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The Female Brain (2017)
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[projector clicking] [instrumental music] Okay. H -- h.. Is this.. H -- hello? I am Julia Brizendine and I am a neurologist. I know. Sounds geeky. But I basically stare into people's heads all day, which is a dream for me because ever since I was a kid I've always wished I could read people's minds. Life is so much easier now that I have a machine that lets me see inside people's brains. I can even find out someone's emotional intelligence by showing them photos of faces and then seeing if they can identify the expressions on them. Sorry, I'm being such a dork, but come on. How cool is that? Anyway, I -- I work at a university now and I think what ultimately drives my research today is my fascination and frustration with phrases like this.. Women...are...crazy. Men...are...stupid. Women are obsessed with marriage. Men are obsessed with sex. Right? These are all stereotypes that at one point or another we've probably all heard. Maybe even thought. Now, I'm not only gonna talk about the female brain today. We know a lot more about the male brain but that's mostly because they've been studied more. We know that, uh, men have bigger heads and thicker skulls. And in the old days, scientists used to think that that meant that they had bigger brains too. But in 1995, we found out that women have the exact same number of brain cells, just jammed into a smaller space. So, if we just found that out recently then what else don't we know about the male and the female brain? Well, we already know that we struggle to understand and relate to each other but the good news is that in my studies I discovered a lot about how our primal neurology effects and sometimes sabotages our relationships. This is Steven and Lisa and they've been married for 12 years. Now, like any couple Steven and Lisa have their issues but what if I could tell you that a lot of their problems actually have a biological basis. What are you doing, dude? Get off! I feel like this mirror is gonna fall. - What do you think? - I don't know. I'm 40. Now you come on, get up. Help me. So I figure, wouldn't it be helpful to just see inside their heads to find out why they act the way they do? Well, first of all, it's helpful to know that women are generally more sensitive to threats than men are. This is because of the part of the brain that senses danger, the amygdala. In women, this area is more easily activated which is why we're more attuned to potential dangers that men may not even notice. It also doesn't help that we're typically smaller than men and full of holes. [sighs] Hurry up. So, the reason couples are less passionate after being together for a while is because after about two years their brains stop producing dopamine the feel good chemical. After that, they produce oxytocin which bonds you with someone. This explains why Steven and Lisa are less sexual but more committed. And yes, this even happens to attractive people. Are you gonna pick up Ty at school or am I? I'm done early. I'll do it. Okay. Let go. [sighs] It's -- it's the same thing. Whatever. [piano music] Oh, come on. - Mom! Let's go! - Okay. Ow! Ow! This is Lexi and Adam. They've been together for two or three years depending on who you ask. Ow! Oh. Oh. Ow. - Better, right? - What am I looking at? You don't notice anything different? Oh, oh, yeah! - That is better. - What is? - Your face. - Eyebrows! Oh, right. Oh, yeah, yeah. Or do you think I need to darken them? I don't know, I feel like suddenly I've got this fringe. They kind of, they kind of disappear and it makes me look a bit ill. The area of the brain responsible for recognizing errors and flaws is larger in the female brain. This makes women more self-conscious and more likely to be perfectionists. Scientists call it hyper-vigilance whereas people tend to call it being neurotic. Can we not play the eyebrow game today? - I'm sorry. - I mean I suck at it. - I really do. - Okay. Okay. Okay. - It's my teeth. - Hmm. I whitened them too much. Ugh! You see? They're whiter than the whites of my eyes. It makes my skin yellow. - Classic. - I don't want to play -- Classic teeth whitening mistake. - I'm bad at the teeth game too. - Is it? Sorry. Sorry. Oh, I gotta get the fuck out of here. I'm late. No! Stop! Don't touch that! - Back off! Get away. - Please. Just.. You wanna pop it. - Can I just say one thing? - No. That is a clogged hair follicle and I can deal with that in two seconds. - No, I don't want you to deal with it. - It'll be gone. - Just like that. Please. - No. Don't touch it. - Leave it alone. - Please. Grooming causes the female brain to release endorphins, another feel-good chemical. This is nature's way of motivating us to stay hygienic and prevent infection. Monkeys do it. Lions do it. Girlfriends do it. - It hurts like a bitch. - You never let me do anything! And you don't use the scrub I gave you and also let us not forget the extremely generous Christmas present I gave you. It was the gift voucher for the Brazilian straightening. - Yes. - Ah! - You're welcome. - Right! The gift voucher for the Brazilian straightening. - For my hair. - Yeah. Yes. Right. Yeah, no, you're right. I didn't use that actually 'cause I -- I like my hair. It looks.. It looks cool. It looks disheveled and.. ...it makes me feel dangerous. Like unpredictable.. "Who -- who is that guy?" - Like, "What's -- what's his story?" You know? - No. "What's he up to? I don't trust him. I don't trust him." I like it. I feel like I look like Bo Duke from "The Dukes Of Hazzard." I don't even know who that is. You don't know "The Dukes Of Hazzard?" You don't get "The Dukes Of Hazzard" in the UK? No. Well, maybe it was my American accent. Y -- you don't know "The Dukes Of Hazzard?" You've never heard of "The Dukes Of Hazzard?" The Duke boys? They get in the car and they jump! And they jump around. They -- they ju.. They get in their little.. Oh! Oh! - Looks like the Duke boys are up to no good! - That's not my voice. - You've never seen that? - That's not how British people talk. - You say "Dukes Of Hazzard." - "Dukes Of Hazzard." "Dukes Of Hazzard." I don't want to get my hair straightened. One, 'cause I like the way it looks and I'm a guy, I have a girlfriend. - It doesn't even matter. Who cares? - Yeah. Well, my dad does because it's his 60th birthday this weekend and I think he would appreciate a sleek...do. - Yeah? - Yes. If your dad cares about the way my hair looks I will give him a million.. I'll give him a blowjob. I will get a rocket and go shoot him and I into space, and I will give him ten blowjobs in space. If your dad gives a fuck about my hair. Hey? Zoe? And here is Zoe and Greg. They've been together a year, married a year. Babe. Just because you scored 33 points last night doesn't mean I'm getting back in that bed with you. You know it's really not that impressive. I put a ball in a hoop. I play a sport invented for children. Hey, I have to go to work. And you have to ice your balls or whatever you do all day. Yeah, why do you work again? I'm a professional athlete. Technically I could support both of us and like 20 other people. Well, because this isn't the 1800s, okay? I contribute to society. I'm my own person with your last name. Which you.. What are you.. Just give that to me. Are you okay? You're doing that thing where you give me your stuff to do and don't actually let me do it. I'm sorry. It's just work. When humans are under stress, the brain releases cortisol a chemical involved in the response.flight But female brains can reduce the secretion of cortisol by organizing things and getting obsessed with details which allow her to feel in control. Now, a couple thousand years ago this behavior was useful but today it probably just seems like we're solving problems that don't exist. Why don't you quit already? You could retire, be a basketball wife. - Oh. - You could start a jewelry line. Be on VH1. Oh, yeah, or I could not set women back 60 years and could work hard for another year or so. Start my own company, and like.. ...maybe I could even give you a job. 'Cause like how much longer can you do this, you know. Will you please just let me write you a check for that? I'm not taking your money. You know that. Okay? I'm not going to be a stereotype. No one thinks you're a gold digger. Gold diggers don't wake up at 6 a.m. or carry briefcases. - I love you. - I love you too. Oh! Hey, Dave! Come on in! Don't get up, man! I need you to rest! I'm sorry. I thought I was.. I thought I was unlocking the door. I've got 50 bucks on you scoring 20 points tonight! My man. - You -- you bet on me? - Oh, absolutely. You think I can pay my bills with this shitty job? Window -- windows look good, man, you.. So clean! Birds hit 'em all the time. They think it, they think it's just air. That's how good you are.. He can't hear me. That's stupid. Julia, did you know we've been going since 7 a.m. and it's now 3 p.m.? No. No. Do you need a coffee or something? No, thanks. Okay, so in this test the females were much better at identifying fear and sadness on people's faces, like, much more. Yes, and males were better at identifying anger. We know that. Got it. Noted. Smoothie? - This disparity is crazy. - Berry Blast? You know, I think we should administer the test again. Next week. Just to make sure that this is alright. 'Cause something's wrong. - I'll schedule it now. - No, please. Please, can we take a break? Please? I can't understand how you're not hungry because I'm.. I physically can't see. What do you mean? I've already had breakfast and lunch. That weird grey drink is food? Oh, yeah. That's Soylent. It's, um.. It's basically a complete meal replacement. That way I don't have to go to the grocery store and buy food and put it in a bag and unwrap it and chew it. I mean, who has time for that? Everyone has time for that. - That can't be healthy. - Huh? - Mmh? What? - It's got every vitamin and mineral you need. Okay. How about we take a walk? Get a little vitamin D, you know? Julia, not all of us are robots! Hey, don't manipulate me with children. You're a girl, you should be better at identifying sadness on people's faces, according to your study. - Fine. Fifteen minutes. - Yeah! I heard "Fine," that's what I heard! Come on! You're no fun. Just tell me. So what's your deal anyway? Are you dating someone? - Abby, that's not work talk. - Okay. In one of your studies you concluded that females are more productive when they bond because it reduces cortisol. I don't date, I refuse to be a puppet of my neurochemicals. So you've never been in love? You know, our brains are designed to trick us into that kind of thing and I'm not falling for it. - So, do you -- - Of course. Were you gonna say masturbate? No, I was gonna say get sad but maybe for you those go hand in hand. Yeah, I get everything I need. I get oxytocin from my dog. I get serotonin from hanging out with my friends. I get endorphins from the gym. Productivity and cooperation makes dopamine and I get that from work, so I have everything I need. I am a complete emotional equilibrium. Whoa! That's like a total life hack. Mm-hm. Knowing your brain's primordial neurology is very liberating. It -- it makes life so much easier. I don't have to sit around and worry about if a guy likes me and wonder what his motives are and -- and get all insecure. And -- and, like, reread a text fifty times. - It's the worst. - It's insane. - Yeah. - So, I know how the brain works. So this whole being a girl thing.. I beat it. Okay, good talk. You know the sun causes cancer. It's not normal. Alright, people. So, the campaign is unlimited data. And we all know that nobody likes unlimited data more.. Than the ladies. - That is correct. - Sorry. Wh -- why are we saying "The ladies?" Zoe, come on, every girl I know texts me like ten times more than I text her. It's like, and it's not, and it's not just like, girls I'm dating, it's like my mom. Does -- does it, does it have to be gender specific? Yeah. That's what the client asked for. Like, they said focus on women. Great. Cool. Okay. Yeah. Alright, I'll pitch first. Get ready to write this down. It's gonna be hot. How about, girl looking down at her phone texting and it says, um "For every text he sends you send him 40 in return?" - Unlimited data. - That's good. Good, right? Alright, good. Write it down. Don't worry, be texty. That's...hilarious. I didn't say write it down. What if, um, what if we did some.. What if tried to focus more on connection? Mmm. Well, you know, because with this plan you can talk longer. You can FaceTime longer. You -- you can send more pictures. Um.. It's not write-it-down level but like, uh, I know you've got more. Yeah. In prehistoric times, females were much more vulnerable. And the ones with strong social connections had a higher survival rate. Whereas, for males, survival depended on aggression and competition. This could explain why in meetings women tend to avoid conflict and seek consensus. Uh...no. - Are you sure? - No, I think.. I think I was just, uh.. I took it.. I was going in a different direction. I wasn't ready. I think. I wasn't ready. - You know, nothing works in this house. - What? Are you even on Facebook in the first place? What if there are perverts on here? They could make a house out of garbage. Mom, four percent of men are sociopaths so I'm sure there are some perverts on there but it's not exclusively for perverts. Why are we talking about perverts? Can you please just delete those photos? Okay. But I don't know which ones to delete. You've got a ton of photos on here. This is a jackpot for perverts. Okay, mom, will you please just delete the album that says "Wedding?" What about the honeymoon album? You wanna keep that one. Mom, any photos of Eric. Any photos with his face in them. Please just delete it. He was so nice. And what a handsome couple you were. I just don't understand what happened. What happened was he left me. It's very simple. [hammering] Bill, why aren't you using a stud finder? Why isn't he using a stud finder? Because Eric took the stud finder. Bill, you are ruining her drywall. - Bill, it looks ridiculous like that. - Ridiculous? That looks ridiculous, huh? I'll tell you. How about I take it and I throw it through that window out onto the front lawn? Is that less ridiculous? Great. Now she's doing the singing thing. - You know she doesn't like us to argue. - No, no, it's fine. Children who were exposed to maternal stress in utero become addicted to stress chemicals in the womb. Later in life, these offspring grow up to be more anxious and easily adrenalized. The scientific term for this is epigenetic imprinting. But it's commonly referred to as turning into your mother. If I have learned anything in this life it's that I can't stop you two from fighting. So you can just continue on and I will soothe my sympathetic nervous system with my "Lala Song." La la la-la la See? You see, Bill, what you did? See? See, Bill. Say something. - I love you. Okay? - Oh. I love you. Oh, that's it. Turn around. That's not rude at all. Turn around I like to tell the back of your head.. He was such a nice boy. - No he wasn't, mom! - Hello. Basker brings it up court. He's looking for an outlet. He's yo-yoing up and down mid-court. Bounced past the room, back to Basker. He takes it to the.. Oh! He went down hard! [whistle blows] Oh, this does not look good. He is not getting up. You can see the look of concern on Coach Miles' face. Major setback for the team. It's only three months. Mona will help you get up the stairs. - It's.. - Oh, thanks, Mona. You hungry? You want some breakfast? No? A bagel? We got a comical amount of bagels. Okay. Why doesn't she talk to me? I don't think she knows you. Do you ever feel weird having all these people in our house? Yeah, but we both work so who's gonna do all this stuff? That's true. We need a wife. - Oh! I agree. - Who is this guy? That's Jimmy, he usually comes on Mondays. You're at practice. The area that's responsible for defending your turf is larger in the male brain and it contains special circuits to detect territorial challenges by other males. When challenged, males produce more testosterone and adrenaline, which immediately makes men more confident. Oh, hey, man. - What's up? - Hey, Greg. - Okay. - I'm Jimmy. Hey, yup. - I deliver your groceries, um.. - Okay. - Ah. Yeah. - Ah! - I'm a hugger. Yeah. - Yeah. - I'm Canadian. - Okay. Somebody delivers our groceries? Honey, you eat like four chickens a day. Oh, Zoe.. ...I just picked some fresh tomatoes for you from my garden. They're super ripe, so be careful. Oh, Jimmy. You're my hero. Okay, I don't need all these people in my house doing what I'm perfectly capable of doing myself. Well, since you're gonna be around here the next couple of months why don't you oversee the redo of the bathroom? Or how about I redo the bathroom myself so there's not all these strange men in my house? You're gonna build a bathroom? Yeah, just give me the tiles and the other items I will need. Building a bathroom takes skill. You know, you have to like, measure tiles. You -- Zoe, I'm a physical marvel. My hand-eye coordination is in the .01 percentile. - Okay. - Try me. Throw something at me. Anything. Oh! Okay, so I wasn't ready for that because no one's ever thrown jelly -- Right, so I beat a physical marvel? This is great. Well now I can start my day. - Oh, good. - This is good. 'Cause I have that meeting with that venture capitalist at 10:00. Remember? - Alright. Bye. I love you. - Alright. Yeah. I just gotta carb-up over here. I've got a bathroom to refurb. - Can I tell you something? - Yeah, sure. With all due respect? And I mean.. - I couldn't help but hear. - Yeah? I think you're a physical marvel. - Dude. Thank you! - You're welcome. I was tryin'.. I try.. Sometimes she doesn't.. I don't think she respects what I do. - She doesn't get you. - No. She was.. She didn't play. She didn't appreciate sports. She was a mathlete. I -- I would like to say that maybe she doesn't appreciate you. Yeah. What.. - Ah, you see! And she throws jelly. - Yeah! Jelly's not really something you catch. - Jelly's something you eat. Yeah. - Right. - Of course I'm ready. Yeah. Here we go. Those were two peppers in a bag! That was like catching nunchucks. Okay. There we go. Ooh, shit. Still got it. So this is what it's come too, huh? For us to hang, I've gotta come meet you at a children's playground at a school? This can't be legal, man. Look, I've got a family. If you wanna hang out with me, you've got three options. Work, school, or on the side of my house by the garbage cans. - Can I ask you a question? - Yeah, sure. What do you think about my hair? Uh, I think less than nothin' about your hair. Lexi wants me to straighten it. Mm. Yeah. I mean, that's an obvious no, right? If my wife wanted me to straighten my hair I would do it without question. I'd just go through the rest of my life looking like Katt Williams. - Pimpin'. - I don't know, man. I feel like I gotta draw the line somewhere, you know? This is a slippery slope. That's not how this works. She will never stop bringing it up. See, look, women, they can't beat us physically, right? Right. So, the way to control us is by beatin' us emotionally. Wearing down our self-esteem. Like little kidney shots to the soul. You ain't even doing this right. - What do you mean? - Ah! Well, look, I.. I'm fine with my hair. I don't think about my hair. I don't care. I'm a guy. She wants me to straighten my hair? Who does that? You're spittin' in the wind, man. My wife buys my clothes in bulk tells me where to be and what to pick-up. I'm basically a driver for Postmates. - But do you like it? - Do I like it? I don't even know what that means anymore. It's like asking a zombie if he likes the taste of brains. It's irrelevant. It sounds like, you're like becoming a zombie. - You wanna go one more round? - Yeah. [instrumental music] Hi, Abigail. Oh, I could not.. I could not sleep last night. I was so tired, I took an Ambien which made me groggy so this is espresso. But, like, I'm still feeling groggy then I'll just like take an Adderall. No. Wait. Okay. I'm sorry. Where do you get all these pills? Oh, my brother gave me the Ambien and my gyno gave me the Adderall. No, no, okay, so, first of all your gyno's only jurisdiction are your nether regions. So, fire her. And second, you shouldn't take your brother's Ambien because Ambien metabolizes differently in men and women. So you can't just take the same dose. That explains a lot.. When a female overmedicates her brain her neurochemicals become imbalanced resulting in fatigue and suppression of healthy emotion. Because medications affect hormone levels they can also lead us to smell pheromones differently which can even cause us to select the wrong mates. It really does. - Damn it. - What? I've done the spatial awareness test four times and women are still scoring twenty percent less than men on spatial tests. Okay, but the subjects weren't primed and you took the time limit off. There's gotta be another bias. I don't know. What about time of day? Right? Because I cannot memorize shapes at 8 a.m. It's criminal. That's interesting. Okay. Okay. Um.. Blood sugar. Subjects probably have lower blood sugar in the morning so we should administer the test again in the afternoon. - Smart! - Cool, cool, cool. But, um.. It just sounds like you don't like the results you're getting. Of course I don't. The last thing people need is more ammunition for negative female stereotypes. They'll be like, "Oh, Dr. Brizendine found that women are worse "at spatial tasks, which is why women can't drive or read maps. And why they shouldn't be CEOs or be in government." And I don't want to be responsible for that. Okay? So we'll.. We'll administer the test again next week. Oh, one more thing! Can you stop drinking all that coffee? It's just made of actual acid. I take Zantac. It's like not that big of a deal. Good morning. So, a female can instantly decode the information encrypted in a male's pheromones which helps her determine genetic compatibility. This, coupled with cultural values and how her childhood went determines what attracts us to a potential mate. The confluence of all this is what we call chemistry or love at first sight. Hello. We're good. Oh -- oh, okay! Thank you. Morning. Uh, I'm -- I'm Dr. Brizendine. I'll be administering the test on you today. I'm Kevin. I'm gonna be taking the test today. Although men have earned the reputation for being more stoic than women they actually have stronger emotional reactions than females. But due to social conditioning within 2.5 seconds a man tends to change his face to hide or suppress emotion. You're just gonna be in the module for the couple of.. A couple of the -- the minutes. All the minutes. - You comin' in? - No. - I'm kidding. - Oh, I.. [stammers] Me too. I know. I mean, if I wasn't and you did wanna come in then, you know I'd really appreciate it. Mostly 'cause I can't move my neck. So you'd have to do all the work. So, uh, you're gonna be seeing various images. And then the MRI machine is gonna do the rest. So, uh, just look at them. And I'll be over there if you have any questions. You won't have any.. - I mean, I don't know why.. - Miss you already. What? [grunts] Kevin Avery, 006. Green light. Thank you. Okay, that guy was flirting with you. And he is so cute. He's a guy. He can't help it. He has to, you know, sexualize everything. You know, to him I'm basically a b -- blow-up doll. Oh, my God! That is what you look like! Oh, my God! It's taken me months! Thank you. Oh, my God. - He seems sweet. - Uh.. You're not gonna be saying that once you see inside his...brain. Aww. Smushy. So if he felt empathy this entire area would light up red. Right there. Look. Nothing. But it's a kitten. I know, he's not feelin' the kitten. But it's in a teacup. He doesn't care. Nope, nope! It is lighting up! - Nope, that's.. - Yeah, he's not a serial killer. That's on the low end, even for a guy. Next slide. Nothing on the baby? What a sicko! Yeah, so in women, this entire area would light up red. I can feel mine lighting up inside. What kind of weirdo doesn't think that baby is cute? All of them. Men are basically only wired to respond if it's their baby. - Seriously? - Mm-hm. Now do you see why I refuse to participate in society? Wow. I'd really be depressed if I wasn't on anti-depressants. You're on anti-depressants? Everyone's on anti-depressants. Are you clinically depressed? No! What? - I can't. - It's good. It makes me less crazy. That's interesting because you sound insane. Okay, there's no winning with you, Julia. Alright. Here we go. - Ha-ha! - Hm. Kevin here is on the lowest end of the empathy scale. That guy you thought was so cute and so sweet turns out he's the kind of guy that goes to Africa and pays people to cut off... elephant's...faces. Science doesn't lie, so.. [instrumental music] [door opens] Hey, babe. What? Um...nothin'. I was, um, just asking how are you? You haven't asked me that in five years. I remember 'cause that was around the time I started taking fatherhood seriously. I know. That's so not cool. That makes me wonder do you think maybe we just, like, stopped tryin' a little bit? - What do you mean? - Well.. Well what? You're wearing crocs with socks. - So are you. - These are flats. Mm, tsk! I got some bad news for you, baby. Man...I feel like maybe we just stopped tryin'. Maybe we need to connect a little bit. I stage houses for my job. I make all things look new and shiny. Maybe that's what we need in our relationship. Sounds expensive. Yeah, yeah, maybe a little bit but do you remember how we used to dress up? How we used to go out on sexy dates? So it's probably not surprising that females have a more active system for emotional memory which means we recall feelings, not just facts. Something that's harder for a man to do. This is why it seems like women can access visceral memories with search engine like speed. We used to have sex all over the house. Baby, that was before our walls had all kinds of finger paintings on 'em. Kind of killed the fuck vibe. Yeah, but we used to do things together have things in common. We used to have hobbies together. Baby, that was back when we were friends. Look, we still got plenty of hobbies, alright? We pay bills together. Insurance. We got water damage in the basement together. That's our water damage. We've got meat, celery -- Can you be serious for once in your life? I'm just sayin' what's the point of bein' married? Relationships take work. I already work. You want me to work two jobs? Yes, I've heard of couples that become platonic. Like, their relationships their marriages deteriorate. - Deteriorate. - Deteriorate. [mumbles] Okay, deteriorate. And then all of a sudden you're gonna have a secret family. Look, if I'm not working two jobs why in the hell would I be working three? Hm? Fine. I'll go change my socks. I'm coming back for my meat. [sighs] - Konnichiwa! - Jesus! - Hey. - Where did you come from? Just got in from Tokyo. Oh, no, I'm sorry, I -- I I just didn't hear you walk, roll in. I'm so.. I'm Zoe...Basker. Thank you, I'm so sorry that I'm running late. It's just been crazy, crazy, crazy! [laughs] Where are my manners? Have a seat. Pop a bean, right over here. - We just started makin' these guys. - Oh, wow. Stuffed the first batch myself, actually. - My goodness. - This is the charcoal. And we've got a slate grey in the works. - Oh, nice. - And there it is! Well done. Oh. Okay. That's great. Uh, congratulations on all of your success. Uh, maybe. [chuckles] Greed is a disease. You know? So you're the girl with the coconut water thing. No, no. Um, my idea is about marketing. Act.. You know what? I'll just go right into it. Um, alright, you know how commercials are everywhere, right? But they're, they're usually really bad. And they send irresponsible messages about race and gender. - Kind of. - Well.. So, I would have a company that would make responsible commercials that won't screw up our kids. Uh, I'm trying so hard to understand what you're saying I'm just having a lot of trouble attuning to you. You have a very it's like a m -- masculine um, just, just prohibitive energy. Uh, s -- sorry. Please, no. It's nothing you can control. Um, you know what, act.. I -- I.. I forg.. I -- I, I wrote out some sample campaigns last.. [chuckles] Sorry, I'm so sorry. The thing is, I just, I had just realized that your idea, it's, it's triggering me. You know, I just.. Remember I was in such a good mood before we talked about it? And now, I just, I feel drained. Oh, well, uh, maybe you're just jetlagged from Tokyo. Oh, no. I don't believe in jetlag. It's a social construct. Did anyone ever.. What? Listen, hundred percent keep in touch if you have any more ideas that are just a little more casual.. And it was so nice to meet you. What? Thank you. B -- bye! [grunts] [instrumental music] Ah ah Pa pa pa pa Pa pa pa Pa pa So I was thinking about this spatial task thing. Do you think we could get rid of the bias if we let people take it over again if they want to? Feeling like you only have one shot at something is a lot of pressure. That's actually a good idea. Or the room being too cold. Because it's freezing in there and I can't think when I'm cold. Uh, who is calling? Who calls anyone? Alright, this is Julia. Hey, it's Kevin from the MRI machine. When an unexpected event occurs the amygdala immediately evaluates if a threat is present. If so, the brain freezes to brace for a fight or flight response. But in a traumatized brain the amygdala loses the ability to distinguish between everyday events and real danger. So, if a woman's brain has been emotionally traumatized it often may seem like she's being dramatic. I'm calling you. How did you get this number? Hey! Stop asking questions. Just let me be a cutie pie. I only answered because I thought someone was in the hospital, so.. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint. Look, there's no way that's cool to say this so, let me see you tomorrow night. I have to work. - But it's a Saturday. - I'm a stripper. Oh, well, then I'll see you anyway. You know what, I.. I obviously can't date someone in my study. I'm a scientist, and you're a -- a.. Tired of hearing your boring excuses? [grunts] Look, text me your address. I'll pick you up at 7:00. I'm hangin' up now. I love you. [scoffs] Can I borrow your purse just for a second? Please? - Sure. - Thank you. I cannot believe you gave him my phone number. No! He asked! What the F? What was I supposed to do? That's my birth control! Your generation is a nightmare. You know what, I'd fire you but there really is no point because everyone your age is just as boundaryless as you are. Can you please help me pick this stuff up? Of course not! And you do not need all of these pills! Okay, that one is for my thyroid thing. You don't have a thyroid thing. You're ten! You don't know what's going on in here. You saw his brain scans. He is a caveman. He is literally a Cro-Magnon. That's perfect for you. You can have completely detached sex with a big dumb animal. Uh, as we both know, sex releases endorphins. - Here we go. - Which reduces stress. Which could help you at work! Which is clearly all you care ab.. Oh, no. Why didn't you say that in the first place? Okay, okay, you have no respect! Julia! Where is my office? My lipstick! ...humidity, you'll find it's gonna become difficult to wipe away quickly but you're gonna wanna still keep it soft enough to wipe off the surface of whatever tile you.. Yeah, I tried that, you fucking self-assured dickhead! It doesn't work! Oh, oh, no, yeah. I should grow a rat tail like you to make tiles stick to the fuckin' wall. Oh, shit. Shit! - Hey, babe. - Hey, babe! How are ya? Sorry, I didn't hear you come in. I was just busy workin'. I'm a busy bee over here. Yeah. I see that. How's it goin'? Good, good, I was tryin' out some caulks today. And these caulks are not the caulks for us, so.. Isn't it supposed to be grout? No. No, it's not. I think it's caulks. Is that a poster board? Yeah, just a quick little.. Little test run to make sure the ca.. The tiles and the caulks, or grout to you is -- is stayin' up. Honey, I, I've, I don't know how much sense all of this makes. Why don't you just let me call a contractor? - I got this. - Oh, I know, I know. But like, then you'd have more time for physical therapy, you know and like, just, the contractor's just there to -- Okay, stop saying contractor. What we need.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What we need is for you to trust your incredibly competent and strong husband. - Yes, of course, right, yeah. - Okay? Oh, I forgot. How was, uh, your pitch? - Oh! Uh, yeah. - It was good? Yeah, yeah. Uh, yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. - You said, you just said "Yeah" nine times. - Uh, no, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there was so -- so.. - Yeah. Bye. - Okay, well.. Well.. I'm gonna.. I gotta go. Okay. Good, good. Just like the video. Cool. That's good. You look nice. Whoa! Slow down, long legs. Oh, well, I mean, I'll just, I'll meet you at the car. You're, uh, drive is, uh.. - Don't do that. - What? Wha.. I know, I can, I can open my own door. Let me get the door. You don't have to do stuff like that for me. Don't touch my car. - Okay, this is ridiculous. - Okay, look.. Alright, cool. You go on the date. I'll stay here. You come back. Be back by 10:00. Tell me how it went. Have fun. Fine. You can open the door. Milady. Ah, jeez. It's stuck. - What? - Hold on, let's.. - What's happening? - It's stuck. - What? - Hold on. I got it. - I gotta, uh.. - What? Can, you gotta pull while I push. Uh, am I, am I allowed to touch your car? - Yes, please. - Can I touch the handle? - Please, if you could. - I can open the door? - Yeah. This time. - Okay. Okay. What am I doing? Okay! - You're pulling, I'm pushing. - Okay. That hit.. Alright. Close it quietly. There's a.. What, how did I.. It doesn't.. - It also doesn't close. - It does. You gotta pull it. - Okay. It's stuck. - Okay. Jeez. - You got it. Okay. - Okay. [engine revving] Hey! I was just gonna call.. Fuck you! Oh, my God. What's the matter? I think it looks really nice. Adam? - Adam? - Look at me. - It's okay. - How's it look? You like this look? You know, i -- initially I got a bit of a shock. You're in shock? - Yeah. - I'm kind of used to it now. I look like Janet from "Three's Company." I know, you don't know, you don't know you don't see that show, you don't get it over there. Hey, Adam, you don't look like a woman. How's it feel to be dating a magician? You wanna see a magic trick? Fuck you. I'm sorry, okay? I told you. I told you this was a terrible idea. Why would you want me to look like this? - You know what I think? - Shave it? If they'd just taken a teeny-weeny bit off the top.. ...make a huge difference. And we can do that right now. - It would be totally fine. - No, this is -- - Let's give it a little snip. - No! No, no, no, no. You're not cutting. You're not cutting. You're not straightening. Nothing, okay? Nothing! Babe, I'm just tryin' to help. - Don't try to help. - Okay. Okay, 'cause when you try and help, your boyfriend comes home looking like a fucking Astro Boy. - So don't try and help. - Okay. Lexi, I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen. - Okay? Are you listening? - Yeah. I'm gonna go upstairs. I'm gonna take a shower, I'm gonna wash this fucking Brazilian poison out of my hair. And I'm gonna get my birth hair back. The hair that God knew matched my face. Fuck! [upbeat music] Well.. Okay, this one tastes like wine. Mm. Okay. This one tastes like wine too, can we go? No! We're stayin'. I don't wanna waste our Groupon. Why can't we just go drink vodka in the garage, like normal people? 'Cause this is sexy, we're doing.. ...sexy fun things so that we're not like an old married couple. So me driving us home drunk is sexy to you? Can you take this seriously, please? Fine. Oh, you're never gonna guess what this one tastes like. - Like what? - Old-ass grapes. I'm just kidding. It tastes like piss. [shushing] [instrumental music] Okay. We're really.. We're really going to a silent movie? - For real? - Shh! [sighs] What flavor diabetes you want? I don't.. I'm good. Thank you. She'll have eight hot dogs, no bun. A pack of Red Vines. And, uh, Fruity Things, please? - No hot dogs. - No hot dogs. - I'm teasing. - No, please. You know, I can't wait to do this with my own kids? I want eleven kids. I'm.. I'm.. - That doesn't work on me. - Oh, that's right. You're not a girl. I forgot. Uh, so, uh, question? Why, why are you doing my study? I mean, it's obviously not for the money. You better believe it's for the money. I -- I'm, I'm paying for this with cold hard cash. Okay, oh! I'm sorry. That was disrespectful. Seriously, why are you even in my study? I don't know, like, if it only pays like nothing? Oh, my uncle, he was the head of the social science department in my college and he said, you know, "Regular people, they never take the studies." - So.. - That's true. When I have the free time, uh, yeah. I sign up. I know. I'm the best. Okay, I get it. You're charming. I get it. I'll see you in there. Oh, uh.. I'm sorry. We're not, we're not together. Thank you. Agnes, you're the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world. Would you stop it, please? I'm not gonna say.. Come on! Just try it! - It's not a scientific project. - You're silly. I can't do an old timey movie voice. Grow up! Come on. Be a person. [chuckles] - I love you. - Why does yours have emphysema? [chuckles] Look at him! Oh, man. Let's run away together. Oh, but I'm wearing 40 pounds of bloomers. So I can hardly walk, much less run. - Why is your voice deeper than mine? - I don't know. I don't know, I'm just.. That's how it was back then. Then we'll stay here and have offspring. Good luck raising them since I'll die in childbirth. [chuckling] [instrumental music] [chuckles] What did your MRI say? I found a slight tear in the meniscus. But it feels good. Well, you wouldn't necessarily feel it. So the healing isn't ahead of schedule but it is on schedule? Correct. You're on track. Alright. Thanks. Mm-hmm.. Sure. Zoe! Where are you? Hello? [moaning] Oh, my.. - Oh, no! No! - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! - No! Oh, God, no! - Greg! - What are you doing? Don't look! Nothing! Look, this not.. You should not be here. - No! This is.. No! - What are you doing? - Get out! - What are you even jerking off to? Excuse me. Don't say that. No, don't -- don't look at that. - Cheerleader? A little on the nose, don't you think? That is the, like, the first thing that comes up. That's not the first thing that comes up. - I would know. - Wha.. - Are you bragging? - How often do you do this? That's, uh, that's none of your business. It's literally all of my business. But let's do this. Do.. What? What are you doing? - What do you.. - What are you.. - Don't you.. - You were saying, "Let's do.." - You're talking.. - Yeah, you.. You're talking to me like a sportsman? Don't you wanna have sex? - Don't. Oh, God, no! - What? Why not? You're all ready to go. You've got your good dress on. My dress? This is a robe! - We.. - Do you think this is a dress? A dress is a robe with a little sash. - It's the same thing. - No, it's not. It's.. So you just want to do this by yourself? No! But I'm not doing.. Greg! Just get out! Okay? No, I'll leave you alone for your little spank fest. - Don't say that! - Have.. No. No, no! Have fun. - Have fun. - No, I'm not having fun. I'm not.. I'll never have fun again! - You looked like you were having a great time. - How about that? Spank away! Oh. You're coming in, right? - Sure. - Okay. W...were you robbed? Y -- yeah, no. I, I just moved in. I haven't had time to really unpack, so.. - Oh, God. - Okay. You want me to fix that wire? I mean, it'd take me two minutes. No. It's fine. It's, it's fine. Do you want a drink, or.. - Sure. - Okay. What do you drink? What do you want? Uh, depends on what kind of guy you want in your house. I mean, whiskey if you want me to break shit. Or gin if you want me to shadowbox and tell you I'm invincible. Or, uh, rum if you want a pirate in your house. Uh, okay. Let's see. We.. Hm. Tsk, tsk, tsk. This is not ideal. Well, I do not have any of those things. No alcohol, turns out but I do have.. I've got, I've got something. I've got, I've got a Sharpie. I've got.. Oh, I.. Whiteout. Oh! Hand sanitizer? I'm being weird. I'm nervous. I'm being nervous. Um, you know, we could just try to do this sober. - Wow! - Yeah, I know. It's not.. I haven't unpacked my good bras yet. This is not.. I know. This is.. I have better bras than this. Did you find it on the street? No. It's like a half bathing suit. You can wear it in the wa.. It's, uh, waterproof. It doesn't matter. Here. [explosion] U -- uh. Ah. - This is a little fast, no? - It is. But I feel like your brain is producing testosterone so you're probably psyched to make reckless decisions. So.. Yeah. But, uh.. I mean, I -- I don't even really, uh, know you and, um, I mean, you could drug me and, and steal my kidney and sell it. It's happening a lot in New Mexico. And Old Mexico. This is, uh.. [clears throat] The thing about, uh.. Uh.. Um.. I vote we don't um...have sex. - What? - Because when people have sex, it, uh.. It makes them crazy. And I wanna see you again. So, um.. I, uh.. Oh! [blowing raspberry] Yeah. That, um.. [exhales] I, uh.. Sure. Um.. Good job and don't let it fall. I'm gonna take off and, um, you should watch porn to get the.. But your router, uh.. That's been shot in the face. Uh, God bless. [giggling] Mmm-hmm. - Mmm.. - Hmm. Ah, no! Wait. Wait. Not on the comforter. - It was on sale. - So? I don't want to ruin it. - Move. Get up! - And it's comforter. [exhales] What time do you think they close Target? She didn't even wanna have sex. She was wearing her good dress and she had headphones on. Like, who listens to porn? Look, let me be honest with you. You're like the hottest guy I know. - Thanks, man. - No, I mean it. Honestly. You're gorgeous. Stunning. - Really? - Oh, yeah. I mean, I've never jerked off to you, but.. ...I have jerked off as you. And it is good to be king. - You know what I mean? - I'm telling you, man. Her vibe is off ever since I got hurt. Yeah, well. You're not just Whistling Dixie on that, my main emcee. - No. - The whole world's vibe is off. No one knows what to be anymore! Women want to be MMA fighters but they still want us to hold the door open for 'em. They want to make the restaurant reservations but they want us to pay. Bunch of goofballs. All of them, right? - Yeah. - Pick a lane, you goof. - Yeah. - Say it. - No. - Let me tell you somethin'. Hey? Hey. - Hey you. - Yeah? - It's fucked. - Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I got injured a month ago and we've had sex like five times. I show the slightest weakness and it's a turn-off. Yeah, that's no bueno. You gotta get your power back, hombre. - You know what I'm saying? - Yeah. Show her you're the man. That's all she wants. With these gender roles they've been at us for 20,000 years. Get into that caveman stuff. Pull her hair. Choke her. Are you.. You're choking Cheryl? Well...no. She just got a new neck, so right now's not the best time but, uh.. - I'll tell you what. - Yeah? I have. And a good time was had by all. I can't choke my wife. I'm 250 pounds. Some like six hundred pounds. My wife's 5'1" and Chinese. I wouldn't worry about that. You've just gotta find a way to be the alpha. Alright? Where do I draw the line though? Unfortunately for you, kemosabe, there is no line. Don't ask for permission. Ask for forgiveness. - You can use that if you want. - Yeah. Be the caveman. Me man, you woman. Let's not do that anymore. Okay. Got a bit of a problem. - What's that? - My trick knee's locked up. Daddy doesn't have the key. I got you. I got.. I got.. Okay, I'm just gonna slide out. Good idea. - Alright. [grunting] Hurry up! Time's running out! Yeah! Ah! I'm gonna.. I'm gonna go take a shower. - Okay. I'll be here. - Okay. [panting] [instrumental music] Hi. Good morning. Did you get in touch with Kevin? - Because he just called. - Of course he did. So? Okay, so, gossip activates the brain region involved in social cognition. The process by which we learn to interact with others. So, gossiping is critical for females to maintain strong social bonds. So our brains are hardwired to produce dopamine which rewards females for relationship building and learning the norms of society. How was the hot Neanderthal intercourse? Well, it...was uneventful because he refused to have intercourse with me. No sex. Hoo! That's even kinkier than I thought. I -- I can't help but be a little insulted given his brain scans, but.. Julia, that sucks. I'm sorry. No. It's okay. I mean, I'm sure he's married. Or, you know, playing some weird twisted mind game on me. Which means he lacks empathy which means our studies are accurate. It's good! It's great in fact. Super great. [instrumental music] Ah! I got something from one of the mail guys at work. Do I want to hear this? It's the drug Molly. Is that the one that make you eat people's faces off? No. It's like the new ecstasy. Why don't we take it after Ty goes to sleep? I'm not sure. Let me Google it. Hold on. Let me see. How long is jail time with drugs and kids in the house? Oh! It says it varies from state to state. - I'm in. - Take it. [chuckles] Babe, that zit looks really bad. Yeah. I know. I've gotta make an appointment to see a doctor 'cause I -- I, it feels really deep or something. You know, a doctor is just gonna squeeze the puss out which I could easily do. Haven't you futzed with my body enough? I just think it'll help. - Alright, fine. - Yes! Sorry! I'm s.. Thank you. Thank you so much. I love you so much. - I love you so much. - Fix my eardrums while you're at it. Okay. Okay. - Alright. Let's do it. - Okay, yes! I'm doing it. - Let's do it. - Just a sec. Okay. Oh, it's.. - Ow! Nails that long? - Sorry. - You're like a falcon, fuck. - Just take a deep breath. - Ow! - Oh, my.. Oh, my God! Oh, my God, it's in my eye! Oh, my God! Oh! - Karma! Why did you let me do that! Bam! Wait! Come back! I want.. I want a picture of this. No, no, no, no! Don't wash it off yet! Ow! Shit! Ow. - Take it. - Why is it.. Why is it brown? - I don't know. Take it. - It don't smell like nothing. Okay, you ready? One. Two. Three. [instrumental music] No, no, no. You know pills make me gag a little. Oh. Okay. It's...it's down. - Oh! Hey. - Hey. - Hey! - You like my handiwork? - Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah. I do. - Hm? - Do you? - I do. I'm very proud of you. - Are you? - Yeah. - Yeah, well, I am the man, and.. - Oh. I can hammer and destroy things, so. Okay. Yeah? Oh, yeah? Can you? - Oh, yeah. - Oh, what's this? - I don't know. What is this? - Oh. - Hm? - Hey? Oh. - Where am I going? - Where are you going? - Uh-oh! Where am I going? - I don't know. - Oh, no! Uh-oh! I want to find out though. - I fell! - Ooh! - Oh, here I come. - Oh, yeah. - I'll save you. - Oh, yeah! Oh! Watch your knee! - No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. - Are you okay? Don't worry about that. Just worry about this. - Oh! Oh, no. - Huh? Is that nice? That's a big man, yeah. Yeah, you like when I'm the man and you're the woman? - Hm? You like.. - Yeah. - You like that? - Mm-hmm. - Just, uh.. - Oh. What the fuck! What? What is.. What? What's wrong with you? I'm being a man. Just.. - Stop! Oh, my God! Jesus! - Okay. Why can I pull your hair but not shove your face in the toilet? Because one is playful! And one is where our shit goes, you fucking weirdo! Okay. It's a fine line. It's.. Between a toilet and not a toilet? Is it? I was told to ask for forgiveness, not permission, so.. Excuse me? What.. Uh, what prison inmate told you that? Okay. Can we just relax and...resume with the sex? No! No, we can't! Because now I have to take like seven showers! Okay. I'm.. I said I'm sorry. No! You didn't! Well, I'm sorry. Do you feel anything? I don't know. You? I don't know. Do you feel anything? I don't know. You? I don't know. [upbeat music] Should we turn some music on? There's no music on? Well, why is my body doing this? [panting] Huh? What are you doing? Are you guys on drugs? What? Don't do drugs. Don't do 'em. Don't. Hey, get focused. So, deodorant for women. Go. Girls, stop sweating us. That's not bad, but.. Actually, what's cool about this deodorant is that it doesn't contain aluminum which is what's carcinogenic, so.. - He's sleeping. - He's not really. Oh, my God, I had a nightmare where someone was talking about carcinogenics. Oh, God, it was horrible. You were there. - You were there. - Alright. How about, "Sweating him is the pits?" - Genius. That's so good. - Write that down. So, I know I said women seek consensus but if the amygdala is activated, her adrenaline can give her enough confidence to override the instinct to be cooperative. Because girls are always sweating guys, right? - Yeah. -I'm sorry, ca.. Can, can we aspire to be just a little less cliche? - What? - Does.. Is.. Is nobody else bothered by how sexist these ideas are? We're not sexist! The people who.. - The.. - The people who buy stuff are sexist. - Yeah. - Women! 'Cause women buy eighty percent of products in America. Alright, well, then women are...sexist. Sorry, you might want to go down to Whole Foods with a clipboard and get it sorted out. The saddest part about all of this is that I think that you believe the garbage that you say. Yeah. No! I realize this is my last day. - Yes, I get that. Yeah, yeah - It's your last day. - No, no! I know! - No, no, let me say it. Let me say it. - It's your last day. - It's my last day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm gonna.. I will empty out my office in just a minute. I just, I, honestly, I would love to know if -- if you actually believe people are that stupid. I believe it's your last day. It is an honor to quit this terrible company. You comin'? I'm just.. That was so weird. Uh, why? Okay. That wa.. Please. Strike that from all of this. And I'm gonna continue storming out. I just.. I have to collect everything now. I know this is awkward, it may be awkward for like another minute or so but I actually feel better than I've ever felt here. Believe it or not. So, this is.. Feels awkward, but imagine if I had to come back. - Help her. Help her. - No! I'm good! Please don't touch my things! I got it! - That's my charger. - Yeah! Okay. Good. Great! Take your charger. Wonderful. Cool. Um...okay! Here we go! Not weird for me! I'm leaving. And you know what? Ooh! I'm gonna take this deodorant because I'm s -- sweating his pits! Okay? Cool! Tell your husband to get well, okay? Thank you! I will! You know, underneath this paint you've got some really beautiful molding. The bones of this place are really stunning. There's just a lot of superficial damage. So, what do I owe you? Like, are you hourly, or what? Why are you pretending this isn't a date? Well.. Um.. Frankly, I'm pretty overpriced and I've got a lot of shitty reviews on Angie's List. Okay. So, what -- what do you charge? Well, I'm not finished but it's 90 grand now and.. - What? Okay. - No. I'm joking. Uh, you know, you could pay me in, uh, favors. - Whoa! - What? - What are you doing? - What is the problem? Problem is, you know maybe we should kiss first. Both the amygdala and hippocampus are necessary for fear extinction to occur. But if both regions of the brain are abnormal due to trauma, that person may recoil if something reminds them of their past. This is commonly seen as overreacting or being annoying. The problem with that is that I would produce oxytocin which is just kind of a disaster, so.. With all due respect, I think you're overthinking it. Well, I don't understand. W -- what.. Why won't you have sex with me? 'Cause I like you for some reason. You know, when I sleep with a girl too quickly, I just.. It just.. Don't you wanna aim a bit higher? No. Okay. Alright. Well.. When you wanna be treated like a human being, give me a call. In the meantime, don't touch those wires. That red one will fucking kill you. [sighs] [instrumental music] I've seen a lot, but I gotta say this is the first time I've seen someone pop a tumor. What? What do you mean a tumor? We did a fast biopsy, and at this point I wouldn't totally rule out some growth underneath your cystic wall. Possibly a basil cell. Yeah, but that's.. Uh.. [scoffs] That's like.. That's like cancer, no? Possibly. Is it like cancer cancer? I'm not saying that. Do I have cancer? Possibly. I have to acknowledge the chance so you don't sue me. But likely not. Good thing you caught it though. Adam! - Jesus. - What is going on? You can't just not text me back. - Is this the popper? - Yeah. Sorry. Adam, what is happening? [exhales] Um.. I.. - You know the thing on my back? - Yeah? The thing I was gonna go see a specialist about but you couldn't wait 'cause you just wanted to pop it, so you popped it? Yeah, that might be a, um, cancer tumor. My God. - I swear I was just -- - Just trying to help? I know you may find this crazy but I actually like myself. I like my crazy, curly hair! I like my fingernails that are jagged and, and I like that I bite them! I like my dry skin that I don't slough or exfoliate! And most of all I like my approach to, uh.. What are they called? Oh! Tumors! - Would you just stop! Please? - I'm sorry. I just want you to go! We're done! - What are you doing? - I -- I -- I just want to be me. And I don't want you to keep trying to change me like you have. I can't do it anymore. So you're breaking up with me in a hospital? Yeah. I'm breaking up with you in a hospital. I'm sure that you could think of better ways to do it uh, to improve our break up. Maybe in a park with a pond and a couple of swans swimming in the background. Or a beach and a nice sunset and a pina colada. I'm sure that you could think of several ways to improve our break up but it doesn't matter, because we're done. So would you please go? There's somebody here to try and help me. To actually help me. So, please.. Please go. Okay. [exhales] Oh, Jesus. What, what are you taking now? Oh, I have a killer migraine. It's from my birth control. Okay. Well, why don't you go off it? Because then I would have a baby and that would probably lead to more migraines. Okay, well, how long have you been on birth control? Ugh! Since I was like 13 or something? I'm so emotional without it. Everything makes me cry. Okay, Abby, you cannot just manipulate your personality with chemicals for your entire life. Why? That's exactly what you do. [instrumental music] [music continues] [music continues] [music continues] Steven! If you think I'm embarrassed about this, I'm not. [Steven groans] This didn't work, did it? I don't think Molly is designed for people over forty. This whole thing. I mean, we didn't have sex on Molly. It didn't even occur to us. Who doesn't have sex on ecstasy? It's "Occur." And I think we're probably putting too much stress on this. We have spent time together. We haven't spent time together. I've been nice to you. I've been mean to you. I give you space. I don't give you space. We have tried everything. Nothing has worked. Well.. I mean, there's always couples therapy. We don't need it. I don't have a problem with you. I don't ever get mad at you. I don't want.. I don't need you to change anything. I've already changed everything about myself for you. Everything. But...there is one thing that we haven't tried yet. I never thought I'd say this but for once in my life I don't want to have a threesome. I just don't want someone else seeing how awkward it is between us. No. It's not that. There's something else that we haven't tried. It's gonna sound weird, but.. What if we called it quits? Whoa! Don't you feel like this has just run its course? I don't know. I mean, I just always expected it to be like this, you know? You get married, it get boring, you stick it out. Everybody told me it'll be like this, so I just.. - Just expected it. - We don't have to be a cliche. Give me one reason, one reason why we should stay together. One reason? The house! Our cell phone plan. I mean, we get three phones for the price of one. I mean, and to cancel would be a nightmare. I mean, they keep you on hold forever. - We should just stay together. - I mean, yeah. We're going to stay together because of our phone bill because we're too lazy to change it. So are you...divorcing me? Oh, you wanna stay together? - Hell no. - There we go. Twelve years is already a success. I mean, most of the people don't even last half of what we did. - What? - What about Ty? Uh.. M -- maybe. It's not.. It -- it's maybe. - Right? Maybe. - Just a maybe. - Like, that much. - Like, possibly. That much maybe. That we're going to, uh, separate. - Separate. - Yeah. Okay, cool. Whatever. [instrumental music] There's my baby girl! - Ooh! Muah! Muah! - Muah! Muah Look at you! You look so.. - What? - Are you okay? Why haven't you been sleeping? Oh, ah.. It's, um, allergies. I've, uh, um.. Yeah, well.. But why are you so tall? - What's going on? - Oh! - It's those magic sneakers. - Oh, right. You wear them for an hour, you can burn 300 calories. - No. You don't, mom. - No? - I tried them. They lost a lawsuit. - Ah. Um, where is dad? The birthday boy. You know, I had to send him back to change his suit. He looked ridiculous. You know your father. I think he'd wear a tracksuit all day if I let him. - Where's Adam? - Uh.. Oh, um, yeah, he's at.. Uh.. Uh, we've, we -- we're having a.. Just a little, a break at the moment. Yeah, um.. But.. He.. Actually he got his own place so, it might be a big break. Oh, what did you do? Why do you assume I did something? Okay. What did he do? [sighs] Well, I.. I think I just loved him too much and he couldn't handle it. - What happened? - Well, uh.. I was helping him and.. - What are you doing? - Oh, no, I.. I -- I read this article that you can work out your buttocks if you do this for a minute, every time you have a conversation. Oh! Hi! Sandy. - Hi! - People are here. Darling, don't you want to change? I am changed. This is my outfit. Well, perhaps you should, like, put up your hair or something. - Mom, stop it. - D -- darling, what happened to your eyebrows? - Mom. Stop it. - No, really? You're just hiding your face. I mean, you're a pretty girl and you just can't hide your face with those.. - Shh. Please. Just stop. - Look how beautiful you look! - How adorable -- - Ha-ha.. Just stop. I'm just trying to help. Ah! [hammering] [sighs] - Uh, excuse me? - Oh. What are you doing, man? Oh! The, uh, lady hired me to fix this. Uh, I'm sorry, man. I'll be out of here in like a minute. Oh, I'm.. Well, she's not authorized to do that. I'm the man and I'm in charge of what goes on in this house, so.. Okay, uh, good to know, but I've got a work order, so.. Well, I'm the lady's husband and it's canceled, so.. Okay, well, I'm the contractor, so I'm gonna finish it. And just to let you know whoever did this before idiot, a dumb person. - Only a dumb person puts caulking on a wall. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. A stupid person that's an idiot, so.. I will smash your face with that hammer. - Just, uh.. - Just maybe. You touch me with that hammer, I'm gonna sue your ass. Oh, well, I'll see you in court. I'll be the one with the most powerful legal team in the country. Mm, you know that's the only team that wants you. Right? Oh, okay! Yeah. A guy who works with toilets. Cool. - What'd you just say? - You work with toilets. - Say it again that I -- - You work with toile.. [grunts] - You want to grapple now? - Yeah, I wanna grapple! - Let's go. - Watch my knee. - You're the worst punk of all time. - I will kick that knee. - And I will.. - Watch my knee. - Don't do that. You let go of me. - I'm gonna.. - You let go of me. You let go. - You let go! You let go! - On three, let go. - One. - Two. Three. - Three. - Oh, you son of a bitch. - I knew you wouldn't let go. - That's the.. - I knew it. - Fight a guy with a -- - Hey, hey, hey, hey! - Hey, stop! Oh, my.. - Okay, are you okay? Yeah, she's fine. What the fuck, Zoe? How could you do that without asking me? It was, it was supposed to be a surprise! - Well, you should have let me finish it myself! - Well, he.. - Yeah. - What do you mean "Yeah?" You can't.. Here's the, here's the rest of it. I'm sorry. We're all good, I am sorry for the confusion. - We're good. - Alright. - Bye! Bye-bye. - Bye. Hey.. - Get a bigger shirt. - Yeah, get a bigger body. - It's a two XL. - Stop! - I'll listen to her. Okay? - Oh, that's clever. A guy who spends 90% of his time in the bathroom. Hey, stop! What are you doing? - What are you, what are you doing? - Are you insane? - Why are you home? It's noon. - Because I quit my job! - Wha.. How? - Tha.. Uh, that.. I'm coming here to tell you how, right now! But I have to walk in to this. Here. Look! - I was.. - I quit my com.. I quit my job! And I'm starting my company! I'm.. I'm starting my company. And I want you to be...my investor, okay? But first there's this contract. Basically says that I have to.. - Don't touch it. Don't touch it, please! - Okay. I have to pay you back every cent within three years or else or else you own the whole thing. And I set myself on fire. - You know you don't have to pay me back. - No, I do, okay? I do. I'm putting my pride aside and I'm asking for your help. And that's really, really hard for me. So, I need you to let me pay you back which is really, really hard for you. Okay, well, how much do you need? I'm not sure yet. Actually, I already raised a lot of money online by myself. With your clothes on or.. You know, I was thinking, you know. Now that we have this time off maybe you could, I don't know.. - Get me pregnant? - Oh, really? Yeah, because in a year, like, I might be a business mogul. Like, I might have a book deal. I'm gonna -- I'm gonna have surrogates having kids for me. Oh, okay, well, yeah, I can, I can get you pregnant. Oh, you're a professional athlete. I have no doubt. - Oh, I'm gonna get you pregnant so hard. - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. Okay, no. Not good for the knee. - Oh, okay. - My knee hurts. - Oh, okay, fine, I'll get on top. - That's best for my knee. - Because I do everything around here. - Oh, that's better. That's so much better. - Is this okay? - Thank you. - You -- you're good? - Am I crushing you? - Yeah, I'm good. No, no, no. - You're good. - That's my worst nightmare. - You know that. - No, it's just the, the brace. It's not.. It's not.. I can still do this. Don't think -- I feel like I'm gonna break you. You're not going to break me. I'm 250.. I'm not a plumber! - What? - Oh, my God. I'm a carpenter. Like Jesus. Okay? Someone who you'll never meet. What does that.. [indistinct chatter] [gasping] - Lindsay! - Oh, hi, Lisa! - Thank you for coming! - Oh! I've never been to a divorce party before. This is super fun! So what happened? He cheated? Who would cheat on you? What a monster. - Is he gay? - No. No. No. Nothing like that. Oh, hey, you can tell me, okay? Oh, I'm telling you, we just realized it run its course and we wanted to have a party because divorce doesn't have to suck, you know. Right. So it was an online affair? - Yeah, sure. - I knew it. I'm really, really sorry. - Oh, speak of the devil. - Mm. Hey, good to see you. - Hey! - Hey, baby. Sorry, I'm late, but you took the car. Nobody believes me that you didn't cheat on me. I don't know how to take it, as an insult to you or to me. What? Haters. That's all they are, is haters. What the hell are you wearing? This is my singles shirt. Yeah, I know, and I threw that thing out like three years ago. But I take out the trash so now it's back live in effect. But you.. My God, you looking good in them heels. Divorced a week and you're already out hitting them streets. Yeah, but I haven't worn high heels like in ten years and they're killing me. Maybe we should get back together? Sorry. I've already got my own debit card. - Uh? - And I'm about to ball. Well, w -- why then, why don't you go and ball with Rebecca, right there, she's there. Why would I go talk to her? Please. You've always had a crush on her. Oh, no. No, I haven't! Why would you think that? Listen, we're not together anymore, you can be honest with me. Okay, she is fine as hell. Okay, go. Go talk to her. Okay. Now -- now what do I do again? - You just ask her something about herself. - Okay. And don't do that, that thing you do with your.. Licking your teeth, or something weird. - You liked that. - No, I didn't. - You did. - Shh! Hey! Rebecca. What's up, baby? Boy, you look slammin'. People don't say slammin' no more, do they? [chuckles] Well, it was nice seeing you. Oh, I -- I just got a debit card if you ever wanna go out...shopping. I could buy you another flesh tone purse. No? I'm very bad at romance. But I'm good at fuckin'. [cell phone vibrates] [instrumental music] Hi. H.. Hi. Uh, why are you being a penis? Uh.. You know, I've, uh, I've just been busy. So.. You know, uh, that's what I say to girls when I don't want to date them. Okay, can we talk about this later? I say that too. Um, Julia? Why are you fucking this up? Okay. So, what's happening is, y -- you're pissed. Totally get it. You're having something called dopamine withdrawal. It's when you have a lot of dopamine flood -- You have no idea what I'm having 'cause you don't know me. Uh, um.. The thing is I actually kind of do. I saw.. - I saw your brain scans. - Hmm. And your behavior.. ...it's almost 100 percent antithetical to them. So what's probably happening is that you need a conquest for your testosterone or your ego, or something. It's basically like wanting what you can't have. It doesn't matter. Uh, the point is that I'm fine. You don't have to pretend that you want something real with me. - It's tot -- - Oh, I'm not pretending. Oh, oh, oh. If I may? It's just that your neurology disagrees. - Um.. - How's that? So, you.. You did not have empathy for a...a kitten. So.. - Oh. - Yeah. Yeah, well I'm not a cat person 'cause they, uh they're dicks. - Oh. - So that clears that up. Alright. Well.. Fine. Let's just blame this one on me then, I.. I don't really do the whole passion, love thing. I'm just not that kind of girl, I guess. Oh, you're totally that kind of girl. - Re -- really? - Yeah. You're also a fucking liar. - I'm sorry? - Well, 'cause you were married. So you're not a workaholic. You're just heartbroken. Okay. Okay. Fine. Even more proof that this is impossible. So, thank you. Thanks for coming. Uh, bye. What about, uh, brain uh, plasticity, elasticity? - Plasticity? - Plasticity, right. I read about it online. It says you can change your brain, so.. What now? - O -- okay, um.. Can we just.. Just drop it. You know, for someone who studies women you sure seem to hate being one. Ah.. You need validation? Or, I don't.. No, maybe you should take one of your own tests sometime. [scoffs] I don't need to. I've rewired my brain. - Cool. - So.. - Well done. - Thank you. Fuck! [instrumental music] [knock on door] [sighs] Lex.. Holy shit. Are you okay? - Hi. - You look.. Why do you look different? Are you wearing.. - Are you wearing a wig? - No. This is what I look like. No make-up. No blow-drying. No straightening and then re-curling. No tanning. No false lashes. Just a couple. I couldn't get them all off. No nails. Nothing. Um.. Were you evicted? [chuckles] No, um, I.. I just wanted to show you that I can stop all of this stuff, you know and I can stop.. ...trying to.. ...change you all the time, uh.. Adam, I know it feels terrible. Um, my mother, you have met a very lovely lady. But she criticized me my entire life and, um.. Well, I guess that I.. I don't know, I guess.. I...I kind of caught it, um.. And, um, I honestly thought that when you love someone that you were s -- supposed to.. ...try to improve them, this.. The.. And change.. I don't know. I thought you change them. - You change yourself -- - Why would you.. - Why would you do that? - Look plea.. This.. [stammering] I look hideous right now -- - You do not look hideous. - No, I am. - Lex. - I've just looked at myself in the mirror. And it's a shocker. I know what I look like. If you didn't put all that shit in your hair and on your face -- - I know. - I've never noticed you have freckles. - They look.. They're so cute. - It -- it's.. They're freckles and it's sun damage as well, I.. Yeah. I did. I had some.. Did a bit of laser and then it.. I didn't do the sunscreen and they kind of came back and I made it worse. Um, anyway, I always thought that I had to cover them up to be perfect for.. To be perfect for you. I hope that didn't come from me. I never want you to feel that way. You didn't. I don't know why I thought that. Look at you. You look, you look like the Wendy's girl. - Who's Wendy? - The Wendy's girl with the pigtails. - Red hair and the freckles. - Who's she? The fast food joint. The burger joint. - Is she fat? - Is she fat? No, I'm not calling you fat. I'm saying you look cute with your freckles. You don't have Wendy's in the UK? No. We don't. - You look incredible. - Thank you. You do. I'm speaking for every guy out there. Thank you. So.. ...here I am, and, um.. ...my freckles and my hair.. And I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry. And that if.. If you could forgive me, then.. ...I would really really, really like to.. I'd really like to try again with you. [sighs] [instrumental music] [sighs] [clanging] Okay. I'm willing to give this another shot on one condition. - I wanna know that you can handle -- - Yes. Being demoted to just my girlfriend. - Just my girlfriend. -Yes. You're not my stylist. Okay? You're not my nutritionist. - You're not my beautician. - No. You're not my doctor. You're my girlfriend. Can you handle that? I accept my demotion. [sighs] I don't.. I don't wanna have to say this, but when you when you try and change me.. ...it does hurt. It hurts my feelings. I'm so, so sorry. [clanging] [sighs] I'll be honest, if it wasn't for your nitpicking I probably would never have gone to the doctor, so.. Don't let this go to your frizzy head but thank you for saving my life. You're welcome. There's no goop! [sighs] [instrumental music] [music continues] So, it turns out I couldn't hack my neurochemicals. But I guess the real question is why did I want to so badly? Maybe I didn't need to change my brain. Maybe I just needed to change my interpretation of it. After years of research I found that the male and female brain is wired very differently. Frankly, I was disappointed by the results because they didn't feel like social progress. So, I kept looking for a bias. I re-did the studies over and over again and I did find a bias after all. A very...problematic and...subjective bias. And that bias was me. I went into all this thinking that girls being emotional, sensitive hyper-vigilant was a bad thing because our society makes us feel so ashamed of it. I viewed these qualities as weaknesses. But that was a flaw in my approach. And in many ways, my life. The truth is that these stereotypical female qualities are actually strengths. Nurturing. Passionate. Tenacious. Supportive and resilient. These don't seem that bad. And even though the female brain can, at times, be complicated and confusing nobody can deny our ability to get back up. Every day our brains tell us there is a lot to be afraid of. But even though we're hardwired to avoid danger, we're also wired for courage. So, when it comes to fight or flight flight is always easier. But every now and then you come across something that's worth fighting for. - Hi. - Oh, hey. It's Dr. Strangely Hates Love. That was funny. - Then laugh. - I was about to. I was literally just about to do that if you'd let me finish. [sighs] These lights are really pretty. I don't think this is gonna work for me. Uh, I read the papers you posted online. - It's bleak stuff. - Okay. That's fair. That's fair. Um, however.. It's -- it's.. You're not wrong. It's.. Science is bleak. And I'm sorry about that. Hi. Uh, but I, I looked at my brain scans and it turns out I'm a girl which is terribly inconvenient but I'm gonna work through it. You can honestly tell me this would ever work? No. What? No. I can't do that. Yeah, you need to watch more movies 'cause that's not what the girl's supposed to say to the guy when she's trying to get him back. It's just not the.. Okay, well, I'm not gonna lie to you. This is all a bunch of chemical reactions that are eventually gonna, you know, peter out. Here we go. You're gonna think other girls are pretty. And you're gonna stop being attracted to me at some point. And I'm gonna get jealous and I'm probably gonna act crazy. And I'm gonna get super paranoid and I'm gonna wanna, like, go through your phone. And I'm gonna act really insane sometimes, but I am ready. You know, I'd never intentionally do any of that. You're gonna break my heart but it will be worth it. Well, look on the bright side, you know, maybe you'll get lucky and break mine first. [sighs] I hope so. I really hope so. Oh. - You're not supposed to say that. - Oh. [instrumental music] [instrumental music] [music continues] [music continues] [music continues] [instrumental music] What would you have me do? Where would you have me go? Tell me how to fly away I'll spread my wings and go Tell me to stay I'll lay back down Drift away without a sound I'll keep on baiting your frame of view Every day's a new shade of you eh What would you have me do? Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? Where would you have me go? [music continues] Where would you have me go? Where would you have me go? [music continues] What would you have me do? Where would you have me go? When will you understand? It's not the same anymore You buried me deep and dig me up So we are diamonds in the rough Oh we can't be saved this time it's true Doing my best to break through to you eh What would you have me do? Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? Where would you have me go? [music continues] Where would you have me go? I get so high I could touch the sky I get so high I could kiss the sky But you bring me back down low You're always bringing me down [music continues] |
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