1
[APPROACHING AUTOMOBILE]
[AUTOMOBILE HONKING]
Well, I never!
Check your gun, cowboy.
- What'll be? Beer?
- Yeah.
- Hey, get that sack off the bar.
- Just a minute.
Just a minute. You don't
even know what's inside.
Get that snake out of here!
Aw! He ain't gonna hurt nobody in the jar.
I only brought him in here
for a sporting proposition.
I don't care. Get this
thing out of here.
Boo!
You see,
I've got a dollar
that says there
ain't a man in here
who can put his hand
up against the glass
when the snake strikes.
Now that sounds like an
easy way to make a dollar.
Yeah, ain't it?
Careful now.
You got weak nerves.
Takes one chance just
to get used to it.
- Let me try again.
- No no no no, Sam. No, Sam. It's my turn.
You flinched. Look, I'm putting
down $5 for five more.
- We got a game here!
- I think I'm getting the hang of it.
- It's only a matter of concentration.
- Concentration.
Wait wait wait.
I've got four more chances.
- Hey, wait a minute. Oh, hi. Hi, Brandy.
- Hey.
Take 'em for the count, kid.
You fought meaner
snakes than that.
That away, Brandy. You did it.
Pick up the money.
No, we'll let the creep
keep the money.
COWBOY: He moved.
- Who said?
- You moved.
Everybody saw you.
Maybe you could
do it better, huh?
- For how much?
- Oh, I am sorry, Mr. Rockefeller.
I didn't know you was in town.
- Is 10 bucks rich enough for you?
- $50.
Yeah, let's go.
CONMAN: I'm betting all I got
right here on the cowboy.
Uh-huh.
Well well. Hey, what are you
supposed to be in that get-up?
- Some kind of Jesse James or something?
- Something.
Well, you are one
hell of a snake kisser.
I'll say that for you.
Hey, where'd you learn how to do that?
No, wait a minute.
Don't tell me.
I seen that
a couple of times before.
I got a snake
maybe you'd like to kiss.
Hey, he's a contender, cowboy.
You'd better not stick around.
How many times I gotta tell you, Brandy?
You're a pro,
that means you
never fight for free.
Look out! That damn thing.
Get out of the way!
Billy, the crutch, the crutch.
This thing's got no fangs.
We've been conned!
Mr. Colby.
- Mr. Colby.
BILLY: Sam, look at that.
We turned better
than $100 back there.
- I'm gonna...
- Come here, you.
- Took what?
- They took 50 bucks.
Billy, looky there.
The man in the tall hat,
don't you recognize him?
Are you kidding?
In a machine like that?
I heard tell that he's one of
your rich millionaires now.
Oh, Sam. You seen
him in every town
from here to Omaha,
excepting each time it
wasn't him at all.
I gotta find Joe Knox.
You got any idea
where he might be?
How in the hell do I
know where he is?
You know that he ain't
but half a white man.
Who in the hell do you think you are?
And it's cold,
and you're taking us out in the middle
of the night without any clothes on.
- It's really cold.
- Yeah!
Coming into a private house,
interrupting our business.
Let me go!
Let go of me!
- You're hurting my arm, you jackass.
- Let go of me!
Will you stop it?
- You let me go!
- Hey!
What's the matter with you?
WOMAN: That's my
foot you stepped on.
Oh, I can't believe it.
WOMAN:
Move over!
Hey, you crazy Indian,
get out of there!
Giddy-up, yah yah yah!
Hyah hyah hyah hyah!
Hyah hyah!
Whoa!
Do not be afraid, ladies.
Do not be frightened, ladies.
After all,
I did rescue you, did I not?
Did I not grab you
from the very jailhouse doors?
Did I not, hmm?
Perhaps I should
introduce myself.
My name is "Knock down
soldiers with a stick."
In other words,
Joseph Prendergast Knox, esquire,
off the reservation and out
of Harvard university,
class of '84.
Now the way I see it,
I did save you ladies, didn't I?
But I'm not asking you
to thank me.
Well, leastways,
not all at once.
Now it has been a very long time
since I last scalped
a white lady.
I'm not even sure that
I recall how to do it,
but I do know one thing,
ladies...
That it is messy!
Now this one was
Miss Gladys Ackerman,
my fourth grade teacher
at missionary school.
I loved her a little bit.
Now this one,
this one was a lady
who stomped on my toe
in an elevator
in Cincinnati. Huh?
Well, you ladies
get my meaning, don't you?
Now why don't you just
sit back quietly, ladies,
and enjoy the ride?
Sit!
Gentlemen and...
Most welcome ladies,
we're staging this fight
at Serenity
because Serenity is a boom town.
A lot of money.
A lot of votes...
We need them both.
May I make the following
suggestion?
When anybody asks me
why I back William Howard Taft
for the presidency of the United States,
I don't give them political theory
or economic folderol.
I simply say, "I only back Taft"
because I only back winners.
A toast...
William Howard Taft,
next president of the United States.
ALL: Hear hear!
And another toast, gentlemen,
to another winner. The next
governor of the state,
Jack Colby.
Come on, move!
Hey, ladies.
Hey, what do you
got here, Joe Knox?
Whores, Billy, whores!
Whores? Well,
where'd you get 'em?
I found them lying around.
- Whose are they?
- They're mine, Billy.
This is Monday
and Tuesday and Wednesday
and Thursday and Friday
and little Saturday here.
And who is this?
- Sunday?
- No. Holidays!
- Hot damn!
- Go on up.
Up up up!
Go on, up up up!
Up up, 90 on, get up!
There you are.
- Hey, you're gonna share 'em?
- Nope.
That ain't nice. Ain't I
always shared with you?
Grub, tobacco and all?
How about just one?
Maybe that little
skinny one right here?
No, Billy.
I need them for my job.
I have got a mission.
But they ain't
missionary ladies.
They're just plain old
nickel-a-ride mattress backs.
You're looking at a man, Billy,
who, armed with
nothing but his own
badly battered sword of justice,
is gonna drive the white man
from this land that he has
raped and he has pillaged!
I don't follow you, Joe Knox.
- Have you heard of typhoid Mary?
- Yeah.
Well, meet pox Knox.
I don't follow you, Joe.
Well, you see, I have caught
myself a dose of cupid's itch.
The white man's gift
to the red man, Billy.
I have got the clap!
Ahhh! You keep
your distance, Injun!
You go get the cure and quick.
Never never.
I am going to be
a one-man epidemic.
Ew!
I have got a hard job
ahead of me.
A couple of weeks from now
I'm gonna release
this little lot
and capture myself another batch
and so on and so on.
Until one day
across the land of the free
and the home of the brave,
the white man is
gonna say to his wife,
"Honey, guess what?"
And even in the white house
itself president Teddy Roosevelt
is going to turn
to his cabinet and say...
Joe Knox, where the hell
have you been?
I've been looking
all over town for you.
Sam Longwood, you keep away from
these ladies 'cause they're mine.
Oh, just put that
dumb thing down.
- Guess what.
- What?
I seen Jack Colby.
- Colby? Where?
- Yeah. Here.
- Here?
- Yes, I did.
Get out of here! Go
on, get out of here.
Get out!
- Where's he staying?
- At the Denver house.
Joe Knox is no friend of mine.
He could have
left me at least one.
Time.
Glad you could come by.
Tomorrow's another day.
- Oh, Mr. Colby?
- Yes, my dear?
I do think that you are
the most handsome man
- in this room.
- Well, I certainly wouldn't say that,
but I appreciate
your honesty and candor.
And you must also be
the most eligible man.
Eligible for what?
Madam, I'll have you know
I am very happily married.
- But so am I.
- Well, in that case...
Well...
How..-
Two friends of mine. I haven't
seen them in 15 long years.
Will you excuse me just
for a moment, my dear?
Of course.
Sam.
And Joe Knox. Must be
six, seven years anyway.
- 15... has it been that long?
- That long.
- Folks, ladies and gentlemen,
let me have your attention
just for a moment.
It gives me great pleasure
at this time to introduce
to you a man you've all read
about in the history books,
a genuine hero
of the western frontier,
one of the men who made this
country what it is today.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the famous
scout and Indian fighter,
Mr. Sam Longwood.
This ain't a social call, Jack.
Either you pay us
the money you owe us now,
or I'm gonna tell these
good folks how you
got started
in the millionaire business.
Sounds like a threat. You wouldn't
threaten me, would you, Sam?
Folks, me and Jack Colby here
and Joe Knox go back
a long way together...
Way before he got
his first railroad train
or got into politics.
Yes, folks, Jack Colby here
was respectable once.
You see, him and me and Joe Knox
had this little gold claim up on
the west rim of death valley.
And we set aside a tidy sum.
And then one morning, Joe
Knox and me got up and found,
much to our surprise...
Hello, Jesse James.
Now why in the world do you
suppose Sam would wanna go
to making up stories
about an old friend?
Maybe he didn't trust you to
give us back our money, Jack.
Can you imagine that? You
trust me though, don't you?
Yes, I do.
Now...
It's funny.
You don't know.
I wished I'd have stayed with
you boys many's the time.
No, you don't.
Not unless you're completely stupid.
Thank you, Joe Knox.
Nice of you to put it just that away.
Enough of these compliments.
We spent seven months
mucking that gold
- and you took off with all of it.
- Yes, I did.
I certainly did. Would you like to know why?
- I don't care one cow plot why.
Because that money meant
absolutely nothing to you,
except another six-week drunk
in a San Francisco whorehouse
and then right back
to more of the same.
But you, you had god's own
visions burnt in a rock, huh?
Yes, it's called an empire...
Steel rails all the way
across this country,
link the Atlantic states
to the Pacific,
give jobs to the jobless
and homes to the homeless,
make this country
fine and wonderful,
the way it can be and should be.
How's that sound?
And for that mess of nothing,
you crooked your pals.
How'd you boys like to see
the fight Saturday night?
I'll go you one better. I'm on my way
out to Vishniac's training camp,
- you ever ride in an automobile?
- The money, Jack.
I would have got your damn money
to you if I could have found you.
- I tried years ago.
- You're lying.
- How do you know?
- Your lips are moving.
You ask Nancy Sue if I'm lying.
Her train is due from Chicago
tomorrow night.
You mention her name one more
time and I'll slit your throat.
What, and leave her a widow?
You were always hard cases, both of you.
You haven't gotten any better.
Sam, look at me.
I used to be able to have
some fun with my life.
Now I'm tied to a desk
25 hours a day.
Yeah, we have a railroad.
We also have thousands
of little investors
driving me crazy worrying
about their stake.
Yeah, that's good enough for you to
say, but we could have been rich.
We could have been somebody,
instead of dust eaters
and cow kickers.
We could have bought some
respectability with that money.
All right.
All right!
How do you want it?
Two checks for $2,000 each
or one for $4,000?
Jack, you see the way that
Sam and I had it figured,
- we figured you'd owed us $100,000.
- We'll settle for less.
- Say $60,000.
- Yeah, $60,000.
Only $60,000?
I'll see you in hell first.
Yeah, well, that can
be arranged too.
Sorry, boys.
That's a little bit high.
When you're ready to settle
for the $4,000...
You better cut him once,
Joe Knox,
just to show him
we ain't dirt farming.
That won't be necessary.
Now if you boys'll excuse me,
I'll get back to my invited guests.
So you can stop payment
on this check, huh?
One thing we haven't got
in 15 years is dumber.
No, you couldn't have.
- Don't worry, friend. We're gonna stick together
like blood brothers until after
the banks open tomorrow morning.
And when you open this door,
have your friend
move on down the hall.
Over there.
Over there.
Sorry if we scared your horse.
Sorry and $2 could buy us
a pine box, ma'am.
You fellas heading for the
fight over in Serenity?
- SAM:That's right, ma'am.
- Mike...
My girl here says she saw you
last night with an injun.
Half-breed by the name of Joe Knox?
Kidnapped one of my friends.
Kidnapped?
WOMAN: One of my young ladies...
skinny little thing,
brown hair, about 17.
You sure you fellas ain't seen them?
SAM: No, ma'am. I
certainly haven't.
I heard they was
heading for the fight.
So if you see 'em,
look me up in Serenity.
My name's Mike.
Mike?
Anyone bringing in that Knox fella
and the young girl, there's
50 bucks in it for them.
Or a dozen free visits
to my place.
Hi.
Ooh!
$50 and a free visit?
Ma'am, we got him.
He's right here!
Billy, sit down.
What does she mean you
stole one of her girls?
Well, wouldn't you know we'd
get the runt of the litter.
Little Thursday,
would you like a bit
more stew?
Well, thank you,
but I'm still trying
to find the courage
to finish this.
Hey!
JOE KNOX:
I says she gets raped.
SAM: Raped?
What's that, an old Indian tradition?
It's an old army tradition.
I was conceived at Wolf Paw Massacre,
remember?
Well, the army teaches
its men to love the enemy.
Yes, in groups.
Hey!
My father was a sergeant,
two corporals, a bugler
and a company cook.
Well, that makes you about
five, six white men after all.
I think the army
did you a favor.
And I have been trying
to repay that favor
ever since I learned
to use a hunting knife.
For Christ's sake, would you
put those moldy scalps away?
I happen to know that you
bought 'em off a drummer
in new haven, Connecticut,
for 50 apiece.
That is what he says.
I shall now teach him
how I really won them.
Wait wait! No no no, please
please please please.
I can't have you killing
yourself defending my honor.
I just couldn't live with that.
Now I don't like the idea
of getting raped either...
You got about as much chance of getting
raped around here as Joe Knox.
You're... you're not
gonna rape me?
No! ma'am.
Well, why not?
I mean, ain't I good enough?
Well, then who?
Nobody's business is who.
Jack Colby's wife is who.
We're gonna kidnap and rape her.
Wait a minute. If it's Jack
Colby you're both so mad at,
what do you wanna mess
around with his wife for?
'Cause she dumped
Sam Longwood is why.
They was engaged to be married,
but Nancy Sue dropped him
like a burnt match
when a certain Jack Colby
puffed out his feathers.
Why, you old jackass, why don't you give
your mouth the rest of the day off?
Psst.
This here is Nancy Sue.
What a beautiful lady.
Who told you to show her that?
The person in this picture
is much too fine and pure
to be held in the hands
of a common prostitute.
Begging your pardon, ma'am.
Now put it away.
What happened to your pride,
Great Scout?
To your sense of tradition?
If we do not give Colby back
a wife that is soiled,
then the $60,000 will not
be worth spending.
But if you do not do
your duty as a man,
then I will have
to do it for you.
You try it and you won't
have one left to do it with.
Talk like that could
get a man's liver
dropped into the dust.
- Or his throat cut.
- That you will never do, white man.
SAM: I've killed more Indians
in my time than I have buffalo.
Now's our chance, sugar.
While them two peacocks is
kicking each other's heads in,
let's you and me slip off
to the bushes and do
a little fancy humping.
Dirty old goat!
I'm gonna teach you once and for all
to keep your filthy hands off of me!
Help me, help!
She's gonna kill me!
Hey, what's wrong with you?
You dirty old man!
Gosh darn you! Just leave
me alone from now on!
Truce, damn it, truce!
Billy sure is a strange guy.
Especially when he's kicked
in the hmm-mmms.
- Oh ho.
- Uh-huh.
- Mmm.
- Hmm.
Don't you touch me.
You just get away from me.
I really think you got
the wrong idea, miss.
About me anyway.
I never had to do with whores,
except when I could help it.
Nothing personal intended.
Sure. Promised your dear old mother?
I can do without that
smart talk from you.
Nobody invited you along
on this trip, remember?
I was kidnapped by that
drunken half-breed.
From the jailhouse, yes.
But to here, I did no such thing.
You're a bunch of kidnappers.
That's what you are.
If we were, why would
we kidnap you?
Skinny little thing like you wouldn't
bring better than a penny a pound
from any cathouse
from here to New Orleans.
Now the minute
we get to Serenity,
this piece of goods goes
back to its rightful owner.
- That's right.
- Oh no, you don't.
You stole me
and you're stuck with me.
I just may stay until
we get back into town.
And then if you'd be kind
enough to lend me the fare
- for a railroad ticket...
- Don't tell me.
So you can get back home and
visit your dear old mom and dad
on the poor little rundown farm
out of green branch, Ohio?
North... North Platte, Nebraska.
North Platte, Nebraska.
Why are you so tough
on her, Sam?
I'm not being tough on her.
It's just
I've heard that same story from a
thousand bang tails in my day.
Oh! Well,
I thought you never had
to do with whores.
I said when I could help it.
A lot of times
I couldn't help it.
Pay no attention to that
sanctimonious old hypocrite.
Tell me, what do they
call you, little one?
Well, tell him.
We can't go on calling
you just Thursday, can we?
We have a job to do.
We cannot take you with us.
But you don't understand.
Mike...
She doesn't even
hardly let me go
with the customers.
Well, what's she doing?
Saving you for herself?
Yes.
That's the most disgusting
thing I ever heard.
SAM: We love you,
William Howard
You're free from taint
and graft
We'd like you
for our president
Mr. William Howard Taft!
The lion and the elephant
The monkey and giraffe
All the animals are voting
For William Howard Taft...
William Howard Taft
sucks rotten eggs.
We hate you,
William Jennings
Your head is up
your ass
We'd like to piss
on Bryan
And vote
for Howard Taft!
Very nice words to sing
about the great commoner.
Where did you manage to find
them, on an outhouse wall?
What if I made them up?
If the Indian gets to vote,
then you can bet mine won't go
to that tub of bear grease.
Besides, Jack Colby
is supporting Taft.
How can you vote for somebody
with supporters like that?
Yeah, I know.
That's the trouble.
But you see, I've always
voted Republican.
It is said that everybody
has their faults,
but if you hate Colby
like you should,
then you should vote
for William Jennings Bryan.
- I'd vote for him if I could.
- Nobody asked you.
And I'll tell you why, because
he's gonna give women the vote.
Might as well give 'em the
right to pee standing up,
they wouldn't know
what to do with it.
I don't suppose you use
your moldy old equipment
for much anything else anyway.
Is that so?
After we turn you over
to that madam of yours,
she promised us free guest privileges
Sam's not turning me in.
Oh, yes, he is, little one.
For the $50 we get for you,
we'll be able to buy two
Colt six-shot repeaters.
Sam?
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, miss, you're gonna
get your tail whacked!
Hey hey!
What he means is
he's gonna kick your...
Hey, Sam!
The whiskey jug.
Right there
beside that little bush.
Hyah hyah!
Hey!
Hyah hyah!
Pull back, little one,
pull back!
Come on, come on, giddyap!
Come on! Hyah!
Whoa, horse.
Wait a minute.
Hyah!
Stop that damn wagon!
What's the matter with you?
I said stop!
Hyah hyah!
You can't get away from
Joe Knox, little one.
Not Joe Knox... aggh!
Whoa whoa, easy, horse.
Whoa, horse, whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa there, horse!
Horse, stop!
Hold on, Sam.
Ooh, ow!
Oh my god!
- Jump!
- Jump!
- The horse?
- Oh, he's halfway to Wyoming by now.
We'd better get moving.
Serenity's bound to be a
walk and a half from here.
No, just a mile and a
half through that canyon.
Billy, you look around
and see if you can find
any more of our stuff
and set up camp down there.
And, Joe Knox,
you go unload
this mess of trouble!
Oh no, I'm not going anywhere with him.
He's got the clap.
Clap!
What kind of a way is that
for a young lady to talk?
Well, it's true. Isn't it, Billy?
You heard him. Tell him.
He said he's got it
so I guess he's got it.
You whiskered windbag, you
sure can keep a secret, huh?
Secret, hell, you said yourself you
was gonna spread it all the way
across the nation,
clean to the white house.
It is but a temporary
condition, Sam.
I will get rid of it.
Like you did the first time.
You're damn right you'll get rid of it...
First thing we get to Serenity.
You know that we've all been
living out of the same duffel,
drinking out of the same cup.
Ew!
You can't get it that way.
Unless of course you was
doing something else.
You know you could rot
your brain... what you've got.
You could go blind.
It could fall off.
Now you get that taken care of.
And I don't mean by
no moldy medicine man.
I mean by a white
American doctor.
That's right!
And what'll he do?
And he'll heat it
on his little stove
until it's real hot.
And then he'll...
Joe Knox no go to doctor.
I thought Indians could
take any amount of pain
without flinching.
Not this Indian.
Don't listen to the old man.
All the doctor's gonna do is
to give you a little pill.
That'll fix you.
You sure?
Of course I'm sure.
We're not living in the dark ages anymore.
Modern medicine has
taken great strides.
Great strides. Come on, miss.
I'm gonna unload you.
- Let go of me!
- Let's go.
No, let go!
BILLY: Joe Knox.
SAM: Look at them prices.
"Cash or gold accepted."
No wonder Jack Colby wants
to hold the fight here, huh?
Well, come on.
Come on, you little squirt.
Sam Longwood never spanked a
lady in his life, but for you,
- I'll make an exception.
- Are you really?
- Am I really what?
- Sam Longwood.
- I am.
- I mean the real... the real Sam Longwood.
As best as I can recollect,
that was my father's name too.
I knew it.
I knew it.
You fought howling coyote at the
battle of Chickasaw Wells, didn't you?
Why, that's so.
I've heard about you.
- You have? Where?
- In books and newspapers and things.
- You got reading?
- I do. I do.
And I've read all
about you in school.
You're a hero of our country.
I guess that's been
said a time or two.
You...
You captured Geronimo.
You captured Geronimo practically single-handedly.
- ...Single-handedly.
Who'd ever dream I'd meet
the real Sam Longwood?
You're much younger
than I would have guessed.
I mean, you're not all
that old for a hero
of our country.
All right,
it's dumb and I know it.
But I'm gonna give you a break,
so why don't you just run along?
Run along where?
I don't know. Get a job someplace
washing dishes or something.
- I can't do that.
- Why not?
Because Mike would find me.
You know, doctor,
it is truly amazing the steps
modern medical science has made
over the last few years.
Truly amazing.
Just drop your trousers, please,
Mr. Knox.
What for? I mean, this is
not the dark ages, is it?
I thought you were gonna
give me a pill or something.
You got it the same old way.
We cure it the same old way.
Now that wasn't bad, was it?
Now you hold on, Joe Knox.
I only did that
for your own good.
Yeah, pill only good
for Joe Knox.
All right, you red-assed,
clap-ridden squaw-hopper.
I will cut you
to pieces, white man.
If you can get close enough.
Sam, Joe Knox, wait!
There's the little minx!
Sam, what about our $60,000?
If we don't get it this time,
it's gonna be a long slide back.
That ain't no reason
to send this child back
to a life of shame
and degradation.
You horny hypocrite.
You're worse than Billy.
You wouldn't know Christian charity if
it jumped up and bit you in the ass.
You know what? I'd sure as
hell recognize a Colt .45.
That's what we come to
this town for, isn't it?
We'll make do.
With that?
Not that way!
Hi.
Molly, Becky, girls.
Now, girls, I'd be careful if I were you.
Mr. Longwood ain't partial to no whores.
That is too bad, isn't it?
Come on, boys.
Joe Knox, what are you doing?
Indian tradition...
Always take hostages.
You two wait out here
in the hall.
Who fired that...
Well, if it isn't my little
friend who was kidnapped.
Or did she run away?
Hey, Mike.
I told you to wait
out there in the hall.
What's this?
- Mike!
- Molly, be quiet.
Shut up!
Hey, wait for me!
Get out of my way!
Damn.
They was supposed
to turn over the girl for $50
so they could buy
a couple of six-shooters
so we could get our money back
from Jack Colby.
Well, they come back,
they ain't got the money.
They've still got the damn girl.
Well, I'm telling you
right here and now,
she ain't cooking for me.
Not after her previous
line of employment.
And another thing,
what about my free visits
to the cathouse?
What about that, huh?
I never get to have no fun.
- Billy.
- Oh, Billy, Billy.
A lot you care about Billy
now that you've got
what you want.
That's no way to talk
to a hero of our country.
Oh, so that's how
she turned your
comb red, great scout,
with that old hero crap.
Sam, why don't you and me
take us a walk
down by the creek?
It just so happens
that this young lady
has a sense of history.
Uh-huh, and where
do you think she got
the sense of history from?
Me!
Me, that's who.
She didn't know Sam Longwood
from a hole in the ground
until I gave her your
scrapbook to read.
Captain Longwood,
you've been took.
Sam.
That will be Nancy Sue's train
pulling into Serenity junction.
Sam, if we are going to do it,
now is the time.
She hasn't changed much, Sam.
You bet she hasn't.
As fine and pure example
of American womanhood
as you could hope
to find on the frontier.
She sure is
a beautiful woman, Sam.
Yes.
I will give her that.
Remember those white dresses
she used to wear
that would button
up to the throat?
And the gloves.
Remember the white gloves,
Joe Knox?
Even when she came out
to visit me at the mine.
Damn, it takes me back.
That pure soft-spoken angel.
There in the middle
of the Panamint mountains,
a living, shining,
honest-to-god angel.
Easy, stud horse.
Now get your clothes on
and you go tell Jack Colby
that he ever wants
to see his wife alive again,
he better come up with
that $60,000 he owes us.
Now move.
Before I blow your brains off.
SAM: Nancy Sue, it's me,
Sam Longwood, and Joe Knox.
You dumb
cock-walloping shit.
What the hell is this?
Is this a kidnapping
or some kind of a goddamn
Sioux death march?
I am not one of your goddamn
raggedy-ass walking squaws.
What's the matter
with you two cow turds anyway?
Have you got scabs
on your tongue?
I tell you, Sam Longwood, you
better think of something to say,
because when Jack Colby
hears about this,
my god!
And I tell you,
when I think that I almost...
Shit!
That tears it.
I am not taking one more
goddamn step.
You can take your goddamn kidnapping
and you can shove it up...
What's come over you, Nancy Sue?
We turn our backs for a few
years and here you are
cussing like a mule-Skinner,
cheating on your husband.
You know, that ain't ladylike.
I gotta tell you, Nancy Sue,
- I'm disappointed in you.
- If you think I give...
One more filthy word out of that sewer
pipe you call a mouth, just one,
and Jack Colby's $60,000 won't buy him
back nothing but your mortal remains.
Now I have warned you
and that's the end of it.
Now when we get
where we're going,
I want you to act
like a goddamn lady.
- She's even prettier than her picture.
- Mm-hmm.
Good evening, Billy.
How have you been?
Fine, miss... I mean, ma'am.
I've been just fine.
Sam, I made some dinner for you.
Sam!
Billy, where'd Sam
get the chippy?
She ain't nobody's.
She just sort of
come along for the ride.
Thursday: Sam.
Sam.
Are you awake?
It's me, Sam.
Oh, yeah.
I'm really sorry
that I lied to you about
knowing who you were and all.
It don't matter.
But it really was
only half a lie.
I did find out all about
you from the scrapbook,
but it was the most thrilling
and patriotic thing I've
ever read in my entire life.
Why'd you burn it, Sam?
Past is past.
When we go into town,
do you think...
Who says you're coming along?
I can't be going around
with no kid tagging after.
You didn't think I was
much of a kid last night.
It was cold last night.
In the dark,
you felt a lot older.
I felt a lot younger.
Then close your eyes.
I've been with a lot of men
and I ain't denying that.
It's just that last night
with you was the first time...
You don't suppose
that could mean
I love you or something.
I'm sorry.
His truth is marching on
Glory glory, hallelujah.
Hey!
Hallelujah, Sam.
Glory, hallelujah!
Where are you going, Sam?
- I'm going into town to get my money from Jack Colby
and then get shed
of the bunch of you.
I've been shot five times,
knifed twice,
bit in the ass by a pig, stomped on
by a horse and sat on by a mule.
Once in the winter of '81,
a grizzly chewed my big toe off.
And I survived two
avalanches, three blizzards,
five Indian uprisings and
seven presidential elections,
but I ain't never been
owned by no woman nor dog.
And I come too far down the road
to let it happen to me now.
JACK: So you have got my wife, have you?
SAM: Hog-tied. You can
have her back for $60,000.
- Still $60,000?
- Still $60,000.
I guess if I've had
the woman for 15 years...
On the other hand,
here you come along,
I know you always wanted
to make her happy.
I couldn't even make her
shut her mouth.
One thing I'll guarantee you, Sam,
she's honest-to-goodness
thoroughbred stock...
Blue blood, black tongue,
pedigree and all.
So you hop to it.
$60,000 is a little steep.
I wouldn't give you 60
to get her back.
You want her back
with her throat cut?
If you have to. I hope you do it quick
and painless, for old times' sake.
- I mean it.
- On the other hand,
it might bean improvement.
With her throat cut, she wouldn't
be able to complain quite so loud.
She had damn little
to complain about, compadre.
Furs and jewels from head to
foot and not a bruise on her,
not a Mark, still that mouth kept working.
Perhaps that's something you
know a little about already.
Huh, Sam? No,
she's yours by rights now.
I won't interfere. Maybe you
can do something with her.
I sure couldn't.
Adios, compadre.
I got a fight to put on here.
Give my best regards
to Nancy Sue.
You sure you can afford them?
No need to be bitter.
You get to save the girl.
I get to save the money...
So far.
Looks like it worked out
pretty good all around.
Excuse me.
Jack, I think you're
spitting in the wind.
Well, no more
than you, compadre.
Colby!
Yeah, there was a time you could
have done it, Sam, but no more.
You're thinking about it, which
means you're not gonna do it.
And if you tried, your demise
wouldn't make the back page
of the police gazette.
It's too late, partner.
You're too slow.
So am I.
Better move along
before these boys
turn you into dog meat.
The lousy goddamn...
Can you imagine
that tight-fished
chicken hearted...
Selling his own
goddamn wife down the river
- for 60-goddamn thousand...
- Nancy Sue, I warned you.
You warned me to keep
my filthy mouth shut.
Well, what are you
gonna do now, kill me?
I'm not worth 10 goddamn cents
to you stomped,
strangled or raped.
That's the angel
of the Panamint mountains?
It used to be.
JOE KNOX: Let her go, Sam.
We just ride into town Saturday
and take what is ours.
Ride in on what?
We steal the horses,
great scout.
Sam Longwood never stole anything in his
entire life that didn't belong to him.
Well, he had better start now.
I know how we can
get some horses.
- We?
- We.
JOE KNOX: What do you mean we?
- I mean we, us.
- I'm coming with you.
- Oh no, you're not.
You've got to let me come, Sam.
I wanna get square with Jack Colby
as bad as you do.
Oh, Sam.
I know I've been a big
disappointment to you,
but men are just too romantic.
I enjoy it. I aim to
go on enjoying it.
Soto hell with your ideals
about young love.
Now you wanna nail Jack Colby,
I wanna cut his balls off.
Am I in?
Well, what about the horses?
Well...
There is one among us here
who is professionally
trained to ride into town
and raise the operating
capital that we need.
You mean you want me
to go in town...
All for the good
of the group, dearie.
The fight's not until Saturday,
that gives us three
working days.
And nights.
Here is a list of the things we
will need if you decide to go.
Of course, we will cut you in on a
percentage of everything we make.
Won't we, Sam?
Do you want me to go, Sam?
Thursday, we know that
you got your mind set
on changing your ways,
but surely it wouldn't hurt much
if you'd put off being virtuous
until after Saturday.
Sam.
Is something the matter, Sam?
I mean, you're not in
love with the little girl
or anything like that, are you?
Because if you are,
- we wouldn't dream of...
- I never said that, did I?
Sam, one fast flop behind the
bushes don't exactly mean...
You watch that filthy mouth
of yours, Nancy Sue.
What if she should run
into that Mike lady in town?
You never thought
of that, did you?
I wouldn't worry none. Whores can be as
clever as jaybirds when they wanna be.
Let her go, Sam.
It's the only way.
The only way we can
get the $60,000, Sam.
Hello there.
Who's that?
Oh, sir, it's only me.
I'm lost.
Little girls are not supposed to
be wandering around the streets
in the middle of the night. Didn't
your daddy ever tell you that?
I never had no daddy.
That's a hard break, kid.
See, I got lost.
I got frightened, and I fell,
and I hurt my ankle.
All little girls are supposed to
have daddies to look after them.
I know that.
It's my ankle, sir.
Yes, of course it is.
You know, you're
an awfully lucky girl
to run across a grown man
like myself at this hour
instead of some of these hard
cases we got around here.
As a matter of fact, I've got a
bit of liniment up in my room.
It's just above here.
Fix this up in no time at all.
- I couldn't do that, sir.
- What?
I couldn't go to your room.
I hardly know you.
You're very sweet,
but you're absolutely
safe with me.
What could possibly happen?
Take my arm.
Simply think of me as the daddy
that you've never known.
And here's the key to my room.
The liniment is
on the dressing table.
I'll be along shortly to help
you with the medication.
Well, you're sure
it's all right?
I think it's going to be fine.
Okay.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
You found it.
Good.
Are you sure this is for people?
- It says "Horse" on it.
- Trust me, my dear.
Did you know that most daddies
give their little girls presents
when they're especially good?
I want candy.
Of course you do.
$20 worth.
$20 worth of candy?
What are you gonna do
with all that?
I have a very sweet tooth.
$20, that's more than they charge
in the best house in Seattle
for one or two or sometimes three.
- For daddy's little Missy?
Can't you afford $20?
Well, I might be able to afford it, yes.
I'm still curious though,
what in the world
do you do for it?
I'll do my best, daddy.
Sir, it's me,
Vishniac.
Not now.
It's the champion's
manager, sir.
He's in the bar claiming
that you've bet against me.
It's not true, is it?
No, of course not. It
certainly is not true, no.
Then you better come down
to the bar right now, sir,
because some of the fight patrons
are getting a little steamed.
Yeah.
My dear, don't move
a muscle now.
Daddy will be right back.
"John Jack Colby."
"Dear...
Daddy."
I don't see why we're going
to all this trouble.
She ain't coming back.
Gone back to whoring
is what she done.
Would you take a look at that?
Must have been one hell
of a night.
Get everything, little one?
Yep, 50lbs of salt
and a pound of sugar.
What about the shotgun shells?
- Double "O" buck.
- Good girl.
You must have had a go
with a lot of men.
No, just one.
Cartridges for you.
Would you fetch that box for me?
The box.
For you.
- For me?
- Uh-huh.
Now you mean to tell me that
one man give you all this?
Not exactly.
You might just say
I sort of helped myself.
What are the bees for?
They ain't bees. They're wasps.
I caught 'em myself.
Yeah? Let me see.
What are they for?
You are too inquisitive,
little one.
But soon you will be told.
Hey...
If one man give you all this,
he must have had a name.
Yes, he did.
And he was a nice fella too.
Nice fella by the name of...
- Colby.
- Jack Colby?!
- You went with Jack?
- I didn't say that.
That filthy old man.
Now he's two-timing me.
Not with me he didn't,
and that's the truth.
- Then why did he give you the money?
- He didn't, I borrowed it.
- What?
- I just bet you did.
I wouldn't bet if I were you.
'Cause you see, miss smart ass, the I.O.U.
I left had your name on it.
JOE KNOX: Beer, cold
beer, nice cold beer.
Anybody want a cold beer?
Drink it before it
gets warm. Cold beer.
Thank you very much, sir.
Nice cold beer here.
Cashing in.
Hand me one of those
empties, will you?
MIKE: Get in there and
fight, you sissies!
MIKE: That's not fair!
Come on!
Need a new cash box.
- Wasps!
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
What the hell?
Where did they come from?
Hyah!
MAN: Worst fight I've ever...
Hey, what the hell?
I want my money back!
- Hey!
- What in the hell are you waiting for?
It's Longwood!
Come on!
Turn her over.
What in the...
All right, $20 to any man
that'll ride with me.
20 bucks! You bet I'll
do it! Right away!
Hyah hyah hyah!
MIKE: Hold it!
All right, let's go.
Not that way!
There are no roads up
over that mountain.
SAM: Joe Knox!
Forget the pennies.
Well, they got it all.
Go now. Go!
Hyah hyah hyah!
Well, get out and push,
you dummies!
Push! Push!
Push!
NANCY SUE: Sam?
How long we gonna
walk these horses?
Till they get their wind back.
But Jack's gonna be
right after us.
He's gonna come after that money, Sam.
You don't know him.
I guess I know him all right.
JOE KNOX: Sam, should we let 'em out?
Slow and easy.
Sam, look.
It's Mike.
Hadn't figured on her.
You ladies get down
and stay low.
You're not going down
there, you damn fool!
These horses gotta be watered.
Sam, what do these people
want from you anyway?
Her, they want her!
Well, for god's sakes,
give her to them.
She's right, Sam.
Colby's coming for sure.
We could be dead centered
of a crossfire if you don't.
Sam, she might be worth
the price of five horses,
but she's not worth dying for.
Hey, come back here.
Mike, Mike!
Here I am!
- Here I am, Mike.
- Go get her.
COLBY: What are you
doing up there?
Picking flowers.
- Like you picked my pocket?
- Mm-hmm.
What the hell are you doing?
You come back with my
machine, you damn car thief!
All right, we're gonna follow
'em if it takes a week.
So water 'em down good, boys.
I wouldn't do that
if were you, daddy.
COLBY: Boys, hold it. Hold it.
Why not?
'Cause they salted the water.
Vishniac.
Yeah, she's right, Mr. Colby.
What kind of a dirty lowdown.
Indian trick is that?
I guess that's just
about what it is.
Yeah, I should have known.
I think you should
thank me, daddy.
We can dispense
with the daddy business.
You see, by detaining you
up there on that hill,
likely I saved you from
shooting your own wife.
My wife helped those
halfwits to rob me?
I'm afraid so, Mr. Colby.
Your wife has taken up with
the Sam Longwood Bunch.
The Sam what?
Gotta be better
than $60,000 here.
Hey, Sam!
Sam, we're rich.
Joe... Joe Knox!
- Stop.
- Rich rich.
Stop!
Sam?
Turn around.
Here, turn around.
Sam, where the hell do you think you're going?
- Back.
For the girl.
I thought you said she didn't
mean that much to you.
Sam, can't you leave it
a couple of weeks?
What's two weeks? Is that
gonna make a difference?
Sam, you could get dead
walking back in there alone.
I ain't asking nobody
to go with me.
Who the hell said
we were going to?
I mean, just because Billy and I spent
some time on the trail with you
doesn't mean to say we're gonna stick
our butts in the air for you, does it?
Sam.
Let him go.
Hell!
COLBY: Wet 'em down good,
boys, fore and aft.
We're gonna have
to walk 'em back to town.
Mr. Colby,
over there.
Boys, they're coming back.
No no, Mr. Colby. It's your wife.
Your wife.
Don't shoot anybody. Don't shoot.
Just hold your fire.
- They come back for me... Sam!
- Let's see how bad he wants you.
- Jack, I want the girl.
- I want my money.
You owe us the money.
Your wife for the girl.
Now that's fair.
Fair is what I say is fair, Sam.
We've been through
all this before, damn it.
The answer's the same. I want my money.
What are you gonna do now, Sam?
Maybe this ain't
such a good idea.
We gonna hide
behind women, Jack?
Doesn't bother me none.
Not a bad place to be.
Why don't we punch it out? Just
you and me like the old days.
- Winner takes the pot.
- Just you and me?
Like the old days?
Sam, I'd love to.
- One condition, Jack.
- Yeah, what's that?
That win or lose, you get your
wife back and I get the girl.
- Otherwise I don't get my money back?
- Right.
- You got a deal.
- Oh no, you don't.
She's my property-
Maybe we can do
a little negotiating.
Maybe we can.
Sam, that's my money.
Not yet it isn't.
Cost me more than this
just chasing after you.
Damn it, that's enough.
Not quite.
Thanks for the ride, mister.
My pleasure.
If you ever decide to kidnap
anybody else permanent...
I'll bear it in mind.
How are you feeling, my love?
I see.
About the same.
Sam, looks like you're gonna have
to use more than your hands.
Look.
Sam, for once in your life, why
don't you do what Colby would do?
You got the money.
- You have got the girl.
SAM: I gave my word.
Sam?
I want you to hold these for me
for good luck.
I expect there's no harm in
smoothing out the odds a bit.
I don't know. That son of a gun looks
to be in pretty good shape to me.
I got every confidence in you,
Mr. Colby.
I expect there's no harm in
smoothing out the odds a bit.
Mr. Vishniac, I want
this to be a fair fight.
And I want you to referee it.
- Do you understand what I'm saying?
- Yes, sir, Mr. Colby.
No, you don't.
All right, everybody.
Leave your horse up there,
come on down here
and form a ring.
We're gonna have a fight.
Come on, let's go.
Come on, ladies.
Get down out of the car.
All right, come on now. Move around here.
Get in a circle.
Gentlemen, I want
a good clean fight.
No butting, gouging,
hitting below the belt.
- What about kicking?
Like that?
- Mr. Colby, there is no kicking in this fight.
I wanna tell you
something, Jack.
Win or lose, now I mean this,
I ain't voting for William Howard Taft.
Sam, we've had our little
differences in the past,
but you've always voted the
straight Republican ticket.
Yeah, well,
I ain't voting for Taft.
Sam, we're both Republicans.
You're gonna vote the way
you always have, Sam,
which is Republican.
- He didn't hurt you none, did he?
- Huh-uh.
Sam, hit him, Sam, hit him!
Hit him... Sam, hit him.
Sam, hit... hit him now!
Hit him!
Hit him!
Hit him, Sam!
- Which foot did he stomp on?
- That one.
NANCY SUE: Hit him, Sam!
Hit him!
Hit him, Sam.
Hit him now!
Come on, Sam!
Get in there.
Jack, Jack, down!
Up up, down!
Get up there!
Sam, give it all...
Hit him! Move it, move
in and hit him, Sam.
Sam, he's soft.
He's just been sitting
on top of all that money.
- Sam, wait a minute.
- Hit him, Sam!
Sam, hit...
It was worth it.
What do you got
in your hand, Jack?
Bullets.
What do you got?
Your money.
MAN: That's the way to do it,
Mr. Colby.
Come on now!
MAN: Take him down!
Get him!
Great fight, Mr. Colby.
He never saw it coming.
Sam.
VISHNIAC: Great fight, Mr. Colby.
Well, I did it.
I did it!
And I got it back.
And you've earned it,
Mr. Colby.
- Scalps!
VISHNIAC: What?
Scalps!
You jackass!
Didn't you check it?
- Didn't you check it?
- I... I... I thought I checked...
I thought I checked it.
I thought I checked it,
but I didn't check it.
No no no no,
Joe Knox no got problem.
Joe Knox...
Oh, senor!
I love my injun!
Don't you worry about that Mike,
woman none.
We're gonna have our own house.
Just me and you.
And you.
And you.
Yeah!
We love you, William Howard
But when we give our vote
It'll be for Jennings Bryan
And not for the mad old goat
We'll vote for William Jennings
The pride of the Bible belt
We'll put old Taft in retirement
And give the women the vote!
We love you, William Howard
But when we give our vote
It'll be for Jennings Bryan
And not for the mad old goat
We love you, William Jennings
Let's put old Taft
in retirement
We love you, William Howard
But when we give our vote
It'll be for Jennings Bryan...
Oh, Sam.
Oh.
Nighthawks a-flying
Quick across Denver town
The old west is dying,
but I ain't lying down
There's still a mountain
left to climb
A river left to cross
'Cause I ain't never
belonged to no woman
Dog nor cat nor horse
Was a time they called him Reno
Be a time they call her queen
But I guess right now
we're down to zero
With nothing but nothing
but nothing in between
Great suffering cathouses
What am I gonna do?
Great leaping liquor stores,
what have we got to lose?
Just like some prairie flower
Some things up and grow
All along that dirty
dusty good old Denver road
Denver road, Denver road
Where nothing but trouble
and cactus ever grow
Great suffering cathouses,
what a way to go
All along that dirty dusty
All along that dirty dusty
Dirty, dusty, dirty, dusty
All along that dirty dusty
You and me and that dirty
dusty good old Denver road.