Orson Welles speaking.
How'd you like to stay just as young as
you are an not to grow a day older?
For the next, two hundred years.
Oh, I'm not plugging some
new miracle cosmetic.
The question is actually faced
by the characters in our
story, two men and a girl.
The eternal triangle, plus eternal youth
equals a wacky little romance
which we'll bring you, if we
may, in just a few seconds.
I hope you enjoy it.
The Fountain of Youth.
Back in the twenties,
Dr. Humphrey Baxter was
hailed as the discoverer of the
scientific fountain of youth.
But we may start of with
the girl in case, here she is
As of course she's Caroline
Coates, the world famous actress.
Actress is a word some of you
may question for she was
not strictly speaking an actress
at all, Caroline was simply
One of those creatures who stands
for something greater than
talent, greater than
beauty and whose
universe do we adore
A privileged few, of
course adored Caroline
at close range and, if you excuse
the expression, in the flesh.
One of these was Alan Brody,
a tennis champion. Here he is.
Science tells us that
men of this time fall
quickly and painless in and out of love.
Others, like Dr. Baxter,
here he is again,
a man born for one passion only
at most two, a passion for
their job and for one woman.
They never give up.
Men of this type frequently
devote themselves to science
and if interested in certain
function of the glands
this often takes them to Vienna.
Wait a minute!
We are getting a-head of our
stills. Before going to Vienna
Humphrey Baxter spent
an evening in New York
His friends the Morgans took
him to the theater to see a show
which was also, very indirectly
concerned with the glands.
Humphrey leaned forward in his seat,
the moment passed unnoticed because,
everyone else in the theater
also leaned forward.
- You happen to know that
girl? He asked his friend.
- Why, Hupmhrey, they said
- How would people like us
get to know anybody like Caroline Coates.
Humphrey realized that he'd need
only two or three introductions
to breach the gap between oneself
and anyone anywhere in the world.
He asked everyone he knew stating
his purpose very clearly, and
sure enough, not long after that, there
he was in fashionable Long Island.
Talking to Caroline Coates.
He found her amazingly ignorant
of the man's important
recent scientific research.
And you can imagine the effect of
this gone to gosh young man lecturing
of this popular idol of twenty three
on the doctor's glands.
Caroline's smart friends were amused...
and then amazed
for she had fallen hand
over heels in love
- Who are you calling dear?
- Letty Partridge
Who?
Hello, Letty? I want you to be the
first to know, we are getting married.
- Wonderful darling, who is it?
- Baxter, the gland man.
The grand man! Oh, gland.
Well, Caroline! How nice for you!
I think I mentioned that the title of this
crazy little odd story is,
the fountain of youth.
Of course there are all sorts of fountains
some are beautiful, some are
purely mythological, some are silly fountains
it was near a silly fountain that the
mythological Narcissus was drowned.
It was his own reflection he
fell for and he fell in.
Of course the silliest of all,
is the fountain of youth.
Old Ponce de Leon thought that one was
somewhere down in Florida, this was
three centuries before the
invention of Miami Beach.
He aged a lot looking for
it, but he was only human.
Almost all of us wish we were
just a little younger that we are.
Ladies, quite late in their seventies can
be heard addressing each other "girls".
Very rich old ladies even
rich old gents of? on
monkey glands and a wisp of hope of
turning the clock back or at least
slowing it up a bit. In this
field, of course, was
Humphrey specialized in.
By now, Humphrey really
had to go back to Vienna.
To continue his research on this Bingleburg.
- Bingle who?
Asked Carolyn.
- Burg, said Humphrey, Burg.
The Bingleburg, the greatest of all
authorities on the duclos glands
- Oh, said Carolyn.
Oh? And how long are you going to be
away with this, Bingleburg, sweetie?
- Three years. - Three years,
on the other side of the ocean.
Yeah...
I wish you'd, change your mind.
Darling, I'd like to get married now
just as much as you would, but...
but I simply can not walk out on
a new show and leave everybody flat!
- Besides -I know, you're in a
smash hit and you love it.
I know you think I'm just greedy
to have a fuzz made over me.
I never suggested such a thing.
But that's what you think.
And if you didn't you'd be crazy
because I am just a little
But I promise you darling, if I ever
feel it getting a real hold on me.
And what do you think a
real hold feels like?
Like this?
Humphrey's boat sailed
and Caroline was more
idolized than ever,
everyone expected her
to fall in love but
first year passed, second year passed,
third year wore on and Carolyn was still
faithful and with two
excellent reasons for this.
She was so extremely fond of Humphrey
and she was so extremely fond of herself.
When the three years were over,
Humphrey Baxter was on a boat
and the boat was docking.
Now for weeks
he had a picture in his
mind of how she looked
and since this was in the 1920's
he costumed her in silver fox
and violets.
On the landing dock he saw
plenty of fur and flowers
but no sign of Caroline.
Only two people were there
to meet him, the Morgans.
- Welcome home!- said mister Morgan
- Where is she?- asked Humphrey.
No answer.
Well, come on! Where is Caroline?
Still no answer.
- Was she sick?
he said. -No
Miss Coates wasn't
sick, the truth was
she'd fallen in love.
Humphrey closed his eyes.
He might have been
asleep or dead.
Who is he?
Well, it all, it all
happened so quickly
just a week or so ago.
Who is he?
Allan Brody
- The tennis champion.
- Yeah.
- Na-na-national singles, eight times.
- The last six years in succession.
- Yeah, last six years.
Oh, he's terrific.
A popular idol.
You mean like Carrie?
He's a beautiful creature, Humprey.
He gives us people the same
sort of thrill that Carrie does.
A true amazing couple
Oh, you just have to wait 'till
you see them together.
I can wait.
Humphrey was good at waiting.
But in New York it seldom is
wise to wait too long for anything
And he ran into the ideal couple
very soon in a restaurant.
Look! Look! Here come the lovers!
What lovers?
THE lovers of course, who else?
Carrie, darling!
Oh my, Humphrey!
Alan, you know I've
got your back, yes?
How do you do?
Well, how do you think
of him Humphrey?
Oh, really Caroline, don't ask.
I think you're both charming.
Come on dear! Look at the camera!
We've got to get a picture of you.
Come on, take it quick.
I hope we'd be...
good friends.
After your honeymoon is over
you must bring your...
young man around and see me.
We'd love to!
It won't be for two
months at least.
I can wait.
And Humphrey did some more waiting.
Did a great deal of it.
Great deal of thinking,
while he waited.
And then just before Allan
and Caroline where
due back from their honeymoon
Humphrey called up a man
named Morgan.
- Morgan speaking
This was his old friend Albert
Morgan whose profession was
to turn the cloudy
mutterings of scientists
into clear, downright and
extremely thrilling articles
for weekly magazines.
Sure, Humphrey.
But three months have go away.
When I was after some information
about your experiments
why, you
clammed up on me
What?
You heard from Bingleburg?
Yes, about some tests
we started in Vienna
just before I left.
This is news Albert.
Big news.
So if you'd like to
hear about twenty
carefully chosen words.
Hold it! Hold it!
I'll be right over!
Quite remarkable what
Morgan could do with
twenty carefully chosen words.
The news broke that keen eye
endocrinologist Humphrey Baxter
had finally succeeded in
isolating the VB-282
VB-282
Now as I understand it,
that's the glandular
secretion that controls,
let me say that word again,
controls, the aging
of the tissue.
Girls, just imagine what that means!
And now we shall go from the
world of science to show business.
A little bird tells me that
Caroline and Allan Brody
are due back any day now.
The ideal couple very soon dopped
around Humphrey's laboratory.
- Darling!- cried the bride
You've become famous, what's
all this about eternal youth?
Humphrey told her she could
have no interest in that.
- Why, you looked eighteen
when I met you- he said.
And you were twenty three.
Now you're twenty six.
Twenty seven, twenty
seven last week.
- Don't she still looks
eighteen- said Humphrey
- Well- said Brody
I can't say I've noticed
myself slowing up any but
some of these youngsters
from the west coast.
And he shook his head with the
melancholy always induced in
tennis players by the
mention of the west coast.
You won't be young
always of course.
But then you hardly wanna be.
Those, people you
see around never
seem to mature.
They belong to a particular
frigid narcissistic type.
What kind of type?
Narcissistic, from Narcissus.
It means they are in
love with themselves.
They can't love anybody
else so that's why they,
never seem to get Anny older.
Yes...
Yes, but what about the
stuff you discovered?
Oh, that.
- It's not true then? -I told you
it was all a lot of hooey.
Listen.
I'm going to tell you something no
one in the world must know about.
Do you understand that Brody?
- You can rely on me.
- Very well
Oh! A little kitten cat.
Isn't it sweet?
But what's the kitten got
to do with your experiment?
The kitten had a
birthday last week.
It was five years old.
Ah!
It's a dwarf or, or
midget or something.
It's as normal as every
kitten you saw in your life.
- What will happen to it?
- Will it go on forever?
Will it, will it go on a bang or
crumble into dust or something?
Almost surely heart failure.
But only after sixty
years of glorious youth.
That's two hundred for a human being.
I went to Vienna exactly three
years and four months ago.
So, you see
the kitten part is
Bingleburg's discovery.
But they said in the papers
it was human beings.
I was helping him adapting
two human beings.
And, you succeeded Mr. Baxter?
Humphrey.
Alright, Humphrey, when
will the stuff be ready?
In thirty years or so.
It's a question of finding a
new source for the extract.
To get this stuff we had to perform
an extremely delicate operation.
Which unfortunately is fatal
to the animal we get it from.
- So, you see it...
- What?
Animal?
It's quite a common one. Man.
Urgh.
Another source would
take years even test!
That's why I swore you the secrecy.
Can you imagine the panic that
would break up on this planet
if people knew there was
just some in existence?
- Being kept...
- There is some then.
For the privileged few... yes
The extract was made three times.
Three?
I took one.
A- and there were three to begin with?
- Well?
- What about the others?
Bingleburg took another
one of the three.
He's sixty eight and
as ugly as a monkey.
And he'll stay sixty
eight AND stay ugly.
- For the next two
hundred years. -Ugh.
Who did the third?
I brought the third back to
America with me Caroline.
Life, youth.
Two hundred years.
I must admit I nearly poured
this away the day I landed.
Oh, Humphrey!
Oh, but I don't feel that way
now that I've met you both.
You're such a wonderful couple.
And I want you to stay that way.
That's why I'd like you to
have this if you care for it.
Oh, Humphrey!
Here you are.
For both of you.
My wedding present.
But you do solemnly
swear never to say a word.
- I do
- I do
Sounds quite like
the wedding service.
But of course it isn't.
We'll each take half.
A hundred years of peace.
Oh, oh! Wait a
minute! Hold on.
I'm afraid I misled you.
- Why? -You mean we
can't take half each?
My dear, glands don't
understand arithmetic.
A half change gland won't give
you a half of anything. -No?
No, Caroline, no.
You know, I remember
when I first met you.
I told you what people were like
when certain gland was deranged.
You mean those, awful freaks?
Exactly.
There's just one dose
in that little bottle.
It can be drunk in one gulp.
It doesnt slide plainly but
it's hardly unpleasant.
Keep it as a curiosity.
It, it isn't pretty.
It's a wedding present,
at least it's unique.
- Thank you Baxter.
- Humphrey
- Well, thank you Humphrey.
- Oh, it's too wonderful!
Really Humphrey, you shouldn't.
Don't you think so?
After thanking Humphrey very warmly
again and again for
his wedding present
Caroline and Allan
went home.
Where they set his
interesting little bottle
on the mantel piece.
Many along could get it.
Many along would look at each other.
You better take it now darling.
I do no such thing, Allan.
I want you to drink it.
Caroline, look at yourself
in there, in that mirror.
I'm just being selfish.
I want you to be like that, forever.
Look at yourself Allan.
That's how you've got to be sweetie.
Always.
The next morning the
bottle was still there.
- Sweetie?
- Yes, love?
It's impossible to say what there
was in the tone of their voices
that suggested that
each one of them may've
thought a bit about that bottle
during the night.
- Darling -Now get this
straight once and for all,
you're going to take it and I'm not.
But try to think of
your overhead smash!
What's wrong with my overhead smash?
Are you trying to tell
me it's not holding up?
Its wonderful how it holds
up, everyone says so.
But you'd be against that
awful boy from California
in August, you know.
I can take over that pipsqueak
without any monkey glands.
And I must say I'm rather
surprised you think I can't!
I don't think you can't! But...
darling you are six
years older than I am.
The men get then years
at least, on a woman.
- Not every woman.
- Every woman.
I think you look of fly
distinguished with grey hair.
I can't imagine you with grey hair.
Oh, and I couldn't bare to
see you get old and ugly.
I'd rather with me.
Oh no, honey!
But you would still love me, even
if I did get old, wouldn't you?
Or would you?
Caroline, you know I would.
I know you wouldn't.
But I would you.
If that's what you think
you better take it yourself.
Go on, let me get old.
Why would Humphrey never
give us the right stuff!
- Let's pour it down the sink.
- Are you crazy!
The only bottle in the whole world?
What Baxter said,
a man died for what's in that bottle.
I guess he would be off, if he
heard we've throwed it away.
After all... it's a wedding present.
So they left Humphrey's little
bottle on the mantel piece.
which is an excellent place
for a wedding present to be.
And the wonderful life of
this wonderful couple went on.
Caroline became more and more
excited in the beauty parlor
and it was pathetic to see Allan
hover in front of the mirror
as if deciding, that was
only a sun bleached hair
on his temple, not a grey one.
She watched him, in the mirror.
And he saw her watching him.
- What is it? -Hm?
What's the matter?
- I was just looking at you.
- You're staring.
Oh my goodness!
Most men if they found being gazed at
would think they've
died and gone to heaven.
You're not gazing at me with
love, you're, you're examining me
for enlarged pores and wrinkles
and sagging tissues.
I've got a good mind and take
this stuff and swallow it down.
- Right now! -Yes, it's just
the sort of thing you'd do!
Things went on like this until the
last day of the tennis tournament.
When Dorian Cody the boy
wonder from California
who played into a standstill
until they walked up and Cody
put his hand on his shoulder,
the hand of the victorious
is a heavy load to carry.
That night,
in spite of his aching weariness,
Brody lay awake long after
Caroline was sound asleep.
He ghostly got up and crept,
with infinite caution
into the living room
where, I'm sad to say,
he drank the contents
in Humphrey's bottle.
The scientist may better do
something about the taste.
He found some cocktail beaters
and added several drops to the water
which he had already
put in the vial. Then he
put it back on the mantel piece and
over the mantel piece
there was a mirror.
Allan took a long
look in this mirror.
And he smiled.
Now it happens that in Caroline's
play there was another part,
supposedly her sister,
and the actress playing
this part walked out
in a beat of temper.
A new girl had to be found
in a hurry and the producer
nominated the niece
of a friend of his.
This new girl, was a smash hit.
Caroline went home that night
with the sound of this new
applause ringing in her ears
and found the place empty.
Now, the emptiness
of one's own home
at midnight,
can seem like an injury
and Caroline took it as an injury.
She looked at the largest of the framed
photographs of Allan and felt
somehow dissatisfied with his smile.
It's not mature, she thought.
And she looked in the mirror
and tried and it wasn't
easy a smile of her
own and then she found
even less satisfaction,
I might as well face it.
said this matron of twenty seven
I'm old.
She stood and watched her
reflection, and in the stillness
and silence of the apartment
she could feel and almost hear the
the remorsefully
Moment after moment particles of
skin wore away. Hair follicles
broke, splintered and decayed
like the roots of dead trees.
All those little
cubes and lines of
red light chains in the inner organs
were silted up like doomed rivers.
The glands, the all important glands,
were choking and coughing and
falling a...
- Aaaah!
She thought the marriage, was falling apart
and Allan, would be gone.
And life would be gone.
So she, drank the contents
of the little bottle.
She was very calm as she
went to the bathroom and
refilled the little bottle with
water and added a little quinine
to give it, a bitter taste.
When Allan came home
she overwhelmed him
with tenderness feeling, of
course, as if she'd betrayed him
was going to desert
him and go away and to
endless spring time.
Where he could never follow her.
So, time, which was the
cause of all this trouble
went on and both
Caroline and Allan, secured
an imperishable youth.
Saw in the others, through
a magnifying glass
more and more of the
hazening science of decay.
Allan began to feel that
Caroline, at the very least
should have provided
herself with a younger sister.
And one night he dropped
into the theater and discovered
that, in a matter of speaking,
she'd done so.
All this time, Humphrey, being trained
to await patiently the outcome of his
scientific experiments,
wait patiently.
And then Caroline came to him.
Humphrey.
Humphrey, I've left Allan.
This things happen.
- It's your fault.
- Oh?
Well, maybe not yours exactly, but
with that horrible stuff you gave us.
Oh, Humphrey.
I'm the lowest kind of
hypocrite and traitor
All of which means, I suppose, that
you're the one who took the stuff.
What did he said when you told him?
He doesn't know.
I filled the thing up with water
and put some quinine in it.
Tell me...
Why did you put quinine in it?
To give it that bitter taste.
I see.
Well.
Oh, I tried so hard
to love him more than ever
and make up for it but
you just can't make
up for a thing like that.
Besides...
Guess?
You can't help watching
a person who's aging
in front of your eyes!
When you watch someone like that
you notice all sort of
things wrong with him.
It's all my fault, of course, because
I just don't love him anymore.
Maybe I never did.
You've changed your mind about
wanting to be young forever?
Well? Don't you?
Not if I can't ever love anyone again.
There's always yourself, of course.
That's mean, Humphrey.
Mean and cruel.
Even if it's true.
Well...
It is lonely being like this.
But then that's the price
we pay for our little
immortality.
You... and me.
And of course old Bingleburg.
We are animals of a new species.
There's us.
And the rest of the world.
Of course I,
used to think we were like that
for quite a different reason.
Oh, Humphrey! If we only...
Perhaps, so unworthy.
I let you down and,
now I've let him down.
The first was a mistake
that can be fixed.
- But not the second.
- You mean letting him down?
We can't put that right.
No, we can't live with that.
Oh, I think so.
You said, the stuff tasted bitter.
You're quite sure
about that, I suppose.
No, oh no, it was very bitter.
You see...
that has far reaching implications.
I used nothing but,
ordinary salt in the water.
Orson Welles will be
back in just a moment.
You've heard of a,
tiger orchid and a
man eating tiger, but
have you ever heard of a
man eating tiger orchid?
No? Well, we are going to show
you one on this program next week.
The kind ever expose this
feature in something called
Green Thoughts.
Which is a sort of...
spook story
with the seasoning of giggles.
I hope you enjoy it.
'Till then I remain as always,
obediently yours.