1
Uhh!
Aah!
Unhh!
Don't let him touch you.
Haahh!
Aah!
You've been taken
by the city
the oldest story
in the world
you come for the gold
but end up
bought and sold
you can't seem to make
no difference
with all the lies
that you've been told
what you don't know is
you're the best man
in the world...
Butt pie.
It's a sequel
to a book written
called butt cake.
It's very popular
at the newsstands.
It's about this butt
with cake all over it.
Chunky asses?
There's more than
meets the eye
there's so much
you don't see
like the power
of your heart
driving your destiny
magic takes
what she deserves
a lesser heart
would lose its nerve
you've been taken
by the city
but you've done better
than you know
you're part of the sky
you're part
of the street
you've got the talent
to satisfy me
what you don't know is
you're the best man
in the world
best man in the world
best man in the world
no no no
best man in the world
welcome to
the Mel Bachman journal.
I'm Mel Bachman,
and here with me today
is Chandler Jarrell,
who is doing something
very vital for the community
because Chandler is
a finder of lost children.
Am I correct?
Yes. I find
missing children.
That...that's
very interesting.
There was a show called
finder of lost loves.
Ever see that?
Tony Franciosa
was the star.
Uh, yeah.
I'm looking
for this girl--
I hope you're
not nervous,
which is
perfectly normal.
This is my fifth show,
and I'm still nervous.
In fact, is there anyone
here who's not nervous?
I'm trying to
find Cheryl Mosely.
She disappeared
a while back--
this is wonderful.
Because this is
exactly what
the Mel Bachman report
is all about.
When I came
to rst cable,
I told them I don't want
to be another merv,
another Johnny.
I want to do
vital programming
that's responsive
to the community.
I'm trying to
find this girl.
She's 4'11" and--
this is wonderful.
Let's say I want
to get into your
line of work.
Is there a course
I can take?
All you have to do is
care about children.
Do you recommend
this line of work?
Can you make a lot
of money doing this?
Her name is
Cheryl Mosely. She's--
this is off
the subject,
but that's
a wonderful, unique hat.
Where did you get that?
She's 16,
and I'm trying
to find her.
Great. Say you
do find her.
What would
you say to her?
She's 16 years old.
Her name
is Cheryl Mosely.
Thank you so much,
Chandler.
Now let's talk
about tortoises.
Judy, what have
we got here?
This is Teddy.
He's 80 years old.
80? He's wonderful.
Teddy can
kiss my ass.
I'm trying to
find this girl.
She was last seen
in North Hollywood.
Contact me
at 468-8492--
thank--
shut up, man.
If you have
any information--
yo, if you don't put
the camera over here,
I'll bust your ass.
Leave the camera on.
Cheryl Mosely.
Chandler Jarrell.
24 hours a day.
468-8492.
Now you can talk
about tortoises.
Excuse me.
That was Chandler Jarrell.
Well, I understand
you've had a sex change.
Correct.
Ok, now. Let's go.
Take it slow, now. Tight.
Yo! What y'all hanging
in the backcourt for?
All right.
There you go.
All the way, boys.
Shoot! Shoot!
Whoo!
All right.
Come on, now.
Yo, man,
what's wrong with you?
You're just mad
because you're scrub.
Scrub.
Good afternoon,
Mr. Jarrell.
Hi.
So you're the finder
of lost children.
You saw me on television.
Yeah. I like working
with children.
Chandler,
come on!
Shut up!
A child has
been kidnapped.
When?
Five days ago
in northeastern Tibet.
Tibet's a little
out of my territory.
This child is special.
His destiny is
to save the world.
That's
a good destiny.
Hey, Chandler,
throw the ball!
Here!
400 years ago,
the nu trong oracle
predicted
that the golden child
would be taken
to the city
of the angels
and would be rescued
by a man who is no angel.
That's you, Mr. Jarrell.
Ha ha ha! Yeah,
right. Ok.
I'm in the middle
of a basketball game,
although I'd love
to stay and chat.
This looks like
a big joint.
I'm serious,
Mr. Jarrell.
Lick it
and smoke it.
I think there
was two of these,
and you smoked
the other one.
Put it
in your bag,
and stop smoking
scrolls.
It looks like
a joint.
You might get
jumped by some
rastafarians.
Excuse me.
I have a game.
It's your destiny
to find the golden child.
And it's your destiny
to seek some serious
psychiatric help.
Can I go play now?
Please. Go home.
And such
a cute girl, too.
Dope fiend.
Ha ha ha!
That her?
Yeah. That's
Cheryl Mosely.
How long has she
been missing?
About three weeks.
What do you got?
Not much.
Three days ago,
the rental sign
goes down,
and a white truck
backs over the lawn.
The neighbors hear
this low murmur
night and day.
Last night
the white truck
pulls up again,
and the murmuring
stops.
A neighbor comes out
to shut up his dog,
looks over the fence,
finds the body.
Who rented the place?
She did.
By phone.
Mailed in cash.
Did you take that
referral I sent you?
Nope.
You only take
the kid cases, huh?
Yeah.
Listen, give me
a few more shots.
O.k.,
miss Tibet,
you can
come out now.
I'm not going to
take your case.
You're already on it.
Look,
what makes you think
the kid was
in the house?
This is
a restraint curse.
They need
to keep evil
on all sides of him
at all times.
Just the writing
wouldn't be enough.
They'd need
something else.
Or what?
Or the child will
project himself
astrally.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Give me a break.
So you're telling me
that the people
that killed Cheryl--
if I find them--
they're the same people
that kidnapped the...
The golden child.
But why would they
kill Cheryl?
I don't know.
Why are they feeding
the kid blood?
Are you sure?
I found some oatmeal...
Yes?
With blood in it,
and it's probably hers.
I don't know.
There is somebody
we could ask
about the blood.
This is L.A., though.
You're going
to ask somebody?
Are they in this world,
or do we have to
project there...
Some part
of the galaxy?
Mr. Jarrell,
you honor my shop
with your presence.
He's very pleased
to meet a man
as great as you.
How do you say
thank you?
Tuch-ey-na.
Tuch-ey-na.
Yeah, ok.
Hey!
Mr. Jarrell.
You may speak with her.
She can hear you.
Tell me about
the golden child.
Every thousand generations,
a perfect child is born,
a golden child.
He has come
to rescue us.
Rescue us
from what?
From ourselves.
He is the bringer
of compassion.
If he dies, compassion
will die with him.
So if something
happens to the kid,
the whole world
goes to hell?
The world will
become hell.
Ah! Not far
from that now.
Who would want
to take the kid,
anyway?
Those who want evil
rather than good.
Can you be a little bit
more specific?
We do not know
who took him.
Why are they
trying to make
him eat blood?
Nothing in this world
will hurt him,
but if he were
to pollute himself
with anything impure,
he would become
vulnerable.
Ok. So if they...
If he eats the blood,
they could kill him.
Yes.
Oh.
Do you have
any other questions?
As a matter
of fact, I do.
What are you doing
this weekend?
Because your silhouette
is kickin'.
She plays
the maracas, too?
This is the chosen one?
Yes.
You people put
on a good show.
Where'd you
find her?
She's the librarian
of the pao-shin repository.
She was flown here
to help us.
She's over 300 years old.
How'd she manage
that one?
One of her ancestors
was raped by a dragon.
Does that happen a lot
where you're from?
Ha ha ha!
I'm sorry.
Why don't you
come up?
No, thank you.
Oh!
Oh!
What is it?
The spirits.
The spirits
just told me
that you should
come up
for a little while
and have a drink
and wait for further
instructions.
Ha ha ha!
Look, I'm sorry.
Why don't you
come up for a while?
I'll be good.
Ok.
I tried.
They say you should
always give a woman
two chances to say no,
just in case.
That's no twice.
All right. But the spirits
will be very upset.
You know,
I am the chosen one.
Ha ha ha! Ok.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
You wi eat.
Get this and the rest
of your playthings
out of here.
Hey, bird...
Did you see a little
hare krishna midget
in the tree floating...
Or is it me?
It must be rod serling.
Yeah.
You the guy looking
for Cheryl Mosely?
Yeah.
I know who grabbed her.
Ok. Who was
she with?
You ever been
to pacoima?
Yeah.
Behind the freeway,
there's this pad
for some bikers
called the yellow dragons.
She was with them
last week,
but she ain't there now.
Who is this? Hello?
What is it?
Nothing.
Look,
I came prepared
in case we
had any other
eventualities.
But listen,
you wait here.
Any problem, you leave.
What are you going
to do?
I'll stay here.
No. You stay here now,
but if there's
a problem,
drive away.
Understand me?
Ok.
Got that?
Stay. Leave.
Ok.
I'm not going
to hurt anybody.
I don't want
no trouble.
I just...
I'm sorry.
I just want
some chips.
I want some chips.
That's all.
See? Chips. That's it.
Turn that over, man.
It's burning.
Turn it over!
Just want some chips.
May I ask you boys
a couple of questions?
I ain't payin',
stop seein'
streetlights on main
hot nights, hold tight
you're not foolin' me
let me get
right to the point
spend a little time
with me
body talk,
I see your body talk
you make my body talk
when you're next to me
let it out
you don't know
what you're missin'
have no doubt
I'm takin'
what you're givin'
make no mistake...
That'll hold him.
Yeah, that
ought to hold him.
Hey, hey.
In my pocket,
there's a whole
thing of tic tacs.
Take as many
as you like, please.
I don't like feelin'
mixed-up in the city
showdown, slow down
you're not foolin' me
you live your life,
I'll live mine...
Uhh! Aah!
Aah!
Body talk when you're
next to me
body talk,
I know your body talk
you make my body talk
when you're next to me
Oh!
I can't stop seein'...
What are you
doing here?
Hey!
Hot nights, hold tight
you're not foolin' me
let me get
right to the point
spend a little time
with me
body talk,
I see your body talk
Split your brain,
asshole.
When you're
next to me
body talk
I know
your body talk
you make
my body talk
when you're
next to me...
Why'd you
come in here?
Didn't I tell you
not to come in?
I told you to stay
in the car.
I'm not going to turn this
into a lecture,
but this is
a man thing.
This is no place
for a woman to be.
Next time I tell you
to do something, do it.
Can I handle this?
Ok.
Leave me alone,
asshole.
You had a girl tattooed
with a yellow dragon.
What happened to her?
What girl?
I never seen her
before.
Ok.
Aah!
Oh. Cheryl.
Yeah. Her.
We sold her.
Sold her? To who?
To Tommy tong.
He got that restaurant
down on Broadway,
and...we traded her--
a case of cigarettes and
some pork fried rice.
Why would somebody
buy somebody?
He needed a girl.
For what?
He worked this deal
out with the devil.
Said he needed
the blood.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
You're going to
go over there
and rough him up,
right?
Don't tell him
I told you.
Why would I
do that?
So let me
get this right.
Umm...
You sold her?
Yeah.
We sold her.
Wait...here.
I'm looking
for Tommy tong.
Stop acting stupid.
The man owns the place.
I'm looking
for Tommy tong.
Oh, you don't
speak English?
Let me translate
for you.
Bring Tommy tong
out here,
or I'll bust
your ass.
Understand? Huh?
Listen, you see
this dead girl?
She was last seen
with tong.
Get Mr. Tong.
Yahhhh!
I'll show you
how I feel about
that karate shit.
Ok?
Yahh!
Hyah!
How'd you do that?
What was that...
With the flip?
You killed him.
I didn't kill him.
What happened?
Maybe the guy
cut hisself shaving
and bled to death
looking for a kleenex.
Maybe the guy thought
that I was coming
and got scared
and figured,
what the hell?
And killed hisself.
You buy that?
No.
Neither do I.
We may be up against
supernatural creatures.
Like what?
Demons.
By the time
he finds you,
it will be
too late.
You were wise
to kill Tommy tong.
He was weak.
He might have betrayed us.
Thank you, lord.
But why is the child
still alive?
You have no reason
to fear him.
He is surrounded
at all times by evil.
Do not underestimate
the power of good,
and do not dismiss
the strength of the child.
The child will never
eat the blood.
What must I do?
Move the child before
the chosen one draws near.
And to kill him?
The adjante dagger.
It's not of this world.
But, lord, it is
so well-guarded.
Offer to exchange
the child for it.
They can refuse nothing
for his safe return.
Use the adjante dagger.
With it, you need
no other evil.
Use the dagger
to kill the child.
Good to see you,
Mr. Yarrell.
Get your monkey
off my back.
Of course.
Fu, please retire.
Yeah, fu.
Save it.
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
This is a dream.
I'm dreaming.
Hey!
Why do you say that?
Because people like fu
with his monkey face
and the big-head guy
and the fat dude
and you, you don't
exist for real.
Perhaps I've had you
brought here
to make you
an attractive offer.
I can't accept a proposal
this early in the season.
Thank you.
Has it
occurred to you
how many men of less
worth than yourself
obtain
so many rewards,
while you have
so very little?
I can't say that it has.
I don't have that much
of an imagination.
I really don't like
your attitude.
You know,
this is a nice jacket.
It's a Morris day feel.
It looks good on you.
It's smokin'.
I'll repeat my offer
one last time.
Well, I am dreaming,
so I can pretty much
say anything
and get away with it,
so I think I'll say
from my heart...
Kiss my ass.
Kiss my ass!
It's pointless
talking to you,
Mr. Yarrell.
Why do you insist
on mispronouncing my name?
My name is Jarrell
with a "j."
Yes, I know.
My legs are
much more attractive.
I will trade the child
for the adyante dagger.
Hey.
This is
just a reminder
of the evening...
So you'll know
you were here.
There's no pain
in dreams.
You'll remember this
a long time.
Excuse me
for a moment.
I'll be right back.
Do you have any methylate
or mercurochrome?
'Cause this
might get infected.
Tell your friends
that sardo numspa
sends his greetings.
A mistake.
Yay!
Yay!
Kee.
Chandler.
They tied you up
in toilet paper.
What are you
doing here?
I have to be here.
It's my dream.
I think
the kid's here
somewhere.
We should find
the kid together,
and afterwards,
maybe we could spend--
some time together.
Yeah.
Kind of let nature--
take its course?
Yeah.
Aah!
Ahh! Yah!
Aah!
So...
It's sardo numspa.
What's this knife?
The cross-dagger
of adjante.
He brought it
to this world
to kill the second
golden child--
the bearer
of justice.
His death
was a great loss.
Sardo needs it
to kill the child,
but you can use it
to save him.
You must obtain
the knife
and lure numspa
into freeing the child.
But never let him
get possession
of the knife.
Neat trick. But
how am I supposed to
pull it off?
He will want to
exchange
the dagger
for the child.
If the Abbot
will let us have it.
If the kid's
so important,
why doesn't this guy
just give you the dagger?
He's a very
difficult man.
Tomorrow, you will go
with kee nang to Tibet
to obtain the dagger.
Man, I ain't
going to Tibet.
Only the chosen one
can obtain the knife.
Will you go?
Listen, this
chosen one thing
is going
too far now.
This is not normal.
Ok?
I have to think
this over
because the chosen one
thing--too far.
Could you
please leave us
for a moment?
You all
talk it over
because this
should be discussed
because it's
not normal. Talk.
The chosen one.
Chosen one. Why Tibet?
Why can't somebody choose
me to go to The Bahamas?
I got to get chosen
to go to Tibet.
And, kala, you're not
a normal chick.
You can't sit in this basement
naked, smoking cigarettes,
looking at soap operas
for the rest of your life.
Yak loin.
What is it?
Yak loin.
Good to keep
the Yang up.
Ain't nothing
wrong with my Yang.
Tell me how this
dream transmission
thing works.
Part's dream,
and part's real.
So this scar
is real?
Right.
What about numsy?
Sardo numspa.
He's very real.
You said some things
that seemed real.
That part was dream.
I was just checking.
Aren't you going to
ask me up?
Am I dreaming now?
Must a lady ask twice?
No. No, please.
No. Please twice.
Please, please.
Twice.
Hey. I didn't know whether
you wanted cream and sugar.
I left it black.
I want you
to go to Tibet.
Will you go?
I hear it's
really cold in Tibet.
Why don't we
just stay here?
Why don't we stay here
all weekend long
under the covers,
watching television,
sweating and smiling
and everything?
You won't go?
It's freezing
in Tibet.
Hey. Hey,
where you going?
Tibet.
But I'm the chosen one.
You can't get the knife.
I'll go.
I'll go to Tibet.
Wait.
But if it's really cold,
we got to come back. Ok?
You're not in a rush
to leave, are you?
Because, you know...
A bed?
Is that a bed?
Kathmandu,
the gateway to Tibet.
There are bulls
walking around here.
Two days into
the mountains,
and we will be
at the heights
of heaven.
Look, I'm freezing,
and I'm not
enjoying myself,
but I'll do my best
to find this golden child.
I'll arrange
for our trek.
You have an hour
to look around.
4:30, but I don't think I can
make it to the party.
Ha ha.
Hi.
Take it easy.
You want me
to buy that?
Ok. I'll buy one.
Ok. Let me have
the blue one.
How much is one?
I don't know
how much they cost.
Ok. The blue one
matches my coat.
Hey, wait a second.
You took 100.
You took the 100.
No. See,
$1.00 is for you.
See this
George Washington?
That's
Benjamin Franklin.
That's not happening.
You got
the wrong money.
Ahh...ahh...
Can I have
my money back?
You gave me
the wrong necklace, too.
You're breaking my heart,
asswipe.
Oh, you speak
English just fine.
So do you.
So what?
Give me
my 100 back
and give me
the right one.
Monkey breath,
puke face,
eater of turtle slime.
Ha...
Give me my shit,
and you take
your shit.
What, scuzzbucket?
Ok, you slick
shithead,
you sneaky
little bastard.
You want your money?
Take it.
Did you see
a little naked man
running around
with a $100 bill?
I've arranged for yaks,
ponies, and boats.
You didn't see
a naked bum
with $100?
No, but I could
arrange for one.
You got to show up
sooner or later!
And when you do,
your ass is kicked!
And I'm gonna
sell your clothes!
Leave you
in Kathmandu
naked and bleeding
with no money!
The dude took my money.
If I had my $100,
we could have got
a motorboat.
Shut up and paddle.
I'll paddle his ass.
I'll paddle your ass
when I find you!
I'm gonna row your ass
till it bleeds!
We'll be there soon.
Better have a spatula
where we're going,
'cause my ass is frozen
to this yak!
We bow.
That's the dude
that took my money!
We have come to ask
for the sacred
cross-dagger of adjante.
For what reason?
For the golden child.
He does not need it.
To save his life.
The child lives for our
sakes, not for his own.
I humbly beg you,
let us have
the knife.
Let him ask it.
I said, i-i-i-i-i-i
want the knife.
Let him ask again.
I want the knife.
Please.
Only a man
whose heart is pure
can wield the knife,
and if you're
such a man,
you will have it.
Only a man
whose heart is pure
can wield the knife,
and only a man
whose ass is narrow
can get down these steps.
If mine is such a ass,
then I shall have it.
Oh, shit.
Beyond the door
is a corridor.
At the other end is
the sacred adjante dagger.
If you walk to the end
of the corridor
and retrieve it,
the dagger is yours.
That sounds
simple enough.
Just one thing--
carry this without
spilling one drop.
Who are you,
monty hall now?
You must be
Carol merrill.
Don't spill
any water.
This is crazy.
Keep your thoughts
as pure as the water.
This water ain't
really that pure.
Neither are you.
I give you this advice--
stay on the path.
Ha ha!
You got it.
Woo! Woo! Woo!
I'm so afraid
of the dark, too.
You need to
get somebody
to come clean up
down here!
Woo-oo-oo-oo!
This is
a piece of cake.
This is a piece
of cake! Ok?!
Hey, there's no floor.
There's no ground.
Wait a minute.
There's a ground!
You're making it look like
it's no ground
to see if I'm going to be scared
and run back and say--
there's a ground.
There's a ground, monty.
There's no ground here!
Oh, shit.
Remember...stay on the path!
I heard you
the first time!
Let's just hope
the path stays under me.
You said I was supposed to
stay on the path!
Yes, but you must know
when to break the rules.
How many people
have survived this test?
None!
None?
None?
I'll break your ass
when I get out of here!
What am I doing wrong?!
I followed all your rules!
What am I doing wrong?
Keep your mind and your thoughts
as pure as the water.
Don't drop the water.
Don't drop the water.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait.
The water.
Fire and the water.
Ok.
To monty...
A toast!
Ha!
Ha! I got the knife!
Now, turn on
the goddamn lights!
What is it,
asswipe?
Listen,
I want your advice
about something.
I'm going to
let that slide.
It's your way.
Don't press
your luck, though.
I know that you're
a very old and wise and...
Disgusting guy,
and...
Gonna wipe that
on your jacket, huh?
I was wondering
what a man says
to a woman
from your world
when he loves her
and wants to marry her.
If you took
the short path
and reached
enlightenment
before tomorrow,
who would want you
for a husband?
What's the short path?
First of all,
you must remain pure.
What do you mean?
You know
what I mean.
Oh, you mean...
Ha ha ha!
Is there a long way?
It takes
10,000 lifetimes.
We don't have
that much time.
No women.
What else?
For you?
You must
trust someone
you have no reason
to trust.
You must
make a promise
to someone
you have just met,
and you must
love someone
who loves you.
How will I know when
to do these things?
That's for you
to decide.
You must
tell no one
I have put you
on the path.
Uh...thanks
for your help.
Ha ha! He thinks
I helped him.
Get that booger
off your jacket
before it freezes up.
You'll scratch yourself.
Keep that 100
'cause there's no telling
what might be on the bill
when you give it back.
Gunpa...
I have ruined myself
with the American.
He's a fool.
But he's brave.
He's irresponsible.
He's generous.
He thinks of nothing
but protecting
his own feelings.
But if you
touch his heart,
there's nothing
he wouldn't do for you.
He believes
in nothing.
And still he does
what is right.
He is a callous,
thoughtless,
undisciplined fool.
Yes.
I do like him
very much.
It's very hard not to.
Those magnificent
Americans...
So much power
and so little understanding
what to do with it.
What should I do?
You must help him
save the golden child...
And follow your heart.
Thank you, gunpa.
You're welcome,
daughter.
And when you want
to marry him,
you have my blessing.
Thank you.
They won't let me
on the plane
with this knife.
Yes, they will.
No, they won't.
I'm going to jail.
Thank you.
This won't work.
I'm going to spend
the rest of my life
in a Clay cell
in Kathmandu.
Another cow?
It's Kathmandu.
What did you expect?
They won't let me
on the plane
with a 2-foot knife
under my shirt.
Relax. Trust
in your destiny.
You trust
in you destiny.
Come with me,
please.
I have nothing
to declare.
It's necessary.
See?
It's for
your own protection.
These are
just my drawers.
That's my clean ones.
These are
dirty ones.
Excuse me.
I've a plane to catch.
Come on. Come on.
Hurry up.
What's this?
I want to go
back to America.
I'm a citizen, ok?
What are you
looking at?
It just does
my heart good
to see another
American citizen!
Hold it right there!
No, I'm not crazy!
I'm agent
Chandler Jarrell
from the American
stolen artifacts
foundation.
Everybody, it's ok.
I'm the stolen
artifacts
foundation man!
Freddie, get out
of my sight!
You make me sick!
I'll talk to you
on the plane, Freddie!
Nobody be alarmed!
I'm Chandler Jarrell,
American stolen artifacts
foundation of America.
Thanks to you,
we were able to catch
this piece of shit,
and I thank
the good people of Nepal!
A bunch
of brilliant buggers,
all of you.
You are one hell
of a leader.
The keen,
the cunningness...
The instinct!
The instinct
is brilliant!
I can tell you trained
under this man,
'cause you have
the same glare
in your eye.
You don't know what you did,
but you're brilliant.
The best brilliance
is brilliance born
from someone ignorant.
This is my assistant
kee nang here--
agent 69--
we thank you!
The people of Nepal,
thank you!
You're a bunch of beautiful,
brilliant people!
Nepal!
N-e-p-a-l!
Viva Nepal!
Viva Nepal!
Welcome back.
Thank you.
Hey, this is
your problem now.
You did a marvelous job
obtaining the knife.
You will be spending
the next few days
at a house
of a friend.
When will we be contacted
about the knife?
That's Chandler yarrell.
If he doesn't
return my property,
arrest him.
Welcome home,
Mr. Yarrell.
You have
something for me?
I'm sorry, numsy.
I should be punished!
Everyone, I have stolen
from my brother numsy.
Officer, it's your duty
to take me in. Please.
Purge me.
I am ashamed of myself.
I should be arrested.
I should be purged.
I should be flogged.
Let me have
a word with him.
I am a swine,
a wretch.
How long can you keep up
this masquerade?
Until you realize
the rules of evidence
in this country.
See, if
I get arrested,
they put me
in a jail cell.
Then they take
the knife, because
it's a stolen object,
and they put that
in a little room.
They put
"exhibit a" on it.
I sit in my room.
The knife
sits in its room
until the trial
comes up--a month
to a year.
So if you get me
arrested,
there's no telling
when you'll get
your knife.
You've no idea
who I am, have you?
Yes. You're
sardo numsy!
Look, I don't care
who you are.
I do care that
you kidnapped
a little kid.
I could destroy you...
Just like that.
We wouldn't
want that.
Listen.
Bring me the boy.
I'll give you
the knife.
Then no one
will have to
be destroyed...
Just like that.
Think it over.
My brother's
forgiven me!
Kee, Dr. Hong,
brother numsy
has forgiven me.
Dear brother,
thank you,
thank you.
You're wonderful.
I told him I wouldn't
be so polite next time.
You a foolhardy,
aren't you?
I do my best.
Are you
coming to bed?
No. I think I'm going
to sleep out here.
Oh.
Good night.
Aah!
I just heard
something.
I don't like this.
Let's get
out of here.
Run!
I didn't spend
the night with you
to obligate you.
I spent the night
with you
because I love you.
She's beyond
this world of pain.
Kala:
You can save her.
The golden child
can bring her back
as long as sunlight
still shines on her.
No more magic!
She's dead!
You are the chosen one.
You will find the child.
You have until nightfall
to find the child.
Sardo cannot kill him
until dark.
Aah!
Shh...
Shh...
We'll get you
out of here. Ok?
Hey, where's
your boss?
Keep an eye
on the kid.
This won't
take long.
My dear, sweet
brother numsy.
I can see you're busy
right now.
I'll come back
some other time.
There are no keys
in the car!
No keys!
Oh, come on!
Come on! Come on!
Everything will be ok.
I know.
Fasten your
seat belt, kid.
Somebody give you
a valium or what?
This kind of thing must happen
a lot where you're from.
I feel like I'm gonna
shit on myself.
Hey! Hey, Goldie!
You won't even help me?
You'll just
keep running, right?
Hey!
Wait!
How long are you
going to be?
About two weeks.
You'll drop the kid off
and come back.
Yes.
I bought this
for you, ok?
Put that on,
and you don't have to worry
about other kids
messing with your head.
You don't want to go to
Tibet with a big head.
Ha ha ha!
That is
a cool trick.
Did you ever think about
going into show business?
I throw a rock,
you make it float off--
standing ovations
all over the place.
You ever hear
of ed McMahon's star search?
Do they have
star search in Tibet?
Probably not.
Probably have food search.
We could all go
on star search
and let the audience
throw rocks at you,
and you can make them all
hit ed McMahon...Hard.
Ha ha ha!
Paramount domestic television