This programme contains
very strong language
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Silibil n' Brains, yo!
Going out to all the rejects!
Grab your helmets!
Before you bump it
Nod your ahead to this
Our illness is your medicine
Pump it up till the speaker blows.
Silibil, Brains -
we both met in the same skate scenes,
punk rock scenes and hip-hop scenes
just back in the day.
We basically started to join forces
together and take over the planet.
They were really
so far ahead of the game.
I've never seen anything like it. I
thought they were going to be huge.
Our travels have taken us
to the UK, California, Asia -
all the places, really.
Ended up back in London,
did one show and there was
record company people there,
they offered us a record deal
and we needed money for booze
so we thought, "Take the deal,
let the good times roll. "
Always beamed out of this world
Like space bees
Make machine guns out of mics
And blast you like the A-Team...
It was like having
two early Eminems
and they're from America,
that means they're amazing!
Typical low lives
Crash in your pad
And jack you with your own knife...
They were very young,
they were dynamic.
My plan was to use the Sony system
to take them to the world.
But I don't care I'm a master
I'm like a plastic surgeon
I'm always staring at breasts...
I mean, I thought
of the Beastie Boys.
.. I pulled my pubes
through my nipples
Put some hair on my chest...
Before you bump it
Nod your ahead to this
Inject these lethal flows...
Ladies and gentlemen,
please put your hands together
for Silibil n' Brains.
It seems that your music is going
to be huge here in the UK
and in the US. -Let's hope. -Yes.
They had nothing but
total and utter confidence
in everything that they were doing.
They were now with one of the
biggest record labels in the world.
What would possibly
stand in their way
and stop them
from becoming huge?
So, where are you guys from?
- Planet Zordon.
- Really? I could tell.
We were abducted by aliens
when we were kids
and been travelling around
the solar system ever since then.
But what about really?
I'm Gavin Bain,
I'm not Brains McLoud,
I'm not American, I'm Scottish.
I've never been in America.
You know, everyone lies,
everyone is lying,
it's just what you're lying for.
They had an idea
to cheat the system.
The moment they woke up in the
morning they had to be American -
and to girls they met,
and to friends they made.
Greatest actors
I've ever come across.
You know, and they're
full-on Scots.
We just created a monster.
There's so much lies
about the lies, about the lies.
Why can't you just tell the truth
now? And that's what I want to do.
I was 18 when I met Gav and within
months we were making music.
We, kind of, brushed past each other
at the front gate of Dundee College
and he was just standing outside
with headphones on.
I just thought, "That guy's,
like, the epitome of cool. "
He just made
the most bizarre entrance.
It was something like out of a film,
when someone would fall
into a classroom,
like, "Oh, my God, sorry, I'm late. "
And everyone would be like,
"Who the hell is this guy?"
That's how... that was
my first impression of Gav.
The only seat that was available
was next to Bill.
I remember him, like, you know,
looking at me and being like,
"Oh, fuck," you know?
I think he had a Tupac T-shirt on.
Straightaway I knew,
"Oh, this guy must be into hip-hop. "
We liked all the same rap groups,
metal bands
and we liked all the same
comedians, same comedy shows.
From day one we were a comedy duo.
We were always together and we were
always getting into trouble,
we were always having a laugh.
It sounds like
it was love at first sight.
Ha-ha-ha. I mean...
.. I don't know about
"love" at first sight!
I felt like
I'd known him all my life.
We were best friends,
we were brothers.
It was a bromance!
Yeah, he was
a good-looking cat as well.
He just walked past girls
and just, like, a look
and they would stop,
and then he'd start talking to them.
I'd never seen that in my life.
It felt like he was always trying
to press people's buttons.
You know, I'm, kind of,
naturally a shy guy
and he just exuded confidence.
Full of confidence,
full of bullshit!
Alcoholic!
What's up, girls?
We met in the local nightclub
in Arbroath.
I was still at school.
How do you explain
what charisma is?
He's like a light, I suppose,
and people just come to him
because he's fun,
he's good to be around.
I'm a realist, through and through
and I think that's what Billy needs
because otherwise he would be...
He's like a balloon, you'd have to
hold on to him to keep him steady!
We were both
really good at rapping.
Then we started thinking we should
try and write our own songs.
We worked so well together.
You know, that was enough
to cement it in my head
that this is a path, for sure.
I mean, from the first show,
this hunger just came.
Every chance we get
we'd record songs,
we'd write songs,
we'd record them.
We brought in Oskar.
He's just a great friend of ours.
We had great lyrics so we brought
him into make up three of us.
Feel the strain and tension
My brain's a weapon
A mention of my name could
inflame the tamest session
A reclaimed possession
The world's in my clutches
I bring heat to the mic
and burn any fuck who touches.
So, that's, like,
just one little verse.
Billy was the, sort of,
entertainer and, kind of,
hyping the crowd up, and Gav was,
like, this evil genius
behind the whole thing, and I just
wanted to get my lyrics across.
Gavin was almost quite militant.
He was the driving force
behind everything that we did.
Effectively forcing us
to record and write music.
He was completely
and utterly in charge.
I got addicted to production.
I fell in love with beat machines
and just the technical side of it
was really addictive to me.
We'd sit and read thesauruses,
we'd read dictionaries,
we built our word banks up.
We were confident in our music,
we were confident in our lyrics.
At that time, we were naive
enough to believe that
that's what mattered in music,
was the talent
of the actual music itself,
and the lyrics, and the writing.
And, obviously, that wasn't the case.
# Come gather in my long
Scottish wind
# Belt out your blackest poems
as the sea around you sings
# When that drone takes to the air
# A single note to raise my hair
# Carry songs beyond my lungs
# Cold Scottish wind ##
I grew up in Arbroath
with dreams of leaving.
It's the same as any small town
anywhere in the world.
It's the kind of town that
you grow up to move away from.
Especially if you're creative.
There's no creative scene.
The idea was always
to get in a band and move away.
You know the story about us
auditioning for the record label,
down in London?
This banner popped up on a website
and it said,
"Are you the next Eminem?"
"Are you the next Eminem?
Are you the next Usher?"
At the time, in our heads,
we were it.
We took the 13-hour bus journey down
and we were quite confident.
We were like, "Yeah, we've got
something really original. "
In comes the one with
the tongue sharp as thorns
An art of scorn, my style's
immaculately bastard born.
When we arrived at the audition
I realised we were drowning
Eminems in a sea of Ushers
as everyone else was pimped out
in this hip-hop gear.
So we stood out.
I was used to rapping
in little pubs and clubs,
nothing with that much
importance or attention.
And it was three A&Rs, but
you would probably say judges now.
You know, this was before X Factor.
They looked up and they
were, kind of, "Hmm. "
And as soon as we started saying,
"Oh, we're B Production,"
talking in a Scottish accent
the vibe just changed horribly.
They were, like, squinting
their eyes, like, "Hmm. "
Looking at each other like...
Rappers having no fun
are no-one
They're probably coming out
more overdone
Posh spice and David Beckham's son...
We could tell that they weren't
taking us seriously.
There was a couple of people
we could see, kind of, laughing.
We could see people smiling,
but it wasn't a smile as in,
"Wow, this is fantastic,"
it was a smile as in,
"What the hell is this?"
We were like,
"What's with the fucking laughter?!"
One of them referred to us
as the Rapping Proclaimers.
It sounds like
you're the Rapping Proclaimers.
It was just horrifying
to hear someone
just destroy it in a second,
all because of where we were from.
This was completely alien to them.
They're like, "Right, so, Scottish
rap?" And we were like, "Yeah. "
And it was, they were just like,
"No, no, that's not going to work. "
Didn't enjoy that 13-hour
bus journey back.
They were really cocky
and I was just heartbroken.
I couldn't even talk.
It was just like an absolute
journey from hell.
We were really, really hurt.
Confidence was smashed.
It was all doom and gloom.
What are we going to do?
We need to change our lives.
We need to change
everything we're doing.
All we wanted to do
was be the next big thing.
As a group it was just,
it felt like it was the end.
For me and Gav, I think
it made us stronger.
It made us determined
to prove the people wrong.
A big part of me wanted revenge.
I wanted to show these people,
"How dare they tell me, after the
hours I put in, how dare they say
"that this isn't good?"
He was so absolute hell bent
on making it.
And that's what we set out to do,
so we wrote new tunes
and we stepped up a gear.
Everything was better.
The lyrics were better, the music was
better, our performance was better.
We wanted to get some shows in London
to prove these guys wrong.
So we started phoning
and we ended up saying,
"Hi, we're rappers from Scotland, can
you... " And it was like... hang up.
So we tried again, "Hiya, we're
a hip-hop group from Dundee... "
Dooo! No-one was interested.
"Oh, sorry, guys,
it's not what we're looking for. "
We felt like we were back
in the audition in London again.
It was my turn to phone,
and for a complete joke
and to, sort of, pick our spirits up
I spoke in an American accent.
I just said,
"Hey, we're from California,
"we're coming to London to try and
get a show," and people were like,
"Oh, wow, can you send us any
of your music?" And we were like...
"What? Like, really?"
So, we did it again, we tried and we
were like, "Hi, we're from California
"and we'd love to send you guys our
demo. " And, "Oh, yeah, send us it.
"This is great,
we're really interested. "
It, kind of,
felt like... but...
It's the same music, it's the same
thing so why would you be interested?
That was shocking. That was just
like, OK, this has got nothing
to do with how good we are, this has
got nothing to do with talent.
If you want to get on a label,
then you just have to be marketable.
With the whole rapping Proclaimers
thing and people laughing at us
still ringing in our ears,
we knew we had to make a big change.
Gav turned to me and said,
"I think I'm going to become
American. " So I sort of laughed
and went, "Oh, yeah, OK."
And he went... he went,
"No, seriously, I think
I'm going to move to London.
I'm going to tell them that I'm
an American rapper from California.
We'll put these fake accents on,
we'll go down,
con the music world and then,
"Pow!" Come clean on Jonathan Ross
and, woo-hoo, we're heroes,
you know?
You can say that out loud, but
it doesn't sound, you know, real.
And I was like, "Listen, man, this is
only going to work if you're American. "
You know, you can't turn up and say,
"I'm Scottish.
"Oh, by the way listen to me rap in this
incredible thick Californian accent. "
He was like,
"Yeah, you're right.
"I'm just going to completely
redesign myself. "
From that point forward, just started
talking with an American accent
and installing the idea
deep into, like,
his subconscious
that he was American.
You got the light
I'm a pyrotechnic
Damn it, I can't get from A to B
Because I'm dyslexic.
We were just the little guys
that had a point to prove.
We had, like,
a nation to stand up for.
The plan was to genuinely
become superstars.
It wasn't really something
that I wanted to do, though.
I felt like I wouldn't feel
right about where I've come from
and my family. There wouldn't be
any integrity there for me.
It would feel shallow and false.
They say your works do no songs
That are straight from the heart
But I'd rather create a pack
That didn't know where to start...
Out of spite, we decided to develop
these characters
and that's when
Silibil n' Brains were really born.
We re-recorded our songs
in American accents,
we spoke to each other every
minute of every day in American.
We decided we had to be
these characters now.
Silibil, Brains,
we both met in the same skate scenes,
punk rock scenes and hip-hop scenes
just back in the day.
- Two LMCs.
- Yeah.
The back story had to be perfected.
We were from San Jacinto,
in California.
We got these layouts
from off the net,
downloads of the street names
and stuff,
so be started memorising areas
that we could have went.
And then our story just
kind of grew from there.
The accent had to be
unquestionably American.
We have to do our own stunts,
which is
probably why he won't see any
skateboarding in our videos.
Oh!
Silibil stuck with me.
I think about syllables
when I'm writing
and, obviously, my name is Billy,
so silly Bill, Silibil.
It was just a play on words.
Brains McLoud just felt like
a comic book character
and then you put Silibil
and Brains together. It was like,
you know, Pinky and the Brain. So it
was like a comic book or cartoon.
You know, villains and heroes,
you know? Great double act.
Like Itchy and Scratchy
come to life.
Tom and Jerry, Beavis & Butthead.
It was... It was easy.
We looked like two extras
from Jackass.
American skating kids,
that's what we looked like.
We had baggy jeans, skate T-shirts.
My character was like Jim Carrey
mixed with the rapper Redman.
Bit of Michael J Fox, David
Schwimmer, but then I liked them
as, like, my speaking voice
and how I would speak to people.
Bill was like Chris Tucker and
Chris Rock mixed with, like, ODB.
So we were able to become
characters that you'd see on TV.
Dave!
The problem was that we spent
so much time on the accents
and getting the look,
and how we would act perfect,
we didn't do any research
into, like, American culture.
What grade... what grade
did we finish school in?
What is a grade?
All we knew was these
kind of stereotypes
that we'd seen on music videos
and we were just perpetuating
black rapper stereotypes.
It was just constant,
"perfect the character, perfect the
character, perfect the character. "
We were talking in American,
but to girlfriends and stuff,
we were having sex
with an American accent.
Definitely, my girlfriend
at the time thought that was weird.
Masturbating in an American accent.
The only way we were not
going to get caught
was if we could really believe
in these characters.
Like any actor taking on a role,
that's what we did.
This was going to be
the biggest role we'd ever play.
On the bus to London, it kind of
started to slowly sink in.
Like, "Holy shit, we're doing this!"
OK, so what's it
going to really take?
OK, so we need to get in the door.
We need to cause a buzz.
How can we get into this group of
people that run the music industry?
How can we convince them
that we're other people?
We are demons that are here
to take over this industry.
I just couldn't understand
how they could think
that they could carry it off.
You can't live a lie.
I'd just moved
to a little studio flat,
which was pretty much
just a living room. It was tiny.
Having, you know, just one person
in that place was just crowded
and then having the two boys...
.. it didn't really work,
but I put up with it
because I had to for my brother.
We had 360 between us,
250 between us.
Bill's last wage, my dole cheque.
I had absolutely nothing at that
point. I was in 6,000 debt as well.
They had a focus
and they had a mission. That was it.
They went and did it.
One person actually offered us
a show and said,
"If you guys want to play,
we've got a slot. "
Guys, girls, everyone just
getting naked, changing.
No-one cares, they're so focused
on, "I've got to be this pop act,
"got to get this record deal
tonight, you know?"
And we were just, like, laughing
and like, staring at tits!
We were just there
to kind of blow everyone away.
Just before we went on,
there was four guys, R&B group,
you know, singing harmonies.
We walked out on stage
and the crowd were looking at us.
We said, "Hey, we're Silibil n' Brains,
we're from California, let's go!"
Oh, oh, oh, look who's coming through
Best get out the way
This is Tongue Kung Fu
We just grew
We punched through
All we hit is bricks and beer
And touch fools.
From the moment we said,
"We're from California," that was it.
We had the crowd.
And we really had the crowd.
Already a force in the burglary
Cos I take it too far
Like Michael Jackson in surgery...
We came to the bit where we paused
in between a song and I went,
"It's a shame your mum isn't here
tonight cos she's so... blah, blah. "
It was like we were
battling each other
and the crowd were going crazy,
everybody was loving it
because, to them, we were just
making this up on the spot.
When we came off stage, we were
just completely high, buzzing,
"Oh, my God, you know, oh, wow,
that was great!" You know?
We'd taken three steps
off the side of the stage...
And someone stopped us.
You know, and he was like,
"Yo!" He was like dressed all
gangsta, like, you know, A&R.
Huge guy, London accent
and he said,
"Oh, my God, you guys are amazing.
"Where are you from?"
And without thinking we just went,
"Oh, we're from California. "
It felt like the room froze.
It felt like the world stopped and we
were able to think... "What did...?
"Did we just say that?"
That was the defining moment.
There was no turning back.
And he gave us his business card
and it was Chris Rock
from Island Records.
If you meet someone who's
into hip-hop, you know straightaway.
I have a massive collection
of trainers, I buy vinyl records,
I listen to music all the time,
I wear these crazy glasses
and every one thinks,
"My, God, what are they?"
And that's the hip-hop culture.
Authenticity within hip-hop
is pretty much that.
You've got to live and breathe it.
Silibil n' Brains were hip-hop.
It was hilarious.
They had clever enough
lyrics and flow
to actually impress people like me.
It was, "I love you guys,
I absolutely love it.
"I want to make it happen. "
He wrote down a list of names
and said, "I want you
to check these guys out.
"Tell them Chris Rock from
Island Records has seen you guys
"and wants to sign you guys. "
He goes, "I just need someone
"to represent you guys
as management. "
I'd made an industry contact.
First show in London,
first trip as Silibil n' Brains.
Same songs as what
we had in Scottish.
We were just like,
"This is going to work," you know?
Our confidence just
ballooned at that point.
I guess it's luck. I mean, it's luck
but we made that luck happen,
you know? We made our own luck.
We worked out, like, a method.
We would say, "OK, so, don't ever
talk over each other.
"One of us is to cover, one leads. "
If I'm leading, Bill will sit there
listening to every single thing
this guy's saying back and figuring
where he's going with it.
So, I'm not thinking about what...
I'm just trying to get his head
away from asking us about
our story, our past.
Because we weren't
ready for that yet.
Just worked on staying in character
all the time.
My sister must've thought we were
crazy because we always spoke
in an American accent
with her as well.
Oh, my God... Fucking A, man!
Fucking A! That guy rocks, man.
I'll tell you that. That guy rocks.
They didn't want to get
out of their personas
out of their acting, in case it
would slip back into,
kind of, a bit of a Scottish
and they couldn't let
the twang get in there.
They had honed it so well...
They sounded like they were
born in America, raised in America.
It was like a little bit
of a dream...
but I was always worried
that he would just get
so deep into it that he wouldn't
know who he was really
because they do have that in them,
both of them.
They get so involved and so deep
into what they're doing that they...
they don't know the line between
reality and, you know, the acting.
We felt Americans were slightly
cockier and slightly louder
so our characters became that.
Jonathan Shalit was, and still is,
one of the most powerful managers
in the music business.
With managers, it's to do with
not what you know most of the time,
it's who you know.
Ultimately
I'm looking for that X factor
and you can't quantify what that
hidden gem of that person is.
It's just something that
jumps out at you. It could be...
It could be anything.
You can't quantify what
is going to make someone succeed.
They've got a degree of magic
about them.
What I remember is two dynamic
young people with a massive amount
of energy bounding into the office
like young puppies.
Yo, me and Sili been having
this drinking contest
Six months later and my head
is full of cobwebs...
He didn't get it.
He knew he didn't need to get it.
He knew that if JD gave him the nod,
then that was cool.
The moment we walked into Jonathan
Shalit's office, they were on us.
They couldn't believe their luck
in stumbling across these two
crazy Americans who were just wild.
I think he's seen us as a package,
which was perfect
cos that's what we wanted to be.
We didn't just want to be
two rappers making music,
we wanted to venture off into film.
We wanted to have our own TV shows,
we wanted to be everywhere.
My plan was to first of all
get the record deal.
No-one else was doing
what they were doing at that time.
It seemed, to us, people who could
electrify British clubs,
nightclubs and radio stations
up and down the country.
I said, like, "Jonathan,
we're not getting out of bed
"for anything less than 65,000."
He was like, "All right, cool.
OK, 70."
I'm, like, looking at Bill like,
"Fuck. " You know, 70 grand!
It was all happening faster
than our emotions could catch up.
They'd just come back from America
and they had no money
so we gave them financial advances.
They put us up in a house in London,
we got money every month
in our bank account,
all studio costs were paid for.
We paid for them
to have a place to rehearse,
we paid people to be in a band
for them, we paid for instruments.
Basically, financially
supported them completely
so they could concentrate without
worrying on developing their music.
Did you have any qualms
about taking his money?
No.
No.
First goal achieved, we're making
music, were getting paid
to do fuck all but make music.
You know, that's the life.
And now all we needed Jonathan to do
was to go back to Island Records,
sign the deal
and we had a record deal.
But Jonathan had other ideas.
He knew that if there was interest
from Island, there would be
interest elsewhere, so he began
to pimp us to the other labels.
Just creating this insane buzz.
I think Chris Rock was probably
a little bit pissed off
because they thought
it was just going to happen.
Essentially, your manager is
looking for the best deal.
Everyone is trying to get in
because you know,
as a management company, you're
going to get your little 20%
which, if they sell millions of
records is a large amount of money.
So, all the time, there is a lot
of back-stabbing, cut-throating.
A lot of talking,
people whispering in people's ears,
that's the music business.
What you do is you book a rehearsal
room with a light and sound system
and you create a mini stage,
and then invite the record label
down for a private performance.
It's a very cold environment
because there's no cheering
It's a very cold environment
because there's no cheering
and clapping, and whooping,
like in a concert,
so it's very hard for the act
to be dynamic
because they've got to
perform to nothing.
They perform to no reaction
apart from a...
Sony were really the front runners,
Sony US.
Senior members of Sony
flew in specially for them
when they heard the music.
We did a little showcase for them.
He was just full of questions,
like, "Why are you over here?"
You know, like, "When are your visas
going to run out?"
And stuff like that, you know, "Why
aren't you doing this back home?"
"Let's go. " You know,
he was really into it
and it seems like he really
wanted to make it happen.
We were just really worried
that, you know,
how do we go back to America?
How do we get into America now?
We'd be found out
as soon as we got to Customs
and we don't have
American passports.
So we thought that was
too tricky,
so I think Bill made up something
on the phone to Shalit about,
"No, we can't work with that guy,"
like, "He came on to me. "
Yeah, we just sabotaged that one.
So now we're turning down
record deals.
That just kind of kick-started
the Sony UK deal happening,
so if the US weren't going to have
this, Sony still wanted it.
They loved the music we had,
they were going to pay for us
to go back into the studio,
work with different producers
and get our first single,
get it ready,
get it printed up and get it out.
We believed, if we got found out,
that we'd have to pay
all the money back.
Well, obviously, we couldn't take it
to a lawyer and say,
"This is what we're doing. "
We didn't know if it was, you know,
if we'd go to jail for fraud.
Friday 13th April, 2004,
we signed to Sony.
Two singles and an album,
essentially.
So that's, like, I think,
50 grand and then,
when the album's ready, 100,000.
You don't think,
like, it's going to work.
You know deep down
you've got the talent
and you've got the drive to do it,
but you can't imagine that
things are just going to,
bam, bam, bam, then go, and go.
It got real at that point.
It got really real.
People over the world...
Every minute of every day,
are dreaming of signing a major
record deal with their music and...
We'd just done that.
We never really got into the music
for the glitz and the glam,
and all that fame
and celebrity stuff.
For us, it's always been about
keeping it real
and just having a good time,
travelling around with friends,
rocking out venues,
skating around the world and...
- Groupies.
No, I mean, seriously,
we're down-to-earth guys,
we like to stay grounded,
keeping it real
and all that kind of stuff...
What is this? -It's champagne!
It's not Cristal?
Get it out of here!
Sorry. -Stop breathing on me, you're
giving me a chill in my neck. Jesus!
The next stage was just pure fun
for us.
It was incredible, every morning,
waking up, hitting the studio,
making tracks.
That, for me, is incredible.
After the studio, we'd go to
an event, get drunk, get wasted,
go back to the studio,
in the morning, start again.
It was a marketeer's wet dream.
I just couldn't see
how it would fail.
The key aim was, it sounds silly,
but really, was to take over
the world.
It was infectious and you did kind of
get wrapped up in it yourself.
And it's very easy
after spending time with them
to think "we could do this,
we could take over the world. "
We will be the biggest band.
We gave people too much
to think about.
We needed them
not to ask certain questions, so...
If the conversation ever
got into anything serious,
we'd throw the head on tangents.
So, yes, it was always manic.
Going to celebrity parties,
going to gigs, VIP at shows,
we were almost living as
these superstar celebrities,
but without having
that success behind us.
We started just enjoying stuff
far too much, you know,
a couple of 21, 22-year-olds just
having the time of our lives, you know?
Silibil n' Brains like to drink
and like to party,
so I think most of the money
I gave them went down their throats.
Young single guys living in London,
a bit of money in their pockets,
they had a lot of fun.
I was thinking to myself, fuck, this
Brains character is really working.
Fell in love with being Brains.
Got me a shit-load of money,
that clearly
I wasn't able to get. He got me
the attraction from all sorts of women.
Now it was just women
all over us
and some of my girlfriends have
been some of the hottest people
I have ever seen in my life.
Gav could never have done
any of that.
But they weren't even
there for Brains.
They were there for the hope of
being around someone who was famous
and maybe they'd get famous.
Difficult being apart.
Difficult wondering
what he was up to.
Difficult knowing that he wanted
this fame and I didn't.
It wasn't till I went down
to London and he said to me,
"You do know I'm going to have to
speak American to everybody?"
I was like, "Oh, OK."
That's when I think it dawned,
when I was actually there,
cos till then it was kind of
a bit of a... fantasy world
that I was going to be part of.
He would obviously not speak
American to me
when we were on our own.
What was that like,
going out with him?
Mortifying.
Embarrassing.
I am, like, the most honest,
straight,
up and down the line person.
At that point, we had been together
quite a long time anyway,
so he knew that, and I often asked
myself, "Where is this going?"
I never thought
Billy didn't love me.
I just always wondered if...
The music was more important.
They lived round the corner.
After my band split up
I didn't really go out much actually,
I was sort of just locked up
in my, you know, house.
And people would come round.
And they came round.
They played me a DVD of their band.
Tired of waking up in the morning,
next to some old lady thinking
"where did these handcuffs come from?
Why am I in leather hot pants, huh?"
- Watch your ankle.
- Yeah, it's a sore one. It's weaker.
When Busted was quite influential,
we had millions of fans.
People were losing their minds.
Like a chemical reaction, that once
it happens, you can't reverse it.
Seeing my own band go from,
you know, nothing,
to the success that we achieved,
I really believed that they had
a chance to be really big.
It was just very obvious to me.
I sort of became a fan, actually.
Here I am.
Part of the appeal and the fun.
They had a video camera.
They were always making
little movies of themselves.
This was in the early days of
kind of all the modern technology.
Their ideas were so, like, foreign.
And these guys were out...
shooting their own stuff, like,
running around London.
making skits, editing them,
putting on their website.
No-one else was doing
stuff like that.
- First day of the tour.
- We got here. We arrived.
Now all bands have a YouTube
channel, they have content,
an on-the-road diary.
Everyone has to do it, it's part
of your marketing campaign.
You know, what became
bread and butter for the industry,
they were, kind of, out there
doing themselves.
I didn't get the high score.
That sucks!
A lot of what is de rigueur
and a lot of what I do every day
I did for the first time
with Silibil n' Brains.
We just had this huge team of people
that were dealing with
everything that we wanted to do.
Talking ourselves up and spreading
rumours about ourselves,
and just trying to build the brand
of Silibil n' Brains.
Put your hands up! Put your hands up!
Put your hands up! Put your hands up!
Put your hands up! Put your hands up!
You could see that Gavin was
the brains behind everything,
not to take anything away
from Billy
but Gavin ate, slept, drank,
breathed everything about the band.
He didn't stop for one minute.
I would lose myself
in finding out about production
and all that beautiful stuff
whereas Bill just worked on it,
like, his rhymes
and the entertainment side of it.
He was probably more interested in it
for the fact that it would get us fame.
It's a road for us to just have
just great times all the time.
You know, have the fun
of famous people.
I was on a table
at the front of the Brits.
I was there with Jonathan Shalit,
Jamelia, and a few other people,
and I'd joked about Billy in the day
because he's asked me if I could
get him in and I said,
"Look, I'm really sorry,
I don't have a ticket.
"They're 1,000 each. "
"See if you can get in yourself. "
And that was it.
We blagged our way
into a lot of things
but Gavin didn't feel confident that
we could blag our way into the Brit
Awards so he refused to go with me.
And I see that
almost as a challenge.
I said I was the Jamelia stylist.
At some point during the night
I got a text from Billy.
I went out to the bar
and there he was backstage,
just hanging out with all the bands.
For Billy to have bluffed his way
past all the security guards,
right to the centre, was genius.
I mean, I was drinking shots after
shots at the bar with Green Day
talking about punk music,
talking about skating,
talking about California
- as a Scottish guy -
and no-one questioned it.
Daniel Bedingfield was someone
I spent a lot of time with backstage
because, like, we were just drinking
and we just got on really well,
and had a laugh.
Someone had said, "Have you met Silibil,
he's from California, he's a rapper?"
He was sitting there and he went,
"Are you from California?",
and I was like, "Yeah. "
And he said, "I thought
you were Scottish. "
And when he said that, like,
there was a split second
when my heart stopped and everything
just disappeared, and I just thought,
"Have I just been speaking Scottish?
Have I not...? Did I tell him...?"
Cos I'd been drinking quite a lot
and I was thinking,
"Maybe for the last half an hour
I've just been speaking Scottish. "
And there was just this panic where,
"How do I get out of this?"
In an instant I just
congratulated him and I said,
"Oh, thanks so much. " I said,
"I've been living in California for
years and been travelling around,
"and that's why I've got
a strange accent.
"A lot of people think I'm Canadian. "
I never seen Gav again
until the next morning.
I think Gav was quite angry
at the fact that I'd done it
and I don't know if he was angry
because I'd gone to the BRIT Awards
and he hadn't done
or because I'd, in front of
our friends almost,
I'd, sort of, shown him,
"Yeah, we can do it. "
I had an incredible night.
Absolutely one of the most memorable
nights I think I had in London.
To see him standing there
chatting away with Kelly Osbourne.
You know, in his suit
with his, kind of, blonde hair
going this way and that way.
It was like, yeah, it was like...
You are one of them and that's
why you do deserve to succeed.
I suppose part of me was jealous.
What you don't see
you're worried about, aren't you?
When he's not answering his phone cos
he's at the BRIT Awards you're thinking,
"Where the hell are you?
Why are you not picking up?"
He phones later and he's like, "Sorry,
I was at the BRIT Awards and... "
"What do you mean,
you at the BRIT Awards?!"
Our lives are like polar opposites
and can something like that
actually work?
I'd been out of touch with Gav
for over a year, actually.
I hadn't spoken to him.
Rang him out of the blue
and he'd been speaking with
an American accent so much
that it was almost impossible for him
to talk to me in a Scottish accent.
That's when he started to tell me
that they'd been signed
and that they had this massive,
like, publishing deal.
There was a studio in Brixton
that they were recording at free
of charge, whenever they wanted,
and I was just, like,
"Fuck, this is insane!"
So I ended up going down to visit them
and it was just a completely
surreal situation.
Hey, no interview.
The thing that was most shocking
was that they'd completely
fooled all these people.
They were convinced
that they were American.
A massive part of the hip-hop
industry is how credible you are.
You know, they talk about
people being real
and people being fake,
and they were genuinely fake.
Everybody was giving them
tons and tons of respect.
Just being really sycophantic
and they were running off
to the shops for them.
Gav and Billy are making
all these demands.
I did not fucking ask for blue ones!
One of the things which was
kind of odd, that I remember
so vividly about the studio, like,
they had this really,
really pristine laminate flooring
and I just remember thinking back
to all the scenarios that we'd
been in when we tried to record
and we have these, sort of,
really shitty, kind of, carpets.
Although it sounds really silly,
even just not standing
on a shitty carpet, for me,
was quite a big step up for them.
They'd changed completely,
personality wise.
They'd amplified it so much
and so over-exaggerated everything
that they were doing to the point
where it was actually quite hard work
sometimes to hang out with them.
We're just drinking!
We're just drinking!
What's wrong with gays?
That's what I say.
We didn't care who was watching us,
we didn't care who'd seen us.
We were the most loudest,
obnoxious people you could probably
ever meet in London
and, literally, we felt invincible.
We had to be very careful who
we brought into our circle of lies.
Maybe four or five people
really knew.
Everyone who came in
had to lie our lie.
At this point, London wasn't here.
It was just our little
bubble of friendship.
The characters, they had a licence
to do whatever they wanted to do.
Inside, we kind of knew
that it was fine,
we could get away with it because
we were just these wild guys.
That's what everyone expects.
And it became that.
It became people expected it.
Come here. Come here.
I need a piss.
There was always a notion
in the back of my head
that I, kind of, felt like
it would all just unravel.
That was the kind of routine,
really.
Every night would end with, like, a
massive fight. We were just stupid.
When you're playing characters
24/7, you start to become them.
You know, my mum would
call me on the phone.
I'd, like, miss the call
and not be able to speak to her.
We didn't want to break character.
After a while it really... really
grates at you.
- Did you get the beer?
- Yeah, I got one, dude.
Stella?!
Dude, you know what happens
when we drink Stella.
Before long you've went, like,
18 days again, on the trot
drinking and you're completely
hung over every day,
and you're putting on weight,
and you feel like crap.
It's just so easy, you know?
And the time is 5:54.
I don't know what the fuck is going
on. Am I fucking time travelling?
Am I fucking living the dream?
Am I fucking already dead?
Am I frozen? What the fuck?
I guess I'm just here...
Me and, just me and my drink.
The tour manager's still sleeping.
Everybody's sleeping. Not me!
I'm a fucking mess. Maybe I should
sleep? That's the fucking problem.
I should sleep more instead
of drinking and staying up.
We're lying 24/7.
You go home at 12 o'clock at night,
you're not going to sleep, are you?
The whole day is going to run
through, "What did I say today?"
But I'm just worried, worried,
worried, worried.
Gav started to have a lot of
psychological problems.
He has quite powerful hallucinations
when he goes to sleep
where he experiences
terrifying, vivid nightmares.
I see a demon in my sleep.
The "night crusher".
It's like an incubus, a demon that
you see in the corner of the room.
You freeze, you can't move,
you try screaming, you can't,
and you feel the incubus, the demon,
is squeezing your neck.
We completely had forgot,
at one point, that we were Scottish.
To the point that I created
such a good lie
where I could actually see
where I'd been.
You know, see where
I'd lived in my head.
So I was definitely
going a little cuckoo.
It's just really hard
to remember what your plan is.
Please put your hands together
for Silibil n' Brains!
What's up? What's up? What's up?
Shut up! -Thanks for coming on, guys.
- You guys are great. Shut up! -OK, OK.
Boys, you are spanking new music.
- Spanking. -New.
How would you describe your sound?
- Spanking!
- Spankingly new!
Spankingly new.
Comedy, humour, excellent.
Well, you did a performance for us,
to try and drag this back
from the edge of despair,
Your Mums, is what it was called.
Well, it wasn't called My Mums.
- Just Your Mums. -Your Mums.
Mums in general. -Don't bring my mum
into! Not on my own show! -Oh, OK.
Let's take a look at it.
It's very entertaining.
That's your mums
I was in luck when she didn't
know that she is my fantasy
That's your mums
I gots to have her
She's all I wanted, she's all I need
That's your mums...
We got invited to be part of 2004's,
like, the next big thing.
MTV's brand-new music.
She takes pills
but you can't cure ugly...
Other acts that were with
us were Kasabian, Bloc Party,
Natasha Bedingfield.
There was bands that just
absolutely blew up
and, obviously, we thought we were
all going to be in the same boat.
We all thought we were
all going together.
So, is that's what we going
to hear most of the album?
Mostly material that
is taken from...
No, the rest of the stuff's all
love songs and boring music.
Dave is trying to ask us stuff and
we're just throwing him curveballs.
We're swerving
his questions, you know?
We're getting out what we want
out of the interview.
Right, you drop it. Check it.
They say violence sells
Well, how about this?
I'll smack myself in the face with
a porcupine wrapped around my fist
I throw a grenade in the toilet
As he sat down on it. -What?
It's not over till
the fat lady sings
but let's leave Dave's mum
out of this. -Oh!
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Dave.
- That's good, man.
- We're friends!
- That's OK.
Also, while we were doing that,
we were also listening.
That is the art of telling
great lies - listening.
So, now, reading about you - UK, US,
where are you guys from?
Planet Zordon.
Really, I can tell. -We were abducted
by aliens when we were kids
and been travelling around
the solar system ever since then.
But what about really
because, you know, it seems
that your music is going to be huge
here in the UK and in the US?
Let's hope. -Yes. -Do you think that's
because you've been brought up...
Mothers everywhere
will be buying it.
Er, ladies and gentlemen, please
put your hands together,
Silibil n' Brains.
Boys, good luck, it's been
a pleasure meeting you. And you too.
There was an awful lot
of people up here
had seen them being
interviewed on TV.
Why are they American now?
You know, they weren't American.
You know, word travels fast.
Music scene chatrooms
were all lighting up, like,
"I know those guys. I went
to school with Billy in Arbroath,"
and, "I got in a fight with Gav
in a chip shop in Dundee.
Those guys are fake. " So, we were
like, "Shit, like, how do we...?"
We sat there trying to, you know,
contact administrators
and trying to get posts
taken off, and deleted,
and we were just thinking,
"OK, there's someone at Sony
"sitting there going through all the
negative press," and, "Oh, what's this?"
You know,
Google search Silibil n' Brains,
and it comes up,
you know, they're fake.
So, did it come up?
No, it didn't. No-one was
doing those searches.
Then we were really
worried about it.
Everything just, like, wow, this
is, this is a really bad plan.
A part of the plan was that
we were just going to get in,
make a record
and then release the record,
and then come clean but release
schedules don't work like that.
That's the side of the game we
didn't really know that much about.
Like, you can't just release
music like that.
You know, you have to do six
weeks of press, radio, TV.
The constant worry
and the constant stressing
that someone's going
to catch us out here...
.. someone's going to tell the world
who we really are.
Say cheese.
We always said we weren't going
to get engaged just to be engaged.
We were going to get engaged
because you wanted to get married.
How long did you plan your
wedding for? -Only a year.
It was kind of the next step,
you know?
If you're not moving forward
you're stagnated and, I suppose,
we felt ready, in a lot of ways.
Everyone in the industry knew
I was getting married.
No-one questioned why I was
marrying someone in Scotland.
No-one expected invites
to the wedding, so it was fine,
we got away with it.
We went to Verona for a week
for our honeymoon,
and that's when it started being
a bit more real, and thinking,
"We can't really do this,
living apart much longer. "
It was always hard for Mary.
It was hard enough having our
long-distance relationship
between Arbroath in London.
What happens if we do become
these huge superstars
and we're jet-setting
all over the world?
Once the kind of honeymoon period
was over, if you like,
sort of, cracks were starting
to show in the friendship.
Because they were living together
and spending so much time together
in the studio as well,
on top of this whole charade,
there was definitely an underlying
feeling of frustration.
We were best friends.
I mean, we were like brothers
and I guess that's what made it more
upsetting, the fact that we allowed
the divide to happen.
It was like we were business
partners, rather than friends.
We just didn't talk about the things
that mattered, I guess.
We were too busy, well,
when we were in London
we were too busy worrying about
a lot of other things.
Got a phone call this morning
saying, "Come and support D12,"
which kind of wasn't...
kind of wasn't scheduled.
But...
.. nothing to worry about.
We won't shit ourselves.
Are you well?
It was just lovely, just being able
to ring the guys and say,
"We're going to go and support
D12 at the Brixton Academy. "
Explain what's happening.
Fucking... Come on.
We were excited. We thought, "This
is it. It doesn't get bigger than this. "
They were huge at the time,
we were going to be playing to
thousands of people.
That's the stage.
That's where the people will be.
As usual, something so exciting
was met by the fear of... the past.
Wait a minute.
We've been lying the whole time
that we're friends with D12
and Eminem.
That's the way we've came up
from the States, and holy fuck.
We were now in a situation
where Del and whoever we were with
were expecting us to meet up with
our old friends D12 before the show.
Who we'd never met in our life.
I was led to believe at that point
that they knew them.
OK, so the first night of the show.
We're performing at Brixton Academy,
London. Stop it, stop it!
We're performing at Brixton Academy,
London, with D12. Whatever.
So it's time to start warming up.
We were just going to sound check.
D12 were on stage, we were standing
at the side watching them.
I just remember the look
on Del's face,
as if to say, "There's your guy!"
Gavin and Billy both shout,
"Yo, Proof, how you doing?"
I just remember
shaking hands with Proof
and just being like,
"Hey! How's it going?"
Like you would do in hip-hop.
"Hey, man, how you doing?"
"High-five, wassup, wassup?"
Cuddled him and held on.
One of those stories
that we didn't need to tell,
we didn't need to go that far.
But we did.
We'd always add arms and legs
to this huge body of a story.
I think he was addicted to lying.
I think he is addicted to lying.
As a child, he had a full-on
South African accent.
Like, really really strong
South African accent.
When we left South Africa it was
like a total shock to the system.
Beautiful hot country,
all our friends and everything,
and we came to Scotland.
It was cold, it was dull, it was
dreary. It was pretty hard on him.
We had to adjust our accents, and
Gavin had to, he had to change it.
My parents were speaking to
each other in a Scottish accent,
but then they would speak
to any of their friends
in South African accents.
And that's what I learned to do.
Taking what someone is doing
and copying it to the absolute...
If I lived with you for like a week,
I'd probably start morphing
into your voice. Mimicking.
I'm phenomenal at mimicking.
You think it's probably not that
great, but I think it's quite cool.
We decided that Losers
was going to be the single.
We were always the underdogs,
and that was the song about
the underdog sort of taking over.
The record label and the management
said, "Release it, this song is
good. Let's make it a single. "
But Gavin is like
a full-on perfectionist,
so even if he doesn't like a slight
beat or how he sounds on a song
or how Billy sounds on a song,
Gavin is willing to scrap the whole
song and start from scratch.
It was Gav's way or no way.
Can you use the best one of them,
and then I'll do another one?
He is difficult to work with.
Whenever I've recorded with him,
he's been a nightmare to work with.
My mama knows, my papa knows
Everybody knows we're just losers...
They could have been famous
ten times over
if he'd just said yes
to a few things.
We missed our window to release
the record, for sure.
I suppose they couldn't
really just release.
Gavin was always kind of
self-sabotaging himself really,
because he was thinking, "If this
releases, what's going to happen?
"As soon as that does come out,
it might end everything. "
Do you think he stopped anything
ever coming out? -Yeah.
At that point,
we weren't on the same tracks.
Bill would have been happy
if the first release went out.
Whenever the release windows were,
whatever the shape of the band,
whatever with music sounded like,
as long as he was able to rap
and get famous he would be happy
with that going out in any way.
Sony merged with BMG and a lot
of people got made redundant.
The executive responsible
for signing them
was a victim of the merger process.
If you're signed to a major record
label and you haven't got
allies who support you,
it's very hard to progress.
The label was sitting there
looking at who makes money,
who doesn't make money,
and unfortunately at that point
we hadn't been given
the opportunity to make them money.
This A&R came in, and he
showed us complete disregard.
He was just kind of, "Look,
we're not going to get rid of you,
"but we're not really sure
about this. "
"Don't think you are believable,"
I think is what he said.
I really just wanted to jump over
the table and strangle him
and scream in my Scottish
accent in his ear, you know.
We were then told that it was
going to take about six months
for all the paperwork to go through
with this merger,
which meant that we'd be on hold
for another six months.
Had we just went ahead and put
the original version of Loser out
it could already been out,
and within that six months
been on tour, or been releasing
elsewhere in the world.
But we were on hold now.
It happens all the time, because
these artists, they come along,
and they're young
and they've got a dream.
And they're focused on the dream.
And they always get fucked over
on the business
because they're not looking
at the business,
they're looking at the dream.
While looking at the dream,
this other guy is looking
at the business.
They're not looking at the business,
so how can they know if they're
getting fucked on the business?
There is always a moment when
you're developing creative people,
if they don't have success
before that moment passes,
they often don't have success.
Once someone at the top
has told all the foot soldiers
that that band is probably on its
way out, the phone stops ringing.
You can't get hold of people.
And I remember thinking at the time,
because I've gone through it before,
"This feels like that time again. "
No-one will really say,
"This isn't working. It's over. "
We'd write songs, write songs,
write songs,
but we couldn't get in
to record the songs.
So that period was very,
very frustrating.
There's only so long, especially
when you're hungry to get out there
with what you've got,
that you can do that for.
Bill had this relationship
up in Scotland,
and that was going well, whatever.
We'd already been married
half a year.
Mary was pregnant with Brandon
at the time,
and we needed the security.
This was going to be security,
once this song comes out,
and once everything is out,
it's all going to blow up
and we would be sorted.
That was my attitude.
So he was starting to ransom
himself, like,
"I don't know how much longer
I can be around this any more.
"I can't keep doing this forever.
"You keep putting releases back,
I can't be here. "
So it was like, "Well, you should be
here as long as it takes
"for this to happen,
for this plan to work, you know?"
I realised how close we'd come
to getting our music out,
which is what we always wanted,
was our music being out there.
They were living a door apart
from each other in the house,
but they didn't speak
for days at a time.
I gave him a date, and said,
"If nothing happens by this date,
"then I'm leaving. "
The date came and gone and another
date was put and another date,
and I kept putting new dates on it.
"OK, May. If nothing happens by May,
that's it, I'm out of here. "
"June. If nothing happens by June,
I'm out of here. "
It just went on and on for months
until the point where
I just thought, "Enough is enough. "
The lie drove me and Gav from
best friends to hating each other.
The war had become between us.
The war with the industry was gone,
it was a personal war.
We fucking hated each other's
characters.
We had a really horrible fight,
and I was like, "How the fuck
can you leave?"
He was like,
"I'm going to be a dad. "
"How can you be a dad?
You're an addict!"
He was like, "You're an addict,
you're on pills every five minutes
"to stop you from sweating,
to stop you going to sleep,
"to help you go to sleep.
You're a fucking addict. "
And I'm like,
"But you're a fucking addict... "
No-one has those fights
if you're friends, you know?
I think at that point you realise
the friendship is over, kind of thing.
We got up in the morning,
me and Mary.
We packed up the car,
and we drove it back up to Scotland.
I didn't want to walk away,
I didn't want to leave.
This was my dream
since I was a small child.
But I knew I had to.
Just the way, at that point,
he was talking about it,
like he had no attachment to it.
This wasn't a thing that
we had gone through together,
we hadn't just done all that.
It was just, "I'm gone.
"I can just get rid of this
from my life in a second. "
That's the thing that drove me
absolutely crazy.
I felt like he'd came along
on this plan
which was good for as long as
it suited him,
and then once he had
lost faith in it,
screw everyone else that was
a part of it, I'm offski.
But I was the captain of the ship,
so I had to go down swimming.
He phoned me a couple of days after,
because we had a big show to do.
They were playing some festival,
and if Billy didn't come back then
he was going to destroy everything
that was important to Billy.
I think he was at breaking point,
you know.
He was angry
and he wanted to hurt Billy
the way Billy had obviously
hurt him.
By leaving.
I think he realised
that without Billy,
there was no more Silibil n' Brains.
And I just told him straight
I wasn't coming,
I had no interest in coming
and he was on his own now.
I wasn't prepared to come back down,
I wasn't putting up with it any more.
"We'll speak soon. "
We never spoke soon.
I didn't want to see him again,
I didn't want to hear about his family,
I didn't want to hear anything.
I honestly didn't care
if he was alive or dead.
It felt like he'd left me for dead,
so why should I care about him?
Everything you've ever dreamed of,
and then all of a sudden
one of your best friends,
who you've known forever
and did all this with vanished
and won't even talk to you.
The rest of the boys
have kind of disappeared that way,
Charlotte and Jonathan stopped
taking your phone calls,
the label doesn't put you as a priority.
I mean, he lost everything.
Even Del, Del was struggling
to take my phone calls, you know?
Even Shalit was like,
"You're a group", you know?
"You're a group.
You're a double act.
"I don't deal with just one of you. "
I would have no interest in seeing
Mick Jagger in concert on his own.
I wouldn't be interested in seeing
Keith Richards on his own.
But together, Mick Jagger
and Keith Richards are amazing
in the Rolling Stones.
Same with Billy and Gavin.
Together, they were brilliant.
Separate, they were worthless.
I was just left with
bottles of Co-codamol,
taking little snoots for a while.
There is a period of those months
that I literally have no memory of,
because I was just
in a kind of coma.
Suspended animation.
Two years of playing a role,
acting like somebody else,
can do that to anybody.
Some points it was like,
"Where does Gavin Bain begin
"and where does Brains...?"
It was just so strange.
I don't think they realised
how far they'd got themselves
into these personas.
And how hard it would be
to get back out.
I was sitting alone one night
in a completely empty house.
All the money had gone, spent.
I was watching Muse on TV
headline Reading.
They were at the studio and we were
brushing shoulders with them
and there was a vibe
around that time
that we were going to be
the next big thing.
And it just hit me, like,
we were on that same road, you know?
I was just drinking,
drinking and drinking.
The ghosts of all these naked chicks
running around, no more.
Our poster still up on the wall.
Fuck, you know?
Now I'm that guy from that group
that's no longer.
I could always say it's us telling
this lie, and now it was just me.
I heard this really loud thump,
and I thought, "What's that?"
I went upstairs and I just heard
the strangest sound
that I've ever heard.
And Gavin was, like,
slumped in the bathroom,
and I was like, "What are you doing?
Are you drunk again?"
It was horrible. It was...
Everything just flashed before
my eyes.
I like to think that he didn't mean
to take too many,
that it was just, you know,
he forgot how many he was taking.
That's what I told the doctors,
anyway.
But, yeah, he just got so deep,
so dark that he didn't want
to stay around.
It was just very hard.
When we came back from London,
I hated Gav.
I didn't want to hear from him,
I didn't want to talk to him.
It was just the best feeling,
to be away, to be free,
and not have this pressure
of having to keep the pretence going.
It didn't take me a week, it didn't
take me a month, it didn't take me
a year to think, "I wish I was still
doing that, this is so hard. "
It was literally door closed,
move on, that was it.
Scotland is a very proud nation.
We're sort of a nation
of almosts and maybes.
I've always been proud
of being Scottish,
I am proud of being Scottish.
That's essentially why we did it
in the first place.
I don't think you really appreciate
growing up somewhere
until you've actually left it,
and then you want to come back to it.
What would you like? Cereal or egg
or what? Or omelette? -Omelette.
Brandon, yours is nearly ready.
I hope you're sitting down nice.
Brandon is six and Travis is two.
Both going on 18, I think.
I've just had it done,
so it's still healing.
That's actually Brandon's hand
that I've got there.
And then I got a link
to go through it,
like the "family first" thing
goes all the way across.
I don't want to go to school.
You don't want to school? Why?
I'm a million miles away from
what we did as Silibil n' Brains,
these kids running riot in London.
I've grown up, you know,
and sometimes you have to
let go of that and grow up.
Become yourself.
- How's it going?
- Where you going? The Bruce?
Got your pass? -I do, yeah.
I'm an equipment operator offshore,
on a rig, in the oil industry.
He works in the North Sea. Gosh.
It wasn't a dream, it was wanting to
financially provide for a family.
I don't think
I could be any further away
from the sort of music lifestyle
that we had before.
It's something completely different,
something I'd never imagined
me doing.
Whatever happened in London
I'm not actually
that bothered about any more.
It was so long ago.
It's not going to change the way I
feel about Billy. It's in the past.
I don't need it any more in my life.
I believe that Gavin does.
He still chasing it,
he still wants that.
Silibil n' Brains had a crazy ride.
I haven't left yet because
I don't think I've achieved
what my endgame was.
I'm here until the endgame.
I don't need to have another MC
next to me.
I can do this on my own.
Me being Brains McCloud only ended
about six, seven months ago.
If I was looking at Gavin Bain
from Brains' eyes,
I was a complete failure,
why would I want to go and be
a complete failure again?
The industry is
kind of closing down to me,
but the social aspects were still
there for that character.
If anything, that's the only thing
I kind of had at that point.
One minute I'm hanging with big
famous people, doing shows with D12,
the next minute I'm on the dole in
fucking Palmers Green in London.
I was just hanging out with girls,
trying to get laid,
going out and getting wasted
and fucked up.
Little bit tipsy! Sure!
Everything I was doing was trying to
validate who this character was.
My sister was always kind of like,
"Why are you still Brains?"
Like, "Come back to being you. "
First gig back,
I couldn't go on stage.
I'd used the fact it was
the kind of comeback
of this "Brains", American rapper,
to fill the venue.
I felt like I couldn't move my legs.
I was like, "Who am I?
Who do I go on stage as?"
I just said, "I'm Gavin Bain. I'm
not Brains McCloud. I'm Scottish.
"I've never been in America. "
It was the strangest reaction
to a first song I've ever had
from any crowd. It was just kind
of like, "What did you say before?"
I got hugged, I got slapped.
I spoke to Dan Miller from Sony,
and he was like, "You motherfucker. "
It was shocking at first.
And then it kind of hit me, and
I thought, that is fucking genius.
Because they never dropped it once.
And you know, you've no reason
not to believe.
There's still loads of people
who don't know.
Where are you from?
You're lying.
What would I do?
If every time you met somebody
you assumed they were lying,
you'd go around in circles.
I sat down on this big couch
and Gavin was there,
and he said, "I'm Scottish,"
in a Scottish accent.
And it's weird, because right up
until that point, I had no idea.
And then I remember looking at him,
hearing his words,
it looks like Gavin,
but it doesn't sound like Gavin.
I kind of almost expect them
still to talk in an American way,
because they still look the same.
It's not like they were wearing
a mask or had prosthetics on.
Want to sort of come on
the biggest tour
with the best band in the world?
I got a call on my mobile
from a number I didn't recognise,
and it was Billy.
And then to hear him
talking in a Scottish accent as well
was really quite weird.
I had so much contact with them
over that time and the accent never
broke once, at any point, did they
let on that they weren't American.
At all. You know. Greatest actors
I've ever come across.
To all intents and purposes,
they destroyed themselves.
They misguidedly thought
that pretending to be American,
not Scottish, would get them
a record deal.
But I think they got a record deal
because they had great songs
and were captivating personalities.
I thought it was funny.
I also thought, good luck to them.
It sort of made the whole journey
more amusing.
They came from really boring,
horrible lives,
and the way you escape from that
really boring, horrible life
is become something you're not.
They could sit in their small house
in the corner of Scotland
and see America in their bedrooms,
and then created this dream.
But all dreams come to an end.
You wake up.
I honestly feel I've learned more
about myself in the last five years.
Figured out what I'm truly
capable of, how far I'll go,
how high I'll get and how low I'll
stoop to to get what I want.
I know who I am now, you know?
I've got no regrets about London.
Your perception of
"living the dream" changes.
To this day, I still believe
that I'm living the dream.
I've done the whole dream chasing,
and it's more like, I'd say,
the dream is kind of chasing me.
# It's all there
# Shining up for the season
# It's not why
# It's all there... #
They could have sold
millions of CDs.
I thought they'd have number ones.
I thought they'd sell out arenas
for concerts.
People can say, "But what if you done
that, what if you done this?
"Where would you have been now?"
I could have been anyone.
This interview could have been done
in Beverly Hills, you never know.
I wouldn't take them back.
It was a long time ago.
Be too old now anyway.
31 and ugly, they are now.
I miss him as a person.
At the end of the day,
there's two people in the world
who have went through this,
you know what I mean?
There's only one person
I can talk to
that knows exactly what
this was like, and that's Bill.
Would you do it again?
Hmm. Tough question.
What did Bill say?
# Every little thing I know
# Every little thing I have
# Sitting up by the Eyre
# Sitting with tired eyes
# Every little thing I have
# Sitting up by the Eyre
# Sitting with tired eyes ##
I'm takin' a break
from the path I'm on
Shit creek, paddle, gone
Feel like my past's been blasted on
with a massive atom bomb
I'll be the freshest next best yes
This is effortless
Rappers that wanna challenge
can hand me the damn death wishes
Cos I been livin' in
a John Niven imagery industry
Bitterly killin'
every single little bit of me
Could've been the epitome
of every kid with a dream
But life is higgledy-piggledy
Nothin' is what it seems
To question my pedigree
You just best to test and see
I'm so nuts
and nuts are allergic to me
I know these swag rappers
are just testing my sanity
Shit, Sili had swag when it was
just called personality.