This is Burma, 1945.
Mountains, jungle,
more mountains, more jungle.
A hundred miles of it. Two hundred.
Five hundred. A thousand.
Measured in inches and sweat.
A full-time job.
A dirty, relentless backbreaking job,
24 hours a day.
Until everything blends into a weary haze,
and all that's important
is getting it over with.
Days become weeks,
the weeks become months.
It rains, keeps on raining.
Then it's blistering hot.
Half the year you're drowning,
the other half you fry.
This is how it is in Burma.
They go by endlessly,
Chinwits, Indians, Gurkhas,
Chinese, Basutos,
Scots, Australians, New Zealanders,
Americans, Canadian, English,
and many others.
Tired, dirty, indomitable.
There are only two classifications
in the jungle, friends and enemies.
- MacLachlan?
- Aye.
Two.
Keep your eye on my pipes.
And remember,
they're my own personal, private property.
In Burma, in 1945, the fighting,
working and suffering
have become a routine.
A way of life.
If a man falls, he's taken away.
The battle goes on.
The road to victory is a long road
that sometimes ends at a hospital.
It's been like this a long time now.
There's a feeling it may go on forever.
But there's an end to everything.
It's finished now. The war is over.
Aye? Would you repeat that, chum?
The war is over.
Blimey! Thanks. Thanks very much.
Hey, it's over. It's over!
- What's over?
- The war is over.
Hey! Hey! The war is over!
It's over!
It's over, Sarge. It's over!
- What?
- The war is over.
It just came through the blower.
The war, over! Oh, boy!
- Morning, Sister.
- Morning, Sister.
- Wanna come along with us?
- I wish I could.
- We're gonna miss you.
- I'll miss you too.
- What about us?
- I'll miss you all.
- Goodbye, Sister.
- Goodbye.
Bye.
- Good morning.
- Good morning, Sister.
The matron asked me to report
to Colonel Dunn.
- Is he up yet?
- Yes, I think so.
- I'll see if I can find him.
- Thank you.
Good morning.
- I'm here to see the Colonel.
- He isn't in at the moment.
I can see that. Where should I find him?
What is it? Perhaps I can help you.
I'm here to examine
his medical certificate.
- What's that?
- Did I not make myself clear?
But why?
Do you see they men?
They're going home,
every last man jack of them.
Everyone but me.
What may I ask is wrong with me
that I should be kept by force
in this foul-smelling den?
I'm sure the Colonel
has his reasons for keeping...
Aye, observation, he says.
But I'm hale and hearty,
and fit as ever I was.
- So why can I not go home?
- Now, look here.
I know how anxious you must be.
We all are. But don't you see...
Oh, what's the good of talking?
You're all the same in this army.
First it's days and days
of parading and saluting,
and learning how to handle
a deadly weapon.
Then it's months of waiting
to be shipped out.
Then it's 5,000 miles around the world
to a godforsaken spot
in the middle of nowhere.
And then, the day before the war ends,
I get a small wound in my back.
And now I'm bogged down
in a mass of medical red tape!
Yeah, I wasted my time, surely!
- Good morning, Sister.
- Good morning, sir.
- How many patients left in your ward?
- Five, sir.
Five. Should be enough.
What are they like?
- What are they like, sir?
- Yes.
Are they a decent crowd, you know?
- Kind, friendly, sympathetic?
- Yes, sir.
They seem to be.
Well, we shall just have to take it
for granted that it'll work out.
It's rather a delicate situation.
Now, to begin with,
I'm thinking of sending you over
a new patient this morning.
A young Scotsman.
- A Scotsman?
- Yes.
- Not the...
- A very decent chap. You'll like him.
Yes, sir.
But before I send him over,
I want you to take a look at his history.
Then I want you to talk to your patients.
It's a case that's going to call
for the cooperation of the entire ward.
- Now, come inside with me, will you?
- Yes, sir.
Will you call the orderly in Ward 3?
- Tell him the Colonel will be over shortly.
- Very good, Sister.
Now then, wakey, wakey, wakey!
Rise and shine. Show a leg up.
Patients into the washroom.
Come on, Tommy!
Get cracking, Kiwi. Yank!
Wake up,
the Colonel will be in in a few minutes.
Digger, let's be having you.
Now then, Blossom, up with you,
the war's over. Time to get up.
Blimey, would you believe it?
Wake up, wake up!
Why don't you drop dead?
I might even try that
if I thought it'd get you up.
Come on, come on,
the hospital's burning down.
The monsoons have started.
There's an air raid, there's an earthquake.
- You're not very funny, buster.
- Anything to get you blokes up.
Well, try and think
of something different tomorrow.
Now, do get up.
I'm half an hour late and the Colonel's
coming around early this morning.
- What for?
- How should I know?
Now, come and get out of it.
What do you think this is,
a blinking health resort?
Somebody ought
to do something about him.
- Something nasty.
- Yeah.
To be woke with a kiss and a kind word...
And a cup of coffee.
Now, here we are then.
Come on, come on, get a wriggle on.
- Yank, get Digger up.
- Okay, buster. Okay.
It's a mistake to get well
in an army hospital.
Come on, Digger, wake up.
The General's here to give you a medal.
Tell him I'm out to lunch.
Hey, don't look now,
but I think somebody's in bed with you.
They're mine. All mine.
I don't know,
either this bed's getting shorter
or I'm growing again.
Come on, Tommy, put a jerk into it!
What's the matter with you,
ill or something?
Here, what is this? Get up, Blossom.
Get up, or else I'll put a snake in with you.
Up, Blossom. Understand?
Blossom.
That's your name, all right, we hope.
Into the washroom.
- Blossom.
- Blossom.
Blimey, what a shower.
- Hiya, Blossom.
- G'day, mate.
Blossom.
That's nerve-wracking, that is.
Hey, drown it, will you? Drown it!
- Yeah, break it up, Tommy!
- Put a sock in it!
Kiwi, pull his mattress out
from under him.
Wake up, me chubby love!
Wake up, you mountain of flesh!
- Has something happened?
- Yes, you died.
- It's Judgment Day.
- Ah, you...
Snap your wings to attention.
Here, somebody snores in here.
- No.
- And I wonder who that could be?
- Who, me?
- Yes, you.
How can you make so much noise
in your sleep without waking yourself up?
I had a terrible dream last night.
I dreamed I was working.
I nearly killed myself working.
I'm that tired this morning,
I can hardly lift a finger.
Look at him.
I've seen them fat,
but I've never seen a man like that.
Aren't you uncomfortable?
Them's muscles, you see.
I just relaxed them a bit.
Relax them anymore
and you'll trip over them.
My old lady loves
every sweet ounce of me.
Hey, Blossom.
Blossom.
Hey, Yank,
why don't you teach him another word?
It only took him a week to learn one.
If he learns two words
they'll make him an officer.
He's doing all right.
He knows one word of English,
we don't know any Basuto.
Yank's right.
Those Basutos are okay.
And great fighters, too.
I was with a company once.
You know, they let a whole year pass
without drawing a cent of their pay.
- Why? Were they ashamed of it?
- No, they let it pile up.
So when they go home they can buy
themselves a wife and a herd of oxen.
More likely an ox and a herd of wives.
All right. Tea up, tea up.
Come on, come on, get a move on!
The Sister's coming.
We're supposed to be finished.
- Goodbye, Sister.
- Goodbye, Johnny.
- You made it a nice war while it lasted.
- Thank you.
Good morning, Alfie.
- Good morning, good morning.
- Good morning, Sister.
- How is everyone this morning?
- Oh, good, I would think.
Tea up, Sister?
This tea tastes like
a baby's been boiled in it.
- Here, this is for you.
- Oh, thanks, Sister.
- Haven't you finished yet?
- Well, not quite, Sister.
Why not?
Weren't you told about the Colonel?
- Yes, but I...
- All right, then hurry up.
Let's see if we can get this place
looking a little less like a foxhole.
All right.
Oh, Jennings, after you're through
I want you to go to Ward 7.
There's a young Scotsman
who's coming here.
- Help him with his things.
- All right, Sister.
Did you say a Scotsman was coming here?
Yes. Now, hurry up,
the Colonel will be here soon.
What does Old Cobwebs want
this time of morning?
You will please show a little more respect
for the commanding officer.
You will not refer to Cobwebs...
To the Colonel as Old Cobwebs.
Anything for you, sweetheart.
I think you're getting well.
So, we're going to have a Scot in here.
It'll make a change
from looking at your ugly mug.
That's all I need, is a Scot.
- What's that?
- Well, let's have a look.
The fellas in number seven.
They're going home today.
Home. That must be a good feeling.
Hey, that must be the Scots bloke.
- I wonder why they didn't take him along?
- I don't know.
But I don't like him even from here.
What's the matter?
Don't you get along with the Scots?
I do not.
And I don't know anyone else who does,
except another Scot.
- Well, Sister's a Scot, isn't she?
- She is not.
She taught school there
for awhile, kindergarten.
After three months of trying to teach
a bunch of young Scots to speak English,
she had a nervous breakdown.
Well, she's fine, whatever she is.
She's lovely. Bless her little heart.
- What have you got against the Scots?
- I'm Scottish myself. Scotch descent.
You should've known
my grandfather, Angus.
There were two infallible beings
to his way of thinking.
Angus McDonald and God.
Sometimes God was wrong,
but never Grandfather Angus.
You know what he'd make me do
every time I lost my temper?
- No, what?
- Recite the books of the Bible.
- Get away.
- You didn't.
Well, I can still do it.
Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers,
Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth,
Samuel, Kings, Chronicles,
Ezra, Nehemiah,
Esther, Job, Psalms, Proverbs,
Ecclesiastes, Solomon,
Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations,
Ezekiel, Daniel, Hosea, Joel, Amos,
Obadiah, Jonah, Micah, Nahum,
Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Haggai,
Zechariah, and Malachi!
You wonder why I hate the Scots.
He must've been a terror,
your grandfather.
You know what he'd do
if you got the best of him in an argument?
He'd pretend he didn't hear you
and start playing his bagpipes.
How I learned to hate bagpipes!
Now I know why the Scots
always march when they play them.
They're trying to get away from the sound.
Yes, sir, if it were humanly possible
for me to get rid of my Scottish blood,
I'd donate it all to the Red Cross!
Sister, don't look now,
but the Colonel just left his office.
Oh, thank you.
- Jennings, finish with those beds.
- Right.
- Get those nets rolled.
- Come on, Tommy, be quick.
Well, I'm doing my best.
Here, hide these under
the covers with you.
- He'll think I'm bloated, Sister.
- You can say that again.
Blossom, Blossom, line up the beds.
- Good morning.
- Good morning, sir.
- Good morning.
- Good morning, sir.
Sit down.
- You keep a nice, tidy ward, Sister.
- Thank you, sir.
- Have you told them anything?
- No, sir.
Just that he's coming here.
- You're getting fatter.
- Yes, sir.
I didn't think it was possible.
- Well, how's the face?
- Better, thank you, sir.
We shall have to get that beard
off you one day.
- See what you really look like.
- Oh, don't do that, sir.
Well, as the Sister's told you,
I'm sending over a new patient.
I came here this morning
to enlist your help with him.
Our help, sir?
- Yes. You see...
- What sort of help, sir?
- You're the American, aren't you?
- Yes, sir. Ambulance driver.
Got malaria in the British zone,
been here ever since.
Sort of reverse lend-lease, sir.
I see. Well, you can help, too.
Sit down.
Now, about this patient.
We did an emergency operation on him.
The day war ended, poor beggar.
Took a piece of shrapnel out of him,
had to remove a kidney.
He's about recovered from the operation,
but I think you could help him.
- In what way, sir?
- By keeping him contented.
You see, he wants to go home,
as we all do, but as far as he's concerned
that's quite out of the question.
You and I,
all of us will be leaving here soon,
but not this man.
He'll die here.
But you said he'd about recovered, sir.
And so he has, from the operation itself.
That's not the difficulty.
You see, he has one kidney left.
Now normally
that would carry him through life.
Unfortunately,
we've discovered that it's defective.
For a very limited time it'll do
the work of two, then collapse.
Uremic poisoning will set in,
and that's the end.
- Does the patient know this, sir?
- No.
No, I decided against telling him.
First, I couldn't,
and later it seemed a good idea
not to tell him at all.
He has no family, no ties,
and worry won't help.
I'm placing him here because,
well, it seems to me
that a man should have friends
around him when he dies.
That's your job.
To be friends with him, make him...
Make him happy.
How long has he got, sir?
Well, that's very difficult to say.
Not more than a few weeks.
And nothing can help him, sir?
The only help anyone can give him
now will come from you.
Well?
- We'll try to make it easy for him, sir.
- We'll do our best, sir.
He won't learn he's due
to kick off from us, sir.
They're good men, sir.
You can rely on them.
Thank you. Thank you all.
It's a pity it has to be like this.
Most unfortunate.
- It's a shocker.
- It's always a shocker.
A few weeks, he said.
Blimey, we'll just get to know him.
Why can't a bloke live without a kidney?
He can get along all right without a brain.
- Hey, Yank?
- Yeah?
Would you want to know it?
If you were going to die?
I am going to die, someday.
I'd just as soon let
God surprise me though.
- Are you sure you don't want any help?
- I need no help!
- Come on, mate...
- I told you, I need no help!
Here he is, Sister.
- Why'd you let him carry all that?
- He wouldn't let me touch it.
We didn't introduce ourselves
this morning. I'm Sister Parker.
It's nice to have you here.
Lachlan MacLachlan, that's a nice name.
You're a Scot, aren't you?
I'd hardly be called MacLachlan
if I were not a Scot.
Oh, I don't know.
Quite a few parents give their children
Scottish names because they like them.
Aye, it deceives no one.
Parading under false pretenses.
Well, I doubt if it's a deliberate
plot against the Scots.
I presume we've exhausted
this topic of conversation.
Is there aught more you want of me?
I guess not.
Come along. We'll find you a bed.
This way, please.
Now, boys, this is our new patient,
Corporal Lachlan MacLachlan.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I know you're all going to be great friends.
- Yeah. Of course we are.
- Yes.
You'll find that Corporal MacLachlan
has a wonderful sense of humor.
- Yank, would you fix him up with a bed?
- Sure.
I do not like to have things done for me.
Don't you?
I love to have things done for me.
You may. Not I.
The Colonel said you could sit up
if you wanted to, or get into bed and rest.
I'll sit and think a bit.
Just as you like.
Here, buster, try this one.
The last fella that had it
was a light sleeper. No bumps.
I'll take this one.
- Want a smoke?
- I've my own.
Go on. Take one of these,
they're not issue. I got them from home.
- I do not accept presents.
- Why not?
I've no wish to put myself
in any man's debt.
Well, a cigarette isn't gonna
put you very deep in debt.
I'll smoke my own.
Okay.
Hey, Jock.
He's talking to you.
My name's no Jock!
All Scots are Jock to me.
If you must address me,
you'll use my proper name.
Well, I... I heard Sister call you something,
but I didn't catch it.
- What is it?
- It's Lachlan something.
All right, Lachie. How's that?
- What did you want?
- I thought you might feel like talking.
- About such as?
- Well, nothing. Just talk.
I place little value on talking of nothing.
He's a Scot all right.
Hey, Lachie!
You... You may have noticed
I'm a bit... A bit plump.
- Aye.
- Well, I shouldn't eat this stuff.
Here, you give it to him, Yank.
Here you are, buster.
May I be so bold as to ask
what you're thrusting on my person?
Well, it's a bar of chocolate.
Don't you want it?
Is it no good?
Well, of course it's good. It's very good.
What do you think
he's giving it to you for?
Well, why are you?
Well, I want it,
but I thought you might want it more.
Is that an insult?
It's not consistent.
Grandfather Angus rides again.
Hey, Lachie, would you like
a book to read?
I place little value on books.
They're a waste of a thinking man's time.
- Oh, so you're a thinking man?
- Aye.
Well, you're also a bit small
to be so unpleasant.
When you get that thing off your arm
I'll show you how unpleasant I can be.
Small as I am.
What regiment were you with, Lachie?
- Why do you ask?
- Just curious.
Thought I might know somebody
in your outfit.
Are you a Scot?
No, but my grandfather was.
I think it unlikely you'd find
your grandfather in my regiment.
Look, buster,
I know where my grandfather is,
he's in the family plot where he belongs.
But I was an ambulance driver,
got around quite a bit.
I thought we might have
some friends in common.
Most unlikely. I do not make friends freely.
You don't make friends, period!
- Well, how are we getting along?
- Great. We're all buddies.
Well, Lachie, how was supper?
I do not consider soybeans
fit for human consumption.
I suppose you like haggis better?
What do you know of haggis?
You're not a Scot, are you?
No, I'm Canadian.
But I once taught school in Scotland.
- Do you happen to know Ayrshire?
- You looked on my card.
- I was born in Ayrshire.
- No.
Now, if you tell me you belong to the
Cameron Highlanders I won't believe you.
- Aye, I do.
- You don't.
Have you trouble
with your hearing, Sister?
Oh, they're a grand regiment.
You wear the Erracht kilt, don't you?
- Them as does, do.
- Would you wear it for us?
Wouldn't you boys like
to see Lachie in his kilt?
Do we have a choice?
Oh, you must put it on.
With your cap cocked over one eye
and your kilt swishing
as you walk down the street,
you must be the proudest man
in the world.
I do not have a kilt.
- You must have a kilt.
- I do not must at all.
But you said you belonged
to the Camerons?
We're required to pay
for the kilt ourselves.
And there's a great cost to a proper kilt.
If I were in your regiment I'd buy the finest
to be had, no matter what it costs.
Being a woman, you would.
I put my money to better use.
It's in Scotland.
In the earth.
I knew it! He's got it buried in a tin can!
Would you care to have me
rattle your jaw with my fist!
Oh, relax, buster.
You wouldn't hit a man with malaria,
would you?
Yank, if you're not well,
lie down and be quiet. And please be civil.
Go on, Lachie.
I'll not return to Scotland with naught
but wounds to show for my time.
I've invested my money in a bit of land.
I'll be a landowner when I go home.
Oh.
Now, why you say "Oh"?
What on earth is finer than a farm?
Land of your own to work on.
Spend the rest of your life content.
And is your land about paid for?
A couple of months
and my farm's my own.
Lachie, why don't you
do something very foolish?
Why don't you buy yourself a kilt?
I can tell you want one,
and the land will wait.
The kilt will wait.
Are you going
to share your farm with someone?
I share with no one.
- You're going to live all by yourself?
- Aye.
And you won't be lonely?
I've never been lonely in my life.
And now, if you don't mind,
you're keeping me awake.
What's more, you're wasting
a good deal of my time in idle chatter.
Yes. I guess I am.
All right, get your nets down.
- Right-o, Sister.
- Good night, Sister.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Look, buster, do you mind
if I ask you just one question?
I'll grant you one.
What are you so griped about?
Would you be so kind
as to speak the King's English?
Buster, I've got a parrot
talks better English than you do.
A pity you didn't learn
from your parrot then.
I just wanna know what you're sore at.
When people try to be friendly,
why can't you be nice?
Who's being friendly?
Well, the Sister for one,
and us too for that matter.
Well, you should've told me,
I could've saved you time and trouble.
I place no value on casual friendships.
I do not like to have
my freedom nibbled into.
Just what do you put a value on?
If you'd use your God-given wits,
you wouldn't need ask.
- I value my privacy. Do you mind?
- Well, you can have it.
You can sit in your own private world
and hug yourself to death.
As far as we're concerned, brother,
you won't exist!
If you do not mind, I'm not your brother!
Somebody give me a dull razor,
I think I'll cut my throat.
Hey, Yank, Sister's gonna take
a dim view of this.
Well, he asked for it, didn't he?
He's getting just what he wants.
All right. Good night, Kiwi.
- Good night, Blossom.
- Good night.
- Good night, Digger.
- Good night, fellas.
What was that?
Don't you look at me.
Bagpipes!
Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers,
Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth,
Samuel, Kings...
- Hey, I'll be leaving here soon.
- I know.
Who's gonna carry things for you
after I'm gone?
I have no idea.
You'll find somebody.
Yes, I suppose I will.
Please put that in my office.
- Who wants mail?
- I do.
That's what we've been waiting for.
- One for you, Digger.
- Sister, you're an angel.
- You got one for me?
- Well, somebody loves you.
- Any more, Sister?
- Yes, here's one. Here's two for you.
Any more, Sister? You're an angel.
I don't know what can be happening
to your mail, Lachie.
Unless they're holding it
at your regimental headquarters.
I expect no mail.
Don't your friends know where you are?
- You do have friends, don't you, Lachie?
- Aye, many friends.
Very carefully chosen individuals
in various parts of the world.
However, they all know my views
and I'm fully acquainted with theirs.
Still, it's nice to know what's
happening back home sometimes.
My knowing will not change anything.
I see.
Lachie, is there anything special
you'd like for tea?
No, nothing.
Well, there must be something you'd like.
Something I can fix for you myself.
- Why?
- Why do you ask why?
I've noticed, Sister,
you seek to do me favors.
I do not ken your motive,
but I think it only fair to warn you,
I've no place for marriage in my plans.
I beg your pardon?
- I thought you might as well know.
- How kind of you to tell me.
But I assure you, Lachie,
I have no desire to marry you.
- None at all.
- Aye, so you say.
Now that you ken it's no use.
I only ask you about the food
because I thought something
a little different might please you.
May I remind you that I do not like
to have things done for me!
And I do not seek privilege.
Lachie, we're all entitled
to privilege every once in a while.
When I have a right for privilege,
I'll not ask for it. I'll demand it.
You are aggravating.
Why don't you make an effort
to be human?
I'm sorry I cannot be a weak character
to your liking.
So am I.
At least it's something I can understand.
- Lachie, I'm sorry I was cross with you.
- I do not notice the tantrums of women.
That will be such an advantage
if you ever marry!
It's odd how you harp on marriage.
Lachie, will you please believe me?
I'm not setting a trap for you.
I have no designs on you.
I'm gonna be strong
and resist your charm.
I would just like to know
if I can prepare any special dish for you.
I'll take what comes.
- I've had a baby!
- Did you suffer much?
- Boy or girl?
- A boy!
She's named it after me!
- Congrats, Kiwi boy!
- Thanks, Tommy mate!
- Good on you, Kiwi.
- And he's kicking well?
- Yeah.
- Blimey, boy!
Hey, did you hear that?
I've had a baby! A baby!
Blossom.
Yeah!
I've had a baby.
What's the matter with you?
Yeah, come on, spill it.
His mother-in-law died.
Oh, oh, dear, oh, dear.
They've had a dinner in me honor.
Me old woman's told them all
about my wound.
I'm a hero!
They've named a pudding after me!
I bet it's a heavy one!
A fine lot of women you must have!
What's wrong with you?
Have you any idea of the tons of paper
that's wasted writing such drivel?
Have you ever considered
the fortune in stamps
that could be spent on food instead?
Do you ken the number of ships
and planes it takes to deliver the letters
of millions of giddy females?
You're guilty of criminal waste,
you and your women.
Do us a favor, buster.
Don't show us the error of our ways.
Why don't you try
running the world for a bit?
Okay, it's your conscience troubles you,
not I.
Okay, so it's our conscience.
Oh, somebody give him asthma.
Lachie, the Colonel just called.
He wants to see you in his office.
- What does he want?
- I believe he wants to take an X-ray.
- Would you like someone to go with you?
- I need no one.
My legs and my health
have little respect for the Colonel.
- He's got a spite on me.
- That's not true, Lachie.
Well, why else should I be kept here?
My operation has mended,
and I've recovered from his butchery.
And yet there's never any mention
of letting me go home. Why?
I'll tell you.
I'm a Scot with a mind of my own.
Something no Englishman can abide.
Is he really gonna die, Sister?
Because if he isn't,
I'm thinking of killing him.
Yank, that's a dreadful thing to say.
- Well, you don't have to live with him.
- Hear, hear.
Why don't you try to understand him?
- Understand him?
- To understand him is to loathe him.
He's a terrible, stern man, he is, Sister.
We've all tried to get along with him,
Sister, but you can't touch him.
Now, listen to me, he wasn't sent here
to make things pleasant for you.
He was sent here for your help.
And whether you like him or not
is unimportant.
I admit, I lose patience, too.
- But we mustn't stop trying.
- But you can't get near him, Sister.
He doesn't know the meaning
of the word friendship,
and he doesn't want to.
If you're nice to him, he thinks
you're trying to steal something from him.
- Right.
- Aren't we all like that sometimes?
Don't we all suspect people's motives
and try to shut them out?
Yeah, but with him it's a disease.
He's got a spite
against the whole world, Sister.
And do you know why?
You know what kind of life he's had?
He tells everyone he's an orphan.
That's not true.
He was a foundling.
His mother wasn't married.
Do you know what that means?
He sure is.
Yank, I'm serious.
Lachie's probably worked
since he was old enough to walk.
Because his mother was foolish,
he spent all that time with no friends
and nothing but ridicule
from everyone around him.
Of course he suspects us.
Of course he hates the world
and everything in it. Why shouldn't he?
What's it ever meant to him
but bitterness and sorrow?
Even here now, when he's dying?
I'm sorry.
I reckon we're not much good, Sister.
What do you want us to do?
I'm gonna give you a chance
to redeem yourselves.
Today's his birthday.
- Oh, is it?
- I wanna give him a party.
- How old is he?
- He's 24, I looked on the record.
Now, what about the party?
I need your help.
Well, look, boys,
it isn't often you have an opportunity
to make a man grateful he spent
the last weeks of his life with you.
Remember, you're going to get well.
He's not.
- We'll do what we can.
- We might as well have a go at it, Sister!
Yank?
- We'll give him a party.
- Thanks.
And he better enjoy himself,
or we'll beat him to death
with those bagpipes.
- Hey, Sister, what about presents?
- Oh, I've got that arranged, too.
- Come on, Blossom.
- Bring the gorilla, Kiwi.
Now, here are the presents.
- Hey, it's a kilt!
- That's right.
A Cameron Highlander's kilt, complete.
The RAF brought it
all the way from Calcutta.
You did all that for him, Sister?
That ought to make him happy,
if nothing else does!
Say, wait a minute.
You're not gonna pay for all this yourself?
- Yes. But I want you to give it to him.
- Oh, no.
- lf we give it to him, we pay for it.
- That's right.
Sister, if that's a pricelist,
why don't you let us
pick out what we can afford?
- I think that's a very good idea.
- Yeah.
- Right. Come on!
- Let's get at it.
- All right, Blossom.
- Thank you.
- I think I'll give him the brogues, Sister.
- Good.
What about you, Kiwi?
- Hey, I could use a pair of these myself.
- Kiwi?
I'll give him the spats, and the stockings.
- I'll give him the belt, Sister. All right?
- All right.
- Thanks, Sister.
- Belt might do him a lot of good.
Well, what about you, Yank?
Well, if nobody objects,
I'll give him that jacket and skirt.
- Kilt, you Red Indian.
- All right, kilt.
I'd hoped you would.
Well, after all, I dislike him more
than the rest of you.
- How do you know this will fit?
- It will.
I checked everything with his regiment.
- Hey, what about Blossom?
- Hey! Mustn't leave old Blossom out!
Here, Blossom can give him the cap.
Go on, Blossom.
Blossom!
Hey, Sister, you better grab that quick.
Oh, Blossom, wait. Blossom.
It's for him. Him. Gift. Gift.
I feel like such an idiot.
- Kiwi, will you get it for me?
- I'll try.
- Oh, sure. Just go over and ask him for it.
- Yes, it's no risk, much.
We'll pick you up.
Here, Blossom, you haven't been
working on your beads lately.
- Pretty good, boy.
- I'm sorry, Blossom.
- What are you giving him, Sister?
- The sporran.
And that's everything.
- What is it?
- He keeps his small change in it.
Mixed with fish hooks, no doubt.
- Get your presents out of sight.
- Okay, Sister.
- Hey, fellas.
- Oh, what?
Didn't she forget something?
Something important?
What?
Well, don't they wear some kind
of fancy pants under this?
- Didn't you know?
- What?
Are you kidding?
- Well, it's a bit drafty isn't it?
- Drafty? It's indecent.
It's not indecent, just thrifty.
Oh, they must wear some kind
of diaper or something.
- Well, something.
- Nothing.
Get away.
Ten bucks says you're wrong.
- How much is that in real money?
- L2.
- Couple a quid, you're wrong.
- Well, at L2, the Yank's right.
- I'll take that, Kiwi.
- All right, you're on.
I'm telling you they're
the most haughty race.
Boys, please,
hurry and put those things away.
- He's coming back.
- All right, Sister.
- Digger, pour some more tea.
- Okay, Sister.
After all, this is supposed to be a surprise.
- Get the cups.
- All right, Sister.
- When do we give him the presents?
- I'll let you know.
- Am I big enough to give him his belt?
- Well, don't throw it at him.
How do we know
he'll accept these things?
He will, it's his birthday.
Well, there I was doing a bit
of plumbing in Buckingham Palace.
I was in the Royal Engineers
at the time, of course.
Well, I remember, it was raining that day.
And the King comes up to me and he says,
"Where's your hat at, my good man?"
So, I says, "We haven't been issued
with no hat, Your Royal Majesty."
So, he says, "Here, take my crown,
keep the rain out of your eyes."
I... I heard it was your birthday, Lachie.
Thought you may be able
to use a pair of brogues.
Congratulations.
Well, you can't wear the brogues
without the stockings,
or you'll get corns.
Good luck, Lachie.
Well, Lachie, seeing as how
it's your birthday, I thought...
I...
Here, look, Lachie.
Look, it says, "Made in Scotland," see?
Happy birthday.
I wish we had a haggis for you, Lachie.
I hope you have a very happy birthday.
God bless you.
All the best to you, Lachie.
Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers...
I wanna have a word with you.
I don't understand you.
I do not understand myself.
You've done a thing that numbs my brain.
No man in all my life before
give me tuppence for nothing.
Or a kind word for a kick.
Forgot it was my birthday.
I wouldn't have remembered
if it weren't for you.
I thank you. One and all.
Digger.
But have I the right to take your kilt?
The taking lays a claim on me.
I must make it very plain to you,
I have no way to return your kindness.
So I must not make a mistake.
They say that sorrow
is born in the hasty heart.
Now, I've no wish to invite sorrow,
- so my problem is...
- Oh, Lachie, do be quiet.
For once in your life,
be hasty and risk a mistake.
But I must explain my feelings.
You don't have to explain anything.
Keep your mouth shut
and let your heart talk.
When a Scot makes a fool of himself,
he makes a big one.
Blow.
Take one.
- Is he gonna keep the kilt, Sister?
- Of course he is.
You were just searching
for a dignified way
to thank them, weren't you, Lachie?
Good boy.
Lachie, we were having a little discussion,
you could probably help us out.
Do you or don't you
wear something under the kilt?
Yank, what a question!
- No! We bet on it.
- We got a bet on it, Sister.
It's a very silly bet.
On behalf of general knowledge.
Well, Lachie?
My friends, I deeply regret
you've asked, for I cannot tell you.
It's the one question
no Scot will answer rightly.
- Now look, Lachie.
- Come on, Lachie.
Never mind, Lachie.
Just slip it on, let's see how it fits.
- Yeah. Good idea.
- Come on.
I have no intention of wearing my kilt
until the proper time.
You mean you're not gonna
let us see you in it?
I'll wear my kilt
when the occasion is fitting.
I'll put it on the day I leave here.
Not before.
Sister, you're not gonna
let him get away with that.
It's Lachie's birthday,
he can do what he pleases.
I'm pleased to wait.
Well, I guess the party's over.
Is there more to do?
No, buster, that's all.
A perfect Scottish birthday party.
Tommy.
You're sleeping on your back again.
- Roll over.
- Yes, my love.
- Lachie?
- Aye?
What are you doing out here?
You should be in bed.
I had a problem.
My brain gave me no peace.
What's worrying you? Perhaps I can help.
Well, it's not easy for a man
of my strong character
to admit he might have blundered.
I'm not what you think I am, Sister.
Are you sure you know what I think?
You undoubtedly
think me wise and shrewd.
I daresay you think
there's nothing confuses me.
Is that what I think?
It's what I thought myself until today.
You see, Sister,
I've not always liked the human race.
I had no love or respect for any man.
I had no faith in the goodness of people.
And the war came and did not help.
It only proved what I'd been thinking.
But you told me you had many friends
in Scotland
and various other parts of the world.
- Remember?
- Oh, I lied.
How could I have friends?
I had no education.
Being as poor as a church mouse,
I had no money to squander.
And there was always the fact that I was...
Well, well, there were
other reasons as well.
So I kept to myself.
I thought no one liked me,
and there was no one I liked.
I did not ken a man could be your friend
and not want something from you.
I ended up hating the whole world
and everyone in it.
I tell you, Sister, I despaired.
You mustn't think you were alone, Lachie.
We've all felt that way at times.
That's good to hear.
In my blindness and my rage
I was wicked enough to think
that only I knew the meaning of suffering.
And now I'm twenty-four years old,
and for the first time today
it occurred to me
I've never really been alive before.
I've been a poor dour man with nothing
in my favor, and no reason to exist.
- Don't, Lachie, you mustn't talk like that.
- Aye, but it's true, girl.
And I've got to do something about it.
I owe so much.
If it's the goodness of my fellow man
I've wronged,
well, I must make up for it.
Lachie, if you feel you've made a mistake,
you don't have to rush out
- and pay for it immediately.
- But, it's like repentance, Sister.
I've got a terrible need to help.
It's a great torment to me.
If there was only something I could...
There's my farm,
- maybe I could share it in some way.
- Slowly, Lachie.
Remember, sorrow is born
in the hasty heart.
Well, I'm not hasty. I know my duty.
And I've made up my mind.
Everything I own, my farm and all,
I'll share with my fellow man.
Lachie, I...
Oh, it's a great relief to me.
Do you know something, Sister,
if I had not stopped my bit of shrapnel,
I'd never have known
I could be so content with myself.
I had to be hurt to learn.
Oh, I don't think you had to be hurt,
but there was good in it.
I've come to the conclusion
the world would be a healthier place
if more people were sick.
Well, I don't know about that.
Come on, back to bed with you.
Aye.
How have you felt today?
- It's odd you should ask that.
- It's one of my duties.
I thought you had read my mind.
I've a wee weariness.
My hands sweat a bit,
and my feet seem swollen.
You've been thinking too much.
Could be I'm not used to thinking.
Sister, could I move my bed
in the morning?
I think there's a bit more breeze
at that end.
- I don't see why not.
- Thank you.
Lachie, it just occurred to me.
If you want to share something
with your fellow man,
instead of the things you own,
why don't you share yourself?
- Share myself?
- Yes.
Tell them about yourself.
About, well, where you live
and the things you've done,
what you like. They'll be richer for it.
I know I am, for the things
you've shared with me already.
- You cannot mean me, Sister.
- But I do.
As a human being,
I don't suppose
I have any real individuality.
I'm the people I've met.
I'm a mixture of everything
I've ever read or seen.
I'm everyone I ever loved.
And you've taken something from me?
Without your knowing it.
Sister,
do you ken you've given me something,
too, without your knowing it?
Something I've never had before.
Something that makes me know
when you come into the room.
Even when I can't see you.
Lachie, have you been as happy with us
as you've ever been in your life?
I think I've shared a moment with kings.
That's very sweet.
- Good night, Lachie.
- Good night, Sister.
You're a lovely, lovely angel.
I shouldn't have done that.
I had no right.
No right at all.
And you may recall,
when a humble Member of the House
asked Parliament for thruppence
to be added to the old-age pension,
what happens?
You'd have thought the government
would've been asked
to throw away the crown jewels!
Their Lordships leaped to their feet
like jack-in-the-boxes.
"Bankrupt the empire," they shouts!
For thruppence, mind you!
- Thruppence to help the poor.
- Very interesting, Lachie. Very interesting.
Why don't you talk to Yank.
He knows more about politics than I do.
"Where will the money come from?"
says the Prime Minister.
You cannot get blood from a turnip.
But do you happen to know how much
His Majesty's government
- spent daily to persecute the war?
- Why don't you relax, buster?
- You haven't stopped talking for a week.
- But do you know?
- Well, it must've been plenty.
- Aye!
Over a million pounds a day.
A million pounds!
And where did the money come from
in the first place, eh? Eh?
- You cannot answer, can you?
- Blossom.
Well, I'll tell you.
They ups and print it. That's what they do.
Do you realize how much it costs
to train each soldier put into the field?
Ten thousand pounds a piece!
Now, if they'd given just a half of that
to each man on both sides,
they could've stopped the war
in two minutes
and cut the national debt in half.
Look, Lachie, my lad,
if it's votes you're after,
you can have mine and welcome.
Tommy?
- Could I have a minute of your time?
- Why, of course.
Hey, it occurred to me
that when we go home
you might like a place to visit
and rest a bit.
Well, as you ken,
I've got a wee place in Scotland.
There'd always be tobacco to smoke
and bread to eat.
And a good chair of your own
to sit and talk in.
Why, thanks for the offer, Lachie.
But if I'm to get away from my old woman,
I'll have to go further than Scotland.
But you'd like Ayrshire.
It's not a hasty offer.
Oh, I'm very grateful to you.
But it's me for old London.
Remember now, if you ever come
to the city, my wife's home is yours.
- Kiwi?
- Yeah?
Have you got a job waiting for you
back home?
Nothing definite,
but now I got Kiwi Junior.
Well, have you ever thought
of looking for work in Scotland?
Good Lord, no, has anyone?
Well, as you no doubt recall,
I've got a bit of land
with a wee house on it.
And you're most welcome to it,
for you and your family.
- Oh, well, I...
- There'd be no charge.
Well, no thanks, Lachie.
When I turn in my pay book
I'm heading in one direction only,
New Zealand.
When I think of it,
it gives me a toothache in my heart.
But I'll visit you someday, when I get rich.
When you're rich you'll need no help.
I'll not see you again.
Don't worry, I'll never get that rich.
Are you having trouble
with the mosquitoes, Digger?
Yeah, it's a wonder I haven't got malaria.
- Could you not sleep with your socks on?
- That wouldn't make any difference.
Those little monsters would
just gang up and pull them off.
They seem to think my feet
are a blood bank.
Hey, there are no mosquitoes
to speak of in Scotland.
- Oh, yeah?
- Aye.
That's interesting.
I dare say they're quite ferocious
where you're from.
Oh, terrible.
- Well, then why don't...
- But Australian mosquitoes
can have all my blood they want.
When I get home nothing's
ever going to get me away again.
- You really must go home?
- Afraid so, Lachie.
Did you ever transplant anything
and manage to get all the roots
out of the ground?
Aye, that's true.
Blossom?
Would you like to...
They'd not understand you in Scotland.
Lachie?
Get Sister.
Sister, it's Lachie.
I do not ken what came over me.
- What happened?
- He keeled over.
- He'd been walking about too much.
- And talking too much.
You do talk when you get started.
But a man must walk and talk a bit.
He's not a vegetable.
- Take his shoes off.
- I'm all right now.
No, you aren't.
You must lie down and rest.
- But I just got up.
- Did you hear me?
Yes, ma'am.
I'll get you some medicine.
Remember, no more speeches.
But I was just giving my friends
the benefit of my experience.
Take it easy, Lachie.
Hey, why don't you roll over?
I'll give you a rub.
- I'll get the alcohol.
- Go on, Lachie, it'll do you good, boy.
Thanks.
Here you are.
- Do you think you'll be all right, Lachie?
- Of course he'll be all right.
Come on outside,
we'll get a bit of fresh air.
- Yeah, that's an idea.
- Hey, Blossom, come on.
See you later, Lachie.
We'll see you outside, Lachie.
- Yank?
- Aye?
Now that the war's over,
what are you going to do?
You've got no place to go but America.
- Well, it isn't that bad.
- Well, I've been thinking.
You could stay at my wee house
in Scotland for a while.
For as long as you like.
Well, that's mighty nice of you,
buster, but...
You're going to turn me down,
like the others.
It isn't a case of turning you down.
We've all got places
we've been dreaming about
and wanting to see again.
Just like you and your wee house
in Scotland.
For me it's a little place
on the Rock River, Dixon, Illinois.
But once you get back there
I'll not hear of you again.
Well, of course you will.
Just because we're a few miles apart
doesn't mean
we're gonna forget each other.
I'll be writing to you.
- You'll write me a letter?
- Certainly, we all will.
A letter in my own name?
Lachlan MacLachlan,
- Esquire?
- Esquire.
Oh, that'll be fine.
Here, Lachie, drink this.
Yank, the Colonel wants to see you.
- Okay.
- Yank, I'll write you, too.
I'll send you a photo of my house
in Scotland.
Send me a picture of you in that kilt.
Looks like the only way
I'll ever get to see it.
I guess he'll be leaving us
in a couple of days.
So soon?
He's going for his final examination.
Oh, I'll miss him sore.
We all will.
I even find myself wishing
he was not well enough to leave.
- That's selfish, I suppose.
- No, not exactly.
We all hate to see good friends leave.
You know, Sister,
Yank's gonna write to me.
- Is he?
- Aye.
He says they'll all write to me.
I'll be getting letters
from all over the world.
- That should make you very proud.
- Aye.
No matter where I go in my life
I'll not be alone.
I'll have friends.
Good friends.
Rest, Lachie.
Don't talk so much.
Where's Lachie?
Inside. He's having a nap.
- What did Old Cobwebs say?
- Yeah, when are you going?
- Well, as a matter of fact, I...
- Yank?
Yeah?
The Colonel just called.
What's this about you
not wanting to go home?
- Eh?
- What's that?
What do you mean?
Of course I wanna go home.
- I haven't been feeling well lately.
- You haven't?
What's wrong?
I don't know.
My hands have been shaking a little,
- and I get a lot of headaches.
- You're a liar, but a nice liar.
I don't know what you're talking about.
This'll make it much easier for Lachie,
but what about you?
- You must be barmy.
- Don't be a fool, Yank. Go on home.
There's nothing more
we can do for Lachie.
Look, I...
Corporal MacLachlan.
Present and ready for your inspection, sir.
Oh, Lachie, it's beautiful.
That's jolly!
Come on down.
We'll all have a look at you.
I put it on for you, Yank.
I knew you'd want to see it before you left.
Do you like it?
Now I know why
those Scot troops are so proud.
I thought, since you were going away...
Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, Lachie,
I'm not leaving just yet.
- You're not? Sister, I thought you said...
- Well.
Old Cobwebs changed his mind
this morning.
- There's something wrong with my head.
- Oh? Nothing serious?
Oh, no, just an occasional hole
here and there.
- That's all.
- Oh, that's fine.
Oh, I mean, I'm sorry you're not
going home, but I'm glad you're staying.
- Now, I can take this off.
- Oh, wait a minute, buster,
we want a picture of you in that outfit.
Get your camera, Sister.
I've never had my photo took in my life!
Oh, no. I refuse! I absolutely refuse.
All right now, be very still.
Ready?
Smile.
Lachie, could you smile a little more?
I cannot make an expression at will.
Well, if you can't smile a little more,
see if you can frown a little less.
Go on, do what Sister tells you.
Now, ready,
one, two, three.
There. I think that'll be a good one.
Now, let's take one of Lachie by himself.
Oh, no!
I refuse.
- I absolutely refuse.
- Why?
- Well, I can not face that alone.
- What are you talking about?
It won't hurt a bit. Stand right here
and we'll tell you what to do.
All right, I'm being harried into it,
but let's go on with it.
Come on, Blossom.
Now, Lachie, just pretend you're standing
on your own land,
- Iooking down the road.
- Up to your kilt in heather.
Lachie, can't you stand some other way
except with your arms crossed?
Well, I...
There, that's nice. Now, ready.
Still.
Lachie, don't move about so much.
Well, I do not ken
what to do with my hands.
- Stand on them.
- Put them in your pockets.
Just stand up straight and look happy.
Yeah, face this way
and keep your head up.
And don't look so uncomfortable.
All right now.
Lachie, shade your eyes with one hand.
You're looking down the road
for your sheep.
Facing this way.
Tommy, get out of the picture!
Yes, Sister.
Ready, smile.
- Lachie, smile.
- I cannot smile.
You'd better grab it while you can.
He's getting mad.
All right, one, two, three.
- That's it.
- That's a good boy, lad. Nice work.
Say, a mad Scot in a kilt
is really something terrific.
I thought you were my friends.
Thank you, Lachie, you were very patient
and handsome.
- Yank, would you get those developed.
- Okay.
Now, some of you boys go over to
the main block and pick up the bathtub.
They've promised to loan it to us
for a couple of days.
Okay. We'll do that.
Now, if you'll pardon me,
I'll put my kilt away.
Oh, what's the hurry, Lachie?
We haven't had time to see it properly.
Yeah, we haven't been able to examine it.
- Well, you have my photo to study.
- That won't tell us what we want to know.
- I mean, it's such a beautiful kilt.
- Yeah, it's such a lovely color.
We want to see it swing.
Lachie, how about walking about a bit?
- That's a good idea!
- Yeah, go on, boy.
- All right, if you wish it.
- That's a good boy. Come on, then.
There we are.
- Well, that's smashing, Lachie.
- Very nice.
- Very nice indeed.
- Smashing, eh?
Well, tell me, Lachie.
What happens if you have to make
a little turn?
Well, there's a wee flare.
- A wee flare? Hey, what's that like?
- I think we ought to see that, Lachie.
Very interesting.
Tell me, Lachie, what happens
if you had to do a very quick turn?
Nothing.
Nothing?
I should have thought
it had been as graceful as a fountain.
- A beautiful sight.
- Oh, lovely, lovely.
So I don't think we should miss it, Lachie.
Tommy!
Are you boys going to get that tub, or not?
Okay, Sister.
Go ahead.
You fellows can manage without me.
Don't go away, Lachie.
Yank, could you wait?
There's something I'd like to ask you.
- Well, sure, Lachie.
- Take a seat.
- What's on your mind?
- Have you ever been in love?
With bells on.
- Well, when was the first time you knew?
- Oh, I'd say the first time I kissed her.
Hey, you're not asking me to tell you
about the bees and the flowers, are you?
There are certain things that are as
well-known in Scotland as anywhere else.
Well, I'm glad to hear it.
I'd hate to see the Scots die out.
Well, about this kissing,
when a good girl kisses you,
it's an encouraging sign, is it not?
Well, good or bad, it's encouraging
any way you look at it.
Aye.
Tell me, you think I have the right
to ask a lass to be my wife?
- Well, look, buster, you don't mean...
- Aye.
- Bonny Sister Parker.
- Wait a minute, Lachie.
Everybody falls in love with his nurse.
It's natural.
Well, I bet every patient in that ward has
been in love with the Sister for a while,
- including me.
- I do not resent it. She's a bonny girl.
Well, yes, but just because
the Sister takes care of us
and is good to us,
doesn't mean she's in love with us.
You might be making a mistake.
Have you ever heard
of the Sister kissing a patient?
- No.
- Of course not.
So if she did kiss a man
of her own free will
it would mean that
she meant to encourage him.
- Eh?
- Well...
And if she kissed me, and she did,
it must mean something.
Lachie,
I don't know.
Well, the one sure way of finding out
is to ask her, and I will.
I have my proposal all prepared.
Wish me luck.
Oh, wait right there.
I'll not be long, whatever happens.
Come in.
Have you a minute to spare, Sister?
Well, I was just going to take these over
to the matron.
Oh, that can wait.
I was thinking of making
a proposal of marriage.
- Good gracious, you don't mean me?
- Well, who else?
I think you'd best be seated.
I told you once,
I had no plans for marriage in my future,
- you may recall.
- Vividly.
- But, Lachie, you mustn't feel that you...
- Please do not interrupt.
My proposal.
I'm not much of a man on the surface,
but I have a great and powerful
will to work.
I have a wee house in Scotland
that you know about.
My health is good.
I've a fearful temper, but I do not think
I'll ever make you suffer for it.
I'll do my best. I'll give you all I can.
You'll never want for food.
And you'll never have
to worry about the rent.
I've worked since I was seven.
I've been a cabin boy,
a seaman, a carpenter, a farmer,
a miner and a stevedore.
I can give you
numerous character references.
I've good teeth.
I'm not tattooed or anything.
I love you.
I hope you'll do me the honor
of considering my proposal.
Lachie,
are you asking me to marry you,
because you think
you owe me something?
I offer you my heart
because it does me no good without you.
I wish I knew what to do.
I mean, what to say to you.
You do not share my feelings?
I've made you unhappy.
I presumed too much.
No. No, it's not like that at all.
I'm making you unhappy.
And only because
I haven't the courage to...
Lachie,
you want us to be married?
Is that what you want most in your life?
Aye, my darling. You'll marry me, girl?
If it makes you happy to think of us
being married,
then that's what I want, too.
Oh, oh, my bonny, bonny lass.
Oh, I'll do nothing to displease!
- Lachie.
- Oh, I promise. I promise.
Lachie, there's so many things
I want to say to you.
- But they can wait.
- Aye.
Yank, Yank! She will, lad! She will!
She'll marry you?
Aye, we've not set the date,
but she agreed.
Well, that's great, Lachie. Congratulations.
Will you stand up for me?
- Be your best man?
- Aye.
Yeah, I guess I can do that all right.
Thanks, lad. Thanks!
Come on, Blossom.
I'll teach you another word.
One suitable for all occasions.
- How much further is it?
- Only another hundred miles.
When I get this thing inside I'm gonna sit
in it and do my laundry.
- You sit in that, you'll wear it for life.
- That must be the tub they boil the tea in.
Getting heavy?
Getting no lighter
with all the help I'm getting.
Well, it's uphill, that's why.
Well, use your periscope if you can't see.
Where are we going from here?
- A little bit more.
- Nearly there.
All right. Put it down.
- Yeah, we'll take it from here.
- Thank you, big-hearted Arthur.
- Now rest yourself.
- Thanks, mate.
Oh, I'll tell you.
- You're out of condition, you know.
- Yeah.
Hey, Yank, where's Lachie?
- In the washroom taking off his kilt.
- Oh.
What's going on here?
- A kilt, sir. We was having a bet, sir.
- A Scotch bet, sir.
Just a little joke, sir.
- Where is the Sister?
- Stepped out, sir.
- And Corporal MacLachlan?
- In the washroom, sir.
Well, ask him to come out, will you?
I want to talk to him.
Yes, sir.
Lachie, Colonel wants to see you.
- I was just changing, sir.
- That's all right.
- Oh, did you take the pills I sent over?
- Aye.
But you cannot force me
to take any more, sir.
What's that?
May I be so bold as to remind you, sir,
that as a British soldier
I have the right to refuse them.
Now, look.
You fellows wait outside, will you?
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
Sit down.
Well, Corporal, I've had a call about you
from my Brigadier at headquarters.
He's instructed me to tell you that
you can go home to Scotland immediately,
if you want to go.
Is there not a waiting list, sir?
Well, he evidently thinks you're more
important than the waiting list.
Well, he must be joking, sir.
I'm only a Corporal.
- Of course, from the Camerons.
- Well, whatever your rank,
there's a passage
booked for you tomorrow.
They've given you
a very high priority by plane.
You can be home in Scotland
in a few days.
But why am I so important, sir?
What's the reason?
Because yours happens to be
a very special case.
Well, what's so special about it?
The point is, Corporal,
would you like to go?
Before I answer that, sir,
I think I have the right to know
why I'm being given this privilege.
There's more to this than meets the eye.
Well, since you really want to know,
I've been ordered to give you
all the facts of the case.
- But I've been given the facts.
- No. No, not entirely.
When you came in here
with a bit of shrapnel in your kidney
there was a chance
that you would recover.
I have.
You've recovered from the operation, yes.
But you only have one kidney left.
It's a bad one. I know you feel quite well,
but that one kidney
is destined to collapse.
Then what happens?
We can't give a man a new kidney.
Understand?
Aye.
It's very clear.
How long have I got, sir?
Not very long, I'm afraid.
A week, maybe two.
I've not very much time, have I?
I didn't tell you before, MacLachlan,
because to me
there seemed nothing to gain.
But perhaps it's just as well
that you do know.
I misjudged you, sir. I'm sorry for it.
- I thought you had a spite on me.
- Hardly.
I only wished there was something I...
Lad, would you like
to go back to Scotland?
Or would you rather stay here
with your friends?
Did the men in the ward
know about me, sir?
Well, I wanted to make things as pleasant
as possible for you,
- so I asked them to help you.
- And the Sister?
Naturally, she had to know.
I'd like to go back to Scotland, sir.
- Well, if that's your wish.
- That's my wish!
MacLachlan,
I'd like to be able to say something
warm and wise and comforting.
You can spare me that.
I've had enough pity, thank you.
If I can help you, let me know.
I'll take care of your papers
and arrange your transport.
We'll get you down to Calcutta
in the morning.
Hey, Lachie, what'd he say to you?
Did he tick you off
about those pills, Lachie?
I bet our Lachie stood up to him.
Yeah, did you tell him where to get off?
Well, never mind, Old Cobwebs
just likes to throw his weight around.
I think I'll get that roll of films
developed before dinner.
Hey, what are you doing?
You're ruining them!
You swine. You dirty swine.
Where's Lachie?
Well, he's in the washroom.
Hey, what's wrong with him?
- He lost his temper with us...
- He threw out our film.
- He called us dirty swine.
- The Colonel told him everything.
What?
- I'll return these to you.
- Lachie.
I'll be going away in the morning.
If you have any decency in you,
will you kindly not speak to me again?
I have no wish to see you, any of you!
- Now, wait a minute.
- I'll break your face if you come near me.
You'll need us, Lachie. You'll need us.
I'll need no one.
I'll die as I've lived,
alone and with some dignity.
I should've known
you'd be like all the rest!
Well, you've bought my friendship cheaply.
For the price of a kilt.
I should've put a higher value on my pride.
How righteous you must've felt
in your pity and your goodness.
Well, I'll not let you hurt me again.
Are you the driver
for Corporal MacLachlan?
- That's right, Sister.
- He won't be ready for a little while yet.
- Oh, could I get myself a cup of tea?
- Of course.
Any more tea, Yank?
Here are your papers, Yank,
they're all signed.
- Thanks.
- You'll be leaving this afternoon.
When's he going?
In a little while.
Could I talk to you?
Later.
- Finished?
- Yeah.
I could make better tea with feathers.
- How about you?
- Yeah.
I suppose this'll be my job,
now you're going.
You can have it.
You let your breakfast get cold.
Don't you want it?
Sister said you'd be leaving
in a little while.
If you stayed, Lachie, I would.
Well, I'm sorry to see you go.
I'd like to say goodbye.
You've said it.
Here are your papers, Lachie.
Your transport's outside.
I'll be ready in a moment.
Lachie.
- How about some help with these dishes?
- Yeah, of course.
- How about some help?
- I'm coming.
- How about some help, Digger?
- Okay.
Come on, Blossom.
May I stay and talk with you?
I have nothing to say.
Oh, Lachie dear, please listen.
I may not have another chance.
We wanted to save you
all the unhappiness we could.
- Was that so terrible?
- Did you forget I was a soldier?
Didn't you know I'd faced dying before?
You didn't have to go out of your way
to make it easy for me.
Do you think the way
we feel about you now is less genuine,
less honest
because we knew to begin with?
Dare you answer that truthfully?
Well, of course we were more considerate
because we knew.
What kind of people would we be
if we'd been indifferent?
The kind of people
I should've known you'd be!
You're easy to find the world over,
the kind that would beat a man, rob him,
hound him, slander him and betray him,
and think it fair game unless he was dying.
We're your friends, Lachie.
No matter how you acquired us.
We're the only friends you have
in the world, remember that.
Don't value us lightly.
For a time you made me think
I'd been wrong.
You gave me a fool's religion to die on.
If you only knew the bitterness
I must thank you for.
Do you think the only reason we were
kind to you was because we knew?
Oh, what other reason was there?
Was it easy to like me?
- No, it wasn't.
- Did I go out of my way to be
- pleasant to you?
- No.
Did I ask you or invite you,
or even encourage you
- to worm your way into my heart?
- No, you didn't.
Well, then, should I be proud that you
liked me only because I was to die?
If that were the only reason, no.
Lachie.
Lachie, please listen to me.
Forget everything but this.
For a little while you learned
the meaning of friendship.
Didn't you say
you'd shared a moment with kings?
If I must die to learn to love
my fellow man, I'll do without him.
It's too high a price to pay.
Darling, what difference does it make
why people are good?
Do you think I said I'd marry you
only because I pitied you?
- Well, didn't you pity me?
- With all my heart.
Surely there's pity in every woman's love.
I'm done with my packing.
Would you hate it if I kissed you goodbye?
You did ask me to be your wife, you know.
I've no words for you.
Lachie.
Yank.
Could you help him out with his things?
Yeah.
- I'll take these.
- I need no help.
Hand me the camera, will you?
I thought I'd put some new film in here
and get some new pictures of all you guys
before I go.
You can count me out,
I don't feel like pictures.
Me neither.
Blossom.
Baksheesh.
Baksheesh.
Oh, leave me be!
I want to tell you something, buster,
before you go.
There's a mean streak in you
that only a bullet can cure.
You've been sore your whole life
because things didn't come easy for you.
And you've taken your spite out
on every person you ever met.
You don't want our friendship?
Well, you didn't pay for it,
you didn't earn it, you got it for nothing,
so what are you kicking about?
And now the payoff,
you're sore because you didn't know
when you were going to die.
Does anybody know
when he's going to die?
No. But you had to know.
You're the kind of a hero
who wants to bet on a sure thing.
Why, you don't know what courage is.
You've been afraid to live
since the day you were born!
I'm not afraid of dying. Do not think it.
But you've tricked and cheated me.
You did not give me friendship,
you gave me pity.
Sure, at first we did.
What else could we give you?
I'm not gonna stand here and try
to convince you that we were your friends.
You're determined not to believe that.
But you're wrong, and I can prove it.
Did Blossom pity you?
Or was he a friend like we tried to be?
Blossom.
See? No English.
He didn't know you were going to die.
He still doesn't know.
He doesn't even know
what we're talking about.
He didn't make that necklace for you
out of pity.
He wanted to give you something
because he liked you.
Now, go ahead, Lachie,
fling it in his face again.
Throw his friendship back at him,
the same as you did with us.
Blossom.
Your driver's waiting. Are you ready to go?
Are you ready, Lachie?
Aye.
- Would you help him with his kit?
- He doesn't want any help.
Yank, please.
He doesn't have to leave,
he knows he's wrong,
but he's just too stubborn to admit it.
Let him go.
I wish I could understand what makes
a man wanna die despised and friendless.
Digger?
Sure.
- Where's your bag, Lachie?
- I need no help.
Goodbye, Lachie.
Well, now that he's out of the way
we can take some pictures.
Come on, you guys, how about it?
Let's have some fun.
Digger, Kiwi, Tommy,
get in right over here.
You too, Blossom.
Here, Sister, you take the pictures.
Come on, line up,
here's a good place right here.
Get down on the bed.
Okay, right here, Blossom.
Now, let's smile everybody.
Come on, a great big, broad smile.
I'd be willing to consider remaining
if you admit you wronged me.
If you think we're gonna beg you to stay,
you're wasting your time.
We're ready, Sister.
- I'll not give you another chance.
- I told you, you're wasting your time.
Come on, take the picture, Sister.
I do not want to die alone.
Lachie, why don't you say everything
you want to say?
It's not easy for me to say it.
All my life
I've hated what I could not have,
and saved my pride.
But, now, I've not the time
to squander on my pride.
So I ask you humbly.
I want to stay.
If I must beg you to take me back,
then I beg you.
Why don't you get washed up, buster?
You'll feel better.
Aye.
Well, you made him stay, Yank.
Yeah, I feel as if someone
should kick my teeth in.
Here.
You think it'd make him feel better
if we let him play his bagpipes?
Don't be silly,
he hasn't any wind left in him.
True enough.
Oh, Sister, he looked a bit pale.
Maybe you'd better go in and see him.
No, I think not.
He just swallowed his pride,
it'll take him a moment or two to digest it.
Come on, let's finish
taking these pictures, shall we?
Yeah, we might as well get that over with.
Come on, Blossom,
have your picture taken.
Oh, I'm gonna sit down for a change.
- Tommy?
- Coming now, Sister.
Now, stand close together.
Oh, this is lovely.
One, two, three.
Would you be so good as to let me
have my photo taken with you?
Please?
You belong here, buster.
- Ready?
- Oh, excuse me.
Now, hold still.
Do we look very handsome, Sister?
No, not very handsome.
But very, very wonderful.
One, two, three.
That's it.
Hey! Now, don't you do that!
I found out! I looked, I found out!
Hey, Sister, it's not fair!
Tommy.