Oh my God.
That is quite a nasty gash you've got here.
You're lucky your brains didn't fall out
onto the concrete.
It's okay.
Ah.
We'll patch you up and have you back on
your feet in a heartbeat.
Okay.
Whew.
Thank you.
My God.
Oh my God.
I appreciate it...
I was...
Oh wait?
This didn't really happen did it?
No.
No, it did not.
Um, excuse me.
Am I reading this correctly?
If I refuse the health coverage I will receive
and extra $1500 a year in payment?
That is correct, but I don't recommend refusing
coverage.
It only ends up being an extra $28 a paycheck.
Pssst.
Hey working stiff?
Keep dreaming, nerd.
Nooo.
I'm just... taking in the scenery.
You know?
She will eat you alive!
You can't handle a chick like that!
You've got to say within your league.
My League?
Yeah, you know... frumpy, pleasantly plump,
three time divorcees.
Do not go wasting your brain cells thinking
about Emily Eaton.
Cause if I'm not taking a bite out of that
sweet pie, you most certainly are not.
What?
Hey, are you using the copier?
Oh my God!
Are you okay?
Well, did you cut yourself?
Here let me see...
No. No. No. It's a nick!
Really. It's nothing.
Don't worry about. Don't worry about it.
Don't worry...
I don't bite.
Ahhh, You see... no big deal.
Just a... scare.
Thank God.
I thought we were emergency room bound for
sure.
I'm Emily.
Simon.
Have we met before?
No.
Umm...
Maybe... ahh... one or two times in passing...
maybe.
Simon
Oh. Yeah. No, I know.
You do look familiar.
Yeeeeaaaah...
T.G.I.F. right?
Ah? What?
You know, you're not like all the other
stiffs at this place.
Ah.
Well.
Yeah.
I'm afraid if you were to look up "office
stiff" in the dictionary... you'd be looking
at a nice picture of "moi".
You're funny.
Well.
It was nice meeting you...
again, Simon.
I promise you I'll remember you the next
time I see you.
When will that be?
You tell me.
Okay.
Emily.
Really?
A text?
So cold and lifeless.
Who's there?
Hello?
You won't find me there.
I'm in your head, man.
Okay.
Stress related.
Okay...
Emily...
Wrong hole.
Ah.
I'm losing my mind.
You've lost it, alright.
STOP IT!
Now I just want to talk to you.
STOP IT!
Give you some pointers.
You know, with the girl and everything.
Now, what you've got to do is ask yourself...
How would I have gotten in your head?
Bingo.
This is crazy.
What were you expecting a grasshopper with
a top hat?
The police are just now putting a face to
the cannibalistic attack where eyewitnesses
say a man was seen gnawing on someone else's
head at a local bar.
A witness who saw it all described it as a
gory scene, like something straight out of
a zombie movie.
Whoo hoo!
We killed it last night!
Woah!
I feel like death today though.
You look even worse than I feel.
Mitch what are you doing here?
You were dead tired so I let you crash here.
Plus, you were in no condition to go anywhere
last... night.
I must have blacked out.
Is this blood?
Is this blood?!
Am I bleeding?!
Yeah.
You were out of your skull, man.
You were trying to bite my hat.
Arrgggh!!
You were a WILD BEAST!
It was awesome.
Oh my God.
I don't know how?
But somehow... you...
managed to get Emily to agree to go on a date...
with you.
What?
Brother, check your phone.
Give me that!
Look at it.
Holy shit!
We're going out tonight!
You better get a taste of that sweet little
thing.
No.
You've got to ah...
You've got to get out of here.
I've got a million things to do.
But...
I'm... ah...
I'll call you.
But this is my place.
Sorry.
Tonight is the night!
You finally get to taste that juicy pink deliciousness.
Would you stop already?
You're so crude.
You don't mind me hitting these leftovers
up, right?
No. knock yourself out.
I've got to be honest, I was getting a bit
tired of eating just your brains.
What is it that you want exactly?
I just want to help you.
Guide you.
Give you advice.
You know, be your friend and stuff.
Yeah.
Well... you're not my friend.
You're a parasite.
Wait.
Wait.
That hurts my feelings.
I'm trying really hard here to make this
relationship of ours, a symbiotic one.
Well, eating my brains does not count as a
symbiotic relationship.
Well, you weren't using it.
Look. Look.
Look, all I'm saying is I know you want
this girl and I'm telling you, I can help.
Oh yeah?
What this sage romantic advice from the magic
maggot?
Really?
Do you have to be such a dick?
My name happens to be Brian, not like you
bothered to ask or anything.
I'm sorry, Brian.
Now here's what you do.
Now, I like to start with some simple physical
contact... nothing too aggressive.
Maybe your hand accidentally brushes past
her hair.
You tell her how nice she smells.
You inch your way closer.
Moving in for the kill.
The next thing you know... you're sucking
face.
Oh, come on!
Does that really work?
Well, not for me personally, but I keep my
finger on the pulse.
You don't have a finger.
Yeah, Well, you don't have a pulse.
Good one.
You do realize that you need a properly functioning
vascular system in order to perform the physical
act of love, right?
I can't believe you order the head cheese
that was so gross.
Oh Yeah.
Well...
I guess I was just curious.
Your place is really... cute.
Oh?
Ah.
Thank you.
Thanks.
That's really nice of you.
I know that just a polite way of saying it's
small.
No.
I mean, it's not huge or anything, but I
like it.
It's... it's comfortable.
Wow.
You... smell so... yummy.
Just a little love bite.
I... have... some... wine.
Would you like some wine?
I'm...
Sure?
I'm going to get some wine.
Sure.
Yeah.
Found it.
That is impossible.
It's the truth.
Okay. I will tell you what, if I get a "dead leg"
or my foot falls asleep...
I do rub it until it wakes up.
Does that count?
No.
Look, I'll tell you what, you may be completely
under qualified, but I am willing to give
you a chance.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's nice.
Just pretend I'm your dead foot.
Juicy.
Pink.
Deliciousness.
Do it.
Do it.
It's okay.
I told you I don't bite.
When we played our charade...
You did it.
You bastard.
You finally did it!
Damn!
Your hands are cold.
And don't you wish you did with those...
warm hands, what these cold dead hands did...
last night?
You're a changed man.
So?
Wait!
Let me grab a cup of coffee before you start,
and then I want every filthy detail.
Something I can really sink my teeth into.
Get out of here.
Simon.
I wanted to apologize for last night.
I must have made an absolute fool of myself.
I mean, I was really drunk.
No.
You don't have to apologize.
I had a great night.
I don't even remember what happened.
I must have fallen and hit my head or something?
I'm so embarrassed.
I..
I..
I hope I didn't scare you?
No.
No you didn't scare me.
Did we...???
Did we...?
Wow.
Um?
I thought so...
but now that you mention it
I don't really...
I can't remember.
I'm so embarrassed.
No.
I really did have an amazing time last night.
Prior to, you know, bashing my head in at
some point.
I just eh...
Oh...
God?
Are you o...kay?
Do you want me to...
I can get...
Excuse me.
I had the time of my life.
I'd love to make it up to you.
Have you for dinner sometime?
I'd love that.
Oh my God.
Simon, you are an ANIMAL!
Any man that draws blood, number one in my
book.
Yes!
See you later.
I'm...
Mitch.