1
[folk on stereo]
I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant
- [females arguing]
- Turn it off!
What are you, the fucking music czar?
Okay, language, Ellen!
Please, this song can not
be playing when we drive up.
What is wrong with it?
Ellen, I'm begging you. It's
like announcing you're a loser.
Oh, great. Then you'll fit
right in with the other weirdos.
I don't get what you're doing at
this creative arts camp anyway.
Aren't you supposed to
have some sort of talent?
I thought she was a hoot
in "Bye, Bye, Birdie."
She played the mayor's wife.
She had no lines.
All she had to do was
faint and spread her legs.
I thought she was very inventive.
Please! The only reason
Miss Liebman recommended her
for this stupid scholarship is 'cause
she felt sorry for her that Daddy died.
Hey! Fuck you, Ellen!
At least I'm not working at Carvel,
hanging out at the mall,
and stealing lip gloss.
Enough, both of you! Put that down!
Turn it off, Ellen. Enough!
Your sister is trying something new.
Besides, after the year we've had,
someone in this family
should have a little fun.
Welcome, campers. If you
haven't checked in yet.
Please report to the dining room.
- Hey!
- Wow!
What a freak show.
You can still sign up
for tonight's talent show.
Sign-ups are in the dance studio,
and each performer is
limited to 10 minutes.
Ooh, check out Paddington Bear at 10:00.
There's your hot summer romance.
- Shut up.
- Ellen!
Help your sister schlep the
duffel bag up to her wigwam.
Teepee, and I don't need any help.
Maybe you can ask that strong
boy over there to help you.
Oh, yeah, Julie, why don't you
go over and ask that strong boy?
Hi. Need a hand?
- No, thanks. I can do it.
- Cool.
- Ethan!
- My name's Ethan Figman.
If you need anything,
I'm at your service.
Listen, Mom, it's five
hours to Underhill,
and you'll have to stop for lunch.
She wants us to go, Mom.
Okay.
- Have fun.
- Thanks.
- I love you.
- I love you too, Mom.
First time away from home.
You'll adjust. It just takes time.
- Mom?
- I got this.
- Mom!
- [door closes]
[engine starts]
Don't you feel it growin'
Day by day
People gettin' ready for the news
Some are happy
Some are sad
Oh, we got to let the music play
You think Goodman Wolf
would let me sculpt him?
I mean, naked?
This guy on the swim team
said his dick is so big
they nicknamed it Excalibur.
You know, like Sword and the Stone?
Thank you, Sandy, now I will
never be able to listen to Camelot
without imagining King Arthur
pulling his penis out of a rock.
It's not like they think
they're better than everyone.
They just sort of are, you know?
You make them sound like
they're royalty or something.
Well, they are, sort of.
Everybody comes here with big dreams,
thinking they've got some great talent,
until Ash Wolf blows them away onstage,
or they hear one of Jonah Dey's songs,
which are twice as good as his mother's.
- Corinna Dey is his mother?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
He's gonna be twice as huge.
And Cathy Kiplinger?
She's been dancing since she was three.
Deep down, everyone knows those guys
are the only ones that
are really gonna do it.
And not just as a hobby or
for a summer, but for life.
Hmm, what smells so nice?
Um, it's Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific.
Too bad it looks like a Brillo pad.
- Oh, come on.
- It's perfect for removing rust,
stripping paint, scouring pots.
- You're funny.
- It's the hair.
I get it from a clown.
- I'm Ash Wolf.
- Oh, I know.
I mean, I'm Julie Jacobson.
- I know.
- You do?
We're in the same improv class.
You were hysterical in
that elevator exercise.
When you fainted, and
your legs spread wide open.
- I nearly peed myself laughing.
- Thanks.
It just came to me.
Listen, if you're not
doing anything later,
a few of us are getting together,
and maybe you'd like to join us.
Um... Yeah.
- Sure. Cool.
- Great.
After lights out, my
brother's tent, Teepee 3.
It's the one that reeks of weed.
See you there.
[chuckling]
I'm not even that stoned yet.
Goodman, leave it alone.
"The Tin Drum" is a
literary masterpiece.
"House of Incest" is female porn!
It's feminist surrealism!
Where did you hear that? From
your fancy English teacher
with the Harvard PhD?
Gnter Grass is basically God.
I think Anas Nin is God.
- Anas Nin?
- Yes.
She's so full of pretentious girly shit.
She's literally one of the
worst writers to ever live.
Anas Nin and Gnter
Grass both have umlauts.
Maybe that's the key to their success.
I'm thinking of getting one for myself.
Increase the velocity,
the natives are restless.
Voila. Cannabis Perfectus.
What are you doing reading
Anas Nin anyway, Goodman?
- Um, Ash made me.
- Mm-hmm.
And I do everything
that my sister tells me.
Maybe Ash is God.
Ash... Ash is definitely not God.
All right, she's way too
much of a perfectionist.
She'd never let a mistake
like Dick Nixon go unchecked.
Boy: I wish.
The thing is, he's just such
a bad actor. He's so obvious.
Why don't people see when
they're being lied to?
Because they don't wanna see.
- Just look at My Lai.
- You sound like your mother.
- Fuck you, Goodman.
- Yeah.
At least Corinna uses her music
to tell the truth to the world.
That's what art is for.
Right?
That's what "Spirit in
the Woods" is all about,
using your talent to tell
the truth to the world.
Gosh, Ash, maybe you are God.
- No, don't!
- Maybe you are God, Ash.
- Ooh!
- You're not ticklish anymore?
- Stop!
- I don't know.
I just dance because I love it.
I've never really wanted
to do anything else...
except I'm probably fucked
because of these sacks of mail.
I doubt your bodacious ta-tas
are gonna stand in your way.
It's not funny, Goodman.
How many ballerinas do
you know with big tits?
- Hey, calm down.
- What am I supposed to do?
Quit?
No, nothing should stand in our way.
We should try to do
whatever we want to in life.
What is the point otherwise?
All right.
So, Jonah, have you given any
thought to a future career?
- [laughter]
- [gasps]
There's a girl in our
cousin's school in Pennsylvania
- named Crema Semens.
- No.
- You made that up.
- No, she didn't.
Ash never lies. It's one of the
most irritating things about her.
- Crema Semens?
- Yes.
It's like... it's, like, a soup
made from various strains of semen.
A medley of semen.
Ew, Ethan, you're being totally graphic.
Well, he is a graphic artist.
Hey, show her some Planet Figman.
This is Wally Figman
and his horrible parents
before his mother runs
off with his pediatrician.
Any similarities between
Wally's life and my own
- are purely intentional.
- [chuckles]
- The world according to Ethan Figman.
- Can I see?
[blues guitar]
Which one's that?
I haven't seen that one.
I think we should all
observe a moment of silence
for Crema Semens.
Well, the girl from Long Island speaks.
- Hey!
- You're being elitist.
Jacobson knows that I'm kidding.
Right, Long Island?
Oh, Crema Semens!
Wherever thou art!
Your life will be tragic.
It will be cut short
in an accident involving
animal de-semenizing equipment.
[laughter]
See? I told you there was
a reason I brought her in.
- Desemenizing! Go, Jules!
- Go, Jules!
Here you go, Jules. You have
definitely earned another toke.
Every year we sit here just like this.
Maybe we should name
ourselves something.
Why? So everyone will know how
just how unbelievably
interesting we are?
The Interestings.
- [chuckling]
- That works!
From this day forward,
because we are clearly
the most interesting people
- whoever fucking lived.
- Fuck, yes.
Because our lives are so compelling.
Because our brains are so swollen
with intellectual thoughts.
Let us henceforth be
known as the Interestings!
Let everyone who sees us be blinded
by our brilliant and
scintillating lives.
[overlapping chatter]
- Come on.
- Oh, thank you.
- Toast to the Interestings!
- To our scintillating lives!
Whoo!
You sure you don't wanna come?
I can still get the sitter.
It'll be good to get out, you know?
Get some air, see people.
I see people everyday
in the park with Rorie.
I'm on a first-name
basis with every nanny
and alcoholic mom on
the Upper West Side.
Everyone's gonna be asking for you.
Jules, I've got the interview tomorrow.
- I just want to veg.
- Veging's good. Wish I could veg.
Probably gonna be a snooze fest anyway.
You know how Ethan
goes on at these things.
You look nice.
Can you see it's ripped in the shoulder?
- No, not at all.
- Thank God for safety pins.
Say hi to the gang for me.
Tell them we'll have
dinner soon. I'll cook.
Hey, listen. Be good and do
everything your daddy says.
Okay? I'll be home when you wake up.
You forgot to kiss Daddy.
Pucker up, Daddy.
I love you.
Don't obsess, hmm?
I love you, too.
Take a straight and stronger course
To the corner of your life
Make the white queen run so fast
[chuckles]
I mean, Ethan is a great guy, I know.
He is incredibly smart.
- And totally honest.
- So is Winnie the Pooh,
- but I wouldn't fuck him.
- You're horrible.
- I'm serious.
- Sorry.
Look, it's nothing personal.
It's just the truth.
People are attracted to their
own levels of attractiveness.
Like me and your brother,
and you and Jonah.
I mean, Ethan will
probably end up with someone
incredibly brilliant
and badly disfigured.
Cathy!
She's horrible.
Seriously, you wouldn't go
out with him if he asked you?
I don't know. I don't think so.
- Would you?
- Ash and Ethan?
[chuckles]
I mean that's like Beauty and the Beast.
I don't know.
I can't imagine myself with
anyone other than Jonah.
Yeah. Okay.
We're just so right
for each other, you know?
Jesus, Jonah, get a room.
Guess who finally agreed
to move in with me?
- Who?
- Me. It's me.
Really? Oh, my God!
- It's about time.
- Some things can't be rushed.
I admire your perseverance.
If he had let you go,
we were all ready to have
an intervention again.
You've got such fabulous friends.
God bless that faggot camp you went to.
[applause]
Congratulations to the
winners of our silent auction,
- especially the new owner of...
- [crowd groaning]
The Wally Figman punching bag!
[cheering]
Certain to save you
thousands in therapy bills.
But if you leave here with
nothing but our gratitude,
just know that what you're doing tonight
is making a real difference.
If you don't believe me,
ask the true conscience
of the Figman Foundation,
my beautiful wife, Ash Wolf.
[applause]
Ash has seen firsthand what
Doctors Without Borders...
I can't believe you guys were a thing.
It was never that sexual.
- We were more like...
- Sisters?
- I was gonna say lesbians.
- [stifled laughter]
Lastly, I'd love to thank the gang
at Figland for their generous support.
[applause]
Pardon, good sirs, the
Queen of Figlandia beckons.
I shall return anon.
So, yeah, make sure to eat the food.
I can personally recommend the tiramisu.
Wow. This one's new.
"If only I were President of Figland.
With respect, Bill."
Oh, I can't believe
I missed that weekend
because Rorie had that 104 fever.
I should have just sold her
to gypsies and come anyway.
I have to go to Iceland.
Goodman's in trouble.
- What's going on?
- He's fucked up, Jules.
He's got no money. For all I
know, he's living on the streets.
- He sounded confused.
- I think he's using again.
- Your parents gonna go?
- They can't.
The doctor says my mom can't travel,
and my dad doesn't
want to leave her, so...
He's still making a mess
of his life and ours.
- I'm so sorry, Ash.
- She's desperate to see him.
It's so sad.
I told Ethan I had to go to Bali
to research these masks for
a production of "Midsummer."
You told him you're going to Indonesia
to get masks for a play set in Greece
that you're doing in Lower Manhattan?
I know. I told him it
was part of my concept.
I feel badly than I'm missing
this Museum of Broadcasting
thing they're doing in his honor,
and I told him I'd see if
you could go in my place.
I hate this. I really do.
- I...
- I do.
Just fucking tell him already.
I can't do that. You know I can't.
He'd be devastated.
You should have told him before
you got married, or I should have.
We couldn't take the
chance. You know how he is.
He's never really believed
Goodman was innocent.
It's fine. I'll go.
What's one more lie
amongst friends, right?
- Was I that boring?
- No!
No, if I had any money to spare,
I would have stayed
until the hat was passed,
but alas, I hate
passing up a passed hat.
I forgive you.
You get a pass for
passing up the passed hat
as long as it's in the past.
I really hate it when you guys do this.
- [chuckles]
- I know.
That's what makes it so much fun.
I wish she'd let me auction her off.
What? there are so many things
wrong with that sentence.
Strictly look but don't touch.
Just dinner and drinks
with the most beautiful
woman in Manhattan.
We'd make a killing.
We'd never have to throw one
of these awful things again.
What do you say? Take one for the team.
Where's Dennis? I thought he was coming.
Oh, Rorie has a cold,
but he sends his love.
Guess what? Jules can go to the
Museum of Broadcasting with you.
Really? That's fantastic.
Oh, it will be just like old times.
Just the two of us.
Yeah, and afterwards, we can
go to that restaurant that
- Robert De Niro keeps talking about.
- No fair!
That's what you get for having the
gall to choose your career over mine.
I mean, who goes to Indonesia
to get masks for a Greek play
she's doing in the Village?
It's a concept, right?
Well, we better get back out there
while there are still
pockets to be picked.
Ah, yes. These things are gonna kill me.
But that's what I get
for marrying a saint.
What would I do without you?
Man: The law is very clear.
Anyone who hinders or delays
The discovery of Goodman
Wolf's whereabouts
is guilty of harboring a fugitive.
Detective, if we knew where my son was,
we would insist he turn himself in.
Good. 'Cause it doesn't
get any better for him.
Fugitive warrants don't expire ever.
Until he comes back to stand trial,
he will be considered a wanted criminal.
Listen, did it ever occur to
you that we are missing our son?
We've lost our son. We
don't know if he's alive.
- [stammering]
- Please
try to find a little compassion.
I'm sorry, Mr. Wolf. I can
see you're a close family,
which is probably why I think
you will hear from Goodman soon,
if you haven't already.
But just bear in mind that when you do,
you are legally required to contact us.
And if you don't, you will go to jail.
[door closes]
God, they're like the Gestapo.
Instead of barging into your
home and intimidating you,
they should be out there
trying to find Goodman.
We can handle this, Jules. Thanks.
No, we can't.
- Ash.
- I can't.
You have Mom to talk
to, but who do I have?
- This is a family matter.
- Jules is family. We can trust her.
Ash, please.
We've been in touch with Goodman
and we know where he is.
Jesus Christ, Ash! I hope your happy!
'Cause now our lives are in
the hands of a 16-year-old!
No, I'll be careful,
Mr. Wolf, I promise.
You didn't tell Ethan?
No, I couldn't. I mean,
you know how he is.
He'd probably think he had
to report it or something.
No, you're the only one.
And nothing leaves this room
until we can prove Goodman's innocence.
- So what do you think?
- It's fantastic.
- Not too much?
- I'd hire you.
Or at least sleep with you.
You don't think I'm too overdressed?
Maybe I should just wear jeans.
No!
I think you look really
nice, very professional.
I got a good feeling about
this, Jules. I really do.
Me, too. You're gonna be great.
Too many things about it
are just so right, you know?
- I do.
- The clinic's on the west side.
I'm great with sonographic scanners.
And the fact that they're
looking for someone
who's had experience with obstetric
and gynecologic ultrasounds.
They would be lucky to
have you, Dennis, really.
- Nothing to be nervous about.
- I'm not.
Good, 'cause you shouldn't be.
Keep breathing and be yourself.
You look great, Den.
You really do.
I'm gonna nail this fucker.
- You said the "F" word.
- All right.
Don't have to be a wisenheimer.
Go give your daddy a kiss.
Wish him good luck.
[growls]
[laughing]
Baby, we can do it
Take the time, do it right
We can do it, baby
Do it tonight
Baby, we can do it
Take the time, do it right
We can do it, baby
Do it tonight
[panting, moaning]
Is it me, or is sex, like,
so much better than
when we were in college?
I'm not sure. Maybe
we should try it again
and confirm your hypothesis.
- [both laughing]
- No!
No, you're amazing. You
have some serious skills.
But there are other factors
to consider, you know?
Okay, like what?
Well, look at us.
- I'm looking.
- [both chuckle]
I mean, our bodies, they
may not be perfect, perfect,
but they're probably more
perfect than they'll ever be
for the rest of our lives, you know?
Okay. That's really depressing, Jules.
Yeah, but it's true, right?
And we're not all insecure
and fumbling around,
like when we were in college, you know?
Well, you know, I've been
practicing a lot since graduation,
Of course, most of it's been by myself.
[both laugh]
But you know what they
say about practice.
I can't. I have to go.
I'm gonna be late for work again.
So when am I gonna see you again?
Um, I don't know.
I have to figure out
what my work schedule is
and prepare this thing for acting class.
I bet you're a great actress.
I really admire you, Jules, you know?
Going after your dream,
working your butt off.
Well, you're doing
the same thing, right?
I mean, you're not gonna be a lab tech
for the rest of your life, right?
I don't know. The work's pretty cool,
and the hours are great, you know?
I get to spend time with my friends
and play ball with some
of the guys from work.
I think I actually really lucked out.
I think that's great
that you're so content.
I mean, if a lab tech
is what you wanna be...
Is not what I wanna be,
it's just what I'm doing.
For now. It's my job.
Maybe one day I'll
wanna do something else,
but for the moment, it really
makes me happy, you know?
- We can't all be Hackneys.
- Who?
That guy who's exhibit we went to
who paints all those swimming pools.
- Hockney. David Hockney.
- Right. We can't all be Hockneys.
Or Jacobsons. Some of
us have other gifts.
- Stop it.
- It's your fault.
You and your perfect body.
Hey, come by the park tomorrow.
We got a game in the late afternoon.
I don't know. I'll try.
Well, we will be thinking of you.
So when are we going to meet him?
What's wrong with him? Is he married?
- No.
- Is he deformed?
- [chuckle]
- Ethan.
He's Republican.
- Mm-hmm.
- Jesus.
He's a... a fuck buddy. Okay?
I'm sorry to be so crude,
but that's all he is.
Nobody cares, Jules.
It's just you've been seeing him
for, like, three months,
which surpasses the official
fuck buddy time limit.
What are you talking about?
It's impossible to allow someone
access to your vagina for
three consecutive months
and not develop some feelings for them.
Okay, no more Dr. Ruth for you.
Look, he's a very nice guy,
but we have zero in common.
And he's a lab technician, okay?
He's the guy who squirts
jelly on your belly
and takes X-rays.
He's not exactly Proust,
if you know what I mean.
- I've never read Proust.
- Me, either.
Okay, neither have I,
but the point is we could.
So he's blind?
- Don't be ridiculous.
- Ethan.
He's part of your life,
Jules, for however long.
Since when do we keep
secrets from each other?
Bring him to dinner next week
when we celebrate
Ethan's first paycheck.
Yeah, I've never met
a bona fide fuck buddy before, so...
Look, I know I sound
like a big fat snob,
but I just think I can do better, okay?
I mean, I want to be with somebody
who wants to do something
important with his life, right?
I'm playing a mermaid for one week
outside the New York Aquarium.
You are being paid to act.
And you just got a job on
a network television show.
It's an animated piece of
shit, Jules. Have you seen it?
The point is you're going somewhere,
and so am I.
Not getting there as
fast as you two, clearly,
but I'm aspiring,
and frankly, I don't want to
be with somebody who isn't.
I mean, we're artists, right?
Man: What about your tits?
Your nipples.
Uh...
you do know where your
nipples are, don't you?
Do not look at Miss Wolf.
She can't help you.
You're the one in the shower.
Now take the soap
and wash your asshole.
Your pussy.
Oh, excuse me. Your vagina.
[sigh]
You know, I hope
that you really do
wash your private parts
on occasion.
[laughter]
You think that's funny?
Do you?
I don't. I think it's sad.
You want to be actors?
Why? To become stars?
Or to hold a mirror up to nature,
to show what it means to be human?
That's what this exercise is about:
to be willing to be brave enough
to be private in public,
to risk revealing your own humanity.
The audience pays you
to show them who they really are inside
because they're too busy
or they're too frightened
to look.
But if you walk on that
stage looking for approval,
you're cheating them.
You're not acting.
You're begging.
You, Ms. Jacobson, are a beggar.
You don't want to be seen.
You just want to be liked.
You're an approval junkie.
To me, that is sad.
Jules: You're an approval junkie.
You care too much what
others think of you.
We know this.
It's what you think that matters.
You need to find your voice
and listen to it.
I'm leaving you.
I'm sorry.
I don't think talk
therapy is that effective...
For me, anyway.
Uh, I... I think it's time
for me to try something else.
Well, I think it's...
interesting that you want to leave
just as we're starting to
understand the underlying issues.
What's the point of
understanding why you're miserable
if you're still miserable?
It's like the booby prize.
I disagree, Shauna.
I have seen tangible
behavioral improvement in you.
You've been so much more confident
and more optimistic.
[laughing]
I'm taking Prozac.
My doctor prescribed it for me.
Okay.
I wish you'd told me.
You obviously feel it's helping?
Well, if I wasn't taking it,
I don't think I'd have
the courage to leave you.
Can I help you?
Uh, sure.
Is this good?
Good for what?
Uh, my husband. New job.
Is it paying six figures?
No.
Good enough.
Julie Jacobson.
You don't recognize me.
Maybe if I was mixing
a couple vodka Tangs.
Oh, my God. Cathy?
I didn't even...
Wow.
You look great.
Thank you.
I guess I'm just
blessed with good genes.
Oh, I trimmed those mail bags down
when I was dancing with
Paul Taylor's company.
Didn't make the big difference
I was hoping for, though.
I'm in finance now,
but I don't miss them.
Although he might. My big tits.
- Ah.
- [chuckling]
This is Julie Jacobson.
Hi.
We were at camp together.
She was part of that group.
Huh.
So you and Ash are still best buds?
Uh, I don't know about that,
but we do speak occasionally.
According to Ethan, it's
more than just occasionally.
He calls me every now and then.
It's been a few years,
but at least one of you
had the decency to care.
It's a complicated time, Cathy.
Bullshit.
But then it must be
very hard to see clearly
with your lips glued to Ash's ass.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
No, you're not.
You don't give a shit how I feel.
So no one's ever heard from Goodman?
I don't think so, no.
Amazing, huh?
He just disappeared.
No body found. Never contacted anyone,
not even his nearest and dearest.
I guess not.
Well, it doesn't mean he won't,
does it?
I know you were all goo-goo over him,
so maybe he'll come back
and carry you off into the sunset,
or maybe he'll just fuck up your life
like he did mine.
- You ready, hon?
- Yeah, yeah.
Let's get out of here.
We're, uh, celebrating my big promotion.
Senior VP at Kanter-Fitzgerald.
Just crashing through the
proverbial glass ceiling.
That's right.
Well...
your life doesn't look
that fucked up to me.
You never did understand.
Did you?
[chatter]
Your parents leave?
Hour ago.
Right after Ash's big show.
So what are you doing here?
Fuck if I know.
They should fucking
outlaw visiting weekend.
Really.
Except your parents seem so, you know...
Charming?
Intelligent?
Cosmo-fucking-politan?
I showed them my urban planning project.
My mother smiled, sort of confused,
and said it was very nice.
My father asked me
if I figured out a way
to keep the buildings from collapsing.
Oh, I'm sure he didn't mean it like...
Oh, he meant it.
Great expectations suck.
Let me tell you.
[sniffle]
It's hard to live up to them
unless you're Ash.
You'll have the last laugh, you know.
You're going to be
another Frank Lloyd Wright.
There's not a doubt in my mind.
You're funny, Jacobson.
And you made it to the inner circle.
Not many people do that.
Good for you.
Cathy: Goodman?
Goodman, where the fuck are you?
Keep your tits on.
I'm giving Jacobson here a pep talk.
This never happened.
Cathy: What did she need a pep talk for?
Nothing.
Where's Rorie?
Downstairs with Sophie.
They're having Chinese.
I guess it didn't go so well?
It was a fucking disaster.
What happened?
She asked me why I left my last job
and what I'd been doing in the interim.
You knew that would probably come up.
You were prepared.
It was the first thing that came up.
The only thing that came up.
She takes one look at my rsum,
and she notices the huge
gap in my employment record.
How could she not?
And she asked me why I left Medfair
and what I'd been doing.
I told her that I left
because I wanted to take some time off
to be with my daughter
while my wife worked.
And she asked me who my
boss was when I was there.
"Was it Karen Wallace?" she asked.
Whom she knows very well, she said.
Basically letting me know
that she would call Karen
and find out what happened,
so I might as well just tell her,
which I then proceeded to do.
I told her about what happened,
the reason I was fired.
You should have seen her face.
What did she say?
She said...
"Thank you for coming in
and for being so honest."
Well, I think it's
great that you went in.
I do.
I mean, you got back out there,
which is a huge accomplishment.
I think you should feel good about that.
Is that how you talk to your patients?
Like they're fucking 12 years old?
It's like I'm some disabled child
that you're helping
to get through the day.
That's not how I feel.
Well, that is how it sounds.
Oh, God.
I fucking hate it.
I never should have married you.
You should have trusted your instincts.
Mm.
May I have another?
Behold the bounty that
selling out hath wrought.
560 big ones.
We're rich!
- Rich.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
And all it took was selling my soul.
Really? Where do I sign up to sell mine?
To the sweet smell of success.
May we all reek of it soon.
Hey.
- Mm.
- Mm.
Slow down, Jules. It's going to be fine.
I never should have invited him.
Seriously, it was a mistake.
- I know.
- Hey, hey. Relax.
All right? We're not
going to eat him alive.
It just sends the wrong message.
It's not fair to him, either.
Oh, God, he's here.
Oh, shit, I knew he'd wear that.
Hey.
Hey, you made it.
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
I was, like, glued to the TV.
Ewing just hit a buzzer beater.
Put the Lakers away. Ha ha!
That's another 20-point game.
Even if the Knicks finish fifth,
there is no way this man
is not Rookie of the Year.
Ethan: It's not the
champagne you get drunk on.
It's the friends you get drunk with.
- Hey!
- Err!
- Hear, hear!
- Cheers.
[laughter]
I can't believe you guys
have all stayed friends
for so long. I mean, I
went to Boy Scout Camp.
I can't remember a single name.
Then again, no one at Camp Nayaki
exactly stood out.
Except
- maybe this one kid...
- [laugh]...
Who could burp for ten straight minutes
without barfing.
- [laughing]
- Ten straight minutes?
And you forgot his name?
How the great are soon forgotten.
Chris Gunther. That was his name.
Like that guy you're
always bugging me to read:
"Gunther" Grass.
Oh, forget about it, Dennis,
unless you're Jonesing for a
600-page book about a German child
with an unhealthy
attachment to a toy drum
and a voice that can shatter glass.
Wow. Ha ha.
- I guess I'll miss it.
- [laughter]
Unless Ethan makes it
into an animated movie.
So, Dennis, Jules says
you are an ultrasound technician.
Yes, I am.
That sounds pretty cool.
How'd you get into that?
I just sort of fell into it, actually.
After college,
I didn't really know
what I wanted to do.
I saw this ad on the subway
about becoming a lab technician.
Seemed like something
I could be good at.
- Huh.
- You make it sound
like you just flipped a coin, Dennis.
You must have given it a
little more thought than that.
Not really.
Do you like it?
I do, actually. Yes.
The other techies are great.
We got our own basketball team.
The doctors are cool.
Also, it's in Chinatown.
It's surrounded by all
these amazing vendors.
I like to cook, so sometimes
on my way home I pick up these really...
bizarre ingredients like...
star anise or, like, these twisted roots
that look like wizard's hands.
- Yeah.
- How's your job, Jonah?
When are you going to give that all up
and go back in the family business?
His mother's Corinna Dey.
Oh. Right. Jules was telling me
about what an amazing musician you are.
I would love to hear you play some time.
Yeah. Well, I guess
she forgot to mention
that was in a former life.
Yeah, actually, I design
tech innovations for the disabled.
I just can't understand
how you could walk away
from so much talent.
Your music was such a part of you.
A part.
Not the only part.
You could have been a huge star.
Really, you should have heard him.
Dennis: There's more to
life than being famous.
At least I hope so,
or the rest of us are screwed.
Besides, I don't think
recognition has that
much to do with happiness.
Like we say at the clinic,
it's what's inside that counts.
Words of wisdom from the
ultrasound technician.
Excuse me. I have to use the restroom.
That was funnier in my head.
He's great, Jules.
You're an asshole, but he is great.
Fuck!
Some fancy moves.
Thank you.
[basketball players shouting]
You didn't return any of my phone calls.
My friends really liked you.
At this point, it's safe to say
they like you a lot
more than they do me.
I'm so sorry, Dennis.
I was awful to you at dinner.
I don't even know what came over me.
- I just...
- I do.
I'm not the right guy for you, Jules.
You want this...
big life.
And you deserve it,
and you deserve the right guy
to go along with it.
And that guy just isn't me.
- Dennis...
- Let me finish, Jules.
I'm regular.
You know?
And you're...
Irregular?
Special.
Big dreams.
I'm just an ordinary guy, Jules.
I'm never going to read Gnter Grass.
I looked it up.
I can't offer you this
extraordinary life,
just a real one.
But... I don't know
if that's going to be enough for you.
I don't think that life with me
is the life that you want.
I don't think you should settle.
You know what I really want, Dennis?
I want to be like you.
I do.
I want to be able to walk
into a room full of strangers
and just be okay with myself,
to feel like who I am is good enough.
The thing is the only time
I've ever felt like that
is when I'm with you.
So to me, real is looking
pretty extraordinary right now.
Here.
It's the "Hoya Destroya."
I feel like anyone who leads Georgetown
to three final fours
deserves to be immortalized in plastic.
You're not the only one
with an encyclopedia.
You look like a famous actress, Mommy.
Oh.
Well, thank God I'm not
because they're all
miserable and unhappy.
Money does not buy you happiness.
Remember that.
All right, go wash up for supper, huh?
Wow.
You look amazing.
That's quite some dress.
Thanks.
I got it at Alice's Underground.
- It was practically brand-new.
- [sigh]
I figured if I was going
to go to this thing,
I might as well get in the spirit.
Ash owes me big time.
This is...
I can't believe she
still hasn't told Ethan
about her brother.
That they've lived with this
gigantic lie between them
all this time.
It's shocking.
We may have our problems,
but at least what we
have isn't built on lies.
I'm going to get better, Jules.
I know.
You'll figure it out.
Prozac isn't for everyone.
I don't want to lose you.
[intercom buzzes]
[buzz]
Hello.
Ethan: Your date has arrived.
I'll be right down.
A limo. Wow.
Beats the subway.
Oh, they're perks he's given.
I don't think he really
cares about them that much.
- Um...
- Have fun.
Of course I know how much
you'd rather stay home
and play "Legend of the
Sword and the Fairy."
I would, actually.
I'm not really looking that forward
to a bunch of bloated,
self-important people
congratulating themselves
on how rich and successful they are.
You could have said no.
I should go. He's waiting.
I love you.
I love you, too.
I'll tell you all
about it in the morning.
Mm. Sorry.
Your chariot awaits, my lady.
Wow. I mean, look at you.
You look like a fairy princess.
[cartoon music]
Yes.
Oh, my God. Ethan, this is amazing.
This could be in a movie theater
or on TV right now.
Seriously, Ethan, it's brilliant.
It's just so smart
and original, you know?
Thanks.
See, I knew...
I knew you'd get it, that we...
That we shared a certain sensibility
and that you might like it.
- [laughing]
- I love it.
Wow.
What do you know?
Jules Jacobson loves it.
Mm-mm. Uh, what...
What are you doing?
I'm s... I'm sorry. I...
- I... I just...
- No. It was my fault.
- Wow.
- Forget it, really.
- I... I...
- It's fine.
I feel terrible.
No, no, no, no. You've nothing
to feel terrible about, Jules.
[door opens]
It's not a big deal.
[door closes]
Look, look, seriously,
I don't want this to come between us.
People have been
rejected by other people
since the dawn of time.
W-W-We're...
We're just riding the wave of history.
I've never rejected
anyone before in my life,
although I've never accepted
anyone before, either.
What I mean is it's never come up.
Well, maybe the reason
that you don't want to do this with me
isn't even because of me.
What do you mean?
Well, you say that you haven't accepted
or rejected anyone before, right?
So you are 100% inexperienced.
Maybe you're just nervous.
Your nervousness could be
masking your real feelings.
Uh, maybe.
It happens to girls sometimes.
I... I have a proposition for you.
Just reconsider.
Spend some more time with me
and see what happens.
All right.
Sure. Why not?
Excellent.
To be continued.
Older Ethan: You look sensational,
Jules, really.
It's hard not to in Valentino.
I can't even imagine
what this thing costs.
Oh, come on. Ash was adamant,
and she picked it out
before she left for Bali.
Well, it's very sweet, both of you.
Here. Come on. Tradition.
Tradition.
For special nights.
You've won about a million awards.
What's special about this one?
Because tonight I'm spending it
with my oldest, dearest friend.
No kids, no spouses.
Just the two of us, like old times.
To us.
Two old friends
sharing our lives together.
[glasses clink]
Jules.
Hey.
Jules.
I don't think Dennis and
I are going to make it.
This is a final boarding
call for Flight...
[laughing]
Mom and Dad must have
paid a fortune for this.
Will you keep your voice down?
It's really good.
How did they even know where to go?
Dad invested something for someone once.
I don't know. He was owed a favor.
"Raymond Price." I like the name.
It suits me, kind of.
Can we not talk about this right now?
Hey, chill out, Ash.
You're acting like a fucking criminal.
I am a fucking criminal.
You're not the only
one who'll go to jail
if we're caught. You
realize that, right, Goodman?
I'm touched, Ash, really.
It's fucking noble of you.
And it's Raymond.
I'm doing this for Mom.
You're all she talks about,
couldn't bear the idea that she
wouldn't see you before she left.
How long did they say?
How about Jacobson?
She know about me being back?
No. She doesn't. Neither does Ethan.
And you're not going
to be here long enough
for either of them to find out.
Wow.
You still haven't told him about me?
That is fucking impressive, Ash.
Next.
Next.
Business or pleasure, Mr. Price?
Sorry, what?
Your trip.
Was it business or pleasure?
Uh, pleasure. Yeah.
Always wanted to see Iceland.
Welcome home, Mr. Price.
Next.
Hmm.