1
My name is RJ Smith.
My name is RJ Smith
or Elder Smith now.
I'm a member of the Church
of Jesus Christ of
the Latter-Day Saints
or you can use the
acronym IDS if you wish.
I'm 20 years old.
And in two days, I will
leave for my mission.
This is my mother,
my father
and my sister Mary Anne.
We are told at a young age
that it is our duty as men.
We are told at a young age
that it is our duty as men
to serve God in two
years in missionary service.
Mormons are told, if you serve
our mission faithfully,
and well, you will be
a better husband,
father, student and a
better worker
in your chosen vocation.
I've been brought
up to believe this.
I know the Church is true.
And I say these things in
the name of Jesus Christ,
amen.
This is my farewell party.
This is my girlfriend Elise.
We've never done
anything past a few pecks,
some nuzzling and
some dry humping.
She's a real sweetheart.
This is how I
end every night...
with a prayer.
This is how I
begin every morning...
still praying.
John!
Hey, thanks for coming.
I appreciate it.
I appreciate it.
Enjoy that food.
It's great to see you.
Remember when he was this tall?
Yeah.
Whatever, you're-
you're looking great.
And he's gonna be
quite the world's traveler.
Family home evening:
Food, board games,
charades, scripture reading.
Mormon faith truly is a
benefactor of wholesomeness.
Mormon faith truly is a
benefactor of wholesomeness.
This is the MTC,
or "Missionary Training Center".
Where elders prepare
for the mission field.
At first, I held some
animosity about only going
six hours away from
home from my mission work.
Six hours away from
home from my mission work.
But I realized,
our Heavenly Father
has sent me there for a reason.
That's the building.
How was the bus ride?
Good.
Kind of smell like diaper the
whole way but, you know...
You get your own set of keys.
So bathroom...
closet.
This is it.
Yeah, kitchen in there.
It's perfect.
Yeah. It's a great
neighborhood too.
You'll love it.
So, I hear you're
quite the athlete.
Uh, I'm okay.
Well, I've always heard it
said don't be so modest.
You're not that
great, you know?
So, this is Elder Merrill's
bed and this one is yours,
so keep it tidy.
Where is Elder
Merrill by the way?
Uh, he's should
be in a meeting.
But, uh, you'll
meet him soon enough.
So, tell me about
him. What's he like?
So, tell me about
him. What's he like?
Elder Merrill?
Um, his father is the
member of the first quorum,
but I'm sure you
already knew that.
Um, he reads a lot.
He eats "Lucky Charms" like
they're going out of style.
I don't... is it... is
there something specific
you want to know?
No, I was just wondering.
Oh.
Well, you'll meet
him soon enough.
But sometimes, companionships
don't work out.
If that's the case, then,
we'll find somebody you are
more compatible with or you
can just wait a few months
and you may have a new
mission companion anyhow.
Hey.
Hey.
Elder Harris.
And you must be
my new companion.
Uh, Elder Smith.
Yes.
And you must be Elder Merrill.
Yeah, that's me.
Glad to meet you.
So, uh, did Elder Harris show
you around a little bit?
Yeah, a little.
Well, I should let you
guys get more acquainted.
I look forward to getting
your reports
and I'm sure I'll
see you around.
Goodbye, Elder Harris.
Thanks for the ride.
No problem.
He's nice.
Yeah.
I have to tell you how
happy I am to be here...
very excited.
Uh, I'm also looking forward to
starting my missionary work.
Good.
Good that's, uh, good to know.
Would you like to start
this companionship off
with a prayer?
Yes, definitely.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.
So, where are you from again?
- Salt Lake City.
- Oh.
- You're from Idaho, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
Where were you
serving before you're here?
I was on the coast.
Oh, uh, cool.
So, what would you like to do?
Uh, I like sports.
Besides competition,
I'm a drummer.
Um, I'm learning how
to play the guitar.
Kind of, I didn't
bring it down or anything.
How about you?
I don't know.
I'm just been doing the
missionary thing for so long.
Um, I guess being a
missionary is all I do.
Do you have a girlfriend
back at home?
No. Fortunately.
No. Fortunately.
Do you have a girlfriend?
Oh, yeah.
We've been together
for a while.
What's her name?
Elise.
Oh.
How long you guys
have been dating?
Um, three years.
Wow.
- You got a picture?
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, she's pretty.
I know thanks.
- Are you done?
- Oh, yeah. Thanks.
We just have a lot to
go over so...
Okay...
Okay...
so, I have some
planning to do for tomorrow.
Um, we need to get
you a bike first thing.
So, how about, why don't you go
ahead and just get some sleep.
I know you've had a long drive.
And we will start bright
early tomorrow morning.
The drive actually
wasn't that bad.
Are you sure you don't
need help with anything?
Oh, no, no. It's okay.
You get some rest
and... oh, by the way,
the left side of the dresser
is yours and also
the top shelf of the fridge is
yours if you need it.
- Thanks.
- Yep.
Have you reached
a stopping point, Elder?
Yeah. I think so.
Okay. So, today, we
have a meeting at noon
with David Fellows,
but first, I wanted to
take you and get a bike.
Um, then from 2:00 o' clock on,
I'm gonna take you out
and do some tracting.
Next week, we have a
couple of meetings
with some investigators.
One of which is Lydia Davis,
who is a possible convert.
Okay.
That's pretty much it.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
All right.
How are you doing, ma'am?
I'm alright.
- Yeah? You're doing alright?
- Yeah.
Having a good day?
- So far.
- Good, good.
Well, my name is Elder Merrill.
I'm with the Jesus Christ of
Latter-Day Saints.
Oh. Oh, hello.
- Trina.
- Trina.
Okay. And there's a card inside
with my name and number on it,
Okay. And there's a card inside
with my name and number on it,
if you like to give me a call.
- But this is yours to keep.
- Okay.
Please don't feel...
I mean, no pressure, really.
But, I really thank you
for your time.
- It was a pleasure to meet you.
- You're very welcome.
- Have a nice day.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- God bless you.
Really good job.
Thank you.
- I'm gonna get another.
- Hello...
- Hi. How ya doing?
- Good. My name is Elder Smith.
How did you... how
did you do that?
Hi, my name is Elder Smith.
I am with the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
I am with the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Nice dog.
How did you do that?
How I do what?
That lady?
No. I mean... It, it's unreal,
I mean...
It... it does... What
you need to do...
I did it!
First one.
Congratulations!
- All right.
- Good for you.
Hug?
It's all right.
- Okay.
- Okay.
It's that... you know,
we just don't want to...
Yeah. I just got of
energy, all right.
Yeah. I just got of
energy, all right.
How'd that feel? You feel good?
Yeah. Yeah.
I got these tablets,
transcribed them into
what we have today...
the Book of Mormon.
Do you guys subscribe
to any religion?
No. No.
Well...
- Actually, we kinda need to go.
- Alright.
I didn't think it was gonna take
this long.
Thanks anyway.
All right. All right.
Nice meeting you.
Not bad.
No, you could have
offered them...
- The Book?
- Bible passage.
But, I don't know if they
would have taken it.
- Yes.
- You are? Okay, so, good.
Can-can you tell us a
little bit about what you know?
Can-can you tell us a
little bit about what you know?
Well, I know that
it's not anything
I'm interested in.
Okay.
I'm Christian, very
strong Christian.
I don't know.
Okay. Well, do you know
who Joseph Smith is?
No.
Actually, you know,
I was getting ready
to go to this concert.
Oh, okay.
Hi, how'd it go?
It was good.
We did some tracting.
Any Baptisms? Conversions?
Not yet.
Well, uh, maybe you're not cut
out for this Elder Smith.
I'm just kidding.
Uh, sisters, there's a gentleman
I'd like you all to meet.
Sister Tulsa, Sister Bran,
Sister Olsen.
Hi.
This is Elder Smith.
Nice to meet you Sisters.
It's nice meeting you, too.
And you all know Elder Merrill,
of course.
How are you Sisters?
How are you doing?
Very well, thanks.
Sister Tulsa was just about to
show a visitor around the ward.
Sister Tulsa was just about to
show a visitor around the ward.
Would you like a tour perhaps?
- Oh, sure.
- Oh, great.
Well, come this way.
That's great.
Watch the steps.
At least, we're getting...
we'll be here later.
Um, six, six?
Yeah.
Are you boys selling something?
- No, sir.
- No.
What do you want then?
Are you, uh, Jehovah's
Witnesses or something?
Oh, no, we're from
the Church of.
Jesus Christ of
Latter-Day Saints.
Oh. Thank you boys
for coming by
but I'm not a very
religious man.
Oh, well, maybe I could just,
Oh, well, maybe I could just,
maybe a Book of Mormon?
And highlight some scriptures
for you to read and,
uh, I'll leave you my number
and you... and you guys and
you can get a hold of
us anytime you have any
questions or concerns.
That-that'd be
all right, I guess.
Thank you boys for coming by,
have-have a nice day.
Yeah. Here you go. You too.
Thanks.
Dear Mom, Dad, and Mary Anne,
mission life has
been going well.
Mission life has
been going well.
And I think I'm getting
into the swing of things.
The life of a missionary
is very routined.
We rise early.
After we pray, Elder Merrill
and I will go on a run.
After we had breakfast
and washed up,
we do our scriptures study.
We are usually out
the door by 8 AM.
Missionaries will talk about
their gospel anywhere, anytime.
We spent most of our
day giving lessons,
tracting for those
interested in the
tracting for those
interested in the
truthfulness of
the Book of Mormon,
upholding appointments
with investigators,
and planning for
upcoming meetings.
Once a week we have
"P-day" or "Personal Day."
We send letters to
our family and do
extra-curricular activities.
Despite being called every name
in the book on a daily basis,
things overall are going well
and have been smooth thus far.
I miss you all
and love you all.
I miss you all
and love you all.
RJ.
You must be Elder Merrill.
Yes, sir.
I'm Jim.
Nice to meet you.
And you are?
Elder Smith.
Yeah. Come on in.
Thank you.
So, Joseph Smith retired
to the forest on a beautiful
clear spring day in year 1823.
Clear spring day in year 1823.
He knelt down and he began
to offer the desires of his
heart to God when all of a
sudden he was seized upon by
a power that
completely overcame him.
It was so strong he-
he couldn't speak...
and exerting all of his
energy to call upon God to
deliver him from the grasp
of the enemy that had taken
a hold of him.
At the moment that he was
ready to sink into despair...
At the moment that he was
ready to sink into despair...
to completely give
himself into annihilation,
not to some imaginary ruin
but to the power of some
actual being from an unseen
world with miraculous powers
that he had never felt at
that moment of greatest alarm.
He saw a pillar of light
directly above his head
and brighter than
the sun until it
descended gradually onto him.
Descended gradually onto him.
Then, two personages
appeared unto him.
One pointed to
the other and said,
"This is my beloved
son. Hear Him."
This was the first vision.
We know the Book
of Mormon is true.
We know the Book
of Mormon is true.
Elder Smith and I can tell
you in detail how it has
changed our lives and
the lives of our families.
It's brought us closer
together and I know it will
do the same for
you and your family.
Maybe I can be more specific.
Sure.
Where does Jesus, tell us
that we need to be married
in a temple for eternity to get
to the highest level of glory?
In a temple for eternity to get
to the highest level of glory?
Uh, that's in the
Doctrine of Covenants.
Can I look at your
scriptures for a minute?
Yeah.
See it's uh...
Thank you.
Okay, this is it.
Isn't this a
revelation on polygamy?
Uh, no.
It's, uh, it's on
eternal marriage.
It states that under certain
circumstances
it allows plural marriages.
Okay.
So, under what circumstances
does God allow it under?
So, under what circumstances
does God allow it under?
Joseph Smith was
practicing polygamy
long before this revelation.
Well, polygamy here was only
accepted for the purpose of
spreading seed as
it states in Jacob.
Okay.
So, how many children did
Joseph Smith have outside of
his marriage to Emma?
I don't see how
that's important.
To see if he was
practicing polygamy to
spread his seed...
Do you know what
they called him?
Do you know what
they called him?
I've heard a few of
the names, yes.
They called him the
Glass Looker.
Glass Lookers weren't uncommon
in New York around 1820.
They were con men.
Shisters.
They claimed they could find
treasure buried by Native Americans.
They would look into stone or
glass and peer into a hat and...
find the imaginary treasure.
We've all heard that.
Well have you heard this?
One of his wives was
thirteen years old.
One of his wives was
thirteen years old.
So not only was he a polygamist,
he was a pedophile.
Well.
It's clear that we have been...
brought here under
false pretenses.
It's also clear that you have
done some preparation
for our meeting tonight.
And are far more knowledgeable in our
scriptures than you have led us to believe.
And are far more knowledgeable in our
scriptures than you have led us to believe.
I'm sorry, but, I don't...
I don't think we can
go any further.
Wait a minute, I'm
not trying to...
Let's go Elder.
You know, nothing that I've said
is untrue. Elders...
Elder Merrill...
- Elder Merrill.
- Yes?!
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
Are you sure?
Are you sure?
I'll be okay, I just...
I just can't believe
some of the things
that that guy was saying.
I'm sorry.
I'm supposed to
be your Senior Elder.
I'm sorry that...
you saw me lose control there.
It's okay.
It's okay.
You didn't lose control.
Why would that guy
invite us to dinner
just to ambush us like that?
I'm not sure.
Hmm...
I wanted some dessert.
What?
I wanted some dessert.
Those brownies smelled amazing.
What?
What?
I- I've never been so serious.
I-I know, I believe you.
This is my serious face.
That's your serious face. Yeah.
I love, I would love to see
your serious face someday.
I love, I would love to see
your serious face someday.
Is that it?
Is that your serious face?
It's a good serious face.
Now, there are
three degrees of glory,
first, the celestial kingdom
which is the highest kingdom.
The terrestrial kingdom is
for people who refuse to
accept the gospel but
still live honorably
and the telestial kingdom
for the sinners.
And even though the
celestial kingdom is full of
murderers and thieves,
it's-it's still a paradise.
Well, that sounds really nice.
The idea is to be in the
highest kingdom with God.
The idea is to be in the
highest kingdom with God.
All three sound okay.
Still, your safest bet is
to earn your way into the
celestial kingdom.
So, Ms. Sainbourn, as you
continue to read the Book of.
Mormon, we think you
will find it that it is true
as Elder Merrill and
I have discovered.
We believe that you too
deserve to be in the highest
of kingdoms with
our Heavenly Father.
Of kingdoms with
our Heavenly Father.
So, Ms. Sainbourn, we
would like to ask you as you
to continue to find truth in
our scriptures as it seems
that you are, would you
like to be baptized
and join our Church?
Um...
I'm not sure.
There's a singles ward.
It's not the same thing.
Karl Malone was on the
original Dream Team.
I mean he, I...
Look, all I'm saying is that Stockton played
in an era of better basketball players.
I mean, he has Larry Byrd,
Magic Johnson, Jordan, Kareem...
Magic Johnson, Jordan, Kareem...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright.
Have you seen Williams play?
Okay, yeah. The guy can jump
out of the stadium.
He's like three inches
taller and twice as fast...
What are you... Stockton
was known for his quickness.
Plus, I mean, the eyes
at the back of his head,
he didn't need to be.
He didn't even need to be tall.
Exactly.
I have been talking more
with Sister Tulsa lately
who is very sweet.
She has been
teaching me sign language.
Yeah, well then, I'll know for
sure I'll see you before I leave.
Yeah, definitely.
But are you going to the
conference later this year?
Yeah, I think we have that.
Yeah, I think we have that.
It's all in here.
It's not not in here...
But you're planning on.
- Yes, of course.
- Okay, good.
I'm planning on it if
it's in my planner.
Hello.
Well, um, I should
probably get going.
Okay.
Uh, so, but, um...
Thank you, friend.
Yeah.
Is that good?
Yeah, yeah. You're welcome.
- Remember...
- Yeah.
I'm a missionary.
Of course. I am as well.
Mmm.
Hello, it's Elder Smith.
Just... yeah, I am right here.
Okay.
Are you ready?
Um, we have two discussions.
15 Books of Mormon handed out.
Zero challenges
and zero baptisms.
Yeah, okay.
Thank you.
Hey.
Hey.
Where were you this morning?
Where were you this morning?
Oh, I did the community service
thing with Sister Tulsa.
You know, we're not supposed
to be alone with girls
while you're on our mission,
right?
There were other people there.
You're also not supposed to
leave your companion's side.
You okay, man?
Fine.
Oh, here.
This came for you.
You were supposed
to be there too.
Would you uh, would you
like something to drink?
No, I'm okay.
Uh, yeah. I think
we;Re both okay.
Are you sure about that?
Yeah.
Sorry about the mess.
It's all right.
It's all right.
Sorry about that.
I know that's
probably rude of me but,
uh, um, I'm pretty nervous.
Uh, um, I'm pretty nervous.
I haven't had guests in
my home much lately.
I'm sure you have a medical
marijuana card for that, right?
No, no. I don't.
It's fine.
We're not the police.
I hope not.
They don't dress as
nice as you do.
That's true.
Oh, well, thank you for
getting back in touch with us.
Yeah.
I, uh... after you've left,
last time I took that book
that you gave me, I tossed
it right there on the table
and there it sat for days.
Well, I just ignored it.
Then, a few days later, I
was sitting here and I was
watching the TV, but there
was nothing good on it.
Over a hundred channels,
nothing good on the TV at all.
So, I picked it up and
I started reading and,
So, I picked it up and
I started reading and,
uh, well, it wasn't too bad.
There are some, uh,
some wars in there,
and a bunch of stuff
I didn't understand,
so I thought I call you boys
up and give you the chance to
explain it to me, tell
me... tell me more about it.
Sure.
Well, do you currently
practice a religion?
Well, I was raised
Catholic. But, uh,
I no longer practice it.
Don't tell my momma.
No.
Oh, were you... were
you in the military?
Yes, yes I was.
Iraq?
Yes, sir.
Iraq.
Well, you've done your
country a great service.
Thank you.
Are you still military active?
No, I was honorably discharged.
Were you injured?
Not physically.
What happened?
Elder, I don't think he
wants to talk about it.
No, it's all right.
Most of the guys don't like
to talk about this kind of
stuff but I-I don't mind.
I, uh, I enlisted with
my-my brother Mark.
He was stationed in
Ash Shura in Iraq.
He'd been there for a while.
We're getting close, you know,
counting the days
before we got to go home.
Counting the days
before we got to go home.
He said there's a
new lieutenant.
Green is money
fresh out of college.
We weren't just moving
from one place to another,
you know?
It came to a point where we
believed that we were in
a mine field.
What they teach you is
to, just turn around,
step up back in your
footsteps, you know?
Step up back in your
footsteps, you know?
That way you don't
accidentally step somewhere
you didn't step before.
Mark... he was... he was
right in front of me.
We made our way back,
I don't know what happened.
I stepped too far to the right
or the left or something.
Suddenly I-I was
just all covered in red,
Suddenly I-I was
just all covered in red,
you know, covered in blood.
I thought I had been killed.
And then, I looked up,
I saw what happened.
It really was my own blood.
Anything I can think about,
how I gonna tell momma.
You boys sure you
don't want some?
No, thank you.
All right.
Maybe we should just talk
about your thing, right?
Yeah, get out of Iraq
and Jesus wasn't there.
I can tell you
that for sure, so.
Yeah, Jesus, uh,
is pretty cool.
That's what all the
kids say, right?
Elder Merrill has been
slacking out a bit lately.
He slept in again today.
And during our zone conference,
he just sat there in silence.
You okay?
You okay?
What?
You-you just seem
distracted recently.
What do you mean?
I don't know, you
know what I mean.
No, no go on.
It seems that you don't
want to be here sometimes.
Why would you say that?
I don't know.
When we started out, you're
up at 5:30 in the morning
and you're excited about
teaching but...
But what?
It just seems like you're kind
of slacking off a little bit.
It just seems like you're kind
of slacking off a little bit.
Well, thank you for bringing
that to my attention, Elder.
I appreciate your
honesty and you're right.
You're right.
I'm gonna get back
on track and...
Elder, I was just
making an observation,
I wasn't judging.
I just want to make sure
that you're all right.
I just want to make sure
that you're all right.
It's not something I can
explain easily. I'm sorry.
It's just... I don't...
I don't know.
It's just I've been
thinking a lot lately.
I mean, take our dinner that we
had with Mr. Davis last week.
I mean, take our dinner that we
had with Mr. Davis last week.
All right, here is a
man who is pretty
comfortable with his life.
And content without
any organized religion.
We go into his
house, 20 years old
with the intention of
teaching him and his family,
to rethink their
entire existence?
Yeah. But that's what
missionaries do I mean,
that's what we've always done.
Well, three weeks of
training at the MTC doesn't.
Well, three weeks of
training at the MTC doesn't
make me qualified for that.
Elder, it's okay to have
doubts. Everybody does.
I know.
I know it's difficult.
I know it's
difficult for you too.
But I-I hear you
listening to secular music
on your headphones.
I saw the way you
look at Sister Tulsa.
What? No, no, no...
I don't have a...
You can't... you can't
tell me that your
testimony isn't being tested...
all the time.
Of course it is.
So, how are you holding up?
I'm okay sometimes.
Sometimes, I
want to be at home,
sometimes I want
to be at school.
All and all I like being here.
All and all I like being here.
I like being here too.
I like being here with you.
You're a good companion.
Thank you.
Everything's
gonna be all right.
Hey!
You two always that friendly.
You two always that friendly.
Excuse me?
I just noticed he was, uh,
rubbing up on his arm there.
It's cool with me. You know,
I just want to know if
you're all like that.
You're Mormon, right?
I got this.
Yeah, thanks.
IDS?
Church of Jesus Christ
the Latter-Day.
Saints, right?
Saints, right?
Where are you going?
Don't leave.
Are you guys supposed to
try and convert me, right?
Give me the lessons?
So, I got a letter
from my mom yesterday.
Oh, yeah.
She was trying to set me
up for this girl back home.
Do you know her?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, for my whole life.
I don't know, maybe if I
just ignore her, you know?
She'll just get married before
I can say, "No, thank you."
I don't know man.
It's dropping like
flies back home.
Maybe you should
keep tabs on Elise.
Oh, I know.
It is what it is,
plus, I always said,
"If it's meant to
be, it's meant to be."
You noticed what happened
to Elder Harris?
What?
When we're living together, his
then girlfriend sent him a
letter saying, "Hey,
I met somebody else,
I'm gonna marry him."
And that was it.
Wow, that's tough.
- Oh shit.
- What?
It's those guys from
the restaurant.
Just keep walking.
Hey.
Where you all heading?
You need a ride?
No, no we're good. Thanks.
You know, you shouldn't
be out so late,
uh, unsafe people
come out at night.
- Let's just go.
- Hey, hold on.
Once you get in, we'll-
we'll take you over.
It'll be safer.
Come on.
Come on get in.
Let's just go, Craig.
You know, it's all
right with us if,
uh, you all like to
touch each other.
You're from Utah, right?
What part?
I'm from Utah.
A little town called, Ferron.
A little town called, Ferron.
You ever heard of it?
You know my father, my
father couldn't get a job
'cause of you people, drank
himself into oblivion.
Y'all take care of your own,
don't care about nobody else.
Hypocrites.
Faggots.
That don't make you
angry, faggot, huh?
Elder, what are you doing?
C'mon. Let him go.
Don't hold him back. Let him go.
Are you okay?
Yeah. I'm still a
little shaken up.
Yeah. I'm still a
little shaken up.
I've never seen
you angry before.
I'm usually passive-aggressive.
You probably just sent him
out of the emergency room.
I know it's terrible.
Well, I hate to say this...
but he deserved it.
Mormons aren't
supposed to fight.
(whispers) Mormons aren't
supposed to do a lot of things.
I think we should
keep this to ourselves.
I think we should
keep this to ourselves.
I agree.
Are you sure you're okay?
Yeah. I'll be all right.
Your hands are all bruised up.
Come here.
I'm sorry.
That's okay - thanks.
Did I look cool?
Yeah, actually.
Pretty cool.
Anyone's gonna look
cool fighting 2 guys in
a long sleeve white
shirt red tie.
- It's gonna be you.
- It's gonna be me.
This is really cold.
Yes, it's ice.
Yeah. You got it
from the freezer.
I did get it from the freezer.
Elder Merrill's indifference
has been contagious.
We haven't been teaching
much this week or last.
And we're not supposed to but
we decided to see
a movie tonight.
I figure it's not worth
being on a mission if you're
not going to
have fun sometimes.
So, why do you never talk
about the wrestling thing?
No need, it's
just something I do.
But thanks for your
help the other night.
You would have done
the same thing for me.
You're kind of scrawny for a
champion to be brutally honest.
And you talk more
about basketball
than you do wrestling.
I'm sorry I was being such
an idiot that night too...
I don't know.
You're not being an idiot.
Well, thanks for
listening, anyway.
No problem.
Your feelings were completely
valid and totally normal.
What feelings?
Doubt, confusion.
So you have those two.
Of course.
Have you ever been tempted
out in a mission field?
Tempted to do what?
I don't know... anything,
anything a missionary
shouldn't do.
Yes.
You have to excuse me Elder,
I'll be right, um,
probably use the restroom.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Sorry, I have to go too.
I guess we just felt that little
bit of stage fright, huh?
Probably.
Well, false alarm.
Wait.
Yeah?
I guess what I'm really
trying to get at is...
Yeah?
Were you gonna
kiss me that night?
What?
I was half asleep but I
saw you standing over me.
I, um, I don't...
Hey, hey.
It's okay if you were.
Elder...
I try and keep these
feelings at a distance.
I try and keep these
feelings at a distance.
I've prayed to God in tears
before and hopes that I may
one day love a woman and
want to take her as my wife.
That I might want to kiss her,
hold her and have sex
with her but I can't.
It's not how I'm built.
When we were done,
we both prayed,
and got on our bikes,
and rode back to our apartment.
We didn't talk about it
for the rest of the evening.
What bad Mormons are we?
Yeah.
I think so.
I think we're heading
for outer darkness.
Mm, I don't know.
Mm, I don't know.
What do you think?
I think we're a shoe-in.
So...
RJ,
You ever been with girls?
No not really.
What about the...
what's her name?
Well, we came close but no.
The first time I kissed a girl,
I set myself up for
failure because I prayed and
I set myself up for
failure because I prayed and
prepared myself to like it
and then weren't happened.
I mean, it was just a kiss.
That's it, you know.
Nothing else.
That's when you knew.
I always knew
how I felt but well,
there's, uh, there's a park near
my home called Hope Grove.
It sits near bank
on-on the falls
and I didn't know
what the purpose for.
One morning I woke up really
early and I couldn't fall
back to sleep so I just got
up to go shoot hoops and
I started to hear something.
And I looked around to see where
the noise was coming from
but I couldn't see anything
so I walked towards it.
And I saw two men,
one was on his knees and the
other was pinned up
against the tree.
And I just stood
there and watched...
And I just stood
there and watched...
And one of the guys noticed me
so I-I walked closer.
I had been affectionate with
men before that but that
was very different, I mean,
feeling a long-long way down.
No. That's okay.
I like it when you talk.
I like it when you talk.
I get the feeling you
don't get a chance to.
I remember, I would have
to eat with my family.
I was about nine years old.
At the restaurant. I was
sitting next to my dad.
A few tables down I saw
this really good looking boy
about my age.
So and I said in
front of my mom and dad,
brother and sister, "Hey,
he's a really handsome boy."
They completely ignored
me but when I got home,
my dad pulled me inside and
yelled at me and told me I
shouldn't think
things like that.
Then I shouldn't ever say
something like that ever again.
It had always been a
rift between me and my dad.
It had always been a
rift between me and my dad
because I think
he's always known.
Hey.
What took you guys
so long to answer?
Oh, we're just reading
through scriptures
and we're really into it today.
Really?
What, uh, what verse?
1 Nephi 2:15.
It's a good one.
So what are you guys up to?
Just studying like we said.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, uh, let's go
shoot some hoops.
I-I actually don't feel like
playing basketball right now.
Well, I really wanna go
and, uh, it's Monday.
You guys, don't really have
any meetings scheduled today so
let's get shoot some hoops.
Yeah okay. Cool.
We'll be out there.
Oh, my God.
Dang it.
So what are you
guys been up to?
Nothing much just some tracting
challenging the usual.
Well, your numbers are low.
Lowest in the region, in fact.
What's been going on?
What are you
looking at him for?
You're senior elder. I'm
talking to you Elder Merrill.
You're senior elder. I'm
talking to you Elder Merrill.
We haven't see you guys in church
and you haven't been calling
in your numbers.
I've to practically
pull them from you like teeth.
We've been sick.
You both have been sick.
Yeah.
I was sick and then I
give it to Elder Merrill.
Really?
Yeah.
You should have said something.
Bishop and Mission President
were getting concerned.
I'll let them know.
You're a whore by the way.
What?
Uh, you had an H
and O that was an R.
Whore.
Come on in.
Hey.
How are you boys doing?
It's been awhile. Yeah.
- How y'all bee?
- Really, really good.
Good.
All right. All right.
I'm surprised I
haven't heard from you more.
I thought you boys was
supposed to be hounding me
trying to convert
me and baptize me.
Well, we're just
glad you called.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, I've been
reading some of those
scriptures you highlighted
for me in the book.
Oh, good. Good.
Yeah.
You boys mind, I know you're
probably not supposed to be
- around this, stuff...
- Uh, go ahead, it's fine.
Rodney. Rodney.
Yeah.
Right the Scriptures, um, they,
uh, uh, I've... Scriptures
that you highlighted me the
other day were... they
were very pretty but,
um, but a bit repetitive.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
And, uh... And it came to pass.
And, uh... And it came to pass.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, same, same
thing over and over and over.
You know Mark Twain said
that the book of Mormon was
a prosey detail of
imaginary history and,
uh, and a tedious plagiarism
of the New Testament.
Well, I don't think Mark
Twain had anything good to say
about organized religion.
What do you think?
I would agree. Yeah.
Yeah. I would suppose
you're right about that.
Where are you getting
your information from,
by the way?
Oh, mostly from the internet.
Oh, mostly from the internet.
Hey, can I see that?
The... You gave it
to me... you guys...
Oh, no, the bag of...
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The green...
It smells really good.
Yep.
That's one of the
best things about it.
Could I see the...?
Oh, the pipe? Yeah.
Go for it. No problem.
RJ, what are you doing?
I just wanna... I wanna try it.
I just wanna... I wanna try it.
Why?
I'm just kinda
curious to see what...
Is there already some in there?
Yeah. It's already inside.
All right. So let me do it.
I saw you did this
once so I'll do that too.
Okay, so...
Alright well, you know, you
wanna hold the side there.
You see that little hole? It's
called the carb.
You wanna hold on to that and it
creates pressure in the glass.
And then, uh, you put
it up to your mouth.
You light it.
You suck in and then you
let go with the cob.
You suck in and then you
let go with the cob
and then it all rushes in.
Okay.
I can guide you through it.
Just go ahead and start.
Here we go.
You guys, what is this supposed
to make you feel like?
I've never done this before.
You've never
done any weed before?
I'm Mormon.
He is Mormon.
It just gonna make you
feel, uh, interesting.
Guys, you can feel
free if you like,
uh, there's no
pressure but, uh...
Come on. Do it.
All right.
You got it?
Okay.
Uh, I don't feel anything.
Well, maybe you
just didn't do enough.
Y'all didn't do it right.
You boys allowed to watch TV?
Uh, not, not really, I mean,
watched TV a long time but-
I suppose a little...
Yeah. I would even know
what time anymore but...
Little bit wouldn't hurt.
Well, you wanna watch a movie?
Absolutely, yeah, okay.
Sure.
All right. I've got, uh,
I've got "Finding Nemo" and,
uh, "Princess Bride."
Yeah, those are all...
"Saving Private Ryan."
"Saving Private Ryan."
Those are okay.
Well, do you wanna
watch together?
"Full Metal Jacket"?
You sound like you
got-you got increasingly violent.
Sound like war movies.
I mean, are you
okay to watch those?
Well, sometimes I watch them.
"Sex in the City"... the movie.
"Sex and the City?"
Yeah. Yeah.
It's about girls in New York running
around have sex with everybody.
Oh, isn't that that show
about the three hookers
and their mom?
You're talking about
"All in the Family".
No, that's "Golden Girls."
No, that's "Golden Girls."
You boys like my knife, huh?
Yes, it's nice.
Yeah. Do you have any snacks?
No we're
talking about his life.
Oh, whew!
This is nice.
Has this been
here the whole time?
Yeah, been there
since I moved in.
It was here when I moved
here in fact I didn't know
what the heck it's
supposed to mean.
Do you guys remember
raise-raising roof?
That was pretty cool.
I had no idea what
you're talking about.
Chris and I have never
seen these films with the
inappropriate parts in them,
Mormons watch a lot of
edited edited videos.
For instance, the versions of
Casino and Goodfellas I'd seen
were only 35 minutes.
We also showed Rodney
some IDS favorites.
This is messed up, man.
We began to spend a
lot of time with Rodney.
He's on disability and he
needed to stay at home.
He's on disability and he
needed to stay at home.
There are times
he's a little on edge.
He just needs some
human contact sometimes.
I like to think though
Chris and I are
straying from our duties
that we are doing some good
by spending time with him.
So what are you guys
gonna do after you get home?
Um, I'm not sure.
I still have a lot
to go on my mission.
School, I guess.
Yeah, probably the same.
You don't sound
very enthused about it.
You don't sound
very enthused about it.
How old are you guys, anyway?
I'm 20.
20, huh, when I was 20
I still hadn't joined
the military yet.
I'd been working with this
assembly plant for two years,
saving up money.
One day I just
walked in and quit.
I ain't give two weeks
notice of nothing I just-I
just quit and I got in my car,
got an oil
change, got new tires,
picked up my brother
Mark and then hit the 35.
And I just drove all over the
country for three months.
And I just drove all over the
country for three months.
Best time of my life.
You two should do
something like that.
I've always wanted to do that.
Yeah.
It'd be so cool.
You're 20.
Yeah, get out there
and live a little bit.
Do drugs, you know.
Get drunk.
Black out and not remember where
you are the next morning.
And have sex with
girls, have sex with guys,
have sex with both
at the same time.
These are the things
that you need to do.
You need to break in to a
library and steal the entire
collection of Hans
Christian Andersen books.
Get arrested.
Go to jail and
spend the night there.
You know, have
some life experience.
Eat taco bell.
Something's
different with you two.
Seriously, uh, ever since
the first time I met you,
I noticed that
things are different now.
Well, what's going on?
What do you mean?
Well, two seem to be
at a slightly different
disposition now
than you were then.
Huh, I see how it is.
I hope it doesn't
make you uncomfortable.
You kidding?
Nothing gayer than
the military.
You should see some
of the things I saw.
Ain't nobody's
straight in the foxhole.
Wow.
I can't believe this, you know.
I can't believe this, you know.
I got it.
I got these two queer pot
smoking Mormons sitting here
by the living
room eating tacos.
You okay, RJ?
Yeah.
Yeah I know.
Look boys.
I don't care if you're queer.
Straight or if I... you prefer
masturbation above all.
Straight or if I... you prefer
masturbation above all.
You boys are all right with me.
All right, well, you still, uh,
still want me to
read this book?
Still want me to
read this book?
So...
How do you feel about
about everything?
What do you mean everything?
Well, you and me
and the mission.
I guess I'm still trying
to make sense of it all.
How about you?
What do you feel?
I'm not an apostate.
I still have a deep
love for Jesus Christ.
So do I.
I think we're both
on the brink of
something new. It's
going to be rough.
We'll make it.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Wait.
Hello Elder.
Hello President Pearce.
Please have a seat.
Well, I'll get right to it.
Elder Harris reported to me
that yesterday he knocked on
your door then proceeded
to enter your quarters.
Why didn't you lock the door?
I thought I did.
Well, he obviously didn't
Chris because our zone leader
just walked in on
us together in bed.
Now I don't know how that
happened that night honestly.
Now I don't know how that
happened that night honestly
don't care but I can only
assume there's more to the
story than unorthodox
sleeping arrangements.
What are we gonna do?
I don't know.
I was also recently made
aware of your incessant
absence in both church
and missionary meetings.
Now I find this behavior
unacceptable and ungodly.
Now I find this behavior
unacceptable and ungodly.
You are not here to
entertain any subconscious
perversions you may be holding.
As a missionary, you have
done these things in the
eyes of our heavenly father
while serving your church.
God damn it.
Don't.
What?
Say the Lord's name in vain.
I've spoken to the
Stake President about this.
Yeah, 'cause I'm still Mormon.
And so am I but my
perspective has changed
a little since we started this.
And I suggest you stop
wasting your parents' money.
And I suggest you stop
wasting your parents' money.
Well, maybe mine hasn't
changed as much as yours.
What do you mean?
Maybe you're a bigger
faggot than I am.
Fuck you!
And go home and
deal with these issues.
Be with your family and make
things right with God.
So Richard, do you have
anything you'd like to say?
No.
Well, thank you
and God bless you.
Oh, and could you send in
Elder Harris on your way out.
Thank you.
Hey, dad.
RJ,
your mom and sister are in bed.
Your mom and sister are in bed.
Okay.
Hungry?
Yeah. Thanks.
I spoke to your bishop
couple of days ago.
We had a long conversation.
He, uh, told me a story
about a young missionary
who came to him
before his mission and
told him about the
thoughts he was having
towards other boys.
The bishop said, he
should go on his mission
and he'd be fine.
"Go on your mission," he said.
"Go on your mission," he said.
"You'll come back
and meet a wife.
You'll be fine."
He also said that he didn't
need to mention it to anyone
else that the Lord has a way
of working these things out
in due time.
Well, that young missionary
came back after serving an
honorable mission, went to
the bishop and said he was
honorable mission, went to
the bishop and said he was
still having these thoughts
but he listened to his
mentors as they said,
once he met the right girl,
everything would change.
And he met a beautiful young
woman three months later.
They were married
within six months,
had their first child
by the end of the year,
a second child the year after.
Dad, I don't know what to say.
Dad, I don't know what to say.
There's nothing to say, RJ.
I went on a mission.
I wanted you to go on one
so that you can have some of
those experiences and you
could sit at this table one
day and talk about them.
But dad, I did do
my missionary work
and I did have some
of those experiences
and I-I truly did enjoy it.
I know you did, son.
It's just...
It's just...
Dang it, Ricky!
You're a winner, a champion.
Now you chose to do
your missionary work
and that's very respectable
but, son, you've got some
hard choices to make.
Choices that are
gonna affect your future.
It's gonna be
hard on all of us.
It's gonna be
hard on all of us.
Ricky, this town and the church
know everything about you.
You think they're not gonna find
out what happened in Oregon?
I know they will.
So what are you gonna do?
Nothing.
I'm gonna let people's
imagination run rampant.
Why would you do that?
I don't owe anybody
an explanation.
You're my son and I love
you first and foremost
but I cannot stand
by you on this.
Your family can't stand by you.
So what are you gonna do?
Will you at least try to
keep your focus and maintain
your standing in the church?
Will you?
I don't see how I can.
I don't think the
church helps the members,
I don't think the
church helps the members,
have empathy for
people like me.
People like you? Ricky!
There's only ever
been speculation.
Speculation?
Dad, I am gay.
I didn't choose this, dad.
It's been in me
for a long time.
I told my beloved
sister what happened.
I didn't think she
should be left in the dark.
She understood.
I told Elise though
she had already known
but wanted to hear for herself.
She was hard to console.
I have a meeting with
the Stake President today.
I will see him before I meet
with the church council.
Have a seat.
RJ, I'd like to start off
with a prayer if that's okay?
Yes, sir.
Dear Heavenly Father,
thank you for getting RJ
here safely and we ask that
you please bless this young
man and guide him through
this rough time in the name
of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Amen.
RJ, I've known you
since you were a child.
RJ, I've known you
since you were a child.
I was at your baptism.
I've watched you grow,
go through high school,
college and I deemed you
worthy of your mission.
If anyone told me that I
would be looking at these
words written on this piece
of paper right here in my
hands ten years ago, I...
RJ, tell me, why are
you here today, son?
To talk about my future
as a member of the.
To talk about my future
as a member of the.
Church Of Jesus Christ
Of Latter-Day Saints.
This is a very serious matter.
You know this.
Yes.
And this could be
grounds for excommunication.
You're aware of that.
Yes.
First off, I'd like for you
to tell me in detail about
the relationship between
you and Elder Merrill.
I'm sorry, I don't-I don't
know if I can talk about this.
You broke a very sacred law.
You're right. I did.
I can't deny that.
Did you want to
go to on a mission?
Of course, I always have.
And you want to serve
even though you knew
this about yourself?
Yes.
I'm not the first gay man
you've sent on a mission
and I won't be the last.
The church doesn't do much
to provide a way for us to.
The church doesn't do much
to provide a way for us to
be honest about it.
As for Elder Merrill,
Elder Merrill and I were
mission companions.
We served our church well.
I cannot speak for him nor
will I go into greater detail
I cannot speak for him nor
will I go into greater detail
other than to say
I have great feelings
for Elder Merrill.
My feelings for him
are greater than for,
uh, any man.
Uh, any man.
And if I acted
upon my emotions,
I don't see any injustice in
my acts nor disgrace in them.
Shame on you and
shame on this church.
Shame on you and
shame on this church.
I was raised to believe I
was a part of something.
My family and friends and
now because of who I am,
I don't get to be that.
I'm excluded from that.
I'm not sorry.
I hope you know that.
I am not sorry.
How did it go?
It went okay.
So?
I told him I don't need to
regain my worthiness and I
don't need to see the
head council either.
What?
Why not?
So, where do I go from here?
Maybe I should just throw
a dart on the map
and see where I end up.
Or, I could just see
where the world takes me.