIRRING]
What's it spitting out now?
It's a fax from the university
about that fern I found.
That machine is slicker than deer gut
on a door knob. I'll never understand it.
Listen, while we're waiting,
I've got something important to say.
JESSE: All right.
-Enos has asked me to marry him.
JESSE: He--?
-What?
- I said yes.
JESSE: Well, dang on you. That's great.
You've been dangling that boy
since the seventh grade.
DAISY: I know.
-Daisy, Enos Strate? Are you sure?
- Well, it's not like she doesn't know him.
-I always loved him.
I guess I didn't see it
because he was always there.
But I missed him a lot
and I've realized how much.
- When's the wedding?
-Saturday.
- This Saturday?
-We're racing.
At the finish line of the race. All Hazzard
will be there. We want everybody to come.
Well, she'll save on invitations.
[LAUGHING]
It'll be the biggest wedding
Hazzard has ever seen.
Oh.
- Where is Enos?
-Oh, he had to go home and lie down.
This'll be the biggest wedding
in the history of Hazzard county.
- That's a fact.
Congratulations.
I hope you all are
going to help me here.
- We'll be there.
-We'll do whatever you want.
Enos wants Rosco to marry us.
He gave him his start in police work.
And Bertha Jo Barlow
is gonna be my maid of honor.
[FAX MACHINE BEEPS]
- Bertha Jo.
-Yeah. That's as far as I've got.
You remember Bertha Jo. Threw you out
of the second-story window in third grade.
Cured my fear of heights.
LUKE:
Enos? Man.
I knew it. Look at this.
BALLADEER: Now, y'all just witnessed
history: The first fax to Hazzard.
ROSCO: Environmental impact study.
DAISY: Mm-hm.
Why, this is silly, Daisy.
Everybody in Hazzard knows
that the environment has no impact on us.
No, no, no, Rosco. What this means is that
you cannot develop the swamp...
...until you fill out this entire government
form. Which is gonna take you weeks.
What that means is I wouldn't
be signing any leases on Saturday.
Unless you'd like to face
a nice little federal investigation?
What investigation?
What do you mean. investigation?
LUKE: We'll see you.
BO: Thank you, Rosco.
- Oh, Rosco?
-What?
Could you rush our marriage license
through the county clerk's office?
- Why? Who's getting married?
-Daisy and me, sir.
Saturday, and since you're now
the justice of the peace...
...we want you to perform the ceremony.
- We sure do.
-Well, I guess I could.
- Thank you, Rosco.
-Thank you, sheriff. We appreciate it.
- Well, that's-
-Thank you a lot.
That's all right, you dipstick.
Well, Mama always said that...
...Enos would find a wife before I do.
[BABBLING]
So? Lose the form.
Like, misfile it.
And when they ask you,
tell them it's been misfiled.
Have them make out another form for you.
Haven't you dealt with the government?
Well, no, yeah--
Are you kidding? Misfile it?
MAX: Yes.
-Oh, now, see that's brilliant.
That's the reason
I like working with you, Mama Jo.
- You're a real pro.
-Thank you.
- Sorry, I misfiled it.
-Right.
I'm sorry.
I misfiled it.
So now we know.
Daisy Duke did find gallium ore.
Last thing we need is the Dukes telling
somebody or the feds snooping around.
- We've got to do something about Daisy.
-Yeah.
Ryker, tell your boys we're doing
another Adirondacks caper.
- We still got guys serving time for that.
-Shut up!
I don't think that's a good--
I don't wanna hear that.
Look, this assayer's report says...
...it is one of the richest samples
of gallium arsenide ever.
In Hazzard swamp. And they can't make
super-computer chips without it.
We're talking money by the megaton.
- Now, take care of Daisy.
-Yeah, yeah.
[RINGING]
BALLADEER: That afternoon, Bertha Jo
was moving up again in the prelims.
But, boss-- I mean, sheriff, boss,
I can't hit a woman.
- Of course you can. You can whip her.
-You think so?
Of course. She's littler than you are.
Cletus...
...the entire manhood of Hazzard's
in your hands.
- Now, get in there.
-Yes, sir.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[BELL RINGING]
How was that?
BERTHA JO:
Oh, my gosh.
[SQUEALING]
- The maid of honor? When?
-Saturday, after the race.
[SQUEALING]
BALLADEER:
That probably means yes.
DAISY: Three tiers: chocolate,
lemon, vanilla. Vanilla for Uncle Jesse.
- He loves that vanilla.
-He loves it.
- Enough for everybody in Hazzard.
-I got it.
- I gotta go sew my dress.
-What do you think about this?
- I love it. I'm really get married, aren't I?
-Uh-huh.
Okay, I gotta go. Thank you.
SARA JANE:
Don't forget your sewing machine.
DAISY: If I forgot anything,
just add it on.
SARA JANE: Bye.
DAISY: Take care.
SARA JANE:
Okay.
[CHUCKLES]
[GASPING]
[MEN GRUNTING]
MAN 1: Get her in the van.
MAN 2: Come on, man, get her bag.
MAN 1:
Let's go. Hurry up, hurry up.
MAN 2: Let's go.
MAN 3: Step on it.
No, no. No, I do understand.
We won't say anything to anybody.
Just don't you hurt her.
[DIAL TONE HUMMING]
They'll let her go right after the race,
providing we lose.
Now. we're not supposed
to say anything to anybody...
...or we may never see Daisy again.
BALLADEER: Things sure turned ugly.
Even I didn't figure on that.
They said to tell everybody
Daisy has the flu.
- That will explain her absence.
-That's gonna be tricky, isn't it...
...considering she's in the middle
of planning her wedding.
Oh, the wedding.
How are we gonna tell Enos?
- What are we gonna tell him?
-Tell him the truth.
Would you like somebody lying
if your fiance got kidnapped?
- Who's gonna tell him?
-I ain't telling him. Don't look at me.
- Flip you for it.
LUKE: If you think you're man enough.
BO: Uncle Jesse.
-Feet together.
LUKE: Yeah.
-Go.
- Yeah, you're so strong.
-Yeah, you've been out of town too long.
[GRUNTING]
[LAUGHING]
You all right?
Two out of three?
[PHONE RINGS]
- Yeah, what?
RYKER: We got problems, woman problems.
I'll be right there. Call you back.
LUKE:
it's a little one.
Now, when you boys finish filleting
these rattlesnakes, give me a call.
I'll be down picking some more chilies
for my chili sauce.
Uncle Jesse,
why do we have to do this now?
Well, now, Bo,
we gotta act like nothing's wrong.
Just keep on living our lives
as if nothing has happened.
- Yes, sir.
-Now, here's two more snakes.
They're dead. Well, almost.
Like my day isn't complete
unless I get to filet a rattlesnake.
- Well--
-Daisy's been kidnapped.
We're sitting here making snake soup.
It doesn't make any sense to me.
[LUKE IMITATES RATTLESNAKE
THEN BO GASPS]
[LAUGHING]
- Luke, it's not funny.
-Hi, fellas. Daisy around?
Uh, no. She's gone, sort of.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, sort of gone where?
Enos, you know while you were doing
that police work out West...
...did you ever work a kidnapping?
Daisy?
ENOS:
Oh.
Whatever ransom they want,
my folks and me will sign over our farm.
Now, you don't understand,
it ain't money that they're after.
They won't let her go
until we've lost the race...
...and the lease is signed
on that theme park.
Daisy's kidnapped
for some dumb old theme park?
You know, Bo, he's right.
It don't make sense.
You'd risk a federal charge on kidnapping
for a theme park?
Well, no. I wouldn't, but I ain't some
crazy lady from the big city.
- Fellas, what are we gonna do?
-Well, like Jeb Stuart once said:
When the enemy's got you
outmanned and outgunned...
...that's the time to outthink them.
Ain't he smart?
I hope so.
She's over here. You're gonna love this.
[SEWING MACHINE BUZZING]
- Okay, what's the problem?
DAISY: Well, your plan won't work.
Enlighten me.
Possum Ugly says that you plan on keeping
me till after the race to make sure you win.
And my absence is explained
by my having the flu.
- On the nose.
-What about my wedding on Saturday?
- Wedding?
-At the finish line of the race.
Everybody's invited. I'm making
my wedding dress here right now.
If my wedding plans aren't continued...
...people are gonna think it's strange.
flu or no flu.
If people think I've disappeared.
there won't be a race.
Because everybody in Hazzard
will be looking for me.
Hold it, hold it. Nobody is so tacky they
get married at the finish line of a car race.
Well, I am. Enos proposed to me.
I finally said yes.
- He's been waiting thirty years.
MAX: Oh.
- That's crazy.
-Not for Hazzard.
If Enos comes looking for you
and he finds you--
Well. he's a Los Angeles police sergeant.
- Well, he's a long way from Hazzard, babe.
-He's not in L.A., babe.
He's that big boy that threw you
through the window.
And he wasn't even mad at you, then.
MAX:
How will you plan a wedding?
Well. obviously your boys
are gonna have to help.
- Like run errands and things.
-This broad's nuts.
Oh, Mama Max,
have you ever been married?
- Sure. Lots of times.
-Really? So you like weddings.
My favorite things. After Jeopardy.
Look, I know this is forward of me...
...but would you please
help me plan my wedding?
But this is insane.
DAISY:
My mother died when I was born.
I've never had anyone
who knows about taste and stuff.
- No, it's impossible.
-At least think about it? It is my wedding.
I would be the last person in the world
to spoil a wedding, but I--
Well, then just advise me, please. I mean,
like, I had this idea about the bridesmaids.
- Like, should they be dressed in daisies?
-Daisies?
- Yeah.
- No, no, no. That is so sans golit.
There. You see, I would have "sans-golited"
all over my wedding.
For a daisy motif,
you should carry daisies in your bouquet.
Your bridesmaids should wear yellow.
You're in white. Those are daisy colors.
I love it. Oh, I love it.
Mama Max. See, I would have
never thought of that. You see, I just--
- You have to help me, please.
-All right.
I guess it wouldn't hurt if I just advise you.
Ryker, give her anything she needs.
- What?
-Thank you.
BALLADEER: Now, ain't women
something? They can be mortal enemies.
But they'd interrupt the last judgment
to plan a wedding.
- Man, I can't believe this.
-Come on now, let's go.
We can't even try to win the race
while they're holding Daisy.
So we gotta try to find and rescue Daisy
before the race?
- Except that won't work.
-Really? Why not?
That's exactly when they'll expect us
to make some move.
When won't they be expecting us
to make some kind of move?
- During the race.
-What? While we're driving?
See, it even fooled you.
Uh...
- How y'all gonna do that?
-Got no idea.
Besides, first we gotta find Daisy.
- I got a question.
-Just one?
What in the world's Uncle Jesse cooking?
Hold still. What did I say?
Hold still.
- My hem's gonna be crooked.
-Mama Max, keep that door closed.
- Roy, get out.
-Ryker, quit fidgeting.
- Daisy, how do you cut on the bias?
-Oh, it's a little trick I learned.
MAX:
Oh, that's great.
Oh, the cake. I ordered a cake
just covered in daisies.
Forget the daisies.
Use one, tastefully centered.
- Right. I'll call the baker.
-No. Wait. Ryker, nobody knows your voice.
You go make the call.
- Do I have to?
-Yes. And take that dress off, silly.
And put your pants on.
Change Daisy's cake? Well, okay.
Just one daisy on top
and not a lot of little ones? Got it.
May I speak to Dai--?
That's funny.
Daisy didn't say anything
about putting little daisies all over her cake.
There's just so many places
they could be hiding her.
I mean, she might not even
be in the county.
I gotta take this chili over to the square
so it can be judged tomorrow.
Somehow, it's just not my best effort.
My heart just wasn't in it.
[PHONE RINGING]
- Hello, Duke residence.
-Hi, this is Sara Jane down at the bakery.
- May I speak to Daisy, please?
-Hey, Sara Jane. No, I'm sorry.
- She's up in bed with the flu.
-Oh, I'm awful sorry.
You see, I just got this strange call
from some man...
changing her cake decorations.
But Daisy didn't have it that way
to begin with.
- Did you recognize his voice?
-Just some Yankee.
Well, that must just be
the way she wants it, Sara Jane.
Hey, thanks for calling. Bye.
[LUKE LAUGHING]
Daisy is still planning her wedding.
Somehow, she's got the kidnappers helping.
Man. she must be driving them crazy.
- Having them run errands for her.
-Bringing her stuff back from town.
- They gotta go to town.
-They gotta go to town.
BALLADEER:
So the boys watched all the places...
...that'd have anything
to do with putting on a wedding.
There was only one bakery,
just one dry-goods store...
...and a general store
had everything for a wedding...
...including invitations
and shotgun ammunition.
Hey, Bo. One of those old boys
from the bar fight...
...just went in the dry-goods store.
Either he's shopping for Daisy
or he's taking up Home Ec.
I'll check it out, Enos.
- Hi, Bo.
-Howdy, miss.
Bo, get. He's coming.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
- Come on, Bo, let's go.
-Calm down, we're not in any hurry.
LUKE: What do you mean?
-Well, we know where they're going.
LUKE: What are you talking about?
ENOS: Where?
- Look what I found up under the wheel well.
ENOS: What's that?
- Lint.
LUKE: The old cotton mill.
Yeah, you got it.
MAN 1:
All right, I took care of it.
MAN 2:
Give you the key?
- Come on.
-Yeah, yeah.
The old cotton mill.
it's been closed for years.
They got enough firepower there
for the Hatfields and McCoys.
BO: We're supposed to go
in there and rescue Daisy...
...in the middle of a race, right?
Think how surprised they'll be.
BALLADEER: Friends, there's fixing to
be more curves than a bucket full of snakes.
BALLADEER: So the boys did
a right smart amount of thinking...
...then laid it out for Enos and Cooter.
All right, y'all know
that the moonshine racecourse...
...goes half on the road, half cross-country.
As long as you pass each checkpoint...
...it doesn't matter what route you take
to get from one to another.
So that means we can leave the course...
...go rescue Daisy
and still get back in the race.
- Exactly.
-How many guards y'all figure at the mill?
The same ones as at the Boar's Nest.
We already whupped up on them.
I figure that's one thing
we got in our favor.
And what happens at the mill?
That's the fun part.
What do you mean, switch cars?
After Kam clears the first checkpoint
he pulls into the woods...
...you meet him there with this.
Later, you meet him at the last checkpoint
at U.T. Road and he finishes in your car.
In case they check the engines
at the finish line.
You see, with this engine, we'd forfeit.
No, hey, I never agreed
to no switching cars.
That's the car we bought you.
Now, you do want Double Zero
back in one piece, right?
Right.
Good.
We'll be in touch.
If he only knew what else we got cooking
for the Dukes.
MAX:
Now what's the matter, Clint?
ROSCO:
Mama Jo, I was just thinking, you know.
I know nothing's gonna go wrong.
but I was just wondering...
...if there happened to be a little flaw
in this law...
...you're still gonna build that park
in the swamp.
Sure, of course I would.
Well, see, the Hazzard folks,
they could use that.
Well, you stop worrying
your handsome head about that, partner.
Well, that's a--
[RYKER GROANS]
What's that?
Soil samples for construction tests.
Don't you remember?
We gathered them when you took us
to the swamp site?
Now, don't you worry, Clint.
- Everything is in the bag.
-Yes, sir, in the bag.
[BABBLING]
BALLADEER: Meanwhile, the wedding plans
was cooking like a Tennessee barn burning.
Miss Hazel called everybody to pick
up their patterns and materials...
...and that was that. Slicker than eloping.
And by choosing this fabric,
it's lighter and it doesn't wrinkle so much.
- Oh, that is perfect. It's really pretty.
-Yeah?
But how will the bridesmaids' dresses
be ready by Saturday?
Oh, a Hazzard gal can buy the material
and the pattern, do her nails and her hair...
...and be in the dress
when the fella picks her up that night.
[CHUCKLES]
I'm so sorry your mother won't see you
in your wedding dress.
My mother missed all my weddings.
And she's alive.
DAISY: Mama Max...
-Yes?
I was wondering...
...would you be in my wedding?
Me?
Do you mean it?
I never knew my mother...
...and I miss her now more than ever.
But after all your help, well,
I'd be proud if you'd stand in her place.
Oh.
Oh, my dear.
I have always dreamed of planning
my daughter's wedding...
...only I never had a daughter.
I-- Yes.
[GIGGLING]
Oh, Daisy, we are gonna have
a wonderful wedding.
Some guy named MoJo just showed up
with his gang of gorillas.
Said you sent for him.
Show him in.
What's going on, Mama?
You'll see.
MAX:
MoJo.
Hello, Mama.
Ryker, meet MoJo and the boys.
Extra insurance in case the Dukes
try something stupid.
Come on in.
BALLADEER:
The big day finally dawned...
...and never had Hazzard seen
so much going on at once.
Everyone was all head up about
the old-fashioned fashion moonshine race...
...between General Lee and Double Zero.
For the first time
anyone could remember...
...most folks was betting against
General Lee.
They were setting up for the end of the race
and Daisy's wedding.
Her bridesmaids were all gussied up
and ready to go...
...and next to that
was the rattlesnake-chili cook-off...
...where folks were real excited
because all the judges were still alive.
And unbeknownst to everybody,
Mama's boys were working on a surprise...
...for the Duke boys along the route.
Now, y'all pay attention.
Back at the mill, Daisy was hoping her con
had allowed the boys to figure out...
...where she was.
At the Tough Person fight,
poor Bertha Jo and Bubba were the finalists.
Friends, it was heart-rending.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[MOTOR REVING]
BO:
Rock and roll.
JESSE: Bring him home, boys.
LUKE: Yes, sir.
Listen up, all y'all. Keep the hammer down
but watch it on the jumps.
Hey.
[MOTOR REVING]
[GUNSHOT]
BALLADEER:
The fun began.
You see, being a moonshine race,
the loaders had to load boxes of water...
...as if it was moonshine.
First to load was first away.
Bo, give me a hand.
Great.
MAN:
Let's go.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
BALLADEER:
So the Dukes was off to a bad start.
And poor Daisy was still working
on her dress...
...and wondering if there was gonna be
a rescue for her wedding.
All right. Let's go.
BALLADEER: And at the Tough Person
Contest, the very worst had happened.
You see, Bertha Jo and Bubba were gonna
have to fight for the championship.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[BELL RINGING]
Fight.
BALLADEER: Double Zero had
to be well ahead of the Dukes...
before the first checkpoint
for Mama Max's plan to work.
And they were.
Bo, look out.
BALLADEER: They just thought
they was off to a bad start.
BALLADEER:
Y'all wanna see that again?
Watch.
Bo, look out.
[BO WHOOPS]
- You got a little sideways.
-I did.
You keep going. I'll come back later
and explain what happened.
I wanna hear that.
BALLADEER: Meanwhile,
at the Tough Person Contest...
...once Bertha Jo and Bubba actually
squared off, they simply couldn't fight.
Love had messed them up bad.
It'll do that.
[CROWD CHEERING]
- Bubba, you ain't even trying.
-Well, neither are you.
[BERTHA JO GRUNTS]
BUBBA:
Honey, are you okay?
[BERTHA GRUNTING]
BALLADEER: The boys picked a rendezvous
point with Enos near the cotton mill.
General Lee would head
for the first checkpoint...
...to prove that the Dukes
were stiff in the race...
...while Luke went to the mill
to start the rescue plan.
Are y'all following this?
Now, old Kam had already passed
through the first checkpoint.
He pulled into the woods and swapped
with the hotter Double Zero number two.
Kam figured General Lee
had been slowed down at the barn...
...so with a hotter car...
...he could just stay on the roads
and win easy without even going overland.
That was his second mistake.
The first one being to come to Hazzard
and cross the Dukes.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Bubba, you hit harder
when we play Scrabble.
Yeah? Well, you ain't thrown
a decent punch yet.
What's the matter,
afraid you're gonna break a nail?
[BUBBA GRUNTS]
- Bubba? Are you okay? Bubba.
MAN: One. two. three...
...four, five, six, seven, eight--
-You're faking.
MAN:
--nine, ten.
[BELL RINGING]
You're out.
[CROWD BOOING]
BALLADEER: At the first checkpoint, Bo
and Enos showed they were still in the race.
Then they cut across country
straight for the cotton mill...
...where Luke was up a tree
trying to penetrate the compound.
[MEN CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
I can hit it from here.
Yeah? From here?
BALLADEER: Now, while Luke
was doing his circus act to get in...
...back at the fight,
it was pande-doggone-monium.
Most folks could see a better fight
by just staying home any Saturday night.
[PEOPLE SHOUTING]
BALLADEER: Looks kind of
like a Hazzard wedding, don't it?
[HORN HONKING]
MAN 1: Bubba, come on back here.
MAN 2: Yeah.
WOMAN:
Cheaters! Come back.
LUKE [OVER RADIO]: Bo, this is Luke.
I'm on the roof. What's your 20?
Yeah, we just pulled in the woods
behind the mill, Luke.
What kept you?
Listen, I'm gonna go through the roof door
and scout for Daisy, all right?
[GUN COCKING]
MAN 1:
A semiautomatic can do that.
- So do you really, really like it?
-Oh, yeah.
- You do?
MAN 2: Definitely. Looks good, girl.
- Get back in here, quick.
MAN 2: Oh, leave her be.
MOJO:
What's next?
Hey, Bo, remember those guys we gave
the fighting lesson at the Boar's Nest?
Well, these ain't them.
LUKE [OVER RADIO]:
These guys are armed like Desert Storm.
Must be eight or 10 of them.
Don't you love the way
we stay a couple steps ahead?
Mama Jo must have
hired some mercenaries.
And I don't like these odds.
Looks like 10-to-3.
We best go find some help.
LUKE:
We ain't as young as we once was.
Hey, speak for yourself.
Who do you suggest I go get,
the Hazzard Girl Scouts?
LUKE:
Just go. Now.
All right. We'll be back.
Hang in there.
BALLADEER:
Well, so much for Plan A.
Back in town, Uncle Jesse
took second prize for his rattlesnake chili.
WOMAN:
Nice work.
BALLADEER: But he couldn't
enjoy the victory for worry.
BERTHA JO: Stop this truck!
BUBBA: No!
BERTHA JO: Stop it! Stop it.
-Bertha Jo.
BERTHA JO:
You threw the fight.
How am I ever gonna trust you again?
Hey, I hardly even felt
that sissy kick of yours.
BERTHA JO: Oh yeah? Feel this.
-Come on.
BO:
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, whoa.
Hey, Bo.
Bertha Jo, Bubba,
you really wanna fight?
Yeah.
BO:
Bertha Jo.
Hey, Luke. Hey, Luke. Hey, Luke.
We're back.
Listen. I didn't get the Girl Scouts.
but are you ready for this?
BO: l got Bubba and Bertha Jo.
-Nobody's ready for Bertha Jo.
How you planning to get in?
Well, country charm, of course.
[BIRDS SCREECHING]
Pow!
[BERTHA JO CRYING]
- Hey.
MAN: Hi.
- Y'all got any spare gas?
-Sure. Where's your car?
Down the road. My boyfriend ran me off.
Now, why the heck would he wanna do
a thing like that?
I keep looking for love
in all the wrong places.
I'll bet you do.
Can you hold this for a second?
[GRUNTING]
B.J., was you flirting with him?
Does it look like I was flirting with him,
Bubba?
Way to go, Bubba.
Way to go, Bertha Jo.
Tie him up. Get this one.
When Mama Jo calls,
we bring Daisy to town.
- Now, Mama said no guns.
-What?
So drop them in the sack.
[MEN GRUMBLING]
Look, what do you want me to say?
Something's come over her.
Look, we got bats, clubs,
blackjacks here. Help yourself.
MoJo, look, this ain't the Mafia.
They're just hicks. Please.
MAN 1: Don't do it.
MAN 2: Don't. Come on, man.
All right, great. Tonight it's Christmas
and you're Santa's elves.
Drop them in. Let's go.
Whoever's holding Daisy is mine.
BALLADEER: Looks like
Mama's boys are about to meet...
...an irresistible force
carrying a sledge hammer.
Ready, y'all. One, two-- Enos.
I'm sorry, Bo.
Three.
[SHOUTING]
[GRUNTING]
[SHOUTING]
Bubba.
[GRUNTING]
[CHEERS]
Where's Daisy?
[GRUNTING]
Say nighty-night.
Hit him.
- Hit him, man.
-Luke.
- Now?
-Now.
Yee-haw!
BO:
All right, you. Come on.
- Luke, what took you so long?
- You were doing good.
Thank you.
Oh, no. Not again.
Can't we talk this over, Mr. Enos?
Oh, no!
Hey, buddy-ro, where's Daisy?
- She's in there, Enos.
-Thanks, Luke. Thanks, Bo.
Enos. Hey. Hi.
ENOS:
Daisy.
Get me out of here.
- Daisy.
DAISY: Hey.
ENOS:
Oh, Daisy. Daisy, I missed you.
- Are you okay?
-I'm fine.
Did you miss me?
Yes, you know I did.
- All right.
-Hey. Hey.
We got a race to run. Come on.
Yeah, we do.
BALLADEER: Kam and Double Zero
passed through the checkpoint...
...sure the race was as good as won.
LUKE:
All right. Okay, let's go.
You'd do well to stay away
from windows, son.
All right, get in the trunk, kidnapper.
You're kidding, right?
Maybe you'd rather be a hood ornament?
DAISY: So I sewed them all together
and I got it. Do you like it?
BERTHA JO: I love it.
-See you at the wedding.
- Okay, all right.
-Oh, my God!
BO:
Hey, hey, Bubba.
- Let's go.
-Have a nice ride.
- Let's race.
BO: Yeah.
BALLADEER:
Though they had little chance to win...
...they took off for
the second checkpoint...
...because when a Duke starts a race,
he finishes.
Besides, the Duke farm and Hazzard Swamp
were still at stake.
- Hey, Luke, do you see what I see?
-I see both of what you see.
Buzz, what in the heck are you doing?
- Boys, y'all was snookered.
BO: What?
You've been racing Kam's car
with an illegal engine.
Kam was supposed to finish the race
in mine, but now mine won't start.
Especially without this.
Kam. You just might want to leave Hazzard
while you still can.
Look, y'all, I just wanna race General Lee
one last time.
So, what do you say?
Fair and square to the finish line?
- You got a bet.
-May the best man win.
BUZZ:
All right.
Y'all realize, if we win this race,
people are gonna be really upset.
Of course, if Daisy was dressed
by the time we cross the finish line...
...they wouldn't lynch us.
You want me to dress for my wedding
in this car that's gonna be racing?
- Have you got a better idea, Daisy?
-I could help you.
DAISY: Now, don't you peek, Enos.
LUKE: You ready?
- On your signal.
-All right.
[GENERAL LEE'S HORN
HONKS DIXIE"]
BALLADEER: It was three
miles to the finish in Hazzard.
Old Buzz decided to take the road
and not risk any problems overland.
He's gonna stay on the road.
The only way we're gonna beat him now
is if we go cross-country.
BALLADEER:
It rained the night before the race...
...which made the ground as solid
as wet grits.
Sure made the driving interesting.
Now, come on, guys.
Let me out of here. This ain't funny.
All right, look out, we got some bumps.
Hang on.
[GRUNTING]
Hang on, now.
[ALL SHOUTING]
Bo?
Ow!
BALLADEER: Meanwhile, old Buzz and
Double Zero were closer to the finish.
So, fellas, what are we gonna do
about Styx River?
- Well, we're gonna jump it, that's what.
-What?
BO: Well, we've done it before.
-We were younger.
And dumber.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Enos, open your eyes.
You don't wanna miss this.
- Daisy, that dress is something.
-That ain't what she's talking about.
- Look up ahead.
-Hang on.
[ALL SHOUTING]
LUKE: All right, all right, all right.
BO: How'd you like that, Ryker?
- Wow, that was great.
-All right, coz.
BALLADEER: Old Buzz was
at the Hazzard town limits.
Oh, it was gonna be close.
General Lee left the dirt
and hit the blacktop.
We got a chance now, y'all.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
[CAR APPROACHING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
- It don't look good, Uncle Jesse.
-I'm sure the General gave us all he had.
[GENERAL LEE'S HORN
HONKS DIXIE"]
[CHEERING]
No, it's not possible.
[LAUGHING AND CHEERING]
JESSE:
I knew you guys would do it.
- All right, all right.
LUKE: Hold your horses, fella.
- Come on.
RYKER: That ripped my coat, you lug nut.
Rosco.
This guy kidnapped Daisy
on Mama Max's orders.
He held her hostage
so that we'd lose the race.
You kidnapped Daisy in Hazzard?
Mama Jo, I don't think
you've got the brains of a turkey.
MAX:
What?
I'm sorry I even conned you
into building that theme park.
- You conned me?
-That's right, I conned you.
I-- That-- That ore.
I got some of that rare-- What's--?
- Gallium-arsenide ore?
-Yes.
I-- And I put it in the swamp
so you'd find it.
That would hook you
into building that park.
Now. where would you get
gallium-arsenide ore?
From a state geologist.
I asked for some of that rare ore...
...to use in a mineral exhibit
over at the Hazzard High School.
I fibbed a little bit.
- There is no way you thought of this.
-Come on, who helped you?
Oh, well,
I had a little help from Boss Hogg.
- What?
-What are you talking about? Boss Hogg?
- Who?
-My little fat buddy.
See, he-- He left his memoirs.
Called Best Laid Plans.
Isn't that a doozy?
It tells-- In here--
There's chapters in here...
...about how to sell a blind bird dog
or underwater real estate.
And here is the best part I like.
He says:
When picking a sucker--'
That's you, Mama Jo.
--always pick a con man.
They're the easiest to fool.
They're always trying to get
something for nothing."
Now, the state police--
Now, they sent me a list...
...of the most-wanted
real-estate con artists...
...and your name was number one.
Shame, shame,
everybody knows your name.
You idiotic, jabbering congenital hick.
Is gonna cuff you and stuff you.
Wait a minute, Rosco.
This is my wedding day.
You can't put the matron of honor in jail
before my wedding.
Mama Max is your matron of honor?
LUKE: Did you know?
-What are you--?
Daisy, darling,
I would have never kidnapped you...
...if you hadn't found
that gallium-arsenide ore too.
What?
I found a new species of filicinae.
- You found a fern?
-That's right.
COOTER: What is she talking about?
LUKE: Filicinae?
How do you know all this?
Let's explain all this later.
In the meantime,
let's have ourselves a wedding.
[CROWD CHEERING]
ROSCO: All right, everybody.
Everybody, take your places here.
BO:
Yep. You're looking good, Rosco.
ROSCO: Ladies, get in place here
and let's get this going here.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
to bury a departed--
- Rosco.
ROSCO: Dang it.
I got the string in the wrong place here.
Weddings make me nervous here, anyway.
Oh yeah, here.
Raise your right hand.
- As the Deputy Sheriff of Hazzard county--
DAISY: Rosco.
COOTER:
Deputy Sheriff?
- Who is it?
-Excuse me, folks.
- I believe I'm lost.
-L.D.?
- L.D.?
-Daisy?
- Who's L.D.?
-That's my husband who ran off.
- You mean your ex-husband, don't you?
-Yeah.
Boy, I am lost.
ROSCO: Wait-- Wait.
-Daisy, wait a minute.
ROSCO:
What a minute, what about this?
What are you doing here?
Well, I drive the bus for the Chickweeds.
it's a country band.
[SIGHS]
- Daisy.
WOMAN 1: Oh, my--
LUKE: Daisy. Holy smokes--
BO: L.D.
- You've done enough.
-Are you okay, baby?
WOMAN 1: I can't see.
WOMAN 2: Stand back from her.
BO: She's coming around.
-There she is.
ENOS:
She's okay.
Oh, boy, I'm not ready for this.
I can't get married. I just can't.
ENOS: What?
-I can't get married.
I'm sorry, Enos.
But I can't do this.
I can't marry you.
One look at him,
and it all came back to me...
...and I'm just not ready to try this again.
I'm sorry.
After 30 years, I wouldn't want you
to rush into anything, Daisy.
I was gonna give this to you
on our honeymoon.
It's that apple peeling.
I went back and got it.
See, it's an S, for Enos Strate.
- Enos.
-You keep it to remind you.
We belong to each other.
Even fate says so.
I'll just have to wait until you--
Till you grow up.
[PEOPLE CHUCKLING]
WOMAN 1:
Oh, that's sweet.
It's okay.
Well, does anybody want a free wedding?
[PEOPLE LAUGHING]
Hey, Bubba. Bertha Jo.
What do you say?
You guys fight so good already...
...why don't you get married
and make it legal?
[PEOPLE LAUGHING]
MAN:
Come on, y'all.
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
Hey, don't put that book away, Rosco.
[JESSE CHUCKLING]
Y'all come back now, you hear?