Welcome
to Camp Blue Finch,
where romance in the sun
can turn deadly!
Best summer ever!
This is the summer
that's going to
change your life.
Where
the days are warm...
Hey, Nance,
that guitar is choice.
Thanks, Blake.
Bitching hair.
...the girls are cool...
Did I miss
the Kumbaya circle?
...the nights are always hot.
And evil lurks
around every corner.
Gosh, you startled me.
So, I just go down
that path all the way?
A guy like you can go
anywhere he wants.
- And any moment,
- Billy can strike.
They won't be singing Kumbaya.
They'll be
screaming Kum Ba No!
Pack your bags
for Camp Bloodbath...
You just messed
with the wrong virgin.
...where the
only marshmallow
that will roast
is your sanity.
Well, they'll
let me know.
You know you're too good
for this crap, right?
The casting director
was all like, "I know
you from somewhere."
And I went, "Really?
Oh, it's probably
"my arc on CSI as
a bipolar mistress."
And he's like,
"No, I got it.
Camp Bloodbath."
Am I ever going to
live that movie down?
I mean, it was
20 years ago.
Honestly, if you
ever become an actor,
don't ever do
a slasher flick.
You wouldn't catch
me dead in a movie.
You're the actress here.
Damn straight.
And I'm no actress.
I'm a movie star.
Mel's?
Mel's.
Let's rock and roll.
So, we owe
the electric company
$174.88 by next Monday...
You remember Frank?
He told me he was
going to take me
to Palm Springs
this weekend.
No message.
No text.
No surprise.
You know, it's just
he said we were exclusive.
Well, he said it,
he doesn't act like it.
Whatever.
What do I know?
You must think
I'm a total zero.
Screw him, Mom.
And screw his shady
hotel in Palm Springs.
Oh, my God.
Look at you
taking care of me.
What happened to
that little girl
I used to dance with
in the backyard?
She grew up and is
trying to figure out
where this $174
is gonna come from.
What are you doing?
Are you crazy?
Our song!
Mom. We need to
figure this out.
You're such a dork.
Everything in my
life, I got wrong.
But you,
I got you right.
I love you.
You know that, right?
What?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Max, those are
really expensive...
Gertie's here.
Coming, Aunt Pearl.
So, when Chris
asked you to study,
was he like,
"I want you
to come study"?
Or was he like,
"I want you to come.
"Study."
Please. I'm only going,
so I don't flunk Classics.
Come on, you know
that he broke up with
Vicki last week, right?
And she is a mess.
Have you seen the veiled
suicide note/poem
she posted on
her Facebook page?
It's so hilarious.
I read it out
loud to myself.
A lot.
Hmm.
Hey, just keep on
keeping on.
What does that even mean?
Something my therapist
tells me all the time.
You have a therapist?
Mmm-hmm.
Does that
help you deal?
Mmm. No, not really.
She's a physical
therapist, so...
Okay. So, the
myth of Persephone.
Max, you want
to take this one?
Sure.
She's the
daughter of Zeus
and she eats
pomegranate seeds,
and then
Hades kidnaps her
to the underworld.
Yeah. Okay, good.
So, they go back
to the underworld
and Persephone
is freaking out,
and Hermes is like,
"It's okay, it's okay.
"Just keep looking forward,
"or we'll be
stuck here forever."
Max, do you want to jot
any of this down or...
Oh, no, it's okay, Max.
I've already got a copy.
You can copy from me later
or I can give it to you
if you... If you want.
I'm gonna stop talking.
Oh, shit.
Max, hey, wait.
Did you not get
my messages?
Duncan. No.
Please, come on. Please.
Seriously, no.
The Bath-maticians
were so excited
when I told them
that Amanda Cartwright's
daughter was my sister's
best friend.
Step-sister.
Why would you say that?
That's so hurtful.
Please, Max,
I promised that
you'd be there.
I am the assistant
general manager
of the varsity.
Think of my reputation.
Wait. What are
"Bath-maticians"?
Uh, Camp Bloodbath fans.
It's kind of our
awesome nickname.
Did you know that a nickname
immediately becomes uncool
when you give it
to yourself?
You know what, Gertie?
When my dad told me that I was
going to get a sister, I cried
because that's all
I'd ever wanted.
But not like this.
Not like this.
Don't.
Look, Camp Bloodbath
is like the granddaddy
of all campsite
slasher films, okay.
Amazing production design,
insane music,
over-the-top acting.
It's a cult classic.
Max's mom plays Nancy,
this sort of
shy girl-next-door
who gives up her butterfly
to some dumb jock,
and Billy Murphy
comes along
and chops her ass up
on a waterbed.
Sorry, Duncan.
Tell your cult, maybe
I'll see them next year.
I'll do all your
Classics assignments
for the rest of the year.
Papers, your homework,
all of it.
Gertie told me that
you were failing.
Please, Max, what do you say?
You wanna graduate, or not?
Max!
Gertie!
Oh, you scared me.
Well, this will
be fun, huh?
Being trapped in
a movie theater
with a bunch of nerds.
Yeah, sure.
You know what
was fun, though?
Watching Chris today,
ogle over you.
Shut up.
What? That's a word,
right? Ogle?
He likes you so much,
it's so cute.
Gertie. Get real.
He's like a giant, okay?
So, imagine us together.
I'd need stilts
to kiss him.
Hey!
Hey!
Hi.
What are you
doing here?
I figured you needed
some, uh, moral support.
Why, should I go?
Because I can if
this is weird...
No, don't be
crazy, Christopher.
We're so happy
you're here.
I'm going to
go popcorn up,
see you inside.
Wow. Your mom
was gorgeous.
I'm sorry. That's a weird
thing to say, isn't it?
Kind of.
It's kind of cool
we get to honor her
memory this way, right?
Um...
Today's the anniversary
of her death.
I, uh...
I don't know what to say.
Me neither.
At least,
I get to see her,
even if she is being chased
by a psycho with a machete.
Stop, stop, stop.
Oh, great.
Hey! What a coincidence!
This is Tyson.
We've been hanging out
and he's so funny.
My abs are like shredded
from laughing so hard.
Anyway, Tyson wanted
to come here tonight
and I was like,
"Oh, my God, no."
But here we are.
So, you win, Tyson.
So, you didn't see
my post about it,
or anything?
No, I don't go on
your stupid Twitter,
which, by the way, has lost
three more followers today.
Anyway, see you
guys inside, okay?
Go.
I'm so wiped from
all these applications.
Even my safety schools,
Stanford and Cornell,
I'm not gonna just
half-ass them, you know.
It's just not my style.
I am lucky that
I even made it out
tonight at all.
Thank you, Adderall.
Where'd Terry go?
Terry? Tyson?
Tyson.
Oh, yeah, he just
got like super-sick
super-fast.
Mmm.
Oh, no, not the
super-sick super-fast.
Max, are they doing this
because it's, you know,
the anniversary?
Yeah, I'm here
for an appearance.
I didn't think you'd...
Come on, Max.
Of course, I would remember.
I have really good memory.
It's not just the Adderall.
Hey, do you want anything?
I'm gonna go get
a popcorn
and then we can
dump M&M'S into it.
That way, every handful is,
like, kind of suspenseful?
Sure.
Hey, Chris, I'm just
gonna have a Diet Coke
and a child-size
popcorn,
but make sure to
dump half of it
into the garbage.
You remember, right?
You know what,
I'm just going
to come with you.
She is the worst.
She's like a
living nightmare.
I can't believe
you used to be
friends with her.
Look, she's probably
gonna pee on him
just to mark
her territory.
Gertie!
Max!
Hey, hey, you came.
Oh, God.
All hail, Max!
Sorry, I don't know why
I worshipped you then,
I'm just excited
to see you.
You're also really weird.
You're very strange and weird.
I can put you down
for the Q&A, right?
After the show,
do a little Q.
No.
And a little A
I'll put you down as a maybe.
Okay, glad you're here.
Oh!
All right.
Hey, guys, we're here!
Whoo!
Someone wake up
Sleeping Beauty back there.
Are we there yet?
You okay?
Yeah.
It all
happened so long ago.
Little Billy Murphy
went to camp here decades ago.
And he was always picked on
for being different, ugly.
And then one summer,
the hottest one on record,
the counselors decided
to play a little prank on him.
No one really knows
how Billy was
before it happened.
The counselors hated him,
and the other kids
bullied him mercilessly.
Stop! Go away!
Billy, open up.
I know
how to get him out.
Soak this moment in, babe,
because you're always
gonna remember me.
What does that tattoo mean?
It was given to me in juvie.
I was caught
stealing cherries.
I'm a... I'm a cherry thief.
Neat.
Oh.
Nice legs.
What time they open?
Kurt?
Kurt?
I'm going to
get some air.
The exits
are blocked!
Duncan, is there an exit
behind the screen?
Yes. Yes.
Come on!
Go, go, go.
Go, go, go.
Max!
Oh, God!
What happened?
Where the hell
are we?
I don't know.
Did the theater burn down?
That was the scariest
thing I have ever seen.
You're alive!
Oh, thank God!
What does
poison ivy look like?
Because I think I got...
Help me.
Guys, somebody's coming.
Hey, do you guys know
the way to Camp Blue Finch?
Tina!
Yeah?
Oh, my God.
I'm having
a psychotic episode.
We all saw
the same thing, right?
Maybe it's a dream.
A collective dream.
If this is a dream,
then there's a very
strong chance
that my dad's going
to come up to us naked
and offer us
some pecan pie.
But don't take any.
It is not pecan pie.
Oh.
Maybe we're dead
and this is heaven.
This can't
be heaven.
Max is here
and she's Jewish.
Oh, right.
Well, maybe
it's Jewish heaven.
Look!
Hey, do you guys know
the way to Camp Blue Finch?
Uh, yeah.
Just keep going
the way you're going.
Oh, wow, okay.
Thanks so much.
We're not dead.
We're insane!
No, we're not.
And I don't think we're
in the Valley anymore.
Is anybody getting
any bars?
No.
Eight, seven...
...six, five...
Hey, do you guys know
the way to Camp Blue Finch?
Yeah, actually
we're counselors,
and we can show you
if you'd just give us a ride.
Oh, rad! Yeah, hop in.
Tubular!
Dude, what
are you doing?
Do we have a choice?
We're kind of stuck.
Let's go.
Max.
Come on, guys.
You guys coming?
I can't believe
you guys are counselors, too.
We've never had
this many before.
When the kids
get here next week,
they're gonna be
so pumped.
Hey, where are
you guys' suitcases?
Because, honestly,
your clothes,
they're disgusting.
Says the guy
in the crop top.
What's up?
Are you guys poor people?
Are you guys poor?
Uh, we packed
light. Yeah.
Mmm-hmm.
What did you
pack, Tina?
The basics, bikini,
mouthwash, diaphragm.
Hell, yeah,
you did.
'Cause they're
gonna get so naked.
How did you know?
Spring break,
forever.
Hey, guys, we're here!
Whoo!
Someone wake up
Sleeping Beauty back there.
Mmm.
Are we there yet?
Oh, hi!
I'm Nancy.
What's your name?
Max.
First time
away from home?
It's okay.
It's hard to be away
from your parents, huh?
Best summer ever!
Oh! Yes.
Whew.
Well, kiddo,
this is the summer
that's going to
change your life.
No kidding.
Hey, Nance,
that guitar is choice.
Thanks, Blake.
Bitching hair.
Ah.
Okay. So, we're
in the movie.
Uh-huh. How do we
get outta here?
Yeah, I like that question.
That's a really,
really good question.
Duncan, can you answer
that question, please?
What are you talking about?
It's 1986!
Our homes
don't exist yet.
They're probably just
landfills waiting to be
turned into
crappy subdivisions.
We don't exist yet.
I know for a fact my
parents haven't met
because I was
an unplanned child.
Anyone wanna help me
pick some strawberries?
No, but I'll
give you a hand
with those melons.
Talking about her boobs!
You guys get me, right?
Yeah,
we do, brother.
Kurt is insatiable.
Um, okay,
so Mimi's in the woods,
that means everything
is right on schedule.
She hooks up
with that hiker.
But then she gets
killed, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Everyone who has sex
in this movie dies.
It's awesome.
I got into
bodybuilding big time.
Yeah. Oh, my God,
can I touch it?
Yeah, touch it.
Oh, wow.
The backside's
just as hard.
Touch the backside.
That's right. Everyone.
I'm with Gertie
on this one.
Let's just take
their van and bail.
What do we
have to lose?
Yeah, did I say that?
I did? Okay.
We actually probably
shouldn't talk to them.
Oh! What's up, funbags?
Funbags. Right.
Yay, feminism.
Listen, we need
to borrow your van
for a little while.
Is that okay? Yeah?
I don't know.
What's in it for me?
How about my friends
don't kick your ass?
Oh! This guy's
your friend?
Yeah, right.
You want to go?
No, no. God, no.
Bicep, smash.
And that would kill you.
That's a karate technique.
No, I don't.
I've never actually
fought anyone
before in my life.
Yeah, well, I have.
So many times.
Seven times.
Hey, this is so weird.
Do me a favor and just
zing me. Just get me.
Fine. How about
you go suck a turd?
The writing
is so bad.
Okay, tell you what.
You find the keys
and the van's yours.
Oops.
Really?
I'm glad
that you die.
- What?
- Nothing!
What she meant to say was,
that we all die eventually.
Technically, we start dying
the moment we're born.
Yeah, right.
Yes, but not
to overwhelm you...
Okay.
I liked you when you were
laughing at my jokes.
Now, I just think
you're weird.
Okay, let's just
go get the...
Sorry. Let's go
get the keys.
Oh, hey, you wanna
give me a hand?
Sure.
All right.
Let's rock and roll.
Oh, my God.
It really is you.
What?
Nothing.
Whoo!
All right!
Push-up time!
So, um...
Kurt told me he
wants to do it later.
Wow. Just like that?
I know!
And it's like, I can't
stay a virgin forever,
you know?
And he's been
with a lot of girls,
so he can
probably, like,
I don't know,
help me along.
You shouldn't have sex!
Why?
Because I heard
that sex can kill you.
Max. Sex isn't
anything to be afraid of.
I mean, Tina's already
done it twice today,
and look at her,
she's totally normal.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
She says the best
feeling in the world
is getting stoned and
doing it on a waterbed.
Don't hang around Tina.
No, but I told myself
that I was going to
lose my virginity
this summer.
Get drunk!
Not necessarily
in that order.
Please, just trust me.
You sound like my mom.
Right back at you.
Hello, hi.
Uh, we have to
go get everyone.
Let's go.
We will pick this up again.
Is that understood?
In the meantime,
just stay away from Kurt
and keep your shorts on.
Okay.
What
are you doing?
Dibs on the one
that looks like
Ricky Schroder.
Their hair's so flat.
It's making me sad.
That girl
with the freckles
is sort of cute.
You know,
none of them
are on the
counselors' roster.
Where did they come from?
We are never gonna
find these keys.
Not with that attitude,
we're not.
Though,
you are correct.
Let's go back. Now.
Shh.
It's happening.
We have
to warn her.
No. No.
Just think of them
as animals
on a nature
preserve, okay?
Our duty is
not to disrupt,
but to observe.
Oh!
Oh, gosh,
you startled me.
Sorry,
I'm looking for town.
So, I just go down
that path all the way?
A guy like you
can go anywhere he wants.
I can't believe
we're just gonna
casually watch
someone get murdered.
What is this, Detroit?
Mmm.
What is that noise?
It's Billy. He's coming.
Let's get out
of here then.
No, no. Stay, stay.
Did you hear something?
Baby, I didn't
hear a thing.
Give me a second.
Go over there. Get ready.
Okay! Where's the beef?
Come on, man!
I said, where's the...
Run!
Go, go, go, go!
Guys, guys,
wait, wait, wait.
Duncan!
What are you doing?
Duncan.
It's okay.
He won't hurt us.
He would've
killed me by now, okay?
I think it's because we're not
actually part of the movie,
he doesn't really
know what to do with us.
Isn't that right, Billy Boy?
Man, you are
big and scary.
I wonder if all this blood
is just corn syrup, you know?
Like these characters
are walking around
with just corn syrup
in their veins, you know?
Let's give it a shot here.
Oh, God.
No, that is, um...
That is not corn syrup.
That is...
Oh, God, that's blood.
All the more reason for us
to get the hell outta here.
No, no. Look,
everything in this world
is running
exactly on schedule.
Besides, to leave,
we probably have to wait
until the movie's over,
or something.
Well, when is that
going to happen?
Okay, look,
movies like this end
when the final girl
kills the main bad guy
and the credits roll.
It's actually
pretty sick in this one.
She kicks up the sword
and she kills him with
his own machete
- And Billy's like...
- It goes right through his hands.
Like...
- Head splits open. Pfft!
- Punches it.
Brain goes out...
Duncan!
Ugh.
Anyway, this smoking
hot girl called Paula,
she arrives in the next reel,
she's the final girl.
Oh, yeah, she is the only one
in this movie who doesn't die.
All we've got to do
is stick with her
and we're going to have
the best seats in the house.
Trust me, this last battle
will blow your minds.
- Okay, selfie time.
- Duncan!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I think I almost
just pissed my pants.
You did piss your pants.
What? No, I didn't.
Let's get
out of here!
Wait! Where are you going?
You're gonna miss
the slumber party.
You came back! Yay!
This way!
Wait! Where are you going?
You're gonna miss
the slumber party.
You came back! Yay!
What is happening?
Wait! Where are you going?
You're gonna miss
the slumber party.
You came back! Yay!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
I don't think
Billy's the only problem.
It's the movie.
The movie won't
let us leave.
Come on, everyone.
Sing along!
Duncan is dead.
We have to warn them.
Please. They're morons.
I wanna know where
they keep the hardware
in this dump.
I want chainsaws and
I want big-ass knives,
and I want them now.
What am I gonna
tell our parents?
I don't want to
die here, guys.
Me neither.
There's got to be
a way to get home.
Did I miss
the Kumbaya circle?
Paula, you're
just in time
to start setting up
for the slumber party.
Yeah, we took a vote
and you get to share
my sleeping bag.
Thanks, Kurt.
But I'm saving myself
for someone who
doesn't have a needle dick.
Yeah right,
it's like
a hammer dick,
if anything.
It's a
sledgehammer.
Uh, who are they?
Oh, they're
the new counselors.
They're super nice.
We don't have new counselors.
Well, now we do.
All right, guys,
let's split up into
groups and get busy.
Whoo!
That's her.
That's Paula.
She's the
final girl, right?
She's the one
that kills Billy.
We just have to stay with her
till the end of the movie.
I'm sticking to that bitch
like white on rice.
Okay. Now, we just have
to keep Billy away from us.
It's just
like Duncan said.
The moment
a top comes off,
Billy shows up.
Vicki, stick with
Paula and Tina.
Mmm-hmm.
Gertie, you take Blake.
Chris, take Kurt.
No, I want Chris
to stick with me.
No, we have to
cover everyone.
I'll stick with my mom.
You know that's
not your mom, right?
Vicki!
Don't defend her.
This delusional shit
is gonna get us all killed.
Ooh! Whoa!
Look at the
pair on her!
I would just
motorboat those
for hours.
Yeah, but look
at those articles,
I could read those
all night long.
What are you, a fag?
You don't like some
nice big hoots?
Hooting!
My dads are gay.
So, shut the hell up.
Yeah, right!
Gay guys can't have kids.
They're too busy
going to discos
and having sex
with each other.
It's actually
a pretty cool lifestyle.
Oh!
Hi.
Hey.
I really like your pin.
Oh, thank you.
Where'd you get yours?
My friends gave them to me.
Where'd you get yours?
Um, I made it, actually,
at this, like, prison
pen-pal convention thing.
Oh, that's awesome!
Yeah.
Hey, what's up
with this cassette?
There are no holes in it.
Give me that.
What are these?
No, no. Bad!
Not for you. Very bad!
It's too bad
all the girls
are so busted, huh?
The only way you or I
are going to get any
is with angel eyes
over there.
What? Are you nuts?
No, no, no. These girls
are slamming, my man.
And I am going
to do all of them.
Yum! By the way,
what's with you and Max?
Are you guys...
Are you guys having sex?
Because if not,
I wouldn't mind
bench pressing her
with my dumbbell.
Oh!
Listen, brah,
you're not bench pressing
anyone with your dumbbell.
If I so much
hear your dumbbell
took a Pilates class...
What?
...I'm gonna
cut it off.
I swiped a whole
case of this stuff
from my uncle
before coming.
I'm gonna need it
if I'm stuck here
for the summer
instead of souping up
this bitching firebird
I found in...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, great.
Where do they keep
the chainsaws here?
What?
We might want to
find out, right?
Where they keep them?
Because you never know
when you might
need a chainsaw.
Why do we need a chainsaw
for a slumber party?
I know what's going to
go down at this camp,
and it's not pretty.
Uh, so, where's that
other guy you came with?
Uh...
My brother.
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, he's, uh...
He's napping somewhere.
Okay, let's go.
You want to go?
Yeah, let's.
You got all the
wood you need.
Mom, no!
Get dressed. Now.
Oh, my God, Max!
What are you doing here?
Get out!
Nancy, if you go
through with this,
you're going
to get hurt.
Kurt said
he liked me, okay.
He said it.
Yeah, they always say it,
they just don't act like it.
God. You must think
I'm a total zero.
I just wanted to feel
grown-up, special.
You are special.
I'm the shy girl
with the clipboard
and the guitar.
Special to who?
Special to me.
Who are you, Max?
Soak this moment in, babe,
because you're always
gonna remember me.
Oh, shit.
Ooh!
Two for the price of one.
You babes just
couldn't wait,
could you?
We're leaving.
Too late.
Genie's already
out of the bottle.
Make a wish.
Ew.
Ew.
Where's Max?
I don't know.
Do you hear that?
What'd I say, huh?
Leave her alone!
Lock the windows!
Shut the curtains!
He can see us!
Who is he?
Max. You have to
tell them about Billy.
Oh, God. He's here.
Not Billy Murphy?
I mean, he's just a legend.
Oh! I love legends.
Loch Ness, Bigfoot,
Bon Jovi. All of them.
It all happened so long ago.
Little Billy Murphy went
to camp here decades ago.
And he was always
picked on for being...
Um, guys?
...different, ugly.
And then one summer...
This is bad.
...the hottest one on record,
the counselors decided
to play a little prank on him.
What's happening?
Oh.
This is...
What, are we home?
Oh, God, why am I colorblind?
Am I having a stroke?
I think we're
in a flashback.
It started as
just another ordinary day.
But little did they know...
What the hell
is that voice?
...something was about
to go horribly wrong.
No one really knows
how Billy was
before it happened.
The counselors hated him,
and the other kids
bullied him mercilessly.
Stop!
Where'd you get
these clothes, huh?
Guys, that's Billy.
Come on, Billy.
Hey, what are you
little idiots doing?
Billy's in there,
and he's been
in there forever.
Billy locked
himself in the outhouse,
thinking he'd be safe,
but he was wrong.
Billy.
Billy, open up.
I know how
to get him out.
Billy had third-degree
burns all over his body
because of
the counselors' prank.
And the only thing
that could distract Billy
from his terrible pain,
was thinking about
what had been done to him.
And during those long,
agonizing nights
in the burn ward,
Billy's fear was slowly
replaced by something else.
Hatred.
His face would
never be the same.
And so, he made a mask
to hide his scars
on the outside,
but his anger
grew on the inside.
All Billy wanted was
to make everyone as afraid
as he was
on that terrible day.
He started his
reign of terror
by returning to
exact his revenge.
He killed
eight counselors
that night.
One for every month
he spent in that hospital bed.
And legend has it
Billy still lives
in these woods
in his own little shack,
waiting for new counselors
to cross his path,
waiting to get revenge
again and again.
The car! The car!
Guys, you can't leave!
Literally!
Get up! Get up! Stop!
Don't come any closer.
Okay, just listen.
We can explain.
You can't leave.
None of us can.
Not until he's dead.
Until who's dead?
Billy Murphy.
What?
Drive! Drive!
Look, I'm just
trying to save you.
Why? Why are you
trying to save me?
Well, because you're my...
My first friend here.
Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go!
Help me.
I'm not dead!
Duncan!
You're alive!
No, you killed Duncan!
Let's just go to a hotel
and just relax for the night
and maybe we can
get into something.
Oh, my God, Kurt!
Oh, my God!
Paula! She's alive!
Paula, don't move!
Shit!
I can't believe
they're all dead.
They were never alive.
They weren't real.
Neither are you.
Because this is just a movie,
and Paula was the only one
that could kill Billy.
We're screwed.
What does she mean,
"just a movie"?
So, we're in a movie?
But this is
a horror movie,
and Billy Murphy's
really after all of us.
Why do I have to wear
all this stuff again?
Because you're scripted
to do a striptease
at the slumber party,
and when you
take your top off,
Billy comes running.
But why does he
hate my boobs?
Because they're not big?
So, wait,
is new wave real?
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
But I'm not real.
You're only real
in the movie.
So, yeah, you're real here.
Oh, cool.
Guys, we just
wanna get home.
But, okay...
But you said
Paula was the only one
who could kill him.
And she just died.
Exactly. Which is why
we need to nominate
a new final girl.
And I'm willing to be it.
What?
Well, you're not a virgin.
I am, too, a virgin!
I technically am that...
Whatever, what
does it matter?
Because it just does, Vicki.
You have to be
a virgin in this movie
in order to
kill Billy, okay?
And the only
true-blue virgin here
is Max.
I'm not the only virgin.
Gertie,
you're a virgin.
No. Not anymore.
Last summer,
with that guy Gerry.
He had the like
weird mustache
and he, like,
winked, remember?
Isn't he autistic?
Yeah. Yeah, he is.
But he's also very romantic.
Damn, superfreak.
I like!
Okay, let's
make a plan.
Yeah.
We need to
get Billy's machete.
The one he's holding?
Yeah. Duncan said
that's the only
way to kill him.
Everything else
just slows him down.
So, we're supposed to
just pry it from his hands?
Well, we don't really have
any other options. Okay?
Look, we just have to get
his machete into Max's hands
so she can
chop his head off,
end the movie,
and we can all go home.
No. No way!
I can't do this.
See? She's even saying
that she can't do it.
Vicki! Enough! Jesus!
Can you just shut up
for a second?
God! I can't believe
I put up with you
for so long.
Max, you got this.
No.
Max. You can do this.
If it wasn't for you,
we'd all be dead
burning in the theater
right now.
Yeah, and look
where I got us.
I can do it. I can
be the final girl.
I'm a virgin, too.
I didn't sleep with Kurt.
So, now I guess I'll
be able to save myself
for George Michael
after all.
I wouldn't hold
your breath, honey.
Why?
It doesn't matter. Nancy,
you can't be the final girl.
It's not in your DNA,
or whatever.
You're the shy girl
with the clipboard
and the guitar.
You get laid
and then you die.
You're just part
of the body count.
No offense.
That came out wrong.
Thanks a lot.
Max.
I was just
trying to help.
Nancy?
Am I really gonna die?
Yeah.
So, I guess I never grow up,
or fall in love
or have kids.
I had this dream that
when I graduated college,
I would meet a guy.
And we'd have
a baby. A girl.
And if she ever needed me,
I would do anything for her.
Anything.
I would've made
a really great mom.
The best.
God, this totally sucks!
It's so bogus!
I should have known
something was up
with this place.
I mean,
think about it.
What the hell
kind of summer camp
has waterbeds?
What do we do now?
We fight.
All right, guys.
No more junior
varsity bullshit.
We gotta lead with
a pro-style offense.
Something Billy
won't see coming.
We have to use
everything we have
at our disposal.
I was thinking
the best opportunity
for an ambush
would be
the slumber party,
with a few tweaks.
That means it's
just a question of
luring him here at
just the right time.
How are we going
to do that?
I think I have an idea.
"Operation
Booby Trap?"
Yup. And Tina's
going to be the bait.
Vicki, are you crying?
I'm fine.
Gertie, I'm sorry for
that time in junior high
when I told everyone
to start calling you
"Ba-chunk-adunk."
And then I covered
your locker in bacon.
That was so crappy.
And I'm so sorry.
I'm such a bad person.
You're not. It's okay.
If it makes you
feel better,
last summer, I'm the one
who spread the rumor
that said you had
a weird disease
where you're
always on your period.
Wow. That's evil.
Thank you.
Hey, Max, if I'm
going to die tonight,
then I don't want to die
without telling you
that when your mom died,
you shut down completely.
And just cut me
out of your life.
And I missed you.
I missed our friendship.
And then you two
became best friends
and, I don't know,
I got jealous.
And so, I did
some really bad things
and I'm not proud of them.
Vicki.
No, no, no, just
let me finish, okay.
I know that I've become a...
A bitch?
Yes, thank you.
But the thing is, Max,
I've always looked up to you
because you were
always the brave one.
So, be brave again.
Vicki, you don't
have to die.
I'm the mean girl in
the '80s horror movie.
And we're
past the mid-point,
so, you know,
I'd say that I've
overstayed my welcome.
Ooh!
Oh, no, no, no!
Uh-uh. No. No, Tina.
Tina, hey. Yeah. No.
You know not to take off
any of your clothes until
we say so, right?
Yeah? No sex.
How could anyone
think about sex
when I have this
rad gadget?
What is this
thing, anyway?
It's a phone.
Yeah. Please,
I'm not that gullible.
Um, hello, operator? Yes,
I'm trying to make a call
but I can't
because my phone's
not plugged into anything.
Oh, my God, kill me.
Guys, it's almost time.
Let's get ready.
Okay.
How you holding up?
Been better.
How about you?
I'm really scared.
Uh...
Uh, are the arrows ready?
Yeah, I'm on it.
"Adderall."
God, your parents must be
freaking out right now.
You've been
gone for hours.
They must be
so worried about you.
Not really.
I never knew my dad.
And my mom's away.
What's she like?
She, uh... She was so
beautiful and funny.
She never knew
how awesome she was.
How'd she die?
I never said she died.
You said "was."
So, I just figured.
It's okay. You don't
have to tell me.
Here, I want you
to have this.
It's a friendship bracelet.
So, you don't forget me.
How could I ever forget you?
You know,
if this all works out,
I'm really gonna miss you.
When you go home, I mean.
Oh, God, I sound
totally molded.
I know we just met,
it's silly for me
to say that.
It's just...
I guess it's like,
who am I going to
talk to after you leave?
You know? Tina?
She's not very smart.
Maybe you
don't have to.
I don't?
I mean, I carpool
with her to camp,
it's kind of inevitable.
No, I mean, maybe you
don't have to stay here.
Look, I know in the movie,
you're supposed to die,
but that doesn't mean
you have to, right?
Right.
And if you don't die,
then that means
you'll be around at
the end of the movie,
when we leave.
Right.
So, then who's to say
you can't just come home
with me?
Oh, my God.
Where's home?
The Valley.
The Valley.
I don't know, Max,
I don't know.
You're just... You're kind of
blowing my mind right now.
No, think about it!
If you come
home with me,
you can be
whoever you want.
You don't have to be
the shy girl
with the clipboard
and the guitar.
You could be...
I could, like, go to college.
And drive a convertible.
Right. Totally!
An go shopping at the mall.
Actually, people
don't really shop
at malls anymore.
They shop online.
What's online?
Never mind, I made that up.
Just keep going!
Okay! I wanna shop online
and I wanna start over.
You know, I could be
different in the Valley.
What if I don't
make it, Max?
This time, you will.
Hey, guys.
Hi. So sorry
to interrupt,
but, um, we have
a bit of a situation.
Tina, are you...
I'm great! I'm amazing!
She ate your Adderall?
Tina, hey. Eyes here.
Hmm.
Yes.
How many of my, um,
Tic Tacs did you have?
They're not Tic Tacs!
And I had, um, three.
No, 10 or 30!
It was 30!
Maybe we need
to re-strategize.
No, no, no.
I got this.
I got this.
Tina.
Are you sure you can...
Look, man, I got
this, all right?
I got this!
I so got this.
She'll be fine.
I really think
she's more focused now.
Right, Tina?
Yes!
Guys. Let's start.
All right, guys.
This is it. Sound off. Ready.
Ready! Ready! Ready!
Totem pole?
Ready!
Stereo?
Ready.
- Arrows?
- Ready!
All right then, Nancy,
unleash the beast.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, he's coming.
He's coming!
He's coming!
Not yet. Wait to move!
No, no! He's so close!
Tina!
Cut the rope!
Gertie.
Yeah?
I love you.
Oh, screw it.
Everybody in the kitchen!
Now! Now! Go now!
It's okay.
It's gonna be fine.
Gertie, come on.
Hurry up!
Go!
Go, go, go! Go!
Come on, Nancy. Come on.
Shit!
It's stuck!
We're stuck!
We're stuck!
No!
Max, it's okay.
Just go.
Go.
What's happening?
It's slow motion.
Jump!
Flashback!
Flashback! Flashback!
What?
Just say the words!
What words?
Billy Murphy was a kid
who went to camp here
years ago.
Tell me the
story again! Hurry!
He was always picked on
for being different, ugly.
Keep going.
Don't stop!
And then one summer,
the hottest one on record,
the kids decided to play
a little prank on him.
Where the hell are we?
A flashback!
A flashback!
Does that mean
we're safe?
Holy crap,
this thing is heavy.
Guys,
where's Billy?
Billy locked
himself in the outhouse,
thinking he'd be safe,
but he was wrong.
Oh, my God,
that's me!
Ugh.
That's what
I sound like?
- Look at him run!
- Wait.
Where's Billy going?
Wait.
I don't know
that part of camp.
I've never seen
that cabin before.
Shit! End the
flashback! End it!
Just skip to the end!
Legend has it Billy
still lives in these woods
waiting for new counselors
to cross his path,
waiting to get
revenge again and again.
Did we leave him there?
I wouldn't
count on it.
Let's move.
Oh, my God!
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Max!
Max!
No!
Let me go! Let me go!
She's gone, Max.
No! She's alive! She's...
Max, she's gone.
No. She's not.
Come on.
Keep pressure on it.
Don't move, I'll be back.
Max, she's dead.
She's supposed to die,
just like the rest of them.
No, she's lived
this far into the movie,
longer than she
ever has before.
She's not real.
None of this is real.
Yes, she is!
Max, wait.
I don't wanna
die alone.
Listen to me.
You're not gonna die.
Nobody else is
dying tonight.
I know exactly where
he's taken her.
Hey, Nancy.
Max? Max!
He was right there.
No!
Get up!
Come on, let's
get out of here.
Come on, come on.
Chris.
Max, over here.
Sit down.
Am I dying?
No. I know how to fix it.
You're not the
final girl yet, Max.
Because of me.
I'm still alive.
No.
Yes.
No! I'm already dying,
so you could survive!
You can be the final girl.
No, Max. No.
That's not who
I'm supposed to be,
remember?
I'm just the shy girl
with the clipboard
and the guitar.
Yeah, but you wanted
to change that.
Honey, let me do this.
No.
Max, I'm not afraid.
I wanted to save you.
Oh, Max, you did.
You did, Max.
Just by letting me
be here with you.
I've never felt more real
or more alive ever before.
No.
No, Mom, you belong
at home, with me.
Look, your name is
Amanda Cartwright,
and you live in Encino,
and you love
Bette Davis Eyes
and Mel's Diner.
And you wanted to be
the biggest movie star,
more than anything
in the world.
And
you had a daughter.
You have a daughter.
I'm not going back
without you.
I don't wanna
lose you again.
Max.
I'm not lost.
I'm right here,
all right?
You'll always know
where to find me, okay?
But you have to let me go.
You have to let me go.
Bye, Max.
I love you.
That's what
I never got
to tell her.
Don't worry.
Wherever she is,
she knows.
You were right about
one thing, you know?
What?
I'm a movie star.
You just fucked
with the wrong virgin.
It's over.
What is happening?
I don't know.
Hold on tight!
This food
is so disgusting.
Speak for yourself, girl.
This tapioca pudding
is incredible!
You've had
like 15 of those in
the last 30 minutes.
I counted them, 15!
Little known fact,
I can't stand tapioca pudding.
Then why
did you eat 30
of them?
Let me eat my
feelings in peace.
Max!
Hey!
You're awake!
When you get a second,
try the pudding.
Wait, where are we?
We're home.
But was it a dream or...
No, not at all!
Remember?
Ugh.
That is a machete wound,
poorly stitched
by an incompetent doctor.
I'm actually more
concerned about tetanus
because the machete
had a bit of rust on it,
and I did not see
the doctor give me a shot.
Duncan, I love you
and I'm so happy
you survived,
but do you hear yourself
when you say things?
God.
Do you hear the words
in your head first?
And she's back.
I feel like
the jock at high school
just gave me
his promise ring.
Doctor, stop.
Oh, come on.
My shift's
almost over.
I have
to do my rounds.
And what beautiful
rounds they are.
Oh, my God.
Of course.
Of course, what?
The sequel!
This is so great!
The sequel is
so much cooler
than the original.
Mark.
Let me just
wipe my sweat off
with this tampon.
Blooper!
How about you
go suck a turd?
That's perfect,
so perfectly bad.
Like that's Bad.
Michael Jackson Bad?
That guy's talented.
King of Pop.
Yeah.
Wasn't expecting that.
No!
Shit.
It's broken!
Oh, God, you killed Duncan.
You smell great, by the way.
Oh, you killed him!
I promise I won't
tell the cops
if we just
go have sex!
Right now! Now!
I'm not even scared.
Oh, God,
Jesus.
Oh.
Chris.
One more time!
I've only had sex one time
and it was with
my cousin Heather!
Honestly, that
wasn't your fault,
and I won't
tell the cops
if we have sex.
Let's
Look, Chris, you and I
don't know each other well.
So, lose the familiarity.
What a rude little
girl you're being.
She's not like this at home.
She's just showing off.
You guys have to learn
how to not break.
I'm scared.
Oh, I get it, because
you've only had sex
with one person
and I'm freaking
double-digits slayer
over here.
You probably don't
even know this move.
I feel like I'm
walking out like Kramer.
Jerry.
Well, all my
bones are broken
except for the one.
I'm actually
talking about this arm.
My penis is
severely injured.
It's like split in
three different parts.
Okay, okay,
people are dying.
Oh, my God!
It's not "Ew."
It's not "Ew."
Too sexy?
Was it too sexy?
Impossible.
Ever since
I was a little boy,
I've dreamed of being
the final girl.
I want you to come study.
One more time.
Well, Vicki, you're a virgin.
No, you're not, you're a slut.
He had, like,
the weird mustache.
Yeah, right!
A phone that I can
put in my mouth?
Oh!
From the movie.
Oh, Jesus!
Ow!
All right,
see you in there.
That's a cut!