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The Final Member (2012)
Hello!
- Excellent. - Here you go, theyre great. Thanks. Well, this is a bladdernose seal. And here's the smallest of the whales, the common porpoise, with both testicles. And this is a penis from a harbour seal. A beautiful specimen with the testicles. These are absolutely fantastic. Absolutely fabulous. This started as a joke with a bull's penis in 1974. I was 33 years old and it was in the town of Akranes in the south where I was the headmaster of a secondary school. One of my teachers gave it to me at a party just as a joke. That was the first. This museum presents phalluses or penises from the animal kingdom. With all the artistic pieces around as well. Here it is, the bull's penis that my teacher gave me. The one that gave me the idea to start collecting. So this was what started everything. This is the biggest specimen I've got so far. It's from a sperm whale, but this is just one third of the length of the organ. This is the part that leaks out when the animal dies. This is a penis bone from a cave bear, a species that got extinct 10, 15 thousand years ago. So this is, this is very rare and very precious to me. I've been collecting for almost 40 years now. I'm almost 70. And I've got foxes, minks, house mouse, field mouse, rats, brown rats, black rats, pigs, horses, rams, bulls, reindeer, polar bear, seals, walruses, harbour seal, grey seal, sperm whale, humpback, minke whale, killer whale, dolphins. I've got them all. I've got specimens from all mammalian species except one. A proper human. Without the proper human, the collection is not complete. My dad has been collecting penises as long as I remember. I think for me it was quite, you know, normal. Just part of, you know, the family life to bring home a new specimen for the museum. Or for the collection, it wasn't a museum then. It was a private collection at home. Just for display, for guests and so on. It was shocking for people to come into his home. Hed filled up his whole house with all types of penises in formaldehyde. He wasnt afraid of what other people thought. More and more penises kept coming into the house. Then it got out of control, so we told him he had to open a museum. And I opened it with an opening ceremony, in style. On the 23rd of August, '97. That's my birthday as well. BIRTHDAY SONG IN ICELANDIC Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! We have anniversaries on the same day, me and the museum. It was great. There was more space at home. So I was happy. We started when I was 17 and she was 18. We've been together 52 years now. I would never have been able to do the museum without her support. Quite a few people thought, of course, that I was a pervert or something like that to start with... start collecting penises. Most people, some people may have thought it absolutely nonsensical. Or, or idiotic. But when people realised there's nothing pornographic there, they just... Well, they may start thinking, why is he doing it? What... what is his concept of presenting this to us? The museum developed almost naturally but echoes many of the approaches to the world that you see within his teaching. Especially the question of something that mustn't be talked about. And there's... Anything that Siggi comes across that mustn't be talked about, for him it must be talked about straight away, let's discuss this. Did you know that? Ah, you knew that. Great. This is very, very important for me to inform people or educate people. I think this serves or helps decreasing taboos about this human body. About this, especially about this organ I'm presenting here. This is the smallest item in the museum. A penis bone from a hamster. It's less than two millimetres. As a professional teacher for 37 years, I like telling people. I like informing people. The testicles weighed 972 kilos. Look at this one. This is an American possum. And it has two. Did you know? We look at the historical record and we see all kinds of variations in how much we can talk openly about penises. It's odd that we in the 21st century tend to fall on a very conservative point of view. Why is it for us in the 21st century that the penis is so taboo? Salt... and pepper. I've been carving for 30 years or something. I started carving things like this gavel. Just in the same line as other things in the museum, you see. So this is the official gavel of the director of the institute, the Icelandic Institute of Phallology. It's a good gavel. This took me weeks. So... this is pretty heavy but it's a complete mini-bar or travel bar with two small bottles and a measure. If you have guests, you can bring their schnapps on this trowel. It's just like something you want to create. You don't know what the end result will be. This is my Christmas cutlery, you know? A fork, knife and a spoon. The museum's getting greater attention now than it's ever done before and I think more or less... the word is spreading worldwide. And it's been a lot of interest shown by media from all over the world who's been flocking up to Husavik. From a sperm whale? Yes, it beached in Hrutarfjordur. We dont want this on our shoes. - Are you wearing dress shoes? - Yes, nice ones. Hello, I'm Carol Off. Good evening, I'm Jeff Douglas. And this is 'As It Happens'. The world's only penis museum has not yet managed to secure even one of a specimen of which there are billions. Mr Hjartarson, why is it so difficult, do you think to get a human penis for your museum? I've been collecting for 33 years now and I'm still waiting for a human one. These bodies are all over, you know? And some of them are just cut up for... to pieces. Why haven't I been able to get a human specimen from there? Without specific legal permission given by an individual you cannot acquire any part of his body. Everybody knowing everybody in Iceland, this is a sensitive matter, you know? Because we are so few and a specimen would hardly get to me without the nametag on it. Nobody would notice if somebody was buried with one kidney. Well, he just gave it away, or we gave it away. But if he was buried without a penis, this would be a... Well, even he or his family could be a laughing stock, you know? So this is a part of the taboo or the fringe of talking about these things. The museum wont be completed until he gets this human penis. Its like when you have a series of something and youre missing one piece in the series. Until then, the museum isnt quite real. People want to build monuments or leave something behind. I think this is also a part of it. It's his, you know, chance to do something and leave something remarkable behind. My health has deteriorated this year. This is worrying me a little. Because you start thinking that you haven't got so many years left. Siggi told me that he can not die in peace unless he has completed two things. One was to translate a book by the Spanish monk, Las Casas. Hes done that. The other is to get... a human penis. Thats why I will do whatever I can to help my cousin complete the museum. The human might be the end of a collection of 34 years. If I don't get it in the next few years, I don't know what happens. ICELAND TODAY Good evening, everyone. It takes guts to donate your private parts to a public museum. But thats what Pall Arason, the famous adventurer, has done. I have no use for my penis once Im dead. - Didnt you have to think this over? - No. I never contemplate. I think quickly. And I always follow through. The first time we met Pall he started bragging and boasting about his way with women and his outstanding sexual performance. Pall was getting up there in age and I asked him if he had any use for his penis once he was dead. He replied "No. " Pall Arason is an authority. He's a famous guy in Iceland. So that would be an extremely valuable acquisition to get him. And here is the bottle. Mr Arason's future resting place. If he fits there. So Mr Arason, his letter of donation was the first in 1996. Then in 2001 came Tom Mitchell, the American. Hi, I'm Tom Mitchell, I'm an American. And I have decided to donate my penis to the only penis museum in the world, the Iceland Phallological Museum. I felt ever since I was a kid that when the time came I didn't want my penis to go to waste when I die and when I came across the Iceland Phallological Museum it seemed like the ideal solution to a lifelong dream. I initially did a letter of donation to Siggi. He had claimed that there was an old Icelandic gentleman who had made a commitment to donate his penis upon his death. I asked if he would be interested in a donation from outside of Iceland. He responded enthusiastically at the time. He calls his penis Elmo and he is extremely well endowed. This is the American, Tom Mitchell. And with him comes a mould, or cast. That's a very, very good specimen of almost seven inches, and a great girth. My first wife came up with the name Elmo and I'm not really sure where that came from but that was a long time before any Muppets characters were out there. I don't know really anything about this guy, except he has this great specimen, Elmo. I started realising that to ask somebody who was a close friend to make sure that my sex organs are cut off my cold, dead corpse is really just kind of a gross thing to ask anybody to do, especially anybody you care about. And if you want anything done right, you probably need to see to it yourself. So more recently I decided that actually it would be a good idea to do it before I die. I can see where most any rational guy would say boy, that's an extreme thing to do. I mean, nobody would really want to do that during their life. I've always had a dream of not only Elmo being placed on display in a public place but as a result, possibly some fame and fortune. Not for myself, but for Elmo. I've always thought it would be really cool for my penis to be the world's first true penis celebrity. If a gentleman wants to donate there are two things that must be done. Firstly, there must be a legally done document testified by three witnesses. The second thing is he must prove it in some way that he meets the standards of minimum legal length of five inches. That's based on this folk tale about a lady who went to the sheriff and asked for a divorce because her husband only had three inches. Let's get a look at the story itself here. I'll just read it for you. It goes something like this. It's called "A Legal Length. " There was an old lady who came to her local sheriff demanding a divorce from her husband. The sheriff inquired as to the reason for this. "It's the damnedest thing I've ever seen" said the old lady. The sheriff asked whether the object in question was such a freak of nature that it was unusable or what. "Don't even try mentioning that thing" said the old woman. "It's no more than three thumbs worth. " And the old woman said that she would be satisfied with nothing less than a legal length. The sheriff said that he wasn't aware of any article in the law stating anything about a legal length. "Isn't three thumbs worth enough?" "Absolutely not" said the old woman. "One in the hair, one in the skin, "and a third, and a fourth, and a fifth one in. "Now that's what I call action. "That's legal length for you, my good man. " What I think is interesting about this story is... like certain other folk tales that we have in the Icelandic tradition from this time, recorded by priests and other learned people and sent on by them, is that there's clearly a lot more understanding of the woman, of the woman's part in sexual activities, that she deserves to get something out of it as well as the man. We get the same sort of story comes up with, in... in terms of tales with... about elves. On this tale, old folk tale, is based my insistence or requirement of having a mould of five inches. There was an English TV station. They tried to take a mould of Mr Arason with Plaster of Paris. But this guy didn't know how to do it properly. Try to stretch it. Yes, pull it up. Well, I mean take the penis and make it longer. Its very easy to get it off. Dont worry. In a few minutes it will be hard as a rock and then Ill be back. Hello? Well, this should be ready now. Dont break it. Im more worried about pulling your penis off. You can help if you feel a place where its stuck. Just the pubic hair! Wait a second... But its loose here. Enough! He was furious. The mould was ruined. I'm afraid I can't verify him being of a legal length at that time or now. Hi Siggi, this is Tom. Finally we are talking together. What's happening with the fellow from Iceland? Has he said anything recently? He's still alive, 93 years old. Don't worry about him. It's very important to me that Elmo be the first human specimen in your museum. Yeah. It's extremely important, the reason is... I have dreams and wishes that... He wants to get the fame. That's his main point. Being the first is the only answer to get this attention. So I understand him in the way... in that way. But there is one difference here. He is talking about having his specimen, his organ removed before he dies. Now that's a big story just by itself, you know? To have it removed before he dies. And then he could come later on and see himself on the wall. Of course I would prefer it to be from the Icelander, Mr Arason. But we don't know how many years Mr Arason is going to live. Look how it opens. Look here. It's beautiful. You see I will clean this up and put it on the wall there. And you see here... One thing, Tom is in a best position. He is... he has the advantage because he has promised to deliver it before he dies. It's very important to me that I'm not getting the first specimen from an anonymous nobody somewhere. Of course, I would prefer it to be from... well, let's say, like Mr Arason, who's a renowned personality in Iceland that everybody knows. Its a damn big penis youre going to get from me, Siggi. Right? Yes, youre a famous man. But now theres a new donor. Yes. Hes 60 and he is a threat because... Yes? Hes going to cut it off before he dies. Shit... Right. So he could beat you to it. Ah... Mr Arason is a very, very funny, or very special character. He's a boaster and a braggart, you know? And he wants to be in the limelight. There is no other Pall Arason in Iceland. Except me. He was one of the first who went over the highlands by car. Ive been the first in so many ways. I was the first to take tourists to the highlands. I made these paths possible. It was a big adventure and he got famous. At first I got no support. Icelanders didnt have the courage to go up into the mountains. That was only for outlaws, they thought. Mr Arason is a remarkable guy in many ways. Some people say that he's the greatest womaniser in the history of the country. My forefathers on my mothers side were priests and womanisers. And the priests liked women a lot. Womanising is a big part of the legend of Pall. I think he had many women and I know that many women came here. He was a truck driver up in the mountains and maybe alone with ten women. Who knows? All sorts... black, yellow, white. But never an Eskimo. I had a book and I wrote in it every time I got laid. And that book has about 300 names now. Not counting prostitutes and such in Paris, Amsterdam and Rome. I got crabs from the one in Rome. Yes, Kata, yes, she was so lovely. Beautiful breasts she had. And her arse, too. Yes, yes. And Disa from Midfjordur. And this one from the Canary Islands. Yes, she was fun. When visitors walk into the penis museum in Iceland and they first set eyes on Elmo and see this relatively large erect penis with an American design, stars and stripes, red, white, and blue, I'd like them to know that the largest and best one of the entire collection came from the States, which is patriotic. But I also want people to, I guess, take a moment and contemplate how they feel about themselves. I want to do something that makes a statement and makes people feel good and actually breaks through the ceilings and barriers and let mankind in general move forward. So this tattoo you're doing will be around theoretically for thousands of years. Maybe the one and only tattoo you do in your whole career that will be here hundreds of years from now. You want to take a look? Ooh, that's nice. SINGING IN ICELANDIC Welcome relatives, and cheers! - I thought I was your brother. - Yes, I know. This is made of penis skin from a sperm whale. There are just four specimens of this kind in the world. One, two, three, and Mr Arason. When Pall Arason promised to donate his penis, he claimed to have slept with the most women in Iceland. I dont remember if there were... Two, three... There were 400, thats what I understood. Thats okay. Now there are 402. Thats fine. But when he donates his specimen it will become very valuable and unique. Dr Petursson has pledged to remove it. Yes. Of course. Dr Petur once said to me "Ari, if you find the old man dead, "call me first, and then 911." Hi Siggi, how are you? Hi Tom, how are you? Congratulations. You have a red, white and blue stars and stripes... Oh yeah? .. on your American penis's head. Fantastic. That's nice to hear. Siggi, I'm pretty sure you have a pretty good idea on how you want to display him. Well, it must be rather special, rather... It must be extremely well done. But I will take care of Elmo's display. Don't do anything. Right. Okay. I'm wanting to get a display case made for the penis museum in Iceland. I've come up with some sketches. I'm looking for your thoughts and feedback. I had thought to actually mount it on. This is the display box I designed for Elmo. For me it's very important that Elmo be plastinated fully erect, looking natural with both testicles hanging in the bottom of the scrotum with pubic scalp that I want harvested at the same time. This would be the top, front face. It bevels down and goes... He was putting forth all kinds of conditions about the preservation, about the presentation of it in the museum, etcetera, etcetera. And all kinds of naming... even what kind of wood he was going to make the box of. These are three-eighths inch. These two will be three-eighths inch. This'll be quarter inch and very strong because it's one continuous piece. It could be glued down to the base or left separate. If it has legs on it it could be set on a pedestal or a shelf. Or it could be alternately attached to a wall. Suggestions are okay but I'm doing it my way. That's absolutely clear. We have a shelf and a mirror. Visitors to the museum could get views from either side, from the front and then through the mirror a view from below. Okay, yeah. We're going to probably want to lean it down at... about like that. We're looking at, hopefully, this lasting indefinitely. I've been doing this for 40 years and I've got things I built in the Getty that are still there. Okay. Do you have a warranty on anything that you make? You know, should it come apart? I have one for aquariums, I guess I could... Okay. Absolutely. He asked me if he could have it back off season, you know? I could have it here during summer. And he asked me if that wouldn't be all right if he got it back during winter here. Either he presents it, donates it formally and legally, and it's mine. And it's mine to decide what happens, how it's going to be presented and so on. So this is completely out of his hands after he delivers. Initially when I was considering having them harvested and preserved, I was thinking more in terms of traditional things like taxidermy and some of the taxidermists had been experimenting with freeze drying. I think they did that with some people's pets, dogs and cats, and that was relatively successful. And then I discovered the science of plastination which is a modern high tech way of preserving anatomical specimens. Mr Tom contacted us asking us to preserve his male genitals in complete shape. That means penis, scrotum and testicles. The goal of this treatment is to keep a natural shape, erected position. It is very, very important to be careful with possible shrinkage. We want to be sure to avoid any shrinkage. For this reason we are developing new techniques and new polymers. This is an international project. We are in Italy, the donor is in the United States, and the museum is in Iceland. We will have to move to the USA with a mobile laboratory. And treatment should be done immediately after the surgery, removing of the male genitals. Then delivery to the penis museum in Iceland. Hello, Dr Shahar? Yes? How are you? Fine, fine. Your lab is kind of clear now. You could you could take Elmo in and do plastination work? Yes. Okay. A penis and testicles can be done in two to three months then, correct? Yes, yes. This is a funny guy, you know? I have never met a person like him or been in contact with any person like him. So I'm not quite sure what he really means. Or what he's... where he is going, really. So I am just, as I said before, I am just the receiver. I just wait. This morning I handed into the printers my latest book, my 22nd work entitled "The Fox and the Nation". It's a history of 1100 years of relations between fox and man. You know, the Icelandic fox is a special animal. It's the only animal that has a longer history in Iceland than we have. But it's hunted without discrimination. The entire country thinks this animal is a pest. They talk about the extermination of a species. But what about the rights of the animal? This is something to fight for. So we founded a society, the Society of the Friends of the Foxes. Well, it might have started as a joke, as the phallological museum started. But we use that just to confront society and try to make them change their attitude. This is essentially wrong. So we must change our ideas of how to treat, for example, the fox. Or to take a collection of penises. Why to hide it? I have never asked anybody to kill an animal for me and I've never killed an animal myself. I don't shoot, I don't fish, I don't hunt. So first I put some water and then one tenth of the solution is formaldehyde. No animal here has ever been killed for me or because of me. Same applies to Elmo. That's absolutely clear. I've talked with people who have suggested different ideas, things that can be offered to public visitors to the museum and whatnot. There are things I'd like to pursue. One is a comic book. This is a simplified line drawing of a cartoon comic book type of character. "The Amazing Adventures of Elmo. " He's been detached, he's off to conquer evil, to see the world. I need to find somebody who's an artist, a comic book illustrator type of person. Somebody who's pretty creative with storylines and maybe has a good sense of humour. I'm excited about the idea. I think it would be a lot of fun. And I need to talk to Siggi about it. I think Siggi would have a lot of ideas as well. So he doesn't have any feet or shoes. So he kind of magically levitates around wherever he goes. He was driving me crazy, you know? I was having two or three emails a day. Whole pages of discussion about his organ. I don't know how much money I should spend on a penis I'm having cut off... I want Elmo to look his best. What do you think? He's awfully thick. His scrotum and testicles hang a long way... Let's have fun making him famous... He was always sending me photos of Elmo in all kinds of situations. With a Santa Claus hat. Abraham Lincoln. As a Viking. He feels that I am rejecting his endless discussion about Elmo. And his response was "Dear Tom, I am busy at the moment "putting the final touches on a book I have been translating. "A 16th century historical work. " What can I do? Encourage him? I'm not letting him get too close. So I'm keeping him at a distance where I feel sure about my position, you know? So he must do it on his own and I'm just waiting until I receive it. When I first contacted Siggi he was cordial. In fact, he was enthusiastic and I did the letter of donation to him and he wanted some photos and I sent him some photos and he wanted to know if I could get a plastic model made and I said as a matter of fact I already had one and sent that to him and he was all excited. But here more recently he's not communicating well. I'm beginning to think that he's wanting to give preference to the Icelander or someone else and that he's just... his enthusiasm has fallen off to zero. I think it's important that we treat one another with respect. We each own our own bodies. And I think as long as we don't harm one another we ought to be able to do what we please. And as far as the exhibitionist needs that I have, I think I can satisfy in a socially acceptable way by donating to the museum. I hope nobody thinks negatively about me. I'm sincere, and I like to think that I'm a pretty decent guy. I try to treat other people the same way that I like to be treated. And that's with respect. Mr Arason has stated it repeatedly to me that his specimen has been shrinking rather rapidly. According to the minimum legal standard of five inches... I very much doubt that he would reach up to that. Many people expect that the specimen that comes from Pall Arason will be huge. But Im afraid that many will be disappointed. Pall Arason is the same as other old folks. It shrinks a lot with age. It has been very important for him to be preserved in a dignified position. As big and as gorgeous as it could be done. Maybe this is the reason for him just trying to retract from this document, from this promise, you know? Some doctors have told me that if it's taken off the body before the body cools down and it is bled properly, all the blood is taken out, then some doctor told me that it would be possible to pump it up with a liquid. If he is warm when it is taken, still warm, you can cut it off, bleed it properly and then inject it and raise it. Im against that because if you pump Arasons penis up larger than it is, then it becomes fake. Then it's not real. Yeah, its a fake. Its probably just a small raisin from a 95-year-old man now, like it came from a field mouse. Siggi has many ideas and fantasies. He thinks that he can do something about it but I think that it will never be. It's hanging over me. I'm getting old and my health is not so good. I'm still waiting for a proper human. People sometimes ask me why I am doing this? I've been doing this for... not for money, definitely. But for the... Well, it's part of... It's pride as well. I'm proud of presenting or telling people about this. But it's deeper than that. I try to provoke people, to make them look differently at things, you know? You want to, well, explore things that other people don't. Of course, every museum wants things that are beautiful, the best. And it will be a huge disappointment if Pall doesnt reach the required size, the so-called legal length. So Siggi must have a plan B. For a number of reasons I decided that I wanted to remove my genitals completely. And with a new relocation for a urethral opening. And I'd be a happy camper. Here's the thing, when I become a doctor I sign something called a Hippocratic oath. First do no harm. First do no harm. Right. We normally don't remove healthy body parts. Right. In my work I do transformations of the genitalia, so I'll change a man into a woman or a woman into a man. Now, why would we want to take off a healthy penis in your case? Why would I do that as a physician? Um, years ago I fractured my penis. It was definitely broken, snapped. There's no bones in it, so what happened? Well, I went to a urologist and he did surgery. Sorry, how did it happen in the first place? How did you fracture your penis? Intercourse. Really excited, really erect. She's on top, came almost all the way out, or maybe did all the way out, and then she sits back down and sharp bend. Was there bleeding or bruising? Oh, yeah. Internal bleeding, yeah. Puffed right up and started turning blue immediately. Ouch. A lot of scar tissue was generated which caused some shrinkage. It somehow disturbed the urethra. Since then I keep growing strictures in the urethra where if I don't dilate the urethra with a dilator... All right, yeah. So you... If I don't do that routinely like every week or two, I can't pee. Okay, and then you're just going to feel me be very personal here, okay? So... Wow, you've had... Now, what is the... There's... you can feel a distinct lump. Yeah, but you've, what's... You have a stars and stripes. It's what? You have a stars and stripes on your penis. Yeah, that was another story. I think if I was to have a preconceived notion I would have said there's no way I'd agree to that. With his story of the strictures, I think we actually have grounds, medical grounds to suggest that he would be improved by the surgery. So we need... we need your medical records. We need the urologist evaluation. We need a psychiatrist or a psychologist to say that you've worked through some of this and any of these other psychological sorts of things aren't going to be a hindrance to us going forward. Pleasure to meet you. Doctor, thank you very much. Dr Marci Bowers and I have collaborated over the years regarding several cases. I received a call from her regarding a Tom Mitchell who is considering strongly transitioning into an androgynous state. There's something there in his dedication to it that is a very strong urge in itself to be asexual. What got me to thinking about doing it sooner rather than later... It's actually a confluence of a bunch of different reasons that all kind of came together at about the same time in my life. Everybody goes through romance and break-ups and that sort of thing. I guess I'm especially sensitive. When I go through a break-up it's difficult, especially difficult for me. And after several of those and three marriages I finally realised that I'm incredibly attracted to women and yet it's so easy for them to... or because of that, it's so easy for them to take advantage of me. Or at least I feel that they take advantage of me. So that realisation that I'm so vulnerable to women... And at this point I need to do what I can to make myself immune to the distractions and the emotional loss and drain of energy. I really think that I need to do something completely different than what I have done. Am I crazy for doing it? No, I think I'm probably most in control of my thoughts that I've ever been. Um, it's something that most guys would never consider. And most guys probably wince at the thought of it themselves. And I guess that most guys probably would figure that I must be crazy for considering it. But the reality is I'm just wanting some freedom and to make a success out of my remaining years in life. And I think that's a very rational, very common sense thing for me to do. Pall has told me that it's getting too small. It's possible that in the final moment he will say no, don't touch it because it's... I don't want people to see it. Maybe he doesn't want to say it out loud. This is just what he is thinking. It has shrunk. All of it. I feel that I'm kept on a thread, just hanging in a thread, waiting for something to happen, that I don't know if it's going to happen. Can you put yourself in my position? Running a museum, expecting a specimen, and always feeling that this is coming soon, this is coming soon, coming soon, but nothing happens. Something has happened that I'm not aware of. Must have, for him to suddenly show a complete lack of interest and a lack of respect. To me it's frustrating, it's discouraging, it's a little unsettling. And frankly it kind of pisses me off. If he thinks I'm the problem, I can't understand this. Because what does he expect from me? If he's not interested enough to respond, I'm not interested enough to go any further with him, that's all. I'm not the problem. He is the problem. He's the donor, he must decide what to do. I think I need to check out other possible venues to display Elmo. And I know that there are other possibilities in the world. So I think I need to check those out. But it needs to be a credible location. I just found out from my doctor that I have a blood clot in my leg. The main vein in my thigh, from the leg and all the way up to the belly got blocked, you know. And if this clot goes suddenly, it goes directly up to the lungs. Then it would be fatal, you see? So I've been on medicine, injections, quite a lot for the first two, three weeks and then I'm eating an awful lot of pills for thinning the blood, you know? I'm not afraid of dying, absolutely not. This is the most natural thing in the world. To be born and to die, all creatures in the world are facing that. This is a document made by me where I donate my penis and scrotum to the Icelandic Phallological Museum. It happens in life that you leave the work you have been doing. We know this from history that artists, writers, or whatever, they die without finishing a work. This is something that nobody can keep control of. Good morning. Hello to you. Hello, cousin. Hello, dear Reynir. Nice to see you. Looking damn sharp. There you have the donation document. And now, here Im going to present to you Pall Arasons earthly remains as instructed in this donation letter. I have written a short poem for this special occasion. "A famous penis here we have Preserved for all the ages. "Though Pall has shed this mortal coil Hes safe in historys pages. "On the seas of his victorious life, full sails would push him through. "As long as boldness is admired, Palls story will continue. " Here you go. Yes. That was good writing by you. This was great. Great writing. Hey, this is elegant. Damn, is it really this grand and heavy? Yes, this is quite heavy. Well, well... the big moment. Yes. Great. Fantastic. This is not so small. From a 95-year-old. Yeah, five inches. Legal length. You can imagine how I feel. And you see how I can open next spring with this specimen. Fantastic. Yeah. It's a great day in my life. One of the greatest if not the greatest in the history of my collecting. This is the top, this is the final, final goal. Welcome to the museum, Mr Arason. Thanks. Hello. Hello, Siggi. Yes. This is Tom Mitchell calling from California. Oh, hi, how are you? I'm fine. How are you? I'm fine, I'm fine. We haven't talked for... You know, things are happening here. Things are happening there? Yeah. What's going on? With Mr Arason, the old guy. You did what now? He will be the first Icelander, but there is still room for the first foreigner. Okay. So you got Mr Arason's donation? Yeah. Okay. So have you actually gotten his penis yet, or... Yeah, I got it. You got it? It will be formally announced on Friday. Okay, is it just his penis or testicles too? No, testicles and scrotum and everything, yeah. What was that again? I didn't understand that. No, testicles and scrotum and everything. Okay. I'm disappointed. But I'm not devastated. I might have been more disappointed two or three years ago. But no, it's... my goals have moderated. I'm... I've shape shifted. And it's not that big a deal. And there are still ways that Elmo can be the most famous penis in the world. I want to welcome you all to this celebration. This is a great moment in my life and in the museums history. And a great moment in the history of all Icelandic museums. I'm enthralled, absolutely. This is a day I've been waiting for all my collecting years, 37 years. So this is... this is great. My son will be taking over. I'm very happy about it. He has quite a lot of good ideas about the future. When the time comes, you have to stop. I think this is the moment. None of the museums trustees comes close to Pall Arasons contribution to the museum. Now I will remove the cloth from this prize exhibit. I feel absolutely great. The first proper human has arrived. Now, lets all drink to Pall! |
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